Original subtitles

Please!

I'm begging you.

Don't go.

I can't live without you.

Well, darlin'...

That bronco out there, it, uh... ain't gonna ride itself.

What about this bronco?

Take me, cowboy.

I'll take you right now.

Ooh!

What was that?

Stay here.

I got this.

Margo, what are you... What is goin' on?

You're baking?

Thought you were celiac.

No, those aren't for me, silly.

I'm making homemade biscuits for Paul and Lydia.

You know, butter them up.

- Seal the deal on the house. - You really think they'll sell it to us?

The woman practically killed me. I'd say she owes me.

Jesus Christ, it's like a fuckin' sauna in here.

You gonna keep me a prisoner forever, asshole?

Keep calling me "asshole," and you'll find out.

- Go fuck yourself. - No, you fuck yourself!

No, no, no! I said it first! Fuck you!

- Go fuck yourself. - Fuck.

Talk to the spiders, you... fuckin' dick.

Fuck you!

Oh my God. I need a shower.

Can I have my dryer, or are you too busy entombing your brother?

- All done. - Lydia, is that you?

No, no, no. Sh, sh, sh!

Lydia, let me out! Come on!

- No, don't. Look. - Please.

- I got him. Huh? - I'm not a monster. I'm an addict.

- He's trapped. Shut up! - People are lookin' for me, Paul.

- Oh, bullshit. - And they will find me.

Behind a sealed wall?

Good luck, shithead!

You don't know these guys, man. They're hunters.

Especially when they're owed money.

They don't find me, they're gonna come find you.

Oh, oh, oh! I'm so scared!

Actually, that does sound scary.

No. No, he's full of shit.

- Where'd that hat come from? - Oh! Margo found it.

It belonged to Jacob.

- Yeah. - I think he wanted me to have it.

Yeah? Is he talkin' through baseball caps now?

You can be a real prick, you know?

What? It's a legitimate question.

No, the legitimate question is,

when did you become such a full-on psychopath?

How long are you gonna leave him plastered in the wall, Paul?

What do you want me to do? Huh? He has evidence on us.

Trust me. The only way he'll give it up is if he thinks he's gonna die in there.

You're gonna die in there!

- Fuck you! - Ha ha!

Paul, he's a father.

Think of Nate.

I hid some water in there. He'll be fine.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Jesus. What's happened to us?

We used to be so normal.

We'd go to Costco. We played Boggle.

We had friends.

A few friends we could tolerate.

How is this our life?

I don't know.

Ask the hat.

F... fuck.

It's gonna be so nice

to take walks on this street with our little bambino.

- Knock on wood. - I don't even need to. I feel positive.

Probably 'cause I deleted all my social media apps.

Including Citizen.

- Okay, excuse me, Major Growth. - Thanks.

Captain Impressed reporting for duty.

Right?

Like, I don't need to know every single time

a French bulldog gets kidnapped at gunpoint.

How does that help?

- It doesn't. - Yeah.

You're doing that thing with your lip that you do when you're hiding something.

- What thing? - That thing.

Fine!

I might have found out how the boy in the house died.

- Lydia's son? - I didn't wanna tell you.

- You'd get upset 'cause he was murdered. - I don't wanna know...

He was murdered? Why did you just tell me that?

- I thought you were asking me to. - I was asking you not to.

Okay, it... it's an unsolved murder from three years ago.

- It was unsolved? - It's in the past.

Oh, m...

All right. I'm sure a lot of Indigenous people

were also murdered on the block, if that helps.

What kind of sick fuck would I be if that helped?

The kind I love.

Oh God. That's a bad sign.

- Where's the "for sale" sign? - That can't be good.

Definitely not good.

Let's not assume the worst. We would've heard if it sold.

There's no way it's sold. I told her we wanted it yesterday.

What other explanation is there?

Maybe they took it down after they read our letter.

Yeah, but wouldn't Greg have said something?

I can't believe that bitch didn't say anything.

It's fine. Maybe this is the sign we needed.

For what?

- That it isn't meant to be. - What happened to feelin' so positive?

It got snuffed out by a child's unsolved murder.

I mean, Lydia did look pretty haunted the other day.

To be honest, I've been thinkin' about,

you know, maybe shakin' up the old career, tryin' somethin' new.

What, like streaming?

Like movin' back to my hometown.

- Oklahoma? - Yeah.

You can't be serious.

You have to admit the brother-in-law who answered the door was creepy.

Extremely, but...

...this is our dream home, okay?

I mean, we can't let a little murder get in the way of that.

You're right.

They actually call it the Great Plains. It's just wide-open spaces.

Whoa, Mr. Bojangles.

Easy, boy. Ah...

- Hi, Phyllis. - Come on, Mr. B, let's go.

Hey, Margo?

Margo, what are you doin'?

I'll tell you what I'm not doing. I am not giving up on your dream house.

Well, what about Possum's Hollow?

Fuck Possum's Hollow.

It's a beautiful place.

Were you expectin' anyone?

N... not for the house. I told Greg to take the sign down.

- Course you did. - I gotta go to the bathroom.

That's what the bucket's for!

Jesus, who the hell is that?

Where the hell are they? They're in there. I hear clanging.

I don't know.

You don't think it could be one of Mikey's friends, do you?

I doubt they ring doorbells.

It's probably just one of those solar panel people. They're relentless.

Either way, when they leave, we do.

Be nice to get some fresh air.

- Okay, now where are you going? - Just follow my lead.

Do you have a script I can follow? Improv has never been my strong suit.

So, what? Our plan is to let Mikey decompose in the walls

while we hide in the woods forever?

We're not hiding.

We're having tacos and enjoying some peace and quiet.

Jacob would've loved this view. You can see the stadium so clearly.

Yeah.

What?

- That guy, he just proposed. - What...

Oh, look.

- Oh, they're so young and in love. - Okay. All right.

Talk to me in a few years when those hands are around each other's necks.

- Do you even like me anymore? - What?

- Well, it's a legitimate question. - Oh, come on. Why would you ask that?

Well, because everything I say or do seems to really annoy you.

You've been dismissive.

Oh, could you just take a... a day off from breaking my balls, please?

What? I just wanna relax.

- Shut the fuck up. - Why not--

Are you kidding me? Hi.

Whoa!

- Oh my gosh. Well, hello. - Wow. How about that?

This is insane.

- We were literally just talking about you. - Oh boy.

- Really? - Isn't that right, J.D.?

Indeed. Indeed, yes.

What are the odds we'd run into our neighbors here?

Maybe the universe is tryin' to tell us something.

Maybe we should move to a bigger city.

- Too true. - Is that the plan?

'Cause we noticed that the "for sale" sign was down.

And I was like, "Gosh, hope my girl Lydia didn't accept an offer and not tell me."

- Uh, we took it off the market for a beat. - No.

No, but it's still for sale.

Just having second thoughts, or...

- Maybe. - I'm not.

Do, uh... do you guys hike here often?

- Yeah. On special occasions. - Never. I mean...

- Yeah. - It's my birthday.

It is?

- I thought-- - Oh, stop!

He always pretends not to remember.

He's pretty funny.

- Yeah. - Guilty!

No short-term memory whatsoever!

Just shot.

- Well, happy birthday. - Well, yeah.

- Thank you. - It's a big day.

Thank you. It is. It's a big one. 33.

Wow.

- That's a baby. - Yeah, I mean, that's young. So young.

- We don't wanna interrupt your picnic. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

But, um... I mean, unless you guys want company?

- Well, we were actually just heading back. - Oh... Yeah.

Happy birthday.

- All done. - Aw, thank you.

Oh, you know what?

I should just... head back to the ladies' real quick.

You know me and my baby bladder. Hmm!

- Bye. - Okay.

- Ciao. - Indeed.

Indeed.

- A small world, huh? - Yeah, right?

- Yeah. - Until they lose your luggage.

- Right? - And then... Yeah. No, it's...

- Yeah. - Man.

Mmm, here we go. Curbside delivery.

- Don't forget to tip your driver. - Okay.

You okay? Vibe check?

Good. I'm good. Yeah.

- Because vibes matter. - Uh-huh.

- All vibes matter? - Nope.

- I love you. - I love you.

The fuck is this?

Somebody slashed our tires.

Well, we're at a city park. You probably drove over glass or something.

On both tires?

And my phone has no reception. Great.

Oh, fuck.

Do you have a second phone?

It's Mikey's.

Oh my God. Mikey's guys.

Maybe they slashed our tires.

Okay, okay. Let's not jump to conclusions.

In fact, you know what?

Now that I look at it, yeah, it's glass. You're right.

Uh, stop placating me.

No. What? No. It's a very glassy area.

Looks like people come here just to break bottles.

Come on.

Let's find some better reception and call a tow truck.

Okay.

Hey, Siri. Read text.

Greg the Realtor said, "Hey, doll, sorry for delay."

"Was in sensory deprivation chamber."

"Bad news, house is off market."

"Good news, only because Mr. Morgan's brother died very suddenly."

"So 'dot.' Should be back in biz soon. Ta."

Would you like to reply?

Hey, Siri. Call Greg Realtor.

Calling Greg the Realtor.

Everyone okay with tequila?

- Good for me. - Sure.

I can't believe you agreed to come to their house.

What was I gonna say? They gave us a ride.

- It is her birthday, hmm? - Uh, yeah.

- Thirty-three. - Yeah.

Would you rather be there?

Oh jeez.

At least he's using the bucket.

Oh... Wow. You still have our sex alarm?

Eh, you know me. Never delete anything.

Hmm. I guess we've missed a few.

It's been three years.

All righty. Who wants a, uh... Margo-rita?

This gal does.

Whoa.

- Yeah. - Okay!

- Thanks. - Yeah. Oh wow.

- Okay. - Okay. All right.

Careful. They're a bit spicy.

Much like the, uh... senorita they're named after.

- You would know. Come here. - I--

- Thank you. - Okay.

Thank you. All right. Thank you.

Appreciate it. Thank you.

Anyone interested in some hot tub action?

I believe I'll stay on dry land.

Aw. Lydia? Paul? A little soak with the birthday girl?

Uh, sorry. I'm gonna pass.

Mm. Boo. Paul?

Oh, come on. You know you want to. Come on.

Oh, come on. Please?

Uh, all right.

- Eh, what the hell? Yeah. - All right!

Okay. Careful. No lifeguard on duty.

Right?

- Yeah. Be careful. Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yay! Cookies? - Yep.

And I spoke to Greg, and we're still in the running.

- Okay? - Okay!

They took the house off the market for a second

to, uh, deal with some family mishegoss thing.

Mishegoss?

Huh. Did he mention what kind of mishegoss?

Uh, he... Uh, what did he say?

Um...

Oh, you know exactly what he said.

There might have been a death in the family

of a creepy someone we met yesterday.

The brother-in-law is dead?

And I might have looked him up and found out that he's a convicted felon

that might have been thrown in prison three years ago.

- Which lines up with-- - I think Lydia killed him!

What? Jacob?

- No. The brother-in-law. - What are you talking about?

Okay. I may have reloaded the Citizen app.

Of course you did.

And there may be a neighbor who sent me a video of Lydia

maybe attacking the brother-in-law.

Did the neighbor make it a boomerang?

And she may have also told me that she has proof

that Jacob's murder was an inside job.

Because Paul, the husband, has a gun.

- What? - Okay. I may have been snooping.

I saw him hide a gun in the piano that mysteriously disappeared.

Oh my God!

Wait.

You don't think...

- Lydia killed the son! What? - Paul killed the son! What?

Ah, this feels good.

I could use one of these babies.

You and Lydia should get one.

Oh, that'll never happen.

No, she hates anything to do with water.

Yeah. Hot tubs, pools, beaches.

Beaches? How does anyone hate a beach?

I love the beach.

She prefers mountains.

Well... So, yeah, that's where we go.

Well, that's no fair.

You should get to do stuff you like to do too.

I agree.

Another Margo-rita?

Or is it too spicy for you?

It is not too spicy for me.

Bring it on.

Oh God.

Yeah.

I still can't believe we ended up at the park together.

I hope you don't think we were stalkin' you.

Oh, well, I didn't until you just said that.

No, I'm kidding.

- Can I-- - Right!

- Can I help you with anything? - No, no, no, I'm good.

I just popped some arancini in the old air fryer.

- So we're covered. - Oh, wow. Wow.

- I love that you cook. - Huh.

Paul can't even crack an egg.

- Is that so? - Yeah.

Yeah. No, I, uh... I got really into it.

I portrayed a, uh... a blind chef in this Hallmark movie.

Love at First Bite. I, uh...

- Maybe you saw it? - No.

Well, anyhow, I, uh... I actually got to where I could decorate a cake

just looking off to one side.

Just kinda...

- Yeah. Oh, uh-huh. - Yeah.

- Yeah, 'cause I believe that you're blind. - Yeah.

- And yet I know that you're not. - Yeah. See, now I'm cutting it.

- Oh, yeah, look at that. Good. - Yeah.

What's that, mime?

See, it's vanilla. See, taste is very important when you're sight-impaired.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - That's impressive.

- Right? Yeah, thank you. Ha! - Yeah. Huh.

Anyhow. No, I... Actually, I... I used to cook a lot more.

I... I just kinda stopped.

How come?

I... I don't know. Uh, Harper got older, and, uh, Margo's vegan after 2:00 p.m.

- Yeah. - And, uh...

Yeah, I mean, we... we barely eat together anymore.

- Yeah. - I don't know what happened.

Um... yeah, it seemed like such a simple thing, uh...

Yeah.

Wish I could get it back.

- Yeah, I know what you mean. - Yeah.

Okay. Shall we dig into those balls?

- Excuse me, the rice balls. The arancini. - I know what you meant.

- Okay, sorry. - Yeah, I'm not gonna cancel you.

I know! Ev...

Everyone's so worried about that. Okay.

Okay, but to be fair, she hates everybody on the block.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

If Phyllis had her druthers, we'd all be dead,

and she would rule the street with that stupid dog, Mr. Jumanji.

- Whatever the fuck his name is. - Bojangles! Mr. Bojangles.

- Bojangles? - Yes!

Yeah, that makes more sense.

'Cause he's such a great dancer. I see it.

He's...

I'm having such a great time.

Are you?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I...

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Who's that?

That's Groucho. That's the...

- The Marx brothers. What? - Oh, okay.

- I think my grandpa liked them. - Oh, your grandpa.

I get it. I'm old.

- Thank you. - That's okay. I like old things.

Well, go fuck yourself.

Okay. Wanna watch?

Actually, you know what?

I think I'm gonna get out.

- What? No. Come on. - Yeah.

- It was just... It was a bad joke. - No, I know.

- I was kidding. - I know. It's not that. I... I'm just...

- It's hot. I've been in here-- - No. Shit, I'm sorry.

Shit!

Uh... I just... We were having so much fun.

- And then I just ruined it. - No.

- You didn't ruin it. - I did.

- You didn't. - I do this.

- I did. - I'm telling you the truth. It's fine.

No, it's not fine. It's not fine, okay?

I'm a mess.

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I just...

I barely recognize myself anymore. Or J. D.

It's like I... I'm not even married to the same person.

And because he's depressed,

I'm depressed.

And then I have to act like I'm not depressed

because then he'll just get more depressed.

And I honestly don't know what he would do.

Yeah. Sorry. That's, uh...

That sounds rough.

I know I'm only 33, but I am so tired.

And I want my marriage to work.

I want it to last, but...

I don't know. Sometimes, I just want a break.

Shoot, I got lost.

Yeah. Oh, no. I think it's actually...

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Show me. - Yeah.

No, keep goin'! It sounded great.

I for... I forgot it.

- It was wonderful. - Yeah.

Where... So where did you learn?

Oh, I, uh, I taught myself as a gift for my first wife.

She really loved Elton.

And Miguel, her tango teacher.

- Oh. That's a tough pill. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow. I didn't know... I didn't realize you were married before.

Yeah. Yeah, twice.

Well, the first one only lasted six months.

You know, we were pretty young.

- And not that smart, but, uh... - Yeah.

Well, I was married to Harp's mom for 13.

- Years? - Months.

- Uh-huh. Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah. Harp's actually with her mother this week.

Yeah.

You know...

Well, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but...

Margo and I have

uh, kind of been working through some stuff,

and I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Yeah.

Well... yeah, I mean, you know, whatever it is,

I'm sure you guys are gonna find your way.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Right.

Okay, Miss Philharmonic. Your turn. Come on.

- Oh, no. - Dazzle me.

- I can't. - Please.

- I can't, really. - Sure, you can.

I really can't.

I... I haven't been able to, um, since my son died.

So...

I'm sorry, Lydia.

What? Oh gosh. What's happening?

No.

It's okay.

- No, it's not. - It's not, but...

Margo and I were here that night.

And uh...

Well, we heard the robber in the house.

What was that?

I got this.

And what I did was...

I hid

in the closet.

I coulda stopped him,

but I just wasn't man enough.

I was scared, and that's not right.

No.

You didn't do anything wrong.

We own a gun.

And it was right there.

And I hate myself for not using it.

Uh... you would hate yourself more if you had.

Trust me.

- Excuse me, uh... - No!

- No, I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.

I mean, the song was bad enough.

No, no. Well...

- I have a relationship with her. - Just... just...

- So... - Okay.

All right.

Are we sure we wanna go down this rabbit hole?

We're already down it, Alice. There's no going back.

Mrs. Bojangles?

Call me Phyllis.

Get ready to have your minds blown.

She's actually kind of fun. I, uh... I really like Lydia.

Paul was a real bore. Full snooze.

But... I think I might have convinced him to sell us the house.

- Yeah? How? - I just told him what he wanted to hear.

Looks like you, uh... lost a nail.

Must've come off in the hot tub.

Remind me to get it out of the filter tomorrow.

So what could you, uh, have possibly been talkin' about

with that guy all night?

Ugh, he's an actor. He talked about himself the whole time.

- Yeah. Right? - What about you and Margo?

Ah, you know, I... I did my Groucho Marx impression.

Yeah.

And she claimed not to know who he was.

- Come on! - I know, right?

- God. - Yeah, I can't put my finger on it.

But there's somethin' off about her.

Uh, yeah, like her age?

- Thirty-three, my ass. - Yeah, right? I know.

- My God! - I was like, "Come on, sweetheart."

- "You're not foolin' anybody." - Right!

- Ha! - Except her husband.

Ah! Indeed.

- Indeed! - Right! Yes!

- Ah. You wanna hear somethin' nuts? - Huh?

She offered me 200 over asking for the house.

- She did? - Mm-hmm.

What did you say?

I told her that you'd rather light the house on fire than sell it to her.

- You did not. - I did not.

But I did tell her that, uh, I'm gonna leave the deciding up to you.

Thank you.

- Fuck me. What-- - Ignore it.

- Shit, it's a cop. - A cop?

Why... why would a cop... Why would the cops be here?

I don't know!

Everything okay, officer?

Hey, Uncle Paul.

Hey, Nate.