All language subtitles for Sleeper.1973.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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( New Orleans jazz)

- Everything's on for tonight?
- Yes.

I still think
it's too soon to bring him up.

We have no choice.
They're onto us.

I've programmed
the CLC for two hours.

There's no telling
when it'll be free again.

We'll have to move him
if he comes up,

or be ready to dispose of him
the usual way.

Please state registration code.

Check.

Where was the subject found?

We came across it
the last day of our field trip

into the woods a week ago.

The capsule was perfectly intact.

- Is there any date on the capsule?
- Yes. The subject was frozen in 1973.

He's been under for 200 years.

(beeping)

- Blood pressure?
- 140/50.

- Encephalo-activity?
- Just under normal.

General life functions: acceptable.

- He should come out of it any moment.
- Do we have any information on him?

Just the usual data card
inside the capsule

- and the personal artifacts kit.
- Hm.

Subject was 35 years old
at time of initial cryogenic immersion.

His name: Miles Monroe.

He was part-owner of the
Happy Carrot Health-Food Restaurant

on Bleecker Street, wherever that was.

Also a clarinet player with
something called the Ragtime Rascals.

Was his immersion voluntary?

"Subject entered hospital for routine
exploration of minor peptic ulcer,

and complications set in.
Patient never regained consciousness."

"He was admitted for immersion by his
cousin, a Mrs. Joan Needlebaum."

- The physical damage was repaired?
- Totally. Routine.

We're getting an initial
motor response.

This is the critical stage.

If his regaining consciousness
isn't handled carefully,

there could be damage.

We're dealing with an involuntary
subject who expects to be waking up in

St. Vincent's Hospital
in Greenwich Village in 1973.

Swallow reflex is almost there.

- We've got to get him out of here.
- He's not ready.

We've got to get him ambulatory,
ready or not.

Careful. Careful.

Careful!

Now, just keep him on his feet.

We've gotta dispose of this capsule.
Get him to the farm.

- We'll meet there tonight.
- Yes.

Now, let's try to take a step.
Like this. One...

- Bend the knee. Up, down.
- Take a step. That's it.

There you are. Good.
Very good, Mr. Monroe.

Up, down...

Oh, no. He's got it in reverse.

- You're going wrong.
- Mr. Monroe.

- (alarm)
- Security's coming.

Mr. Monroe?
Please, Mr. Monroe. Wake up.

We've gotta get him dressed, quickly.
Stand, right there. Stand.

That's it.

(alarm continues)

Mr. Monroe, there we are.

Sorry to bother you, Doctor.
Is everything OK?

Yes, we, uh...
We ought to be through here shortly.

It's funny. We're getting
a misread on the power function.

Really? Well, I'll order a check
first thing in the morning.

Any reason why anyone else
would be consuming power?

No, it's just Dr. Orva,
Dr. Monroe and myself.

We definitely did register
a power increase here.

Uh... Don't mind Dr. Monroe. He... he...

He's not over the effects of a new ray
we've been experimenting with.

- What's this?
- Oh, that? Uh...

- I think you two'd better come with us.
- Why? We haven't done anything.

I think I can explain. You've heard
of the Venus Project, haven't you?

Yes.

Uh... we had to come in this evening
to finish up some very important work.

When we asked for clearance,

- You have authorization?
- We had clearance given.

Fully, a week ago.
Don't you believe...?

[Dr. Orva] Dr. Monroe, I... Gentlemen...

- This really is getting difficult.
- [officer 1] He could be dangerous.

Please leave us alone
so that we can complete our work.

He's going to get dizzy.
This is going to be worse than ever.

- Don't you see what a difficult...
- This is getting a little out of hand.

Ifwe hadn't had this interruption,
we'd have had it under control.

- Now, please, gentlemen.
- Are you sure you have authorization?

( New Orleans jazz)

He's fully recovered...
except for a few minor kinks.

- Has he asked for anything special?
- Yes. This morning for breakfast.

He requested something called wheat
germ, organic honey and tiger's milk.

Those are the charmed substances
once felt to contain

life-preserving properties.

You mean there was no deep fat?

No steak or cream pies or hot fudge?

Those were thought to be unhealthy...

the opposite ofwhat
we now know to be true.

Incredible.

Well, he wants to know where he is
and what's going on.

I think it's time to tell him.

( ragtime piano)

I can't believe this.

My doctor said I'd be up
and on my feet in five days.

He was off by 199 years.

I know it's hard, Miles,
but try to think of this

as a miracle of science.

To me, a miracle is I go in
for a minor operation,

I come out the next day,
my rent isn't 2,000 months overdue.

That's a miracle of science.
This is what I call a cosmic screwing.

And where am I, anyhow?

What happened to everybody?
Where are all my friends?

Understand that everyone
you knew in the past

has been dead
nearly 200 years.

But they all ate organic rice.

You are now in the year 2173.

This is the central parallel
of the American Federation.

This district is what you'd probably
call the southwestern United States.

That was before
it was destroyed by the war.

- War?
- Yes. Over a hundred years ago,

a man named Albert Shanker
got a hold of a nuclear warhead.

You will remain in hiding here for
two weeks while we run tests on you.

Then, when you've recovered
your strength, we'll discuss the plan.

I still can't believe this.

What do you mean "hiding"? Who am I
hiding from? What does she mean?

You might as well know, Miles,
that reviving you as we did

was in strict opposition
to government policy.

What we've done is illegal.

Ifwe get caught,
we'll be destroyed... along with you.

What do you mean "destroyed"?

Your brain will be
electronically simplified.

My brain?
It's my second-favorite organ.

Resisters to mind-reprogramming
will be exterminated

for the good of the state.

What kind of government you guys got?!
This is worse than California.

There is a growing underground, Miles.

Someday the revolution will come
and we can overthrow our leader.

You gotta be kidding.
I wanna go back to sleep.

If I don't get at least 600 years,
I'm grouchy all day.

We're taking him along too fast.
He's still emotionally unstable.

I go in for a lousy ulcer operation,

I lay in a Birds Eye wrapper
for 200 years,

I wake up, suddenly I'm
on the ten-most-wanted list!

We'd better tranquillize him.

It was too good to be true.
I parked right near the hospital.

Here. Smoke this. Be sure you get
the smoke deep into your lungs.

- I don't smoke.
- It's tobacco.

It's one of the healthiest things
for you. Now, go ahead.

You need all the strength you can get.

I bought Polaroid at seven.
It's probably up millions by now.

Now, we have certain artifacts here

which we date from 1950 to 2000.

We'd like any information you can give
us on them. Very little exists.

For instance...

Joseph Stalin. He was a communist.
I was not too crazy about him.

He had a bad moustache,
a lot of bad habits.

This is Bela Lugosi. He was the mayor
of New York for a while.

You can see what it did to him there.

This is, um... This is, uh...

Charles de Gaulle.
He was a very famous French chef.

Had his own television show.

Showed you how to make
souffles and omelets.

This is Scott Fitzgerald over here.
A very romantic writer.

Big with English majors, college girls,
nymphomaniacs. Very, well...

This is Chiang Kai-shek,
who I was not too crazy about either.

This is Billy Graham. Uh...

Very big in the religion business.
He knew God personally.

Got him his complete wardrobe.

Used to go out
on double dates together.

It was a big thing.
They were romantically linked.

This is some girls burning a brassiere.
You notice it's a very small fire.

Um... This, I don't know what that is.

That's a photograph of Norman Mailer,
who was a great writer.

He donated his ego to
the Harvard Medical School for study.

And this, uh...
this I can tell you already,

this is a centerfold from a magazine
we used to call Playboy, which...

These girls didn't exist in actual life.

They were rubberized.
You had to blow 'em up.

And you could spread ointment on
them, or anything else that you...

I'll just take this and study it later
and give you a full report on it.

And would you tell me exactly...

what this is?

Yes. This is...
You see, this is the chattering teeth.

This, you would buy at a store

and take it to a party
if you wanted to get big laughs.

You'd put it down on the coffee table

and you'd set it off and then, uh...

See how funny it is?
The teeth chatter. They're plastic.

(laughs)

I am going, at this time,

to give to this television
and radio audience...

Some of us have a theory
that he might have been

a president of the United States,

but that he did something horrendous,

so that all records,
everything was wiped out about him.

There is nothing in history books,
there are no pictures on stamps.

Yes, he was president.

But whenever he left the White House,

the Secret Service counted
the silverware.

Thank you very much, Jimmy.

From the beginning, Muhammad Ali's
career was marred by controversy

and, who knows, it may have ended
last Saturday in the very same way.

From the...

At first we didn't know what this was,
but we've developed a theory.

We feel that when citizens
in your society

were guilty of a crime
against the state,

they were forced to watch this.

...the way it began, March of 1964.
That's where...

Yes, that's exactly what that was.

- Would you like some more?
- This tastes awful.

I could have made a fortune selling it.

Janis, some more for Mr. Monroe.

Certainly, sir.

- Are you thirsty, Mr. Monroe?
- Me? No. No, thank you.

(Janis) Of course.

- These robots are uncanny.
- They're one of our biggest industries.

Far more sophisticated than previously
manufactured labor-saving devices.

They're alert, they respond.

I've gone out with girls
with less movement than that.

Watch this. Janis, come here.

Yes, Dr. Orva.
May I be of service to you?

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Janis 414.

I'm a domestic service menial
of the 400 Series.

I can cook, clean.
I am a butler, a gardener and chauffeur.

I have been programmed

to respond to a complex series
of domestic commands.

Janis, clear the table
and then leave the room.

Come on, Miles.

Are there females?
The possibilities are limitless.

It's late. We've got to
get you out of here.

- What do you mean? Where am I going?
- To the Western District.

The underground has
its headquarters there.

Miles, have you ever taken
a serious political stand on anything?

Yeah, sure. For 24 hours once
I refused to eat grapes.

There's something called the Aires
Project. We want to know what it is.

Why?

We believe it's a plot the leader has
to destroy the revolutionary movement.

- How do I fit in?
- We defrosted your capsule

because we needed someone
with no identity.

Everyone here has a citizen's record.

We've all been computerized, catalogued,
fingerprinted, voice-printed.

But you have no number.
You can be used to penetrate.

If you're captured,
you don't know anything.

They could torture you for months.
What could you tell them?

My name, rank, serial number
and your name.

- You've got to help us.
- You've got the wrong guy.

I'm not heroic.
I was beaten up by Quakers.

- Miles, you're our chance.
- No, I'm sorry.

I never get involved in anything
where I could be tortured.

I'm a screamer. It's embarrassing.

I wake up shrieking
at the top of my lungs.

Excuse me, sir.
The security police

are here and they're
surrounding the house.

- When will you want lunch?
- Go to the Western District.

- Find the Aires Project.
- You can do it.

Out that way, Miles.

( New Orleans jazz)

Fly, goddamn it. Fly.

Goddamn cheap Japanese flying packs.

(music stops)

(flicks switch)

We still haven't located the alien.

We'd like to check
the back of your van.

All right, come on. Let's go. Move it.

Let's go. I don't have all day.
Come on. Come on.

Here's your new home.

Oh, no. Is this the best
they could offer?

Oh, jeez. I'd hoped for something
with at least decent features.

I guess I'll bring you in next week and
have your head removed. OK, come on.

- What's your name?
- Uh, M-Milo.

The alien authorities are seeking
is still at large.

Persons observing
any unusual activity or behavior

should do themselves and our leader
a favor by reporting it to the police.

All right, Milo.
I'm expecting company any minute.

Help with the drinks and serve.
Some of them'll be hungry.

The kitchen is on
a single-circuit system.

I think I'm going to put
some rose oil on my fingertips.

Check the music channel
and the aromatrom,

and make sure there's plenty of food
for all the people. All right.

(hums)

(doorbell)

(bubbling)

I think the way
it was first explained to me...

(chattering)

Remember that very funny story...

Hi, everyone. Long time, no see.

Long time, no see. Come right on in.

Where did you get that? It's gorgeous.

- Hi!
- How are you, darling?

(beep)

- It's wonderful. You shouldn't have.
- I just thought you'd like it.

Oh, it's Keane. It's pure Keane.

No. No, it's greater than Keane.

It's Cugat.

(bubbling)

It was white on white.
And you know where she got it?

- No. You're kidding.
- Right. Right.

You know who paid for it?

(chattering)

- Magnificent.
- Let's go and tell her about...

(bubbling)

(bubbling stops)

Here it is.

The orb.

Could I have a hit
off that hot orb, Milo?

(laughter)

(woman) Milo, Milo.

(laughter increases)

Oh, oh... Oh, no, no, no.

(laughing)

Milo!

Let's all go for a swim.

(man) Where's the pool?

(woman) Run, run, run!

( manic slapstick tune)

(woman gasps)

That was wonderful. I feel so refreshed.

We should have had sex,
but there weren't enough people.

- We'll use the orgasmatron.
- That's a good idea.

I think Beverley's nose
looked larger tonight.

(moans)

I had such a good time.

All in all,
I thought the party went well.

As good as last night's
or the night before's.

Maybe not quite as good
as last Saturday's but, you know,

I love a party with a theme.

- Say, there's something on your mind.
- They arrested Dalton Porter today.

- (gasps) Why?
- He was with the underground.

- No.
- It was horrible.

They tried to reprogram him
and it went wrong.

- He's a vegetable.
- I don't wanna hear this.

I-I saw it happen. He was babbling.

He claimed he saw secret
experiments at the hospital.

Something called... Aires.

I absolutely do not wanna hear about it.

This world is so full
ofwonderful things.

What makes people go berserk
and hate everything?

Why does there have to be
an underground?

There's the orb, the telescreen, the
orgasmatron. What more do they want?

It's hard for us
to understand criminals. We're artists.

We respond only to beauty.

Oh, yes, I know.
Herald, um... I wrote a new poem today.

- You didn't?
- Yes, I did.

A little boy caught a butterfly

And said to himself:

I must try to understand my life
and help others,

Notjust mothers and fathers

But friends. Strangers, too.

With eyes of blue
and lips full red and round,

But the butterfly didn't make a sound

For he had turned into a caterpillar...

By and by.

That's deep.

You're so obviously
influenced by McKuen.

- Do you really like it?
- Only one thing...

They change from caterpillars
into butterflies. Not the other way.

They do? They do?

Damn it. Damn it.

Damn it. I always get that wrong.

- Relax. Relax.
- Oh, shoot. Shoot.

Oh, no.
Now the whole evening's spoiled.

And now I'm getting a headache.
Shoot. I hate to be wrong!

Luna, sit down, sit down.
Luna, sit down. Come on. Sit down.

It'll be all right, I promise.
Nowjust relax.

I was having so much fun.

(rousing music on TV)

Come on... That's better.

(man) And now Channel 1200
leaves the air until tomorrow morning.

Our leader wishes you all
a pleasant good night.

- Can I help you?
- Would you change his head for me?

- Something a little more aesthetic.
- Right.

And check his works. He acts peculiar.

Got room in there
for another head change?

Yeah, sure.

All right,
I'll be back in a little while.

Let's go.

( New Orleans jazz)

You have to help me.
I'll tell the truth. I'm not a puppet.

I'm Miles Monroe. I was frozen in 1973.
Doctors thawed me out.

Everybody's after me, but I didn't
do anything. I'm a nice person.

I would never force myself sexually
on a blind person.

You're the alien?

You live in a police state. We have to
find out what the Aires Project is.

- God, you are. You're the alien!
- You won't give me away, will you?

(screams)

I knew I could count on you.

(Miles) Are you hungry?

Do you want a cracker, maybe?
Take a cracker.

How can you not be hungry?
We've been sitting here for hours.

All you had in the car were these...
interstellar space cookies.

Eat something. You'll feel better.
Just take a cracker.

(screams)

Will you shut up? For God's sakes,
put yourself in my position.

I'm a clarinet player in 1973. I go
into the hospital for a lousy operation,

I wake up 200 years later and I'm
Flash Gordon. Plus I'm a criminal.

I never did anything wrong. I ran a
health-food store in Greenwich Village.

Occasionally a customer
would get botulism.

But that was very rare.

Now, look, you have to help me.
You're the only person I know.

I'm gonna take that gag off.
If you're gonna scream, scream.

- Nobody's gonna hear you.
- (screams)

- Go ahead, scream.
- (screams)

- I love it, I love it. Scream.
- (continues screaming)

Help! Help me!

(screams)

Shut up or I'll bring this rock down
on your head so hard

that a substance resembling
guacamole will come out of your ears.

- What do you want with me?
- Help me reach the underground.

I'm not helping any alien.
We don't want your crazy ideas.

Go back to Greenberg's Village.

Greenwich Village.
Not Greenberg's Village.

And that was 200 years ago.
I can't go back.

You're sick.
You have to give yourself up.

They won't hurt you.
They'll restructure your brain.

Oh, no. Nobody touches my brain.
They may drop it.

Then I'd talk like
I'd been hit by lightning.

Please! I wanna go home.
I'm getting a headache. I'm hungry.

I haven't had a stress pill
or a bath in seven hours.

I'm not accustomed to this.
I need my orb.

I wanna relax. Look at me.
Look at me. I'm shaking.

- You'd be great on a camping trip.
- I order you to take me home.

They'll be out looking for me.

You've abducted
a very important person.

I am a renowned poet. I sell 20 to 30
poems a week, plus greeting cards.

How far is the Western District?

It'd take days,
and that's with a vehicle.

Take me there and you'll never
see me again, I promise.

I'm hungry. I can't think straight.
Obviously, I'll promise you anything.

If I get you some food, will you
take me to the Western District?

You sit here. I'll find us something.

And don't try anything funny,
'cause you know what you'll get.

What?

What will you get?

Uh... Uh...

A large and painful hickey.

( big band jazz)

Oh, my God. I beat a man insensible
with a strawberry.

That's a big chicken.

What a way to go,
to be pecked to death.

Pass the celery.

- There you go.
- Couldn't you get anything else?

Do you think it's easy to run
when you're holding a banana

the size of a canoe?

You didn't get any dessert.
There's no seasoning, no wine.

I still can't believe the size of these.
I'd hate to see the fertilizer.

- (wailing)
- What was that?

- What?
- That noise. Didn't you hear anything?

Are there any strange animals
that I should know about here?

Anything futuristic,

like with the body of a crab
and the head of a social worker?

How do you know I won't trick you and
turn you in to the hands of the police?

How do I know?
'Cause I think, maybe, what the hell.

I think maybe you trust me a bit now.

Maybe you think I got you food and,
what the hell,

I'm not really such a bad guy.

(Luna cries out)

OK. Now, we're gonna get a vehicle.

And don't try anything funny
or you'll be sorry. Come on.

Our car broke down.
Is it possible we could borrow one?

(man) Sure. Come on in. Are you OK?

F-Fine.

My goodness gracious. Just look
at yourself. You're so disheveled.

I might have some clothes
you could justjump right into.

Why don't you just come this way?

- Her car ran out of...
- What, honey?

- Oh.
- We have to borrow a car.

- What are you mumbling about?
- Could I use your bathroom?

Yes, of course.

Come on in and sit down.

Come on in here and you just sit
right down here, you little cutie.

(whispers) Hello, police?
I can't speak. I'm with the alien.

We're heading west
on the 1600 channel.

We should be at the eastern parallel
in a half an hour.

Detain him somehow.
We'll be right out.

OK, I'll try.

But I'm not gonna promise anything.

Don't let him out of your sight.
We're on our way.

- Would you like a stroke?
- Me? No, thanks, man. I'm cool.

Excuse me.
Do you have a space hydrovac suit?

Of course. Why?
Are you going on the space shuttle?

Uh... Oh, yes.

Yes, I am. And he forgot his.

Reagan. Bring out my hydrovac suit.
Right this minute.

Here's your silly old hydrovac suit.

Jesus, I could hardly find it.
It's such a mess in that bedroom.

What am I gonna do
with a hydrovac suit?

If you don't want the police
to recognize you,

take off that robot uniform.

- What is a hydrovac suit?
- It's for space travel.

Use it as a disguise.

I see you're starting to think
a little bit now.

- Why are we stopping by the river?
- I don't know. I think that we're lost.

Hey, look.

( New Orleans jazz)

Over there.

No. Over there.

Shall we take her in
or get rid of her?

- I'm not the one that you want.
- Take her in for reprogramming.

What are you talking about?

You've been contaminated
by the alien.

- What?
- You spent too much time with him.

- But I'm the one who turned him in.
- Let's get rid of her now.

One less reprogramming job.

She'll be fine
after the brain treatment.

Help!

Our orders were to use our discretion.
I say destroy her.

(screams)

- We're gonna have to swim for it.
- I can't swim.

- What do you mean, you can't swim?
- I mean I can't swim.

I can't swim either.
Get on top of me.

- Come on, get on top of me.
- I don't wanna get wet.

- Hurry up. Paddle.
- I'm paddling.

Don't worry.
I was a lifeguard at Bloomingdale.

How could you? I hate you. I hate you.

Try not to get upset.

They wanna destroy me. Me!

The inflater.

Lean left. Left.

No. Lean left.

Use the inflater.

- What is it?
- It's a 200-year-old Volkswagen.

(Miles) Gee.

(engine starts)

They really built these things.

Reg... "Register commies, not guns."
What's that mean?

- What?
- "Register commies, not guns."

Oh, he was probably in
the National Rifle Association.

There was a group that
helped criminals get guns

so they could shoot citizens.
It was a public service.

Let me see that.

It's a New York Times,
be careful, from 1990.

"Pope's wife gives birth to twins."
Wow.

(Luna) We don't have cities
like New York now.

(Miles) No cities at all?

No. But I went to the university
at a population center.

You went to a university?
It's hard to believe. For what?

Cosmetic sexual technique and poetry.

They teach you sex in school?

Yes, in case something
goes wrong with the machine.

- What do you do? Switch to manual?
- (tuts)

Where did you learn about sex?

From my mother.
When I was little, I asked her

"Where do babies come from?"

She thought I said rabies.
She said "From a dog bite."

A lady on the block
gave birth to triplets.

I thought she
was bitten by a Great Dane.

(laughs)

That's perfect. We'll dump it
in the water. They'll never find it.

What's it feel like
to be dead for 200 years?

It's like spending a weekend
in Beverly Hills.

Hey, don't bother to help.
It's a light car.

Were you scared?
Do you believe in God?

Do I believe in God?

I'm what you would call
a teleological existential atheist.

I believe there's
an intelligence to the universe,

except for parts of New Jersey.

Why is it I never understand
what you're saying?

Why? Do you believe in God?

Well, I believe that there's somebody
out there who watches over us.

- Unfortunately, it's the government.
- Miles.

Miles, did you ever realize
that "God" spelt backwards is "dog?"

- Yeah. So?
- It makes you think.

Yeah.

Do you wanna push the car, please?

Push the car, will ya?

- Ready?
- Yeah.

All right, let's go!

- Nice work.
- Just my luck. It landed on a turtle.

(Miles) Hey, I know this place.
This is where they first brought me.

- It looks deserted.
- Boy, we really have gone wrong.

(Luna) Hey... Hey, look at this.

- I wonder who their decorator is.
- Shh!

- What's the matter?
- I heard something.

- It's probably futuristic mice.
- I'm scared.

There's nothing to be scared of.
You're with me.

- (clattering)
- I did that. What...

(gasps)

For God's sakes, get a grip on yourself.
You need a drink.

Come on. Try.

( New Orleans jazz)

- Who are you?
- Me?

Get off my channel.

What are you doing?

Who is that guy?

I couldn't make enough money
playing jazz,

so I had to open up
the health-food place.

- Weren't you any good?
- Yeah, I was all right but

I always felt that to really play jazz,
you had to be black.

- I'm just a mulatto.
- You?

Yeah. You knew that about me,
didn't you?

- No.
- Yeah, I am.

- You're joking.
- I wouldn't kid about that.

My father was black and my mother
was white and vice versa.

Come on, Miles. You are joking.

I'm always joking. You know that.
It's a defense mechanism.

Do you wanna perform sex with me?

Perform sex?

I-I'm not up to a performance,
but I'll rehearse with you if you like.

OK. I just thought you might want to.
They have a machine here.

Machine? I'm not getting into that
thing. I'm strictly a hand operator.

I don't like anything with
moving parts that are not my own.

It's hard to believe
that you haven't had sex for 200 years.

204 if you count my marriage.

- What did your wife do?
- She was a hit man for the Mafia.

- Was... Was she beautiful?
- Yeah, she was great.

Blonde hair, great upturned nose.

It was really dynamite. Two blue eyes...
one on either side, of course.

I liked the arrangement.
That's why I married her.

- See, you are. You're teasing me again.
- No.

Yes. You think I'm stupid.

No. How can you say that?

I think that you're bright and...
and sensitive and...

Beautiful. Yeah. Well, then,
how come you're not attracted to me?

You know, I mean,
men go crazy over me.

I'm great physically.
I got a PhD in oral sex.

- They make you take Spanish with that?
- What?

I don't know. I was an English major.
Chaucer. Pope.

I minored in foreplay.
It's a two-credit course at NYU...

Miles. You're not taking me seriously.

What do you want me to say if you say
"Do you wanna perform sex with me?"

It's so cold. I need to be warmed up
and sent flowers, romanced.

Sex is different today. You see?

We don't have any problems.
Everybody's frigid.

Oh, that's incredible.
Are the men impotent?

Yeah. Most of 'em, except for
the ones whose ancestors are Italian.

Right. I knew there
was something in that pasta.

You wanna get in the machine now?

No. We don't need that. Really, I...

I think it would be great ifwe did.
I wouldn't be frigid...

You wouldn't be frigid with me.
Nobody ever is.

I got the magic fingers.
You know, I swear.

I've cured more women of frigidity.
It's my specialty.

Oh.

Two minutes in bed with me and
you'll sell that thing for scrap iron.

I got a lot of fast moves. Really.

The only thing is I have asthma,
so if you hear some wheezing, it's me.

But give me a decent burial and...

(man) This is the police.
We have the premises surrounded.

Come out with your hands up...

Here's what I want you to do.

Hide in this room. I'll lead them away.
Contact the underground.

Find out what the Aires Project is.
Remember that?

- Yes. The Jupiter Project.
- Aires.

The Aires Project. What about you?

Don't worry about me, honey. I'm like
a cat. I'll always wind up on my feet.

(Luna whimpers)

(footsteps)

Mr. Monroe? I'm Dr. Nero,
your orientation advisor.

I'm here to supervise the initial phase
of your assimilation into society,

a society that will
take care of your needs and desires

with great efficiency.

Now, you get a good rest
and next week you'll begin a new life.

Subject prepared
for a total brainwash.

Programmed for
1970s reference data.

Proceed to 200, level D,
programming code omega.

All systems proceeding.
Activate subject.

Our Miss America contest
is down to the five finalists.

Miss Alabama, Miss Florida,

Miss California,
Miss Hawaii and Miss Montana.

Now, in order to test
the contestants' personalities,

we're going to ask each a question.

Miss Montana, if you could do
anything for mankind,

what would it be?

- He's not responding.
- Go up half a cycle.

(softly) I would use my title to bring
peace to all nations of the world,

be it black, be they white,
be it colored, be it whatever.

And now for that moment
you've been waiting for.

First, we're going to give you
Miss Personality and Miss Congenial.

Miss Florida and Miss Hawaii.

And the second runner-up is...
Miss California.

Finally, the first runner-up,
who will take over first place

if the winner is unable to fulfill

the duties and obligations
that go with winning.

The first runner-up... Miss Alabama.

Which means that the winner is...

Miss Montana.

( band strikes up)

Anybody here?
I have a new citizen to be outfitted.

(Yiddish accent)
You wantjackets, we gotjackets.

You want trousers, we got trousers.

This is a good time, believe me.
We're having a big sale. Tremendous.

Positively the lowest prices.
Maybe you need a nice double-knit?

- I'm stuck with three-pieces corduroy.
- Something simple.

We got simple, we got complicated.
Why do you worry?

- Who put that shipment downstairs?
- Why you bother me? I got a customer.

You know what you're doing?
It was all velvet.

So it's velvet.
Leave me alone. I got a customer.

- Why do we need so much velvet?
- What?

- Where do we come to velvet?
- I'll talk to you later.

Uh...
I'm in a bit of a rush here, if it's OK.

You know what your mistakes
are costing us?

Drop dead. You wanna drop dead?

OK, step against the screen.

(computer beeps)

- This is terrible.
- OK, OK. We'll take it in.

(Dr. Nero)
You'll work at the function complex.

It's a required service of all citizens.

This is where you'll be living.
It's a gift from our leader.

Isn't this pretty? I think
you're really gonna like it here.

That's your orientation pamphlet. It has
the names of all your new friends.

There will be conversation and
discussion assemblies twice a week.

After you've moved into your permanent
home, you'll enjoy mechanized servants.

Until then, you can have
a computerized dog. Rags!

Woof, woof, woof.

Woof, woof, woof.
Hello, I'm Rags. Woof...

Is he house-broken or will he leave
batteries all over the floor?

( swing)

Don't yell. We're with the underground.

(beep)

Um...

Once this week
I questioned my supervisor

and I missed a couple of minutes
of our leader's speech on television.

And, um, you know that blonde girl,
Rainer,

who works in my office with me?

She's got... With the long blonde hair
and the... great tomatoes.

We've been sneaking into
the projection room on our lunch hour

and making love.

I know if they catch us, it's against
the rules, but uh, I can't help it.

I'm... And I hope that you forgive me.

(clanking)

( swing)

(Luna) Hello, Miles.

- Who are you?
- Who am I? I'm Luna.

- Who?
- Luna.

Don't you remember?
We were outlaws, aliens.

The police captured you. I escaped.

I'm with the underground.

Remember? The Western District?

Miles, I'm Luna.

Luna! Remember? Luna.

- Your name is not Luna, is it?
- Think back, Miles.

1973. The Happy Carrot Health-Food
Store? The Ragtime Rascals?

- You're the alien.
- That's right, Miles.

- I've come for you.
- How did you get in here?

Don't come near me. Rags!

- Miles.
- Rags, get in here. Come on, boy.

- We're not gonna hurt you.
- Come on, Rags!

- Get her! Go for her throat, Rags.
- Woof, woof, woof, woof.

We're going to reprogram your mind.
We're going to free it.

- Rags, get her. Come on, Rags. Kill.
- Woof, woof, woof.

Go ahead. Goddamn dog.

(whistles)

- ( swing)
- Hello, I'm Rags. Woof, woof, woof.

We have a good file on him.

We'll induce a hypnotic state

and force him to re-experience
some of the major traumas of his life.

Hopefully, this'll shatter
his recent personality

and allow the old one to emerge again.

(groans) My orb, my...

You won't need that any more, Miles.

Now, listen to me, Miles.
It's the year 1962.

It's time for that Sunday dinner
at your parents' house.

Your parents' house
in Brooklyn on K Avenue.

No.

(Yiddish accent) What are
you standing there? Come in.

Your food is getting cold.

- Let's eat.
- Miles, take some peas.

The Passover holidays are coming and
you'll be wanting to wear your matzos.

I've got something to tell you.
Arlene and I have to get a divorce.

She thinks I'm a pervert
because I drank our waterbed.

Oi vai iz mir!

Oi, gevald!
What will them goyims say?

No.

Stop whining and eat your shiksa.

(groans)

Oh, no.

No, please. Don't let in the light.
Cover those lights, please.

Please, don't get up.
I was just passing through.

Erno. Erno, what's happening?

Something's gone wrong
with the treatment.

His brain is elsewhere.
He believes he's another person.

- No, no. I need magic.
- Miles. Miles. Who are you, Miles?

(Deep South accent)
I'm Blanche... Blanche DuBois.

It means white woods.

We can't upset him
or it could be fatal.

What are we gonna do?

You read A Streetcar Named Desire.
Just play along. He needs an injection.

Physical beauty is passing,
a transitory possession.

But beauty of the mind
and richness of the spirit

and tenderness of the heart,

and I have all those things,

aren't taken away, but grow,
increase, with the years.

Strange that I should be called
a destitute woman

when I have all these riches
locked in my heart.

I been onto you from the start.

I seen how you tried to sprinkle
this place up with them

powders and those fancy French colognes.

Well, I say ha!

You hear me? Ha! Ha!

I-I think... I... Yeah.

Why, you're not the gentleman that
I was expecting. What's going on?

Whoever you are, I've always
depended on the kindness of strangers.

- How you feelin', Miles?
- Oh... You look beautiful.

You were screaming out names
in your sleep.

Oh. I was having sexual nightmares.

Who are the A&P Gypsies?

- You look so different.
- I feel different, Miles.

I've spent the past six months
living like a wild animal.

- Really?
- That's right. All of us.

All of us in the underground. We all
live on our cunning and our instinct.

- We're all a pack ofwild animals.
- Lunch, Luna.

While you were being a pawn
in capitalistic society,

Erno's been teaching me
the beauty of Karl Marx.

- Who's been teaching you?
- Erno.

You absolutely must meet him.
He's wonderful.

In a few months
he's going to lead the revolution

and start a Marxist regime.

Government by the workers
and the downtrodden masses.

- You remind me of Lisa Sorenson.
- Who?

An old girlfriend of mine.

A Trotskyite Jesus freak, arrested for
selling pornographic dot-to-dot books.

Miles, I wrote song
about the revolution.

There's not gonna be any revolution
unless we stop the Aires Project.

Don't you worry about that.
Just relax. Listen.

(plays single chord)

Rebels are we

Born to be free

Just like the fish in the sea!

Ooh, I'm sorry. I didn't
know that you were... k-kissing.

Oh, Miles. I was just telling Erno
about Aires Day. He has a plan, Miles.

You tell him, Erno.

Right, darling.

- This is a one-channel radio.
- W-What, darling?

(Erno)
This... This is a phony thumbprint.

It'll allow her to pass through
the security scanning device.

(Luna) We're gonna steal operating
gowns and pose as doctors to get inside.

OK, try not to appear nervous. Smile.

- Peasants.
- Relax. You're shaking like a leaf.

- How do you want me to shake?
- Everything'll be fine.

- So how come you're shaking?
- You're making me nervous.

Don't blame me.

- (laughs) Hello.
- Will you get a grip on yourself?

You'd probably feel safer
with Mr. White Teeth back there.

Who?

The rebel with
the wall-to-wall muscles.

- You mean Erno?
- Yeah.

It's a great name if you're the star
of a vampire movie.

- He's brilliant.
- I know. He couldn't be with us today.

- He's gotta take his handsome lesson.
- You're jealous.

Are you kidding? With a body like mine,
you don't getjealous.

Don't expect me
to tie myself to one man.

My love is a free gift
to all the Bolshevik brothers.

Do what you want. You're over 21 .

- Little tramp.
- We're here on business.

Free love.
I created a Bohemian monster.

Next she'll want group sex
with the robots.

Shut up. You're attracting attention.

Give her a book and she's
Miss pseudo-intellectual, neofascist,

- Hegelian Freudian monster.
- Don't get hysterical.

Get your part right.
Don't worry about me.

Ifwe get screwed up,
it's 'cause of you.

"Ifwe get screwed up,
it's 'cause of you."

I'm on a mission with a retarded man.

- Just get your part right.
- You get your part right.

What am I doing here?

I'm 237 years old. I should be
collecting social security.

Do you remember the diagram? There's
fast forward, dual control, overheat...

- OK. We've been over all this.
- I know.

But I wanna be sure you got it.
I'm the guy going out the window.

It's a long drop.
I'm liable to bruise my smock.

All right, Miles. Don't worry. I got it.

- Uh, this is the manual.
- No, that's the rewind.

- Then this is the manual.
- No, that's the dual control.

- I thought you said you had it.
- I do. I have it, I have it.

You love Erno?

Oh, Miles. I don't know. Um...

All right, the coast is clear.
Start lowering me.

This is... manual.

No, that's fast forward.

( New Orleans jazz)

Ah! Oh! Oh, Miles.

Oh! Oh, look, I, uh...
I got some tape around.

For a minute I thought
you couldn't work the machine.

- Erno said to take the north escalator.
- I'm running this. We're going my way.

It's Erno's plan.
He knows what he's talking about.

Why does he know?
'Cause he's handsome?

He's got capped teeth. Did you know?
He has capped teeth.

He's got capped gums.

He is an architect
and a mathematician.

Yeah. But can he do this?

- You're an idiot.
- We're going my way.

Fine.

Ah, Dr. Temkin, there you are.
Come with us. The meeting's this way.

Doctor.

- We're doctors. We're not impostors.
- Dr. Temkin, could we please?

Big doctor. Very big.
Eyes, ears, nose and throat.

Please. May we?
May we, Doctor, please?

- (whispers) Nice work.
- They think we're someone else.

I know. Ifwe'd followed Erno's
instructions, everything'd be OK.

I don't wanna hear about Erno.

That's the only thing
that makes me st-stutter.

It's always Erno.
I'm tired of Erno. No more Erno.

- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- All right.

(man) Gentlemen, none of you
have ever met before

for obvious reasons
of security.

But now Aires Day is here.

I realize what I'm about to say
will come as a great shock.

However, I'm counting on you
to respond appropriately.

Ten months ago our leader
suffered a horrible accident

when a bomb, planted in his home
by the underground, exploded.

Naturally it was kept quiet,

but since then we have virtually
been a leaderless society.

Unfortunately, preparations
for a successor have never been clear.

In short, we have been in the throes
of a major crisis.

As for our leader,

the emergency department rushed to
the scene of the accident immediately,

but all that remained of him was this.

This is our leader's nose.

Using great presence of mind,

we rushed the nose to our closest
delta laboratory, which is here,

where, through
massive biochemical effort,

it has been kept alive
for nearly a year.

Our dream has been that by cloning

we would reduplicate
the entire leader again.

Cloning, for those of you
unfamiliar with biology,

is a process by which,
using one single cell,

a duplicate of the person it came from
could be formed.

Till now, we've only had
limited experimental success,

but all efforts have been directed
to cloning over the past ten months.

And now we feel confident

we can reproduce our leader
from his nose.

Gentlemen, with God's help,

in a couple of hours,
we will have our leader back.

And we will then coordinate
Aires Phase Two,

which will exterminate
all dissident factions

on signal from
our reborn leader.

- Miles, it's a nose.
- I know. I was here.

- What are we gonna do?
- We'll radio Erno. It's time to strike.

The leader has a terrific handicap.
He has no head or body.

- We're not fully prepared.
- It doesn't matter. They're in chaos.

- OK. Gimme the radio.
- I-I dropped it.

- You dropped it?
- It fell out of my pocket...

- Fell out of your pocket...
- Stop repeating what I say.

- Stop repeating...
- Get a grip on yourself.

- We gotta stop 'em.
- The only way is to steal the nose.

- How?
- I don't know. I never stole an organ.

- Wait a minute. I got an idea.
- Yeah.

The nose is in the operating chamber.
We go to the floor below.

Cut a hole in the ceiling,
big enough to slide through.

Come up under the nose
and hide it under my coat.

- It's a stupid plan.
- What's wrong?

It's too subtle.
We have no time for that.

We go into the operating room.
You create a diversion,

- I steal the nose.
- Great!

- (whispers) Miles, I'm scared.
- Easy. You took some skin there.

- Here.
- What is that? A table lighter?

You gave it to me from Melik's
before they captured you.

Where you been hiding it?
Don't tell me.

(Luna whimpers)

The trick in these situations
is to remain cool.

- You're biting my nails.
- 'Cause you're tense.

We're here to see the nose.
I heard it was running.

Dr. Temkin, we're ready on this end.

You don't mind if some younger people

not involved
in genetic programming observe?

No, not at all.
I like to be watched while I clone.

The more the merrier.
I never... I never clone alone.

(man's voice)
Hello, Dr. Temkin. So nice to see you.

I'm Bio Central Computer 2100,
Series G.

I'll be assisting you
through the entire process.

May I say, we're all aware
of your reputation

and we look forward
to a successful cloning procedure.

- This is my assistant, D-D-Dr. Spock.
- Janice.

- Dr. Janice. Dr. Spock. Spanis.
- Dr. Spanice. Dr. Smanice. Slock.

- Dr. Slanice.
- Doctor.

I better have a look at the patient.

(sighs)

Oh, wow.

He's in a lot worse shape
than I thought.

Better lay offArmenian women.

You can see the coded
medical history on read-out four.

I believe that this is going to be
a very difficult croning job.

- Yes. Cloning, you idiot, not croning.
- Cloning.

- We are ready to proceed.
- Uh...

Hmm. After looking at the nose,

I get the feeling what we oughta do
perhaps is postpone the cloning.

Excuse me, Doctor, but
that would be a tragic mistake.

I think the computer
is failing to take into account

is what I call the Pinocchio factor.

It states that the square root
of the proboscis

equals the sum of the sinuses
over seven.

What is your opinion, Doctor?
Should we proceed or postpone?

Ah, indeed.

Uh... One moment.
A moment. A medical moment.

Yes. Well, uh...

I believe that we should
go ahead with the cloning.

Go ahead with...

I have to have a conference
with the doctor for a second...

I just wanna speak to you...

- What do you mean?
- What are we supposed to do?

- I don't know how to clone a nose.
- You're crazy. I'm sick of this.

(babbling)

(Luna) I'm sick of this.
You make me crazy.

- Doctor, would you please proceed?
- You stop it!

- Get a grip on yourself.
- Ooh!

Of course. I'm glad you put it
to me in that fashion.

Now, if you'll let me have
the lobster fork. Thank you very much.

What you have here...
I've diagnosed the situation.

I think what we're
dealing with is a nose.

I think we're all in agreeance on that.
I have the little beggar right here.

And what you want is a whole, entire
person connected to that nose, right?

Otherwise you get your money back.

Now, did you want me
to leave room for a moustache?

There's a nice area there.
It'll... It's... Um...

What?

She's clever. The doctor's
placing down the garments

'cause we're gonna make an attempt
to clone the patient

directly into his suit.

That way, he'll be dressed
at the end of the operation.

It's a first in cloning,
and we can all get the hell outta here.

No need to hang around
while he suits up.

I think it's time
to check the cell structure.

Yes. Checking the cell structure.
Checking the cell structure.

- Ah, checking the cell structure.
- Checking the cell structure.

Structure of cells to be checked.

Checking the cell structure.
(whistles)

Checking the cells.

Checking cell structure.
Checking the cell structure.

And now the cell structure
has been checked. Thank you so much.

Now I'll just take my mask, if you don't
mind, and I'll strap it on to my face.

And, uh... If you'll
excuse me for one second

while I give the patient a quick...
nostrilectomy.

This is it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Something's going wrong.

There's been a current break
in the life-support system.

- What I think we should do...
- (man) What's that under your mask?

Pardon me? Under my mask?
Uh, nothing. Why?

Is... Does it look excessively bulbous?

- He's got the nose.
- He's got the nose under his mask.

Right. Nobody move
or I shoot your president.

Come on. We're getting outta here.

Don't come near me,
or he gets it right between the eyes.

He'll do it. He'll do it.
I've seen him shoot a nose.

Please. Please, be careful.

You don't realize you're dealing with
one of the greatest minds you've seen.

- Yeah. And his isn't so bad either.
- Yeah.

Don't come near us.

Get outta here now.

He's bluffing.
He wouldn't shoot the nose.

Bluffing, am I?
OK, clowns. You asked for it.

( New Orleans jazz)

I can't believe it.
We actually did it.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
and a nose for a nose.

Whatever it means, it sounds brilliant.

You were absolutely wonderful.

Just think. Erno's plan worked.

What do you mean, Erno's plan?
What was I through all of that?

What do you mean?
It was Erno's plan.

Look, I cannot
discuss Erno with you.

I'm getting a hostility ache,
and a migraine headache now.

I haven't seen my analyst in 200 years.

He was a strict Freudian
and if I'd been going all this time,

I'd almost be cured by now.

Miles. Erno's going
to lead the revolution

and head the new government.

Don't you understand? In six months,
we'll be stealing Erno's nose.

Political solutions don't work.

It doesn't matter who's up there.
They're all terrible...

What are you looking at me
like that for?

I think you really love me.

Of course I love you.
This is what this is all about.

And you love me. I know that.
And I don't blame you, honey.

And I'm not knocking Erno.

He's great if you happen
to like a tall, blond,

Prussian, Nordic, Aryan, Nazi type.

But, Miles, meaningful relationships
between men and women don't last.

That was proven by science. You see,
there's a chemical in our bodies

that makes us get
on each other's nerves sooner or later.

That's science.
I don't believe in science.

Science is an intellectual dead end.

It's a lot of guys in tweed suits,

cutting up frogs
on foundation grants and...

Oh, I see. You don't believe in science.

And you also don't believe
that political systems work

and you don't believe in God, huh?

- Right.
- So, then... what do you believe in?

Sex and death.

Two things that come
once in a lifetime.

But at least after death
you're not nauseous.

( New Orleans jazz)

English - US - PSDH