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1
00:00:00,517 --> 00:00:02,278
[SNORING]
2
00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:41,731
What could you possibly
have in your nose
3
00:00:41,869 --> 00:00:42,835
I don't have?
4
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:44,458
Oh, was I snoring?
5
00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:46,011
I can't believe
you're alive.
6
00:00:47,426 --> 00:00:49,601
God. I dreamed we
were really good friends
7
00:00:49,739 --> 00:00:50,912
with Dean Martin.
8
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:55,158
MAN ON RADIO: It's 6:45 on a completely gross morning in New York.
9
00:00:55,296 --> 00:00:56,401
Lincoln tunnel is--
10
00:00:58,023 --> 00:01:00,025
Why do we let
this man in our bedroom?
11
00:01:01,475 --> 00:01:03,373
Will you run the shower
and make the coffee?
12
00:01:03,511 --> 00:01:05,099
Mmm.
13
00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:07,515
I think I'm pregnant.
14
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,104
Just kidding.
15
00:01:11,761 --> 00:01:12,865
Make the coffee.
16
00:01:17,318 --> 00:01:18,561
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
17
00:01:27,984 --> 00:01:31,677
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
18
00:01:31,815 --> 00:01:34,439
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
19
00:01:34,577 --> 00:01:36,096
♪ As much as you
20
00:01:36,234 --> 00:01:39,961
♪ Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine
21
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,480
♪ They say nobody's perfect
22
00:01:41,618 --> 00:01:44,034
♪ Well, that's really true
this time
23
00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:48,004
♪ I don't have the answers
I don't have a plan
24
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,695
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
25
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,559
♪ So, help me understand
26
00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:53,078
♪ What we do
27
00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:55,287
♪ You can whisper in my ear
28
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,255
♪ Where we go
29
00:01:57,393 --> 00:01:59,740
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
30
00:01:59,878 --> 00:02:01,431
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
31
00:02:01,569 --> 00:02:04,572
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
32
00:02:05,677 --> 00:02:07,713
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
33
00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:09,922
♪ Yeah!
34
00:02:10,751 --> 00:02:12,546
♪ I'm mad about you ♪
35
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,249
Honey, we got
only five seconds.
36
00:02:26,387 --> 00:02:27,457
Not waiting for me.
37
00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:28,769
If we're not
on the subway by 8:00,
38
00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:30,322
then all non-sticky
seats are taken.
39
00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:32,324
Listen, you don't have
to pick up the dry cleaning
today.
40
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:33,843
Okay. How come?
41
00:02:33,981 --> 00:02:35,189
I never took it in.
42
00:02:35,327 --> 00:02:37,053
It's still sitting
in a shopping bag
under my desk.
43
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,227
In your office?
44
00:02:38,365 --> 00:02:39,331
I forgot it.
45
00:02:39,469 --> 00:02:40,712
Or dry cleaning
is in your... Honey,
46
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:42,472
people walk by there,
strangers.
47
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:43,922
They look under your desk
48
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,924
and they see
my soiled garments?
49
00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:47,270
They're not on display.
50
00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:48,513
They're under my desk.
51
00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:50,308
You know what I am saying.
Somebody drops a pencil
52
00:02:50,446 --> 00:02:51,826
it rolls
under your desk,
53
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,725
next thing you know some guy
you've never met
is walking around
54
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:56,003
with my pants
on his head, you know.
55
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:58,039
How good could
I feel about
something like that?
56
00:02:58,764 --> 00:02:59,869
It doesn't bother you
57
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:02,216
that we haven't
had sex in five days?
58
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:03,493
Hello.
59
00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:07,428
I just don't understand
why it doesn't
bother you?
60
00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:08,981
It's been almost a week.
61
00:03:09,119 --> 00:03:10,362
It's not a week.
62
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,778
Sunday will be a week.
What's going on with us?
63
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:15,022
What's going on is that
we're married five months,
64
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,713
and the sexual part
is over.
65
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,339
See, I thought
you understood that.
66
00:03:21,477 --> 00:03:22,961
I'm sorry.
That's what happens.
67
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,135
I play checkers in the park.
68
00:03:25,274 --> 00:03:27,276
And you start arguing
with buses. Come on.
69
00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:28,829
It's not funny.
70
00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,589
Are you serious?
I'm very serious.
71
00:03:30,727 --> 00:03:32,142
What's going on
with us?
72
00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:33,661
Nothing is going on.
73
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:35,663
It's just... It's...
Stuff happens.
74
00:03:35,801 --> 00:03:37,769
What stuff?
Stuff, life stuff.
75
00:03:37,907 --> 00:03:39,495
My life. Your life.
76
00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,462
Look, Monday,
I was editing film
till two in the morning,
77
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,982
and then, Tuesday, you
had the conference thing.
78
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,777
And then, then
we saw my parents,
79
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:47,019
which, you know,
80
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,747
killed the mood Wednesday.
81
00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,508
And, Frankly,
sucked the life out
of me Thursday. So...
82
00:03:54,993 --> 00:03:57,444
So there you go.
There's your week
right there.
83
00:03:57,582 --> 00:03:59,756
What can I say.
I'm a woman.
I have needs.
84
00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:01,241
I understand.
I'm young.
85
00:04:01,379 --> 00:04:02,725
I wasn't arguing.
I'm vital.
86
00:04:02,863 --> 00:04:03,864
And beautiful.
87
00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:05,521
Are my ears too big
for my head?
88
00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:07,523
And very neurotic.
No, seriously.
89
00:04:07,661 --> 00:04:09,421
Is my head's getting smaller?
90
00:04:09,559 --> 00:04:12,079
You know, I didn't want
to say anything, but, yes,
and for some time now.
91
00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:13,287
Stop.
92
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:15,979
Listen, tonight,
can we just do nothing?
93
00:04:16,842 --> 00:04:18,085
Really?
Really.
94
00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:20,156
Don't toy with me,
white boy.
95
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,537
I'm serious.
96
00:04:21,675 --> 00:04:23,470
Just tonight.
We'll both
come home early,
97
00:04:23,608 --> 00:04:26,162
And, you know,
we'll have dinner.
98
00:04:26,507 --> 00:04:27,715
And sex.
99
00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:29,579
I really think
we should have sex.
100
00:04:31,581 --> 00:04:32,858
Can I please finish?
101
00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:34,377
We have dinner at 7:00.
102
00:04:34,515 --> 00:04:35,930
Figure foreplay, 8:15.
103
00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:38,347
If we're naked at 8:30,
104
00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:40,038
we're, you know, wheezing
and sweating at 9:00.
105
00:04:41,488 --> 00:04:42,627
Perfect.
All right.
106
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:43,835
I'm going
to make lasagna.
107
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:45,077
You can do that?
108
00:04:45,215 --> 00:04:46,216
I can try.
109
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:47,735
We can open
that nice wine
110
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:48,978
we got from
Fran and Mark.
111
00:04:49,772 --> 00:04:51,221
Oh, no.
What?
112
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,638
Fran and Mark.
We're having dinner
with Fran and Mark.
113
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,156
What are you
talking about?
We have plans.
114
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,572
I had no knowledge
of this.
115
00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:57,745
Yes. You did.
116
00:04:59,229 --> 00:05:00,541
What? You never
said anything.
117
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:02,681
Last Friday as we left
the apartment,
118
00:05:02,819 --> 00:05:04,269
you said, "what are
we doing for dinner?"
119
00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:06,685
I said, "we have no plans,
but the next Friday,
120
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:08,100
"we're seeing
Fran and Mark."
121
00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:11,897
What?
122
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,728
You were out of town
last Friday.
123
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,281
Damn it.
124
00:05:17,489 --> 00:05:18,904
But a nice try.
That was really good.
125
00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:20,837
So great. What
are we gonna do?
We call them off.
126
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:22,908
That's not nice.
We're always
canceling on them.
127
00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:23,978
Yeah. 'Cause we
don't like them.
128
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,532
But they're such good friends.
129
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:28,017
Just call Fran. Tell her
that we can't do it.
130
00:05:28,155 --> 00:05:29,674
You call her.
You should.
She's your friend.
131
00:05:29,812 --> 00:05:31,365
Besides you're much
better at that kind
of thing.
132
00:05:31,503 --> 00:05:33,816
That's ridiculous.
Can we discuss it
in the elevator, please?
133
00:05:37,509 --> 00:05:38,648
What?
What is it now?
134
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:40,616
I just have to leave
the window open
for the dog.
135
00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:42,894
Honey.
It's an apartment,
it's not a Volvo.
136
00:05:43,032 --> 00:05:44,171
Why do we go
through this?
137
00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:47,277
Because the kid who walks him
can't come till 3:00,
138
00:05:47,416 --> 00:05:48,900
and the heat's on.
139
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:58,737
A burglar is not going
to climb up 11 stories.
140
00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:01,430
Cat burglars, that's all
they do, climb and steal.
141
00:06:01,568 --> 00:06:03,190
Honey, come on, if we're
not out of here in two seconds
142
00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,365
I'm going in your closet
and moving all your clothes
around.
143
00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:10,542
How does that mean
I don't like your outfit?
144
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,131
You don't.
I love your outfit.
145
00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:14,857
Oh, you're out
of your mind.
146
00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:23,072
See, this is why you guys
are so good together.
147
00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:24,280
Why?
148
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,557
Because you make time
for each other.
149
00:06:25,695 --> 00:06:27,179
Mom and dad
never did that.
150
00:06:28,836 --> 00:06:30,182
Does this look like
enough to you?
151
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,321
Well, I'm not that hungry.
152
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,670
Oh, did you want to stay?
153
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,156
No. No.
154
00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:39,813
I'm not
going to interfere
with your date.
155
00:06:39,951 --> 00:06:41,815
Besides,
I already have plans.
156
00:06:41,953 --> 00:06:43,057
Oh, anything good?
157
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:45,059
I'm going to wallow.
158
00:06:45,543 --> 00:06:46,854
Why?
159
00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:48,477
Because you
got the husband
and the good hair.
160
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:49,581
Stop it.
161
00:06:49,719 --> 00:06:52,377
I broke up
with Arthur,
162
00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:54,655
that creep
from Fort Lee.
163
00:06:54,793 --> 00:06:56,726
Oh, the one who looks
like William Devane?
164
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,625
Willem Dafoe.
165
00:06:58,763 --> 00:07:01,317
William Devane?
Who am I, mom?
166
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,456
What happened?
167
00:07:03,492 --> 00:07:04,665
I don't even what
to talk about it.
168
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:07,323
He just doesn't want
to get married again.
169
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,635
So neither do you.
170
00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:10,430
Yeah, but he
doesn't want to date.
171
00:07:10,568 --> 00:07:13,294
He says he likes me
too much to date.
172
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,848
He likes you
too much to date?
173
00:07:14,986 --> 00:07:15,987
Where do you
meet these people?
174
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,298
Hey. That's what's out there.
175
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,093
Trust me. You married
the perfect guy.
176
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:22,614
Oh, yeah. Unless you're like,
sitting in a restaurant
177
00:07:22,752 --> 00:07:24,651
starving to death
waiting to order.
178
00:07:24,789 --> 00:07:27,136
"Uh, I'm
thinking soup, but..."
179
00:07:31,105 --> 00:07:32,175
"They only have bisque.
180
00:07:32,313 --> 00:07:34,005
"And I'm uneasy
with bisque.
181
00:07:34,143 --> 00:07:35,144
"I don't know why."
182
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:40,667
Believe me.
Nothing's perfect.
183
00:07:45,119 --> 00:07:46,258
Oops!
184
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:51,332
You're gonna serve
that now?
185
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,748
No. Not till about 7:00.
186
00:07:55,336 --> 00:07:57,235
Ooh, look.
A cute girl.
187
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:00,480
Look at you guys.
188
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:01,791
Lisa.
189
00:08:01,929 --> 00:08:02,999
Hi.
190
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:04,967
Don't worry.
I'm not staying.
What?
191
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:06,278
I'm not staying.
192
00:08:06,416 --> 00:08:08,522
No. Hey, whatever, sure.
193
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:10,317
How's everything, good?
194
00:08:10,455 --> 00:08:12,906
How's the guy
from Fort Lee?
195
00:08:13,044 --> 00:08:14,390
More importantly,
196
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:15,840
how is the new car
running, good?
197
00:08:15,978 --> 00:08:19,429
They stole my stereo
and slashed the seats.
198
00:08:19,568 --> 00:08:21,086
No!
Where?
199
00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:22,329
I was at Roosevelt hospital
200
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:24,020
the night I had
my panic attack.
201
00:08:24,158 --> 00:08:25,539
Yeah but you're insured,
right?
202
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,473
I forgot to send
in my premium.
203
00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:29,992
Hey, who needs insurance
204
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:31,511
as long as you've
got your health, right?
205
00:08:34,686 --> 00:08:36,032
And I'm getting my period...
206
00:08:36,654 --> 00:08:37,586
Again.
207
00:08:38,656 --> 00:08:40,485
PAUL: Oh, look what
happened here!
208
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,107
Would you excuse me
for one minute?
209
00:08:47,112 --> 00:08:48,597
Subtle. What?
210
00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:50,599
What?
What is she doing here?
211
00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:52,842
We're supposed
to have foreplay
in 11 minutes.
212
00:08:53,878 --> 00:08:55,983
She just got dumped.
She's so depressed.
213
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:57,778
Lisa, depressed, really?
214
00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:59,987
What was I supposed to do?
Not let her come over.
215
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:02,300
If I'd walked in here
tonight with Selby,
216
00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:03,819
you'd have gone nuts.
217
00:09:03,957 --> 00:09:06,097
That's different.
Why, why is that different?
218
00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:07,616
Because she's my sister,
219
00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,997
and he's over
every night
of our life.
220
00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:12,413
And she's not, right?
You know,
221
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,381
tonight was supposed
to be you and me.
222
00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:15,762
That was
the whole purpose.
223
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,660
Okay, if it means that much
to you I'll ask her to leave.
224
00:09:17,798 --> 00:09:19,213
Who are you calling?
Selby, what's up?
225
00:09:19,938 --> 00:09:20,870
Don't you dare.
226
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:22,354
Lasagna.
227
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:24,909
Is it vegetarian?
'Cause he won't eat that.
228
00:09:25,047 --> 00:09:26,911
If he comes over,
I'm walking out of here.
229
00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:28,568
No, why would she mind?
It will be crazy.
230
00:09:28,706 --> 00:09:30,121
Seriously, I'll go out
with my sister.
231
00:09:30,259 --> 00:09:31,467
Where? To do what?
232
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,780
Wherever, to do
whatever I want.
233
00:09:33,918 --> 00:09:35,505
We'll see you
when you get here.
Right.
234
00:09:37,991 --> 00:09:40,234
Well, so much
for our evening alone.
235
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,547
It don't look too
good right now.
236
00:09:42,685 --> 00:09:45,446
Why don't you just marry Selby.
You'll probably be a lot
happier.
237
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,070
Hey, send your sister home.
I'll call off Selby right now.
238
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,485
You're so cruel.
239
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,832
I'm cruel? That's...
that's interesting.
240
00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:53,040
I'm cruel.
241
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:54,663
[DOORBELL RINGS]
242
00:09:57,735 --> 00:09:59,391
Tell me that you
called Fran and mark.
243
00:09:59,529 --> 00:10:00,910
You said you'd call.
You said you were gonna...
244
00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:02,015
Forget it.
245
00:10:02,153 --> 00:10:03,775
Don't tell me
to "Forget it"?
246
00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:06,536
Who invites them
and complains we don't
spends the night together.
247
00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:08,193
Well, I changed my mind.
I see.
248
00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:09,850
I don't even want
to have a relationship
with you.
249
00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:10,955
Oh, that's very nice.
250
00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:12,370
BOTH: Hi!
251
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,099
PAUL: I'll be right back.
JAMIE: What do you mean?
252
00:10:17,237 --> 00:10:18,479
Sorry, we'll be right back.
253
00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:28,558
Honey... Sweetie,
can I say something?
254
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,734
Flatisn't always more.
255
00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,049
We're going
to have enough.
256
00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:37,809
The only one who's gonna
eat is Selby.
257
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:39,880
I had a big lunch.
Lisa's dieting.
258
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:42,158
Mark and Fran
are gonna split a piece.
259
00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:43,850
You're not gonna eat anyway
'cause you're mad.
260
00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:45,196
I'm not mad.
261
00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:49,614
I feel like I should go
home and change clothes.
262
00:10:49,752 --> 00:10:51,167
I mean I didn't realize
you were having
people over.
263
00:10:51,305 --> 00:10:52,755
Well, neither did we.
264
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,584
Are you guys
fighting?
265
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:56,379
We're not fighting.
This is just how we live.
266
00:10:56,517 --> 00:10:59,037
Don't mind me.
I just need ice.
267
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:00,867
Maybe you could
chip some off
my wife's mood.
268
00:11:01,212 --> 00:11:02,247
Ow!
269
00:11:02,385 --> 00:11:04,077
Oh, I'm sorry.
270
00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:06,010
You have no ice?
271
00:11:06,148 --> 00:11:07,770
That's the one thing
I asked you to do.
272
00:11:09,427 --> 00:11:11,498
Selby said that
he's bringing the ice.
273
00:11:11,636 --> 00:11:13,017
Well, Selby
isn't here yet.
274
00:11:13,155 --> 00:11:14,915
Yes, he is.
He just walked in,
275
00:11:15,053 --> 00:11:17,021
and he's already
torturing my husband.
276
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,164
Seriously, how often
you cheat on Fran?
What?
277
00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:23,337
What?
278
00:11:25,132 --> 00:11:26,824
Come on.
You can tell me,
man to man.
279
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:28,826
What kind
of question's that?
280
00:11:28,964 --> 00:11:30,690
Is Fran still seeing
that transit cop?
281
00:11:30,828 --> 00:11:31,863
What?
282
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:33,416
Schmucko, come here.
283
00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:34,866
I'll be back.
284
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:37,351
What's going on?
285
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,733
I told you to bring ice,
but you forgot it
in the cab.
286
00:11:39,871 --> 00:11:40,838
Got it.
287
00:11:42,184 --> 00:11:43,668
How do you forget
ice in a cab?
288
00:11:45,049 --> 00:11:47,258
I don't know.
I'm such a jerk.
289
00:11:47,396 --> 00:11:50,882
The driver had one
of those little coolers
in the front seat.
290
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,195
I asked him
to keep it there
for me
291
00:11:53,333 --> 00:11:54,748
so it wouldn't melt.
292
00:11:54,886 --> 00:11:56,508
Like a dope,
I forgot.
293
00:11:56,646 --> 00:11:59,132
You guys are like the Abbott
and Costello of liars.
294
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:03,619
She's tough.
295
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,758
Very tough.
296
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:08,797
Hey, looks like
the party's in here.
297
00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,973
I love this.
This always happens.
298
00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:15,665
Why do people congregate
in the kitchen?
299
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:17,667
You know what,
'cause nobody
wants to say,
300
00:12:17,806 --> 00:12:20,394
"Get out so I can fight
with my spouse in private."
301
00:12:21,844 --> 00:12:23,087
I got the cheese.
302
00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:24,536
Uh, I have a plate.
303
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:35,582
Mark, could you
bring these
inside, please?
304
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,723
No problem.
305
00:12:41,864 --> 00:12:43,314
Come on, James,
let's start the salad.
306
00:12:43,452 --> 00:12:45,109
Fran, Paul and I
need a second.
307
00:12:45,972 --> 00:12:48,629
Oh. Are you okay?
Mmm-hmm.
308
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,803
Is everything all right?
309
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:52,772
Can I help?
310
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,741
Give these to Mark.
311
00:12:58,467 --> 00:12:59,848
He knows where they go?
312
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,402
Yes. Yes, he does.
313
00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:11,411
I'm definitely
going to call them
If I ever move.
314
00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:13,931
If you move.
315
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:15,760
What? No. Sorry.
316
00:13:15,898 --> 00:13:17,382
We.If we move. Okay?
317
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,453
Kill me 'cause I said Iinstead of we.
318
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,558
You know why I said that
because
319
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:22,525
subliminally
that means I hate you.
320
00:13:22,663 --> 00:13:25,321
Ow! There's a magnet
in that thing.
321
00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:27,392
I just don't know
why's this all so hard?
322
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:29,843
What?
This, everything...
Marriage.
323
00:13:29,981 --> 00:13:31,707
It's supposed
to be different than this.
324
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:32,846
Says who?
325
00:13:32,984 --> 00:13:34,054
Everyone.
326
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:35,573
Well, they're wrong.
It's just like this.
327
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,610
It's exactly
like this.
328
00:13:38,748 --> 00:13:39,680
According to who?
329
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,854
Everybody.
I asked around.
330
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:44,237
Look.
331
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:46,722
There's always
going to be stuff
but you know that's...
332
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,896
I put up
with your crap.
333
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:49,311
And you put up
with my crap.
334
00:13:49,449 --> 00:13:50,415
That's marriage?
335
00:13:50,553 --> 00:13:51,658
This is what
I'm thinking.
336
00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:56,042
Great.
337
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:59,908
All I know
if we keep this up,
we're going to die.
338
00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:01,737
'Cause I'm either going
to burst into flames,
339
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:02,980
or I'm going
to strangle you.
340
00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:05,016
And I really don't
want to do either one.
341
00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:06,155
What do you want?
342
00:14:06,293 --> 00:14:09,227
I just want
to be married to you.
343
00:14:12,127 --> 00:14:13,714
What if this lasagna sucks?
344
00:14:14,715 --> 00:14:15,993
What if it doesn't?
345
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:20,480
What if they--
346
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,624
More.
347
00:14:26,762 --> 00:14:27,867
Come here.
348
00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:35,426
I think there's
people out there.
349
00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,393
They got enough chips
to them occupied.
350
00:14:38,981 --> 00:14:40,189
What?
351
00:14:40,845 --> 00:14:42,536
Come here.
352
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:43,848
Where are you going?
Come here.
353
00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:45,815
Come here.
354
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,890
There's people out there.
355
00:14:56,274 --> 00:14:57,655
Nobody come in
for a while.
356
00:14:57,793 --> 00:14:58,932
It's a big surprise.
357
00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:08,908
You don't scare me.
358
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,155
Listen.
359
00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:18,434
What do you think
the surprise is?
360
00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:20,471
I know what it is,
but I can't tell you.
361
00:15:20,609 --> 00:15:22,128
You know? What, they told you?
362
00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:23,301
Mark, please.
363
00:15:23,439 --> 00:15:25,062
No, no. Who told you? Paul?
364
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,960
Come on. You're making me
uncomfortable here.
365
00:15:28,651 --> 00:15:30,205
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
366
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:33,898
JAMIE: You think this
makes me a bad hostess?
367
00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:35,141
PAUL: Not at all.
368
00:15:36,176 --> 00:15:38,109
JAMIE: Can you imagine
if Fran walked in?
369
00:15:38,247 --> 00:15:40,732
PAUL: Honey. Fran is not
the image I need right now.
370
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:41,941
JAMIE: Sorry.
371
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,634
It's probably
a big deal
over nothing.
372
00:15:45,772 --> 00:15:47,739
The first few times
we had people over,
373
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,914
the littlest things
can set you off.
374
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:52,261
If I told you
I once cried
375
00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:53,676
because I didn't
have a gravy boat,
376
00:15:53,814 --> 00:15:54,850
would you
believe me?
377
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:58,992
Are you sure Jamie
does it like that?
378
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:00,856
'Cause the last time
we were here,
379
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:03,031
the silver was
next to the plates.
380
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:06,275
She just switched
to this method
last week.
381
00:16:17,873 --> 00:16:19,564
PAUL: There's
a very sharp corner
382
00:16:19,702 --> 00:16:21,049
digging right
into my thigh.
383
00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:22,222
[JAMIE MOANING]
384
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,397
PAUL: Our next table
has to be a king.
385
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,988
[POTS AND PANS CLATTER]
386
00:16:30,541 --> 00:16:31,645
They're probably baking.
387
00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:33,854
Fran?
388
00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:35,442
I'm not sure.
389
00:16:36,616 --> 00:16:38,549
No, I've heard
baking before.
390
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:40,447
It doesn't
sound like that.
391
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:42,656
Fran?
392
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,556
Of course,
my birthday
two weeks ago.
393
00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:47,006
If she's
baking me a cake,
394
00:16:47,144 --> 00:16:48,835
I will absolutely
kill her.
395
00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:51,010
[POTS CRASH]
396
00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:53,253
Fran, you can't
go in there.
397
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:57,430
Are you two okay?
398
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,294
[TIMER BUZZING]
399
00:17:05,748 --> 00:17:08,096
You know, speed
is usually considered
400
00:17:08,234 --> 00:17:09,580
a bad thing
in this event.
401
00:17:10,926 --> 00:17:12,272
This is the most fun
we've ever had
402
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:13,411
with Fran and Mark here.
403
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:18,934
This was great.
404
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,798
We have to do it
again and soon.
405
00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:22,489
Well, soon as
humanly possible.
406
00:17:23,628 --> 00:17:25,665
Oh, did we tell you guys?
We're going on a cruise.
407
00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:27,322
That's wonderful.
Where? When?
408
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,944
End of the month.
Puerto Vallarta.
409
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,256
Eight days.
Oh, that's nice.
410
00:17:30,394 --> 00:17:33,397
Fella in my office went.
Said it was fantastic.
411
00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:34,881
The food, the whether
unbelievable.
412
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:36,641
You guys should
come with us.
413
00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:39,437
No. We couldn't.
No, don't be silly.
414
00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:41,819
We'd love it.
It would be nice
to have the company.
415
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:43,165
Fran?
416
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:45,547
[STAMMERING] More company.
417
00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,825
Company
for the two of us,
for both of us.
418
00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:49,896
Two couples,
go as two couples.
419
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,244
Okay, okay, okay.
You misunderstood.
420
00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:56,316
Okay, because they can't
just pack up
421
00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:57,662
and leave
right away, right?
422
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,147
You now it's funny,
because we can.
423
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:00,976
End of the month
is perfect for us.
424
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:04,980
Fran?
425
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,051
You get yourself
into these things.
426
00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:08,190
We're going alone.
427
00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:10,641
We're going
to go alone.
428
00:18:10,779 --> 00:18:12,229
Because I think
it's romantic that way.
429
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,265
We were looking forward,
but I understand.
430
00:18:15,439 --> 00:18:16,647
Okay. I'm going.
431
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:18,131
Would you
please take a cab.
432
00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:19,650
Oh, come on,
subway's faster.
433
00:18:19,788 --> 00:18:22,377
Honey, the subway's
full of degenerates.
434
00:18:22,515 --> 00:18:24,965
How am I going
to meet anyone
if I take a cab?
435
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,450
Fran.
We're putting her
in a cab.
436
00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:27,727
No, no, no.
437
00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:36,460
Ahem.
438
00:18:37,771 --> 00:18:39,118
[TV PLAYING]
439
00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:41,534
Ooh. Ahem.
440
00:18:41,672 --> 00:18:44,053
Gee. Is it 11:15
already?
441
00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:46,194
Oh, yeah.
No, go to bed.
442
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:49,990
Thanks for dinner,
Selby.
443
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,164
Don't mention it.
444
00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:54,305
Can you believe this?
445
00:18:54,443 --> 00:18:55,789
How can they
not realize
446
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,412
that Clark Kent
is superman?
447
00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:58,723
These people are reporters.
448
00:19:00,104 --> 00:19:01,761
What's going on
tomorrow?
449
00:19:01,899 --> 00:19:04,177
I think I'm supposed
to go out with that
girl Dora.
450
00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:05,351
The dancer?
451
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:06,524
Unbelievable legs.
452
00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:08,457
Ouch.
Very muscular.
453
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:10,563
Why do you got to hurt to me?
Got a sister, too.
454
00:19:10,701 --> 00:19:11,771
Stop it.
455
00:19:11,909 --> 00:19:13,152
JAMIE: Honey, coming to bed?
456
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,327
Man, it's like
a work whistle.
457
00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:20,435
It's very easy
to make fun,
isn't it?
458
00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:21,988
Let me tell you
something.
459
00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:24,439
Someday you're going
to hear a voice
just like that.
460
00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:26,958
And, amazingly enough,
you're gonna say,
461
00:19:27,096 --> 00:19:29,098
"In a second, sweetie."
462
00:19:29,237 --> 00:19:31,618
And you too will shove
your best friend
out the door.
463
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:32,861
And go to bed.
464
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:34,932
You sure you don't want
to do something?
465
00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:44,700
I love chest hair.
466
00:19:44,838 --> 00:19:46,702
What you have there
is plenty good.
467
00:19:47,841 --> 00:19:49,498
No point in us
both having
the same thing.
468
00:19:51,811 --> 00:19:53,122
I think my sister knew.
469
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,263
I think Selby knew.
470
00:19:55,401 --> 00:19:56,816
How?
I told him.
471
00:19:56,954 --> 00:19:58,024
Paul.
472
00:19:58,162 --> 00:19:59,888
No guy does that
without telling
somebody.
473
00:20:05,445 --> 00:20:07,275
I guess we haven't
lost the magic, huh?
474
00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,621
Well, for tonight
we have.
475
00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:10,450
You know what I mean.
476
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:12,590
See, now I'm afraid.
477
00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:14,799
You might be out
of things to worry about.
478
00:20:17,146 --> 00:20:18,217
I love you.
479
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:20,184
I love you more.
480
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,366
Mmm.
481
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:40,480
We having thanksgiving
with your parents
or mine?
482
00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:42,896
I thought
I'll just come visit you
at the institution.
483
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,389
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
33713
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