Original subtitles

Oh wow!

Oh! Look at these details.

The windows.

I'm blown away.

Shit, Barry, I think this is the original fireplace.

Ah! Someone's got a good eye.

The owner restored it himself.

- Wow. - Yeah.

He's a contractor, so he did all the work on the house.

- Plumbing, electrical, everything. - This one...

They look like a smart couple.

Yeah. I mean, I've never been a fan of an indoor scarf.

But...

Ooh! Now, does this piano come with the house?

Oh, no. The wife played for the Philharmonic. Icon.

She'll be buried in that thing.

Did she die? Because you have to disclose that.

Ooh, I would if I could, but the thing is, I can't,

because she's very much alive and very motivated to sell.

It is so strange to finally be inside.

How many times have we walked past this house?

So many times.

- It's somehow even prettier inside. - Yeah.

And, babe, did you see these arches?

Do we not have these exact arches on our vision board?

Oh, now you're into the vision board.

I mean, we have been looking for two years,

and the house that we're obsessed with finally pops up?

- I mean, this feels beshert. - Mmm. Yeah, it does.

It's just such a family house, don't you think?

Just because we don't have kids does not mean we're not a family.

No, I know that. I didn't mean it like that.

I think it's gorgeous. It's just...

Have you seen upstairs?

It's, like, a little darker than I was expecting.

Okay. I... I think it's just a time of day thing.

No, I meant, like, the vibe, like...

It's kind of like a dark vibe.

Is it possible that you're pickin' up on your own vibe?

Because you're kind of bein' a Negative Nance.

I would've killed to live in a place like this when I was a kid.

I'd kill a man dead right now if he had a million dollars in his pocket.

- We'd need it if we try to buy this place. - I know, I know, I know.

- But just leap, and the net will appear. - Oh my gosh. Look at these wood beams.

They're original to the house, babe. You can tell--

No, you can tell because you're smart, 'cause you're my sexy little architect.

Mmm. Oof.

I don't feel so little or so sexy right now.

Are you kidding me? Have you seen yourself?

Do you have any idea how perfect you are?

No.

But you can take this opportunity to tell me.

Do you two ever quit it?

I mean, you're making everyone uncomfortable.

We're newlyweds, Ma. We're supposed to be lovey-dovey.

You're also supposed to invite your mother to your wedding,

but I suppose that "supposed to" didn't count.

We didn't have a wedding.

It seemed like a crazy amount of money to spend on a party.

Who needs a party?

You do. You love parties.

You've been dreaming about your wedding your entire life.

Remember?

You wanted 98 Degrees to sing you down the aisle.

- Well, who wouldn't? - You wanted what?

Oh...

I recognize him.

Okay. Mom, don't say anything. Don't--

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh, sorry. I was just checking-- - No, no. You're fine.

- But I couldn't help but notice... - Huh?

You look like the actor from the soap opera Rising Tides.

- Uh, hey. How you doin'? - Are you the shady handyman?

- Yeah, I played Devon, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Devon. Yes, Devon.

- Devon, you trying to buy this house? - Oh, no, no, I'm just browsing.

I love the old Hollywood Spanish style.

You know?

- I love Rising Tides. - Yeah.

- Oh yeah? - That's my favorite story.

I appreciate that. It means a lot.

- Thank you. Yeah. - Yeah. Until they killed you off.

Baby, they put a hammer to his head.

He cheated on the stepdaughter, and you know what? He didn't deserve her.

On your stepdaughter?

Yeah. Well, it was for the best, you know, story-wise, and, uh, well, I've moved on.

- Uh-huh. So what you on now? - Yeah. But I'm sorry.

- Now? - Yeah.

- Currently? - Yes.

I'm on kind of a self-imposed hiatus, but there is somethin' I'm lookin' at.

I probably shouldn't talk about it.

It's a supersecret project.

- Uh, it was good talking to you. - Ooh! Okay.

- Thank you. - Of course.

- You take care now. - Mm-hmm! You too, Devon.

Look at that light.

- Gorgeous. - Oh my gosh.

That's really nice. Is this, like...

- What's in here? - And this?

Well, if it isn't everyone's favorite Lookie Louise.

- Hello, Craig. - It's Greg.

I know. I thought we were making up names.

Piano's out of tune.

Oh. I'll let the seller know.

Mmm. You should do that.

Look at Margo. Sunglasses and that purse.

She looks like an AI-generated... bitch.

But do you like Margo? 'Cause I can't tell.

Ha ha. I can tell. she is thrilled to see inside the house. Judge us.

Her nipples are probably so hard.

- Oh. No. They're not. - Aw.

Who cares what Margo thinks anyway? Fuck Margo.

Yeah, fuck Margo.

Unless she wants to pay cash.

Then I'm happy to bend over and take that cash right in the ass.

- Okay. I know you're kidding. - Uh, I'm half kidding.

But I will burn this place to the ground if we sell to someone like her.

She does not deserve this house.

Okay. Okay. We're gettin' emotional.

Because it's emotional, Paul. Okay? All my memories are here.

Yeah, I know. I know.

- But, hey, I grew up here. So... - Since you were eight.

Yeah. But I mean, technically, more of my memories are here.

And a lot of 'em suck.

Yes. I know.

It just... it still feels like lobbing an appendage off.

Well, we... we have to amputate.

We... we've waited long enough.

What about my garden?

You know, and the mandarin tree that the kids and I planted.

It's persnickety if it's not pruned.

So, you leave instructions for the next family.

Let them deal with the fuckin' water bill.

Why is everything about money with you?

Because we don't have any, Lydia.

Huh? The second mortgage fucked us.

And I'm trying, but I can only do so much.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I am. I really am sorry it's all on you.

I would work if I could. I would. But...

Okay? I can't.

I know.

I know, I know.

Listen, I know you can't.

- Yeah. - I know. Come on.

If...

if we get a bidding war going,

then we can build our own place in Cambria.

Nice little ranch, with... with nice little horses.

How little? Like...

Oh. Microscopic.

Undetectable to the human eye.

Hmm. Okay. Well, that would be adorable.

Yeah. And... and maybe, with the sea air in your hair,

and... and a change of scenery,

you'll be able to play again.

Hmm? I miss hearing you play.

Okay.

But can we just make sure we find the right buyers

who get how special this house is?

How special you made it?

Yeah. Of course.

Huh? Oh, look. They look like nice people.

Yeah. Well, Ted Bundy looked nice.

But... maybe we go down and meet them.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Come on, Paul. Let's go downstairs.

No. Don't go out there.

- What? - Nothing.

I'm gonna tell the realtor we wanna make an offer.

Babe, can we please talk about this first? Like...

I need to take time to process before we spend our entire nest egg.

Totally. But what else are we supposed to spend that money on?

We're not doing any more IVF, right?

I mean, that alone frees up, like, a gajillion dollars.

Right.

Okay. Listen. I just think that we could totally change, like, the vibe in there.

- You know? - Yeah. But...

Do we even know if the street is safe? Like, at night?

Uh, this street? This street?

- Questionable. - You think it looks...

This looks like a dangerous spot?

No. The vibes change immediately. Sun goes down, different street.

Okay. All right. I'll come back. I'll drive around. I'll do...

I'll do my loops. I'll do my night loops.

Remember those break-ins a couple years ago? Someone got shot?

I don't, because I don't obsessively check the Citizen app.

I don't obsessively check it.

Okay. I'm just saying... it's LA, babe.

Okay? We don't need to know

every time some nutter-butter steals a catalytic converter.

I think, if it was your catalytic converter,

you would wanna know.

I would def... I don't like when anyone touches my catalytic converter.

- Exactly. And then you would-- - Except you.

Is this foreplay?

I got a lot where that came from.

Okay.

Tag!

Tag!

Tag!

Mommy, help me!

I got him!

Yo, it's Jacob.

Leave a message or text me like a normal person.

Hi, honeybun. I just wanted to hear your voice.

Hey. Careful with that. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

Hey.

Hi. What, uh...

what are you doing here?

That's my warm reception after all this time?

I thought you might be happy to see me.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I am. I'm just a little surprised. That's all.

I didn't, uh... realize you were... out.

Want a water? Somethin'?

That's got a hint of hibiscus.

The fuck is hibiscus?

I don't know. It's a fruit.

- Why is there a flower on the label? - It's, uh, an essence.

- Fuck is an essence? - I don't know.

So?

How you been? How was prison?

Make any nice friends?

Nah. Most of the other white guys were skinheads,

so I spent the bulk of my time in my cell,

which you would have known if you ever came to visit me.

Yeah, well... been a little busy.

For three years?

Oh. Been three years. Wow.

Huh, you look up and 36 months just flies.

Listen, I need $80,000.

Okay. Wow.

Uh, that's a lot of money.

Seems like a good time to find a job, then.

I need it by tomorrow.

Yeah. Me too.

Hey, you think it's easy, gettin' a job straight out of the joint?

Think people are hirin' ex-cons just all willy-nilly?

- No, no. Maybe not willy-nilly. - Listen, asshole.

I helped you when you needed it most, and I paid the fucking price.

All right. You went to prison for drugs. That's your problem, not mine.

Listen, man.

- I'm asking you to help me, all right? - I'm telling you, I don't have it.

- I'm broke. - Bullshit! I saw the fuckin' house.

I... I fixed it up so we could sell it. That's all money I owe now.

Be a shame, people find out what really happened in that house.

What, you think you can scare me, Mikey?

Ow! Motherfucker!

Eighty grand.

Tomorrow. Or I tell the cops everything.

Oh God! Oh!

Oh! Oh God! Ah!

I gotta say, this is a beautiful street.

Right? That's the kind of house you wanna raise a kid in.

We didn't have no houses like that in Bed-Stuy.

And even if we did, we couldn't afford half of it.

Even before your daddy died.

I know, Mama. I know. It didn't matter where we lived.

You were my home.

And now I'm lucky if I see you twice a year.

Oh, come on, Mama.

You sure you're not bitin' off more than you can chew with this place?

Oh, I can chew it. I'm chewin' it. Really. I got money saved up from my last novel.

And Carla's... she's killin' it. She's workin' her ass off, so...

Okay. Until the baby comes, and then she has to stay home.

Mama, she's not gonna stay home. She... It's not 1964, all right?

You know, did Beyoncé stay home?

You got Jay-Z money?

Huh? No, not... not yet. But we're--

Look, we're gonna get a nanny. Or somethin'. Okay?

- We gonna figure it out. - That's not cheap either.

And God forbid if somethin' happens, like you need a new roof.

What? That's $50,000 right there.

- 50,000 for a roof? That sounds high. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's right. Come on. You know. You know.

How many houses you had? What? Oh, none.

Anyway, if you need me, I'm always here.

Thank you, Mama.

By here, I mean 3,000 miles away.

You're underwater, bro.

I know, Lenny. I know.

You shouldn't have bought the most expensive house on the street.

It's just, I thought I'd be working by now.

You know, I won three Soap Opera Digest awards.

Only been done by eight other actors in the history of the medium.

I mean, there's one guy in the telenovelas. He's won 22.

But they have a totally different voting system with Telemundo.

You're a great actor, J.D. No one's debating that.

Though I would stay off Reddit.

What are they sayin' about me on Reddit? Am I a subreddit? Be honest.

Look, I'm saying maybe you could afford the house and the cars and the boat

back in Oklahoma, but not here.

Hey, I never even wanted the boat, all right?

My wife wanted the boat. Talk to her.

Maybe you should talk to her.

Yeah, and say what? Gifts... They're her love language.

I don't know. I just...

I can't lose her, Lenny. All right?

I can't lose one more thing.

Stupid fucking house and fucking Swedish refrigerator!

I told you not to buy new construction.

Remember? I said, "More like no construction."

No, I know, Lenny.

I was working 15-hour days on Rising Tides, as you know.

So I thought the least I could do

was buy my wife the house that she wanted, you know?

Well, it might be time to get a house you can afford.

Yeah, well, I...

Fuck you!

- You talkin' to me? - No.

You... still taking your meds?

No.

But I think you're right.

Maybe it's time for a change.

How long since she's been played?

Oh. I don't know. A few years.

- Years? - Yeah.

Oh, Lydia Morgan, that's a shame. For everyone.

This thing belongs in a museum.

- Do you know what year she is? - No, it was my grandmother's.

She, um... she taught me, actually. On this piano.

Yeah. She was the real virtuoso.

Please, don't pretend like you're not hot shit.

You played with Dudamel.

Okay, well, not to name-drop, but she played for Hitler.

Not 'cause she wanted to. 'Cause she had to.

You know, to stay alive.

They weren't friends. Yeah, I don't revere him. It's... Yeah.

Well, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

- You do. - Mm-hmm.

Philharmonic hasn't been the same without you.

You know they have Carol Carmichael doing your solos?

I know. Yeah, she's fine.

- You know, a little robotic. - Uh-huh.

Kind of a hack.

Thought that might rile you.

Yeah.

Oh, it sounds good.

- Yeah. - Thanks, Jerry. Thanks.

- Yeah. - Well, now you have no excuse not to play.

Okay.

Ah, well, all right.

Lydia, you okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

Just keep trying.

Los Feliz is one of the best school districts in LA.

And it's walkable to the farmers' market.

- How much work does it need? - Not much.

If we... if we ripped out this shitty tree and put in a pool, we'd make a killing.

Oh, would we? Don't know how my partners would feel about that.

Look, you're always saying you're looking for new investors.

I am.

And I'm just trying to put my money where my mouth has been.

You're such a slut.

Oh, I feel so seen.

It could be interesting.

Yeah, I'll bring it to my partners.

- You do that. - I will.

And maybe if it goes well...

...maybe we can be partners.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

What kind of partners?

I don't know.

Maybe all the kinds.

Mm, you're cute.

Not sure the margins make sense.

- What if I could get it for under asking? - Hmm. How would you do that?

Uh, don't drink your dinner tonight, honey. I'm making marsala.

Oh, I haven't seen that apron since the banana bread days.

I thought a home-cooked meal might be nice.

Maybe, I don't know, take care of you for a change.

Oh. Yeah.

That's, um... that's sweet, hon.

Hey, uh, um... I talked to Greg,

and it looks like there's a developer who's interested in the house,

so that's good news.

Well, how is that good news?

Great. No escrow, no inspection, all cash. Just cuts through the bullshit.

Okay, but... but what happened to finding the right people?

Well, what does that matter? We're not gonna live here with 'em, right?

Your life's work is in this house! It's our home, okay?

The only home that Emily and Jacob have ever known.

Yeah, well, Emily hasn't stepped foot in our home in three years.

Okay, I just-- I'm confused.

Put the knife down.

I'm just gesturing, okay?

- You're hyped up. Put the knife down. - I'm not gonna kill you.

Yeah, so put it down.

Listen. But I...

Whoa, whoa! What happened to your finger?

Mikey's out.

- He's out? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah, and he wants 80 grand by tomorrow.

Wait, why? What did he do to you?

It's what he'll do to us that I'm worried about!

He knows everything, Lydia! He could destroy us!

Okay.

Okay, but selling to a developer? There...

Still, there's no way we can... we can get 80 grand by tomorrow.

I'll... I'll figure somethin' out.

Just start packing.

You know, I've been thinking about what you were saying about the Los Feliz place.

And I think you're right. I think it might be a bit of a stretch.

- I mean, I wish I wasn't right. - Yeah.

- But I am, which is a bummer. - It is a bummer.

If we put all our money into the house, we can't afford a nanny.

And... and what if we need a new roof, right? I ain't got Jay-Z money.

- Yet. - I ain't got Jay-Z money yet.

But you're right, babe. We definitely need to be more practical.

So, as a backup plan,

I was looking at this place in Baldwin Hills.

Now, it is a bit of a hike, and it's kind of a teardown, but--

Or we could just get the Los Feliz place.

I'm lost. I thought we just agreed that we can't afford it.

We can't.

But my mom can.

- What? - Yeah.

She made a killin' in the market since she retired from Chase.

- She's sittin' on a ton of cash. - Really?

- Big money. - She's just gonna give it to us?

- Just like that. - No strings attached?

- Might be a string. - How long a string?

Long enough to wrap around a present and tie into a little bow.

Why is there a bow?

Because she's gonna leave New York,

move in with us, and help us raise our baby.

Toothbrush drop.

I mean, I'm pumped. It's like a twofer, right? It's like two for one.

Oh, hey, darlin'.

Hey.

- How was dinner with the girls? - Fine.

Good.

Sally is really going through something. So she was just yammering on and on.

Oh, is she okay?

I don't wanna burden you with it.

Unless you wanna hear about her endometriosis.

- Yeah. No, I'm good, I think. - Okay.

I'm just glad she has a friend like you, you know? She's lucky.

Yeah.

Well, Harper's in bed if you wanna say good night.

- Yeah, of course. - She was asking about you.

Aw.

What's goin' on in that room?

Who's turnin' that doorknob?

Mmm... okay.

Let's just take a peek. All right.

Upper body strength. Here we go.

Okay. Oh...

Okay...

Oh, it's just--

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

What's happening?

I don't know.

Someone's out there.

What? Uh... Did you fix the side gate?

Stay inside.

Fuck!

Oh God.

All right.

Ah. Nice and easy.

Okay. Here we go.

Nice and easy.

Nice and ea--

Oh shit, shit, shit!

Fuck!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh God!

Yo, it's Jacob.

Leave a message or text me like a normal person.

Hey, honeybun.

Thinkin' about you. Um...

Dad and I are... hangin' in there.

So, did you see the "for sale" sign across the street?

I mean, it looks like the Morgans have finally decided to sell.

Yeah, I saw.

You know I've always loved that house.

Kind of surprised they hadn't sold sooner.

Oh, I think the timing makes perfect sense.

Yeah.

What, with the market and everything?

No, because if you wait three years,

then you don't have to disclose that your son died in the house.

I miss you.

I wish I could see you...

or feel you...

and know that you're... here with me.

Okay.

Stupid.

Hi.

Anything--

- Oh! God! - Jesus fucking Christ!

- Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to-- - Oh God. All right.

All right, coast is clear.

- Okay. - Okay.

- What are you laughing... What? - Hmm?

- You're laughing at me? - No.

What's the matter?

Me shrieking like a little girl, that doesn't turn you on?

Um... I feel like there's no good way to answer that.

That's fair.

So, I don't know. I guess it's a raccoon.

Maybe. Or... something weird with the lights.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

Okay.

Come to bed soon.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I'll be up in a... a little bit. - Okay.

Yeah, okay.