Original subtitles

This is what you missed last week on Shameless:

-Dad's missing. -How the hell did I end up in Canada?

STEVE: Frank needs a wake-up call before he wrecks all your lives.

-Unh. -Whoa!

-Unh. -You left him there? You get him back.

You must be joking.

You're fucking him?

Frank. Oh, relax.

FRANK: Stop!

Morning‘

The CYO awards banquet is next week at St. Stephen's.

-I was hoping you'd come. -Phew, can I think about it?

[CAR CREAKING]

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER POLICE RADIO]

[FIONA & TONY PANTING]

TONY: Amazing. Really good. Good, good.

FIONA: Tony? Shut up.

Shit! Kids. Kids. Shit.

TONY: Yeah. Absolutely. -Shit.

[KIDS CHATTERING]

TONY: Hey, want the siren? Want the siren? Okay.

[SIREN WAILING]

WOMAN: Jake, it's time to--

Oh, mYr

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER POLICE RADIO]

Hey, that's sexual harass-- Mandy?

-Hey, Ian. -Uh, what's going on?

I wanted to thank you for coming to my rescue in history class today.

The colonial soldiers conserved what by declaring:

"Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes"?

Oh, shit.

[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

No problem. Mr. Bancroft's a prick.

Well, I think you might be my knight in shining armor.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Right.

[CHUCKLES]

You're funny, Ian Gallagher.

okay-

What time do you get off work?

Uh....

I think it's, uh, inventory night, so probably not till really late.

All right. Well, I guess I'll see you around school tomorrow, then?

Yeah, right. Uh, see you tomorrow, Mandy, heh.

MANDY: Bye, Ian.

MAN [ON TV]: This crocodile here would be just as happy munching on that chicken...

...as he would dining on our croc tamer’s hand.

These amazing creatures may look cute and cuddly but caution should be taken....

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Frank, can you get that?

-What? -The door.

Oh, Christ.

2;‘ =3.

I'm here for Karen.

Oh.

Karen, there's a boy here for you.

KAREN: Be down in a sec.

SHEILA: Ah, Phillip. -Hi.

I've made chicken Kiev. There's leftovers.

No, that's fine, Sheila. Karen and I are gonna grab some burgers later.

-I'll take some little red potatoes. -Of course, sweetie.

This your home now?

First time in my life I ever felt like I actually belonged somewhere.

-Right. -It's quiet, clean.

-Good food. -Free.

What are your intentions?

-Excuse me? -With Karen. Your intentions?

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

LIP: Hey. -Ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, let's, uh, get out of here.

Have her home by midnight.

And nothing below the waist.

MANDY: Boo!

Mandy?

-You miss me? -I guess.

Uh....

What are you doing here?

Waiting to walk you home, silly.

Oh.

MAN [ON TV]: Tropic Thunder is right on Grave Digger's back wheel.

He's hooked himself to the Diggers bumper.

Look at that.

Do you, uh, want another beer’?

okay-

But don't be too long.

Ow.

-Get out of here, shithead. -Ow. Fine. Whatever.

-You're leaving? -Yeah. Enjoy getting herpes.

Mandy. Mandy, maybe we should--

Shh! It's okay.

I have one, heh.

[GRUNTS]

Mandy, okay. Okay.

So, what happened with you and that guy, uh, Steve, was it?

Those kids, they really love you. They were so cute.

"Do the siren, do the siren."

-So I take it you two broke up? -What?

-You came with me to the banquet. IAN: Mandy.

[MANDY CRYING]

Why is Mandy Milkovich crying? I'll see you, Tony.

Who did what to Mandy Milkovich?

[HORN BLARES]

What's wrong with your mom? Why can't she ever leave the house?

What's wrong with your dad? Why's he such a drunk?

Is that a hickey?

No, I burned myself with a curling iron.

This is a hickey.

-Who from? -Ernie Morrissey.

Amateur.

What's it like with my dad living at your house?

Weird,

It's only gonna get weirder.

It's cold out here, heh.

I think I hear it coming.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

What the fuck?

What are you doing to her?

Clearing the toxins from her lungs.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

-Hey, babe. -Stop lending the Gallaghers our shit, V.

A toaster? Who borrows a toaster?

Carl set theirs on fire trying to melt action figures together.

I don't give a shit it he was trying to melt his balls together.

Tell them to buy a toaster. They're like 20 bucks for chrissakes.

Maybe you should clear the toxins from her ass. You smell her room lately?

At least I don't shit in a bag.

Ten minutes to get downstairs.

Why is it so cold in this house?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Looks like an A to me. Someone get the door.

No, no, no. The bat is for killing, not for taking to school.

I don't need any more notes from your teacher.

Fine, I'll get the door.

-Go away. -I'm here for Ian, not for you.

Befriend the brother to win back the girl?

-Is that what I'm doing? -You tell me.

Why is it so cold in here?

Where's my damn toaster? Huh?

Who borrows a toaster?

Yo, yo, yo, Destructo, that's my toaster.

I'm trying to make Melted Man.

Yeah, well, use a blowtorch like a normal kid.

Fi, some flower delivery guy was looking for your address.

They're from him. Toss them.

No, they're not. Nope.

DEBBIE: Yes. Four bars. Thank you, Beaver327.

Back for more abuse. You're like a boomerang.

Yeah, no, I lost a bet to Ian on the game, Need to see what tickets he wants.

And we live in the 1700s where telephones haven't been invented yet...

...so of course you couldn't just call.

Not when I knew you were dying to see me.

FIONA: Shit. -Yo, got my tickets?

Yeah, what game? Philly on the 12th or Edmonton on the 27th?

-Uh, The Oilers. Yeah, definitely. -A good choice. The Flyers are fags.

Goddamn it. The gas bill's late. No wonder it's freezing in here.

"Fiona, thanks for a night I'll never forget. Tony."

-Give me that. -Who the fuck‘s Tony?

You hooked up with Tony? How charitable of you.

Wait, Tony the cop? That Tony?

-Yeah. And we had a nice time, okay? -Really?

Tony's sweet. And he has a real job.

[SNORES MOCKINGLY]

Sorry, I fell asleep when you were talking about him.

FIONA: Lip, phone.

What exactly does "hooked up“ mean?

Last time I checked, penis goes into vagina.

Wow.

No. Okay? We're gonna have oatmeal this morning. Go get the hotplate.

STEVE: Jesus, you sure didn't waste any time, did you?

-Here you go, sweetie. -Thank you.

You're welcome.

And I am off to the store. Does anyone need anything?

The store? I thought you n--

['|'ABLE RATTLES]

Unh. Christ in a basket.

I have a feeling that today is gonna be the day, Mom.

-I think so too, sweetie. I think so too. -Aw.

All right, well, get me a case of Old Style tall boys, will you?

okay-

Old Style tall boys. Tall boys.

Okay, so...l‘m off.

Just one foot in front of the other.

And I will open the door.

Open the door and I take a step outside.

[HORN HONKS]

[HORNS HONKING & PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[SHEILA SCREAMS]

Morn. Mom.

I've got you, Mom. I'm right here.

[SHEILA WHIMPERING]

okay-

You're right here. You're in your house.

I thought today was the day.

KAREN: Maybe next time, Mom.

Maybe next time.

KAREN: I'm gonna go to the grocery store for you.

No, no, no, I'll go.

Karen, uh, let me go for you.

-No, that's okay. -No, no. You do something for me later...

-...|ike bail me out of jail. KAREN: Frank?

Or stop me from having sex with some ugly chick.

KAREN: Frank? -Yeah.

You forgot the list.

No, I-- Okay, yeah.

All right.

I think I can see my breath.

We need $587 or they won't turn the gas back on.

LIP: I'm taking the PSATs for some Polish kid over on Ridgedale.

He's to give me a hundred bucks.

I saw online that we could get an extra $200 a month from the state...

...if we say Carl's retarded.

IAN: I get paid Friday. -I'll figure out the rest.

School. Let's go. Everyone out.

STEVE: I can loan you the money unless you wanna get it from Tony.

FIONA: You're still here?

-Pay me back or not. Doesn't matter. -You're gonna be late. Go.

Everyone out. You too. Out.

I could borrow a couple grand from you and not pay you back.

-This a rebound thing? FIONA: None of your business.

He know you fucked him to get back at me?

Get out.

LIP: Dude, you're such a rookie. Is that your A game?

Bye, Fiona, have a good one.

Fi, this oatmeal. I don't know what you did with this oatmeaI....

Thanks.

What are you doing here? Don't you have a new home?

Wanted to spend some quality time with my loving family.

You can spend it with Liam while I go to work.

-I can't. Busy day today. -Doing what?

There's a lot goes on behind the scenes to keep this family running...

...that you wouldn't know about, Fl. Tits, it's cold in here.

FIONA: Why are you taking our food? -My food, you mean?

No, I mean, our food.

FRANK: Which you paid for with food stamps that are funded by taxes that I pay.

[KEVIN CHUCKLES]

-Since when? -You live here now?

Toaster.

[KNOCKING]

Hi.

HGYA

To serve and protect, huh?

To serve and protect.

Kevin.

I see you got the flowers.

Yup. They're beautiful.

I had a really good time last night.

FIONA: Me too.

I like you, Fiona.

Thanks, Tony.

I've waited a long time for last night to happen.

FRANK: See you.

-Coach of the Years a big deal. FRANK: Out of butter.

Last night was my first time.

-I'm sure he'll win again. -No, in the car. That was my first time.

First time? You mean the first time with me?

No, first time ever.

-But you've been with other gins. -Not in that way.

Tony, are you saying you were--?

-Virgin? -Yup,

Holy shit. You popped his cherry?

-And how was the 30 seconds of bliss? -He actually lasted a while.

-Did he cry after? -Aw, leave him alone. He's a nice guy.

Oh, so it was a mercy fuck. Or did you sleep with Tony to get back at Steve?

-What? -I saw the way you looked at Steve.

-Like a D-O-G in heat. -Not true.

Never looked at the other 95 guys that way.

Don't exaggerate. Ninety-four.

Cut Steve some slack. He meant well.

He shipped my father off to a foreign country.

Yes, the foreign country of Canada.

At least Tony's not coming here getting all in my family's business.

Maybe that's what I want.

Tony's mother would love that. I hope he didn't tell her about last night.

I'm sure the neighborhood bitches did. They saw us in the car.

You did it in a car? How romantic.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[KNOCKING]

Oh, shit. That's probably Tony's mother right there.

Careful. Bitch might have a gun.

[CHUCKLES]

-Yes? -Hi, uh, my name's Abby Ruggiero.

-Okay. -Can I speak with Virginia, please?

-Who? -Virginia Louise Gallagher’!

-Isn't this her house? -Oh, Aunt Ginger.

Is she here?

No. She lives in a nursing home in Wisconsin.

Well, I'm from the Office of the Inspector General.

We investigate instances of, uh, social security-related fraud.

I believe someone may be cashing your aunt's checks without her consent.

Now, 12 years ago, your aunt changed her address to a Mail Boxes Etc.

Twelve years ago? And you're here now?

Oh.

VERONICA: I gotta go, but call me. FIONA: Okay.

Look, I'm sure that my aunt's mail is being forwarded to her in Wisconsin.

All right, I'll tell you what we're gonna do here, miss. Ahem.

I have your aunt's next social security check with me now.

How about I come back in the morning, say around 10...

...and deliver the check to your aunt in person.

That way I can meet her, ask a few questions...

...and clear this whole thing up.

Ian Gallagher, you messed with the wrong girl.

MICKEY: Come here.

Get out here, Gallagher.

Mandy told us what you did, you piece of shit.

-Get out here. -He's gone. There's a door in the back.

Alley. Alley.

Tell fuckhead this is not over.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

KASH: Ian, they're gone.

I swear to God I didn't touch her, Kash.

LIP: Oh. Thank you.

His focus is math and he wants to get into the National Merit Society.

Got it.

I told Richie that your rates went up, so he's giving you 150.

You're good.

-See you in three hours. -I'll be out in two.

E-O-R-K-J.

What do you think, Kev?

-I have no idea. -It's "joker."

-Where the hell is Aunt Ginger, Dad? -And hello to you too, my first-born.

Can I get you something, cop-lover?

No. Dad, does Aunt Ginger live in Wisconsin?

That's what I've told you, right?

Why was a woman from the Social Security department...

...saying that Ginger cashes her checks in Chicago?

Ginger's in town and she didn't call me? After all I've done for that woman?

Oh, shit, Frank. You're cashing the checks.

Do you know how much trouble you're gonna be in?

Why all this sudden interest in Ginger, Fiona?

Now that you know there's money involved, you looking for a handout?

Well, that money is mine.

I'm the one who's taken care of Ginger all these years.

I call her every week. Hell, I've even visited her.

Good. Then you can go get her and bring her home with you.

That Social Security lady will be here with a federal agent to interview Ginger.

Fine.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Plus, there's free appetizers, and that means it's, like, all-you-can-eat.

-Where do you think you're going, Frank? -Russell, my man.

-You're not allowed in here anymore. -Is the kitchen closed already?

I'm talking about Christmas.

That was a total misunderstanding.

You're banned from the mission, Frank.

ISIGHS]

You know...

...the Big Guy says thou shalt forgive me.

Out.

All right, ugh.

Uh....

I'm willing to put this whole matter behind us...

...if you just let me borrow an old lady for a few hours.

Wait. What--? Hold on. Just a few hours. Just--

Will you stop--? Stop-- Ok--

I will be rethinking my charitable contributions...

...to this organization come holiday time.

MAN: Hey, what the fuck? -Shut the fuck up.

Mandy. Mandy. Hey.

-Get away from me, you perv. -You tell your brothers I attacked you?

If you don't get away from me, Ian Gallagher, I'll scream.

Tell them the truth. They're gonna kill me.

-Good. -Mandy.

Yeah, thank you. Have a good day.

I got you, sir. Have a good day.

Uh, medium burger with fries. Next.

-I'll get the, uh, chicken burrito special. -What are you doing here?

I thought this was a food truck. I have it wrong?

-Are you stalking me? -If wanting a burrito is stalking, I am.

Not interested. Who's next?

One mistake and now you want nothing to do with me.

One mistake? You kidnapped my father.

-I was trying to help. -Don't.

-I've apologized. Isn't that enough? -Leave me alone.

Listen, you would not be so pissed off if you didn't care.

You know nothing about me.

Then teach me.

Teach me.

Here's your burrito. Six-fifty.

-Hey, keep the change. -No, thanks.

Believe me, you need it more than I do.

An hour and 54 minutes. Now, that's a record.

Yes. Now all we have to do is figure out how I can go back the same day...

...and take it again for another kid.

Uh-oh.

-Hey, yo. -What do they want?

He probably just wants to ask me out again.

-You're not interested? -If you like the smell of cow shit.

[KAREN CH UCKLES]

Got a B-plus on that paper you wrote for me.

Spread the word. I could use the business.

-Heard they're letting Iggy out of juvie. -My mom drove up to get him.

Throwing a party for him this weekend.

-He'll probably be back in before then. -Ha, ha, probably.

So Ian messed with Mandy.

-Ian? -Yeah.

That's, uh, highly unlikely.

That's what Mandy told us.

Trust me, you got the wrong guy.

Right, the problem is that Ian's been avoiding us all day...

...and, uh...

...someone's gotta get a beatdown till we find him.

Could make an exception.

Not really, though.

Well, maybe, uh, Mandy's confusing Ian...

...with any one of the other 400 dudes in the 10th grade she's already blown.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[DOOR opens]

Hey, hey, hey, look who it is. Fiona. And Liam. Come say hello to me, son.

What are you doing here?

I went to get Ginger like you told me to.

[SNORING]

-This is Aunt Ginger? -In the flesh.

Ginger has a hard-on.

FRANK: She was born with a large clitoris.

[MUMBLES]

As kids, we were told to keep our hugs brief.

It's me, the virgin.

Oh. Heh, not anymore. Remember the car? Come on outside.

You were right. Sorry. I should have told you beforehand.

Little heads-up would have been nice.

It's not the kind of thing you tell everyone.

I was afraid you wouldn't do it if you knew.

I probably wouldn't have. It's a big thing.

It's above average, heh.

It's weird I didn't have sex till now, but it's not from a lack of trying.

Joanie wanted to wait, then she gave it up to Dicky Dolan...

...night before he shipped out for Fallujah, lost his leg.

Uh, I almost did it with Hou|ie's sister, but she was too drunk.

Katie was Catholic so she only let me stick it in»-

-Okay, okay, I get it. -Hey. Hey. Uh....

My mom heard about us.

-What? -The women in the neighborhood talk.

She invited you to dinner tomorrow night.

[CHUCKLES]

I find that hard to believe.

Okay, maybe she's not that enthusiastic about it, but I told her you were coming.

Let me think about it.

Sure. Absolutely. Just, uh....

Just show up at 7?

All right.

You don't have to run away from me, Fiona. I get you. I get your family.

Miss Lisa married us at the Little Red School House when we were 5?

That's gotta count for something, right?

Hey, Lip, there a body on the other end of that?

-No, it's cool, Tony. -Jesus, what the hell, Lip?

TONY: Uh....

I'll see you.

The nose is the most commonly broken bone...

...in boys between the ages of 13 and 25.

That's fascinating, but who's the old dude?

-It's not a dude. It's your Aunt Ginger. -What, the one who owns the house?

That's right. Ginger, say hello to your nephew.

Dad, stop.

Why is he trying to pass off Mr. Perry as Aunt Ginger?

-Who? -Mr. Perry, my old bus driver.

Sleeps behind the dumpster over at the A&P.

Social Security wants to talk to Ginger and he was too lazy to get the real one.

-That's retardedly brilliant. -Thank you.

-Or brilliantly retarded. -Thank you.

Now we have to drive all night to go get her.

-Think Kev will let us borrow his car? -No.

I'll call and beg.

We got these from Imelda over at the Holiday Inn.

It'll be a good way to stay warm.

Why's Mr. Perry here?

FIONA: Hey, Kev, it's me.

Uh, can I borrow your car just for the night? Ijust need to--

You won't need the car.

How are we gonna get Ginger?

She's dead.

-What? DEBBIE: Who's dead?

LIP: Aunt Ginger. -No.

LIP: Debs, you never met her. -And now I never will.

Don't give me a hard time. I've been very upset about this.

I'm in mourning.

When did she die?

Hmm....

Twelve years ago.

[GRUNTS]

I was trying to protect you all from the trauma.

FIONA: Shit.

How do you think I feel? That woman was my heart and soul.

She practically raised me.

Dad, you've been cashing her checks. That's a felony.

We're living in her house. Was there even a will?

You don't need a will if she's not technically dead.

Yes, she is technically dead, Dad. Dead is dead.

Just because you haven't told anybody that she's dead...

...doesn't make her not dead.

Fuck.

What are we gonna do now?

We|I....

VERONICA: Oh.

Mrs. Sullivan is 92, but she's about to go any minute.

Helen, she needs meds every four hours, so she's a hassle.

Beatrice. Her son visits daily.

Jenny, she's a favorite. The others would notice if she were missing.

That's too bad. She's hot.

I like that one.

-Debbie. -No, too lucid.

You know Sophie's nana, who couldn't remember...

...because she had old people's disease?

-Alzheimers? FIONA: Yeah.

Yeah, we're looking for somebody like that.

For the record, I do not want to be sent to a place like this.

Don't worry, you'll outlive us all.

You're not gonna get fired for letting us borrow an old lady?

VERONICA: Girl, please. This place is just like what you see on the news.

One of the night shift guys got caught fucking Mrs. Hebert, who's in a coma...

...hejust got a raise.

-Maybe it's from some foreign.... -What about her?

I wanna Iearn-- How about.... Did you ever hear anything so--?

Yes.

MICKEY: Where's fire crotch?

HGYA

Kash and Grab.

He's only making it worse.

Okay. Okay. We're gonna find him.

Hey, Kash and Grab. Tomorrow.

-When your shit-hole opens. MAN: We'll call you.

They're leaving.

IAN: This wouldn't be happening It I had sex with her.

-You can't be what you're not, Ian, heh. -Shut up, you are.

I didn't know what I was until afterl married.

Yeah, well, from now on, I'm just gonna be straight.

It's not that easy.

You do it.

Because I love my kids. Don't complicate things for yourself.

Now get up here. They're gone.

[ENGINE REVS AND IAN GRUNTS]

Oh, my goodness.

-What's wrong? -Nothing.

Everything is just the way I remember it.

We kept the house exactly the same, Aunt Ginger.

Oh.

I can see that, dear.

Oh, look, there's the bookcase my brother Norman built.

Do you want me to show you to your room, Aunt Ginger?

That would be wonderful.

And after I wash up, why don't I make us all some nice supper.

okay-

PERRY: Hey.

Uh, where am I?

-Dad? FRANK: I'm on it. Let's go, Perry.

FRANK: Thanks.

He)’:

Put your arm around, please. Now smile.

I was 26 and I was working as a secretary for the USO...

...and one of the dancers broke her foot.

And before you know it, they're pulling me off the typewriter...

...and they're teaching me the dance steps for the show that very night.

Oh, from that point fonward, I was a regular dancer.

Did you ever dance with anyone famous?

Dance? No, honey, I'm not a dancer.

Let's see what's on now.

-Yeah? -Is Ian here?

Upstairs.

Give him these, would you?

okay-

Well, if you need me, I'll be across the street in the bushes stalking you.

I saw you smile.

Hey. Yeah, you. You, uh, see Ian in there?

Not home.

MICKEY: You know when he's coming back?

STEVE: No, man, not a clue.

All right, fuckhead.

H9)’. I-IP- How's your lip?

Yeah, I saw you up there. Tell your shithead brother we're waiting for him.

Sorry your face got busted up.

It's okay.

I didn't do anything to Mandy.

I know that, Ian, but her brothers think you did.

I mean, she tried to rape me, and I pushed her off, and now she's mad.

You're probably the first guy in her life who hasn't tried tojump her.

She started screaming and crying.

Maybe you should throw it in her, you know?

She'll call off her brothers off.

Yeah. Yeah, and maybe, uh, you should throw it in Kash, right?

-Why, is he asking about me? -Yeah.

He's trying to go through all the Gallagher brothers.

Eventually, you're gonna have to take the beatdown for this, you know.

Yeah.

I know.

[GRUNTS]

Smells good.

I've missed you, Ginger.

LIP: Yo, bud. CARL: Yeah?

-You take the killing bat? -No.

Bread. We're making eggs Benedict, Lip.

Oh, great.

That woman will be herein 45 minutes. You better be ready.

I pay that bureaucratic no-nothing her salary.

I'll be ready when I say I'm ready.

Eat some breakfast, Lip.

I gotta go, but save some for me, Debs.

Yeah, okay.

It's essential that families share meals together.

Oh, don't. Oh.

Mm. Mm.

-That's great, Debs. DEBBIE: Thanks.

[MICROWAVE BEEPS]

-Who's that? -That's my dad.

[IAN GASPS]

Shit.

Jesus.

So, what's the plan?

Hit Mickey over the head when he comes out.

What about the other brothers?

They'll probably beat me to death.

[LIP GRUNTS]

-I'll fight them off while you run. -This is my problem, all right, not yours.

It'll be fun. I owe them one, heh.

[DOOR opens]

[noon CLOSES]

Shit.

Mandy. Mandy. Hey.

-Get away from me, you fucking perv. -We need to talk.

You are a dead man, Ian Gallagher. Fucking dead.

I'm gay‘

OLD WOMAN: Linseed oil works the best on maple furniture.

-Linseed oil, maple, got it. -You got it, sweetheart.

We should never send her back.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

ABBY: Miss Gallagher, this is Federal Agent Salinger.

FIONA: Right on time. Come on in.

Mrs. Gallagher.

My name is Abby and I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Mrs. Gallagher, how old are you?

I don't remember.

Well, my records say that you're 93.

How are you feeling?

Oh, wait, now I remember.

Ricky Ricardo and I did the salsa together one night.

Ah.

For how long?

I don't know. My whole life, I guess.

Maybe since Justin Timberlake.

Ew!

No, JC. Chasez.

No, are you kidding? He's totally gay.

-No, he isn't. -Ha, ha, hello? Yes, he is.

Are you sure you're not just making this up?

About J.C. Chasez?

No, about being gay.

In this neighborhood? Why would I make that up?

Look, you and Lip are the only two who know, all right?

I won't tell anyone.

Thanks.

I thought maybe you were making this up so I'd call my brothers off, or....

I don't know, maybe...

...you think I'm, like, ugly or something.

Mandy, you're beautiful.

This has nothing to do with the way you look.

I'm just not wired that way.

See? Nothing.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You can expect a visit from me every six months.

Yeah, because this is such a great use of government funds.

Hey. Maybe next time you can check that my Uncle Harold is taking his LIPITOR.

Oh, wait, that's right, he doesn't get LIPITOR anymore...

...since you canceled his Medicare.

Good thing I got some amigos down in Mexico.

Here you are.

Ninety-three, huh. She won't live long.

Go.

[FIONA GRUNTS]

FRANK: Don't-- Don't-- -Wa-huh!

-Now I can pay the gas bill. -No, no, no, wait, wait.

Fiona, I'm serious.

I also danced with Cab Calloway.

He had the first colored penis I ever kissed.

My work here is done.

You're not going until we take her back to the nursing home.

She's never heard of a bus pass?

Aunt Ginger has to go back?

Rice Krispie Treats, anyone?

-Don't make her go. -She can't stay, Debs.

But she didn't mean to pee in the plant. Please.

She can't go back to the nursing home.

I'll take care of her. I promise.

She doesn't belong to us.

Debs, you can come visit anytime you want.

Besides, you can borrow her every six months.

-Borrow what? -Aw, shit.

FIONA: We should take Debs to visit the real Gingers grave.

Where's she buried?

.Dad? .HL|h? Huh.’

Um....

Here.

Wha--?

I could pretend to be your girlfriend at school.

Then no one would ever give you a hard time.

You'd do that for me?

Sure. It'll keep the creepy guys away from me.

Besides...

...I've never actually had a real boyfriend before.

Not that you'd be a real boyfriend but a boyfriend...

-...I could do things with... -Heh.

...instead of, you know, just getting finger-banged all the time.

[CHUCKLES]

What a pretty little girl she is.

-Rice Krispie Treats, anyone? -Debs, it's okay.

-I got you. Okay. -Rice Krispie Treats? I made them.

They're delicious. I really worked very hard.

I'd appreciate it if you'd take one.

Here, why don't you have some.

-I know. OLD WOMAN: You ladies are so busy...

...you might get sticky fingers.

He's pretty busy too.

It's okay. I know.

OLD WOMAN: Somebody wants my Rice Krispies.

Oh, ladies. Oh, you're so talented.

You go ahead if you're able enough to take one.

And would you like one, sir? Oh, he looks pretty busy.

FIONA: She's okay now. OLD WOMAN: Everyone's already busy.

Ladies.

Ahem. we came for a visit, she wasn't in her room.

None of the staff knew where she was.

WOMAN: After we called the police to file a missing persons report...

...she just walked through the front door as if nothing had happened.

She keeps calling herself Abby and she says she'd like to ask us a few questions.

It's so scary out there, Frank.

Hey, above the covers.

You got it.

-You look nice. FIONA: Thank you.

I got marshmallows for the ambrosia salad.

He)’:

He)’:

[English - US - SDH]