Original subtitles

(man) The Wild West created many amazing legends:

Geronimo, Wyatt Earp, Nat Love...

All of them deadly.

But none deadlier than this man:

The Cherokee Kid.

So you're the Undertaker.

Now it's your turn to die.

Good night, Kid. Sweet dreams.

- (man) Is he dead? - He's graveyard dead.

Ah, well...

Perhaps you would like to double this reward.

| have a very interesting railroad...

| bury my dead before any business transpires, Mr. Bloomington.

Well...

Uh, | have here some deeds that ...

Are you deaf? A brave man has died.

He deserves a proper eulogy.

Just how long do you think it's gonna take to finish eulogizing this...

How long would it take to eulogize a great man like Montezuma

or Thomas Jefferson... or Robin Hood?

How long?

We'll bury this man at noon tomorrow.

Noon tomorrow.

(priest) So many people here from far and wide

because a man has died.

But who exactly was this man?

You know who he was. You and | raised him!

You tell 'em. You tell 'em who he was!

1 will, mother, I'll tell 'em.

- You tell 'em what a good boy he was! - Elizabeth...

There are others here who would like to get a word in edgewise.

(man) That's right!

I, Juan... Nepomuceno Cortina,

hero of the Mexican people, would like to speak.

For it is | who taught the Cherokee Kid everything he knows.

That's why he's laid up in that box now.

The Cherokee Kid was the most noble,

the most courageous human being the world has ever known.

But let us begin at the beginning.

Before he became known as the Cherokee Kid,

the Cherokee Kid was... just a kid.

His name was Isaiah Turner.

He had a big brother named Jedediah.

Now, even back then, the railroad men were forcing the homesteaders

to sell their land for pennies.

When the boy's father stood up to them, they killed him like a dog.

The very next day Jedediah took his revenge.

He sneaked into the railroad camp

and shot the man who took his father's life.

Jed! Now don't you mistake stupidity for courage.

(Cortina) That night Mama gave to the boys their father's favorite hat.

When the bad men came, Mama and Jedediah put their plan into action.

But first they put young Isaiah in the wood box.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you lynch my baby!

1 will kill him myself before | let you at him!

- No, Mama, no! - Baby, let it go. Let it go!

No!

No, baby, | didn't shoot Jed.

We was just pretending so that Jed could get away.

Let 'em have it!

(man) Ed!

(gunshot)

- You OK, Mr. Bloomington? - Nobody can stand in the way of progress.

Go, get him!

(gunshot)

| got him!

(Cortina) Like the terrified antelope,

the brave little kid was running and running, night and day.

Guided only by his still-developing sense of direction,

he wandered aimlessly,

not knowing where fo go.

Until one day the hand of fate guided him into the lap of good fortune.

Reverend and Mrs. Peel,

having no children of their own,

believed young Isaiah to be a gift from God.

Pow! Got you, Bloomington!

Pow! | got you too, Bonner!

Reverend, tell him what the good book say. Tell him what it say about killing.

Son, the Bible sayeth, "Thou shalt not kill."

The Bible say, "Eye for an eye."

So I'm gonna shoot him in the eye!

Pow!

Pow!

Pow!

(Cortina) Then, about 18 years later,

the Kid had grown into a strong, sure-footed young man.

And still he clung to his childhood dreams.

Bonner, Bloomington, you're both dead.

- (Mrs. Peel) Isaiah? - Coming, Ma!

Whoo!

(Cortina) One day in town, the Kid stumbled across the face

of the man he hated with every breath he took.

Bloomington was now the mayor of El Paso.

He was coming to Pinedale to speak.

Isaiah vowed to go there and silence him forever.

Just one sandwich, Ma?

Reverend, you tell him that if he gets hungry, he can just come on home.

- Tell him. - I'll tell him, mother.

Tell him we know that this is all about Bloomington. Tell him.

Son, violence is not the answer.

Ma, Pa, | can't thank you enough

for taking me in and raising me when | lost my family.

But | got to go out and find out who | am.

I love y'all and I'm gonna miss you.

Pa.

Oh.

- Ma, can | ask you something? - Yes, baby.

Ever since I've been little, whenever you'd talk to me,

you'd talk to him and I'd be standing right here.

You tell him that he is gonna go and get himself killed.

- Now, you tell him! - (Isaiah) C'mon, Old Lightning.

Well, Pa, I'm gonna be going.

Whoa.

Bye.

(horse whinnies)

I'm OK. I'm OK, Pa.

Whoa, Lightning.

I'm just gonna walk him, Pa.

'Cause he's kinda touchy right now.

Come on.

"Vengeance is mine," sayeth the Lord.

Killing is a sin. And Pinedale's the other way!

| know!

That way!

One sandwich.

He'll be back here before sundown, if he can ever find this place.

Oh, Charles!

He took that rusty gun off the mantle!

(Cortina) Thus began his magnificent quest to find a town called Pinedale,

and o find the despicable excuse for a man who had killed his family.

Oh, man, where am |?

(turkey gobbling)

(Cortina) When he exhausted his supply of sandwiches,

he feasted on natural foods and wild game.

(knock)

Hello? Anybody home?

Just looking for some food.

(gobbles)

Just me and you, Turkey, and one of us got to die.

Let me go, you dirty, lowdown, scraggly two-legged cockroach!

Ooh! Why, you...

What kind of crook knocks off a whorehouse anyway?

Why don't you go out and hit a bank like a real man?

C'mon, give me some loving, you cheap whore!

Cheap?

| ain't never done it for free in my life.

| ain't never paid for it.

C'mon.

Ha ha! C'mon.

Agh! Get off of me!

Why don't you shut that stinking mouth of yours before the bats come flying out?

- Shut up! - You paying for this.

| know you got some money. You paying for this.

- Get off of me! - (gobbling)

(woman) What?

Hi.

You dead, boy.

(woman) Why, you...!

Aghh!

- Agh! - (gunshot)

| think he's dead.

| killed 2 man... with a turkey.

What am | gonna do? They're gonna send me to jail.

Lord Almighty, I've been saved by a colored boy!

A sweet, kind, brave,

extremely good-looking, very light-complected...

Mmm, mmm, mmm, horny brat!

Ma'am, you are truly a lovely and inviting woman,

and all the womanly parts a man would want.

It's just that | ain't never been with a woman before.

| had some turkey before, and I'd rather have some of that bird, ma'am.

What's that say on his belt?

His name, Jake Carver.

- Can't you read? - Of course | can.

| just... can't read English.

I's French.

(Cortina laughs)

Again, good fortune smiled on our hero.

Yeah, | killed Jake Carver. You got something to say about that?

(gunshot)

(Cortina) He took refuge for the night in the charming little coltage,

where a nice Christian girl prepared for him

a delicious home-cooked meal.

Gobble, gobble.

Gobble, gobble.

(Cortina) All night long he dreamed

of leftover turkey sandwiches.

But in the morning, the girl and the bird had flown the coop.

Oh, she took the turkey.

(Cortina) Bloomington would be in Pinedale today.

Isaiah had to get there, by hook or by crook.

Hey! How you doing, gentlemen?

- Morning. - Morning! How d'you do?

- Who the hell are you? - I'm... Jake Carver.

- Jake Carver? -Yes, lam.

Damn!

It sure as hell is a small world, ain't it, boys?

- Sure is. - And we're Jake Carver's gang!

Yeah, howdy.

- Hey, Jake, I'm your cousin. - I'm your cousin too.

| ain't your cousin, so | guess that makes me your aunt.

Wait a minute, now let me explain.

Gim Bob, Jake's out back, dead as a skunk.

No sign of the girl.

Wait a minute. Y'all don't think | killed him, did you?

Jake was my best... | grew up with Jake. That whore killed him!

| always told Jake from the time he was young

that these whores were gonna be the death of him.

Now you know how he was, always chasing women.

From the time he was young, he was always trying to look up girls' petticoats.

I'd say, "Jake, stop. Jake, stop."

There was too much stuff. Petticoats, corsets... He wouldn't listen to me.

We'd be running off playing tag and hide-and-go-seek.

But Jake didn't like them kind of games. No, no, sir, he didn't.

And what he'd do was, he'd take our arms behind our backs

and he'd twist 'em till we screamed.

And then he had this floorboard from his mammy's house

and he would take it and whoop us upside the head.

Then he'd take whiskey from his daddy's cabinet,

- pour it down my throat till | wet myself. - (laughter)

That's our Jake!

Well, it's a shame Jake's gone now, 'cause he had a big job for us to do.

- What kind of job? - He didn't tell you?

- No, he didn't tell me about no job. - This is a big job.

This is the biggest job. That's why he brought me out here.

We were gonna rob a bank.

- Where? - In Pinedale.

Pinedale?

Yeah.

A lot of money there too, but it looks like it's gonna stay in that bank now.

Jake's gone and he had the plans in his head.

So I'm gonna go out and bury him before them animals tear him up.

Ain't nothin' worse than seeing a man's body laying there and rotting.

You don't know what it is, you walk up on it,

and you think it's a dead dog, but it's a person. The horses get spooked.

So I'm gonna go get him 'cause | don't wanna see that happen out there.

- Nice meeting you. - I'll bet.

Uh-uh! You're going the wrong way, friend.

Pinedale's about ten miles north of here.

| figured I'd just...

Then again, it would be right to honor Jake by robbing that bank.

Well, you told me Pinedale was that way. | wouldn't have gone that way if...

Just get.

(Gim Bob) Now, here's the new plan.

We go in the bank.

You go up to the teller, tell her you're robbin' the bank.

And then... you rob the bank.

You've been thinking about this plan for a while, huh?

Maybe we oughta take a couple more minutes.

We'll just go on in there.

- Hi, can | help you? - Hi, how you doing?

- I'm fine, thank you. - That is a right smart tie you got on there.

Thank you very much. | bought it in St. Louis.

St. Louis? My grandmama's buried there.

Oh, well, it's a dangerous place.

- Yeah, she was bit by a rabid rabbit. - A rabbit rabbit?

- A rabbit with rabies. - A rabbit with rabies?

| thought you were talking about identical twin rabbits.

- No, just one rabbit with rabies. - Oh, | see. I'm sorry to hear that.

- How can | help you? - Actually | was thinking about...

Maybe you wanna open a new account?

Because if you do today, you get great gifts.

For example, if you give us $25, you get this.

It's a cake of Grandpa's pine tar soap.

Now, | have heard about this. This the one with witch hazel?

- Absolutely, it will open up your pores. - It smells so fresh.

It's guaranteed to leave you refreshingly clean.

| have some other friends need to be clean. Can | ask them?

- Of course. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - You're a very nice man.

Thank you. You too.

- Billy Bob? - It's Gim. It's Gim Bob with a G. Gim Bob.

I'm sorry, all them Bobs are throwing me off.

Ray Bob, and Jimmy Bob. | can't get all the Bobs right.

- Well, it's Gim Bob with a G. - | wanna show you something.

If we give the man $25 to start an account,

we'll get some free pine tar soap.

And as much as we're on the road together, this'll kill the stinkies.

| don't take a bath.

Just go over there and rob the bank.

- Just think about how you smell. - All right.

They don't like the soap.

Maybe you should tell them if they give us $100 to deposit, they get a gingham apron.

- Hush my mouth. - A gingham apron.

- And | cook. - Oh, you do?

- | can cook rabbit. - That's good, | hope it's not rabid.

That's funny. You a funny man.

You know what we do with the gingham apron?

We hand-embroider your name right across the front.

- Well, my name's Isaiah. - That's a beautiful name.

- It's Biblical. - God bless you.

- Thank you. - That was my grandmother's name.

Isaiah?

Yeah, it's a man's name but she was very mannish.

She wore pants, but that's a different story.

We'll put the name right here, like it says "Teller" for me.

- That's your name? - No, that's my job.

Oh, sorry.

So why don't you go tell them about the gingham apron?

You're not gonna believe this. They have these gingham aprons.

We put $100 in, we put our money together...

- Now what you want me to tell him? - Just tell him we're here to rob the bank!

You don't have to spit on me.

These gentlemen are here to rob the bank.

| forgot to tell you. If you give us $300 to deposit, you get this nice big gun.

(Cortina) The Kid knew that Bloomington was close by.

He could smell him.

Unfortunately, Frank Bonner had already sniffed out the Kid.

(Bonner) All right, where is he?

Mr. Bloomington would like to meet the man who shot Jake Carver

and took his whole gang out single-handed.

There's the brave gentleman, Mr. Bonner.

Well, you done good, boy. Saved us a whole heap of embarrassment.

Here's your reward.

(man) Don't spend it all in one place!

- What's the matter, son? - | ain't your son.

Well, | don't know about that.

| done me a whole lot of colored whores in my day. | might be your daddy.

(laughter)

What is that, boy?

You actually might be dangerous if you had yourself a real gun.

What a fool.

Somebody kill that son of a bitch!

(Cortina) Then the Kid heard the voice

that had been haunting his nightmares since he was fen years old.

(Bloomington) ..but nobody, | mean nobody, can stand in the way of progress.

(applause)

(Bloomington) And friends,

progress is steaming your way on the American railroad.

Now are you gonna climb on board, or are you gonna get left behind?

(crowd cheers)

I'm the man who brought the railroads to Fort Worth and Abilene.

But | have a greater plan.

| want to bring the railroad through Pinedale to El Paso, up to Denver,

on up to San Francisco.

(cheering)

(Bloomington) Now, | have been asked to consider

running for governor of this great state in the next election.

If 1 do,

when elected, | promise to make available all the land that I've invested in

to the Southland railroad.

Now, I'm inviting all of you...

..to give up your land, so this man's pockets can get fatter.

(Bloomington) Young man,

I'm the one that's supposed to be shooting his mouth off up here.

My mother tried to shoot your mouth off.

That's where you got that scar on your forehead.

- And I'm gonna kill you. - (clicks)

(gunshots)

(man) He's gettin' away. Let's go!

- (man) Hurry! - (gunshot)

(man) Where'd he go?

(yelling)

Gotta go, guys.

(Bloomington) Mr. Bonner... Ooh.

| hate to add insult to injury, but | need your help.

Now think back a number of years.

The night | almost got my head blowed off.

You pursued a dangerous criminal into the woods.

Yes, sir. | tracked him down like a... dog and | shot him twice.

That Negro that shot you in the ass today seems to be same said criminal.

He knew all about that night.

You are a lying son of a bitch.

Just like that whoring mother of yours.

Now, this fugitive in question,

who has wounded this law-abiding citizen...

I am hereby offering a $1,000 reward for his carcass.

But you'd better move fast, boys.

Because Mr. Bonner's job is on the line.

Once he gets the lead out of his ass,

he's gonna be movin' fast as hell.

Let's go down to Elle Mae's and have a little taint, shall we?

Yes, sir!

(Cortina) The Kid knew he had to lay low for a little bit,

so he sought refuge with a man of the mountains.

A noble savage who lived alone in the wilderness.

A gentleman, modest.

A man who always heeded nature's call.

Pee break!

(urinating sounds)

The old pissin' trick.

It always works.

(Cortina) Because of the Kid's gift of gab and the mountain man's loneliness,

a strange friendship began.

(Isaiah) What's your name?

- My name's Otter Bob. - Not the Otter Bob?

Well, I'm Otter Bob.

When | read about you, it said you'd be a big tall man, a big strong man.

Like the way you look now.

It's just hard to believe that you really here.

Let me ask you something.

How big do you think an otter is?

- | don't know, | ain't never seen one. - About like that.

Now if a buffalo was behind me right now...

Bam! | could kill him.

'Cause they're big as a house.

Goddamn Bill Cody, that arrogant son of a bitch.

Sure, "Buffalo Bill"'s got a better ring to it than "Otter Bob,"

but | killed a thousand otters in two days.

He never killed a thousand buffalo.

- You know Buffalo Bill? - Yeah, | know him.

That's nice. | mean, | always read books about the mountain men, the gunslingers.

- | always wanted to be a mountain man... - Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You read?

Yeah, | read. My mama taught me and my brother Jedediah to read.

That's why | was in the back of your wagon...

| don't care about that. | didn't ask you that.

| asked you if you could read. You see, | got this here book.

I've been carrying it around with me for about a year now.

I really like it. You wanna look at it?

- That's one of them dirty books. - It's not a dirty book.

-Yes, it is. - It's not a dirty book.

- This is one of them dirty... - It's not a dirty book.

Here's what | was thinking. Maybe you could teach me enough to read that.

You know, where | could just take it and go off and be by myself and read

and not bother anybody or anything.

"Fifi and Lola luxuriate in the bathtub..."

- Is that one Fifi with the dark hair? - Yeah.

| knew it! (laughs)

- Ooh, Fifi's wild! - Go on, read some more.

- | tell you what. - Yeah?

You take me to El Paso, Texas, and by the time we get there,

you'll be able to take this book and read it by yourself.

I'm going to Idaho. We'll talk about it in the morning, all right?

You mind if | take one of them furs and use it as a blanket?

- One of my furs? - One of them furs that you're not using.

- I'm using 'em all. - You can't use all of 'em.

| use 'em all.

Look... you want a skin?

- This right here is... - (Isaiah shrieks)

That's a bowie knife. Jim gave it to me, long time ago.

Take that, go on out there and kill yourself a critter and make a blankie out of it.

(yawns)

Morning.

Maybe it's a good morning for you, but | had to sleep on the ground.

- What you eating? - Your blanket.

What kind of mountain man would kill a little old defenseless bunny?

You need to be hunting bear, mountain lion.

Something that got a chance of killing you.

-Want a leg? - OK.

| was thinking about what we were talking about last night.

Idaho is very close to El Paso,

s0 you can ride along with me.

But you gotta teach me to read.

It's a deal.

- But you gotta teach me something too. - Like?

How to be a mountain man.

How to use a knife and hunt,

shoot a gun, tomahawk,

make a fire with rocks, make coffee,

skin a bear, make some pants out of it,

make my own blanket,

make a hat with some fur around it,

track,

disappear,

and know which plants not to touch, so | don't stick myself and bleed to death.

(Cortina) Over the next several months,

the wise and wily mountain man handed down the secrets of survival

to his fervent pupil,

much the way Moses handed down the stone tablets.

The Kid learned rapidly.

Nature to him became second nature

and the wilderness became his home.

(donkey brays)

(laughs)

- | think you caught the last one. - Oh.

Stupid fish!

- You're making me mad now. - What's that?

This fish said, "Hey, you are really stupid."

(Otter Bob laughs)

(Bob) Good.

Good.

You can kill a cup.

Thanks, Bob.

(Bob) Where'd you get that hat?

It's my daddy's hat.

- That's a Cherokee feather. - He was half Cherokee.

And your daddy was in many, many battles.

He won 'em all. You know how | know that?

- You see all that on that feather? - Yeah.

Those little marks here, they're called "coos."

And each coo is a battle that your daddy won.

Your daddy was a great warrior.

That he was.

Looks like we're getting close.

OK, | got three bobcats here. That's five apiece.

- That's right. - I got six otters.

- That's four dollars apiece, right? - Oh, yeah, four apiece.

And | got one mountain lion, ten dollars apiece.

- You got a mountain lion? - That's right.

You good. You good.

And one coyote. Three dollars, right?

Well, since it's you, I'll give you three dollars for it.

OK, what does that mean? How much is that?

That's, uh...

That's a lot, ain't it?

Carry that two, and...

- Oh, Bob, you a rich man. - Yeah.

| owe you $26.

No, sir, that's not $26.

- That's $52. - No, it's 26.

No, sir, that's $52.

C'mon, Bob, who you gonna believe?

Me or him?

Well...

See, that young man's like a son to me.

And you, you're a lyin', cheatin' son of a bitch.

C'mon, Bob. I'm just doing business, I've been fair.

I'm gonna believe him!

Oh!

You've been doing it for five years.

C'mon over here and get $52 and get that pigsticker out of him.

- You killed him! - | hope | did.

You k...

I'll take a bottle of whiskey for every year that son of a bitch cheated me.

- That'll be five bottles. - So, now we're stealing and killing?

Yeah.

Euch.

What the hell?

Look, this ain't what it look like. He was cheating on us...

Wait a minute! Hold on! Bob, wait! Bob, wait!

(gunshot)

Bob, Bob!

Wait! Bob, slow down!

Will you brighten up a little bit? Nobody gonna find us here.

If they can't find us, they're not gonna do us any harm.

| ain't worried about nobody bothering us.

I'm just wondering why you trusted me today.

Well, if a man can't trust his own best friend,

who can he trust?

- You my best friend too, Bob. - Yeah.

| ain't never had a drink, Bob.

Well, it's about time then, isn't it?

- Will it help me eat this lizard? - It'll take the stink right off that lizard.

Don't give me too much.

Yes, sir, you're gonna love that lizard after this.

Bob, this is nasty.

This'll grow toenails on a dead man.

I'm gonna have some more.

This lizard reminds me of how | killed my first bear.

You ain't killed no bear.

You put it on a stick like we had it and you put it over the fire.

And they'll come sneaking up... (growls)

And then you jump right on their back - they don't even know what's happening

'cause they're so crazy about that lizard.

- And you got him around the neck! - You was on his back?

- And you're choking him and choking him. - You was on his back?

| was on his back!

And | was choking him and | was choking him...

His eyeballs just went pop!

| mean they just popped right out, so | took out my knife and went...

And bam, he hit this old tree.

And | took the knife and then | slit his throat, right like that.

That's when | became a mountain man.

You're not a mountain man until you have killed your first bear with your bare hands.

Hold this.

If you can remember what | taught you, then you will be a great bear-hunter.

I'm gonna go get a bear.

| have told you everything that | know, how to do it, so | want you to...

Isaiah!

Isaiah!

Son, | was just jokin'!

I didn't kill him just with my hands!

| had a gun!

Here you go, come here.

Come here, bear.

- | got a nice lizard! - (birds squawk)

Don't you sneak up on me.

Hey, bear, here | come! | got a nice little lizard for you.

(growling)

(Isaiah screams)

(Isaiah) | got you! You got me!

(laughing)

He's small, but he's mean.

(laughing)

C'mon over here and have a drink, mountain man.

I'm a mountain man.

So you're telling me that he's hanging out with an old-timer?

And you ain't gonna find him.

Otter Bob's sly as a fox. He's the best mountain man in Texas.

He's the best mountain man?

Yeah?

Well, I'm the best tracker in Texas.

You OK, Bob?

It's empty. | already told you it's empty.

You finished it off two days ago.

Bob, will you just sit down?

Billy, | told you not to drink any more!

Shut up, Bob!

- There's nobody... - Shut up!

I'll kill you, you son of a bitch! I'll Kill you!

Put the gun down.

- I'll kill ya! - Put the gun down.

- Don't move, don't move. - Bob.

Snake.

Don't move. | got it, don't move.

- What snake? - Right there.

| see it, don't shoot it. Let me get it. Don't shoot it.

It's a twig snake. | didn't see it at first.

Got it underneath my foot, right...

It's gone, it's OK now.

You saved my life, just give me the gun.

(Cortina) Totally unaware that Frank Bonner was thundering toward them,

the Kid and Ofter Bob slept like little babies that night.

Good morning, Bob.

- Snake. - Bob, you're just hallucinating.

Between your legs.

You're just confused, all right?

He's a biggun.

That's my pet snake.

He's my friend.

- Gotta do it. - Bob, no. Bob.

Bob, no! Bob! God, no!

Aaagh!

(rattles)

- Thank you. - | feel pretty good about it myself.

Mighty good sippin' whiskey.

There's plenty more where that came from, old-timer.

Now, look...

I've been tracking him for three months,

so why don't you just tell me where that nigger is?

"Nigger."

| always thought that was an ugly word, almost as ugly as you are.

(laughs)

Don't you ever sass me, old man.

Sorry.

I'm getting...

sassy in my old age.

If | could have one more drink...

| believe | can give you the exact place where he's at.

Can | look at that picture one more time?

Gol

Go, Isaiah!

Aw, damn!

- (trap slams shut) - Agh!

(gunshot)

Agh!

Agh! Oh, God!

- Another day. - Oh, God! Oh, God...

Bob, you all right? Bob!

No, I've been shot.

Listen, if you're gonna put me on a horse,

you put me on a whiskey horse, OK?

Put me on a whiskey horse.

- On a whiskey horse, one with a keg. - | know, | heard you.

Argh!

(gasping)

I must tell you... | gotta say my last words.

Now, don't interrupt me. You just shut up now, OK? These are my last words.

| done stopped most of the bleeding. You're gonna be all right.

The most important words I'm gonna say in my life...

Bob?

C'mon, Bob.

Bob, Bob!

- Bob! - What?

Oh, no.

The last word they'll remember me by...

The last thing they're gonna remember me ever saying is, "What?"

Bob.

Now, | know you don't wanna go to heaven sober...

so here's one for the road.

(Cortina) And so... as dear old Otter Bob was winging his way to the Great Beyond,

the Kid renewed his noble quest.

It was then, one fortuitous day, that the saints in heaven led our hero

to the noblest, most proud and good-looking caballero

ever o lead the Mexican people into battle.

(Cortina) You think | am afraid of you?

| spit on you.

I am tired of you!

Just wait, too close!

| had a better conversation with a tumbleweed!

| spit on you!

That's my hat!

You should go home to your papa, and get a whipping for having no brain!

Ahh!

Buenos dias.

This mud should heal your face right up.

In three or four days, you'll be good as new.

Sefior,

you have saved the life of a great Mexican patriot,

Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,

the man who time and again outsmarted the Texas Rangers.

That's good, now try and relax.

The man who fearlessly occupied the city of Brownsville.

Trust me, you wanna relax.

Cortina, the man who vowed to sacrifice his own happiness...

- Cortinal - Si, sefior!

If you don't stop yammerin', this medicine ain't gonna work and you're gonna die.

OK...

I am a proud and noble descendant of Aztec and Spanish priests!

Priests who taught the world how to torture a man!

Shh! Cortina!

Why do you think I'm out here?

In this hideout with all the trees SO NO one can see me?

Because I'm in a little trouble with the law and | just don't want them to find me!

| knew it.

The first time | look in your eyes, | knew.

You are a fellow freedom fighter.

No.

- Liberacién, ;no? - No.

But you understand my passion, no?

No.

You're the quiet warrior.

No, | am not quiet, I'm tired.

Tired.

| am tired too, senor.

Tired of the gringos stealing the Mexican lands

with the Mexican names from the Mexican people!

San Antonio, Amarillo, El Paso, Corpus Christi!

Oh. "Corpus Christi is Latin," you say.

- | say nothing. - Oh, no, it's OK.

Did you ever think Mexico is nothing to me?

Yoo-hoo, sefior.

What is your name, sefior?

Bob.

Bab?

A small but fine name. Sefior Bab.

Bob.

- Bab. - Bob.

Bob.

Bob. Oh, Bob. Claro, ;cémo no? That is different.

You realize, sefior Bob...

you have saved the life of the hero of the Mexican people, Juan...

- | got that part. - OK.

As a man of honor, | must now repay that enormous debt.

| tell you what, you go to sleep, we'll call it even, all right?

No, no, no, no, no. 1, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,

hereby vow to follow and protect sefior Bob

until such time as | in turn can save the life of sefior Bob.

- Did you say, "follow me"? - Follow.

No. No, no, no, no, no!

You will not follow me anywhere, do you understand me?

(Cortina) And so, recognizing the greatness each of us possessed,

my friend and | were inseparable from that day on.

Together, side by side,

we rode bravely toward the most wicked and godless town

in all the American West,

the very gateway to hell itself,

El Paso, Mexico.

- Lookie here! - Hello!

(woman) Sweetie, hey!

- (bartender) What can | get you? - (Isaiah) Give me a whiskey.

Permiso, sefior.

| want to try to play some cards with these cowboys.

OK.

What is this? That ain't whiskey.

(bartender) That's El Paso's best, sir.

That'll be a dollar, partner.

I'm not your partner... and I'm not gonna give you a dollar for this drink.

I'll settle for 25 cents.

Sample, if you will, the wonders of this amazing new scientific invention,

the brushing instrument for human teeth and dental plates.

It expunges odor, eliminates decay,

eradicates bleeding gums and mouth pain.

All the rage in London, Paris, New York and Cairo,

and yours, my friends, for only 25 cents.

- 25 cents! Any takers? - | gotta have one of those.

Help yourself.

Excuse me, 25 cents.

- Hey, ladies, please! - Hey, give me one!

OK, one more.

Psst, psst.

Psst.

That's a mighty nice...

That's a mighty fine brushing instrument, ma'am.

You too, cowpoke.

Lookie who's caught in my little trap.

(man) Party's over there, kids.

(man #1) C'mon, nice and easy.

Hey, stranger, you mighty quiet.

If you weren't breathing, I'd think you was dead.

Name's Isaiah Turner.

I'll be doggone!

You're Nat Love, ain't you?

Well, Mr. Love, it is a privilege to share the same jail cell with you, sir.

| read all your books. As a matter of fact,

| used to read it to the kids at the church where | taught.

You the baddest gunslinger that ever lived.

Is all that stuff true?

Did you really corral ten men by yourself at the Rattlesnake Canyon?

- Been in a lot of canyons. - And you robbed a bank with just a knife?

That's what they say.

You're just the man to teach me what | need to know.

I've been huntin' some men down. | need to work on my gunslingin' skills.

Sit back.

Enjoy the day.

Ain't got time to teach you nothing.

They're gonna hang me tomorrow.

Well, look at you.

You about to be hung and...

you sitting there like you going to the barber to get a haircut.

If a man can't go out in a blaze of glory, he can at least go with dignity.

| don't feel like goin'.

(sheriff) Morning, Mr. Bloomington! Look alive, everybody!

Well, well, well.

Looks like you've earned yourself a name.

"The Whorehouse Kid."

- By God, that's a quaint little moniker. - Look at you,

all famous and fancy and legit now.

You've become quite a little irritant to me, son. But, as mayor of this...

Talkin' like butter won't melt in your mouth.

As mayor of this fair city,

I've come to tell you that you're going to get a fair trial.

- 'Cept for, | know what you really are. - And a fair hanging.

- A thief and a murderer. - Goddamn it!

I'm gonna kill you, Bloomington.

You are going to get yours tomorrow... boy.

And | can't wait to see them slip that noose around your neck,

and that look of pure terror come over your face,

just like your mama had that night that | shot her.

I'm gonna come back from my grave and I'm gonna kill you.

(chuckles)

If my brother Jedediah was here he'd come through that door with his guns a-blazin'

- and he'd break us outta here. - Jedediah?

- Turner? - You know him?

- Your brother? - Yeah.

He was a good man.

Hell of a gunfighter.

Had a classic showdown with another gun, called himself "the Undertaker."

Jedediah took him, didn't he?

| know he's a great gunslinger now. He always was good!

They say it was close. One for the books.

But your brother lost.

Jedediah dead?

He killed my brother?

You tell me where I'll find this dog called "the Undertaker," 'cause I'm gonna kill him.

No, first I'm gonna kill Bloomington, then I'm gonna kill Bonner,

then I'm gonna put a bullet in the head of this man called "the Undertaker."

That's a whole heap of folks to kill.

For a man who ain't got no gun,

can't shoot,

and is presently incarcerated.

Well, I'm gonna shoot him dead.

(snoring)

(Cortina) Psst, psst!

(Cortina) Bob!

- Cortina? - Psst.

- Psst, psst. - Cortina.

- Psst. - Help.

- They'll hang me. - Wonderful!

| was hoping. So I'm saving your life, right? We'll be even, | owe you nothing, right?

- Right. - OK, you got it.

Come on, Nat, wake up.

Ox, jya!

C'mon.

- (Isaiah) This is my friend, Nat Love. - (Cortina) Good to meet you, Nat Love.

Here's your horse, here's your gun. Even-steven, OK?

- It was good riding with you, Bob. - You too.

| got to go save the Mexican people.

- You saved my life again! - 1 did not!

- Yes, you did. - He jumped out the window.

- He was killing me! - He was not!

Every time | turn around you save my life! You make me absolutely crazy!

- Nat, I'm goin' with you. - The hell you are. | ride alone.

Nat, that's my horse!

- | gotta go with you. - What?

C'mon. Let's go!

Help me get up!

(Cortina) Pursued by 20 Texas Rangers,

with a pack of slavering bloodhounds nipping at our heels,

we rode fogether,

escorting sefior Love to his secret hideaway.

Senor Love! Senor!

(Isaiah) Hey, I'm not playing with you!

(men) Nat! Nat!

| thought you were dead, boy! How you doin'?

Yeah, well, they almost stretched my neck for real this time, boys.

(man) How the hell are you, Nat?

Hey, don't shoot, don't shoot!

It is |, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina.

| springed you from the hoosegow back there!

- Where's the kid? - The kid? The kid...

He keeps falling off the back of my horse. It's a little problem we are working on.

No, don't you do it!

What part of, "Stop, wait, I've fallen down, wait for me" do you not understand?

He was riding like the wind. | had to catch up with him.

- You left me back there in the dirt! - | did not want to leave sefior Love.

Gentlemen, allow me to introduce my fearless compadre,

Senor "Isaiah” Bob Turner.

Now, look, | thought | told you not to follow me!

| know... but | had to.

| need your help. Plus, you stole my horse.

| ain't got time to be helpin' you. Now go on, get on outta here!

C'mon, Nat, | saved your life.

That's right, you owe your life to this man.

You must protect this man. You must follow him and give him shelter

until such time as you can save the life of this man.

- Shut up. - Shut up.

All right, you can hole up for a couple of days.

As long as that fella keeps his trap shut.

Keep your mouth shut.

Come on.

Don't you get mad at me 'cause you can't stay on the horse!

| can't stay on the horse when you ride the horse with your big sombrero.

| can't see nothin' with your big sombrero! It kept hitting me in my eye!

Whoal!

- Who are you? - Isaiah.

Who are they?

- Special people. - How you doin', Sister?

| got a whole lot of special people around here.

How you doin’, Sister?

Hello, Sister. Sister.

Let me give you a hand.

(laughs)

You look like a man. You smell like a man, too.

Amen.

(man) Dig in, boys.

Um... my name's Isaiah Turner.

This is a really nice hideout you got here.

How ya doin'? | haven't met...

OK. You guys are pretty hungry.

I'm new at gunslinging, so any kind of tips or pointers you could show me,

I'd be willing to... take into consideration.

Hey!

Use a damn fork, Graham.

(laughter)

(man) He can't hit nothing.

(yells)

(man) Try again!

Bob, no! No, Bob!

No, no, no!

No me mate! No quick draw.

We either gonna have to kill that kid, or teach him how to shoot.

We don't get shot at this much when we're robbin' banks.

Shoot this.

All right, put it down on the rock.

No. Shoot it out of my hand.

- C'mon, Nat. - Shoot it.

If you hit me... I'm gonna kill ya.

Nat, this ain't funny, c'mon.

Shoot it.

Every time you shoot at someone, plan on dying.

Al right.

(woman) C'mon, Nat, get up on that horse!

(cheering)

Whoal!

Wooo!

(Isaiah) That was great!

That's how I wanna ride.

You need to be confident, Bob.

- The problem is getting up onto the horse. - That's hard.

Yes.

OK, let's try it again. Put the foot in the stirrup, OK?

Just remember, no fighting in the bank.

This hand gets the reigns.

You don't have the reigns, you have no control.

You ready? You go up, OK?

- | like when you don't holler at me. - I'm so sorry | hollered at you.

OK? One, two, three, hup.

- Looks pretty good, don't it? - It looks good, yeah.

- (Nat) Hey, get off that horse. - | just got on it.

He's jealous.

You know, ridin' a horse is a lot like being with a woman.

Ah!

OK, just so | understand this correctly,

what part of ridin' a horse is like being with a woman?

Nat, the greenhorn's a virgin!

| am not! | am not a virgin!

(man) Boy ain't never had no sugar dumplings!

- (laughter and applause) - Oh, don't clap for me!

If you knew how many women | been with, y'all would be in there prayin' right now!

Boy ain't nothin' but a cherry, that's what he is!

| been with so many women, | can't remember all their names!

(whistles)

It's all right. Mary got the medicine for ya.

- | don't need your help. - C'mon, now, Mary ain't gonna hurt ya.

- Just give you a little ridin' lesson. - Get away from me.

Come here, boy! Come here!

Go ahead, Mary, show him!

(man) Show him, show him!

Ow! Owl

- Don't hurt me, Mary! - Mary ain't gonna hurt you.

- Mary's gonna fix what troubles you. - Nat!

- Good luck, Bob! - (bleating)

(laughing)

(Isaiah) Nat, she ain't got no drawers!

(man) Whoo!

(man) Yeah! Ride him, cowboy!

(man) All right!

(man) He's a bronc rider!

I'd say the boy's fixed.

He's been practicing.

I tell her, "Maria, drink this tequila, take off your clothes."

"You will see God!"

"I will bring him to you!"

Boys, now come on, why did you call us here?

The kid needs a name.

How 'bout "Dusty Butt"?

He's still wet behind the ears.

- Let's call him "Runt Boy." - Oh, uh-uh, honey.

- Ain't nothin' runty about that boy. - (laughter)

| broke him, | say / should name him.

- (man) How's about "Happy"? - It's about pride.

Man's gotta have a name that he can be proud of.

You know? What are you proud of, son?

My daddy.

He died fighting for something he believed in.

- He was half Cherokee. - "The Cherokee Kid."

Oh, wait now, I've got it. "Buffalo Red."

- "Buffalo Bob." - Not "Bob."

- His name is not Bob. - No, listen to me...

What about "Rusty Red"?

- "Cherokee Kid." - Ah-ah-ah...!

| got it.

- "The Cherokee Kid." - All right, Nat, now that's a name.

That's a good one, Nat. "The Cherokee Kid."

- Well, do | look like a gunslinger? - You look like the Cherokee Kid.

I've been meaning to ask you...

- Where did the shirt come from? - That's Billy's.

He's not with us anymore.

- Where we headed, Nat? - Reserve bank in Pecos.

It's Bloomington's biggest bank, easy target.

Let's move it!

Those are the charges and the amount.

- Hold on, sir. - | want that amount...

Could | please have some money for the poor?

- Sorry, Sister. - Pretty please. It's for charity, you know.

- No can do. - Oh.

How about if | show you a little of this?

Anybody move, I'll blow ya straight to hell.

Pay attention.

Let's move it, ladies!

(Mary) Get! Ho!

Go on now!

We've just been robbed by a bunch of gun-totin' nuns

and that man!

Whoa, whoa.

Phew! That was fun.

You're the quickest doggone study I've ever seen.

Well, you're the best teacher I've ever had.

You got places to go...

and people to kill.

- We'll meet up again sometime. - Thanks, Nat. | ain't gonna forget you.

C'm on!

(Cortina) That was the last time | saw sefior Nat Love.

But he is a man of such character, such...

bearing, such...

cojones,

he will live within my bosom forever.

(Cortina) The Kid knew if Bloomington was elected governor

he would control everything: the money, the land, the people.

Plus, it would be a whole lot harder to kill him.

So he took the excellent advice of yours truly

and set out to make Bloomington crazy enough to come to him.

He realized robbing his banks would be a nice way o get his attention

and to humiliate him in the eyes of the public.

Excuse me, we're taking a photograph here.

Oh, yeah? We're robbin' a bank here.

Hey, take the picture!

- Give me all your money, por favor. - OK, just one minute. Mr. Kid?

The Cherokee Kid?

Hi. Hi.

- We're old friends. - What are you doin' here?

Well, | got promoted, then transferred.

| got a new job, too. | rob banks.

- Ta-da. - You got the apron!

They gave me an apron. It's got the hand embroidery.

It doesn't have your name, but it has those lovely floral patterns.

Oh, here, wait.

Don't forget your money.

- Thanks for your patronage. - Give me my gun.

Or robbery-age.

Idiot!

(Cortina) Bloomington was fed up.

He sent for the most cold-blooded gunslinger in all the West,

the Undertaker,

and 20 other snarling jackals.

My only recourse was to turn to you gentlemen,

professionals, to get the job done.

Now this... bag of gold coins...

will go to the first man to deliver any of the Kid's indispensable body parts to me,

along with some identifiable portion of his anatomy.

His... head will do.

(laughter)

He's mine.

- Not unless | get to him first. - Whoa, friend.

Word of advice...

| hear Cherokee's pretty tricky.

You right-handed or southpaw?

Southpaw, why?

Guess he'd better start practicing with his right.

Like | said, he's mine.

(Bloomington) There's a challenge for you, gentlemen.

Go get him.

Well, Mr. Undertaker,

you...

certainly are a...

| could do this.

The gold's for any man that can get him.

- | don't need no gold. - (laughs)

Well, go get him then for free.

(Isaiah) Excuse me, ma'am?

Would you consider selling us some fresh horses?

We don't cotton to your kind around here.

"My kind"? My kind's your kind.

My kind don't go around knockin' over banks and robbin' little old ladies,

so just turn around and get!

(man) God Almighty, it's the Cherokee Kid!

Abigail, that's the Cherokee Kid!

- Ma! - (woman) What?

- It's the Cherokee Kid! - Oh!

You climb on off that horse and rest yourself there, Mr. Cherokee.

Abigail, you go on in the kitchen and set a table, girl.

We got famous company for dinner.

Where I'm from, ma'am, when your pa asks you to do something, you hop to.

- (man) Abigail, hop to! - (Ma) Come on, baby.

Thank you, ma'am.

Like | said, I'm in a jail cell, waiting to be hung the next morning,

then my compadre here breaks the walls down to get me out of there.

So I'm shootin' my way out, bullets flyin' everywhere.

I reckon then, Cherokee, that's why they upped your reward to $5,000.

That's a lot of money.

Tell us about that bank you cracked open with that cannonball.

No, no! | wanna hear how you robbed Texas Ranger payroll.

- Texas Rangers. - Ranger payroll?

Now, that is an interesting story, but the Pinedale bank...

- Pinedale! - That was the most frightening.

Incredible.

You got the bank guards on one side.

You got that bloodthirsty, no-good Jake Carver gang...

(all gasp)

Abby!

5,000 goes a long way to helping us keep our land!

Talk to me, Bob.

Why you got me tied up?

And why did you hit me on the head?

We ain't no fools.

- We know you come to rob us. - Rob you?

Why would | wanna rob poor people? You ain't got nothing to take.

- I'm lookin' for Bloomington. - Uh-huh, uh-huh!

He's workin' for the man who's tryin' to steal our land! Perfect!

Workin' for him? I'm huntin' that man down!

- He killed my ma and my pa. - You lie like a pig in mud.

You think I'm lyin'? Go out there and look at my horse.

Get some of them Bloomington bank bags I've been robbing.

Go ahead and take 'em, take 'em all!

- Ma. - Pa.

We don't want your stinkin' money!

(both) We don't?

You ain't got enough money to give him, no way.

He don't want your money, he wants your land.

You know, Ma, Cherokee may be right.

- No. - | mean, the man is everywhere.

He's got his hands in the bank,

the railroad, government.

Abigail, | don't think we can rightly fight that man.

| can.

We can't afford you!

Well, since | was gonna kill him anyway, I'll do it for free.

You just shut up your face!

Don't you go fillin' my ma and pa's head with your fabrications and your falsehoods!

Let me tell you something...

Let me tell you something.

Next time you tie a man up, use a proper knot.

You know, for a pretty woman, you got an ugly attitude.

Thanks for all your hospitality, but | got to be going.

But I'll be back, Abby.

(Cortina) | thank you also,

and | assure you that | respect your strange manners.

| would like to return some day to try to understand you!

jMadre de Dios!

- What'd he say? - "Goodbye"?

| think she likes me.

Where the heck is my rifle?

- Abby, no! - Wait a minute! That's company, girl!

Come on, giddy up!

Hell, Abigail, | ain't never seen you miss before.

Well...

it's dark.

(Pa) Mm-hm.

That's him right there.

I'm looking for Sirus Bloomington.

(man) It's a coincidence, Cherokee.

Undertaker's out lookin' for you.

- Is that so? - Best watch your back.

Undertaker's not the only bloodsucker gunnin' for you.

Bloomington's gold's put a bee in a lot of nasty good-for-nothin' bonnets.

Well, I'll keep that in mind.

And if your ass had eyeballs, you'd be looking at the nastiest one!

Ooh.

| don't have no quarrel with you, unless you want one.

Agh!

Now, y'all tell this "Undertaker" | want a rendezvous with him tomorrow,

high noon on Main Street.

- You got that? - Yeah.

What in the hell's a "rendezvous"?

(Cortina) That afternoon, as Bloomington's bloodthirsty vultures

descended upon Larabee,

the Kid went back to the one ladybird who had caught his eye.

What do you want? Ain't you had enough?

Well, I...

| figure, a woman shoot at me four times, | need to see her again.

Well, | don't wanna be seen with you, so just move on, mister.

Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, | must be makin' your husband jealous.

| don't have a husband.

- Say that again. - I said, I don't have a husband.

Why, I'm shocked, Miss Abby,

that some man wouldn't wanna be hit by you with a frying pan on a daily basis.

And I'm shocked that for a man who might be meetin' his maker tomorrow,

you acting awfully chipper.

I'm not the man who's gonna be meeting his maker tomorrow.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Well... I'm gonna say a prayer for you anyway, whether you like it or not!

| appreciate that, Miss Abby.

See you later, Cherokee Kid.

Yesterday...

when the Kid rode into town,

he was as ready as | ever saw.

He was ready!

He was the most...

The best...

He was the best man | ever knew.

Bloomington wants him in the ground right now.

You don't touch that coffin. We'll carry it out ourselves.

Al right.

This seems like a proper place to end this story.

We don't care to hear your side.

No, but you're gonna, so shut up and listen.

Yesterday morning when [ first saw the Kid | could tell he was rattled.

So you're the Undertaker.

| just wanna look in the eyes of the man that shot my brother before | kill him.

Cherokee feather...

I'm gonna take that after | kill you.

Word of advice: don't mistake stupidity for courage.

Now it's your turn to die.

Sweet dreams.

"Sweet dreams,”

which is what | always told my little brother when | tucked him in at night.

Oh, my...

| told you I'd come back from my grave to kill you.

| knew it!

Where the heck is my rifle?

Bob, I'm so happy to see you!

| knew it!

I'm going after Bloomington.

(Isaiah) Jed, I'm coming!

- These furs are heavy. - Come on! | got you, Bob!

Jed, cover me!

Let's go.

Take it easy. You OK?

Oh, no! I've been better, Bob.

For a man so good with words,

that was the sorriest eulogy | ever heard in my life.

Now that I'm dying, | hope you do better for me.

Please, you're too conceited to die.

No matter what happens, little brother, it's been the happiest day of my life.

- Me too. Let's finish it. - Come on.

I'll be right back.

Let's do it.

Where the hell's Bloomington?

Where that coward always is, trying to get away.

Bloomington.

Just stop what you're doing, Bloomington.

Not so tough by yourself, are you?

You're not gonna shoot a man in the back, are ya?

Wouldn't bother me none. Remember, you killed my mama.

Yeah, but that's because | was really young and foolish.

| mean, I'm really sorry about that.

| was workin' for the railroad then, and now the railroad is workin' for me.

What if we could become partners maybe?

Hell, I've got more money than you could ever steal.

I'll be governor next year, more than likely.

Well, what do you say?

You know what? You're a pathetic old man.

You're not even worth a bullet.

Ah-ha!

That was for my mama.

(gun cocking)

(gunshot)

(speaking Native American)

We lost a good friend.

My teacher. Like a father to me.

I'm gonna miss you, Nat.

- Thank you. - Kid.

(Isaiah) So, Jed, when did you start calling yourself "the Undertaker"?

Well, | got in some trouble a while back, little brother, and had to disappear.

Just like Mama taught me, | killed myself off, buried myself,

and named my new self "the Undertaker."

Well, | almost got buried back there. You almost hit me.

- You almost shot my ear off. - It's a good thing | drew first.

You...? Who drew first?

You gettin' deaf in your old age? | drew first.

- Did not. - Did so.

- No, you did not. - Yes, | did.

- You did not! - Where are you goin'?

- Did not. - Did.

Well, | figured I'd go out west, get a chance to know my brother better.

Besides, there's some more wrongs got to be right.

You killed your enemies, you avenged your parents' death,

you even found your long-lost brother.

Isaiah, you don't have to be the Cherokee Kid no more.

| know | don't have to be, but | kinda like being the Cherokee Kid.

Besides, I'm good at it. | like being a gunslinger.

Well, I'd best be going.

(Cortina) OK. Hasta la vista, compadre.

- And where do you think you're going? - I'm going!

Didn't | just save your life?

Oh, Bob!

- OK. - All right.

Take care, Miss Abby.

Woman, what is wrong with you?

You ain't ridin' off into no damn sunset without me!

(Isaiah) C'mon, then. You better keep up!

(Cortina whistles) Bob, this way!

(Isaiah) | know.

The sun got in my eyes!