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Okay, open this one.
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Here I'll help you.
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Whoa! Documents.
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Yes.
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This is
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your original
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intern application,
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your original parking pass,
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this is your original
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photo ID.
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Did you get that
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out of my purse?
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Doesn't matter.
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And this is a copy of
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your very first paycheck.
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Who's that from?
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Me. It's from me.
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Happy birthday!
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Thank you, Leslie.
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Open mine.
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There it is. It's nice.
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I mean, it can be a little
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sappy and sentimental to
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kind of frame things,
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but it's always nice to
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remember the beginning
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of something.
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You know, the start.
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And when you have...
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Oh, geez.
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Ron.
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For God's sake.
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She's an adult now.
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She should know how
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to responsibly handle
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and discharge a weapon.
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That there
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is a Sig Sauer
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.22 caliber Mosquito.
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Manufactured
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in Switzerland for
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their pussy police force.
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This two tone,
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lightweight model is perfect
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for a skinny little thing
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like you.
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Gee, thanks, Ron.
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I will hold on
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to this for you until
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we get you licensed up.
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And then I'll take you
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for some target practice.
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Goody.
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Yeah. I do feel
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a little guilty.
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I'm re-gifting.
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That's great. I'd love
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to hear all about your
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family vacation.
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Hey.
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Oh, thank God. Get out, Kyle.
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Hello, birthday girl.
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Did you like that?
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Yes.
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That high-five was
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your birthday present.
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Just kidding.
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That wasn't it.
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I got you something else.
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I wrote you a song.
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Really?
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Yeah. Yeah.
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What's it called?
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Not telling.
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But I'll give you a clue.
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It's named after a month
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out of the year.
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So April?
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No.
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That would have
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been way better.
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Whatever.
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I can rewrite the lyrics.
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Are you
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coming to my party?
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Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for
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the world. Are you kidding me?
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Okay, cool.
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Okay.
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Well, we'll hang out then.
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Okay.
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It's going to be fun.
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Yes, I am 21-years-old today.
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Which is the age
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that pretty much
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everyone agrees
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makes you an adult.
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"In the words of
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the great 19th century
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outdoorsman Jack London,
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""You can't wait for
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inspiration.
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"You have to go
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after it with a club.'
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"With those words ringing in
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our ears, we proudly present
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"our plans
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for a new park
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on municipal lot 48."
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That's good.
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I know.
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The yearly budget and planning
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proposal for a city is called
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the Master Plan.
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Isn't that
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just so awesome
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you can't stand it?
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It's mostly filled with
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boring, bureaucratic
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language,
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so I tried to
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spice it up a little.
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"So, I say the function
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of man is to live,
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not to exist.
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"I would rather
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that my spark should
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burn out in a brilliant blaze,
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"than it should be
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stifled by dry rot."
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You wrote that?
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Jack London. Again.
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Is there too many
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Jack London quotes?
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No, no.
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Yeah. I mean, you can
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never have enough.
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That is easily
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the most exciting budget
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proposal I've ever heard.
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Well, I'm presenting it today.
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And if it flies,
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we are gonna get our
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money to build the park.
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I mean, it only took
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us 15 months to do this.
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I can't believe it.
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It would've taken 13
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months if you'd agreed
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to work on the weekends,
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but still, it's great.
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It's amazing.
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Well, the meeting's at 10:00.
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Come over
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to my office
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for champagne after.
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I don't think
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I should do that.
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Oh, right.
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Mark. Awkward.
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I ended
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things with Mark
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a couple of days ago.
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And I'm not
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gonna talk about it.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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this is your final warning.
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Do not miss tonight's
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April Ludgate birthday bash.
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9:00 p.m. at
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the world-famous
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Snakehole Lounge,
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the place the
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Pawnee Journal has called
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"The sexiest, most
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dangerous club in town."
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That's not what they wrote.
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Fine, I added
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the word "sexiest."
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But we've hired
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better security.
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Yes, I am a good friend
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for throwing the party.
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I'm also a genius, because
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I'm using the occasion
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to stock
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the club with every
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available hottie I know.
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Call me a romantic, but
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I believe by the end of
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the night,
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I will have
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between one and
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four new girlfriends.
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I can't believe our
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little girl's all
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grown up.
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Damn the wheel of the world.
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Why must it continually
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turn over?
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Jack London. Nice.
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Yeah.
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Okay. Let's go, boss.
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We have a meeting to
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go to.
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Yay!
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Once a year, every branch of
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this government meets in
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a room
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and announces
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what they intend to
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waste taxpayer money on.
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For a libertarian
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such as myself,
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it's philosophically
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horrifying.
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They also really
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cheap out on the snacks.
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"Hydrax" cookies.
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Did you know there
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was an off brand
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Hydrox?
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I did not.
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They're not bad.
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Good morning, everybody.
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I know you all have your
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budget presentations ready,
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but there's
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a change of plans.
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Due to the crippling
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gridlock in City Council,
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we are postponing all planning
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and spending decisions
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indefinitely.
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Until when?
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Indefinitely.
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And when will that end?
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Later than now.
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So this week, probably?
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Look, we are bordering
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on a full-blown crisis,
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Leslie.
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The state government is
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sending a team from
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Indianapolis
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to try to solve
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this budget problem.
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"In the event
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the Master Plan
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meeting is cut short,
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"in the event I have
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laryngitis and I can't
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present the Master Plan,
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"in the event the Master Plan
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meeting is moved onto a boat."
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Look, I'm prepared
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for every situation.
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Except for the one
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where there's no
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Master Plan.
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Just calm down.
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You don't even know
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what they're going to do.
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Ron, they're
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state auditors.
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They're not
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gonna come and
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pat us on the back.
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They're here
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to slash and burn.
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Well, I'd be fine with that.
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This government is diseased.
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It's like a big,
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fat, angry slob
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spending money
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it doesn't have on
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crap it doesn't need.
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"Me want
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more pointless
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social programs.
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"Yummy, yummy, yum."
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That's what
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government does, Ron.
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It provides services.
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They're gonna
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try to eliminate
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everything we do.
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We got to fight these guys.
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They've been
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sent by the Governor.
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They outrank everyone.
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There's no fight to be
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had here.
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Yeah, you're right.
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I'm not going to
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fight them.
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Except that I am.
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Okay, Leslie, what do we
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do when we get this angry?
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We count backwards
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from 1,000 by sevens,
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and we think
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of warm brownies.
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Go do that
305
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,730
in your office.
306
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,200
Go do it
307
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,200
in your office.
308
00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:48,930
And we'll wait for
309
00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:48,930
these guys to show up.
310
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,060
I'll wait for you
311
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,060
to show up.
312
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270
You don't need
313
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270
to bring anything
314
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270
but your gorgeous body.
315
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:57,070
And get this.
316
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:57,070
Cover charge is normally $15.
317
00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:00,040
Say my name at the door,
318
00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:00,040
it's $13.50.
319
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,040
Andy!
320
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,040
Hey.
321
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,180
You coming out tonight,
322
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,180
part owner of the club?
323
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,220
Yes, let me ask
324
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,220
you a quick question.
325
00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620
What's the youngest a girl
326
00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620
can be that if we go out,
327
00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620
I'm not a total scumbag?
328
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:14,790
You know the old rule.
329
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:14,790
Half your age plus seven.
330
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420
Half my age
331
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420
plus seven.
332
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420
Okay.
333
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:21,270
Well, I'm 29,
334
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:21,270
so half of 29.
335
00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:25,730
Add seven. That's only...
336
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,170
Twenty is...
337
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,540
Twenty-one...
338
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,540
Twenty-years-old.
339
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,740
Twenty-one.
340
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,740
...and a half.
341
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,010
Twenty-one-years old
342
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,010
and a half.
343
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,070
Yeah.
344
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,070
Yep.
345
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980
We got the same thing
346
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980
with the equation
347
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980
on that one.
348
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:40,020
Here's the thing. What
349
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:40,020
if she's slightly younger?
350
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520
Can I go out with
351
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520
someone younger
352
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520
than that?
353
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,320
Please, you totally can.
354
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:44,450
Yeah.
355
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,360
Tom says it's okay.
356
00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,770
That probably means
357
00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,770
it isn't okay.
358
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560
Thank you for
359
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560
meeting with
360
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560
me again.
361
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540
I don't
362
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540
even know really
363
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540
what I want to say.
364
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,330
But I guess
365
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,330
I just don't get it.
366
00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,200
You know, our relationship
367
00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,200
was so great.
368
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,940
Mark, honestly,
369
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,940
it was really nice.
370
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680
But maybe
371
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680
you thought it
372
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680
was so amazing,
373
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:09,840
because you've never dated
374
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:09,840
someone for so long before.
375
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,580
Well, but for example,
376
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,580
we barely ever fought.
377
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250
That's not a good sign.
378
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250
You're supposed to
379
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250
fight sometimes.
380
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,820
You're supposed to
381
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,820
miss the other person
382
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560
even if
383
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560
they're only
384
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560
gone for 20 minutes.
385
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:27,090
And I just didn't feel that.
386
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:27,090
Did you?
387
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570
Man, I should have
388
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570
yelled at you
389
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570
way more.
390
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,910
Well, Paul just called.
391
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,910
They're on their way.
392
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810
Oh, God.
393
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810
They're going to
394
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810
fire people, aren't they?
395
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,440
Yeah, I am two years from
396
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,440
my pension.
397
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,980
Relax, Jerry.
398
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,980
We don't know that.
399
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:44,610
Maybe these people are
400
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:44,610
very helpful and pleasant.
401
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,680
Hello?
402
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:46,980
Death!
403
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,050
Divorce filings?
404
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,390
Fourth floor.
405
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,450
Hello, hello.
406
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,450
Hey, how are you?
407
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:54,690
Hello, there.
408
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:54,690
Hi.
409
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,630
Chris Traeger. This is Ben.
410
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,390
Hello, gents. Ron Swanson.
411
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,490
Ron Swanson.
412
00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:03,030
Okay.
413
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,730
I'm Deputy Director
414
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,730
Leslie Knope.
415
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,640
Leslie Knope.
416
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,480
It is fantastic to be here.
417
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,570
Would you gentlemen
418
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,570
like a tour?
419
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240
There is quite literally
420
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240
nothing I would rather
421
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240
have in the world
422
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150
than a tour of the Parks and
423
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150
Recreation Department of the
424
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150
great City of Pawnee
425
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210
led by
426
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210
Ron Swanson
427
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210
and Leslie Knope.
428
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:21,950
Okay.
429
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550
Ben?
430
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550
I don't think
431
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550
that's a great idea.
432
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,790
Let's do it!
433
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,790
Great!
434
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420
Chris is the most positive
435
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420
state budget auditing
436
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420
consultant
437
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,490
I have ever met.
438
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,330
I mean, I made
439
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,330
eye contact with him,
440
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,530
and it was like
441
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,530
staring into the sun.
442
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540
People, we are here
443
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540
from the state budget
444
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540
office from Indianapolis.
445
00:09:40,910 --> 00:09:42,100
What does that mean?
446
00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:45,200
Look, simply we are here
447
00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:45,200
to tinker with your budget.
448
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,410
Think of the government
449
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,410
as a broken-down carousel.
450
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,320
We're going to slap
451
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,320
on a new coat of paint,
452
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350
we are going to fix
453
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350
that broken speaker
454
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350
system,
455
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,950
and we are going to
456
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,950
get those happy kids
457
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,290
back up on the horses
458
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,290
where they belong!
459
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,960
Okay?
460
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,960
Yeah.
461
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,850
Okay?
462
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,850
Okay.
463
00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,230
Yeah, that's not bad.
464
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,360
There it is.
465
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700
My partner,
466
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700
Ben, is going to stick
467
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700
around for a little bit,
468
00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,790
and I will
469
00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,790
see you all later.
470
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:10,900
Do you have a second?
471
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,840
I really like your shirt.
472
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,750
So I'd like to talk
473
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,750
about where you think
474
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,810
there's waste
475
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,810
within your department.
476
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,850
Where do I start?
477
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,850
There is none.
478
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,020
What exactly
479
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,020
will you be cutting?
480
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650
And how much of it?
481
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650
And can I watch you do it
482
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650
while eating pork cracklings?
483
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960
Okay,
484
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960
let's start
485
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960
with personnel.
486
00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:38,560
What can you tell me
487
00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:38,560
about Jerry Gergich?
488
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270
He is one of the
489
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270
best people on the planet.
490
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270
He's universally adored here.
491
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830
If you fired him,
492
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830
there would be
493
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830
a revolt.
494
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070
Okay, you need to understand
495
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070
that just to keep this town
496
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070
afloat,
497
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210
we probably have to cut the
498
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210
budget of every department
499
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210
by 40 or 50%. Okay?
500
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450
Well, but Chris said that
501
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450
you just had to, you know,
502
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450
tinker with things.
503
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010
Yeah, he said that because
504
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010
that sounds a lot better
505
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010
than
506
00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,420
"We're going to gut it
507
00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,420
with a machete." Okay?
508
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,320
You're a jerk.
509
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,320
I'm sorry?
510
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590
Easy.
511
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590
I'm sorry.
512
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590
These are real people
513
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900
in a real town, working in
514
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900
a real building, with real
515
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900
feelings.
516
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:17,100
This building has feelings?
517
00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:19,230
Maybe. There's a lot
518
00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:19,230
of history in this one.
519
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610
Maybe it does.
520
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610
How can you be so
521
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610
blasé about this?
522
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,540
Because I didn't cause
523
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,540
these problems, Ms. Knope.
524
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:25,200
Your government did.
525
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,440
I'll get what I need from
526
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,440
the spreadsheets. Thanks.
527
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790
What's a not gay way to
528
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790
ask him to go camping
529
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790
with me?
530
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:40,690
Jean-Ralphio.
531
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:40,690
Looking hot, Big T.
532
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,030
Throw them bows
533
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,930
What? Damn, girl, who
534
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,930
are you trying to impress?
535
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:45,990
Just kidding. I know.
536
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:47,160
Walk away.
537
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,400
Yep, you got it.
538
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,270
Donna.
539
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,270
Jean-Ralphio.
540
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:54,330
Yeah.
541
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,970
Got you a birthday shot.
542
00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040
Thanks,
543
00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040
but now that it's legal,
544
00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040
I've kind of lost interest.
545
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,710
Suit yourself.
546
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:09,220
I guess our awesome
547
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:09,220
new park is on hold.
548
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,890
You have any idea
549
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,890
what they're going to cut?
550
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:12,950
Nope.
551
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220
You know what?
552
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220
You shouldn't
553
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220
wait around.
554
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260
You should come up
555
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260
with your own budget plan and
556
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260
just control your own destiny.
557
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460
Yeah. I just don't know
558
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460
if I can play God
559
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460
like that.
560
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140
Angry, vengeful
561
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140
God who just fires
562
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140
Jerry for no reason.
563
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,780
You'd fire Jerry?
564
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,780
Not necessarily.
565
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540
I don't know.
566
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540
It's just been
567
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540
a really crappy day.
568
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,640
Where were you
569
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,640
earlier when I called?
570
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,550
Talking to Mark.
571
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,550
Again?
572
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,750
Yeah. It has
573
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,750
been a rough week.
574
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,580
You want to get super drunk?
575
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,580
I really do.
576
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,360
Yeah. Where's our lady? Hey!
577
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:47,620
Hey.
578
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560
I hope
579
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560
you all know
580
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560
I was instrumental
581
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,360
in getting Trish
582
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,360
crowned Miss Pawnee.
583
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:53,770
What was your talent again?
584
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,800
Oh, yeah.
585
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,800
Looking amazing.
586
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680
Hey, ladies,
587
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680
is there anything you
588
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680
desire at all, besides me?
589
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,870
So funny.
590
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,870
You are so funny!
591
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,990
I'm serious, though.
592
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,990
Are you into me?
593
00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:12,040
What?
594
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,160
Chug that, bitch!
595
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,560
Rules are rules.
596
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670
No, Ann,
597
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670
listen to me.
598
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670
Listen to me, Ann.
599
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700
I know I had a Master Plan
600
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700
and it all blew up in
601
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700
my face,
602
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470
but you... You came into
603
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470
a town hall meeting,
604
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470
and we met
605
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130
and we
606
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130
became friends,
607
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130
and that is awesome.
608
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:36,010
It is so awesome.
609
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:36,010
You are so awesome.
610
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,410
I love you.
611
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,410
I love you, too.
612
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,970
But I need more beer.
613
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,970
I'm gonna get you more beer.
614
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,710
Best friends of ever.
615
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,020
Hey, April.
616
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,790
Oh, my gosh.
617
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,790
You look amazing.
618
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:55,890
Let me see you.
619
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:55,890
No.
620
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,950
Give me a twirl.
621
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,950
No.
622
00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,060
This is beautiful.
623
00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,400
Don't look at me.
624
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,530
No, look at me.
625
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:02,870
Happy birthday.
626
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,030
Thank you.
627
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,510
Can I get you a drink?
628
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,510
Or wait.
629
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,110
Yeah, I can swing it.
630
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,110
Can I get you a drink?
631
00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:13,010
Whiskey. Neat.
632
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180
Wow.
633
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180
You're not
634
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180
messing around.
635
00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,840
No. I'm not.
636
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:22,780
Barkeep.
637
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,950
Andy Dwyer!
638
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,950
It's so awesome to see you.
639
00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,520
Hey, you, too. How are you?
640
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620
Let me
641
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620
ask you a question.
642
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620
Was I a good girlfriend?
643
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,190
Ann, you were
644
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,190
an awesome girlfriend.
645
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,790
Really?
646
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,790
Yeah.
647
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,160
Aw!
648
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:38,800
I mean,
649
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:38,800
I was the screw-up.
650
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,140
Yeah, you were.
651
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070
We had a good
652
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070
relationship,
653
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070
right?
654
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,580
God, I think so.
655
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,580
I mean, we fought a lot.
656
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280
I know.
657
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280
I know. I know that.
658
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280
Let me ask you something.
659
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:51,650
I'm hot.
660
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,050
Is that a question?
661
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,750
When we were together...
662
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,750
I can't see.
663
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,890
When we were together.
664
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,890
Yes.
665
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,430
Were there times
666
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,430
that you were like,
667
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,160
"If I don't see Ann in, like,
668
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,160
10 seconds, I'm going to die"?
669
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:05,670
Yes, all the time.
670
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:11,030
I loved Andy.
671
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:11,030
Loved him. Loved Andy.
672
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470
He was a totally
673
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470
helpless baby
674
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470
when we met.
675
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340
I dated him for three years.
676
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340
Now, he's an adult with
677
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340
a job.
678
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880
And some
679
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880
other girl is going to reap
680
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880
the rewards of my hard work?
681
00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:28,650
That's bull.
682
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,320
And I'm reading this,
683
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,320
and I'm like,
684
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,490
"How could they hurt
685
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,490
those gorillas like that?"
686
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200
They're such
687
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200
gentle, magnificent
688
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200
creatures, you know?
689
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,470
I'm an animal lover.
690
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,470
I don't know.
691
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:48,200
Hey, I want you to
692
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:48,200
keep this bottle cap.
693
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,870
So you always remember me
694
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,870
and the first time we met.
695
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,540
Classic game.
696
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,540
Plant the seed.
697
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,310
Harvest, like,
698
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,310
a half hour later.
699
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460
Here you go. Sorry
700
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460
that took forever.
701
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460
God.
702
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720
Hey, baby,
703
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720
you miss me?
704
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720
Because I missed you.
705
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,420
Look at this.
706
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,420
Jean-Ralphio. Hey.
707
00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:07,590
Hey. Andy.
708
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,430
Andy.
709
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,430
That's an all right name.
710
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,490
Thank you.
711
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,490
Yeah.
712
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,970
Are you guys... Are you
713
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,970
guys hanging out together?
714
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,600
Yeah, maybe.
715
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,600
Yep.
716
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370
You know, he asked
717
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370
me out so many times.
718
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370
I guess he wore me down.
719
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,640
I'm very persistent.
720
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:22,770
Come over here.
721
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,010
I can hear you.
722
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,010
Come on.
723
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,980
One time, I waited outside
724
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,980
a woman's house for five days
725
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110
just to show her
726
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110
how serious I was
727
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110
about wanting to drill her.
728
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,880
Turns out
729
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,880
it was the wrong house.
730
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950
She loved the story, anyway.
731
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950
We got to third base.
732
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950
Over the pants.
733
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,320
That's so cute.
734
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,320
Yeah, super cute.
735
00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,520
Wow.
736
00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,520
Right?
737
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:39,960
Do you want a Rémy Martin?
738
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,290
Probably good.
739
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,290
Okay, I'll get you one.
740
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,660
Two Rémy Martins! Here we go!
741
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,600
You can have my Rémy Martin
742
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,600
for your birthday.
743
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,470
I thought she liked me.
744
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100
I guess
745
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100
I'm super bad at
746
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100
picking up signals.
747
00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,620
That Ralph Macchio
748
00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,620
guy is a total douche.
749
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,610
Did I give you a bottle cap?
750
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920
Excuse me, did I give
751
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920
you a bottle cap?
752
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920
What?
753
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,990
Did I give any of you
754
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,990
guys a bottle cap?
755
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:13,360
You sure?
756
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,300
Who the did I
757
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,300
give a bottle cap to?
758
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,540
This party sucks.
759
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,540
Let's get out of here.
760
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:27,800
It's my birthday party.
761
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,570
It is?
762
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,570
Yes.
763
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,870
I'm sorry, boo.
764
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,100
I'm not saying we're the
765
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,100
best band in the universe,
766
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280
but we are,
767
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280
I would say, honestly,
768
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280
the best band in the world.
769
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790
I should write
770
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790
an article about you,
771
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790
another article about you.
772
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:46,020
Yeah. Okay. Hey,
773
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:46,020
can I buy you a drink?
774
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,620
Sure.
775
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,620
Yeah?
776
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720
Do you have a tab
777
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720
I could put it on?
778
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720
Wait, how old are you?
779
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,960
Twenty-five.
780
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,330
Mark Brendanawicz. Hey.
781
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,470
What's 25 divided
782
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,470
by two, plus seven?
783
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,810
Nineteen and a half.
784
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,680
I'm older than that.
785
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,680
We're good to go.
786
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:08,580
Hey, this my dear
787
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:08,580
friend Mark Brendanawicz.
788
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,050
We've actually met.
789
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,850
Yeah. You guys
790
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,850
totally slept together.
791
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,250
I'll take that drink.
792
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,980
So, you're with Andy now?
793
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,620
No, it makes sense.
794
00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:23,690
It's been a great week.
795
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:27,800
You know what's thirsty?
796
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:27,800
What?
797
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930
You know what's weird?
798
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930
How thirsty I get
799
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930
when I'm weird.
800
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,600
When I'm drunk.
801
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,200
Ben, the jerk, is here.
802
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,400
Who are?
803
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,400
That one.
804
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,910
The one coming over here.
805
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,910
Get ready.
806
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,920
Okay, Leslie,
807
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,920
be professional.
808
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,140
Hi.
809
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,140
Hello, Ben.
810
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,950
Look, I kind of feel like
811
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,950
we got off on the wrong foot.
812
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,490
So I just wanted to
813
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,490
stop by and...
814
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,220
Yeah. Well, save
815
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,220
your breath. Okay?
816
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,530
Just get out of here.
817
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,030
Because this is
818
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,030
a party with my friends,
819
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,330
and you're trying
820
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,330
to fire all my friends.
821
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,430
I...
822
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910
Plus, I just talked
823
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910
to everybody in this bar,
824
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910
and nobody wants you here.
825
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,000
That must've taken a while.
826
00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:08,130
Yeah, it did.
827
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,570
You're a cold,
828
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,570
callous person,
829
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,740
and you wanna kill
830
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,740
people with machetes.
831
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,340
And Ann is right.
832
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650
I should
833
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650
just make my own plan
834
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650
so that you can't hurt us.
835
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,210
And that's
836
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,210
what I'm gonna do.
837
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,420
Okay. Then I'll
838
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,420
just see you tomorrow.
839
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,520
Sorry to bother you.
840
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:26,580
Get out of here.
841
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,090
Leslie?
842
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760
That was
843
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760
so professional.
844
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760
I'm so proud of you.
845
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:34,390
Thank you.
846
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,510
You have to help me.
847
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,510
Ow.
848
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,800
I know. Me, too.
849
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:41,740
But you have to help me.
850
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010
I think
851
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010
I may have made out
852
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010
with someone last night.
853
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,050
Oh, no. Who?
854
00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,610
I don't remember. I don't
855
00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,610
even know if it happened.
856
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,550
I just had this feeling
857
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,550
when I woke up this morning
858
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,020
like I definitely
859
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,020
kissed somebody.
860
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:55,950
No.
861
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:55,950
Hey, Ann.
862
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560
Wow, that was
863
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560
a crazy night
864
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560
last night.
865
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,960
Yeah, crazy.
866
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960
I mean, I left at 11:15, and
867
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960
you were still raging
868
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960
pretty hard.
869
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,800
I was. I was.
870
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:15,870
Good.
871
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:15,870
Yeah.
872
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,170
So it's not Jerry.
873
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,270
Help me.
874
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,680
I'll keep my
875
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,680
ear to the ground.
876
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,210
Knope! My office!
877
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,720
That's loud.
878
00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:25,250
Why the yelling?
879
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,720
Have a good night last night?
880
00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,120
Not really.
881
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,990
Did you enjoy your second
882
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,990
loud conversation with Ben?
883
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000
The state auditor who holds
884
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000
your very fate in his hands
885
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000
like a tiny bird.
886
00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,290
You know what?
887
00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,290
He deserved it.
888
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600
He's cold and unfeeling
889
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600
and I yelled at him.
890
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600
So what?
891
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,070
Believe me, I want this
892
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,070
government cut to the bone.
893
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,300
But I can't have you
894
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,300
getting yourself fired
895
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,370
because then
896
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,370
I'll have to do stuff.
897
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,570
Go apologize.
898
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840
No! I don't have
899
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840
anything to apologize for.
900
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840
All I did was express myself.
901
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,110
Forcefully. Drunkenly.
902
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190
And I spit
903
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190
on him a little bit.
904
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190
Okay, I'll go apologize.
905
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,220
Leslie, Leslie.
906
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,220
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
907
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,520
Wow. You have
908
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,520
a lot of bottles there.
909
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,860
Yeah. Would you
910
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,860
like a vitamin? B-12?
911
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,870
Evening primrose oil?
912
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,870
Willow bark? Magnesium?
913
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,090
No, thank you.
914
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:15,690
You sure?
915
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:15,690
Really good for hangovers.
916
00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:16,900
Okay, I'll take one.
917
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:19,100
I take care of my
918
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:19,100
body above all else.
919
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440
Diet, exercise,
920
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440
supplements, and
921
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440
positive thinking.
922
00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040
Scientists
923
00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040
believe that the
924
00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040
first human being
925
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,050
who will live 150 years
926
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,050
has already been born.
927
00:21:27,110 --> 00:21:29,740
I believe I am
928
00:21:27,110 --> 00:21:29,740
that human being.
929
00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,290
So what brings
930
00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,290
you here so early?
931
00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,050
I'm here to speak to Ben,
932
00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,050
actually.
933
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320
Great. I'm gonna listen to
934
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320
some ocean sounds and do
935
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320
some chin-ups.
936
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,530
So I'd like to
937
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,530
apologize for yesterday.
938
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,730
Don't worry about it.
939
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,500
No, what I did was
940
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,500
out of line. Twice.
941
00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:51,130
And I was worked up,
942
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540
because
943
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540
obviously, you represent
944
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540
a threat to my department.
945
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740
Your City Council and your
946
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740
Mayor are the threats to
947
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740
your department.
948
00:21:56,810 --> 00:21:59,800
We didn't do anything to get
949
00:21:56,810 --> 00:21:59,800
you into this situation, okay?
950
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870
Okay. Look, Ben,
951
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870
I don't appreciate
952
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870
your callous attitude, okay?
953
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,350
Really?
954
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,350
Yeah, really.
955
00:22:04,420 --> 00:22:05,440
Okay.
956
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960
You may hold my fate
957
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960
in your hands like
958
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960
a small bird,
959
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,390
but I still think
960
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,390
you're an ass.
961
00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:17,730
You want to get a beer?
962
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430
It's like 10:30
963
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430
in the morning.
964
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430
Yeah.
965
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330
And you seem like
966
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330
you could use a beer.
967
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330
Let's get a beer.
968
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,630
Well...
969
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,970
Oh, oh, oh.
970
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,970
Don't keep him too long.
971
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,530
I need someone to be here
972
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,530
when I take my multivitamin.
973
00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:30,980
There's a choking hazard.
974
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,640
Okay, can we go?
975
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,680
Oh, my God.
976
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720
You don't remember anything
977
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720
that happened last night,
978
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720
do you?
979
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,190
No.
980
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,190
Wow.
981
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990
For once,
982
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990
it's Ann who blacked
983
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990
out drunk and not Andy.
984
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,650
Okay.
985
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,650
Oh, my gosh.
986
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:46,960
That's really dangerous.
987
00:22:47,030 --> 00:22:48,220
Please tell me.
988
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,460
This is going to be so fun
989
00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700
letting you dangle
990
00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700
until I finally reveal
991
00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700
that we did not make out.
992
00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:56,030
Oh.
993
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,770
Damn it.
994
00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,530
Good. See you.
995
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:00,970
All right.
996
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,780
Hey, I need to settle
997
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,780
my bill from last night.
998
00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:07,140
Tom Haverford.
999
00:23:07,210 --> 00:23:08,410
Okay.
1000
00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:12,880
Wow. You had
1001
00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:12,880
47 drinks last night?
1002
00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:15,750
Ten cosmos,
1003
00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:15,750
eight Smirnoff Ices,
1004
00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,450
and everything else starts
1005
00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,450
with the word pomegranate.
1006
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,390
Was it your
1007
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,390
bachelorette party?
1008
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:23,690
No, I invited a bunch
1009
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:23,690
of girls here last night,
1010
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,460
and they all put
1011
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,460
drinks on my tab.
1012
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,870
And then I went home alone.
1013
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,870
I'm not sure what happened.
1014
00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:31,300
You invited
1015
00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:31,300
a bunch of girls here,
1016
00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,070
and then you tried
1017
00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,070
to hit on all of them.
1018
00:23:33,540 --> 00:23:34,700
Fair enough.
1019
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640
I mean,
1020
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640
what were you expecting
1021
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640
was gonna happen, a 43-way?
1022
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010
That would have been
1023
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010
a little out of control.
1024
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010
But awesome.
1025
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,740
Yeah, the problem is
1026
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,740
I only have 15 penises, so...
1027
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750
There would
1028
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750
have been 28 girls that
1029
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750
were really upset with me.
1030
00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:47,010
Yeah.
1031
00:23:51,290 --> 00:23:53,260
All right, well, thanks.
1032
00:23:57,630 --> 00:24:01,800
Hey, would you wanna
1033
00:23:57,630 --> 00:24:01,800
get a drink tomorrow night?
1034
00:24:01,870 --> 00:24:03,030
Does it have to be here?
1035
00:24:03,170 --> 00:24:04,370
No.
1036
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640
Then, sure. I'm Lucy.
1037
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640
Let me give you my
1038
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640
phone number.
1039
00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,940
So, I don't know
1040
00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,940
what you were thinking.
1041
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,410
Just now? Nothing.
1042
00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:19,590
Well, I had
1043
00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:19,590
a great time last night.
1044
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,710
So, are you free
1045
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,710
this weekend?
1046
00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720
Shauna, look,
1047
00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720
I think you are
1048
00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720
a super cute person.
1049
00:24:25,790 --> 00:24:28,990
And your newspaper
1050
00:24:25,790 --> 00:24:28,990
articles are so cool
1051
00:24:29,060 --> 00:24:31,500
and they're
1052
00:24:29,060 --> 00:24:31,500
probably very accurate.
1053
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360
But I don't think
1054
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360
that we should go
1055
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360
out romantically.
1056
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,590
Why not?
1057
00:24:35,670 --> 00:24:37,300
Well, honestly,
1058
00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370
because there's
1059
00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370
already a girl
1060
00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370
that I like.
1061
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610
And we kind of have
1062
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610
a long back story,
1063
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610
a history.
1064
00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,610
And I like her.
1065
00:24:49,180 --> 00:24:51,520
Okay. Well, good luck.
1066
00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,380
I can't even land
1067
00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,380
the shoeshine guy.
1068
00:24:57,620 --> 00:24:59,920
Wow, that tastes really good.
1069
00:25:00,090 --> 00:25:01,650
How's your head?
1070
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,350
Mushy.
1071
00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:07,130
I'm sorry that I yelled
1072
00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:07,130
at you. All three times.
1073
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,600
But I don't think you know
1074
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,600
anything about my department.
1075
00:25:10,670 --> 00:25:12,700
Have you ever been part
1076
00:25:10,670 --> 00:25:12,700
of a government body before?
1077
00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900
I have, yeah.
1078
00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900
Small town called
1079
00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900
Partridge, Minnesota.
1080
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,540
Why does that sound familiar?
1081
00:25:24,590 --> 00:25:25,810
You're Benji Wyatt?
1082
00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:26,950
I am.
1083
00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620
When I was 18,
1084
00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620
I ran for mayor
1085
00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620
of my small town.
1086
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,780
And won.
1087
00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560
A little bit of
1088
00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560
anti-establishment
1089
00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560
voter rebellion, I guess.
1090
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690
Here's the thing, though,
1091
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690
about 18 year-olds.
1092
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690
They're idiots.
1093
00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:41,070
So I pretty
1094
00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:41,070
much ran the place
1095
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370
into the ground
1096
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370
after two months
1097
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370
and got impeached.
1098
00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:48,300
The worst part was
1099
00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:48,300
my parents grounded me.
1100
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,000
Oh, my God.
1101
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,000
You were so cute.
1102
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,070
Well, thank you.
1103
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910
What was
1104
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910
that song you played at
1105
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910
the swearing-in ceremony?
1106
00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,040
Whoomp!.
1107
00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,040
Yes.
1108
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,950
That's what it was. Yeah.
1109
00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:58,650
God, I was so jealous of you.
1110
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920
You shouldn't have been.
1111
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920
I mean, it ended up
1112
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920
kind of ruining my life.
1113
00:26:01,990 --> 00:26:03,980
And now,
1114
00:26:01,990 --> 00:26:03,980
I'm balancing budgets
1115
00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:06,030
so I can show people
1116
00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:06,030
I'm responsible.
1117
00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:07,890
So I can run for
1118
00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:07,890
office again someday
1119
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,290
and not be laughed at,
1120
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,290
you know.
1121
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260
I mean,
1122
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260
you want to run for
1123
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260
office someday, right?
1124
00:26:13,330 --> 00:26:15,530
Yeah. How did you know?
1125
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590
Well,
1126
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590
you have to be able to make
1127
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590
decisions like this, Leslie.
1128
00:26:17,670 --> 00:26:19,940
You have to be harsh,
1129
00:26:17,670 --> 00:26:19,940
you know?
1130
00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:21,910
No one's going to
1131
00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:21,910
elect you to do anything
1132
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500
if you don't
1133
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500
show that you're
1134
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500
a responsible grown-up.
1135
00:26:24,580 --> 00:26:25,770
Yeah.
1136
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,410
Oh, no. Please,
1137
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,410
Mr. Mayor, let me.
1138
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,750
Whoomp there it is
1139
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,120
Okay.
1140
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,040
Mmm.
1141
00:26:36,590 --> 00:26:37,580
Mmm.
1142
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,650
Everything okay?
1143
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,650
Hmm?
1144
00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:42,120
Mmm.
1145
00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,220
No.
1146
00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,200
You ready?
1147
00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,200
Yeah.
1148
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350
Hey, Ron,
1149
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350
did we make
1150
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350
out last night?
1151
00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:10,980
Good God, woman. No.
1152
00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150
Okay. Well, that's it.
1153
00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150
That's all the men
1154
00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150
that I know.
1155
00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:16,960
You guys just knocked it
1156
00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:16,960
completely out of the park.
1157
00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:20,130
And I appreciate it,
1158
00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:20,130
and we will see you later.
1159
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,100
Hey, Ann Perkins.
1160
00:27:26,070 --> 00:27:28,670
Hey.
1161
00:27:26,070 --> 00:27:28,670
Hey, well...
1162
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,470
April's party?
1163
00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210
Yeah. Hey, man.
1164
00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210
How's it going?
1165
00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210
Hi.
1166
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,810
Hey.
1167
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,810
Yeah, Tom.
1168
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,080
Hey. Come here.
1169
00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140
There's no reason
1170
00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140
not to love him,
1171
00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140
but I didn't.
1172
00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:45,350
Highway to the Danger Zone
1173
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:46,790
I've called you a cab.
1174
00:27:46,860 --> 00:27:49,020
You know, I just...
1175
00:27:57,540 --> 00:27:59,800
Okay, let's get you
1176
00:27:57,540 --> 00:27:59,800
in the cab. Come on.
1177
00:27:59,870 --> 00:28:01,140
Boo.
1178
00:28:01,210 --> 00:28:03,470
Fancy this.
1179
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840
Listen,
1180
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840
I have meetings all day,
1181
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840
but I'd love to chat with you.
1182
00:28:06,910 --> 00:28:07,970
Can I call you?
1183
00:28:08,050 --> 00:28:10,310
You have my phone number?
1184
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680
No, you couldn't
1185
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680
remember your phone number,
1186
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680
but you gave me your phone.
1187
00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,690
Terrific. That's great.
1188
00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,690
We'll talk later.
1189
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,880
Okay.
1190
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,860
Danger zone
1191
00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:20,450
Come on, guys.
1192
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,360
We'll talk later. Yeah.
1193
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920
We should
1194
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920
have a meeting, too,
1195
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920
about things that happen...
1196
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,400
This suggested plan reduces
1197
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,400
our overall budget by 35%.
1198
00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240
And it contains
1199
00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240
very practical, deep
1200
00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240
cuts in many of our services.
1201
00:28:36,310 --> 00:28:38,250
Wow, Leslie.
1202
00:28:36,310 --> 00:28:38,250
This is amazing.
1203
00:28:38,310 --> 00:28:40,410
But it's moot.
1204
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,680
Why?
1205
00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:43,310
Our investigation
1206
00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:43,310
has revealed
1207
00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220
that things in Pawnee
1208
00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220
are much worse than
1209
00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220
we anticipated.
1210
00:28:47,990 --> 00:28:49,080
Meaning what?
1211
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,720
Well, effective
1212
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,720
tomorrow morning,
1213
00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890
the entire
1214
00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890
government will be shut
1215
00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890
down until further notice.
1216
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730
I'm sorry. I just
1217
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730
started hearing really
1218
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730
loud circus music in my head.
1219
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,290
What did you say?
1220
00:29:02,670 --> 00:29:05,760
November,
1221
00:29:02,670 --> 00:29:05,760
you're so beautiful
1222
00:29:06,710 --> 00:29:09,940
November, you're so serene
1223
00:29:10,110 --> 00:29:13,550
Walk among your clouds and see
1224
00:29:13,610 --> 00:29:16,780
That you and me
1225
00:29:13,610 --> 00:29:16,780
were meant to be
1226
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,880
November,
1227
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,880
your bangs are cute
1228
00:29:21,090 --> 00:29:24,790
November,
1229
00:29:21,090 --> 00:29:24,790
your voice is a flute
1230
00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200
November, let's
1231
00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200
pretend the sky
1232
00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200
is for us
1233
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230
Let's spread our
1234
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230
wings and fly
1235
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230
on a date
1236
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:43,010
I want to go on
1237
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:43,010
a date with you, November
1238
00:29:44,810 --> 00:29:48,040
That song is about April.
66039
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