All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation S02E23 The Master Plan.EXT.DVD.NonHI.en.UNVSL

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,560 Okay, open this one. 2 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,560 Here I'll help you. 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,100 Whoa! Documents. 4 00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,260 Yes. 5 00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,170 This is 6 00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,170 your original 7 00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,170 intern application, 8 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,230 your original parking pass, 9 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,230 this is your original 10 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,230 photo ID. 11 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,870 Did you get that 12 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,870 out of my purse? 13 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,870 Doesn't matter. 14 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,280 And this is a copy of 15 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,280 your very first paycheck. 16 00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:20,370 Who's that from? 17 00:00:20,450 --> 00:00:22,010 Me. It's from me. 18 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,550 Happy birthday! 19 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,550 Thank you, Leslie. 20 00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:26,110 Open mine. 21 00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:26,110 There it is. It's nice. 22 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,020 I mean, it can be a little 23 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,020 sappy and sentimental to 24 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,020 kind of frame things, 25 00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:31,360 but it's always nice to 26 00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:31,360 remember the beginning 27 00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:31,360 of something. 28 00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:32,660 You know, the start. 29 00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:33,990 And when you have... 30 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:35,860 Oh, geez. 31 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:35,860 Ron. 32 00:00:36,030 --> 00:00:37,290 For God's sake. 33 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,390 She's an adult now. 34 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:42,060 She should know how 35 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:42,060 to responsibly handle 36 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:42,060 and discharge a weapon. 37 00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,610 That there 38 00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,610 is a Sig Sauer 39 00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,610 .22 caliber Mosquito. 40 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,970 Manufactured 41 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,970 in Switzerland for 42 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,970 their pussy police force. 43 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,540 This two tone, 44 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,540 lightweight model is perfect 45 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,480 for a skinny little thing 46 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,480 like you. 47 00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,750 Gee, thanks, Ron. 48 00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:00,750 I will hold on 49 00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:00,750 to this for you until 50 00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:00,750 we get you licensed up. 51 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,660 And then I'll take you 52 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,660 for some target practice. 53 00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:05,520 Goody. 54 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:08,220 Yeah. I do feel 55 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:08,220 a little guilty. 56 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,230 I'm re-gifting. 57 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:14,400 That's great. I'd love 58 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:14,400 to hear all about your 59 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:14,400 family vacation. 60 00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:17,030 Hey. 61 00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:17,030 Oh, thank God. Get out, Kyle. 62 00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:21,010 Hello, birthday girl. 63 00:01:22,510 --> 00:01:23,770 Did you like that? 64 00:01:22,510 --> 00:01:23,770 Yes. 65 00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,900 That high-five was 66 00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,900 your birthday present. 67 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,210 Just kidding. 68 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,210 That wasn't it. 69 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,210 I got you something else. 70 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:31,950 I wrote you a song. 71 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,980 Really? 72 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,980 Yeah. Yeah. 73 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,090 What's it called? 74 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,090 Not telling. 75 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,820 But I'll give you a clue. 76 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,820 It's named after a month 77 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,820 out of the year. 78 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,620 So April? 79 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,720 No. 80 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,130 That would have 81 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,130 been way better. 82 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,760 Whatever. 83 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,760 I can rewrite the lyrics. 84 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:48,860 Are you 85 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:48,860 coming to my party? 86 00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:51,630 Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for 87 00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:51,630 the world. Are you kidding me? 88 00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:53,540 Okay, cool. 89 00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:53,540 Okay. 90 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,410 Well, we'll hang out then. 91 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,600 Okay. 92 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:57,910 It's going to be fun. 93 00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:01,250 Yes, I am 21-years-old today. 94 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,980 Which is the age 95 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,980 that pretty much 96 00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:05,420 everyone agrees 97 00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:05,420 makes you an adult. 98 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:41,050 "In the words of 99 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:41,050 the great 19th century 100 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:41,050 outdoorsman Jack London, 101 00:02:41,190 --> 00:02:42,850 ""You can't wait for 102 00:02:41,190 --> 00:02:42,850 inspiration. 103 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,790 "You have to go 104 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,790 after it with a club.' 105 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:47,390 "With those words ringing in 106 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:47,390 our ears, we proudly present 107 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,230 "our plans 108 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,230 for a new park 109 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,230 on municipal lot 48." 110 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,300 That's good. 111 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,300 I know. 112 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:57,440 The yearly budget and planning 113 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:57,440 proposal for a city is called 114 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:57,440 the Master Plan. 115 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,840 Isn't that 116 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,840 just so awesome 117 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,840 you can't stand it? 118 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,950 It's mostly filled with 119 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,950 boring, bureaucratic 120 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,950 language, 121 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,640 so I tried to 122 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,640 spice it up a little. 123 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:09,380 "So, I say the function 124 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:09,380 of man is to live, 125 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:09,380 not to exist. 126 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,790 "I would rather 127 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,790 that my spark should 128 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,790 burn out in a brilliant blaze, 129 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:15,520 "than it should be 130 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:15,520 stifled by dry rot." 131 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:18,090 You wrote that? 132 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:18,090 Jack London. Again. 133 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,690 Is there too many 134 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,690 Jack London quotes? 135 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,120 No, no. 136 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,690 Yeah. I mean, you can 137 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,690 never have enough. 138 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,700 That is easily 139 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,700 the most exciting budget 140 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,700 proposal I've ever heard. 141 00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:28,630 Well, I'm presenting it today. 142 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,870 And if it flies, 143 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,870 we are gonna get our 144 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,870 money to build the park. 145 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:34,540 I mean, it only took 146 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:34,540 us 15 months to do this. 147 00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:35,670 I can't believe it. 148 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,940 It would've taken 13 149 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,940 months if you'd agreed 150 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,940 to work on the weekends, 151 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,540 but still, it's great. 152 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,080 It's amazing. 153 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,510 Well, the meeting's at 10:00. 154 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,450 Come over 155 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,450 to my office 156 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,450 for champagne after. 157 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,250 I don't think 158 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,250 I should do that. 159 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,410 Oh, right. 160 00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:49,750 Mark. Awkward. 161 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,850 I ended 162 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,850 things with Mark 163 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,850 a couple of days ago. 164 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,120 And I'm not 165 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,120 gonna talk about it. 166 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,930 Ladies and gentlemen, 167 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,930 this is your final warning. 168 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,800 Do not miss tonight's 169 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,800 April Ludgate birthday bash. 170 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:08,370 9:00 p.m. at 171 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:08,370 the world-famous 172 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:08,370 Snakehole Lounge, 173 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,840 the place the 174 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,840 Pawnee Journal has called 175 00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:13,010 "The sexiest, most 176 00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:13,010 dangerous club in town." 177 00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:14,240 That's not what they wrote. 178 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,550 Fine, I added 179 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,550 the word "sexiest." 180 00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,180 But we've hired 181 00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,180 better security. 182 00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:20,690 Yes, I am a good friend 183 00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:20,690 for throwing the party. 184 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:23,980 I'm also a genius, because 185 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:23,980 I'm using the occasion 186 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:23,980 to stock 187 00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,220 the club with every 188 00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,220 available hottie I know. 189 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,100 Call me a romantic, but 190 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,100 I believe by the end of 191 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,100 the night, 192 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,360 I will have 193 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,360 between one and 194 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,360 four new girlfriends. 195 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:36,230 I can't believe our 196 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:36,230 little girl's all 197 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:36,230 grown up. 198 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:41,840 Damn the wheel of the world. 199 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:41,840 Why must it continually 200 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:41,840 turn over? 201 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,010 Jack London. Nice. 202 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,010 Yeah. 203 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,710 Okay. Let's go, boss. 204 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,710 We have a meeting to 205 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,710 go to. 206 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,770 Yay! 207 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,220 Once a year, every branch of 208 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,220 this government meets in 209 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,220 a room 210 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:55,190 and announces 211 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:55,190 what they intend to 212 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:55,190 waste taxpayer money on. 213 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:58,990 For a libertarian 214 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:58,990 such as myself, 215 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:01,000 it's philosophically 216 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:01,000 horrifying. 217 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:03,400 They also really 218 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:03,400 cheap out on the snacks. 219 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:05,830 "Hydrax" cookies. 220 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,300 Did you know there 221 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,300 was an off brand 222 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,300 Hydrox? 223 00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:10,470 I did not. 224 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,300 They're not bad. 225 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,710 Good morning, everybody. 226 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,710 I know you all have your 227 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,710 budget presentations ready, 228 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,610 but there's 229 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,610 a change of plans. 230 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,210 Due to the crippling 231 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,210 gridlock in City Council, 232 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,450 we are postponing all planning 233 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,450 and spending decisions 234 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,450 indefinitely. 235 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,750 Until when? 236 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,750 Indefinitely. 237 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,760 And when will that end? 238 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,760 Later than now. 239 00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,590 So this week, probably? 240 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:36,660 Look, we are bordering 241 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:36,660 on a full-blown crisis, 242 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:36,660 Leslie. 243 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,930 The state government is 244 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,930 sending a team from 245 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,930 Indianapolis 246 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,490 to try to solve 247 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,490 this budget problem. 248 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:45,100 "In the event 249 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:45,100 the Master Plan 250 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:45,100 meeting is cut short, 251 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:48,330 "in the event I have 252 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:48,330 laryngitis and I can't 253 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:48,330 present the Master Plan, 254 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,010 "in the event the Master Plan 255 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,010 meeting is moved onto a boat." 256 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,240 Look, I'm prepared 257 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,240 for every situation. 258 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,150 Except for the one 259 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,150 where there's no 260 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,150 Master Plan. 261 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,680 Just calm down. 262 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,680 You don't even know 263 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,680 what they're going to do. 264 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,250 Ron, they're 265 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,250 state auditors. 266 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,120 They're not 267 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,120 gonna come and 268 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,120 pat us on the back. 269 00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,850 They're here 270 00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,850 to slash and burn. 271 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:08,390 Well, I'd be fine with that. 272 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:08,390 This government is diseased. 273 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,420 It's like a big, 274 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,420 fat, angry slob 275 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,130 spending money 276 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,130 it doesn't have on 277 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,130 crap it doesn't need. 278 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,500 "Me want 279 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,500 more pointless 280 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,500 social programs. 281 00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:18,560 "Yummy, yummy, yum." 282 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,800 That's what 283 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,800 government does, Ron. 284 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,800 It provides services. 285 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,970 They're gonna 286 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,970 try to eliminate 287 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,970 everything we do. 288 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,480 We got to fight these guys. 289 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:29,040 They've been 290 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:29,040 sent by the Governor. 291 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:29,040 They outrank everyone. 292 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,780 There's no fight to be 293 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,780 had here. 294 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:32,380 Yeah, you're right. 295 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:32,380 I'm not going to 296 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:32,380 fight them. 297 00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:33,720 Except that I am. 298 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:38,730 Okay, Leslie, what do we 299 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:38,730 do when we get this angry? 300 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,430 We count backwards 301 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,430 from 1,000 by sevens, 302 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,020 and we think 303 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,020 of warm brownies. 304 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,730 Go do that 305 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,730 in your office. 306 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,200 Go do it 307 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,200 in your office. 308 00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:48,930 And we'll wait for 309 00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:48,930 these guys to show up. 310 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,060 I'll wait for you 311 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,060 to show up. 312 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270 You don't need 313 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270 to bring anything 314 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,270 but your gorgeous body. 315 00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:57,070 And get this. 316 00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:57,070 Cover charge is normally $15. 317 00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:00,040 Say my name at the door, 318 00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:00,040 it's $13.50. 319 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,040 Andy! 320 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,040 Hey. 321 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,180 You coming out tonight, 322 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,180 part owner of the club? 323 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,220 Yes, let me ask 324 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,220 you a quick question. 325 00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620 What's the youngest a girl 326 00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620 can be that if we go out, 327 00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:11,620 I'm not a total scumbag? 328 00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:14,790 You know the old rule. 329 00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:14,790 Half your age plus seven. 330 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420 Half my age 331 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420 plus seven. 332 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420 Okay. 333 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:21,270 Well, I'm 29, 334 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:21,270 so half of 29. 335 00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:25,730 Add seven. That's only... 336 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,170 Twenty is... 337 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,540 Twenty-one... 338 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,540 Twenty-years-old. 339 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,740 Twenty-one. 340 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,740 ...and a half. 341 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,010 Twenty-one-years old 342 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,010 and a half. 343 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,070 Yeah. 344 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,070 Yep. 345 00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980 We got the same thing 346 00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980 with the equation 347 00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:36,980 on that one. 348 00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:40,020 Here's the thing. What 349 00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:40,020 if she's slightly younger? 350 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520 Can I go out with 351 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520 someone younger 352 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,520 than that? 353 00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,320 Please, you totally can. 354 00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:44,450 Yeah. 355 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,360 Tom says it's okay. 356 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,770 That probably means 357 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,770 it isn't okay. 358 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560 Thank you for 359 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560 meeting with 360 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,560 me again. 361 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540 I don't 362 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540 even know really 363 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540 what I want to say. 364 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,330 But I guess 365 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,330 I just don't get it. 366 00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,200 You know, our relationship 367 00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,200 was so great. 368 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,940 Mark, honestly, 369 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,940 it was really nice. 370 00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680 But maybe 371 00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680 you thought it 372 00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,680 was so amazing, 373 00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:09,840 because you've never dated 374 00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:09,840 someone for so long before. 375 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,580 Well, but for example, 376 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,580 we barely ever fought. 377 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250 That's not a good sign. 378 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250 You're supposed to 379 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:17,250 fight sometimes. 380 00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,820 You're supposed to 381 00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,820 miss the other person 382 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560 even if 383 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560 they're only 384 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,560 gone for 20 minutes. 385 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:27,090 And I just didn't feel that. 386 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:27,090 Did you? 387 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570 Man, I should have 388 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570 yelled at you 389 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,570 way more. 390 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,910 Well, Paul just called. 391 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,910 They're on their way. 392 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810 Oh, God. 393 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810 They're going to 394 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,810 fire people, aren't they? 395 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,440 Yeah, I am two years from 396 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,440 my pension. 397 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,980 Relax, Jerry. 398 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,980 We don't know that. 399 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:44,610 Maybe these people are 400 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:44,610 very helpful and pleasant. 401 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,680 Hello? 402 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:46,980 Death! 403 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,050 Divorce filings? 404 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,390 Fourth floor. 405 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,450 Hello, hello. 406 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,450 Hey, how are you? 407 00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:54,690 Hello, there. 408 00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:54,690 Hi. 409 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,630 Chris Traeger. This is Ben. 410 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,390 Hello, gents. Ron Swanson. 411 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,490 Ron Swanson. 412 00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:03,030 Okay. 413 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,730 I'm Deputy Director 414 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,730 Leslie Knope. 415 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,640 Leslie Knope. 416 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,480 It is fantastic to be here. 417 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,570 Would you gentlemen 418 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,570 like a tour? 419 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240 There is quite literally 420 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240 nothing I would rather 421 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,240 have in the world 422 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150 than a tour of the Parks and 423 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150 Recreation Department of the 424 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:17,150 great City of Pawnee 425 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210 led by 426 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210 Ron Swanson 427 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,210 and Leslie Knope. 428 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:21,950 Okay. 429 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550 Ben? 430 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550 I don't think 431 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,550 that's a great idea. 432 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,790 Let's do it! 433 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,790 Great! 434 00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420 Chris is the most positive 435 00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420 state budget auditing 436 00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:27,420 consultant 437 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,490 I have ever met. 438 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,330 I mean, I made 439 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,330 eye contact with him, 440 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,530 and it was like 441 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,530 staring into the sun. 442 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540 People, we are here 443 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540 from the state budget 444 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:39,540 office from Indianapolis. 445 00:09:40,910 --> 00:09:42,100 What does that mean? 446 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:45,200 Look, simply we are here 447 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:45,200 to tinker with your budget. 448 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,410 Think of the government 449 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,410 as a broken-down carousel. 450 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,320 We're going to slap 451 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,320 on a new coat of paint, 452 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350 we are going to fix 453 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350 that broken speaker 454 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,350 system, 455 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,950 and we are going to 456 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,950 get those happy kids 457 00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,290 back up on the horses 458 00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,290 where they belong! 459 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,960 Okay? 460 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,960 Yeah. 461 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,850 Okay? 462 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,850 Okay. 463 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,230 Yeah, that's not bad. 464 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,360 There it is. 465 00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700 My partner, 466 00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700 Ben, is going to stick 467 00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,700 around for a little bit, 468 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,790 and I will 469 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,790 see you all later. 470 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:10,900 Do you have a second? 471 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,840 I really like your shirt. 472 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,750 So I'd like to talk 473 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,750 about where you think 474 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,810 there's waste 475 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,810 within your department. 476 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,850 Where do I start? 477 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,850 There is none. 478 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,020 What exactly 479 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,020 will you be cutting? 480 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650 And how much of it? 481 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650 And can I watch you do it 482 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,650 while eating pork cracklings? 483 00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960 Okay, 484 00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960 let's start 485 00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,960 with personnel. 486 00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:38,560 What can you tell me 487 00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:38,560 about Jerry Gergich? 488 00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270 He is one of the 489 00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270 best people on the planet. 490 00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,270 He's universally adored here. 491 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830 If you fired him, 492 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830 there would be 493 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,830 a revolt. 494 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070 Okay, you need to understand 495 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070 that just to keep this town 496 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:49,070 afloat, 497 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210 we probably have to cut the 498 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210 budget of every department 499 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:54,210 by 40 or 50%. Okay? 500 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450 Well, but Chris said that 501 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450 you just had to, you know, 502 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,450 tinker with things. 503 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010 Yeah, he said that because 504 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010 that sounds a lot better 505 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,010 than 506 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,420 "We're going to gut it 507 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,420 with a machete." Okay? 508 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,320 You're a jerk. 509 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,320 I'm sorry? 510 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590 Easy. 511 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590 I'm sorry. 512 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,590 These are real people 513 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900 in a real town, working in 514 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900 a real building, with real 515 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,900 feelings. 516 00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:17,100 This building has feelings? 517 00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:19,230 Maybe. There's a lot 518 00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:19,230 of history in this one. 519 00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610 Maybe it does. 520 00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610 How can you be so 521 00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,610 blasé about this? 522 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,540 Because I didn't cause 523 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,540 these problems, Ms. Knope. 524 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:25,200 Your government did. 525 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,440 I'll get what I need from 526 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,440 the spreadsheets. Thanks. 527 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790 What's a not gay way to 528 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790 ask him to go camping 529 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:36,790 with me? 530 00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:40,690 Jean-Ralphio. 531 00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:40,690 Looking hot, Big T. 532 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,030 Throw them bows 533 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,930 What? Damn, girl, who 534 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,930 are you trying to impress? 535 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:45,990 Just kidding. I know. 536 00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:47,160 Walk away. 537 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,400 Yep, you got it. 538 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,270 Donna. 539 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,270 Jean-Ralphio. 540 00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:54,330 Yeah. 541 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,970 Got you a birthday shot. 542 00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040 Thanks, 543 00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040 but now that it's legal, 544 00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,040 I've kind of lost interest. 545 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,710 Suit yourself. 546 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:09,220 I guess our awesome 547 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:09,220 new park is on hold. 548 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,890 You have any idea 549 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,890 what they're going to cut? 550 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:12,950 Nope. 551 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220 You know what? 552 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220 You shouldn't 553 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,220 wait around. 554 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260 You should come up 555 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260 with your own budget plan and 556 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,260 just control your own destiny. 557 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460 Yeah. I just don't know 558 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460 if I can play God 559 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,460 like that. 560 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140 Angry, vengeful 561 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140 God who just fires 562 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,140 Jerry for no reason. 563 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,780 You'd fire Jerry? 564 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,780 Not necessarily. 565 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540 I don't know. 566 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540 It's just been 567 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:34,540 a really crappy day. 568 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,640 Where were you 569 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,640 earlier when I called? 570 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,550 Talking to Mark. 571 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,550 Again? 572 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,750 Yeah. It has 573 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,750 been a rough week. 574 00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,580 You want to get super drunk? 575 00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,580 I really do. 576 00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,360 Yeah. Where's our lady? Hey! 577 00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:47,620 Hey. 578 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560 I hope 579 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560 you all know 580 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,560 I was instrumental 581 00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,360 in getting Trish 582 00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,360 crowned Miss Pawnee. 583 00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:53,770 What was your talent again? 584 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,800 Oh, yeah. 585 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,800 Looking amazing. 586 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680 Hey, ladies, 587 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680 is there anything you 588 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:02,680 desire at all, besides me? 589 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,870 So funny. 590 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,870 You are so funny! 591 00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,990 I'm serious, though. 592 00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,990 Are you into me? 593 00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:12,040 What? 594 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,160 Chug that, bitch! 595 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,560 Rules are rules. 596 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670 No, Ann, 597 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670 listen to me. 598 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,670 Listen to me, Ann. 599 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700 I know I had a Master Plan 600 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700 and it all blew up in 601 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700 my face, 602 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470 but you... You came into 603 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470 a town hall meeting, 604 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:31,470 and we met 605 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130 and we 606 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130 became friends, 607 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,130 and that is awesome. 608 00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:36,010 It is so awesome. 609 00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:36,010 You are so awesome. 610 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,410 I love you. 611 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,410 I love you, too. 612 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,970 But I need more beer. 613 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,970 I'm gonna get you more beer. 614 00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,710 Best friends of ever. 615 00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,020 Hey, April. 616 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,790 Oh, my gosh. 617 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,790 You look amazing. 618 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:55,890 Let me see you. 619 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:55,890 No. 620 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,950 Give me a twirl. 621 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,950 No. 622 00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,060 This is beautiful. 623 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,400 Don't look at me. 624 00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,530 No, look at me. 625 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:02,870 Happy birthday. 626 00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,030 Thank you. 627 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,510 Can I get you a drink? 628 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,510 Or wait. 629 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,110 Yeah, I can swing it. 630 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,110 Can I get you a drink? 631 00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:13,010 Whiskey. Neat. 632 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180 Wow. 633 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180 You're not 634 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,180 messing around. 635 00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,840 No. I'm not. 636 00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:22,780 Barkeep. 637 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,950 Andy Dwyer! 638 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,950 It's so awesome to see you. 639 00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,520 Hey, you, too. How are you? 640 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620 Let me 641 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620 ask you a question. 642 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,620 Was I a good girlfriend? 643 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,190 Ann, you were 644 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,190 an awesome girlfriend. 645 00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,790 Really? 646 00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,790 Yeah. 647 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,160 Aw! 648 00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:38,800 I mean, 649 00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:38,800 I was the screw-up. 650 00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,140 Yeah, you were. 651 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070 We had a good 652 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070 relationship, 653 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,070 right? 654 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,580 God, I think so. 655 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,580 I mean, we fought a lot. 656 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280 I know. 657 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280 I know. I know that. 658 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,280 Let me ask you something. 659 00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:51,650 I'm hot. 660 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,050 Is that a question? 661 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,750 When we were together... 662 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,750 I can't see. 663 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,890 When we were together. 664 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,890 Yes. 665 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,430 Were there times 666 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,430 that you were like, 667 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,160 "If I don't see Ann in, like, 668 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,160 10 seconds, I'm going to die"? 669 00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:05,670 Yes, all the time. 670 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:11,030 I loved Andy. 671 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:11,030 Loved him. Loved Andy. 672 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470 He was a totally 673 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470 helpless baby 674 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,470 when we met. 675 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340 I dated him for three years. 676 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340 Now, he's an adult with 677 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:19,340 a job. 678 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880 And some 679 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880 other girl is going to reap 680 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:24,880 the rewards of my hard work? 681 00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:28,650 That's bull. 682 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,320 And I'm reading this, 683 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,320 and I'm like, 684 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,490 "How could they hurt 685 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,490 those gorillas like that?" 686 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200 They're such 687 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200 gentle, magnificent 688 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:42,200 creatures, you know? 689 00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,470 I'm an animal lover. 690 00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,470 I don't know. 691 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:48,200 Hey, I want you to 692 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:48,200 keep this bottle cap. 693 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,870 So you always remember me 694 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,870 and the first time we met. 695 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,540 Classic game. 696 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,540 Plant the seed. 697 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,310 Harvest, like, 698 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,310 a half hour later. 699 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460 Here you go. Sorry 700 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460 that took forever. 701 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:01,460 God. 702 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720 Hey, baby, 703 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720 you miss me? 704 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,720 Because I missed you. 705 00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,420 Look at this. 706 00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,420 Jean-Ralphio. Hey. 707 00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:07,590 Hey. Andy. 708 00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,430 Andy. 709 00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,430 That's an all right name. 710 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,490 Thank you. 711 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,490 Yeah. 712 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,970 Are you guys... Are you 713 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,970 guys hanging out together? 714 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,600 Yeah, maybe. 715 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,600 Yep. 716 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370 You know, he asked 717 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370 me out so many times. 718 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,370 I guess he wore me down. 719 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,640 I'm very persistent. 720 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:22,770 Come over here. 721 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,010 I can hear you. 722 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,010 Come on. 723 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,980 One time, I waited outside 724 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,980 a woman's house for five days 725 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110 just to show her 726 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110 how serious I was 727 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,110 about wanting to drill her. 728 00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,880 Turns out 729 00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,880 it was the wrong house. 730 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950 She loved the story, anyway. 731 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950 We got to third base. 732 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,950 Over the pants. 733 00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,320 That's so cute. 734 00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,320 Yeah, super cute. 735 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,520 Wow. 736 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,520 Right? 737 00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:39,960 Do you want a Rémy Martin? 738 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,290 Probably good. 739 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,290 Okay, I'll get you one. 740 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,660 Two Rémy Martins! Here we go! 741 00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,600 You can have my Rémy Martin 742 00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,600 for your birthday. 743 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,470 I thought she liked me. 744 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100 I guess 745 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100 I'm super bad at 746 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,100 picking up signals. 747 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,620 That Ralph Macchio 748 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,620 guy is a total douche. 749 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,610 Did I give you a bottle cap? 750 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920 Excuse me, did I give 751 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920 you a bottle cap? 752 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,920 What? 753 00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,990 Did I give any of you 754 00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,990 guys a bottle cap? 755 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:13,360 You sure? 756 00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,300 Who the did I 757 00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,300 give a bottle cap to? 758 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,540 This party sucks. 759 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,540 Let's get out of here. 760 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:27,800 It's my birthday party. 761 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,570 It is? 762 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,570 Yes. 763 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,870 I'm sorry, boo. 764 00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,100 I'm not saying we're the 765 00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,100 best band in the universe, 766 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280 but we are, 767 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280 I would say, honestly, 768 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,280 the best band in the world. 769 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790 I should write 770 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790 an article about you, 771 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790 another article about you. 772 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:46,020 Yeah. Okay. Hey, 773 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:46,020 can I buy you a drink? 774 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,620 Sure. 775 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,620 Yeah? 776 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720 Do you have a tab 777 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720 I could put it on? 778 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,720 Wait, how old are you? 779 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,960 Twenty-five. 780 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,330 Mark Brendanawicz. Hey. 781 00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,470 What's 25 divided 782 00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,470 by two, plus seven? 783 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,810 Nineteen and a half. 784 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,680 I'm older than that. 785 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,680 We're good to go. 786 00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:08,580 Hey, this my dear 787 00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:08,580 friend Mark Brendanawicz. 788 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,050 We've actually met. 789 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,850 Yeah. You guys 790 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,850 totally slept together. 791 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,250 I'll take that drink. 792 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,980 So, you're with Andy now? 793 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,620 No, it makes sense. 794 00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:23,690 It's been a great week. 795 00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:27,800 You know what's thirsty? 796 00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:27,800 What? 797 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930 You know what's weird? 798 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930 How thirsty I get 799 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,930 when I'm weird. 800 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,600 When I'm drunk. 801 00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,200 Ben, the jerk, is here. 802 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,400 Who are? 803 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,400 That one. 804 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,910 The one coming over here. 805 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,910 Get ready. 806 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,920 Okay, Leslie, 807 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,920 be professional. 808 00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,140 Hi. 809 00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,140 Hello, Ben. 810 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,950 Look, I kind of feel like 811 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,950 we got off on the wrong foot. 812 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,490 So I just wanted to 813 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,490 stop by and... 814 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,220 Yeah. Well, save 815 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,220 your breath. Okay? 816 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,530 Just get out of here. 817 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,030 Because this is 818 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,030 a party with my friends, 819 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,330 and you're trying 820 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,330 to fire all my friends. 821 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,430 I... 822 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910 Plus, I just talked 823 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910 to everybody in this bar, 824 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,910 and nobody wants you here. 825 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,000 That must've taken a while. 826 00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:08,130 Yeah, it did. 827 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,570 You're a cold, 828 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,570 callous person, 829 00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,740 and you wanna kill 830 00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,740 people with machetes. 831 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,340 And Ann is right. 832 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650 I should 833 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650 just make my own plan 834 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,650 so that you can't hurt us. 835 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,210 And that's 836 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,210 what I'm gonna do. 837 00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,420 Okay. Then I'll 838 00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,420 just see you tomorrow. 839 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,520 Sorry to bother you. 840 00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:26,580 Get out of here. 841 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,090 Leslie? 842 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760 That was 843 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760 so professional. 844 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,760 I'm so proud of you. 845 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:34,390 Thank you. 846 00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,510 You have to help me. 847 00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,510 Ow. 848 00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,800 I know. Me, too. 849 00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:41,740 But you have to help me. 850 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010 I think 851 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010 I may have made out 852 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,010 with someone last night. 853 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,050 Oh, no. Who? 854 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,610 I don't remember. I don't 855 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,610 even know if it happened. 856 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,550 I just had this feeling 857 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,550 when I woke up this morning 858 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,020 like I definitely 859 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,020 kissed somebody. 860 00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:55,950 No. 861 00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:55,950 Hey, Ann. 862 00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560 Wow, that was 863 00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560 a crazy night 864 00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,560 last night. 865 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,960 Yeah, crazy. 866 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960 I mean, I left at 11:15, and 867 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960 you were still raging 868 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,960 pretty hard. 869 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,800 I was. I was. 870 00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:15,870 Good. 871 00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:15,870 Yeah. 872 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,170 So it's not Jerry. 873 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,270 Help me. 874 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,680 I'll keep my 875 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,680 ear to the ground. 876 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,210 Knope! My office! 877 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,720 That's loud. 878 00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:25,250 Why the yelling? 879 00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,720 Have a good night last night? 880 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,120 Not really. 881 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,990 Did you enjoy your second 882 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,990 loud conversation with Ben? 883 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000 The state auditor who holds 884 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000 your very fate in his hands 885 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,000 like a tiny bird. 886 00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,290 You know what? 887 00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,290 He deserved it. 888 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600 He's cold and unfeeling 889 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600 and I yelled at him. 890 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,600 So what? 891 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,070 Believe me, I want this 892 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,070 government cut to the bone. 893 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,300 But I can't have you 894 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,300 getting yourself fired 895 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,370 because then 896 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,370 I'll have to do stuff. 897 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,570 Go apologize. 898 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840 No! I don't have 899 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840 anything to apologize for. 900 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,840 All I did was express myself. 901 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,110 Forcefully. Drunkenly. 902 00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190 And I spit 903 00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190 on him a little bit. 904 00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,190 Okay, I'll go apologize. 905 00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,220 Leslie, Leslie. 906 00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,220 Welcome, welcome, welcome. 907 00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,520 Wow. You have 908 00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,520 a lot of bottles there. 909 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,860 Yeah. Would you 910 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,860 like a vitamin? B-12? 911 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,870 Evening primrose oil? 912 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,870 Willow bark? Magnesium? 913 00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,090 No, thank you. 914 00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:15,690 You sure? 915 00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:15,690 Really good for hangovers. 916 00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:16,900 Okay, I'll take one. 917 00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:19,100 I take care of my 918 00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:19,100 body above all else. 919 00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440 Diet, exercise, 920 00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440 supplements, and 921 00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,440 positive thinking. 922 00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040 Scientists 923 00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040 believe that the 924 00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,040 first human being 925 00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,050 who will live 150 years 926 00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,050 has already been born. 927 00:21:27,110 --> 00:21:29,740 I believe I am 928 00:21:27,110 --> 00:21:29,740 that human being. 929 00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,290 So what brings 930 00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,290 you here so early? 931 00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,050 I'm here to speak to Ben, 932 00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,050 actually. 933 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320 Great. I'm gonna listen to 934 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320 some ocean sounds and do 935 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,320 some chin-ups. 936 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,530 So I'd like to 937 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,530 apologize for yesterday. 938 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,730 Don't worry about it. 939 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,500 No, what I did was 940 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,500 out of line. Twice. 941 00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:51,130 And I was worked up, 942 00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540 because 943 00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540 obviously, you represent 944 00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,540 a threat to my department. 945 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740 Your City Council and your 946 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740 Mayor are the threats to 947 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,740 your department. 948 00:21:56,810 --> 00:21:59,800 We didn't do anything to get 949 00:21:56,810 --> 00:21:59,800 you into this situation, okay? 950 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870 Okay. Look, Ben, 951 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870 I don't appreciate 952 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,870 your callous attitude, okay? 953 00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,350 Really? 954 00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,350 Yeah, really. 955 00:22:04,420 --> 00:22:05,440 Okay. 956 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960 You may hold my fate 957 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960 in your hands like 958 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,960 a small bird, 959 00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,390 but I still think 960 00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,390 you're an ass. 961 00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:17,730 You want to get a beer? 962 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430 It's like 10:30 963 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430 in the morning. 964 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,430 Yeah. 965 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330 And you seem like 966 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330 you could use a beer. 967 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,330 Let's get a beer. 968 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,630 Well... 969 00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,970 Oh, oh, oh. 970 00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,970 Don't keep him too long. 971 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,530 I need someone to be here 972 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,530 when I take my multivitamin. 973 00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:30,980 There's a choking hazard. 974 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,640 Okay, can we go? 975 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,680 Oh, my God. 976 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720 You don't remember anything 977 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720 that happened last night, 978 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:37,720 do you? 979 00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,190 No. 980 00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,190 Wow. 981 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990 For once, 982 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990 it's Ann who blacked 983 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:43,990 out drunk and not Andy. 984 00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,650 Okay. 985 00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,650 Oh, my gosh. 986 00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:46,960 That's really dangerous. 987 00:22:47,030 --> 00:22:48,220 Please tell me. 988 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,460 This is going to be so fun 989 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700 letting you dangle 990 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700 until I finally reveal 991 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,700 that we did not make out. 992 00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:56,030 Oh. 993 00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,770 Damn it. 994 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,530 Good. See you. 995 00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:00,970 All right. 996 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,780 Hey, I need to settle 997 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,780 my bill from last night. 998 00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:07,140 Tom Haverford. 999 00:23:07,210 --> 00:23:08,410 Okay. 1000 00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:12,880 Wow. You had 1001 00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:12,880 47 drinks last night? 1002 00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:15,750 Ten cosmos, 1003 00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:15,750 eight Smirnoff Ices, 1004 00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,450 and everything else starts 1005 00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,450 with the word pomegranate. 1006 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,390 Was it your 1007 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,390 bachelorette party? 1008 00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:23,690 No, I invited a bunch 1009 00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:23,690 of girls here last night, 1010 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,460 and they all put 1011 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,460 drinks on my tab. 1012 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,870 And then I went home alone. 1013 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,870 I'm not sure what happened. 1014 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:31,300 You invited 1015 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:31,300 a bunch of girls here, 1016 00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,070 and then you tried 1017 00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,070 to hit on all of them. 1018 00:23:33,540 --> 00:23:34,700 Fair enough. 1019 00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640 I mean, 1020 00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640 what were you expecting 1021 00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,640 was gonna happen, a 43-way? 1022 00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010 That would have been 1023 00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010 a little out of control. 1024 00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,010 But awesome. 1025 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,740 Yeah, the problem is 1026 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,740 I only have 15 penises, so... 1027 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750 There would 1028 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750 have been 28 girls that 1029 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,750 were really upset with me. 1030 00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:47,010 Yeah. 1031 00:23:51,290 --> 00:23:53,260 All right, well, thanks. 1032 00:23:57,630 --> 00:24:01,800 Hey, would you wanna 1033 00:23:57,630 --> 00:24:01,800 get a drink tomorrow night? 1034 00:24:01,870 --> 00:24:03,030 Does it have to be here? 1035 00:24:03,170 --> 00:24:04,370 No. 1036 00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640 Then, sure. I'm Lucy. 1037 00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640 Let me give you my 1038 00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:09,640 phone number. 1039 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,940 So, I don't know 1040 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,940 what you were thinking. 1041 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,410 Just now? Nothing. 1042 00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:19,590 Well, I had 1043 00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:19,590 a great time last night. 1044 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,710 So, are you free 1045 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,710 this weekend? 1046 00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720 Shauna, look, 1047 00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720 I think you are 1048 00:24:22,590 --> 00:24:25,720 a super cute person. 1049 00:24:25,790 --> 00:24:28,990 And your newspaper 1050 00:24:25,790 --> 00:24:28,990 articles are so cool 1051 00:24:29,060 --> 00:24:31,500 and they're 1052 00:24:29,060 --> 00:24:31,500 probably very accurate. 1053 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360 But I don't think 1054 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360 that we should go 1055 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:34,360 out romantically. 1056 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,590 Why not? 1057 00:24:35,670 --> 00:24:37,300 Well, honestly, 1058 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370 because there's 1059 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370 already a girl 1060 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:40,370 that I like. 1061 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610 And we kind of have 1062 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610 a long back story, 1063 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,610 a history. 1064 00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,610 And I like her. 1065 00:24:49,180 --> 00:24:51,520 Okay. Well, good luck. 1066 00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,380 I can't even land 1067 00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,380 the shoeshine guy. 1068 00:24:57,620 --> 00:24:59,920 Wow, that tastes really good. 1069 00:25:00,090 --> 00:25:01,650 How's your head? 1070 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,350 Mushy. 1071 00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:07,130 I'm sorry that I yelled 1072 00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:07,130 at you. All three times. 1073 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,600 But I don't think you know 1074 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,600 anything about my department. 1075 00:25:10,670 --> 00:25:12,700 Have you ever been part 1076 00:25:10,670 --> 00:25:12,700 of a government body before? 1077 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900 I have, yeah. 1078 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900 Small town called 1079 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,900 Partridge, Minnesota. 1080 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,540 Why does that sound familiar? 1081 00:25:24,590 --> 00:25:25,810 You're Benji Wyatt? 1082 00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:26,950 I am. 1083 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620 When I was 18, 1084 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620 I ran for mayor 1085 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,620 of my small town. 1086 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,780 And won. 1087 00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560 A little bit of 1088 00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560 anti-establishment 1089 00:25:33,230 --> 00:25:35,560 voter rebellion, I guess. 1090 00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690 Here's the thing, though, 1091 00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690 about 18 year-olds. 1092 00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,690 They're idiots. 1093 00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:41,070 So I pretty 1094 00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:41,070 much ran the place 1095 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370 into the ground 1096 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370 after two months 1097 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,370 and got impeached. 1098 00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:48,300 The worst part was 1099 00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:48,300 my parents grounded me. 1100 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,000 Oh, my God. 1101 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,000 You were so cute. 1102 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,070 Well, thank you. 1103 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910 What was 1104 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910 that song you played at 1105 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,910 the swearing-in ceremony? 1106 00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,040 Whoomp!. 1107 00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,040 Yes. 1108 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,950 That's what it was. Yeah. 1109 00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:58,650 God, I was so jealous of you. 1110 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920 You shouldn't have been. 1111 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920 I mean, it ended up 1112 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,920 kind of ruining my life. 1113 00:26:01,990 --> 00:26:03,980 And now, 1114 00:26:01,990 --> 00:26:03,980 I'm balancing budgets 1115 00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:06,030 so I can show people 1116 00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:06,030 I'm responsible. 1117 00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:07,890 So I can run for 1118 00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:07,890 office again someday 1119 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,290 and not be laughed at, 1120 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,290 you know. 1121 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260 I mean, 1122 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260 you want to run for 1123 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,260 office someday, right? 1124 00:26:13,330 --> 00:26:15,530 Yeah. How did you know? 1125 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590 Well, 1126 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590 you have to be able to make 1127 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,590 decisions like this, Leslie. 1128 00:26:17,670 --> 00:26:19,940 You have to be harsh, 1129 00:26:17,670 --> 00:26:19,940 you know? 1130 00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:21,910 No one's going to 1131 00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:21,910 elect you to do anything 1132 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500 if you don't 1133 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500 show that you're 1134 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,500 a responsible grown-up. 1135 00:26:24,580 --> 00:26:25,770 Yeah. 1136 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,410 Oh, no. Please, 1137 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,410 Mr. Mayor, let me. 1138 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,750 Whoomp there it is 1139 00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,120 Okay. 1140 00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,040 Mmm. 1141 00:26:36,590 --> 00:26:37,580 Mmm. 1142 00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,650 Everything okay? 1143 00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,650 Hmm? 1144 00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:42,120 Mmm. 1145 00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,220 No. 1146 00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,200 You ready? 1147 00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,200 Yeah. 1148 00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350 Hey, Ron, 1149 00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350 did we make 1150 00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,350 out last night? 1151 00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:10,980 Good God, woman. No. 1152 00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150 Okay. Well, that's it. 1153 00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150 That's all the men 1154 00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:14,150 that I know. 1155 00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:16,960 You guys just knocked it 1156 00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:16,960 completely out of the park. 1157 00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:20,130 And I appreciate it, 1158 00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:20,130 and we will see you later. 1159 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,100 Hey, Ann Perkins. 1160 00:27:26,070 --> 00:27:28,670 Hey. 1161 00:27:26,070 --> 00:27:28,670 Hey, well... 1162 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,470 April's party? 1163 00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210 Yeah. Hey, man. 1164 00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210 How's it going? 1165 00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:33,210 Hi. 1166 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,810 Hey. 1167 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,810 Yeah, Tom. 1168 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,080 Hey. Come here. 1169 00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140 There's no reason 1170 00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140 not to love him, 1171 00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,140 but I didn't. 1172 00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:45,350 Highway to the Danger Zone 1173 00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:46,790 I've called you a cab. 1174 00:27:46,860 --> 00:27:49,020 You know, I just... 1175 00:27:57,540 --> 00:27:59,800 Okay, let's get you 1176 00:27:57,540 --> 00:27:59,800 in the cab. Come on. 1177 00:27:59,870 --> 00:28:01,140 Boo. 1178 00:28:01,210 --> 00:28:03,470 Fancy this. 1179 00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840 Listen, 1180 00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840 I have meetings all day, 1181 00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,840 but I'd love to chat with you. 1182 00:28:06,910 --> 00:28:07,970 Can I call you? 1183 00:28:08,050 --> 00:28:10,310 You have my phone number? 1184 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680 No, you couldn't 1185 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680 remember your phone number, 1186 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,680 but you gave me your phone. 1187 00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,690 Terrific. That's great. 1188 00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,690 We'll talk later. 1189 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,880 Okay. 1190 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,860 Danger zone 1191 00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:20,450 Come on, guys. 1192 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,360 We'll talk later. Yeah. 1193 00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920 We should 1194 00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920 have a meeting, too, 1195 00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,920 about things that happen... 1196 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,400 This suggested plan reduces 1197 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,400 our overall budget by 35%. 1198 00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240 And it contains 1199 00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240 very practical, deep 1200 00:28:32,470 --> 00:28:36,240 cuts in many of our services. 1201 00:28:36,310 --> 00:28:38,250 Wow, Leslie. 1202 00:28:36,310 --> 00:28:38,250 This is amazing. 1203 00:28:38,310 --> 00:28:40,410 But it's moot. 1204 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,680 Why? 1205 00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:43,310 Our investigation 1206 00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:43,310 has revealed 1207 00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220 that things in Pawnee 1208 00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220 are much worse than 1209 00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:47,220 we anticipated. 1210 00:28:47,990 --> 00:28:49,080 Meaning what? 1211 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,720 Well, effective 1212 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,720 tomorrow morning, 1213 00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890 the entire 1214 00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890 government will be shut 1215 00:28:50,790 --> 00:28:54,890 down until further notice. 1216 00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730 I'm sorry. I just 1217 00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730 started hearing really 1218 00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,730 loud circus music in my head. 1219 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,290 What did you say? 1220 00:29:02,670 --> 00:29:05,760 November, 1221 00:29:02,670 --> 00:29:05,760 you're so beautiful 1222 00:29:06,710 --> 00:29:09,940 November, you're so serene 1223 00:29:10,110 --> 00:29:13,550 Walk among your clouds and see 1224 00:29:13,610 --> 00:29:16,780 That you and me 1225 00:29:13,610 --> 00:29:16,780 were meant to be 1226 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,880 November, 1227 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,880 your bangs are cute 1228 00:29:21,090 --> 00:29:24,790 November, 1229 00:29:21,090 --> 00:29:24,790 your voice is a flute 1230 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200 November, let's 1231 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200 pretend the sky 1232 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:30,200 is for us 1233 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230 Let's spread our 1234 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230 wings and fly 1235 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:37,230 on a date 1236 00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:43,010 I want to go on 1237 00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:43,010 a date with you, November 1238 00:29:44,810 --> 00:29:48,040 That song is about April. 66039

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.