Original subtitles

Leslie, can I run something

by you really quick?

Sure! I love having

things run by me.

I feel like you're

being sarcastic right now.

No, no. I'm not.

I genuinely love it.

Run it by me.

Go ahead! Go, go, go.

Okay, so I've been

a little worried that

Ann maybe thinks

that our relationship

isn't moving forward

fast enough.

And so I'm wondering

if maybe I should

ask her if she would

like to move in with me.

Good idea? Bad idea?

You tell me.

I would say that some women

won't consider moving in

with someone

unless they think

marriage is in the future,

which I know, for you is...

I intend to marry her.

For realskies?

I'm not really

quite sure how I feel.

I... It's a little weird.

I mean, I'm happy for them.

They're my friends.

It makes me

a little nauseous.

If I could just sum

it up in one word,

it would be...

Parks and Rec.

Confirming what?

That's not possible.

Oh, no!

Hey! Good morning.

Why are there

six people outside

who say they're waiting

to meet with me?

So, you know how

you love me because

you haven't had

a single meeting

with anyone

since I became

your assistant?

That's because

every time someone calls

and requests

a meeting with you,

I always schedule it

for March 31st.

Why?

Because I didn't think

March 31st existed.

Thirty days has September,

April, March and November...

June and November.

Today is March 31st.

I know.

So, then,

how many meetings

do I have today?

Ninety-three.

Okay. Okay.

Well, you know

what to do.

Right.

To me, this situation

is a blood-soaked,

nightmarish hellscape.

However, to Leslie Knope...

Oh, how fun!

Yay!

Why don't you take

as many as you can,

and I'll cover the rest.

I have a better idea.

Why don't I try to

rustle up seven

more meetings,

'cause I think

it would be cooler

if there were an even 100...

Just... Why don't we

just stick to these 93

and see how it goes?

Yeah, okay.

This is the perfect

distraction for me.

Okay, so I have

everything I need, right?

I have a fresh cup of coffee,

comfy fur-lined boots.

I'm gonna need

those boots back

by the end of the day.

Yeah, no problem.

They're actually

a little narrow for me.

Leslie, here's a guy.

Hi, I'm Leslie Knope,

Deputy Director.

Bill Haggerty,

Pawnee Historical Society.

I'm supposed to

be meeting with

Ron Swanson.

I understand that.

He's tied up right now.

What a shocker.

I've been trying to meet

with him for three months,

and now he's not available.

It's probably

too late now, but,

some rich woman,

Jessica Wicks,

has rented out

Turnbill Mansion

for a party,

and she's making

alterations.

"Alterations"?

Turnbill Mansion

is one of the most beloved

historical sites in Pawnee.

In 1867, the progressive

Reverend Turnbill

officiated a wedding

between a white woman

and a Wamapoke Indian chief.

The secret ceremony

was beautiful

and romantic.

But then word got out,

and the reception

was a bloodbath.

Fortunately,

there were

two survivors.

Unfortunately,

they were both horses.

Hold up.

Former beauty queen

Jessica Wicks?

Yes.

I'm Tom Haverford.

I'm gonna be running

point on this, Bill.

Hey, why didn't

you try to stop her?

Her husband is

Nick Newport Sr.

from Sweetums.

Everyone in

this town is afraid

to say no to him.

Okay, everybody just relax.

What alterations is

she trying to make?

Drilling holes, painting,

removing wainscoting,

she's tearing

down the gazebo...

What? She's what?

No, she's not.

Okay. Tom,

go get the car.

Ow!

Sorry.

Don't throw things at me.

God, these are tight!

I'll devise an action plan

to help us coordinate better

among the departments.

Will you? Great.

Thanks for coming in.

Yeah.

Who's next?

Tom,

I'll meet you at the car.

Where the hell are you going?

We have 91 more meetings!

I'm sorry, Ron,

as much as

I would like to go

for the "all-time City Hall

single day meetings record,"

there is an emergency.

Someone is trying

to alter a gazebo.

Hey.

Oh, hey, Ann.

Sorry I can't hang out.

I kind of have

an emergency.

Oh, I'm actually

here to see Mark.

Right. Well, thanks

for the coffee.

That's also for Mark.

I really need it, though.

But next time

more sugar, okay?

Thanks, bye.

Do you want me to

postpone the rest?

Or I could set myself on fire

and create a diversion?

No. I'm gonna do

all of these today.

Round up whoever's free.

I'm gonna need

more Ron Swansons.

Look at that.

It's gorgeous.

What kind of monster

would wanna change this?

Pre-zit. Do you have

any brown concealer

by any chance?

I need to look

good for Jessica.

You know, they may be rich,

but they can't

just destroy history.

Let's go.

I'm right behind you.

I just need to

spend a minute

in my cologne cloud.

What is that?

Attack by Dennis Feinstein.

When you wanna attack

the senses of the lady

you wanna bed.

Oh, my God!

Door! Door!

Door, door! Close it!

So basically,

we're completely swamped.

All hands on deck.

I don't even work

in this building.

Don't care.

I need anyone with a pulse

and a brain to pitch in.

Ron, do you need

help with anything?

No, we're good. Thanks.

In fact, you can

head home early.

Right, now the four of us

are gonna divvy up

all these meetings.

Just make them feel

like they've been heard.

Understood?

Yes, sir. Bert Macklin,

FBI, on the case.

April, you take

Leslie's office.

Andy, you're in

the conference room.

Ann, take your meetings

in the courtyard.

Just sit there and

don't ruin the city.

Dismissed.

What are you doing?

Can I get a badge?

Hey, I brought you a coffee,

help you get through the day.

Thanks, dude!

No problem, lady!

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

April is the best

but she's 20.

When April was born,

I was already in third grade,

which means if we

were friends back then,

I'd have been

hanging out with a baby.

I don't know anything

about infant care.

My God,

I could have killed her!

Ah, Mr. Newport Sr.

I've just been informed

that you plan on

altering this mansion.

And as a member of

the Parks Department,

as a Pawneean

and an American,

I ask you to

refrain from harming

this historic structure.

What?

I'll take care

of this, love nut.

Biscuit.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Jessica Wicks,

Miss Pawnee 1994.

Hello, yes.

We've met before.

We were both judges

at the pageant last year.

Leslie Knorp.

Of course!

How are you?

Jessica Wicks. Hey, boo!

Are you aging in reverse?

'Cause you look

barely legal.

Tom Haverford.

If you're not the most

charming man in Indiana.

And this must be

the luckiest man

in Indiana.

Sir, it is an honor

to meet you.

Come here, you!

Tell me straight,

are you a Chinese?

No! I'm one of

the Indian people.

That floppy old bag

of money is gonna be

dead in like a month.

And who's going to

comfort Jessica and

her millions of dollars?

Yeah, Jessica is

a gold-digger.

But I'm a gold-digger-digger.

So, how did you

and Mr. Newport meet?

I was doing

a ribbon-cutting

at the hospital,

and he was there because

his blood doesn't work.

And we started talking,

and then I realized

who he was.

Oh, my gosh!

It was love

at first sight!

Oh, that sounds

so romantic.

Um, Jessica, I know

you've rented out

this house for a party.

But it's on the

historical register,

so we can't

allow any changes.

I'm so sorry.

It's a little late

for that, sweetheart.

I told them

what I was doing

months ago.

Where I come from,

there's a saying,

"What's done is done."

That's a saying everywhere.

I've never

heard it before

and I think it's

a great saying.

Well, maybe we can

just limit the damage.

How much have you done?

You painted this?

Uh-huh. Miami Teal is

Nicky's favorite color.

We also replaced

some of the sconces,

got rid of the furniture,

painted these floors black...

Oh, no.

These were the original

hardwood floors.

Yeah.

They were all scratched up.

I did you a favor.

Come on in here.

I'll show you guys what

we did in the sitting room.

I can't...

After you. I'd hate to

miss the view.

You little devil.

I should just pay you

to follow me around.

If that's a job offer,

I accept.

Oh, my God!

Why did you have to

drill holes in the wall?

To hang my

birthday present

to Nicky.

My heavens!

Isn't there a way

that you could've...

Oh, my!

History is important.

You just can't go around

changing everything

all of the time.

Or else next thing you know,

they'll be painting

the White House

not white.

I'm so angry,

I can't think of

another color.

Green.

So, your department

banned me from

attending games

just because I yell

"you suck" at the players!

According to the complaint,

you yelled it at

five-year-old girls.

Who suck!

Why is that so

hard to understand?

I thought I was

having this meeting

with Ron Swanson.

I'm afraid that

Ron Swanson's

currently dead.

Oh.

I'm his daughter,

April Swanson.

And it's his last wish

that I have this

meeting with you.

I represent the

Ultimate Frisbee league.

And...

Pawnee has

an Ultimate league?

Yes, and we keep running

into conflicts with...

You won me over.

I will join your team.

I'm sorry, what we need...

When does practice start?

And do you provide

the jerseys?

What color

are the jerseys,

by the way?

What's our team name?

Are we the Lightning?

Now, I have to tell you,

I don't actually work

in the Parks Department.

I'm a nurse.

Seriously?

That's great news.

I have the weirdest thing

on my arm.

Can you see this?

Every time.

Oh, thank God you haven't

torn down the gazebo yet.

Don't remind me.

The demolition people

couldn't get here

until this afternoon.

I've had to look

at that ugly thing

all day long.

Ugly thing?

Let me tell you

a little something about

this "ugly thing," ma'am.

A hundred and

fifty years ago,

an interracial couple

was married here,

and then slaughtered

by their own families.

It's one of the most

beautiful stories

in Pawnee's history.

Why are you

trying to destroy it?

Don't tell me

about Pawnee history.

The Newports made this town.

And tonight,

we're gonna celebrate

my husband's 85th birthday,

without this

mushy old pile of rot.

Your husband's

a mushy old pile of rot.

You were a stick-in-the-mud

when we judged

that beauty pageant,

and you're being

a stick-in-the-mud now.

I am not a

stick-in-the-mud!

I just want to stop

a party from happening.

Ron? I have

a gazebo update,

so ignore all my previous

voicemails and e-mails.

Leslie, I haven't

relieved myself

in five hours,

so, if you'll

excuse me.

Ron, I'm sorry,

but this can't wait.

Jessica Wicks refuses to...

Leslie, what the

Hey! Miss Knope?

Councilman Howser!

Nice to see you again.

Not that I saw anything,

other than your face,

and I would like to

talk to you a little bit

about this gazebo thing.

You know, the problem...

Okay, okay.

Enough of this.

Do whatever you want.

Alert the media.

Call FEMA, I don't care.

Do not bother me

with this again.

Miss Knope.

Councilman Howser.

I saw your penis.

There are eight swings

at Ramsett Park

and every single

one of them is broken.

Can you please

just fix one of them?

Ron told me I can't

say yes to anything.

But it's such

a reasonable request.

I can't just say no.

So, that's a yes?

Are you saying yes?

Just say out loud,

yes or no.

Boop!

Yeah, they do look

a little bit swollen.

Just follow the pen.

Follow the pen to...

Does that hurt?

There's no way this

ordinance goes through.

There's too much red tape.

Mmm. This gridlock

drives me nuts.

Tell me about it.

Yeah. I think you're

gonna have to make

an end run. You know?

Go right to

the Commissioner on this one.

You know what,

I hadn't thought of that.

That is a really great idea.

Yeah?

I'm gonna do that.

Okay.

Your last resort is probably

gonna be City Council.

Good luck there!

Yeah! My thoughts exactly.

I have no idea

what I was saying.

I ask you.

Is this too revealing

for a public pool?

Kindly get your

groin off my desk.

So my body makes you

uncomfortable, too?

Hey, Mark.

I'm kind of freaking out

about this historical

mansion thing.

Can I talk to

you for a second?

I'm actually headed

right out the door.

You're going on

a date with Ann.

Yeah. I was gonna

surprise her,

take her to

a nice restaurant.

Don't worry about it.

Are you sure now?

Yeah, have a good time.

How we doing?

Pretty good.

I may have promised

a new aquatic center

to somebody.

Is that a problem?

I diagnosed two melanomas.

They're both benign.

How many more meetings?

Twenty.

April was supposed

to be the moat

that kept

the citizen barbarians

away from Swanson Castle.

Instead she

blew up the castle

and stabbed me in the face.

I hired you

to do one thing.

Just one.

I don't care that

you text all day

and sleep at your desk.

In fact, I encourage it.

But only because

you were doing

that one thing.

Keeping this

crap off my desk.

Give me five minutes

before the next one.

That guy is scary

when he's angry.

Yeah! God, I know.

Hey. Sorry, dude.

I don't need your sympathy.

Or yours.

I wasn't offering

my sympathy.

Thank you for

meeting me here.

Sure.

What's up?

Okay. I need you to

get this word for word.

It's a tape recorder.

So it will.

"Gazebo?"

More like "Ga-zoinks-bo."

She may be a

former beauty queen,

but today

she's the king of

destroying history!

Okay, could you just

maybe talk normally?

Okay, fine.

"Ga-zoinks-bo."

Jessica Wicks is

throwing a birthday party

for her husband

Nick Newport Sr.

at the Turnbill

Mansion tonight...

Okay. I'm gonna

stop you right there.

Nick Newport Sr.

is the former

CEO of Sweetums.

So?

Sweetums owns

The Pawnee Journal.

Crap on the cob!

I will take it

into consideration.

Thank God!

That was it, right?

No. There's one more.

Damn it to hell!

It's with me

and it's right now

and it's about me quitting.

I quit.

I have no other

choice, okay?

This is the only

rational way I know

to prevent this tragedy.

Oh, my God! Here they come.

Tom, throw away the key!

Seriously?

Yes! Throw it!

Out of the way!

Sir, I'm sorry,

but you're a little late.

So, you're gonna have to

turn this thing around,

'cause you're not

getting in here.

Oh, God! Tom! Stop him!

Jump in front of it!

Sacrifice your tiny body!

I really thought that gate

would open in the middle.

Well, the gazebo

has been destroyed.

And the thing that

bothers me the most...

Cut it out, Tom.

It never gets old.

Hey, Ann and Mark are coming.

Guys, not so close.

You're gonna...

Don't go past the sensor.

Sensor?

Sorry if I ruined

your evening.

Leslie, it's totally fine.

I chained myself

to a gate.

I can see that.

Are you okay?

Nothing's bruised

but my ego.

And my arm, a little,

from the mechanized gate.

Thanks again

for letting me take

those meetings today.

I've never really

had a meeting before.

They're awesome.

You're welcome.

Hey, have you

seen April around?

She usually comes by

at the end of the day.

You might want to

check her house.

She quit on me.

What? Why?

She screwed up

my entire life today.

That was one mistake.

She's perfect for you.

Come on, there's no

one in the world

who's gonna do a better

job for you than April.

Either you hire

her back or I quit.

You don't work for me.

And I never will, sir.

Good day.

So what'd you guys

talk about at dinner?

Huh? Was it fun?

Any big decisions

arrived at?

It was fine.

Do you need a ride home?

No, Tom's gonna take me.

You guys go on ahead.

I'm glad you're okay.

Call me tomorrow?

Bye, Leslie.

Well, hello there.

You must be Ron Swanson.

Well, welcome to

Casa Ludgate!

Hello, Mr. Ludgate.

Call me Larry.

Larry, who is it?

It's Zuzu's boss.

Oh, Ron. Rita Ludgate.

Oh, you have no idea how

nice it is to meet you.

Come in, for gosh sake.

What can I get

you to drink? Ooh.

Could you take your

shoes off, please?

Thank you so much.

Nothing to drink, thanks.

Oh, okay.

Is April around?

Zuzu, you have a guest.

I'll fetch her.

She's probably on

the Internet again!

I'll come with you.

Okay. Okay.

You make yourself

at home, Mr. Swanson.

Thank you.

You must be April's sister.

I'm Ron.

Nice to meet you.

No offense, but I think

the normal grieving time

for gazebo destruction

has passed.

Yeah, well,

maybe that's not entirely

what I'm upset about.

Mark and Ann are

gonna get married.

Really?

Why does that bother you?

I should be

the one that's upset.

It was supposed

to be me and Ann.

Or me and Jessica.

Or Ann and Jessica

with me watching.

Every time

a couple gets married,

two single people die.

I'm about to lose

two good friends.

Come on.

They drove over here

and cut you down from a gate.

I really don't think

you have to worry about them

abandoning you

once they get married.

Yeah, yeah,

I know that.

In my brain.

Can we go?

Yeah. Let's go.

I just need to...

Come on. No!

...do one more thing.

No, no, no!

Loving smiles

and smiling tears

The midnight of

my heart is you

Okay, I'm sorry, everyone.

Excuse me.

Excuse me,

but I need to

say something.

Is that Gate Lady?

I know you're

probably thinking,

"There's that crazy gate lady

from outside back again."

And to some extent,

you're right.

I am the gate lady.

But the only thing

I'm crazy about is

leaving the past behind.

So, I would like

to apologize

and raise a glass

to change and forgiveness

and the future

and Ann and Mark,

and happiness and

Nick Newport Sr.

May all your future gazebos

live long and prosper.

Please leave!

Is it weird if I ask

to take a piece

of cake with me?

I won't.

Go.

Why are you here?

Come back to work.

No.

Come back.

I want you to come back.

Well, I don't want

to come back.

The end.

I was talking to

Andy about you,

and he made me realize

that I need you back at work.

What did he say?

Don't recall.

Fine, I'll come back.

Good.

Okay, I'm leaving.

Bye, Zuzu.

Bye, Duke Silvers.

My mom has all your albums.

I recognized you

the day we met.

Have you told anyone?

No.

Good girl.

Well, excuse me.

I had a meeting with

Ron Swanson yesterday,

but had a little

car trouble.

Sorry, he's busy right now.

Well, can I

reschedule?

Sure. Hmm.

How about June 50th?

Sorry?

Do you think you

could come back today

at 2:65? He's available then.

What is going on?

Looks like the only

other day he has open is

Marchtember One-Teenth.

Does that work, sir?