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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:03,020 Hi, there. 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:04,420 What's going on here? 3 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,130 Puppy! 4 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,130 A puppy is here! 5 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,860 Can we keep him? 6 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,860 My neighbor's 7 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,860 dog had a litter. 8 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:09,030 They're looking 9 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:09,030 for people to adopt. 10 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,160 I love him. 11 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,500 I wish he had 12 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,500 tiny puppy shoes. 13 00:00:12,570 --> 00:00:14,480 I would totally shine 14 00:00:12,570 --> 00:00:14,480 his little shoes for free. 15 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,410 I do say 16 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,410 the cutest stuff. 17 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,570 Look, I love a good dog 18 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,570 as much as the next guy, 19 00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:21,640 but this building 20 00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:21,640 doesn't allow animals. 21 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,350 Andy, 22 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,350 take him outside. 23 00:00:23,420 --> 00:00:24,510 What, and shoot him? 24 00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:27,110 No. Just keep 25 00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:27,110 him outside. 26 00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:30,350 Oh, come on, Ron. 27 00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:30,350 I'm just a little puppy. 28 00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:33,890 I ain't done nothing wrong. 29 00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:33,890 I'm just a puppy. 30 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,790 I like your mustache. 31 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,790 I wish I could have one. 32 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,790 But I can't. 33 00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:41,330 Because I'm just 34 00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:41,330 a little puppy. 35 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,040 Okay, take him out 36 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,040 and shoot him. 37 00:01:06,530 --> 00:01:07,760 Fire! Fire! Fire! 38 00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:09,320 What? Where? 39 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,330 In my belly. 40 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,330 Because the 24-hour 41 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,460 Pawnee Cares 42 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,460 Diabetes Telethon 43 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,440 starts tonight. 44 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,440 Goody. 45 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,970 Let us know 46 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,970 how it went. 47 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,100 Every year, Pawnee Cares 48 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,100 teams up with the local 49 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,100 cable access station 50 00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,200 to raise money for 51 00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,200 diabetes research. 52 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,720 And it's important, because 53 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,720 Pawnee is the fourth-fattest 54 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,720 town in the U.S. 55 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:33,520 It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa 56 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:33,520 and certain parts of 57 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:33,520 The Mall of America. 58 00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:37,250 Well, this year, 59 00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:37,250 I get to program my 60 00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:37,250 own four-hour block. 61 00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:39,550 I know. Exciting! 62 00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:42,200 So, I have signed you 63 00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:42,200 all up for multiple shifts. 64 00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:45,060 Yes, just to answer phones 65 00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:45,060 and provide moral support. 66 00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,190 From when to when? 67 00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,290 Tonight. 68 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,060 From 2:00 a.m. 69 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,060 to 6:00 a.m. 70 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,130 What? 71 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,300 No. Leslie, please. 72 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:54,170 Tonight's kind of 73 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:54,170 a big night. 74 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,210 You know, all my 75 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,210 kids are away, and... 76 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,240 Gross! No! 77 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,240 It's Jerry's sex night. 78 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,240 That ruins sex and tonight. 79 00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:03,890 Why don't you put on 80 00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:03,890 one of these T-shirts? 81 00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:03,890 It will get you in the mood. 82 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,080 I stayed up all night 83 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,080 last night making these. 84 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:09,060 You stayed up 85 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:09,060 all night the night before 86 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:09,060 an all-night telethon. 87 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,150 Yes. And here's why. Boom. 88 00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,690 "Diabetes. 89 00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,690 Let's Dia-beat-this." 90 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,290 Yeah. Four hours 91 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,290 to come up 92 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,290 with the slogan. 93 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,340 Four hours 94 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,340 to embroider them. 95 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,340 Time well spent. 96 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,330 Salad sucks. 97 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,330 There. I said it. 98 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,800 Feel better? 99 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,800 Yep. 100 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:25,430 I've been doing 101 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:25,430 some thinking. 102 00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:27,570 I'm not going to ask 103 00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:27,570 Ann to move in with me. 104 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,980 Why? Is something wrong? 105 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,980 No. I'm going to 106 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,980 ask her to marry me. 107 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,680 I love her. 108 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,680 And I want a partner. 109 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,680 Horseback. 110 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,610 You should ask 111 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,610 her on horseback. 112 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,610 What? 113 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,590 No, you should ask her 114 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,590 in a hot air balloon. 115 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,380 No. She should be on 116 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,380 the hot air balloon, 117 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:40,720 and you should 118 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:40,720 ride up on horseback. 119 00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:43,380 Oh. Wait. She's in 120 00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:43,380 the balloon, you ride 121 00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:43,380 up on horseback, 122 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:45,930 you point to the sky, 123 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:45,930 up there, skywriting, 124 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:45,930 "Marry me, Ann." 125 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:48,520 I think I can figure out 126 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:48,520 the right way to ask her. 127 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,970 How you ask someone 128 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,970 to marry you is 129 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,970 a very big deal. 130 00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:54,560 I mean, they have to 131 00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:54,560 repeat that story for 132 00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:54,560 the rest of their lives. 133 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:55,800 So, you think 134 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:55,800 I should do it, though. 135 00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:56,900 Yeah, yeah, yeah, 136 00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:56,900 yeah, yeah. 137 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,240 Definitely. 138 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,240 Can you get five eagles? 139 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,240 No, get ten eagles. 140 00:02:59,310 --> 00:03:00,640 Leslie. 141 00:02:59,310 --> 00:03:00,640 No, you're right. 142 00:02:59,310 --> 00:03:00,640 It's your life. 143 00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:02,010 Get as many 144 00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:02,010 eagles as you want. 145 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,570 So, Tom, you're in 146 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,570 for tonight, right? 147 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,840 I forgot to tell you. 148 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,840 I can't make it 149 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,840 to the telethon tonight, 150 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,350 because I have no 151 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,350 interest in being there. 152 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:12,860 Okay. You're in charge 153 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:12,860 of the VIP special 154 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:12,860 telethon guest. 155 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,120 You're never going 156 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,120 to believe who I got. 157 00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:15,320 People are going 158 00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:15,320 to freak out. 159 00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,760 Rihanna. 160 00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,760 No. 161 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,230 Dr. Oz. 162 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,230 Nope. 163 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,990 You're never 164 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,990 going to guess. 165 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,990 Justin Bieber. 166 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:26,090 No. Ex-Indiana 167 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:26,090 Pacers small forward, 168 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:26,090 Detlef Schrempf. 169 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,100 The Detlef Schrempf? 170 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,540 I know! 171 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,540 So, it's really exciting. 172 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,370 Wow. 173 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,370 And I need you 174 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,370 to be his body-man. 175 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,240 Pick him up 176 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,240 at the airport 177 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,240 at 7:00 p.m. 178 00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:37,070 And then, you know, 179 00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:37,070 just entertain him. 180 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,140 Because he doesn't 181 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,140 need to be in hair 182 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,140 and makeup until 2:00 a.m. 183 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,340 Does Pawnee Cable 184 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,340 Access even have 185 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,340 hair and makeup? 186 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,880 Well, they have 187 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,880 a communal lipstick 188 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,880 and a box of combs. 189 00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:48,720 As a nurse and as your 190 00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:48,720 friend, I highly suggest 191 00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:48,720 you don't try to stay up 192 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:49,880 for the next 24 hours. 193 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,120 I can definitely do it. 194 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:55,290 I've already been up 195 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:55,290 for 24 hours. But I 196 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:55,290 have a secret weapon. 197 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,260 NutriYum bars? 198 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,260 Leslie. 199 00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:00,930 I know, I know. 200 00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:00,930 They're terrible. 201 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,560 But they give me 202 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,560 an insane 15-minute burst. 203 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:04,830 Plus, my nana 204 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:04,830 used to tell me, 205 00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,070 "You'll sleep 206 00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,070 when you're dead." 207 00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:08,170 My nana, she used 208 00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:08,170 to say the best stuff. 209 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,040 "Don't work yourself 210 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,040 into a lather." 211 00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,670 "Look where it is 212 00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,670 and you'll find it." 213 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,510 "Don't put me in a home." 214 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,510 "Tell the truth 215 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,510 and shame the devil." 216 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,210 "The devil knows 217 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,210 where you're hiding." 218 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:20,020 "If you take enough rides 219 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:20,020 with the devil, pretty soon, 220 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:20,020 he's going to drive." 221 00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,450 She was really 222 00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,450 into the devil. 223 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,490 I have not checked in 224 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,490 with you lately. 225 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,120 I'm randomly 226 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,120 and casually asking. 227 00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,660 How are things 228 00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,660 going with Mark? 229 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,130 Things are good. 230 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,460 Do you think 231 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,460 he's the one? 232 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,130 The one? 233 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,130 I don't know. Maybe. 234 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,330 Good. 235 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,560 I'm here. 236 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,560 What do I have to do? 237 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,770 I have you on 238 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,770 phone-answering duty 239 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,770 from 4:00 to 6:00 a.m. 240 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,280 That's horrible. 241 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,280 I have to nap up. 242 00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:46,580 If I don't get a solid 243 00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:46,580 five, it kills my 244 00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:46,580 sunny disposition. 245 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,210 Got enough leg 246 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,210 room back there? 247 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,340 Yeah. Yeah, you don't 248 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,340 have to sit so far up. 249 00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:55,580 Yeah, I do. 250 00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:55,580 So, Detlef Schrempf. 251 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:59,060 Three-time NBA All-Star, 252 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:59,060 two-time Sixth Man Award 253 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:59,060 winner. 254 00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:01,600 It must have been 255 00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:01,600 pretty cool to be traded 256 00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:01,600 to the Pacers in exchange 257 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:04,160 for veteran center 258 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:04,160 Herb Williams. 259 00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:06,260 So, you looked me up 260 00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:06,260 on Wikipedia, huh? 261 00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:08,670 No. Everybody 262 00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:08,670 knows that. 263 00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:11,600 Just like everybody 264 00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:11,600 knows you appeared 265 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:14,230 in two episodes of 266 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:14,230 the German soap opera 267 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,340 Gute Zeiten 268 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,340 Schlechte Zeiten. 269 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:17,780 What, you a big fan 270 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:17,780 of that show? 271 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:18,840 Huge fan. 272 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,050 Huh? Oh, 6'10". 273 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,850 I'm 5'6" 274 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,850 and three quarters. 275 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,290 All right, team, 276 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,290 you guys psyched? 277 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,550 Just remember, 278 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,550 all you need to do is 279 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,020 take down everybody's 280 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,020 name and address 281 00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:31,720 and ask them how much 282 00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:31,720 they want to donate. 283 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,260 Hey, do these 284 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,260 phones dial out? 285 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,660 Yes. Why? 286 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:36,790 No reason. 287 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:36,790 Leslie, you know what? 288 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,300 My phone has 25 lines. 289 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,300 I think it might 290 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,300 be a switchboard. 291 00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,460 Congratulations, then. 292 00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,460 You got the most lines. 293 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,700 Figure it out, Jerry. 294 00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,000 Come on, Jerry. 295 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:46,200 Everyone else 296 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:46,200 has one line. 297 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:50,510 Oh! So, Leslie, I hear 298 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:50,510 you're going to be in front 299 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:50,510 of the camera this year. 300 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,480 Yeah. It's exciting. 301 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,480 Cut the chatter. 302 00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:53,740 Tele-hosting? 303 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,680 Not as easy 304 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,680 as it looks. Okay? 305 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,680 This isn't C-SPAN. 306 00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,250 This is Local Access 46. 307 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,290 Don't blow it. 308 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,590 Good evening and welcome 309 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,590 to the tenth annual 310 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,130 Pawnee Cares 311 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,130 Diabetes Telethon. 312 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,790 I'm Pawnee Today's 313 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,790 Joan Callamezzo. 314 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,730 And I am not a crook. 315 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,290 No, he's not. 316 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,660 What time is it? 317 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,660 I'm tired already. 318 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:20,680 It's 8:03. 319 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:20,680 Your shift doesn't start 320 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:20,680 for another six hours. 321 00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:24,410 Diabetes. Yuck. 322 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,640 Tonight, we're hoping 323 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,640 the people of Pawnee 324 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,640 dig their big, chubby hands 325 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,950 into their plus-size pockets 326 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,950 and donate generously. 327 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,350 Weird, wacky stuff. 328 00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,050 Stop it. 329 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,790 Coming up, 330 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,790 a very special video 331 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,790 presentation called 332 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,920 Even My Tongue is Fat: 333 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,920 The Story of Pawnee. 334 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,490 But right now, to begin with, 335 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,490 let's start things off in our 336 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,490 telethon with a song. 337 00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:52,410 From Pawnee's most 338 00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:52,410 bookable personality, 339 00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:52,410 Denise Yermley! 340 00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:59,710 Sweet dreams 341 00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:59,710 are made of this 342 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,850 No one cares. Hello, hello. 343 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,850 Here you go. Right up there. 344 00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:06,680 Hello? Hey, there. 345 00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:06,680 Good morning. 346 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,250 Who's next? 347 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,560 I feel great. 348 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,560 Everything is 349 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,560 running smoothly. 350 00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:15,030 Some of them 351 00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:15,030 want to use you 352 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,990 Clipboard mouth. 353 00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,940 There's some secret ingredient 354 00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,940 in these NutriYum bars 355 00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,940 that makes me feel so good. 356 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,470 Sugar. 357 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,470 It's a block of sugar. 358 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,880 Leslie? Leslie. 359 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:31,940 Tigers. 360 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,640 Hey, you told me to 361 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,640 wake you up at 1:45. 362 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,640 Yep. 363 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,280 It's 1:45 now. 364 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,280 I'm up. 365 00:07:36,350 --> 00:07:38,450 I need to pull it together. 366 00:07:36,350 --> 00:07:38,450 My slot is coming up. 367 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,350 Hey, before you go on, 368 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,350 can I just talk to you 369 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,350 about something? 370 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,320 Wait a minute. Sorry. 371 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,090 It's Tom. He may have 372 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,090 a Schrempf problem. 373 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,220 Okay. 374 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,220 You understand that, 375 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,220 right? 376 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,130 I do. Take it. 377 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,130 T.B. continued, Ann. 378 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,430 I promise. 379 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,430 We'll talk later. 380 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,630 Yes. 381 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,630 Okay. 382 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,460 Hey! Hi. 383 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,460 Are you on your way? 384 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,630 The Snakehole 385 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,630 is booming! 386 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,070 People are loving 387 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,070 Detlef Schrempf. 388 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:02,130 I had no idea 389 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:02,130 professional athletes 390 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:02,130 were so popular. 391 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:04,370 That's awesome. 392 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:04,370 But you promised 393 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:04,370 to get him here. 394 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,740 Get him here. 395 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,740 Don't worry. 396 00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,980 We're leaving soon, 397 00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,980 all right? Bye! 398 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:11,820 Oh, you can't leave. Tommy, 399 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:11,820 this is the most business 400 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:11,820 the club's done in months. 401 00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:13,380 But I've got to get 402 00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:13,380 him to the telethon. 403 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,550 He's not going anywhere. 404 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,060 Okay. 405 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,060 Oh, God. Problem. 406 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,020 Andy, I know I told you 407 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,020 that you were going 408 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,120 on at 3:00 a.m. 409 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,120 after the Detlef Schrempf 410 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,600 interview 411 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,600 and career retrospective, 412 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,600 but you're going on now. 413 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,070 You're kicking things off. 414 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,070 Whoa! 415 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,500 Sweet. Headlining. 416 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,340 Yeah. At 2:00 a.m. 417 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,340 On Cable Access. 418 00:08:32,410 --> 00:08:34,400 Yeah. Let's go. 419 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,650 So, how are things 420 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,650 going with you two? 421 00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:41,110 They're going really well. 422 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:44,880 We're going to get married 423 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:44,880 and I'm pregnant 424 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:44,880 with his child. 425 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:46,820 Thank you, Joan. 426 00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:50,720 There are two types 427 00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:50,720 of diabetes, but only 428 00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:50,720 one type of caring. 429 00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,420 Type One caring. 430 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,400 And tonight, God willing, 431 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,400 we will all be 432 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,400 stricken with that. 433 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,900 There's a lot of 434 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,900 fun stuff coming up. 435 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:02,030 Indiana Pacers legend, 436 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:02,030 Detlef Schrempf, 437 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,270 will be joining us 438 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,270 in the studio later on. 439 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,800 But until then, 440 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,800 I would like to introduce 441 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,670 one of the hottest 442 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,670 bands in Pawnee. 443 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,880 Ladies and gentlemen, 444 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,880 I give you Mouse Rat. 445 00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:17,440 I know that life is crazy 446 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,420 Well, okay. Slight hiccup. 447 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,420 But we're back on track. 448 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,420 See that board? 449 00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:27,050 When my shift is done, 450 00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:27,050 that board is going to 451 00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:27,050 read $20,000. 452 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,560 Pawnee Cares. 453 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:34,100 Hi. Yes, I'd like to 454 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:34,100 donate $50, please. 455 00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:35,800 Mmm-hmm. Leslie? 456 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:45,440 You've got sex hair You got 457 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:45,440 it from me, girl. Sex hair 458 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:48,640 God, we're not getting 459 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:48,640 any donations coming in. 460 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,150 I'm tired of waiting 461 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,150 for people to call us. 462 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,650 Let's call them. 463 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,650 Everybody call somebody. 464 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,850 Leslie, 465 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,850 it's the middle 466 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,850 of the night. 467 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,290 Then, good. 468 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,290 They'll be home. 469 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,620 Donna, someone good? 470 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:57,450 No, I'm talking to 471 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:57,450 my brother, George. 472 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,430 You're not supposed 473 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,430 to receive personal 474 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,430 phone calls. 475 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:02,260 Oh, I called him. 476 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:02,260 He's in Liberia 477 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:02,260 visiting my uncle. 478 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:04,270 He wants to know 479 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:04,270 what happened on Lost. 480 00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:05,360 Oh, thank God. 481 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,370 Here you go. 482 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,370 Thank you. 483 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,630 I have no idea. 484 00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,400 Did you put 485 00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,400 cream in this? 486 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,100 Uh, yeah. 487 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,100 Did I screw up? 488 00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:13,360 No, I can drink it. 489 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,140 You sure? 490 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,140 Guys, has anyone 491 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,140 seen Tom? 492 00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:16,940 The ultimate celebrity, 493 00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:16,940 I think, 494 00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:19,740 to hang out with 495 00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:19,740 for a night would be 496 00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:22,410 Criss Angel. 497 00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:22,410 You'd be talking to him, 498 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,950 and then, he would 499 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,950 just turn into fire. 500 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:30,490 Brooks Brothers Boys 501 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:30,490 is like, the cuts are 502 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:30,490 slimmer and it's cheaper. 503 00:10:30,590 --> 00:10:31,580 Win-win. 504 00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:33,690 Do you ever talk to someone 505 00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:33,690 and you're just like, 506 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,760 "Oh. We're going to be 507 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,760 best friends"? 508 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,760 I'm getting that, right now. 509 00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:40,560 He had two beers. 510 00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:40,560 Light beers. 511 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,530 I need you 512 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,530 to make that out, 513 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,800 "To Wendy. 514 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,800 Tom is an amazing guy. 515 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,540 "You never should 516 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,540 have left him. 517 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,610 "You made a huge 518 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,610 mistake in your life, 519 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,840 "and you're probably 520 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,840 going to die alone. 521 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,840 Love, Detlef." 522 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,480 Do you know what, 523 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,480 I think we should be 524 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,480 heading to that telethon. 525 00:10:56,550 --> 00:11:00,550 Yes, we will definitely 526 00:10:56,550 --> 00:11:00,550 go to the telethon soon. 527 00:10:56,550 --> 00:11:00,550 After this song! 528 00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:05,060 Hopped up out the bed 529 00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:05,060 Turn my swag on 530 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:07,560 Took a look in the mirror, 531 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:07,560 said, "What's up?" 532 00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:14,460 Ron? Ron. Wake up. 533 00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:14,460 Ron, wake up. It's Leslie. 534 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,560 Oh, God! Were you 535 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,560 having a bad dream? 536 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,370 No. I suffer from 537 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,370 a disorder called 538 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,370 sleep fighting. 539 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,640 That must be terrible. 540 00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,180 Only when I'm losing. 541 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,080 Look, 542 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,080 I'm freaking out, okay? 543 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:28,950 Tom is not here, 544 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:28,950 and he's got 545 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:28,950 Detlef Schrempf. 546 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,040 And I have 547 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,040 three hours to fill. 548 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,640 I'm sure you'll 549 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,640 figure something out. 550 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,550 Don't go back to sleep. 551 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,550 Okay? I need you to wake up. 552 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,550 Ron? Come on. 553 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:36,610 Help me. 554 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:36,610 Attaboy. 555 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:42,090 I am only here 556 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:42,090 because I owe Leslie 557 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:42,090 a thousand favors. 558 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:47,230 I'm not big on charities. 559 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:47,230 Give a man a fish, 560 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:47,230 and you feed him for a day. 561 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,370 Don't teach a man to fish, 562 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,370 and you feed yourself. 563 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,840 He's a grown man. 564 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,840 Fishing is not that hard. 565 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,150 Okay, that was 566 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,150 the national anthem 567 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,150 of Canada. 568 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:06,150 And now, I'm going 569 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:06,150 to see how long 570 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:06,150 I can hold a D chord. 571 00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,490 April, will you call 572 00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,490 some of the Rec Center 573 00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,490 teachers 574 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,030 and see if they want to 575 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,030 come down and show off 576 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,030 their special skills? 577 00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,460 Yes. Nod your head yes. 578 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:14,830 I can do magic. 579 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:17,960 Egg, my lady? 580 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,630 Jerry, 581 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,630 that's disgusting 582 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,630 and fake! 583 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,970 Oh, my God. It's real. 584 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,970 Go up there and do that. 585 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,100 You broke my egg. 586 00:12:23,170 --> 00:12:24,200 You don't have 587 00:12:23,170 --> 00:12:24,200 a second egg? 588 00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,970 No, but I'm a very 589 00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,970 good piano player. 590 00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,970 I'd be happy to go up there 591 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,600 and give it a shot. 592 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,600 Why are you 593 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,600 wasting my time? 594 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,580 This is really serious! 595 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:34,610 You go keep 596 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:34,610 your eye out for Tom. 597 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:34,610 I've got this covered. 598 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,140 When re-caning 599 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,140 an old chair, 600 00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:41,290 one needs to make sure 601 00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:41,290 that one has all the right 602 00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:41,290 elements in place. 603 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,420 Over. Under. 604 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,090 And you guessed it. 605 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,090 Over. 606 00:12:47,530 --> 00:12:49,550 God, he's actually 607 00:12:47,530 --> 00:12:49,550 losing money. 608 00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:53,590 Over. Under. This chair 609 00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:53,590 is almost caning itself. 610 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:58,870 No. Sir, if you want 611 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:58,870 to make a donation, 612 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:58,870 you have to... Yeah. 613 00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,310 That sounds really cool. 614 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,470 You sound cool. 615 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,470 You sound really strong. 616 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,610 Hey, why don't you 617 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,610 forget about the donation 618 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,580 and just come down here 619 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,580 and meet me in person. 620 00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:10,640 What? 621 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,560 Oh, my God. 622 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,560 You're so funny. 623 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,390 You're funny. Bye. 624 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,020 Hey. 625 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,590 Funny girl you 626 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,590 were talking to? 627 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:24,000 When it comes to 628 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:24,000 preparing taxes... 629 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,230 Oh, my God. 630 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,230 This is a disaster. 631 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:31,070 The only thing that's 632 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:31,070 taxing is deciding 633 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:31,070 which software to buy. 634 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:32,900 I am 635 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:32,900 completely screwed. 636 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:36,670 I have no Schrempf, 637 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:36,670 no backup plan, 638 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:36,670 no more NutriYum bars. 639 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,550 What do people 640 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,550 want to watch? 641 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,550 Cute animals on a bike? 642 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,410 No time to train one. 643 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,410 Hot people kissing? 644 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,620 I don't know. 645 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,620 Maybe Mark 646 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,620 and Ann would... 647 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:52,250 Have you ever seen 648 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:52,250 this man sleep? 649 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:52,250 It's like underwater ballet. 650 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:53,320 I have a great idea. 651 00:13:53,390 --> 00:13:54,380 What's that? 652 00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:57,300 I think you should 653 00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:57,300 propose to Ann tonight. 654 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:01,770 Today. Whatever it is. 655 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:01,770 On camera. For diabetes. 656 00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:05,210 Really? 657 00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:05,210 Yes. It would be so cool. 658 00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:09,070 Don't you remember 659 00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:09,070 when Ahmad Rashad 660 00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:09,070 proposed to Mrs. Cosby on TV? 661 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,480 No. 662 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,480 I do. 663 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,010 Most women do. 664 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,480 On television, though? 665 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,150 Yes, but... 666 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,150 Oh, my God! 667 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,580 We talked about it 668 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,580 being something big. 669 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,580 Right. 670 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,450 And I don't think we can 671 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,450 get a hot air balloon 672 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,450 at this time of night. 673 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,510 I have my grandma's ring. 674 00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:26,920 I guess I could 675 00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:26,920 go home and get it. 676 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,260 Is there a story 677 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,260 behind it? Was she on 678 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,260 the Titanic? 679 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,860 Was she on the Titanic? 680 00:14:31,930 --> 00:14:33,830 No. She was 681 00:14:31,930 --> 00:14:33,830 just my grandma. 682 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,610 It would make a great story. 683 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,610 I trust Leslie. I don't know. 684 00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,400 What do you think 685 00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,400 I should do? 686 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:47,710 And that 687 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:47,710 concludes a quick look 688 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:47,710 at QuickBooks Pro. 689 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,140 Quick Books. 690 00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:54,050 Okay. Thank you so much, 691 00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:54,050 Barney, for that. 692 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,460 Thank you. Go. 693 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,760 We'd like to make 694 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,760 a quick announcement. 695 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:02,020 Detlef Schrempf is 696 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:02,020 temporarily delayed. 697 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,900 But coming soon, 698 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,900 a really amazing 699 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,900 thing is going to happen. 700 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:09,430 So, get your wallets out 701 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:09,430 or get your handkerchiefs out. 702 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,970 Or get your tissues out, 703 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,970 if you're like me 704 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,870 and think 705 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,870 handkerchiefs 706 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,870 are gross. 707 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:17,940 For now, please, 708 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:17,940 let's take a look at this 709 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:17,940 moving video entitled, 710 00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:21,920 One Butt, Two Seats: 711 00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:21,920 The Widening of America. 712 00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:26,350 No. Ann. Wait. Ann, Ann! 713 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,750 Where are you going? 714 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,750 Just stay 715 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,750 a little while longer. 716 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:30,160 Leslie, I'm so beat. 717 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,220 I'm so sorry that 718 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,220 I've been crazy. 719 00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:33,520 What did you want 720 00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:33,520 to talk to me about? 721 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:34,760 No worries. It can wait. 722 00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:36,560 No, no. What is it? 723 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,160 I think I need to 724 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,160 break up with Mark. 725 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:47,200 I've just been feeling 726 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:47,200 for a while like 727 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:47,200 something's missing. 728 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,610 And I kept thinking 729 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,610 about the question 730 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,610 you asked me today, 731 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,710 about whether or not 732 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,710 he's the one. And he's not. 733 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:57,880 Mark really loves you. 734 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:57,880 I think he's ready to 735 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:57,880 take this to the next step. 736 00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:01,350 He doesn't know 737 00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:01,350 what he's ready for. 738 00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:01,350 But I think I do. 739 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,950 I guess you're just going 740 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,950 to have to marry him 741 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,950 and figure it out. 742 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,120 No. 743 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,120 No. No. 744 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,820 Why would you do that? 745 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,820 No, no. 746 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,820 No. No. 747 00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,560 Good for you, Ann. 748 00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:13,690 Hey, Mark. It's Leslie. 749 00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:13,690 Change of plans. 750 00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:13,690 Can you call me back? 751 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,530 Tom, get here now. 752 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,530 Call me. Bye. 753 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:19,340 Hey, Leslie. It's Leslie. 754 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:19,340 Hang in there. 755 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:19,340 I love you. Bye. 756 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:24,540 Please be April. April? 757 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:25,600 Yeah? 758 00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:29,750 It's Joe from the phone. 759 00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:29,750 I made you laugh. 760 00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:29,750 You said come down. 761 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,380 Listen, my van's 762 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,380 out back. Let's roll. 763 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,550 No. Please leave. 764 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,330 Where are you going? 765 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,330 Hey. What's up? 766 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,450 Is this guy 767 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,450 bothering you? 768 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,260 No, I'm bothering you. 769 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,490 For bothering her. 770 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,290 Are you her 771 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,290 bodyguard? I mean, 772 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,270 she's an adult. 773 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,270 I think she can decide 774 00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:47,200 on her own what train 775 00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:47,200 she wants to ride. 776 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:48,930 It's time to go. 777 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:48,930 Whatever, man. 778 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,490 I work for the 779 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,490 Sewage Department. 780 00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:52,970 I'm up to my waist 781 00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:52,970 in hot snizz. 782 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,270 Take a walk. 783 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,270 Bye-bye. 784 00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:00,770 Okay. 785 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:05,480 Heads. Oh, boy. 786 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:05,480 What is going 787 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:05,480 to happen next? 788 00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,020 Okay. My second 789 00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,020 favorite episode? 790 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:09,720 Monica is making dinner, 791 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:13,280 and Joey is mad 792 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:13,280 at Chandler because Chandler 793 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:13,280 made out with his girlfriend. 794 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,020 So, Joey says, 795 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,020 "Get in the box." 796 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,020 I forgot to tell you. 797 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:20,090 There's a box. 798 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:20,090 And it's Thanksgiving Day. 799 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:20,090 So, they get ready to eat. 800 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,260 What is Ross 801 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,260 and Rachel doing? 802 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,260 They're fighting. 803 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,470 So, Ross, Rachel, 804 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,470 Joey, Chandler, Monica, 805 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,470 and Phoebe are all together. 806 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,570 Although, is Phoebe there? 807 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:33,440 Yes. So... 808 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,210 I will now drink 809 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,210 eight glasses of milk 810 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,210 in three minutes. 811 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,980 No. No, you won't. 812 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,980 No, you won't. 813 00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,040 Because 814 00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,040 if you do that, 815 00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,040 you will die. 816 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,110 Oh! 817 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,400 Okay. All right. Okay. 818 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,400 Enough of that racket. 819 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:04,640 Well, Pawnee. 820 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:04,640 It's almost 6:00 821 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:04,640 in the morning. 822 00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:07,870 And, we need to keep 823 00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:07,870 those donations coming in. 824 00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:11,010 I know we promised 825 00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:11,010 a special event coming up, 826 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,110 and... 827 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,110 Leslie. 828 00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,810 No. 829 00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,810 Should I come up now? 830 00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:16,080 No. No. 831 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,320 No. What we're going 832 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,320 to do is we're going 833 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,320 to pull our pants down. 834 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:19,450 That's what 835 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:19,450 we're going to do. 836 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:21,660 Everyone's gonna 837 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:21,660 pull their pants 838 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:21,660 down for diabetes. 839 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:22,750 Okay? On one, two... 840 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:28,230 Got my swag on 841 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:30,900 Took a look in the mirror, 842 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:30,900 said, "What's up?" 843 00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:32,870 Detlef, are you sure 844 00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:32,870 you don't want me to drive? 845 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,100 I'm good to drive. 846 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,610 You want to come up 847 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,610 and play video games? 848 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,840 Whoa! Pull over, man. 849 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,840 That place has good chicken. 850 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,840 I'm hungry. 851 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,610 You just love flashing 852 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,610 your ass, don't you? 853 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,050 When it's for 854 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,050 a good cause, Joan. 855 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,710 What's up! 856 00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:48,880 Hey, look who's here. 857 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,360 Wake up, Pawnee! 858 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,950 Tommy Timberlake 859 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,950 is in the house! 860 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,120 And you know 861 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,120 who else is with me? 862 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,130 Detlef Schrempf! 863 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,660 Tell them what 864 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,660 they won, son! 865 00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:01,170 All right. Thanks, Tom. 866 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,470 Well, on behalf of 867 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,470 the Detlef Schrempf 868 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,470 Foundation, 869 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:07,770 I would like to present 870 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:07,770 this check for $5,000 871 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:07,770 for diabetes research. 872 00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:11,080 Oh, man! Yeah. 873 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,980 Thank you very much. Wow. 874 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,280 Wow. Big man, 875 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,280 big check. 876 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,550 By the way, I'm drunk. 877 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,860 And if anybody out there... 878 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:22,950 I don't understand. 879 00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,080 What happened? 880 00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,080 I'm sorry. 881 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720 I think I was a little 882 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720 tired when I told you 883 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720 that you should do that. 884 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,390 I don't think that 885 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,390 that's something Ann wants. 886 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,830 Not on TV. 887 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,730 So, that's why 888 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,730 you pulled your 889 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,730 pants down. 890 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,100 Yeah. 891 00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:36,530 Wait, what did I do? 892 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,240 It's 6:04 a.m. 893 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,240 and I'm Perd Hapley of 894 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,240 Channel 4 Eyewitness News. 895 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,940 And the story of 896 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,940 this next dance is that 897 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,940 it's called The Worm. 898 00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:53,880 Good morning, Knope. 899 00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:55,050 Morning, Ron. 900 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,020 Everything 901 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,020 running smoothly? 902 00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:58,920 You know, I'm happy 903 00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:58,920 to go back out there, 904 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,760 demonstrate more 905 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,760 of my skills. 906 00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:02,660 How to start a fire 907 00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:02,660 without matches. 908 00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,290 How to build 909 00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,290 a cribbage board. 910 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,700 No, I'm okay. Thanks. 911 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:07,630 Get some sleep. 912 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,330 Aye-aye, Captain. 913 00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,170 What the 914 00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,170 are you doing, 915 00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,170 Perd Hapley? 916 00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:20,950 Hey. 917 00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:20,950 Leslie? 918 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,910 What are you doing here? 919 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,910 Why aren't you sleeping? 920 00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:25,480 I just... I thought maybe 921 00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:25,480 you'd want to talk more 922 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,720 about all the crazy 923 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,720 stuff going on. 924 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,520 I do. I really do. 925 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,520 Thanks. 926 00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:30,960 Yeah. 927 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,050 I've just got to tell you, 928 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,050 I'm a little tired. 929 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,120 Okay. 930 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,990 So, I may have parked 931 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,990 on your front lawn. 932 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,960 You did. 933 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,960 I did. 934 00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,830 Oh! 935 00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,830 Yeah. 936 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,870 It's... Just come in 937 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,870 before anybody... 938 00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:48,870 Leslie and I had 939 00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:48,870 an amazing talk. 940 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,740 It was so great of her 941 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,740 to come over here. 942 00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:53,340 Even though 943 00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:53,340 she was exhausted 944 00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:53,340 beyond belief. 945 00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:56,710 Anyway, after we talked, 946 00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:56,710 she fell asleep on my couch. 947 00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:01,250 And she's been 948 00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:01,250 asleep for 949 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:03,580 twenty-two hours. 950 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,020 It's amazing what 951 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,020 she slept through. 952 00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:08,420 No way. 953 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,690 At one point, 954 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,690 I thought she was up... 955 00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:11,030 Hold on. Hi. 956 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,020 Hey. 957 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,590 ...but then, she went 958 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,590 right back to sleep. 959 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,500 I've been monitoring 960 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,500 her vital signs. 961 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,500 She's totally fine. 962 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,300 I love her so much. 963 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,640 But I think I'm going to draw 964 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,640 a mustache on her face. 51385

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