Original subtitles

[phone ringing]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Lucy] Hey, this is Lucy.

Sorry, can't come to the phone right now.

-But if you-- -[phone beeps]

[phone ringing]

Hey, this is Lucy.

Sorry, can't come to the phone right now.

But if you leave your name, your phone number,

and a very brief message,

I will get back to you.

-Thanks. -[phone beeps]

[water splashing]

[music continues]

[birds chirping]

Just keep practicing your scales, Henry.

You've got this.

-Obnoxious little fucker. -[Lucy chuckles]

-Hi, girl. -[Lucy] Hey.

Come on.

I gotta get out of this heterosexual cosplay.

[both chuckling]

[Elle grunts] I can't wait to never hear Peer Gynt

played by a ten-year-old ever again.

Girl, you're going on tour with Bo Thompson.

I think your teaching days are over.

-You ready? -Yeah.

Come on.

So, how was your last shift?

Did you spit in anyone's soup as a final fuck you hurrah?

-No. -[Elle chuckles]

Uh, Eric broke up with me.

-What? -Yeah.

I think he's pissed I didn't go with him to Portland.

-Over Portland. -[Eric] No.

You had an important audition. I-- I'm not mad about that.

-What's his fucking problem? -I don't know.

You make me feel so small and lonely.

And after all this time, three years,

I still don't even know who the fuck you are.

Congrats on your new gig.

[Lucy] What's the play about?

[Elle] Uh, an incestuous relationship

between a brother and a sister.

Very intense. Very--

Oh, triggered.

-[Elle laughs] -I'm gonna miss you.

I'm not gonna miss you at all.

I'm gonna be coked out. Playing at packed nightclubs.

Dodging paparazzi.

-Gathering groupies. -[Lucy laughs]

-Is Will all moved in? - I think so.

[Lucy] That was all supposed to go to storage.

[Elle] I ran out of time before my piano lesson.

-Elle, she's gonna flip. -She'll be fine.

Ooh, this isn't mine.

Maybe it's Will's?

[indistinct] California.

Come on.

-[Elle grunting] -[Lucy] Come on.

Magpie.

Grab that?

Where's Lucien?

[Lucy grunts]

[Elle] You know that queen.

Always waiting till the last minute.

[sighs] He's gonna miss saying goodbye to you.

[Elle] No, it's all right.

We had a little kiki at the gallery yesterday morning.

Gave me a little sneak peek. Girl, it's fucking phenomenal.

[music playing over radio]

-[indistinct] -What?

[indistinct]

-Stop. -And you're single now, too.

Hey, look who I found wandering the streets.

[Lucy] Hi.

Hey. Jesus, it's been a long time.

-I know, I know. How are you? -I'm good.

Elle, what do you want me to do with all this?

Enjoy them. It's my parting gift to you.

I can't travel internationally with them.

-Oh, fuck. That reminds me. -[Aurelia sighs]

[Will] [indistinct] told me about the play,

that's really fucking cool.

-Congrats. -Thanks, yeah.

[Elle laughs] Found it.

Okay, now, this stuff is really fucking good.

How are you? You moved back for work?

Yeah, kind of. I'm in between gigs.

Trying to figure out my next steps.

Okay, well, if you're not gonna drive, I'm gonna take you.

And Nicki's here. She's in law school.

-Uh, my girlfriend. -Oh, cool.

[Aurelia] Lucy, have you heard from Lucien today?

I don't think he came home last night.

I did. He texted me a funny gif.

[Elle] I think he said he was staying at Carey's.

They probably have a lot of work to do before the show tonight.

-Carey's his boyfriend? -[Lucy] Yeah.

He works at a really cool art gallery in Williamsburg.

He's been helping Lucien with the show.

[Elle] I mean, I wouldn't worry about it.

-You know Lucien. -[Aurelia] Yeah.

And he's been partying way too much lately.

[Lucy] He's nervous.

Lucien's been dreaming about this since we were 13.

He'll calm down after tonight.

Ooh, Maria in a silver Jeep is nine minutes away.

[Lucy chuckles] Wait, I'm sorry.

What time was your flight supposed to be?

[Lucy] It was supposed to be at fucking 11:00 a.m.,

but you know me, I called my agent and I was like,

"There's no fucking way that's happening.”

So I was like, "Can you get me, like, a four or a five?"

Who's fucking disco threw up on my building?

Half of it is already gone, and if you wait another hour,

it'll all vanish into thin air.

[Aurelia] We're not supposed to put junk out like this.

Last time we got a huge fine from the city.

And if you get another one, I'll pay for it, I promise.

-All right. I'm off, poodles. -[Lucy cheers]

Have fun tonight.

Get Lucien absolutely shit-faced for me.

-Oh, we will. Have fun. -FaceTime me, okay?

-[Lucy] Oh, I love you. -I love you, too.

-[Lucy] [indistinct] Yeah. -[Will] Smash it.

-Bye. -Text me, okay?

[Elle] Okay. [cheers]

[Lucy sighs]

[engine rumbling]

[Elle laughs] Oh, shit.

You all right?

Yeah.

-Thanks. -This is mine.

[Lucy grunts]

Welcome home. [chuckles]

[train rumbling]

[Will] Wow.

Shit has really changed around here.

Didn't there used to be a gas station over there?

Oh, yeah.

My dad, he bought his first building over here in the '80s.

White people refused to even look at his apartments.

Said the neighborhood was a total crack haven.

And now, look.

We found a two-bedroom apartment so cheap.

First they hate us, now they want to be us, right?

You know it.

So, is Nina meeting us here?

Yeah, she just got held up.

-What about Eric? He coming? -[phone ringing]

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Hi, Jeff.

Yes, I saw your Slack messages.

-Eric? -My boyfriend.

Uh, we actually broke up today.

-Oh, shit. I'm sorry. -It's okay.

-Should we go in? -Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

[Lucy] Oh, wow.

Wow.

-Oh. -It's amazing.

It's gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

Beautiful work.

[Lucy] Oh.

Oh, Carey.

-Lucy. -[Lucy shrieks]

-How are you, beautiful? -I'm good, I'm good.

Uh, Carey, this is Will.

Oh, right. The new roommate.

I'm Lucien's boyfriend. My pronouns are he, him.

[Will] Nice to meet you. Mine, too.

-It's fucking amazing. -[Carey exhales]

Lucy tells me you're running the show.

-Yeah, well, I am, too. -[Lucy] Where's Lucien?

Uh, he told me he was two minutes away.

-Two hours ago. -[Lucy chuckles]

-[Lucy] God. -Oh, sorry. Duty calls.

Um, enjoy the party. Um, I'll be back in a bit.

-Yeah, of course. -Thank you.

Ah.

Looks like you're stuck with me.

It seems like you had a bad day.

Can I get you a drink?

Look, I'm new in town.

You just got dumped.

-Oh, I did not get dumped. -Eh.

-[Lucy] Okay, maybe I did. -[Will chuckles]

[Will] My mom's a pastor.

I dated a porn star.

I used to have dreadlocks in high school.

-Which one's a lie? -[Lucy] Oh, my God.

You with dreads. [laughs]

Um,

there's no way you're a pastor's kid.

Wrong. Drink.

-[grunts] I'm gonna die. -Drink.

-[Will laughs] -[Lucy exhales] This tracks.

Children of the clergy are always trouble.

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.

-I'm harmless. [laughs] -So, wait.

Uh, um, porn star, that's a lie, right?

Nope.

-You dated a porn star? -Yeah.

How was that?

Great. Sometimes complicated.

Ultimately, we were on different paths.

He grew me.

Hmm.

So, your mom, what kind of church does she have?

Pentecostal.

Um, my sister Sophie died in high school.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah, just a freak accident.

She slipped on the deck and cracked her head.

Drove my mom deep into religion

and my dad to Phoenix.

Wow.

What-- what about you? You and Lucien grew up together?

- I guess I forgot that. -[chuckles] Yeah.

Um, my aunt and uncle raised me.

They also had foster kids, like Lucien.

They were pretty Christian, too.

They have kids of their own?

Yeah, one. My cousin.

Do you miss home?

Not really.

They're both dead, so...

What about you?

You miss home?

I don't know.

Sometimes.

I miss Sophie more.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

I-- I just want to say that you are fucking incredible.

-Like, fucking incredible. -Thanks.

That scene that you did

with Persephone Mayhem in the hospital

was, like, the scene that got me into--

Awesome. Sorry.

We're just trying to have a-- you know...

Oh. Hi.

Hi.

-You his girlfriend? -[Lucy laughs]

[chuckles] You're so lucky.

You two must have incredible sex.

What the fuck are you doing?

I just wanted a little taste.

Don't worry. I wasn't gonna steal him.

-The fuck is your problem? -I'm sorry.

We're just trying to have a quiet night.

Do you mind just leaving us alone?

Wow. Excuse me.

I didn't realize that the star of her first gang bang.com

was such a fucking Nazi.

Will?

[Will breathing heavily]

-What's going on? -I'm sorry. I just--

-Will. -What?

[Aurelia] There you are.

Will, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Nina.

-[Lucy] Hey, how are you guys? -Good.

This is incredible.

Lucien must be over the moon. Where is he?

-Uh, we haven't seen him. -[Nina] Really?

I mean, I get being fashionably late,

but he must be, like, two hours behind now, no?

Let me go find Carey.

-[Will] Nice to meet you. -You too. Thank you.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Carey] There was a lack of steadiness

in Lucien's upbringing

that he's really harnessed into his work.

His use of color and texture.

Oh, yeah, it's all there.

I love the aggression.

It's, uh, uncontainable,

yet precise.

You said he grew up in foster care?

Yes, for a time.

[Imogen] Hmm.

But I think that's why his talent burned so brightly.

His work, his whole life,

all dripped with defiance.

Where did Lucien grow up?

Detroit? Chicago?

-Denver, actually. -Hmm.

Excuse me for a moment.

-Where the fuck is Lucien? -I was going to ask you.

-Oh, fuck. -I've been calling him all day.

I thought he was here earlier helping you set up.

[laughs] I haven't seen him since Monday.

I had to set up this whole thing by myself.

He didn't even bother to finish

painting the pieces he wanted to show.

Oh, my God, where is he?

At this point, I don't give a shit.

He could be dead for all I care.

Uh, no, no, I spent several thousands of dollars

putting this whole thing together.

I had to use one of my last favors

to get one of the best galleries here.

This is how he repays me?

He's probably at that bar again,

hooking up with that fucking guy again.

What?

I don't deserve this.

Carey, I'm so sorry.

Fuck.

[Lucy sighs]

Carey hasn't seen Lucien since Monday.

Oh, shit.

Lucien, call me, please.

-Fuck. -What should we do?

I don't know. [sighs]

Listen, about earlier, I'm sorry.

[Matt] Hey, girl, hey!

[Lucy] What the fuck?

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd come party.

Celebrate our boy.

-Sorry, I'm Matt. -Will. Nice to meet you.

Where-- where is our boy? Where's Lucien?

Uh, he's running a little bit late.

Well, I guess you can be tardy at your own party.

This is one hell of a shindig.

So, how do you two know each other?

You can't tell?

-[Matt laughs] -We're cousins.

I just moved here.

I work for a tech company in Colorado,

and they wanted me here for leadership,

and I wanted to be closer to Lucy and Lucien.

So, it's a win-win.

I haven't seen much of Lucy though.

She's been a busy little bee.

I'm actually going to get another drink.

Uh, do you guys want something?

No, I'm good. Got my water.

You're sober.

Yeah.

Five and a half years.

Okay.

Well, I'm not, so...

I'll see you guys in a minute.

-Good to meet you. -Yeah, you been inside yet?

-[Will] Yeah, yeah. -[Matt] Yeah, show me.

Hey there, uh, can I have a cup of vodka with some lemon?

-Gotcha. -Thanks.

[indistinct chattering]

[phone ringing]

Oh, fuck. Lucien.

[Lucien] Lucy.

Hang-- hang on, I-- I can't hear you.

[Lucien] Lucy, where are you?

-Lucy. -Lucien, you there?

-[Matt screams] -[Lucy gasps]

Oh, my God. [laughs] I'm so sorry.

-Uh, are-- are you okay? -Yeah.

I'm sorry. I, um...

I thought it would be funny. Uh...

listen, I was really hoping

that I could take you and Lucien to dinner tonight

to celebrate this awesome gallery show

and your big play.

The World Wide Web.

I got you on a Google alert.

But now it's looking like it's just gonna be the two of us,

so, uh, what do you say?

Let me treat you. Let me buy you dinner.

I actually promised Will we'd go out after.

So...

Okay. Uh-- [laughs]

Uh, I-- I guess I wasn't invited,

SO, um...

I'm sorry.

You know what? I'll-- I'll make myself scarce.

Um, when you see Lucien,

let him know that I thought his show was phenomenal.

And tell him that I miss him.

I will.

Maybe next time.

Okay.

Just let me know.

[suspenseful music playing]

[water splashing]

[glass shattering]

[panting]

[upbeat music playing]

[Will] This is fucking gnarly.

[Lucy hisses]

You should see the other guy.

-I really mangled him. -[Will laughs] Yeah.

What happened?

[groans in pain] My glass broke.

It was an accident.

I'm sorry.

No need to be sorry.

I was, uh, sad a lot in high school.

I haven't done it in years.

[Lucy sighs]

You and Matt. You guys close?

[sighs] Not really.

Where is everybody?

Oh, they're all looking for Lucien.

-He never showed. -Oh, my God.

Yeah, Carey's freaking out.

They're all checking the bars.

I told them I'd come here and find you.

Wait here in case he came back.

Are you okay?

Earlier, that woman...

Yeah.

Thanks.

I was going to tell you guys eventually.

I just--

I wanted to warm up to it.

How did you get into it?

Are you going to judge me?

No. I'm curious.

I'm not a pity porn documentary.

It isn't gonna be Hot Girls Wanted.

I promise. Open mind.

Well, when I first got to LA, I was barely scraping by.

Friend of a friend needed a model

for a nude photo shoot,

and I needed the money to get a new apartment.

Just kind of snowballed from there.

My first porn shoot was with a queer indie company.

Fell in love with it.

How come?

Well, I told you my sister died in high school?

Yeah.

After that, I felt a lot of pressure

from my family to be good.

To be someone that everyone looked up to.

So from, like,

14 on...

I didn't have the space to explore

my sexuality or my queerness.

I never felt desirable or free enough.

[laughs]

Porn gave me that space.

And the more I explored,

the different kinks I tried

or different performers I worked with...

I just found myself at home.

How do you--

I mean, I think I would be really scared

to be so vulnerable.

I mean, it's like acting, isn't it?

You get vulnerable on stage, too.

Your body's your instrument.

You use it to tell stories,

to create intimacy, to excite people.

I'm just doing it a different way. [chuckles]

What about-- I mean,

isn't it exploitative?

Should you quit acting because of Harvey Weinstein?

Fair point.

I love this work.

So you've done everything?

Yeah, pretty much.

I'm what they call a crossover.

I perform with men, women,

cis, trans.

Done all kinds of kinks.

I once was flogged and pegged

in a crowded nightclub in Berlin. [laughs]

Well, that's par for the course in Berlin,

from what I hear.

Earlier today, you said, um...

you said you were trying to figure out your next steps.

Yeah, I've been mostly behind the camera this year.

My kidneys got pretty bad.

I was hospitalized.

They had to put a catheter in my chest for dialysis.

I go twice a week now.

-[Lucy] Oh, my God. -[Will] No, I'm-- I'm fine.

I just don't have the energy to perform like I want to.

I've been trying my hand at directing,

which is good, but it's not the same.

I've been thinking about going back to school, but...

I don't know.

What's your, um...

porn name?

[laughs] You gonna check out my work?

-Maybe. -Guess.

Um, Z--

[lock rattling]

-[door clicks open] -Hello?

Lucien?

[hip-hop music playing]

[indistinct lyrics]

[truck beeping]

[keys jangling]

[car horn honking]

He must have come back.

I'll check downstairs.

[music continues]

[siren wailing]

[engine rumbling]

[road din]

[Lucy] What happened? Where were you?

[Lucien] It's fucking shit. It's a fucking joke.

-[Lucy] What is? -Me. My art.

Fuck it. Fuck it.

You can sit down.

[Lucien] Oh. [chuckles]

[chair creaking]

-Hi, I'm Lucien. -[all] Hi, Lucien.

I'm an addict.

I've...

been sober for about two months now.

I started using in college.

Just every now and then.

It helped me creatively.

I'm an artist.

And how could I show my face

after what he was saying about me?

-Who was? Matt? -[Lucien] It was exhilarating.

And I had it under control, so...

But, uh, two months ago

I woke up in a stranger's basement

covered in piss, three hours late

for the most important night of my life.

I was lucky, I didn't lose everything, but...

my partner left me.

Not right away.

He tried to stick it out.

He tried.

[sighs] I'm sorry. I'm not doing this right.

I know I'm supposed to say something insightful.

Do you hear them?

They know, I don't know how they know,

but they know.

[indistinct]

Death determines life.

And his death determines mine.

I'm disgusting. Oh, fuck.

My dad died when I was, uh, younger,

and my mom was having trouble, so they, uh...

[sobs]

I don't-- That's not--

I don't-- I don't want to-- Fuck.

[sighs] I'm sorry. I just...

I'm not ready.

[man] Thank you for sharing, Lucien.

[all applauding]

[Lucy] All right, Lucien. Go inside.

[Lucien] We're not allowed to.

Says who?

You know who.

[leaves rustling]

[keys jangling]

[door clicks closed]

[Matt] My first time in rehab...

Dad took me...

and he wouldn't even look at me

or get out of the car.

He just rolls down the window...

and he's like, "This better work,

because I'm not paying for another one."

-Jesus. -[Matt] Yeah.

I didn't last long.

It took about three more tries until it took.

[Lucien] And how'd you finally do it?

I don't know.

When Mom died, I was in a total tailspin.

I just couldn't get into a bar fast enough.

When Dad died,

something in me just broke.

It was like, "I just had to stop.”

[Lucien] I don't know if I've had that moment again,

but that really fuckin' scared me.

[Matt] Everybody's bottom's different, man.

[suspenseful music playing]

You remember when, uh, Dad caught us

watching Ren & Stimpy

and he belted us?

I couldn't sleep on my back for a month.

I'm sorry.

That was pretty fucked up shit.

[Lucien] Stockholm Syndrome.

I was always scrambling for his affection, his approval.

What the fuck for?

-[Matt] He hated me. -[Lucien] Yeah.

Does Lucy ever talk about it?

I don't think she likes [indistinct].

-[Will] Hey. -[Lucy gasps]

How were rehearsals?

[Lucy] Good.

Yeah, another last-minute run through.

Hey.

Did you get my texts?

Sorry. My phone died.

You look really tired.

You hungry? I'm about to make some dinner.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah.

Want to put on some music?

Uh, yeah.

If you want.

[Annie] Make sure all the marks are down,

especially for the fight scene.

It's crucial.

Uh,

Casper, keep doing what you're doing.

I really like it.

You okay, slugger?

And Lucy, end of act two.

During the fight scene.

[sighs] What's happening?

Um, I'm sorry, I-- I--

-Are you serious? -I am.

No. No. Don't go.

-No. No. -Let me go.

-No. -[smacking]

[suspenseful music playing]

[choking]

[Lucy] Sorry, I'm-- I'm really out of it.

You keep dropping your lines.

[Max] You don't get to do this.

You don't get to come here

and then disappear on me again.

[both panting]

When you do that,

the fight scene becomes legitimately dangerous

and completely unbearable to watch.

Oh.

[will] You're stressed, I get it.

Been having rehearsals during the day

and previews at night.

Yeah, and the director keeps changing the blocking.

This isn't right.

I don't fucking care what's right.

We love each other.

[both panting]

You're acting like he's won.

She's not passive.

She's fighting for her goddamn life.

No, no, no.

[Lucy screams]

[Max] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you okay?

-I'm sorry. -[Annie] You need to fight back.

I can't keep giving you the same note over and over again.

-We go up in two days. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Annie] All right, everyone.

[phone ringing]

[ominous music playing]

Everything coming together for opening night?

I think so.

What are y'all doing?

[Lucien] Matt came with me to group.

We grabbed some dinner.

Came back here for some of Aurelia's engagement cake.

It's fucking delicious.

I gotta say, [indistinct] wedding,

it's gonna be off the hook.

What-- uh, how was group? Did it go okay?

What?

You know, just take your time.

None of us really...

own up to the wreckage of our past overnight.

I gotta get out of here.

Uh, I got an early morning meeting.

Thanks for coming with me today.

Yeah, yeah, of course, man. Any time.

[Lucien sighs]

[Lucien] Yeah.

See you later, kiddo.

Ooh, may 17?

How long has that been going on?

Uh, you mean, Matt?

Just today.

He was messaging a little.

He offered to come with me as support.

I don't buy this whole reformed act he's putting on.

He was a total asshole when we were Kids.

People grow up, Lucy, they change.

I mean, I hope they do.

Otherwise, I'm fucked. [laughs]

-You are doing great. -[Lucien laughs]

What about Imogen Riley?

You hear back from her yet?

No, but she asked for my references,

so that's good, right?

Yeah.

At least my artistic career isn't in total shreds. [laughs]

Thanks.

I'm actually gonna grab a shower.

Try to work.

Get some of this energy out.

[Lucy chuckles]

What do you want to make for dinner?

[inhales deeply]

-[exhales sharply] -[water trickling]

By

[phone ringing]

Yeah, we have a lot of work [indistinct].

Help you find something?

Hey, handsome.

Oh, hey.

I didn't know you worked here.

Just for a bit between gigs.

Starving artist, right?

I get it.

I just bought a place near here.

Gets great light in the morning.

Perfect for painting.

I got a new hook-up.

You should stop by.

You should stop by.

Your number still the same?

I changed it.

[bar code reader beeps]

Well, dang.

Bet you still remember mine.

[Lucy] What is he doing here?

I mean, the last time Matt and I spoke,

he was wasted at a bar,

screaming at me on the phone

about how dare I miss his father's funeral

after everything they had done for me.

It was finals week. I couldn't go.

I mean, not that I wanted to anyways.

["Favorite" by Ian Romer plays]

Matt's dad was a monster.

He used to make all these racist,

homophobic jokes about Lucien and Matt.

He would just laugh along.

Even though his dad beat the crap out of both of them.

But not you.

& The way I'll find it... &

Oh. Um, no. [chuckles]

♪ I know that you're my favorite... ♪

Well...

it's good, though.

That he's trying to make amends.

-Well-- -Not that you owe him anything,

but...

you might be able to find some good in it.

-Sorry. -Yeah.

-No, I don't mean to impose. -Oh, no.

No, no, no. You're not.

Not at all. It's just, um...

' Tired out and lonely, my way only...

...complicated.

Yeah, always is.

I I know the only way... I

Oh.

What did you decide about the AVN Awards?

-[groans] -You gonna go?

♪ I know that you're my favorite... ♪

I'm not nominated for anything.

Haven't been in a while.

Plus, Nicki doesn't want to go.

So? Go alone.

With friends.

Yeah.

What? Is she jealous?

Oh, she's just worried that

law firms wouldn't want to hire her

if she's seen photographed on the red carpet

with porn stars.

Okay, that's a fair point. [chuckles]

Yeah, she, um...

She said that if I'm thinking about

switching businesses,

I need to be careful with that, too.

She brought it up last time when I went to Folsom.

3 Only... 3

What do you want to do?

I just...

want to spend time with my friends.

Celebrate their work.

I mean, can you go and see everybody,

but skip the ceremony with all the press?

Ah. [chuckles]

Sorry, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

No, no, no. You're right.

I could.

♪ The only way... ♪

Just another part of it is that Nicki wants to move in together.

♪ [indistinct lyrics] &

-Yeah,

her lease is up in January.

Right around the same time.

So, depending on everything,

we might move into a new place, so...

I I know that you're mistaken I

We're still thinking about it.

-Yeah. -We haven't decided.

I Lonely, my way only... &

You ready for tomorrow?

Yes.

You're going to be great. You want some more?

Uh, yeah, sure.

I The way I'll find it &

& I know that ♪

[traffic din]

Hi, I'm Lucy, Will's friend.

Oh, duh.

Right. Come on in, love.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you for being here.

Yeah, of course. It's been quite a hectic day.

Oh.

Uh, sorry about the mess.

We just got in last night.

Oh, no worries.

This is incredible.

How long have you guys lived here?

Hmm. No, we're just crashing.

This is my friend's apartment.

He's a documentary filmmaker.

And he lets us shoot scenes here all the time.

Rach, this is Lucy.

Lucy, Rachel.

She's our camera assistant for the day.

-[Rachel] Hi. -Hi.

Have you had a chance to call him back yet?

[Rachel] I said don't worry about it.

You need to focus. Let me take care of it.

You know, I just don't want his shit

thrown out on the street.

[will] Hey, dropping down a line.

-Oh, hey, you. -Hey.

You need this plugged in?

Yes, thank you.

We're still getting set up up here,

but there's coffee in the kitchen.

Why don't you settle down and I'll be down

-in a minute, yeah? -[Lucy] Okay.

Oh, um, do you want a hand with that, or...

[Rachel] No, I'm good.

-Oh! -Oh, shit.

-I'm so sorry. -No, it's okay.

Sorry, I am all in the way.

Ah, you finished?

-Yeah, it's all yours, whatever. -Good.

-Uh, you good, Will? -[Will] Yep.

-Kev, do you wanna show-- -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Lucy, right? -Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, follow me.

-How's your day going? -Good.

-Sorry. Um... -No, don't be sorry.

Are you hungry?

I picked up this lard bread from the Carroll Gardens.

It was so good. Let me make you a plate.

-Oh, yeah. Thank you. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, what are you guys gonna do?

Like, can you appeal this, or?

I mean, you have if you have $50,000 to go to court,

sure.

But we don't, and we'd probably lose anyways.

That's what Nicki's friend at the NYC OCJ said.

Once they threatened to tell the cops

that our apartment was a brothel,

we were fucked.

It's better just to move out.

[Kev] Jesus, I'm so sorry.

It fuckin' is what it is.

[Kev] Do you need to crash with us?

[sighs] Yune's friend is in Belize for a month,

so we'll probably stay here for the time being.

[scoffs] Like, what?

You know, you saw Yune's work

on your husband's browser history,

SO now you have the right to kick us out of our home.

Like, what the fuck?

We will find you a place.

Do not worry, okay?

Thank you.

[Will] Hey, Kev. Come give me a hand here.

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

[rain pattering]

[whimpers]

You're just a little fuck toy.

Aren't you?

I can do whatever I want with you.

[whimpers] Yes, mistress.

Louder, slut.

Yes, mistress.

Do you like it when I play with you?

Yes.

Why?

I-- I like feeling not in control.

I like feeling helpless.

Why?

Because I'm not perfect.

I'm tired of being perfect.

You...

want to be messy.

Yes, mistress.

[Yune] You want to be human.

I want to feel everything, mistress.

[Kev screaming and sobbing]

-Color? -[Kev yelping]

I'm fine, mistress. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Keep going, please.

What color?

Ye-- yellow, mistress.

[Yune] Looks like my little toy needs a break.

[Kev whimpering]

-[lash smacking] -[Kev whimpers]

Hold, please.

[chuckles] Beautiful work, y'all.

Beautiful work.

Kev, you okay?

Lucy, can you hand me the 1057

I'm just gonna do a close-up on Key,

and then we'll move on.

For the longest time,

I only liked watching gay man-on-man porn.

I, like... [inhales audibly]

...fantasized about sex

and wanted it badly, but...

I just didn't like imagining my body there.

Why do you think that is?

[sighs] Thank you for including me today.

Thank you.

You had one day off this week,

and you chose to spend it with me.

-[Lucy chuckles] -[phone ringing]

[Will] Oh. Sorry.

Hey, baby.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's great.

[chuckles] Oh, I think Elle might be in town.

She just texted me.

That's dope. For your opening?

Yeah. I guess they were able to get a break from the tour.

That's amazing.

Maybe we can join you after dinner?

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah.

-[Lucy exclaims] -[Elle] Ah, hello.

-[Lucy] I'm sorry. -Oh, my God.

Oh, you look gorgeous.

-Oh, you look gorgeous. -[both laughing]

Thank you for flying out, for not missing my show.

Of course, girl.

["Choice to Be Bad" by George Alley plays]

Oh, hi.

Oh, my God. This is amazing.

Did all this come with your room?

Yep, all for me.

[both laugh]

Um, I will be right back. My guy's here.

Just give me, like, five minutes.

I promise, I'll be back in five minutes.

[phone ringing]

3 What you doing ripping out my autograph 3

& From your contract ♪

I Be careful what you say ♪

♪ All the hope is ripping right out of me ♪

& Under lock and key... I

[indistinct chatter]

I It's time to break away... &

Oh, good. Hey!

3 If I make you mad &

[Elle] So, Bo is, like,

peeing in the snow, like, bloop-de-loop.

-[laughter] -[Lucy] I know. Everywhere.

Like, ow.

Yeah.

And... [laughs]

...and this old woman comes out

and starts screaming at us in Swedish.

She-- she threw a fucking shoe at us.

That's amazing.

Wait...

Wait, so tell me, what's new? What's the goss?

I If I make you mad... ♪

Well...

Nina and I have started looking for apartments.

[Elle] Ooh. Very adult.

Wait, like, to buy?

Mm-hmm. We're looking in Queens.

We're hoping for a two-bedroom with a garden.

Move in after the wedding.

Nice. We can turn your room into a library or a gym.

Oh. Oh.

We're not selling the building for a few months, but...

Yeah. The end of the year.

& And I've never felt so free, it's so easy to believe I

♪ I'm crazy.. ♪

Oh. Our-- our lease is [indistinct].

My mom's retiring.

She-- she wants to still have

the portfolio and move to Florida.

Sorry, you guys.

N-- no. Um, uh, absolutely.

Yeah, no worries. We'll-- we'll figure it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

& Now you're in the past ♪

I Yeah, I left you talking to your sycophants... ♪

Hey. You can always come on the road with me.

[laughing] Yeah.

3 So get out of my way ♪

I If I make you mad, well, that's your problem &

I There's no turning back... I

Well... [clears throat]

...who wants to go to room service?

I should actually get going.

I have a really early flight tomorrow.

-[Lucy] Oh. -I'm sorry. Yeah.

Sorry we won't make it to your opening.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

That's okay.

-See you, guys. -Uh, let me walk you out.

I'll get us more tequila.

& So please, you're meaningless to me ♪

♪ I've never felt so free &

♪ It's so easy to believe ♪

[music fades]

[phone ringing]

[somber music plays]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

Hey.

You made it.

Where is everyone?

Uh... Lucien went to go pee, I think.

Elle was going for more liquor.

What's wrong?

Nicki broke up with me.

I thought you guys were moving in together.

Yeah, well, I guess not.

She says I need to figure out my shit.

And until I do that, we can't plan a future together.

Which is code for leave porn or we're over.

Which, if that's the case, just fucking say it.

I'm so sorry, Will.

It's not just that. It's...

Do you ever feel like...

I mean, I feel like I'm constantly pretending to be

someone I'm not to make sure that she loves me.

And if I pretend hard enough...

then I'll be worthy.

Yeah.

I get it.

We give and we give and minimize yourself.

I'm sorry.

-No, it's okay. -I'm sorry.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Do you think about us?

You and me?

All the time.

I feel like I'm myself when I'm with you.

[object thumps]

[lounge music plays]

Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

You think you can just walk away from me?

I come over here to come and talk to you

because you blew up my phone last night.

I was trying to sleep.

You called me last night.

What the fuck is your problem?

I drunk dialed my ex. Sorry.

You didn't just drunk dial me.

You called me and said goodbye forever.

Well-- well, it was a joke.

Ha ha.

Look...

I get that I hurt you and that you're pissed at me,

but you had no right to tell her,

and you have no right pretending like you still care.

-Excuse me? -Imogen Riley.

Jesus Christ. No good deed goes unpunished.

She said they couldn't offer me a show

because they heard I was erratic, unreliable.

And? Where's the lie?

Do you think I'm fucking...

I know you told her.

You didn't need to fuck over my career.

Wow. Okay.

So, several things.

Fuck you for this.

No, seriously, Lucien, fuck you!

I fucking loved you.

I fought for you.

I am not the only person you screwed over that night

when you didn't come to the show.

A lot of people came out.

They put in their time and their money,

worked their asses off and you blow us all off.

And so, yeah, they're fucking pissed.

You know, I didn't say anything to her.

But frankly, I'm not surprised that anybody else did.

You burned a lot of bridges that night

and that is all on you.

Not nothing in my life is good!

Nothing. Do you get that?

That was my last shot.

-So go get it back. -[indistinct]

So go get it back.

Not everybody survives...

their addictions, Lucien.

Most people relapse and relapse...

until they have one bad night and then they are gone forever.

But you are still here.

I shouldn't be.

We both know I shouldn't be.

-What are you talking about? -My dad!

I can still see him moments before the crash.

It's snowing and he's smiling and looking over at me and...

[loud slap]

[sobbing] I should have died, not him.

I just want him back.

I just...

I just wish I could talk to him.

He always knew just what to do.

I just want him to tell me what I should do.

[sobbing]

Sorry, I'm okay.

You know what I think...

your dad would say?

That he loves you...

and that your friends love you.

And that we need you to live.

But only you can decide.

[sniffles]

[somber music plays]

[laughs]

[siren wailing]

[phone ringing]

Hey, girl, sorry we dipped last night.

How's it going?

Good.

I look like pufferfish right now,

on my way to the shoot.

I'm sure you look gorgeous. [chuckles]

What's up?

[sighs]

So they changed around our Australia dates.

And I have to leave tonight

if I'm going to catch up with the tour on time.

[sighs] I'm so sorry, Lucy.

I-- I really wanted to be there tonight.

[Will] Hungover.

But better.

-Thanks. -Hmm.

How are you feeling?

Last night?

[chuckles] Totally fucked.

I mean...

we should talk, right?

Listen, I...

I shouldn't have kissed you last night.

I was just...

Don't worry about it. [chuckles]

-Lucy. -It's okay.

[Elle] I-- I'm so sorry, Lucy.

- I know-- -No, no.

It's okay. I-- I get it. I-- I-- I really do.

-What's wrong? -[Lucy sobs]

Um...

Last night Will and I, we...

[knocking on door]

[sniffles]

[knocking on door]

[Lucy breathing heavily]

-Hi. - [Nicki] Hi.

Come on in.

[Nicki] Hi.

Can we talk?

[somber music plays]

-[Elle] What? -We, um...

It's okay. It's nothing.

-Uh... -Breathe, Lucy, breathe.

Lucy.

[whimpers and sniffles]

[breathing heavily]

[uneasy instrumental]

By

by

[red light clicking]

Are you serious?

I am.

No. Please don't go.

-Let me go. -No.

-No. -Let me go.

No. You can't do this.

You can't come here and then disappear on me again.

This isn't right.

Who the fuck cares what's right?

-We love each other. -No.

See, I don't think I love you.

I think I was made to feel that way about you

because it was easier than having to acknowledge

what he did to us.

What he made us do.

What you participated in.

-You did too. - I didn't want to.

-[loud slap] -[Max groans in pain]

-[loud slap] -[Max groans]

[both panting]

How do you still keep me up at night

after everything you've done?

-[Max panting] -Why do I still wait for you?

Why can't I kill you?

[both panting]

[Lucy crying]

[applause]

[somber piano instrumental]

[music fades away]

[indistinct chatter] -[elevator door rattling]

Oh, hey. Hey. Beautiful job.

-Just wanted to say. -Oh. Thank you.

-Absolutely. I'm devastated. -That's really sweet of you.

[indistinct] You deserve it.

Oh. Thank you. Very nice.

-Hey. How are y'all? -Oh, not too bad.

-How about you? -You look gorgeous.

Uh, how did we do?

-I think it was great. -Yeah.

Thank you.

Sorry.

[quiet background music playing]

[inaudible conversation]

Would you like something to drink?

Yeah, I just, uh, white wine.

Okay.

-[woman chuckling] -You were absolutely incredible.

Congratulations.

-What are you doing here? -What do you mean?

Of course I was gonna be here.

Have you seen Lucien?

Uh, no. Sorry.

Hey, you should be amazingly proud.

Stop it. Just fucking stop it.

How's Nicki?

She decided to move in after all.

Congrats.

You know what? Um, I forgot something.

[background music continues playing]

Lucy.

[quiet chatter]

[background music continues]

[street din]

[siren wailing]

Want a smoke?

Thanks.

[car horn honks]

Can't stand it in there.

Did your family come?

Be grateful.

My mom came and she left early.

[siren wailing in the distance]

[distant helicopter blades whirring]

You were on fire tonight.

So were you.

[phone ringing]

You talk to a guy from the Times?

[chuckles] Me neither.

Too nervous. [chuckles]

Oh, we need to go out and celebrate.

Who fucking cares what the reviews say?

-[man] Lucy, Max? -Coming.

[phone ringing]

What, Matt?

What the fuck do you want from me?

What, Matt? What do you want from me?

[over phone] Miss, my name is Detective Mahoney.

I'm calling from the Centennial Hotel.

Are you Lucy, ma'am?

Yes.

What, what happened?

The Centennial? I'm coming.

[Mahoney] I'm afraid I need to inform you

that Matt Carmichael is dead.

[low, tense music playing]

[Lucy laughs in disbelief]

Excuse me?

[Mahoney] You're listed as his next of kin.

We've been trying to reach you.

Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

By

[water running]

[man] [indistinct]

[street din]

I'm gonna obliterate you.

[low, tense music continues]

[car horn honks]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, I do. He's a-- he's a family member.

By

by

by

[sniffling and sobbing]

[elevator door rattles open]

[sorrowful music playing]

By

Fucking critics.

[shrieking tone plays]

[distorted chatter]

By

[crowd clamoring]

[tormented piano instrumental]

[sniffs]

By

[sniffs]

[rhythmic drumming]

[piano instrumental continues]

[both panting, moaning]

By

[Lucy moans]

[Lucy moaning and panting]

[distorted tones playing]

[moaning echoing]

[moaning echoing]

[both moaning and panting]

[panting]

[Lucy grunting]

[distorted tones playing]

[Lucy moans]

[grunts]

[Lucy grunts and groans]

[Lucy moans]

[distorted music playing]

By

by

[music fades]

[sobbing and heaving]

[tense music building]

[Matt over phone] Hey, Luc.

It's me, Matt.

Your big cuz.

Hopefully you're asleep, resting up for your big night.

I'm so excited and proud for you.

You're a superstar.

I'm not sure how to say this, so, uh...

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, Lucy.

Every day I-- I think about that night when I found you.

You were half dead from the pills.

I was so scared, I even asked you why.

You were 11 years old, for Christ's sake.

And then you told me.

You trusted me. I rejected you.

I mean, I was a kid. She was my mom.

But it was so heinous what she did.

And I look back now, revisiting all that shit,

it was so goddamn obvious what was happening.

It's— it's like the center of all this,

the original sin we're living through.

Every day, I think...

what if I had listened to you?

What if I had stopped her, stood up to her,

fought back for all of us?

We can't go back in time, I guess.

[Lucy groans]

I carry the weight of that night every day.

I can only imagine what [indistinct].

I'm so proud of you.

-[Lucy sobbing] -How you've overcome it all.

You have an amazing life with amazing friends,

and you're so loved and brilliant.

And I know it's been awkward, you and me.

I just wanted to say something, just so you know I mean it.

-[phone ringing] - I know you're ducking me.

-[phone keeps ringing] - I don't blame you.

I've-- I've been an asshole.

[phone keeps ringing]

[Lucien] Okay.

Thanks.

I'll tell her.

[somber music playing]

Matt called.

She's gone.

She died in the night.

Oh.

How do you feel?

Loud.

[sobs violently] Longing.

What do you need?

If you need to, tell me again.

Tell me like you told me when we were 12.

By

I want revenge.

Victory.

Peace, I guess,

is what you should say you want.

-You just want peace. -She molested you.

You can have whatever the fuck you want.

[Lucy sobs] Sometimes...

I miss her.

[sobs]

I want to slit her throat for that.

[crying]

[wailing]

I want Matt.

- I want you. -You have me.

No. [sobbing]

-We have our victory, Lucy. -No.

We live.

We've been punishing ourselves for shit we can't control.

I'm tired of it. I'm done.

Fuck it. I'm done.

We lost Matt.

I pushed him away.

I can't forgive myself for that.

You're gonna have to.

[Lucy crying]

You are needed, Lucy.

-No. -I don't want to do this alone.

I'm not gonna do it without you.

I'm calling.

I need you to pick up the phone.

[Lucien sobs] Please, Lucy. Pick up.

Pick up the phone.

[Lucien shouting] Lucy!

[phone buzzing]

[phone keeps buzzing]

[phone keeps buzzing]

[somber music playing]

[phone keeps buzzing]

[music and buzzing fading away]

[street din]

[quiet music playing]

[people chattering]

[cutlery cluttering]

[Yune] Hey, everyone.

Sorry.

I just want to say a few words.

Thank you all for coming out tonight.

To Julia's.

To help us celebrate.

[light laughter and cheer]

We also just wanted to have everyone together again.

Before we all go our separate ways for a bit.

Miss Thing here is going back on tour.

[all] Yes!

Lucien and Carey are headed to Santa Fe.

Aww. I'm gonna miss you.

And Lucy.

Poor bitch is going to the mountains to find herself.

[all laughing]

-Good luck. -You too.

Aww. We love you all so much.

And thank you all for coming out.

[indistinct]

I swear, I don't know how I got here.

It feels like just yesterday

that I had met this beautiful girl.

And we were working in this dive bar.

We had no money. No savings.

And now, today...

we bought a fucking apartment.

[cheering and laughter]

Like how?

This moment that we're living in

felt non-existent and unattainable back then.

Yet, somehow we're here.

We made it.

Because of each other

and because of you folks here.

Thank you.

-That's it. That's all I got. -[laughter]

Let's get fucked up!

[cheering]

[quiet background music playing]

[street din]

[chuckling] You fucking bastard.

[both laughing]

You ready for your writer's retreat?

In Salida?

Yeah. I-- I think so.

Sorry, Yune's speech...

It's so true.

I have no idea how I got here tonight.

[Lucien] I mean, yeah.

Me neither.

[indistinct background chatter]

Well, I think it's kind of simple.

You chose to. That's how.

Continually choosing life.

After everything you've both been through.

It's brave, and...

I don't think we ever fully,

truly recover from what we've been through.

Trauma cycles persist.

Ghosts linger, all that shit keeps haunting us.

Some people can't face it.

I mean, they try to, but...

they can't.

And it's awful.

I wish--

I wish everyone could survive their worst moments.

Be redeemed, somehow.

But you just--

You know?

You keep going because...

there's something...

someone new.

Amazing.

Just around the corner.

Here, here.

[Lucy and Elle chuckle softly]

[glasses clink]

[emotional music playing]

Well, well, well. Look who's back.

[Will over phone] Hey, Lucy.

It's me, Will.

Um...

! know it's been a minute since we talked, but...

I had a dream about you last night.

And I can't shake it.

I've been thinking about you a lot.

Uh, I don't know if you're still mad or upset.

I know we talked about it all, cleared the air, but...

I'd really like to see you.

I dreamt that we were on a beach together.

Alone. After midnight.

[Will laughs and sighs]

A storm was coming in,

but it felt like a premonition of home.

[Will chuckles softly] Anyway...

Sorry I'm late.

Me too.

Looks like you had a rough day.

I'm better now.

By

["Only Time" by Picoromanesque]

♪ Watch the world keep on, watch the world keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on ♪

♪ The world go keep on, watch the world keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on ♪

♪ Only time she ever tried ♪

♪ To find out what it's worth ♪

♪ Being good, having fun ♪

♪ Only made it worse ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ Let yourself be lonely for a minute ♪

♪ Don't matter though ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on spinning ♪

♪ Coming down from filling up ♪

♪ On what we thought was true ♪

♪ Love is just the empty space ♪

♪ Waiting there for you ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ Let yourself be lonely for a minute ♪

♪ Don't matter though ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on spinning ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ You were only ♪

♪ Just a kid ♪

♪ You're amazed ♪

♪ That you got so old ♪

♪ Let yourself be lonely for a minute ♪

♪ Don't matter though ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on spinning ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ Let yourself be lonely for a minute ♪

♪ Don't matter though ♪

♪ The world go keep on spinning ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ How'd you get so old ♪

♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on spinning ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on spinning ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, watch the world keep on ♪

♪ The world go keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, watch the world keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on ♪

♪ Watch the world keep on, the world go keep on spinning ♪

by