Original subtitles

From time immemorial,

vampires and witches have been mortal enemies,

generation after generation, one millennium to the next.

I am The Count.

Vampire of the highest order,

descended from a long line of vampires

who have evolved into the most magnificent beings

ever to inhabit the world of the living

and... of the undead.

When my wife died,

our castle in Transylvania became dreary and sad,

so it was that I decided

to move my son and myself to sunny Italy,

the beautiful mountain town of Roscigno.

The trouble all started when the town widow witch Aradia

created the magic potion for the benefit

of her young daughter, Valentina.

By accident, Aradia mixed up

the wrong ingredients in her recipe

with disastrous results.

In her phantasm, searching for her one true love,

she encountered my son, Todor.

Led by the power of the potion, she instantly fell in love.

And when her dream was over,

she encountered Todor in the real world

and then their courtship began.

When Aradia and I discovered this impossible romance,

we demanded they stop this foolish infatuation,

one vampire and one witch, equals one big mess.

But as young people in love often do, they ignored us.

They eloped to France, got married, had two children,

my only grandchildren;

the world's first vampire-witch hybrids.

So, as you can see, film has no future.

Maria, please present your feature presentation

for cinematic magic.

I've decided to do my film project

in the horror genre.

Woah, ugh...

Uh-- how you can ever use

the words horror and genre

in the same sentence is beyond me.

So, if you decide to be part of Maria's "crew,"

please do so at your own risk.

Thank you. That's all.

Ugh, horror, how gauche.

You call for a ride?

No.

Oh, I think you did.

You got your ride right here, buddy.

Right there. Get up, punk!

Get up!

Come on!

Stay down, punk.

- You're not going anywhere. - In your face, baby.

Get off of me!

Why you...

You little punk.

Oh, Vin, I'm sorry!

You call yourselves henchmen?

Hey, boss, he dropped this.

Give it.

Using this little brat's phone,

I can find him again.

I have to.

And this time, no more mistakes

or you'll win what's behind curtain number one.

You're white as a ghost, brother.

Did you have a nightmare?

No.

Yes.

Kind of, I guess.

Meaning?

I was leaving the library and these guys jumped me.

But you don't even have anything worth stealing.

They weren't trying to rob me, Valena.

They tried to force me into a van.

- Creepy. - You think?

Well, you got away, Blaz.

That's all that matters.

Uh-oh.

They made me angry.

You know what happens when I get angry.

Well, mom and dad better not find out,

because you know what happens when they get angry.

They'll clip my wings, literally.

Blaz, you're hurt.

I know I'm supposed to like the sight of blood,

but not my own brother's.

Anyways, what were you doing out so late?

I wanted to use the computer in the library.

I finally know the college

I want to go to for film school.

Right.

As if dad would ever let you do that.

What if I tell him I really love movies?

That I-- I promise to study really hard.

He'll just say no, so forget it.

You can be happy

living in this dusty old castle, whatever it is,

for the rest of eternity, Valena.

And that's totally awesome.

But my mind is made up.

It's time for one of us

to finally tell mom and dad how we feel,

and I'm not afraid to do it!

Oops.

Who is responsible for disturbing your mother and I

with all this racket?

Whew.

I'll give you two guesses

it wasn't me.

Huh, thanks a lot, sis.

Well, you said you weren't afraid.

Well, whatever it is, children,

can it wait until tomorrow?

I made some night crawler worm tea for my insomnia.

It's starting to kick in big time.

What's wrong, dear?

I detect a hint of blood.

Type A.

It's Blaz.

He was attacked.

Attacked? But where?

Near the library.

You mean our reading room downstairs.

Huh, you're bleeding, darling.

Oh, it's not that bad.

An appetizer at most.

Come, I'll take care of it.

Mom, it'll be all right.

I want to put something on this

to keep it from getting infected.

Maybe a little eye of newt.

About this library business, young man,

I have not forgotten.

A bowl of water, Valena.

Oh, and, Valena, a clean towel?

Is Blaz having a baby or what?

Does it hurt anywhere else?

I'm sore all over.

They really knocked me around good.

Again, Blaz, the library.

Believe it or not, dad,

I couldn't sleep, so I went for a little walk.

Oh, let's see...

I can choose to believe it or not,

I think not.

Anyway, two men came out of nowhere

and tried to force me into a van.

And you overpowered them?

Hunters.

Or Prater or both.

We have no enemies here!

We don't have anyone here.

No neighbors, no friends.

No dates, no prom,

no slumber parties with the girls.

No girls, period.

Being homeschooled

makes the world a very small place for us.

I knew they would come someday.

What do you mean by "they"?

And what do "they" want from us?

It's a very long story.

We have time and you've got a captive audience.

It's not like we're allowed to go anywhere else.

They fear what they do not know.

Maybe I gave Professor Prater

a little extra motivation.

Dear, ixnay on the Prater.

Well. There, good as new.

Now, off to sleep, you two.

It's way past your coffin time.

Um, mom, why didn't you use your magic

to heal Blaz's wounds?

You know why,

which is why I'm terribly upset with you, Blaz.

There's no way you could've defeated two men,

unless you used your special powers.

And you know I forbid it.

But Blaz could have been kidnapped.

We aren't normal people, mom,

I don't know why you act like this.

Don't talk back to your mother.

Now if you would excuse me,

I'm going to step outside.

Make sure nobody's lurking around the house.

Right, just like everyone else.

It's late, and I need my beauty rest.

Then it's settled, Valena, we're leaving.

Mom and dad are going to freak.

Don't you want a life outside this place?

It's totally gross.

It'll be nice to do something I want to do

for a change.

We can go to real places, meet real people,

sleep in real beds.

And be real teenagers,

not just the son and daughter

of Todor the Vampire and Valentina the Witch.

Don't forget the grandchildren

of top dog vampire The Count

and witch extraordinaire Aradia.

I'll finally be able to sing.

And I can go to film school in Florida

and make movies!

As if mom and dad would ever let me do that.

Okay, but why Florida?

All that sunshine might be bad for my complexion.

There's this girl, Maria.

Don't tell me you met her online.

Kind of.

So, what do you say?

Please tell me this isn't it.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Travelling across the country

using witchcraft isn't exactly something

I do every day.

Well, before we take off again,

you might want to grab your phone and check MapQuest.

Where's my phone?

Let's find civilization.

Oh.

Look at those kids,

probably sleep 'til lunch time, lazy bums.

Blaz, Valena, rise and shine, darlings.

I know what you kids are thinking;

that vampires used to sleep all day

until the sun went down,

but that was the olden days.

Now, we wake up in the morning,

look at ourselves in the mirror

and eat garlic just like everybody else.

Blaz?

I know you can hear me.

Valena?

Are you decent?

Okay, ready or not, here I come!

Where are they?

The hunters.

Don't be silly, woman.

The shadow is safe.

I have seen to it.

Blaz?

Valena?

"Dear mom and dad,

"we know you love us and care about us.

"We just wish you really knew us

"and what we want to do with our lives.

Blaz and Valena."

I simply cannot allow this, Valentina.

Well, we didn't allow them to do anything, Todor,

that's why they left us.

Well, don't just stand there.

You're a witch, do something.

Okay, uh...

Hmm.

Valena?

Valena?

What are you doing?

Trying to get a signal.

Welcome home, sister.

Feel that warm, tropical breeze.

It's nothing like the cold dad bareback at the chateau,

it'll have to do.

- Let's eat. - Later.

Let's take a swim.

Later.

Now that we're here,

have you thought about where we're going to live?

Of course I've thought about it.

I have absolutely no idea,

but I've thought about it.

Well, it's warm enough to camp out tonight,

but tomorrow--

Tomorrow is the first day

of the rest of your life.

Uh-oh.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

Mom is trying to reach me with telepathy.

What do I do?

Let it go to voicemail.

No sun in a while, boss.

Now what are we going to do?

Stop talking, and keep looking,

and how does that sound?

Alright, fine boss.

Vin, he said stop talking and you talked.

Man...

I have an idea.

Why don't both of you shut up?

Okay, okay.

But, boss, can I ask one more question?

We know what you look like,

so why are you hiding behind the curtain?

Because I'm a compassionate man, that's why.

I know my hideous appearance

makes some people uncomfortable.

You know what makes me uncomfortable?

When you buy new underwear

and the label keeps rubbing back

and forth through your butt crack.

I hate that.

You know what makes me uncomfortable is wool?

Like, this looks like a wool hat, 100 % cotton.

No it's not the same.

It's the same.

MTI!

Boss, you mean TMI, too much information?

My Two Idiots!

Everyone I know

is falling apart,

rotting away,

hating those who aren't suffering the same fate.

Everyone I know

is falling apart,

rotting away,

hating those who...

Rotting away,

hating those who aren't suffering.

Rotting away,

hating those who aren't suffering the same fate.

...falling apart...

Everyone I know

is falling apart,

rotting away,

hating those--

Everyone I know

is falling apart,

rotting away,

hating those who are not suffering the same fate.

Sorry, if you need to use the equipment,

I'm going to be a while.

I'm cutting some of the footage from yesterday.

Oh, no problem, Maria.

How do you know my name?

You're not in any of my classes.

Oh, you're joking, right?

Uh, everyone in the film department knows who you are.

Uh-huh.

You know, the last thing I need right now

is a stalker.

Ah, yeah.

Me too.

Alright, mystery man.

I like how you fade from the, uh, industrial environment

uh... girl?

Zombie Bride.

Zombie Bride, right.

Um, thanks, uh...

Uh-- Blaz.

What about instead of completely fading in,

you could blend her with the background,

making two different images become one?

Like an unintended connection.

Exactly, visual surprise.

I mean, it's not what I intended,

but... let's see.

Everyone I know is falling apart...

Yeah, that's better.

Rotting away...

Too bad you're not in my class.

I could really use you on my crew.

None of those other guys

ever give me any idea worth anything.

Well, um, Mr. Trellis is getting a new student

first thing tomorrow.

So, I accept.

What can I get you, dear?

Oh, I'm not here for lunch.

I'm here about the job?

Are you still looking?

You're hired!

What do you mean she's hired?

She hasn't even filled out an application yet.

I know, I know.

We probably haven't interviewed her, either.

Exactly.

Oh, my partner Nancy here is right.

As usual.

So, I'll interview her.

What's your name, honey?

Valena.

Well, Valena, you're hired!

Welcome aboard.

I'm Alice.

Don't give me any guff about this, Nancy.

Because if I have to stand

behind this bar another day,

I'm going to wear out this bad knee of mine kicking you in the butt.

Oh, hush up, Alice.

I'm Nancy.

Thank you so much.

When do I start?

Soon as you put this apron on.

Hmm, Valena, I'd never heard that name before.

I like it.

So, what's your last name?

Um, that's it.

Just Valena.

Hmm.

Geez, Nancy,

she's one of those artistic hippie types.

Where have you been?

In the office, as usual, working.

Unlike some people.

I promise to do my very best,

only... I'm a little worried.

About?

I've never worked in a restaurant.

Great.

Just don't quit

and I'll give you a raise.

No, Valentina.

Just because we both have mystical abilities

doesn't mean to say that they are equal.

Not even close.

Oh, please, you can fly, I can't.

As far as I'm concerned, you have it better.

I hope that you're kidding.

Do we have to go all the way to Italy

to ask your mother for help?

You have always hated my mother.

Even before our wedding.

She kept turning me into a frog.

She was just trying to protect me.

From what?

Ah.

She was always anti-vampire.

Everybody in Transylvania

knew she was a bigot.

She was not.

She doesn't have a bigot bone in her body.

She just thought you were a little too old for me.

25 years in Italy and France is nothing.

So, how do you propose we get there?

You can't just go poof and be there in a flash.

Do you have any idea how long it will take a bat

to fly all the way there?

Get real, woman.

Relax, Todor.

They have this fabulous new invention

that will solve your problem.

Perhaps you've heard of it?

It's called an airplane,

and rumor has it, it can fly all the way to Italy.

Great.

A transatlantic flight.

What a thought.

Why can't you just witch us both there?

Your motion sickness?

It's from hanging upside down when I was a baby.

Well, some tough vampire you turned out to be.

Oh, don't push it.

Just admit it.

You can't stand being away from me for too long.

Well...

Right.

My love.

We've been up and down

every street in town, boss.

Now what do we do?

This, gentlemen, is plan B.

Wow, does the plan B include unlimited texting?

Zip it, clowns!

Zip it.

We're going to use young Mr. Hybrid's phone

to call his mommy and daddy.

It's Blaz!

Oh!

Ah, Todor.

We meet again.

Is that you, Prater?

In the flesh, mangled as it may be.

Is the lady of the house in?

I would love to talk to her.

How did you get hold of my son's phone?

You're wasting my time, bad boy.

Get that witch on the phone now, or else!

So, Prater, you've come back for seconds, huh?

Valentina.

Remove the curse, demon sorcerers,

or you will get beat up from the street up.

He has not aged well with time.

What can I say?

When I put the whammy on somebody, they say wham it.

Put me back the way I was

or I'll swear I'll hunt down your children

and you'll wish you did this the easy way.

Alright, Professor.

You win.

I will now reverse the curse.

Hold up the phone with your right hand.

Close your eyes,

take a deep breath

and one, two, three.

Boss, nothing happened!

Be stupid on your own time.

I'm on a sacred mission.

And while you two continue to be dimwits,

I noticed luggage by the door.

Valentina and Todor are leaving town.

But would they leave their children alone?

Unlikely.

Hey, boss, should I call a tow truck?

Maybe an exterminator.

Either of you gentlemen have any brains?

You know, boss? Anyone ever tell you words hurt?

Somebody looks like they're in a good mood.

I got a job on my first try.

I'll just be working at a local pub, but it's a start.

That's great!

I sent up a late admission to school.

I'll begin attending classes tomorrow.

Congrats, brother!

Only, don't they require some kind of form from your last school?

I told them it was in the mail.

You know how snail mail is.

Undependable.

Exactly.

At least I'll have some time to figure something out.

Speaking of figuring something out,

we need a place to live.

You can always sleep in a cave,

you know, turn to a bat

and hang from the ceiling by your claws.

And leave you alone, sis?

That wouldn't be very nice of me.

Don't worry.

I have an idea.

This is it.

Isn't it cute?

Excuse me, have you heard of a mortgage or money?

We can't buy a house. Are you crazy?

Will you please trust me?

I trust you.

Minimalist.

I like it.

A couple of sleeping bags,

it'll be just like the castle,

minus the candles and coffins.

What do you think?

You mean, aside from thinking you've lost your mind?

It's cool.

So what? We can't live here.

People will be here all the time looking at the place.

Yes, we can.

Listen and learn.

I'm going to be working all day,

and the pub has open mic twice a week.

So, I'm going to ask my bosses if I can sing.

You're in school all day

and you know you like to stay out late.

And?

Nobody looks at a house at night.

We'll have it all to ourselves.

Until the house sells, we can sleep here,

shower here, cook here.

That's insane...

but brilliant.

It's just temporary, until I can earn some money.

Getting the hang of things?

Slowly but surely.

I'd be a whole lot faster

if I knew the difference between a lager

and stout easy foam.

I'm hip to that.

Did you just say you're hip?

First of all, nobody says that anymore.

And secondly, at your age,

the only thing hip about you

is the one hip you haven't broken yet.

No worries, Valena.

As long as you get it down by happy hour.

Oh, that is beautiful!

So delicate.

I've never seen anything like it.

Thank you.

It's family heirloom.

Alexander the Great gave it to my grandmother.

Uh-huh, and I suppose

your grandmother's a thousand years old.

Yes, but she looks great for her age.

Can I get a beer?

Valentina!

Mother!

However did you know it was me?

What kind of a witch would I be

if I could not tell

when my own daughter is approaching?

Todor, you look green under the wheat.

Ah, thank you, mom.

In-law. Mom-in-law.

You've had a long journey, come rest.

Oh, you've completely redone this room.

It's absolutely breath-taking.

Not just the room; the entire villa.

Every couple of hundred years,

I like to shake things up a bit.

But you did not come all this way

to admire my flare for interior decorating.

Tell her already.

I don't want to drag this out longer than is necessary.

What is your hurry, Todor?

You're immortal, sit down.

Be quiet.

Mother, the children have run away.

I've tried to call Velana mine-to-mine

but she's not answering me.

I told you this one was not going to be a good father,

flying around all night with his bat buddies

leaving you alone in your coffin.

You call that a marriage?

It's not Todor's fault.

Not entirely.

Hey!

We were too overprotective of the kids.

You know, they just wanted to be normal teenagers,

but how do you explain that vampires and witches

can't be like everyone else?

And you have no idea where they are?

Not a clue.

We need your help, mother.

They could be in danger.

In danger?

My grandchildren?

That is not going to happen.

Somebody from my past,

a professor who hunts vampires and witches,

has been tracking us.

Blaz was almost caught.

Please, Aradia, we need your help.

Did Todor just ask for my help,

or is this wine stronger than I think?

Okay, guys.

I want to shoot this in about two minutes,

so let's make sure none of these cables are visible.

Make up, last looks.

Oh, um... Blaz,

why don't you go see if camera needs any help?

Sure.

You must be Lance.

I saw some of your work yesterday.

Great stuff.

Blaz.

Yeah.

Maria told me about you.

New kid in town.

Wants to be a big director.

So, you're shooting film, not on video?

Old school, cool.

Anything worth shooting is worth shooting on film.

I see you two have met.

Yeah, we sure did.

Lance looks like he's got it covered, so...

I'll just tag along with you.

Cool.

I was just about to rehearse some of the actors.

Okay, everybody, this is what I need from the master shot.

So, our zombie couple is trying to escape

from our angry zombie mob,

so they head toward the factory doors

while all the others are in pursuit.

Questions?

Nope.

Okay then.

Um, hang out here.

We'll be ready for you in a few minutes.

Actually, I have a question.

You wrote the Zombie Lover script, right?

Right.

I know it's late in the process

and... I don't want you to get mad, but uh,

I think you're missing the chance

to do something really special here.

I'm listening.

Your film is about two zombies who fall in love

but want to live like regular people,

and the other zombies hate them for it.

Exactly.

Don't you see what the problem with that is?

Two zombies want to be together is boring.

What is the conflict?

They have all the same problems,

all the same challenges?

So, you've been in film school for what, two hours,

and you have a better idea?

What if a guy who's a zombie

falls in love with a regular girl,

they live in two completely different worlds,

one is a terrifying creature

and the other a beautiful angel.

It's like a classic theme of love-conquers-all.

That's so weird, Blaz.

And so unexpected.

Can you imagine people wanting to see

that couple win and stay together?

Like a modern horror fairytale.

But no, it would require a major rewrite.

If you talk, I'll type.

You really think a girl like me

can fall in love with a monster?

I sure hope so.

And one last thought:

shouldn't some of this be shot at night?

Lights.

Flag on the play, people.

I'm not feeling this.

Back tomorrow with new pages.

And, Lance, we're going to need bigger lights.

More lights, cool.

Thank you.

May I help--?

Good lord.

Good day, madam.

I'm a detective

for the Granite Falls Public School District,

and I'm hoping you can help me find a student.

I'll do my best.

May I see some sort of identification, please?

Oh, I'm afraid not.

You see, when I'm working undercover,

I never carry a badge.

We've had this youngster under surveillance.

Recognize him?

Yes.

What's he done?

He's suspected of violating code Section 603.841,

A through E.

Is that serious?

You ask a lot of questions, lady.

Do you know who he is or not?

He's not a student here.

He just came in to use the computers.

Which computer was he using the last time you saw him?

It... that one over there.

Thank you.

You were very cooperative.

Palm Tree City, Florida.

Alright, let's give it up for Hermie and his congas!

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Open Mic Night.

Ya'll enjoying the browns?

Yes!

Ready to hear some groovy sounds?

Nobody says groovy anymore.

Well, I do, so can it.

Alright, let's put our hands together

for the hilarious Matt Harding!

Thank you, boys and girls.

One more time for your host, Alice, tonight, huh?

Nice place we got here to do Open Mic Night.

Yeah, we're having a lot of fun.

I got here tonight and "Mr. Harding,

"can I get you something to drink?

"And can I get you a menu, Mr. Harding?

Do you need some place to sit, Mr. Harding?"

Awful nice here, and my name said like that, "No,"

and I didn't have to answer with "Yes, your honor.

I understand the charges against me."

My doctor's like, "You got to get your heart rate up."

And I said, "Well, how about running?

You want to try running?"

I said, "Doc, I do run."

"When was the last time you ran?"

I said, "I ran last night."

"Well, how far did you get?"

I said, "I stopped as soon as the ice cream truck did."

He looks so comfortable on-stage.

Well, he should.

He performs here every Open Mic Night.

Nice to be in this little club tonight.

You all having a drink?

Was he nervous the first time?

I'll let you in on a little secret:

they all are.

Some of the biggest stars

never get over their stage fright,

but if you have faith in yourself

and your talent,

the audience will want to like you.

I'll remember that.

Anything?

Yes, I'm getting something now.

A ginormous headache.

When Valena comes home,

I'm going to ground her for a year.

That's precisely the kind of thing

that'll keep her from ever coming home, Todor.

Valentina, look what I found.

Your first broom.

You remember you learned how to buzz

around the room in this, eh?

Such sweet memories.

Come on, let's go!

Time is of the essence.

Get your feet off my furniture.

The answer to all your questions is right here.

Princess Sophia...

Do you name all your balls?

Just this one.

Princess has never let me down before.

What do you see, mother?

Where are Blaz and Valena?

Have the hunters found them?

Are they alright?

Woah, my darling.

You must give the princess time to warm up.

She'd been in my closet for many years.

I'm not sure about this thing.

I've seen gypsy fortune tellers

at the carnival using those.

Yes, and I have seen Bela Lugosi up-close,

but that does not make him a real vampire.

So take a chill pill, blood sucker.

Sorry, I won't say another word.

Huh, that'll be a first.

Valentina, what is it exactly

that you want me to say?

Be very specific.

Where are Blaz and Valena?

Well, I am sensing Valena's essence

but there is static interference

almost as if she is able to block my vision of her.

We strictly forbid the children

from using any of their powers.

Yes, and how is that working out for you?

Mother, is she okay?

I get the impression that she is.

After all, she's strong enough

to be able to focus her energy

so that I cannot see her.

Valena must be very strong, indeed.

Can you tell us anything else?

She is surrounded by people.

Not the setting one would imagine for a kidnapping.

I do not see Blaz in the area.

Can you see him at all?

This is not a flat screen TV!

There is no picture in a picture.

But wherever Valena is,

it is warm and there's water nearby.

Well, that describes half the planet, mother.

Well, it narrows it down a little bit.

Ma Yes, I had a great time.

Thanks for your fun. Love it.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

You're a great writer, Maria,

and you work really fast.

Oh, it's like when I know

what the characters are feeling

and I know what their journey should be,

it just flows.

Not to mention I had help.

If we can reshoot a bunch of scenes tomorrow

and cut them in,

we'll prove Mr. Trellis is wrong.

How cool is that?

Very.

Why are we stopping?

This is where my sister works.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

What's good on the menu?

Hey!

Well, the fish won't kill you.

Talk about a catch.

Um, this is my classmate, um, new friend,

director of a student film

that I'm working on that's going to be a huge hit.

I don't know if I can live up to that introduction.

Alright, who do we have up next?

This is Maria.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm--

Valena!

Valena?

Valena.

Alright!

That's me.

Come on!

You didn't tell me

your sister was performing tonight.

Ah, and to be honest I didn't know

she was performing tonight either.

Hi.

Wow, um, I've never done anything like this before

unless, uh, singing in the shower counts,

and I've always wanted to try it,

so here I am.

Woo!

Go for it, Valena!

That's my brother, ignore him.

Are you going to recite the Gettysburg Address or sing?

Come on, we want Valena!

We want Valena!

We want Valena! We want Valena!

* Shadows and light

* Are all I see

* Reflecting my face

* Mistaking me

* How can I be

* The air that you breathe

* Why is my dream

* Forsaking me

* Shadows and light

* My mystery

Good, good.

* Reflecting your face

* Mistaking me

* How can you see

* It's only me

* Why is my dream

* Forsaking me *

Wow!

Great!

I'd never do...

Neither did I.

I loved it.

So did everyone else.

Thank you.

I know we just met, Valena,

and I don't mean to be pushy,

but there's a character in my film who sings...

And I mean, I was just going to do it myself

but now that I heard you sing,

how about it, Mr. Co-producer?

I'm with you 1000 %.

What do you think, Valena?

Do you really want me to sing in your movie?

- Really? - Yeah, really.

More than really.

How awesome would that be, sis?

Both of us working in the same film?

A couple of days ago,

stuck in a castle sleeping in stuffy old...

Beds?

Exactly.

Let's cheer, bro.

Let's do it!

That was awkward.

Hey, boss, how much further?

Do you mean, how much further it is to Palm Tree City

or how much further it is

before you ask me how much further it is again?

I-I just got to know I'm going to stop.

I got to go so bad.

Tough.

I warned you about drinking that 64 oz root beer slushie.

The old bladder buster, huh?

Yup, you warned him, boss.

When we reach the highway junction,

you can pull over.

That should only be about another 150 mi.

So, we want to see the chemistry between you two.

Ignore outward appearance

and just speak directly to each other's hearts.

Okay?

Alright, let's shoot!

Time to find out if we're crazy

or if this is really going to work.

It's going to work.

It better. My butt is on the line.

I'd bet on your butt any day.

Roll sound!

Roll camera!

Camera speed.

Scene 23, take 1.

And... action!

It doesn't matter what we feel,

how much we want each other.

What about everyone else in our lives?

Everyone I know is falling apart,

rotting away,

hating those who are not suffering the same fate.

Do you really think they care about our happiness?

But I have a family.

It's selfish of me to think only of myself.

To know that I've fallen in love with...

A monster?

Say it, Alicia.

It's what I am but...

not what I want to be, and not my choice.

Please don't do that.

You're not a monster.

This is going to be awesome.

And cut!

Yes?

Well, we can fix the voice in post.

That was great.

All I can think about is that kiss.

I felt it.

Everyone will.

Seeing that,

it almost makes me think it could really happen.

It can, Maria.

At least I hope so.

What do you think?

I'm wearing this wig to double Friv Alana

until she gets here.

That's a relief.

I thought you made a hat out of a dead muskrat.

Are you sure you don't want to come in?

Valena will be here soon.

I-I would,

but I'm so wiped out from the shoot today.

Where do you get your energy?

Superhuman powers?

Something like that.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow.

See you.

And Maria... um, do me a favor.

Sure, what is it?

Don't fall in love with any monsters on your way home.

I'll try not to.

Hey, Blaz!

Why is there a For Sale sign on your lawn?

You guys just got here.

We just moved in,

so I guess the real estate agent

forgot to take it.

Say hi to Valena for me.

There is one more thing we might try.

Of course that it will require

intense laser focus concentration from Todor,

if you're man enough to risk it.

What do you mean "risk it"?

Whatever it is, he'll do it.

Valentina, bring me that book from the shelf.

That great big one.

Oh!

Dusty.

Question,

over your special powers, Aradia,

can you not just wave a wand

and make all this dust disappear,

or at least make a housekeeper appear?

Quiet, fang!

My stable could use a new donkey

and you're already halfway there.

Where are we, where are we...

Ah, vacation, vaccine, vagrant...

Here we are, vampire.

"List of unique abilities:

Hmm...

transformation into chiroptera species."

Bats.

Duh.

Yes, but what are you looking for, mother?

Immortality, yes, unfortunately.

Here we go, dematerialization.

Todor can dematerialize,

transport his molecules to another location

and reassemble them in his present form.

All these years and I never knew that.

If we had to make a list of things you don't know,

I would say get very comfortable

because you're going to be here a long time.

But mother, you said it's risky.

Todor might be materialized,

then they contract in a dimension

where he cannot reassemble his molecules.

He might be lost forever.

But we have to find Blaz and Valena.

I don't see I have much of a choice.

Bravo, Todor.

I will talk you through it and I will do my level best

to send you to where your children,

my grandchildren, are.

And if something should go wrong...

Yes?

Yes?

It was nice knowing you, kind of.

Mom!

Dad?

Blaz.

This isn't happening.

Blaz, I'm trying to reach you.

How did you find me?

My blood is your blood.

When I see through existence of being,

the essence of my spirit seeks its own kind,

which is you and Valena.

What do you want?

You must come home, son.

This world of commoners is a treacherous place.

This is where we want to be, dad.

You can't make us leave.

Come to me, son.

You forget, dad.

I'm a hybrid.

A fusion of both vampire and witch,

a mutation of both powers

emerged to create a supreme power.

I am your father.

Obey me!

And I am your son, Todor,

I shouldn't have to simply obey!

What's wrong with you?

You're never going to believe what happened.

Something is wrong.

I know it.

He's back.

Todor!

Sweetheart!

Wow, you need to shower.

I reappeared in a ghastly pig farm.

Still awoke, Aradia.

What of Blaz?

I saw him, I think, sort of.

And why didn't you bring him back with you?

And what about Valena?

Is Blaz alright?

From what I could see.

I need to go to my children, Todor.

Where are they?

I wasn't there long enough to get my bearings.

You mean you went through all of that

and you don't come back with your son, hmm?

Or any useful information?

He fought me, but I was no match for him.

He was way too strong.

I tried, okay?

How is that possible?

Because I married you

and we brought hybrids into this world.

Uh!

I beg your pardon.

Don't you know how to knock?

That's right, Trellis.

Keep yacking while your mouth still works.

What are you doing?

My job!

I'm Special Agent Kurdle,

joint task force for investigation

and enforcement of obscure crimes,

miscellaneous offenses and other infractions

perpetrated by unknown

but highly dangerous individuals.

Wait, can I see that again?

I'm-- I'm afraid not, Trellis.

It's classified.

Now then, I need to locate one of your students.

He calls himself Blaz.

Last name?

The real pros don't use last names.

It's so easy to trace.

Now, where can I find Mr. Blaz?

Mr. Bla--

Ah, he's assigned

to a rather disappointing film project

and, uh, today, they're shooting...

Concrete factory.

It's a hideous, dirty place.

Exactly as I anticipated.

Alright, men, we're going to activate plan 89

and head for the hideous place.

Plan 89, really?

- Plan 89, boss? - Yes.

Plan 89.

And if you continue to cooperate,

you'll never have to know what that means, okay?

Got it.

Finally.

Cliché.

Hey, boss, what's plan 89?

Yeah, what is it, boss?

Your combined IQs.

Mother, how can you eat at a time like this?

That's easy. It's dinner time.

Aradia, do you not get it?

Our children don't want us to know where they are.

They could be in grave danger and we cannot reach them.

Half-vampire and half-witches

are a formidable combination.

And we never even taught them

how to use the powers they inherited.

We forbid that they even try.

Exactly.

And when was the last time

that children listened to their parents, hmm?

When your father and I forbade you two to marry,

did you listen, Todor?

Did you, Valentina?

Well, we proved you wrong.

Vampires and witches can live under one roof

and have very strong children.

Too strong, it seems.

Exactly.

Todor, that is the key.

What is?

If you want to find Blaz and Valena,

you must fight fire with fire.

Meaning?

Bring together the most powerful vampire

and the most artful witch cannot lose.

It is time for me to summon The Count.

Oh, no.

You cannot be serious.

Oh, no?

Watch me.

I can't.

Hear me, Count, and listen well.

Crisis requires your presence.

You must intervene on behalf of your grandchildren

and your son, Todor.

You must exert your mastery over all things

on behalf of my grandchildren and my daughter, Valentina.

You will not resist this urgent plea.

I, Aradia, command you to appear!

Well, at least you tried.

Shhh.

Wait for it.

Such a piece of prosciutto with a big entry.

Count... please.

This had better be important.

I was really enjoying my three-month nap.

New casket, hand-carved, French sycamore, silk line,

with one of those new memory foam pillows.

Oh.

Todor, what are you doing here?

Slumming?

Not exactly thrilled to see you either, Count,

but this is not about us.

If I thought it was about you,

I would never have come.

I avoid witches like the plague,

although the plague cannot hurt a vampire.

Blaz and Valena have run away.

So? Bring them home.

Well, we can't really find them.

Poppycock!

My son, Todor, is a vampire,

descended of a long line of great vampires.

As I say, there is the best and then there is the rest.

They are not children anymore, father.

They are clever

and very determined not to be found.

And we've tried everything.

Telepathic communication, dematerialization,

and molecular projection.

I mean, mother even tried second sight

with her crystal ball.

Nothing.

Crystal ball?

What happened?

Did you lose your tarot cards?

I know what we will do.

We will order Chinese food

and find the children with the fortune cookies.

Are you finished?

Because they may actually be in jeopardy.

Please help us.

Do not worry,

but this will take effort and cooperation.

Well, whatever you need, Count, please.

Clear the table, please.

What else can I do?

You can do as you're told for once in your life?

As for you, go bring the crystal ball.

Cooperation.

The Count needs my assistance.

Just the opposite.

You are the one who needs my assistance.

I will bring this hunk of glass

into the modern millennium.

What do you use that for?

Out with the old, in with the new!

We go... online!

Fantastic.

I can see so much clearer.

There is no interference.

Now, if you had TiVo on that thing,

you could watch it again later

as your visions form.

My device will compare all known territories.

I see the essence of Valena.

Oh, we can zero in on that.

Don't lose your connection.

That is her energy, no doubt.

Todor, is that where you were?

Yes, I think so.

Ah!

It's in United States, Florida,

in a place called Palm Tree City.

Come, Todor, we must leave now.

This dress isn't right for Florida.

I'll change on the way.

I will establish a beam for you to follow.

Oh, god.

But this was the right place.

Both of them were sure.

Perhaps we're too late.

Valena's been here.

Valena's necklace.

Where are they?

To come so far and be so close...

Hmm...

What do you have there?

An old factory by the lake.

Good job, love.

Hmm.

Okay, let's move the bed over here

to get ready for the dream sequence.

I think it's going to look great

with the factory in the background.

I wore this wig to stand in for you

in an earlier scene, Valena.

We're going to shoot your song next.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Aww, sis, relax.

You sing half as good as the other night,

you're going to be great.

Maria, we're ready,

want to check the frame of the shot?

I'll be back.

This is really cool.

Uh-huh.

Oh-oh.

Blaz, Valena!

Mom, dad, what are you doing here?

- How did you...? - Nevermind how.

The thing is, we are here.

And you're both alright, that's all that matters.

It's not all that matters.

They took off

without telling anybody where they were going.

Do they even realize what they put us through?

Do you realize what you put us through?

Do you realize what kind of life

you were forcing us to live?

No friends, no fun,

seeing everyone else our own age in town

doing all the things every other kid does.

And not being allowed to do them.

I'm your son.

I shouldn't have to run away to go to a school

to be something I want to be.

I'm happy that you've experienced all of this.

I mean it.

But now it's time for you to come home.

No, dad.

But it is time for you to go home.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm making a movie.

Aradia, Aradia, Aradia.

Hello, mother.

Well, we found the children.

Getting them home

is going to be a whole 'nother thing.

Two hybrids coming up.

Shut it!

Yes!

Yes.

They are with Blaz and Valena right now.

Then my work is done.

Sorry to tell you, I must be going.

Wait, wait, Count.

A toast to a fruitful collaboration

between a witch and a vampire.

You know, Aradia,

if you had told me 200 years ago

that we would be here together like this

and not at each other's throats,

I would not have believed you.

Neither would I.

And yet, here we are.

Here we are.

I'll start the scene

with a beautiful wide shot here.

Hey, Lance, uh, didn't Maria come over here with you?

She was here a minute ago.

She couldn't have gone too far

because we're about to shoot.

I'm working on singing a couple of nights a week.

You never said anything to me about wanting to sing.

You weren't listening, mother.

Maria's gone!

- What? - What?

But we were just about to--

She disappeared in a red van.

The hunters who tried to take me back in Granite Falls

was driving the same kind of van.

Are you sure it was them?

I have to find her.

Dad, can you help me?

Two of us can cover twice as much ground.

Go!

What do you want from me, freak?

Technically, nothing.

Thanks to that ugly wig,

we thought you were Valena.

As for that freak remark,

ugh, that sort of hurts my feelings.

Oh, boss, I think she looks real nice.

Oh, well...

Then you wear it.

Holy smokes, you look like my auntie Rose.

I'm only going to ask you once.

Where do Blaz and Valena live?

I don't know.

You're pushing your luck, dearie.

Where do Blaz and Valena stay?

I thought you were only going to ask me once.

The next hair you lose, will be real...

and painful.

Unless you want to look like my pal Vinnie here,

you'll tell me.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

Aww, you sing and you can cook!

This is wonderful

and I'm so tired from all of that conjuring.

My dear, I have been cooking for centuries.

And do you also sing around your home?

I do.

But you know, I live in an old palazzo with stone walls.

My voice reverberates

and I can have no one there

because no one can know who I am.

Of course not.

But it is still wonderful.

Who needs a radio when you are around?

Here, some more wine.

Mille grazie.

You are on your best behavior tonight, Count.

You are drinking wine.

You have put garlic on the bruschetta.

Yes?

These things are repulsive to vampires.

You've been watching too many old movies, my dear.

That is long ago.

As a matter of fact,

these are two of my favorite things.

Well, a toast to old acquaintances

who are becoming new to one another.

Count, when you say 'old'

do you mean that we are old

or that we have known each other a long time?

Centuries come and centuries go,

but you never change.

Witchcraft agrees with you, my dear.

You have not spoken of her,

but I know that your wife was a wonderful woman.

Her good deeds are legendary.

It has been difficult to find someone

who can fill up my heart again.

And you?

As you know, my husband also was mortal.

He stayed with me as long as he could.

But I feel the same pain.

At least tonight...

we don't have to be lonely.

"For sale"?

That's odd.

That's odd?

You're odd.

And I'm sure the door is locked.

Oh, not to worry.

Tug has a very special key in his shoe.

Yes I do, boss.

Let's go, honey.

Go. I'll get that for you.

After you!

Ah!

Hey, boss,

it sure was a smart idea bringing her back here.

I mean, those two hybrids,

they're bound to come back some time.

Hybrids?

It's not only smart, Vincent,

it's sheer genius.

This is the last place that Blaz and Valena

would expect us to hold her hostage.

Wh-what are hybrids?

Not what. Who.

Your two BFFs are not what they seem.

You see, they are a spawn

of two-- other worldly beasts.

You see, daddy's a vampire

and mommy dearest is a witch.

And not just on Halloween!

You're crazy.

No, just hungry.

I missed breakfast

and you know they say

that's the most important meal of the day.

Let's go see what the hybrids have in the kitchen.

Alright, breakfast.

No sign of a red van, son.

It's my fault that Maria's in danger.

We can't give up now.

So tell me about the singing.

I've only done it in front of people a couple of times.

At a restaurant, my friend zone,

but that's what I want to do.

Blaz's friend, Maria, heard me the other night

and she asked me to be in her movie,

that's why I'm here.

That's great!

Well, it sounds like your brother and you

have made lots of friends.

We're catching up for lost time.

Don't hate your father and me

for wanting to protect you two.

Blaz was almost kidnapped,

and that should prove to you

that there's some people in the natural world that...

Well, they don't understand us, honey.

And they fear us.

Mom, you'll have to trust us someday.

Bl-Bl-Bl-- Blaz?

Shhh.

Okay, we'll get you out of here.

Hurry!

This is going to be a little weird, Maria.

So it's true.

You're a hybrid.

A hybrid?

You mean like a car that runs on gas and electricity?

I'll explain later, let's go.

We'll go-- go where? We're-- we're trapped.

They're right inside.

I know a shortcut.

You'll have to trust me.

I trust you.

Of course I trust you; you came for me.

Okay.

Now, don't let go.

I won't.

The answer is yes.

A girl like me can fall for a monster,

especially when he's not a monster at all.

Hey, boss, what are you doing there?

Yeah, boss, what are you doing?

While you fools continue to be fools, I--

I'm planning my life after I capture my hybrids.

Hey, boss, do we feed the girl?

Yeah, I'll give her the potato chips.

No! Put those down. Those are mine.

Okay.

Get in there!

- Uh-oh. - Oh, boy.

Boss ain't going to be happy.

Are you going to tell him?

I'm not telling, you tell him.

I'm not telling him.

Tell me what?

She's kind of gone.

Doesn't matter.

She's not the one we want.

This time, it's either Blaz or Valena, or--

both!

And I know exactly where they are.

Funny, Blaz, the one who kicked your butt.

Yeah, well, he don't fight fair.

Maria, it's going to be dark in 30.

We can shoot.

I think with Valena singing

and helping you make this film,

our parents will see we belong here.

Now, I understand how complicated this all is.

You know, I'm not sure this whole day

isn't just some weird dream,

but I'm going with it.

I have a film to finish.

Oh, no.

Mr. Downer.

Mr. Trellis, what are you doing here?

Consider this a pop quiz, Maria.

Your grade in my course

is not entirely based on your finished film.

I like to see how my directors work

with their crew and "actors."

Sir, she's doing an amazing job.

Oh, I'll be the judge of that.

Go on, back to normal.

You're back!

Good job, son.

Blaz, why don't you introduce us

to your new friend?

She's more than a friend, mom.

She's also the director of the film

I'm making here today.

Oh!

Hi.

Friend?

Dad, this is Maria.

Ah, Maria.

A pleasure.

Well, I think it's very impressive

what you kids are doing.

But I've seen enough.

It's time for us to go back

to our own home, our own lives.

They say that vampires

are the most romantic creatures on Earth,

and now I know it to be true.

You know,

they say when a witch puts a spell on you,

there is no escape.

But I can tell you,

you will never need a spell.

Why did we not do this 100 years ago?

I don't know.

I know we are doing it now.

What?

I'm getting a message from Valentina.

Trouble... your son.

I knew it.

We're tired of the cold castle

and our boring lives!

For the first time, we feel alive!

And you will live for centuries.

But there are rules.

And sometimes, the rules must be broken.

What are you doing here?

This is my family.

Todor, my dear son.

In my life, I have made many mistakes.

I had many preconceived notions,

especially my objection to your marriage.

But times are changing, even for the timeless.

Don't make my mistakes with your children.

Let them have a chance.

See what they can do.

Let them make their movie.

Alright, children.

Action!

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Todor! Valentina!

Remember me?

If I could forget a face like yours, Prater,

believe me I would.

What do you want from us?

Yes, Prater, what is it that you want from my family?

I want you, Valentina,

to remove the curse you cast on me

and give me back the life you stole from me, now!

I've got a better idea.

Why don't I click my fingers together

and grind you to dust in a very gruesome way?

Back off, Todor!

You will do as I say or I promise you

I will never stop hunting you

or your dear little children

until my demands are met.

Day and night, for weeks, for months, for years

you will never have a moment's peace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, excuse me.

I beg your pardon, excuse me, but OMG,

where did you develop your acting skills?

You are incredible.

Oh, really?

Don't be modest.

I have seen thousands of villains

throughout the years,

and you are spectacular.

I mean, that monologue you just performed?

I mean, the--

how you will curse today forever is the--

is, ugh--

I can see the vulnerabity

and yet-- yet the-- the--

the need for love and attention.

It's all there, ugh.

I did do a few shows in high school

and got some decent reviews.

Yeah, you did.

Maria, when I am wrong, I admit it.

And when you first said

you wanted to do a horror film,

I kind of wanted you to fall flat on your face.

But this is ingenious.

Casting a real cop to play the bad guy?

Bravo, huh?

Who's your agent?

Do you know what?

Have you ever considered doing dinner theater?

Mr. Trellis, what are you doing?

This creep came here to kidnap me and my sister,

and now he wants to ruin Maria's movie.

Do you really think I have what it takes?

You know,

I much prefer to ride around in a limo

than that dirty old stinking van.

Yeah, you do.

This is the most important day of your life, Professor.

You can go after something you really want

or something you really do not want at all.

Decisions, decisions.

I'll do it!

We should have lunch next week.

I have a lot of contacts in Hollywood.

They would love your look, and the thrill...

What just happened?

Alright, everybody.

Let's shoot this.

Um... make up, no changes,

leave the creepy guy just as he is.

Here we are, last scene.

There's something I've been wanting to say

for a long time, Blaz.

Yes?

And action!

That's it.

We're done.

Congratulations.

I want you to know

I couldn't have done this without you, Blaz.

I hate to tell you

but you almost couldn't get it done with me.

Anyway, I have one last surprise for you.

Oh, no.

Have I had enough of your surprises, Mr. Hybrid?

Just one more,

I promise you'll really love it.

Okay, what are we doing?

Oh, we're just going to my grandmother's house.

In Italy?

No way!

It's 5,000 mi away,

but we'll be there in a couple seconds

and you don't even need your passport.

* Shadows and light

* Are all I see

* Reflecting my face *

I have a good heart.

A true heart, but it's a dead heart.

There are the living

who are far less alive than you.

They hide it.

In this world, I will guide you.

I will protect you

and I will be there when you need me.

You'll do this for me?

Yes.

And maybe someday,

you will let me into your heart.

And on that day,

you will look into my eyes

and not see a monster

but another beating heart...

as yours.

What do you know about this film business?

Only a little.

Well, it seems to me

these kids have made a good flick.

A witch and a vampire.

How could they miss?

From the beginning of time,

we have always spoken

about the way things ought to be;

that vampires should remain with their own,

while witches must keep to their caverns.

But tonight,

when I look upon my own grandchildren,

hybrids born to a mother and father

who were never meant to know one another,

I see the folly in our past.

Now I know

family is the greatest fortune a person can have.

And tonight,

my son, Todor, has discovered that his riches can be found

in the hearts of his own children

who have found happiness in pursuit of their own dreams.