All language subtitles for Yonderland s03e09 Its The Thought That Counts.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,340 --> 00:00:06,859 Twas the night before Christmas, on the realm they call Earth 2 00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:11,200 and in Yonderland too, tis the season of mirth. 3 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,599 It�s Thanktival Eve, with its wreaths and its bunting 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:21,479 and love and good feeling and some drunken fumbling. 5 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:26,139 But amongst this joy lurks something malicious. 6 00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:31,440 For presents bring he who finds them delicious. 7 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:40,560 Well, it hasn�t been delivered. 8 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,300 No, I need it today, it�s a Christmas present. 9 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:49,259 Yes, I know I�ve left it a bit late you passive aggressive little sh- 10 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:53,939 Sugar paste and three egg whites. Should be perfect for the cake. Okay, Sue. Bye. 11 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:57,399 Should we put the mince pies in the oven? We did put �from seven� on the invites. 12 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:02,179 Yeah, look, Pete. You know how I said that I would buy your mum and dad�s Christmas present this year... 13 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,079 Yes! And it�s a great idea. 14 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,619 Now I know you�ve never quite, you know, clicked 15 00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:10,119 but they were so touched when I told them that you�d picked out something special. 16 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,200 You�ve told them? 17 00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:14,840 Well...I thought that was the point! 18 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,000 You know, you and them bonding et cetera. 19 00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:19,919 Are you worried it�s not enough? 20 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,999 You could say that I�m concerned about the amount of it I have. 21 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:28,760 Debs, it�ll be perfect. Because you are perfect. 22 00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:32,660 Merry Christmas. 23 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,379 Is that coriander? 24 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,800 Yeah, shop was shut. 25 00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:38,460 See the white bits there? Jelly beans. 26 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,559 Hm. Bit soggy. 27 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,459 What are you doing here? I�m off until after Boxing Day. 28 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:48,839 Is that a real thing? Thought you were joking. 29 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,059 How is that funny? 30 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:52,439 Well it�s not but have you heard your jokes? 31 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,999 Look, what do you want because I�m busy? 32 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,159 - The Elders want to see you. - Well, is it urgent? 33 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,680 Um...either I didn�t ask or I didn�t listen. 34 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:00,650 Go on. 35 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,220 Mince pies, mince pies. 36 00:02:06,140 --> 00:02:10,880 Pete, I�m just popping out to. ..deliver these cards. I won�t be long. 37 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,219 - Oh! Pick up some Amaretto for mum! - Okay! 38 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:17,060 Otherwise she�ll get on the gin. And we know how that ends. 39 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,379 ALL: The Chosen One! 40 00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:25,259 Okay, look, is this urgent because there�s a thing where I�m from called Christmas? 41 00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:27,439 ALL: Happy Thanktival! 42 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,599 What�s Thanktival? 43 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,900 What�s Chrizmans? 44 00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:36,739 So, the baby Jesus climbs down the chimney... 45 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:37,999 No, that�s Santa. 46 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,279 And who is it disrobes under the mistletoes? 47 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,719 No one. We just kiss. 48 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,039 - Sometimes more at office parties. - Oh. 49 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,259 What is Thanktival? 50 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:50,479 It�s a very special day where we give our loved ones presents 51 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,859 to thank them for their love and friendship throughout the year. 52 00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:56,360 - That�s lovely. - Well, keeps the murder rate down. 53 00:02:56,620 --> 00:03:00,399 That�s why we asked you here, Debbie. To give you your Thanktival pressie. 54 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,319 And I see you�ve brought Christiformas gifts for us. 55 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,480 - Oh goodie! - Oh. No, no, no. 56 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,559 They�re very thin. I wonder what�s inside them. 57 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,279 Maybe don�t open them just yet. 58 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,339 Open them? (THEY LAUGH) 59 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:15,199 Why is that funny? 60 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,379 We don�t open our presents, Debbie. 61 00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:18,359 What, not at all? 62 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,479 On Thanktival Eve we lay out the presents. 63 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:25,500 And when you wake on Thanktival Day, they�re all gone. 64 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:26,690 Eaten. 65 00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:28,540 By Chompus. 66 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,419 - Chompus? - Yes. A demon, some say. 67 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,979 A spirit, some say. 68 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:37,360 A goat with two winkies, some say. 69 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,499 Well, Les from the pub said that. 70 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,739 (THEY GROAN) Les again. 71 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:45,759 Why don�t you open all your presents now before Chompus can eat them? 72 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,839 Because then Chompus would eat us instead. 73 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:53,239 Besides, having your presents eaten is all part of the tradition. 74 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,179 Weird tradition. 75 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:59,200 And a fat man coming down the chimney and stuffing presents in a sock is dead normal is it? 76 00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,199 Okay, I get your point. 77 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,019 But if you never open the presents why do you give them in the first place? 78 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,539 We have a saying here, Debbie. 79 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,079 The emotion behind the gesture of giving the present 80 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,340 is more important than the manifest gift in and of itself. 81 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,460 �It�s the thought that counts�. 82 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:16,359 That is better. Write that down. 83 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:21,899 However, Deb-beh, we have thought of a Thanktival gift for you that Chompus cannot consume. 84 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:23,979 Guys, that�s really lovely, but I really have to... 85 00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,519 Comes in the form of a song. 86 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,859 Yeah, seriously, I really have to... 87 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,500 Sung by our very own children. 88 00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,639 It can wait. 89 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:40,020 May we present the Elders' Youngers with The Days of Thanktival. 90 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:46,899 (OUT OF TUNE) # On the first day of Thanktival I climbed a verdant tree 91 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:51,059 (OUT OF TUNE) # To get a better view of thee 92 00:04:51,060 --> 00:04:53,859 (OUT OF TUNE) # On the second day of Thanktival 93 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:58,600 Could someone with fingers put them in my ears if I have ears 94 00:04:59,961 --> 00:05:03,479 How many days of Thanktival are there? 95 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,820 - 143 - Excellent. 96 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,380 Humbug! 97 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,859 One each. I just put them in big boxes. 98 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,599 Happy Thanktival. 99 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,440 Happy Thanktival! 100 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,839 Are those for me? 101 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,619 No. They�re for us. 102 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,439 - Who from? - Just the guys. 103 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,399 Boris the doorman, Tim and Eric, Big Mike, Slightly Smaller Mike. 104 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,719 Alright, alright, I didn�t ask for your life story. 105 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:38,539 I didn�t want any presents anyway because I�m evil, yeah? 106 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:43,120 And if my father taught me one thing it�s that bad children don�t get pressies. 107 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,900 Or praise. Or a bed. 108 00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:51,039 It�s you lot that have messed up by getting me something. You did get me something didn�t you? 109 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,299 I got you a helmet with spikes on. 110 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,299 I�ve got one of those. 111 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,720 Really? Where? 112 00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,139 What about you two? 113 00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,539 I got you two tickets to Wrestle-to-Death Macho Mania! 114 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:06,839 Oh, that would have been amazing! I could have taken my best friend 115 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:11,099 Steve...floor...demon. 116 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:14,199 Steven Flordimon! Great guy. One of the best. 117 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,559 Rita, what did you get me? 118 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,760 My Lips Are Sealed. 119 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:22,039 No talky lip glue! Every hobby torturer�s dream! 120 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:29,660 Oh, this is so unfair. Decent pressies for once and that flipping monster�s gonna scoff the lot. 121 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,360 Unless... 122 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,319 - Ooh! - He�s hatching an evil plan! 123 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,319 Or he needs a wee. 124 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,020 Bit of both actually. But plan first. 125 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:50,800 We capture Chompus before he has a chance to eat our pressies. That way we get to keep them. 126 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:55,860 Oh, I lied about the humbugs. Those are just empty boxes. 127 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:02,139 Right then. Let�s catch ourselves a monster. 128 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:03,539 Yeah! 129 00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:06,240 But first, I really do need that wee. 130 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:13,159 (OUT OF TUNE) # On the 133rd day of Thanktival, I knocked this song upon the head 131 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:17,780 (OUT OF TUNE) # 'Cos I'd been singing so long that you were dead! 132 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:23,079 Well that was, that was wonderful. And Merry Thanktival to you all. 133 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,359 Did you hear that? She loved it. 134 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,440 Yes, maybe they really will win. 135 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,459 I�m sorry. Win? What exactly do you think that�s gonna win? 136 00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:35,559 The Thanktival Song Contest. 137 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:40,439 Every year we enter and every year we�re defeated by that dreadful Johnny Cash. 138 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,499 Johnny Cash? 139 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:45,239 Well, not his real name, obviously. His real name�s Alan Money. 140 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,440 Choirmaster, property developer and the most arrogant man in the realm. 141 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,180 You�re right to clap. I am amazing. 142 00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:57,939 - Unbelievable man. - Terrible person. 143 00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:01,379 With his groups in the contest, we�ve never stood a chance. 144 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,819 So we�ve decided to enter the children. 145 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:06,520 And, well, you heard the results. 146 00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:10,759 Yes. Yes, I did. And you might just wanna make a few little changes. 147 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:11,860 Like what? 148 00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:14,479 Er, well, maybe the song? 149 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,519 - I don�t think there�s anything wrong with that. - No. 150 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,720 And, um, maybe the singers? 151 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,699 Deb-beh hates us! 152 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,359 Now, now, I didn�t say hate. 153 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,119 And that�s not how you pronounce my name. 154 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,159 (ALL TALK AT ONCE) 155 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,439 Let�s just get out of here. Family row. It�s always the same at Thanktival. 156 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:37,400 Listen, we just won�t enter the competition this year. It�s no big deal. 157 00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:40,320 Actually it, it is kind of a big deal. 158 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,580 What have you done, mate? 159 00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,699 - I had a couple of drinks... - Oh... 160 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:52,919 Let me guess, you bet all your realmly possessions on the Youngers beating Johnny Cash? 161 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,920 No, I didn�t actually. 162 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:56,900 Well thank goodness for that! 163 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,059 I bet the deeds to the chamber. 164 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,559 What?! 165 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,160 So now we have to win otherwise we�ll be homeless for Thanktival! 166 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,240 ALL: Debbie! Debbie! 167 00:09:13,251 --> 00:09:15,219 I�m back! 168 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,760 - Great timing, my mum and dad are here! - Great! 169 00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:22,800 There she is! 170 00:09:22,811 --> 00:09:24,819 Hi, Barbara. 171 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:29,779 Ooh, they look nice. So dark and crispy. 172 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:32,799 - Mind your backs. - Oh, wow. That's a lot of presents. 173 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,919 - Pete! Help your dad! - I am! 174 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,479 Jesus, Dad. We said Lego not lead. 175 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,359 It�s your mothers fault, she�s gone mad. 176 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:44,299 Oh, give over. If you had your way the kids would get walnuts and a ball of string. 177 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:49,099 But a little birdie tells me they�re not the only ones being spoiled this year. 178 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:54,059 There�s talk of a special something from a certain special someone. 179 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:57,219 Well, it�s the thought that counts. Nigel, how was the journey? 180 00:09:57,220 --> 00:10:02,199 Well, the SatNav lady said M40, M6 but clearly she�s never seen a contraflow at Quinton�s 181 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,939 So there I was on the A435... 182 00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:07,879 Right, if I�m going to hear this again, I will have to have a drink. 183 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,499 Now, have you got that stuff that tastes like almonds? 184 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,619 - Yeah, I think we have. - No. Sorry, I forgot. 185 00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:14,980 I�ll have a gin then. 186 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,340 Make it a double, love. 187 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:26,859 So, did you decide on the fancy dress or is that just something that you wear? 188 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,439 I�m sorry? 189 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,759 Ah, there she is. Go and get her! 190 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,459 Well I can�t just stroll in there, she�s got company. 191 00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,899 But this is urgent. 192 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,460 Hang on. I might have an idea. 193 00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:44,100 No, I said �festive dress� which could be a costume or... Oh, my God! 194 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:45,960 Hello! 195 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:52,679 I�m Ted...Higgins from number 73. 196 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,879 Ah, yes. Of course. Ted. So glad you could make it. 197 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,539 Well it�s a pleasure Deb-bie. 198 00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:03,459 Er, Ted, this is Pete, my husband and his parents. 199 00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,840 - Hello. - Hello. - Oh! Snap. 200 00:11:05,841 --> 00:11:08,979 Actually, where did I put mine? (DOORBELL) 201 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,620 - Pete could you get that while I fix Ted a drink? - Yeah. 202 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,140 Well, a sherry would be marvellous. 203 00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,819 What the hell are you doing here? 204 00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:23,519 It�s an emergency! Elder Pressley has bet our chamber on the outcome of the song contest. 205 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,839 What? Why? 206 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,859 The old demon drink, I'm afraid. 207 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,519 Now, where�s that sherry? 208 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,039 No. We have to fix this. We can�t both go, it�ll look too suspicious. 209 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,159 I will go back to Yonderland and see what I can do. 210 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,320 You stay here but you talk to no one. Now who do you talk to? 211 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,160 No one? 212 00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:43,320 Er, Pete? I�m just gonna pop out and get that Amaretto. Won�t be long. 213 00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:50,680 Oh, hi. I�m Noah. 214 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:54,280 No one? I believe I�m supposed to talk to you. 215 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,460 So how�s everything in your world? 216 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,559 Look, I said I was sorry. Would you have rather I walked out there? 217 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,259 Alright. Can they get out of this deal? Undo the bet? 218 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:08,719 No way. The paperwork�ll be watertight. His lawyer�s a fish. 219 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,679 Well, we�ll just have to make sure the Elders' Youngers are good enough to win. 220 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,719 Great! I�ll go get them. 221 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,279 No, no, no. I'm not doing it. 222 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,219 My choir teacher used to pay me to mime. 223 00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,739 Come on. There must be a vocal coach in Yonderland. 224 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:22,359 - Well there was someone but I think he�s retired. - Oh. 225 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,559 - And he�s mad. - Oh. 226 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,799 - And possibly dead. - Oh, keeps getting better. 227 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,659 Look, where can I find him if he is alive? 228 00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,079 Come on, I�ll show you. 229 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,279 Er, no, no. You�re gonna have to help me with Christmas. 230 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,259 I need you to find presents for Pete�s parents. 231 00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,359 Piece of cake. 232 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,959 Great. What were you thinking? 233 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,639 I just said. Piece of cake? 234 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,519 No. Much better than that. 235 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,379 And do they have Amaretto here? 236 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,879 Course. We�re not animals. 237 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,660 - Okay. Which way? - Oh, right. 238 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,899 - Mummy. - Uh oh. That�s not good. 239 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,179 What? What�s the matter? 240 00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:55,719 Hibernation. His winter sleep. It can last for days. 241 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,939 Can�t wake him, can�t move him and I can�t close the portal. 242 00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,820 Oh, for the love... wait there. 243 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,499 - Right. - What�s that? 244 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:10,259 This is part of Pete�s costume from his am-dram version of Miss Saigon. 245 00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:13,320 So it�s only the second weirdest thing it�s ever been used for. 246 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,440 There. See? You�d never know. Now who am I looking for? 247 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,880 Maverick Bojangles? 248 00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,860 Who wants to know? 249 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,519 Well, I don�t know about you lot, but I�m really tired. 250 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,780 - Me too. - Absolutely. - I�m not. 251 00:13:37,781 --> 00:13:44,439 We�re not really going to sleep, you idiot. We had this conversation about three minutes ago. 252 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,000 Not ringing any bells. 253 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,339 Chompus won�t come while we�re awake. 254 00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:53,079 So we pretend to be asleep then get him when he goes for our pressies. 255 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,759 I�ll grab him, you lot get him in the sack. 256 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,859 (LAUGHS) In the sack! 257 00:13:57,860 --> 00:13:59,399 - Grow up, Neil! - Sorry. 258 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,879 Okay. Night, guys! 259 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,400 Night, boss! 260 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,460 Now! 261 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:40,119 Demons! Demons! Demons! 262 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,220 Wake up! Wake up, you idiots! 263 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:50,020 Lady, I got one word for you: hell-no. 264 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,459 It�s hyphenated. 265 00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,519 Come on, please. You were a choirmaster. 266 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,739 And I�ve heard you were good. 267 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:56,900 I was the best. 268 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:00,440 That was a long time ago. 269 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:06,240 These days it�s just me, few pieces of wood 270 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:11,140 and blissful silence except the sound of the wind. 271 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:17,919 And the birds. Flutterbugs. And the bats. 272 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,940 And will you guys shut the hell up! 273 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,659 What happened to you? 274 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,659 I don�t like to talk about it. 275 00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:27,960 - Okay. Okay, no that�s. .. - It was the winter of �69. 276 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,820 That year I had a dream group. 277 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,960 Finest singers in Yonderland. 278 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,799 They called them The Rat Pack. Never knew why. 279 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,119 If your date don�t see eye to eye 280 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,639 There�s no point in hanging around 281 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,199 Man, they were good. 282 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,859 The harmonies, the rhythm. 283 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:53,899 The ability to clean themselves with their tongues. 284 00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:58,480 That year the contest was ours for the taking. And then it happened. 285 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,880 Jimmy went down first. 286 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,780 By a semitone, maybe more. 287 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,560 That�s when Bobby got hit. 288 00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:14,420 One by one they all went down. 289 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,620 Auralgeddon, some called it. 290 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,120 Others called it the Apoc-ear-lpyse. 291 00:16:30,340 --> 00:16:33,399 Or just the Apocalips because lips, singing. 292 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,900 Yep, I get it. 293 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,220 I can still hear the screams. 294 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,300 Oh, no, that�s that. 295 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,119 What made them go out of tune? 296 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,180 Not a day goes by I didn�t wonder that. 297 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,379 We were cheated for sure, but how? 298 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:58,320 That question haunts my dreams, my nightmares, my anecdotes. 299 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:03,619 All I know is I haven�t been able to listen to music since. 300 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:07,700 So, like I said. I can�t help you. 301 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,319 Okay. Then I guess Johnny Cash wins. 302 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,370 Johnny Cash? 303 00:17:11,371 --> 00:17:14,539 The hell�s Johnny Cash got to do with the price of grease lightning? 304 00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:16,120 I heard he�s the competition. 305 00:17:16,121 --> 00:17:17,319 Why? Do you know him? 306 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,620 I know him alright. 307 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,200 Hates to see anybody else doing well. 308 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,520 So jealous and spiteful. 309 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,680 I�ll never forget his face that fateful night. 310 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,600 Laughing and pointing. 311 00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:35,080 While good men lost their lives! 312 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,519 No, not lives. Pitch. 313 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,039 Well, you know. He�s gonna be laughing again in a few hours so... 314 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,640 Not if I can help it. 315 00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:45,759 You mean... 316 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,579 I may be as much use as a bladdered goose in a cock house 317 00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:55,000 but if it means getting Cash back, you got yourself a choirmaster. 318 00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,820 There. We got him in the end. 319 00:18:03,211 --> 00:18:05,079 Are you alright? 320 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:10,159 Do I look alright? This ruddy monster�s drool has bleached my damn beard! 321 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,279 It�s possible we went a bit method with our sleep acting. 322 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,330 You think? 323 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:21,440 Still, he won�t be gobbling my gifts this year. Will you, Mr Big Mouth? 324 00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:31,579 Yeah. Looks like this bad boy�s gonna be getting himself some presents. 325 00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,499 - Well, everyone is. - What? 326 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,339 Well, if it�s him who eats everyone�s presents 327 00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,980 and he�s in there then everyone gets to keep their presents, right? 328 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:45,719 You...are a genius, Jeffrey! 329 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,219 That�s what my mum says. 330 00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:52,859 There�s a whole realm full of pressies out there just waiting for someone to take them. 331 00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:53,899 Yeah! 332 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:58,520 I could be rich beyond my wildest dreams! 333 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,220 In terms of gifts and vouchers. 334 00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:09,300 Demons! Fire up the mobility sled. This year, Thanktival belongs to me! 335 00:19:09,301 --> 00:19:11,879 I'd say I�m a civil servant too. 336 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,459 I sit in a room full of idiots trying to keep the evil forces at bay. 337 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:18,959 Same as all of us, mate. Same as all of us. 338 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,739 Ooh, sorry. Ooh! Look at you. 339 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,939 Like a sexy Des Lynam. 340 00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:26,979 Oh, God. Someone give her more gin. 341 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:30,199 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! 342 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,500 - Hey, Dad. - No, not Dad! I�m Santa. 343 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,559 But you said the real Santa doesn�t come unless we go to sleep. 344 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,259 Well, don�t believe everything your old dad told you about me. 345 00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,979 Does that mean we get presents even if we�ve been bad? 346 00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:47,399 No, it doesn�t. And can you both please go upstairs and put your pyjamas on. Thank you. 347 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,639 Right. Merry Christmas! 348 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,320 Got something in here for you. 349 00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:58,060 You must be quite the hunter, red man. 350 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,859 - I was on the A435... - Merry Christmas! 351 00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:05,179 Fat balls. 352 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:08,559 Oh, for the birds! I just tend to put seeds out. 353 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,680 I think blue tits like a bit of fat at this time of year. 354 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:14,320 And coal tits, great tits... 355 00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,339 Where do you stand on fat balls? 356 00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:19,539 I beg your pardon? 357 00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:22,079 Well, I�m a fat ball man myself. Birds love them. 358 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,820 Pop them out in the garden, after thirty seconds I can�t move for tits. 359 00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:32,139 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 360 00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:34,039 Any sign of that almond stuff? 361 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,480 Gin goes right to your mother�s libido. 362 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,640 I will pay you never to say that sentence ever again. 363 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,720 Hey, Mary-Sue. 364 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,940 It�s been a while. 365 00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:02,199 Alright, let�s give this a whirl. 366 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,279 One, two, three. 367 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,959 - # On... - No! All wrong! 368 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,479 He�s flat! She�s reedy! 369 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,659 And his timing is way off! 370 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,479 Well, I tried. I�m sorry, Debbie. Goodnight. 371 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,860 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look. 372 00:21:16,180 --> 00:21:19,420 Look I know it�s difficult after everything that�s happened but 373 00:21:19,421 --> 00:21:21,519 don�t you want music back in your life? 374 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,340 You make it sound easy. 375 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,259 You weren�t there, ma�am. You weren�t there. 376 00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,780 I know. But imagine the look on Johnny Cash�s face. 377 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,899 I meant imagine the look if we win. 378 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,820 Sorry, I should have made that clearer. 379 00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,560 - Okay. - Yeah? 380 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,779 Guys, one more time from the top. 381 00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,899 Only you, pitch up. 382 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,960 You, more gusto. And you... 383 00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:51,839 Just mime. 384 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,479 And one, two, three. 385 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,699 # On the first day of Thanktival 386 00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:59,719 See now that�s sounding better already. 387 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,240 I mean it�s not amazing but it�s definitely better 388 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:13,560 I can�t do it! I just can�t do it! 389 00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:17,100 Good news! I�ve sorted out the pressies. 390 00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:19,900 Bad time? 391 00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:40,439 Yes, this is my best plan ever! (LAUGHS) 392 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,619 Ooh, nice camouflage, guys. 393 00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:46,019 Jeff, what�s with the er... 394 00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:47,459 Well it�s dark out. 395 00:22:47,460 --> 00:22:49,099 Not very evil though, is it? 396 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,340 Oh, give me a sec. 397 00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,259 - How�s that? - Much better. 398 00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:55,499 Pull! 399 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,299 Out into the night! More pressies! 400 00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:02,240 I want more pressies! Ha ha ha! 401 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,200 Why can�t I do it? 402 00:23:11,380 --> 00:23:14,320 Why can�t I just face the music? 403 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,260 Please, Gods! 404 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,740 Show me how to break this curse! 405 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:23,200 Give me a sign! 406 00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:25,900 Show me the light! 407 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,820 Wow, you�re kind of literal, ain�t ya? 408 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,440 Maverick! 409 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,639 Maverick! 410 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,820 Debbie, wait! 411 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,959 Listen. I�ll look for Maverick, you need to get back. 412 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,139 Yeah, okay. 413 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,899 So...Amaretto. 414 00:23:57,900 --> 00:23:59,439 Oh! Great, thank you. 415 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,299 - And for Bob�s dad... - Peter. 416 00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,559 Bob�s dad Peter, I�ve got tie and complimentary handkerchief. 417 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:06,819 That�s actually quite nice. 418 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,260 Likewise. (SHE SCREAMS) 419 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:09,599 It speaks! 420 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,079 Yeah, it�s complimentary. 421 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,139 Oh, I love your shoes. 422 00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:13,880 No, nothing that speaks! 423 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,759 Fine, I�ll take it back. 424 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,280 For the mum, perfume. 425 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:21,100 It�s called wild snorchid. It�s meant to be relaxing. 426 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,980 Bit too relaxing if anything. 427 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,339 Look, Maverick was here. 428 00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:29,960 So he couldn�t have gone far. 429 00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:32,080 Oh no. 430 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,219 Yeah, you go...and... 431 00:24:36,220 --> 00:24:38,220 And I�ll go... 432 00:24:39,860 --> 00:24:40,940 My head. 433 00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:47,740 Okay, everyone. Come to the front door. There�s singers! 434 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,080 (ECHOES) There�s singers! 435 00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,740 No! Please. 436 00:24:57,060 --> 00:24:59,700 No. You don�t understand. 437 00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:09,059 # Silent night, holy night. 438 00:25:09,060 --> 00:25:12,379 # All is calm... 439 00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:13,859 All is calm. 440 00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:16,899 # All is bright. 441 00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:17,980 It is. 442 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,120 Maverick. You okay? 443 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:23,960 It�s beautiful. 444 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,400 I don�t hear screams or laughter. 445 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,740 Just melody. 446 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,320 - What is it? - Carols. 447 00:25:34,020 --> 00:25:36,420 Well she�s one very talented lady. 448 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:38,460 Oh no no no no she�s not... 449 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:42,340 You know she might let you borrow one. 450 00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,919 So, you gonna sing this year? 451 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,499 No, no. Mojo�s got laryngitis so... 452 00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,620 Oh and nits so don�t hug me. 453 00:25:50,460 --> 00:25:54,060 Hang on. Looks like there�s been a change of venue. Come on. 454 00:25:54,580 --> 00:25:57,159 After you. After you. 455 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:04,479 # Sleep in heavenly peace. 456 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,400 Hoorah! Hoorah for singing! 457 00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,979 More! The same again! 458 00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:11,360 Who the hell are they? 459 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,579 - Fireworks! - Debs? 460 00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:15,800 It�s fireworks time, everyone. In the garden. 461 00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:17,999 Debs, where the hell have you been? 462 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,939 Oh, Amaretto. I had to go all the way to Barton Road. 463 00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:22,679 Oh, you really do make the effort, you know? 464 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,860 I know, I really do. Now go on, �cause you�re in charge of lighting. 465 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,939 Okay. Ooh, this way, this way. 466 00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:31,819 That�s it. Ah-ah-ah this way. 467 00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,919 No, no, no. This way. 468 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,119 Come on, Barbara. Into the garden. 469 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:39,219 - Would you mind holding onto my fat balls? - Sorry? 470 00:26:39,220 --> 00:26:42,379 My hands are sweating. They just crumble so easily. 471 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:45,159 Oh, right. Yes, of course. 472 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,739 No, I�m the Grinch. 473 00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:49,920 - And you�re from? - Yonderland! 474 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,450 Never seen it. 475 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,980 Ah-ah! Oh no. Off you go. That way. 476 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,859 Everyone back to their own world! 477 00:26:56,860 --> 00:26:58,700 Go on. Go, go, go! 478 00:27:03,340 --> 00:27:04,980 Perfect. Right. 479 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:07,780 Deddie! 480 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,939 Deddie, there�s a rumour that you�ve got some... 481 00:27:10,940 --> 00:27:13,060 Ooh! There it is. 482 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,779 That�ll put hairs on your chest. 483 00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:29,580 Right, now then. Fireworks! 484 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,160 Fireworks! 485 00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:37,199 Where could Vex have got to? 486 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,699 Clearly he can�t find Debbie. 487 00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,719 Then this chamber is doomed! 488 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,959 No, 'domed'. It�s pronounced �domed�. 489 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,119 I can�t help but feel this is all my fault. 490 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,299 - ALL: It is! - Oh, well that would explain it. 491 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:52,819 Well, we can�t wait for Vex. We need to get to the contest! 492 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:56,659 And someone should tell the Youngers what�s riding on their performance. 493 00:27:56,660 --> 00:27:57,979 They need to know! 494 00:27:57,980 --> 00:28:01,779 I�ll go. After all I sort of feel like this is my fault. 495 00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:02,799 ALL: It is! 496 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,799 Yes, alright. I�m sorry I forgot again. 497 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,959 It�s track four and I will be there as soon as I can. 498 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,760 Thank you, Debbie. And you thank Carol for me too. 499 00:28:12,340 --> 00:28:14,140 Yeah, okay. I will do. 500 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,959 Debbie! There you go, presents sorted. 501 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,559 Got them both eye watches. 502 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,920 Well, that sounds... 503 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,359 Too good to be true. 504 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,499 Look, I�d avoid any technology with a heartbeat, okay? 505 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:27,539 Anything else? 506 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,000 Just keep trying! 507 00:28:31,340 --> 00:28:33,480 Children, I�m sorry. 508 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,040 I�m so very sorry. 509 00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:40,939 I...I was hypnotised by a mad criminal. 510 00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:43,880 (DISTANT SINGING) 511 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,060 It�s a Thanktival miracle! 512 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,240 I must tell the others. 513 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,100 No, wait. I�ve got a better idea. 514 00:28:57,580 --> 00:29:04,040 # Holy infant so tender and mild... 515 00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:06,480 Beautiful. Ain�t it? 516 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,200 Just listen to that rhythm. 517 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,740 Oh yeah. Still got it. 518 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,260 (SQUAWKING) 519 00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:19,860 Polly want a cracker? 520 00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:23,299 (SCREECHING) 521 00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:26,040 Ah-ah-ah-ah. Don�t wanna spoil you. 522 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,900 Might need you hungry. 523 00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:33,500 Knock, knock, Cash! 524 00:29:33,860 --> 00:29:37,399 Oh, it�s you. Come to beg me to cancel the bet, eh? 525 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,699 Double or nothing. 526 00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:43,520 - What? - I�ve heard our song for this year and you�re never gonna beat it, Cash. 527 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,220 I'd put Yonderland on it. 528 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:53,319 Are you sure the Elders won�t be back? 529 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,459 No, they�re all at the stupid singing contest. 530 00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:59,880 Which means their pressies are now my pressies. 531 00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:03,839 Look at this. It�s just a folded bit of card. 532 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,819 What a rubbish present. Who would want that? 533 00:30:05,820 --> 00:30:07,640 - It�s from Debbie. - Give it to me! 534 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,800 Who the heck�s this berk? 535 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,480 Says his name�s San-ta Cl-a-us. 536 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,099 Here�s another one! 537 00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:18,599 It seems he�s coming to fill some stockings. 538 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,999 - Fill with what? - Severed limbs most likely. 539 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,839 No. With presents. 540 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,719 And there doesn�t appear to be anyone there who eats them. 541 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,139 - You know what this means, don�t you? - Probably not. 542 00:30:29,140 --> 00:30:34,059 It means that Debbie�s world is full of pressies just waiting for me to steal them. 543 00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:37,039 - We just need to find the portal. - Precisely! 544 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:42,220 You�ve met your match this time San-ta Cl-a-us. 545 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,800 This garden�s bigger than it looks. 546 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,819 Ooh. Fireworks? 547 00:30:53,820 --> 00:30:56,279 Yeah, they�re on first. (CHEERING) 548 00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:03,219 Thank you, thank you so much. Always wonderful to see so many friendly faces here. 549 00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:09,199 And some other types of faces for this Yonderland�s annual... 550 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,300 Nice to see you. Ooh, hello. 551 00:31:12,301 --> 00:31:13,619 Fireworks. 552 00:31:13,620 --> 00:31:16,480 Well, they�re just up there on the stage, so... 553 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,959 But don�t actually- Oh! Hello, Susan. 554 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,959 The Fireworks! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 555 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,720 Hey! Alright? 556 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,580 It�s Thanktival! 557 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,140 He looks vaguely familiar. 558 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,680 From the neck up. 559 00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:42,959 I think the undressing rooms are this way. 560 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,699 - Well, if the stage is... - Woah there, ladies. 561 00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:48,259 Come to wish your awful offspring luck, eh? 562 00:31:48,260 --> 00:31:51,399 It�s good to see your lack of talent hasn�t skipped a generation. 563 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,319 Oh zip it, Cash! The show�s not over �till the fat lady sings! 564 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,280 And she�s not coming because she�s dead. 565 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,479 - Cholesterol. - Oh... 566 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:01,679 She was massive. 567 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,499 And you�ll hate owning our chamber. 568 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:06,459 The heating bills are through the roof and there�s a hole in the ceiling. 569 00:32:06,460 --> 00:32:07,779 They might be related, you know? 570 00:32:07,780 --> 00:32:09,219 Gonna knock it down anyway. 571 00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:13,060 It�ll make an excellent rubbish dump in my new land. 572 00:32:13,061 --> 00:32:16,279 - In your...what are you talking about? - What do you mean �new land�? 573 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,160 Oh sorry, didn�t you hear? 574 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,459 Your drunken dummy doubled the bet. 575 00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:25,600 That means, when I win tonight, Yonderland will be mine! 576 00:32:25,601 --> 00:32:28,479 Woah, woah, wait you can�t just say that. What do you mean? 577 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,530 There you are! 578 00:32:30,180 --> 00:32:31,720 Have you heard the good news? 579 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,999 (ALL SHOUT ANGRILY) 580 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,659 What? It�s fine. 581 00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:39,659 Yonderland is perfectly safe. 582 00:32:39,660 --> 00:32:41,539 I heard the kids rehearsing. 583 00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:45,599 They�re absolutely amazing! Check it out. 584 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:52,040 (OFF-KEY SINGING) 585 00:32:53,860 --> 00:32:56,720 Shall we do resignation first or... 586 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,700 skip straight to the beating? 587 00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:02,779 I wish it could be Thanktival 588 00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:06,660 more frequentlier often than it is. 589 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,900 Top up time! 590 00:33:24,540 --> 00:33:25,640 Oh! 591 00:33:28,980 --> 00:33:33,720 Ooh, now. What I need is a sit down. 592 00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:41,040 Right, that is everyone. 593 00:33:41,620 --> 00:33:43,500 Well, she�s not up there! 594 00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:47,070 I�ve lost her. 595 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,020 (SNORING) 596 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,540 There she is. 597 00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:53,440 Come on, love. 598 00:33:55,220 --> 00:33:56,500 Time for bed. 599 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,960 Oh, did somebody bring a dog? 600 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,640 - What a night. - Yes. 601 00:34:10,220 --> 00:34:11,439 I think I�m gonna turn in. 602 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,440 Well, I�ll follow you up. I�m just gonna deal with the empties. 603 00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:19,039 Oh, it�s lovely party! 604 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,090 Come on, you. 605 00:34:20,460 --> 00:34:26,360 I wish it could be Thanktival more frequently more often 606 00:34:33,380 --> 00:34:36,399 Yes! She�s left the portal open! 607 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,299 Heh, who�s the idiot now? 608 00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:40,940 Still you, Jeffrey, but I take your point. Come on. 609 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,419 One, two, three. 610 00:34:43,420 --> 00:34:45,779 (OUT OF TUNE) # Silent night 611 00:34:45,780 --> 00:34:48,479 No, no, no! Not like that. 612 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,779 Singing is about trust. 613 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:54,380 You! Tell them something you ain�t told nobody before. 614 00:34:55,460 --> 00:34:56,840 Fine, I�ll start. 615 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,760 I spend my nights crying. 616 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:06,020 And I wipe away the tears with the dirty underwear 617 00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:10,000 I wore last time I won this contest. 618 00:35:13,140 --> 00:35:15,700 Fifteen years of pink eye right there! 619 00:35:17,940 --> 00:35:19,499 Now, you. 620 00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:21,660 Once I shaved a donkey 621 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,900 and stuck the hair to my chest 622 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,300 so I would look like my dad. 623 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:30,979 I like to take off my clothes. 624 00:35:30,980 --> 00:35:34,180 I like looking at pictures of nude crones. 625 00:35:34,260 --> 00:35:35,479 I�m a boy! 626 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,360 I once killed a man! 627 00:35:38,020 --> 00:35:40,239 (THEY CRY) 628 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:45,379 Fragile, messed up, emotionally unstable? 629 00:35:45,380 --> 00:35:48,239 Now you�re more like a band! 630 00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,060 Now shall we try that song one more time from the top? 631 00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:53,779 One, two, three. 632 00:35:53,780 --> 00:35:56,039 Alrighty Richard! 633 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,940 So, Youngers to stage left. You�re on in five. 634 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:07,539 So, would you please welcome to the stage, the fifteen time reigning champion 635 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,900 it�s Johnny Cash and the Posteriors! 636 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,020 # Ow, ow. Ow, ow. Ow. Ow. 637 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,080 # Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow. 638 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:22,290 # Ow (BURPS) 639 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,979 (THEY 'OW' IN HARMONY) 640 00:36:26,980 --> 00:36:29,760 Oh Gods, this is a disaster. 641 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,900 Oh, I think he�s rather good. 642 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,420 Yes! That�s why it�s a disaster. 643 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,520 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get you. 644 00:36:41,820 --> 00:36:45,479 Wow. This Cl-a-us guy does not mess around. 645 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,340 This is the motherload. 646 00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:51,480 In, in. Quick, quick! 647 00:36:52,820 --> 00:36:53,870 (GASP) 648 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:55,450 Santa! 649 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,520 Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen. 650 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,559 Do I really look like a "Donna"? 651 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,819 That�s us. 652 00:37:04,820 --> 00:37:06,700 Off you go then. Back to bed. 653 00:37:07,180 --> 00:37:09,060 Can you tell me what I�m getting? 654 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,579 Um, slight change of plan this year, little one. 655 00:37:13,580 --> 00:37:17,079 Um, we�re taking pressies rather than giving them. 656 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,699 Mix things up a bit. 657 00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:21,879 You mean I�m not getting any presents for Christmas? 658 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,480 You�re there. Bye then. 659 00:37:25,940 --> 00:37:27,240 Have I been bad? 660 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,839 Bad boy, Negatus. 661 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,679 Such a bad lad. You�ve been very, very bad. 662 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,600 No pressies for you! 663 00:37:39,860 --> 00:37:43,000 I�m sorry. I�ll try harder next year. 664 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,260 (SHE CRIES) 665 00:37:52,780 --> 00:37:53,830 Put them back. 666 00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:55,199 - What - What? 667 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,260 You heard. We�re putting them back. 668 00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,040 All of them. 669 00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,019 Ow! 670 00:38:03,020 --> 00:38:06,139 # Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow 671 00:38:06,140 --> 00:38:08,099 # Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 672 00:38:08,100 --> 00:38:18,079 # Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow 673 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:22,739 # Ow! Oww, oww! 674 00:38:22,740 --> 00:38:25,559 Let�s see what the judges have to say about that. 675 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,919 Nines across the whole board! 676 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,899 That puts him right in the lead and there�s only one act left. 677 00:38:31,900 --> 00:38:36,499 So, without further ado, it�s the Elders' Youngers. 678 00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:40,640 (APPLAUSE) 679 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,979 (CHEERING) 680 00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:51,580 (CHEERS TURN INTO SCREAMS) 681 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:15,320 # Silent night, holy night 682 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:23,699 # All is calm, all is bright 683 00:39:23,700 --> 00:39:30,980 # Round yon virgin, mother and child 684 00:39:31,580 --> 00:39:39,260 # Holy infant so tender and mild 685 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,499 (SCREECHING) 686 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:44,840 You want some of this? 687 00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,179 Then you know what to do. 688 00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:55,840 # Sleep in heavenly peace 689 00:39:56,020 --> 00:40:04,499 (OFF KEY) # Silent night, holy night 690 00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:12,179 (OFF KEY) # Shepherds pray at the sight 691 00:40:12,180 --> 00:40:17,640 (OFF KEY) # Glory streams from heaven afar 692 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,419 (HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING) 693 00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,239 Hey! Ssh! 694 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:24,279 Shut up! 695 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:25,999 (HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING) 696 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,160 (OFF KEY) # Holy night. Shepheds pray... 697 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,400 Hey. Hey, look! Want a fat ball? 698 00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:49,259 # Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah 699 00:40:49,260 --> 00:40:56,580 # Sleep in heavenly peace 700 00:40:57,180 --> 00:41:02,720 # Sleep in heavenly peace 701 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,180 That�s my boy! 702 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,219 That was unbelievable! 703 00:41:13,220 --> 00:41:15,180 Let�s see what the judges have to say. 704 00:41:15,580 --> 00:41:18,139 Ten! Ten! Ten! 705 00:41:18,140 --> 00:41:23,359 That means the Elders' Youngers have won the Thanktival Song Contest! 706 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,360 Oh, well done! 707 00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:28,420 Holy f-f-flutterbug! 708 00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:32,100 There you are! 709 00:41:32,980 --> 00:41:34,199 A flatfinch! 710 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,699 I thought they were extinct. 711 00:41:35,700 --> 00:41:36,779 Flatfinch? 712 00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:41,699 When it�s hungry it gives off a call so shrill it impairs all sense of pitch and tune. 713 00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:42,900 Cash. 714 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,240 Going somewhere? 715 00:41:46,860 --> 00:41:49,099 You lost two million big ones. 716 00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:51,319 Cash or cheque, Cash? 717 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,620 Funny, yeah. 718 00:41:54,420 --> 00:41:56,619 Looks like I win, Cash. 719 00:41:56,620 --> 00:42:00,680 Don�t worry. Nobody goes home empty handed. 720 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,340 You�ll find they�re real absorbent. 721 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,339 Do you always carry bird food around? 722 00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:10,299 Oh, no. That�s Pete�s dad�s. He�s got a thing for birds. 723 00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:12,680 If I was a blue tit, we�d have bonded years ago. 724 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,220 Really? 725 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,660 Well, that�s an idea. 726 00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:21,220 Er, Mr Bojangles? You know your woodwork... 727 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,820 Ho, ho, ho! 728 00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:46,979 ALL: Presents! 729 00:42:46,980 --> 00:42:49,059 Presents! - But Santa said... 730 00:42:49,060 --> 00:42:52,499 Oh, it was just a nightmare, sweetheart. There�s presents for everyone. 731 00:42:52,500 --> 00:42:53,579 Morning. 732 00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:54,740 More or less. 733 00:42:56,180 --> 00:42:58,580 Oh. One too many gins, Barbara? 734 00:42:58,820 --> 00:43:02,040 Oh, I�ve no idea, love. Can�t remember a thing. 735 00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:05,899 Actually, Barbara, I wanted to have a quiet word about your present. 736 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:08,060 (THUD) What was that? 737 00:43:08,061 --> 00:43:09,339 I didn�t hear anything. 738 00:43:09,340 --> 00:43:11,079 Sounded like it came from in there. 739 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,039 It�s probably just the pickled onions expanding. 740 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,479 Honestly, Nigel, I wouldn�t even bother opening the door. 741 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,640 Oh my word! That�s... 742 00:43:19,740 --> 00:43:23,040 Lovely! Babs, take a look at this. 743 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:28,719 It�s a bird house. 744 00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:33,439 �To a Mum and Dad, love from Debbie 745 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,440 and the other ones�! 746 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,819 That�s very...special. 747 00:43:37,820 --> 00:43:39,120 �Mum and dad�? 748 00:43:39,580 --> 00:43:41,979 Is that how you see us? 749 00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:43,099 Well, I... 750 00:43:43,100 --> 00:43:47,560 You�re like the daughter I�ve never had, Debbie. You really are. 751 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,080 We�re gonna go shopping. 752 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,419 Get our nails done. 753 00:43:54,420 --> 00:43:56,179 And go to the cinema. 754 00:43:56,180 --> 00:43:59,079 And how about a spa weekend? 755 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,000 I know this fabulous place in Cornwall. 756 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,279 Opening actual presents. 757 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,560 I never thought I�d see the day. 758 00:44:08,220 --> 00:44:09,459 Thank you, Ho-Tan! 759 00:44:09,460 --> 00:44:10,399 Handmade. 760 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,450 Oh! 761 00:44:12,420 --> 00:44:14,139 Bring back Chompus I say. 762 00:44:14,140 --> 00:44:15,539 Tell me about it. 763 00:44:15,540 --> 00:44:17,779 It�s like nobody knows me at all. 764 00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:19,360 Happy Thanktival, everyone! 765 00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:22,200 ALL: Happy Thanktival! 766 00:44:25,220 --> 00:44:27,800 Best Thanktival ever! 767 00:44:29,060 --> 00:44:30,599 Well, don�t get used to it. 768 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,700 Next year we�re back to humbugs. 769 00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:34,739 Now, where were we? 770 00:44:34,740 --> 00:44:38,940 "Apply glue directly to victims lips." 771 00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:42,619 And the moral of this story is 772 00:44:42,620 --> 00:44:46,040 even monsters have soft sides. 773 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,500 Apart from me. 774 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,779 I...will...eat you! 775 00:44:52,780 --> 00:44:54,600 (LAUGHS) 776 00:44:54,650 --> 00:44:59,200 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 58516

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