Original subtitles

Paulie? Paulie!

- I told you not to touch my stuff, Paulie. - Should've found a better hiding place.

- Give me that! - Hey! Give it back!

You want it? Catch!

Mikey! Let me out!

Dad's gonna kill you!

Let me out! Mikey! Mikey!

Fuck.

Paul, can we please talk?

I'll take that as a no.

I'm so sorry, Paul. I'm so sorry.

I can't believe this is happening again.

Are... are you... just not gonna say anything?

Okay, I know you act like you're dead inside--

Okay, all right. You wanna talk? Wanna have a little chin-wag

about the life sentence we're gonna get for what looks like premeditated murder?

No, no, it was self-defense! He was threatening to show that evidence.

You invited him over!

- You fed him marsala. - I thought I could get through to him!

Okay, all I know is now we have to... get rid of him somehow.

- Yeah. - Can't call the guy who helped last time.

Because you just brained him.

Yeah. I'll help you.

Oh, yeah.

I can help. I can help.

- Please don't. - I can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

We'll wrap him in one of your construction tarps,

wait for nightfall, dump his body by the river,

and... and make it look like it was an overdose.

- Okay, El Chapo. Nice plan. - Right?

And obviously, we're gonna have to take the house off the market.

Oh my God. Did you kill him to get out of selling this fuckin' place?

- He's in a rug, Paul! - Because you put him there!

Oh... you wanna talk about the dead person in the house?

It's you, Lydia!

- What are you talking about? - You're gonna help me. You're gonna--

You... you barely left the house in three years.

Your own daughter won't even talk to you because you're so stuck.

That's not true! Emily's just busy with college!

She's not too busy to talk to me.

And not through the lights! On the phone, like a normal parent-child relationship!

Hey, you wanna keep chattin'?

Get the fuck out, Lydia!

Fine.

Fuck you, Paul!

Try not to kill anyone else!

Come on.

There he is!

People's Most Sexy Man Alive. I made you a coffee.

Uh, thanks.

I'm dying to know what this big opportunity is

that your agent has for you.

I already told him no more infomercials,

and I'm not gonna be the spokesman for Randy's Tires of Burbank.

Ew, no. You have to wait for the right thing.

Like maybe something in the Yellowstone universe.

- I'd be perfect for that. - Right?

We don't need to be desperate. We still have your Schwab and your NFTs.

You know, I already hated this house, but now, everywhere I look,

I'm haunted by the ghost of you and your fuck-buddy past.

- Honey, don't. - Honey, don't "honey, don't" me.

Did you do it back there? Did you do it in the bedroom?

Did you have shower sex with him? I don't doubt it.

It wasn't a guy.

Then what was he?

He was a she.

- I mean, is that what you want? - No.

- Good Lord. - No, I want you.

- I got a big meeting today, all right? - I know. I know.

Please. How do we get past this?

I will do anything. I will go to counseling.

I'll sign another prenup.

- I'll get rebaptized. - I don't know right now.

I don't know if I can get past it.

You're just gonna have to settle down for a second.

Okay.

No, you're right.

I... I don't think we can move on in this house.

I mean, what if we moved across the street?

I mean, you've always loved that house, even after everything that happened.

And Harper could stay in her same school.

As if you even know where Harper goes to school.

Of course I do.

I'm not that bad of a stepmom.

- She goes to Hillside. View! - It's called Hillview.

- Hillview, Margo. - Hillside... Hillview. That's what I said.

And even if we wanted to buy that house, we can't because Lydia doesn't like you.

Who's Lydia?

Hey!

Hey, Emily, honey. It's me.

Um... it's Mom. Been a while.

But I... I miss you.

And so I was just...

I was wondering if, you know, maybe I could, um, stop by.

Um... So, yeah.

Okay. Bye.

Oh Jesus.

Stupid.

Oh! Fuck was that?

Oh fuck.

Oh my God.

Oh my God! Are you okay?

I'm fine!

I didn't see you. You know, you came just out of nowhere!

- It's no problem! - Oh God.

Should I call 911?

No, no, no, no. I'm all right.

I'm all right.

No! Okay, here. Let me help you up.

Maybe we could go into your house and get some ice?

No.

Ow!

The code is 6969. It's an inside joke.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I get it.

Oh, thank you. Over here.

Fuck!

Yeah. I always wondered what it looked like in here.

- It's chic, right? - Yeah.

Believe it or not, I did the whole place myself.

- Believe it. - Thank you.

I'm actually trying to make a career of it.

You know, I wanna be more than just a trophy wife.

Yeah. Here. Why don't I...

- Oh fuck! - Sorry. Oh, sh... Sorry.

- Sorry. That was just shocking. Thanks. - I'm gonna get some ice to put on it.

Oh, okay. This one.

Jesus.

Seriously?

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Yeah. I... I'm sorry.

Again, I'm so sorry.

I've been under a lot of stress, you know, with, uh, selling the house and...

Uh... God, I can't believe--

I'm sorry. I almost k... I could have killed you.

Maybe it would've been better if you did kill me.

What?

If I was dead, then maybe J.D. might forgive me.

- I cheated on him. - Mm-hmm.

With a woman. I mean, a-- God, a gorgeous woman.

But it's just been a shitty morning.

Sorry, TMI.

Oh, no. No. It's interesting. I...

Are you okay?

Yeah. No. I've also had a shitty morning.

My daughter doesn't wanna see me, so...

Girls are rough.

Just ask the ten-year-old demon I live with.

Oh, fuck it.

Thank you, my man.

Hey, J-Dizzles!

- Hey. - There's the big man.

How you doin'? So, uh, we headin' to the Ivy? What's the plan?

Nah, we can just chat here.

What? Here?

Yeah. So how you been, brother?

I've been good. I've been good. Thanks for askin'.

Uh, you know, I've actually been noodlin' on a pitch.

It's a biopic about the Property Brothers.

- Just-- - I'm gonna stop you there.

Sure, sure. Just... just sandboxin'.

Yeah, I know. Uh, we're lettin' you go.

What?

- Why? - We can't give you what you need.

What... what you deserve.

I don't deserve anything. I'm just looking for the chance to do good--

What the fuck is this?

All your signed soap opera convention photos.

Why is she even here?

Just in case, you know, you had another... incident.

Are you kiddin' me? I made one mistake, Drew.

- One mistake! - You brought a gun to the set.

Hey, I was in a tailspin! I told you it was the meds.

I was experiencing mild hallucinations. I had a reduced appetite.

I hadn't eaten in days, all right? I was starved!

Take a breath, brother.

- Now bring it in. - Huh?

- A hug. Gimme some love. - What?

Bring this thing in. Come on.

You're gonna be all right.

Huh? You got your smoke-show wife.

Your daughter.

Just take some time.

Go back to Missouri.

- Oklahoma. - Wherever.

Just go away.

Okay, Drew.

- Could you... - We don't validate.

You haven't been here that long. Probably just be a couple bucks.

See you, bro.

Come on.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

- Welcome, Samson fam. - Wow!

- That's what I'm talkin' about. - Fuck.

- What are you doing? - Huh? No.

Uh, nothin'. Just, uh...

- Nothing. - Jesus.

You look like Nick Nolte's mugshot. You keep partying without me?

- Hey, it was a rough night. - You're tellin' me.

- Me and Larry had trauma sex. - I don't wanna know. Who's downstairs?

Oh, serious buyers.

I have a really good feeling about them. Beautiful intergenerational family.

Uh-huh. Cancel it.

Why? 'Cause you're in the middle of a hang-xiety spiral? No one gives a shit.

My brother died.

Well, now I feel terrible.

Can you just get 'em outta here?

Wait. Your brother that you were tryin' to frame?

What? I didn't say frame.

Oh, you mean... Oh.

No. I said save. I was gonna... save him.

No, you specifically said you were gonna plant drugs on him and send him back--

I was on drugs, Greg. Huh? I didn't know what I was sayin'.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry. Don't worry about it. I'm gonna keep this real short and sweet.

- Thank you. - Okay.

Meanwhile, you might wanna clean yourself up a scooch

'cause you smell like the inside of a cat's mouth.

Ooh!

Look at this built-in bar!

- This is gonna be my room! - Yeah!

Uh, Ma, listen. Uh, Carla and I...

Look, we're really appreciative of you offering to help us buy the house.

- That's what family is for. - Yeah.

If Carla's mother was still alive, she would want that too.

God rest her soul.

She thought religion was a colonial holdover.

- But if... - Not right now.

What... what we... what we're sayin' is... is that...

Look, Carla feels as though... And also, I feel...

We both feel that it's important that we establish our couple vibe...

...before we bring in a third.

- Right. That sounded weird. - It did.

Okay. I got it.

What I mean is, we wanna move into this house,

just the three of us.

Yes. The three of us.

No.

- The three of us. - Like one, two, three.

I see.

I see.

- M... Ma, I-- - Hey, fam!

Slight snag-a-roo. Little Snagourney Weaver.

Um...

Paul, the owner, has had a death in the family.

It's his brother.

- So we're gonna have to make this quick. - Should we just leave?

Absolutely not. Paul's brother would not have wanted that.

But I do think if you're serious about making an offer,

I want you to think about a number where you're comfortable landing

and then go way above that.

Don't look at me.

It's on the three of them.

- Mom. - We're fine.

My husband is about to publish his second bestseller.

- Yeah. - What? What was his first?

Shadowcasters.

- I don't know why I asked. I don't read. - Oh. Okay.

Dr. Henderson?

Yeah, I got a second.

I can read. I just don't.

You were with the Philharmonic, right?

I was. Mmm.

- But I... I gave up my seat. - Hmm.

Well, there's a seat for you right over there.

Um... right. The pink piano.

It's cool, right?

Yeah, the... Uh-huh. The...

- So, if you get the itch, just come on by. - Yeah.

I know Harper misses getting lessons from Jacob.

Then why did you fire him?

Oh. Because it conflicted with her ballet.

She needed those classes. She is graceless.

Okay.

Anyway, I always thought that Jacob was a really special... young man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was actually on my way over

to give you this.

Jacob left it here before, you know...

Thank you.

I'm so sorry that I didn't bring it over sooner. I...

I didn't know what to say or how to act.

Yeah.

My brother died when I was 15.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, he died in a fire.

I left the space heater on.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I am not trying to compare that to you losing your son.

Losing a brother isn't easy either.

Sometimes I feel guilty for just being alive.

Then I remember that Bobby wouldn't want me to blame myself.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

You know, it's funny.

- I never liked you. - How's that?

No, I just mean that I... I guess I was intimidated by you

'cause you're just so cultured and, like, effortlessly gorgeous.

I mean, look at your house.

Mmm. Yeah.

Honestly, J.D. and I were thinking about making an offer.

You know, just to downsize.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

That is, if he decides he doesn't hate me.

- Can I ask you something? - Yeah.

Do you do all that every day?

All what?

The hair and the makeup.

I wake up like this.

I'm just kidding!

- I have an idea for you. - What's that?

Help me hobble up the stairs, and I'll

give you a little zhuzh.

Well, I... I don't know. All right.

Uh, thank you. Uh, thank you, Dr. Henderson.

- Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to-- - No, no. I... You know what? I wasn't...

Yeah, I didn't realize anybody was even upstairs.

I'm... I'm sorry. I don't know why I...

Yeah. Well...

I just got some weird news from the doctor.

Dennis.

- Paul. - Oh, Paul.

- Yeah. - I'm so sorry about, uh...

Greg told us that your brother had passed.

Uh, yeah.

Sorry, dude. Sorry.

Thanks. Yeah. Uh... it was... sudden.

Must have been a shock.

You never know when your time's gonna come.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of things I would've done differently.

And, uh, you know...

you only got one family.

And, uh...

he... he had a son.

Man.

Thanks.

Sorry.

I'm... I'm about to have a son.

Oh, congrats.

Yeah. Good for you. That's great.

I can't tell you what it would mean to me to be able to raise him in this house.

For as long as I have to raise him.

I appreciate that.

Ooh!

Brother, brother, brother.

Anyway, I think I'm...

- Uh, I am gonna shower now, so... - Oh, yeah. Of course.

Have your time.

Hey. You think our sectional would look good in here?

I don't think it'll look good anywhere.

But it doesn't really matter what I think.

Oh, come on, Denise. I want you to feel included.

By icing me out of the house?

By not inviting me to your wedding?

Dennis is my only child.

Denise, there was no wedding.

It was just the two of us and a justice of the peace

that we found on QuickieWeddings.net.

Well, lucky them.

Isn't your father alive?

What did he do to piss you off?

I know that you and Dennis are... agonizingly close.

But I need you to let go.

A little distance between family can be a good thing.

I'm a mother!

Mothers don't get to let go.

When he's 80, and I live to 100, and I will,

he will still be my baby.

Maybe

one day you'll understand.

What the hell is that?

- Um, a mouse, I think. - It's coming from in here.

You hear that?

- Excuse me. - Who's this man?

That's Paul, the owner. He... he's pretty raw right now.

Hey, Paul.

I was telling these lovely potential buyers

you mayhaps have a cute little critter hangin' out in your walls.

Is that a mouse, persnaps?

It's a big mouse.

- It's a raccoon. - Raccoon?

- Like a rabies raccoon? - Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah. We thought we got... we were rid of him, but...

I'm s... Hmm.

Um, we tried to get rid of him so many times.

We worked so hard,

but you can't get rid of that little fucker.

He's alive. Resilient little son of a fuckin' bitch.

- That's our cue. - Yeah.

- Let's let Paul deal with this, and... - See you, brother.

- Maybe put on some pants if he has time. - Why don't we go this way?

- Let's head to the sunroom. - Okay.

- I know. - What was this guy's name?

- Jake. - Jake.

- Well, he sounds like quite a character. - He is. It was really funny.

Hi, Harper. I'm so sorry I couldn't pick you up from school today.

I got run over by a car.

Whatever.

Okay, uh, why don't you go up and change?

And I'll, uh, help you do homework in a second, okay?

- Okay, Papa. - All right.

So how was the meeting with Drew today?

Not bad. Uh...

You know, he just wanted to let me know it's between me

and, uh, you know, one other guy.

For a... role in a new superhero thing.

- Honey, that is wonderful! - Yeah.

I mean, it'd just be playin' a sidekick, but, yeah, it's pretty good.

Are you kidding me? Automatic sink, my ass!

Motion sensor. It doesn't even sense emotion!

It can't hear you!

Calm down.

Maybe we'll be out of here soon.

- What do you mean? - Come here, and I'll tell you.

- You have to come 'cause I can't walk. - She just ran you over, huh?

- Yeah. - Guess... guess she really does hate you.

No, she doesn't hate me.

We had a great conversation.

- Yeah? - A girl chat.

Like, a super deep girl chat.

Yeah, about the house?

I dipped a toe, playing the long game.

Well, you know, I'm just glad you're okay.

But are...

are we okay?

I... I don't know.

All I know is that you and Harper,

you know, you're all I got.

That's true.

And everyone should be allowed

to make one mistake.

Right?

- Yes, baby. - Yeah.

I love you.

Uh...

Sit, and I'll, uh...

- Let me grab you a Percocet, okay? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, baby.

Don't put any pressure on it.

Okay.

How about shuttin' the fuckin' door, you little bitch?

Oh, sorry, Ma. I--

Seriously? You're smokin' again?

I never quit.

Those things are gonna kill you, Ma. And... and I need you around.

Oh, so now you need me around.

I do.

I made a mistake.

- I want you to live with us. - Why?

Because you only have one family.

And I need you here in case I...

have to suddenly go away... somewhere.

I don't wanna be some unwanted rabies raccoon livin' in your wall.

Evidently, it's time I let go.

Like, what are you talkin' about?

Ask your wife.

But, Ma, I--

I'm dying.

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?

You are flip-flopping all over!

I cannot live with that woman until you're 80 and she's 100.

That's not gonna happen, babe, 'cause, um...

I gotta tell you somethin'.

I already know you took your mom to prom.

No, she drove me there and then she wouldn't leave.

I had to give her, like, one... A couple of slow dances.

- Sounds like the same thing to me. - Would you please?

This is serious.

What?

Uh... Oh God.

Okay, Dennis, you're scaring me.

I'm...

I'm...

I haven't finished my book.

- Okay. Uh... you will, love. - I haven't even started it.

I don't understand.

So you lied?

Look, when I wrote my first book, like, nobody gave a shit.

So, if it flopped, then I was just failing myself.

But now I'd be failing you, and... and the baby. And--

Wait, so this is my fault?

No! I'm... I'm just under a lot of pressure.

Everybody is under pressure, Dennis. It's... it's called adulthood.

Jesus! Now I see why your mom thinks that she has to still take care of you.

Look, I... I didn't... I didn't know how to tell you, okay?

I was afraid that you'd look at me

like you're lookin' at me right now.

Well, then I'll stop lookin' at you.

Mikey?

I'm sorry... about...

all of it.

Mikey!

Let me out!

- What's the racket all about? - He stole my stuff.

- No, I didn't! I swear! - Mikey, Jesus Christ!

He's lying! Why the fuck do you always believe him?

What'd you say to me?

I just wanna start over, all right?

I mean, just 'cause things got fucked up...

it doesn't mean it has to stay that way.

He's alive?

Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

Thank God.

Mikey, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna open the door.

Mikey?

Come on. Come on. Fight me.

- Mikey, stop it! - You little pussy.

I don't wanna fight!

Oh yeah?

Why don't you ask your wife how my lips taste?

Looking good, by the way.

- Paul, no, don't-- - Stay the fuck out of it!

Paul?

What the hell are you doing?

I'm lettin' that fucker rot!