Original subtitles

♪ Let's dance

(upbeat electronic music)

- [X] It's been 10 years since my last confession.

That means it's been 10 years since I've been paid to fuck.

Lucky for you, I'm single now and I need a job,

which means more confessions for you.

Let's start with rule number one.

Every door requires a different fantasy.

So until you know what that is, be a blank canvas.

(X knocks) (upbeat electronic music)

- [Sebastian] Can I help you?

- Actually, I'm here to help you.

- Um, I was just expecting someone a little more.

- Dressed like a cop?

- Yeah. - We don't do that anymore.

- What's your name?

- Since confessions are supposed to be anonymous,

call me X.

- [Sebastian] Come on in, X.

(upbeat electronic music)

(door slams)

(upbeat electronic music)

- [X] This bachelor party, sorry, bachelor's party,

is a regular fairy tale.

Lots of fairy, lots of tail.

I don't like group scenes,

especially when the other boys for hire

look like they should have paper routes instead of Johns.

Oh, who said romance is dead?

(upbeat electronic music)

- You're cute.

I'll give you a discount.

- You're cute too, but I'd still charge you full price.

(upbeat electronic music)

- Hey, how's it going?

- Not great, but the night is still young,

so plenty of time for it to get worse.

- The bachelor party we threw my brother

had ladies shooting whiffle balls, you know, out.

This one's more up my alley.

- Am I more up your alley?

- You? Sure.

I love daddies.

- Oh, daddy, my new favorite word.

And from a guy who's old enough to be my, okay, my brother.

- You want to go halfsies on a stripper?

I hear they're all hustlers.

- You heard right.

(Chayce speaking Spanish)

- Let's get this bachelor party started.

(upbeat electronic music)

- You're late.

- (scoffs) I had this date that could not finish,

and, well, duty calls.

You look pissy and unattractive.

Walk with me.

- [X] Rule number two, don't be late.

Time is money.

This kid makes me feel like the oldest person

in the oldest profession,

but maybe I can teach him a thing or two.

Like rule number three,

keep your work life and your home life

completely, utterly, absolutely separated.

(upbeat electronic music)

(light jazz music)

- X, you're very early.

- Shh, sorry, I forgot.

- Can you unforget and leave?

- Can I just go to my room?

- I'm sorry, this is really awkward.

I think I should go. - Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.

- No, you really shouldn't.

- Oh, I get it, can't go until you come.

I'll be back when I'm supposed to.

- Midnight!

(door creaks)

(door slams)

- [X] After seven years together,

Andrew and I didn't get the itch

but we stopped scratching each other.

Gotta change that.

After 10 years we just gave up.

Well, I did.

I called it off because I knew he wasn't happy

and it's not like I was,

but I don't think happy is a word

that will ever describe me.

So I came back to the only job I know.

I thought I'd be received like a Disney movie

that's been in the vault for years

and is finally available to stream.

But I'm just another guy willing to have sex

for money in LA,

the capital of guys willing to have sex for money.

(car engine revs)

- You cannot come to someone's bachelor party

to go-go looking like someone's cool mom.

- I can do this myself.

I've been undressing since you were still in the placenta.

- I met Chayce at a very kinky cattle call

at a house in the Hills.

It was my first job in LA.

The geezer on the Martha Stewart bedspread

pays five dudes to try on and take off clothes.

He dismisses us one by one

until he is down to the last dude

who gets to stay and be licked all over

while he masturbates for a ton of cash.

It's "American Idol" with dicks.

I made it to the final round, but Chayce beat me out.

I'm not a lap dance kind of guy.

I'm a hustler.

I don't do the Hustle.

- I don't even know what that-

- It's a dance.

- I'm hearing, "I'm not a good dancer."

- I just don't like wasting my time.

We're gonna end up spending our entire night

giving lap dances to a bunch of drunks

who'll give us a dollar here and a dollar you know where.

- You have to break out of this old school hooker mode

and get with the times.

If you do some dry humping now,

you'll end up doing some wet humping later.

Not just for dollar bills.

These guys are drunk, horny, and rich.

- [X] Okay, maybe I'm not teaching Chayce anything at all.

Maybe he's teaching me.

Maybe I'm not even good at this anymore.

- Good night, sexy.

Tell me you didn't come home early on purpose, stalker.

- No, our timing's just off.

- My timing's fine, your timing is off.

This is not gonna work if you don't respect the boundaries.

- Boundaries is just a pleasant word for saying hangups.

- You are such a selfish prick.

- Most pricks are pretty selfish.

- You act like it was a mutual decision to split up,

but it was your call.

At least give me enough space to be over you.

(door slams)

- [X] I haven't mellowed with age.

I've just aged with age.

(upbeat electronic music)

- Two songs. - It's 40 bucks.

You told me to tell you when it was two songs.

- Yes, yes, daddy, two.

(upbeat electronic music)

- That should cost you an extra 20 bucks

but I'll let it slide this time.

(upbeat electronic music)

It didn't feel sanitary eating cake while gay married guys

were getting lap dances all around me,

but I was fucking starving.

Chayce made me skip lunch so I'd have abs.

He showed me how to spray tan fake ones on,

so why did I need real ones?

(upbeat music)

- Checking out my ass?

- No, it's literally everywhere I look.

- Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

- No wonder you're making so much money.

You could literally lap dance a guy standing up

with that thing.

- I'm still hearing what you're saying.

- Seriously, you must be the Ass Guy of LA.

- I'll admit I'm famous for my ass.

I got a place to sleep, food,

and not the worst car in the world because of my ass,

and because I have all those things,

I even got a hot girlfriend so it even brought me that.

- Wow, so your gay ass brought you a straight girlfriend?

Does she like it as much as guys do?

- I'll tell you a story.

No, she doesn't.

- That is a great story.

- I asked her one time, you know, "Do you like my ass?"

And she got all quiet and she's like, she's like,

"I don't know."

And I go, "What's wrong with it?"

She doesn't know that guy's paid me to do stuff with it,

but she's all like, "I don't know if I like being

"with a guy that has a better ass than me."

- That's, that's touching. - X!

Hey, you're needed in the bedroom.

Say goodbye, papi.

- Goodbye, papi.

(upbeat music)

(utensils clinking)

- Sorry I called you a selfish prick.

- I'm sorry for being such a perfect example of one.

- I'm serious, X, I can't handle this,

this living situation if you're gonna ignore the schedule.

I need space.

- Our house payment is lower

than any rental situation these days

so living together makes sense financially.

Look, I'm sorry, I told you I forgot the time.

- You never forget the time.

You're the most obsessive-compulsively punctual

person I know.

"Time is money," remember?

- It won't happen again.

My night was especially hard.

- It's like I'm living with a human pun.

You don't even do it on purpose anymore.

- No, seriously, my night was really annoying.

I just want to eat my cereal in, in peace.

- Okay, but just so you know, your cereal wasn't free.

Just because you wouldn't be caught dead

in that Gelson's doesn't mean

you don't have to chip in around here.

(spoon clanks)

- How much do I owe you?

- I don't even want to know.

- You don't wanna know, but you already do.

(Sebastian grunting and breathing heavily)

- Oh my god, yes, yes.

- Wait, mister, hard as it is to believe,

it's been an hour already.

- So?

- We can keep going if you like, but there's two of us.

So it's costing double on top of the appearance fees.

- Ooh.

(inhales sharply) Yeah, uh, maybe I should go see my guests.

- Isn't that guy you're marrying still out there?

He can take care of him.

I saw him out on the den.

He looked pretty busy.

- Oh, um, you know what, X,

why don't you go out there and,

and entertain the party for like another half hour, tops?

- Really?

(upbeat music)

- (laughs) I mean it's, I-I'm not saying like,

he's cuter or anything.

I mean, it's just that like you've been giving me

this very sex negative vibe and,

and I feel very judged and I want to like have this freedom.

So.

- You know what, it's, it's totally fine.

I'll let Chayce close.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's also, things are a little tight right now,

with the wedding and the honeymoon in Bali,

and the currency exchange is like a lot.

- It's, it's no problem. - Thanks.

I'll pay you guys later.

And now, mijo, come on.

- Oh, okay.

- [X] The only thing these daddies

and boys have in common are square pegs, round holes,

and the determination to make them fit.

It's like with me and Chayce,

just the fact that he was born with the name,

Chayce with a Y,

nobody named their kid that

before two thousand fucking five!

Sebastian was right, I am judging.

- Hey, stranger.

- I'm not doing any more dances.

- Oh, I wasn't. That's not.

- It's okay. I'm sorry.

- I don't know why,

I just wanted you to know I'm not normally the kind of guy

who gets lap dances.

I, I'm married and while all of this is very fun,

it's just not my thing.

But if it were my thing,

I would spend a lot more twenties on you.

- So I'm not your thing, huh?

- Well, I've never really been into twinks.

- Just daddies like me?

- I didn't mean that.

You're not a daddy, you're just, you're just an adult.

- Ah, so you're not into the kids?

- No, they're gorgeous.

It's not an either or thing.

It's just if I was gonna pick an ideal for myself,

he would have some chest hair.

- So how long have you been married?

- Oh, we've been quote unquote married for about 13 years.

And then we were in that first batch of Prop 8 couples

that got real married right away.

- If you guys were together for so long

why'd you feel the need to get real married?

- It meant a lot to us.

We, we wouldn't have done it if it didn't.

Are you married?

I'm mean to a guy or, or a girl?

I know some sex workers are really straight.

- No, I'm gay and I'm not married.

Although I was with someone for longer than

some couples are married.

But it didn't work out.

- What happened?

- I think our timing was just off.

Look,

why don't you take my number?

'Cause even though you said you're not into all this

we had a good time, right?

And I think we could have an even better time

if it was just one-on-one.

(upbeat music)

And lucky for you, I'm not getting any younger.

I won't tell your husband.

- I actually, I already got your information

from that other dancer.

Chayce, I think is his name.

- [X] This is the exact moment I realized I had a pimp.

Chayce was helping me just so he could make money off me.

This kid was running my life.

(upbeat electronic music)

(lively music)

- Who's the most famous person you've ever fucked?

Was it an actor, a politician?

Or maybe he was a priest.

The priciest suite in the place.

Maybe Chayce finally came through.

(door knocking)

(metal clacking)

Did he hire two of us?

(logo scraping)

- What?

No, come inside.

- That'll cost extra.

So you're really not a second escort?

- So you don't recognize me?

- Sorry, who are you?

It's the kind of trick every hustler dreams about.

And most of them lie about, a celebrity.

(device warbling)

- Larry Shippers, your gay best friend

and 5 million subs to this week.

- [X] Of course, a YouTuber.

The biggest type of celebrity Chayce could think of.

- Nice to meet you.

- Call me X.

As stealth as Chayce was, I figured you'd be

a closeted actor.

- I'm the opposite of closeted.

I post anything and everything about my life

and people tune in to watch.

We develop a relationship, sort of like a virtual

best friend or boyfriend.

- Providing a boyfriend experience

is something that we share in common.

It used to be when a celebrity called a person like me,

he was a closet case.

This is a first for me.

- I just wanna build a roster of 10 to 12 clients

and leave it at that.

- You don't know the first thing about hustling, do you?

- Excuse me?

- Look, I know you're annoyed

that I'm not finding you better stuff,

but you have to help too.

You're literally nobody in this town.

- Actually, I'm figuratively nobody in this town.

Now that I think about, doesn't sound that much better.

- I'm serious, you need better branding, my friend.

- Branding?

Why would I wanna brand myself

when the whole point of doing something illegal

is to keep a low profile?

- It's low profile, not no profile.

It's like pizza.

You need to have a brand.

Nobody ever says let's get pizza, I don't care what kind.

- It does wonders for your confidence

when a kid who is better at what you do

than you are compares you to pizza.

- See, this is my only fan's profile, 200 subscribers.

My Instagram, 30,000 followers.

I just post underwear pics

and these random guys message me.

One of my junior high teachers messaged me.

Look, Andy Cohen wanted to know, "Sup?"

- So you advertise your toppings?

- No, I'm creating a persona.

If guys know who you are, they want a slice.

Guys are willing to pay more for a slightly less hot guy

if they have a fantasy built up around you.

What social media do you do?

Facebook?

- Nothing, I do anti-social media.

- Then we gotta get you on Rent Me.

We say you're 26.

No face pic until you tan some more.

We hype you up as Seattle's most in-demand top.

New to LA, and we ask for premium rates.

The more stupid expensive you are

the more the serious clients want you.

- I'd always avoided public stuff like Rent Me.

I'm not a fame whore.

Just a whore whore.

(fabric rustling)

Those underwear are very specific.

- Yeah, (chuckles) they were free.

I, I don't even post underwear pics

but they keep sending 'em.

So, don't worry, they come off.

- Either way, I can work around them.

- The hotel's free too.

As long as I make a post about that.

- Sounds like you get a lot of things for free.

You do realize that I'm not.

- Don't worry, I could definitely afford to pay you.

- From all the YouTube ads?

- Listen, it's cool you don't understand what I do.

I mean, you're not exactly my target demo.

Most of my followers are teenage girls and gay boys.

And a few creepers.

A few, a few million creepers.

- So you could have anybody.

Why me?

Why not Chayce?

- Chayce didn't tell you?

I'm, I'm into older guys.

- Older?

- You're young for me.

I usually like guys that are older than 45.

- He told you I was 45?

He probably thinks I was at Stonewall.

So all the secrecy is because you don't want

everybody out there in the world to know

that you're into creepers.

I think that's what you called us.

- It's just everything's so public these days.

(mellow carefree music)

Everything I do gets posted to D-Listed or Vicious Gossip.

When I'm shirtless, it's everywhere

with thousands of comments

about every square inch of my body.

I just, I just want something to be private for a change.

My parents are just now coming around to me being gay.

And that was a long road.

I just think them seeing me with someone

literally my dad's age, I don't know,

I just need a beat before we get there.

- [X] So you are a closeted actor after all.

- I mean, aren't all of us?

About something?

(door opening)

- Oh, hi.

Sorry, am I interrupting?

- No, hi.

- He's just a friend and he's just leaving.

- Okay, I'm Andrew.

- I'm Chayce, with a y.

As in, why don't you join us?

- Is he for real?

- Pizza box, twink with his legs spread,

are you shooting porn?

- We are not shooting porn!

- Although we should talk about this X.

Again, branding.

And I'm not a twink.

I'm just young.

- Who is this person?

- I'm his pimp.

Let me know if you wanna work.

I could totally book you solid.

- Okay, this is worse than walking in on sex.

Let let me know next time you have this toddler over.

- Ooh, she's a bad witch.

- You know I have to live with that person, right?

- Who cares?

I don't.

(camera clicking)

(carefree mellow music)

- Negative, Prep, or undetectable?

Do you bottom often?

- Those are all good questions.

I'm negative.

I'm on Prep.

And I always wear a condom.

And I don't bottom a lot.

Actually ever, outside of my last relationship.

- Well, I told Chayce I'm more of a top.

- Oh, well, tops don't say they're more of a top.

- I don't think it's my thing.

- Trust me, it's your thing.

I have bottom-dar.

- I just, I don't see myself that way.

- That's homophobic bull.

And if we're doing it right,

you won't see yourself at all.

- I mean, I'm not totally against the idea.

But you can't tell anyone.

- Being worried about people finding out

that you're a bottom, that is just another closet.

- Okay.

- Upload in progress.

You know I made a shit-ton of money without ever

taking out a single ad.

- Stop thinking of this as an ad.

This is foreplay.

- It's not very intimate.

- Not yet.

Take off your clothes.

- I'm flattered, but. - Right.

No, we're gonna take some pictures.

- For the internet?

- Is there any other reason to take pictures?

- He's not so much a pimp as a pimple.

Strategically-lit profile pics

isn't exactly how I see myself.

- Yeah, well nobody really sees you as anything right now.

Look, people used to be all about mysterious anonymous sex

with random cowboys they'd never see again.

They thought it was hot.

But times have changed.

It wasn't just the gays who came out of the closet.

The whole world did.

Everyone shows everybody everything.

The best version of what you want is just a click away.

So why fuck someone anonymous

when you can fuck someone famous?

You don't have to pay some homeless drug addict

to suck you off when you can just log on

and order a goddamn porn star.

Now take off that ugly shirt and let's take some pictures.

- But sometimes I fucking love this kid.

Yes, sir.

(Chayce gasping)

- Is that hair on your back?

(mellow music)

- That was.

Daddy.

- [X] Okay, maybe I'm starting to like being called daddy.

Or maybe I'm just learning to turn the other cheek.

- [Larry] Here, I'll show you how easy it is

to be a YouTube star, just talk, it's not that hard.

- Hi.

Call me X.

- Okay, maybe that is harder than I thought.

Well, I learned a lot from you anyways.

- Maybe next semester, I'll fist you.

- I'll call Chayce next time I'm in town.

I have this fan event I'm doing,

and you're definitely my biggest backer.

Oh.

Take this.

- [X] Branding.

(woman giggling)

- If Andrew comes home, he'll flip out

when he realizes there's shaving cream

all over this stupid couch we've owned forever.

- Hold still.

You're not that hairy, but you do not show up on this date

I'm sending you on, ungroomed.

- I hope it's as exciting as the last one.

God, I never knew I could pee so much.

- Hey, you got paid to do what you have to do

every day anyway.

Plus that guy was an influencer, John.

He works at a studio and knows a lot of potential clients.

I'm building you up as an A-lister.

- I feel more like a P-lister

- Man, you never quit with the dad jokes.

You are gonna love this, John.

He'll be good for you.

- [X] I always got nervous when Chayce talked up a client.

The ones he said would be good for me

were usually chosen to teach me

some kind of lesson

that made sense in his warped little mind.

- Okay.

I texted you the address.

Be there by five.

Just go straight up to the room.

You are not allowed to be seen going in.

Got it?

- I think I got it, Mom.

Who is this client anyway?

- Let's just say this guy's gonna teach you

a little something about branding.

- As long as it's not the same kind of branding

they do to cows.

(metal scraping)

- I love you, Larry Shippers.

- Thanks, how long have you been in here?

- I won't say anything, I promise.

I just wanted a selfie for my profile.

My friend is gonna shit and die when she sees this.

- Hashtag goals.

- What do I do?

- Just do what you do best.

Be yourself.

- All right, let's do a selfie.

- What?

- Do you mind taking it?

Iconic.

(camera clicking)

(light-hearted music)

(techno music)

- [X] In-calls creep me out.

(doorbell rings)

- Thanks for letting me come over.

- It won't be cheap.

This one might be an actual confession,

(crowd chattering)

I really messed up.

(music ceases)

An in-call is when they come to you,

as opposed to an out-call, where you go to them.

An in-call can mean disaster

if the guy takes his time leaving,

or gets obsessed, and decides to show up randomly,

which is called a get-the-fuck-out call.

- Nice place.

Who's this?

- Look, we could have small talk

where you lie to me about your life,

and I lie to you about who that is in that picture,

or we could go to the bedroom,

where I could pound the shit out of you

like the worthless piece of shit that you are.

- Let's do the second one. (snickers)

- There's the mortgage, sir.

- Thanks.

- You want to talk about it?

- About what? (slams iron)

- Clearly you're steamed about something.

- What do you wanna be when you grow up?

- I'm not in the mood to argue about my job,

actually, I'm never in the mood to argue about my job.

- No, it's my job.

I had an especially shitty day of my shitty especially job.

- Sorry.

- And you know what, I'm a grown ass man,

and I don't know what I want to be.

- Neither do I.

- How far into your thirties

before it stops being about what you're going to be

and just starts being, that's what you are?

Like, when do you give up

and just accept you're not going to be anything else?

I'm a fucking accounts payable specialist,

that's what I am.

For me, the next step, head accounts payable specialist.

And then maybe someday,

if I'm super lucky and the right people die,

vice president of accounts payable.

- It's never too late to change things, Andrew.

- I think you're wrong, I think it's awful too late.

(juicer roars)

- Always eat shirtless, you eat less that way.

- I hardly count this as eating.

- You know that movie

where the popular girl takes the weird girl,

and gives her a makeover,

and teaches her how to be popular too?

- Are you talking about "Clueless"?

- Hmm, haven't heard of it.

Anyway, they should make a movie like that,

but with gay prostitutes.

- That looks disgusting.

- Good. You'll eat less of it.

(techno music)

- Aren't you gonna ask me what I want?

- I already know what you want.

- Are you sure?

- You want to be pushed around.

That's why you keep coming back, you were born to be abused.

- Yes, sir.

- You love dirty talk. - Yeah.

Tell me how nasty I am. (groans)

- Don't you fucking tell me what to do, I'll tell you.

- Yes, sir.

- Take off my pants.

- But I do have one request this time.

- You know what kills me?

The longer I stay at this job,

the less chance I have at ever doing anything else.

It's like the skills I've learned here are useless

in the real world.

- Everyone has accounts that need to be paid.

- I mean, after the apocalypse, when they go around

asking all the survivors what their skills are,

I'll be useless. (Ed snickers)

- So that's your definition of the real world,

how helpful you'll be

in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future?

- Yes. Everything else is superficial.

- So what skills would make you feel more useful?

- And we're back at the beginning.

What I want to be, I don't know,

just

not this.

- Sorry.

- I gotta get ready for my date.

(techno music) - Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Yes, sir. Please, sir.

Ah, do it.

- I'll call you whatever I want, bitch.

- No, for real, I need you to do it.

- Look man, I'm sorry, it's just not my thing.

- No, but it's my thing,

and it's why I'm paying you a hell of a lot of money,

so I need you to fuck my brains out, treat me like I'm dirt

and call me a (beep). (whooshing)

- For the first time in my life,

I didn't have a clever comeback.

(whooshing)

(water runs) (intriguing music)

- Question for you.

- All right.

- If you could have any job, skills don't matter,

don't need connections, what would it be?

- I'm not stupid,

that's the same question slightly rephrased.

I don't need to be tricked

into figuring out what I want to do,

I literally don't know.

- Okay, you're right, that was a stupid question.

How about this, you win the lottery,

you're set for life, but not super rich,

you don't have to work, what do you do with your days?

- I don't know,

hang out, I guess.

- Hang out?

- I don't know.

- What does that even mean? When is one not hanging out?

- I don't know.

See? I'm useless.

This isn't making me feel any better.

- Okay. I'm sorry.

(Andrew sighs)

- It's, it's just not my word to say.

- You got that right,

but I'm not asking you to put it in your regular rotation,

I just need it here, and now.

- Why?

What happened to you?

- Don't look at me like that, don't psychoanalyze me,

I do it for the same reason I hire you,

because it is forbidden and it's sexy.

I don't know why it's part of my fantasy, but it is.

- Look man, it's racist.

- You called me a worthless faggot.

- We can call each other that.

- Ed, a couple of minutes ago you called me a bitch.

- So? - It's sexist.

You'll use a gay slur and a slur against women,

but you won't call me a (beep) on my dime.

- It's different.

- So if a person of any other race,

as part of their fantasy,

wanted you to call them a slur about that race,

you would deny them?

- He had me.

Oh god, the number of Nazi fantasies

I've been asked to fulfill.

- Well...

- But because I'm black,

you're going to refuse to give me the same service

you would give to a person of any other race.

- Just to make sure I'm crystal clear,

you are saying that I'd be racist

if I didn't call you the N word?

If I did this,

was I just contributing to his shit?

I wanted to fuck the shit out of him,

not fuck it deeper into him.

- Well,

it's only fit.

- I know what you'd do,

If you won the lottery, I know what you'd do with your days.

- Oh yeah, what's that?

- Oh, you'd fuck around, play video games, get fat.

(Andrew scoffs)

But that'd only last for a few weeks, months,

because you get bored,

so you'd get out and volunteer, and knowing you,

it'd be for some community organization

for fucking LGBTQIAA Youth of color.

And ironically, you'd end up helping these kids

figure out the one thing you can't figure out for yourself,

what to do with their lives. (meditative music)

- You know,

I hope that's what I would do.

I like that you think that about me.

- Have a fun date.

You gonna be out late?

- Very late. Date number five.

- Wow, five-date rule's back in effect.

- Barely.

I almost let 'em taste it last weekend. (smirks)

What about you?

- Uh,

working.

- You need to rethink your policy on in-calls

if you wanna maximize your earning potential.

- I told you, I have a roommate.

- Yes, (indistinct), I met him.

X's ex, hurray.

Well, book around him. He seems like he gets out.

- Why my place? I just don't see the need.

- Sometimes clients want certain things

that they can't have their neighbors hearing.

Plus, if they book a hotel room

that's just less money you're getting.

- If they don't want their neighbors to hear their shit,

why would I want mine?

- Because you're like me,

you don't give a shit what your neighbors think.

In fact,

you kind of want them to think weird stuff about you.

Oh, yes, ugh, fuck me with your two-headed cock. (groans)

- Why do I think you already have someone in mind?

(intense techno music)

- (groans) Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, say it. Say it, sir.

Say it.

- Take it.

- Say it.

- Take it, you fucking (beep).

- Say it again. Say it.

(beep)

Yes I am.

Say it louder. (beep)

Ah, yes.

Liberating, isn't it? (beep)

- Fucking (beep). (both moan loudly)

- (sighs) I wanted you since day one.

- We almost got it on date four. (laughs)

(sounds of struggling)

- What was that? - Oh shit, it's my roommate.

- [Client] Yes.

- The James Dean tap you once mentioned dating,

but it's over now?

- Very over, as you can tell. (Date snickers)

We'll just be really quiet

- [Client] Sir. Yes.

- [X] Fucking take it.

- [Client] Oh, yes. (pants and moans)

- Did he just say? - No.

- [X] Take it you fucking (beep).

(Client moans)

- Your James Dean sounds more like Paula Deen.

- Marcus, I don't know what that's about.

- I'm sorry, I gotta go.

- Why?

- Because if I stay I'll go to jail for beating his ass.

(music loudens)

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

- Oh God, dude, I came,

don't say that after I got off, man.

No.

(intense music)

(bright music)

- [X] Houses in the suburbs are the worst.

Most suburban guys wanna meet any place but their home.

The ones who are cocky enough to have you show up

right at their front door

are 80 to 90% guaranteed to be assholes.

(doorbell rings)

- Yes?

- Sorry, I think I have the wrong house.

- Are you X?

- Okay, maybe I don't.

- I'm Sarah.

- This was the moment I decided to kill Chayse.

- Okay, follow me.

- You're gonna love this new client.

A real pussy.

You can never do too many pull ups,

and by that I mean specifically you can't.

- I think this is called bullying.

Hmmm.

(Chayse speaking foreign language)

(bright music)

Welcome to the kill room.

Believe it or not, I'm a virgin in the biblical sense.

I've done every conceivable thing with a man

but never has my penis ever made contact

with any part of a woman.

I'm hoping that Sarah, here,

just wants to watch me bang her husband.

- Here he is.

This is Amelia, my wife.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- You cannot bring tricks here.

- What?

- No more in calls.

I didn't even know you did those.

- I don't.

I mean, I did once, but that was special.

How did you even know?

- I heard you last night.

- You were here?

- Oh, I was here.

What the fuck was that?

- You were supposed to be out on a date.

- I was out on a date, and it was a really good date.

And I remember you said you had to work

so I assumed you'd be in a hotel, or an alley,

or a ditch, or wherever you turn tricks.

So we progressed to here, my home,

where my ex-boyfriend is screaming the N word

and doing Lord knows what kind of

"12 Years a Slave" shit in here.

- I'm sorry.

- And yes, my date ditched me.

- Would you like something to drink?

- No, thanks.

Everyone knows you never accept drinks from a client.

- I'm gonna need one.

- So, the obvious question...

- Why would two old married women hire a man?

- Yeah, that's the one.

- We are not trying to get pregnant,

if that's what you're worried about.

- I think I will have one of those.

- They don't seem like the types to slip me a Mickey

and freeze parts of me in Tupperware.

I think I will have some of that.

He begged me to call him that.

He paid me, he was black.

- How could you agree to that?

- Well, he said it would be racist

if I didn't call him that.

- I wish there was an Obama speech on YouTube

I could play to explain why,

but no, there is no situation where it would be racist

if you didn't use the N word.

- You had to be there.

- I was there.

- So it's our anniversary,

and we thought we'd try something different.

And we've always liked gay porn, so...

- Sarah's never been with a man.

I have. College, women's college.

But they always know where to find you, don't they?

Not an ideal experience, but at least I tried it.

- Bi-curious?

- Bisexual. But I've only been with women really.

- I arranged this because I refuse

to be complicit in bi-erasure.

- Not that every bisexual needs to be

with both men and women.

We're just...

- We're horny. - Yeah.

- So are you cool with just basically being our dildo?

- It's a living.

(bright music)

- Did that turn you on?

- To be honest, most of my clients are men.

- I told you he'd be gay.

- That doesn't mean I can't give you what you want.

- Whoa, don't need to mansplain the spectrum

of human sexuality to us.

- Amelia, he's just trying to help.

- You do realize it looks like

you're about to murder someone in here.

- In my experience, guys tend to leave cum and lube

all over the place.

- In the one experience you've had?

- And in the gay porn that we enjoy.

- No need to worry.

The only thing that's getting murdered up in here

is my pussy.

You have been with women before, right?

- Honestly...

- Shut the fuck up.

(Amelia laughs)

Now I'm interested.

- I have sex with women all the time.

- For money? - Not always.

- So, do you consider yourself bisexual?

- No. I consider myself sexual.

A very sexual homosexual.

- Definitely not one of those gay guys who goes,

"Ew, women," but I'm definitely a Kinsey six.

No interest whatsoever.

- Well, you've had sex with guys you had

zero attraction to, right?

So, why not a girl?

- But, they're guy.

So there isn't zero attraction.

I can find something in any man, some attribute,

physical or emotional, that I think is hot.

I concentrate on that and then I fuck it.

- And you can't do that with a girl?

- No, it'd be like my mom walking in the room.

- But if you had a female client...

- Well, money changes everything.

I think I could manage it.

Just hasn't happened yet.

(bright music)

- Is it in?

- I don't know.

- How could you not know?

- How could you not know?

- Look, I know it's in something,

I just don't know what.

- You're the professional.

- Maybe it's not hard.

- Well, yeah, it is a little squishy.

- It's hard.

- Here, let me.

(X grunts)

It's hard, all right.

- Okay, that's inside.

- All right, baby. Ride that cock.

- Yeah, no.

I'm remembering college, flunking chemistry.

Fighting with that passive aggressive roommate of mine.

What a bitch.

Honey, it's all you, babe.

Happy anniversary.

- All right.

I think it's in.

- Just a note.

You don't have to say everything you're thinking out loud.

- Oh.

- I'm sending you an address.

- It's not a woman, is it?

- No, it's not

a woman.

- Shit, this is in 30 minutes.

(upbeat music) ♪ I got it, I got it

♪ Got it like a mother

What's the deal with the whole working out

and taking off your clothes in front of me routine?

- I'm giving you a goal.

Consider me the picture on your refrigerator.

♪ I feel like it's my birthday

(water splashes)

- Cherry Garcia, that's funny.

'Cause we both just lost our cherries.

- That hardly counts.

- It went inside.

You get a vag-badge.

- Inside? There's a lot more to it than that.

- Amelia's right.

Technically it went inside,

but I don't think I got a single thrust in.

Is that sex?

- If it's not sex, do we have to pay you?

- I don't get paid for the sex, I get paid for the time.

- I'm gonna say it counts.

'Cause I'm not sure if we're ever gonna do this again.

- Thank God.

- No hard feelings at all, actually.

(all laughing)

- What are you doing?

Pull-ups. You can never do too many pull-ups.

I mean, it feels like you're showing off.

- Sorry.

- Okay, I can't stop thinking about this.

I have to ask you something.

- As long as it's not about the...

- It is.

It's about the guy and the word.

So just tell me, in the context of the situation,

no one can hear you guys.

Did you enjoy it?

Just being able to scream the word out loud?

- No.

God, I hope that's true.

I won't be doing it again.

- Fair enough.

Let's just put it behind us.

- Deal.

I know you don't like to hear any details,

but I had my first female client.

Two, actually.

Can you believe that?

- No, I can't.

How was it?

- Easier than I thought it would be.

- Hmm.

- You know what? I'm gonna give it to you.

I'm gonna say this counts as sex.

- What made you come around?

- Well, I asked myself, "What's the worst sex I ever had?"

This wasn't it.

- I'm flattered. (Sarah laughs)

- The worst sex was with a bagger from Trader Joe's.

- Oh God, don't even say her name.

- And we did less, a lot less.

And I have always considered that very sad encounter sex.

So, why not this?

- I appreciate it.

- So tell me, X, which I'm sure is your real name.

You ever gonna go pink again?

- Probably, I'm shocked it hasn't come up sooner

so why not?

- I knew you were a bisexual

the minute you walked in the door.

- For you, who wouldn't be?

(Sarah and X laughing)

(light-hearted dramatic music)

(bright music)

- Being on (indistinct) I was finally getting jobs

without Chayse as a middleman.

Pimps are nosy, controlling, full of unsolicited advice,

and they always want your money.

They're like preachers.

(door knocking)

My least favorite clients are the ones who play

that it's unlocked, just walk-in game.

They're pushy submissives who think they're giving us

an element of surprise, but I'm never surprised.

Hello?

It's room service.

- [Distorted Voice] Come inside and shut the door.

(lively defiant music)

- Hey.

Smile.

(Andrew laughing)

What's so funny?

- We have a mutual friend who hates it when random people

tell him to smile.

- Oh, our mutual friend sounds like a real douche.

(bottle banging)

Thanks.

- [Distorted Voice] If this is too intense for you,

leave right now.

Otherwise, come inside and shut the door.

- [X] I didn't comply because I'm dumb enough

to fall for reverse psychology.

I did it because I'm hoping for a surprise.

- [Distorted Voice] Good, now lock the latch on the door.

(metal latching)

- [X] Normally I'd say something snarky to this guy.

Like maybe a gay "Jigsaw" reference.

But that's what he wants me to do.

- [Distorted Voice] There's a camera on the laptop.

(mildly tense music)

- I know.

Oops, I didn't notice the camera.

But I'm sure I would've clocked it pretty quickly.

- [Distorted Voice] Walk into the camera

and show me your face.

I wanna make sure you're cute.

- [X] Cameras don't bother me anymore.

These days, it's safe to assume that every single trick

you have is being filmed.

- Filming me is gonna cost you extra.

(upbeat music)

- So what's up?

Guys like you are never here this early.

- Guys like me?

- Guys with jobs.

- Well, I am no longer one of those guys.

- Congratulations.

Wait, fired or quit?

- Laid off.

- Well, I just got laid on.

(Andrew chuckling)

- God, you're like a little mini-X (laughs).

- [Distorted Voice] Don't touch the camera.

- Okay, I'm chill.

- [Distorted Voice] Sit on the bed.

(mildly tense music)

Now take off your clothes.

- Can you get him another one of those on me?

- I don't need charity yet.

- Buying a drink for a hot guy isn't charity.

- So how's the hustling business?

- Why don't you ask your ex-boyfriend?

- Touche.

- Sorry, when you're raised by strippers

and drag queens, your nails get pretty sharp.

- [Distorted Voice] Strip.

- Sorry, I need to take care of business first.

- [Distorted Voice] What, can't you hold it?

- No, I mean, I need to get paid.

This is as far as I go without seeing some cash.

- [Distorted Voice] Oh, that.

It's on the nightstand.

- Okay.

Strip it is.

(mildly tense music intensifying)

- I'm sorry, let's start over.

- Let's.

- Thank you for the drink.

How are you, Chayse?

- I'm doing great.

Sorry about the job.

That's what's great about mine.

Can't get fired.

- But you can get not hired.

And thanks, but I hated my job anyway.

- Great, then it was for the better.

- But I'll just wind up at another job that I hate.

- Why?

- Because, Chayse, I don't know

what will make me happy.

- What does X think about all of this?

- He doesn't know.

- Oh.

Did it just happen just now?

- No, last week.

(stirring minimal music)

- [Distorted Voice] That's hot.

Now I want you to take off your underwear.

By the way, you're so hot.

Go ahead, take 'em off.

- I could do that.

Or you could come out here and do it for me.

- [Distorted Voice] You wouldn't like me.

- Look, whatever it is you're hiding in there,

there's nothing I haven't seen before.

- [Distorted Voice] I'm not very sexy.

- Everyone is sexy.

I guarantee you are sexy.

- [Distorted Voice] No, not me.

- Why don't you come out here

and let me tell you what I think is sexy about you.

- [Distorted Voice] You're just saying that

because you're a,

because you are what you are.

- I'll be honest.

Look, you already paid me.

I could just put on a show and leave.

Right?

(latch turning)

(mildly tense music continues)

- I don't know why I haven't told him.

- Oh, I do.

- Enlighten me.

- You haven't told him

because you don't have an answer to the obvious question.

What next?

- Ah, is that it?

- No, there's more.

You don't want him to be part of figuring out

what's next because you wanna

own this next part of your life.

You want it to be completely independent from him.

Part of it's to convince him you don't need him anymore

but mostly it's to convince you

you don't need him.

- Are all hustlers aspiring psychologists?

- No, most of us are just drug addicts.

(mildly tense music)

- Holy shit, how old are you?

- 15, wait, don't leave.

- I'm sorry, kid.

You're gonna have to play To Catch a Predator

with someone else.

- Stay here, I'll go back in the bathroom.

This is illegal.

- Prostitution is illegal.

- This is more illegal.

- If you try to leave, I'll scream.

- Well, I asked for a surprise.

(mellow music)

- I'm flirting with you.

- I know.

- I'll stop if you want.

- Stop.

- You're blushing.

- Try me.

- Fine.

I have to go to work anyway.

- Chayse.

It was nice talking to you.

- Thanks.

- Look, there's no need to get loud.

It's just you scared me.

This is not gonna happen.

It's not just illegal.

It's wrong.

- You're such a hypocrite.

You were exactly my age when you lost your virginity

to some guy in his 40s.

- How did you know that?

- Your Rent Me profile links to your blog.

- I didn't know that was still up.

- I know what I'm doing.

I want to have sex.

It's my choice. - I'm all for that.

It's just, I think you should be doing it

with someone your own age.

- For some reason, Rent Me doesn't have any profiles

for 15-year-old prostitutes.

- Look, in a couple of years,

you are gonna have a ton of sex.

Someone as smooth as you

is gonna get all types of action.

- I have neuroblastoma.

(somber minimal music)

It's cancer.

- I know what it is.

- A couple of years isn't very realistic for me.

- Look, can I put on my clothes?

And then we can just sit and talk?

I promise I won't go anywhere.

- First, gimme your phone.

So I know you won't run out the door.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Now go get dressed.

(door shutting)

(lively music)

♪ Uh huh, love is just a word

♪ That all the nonbelievers

- I didn't know you were working here.

- I work everywhere I am.

♪ What I could do for you

♪ So baby, lemme turn you into a dreamer ♪

- Actually, I don't have cancer.

- What the fuck?

- I just didn't want you to leave.

- Gimme my phone.

- I tried to kill myself.

- Give me my phone.

How?

- Pills.

I took all my grandma's arthritis medicine.

And a whole bottle of vitamin C.

I thought any kind of pills would kill you

if you took a whole bottle of them.

It took forever to swallow them all.

- Why would you do that, um, what's your name?

- Charlie.

- I knew why.

He's the kind of gay nerd

that asshole jock's dream about bullying.

Bullies peak in middle school.

Kids like Charlie don't blossom until they're adults.

If they can make it that far.

- People have picked on me ever since I can remember.

(melancholic music)

And I could deal with it.

Then I came out of the closet.

I waited until I was 13.

- Waited?

- I knew if I came out, the bullies might get worse

but I thought at least I won't be alone anymore.

I'll finally have some friends.

I watched all those "It gets better" videos,

and there's a GSA at our school.

I thought the kids there would have to be my friends.

But the gay kids are worse.

They all called me a basic bitch and wanna-be gay.

And they're embarrassed to be around me.

I mean, if no one in the GSA will talk to me,

then it's just not gonna happen.

- This kid wasn't being bullied for being gay.

He was being bullied for being really bad at it.

♪ This is something that's easy to digest ♪

♪ Success is never what you need ♪

♪ Uh huh

♪ Take it to one side

♪ Take you by the shoulder

♪ To take you by surprise

♪ Someone else to know you

♪ Almost better than yourself

♪ When life has taken over

♪ Let me teach you something about what loving me can do ♪

♪ Uh huh

♪ All right

♪ It's time

- All I got's the five.

- We are gonna fuck.

One day.

Trust me

♪ It's time

♪ To put my money where my mouth is ♪

- There is nothing wrong with being a basic bitch.

I'm the most basic bitch there is.

(pen scribbling)

- What's that, the Trevor hotline?

- No, it's my number.

(wistful music)

Don't ever feel like you don't have anyone to talk to.

You know what?

I am gonna write down the number for the Trevor Project.

Because if you can't reach me, you try them.

You never know, you might be surprised.

- So we can like hang out?

- Yeah.

Only if we're fully clothed.

(paper tearing)

(energetic music)

(lively chill music)

(knocking on door)

- How did you find me?

- You gave us directions

- We could smell your rotten carcass for miles.

Rooting out evil is what we do.

- I hope you don't think I'll give up easily.

- Oh, I'm counting on you putting up a fight.

- Hammer Jack? (gasps)

(energetic music continues)

And Tiger Bolt?

- Are you ready for a mouthful of justice?

- A combined 14 inches of justice.

- Good luck, you'll never pin me down for I am

Professor Trench Bottom.

From the impenetrable deep. (laughs)

- This confession is my hardest.

No pun intended for once.

(Harris laughing)

(soft tense electronic music)

This has to be the all time dumbest idea.

Super stupid.

- What are you talking about?

This is making money while waiting to make more money.

- You just like the attention. (camera clicks)

I want to earn a living.

I need to move out of my place sooner or later.

Probably sooner.

I can't waste my time making 50 bucks

plus tips playing dress up.

- It's called cosplay.

I seriously advise you to get an internet connection.

- You are so very funny.

- Trust me, babe. I always get picked up here.

When these comic book geeks see real live superheroes,

they can't hold back.

They have been jacking off to cartoons their entire lives

and finally the cartoons can jack back.

I'm Hammer Jack. - You are sexy.

- It was an indoor version

of Hollywood and Highland or Times Square.

Desperate panhandlers and secondhand costumes

begging for attention and spare change.

Listen, I appreciate you showing me the ropes and all,

but I would probably have to strike out

on my own eventually.

- If you do, that's exactly what'll happen.

You'll strike out.

Why so little faith in me?

(camera clicking) I have you branded better

than your confession blogs and your Rent Me ad

is getting mega traffic.

- Yeah, and I spent half the day fielding requests

for dick pics and the other half not getting jobs.

- Okay, you're making more money with me

than you would've without me, even after my cut.

Be patient, young-ish Skywalker.

All will be revealed.

- At least I look good in spandex.

The diet this kid has me on is working.

(X sighs)

That picture punches me in the gut

every time I walk into this house.

It probably does the same to Andrew.

Neither of us have had the guts to take it the fuck down.

So much hope and love.

Youth, even though we thought we were old back then.

But not seeing it would sting more than seeing it.

Living with your ex is ridiculous.

Sure, I have excuses.

The housing market, we're trapped.

Besides, we're grown men.

It's all bullshit. I'm stuck here because I wanna be.

- [Andrew] X, is that you?

- Yeah, I didn't know you were here.

- I'm all powerful.

There's no way to stop me

from destroying the whole city now. (laughs)

- [X] All he needs is a cat to stroke.

- He's right, Tiger Bolt.

Maybe we can't stop him, but we can top him.

- What?

- Yes, two simple injections.

One from myself and one from my true hearted friend.

- Brilliant idea, Hammer Jack.

- This energy charge

should make you submit Dr. Trench Bottom.

Whoosh.

- Oh!

Can't resist the power.

- Quick, Tiger Bolt, the serum.

- Jam it in his weak spot.

- Must remain strong.

- Quick, Tiger Bolt. Time is running out.

- No.

No, you're not Rubber Man, you're...

I don't want the condoms, guys.

- You're frozen for one second, Trench Bottom.

(energetic music)

He likes it raw.

- That's none of my business.

- But he's so adorably old. How can you say no?

- Easy, no. Superheroes put safety first.

- Calm down. You're on PrEP, right?

- Yes, I'm on PrEP, but I'm also on the original PrEP.

I have safe sex.

- Yay, the 80s.

You're topping him. Can't you just go with the flow?

- There was no doubting it.

This kid was a genius in some ways, an evil genius.

But in that moment it was painfully obvious

he was also a kid.

Look, all I can say is with great power

comes great responsibility.

- Fine, we'll work around it.

Just don't let him see you put the fucking thing on.

(footsteps thudding)

- Your ice grip wore off.

You'll have to catch me if you're gonna stop. (laughs)

- This job just went 60/40.

Not so fast, Trench Bottom.

(Harris moaning)

- My high school guidance counselor would be so proud.

(camera clicking)

Don't you ever wonder what you're gonna do

with the rest of your life

when you realize you're over doing stuff like this?

- Nope because probably, like you,

I will be doing it anyway.

- My own personal Yoda.

I'm so over this.

I could make more money selling actual wieners.

- God, you are such a nag.

These pictures are free ads.

Just make sure these guys are tagging you on Instagram.

All of their friends are gonna wanna fuck you

and their friends are gonna share it with their friends

and their friends' friends will wanna fuck you, too.

And once these friends

and their friends' friends start looking up your accounts

and realizing that they can fuck you, you'll be cashing in.

It's simple math.

- Sounds like a fucking pyramid scam.

- Exactly. A fucking pyramid.

- I'm confused about when you need the place.

Hard to keep track.

- It's not that complicated.

You look thin. Are you sick?

- Thank you.

It's part of the whole diet-exercise I'm doing.

I wanna look so gaunt, people worry I'm dying.

- I thought the goal was to have muscles.

- That, too.

I want to be transparently thin while having big biceps.

(Andrew chuckles)

Who says you can't have it all?

- You hungry?

- Are we good?

You told your friend no rubbers.

- Obviously the serum won't work

if we can't inject it into you.

- Inject me.

Shoot me raw.

(Chayce grunting) (Harris moaning)

- [X] Call me old-fashioned,

but HIV isn't the only thing out there.

And resisting incurable gonorrhea is not my superpower.

- Oh god, that feels so good.

So natural. (Chayce moaning)

(Chayce grunting) (Harris moaning)

(soft tense electronic music)

- I remember when gay people were way too cool

to be proud nerds.

Maybe we were just overcompensating

for being tormented 24/7.

Now we're free to put on tights

and revel in superhero fandoms with reckless abandon.

Maybe I'm jealous.

Maybe I just wish I could love something

as passionately as whatever this guy's into

- While you were in the John, I got us something.

An old guy waiting for John Barrowman

wants to have a three-way.

$600 each.

- There was a time I wouldn't get into bed

for under $1000, but these days $600 is generous.

I mean, fitness models only make $350 on Rent Me.

- He probably just wants to play dress up

and slide up and down our bat poles.

- I have news.

- I am not ready to hear about a boyfriend.

Don't be a boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

- No. (scoffs) God no, I wish.

No.

I lost my job.

- Shit, I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.

I'm all right.

It's was two weeks ago.

(Andrew exhales)

- Thank you boys.

It was worth every penny.

- I need to use the bathroom to wash off my dick.

- Down the halt to the left.

You'll be fine.

I'm undetectable.

Don't look so mortified.

I'm undetectable, he's on PrEP, you wore a condom.

I could tell.

- Your ass is that sensitive?

- I could see it in your face.

Plus, I just saw you slip a used condom in your pocket.

Can I have it?

- Sure.

It's all yours.

- No one's gonna catch anything.

Don't you stay up on this stuff? You of all people should.

- I do read all the latest literature.

It's just...

I don't park my Peter without its costume on.

I stopped taking risks when I was with someone

and I've kept it up since.

It's my policy.

- I'm not trying to be a bad influence.

Kids like Chayce don't really get it,

but you and I both lived through the 90s

when people were still dying.

I thought I was gonna die.

I moved in with my mother 25 years ago

so she could be there when I passed on.

I rarely left the house.

Just read my comics.

And I was a saint.

No sex for 24 years.

Turns out I was there when she passed last year

and I realized my mother, the house, the HIV,

none of that controlled me.

It was me.

I wasn't letting myself have sex

because I felt like I didn't deserve it.

- Well, you're doing an excellent job

in making up for lost time.

- Are you slut shaming me? - No, no, I'm impressed.

- It doesn't take superhuman powers of perception

to see that you're in the same boat.

You're denying yourself something

because you think you don't deserve it.

(melancholy music)

- Well tune in next week.

- This is all very touching and sweet,

but Harris, do you have our, you know, cash?

We saved the day and we need our loot.

- Can you do PayPal?

- Of course.

- We can?

- Oh my God.

- So, what have you been doing with your days?

- You're looking at it.

Sitting, eating.

Wondering what the hell I'm gonna do.

- I could make some calls.

- I don't need your help. - I'm just trying to be nice.

- I'm sorry. I mean I don't need help finding a job.

I got an inbox full of these.

I just, I don't think I want one.

- Nobody wants a job.

- I feel like I've been living this life.

It isn't mine yet. Waiting for my real life to kick in.

But this is it.

This is my life.

And it's passing by and I still have

so much shit to figure out.

- Yeah. I know what you mean.

- Do you?

- We've been in this limbo for way too long

and it's my fault.

- We can't keep going like this.

Living together, broken up.

I feel like I'm walking down a long hallway,

looking for a door.

- You're right.

We can't.

It's just, I had a bit of an epiphany tonight.

I realized I was doing something or not doing something,

mainly because I was thinking about how it could affect you,

even if it only affected me.

Does that make any sense?

- Yes.

That's what couples do.

- No, it, it's more than that.

You're in my head, Andrew.

A piece of you is in every single thought I have.

I can't look at the world

without seeing it through your eyes.

Breaking up with you was a mistake.

It's like I'm trying to tear off a piece of myself.

It's ridiculous.

Let's figure this out together.

- Is that spandex?

(X chuckles)

(X laughs)

If you said this a month ago, even a week ago,

we'd go straight to make up sex.

But X, I am this close to getting over you.

I can see the door at the end of the hallway

and I need to open it.

I need to figure myself out

or else we're just gonna wind up

right back in the same situation.

And I need to do this not living with you.

- You're right.

(melancholy music)

That's it.

That's my confession.

Tell me, are there enough Hail Mary's in the world

to make up for this?

(melancholy music continues)

(soft tense electronic music)

(soft tense electronic music)

(people chattering)