Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language from the start,

discriminatory language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

Come on, lads, hurry it up.

Don't want to get raided.

I have to check the tracking.

The tracking!

SCREAMING

If you don't want it, go watch fucking Ghostbusters, yeah?

Relax, Christy, will you?

Give us a minute.

Is it real? Yeah.

It's genuine. First generation.

Look, this is the last of the money, all right?

Don't throw it away. Just stick to the plan.

Follow my lead and don't show any weakness, yeah? Yeah.

Not a penny over 25. Mm.

Let's go.

The best we can do is 20, all right? That's all we have.

You're fucking joking? I'm taking all the risks here.

The distributor of that film, he's in prison. You know that, lads?

OK, then. 30, all right? But no more.

It's number 71, it's worth it.

Ah!

71.

You've nearly got the full video nasty collection.

And you need this one.

40, or I walk.

Sanctify Yourself by Simple Minds

Lads, do yourselves a favour.

Leg it.

thunder and rage?

move round your feet?

above is where we meet

"You have been warned," is the message to video retailers.

If you stock any of the titles on a list circulated

by Scotland Yard, you could end up in court.

Public concern is growing as more evidence of the video's corruption

of children comes to light.

The video nasty has replaced the conjuror

and the party games at parties.

I haven't seen it. I have far too much respect for my mind.

We actually saw people eating live monkeys' brains.

The DPP has compiled a list of 72 films that are to be banned.

10,000 tapes have been seized.

Police seized 22,000 cassettes.

One of 4,000 video nasties seized in the biggest raid yet.

I can't understand people who get entertainment value from death,

gore, torture and horror.

These films not only affect young people,

but I believe they affect adults as well.

Enjoy your Catholic couples course.

It's a religious retreat.

Mm-hm.

We'll be checking everything when we get back.

Homework, chores, everything.

One step out of line, you'll be grounded till after your exams.

Yeah, you'd love that.

Me stuck here so you don't have to speak to each other.

BRAKES SQUEAL

There he is now.

And Billy. How you doing?

Keep an eye on her, will you, OK?

Make sure she goes in tomorrow. You're the responsible one.

I'm the older one!

Lads, you off to watch a movie?

Yeah, erm, Karate Kid.

Right? Yeah.

Wax on, wax off. See yous on Sunday.

See you Sunday.

Has your dad even seen Karate Kid?

Has he fuck.

Ahem.

Look, you behave yourself, all right?

Rent a movie and get a few cans of Coke.

I want a chipper too.

What? And I need materials for my art project.

OK, but that's it. OK, bye now.

All right, Number 71.

Usual rules - no screaming,

no looking away.

And no shitting yourself. That was one time.

Is there tits in this, or what?

Nah, the sex is all implied in the sound design.

I'm just fucking with you.

I thought you were going all Kubrick on me. Fuck Kubrick.

The Shining was tame.

Me and you, we'll top that.

Oh, wait till we get to London next year.

Get some work on sets, work our way up, make some proper, gory shit.

Yeah. Yeah, let's just finish the collection first...

..before anyone cops where the Debs money went.

CLUNK

Look, stop freaking out about the money, all right?

It's just a stupid graduation dance.

You're the treasurer.

You're entitled to invest that money.

Invest?

I'm not sure people at school will see it that way.

It's their money we spent on these videos.

They won't have to see it.

I haven't even booked a venue.

Yeah, we'll pay it all back when we sell the full collection.

Right? All we have to do is find the final tape.

We already have a lead.

What, your pen pal?

She's not a pen pal. She's a source.

Yeah, well, she's in the middle of nowhere

in the middle of middle England.

She can't do a postal exchange on this one,

even if she does get her hands on the tape.

Well, then, we'll find it here.

All right?

Don't lose your nerve now.

CLUNK

MAN SCREAMS

Get out! The girls are on their way.

No! This is our time. You have the whole house.

Uhh! There's no video player.

What are you even watching anyway?

Girl Gets Killed In The Woods 4?

Spoiler - she gets killed...in the woods...again!

It's Nightmares In A Damaged Brain.

It's extremely rare and valuable.

And weird! Take your messed-up video and get out!

You're not using my VCR to watch Flashdance again.

Do you want me to tell Mum and Dad about your video collection?

They left their phone number.

Who are they going to believe?

I'm the altar boy.

You're the one they think has gone mental.

I'll get their camera as well.

Give them a nice surprise when the roll's developed.

All right, all right! Fine!

You can have the room.

Well, I'm taking this.

Oh, come on, don't be an arsehole.

You're on your bike, how are you even going to carry it?

I can carry the plug.

Billy, what are you doing?

Billy, put it back!

Put it back!

Prick!

I don't know what he's got over you.

He's going to get you strung up over that cash.

Shut up about it, will you?

I knew we shouldn't have told you.

Have you told him about next year yet?

Jesus, Con. You're going to have to tell him eventually, you know?

MUSIC BLARES

Da, will you turn it down?!

Shut up. That's Tony Allen.

Don't disrespect.

This is your music.

I don't even know what he's saying.

It's Niger. Oh-ho!

Irish boy!

You pick it up if you listen properly.

Can you not put things back?

Then how would you learn to look after the place?

Someone has to prepare you for the real world.

What are you even doing making a sandwich?

I'm cooking. Stop complaining.

You'll be a happy man when you see what I've got.

Did you get some more of those seized tapes?

Some idiots tried to smuggle them in from Italy.

I don't know why you can't trade some nice comedies.

They're not as valuable. Hmm.

At least you are showing some initiative.

Take what you need, bring the rest over to the video shop.

See what TJ will pay me for them.

There's a few good ones in here,

but it's mostly Italian giallo that I already have,

and some mainstream shit that TJ won't take.

What about this girl in England, your pen pal?

Fangoria Fungirl?

Trade them with her.

Figure it out.

Nobody's going to hold your hand.

It's Fangirl, not Fungirl.

And she's not a pen pal.

She's a fellow collector.

Ha! Is she collecting boyfriends?

Why does she write to you so much?

DOG BARKS

RUSTLING

Hello?

Right, then.

Let's go through...

Let's just do it.

Why? Because it's hurling today.

And faking off PE is fucking cliche.

I want it to be authentic.

But I'm good at faking injuries. Stop fucking with my vision, Con!

Eyes on the prize.

Now, we've got the hot plate,

the heating mantle...

Right, then. Fuck it!

OK.

On the count of three, yeah? Yep.

Three...

..two...

..one. HE GASPS

THEY WINCE Gah!

get out tonight

something happen

we can run, we can run all night

we could find a place to hang around

No!

No!

No!

Any leads in the classifieds?

I can't see anything.

It's hard to decipher some of these messages.

Got one for you. The Gingerdead Man.

You know, like the gingerbread man.

What's it about? Ginger zombies.

If they bite you, your pubes turn red.

Run, run as fast as you can.

You can't escape...

The gingerdead man. Yeah!

That's a good one.

DOOR OPENS

All right, queers.

What is it this week, wanking injury?

Close, I'd say.

You're predictable. Look at yous with your gay little bandages.

You people are just scared to get a whack of a hurl.

"You people?"

What ever happened to me being a Paki?

Oh, that was fun. Wildly inaccurate, obviously,

but fun. Shut the fuck...

Ooh!

You're really phoning it in today, aren't you?

You want to watch your mouth.

See, I've been hearing things.

Throwing around money on videotapes.

That little sister works in the hotel,

says there's no booking for the debs ball.

If I find out you're after taking my money, I'll burst you.

The fuck away from me.

Ooh!

No!

No!

No!

You all right? Me?

Yeah, I'm grand.

You can't let them get to you, man.

I mean, we watch heads explode,

entrails getting torn out.

We deal in illegal contraband.

They think they're hard. We're fucking...

..rocks.

Yeah, well, they'll still smash us to pieces if you don't get

their debs money back.

Yeah, well, we'll push TJ on it.

See if he has any leads.

Sure you're all right?

Yeah.

I said it right to his face. I was like, "Sir, get fucked."

Like, the only reason you failed me is because my mum

wouldn't have sex with you. In fairness, that's a pretty messed-up

way to talk to your dad. Yeah, I know, but, like,

I told him not to take the job at our school.

Dick. Since when did you drop out of honours maths?

When you were out sick.

For weeks.

What?

Nothing.

It's just, you never came to the phone.

Like, what was wrong with you?

Who are you, my ma?

Who cares?

Are we starting this party, or what?

It's midterm. I want to get shitfaced.

Hey, Con!

Can you nick us some holy wine from Father Pervert?

No, he can't. He nearly got caught last time.

Like you care. The shit you drag him into.

I'm right here. You're not invited to my party, by the way.

You can stay at home and shag your video player.

Why don't you go home and cry and hide out in your room again?

Yeah, well, you can forget about dragging him to London

with you next year. He's not going.

Zoe. What? It's true. I'm doing you a favour here.

She's...she's...

Zoe!

It's not what you think. I want to go.

I do, I just can't.

What are you talking about, "Can't?"

My folks, they won't let me.

I have to go to college, Billy. Here.

Why are you such a pushover?

Go on! Go home.

Hey!

You shitheads want to come to a party?

Now, this scene was actually cut in the US version.

It's pretty hardcore stuff.

Oh, man, look at them eyeballs.

Ah, love it.

We actually see the inside of the skull.

Now, you wouldn't see that on RTE One.

They used cow intestines for this scene.

Yeah. This is, like... This...this...

Yeah, so, this tape was actually transferred from the Italian master

Sick bastards...

Yeah, well, apparently, the lead actor was paid in drugs.

So, if you're looking to buy, sale price is negotiable.

For rentals, I charge double for nasties, triple for blueys,

quadruples for blasphemies.

Oh, and an extra-special fiver for Life Of Brian.

Nice one. Good man. You're on.

Ha-ha! What has my favourite freak got for me today?

Is that supposed to be a compliment?

All right. Bad day at the office?

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Unless you're going to film it.

HE IMITATES A CHAINSAW

Dad got another haul.

Let's see what we can do.

No. Yes!

Ooh, expose. Yes, please.

Any luck with, er, Damaged Brain?

Fuck me!

This is a first generation original.

Mm-hm. HE SNIFFS DEEPLY

Oh, you can smell the wrongness of it.

Too much?

All right, what is wrong with you today?

You're down to the final film, I thought you'd be doing cartwheels.

It's nothing. Just...money issues.

TJ SCOFFS

Con's not coming to London next year.

Oh, man. I mean, I'm fine.

It's just, he could have told me, you know?

That was the plan, the dream...

..to work on a real film set.

Well, you still have the rest of the year.

I mean, finish the collection together for a start.

You're down to the last tip.

William Asher's Nightmare Maker,

aka Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker,

aka Night Warning!

Do you have any leads?

Because I can't find anything local.

No. Trail's gone as cold as a witch's tit.

Here, what about hitting up that sexy pen pal of yours?

She's not...

I don't even know what she looks like.

Well, whatever. I thought she had a lead on one.

But, man, you should see what people are paying for the full collection

on the black market.

You get that tape, I'll get you three grand within a week.

If I was you, I'd be swimming over to England to get that tape.

Right, tell your dad I'll drop that money down to him.

Oh, and tell him I'm running low on blasphemy.

Keep them coming.

Class.

After six increasingly bitter months of strike,

to ask how and where it might end.

But what is...?

Ah, waiting. How did we do?

Uh-uh. There's plenty left here.

He didn't need many.

You should have convinced him.

Here, another letter from your pen pal.

Don't get carried away with that girl.

She'll take you for an idiot.

Not every girl is like Mum.

I don't understand. We're going to England.

She has the tape. Nightmare Maker.

If we don't go tomorrow, it's gone.

This is our chance, Con. We get the tape,

we sell the collection, we pay back the money.

Wait, just slow down for a second, will you?

Look, she'd rather do a tape exchange with us.

We have doubles of three films on her list.

This is the trip, man!

One last fucking hurrah

before all this shit hits!

OK, well, if I can't go to London...

Con, by the time you get back from this trip,

you'll be gagging to come with me next year.

So, are you in?

Yeah. Good, because I already wrote back and told her we're coming.

OK, but we've no cash left,

so how do we pay for the ferry, the bus, everything?

Your sister. Oh!

No, she's the only one who knows how screwed we are.

She has to help.

I mean, all we need is a few quid.

Fine, I'll do it.

Wait, you're not going to go ask her now, are you?

Well, would you rather ask her now when she's drunk,

or tomorrow when she's hungover?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK, let's.

Hey, wait.

We're all right, aren't we?

Yeah.

I'm not going to let your parents ruin this for us, OK? Yeah.

You and me, we need to finish this.

We can get it done in, like, two days.

Easy. Great. OK, I'll call my parents at the hotel

and tell them I'm going to Catholic Boy Scouts. Sound.

We're going camping!

MUSIC BLARES

Oi! Thin Lizzie, you have some fucking neck showing up here.

I live here!

Are you doing a shot?! WHOOPING

Pour me one of them, yeah.

It's the last lemon.

Don't worry. I have a lemon-flavoured dick right here.

Have you seen Zoe? No?

What are you doing here? Everyone's talking about you.

What, me? Where's Zoe?

Where's Zoe? What? Zoe. Where is she?

She's upstairs with those skinheads.

She was talking about you.

Everybody's talking about you.

Oi, you, come back here! I want a fucking word with you!

Hey, hey, what's going on?

Oh, man. Some hammered broad just lost a game of pinfinger.

WRETCHING

Oh! Ah! AH!

Zoe! Oh, my God, your hand!

Someone call an ambulance!

Here, Con!

I knew you stole my deb's money, you prick!

DOG BARKS AND VACUUM WHIRS

DOOR OPENS

VACUUM STOPS

You OK? Yeah.

Thanks...

..for looking after me.

And I'm sorry that everyone found out you took their debs money.

I only told Rachel, but she was off her tits.

Everyone was. It's all right.

Just get some sleep.

I, erm, cleaned up the blood in the bathroom.

Tidied up.

What did she say? I didn't ask her.

I mean, I can't.

Look, we'll figure it out. We'll find the tape somewhere else.

What about the money, Con?

Everyone is out for blood.

The police are going to be on this. I don't want to get charged.

Look, I can't just take off, all right?

There's a lot going on. I need to be here.

Stop sucking up to your parents, Con.

This is about us. You know I want to go.

I just can't. I'm just sick of this place, Con.

This isn't even about the money.

This is me and you.

I'm getting packed and I'm getting the first bus to the ferry.

And if you're not at that bus stop in the morning,

I'll know exactly what you think.

I'll find a way to finish this myself.

BIRDSONG

Roadkill, the trip from hell! Oh!

You got the money? Yeah. You see? I told you!

Born producer. Yes!

Just a couple of strings.

What?

No! No way!

Yeah, yeah, yes way!

I'm going to be grounded for life now.

There is no way I'm going home to them.

As soon as I get my cut, I'm moving out.

Excuse me? Her cut?

Yeah! If I'm funding this,

we're going to split the profits three ways.

I get the deposit for a room. Everyone's happy.

No, this is our trip, our collection.

I don't want some fucking fire starter tagging along.

Yeah, you're the one who started this fire, OK?

Getting Con in over his head. Oh, yeah?

Well, you're the one who blabbed about the money.

And now I'm making it right.

I'm not going home.

I'm getting on that boat with Con.

You can come with us, or you can go and cry about it.

We're doing this.

We're going to get that tape.

CREAKING

BOTTLES RATTLING

THUD

Hello?

CLICKING

CLUNK

SHE SCREAMS

I've got a knife!

SQUEAKING