All language subtitles for Don.Jediondo.Recharged.2025.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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Thanks a lot!

Thanks!

Thank you very much
my dear audience, thanks!

Thank you for coming, very kind.

I hope the applause
goes to all of you

thank you
very much for coming.

I see this
section and I say:

"today Bogotá
was left without robbers, look."

All of them are here
in the theater and that's ok,

and a very
beautiful audience too,

Well, the pretty ones
were left out, but oh well,

And I also
see our beloved audience,

Sir. good night,
what is your name? Gabriel

Mr. Gabriel, nobody
grabs it like him, Mr. Gabriel.

- What is the lady's name?
- Sofía

Sofía...

the one that gives it at night
and gives it during the day too.

Above all, good afternoon,
thank you again to all of you,

- What is your name?
- Roberto

Don Roberto,
welcome Don Roberto,

You have like a
parrot's name, welcome, dear.

- And what is the grandma's name?
- Adíela

¿Adíela or I will give it?

Mrs. Adiela.
Where are you from?

From Tolima and Mr. Roberto?

From the coast
and how did you meet?

¿Oh no? ¡Ah, you
are with the other one!

Damn Alzheimer's,

the old man doesn't even
know which one he came with.

And these with the Colombian
National Soccer Team jersey,

Aren't they the ones who were
taken out of Miami who were sneaking in?

Hey, this seems like
a meeting of deformed people,

not a single
pretty one this afternoon.

A bald man came
to a beauty salon and

“oh, sorry I made a mistake.”

There was the louse
father with the louse son

on the head of a bald man.
He said to him:

“Look daddy, before
this was paved it was a forest.”

Why are men who
have wives and mistress bald?

Because they get
home and the wife is like,

“Get out of here,
get out of here!”

And they come to
the mistress: “Come here”

In the case of yourself,

the girls next door
because it is on the sides.

Gabriel, Gabriel, nobody
sucks it like him, Mr. Gabriel.

¿And Johnny?
¿You are Johnny?

Johnny ¿And you?

- Carlos.
- Carlos.

We need to greet them all
because now with all this inclusion,

I will include it to you
and you include it to me too.

I asked them “which one is
active and which one is passive?”

He said, “We don’t know

because everything comes
inside except accounting.”

I met the president
and he told me: “Ah,

So you are the one
that likes to tells stories”

I said: “No, I am
the one with the jokes,

you are the
one with the stories.”

Oh no!

And what is the lady's
name? Your beautiful lady?

Daisy?

And you
are from Paraguay?

What a cool thing?

- Are all three from Paraguay?
- Yes

But in Paraguay
there are beautiful people.

So why did they send you?

Well, representing the
beautiful people of Paraguay.

An you are from
Asunción? from Asunción?

San José de los Arroyos,

where the pamper that hole.

That's great, welcome.

We're going to
treat you with a lot of love.

Oh my God!

Paraguay,
a beautiful region too.

There, no, is in Uruguay
where the pointing one is, right?

Have you met it?

Or if not, you
can take a picture of it.

Speaking of international
travel, once, on a cruise,

An old man was there,
the old man was named...

Did you know him too?

So, on the cruise,
there was a Cuban named Roberto.

Roberto.

I was there on the high seas,
in the middle of the high seas,

And the old man Roberto
started to have chest pain.

“Oh, my chest hurts,
my chest hurts, that's a heart attack.”

“I'm going to die...
Nurses, nurses, doctors.”

Nothing.

“Oh, my last wish
is to say goodbye to Cuba.”

“I want to kiss a Cuban flag.

Who can give me a Cuban flag?”

Let's see, props,
who has a Cuban flag? Nobody.

And a girl as pretty as the
young lady over there, told him...

“Well, I have a Cuban flag,

but I have it
tattooed here on my buttock.”

“It works for me,
miss, it works for me.”

The lady showed it to him
and he was stuck to that butt cheek.

“Goodbye, my beloved Cuba.”

“I will never see
you again, my dear Cuba.”

“Goodbye, my beloved Cuba.”

“Miss, do me a favor,
could you turn around?”

- She said:
- "And what is that for?"

“I need to say goodbye to Fidel.”

I wanted to say thank you
very much again for coming.

Let me introduce myself,
my name is Don Jediondo.

I come from a very nice town.
which is called Sutamarchan.

although I was originally
born in Germany, in a town called...

I don't understand
the laughter, my lady.

- Are you married?
- Yes

How many years have
they been married? 15 Years

And you still
talk to each other?

15 years of marriage.

Well, after 15 years
being intimate, still...

Do you still feel the energy?

Say, the power is down,
but the pole is down, but...

oh well...

I was dancing with an old lady

here to that
thing they call reggaeton.

“Break the egg with that mixer”

And the old woman
let out a little gas. “Prrrr”

She said: “Oh, Don Jediondo,

I would like this to
remain between the two of us.”

I said: “What, between
the two of us? Let that shit out!”

We were very poor.

Our furniture
was painted on the wall.

One day the thieves
came and erased them.

I had an aunt who...

She was into
prostitution for a while, the old lady.

She retired when she found
out that the others were getting paid

I do have a very
peculiar family. Well,

peculiar my cousins, the ones
who live there in Sutamarchán.

And bad news,
because being poor and all,

we end up
allergic to aguapanela.

We didn't have milk teeth,
but teeth made of aguapanela.

But we were so
poor that grandma died

and we had to do a
raffle so we could bury her.

Seriously,
we were very poor, seriously.

Grandma was already
on her last legs there, the old lady.

“I want to shit”

You want coffee?

Yes, but I want to shit first.

Grandma Daisy,
what is your last wish?

“I want to get a really good fuck.”

“I want to get a really good fuck.”

but, who do we call?

Come, Edwin, they called
the dark-skinned one, come.

Look, grandma, her last will

That Edwin was there
for an hour with the old lady.

And when she finished,
the old lady said again:

“I want to get a really good fuck.”

And now, who do we call?
Come on, Enrique, you do it...

Again, Enrique
there and the old lady.

“I want to get a really good fuck.”

Let's call Johnny.
Oh no, that one doesn’t work.

I go with the other
Edwin, it doesn't matter.

And Edwin came another
hour there and the old lady:

“I want to get a really good fuck.”

No, but this old lady,
well, they put the fake teeth on her.

Let's see, what are you saying?

I want to eat a good duck.

A really poor old lady
was called Consuelo.

But old Consuelo
had really bad luck.

He bought a vibrator
and it turned out to be gey.

A young lady with such
a bad luck, but such a bad luck,

she got a Sugar Daddy
and ended up being poor.

There was an old couple.

The old man was called
Roberto, just to name a name.

And the old lady Mrs Adiela.

And then one day

the old man showed up
with his cheek purple like this.

They told him “Bla-bla-bla”

Roberto, and why is
that cheek all purple?

Roberto said:
“It's Viagra's fault.”

He said: “Did
Viagra make you feel sick,

did your blood
pressure go up?”

He said: “No, is that
since I'm taking Viagra,

Adiela squeezes
my cheek and says,

“Who makes me so happy?

Those grandmothers are wonderful.

The grandmother walked through
the middle of the room and then...

“Prrr-prrr-prrr-prrr-prrr”

Don Roberto tells her:

“Since you have
change, change me this one.”

“Prrrrr”

The old man arrived
and said to the old woman:

“I’m going down
to the first floor,

You want me to
bring up something Adiela?”

And the old lady...

Yes, look...

Throw me some... some cereal

with banana, please.

And the old man...

- “But write it down!”
- She said, no... I will remember.

Remember the
doctor said you have

to write down everything
because of the Alzheimer.

He said, ¡I will remember!

And add some of those
strawberries I have in the fridge,

add a little bit.

He said, strawberries.
But write them down!

He said, I will not forget!

Cereal and banana
and strawberries, I won't forget.

And the old lady,
"But write it down!"

Said, "I won't forget it.".

And look, there in the fridge
I have a little bit of sour cream,

put it over it too.
But take note!

He said: I will not forget.

And I know, cereal, banana,
strawberries and sour cream,

I am not going to forget that

Ah, look,

and sprinkle on top a
little bit of grated coconut that

I have there in the fridge.

- But write it down!
- He said, I won't forget it.

But the doctor said
to write everything down.

He said, I won't forget
it because of Alzheimer's.

And that is it, he left...

- Roberto!
- he said, what happened Adiela?

And throw in some
raisins. But take note!

He said, I won't forget.

Cereal, banana, strawberries,
sour cream, grated coconut

and raisins on top
and that's it, I won't forget.

- But write it down!
- He said, I won't forget.

And the old man went down.

After a while he came
up with two fried eggs.

And the old lady
tells him, this old idiot.

For not writing, where
are the beans I asked for?

Another old lady arrived.

The lady was calling
Mrs. Ligia. Is that her name?

And what
was the son's name?

What was the son's name?

David, and the son-in-law?

Jairo. Let's put Jairo,
as he is the most intelligent.

It turns out that Mrs. Ligia

was enrolled in
an Alzheimer's club.

So...

They had a
meeting next Friday.

And she said to his son-in-law:

“Let me tell you that
we are having a meeting?”

meeting of what,
mother-in-law?

“From the Alzheimer's club.

Next Friday at 3 pm
and all the ladies are going

to come, 18 ladies.”

Oh, how nice, old lady!

And at what
time is the meeting?

“of what?”

of...

of... About the
Alzheimer's club.

“When is that?”

No, you were
telling me it's Friday.

“So, I need to organize the snacks.”

Come on, mother-in-law,
I'll help you to organize.

- "What thing?"
- Well, about the meeting.

I'm going to write
it down on a piece

of paper and
leave it on the fridge.

She came and
put it in the fridge.

First, coffee.

Second, tea.
Third, snacks.

Fourth, fruit.
And last, coffee.

The old lady
went to the fridge.

First point, give coffee.

She would go and bring
all her friends coffee, coffee.

And they were all happy.
She returned to the refrigerator.

First point, give coffee.

“¡Ay, Have some coffee!”

“¡Ay, Roberto is here!
¡Very well, have some coffee!”

“¡Ay, Aleida came! ¡Here coffee!”

They had already been in the
meeting for three hours and again.

First point, give coffee.

“Hey, you
haven't had coffee!

Have a little coffee!

At eight o’clock at night.

“First point, give coffee.

“Have a cup of coffee!”
She filled them with coffee.

At nine o'clock at
night, the old women left.

And the son-in-law,
whose name was Jairo, arrived.

What's up, mother-in-law?

What's up, son?

- How did it go?
- Where?

At the Alzheimer's club meeting.

And he went there
and saw everything served.

“old lady, but you didn’t
give them any snacks,

or fruit, or anything!”

Se said, what? Those
old ladies didn't even come!

And the friends left saying:

Ah, that Ligia is so ungrateful,
she didn't even give us coffee!

I was coming
from Tunja sitting there...

And there was in front
of me a lady with a child,

a very pretty lady, like as...

Pretty the lady, pretty.

And a lady
sitting in front of me,

a pretty lady,
as I was saying, with a baby.

And the baby
started to cry. “meeeh”

The lady took out
the portable restaurant

and I was in front.

And she said: “Listen dear,

receive the boob and if not

I will give it to
the man in front of me.”

That was when I left Tunja.
And I was barely able to swallow.

We were passing by the front,

of Boyaca’s bridge,
and the baby again. “meeeh”

And the lady, listen dear,

receive the boob and if not

I will give it to
the man in front of me

And I said, "Oh,
I hope he doesn't receive it,".

Passing by Villapinzón. “meeeh”

Listen dear, receive the boob

and if not I will give it
to the man in front of me.

Passing by Chocontá. “meeeh”

Listen dear, receive the boob

and if not I will give it
to the man in front of me.

And I'm just barely
drooling over here.

Arriving to Bogotá. “meeeh”

Listen dear, receive the boob

and if not I will give it
to the man in front of me.

So I said, “listen lady,

Please do me a favor and
tell the boy to make up his mind

because I should
have gotten off in Villapinzón.”

Us arriving to Bogotá.

Bogotá always makes you feel

atrophied because of its size.

From a town of four thousand people

to a city of ten million people.

That is a real thing.

The first thing I saw was one
of those big tube, a long tube.

And I said to her, Honey,
what does it look like?

She said, “Oh,
don't exaggerate now.” Well...

When we were in Bogotá,
in the center, we got robbed.

There were about 17 thieves
wearing the national team shirts.

We had left with the truck,
the jewelry, everything.

They took everything.

I said to my lady,
Ms. Openwidelegs.

Ah, what hurts me the most
is that they took the jewels.

She said: no, dear,
the jewels were not taken.

She said: I took them
off and put them in there.

I told her, well, we
should have brought your mom.

She said: Why? I said, so
that we would have hidden the truck.

Thank you, very kind.

A doctor was
passing through a town.

The town was called

San José of the Hole,
or something like that.

That's far from here,
that is like in another country.

The doctor was driving
and he entered a gas station.

Welcome to the San
José de los Arroyos gas station.

And the man:
“Oh, well, I'm going to fill up.”

He said, “boy,
sell me some gas.”

He said, “no,
is not possible.”

He said, “why?”
He said, “because...

the owner's daughter,
Dr. Daisy, died.”

He said, “no.”

Really, he said, “yes.

The owner's daughter died
and they're at the memorial service.”

He said, “but
she was very young.”

He said,
“yes, but she died.”

He said,
“look, I'm a doctor.

I want to see her.
I want to see the body.”

He said, “you'll see,
but the girl is dead.”

And he went
to look at the coffin.

And they had
her like this in the coffin.

Then the doctor saw her and
said: “Mrs. Daisy is not dead.”

He said: Really?
He said: “No.”

“There is steam there.

I think she is
having a cataleptic attack.”

He said: “Really.”
He said: “Yes, what we need

is a very strong emotion.

You have to call her boyfriend
or someone who will make love to her

and she will come back to life.”

He said:
“Let’s call Carlos.”

He said:
“No, He is a faggot.”

Then let’s call Edwin again.

Edwin: “Are you the boyfriend?”
He said: “No, but I will give it a try.”

So, go for it.

They took
Mrs. Daisy out of the coffin

and put her in
there with the boyfriend.

After ten minutes
she began to open her eyes

and came back to life.

Well, of course,
with that transfusion

The girl came back to life.

The town was
happy, they all celebrated.

“Thank you, doctor.”

He said: “You see that
was a cataleptic attack,

the girl wasn't dead.”

Well, he left.

About two months
and three days later

he came back
o the town called

San José de los Arroyos again.

Welcome to your gas
station, San José de los Arroyos.

And the doctor again.

He said: “Oh, I'm
going to fill up my tank

and I'll also ask
how the girl is doing.”

“Boy, sell me some fuel.”
He said: “It's not possible.”

- He said: “Why?”
- “Because we're in mourning.”

He said: “Did Daisy die
again?” He said: “No...

Daisy's father died.”

The doctor said:
“I want to see the corpse.”

And the boy said:
“Don't even try...

Half of the town already gave him
in the ass and he hasn't resuscitated.”

The old man,
Grandpa Givemesomeass,

Givemesomeass Enrique
is the old man's name.

He died electrocuted.
It turns out that at that time...

the television antenna
had to be squared up on the roof.

“Who do we call?” No,
well send the old faggot Enrique,

so he went up there.

And while squaring the antenna

he hit the
high-tension light cords

and the old man
was electrocuted there.

Stuck to the antenna.

That was 20 years ago.

We haven't taken it down
because the signal will go bad

There are even Paraguayan
channels coming in through there.

We were a very nice family.

There were 18 of us siblings
and my mom, that is, 19 in total.

So we said, 19 is a lot. Then

my mom thought, why
don't we marry the older sister?

She said: “Let's marry her.
The older sister was called...

Daisy."

Daisy, by accident she was
born in San José de los Arroyos.

You are now famous.

Just relax
and have fun honey.

Okay,
“So let’s marry Daisy.”

Within 9 months, there
were 22 of us in the same bed.

The groom, the man
who wanted to marry Daisy.

He said, “Okay,
I’m marrying Daisy.”

But we have to
do the plate test.

What is it? He said,
“I need to know if Daisy is a virgin.

Or if they already
popped that avocado.”

He said,
“So what is the plate test?”

He said,
“She has to sit on a plate.

If a bubble comes out,

then she’s not a virgin anymore.

So then I will think about it.”

“If no bubble comes
out, then she is a virgin.”

He said, “Well, let’s do it.”

We got one of those
bathing dishes that kids use.

A big plastic thing.

Because Daisy
is rather robust.

We had to sit Daisy there.

Oh my God, I hope
she won’t blow any bubbles!

And we sat her down. No,
that shit looked like a hot spring.

The neighboring town
was really dangerous, really!

How dangerous was
the town? There was a shooting.

And a lady bent down
and they raped her. No!

We had little animals, pets.

There in the
town we had a horse,

but it was lazy, that horse.

You would bring
the chair over to it

and the bastard
would sit down.

Speaking of horses,
there was a very nice couple

who had two children.

I mean, they
had twins. A couple, well.

And it turns
out that they saw

a child who was six
months that he would cry. “meeh”

And the other
one didn't cry.

One year and the baby
was already talking. “Pa-pa”

And the other one...

didn't talk at all.

Two years and one talked.

One talked more
than Hernán, but it was impressive.

“Daddy, mommy, let's play”

And the other
baby didn't talk.

One day the
dad came and said:

“Someone recommended

that we do a horse therapy
to see if the child can talk?”

Oh, so cute! Really.

He said: “Yes.”
she said: “Take him.”

He took him to the field.

When the boy saw a horse,

he came and
said: “Dumb horse!”

Oh, no!

The father took the cell
phone and called the mother.

“My beautiful love!
My life! Miracle! Miracle!”

She said: “What
happened?” He said: “Miracle!

The boy spoke.
The therapy worked.”

“The therapy and the
horses and the field worked.

The boy spoke.
The boy spoke.”

“Yes? What did he say?”

He said: “Dumb horse.”

She said: “Dumb horse,
you who took the boy who speaks.”

Some friends
brought me from Paraguay,

they brought me
some flavored condoms.

So I went
and said to my wife,

Mrs. Openwidelegs,
“What do you think?”

She said: “What happened?

“Some friends from Paraguay,
Daisy’s friends, they brought me...

some flavored condoms.”

She said: “Oh! I want to try.”

I said: “No, but
you can touch under the blanket.”

We got under the blanket.

I turned off the light.

She said: “Oh!
This tasted like cheese.”

I said: “Wait,
I haven’t put it on yet.”

Once in a bathroom

I was peeing
there with the beast.

With the unsustainable, right?

With the invertebrate.

With my toll cane there.

With my retaining cane.
With my telescope because

it makes you see stars.

With the veiny one there.

And a hunchbacked
old man came like this.

And he pulled out a beauty.

Like from here
to Camilo's nose.

He pulled out that beauty.

stared at him and said: “Oh!

Gentleman!

With a thing like that
I would keep giving him kisses.”

He said: “And why do you
think it's the hump, asshole?”

In Sutamarchán in my
town there was a fat guy...

Listen, all the
people are slim now.

I don't see fat people today.

Seriously. Although
you can't call them fat anymore.

Now you have to call him
a person in the condition of a pig.

In Sutamarchán there was
a fat guy called Sebastian

and he had a public van.

One of those
that carry passengers.

Then they hired him
to carry 15 police officers.

And he went
with his police officers.

That was in 1999 when
the country was not safe,

because today it is no longer.

Today there is total peace.

The fat guy was driving
his van with 15 police officers.

The fat guy was
called Sebastian, so to speak.

When the
guerrillas stopped them.

“Commander”
He said: “What happened?”

“There is a fat guy here,
a guy called Sebastian

who is driving
a van with 15 policemen.

What do we do
with the policemen?”

He said: “fuck
them in the ass.”

“Commander.”
He said: “What happened?”

“What do we
do with the fat guy?

With Sebastian.”

He said: “fuck
him in the ass too.”

They held the fat guy
against the van

and that fat
guy just squeezed

his ass so they
wouldn’t do anything.

“Commander.”
He said: “What happened?”

He said: “We
couldn’t find the fat guy’s ass.”

The commander says:
“Repeat, repeat.”

“Commander, we
couldn’t find the fat guy’s ass.”

And the commander:
“Shoot him in the head.”

And the fat guy says:
“Come on!, look carefully, look”

A man arrives: “Waiter,”
he said, “Yes sir, at your service.”

“Bring me a soup, bring me...

well, a soup as a starter,
bring me some spaghetti

and bring me some meat.

What is the name
of Paraguayan meat?

A steak? Yes? A steak?

Steak, grilled stake.

Why do you have to
talk like that? Steak...

And he had...

a finger inside the soup,

the finger inside the
solid soup, what a man.

And the finger inside there

and the customer
looked at it and said,

he thought: “well, no, it
shouldn't be anything serious,

let's take the soup.”

He finished the soup.

I'm missing the spaghetti
and the steak and the guava juice

“I'll bring them to you sir.”

And he comes
with the spaghetti

and the finger
inside there too.

And the gentleman:
“Well, I've already had the soup,

so what does it matter if
I eat the spaghetti too”

“I'm not going to make any
complaint or anything like that.”

He ate the spaghetti.

I'm missing the
steak and the juice.

And the waiter...

comes with the steak
and the finger inside also.

Go ahead,
I'm missing the juice.

Waiter...

He came with the juice
and his finger inside the juice.

He said: “Look,
no more, brother, no more.”

“I asked for a solid soup,

and you come with
the finger inside the soup.”

“I asked for the spaghetti,

and you come with
the finger inside the spaghetti.”

“I asked for the steak...

I asked for the steak,

and you come with
the finger in the steak.”

“And I asked
for the guava juice,

and you come with
the finger inside the guava juice.

“What's going on?”

Said: “Sir, what's happening
is that I crushed this finger

and acid came out
there and I have pus.”

“So, the doctor

recommended that I put it in
something warm. That's why I...

have to keep putting it

in the soup and in the
spaghetti and in the steak.”

And the customer says:

“Well, why
don't you put it in your ass?”

He said, “That is
where I had it, but...”

”I asked you if there were
any married people here,

because when
I went to get married,

I said to my
father-in-law: “Father-in-law...

I want to
marry your daughter.”

He said: “Have
you seen my wife?”

I said: “Yes,
but I didn’t like her at all.”

“Father-in-law,
I want to marry Daisy.”

“Do you already
have a place to put her?”

I said: “No, that’s
why I want to get married.”

One day my
woman said to me:

“Do you know?”

I said:
“What happened?”

She said: “The priest
who married us died.

I said: “Ah, he
who does it has to pay for it.”

A guy came to
a bank, he came and said

also with some money,
with a briefcase full of money

And the secretary was
there, the young lady, helping

She said: “Hello.”
She said: “Yes, sir, at your service.”

What, at your
service or anything?

I need to open
a fucking account here quickly

“Oh sir, but
please don't be so rude,

what is that language.”

What the fuck?
Go quickly, open that account.

He said: “No, no, no, I can't
help you like that with that rudeness.”

“Oh, this fucking lady!

Come on, do me
a favor, and help me now.”

He said: “No, I'm going
to call the manager then...”

“Go on, call
the old bastard, quickly.”

And he went
to the manager.

Mr. manager, there's a
man out there, he is all rude,

who came and said,
open an account and all rude.

So I told him I was going
to call the manager, and he said:

“Oh, go and
call that old bastard,”

the manager said:
“Is that what he said?”

He said: “Yes"
He said, come on, I'll confront him.”

And the manager,
who was called Roberto

“At your service,” he said,

“I want to let you know
that I won the lottery

And I have 10 billion
pesos in this briefcase

and I need to
open a fucking account.

And it must
be in this bank.”

And the
manager says to him:

“Oh, and this bitch
is giving you problems or what?”

I affectionately
call my wife, my little fly.

Because when
is morning, she wakes up,

she rubs her hands,
she rubs her eyes

and she fucks
around all day.

The child tells me:
“Dad, my mom hit me”

I say:
“But if she hits me.”

The thieves got in
and she made them mop.

She really
has a temper...

He went to
the doctor and said:

“Doctor, I get
angry about everything,

everything bothers me,
everything makes me sick.”

The doctor:
“Since when?”

“Since when, bastard?
Since when what?”

At this moment,

the spiritual
powers interrupt in,

because Master
Sutatán has arrived.

Thank goodness
I am a fortune teller.

With you, Professor Sutatán,
the only one, the capable one.

Do you have
any problems with love?

Are you have such bad luck

that they raffled off
99 gays and an old lady?

And precisely,
you won the old lady.

Come to my office.

Remember,
big problem, big cock,

small problem, small cock.

If there is no problem,
there is no cock.

If there is no cock,
what a problem!

Are you having
problems in business?

Are you saltier
than a body button?

Come to my office.

That body needs to
be washed, right, honey?

Are you saltier
than a stripper pole?

Come to my office.

I was coming here
to my office when an old lady,

who was there, horny.

“Professor Sutatán,
great knowledge, food of knowledge,

bulldozer of wisdom, bus of teaching.”

What happened to
you crazy bitch old lady?

“I came to have
my pussy blessed.”

I said:
“How old are you?”

“94 years old, professor”

I said: “No, I don’t
get involved with stuffed animals.”

Good!

We make a connection

with the higher
spheres of the other world,

exactly of
San José of the hole.

And I am going
to bless that cock first,

big cock, little cock,
may that cock be really nice.

Colombian cock,
Paraguayan cock,

may that blessed
cock be walking there.

Big cock, may
there be no harm,

even for this couple,
who is quite homosexual.

Big cock, may
destiny have in store for you,

even for Don Enrique,
who can’t get it up anymore.

And for the pair of Edwines,
the blessing also applies,

especially the day
before with the faggot face.

We make an intrastellar
connection with my crystal ball.

¡Hummm!

¡Hummm!

Everyone help me.

- ¡Hummm!
- ¡Hummm!

¡Hummm!

Spirits from beyond
Paraguay come here.

Well, but I do
see a client coming,

I see that it is
a beautiful lady, 90, 60, 90,

who comes to have a
consultation with Professor Sutatán.

Go ahead, sister.

Fuck, this ball
is still damaged.

Go ahead, sister,
come closer, please.

Welcome.

How are you feeling? Has
your pussy been blessed yet?

Ay, no.

Then, let's bless it.
No, that is a triple X one.

Please,
bring me the giant one.

Big cock, little cock,
let that animal be well blessed.

That needs about
one hundred blessings.

By the powders
of Mother Celestina,

some go below
and may others go above.

Welcome, sister.

Speaking of cocks,
You remind me of something.

What?

is just that last night
I was with my boyfriend.

What happened?

He started kissing me here.

Show me, oh,
he left you hickeys, look at that.

And then he started to...

I see you have a little hole here;
he sucked you the hole, look at that.

And then what happened?

And he started going down here,
here, here and kissing me here.

- the boobies?
- Yes.

- But how daring
- Yes

- And what else did he do to you?
- Very daring hands, very daring.

And what else did he do to you?

He started going down, down,
and kissing me here, my abdomen.

- My little abdomen?
- Well, yes.

And he started
kissing your little abdomen.

What else did
that daring guy do to you?

He kept going down, down,
down and kissed my little belly button

- On the outside?
- Yes.

He kissed your
little belly button.

No, but how daring.
And what else did he do to you?

He kept going down
and unclipped my pants.

Ay no, honey, go on, tell
your dad that I'm getting an erection.

Well, through my
interstellar line, the Internet,

Of the crystal ball,
I get letters, I get a letter from...

Dear Professor Sutatán,

I'm writing to you from
San José del Arroyo, Paraguay,

to ask you the following.

I'm a lady who
lives with two friends

and we've been going
through health problems.

The question is the
following, Professor Sutatán.

Can we
bathe with diarrhea?

If you get
enough shit, do it, honey.

Writes to me,
aka the pothead,

Professor Sutatán,

I'm very weak with men

and I keep giving
it away everywhere,

in Colombia, in Paraguay,

in Argentina, in Mexico,
everywhere I'm giving it away.

In the United States
I'm giving it away.

Should I put
a copper “T” in?

No, honey, put a "P" for
prostitute and charge instead.

I see in my crystal ball
that a very elegant man is coming,

a man of
90, 60, 90 is coming.

This shit is
damaged again.

Welcome brother,
first time you come, right?

Yes sir,
what's your problem?

Professor, what
happens is that I eat rice

and shit rice.

How so?
Eat rice, shit rice.

I eat bread and shit bread.

Eat bread and shit bread.

I eat steak, shit steak.

You eat steak, shit steak.

- What do I do, professor?
- Well, I eat shit then.

Professor Sutatán,

from Paraguay,

the question
is the following.

Will technology
be able to displace paper?

I think not, my lady.

Try to wipe your ass with
a cell phone and you'll see that no.

Professor Sutatán
is leaving for the afterlife,

because he got
tired of being here.

These old
ladies, they see you

and start
to drool over you here.

You spend eight days
dripping with drool here.

And they ask
me how my cousins

are distinguished
when it comes to intimacy.

That is according to the country
where they were born, for example:

What does the Argentine
say when they are in the intimacy?

“You are great,
you are a phenomenon.”

What does the Brazilian say?

“Eu my cock
is more grand d world...

Explore yourself”

What does the gringa say?

Oh my god!

The French woman

“Je ne se pa, Je ne se pa”

Which means:
Fill me up, fill me up

What does the German say?
Squeeze me!

What does the Spanish say?

Fuck, fuck that ass!

I told her: “Wait, honey,
let’s take it one step at a time.

Let’s take it
one step at a time

and wait, let me
finish here first, honey.”

And what do my
countrywomen from Colombia say?

“It’s true that you’re not
going to think anything bad of me.”

Technology is hard for me.

I ordered a
thing on Amazon,

a penis
enlargement device.

I wanted it to be bigger,
even though I have a big one.

Daddy, when I was born,

people thought that
was the umbilical cord

and no, that was mine.

Mine has a foreskin,
beforeskin and afterskin.

So I ordered on Amazon

one of those things
they call a penis enlarger.

And what!
I just got a magnifying glass.

The old man came
to the doctor and said:

“Doctor, imagine that this
morning I was bathing in the tub

and I felt that it got hard.”

“Don Roberto,
how old are you?”

He said: “92.”

He said: “No daddy,
I was just floating around.”

Humor in Colombia, it
really is something that grows wild.

For example,
from Pasto to the Coast.

In Pasto it is wonderful, really.

In Pasto they mixed a guinea pig
with a lion and a big ass came out.

One man from
Valle said to another:

“look, there is a
party in Palmira on Sunday.”

He said: “And
are you gonna go?”

He said: “No
Gonna, is not going.”

For example,
humor from Huila.

Two people from Huila
were talking and one said to the other:

“What is the life of
the one-eyed Fidelino?”

He said: “One-eyed Fidelino
is now rotten in money.”

He said: “Did
he win the lottery?”

He said: “No,
he died in Money, Huila.”

Humor from Bogota.

Some people from Bogota
were talking, some cachacos,

That is how we call
the people from Bogota,

and they
were talking like this:

“Come on, look,
we are here at the theater

Come on,
look, here we are,

here is Gabriel, here
is Enrique, here is Johnny,

here is Edwin,

here is Carlos, they are all
here, the Paraguayans are here

Yes, Daisy also came, yes.

Come on, look,
here is Dr. Urrea, Dr. Piorrea,

Dr. Urruticoechea
and Dr. Bengüechea.

The other one said to him:
“It's because I have diarrhea.”

He said:
“Bring him in, bring him in.”

The people from Bogota who
are so elegant and so cachacos,

a cachaco was like
this in his luxury car

He was driving his car,
in his brand new car,

when suddenly
he splashed a child

And the child: “ah, why don’t
you go and splash your mother”

The doctor arrived at the office
and the other said to him:

“Doctor Urrutia,
what happened to you,

I see you are upset.”

He said: “No, it’s that I
accidentally splashed a child”

and he
treated me badly.”

He said: “And did
he say rude things to you?”

He said: “No, but
he talked badly about mom.”

The cachaco later
in his car got a flat tire,

How do they call
tires in Paraguay?

Tire.

Oh, we finally
agree on something, okay!

He got a
flat tire and said:

“Damn, and now
I have this car, damn it.”

And he got out and
there was a mechanic there, he said:

“Hi, if you can fix
my car’s flat tire, please.”

He said: “No, that’s not me,
I’m a mechanic, the tire repair shop

It’s on the corner, go on,
ask him for “Stick face.”

“You don’t think that
I’m going to say such nonsense,

What’s the
gentleman’s name?”

He said: “Well,
I know him as “Stick face.”

Go on, ask on the corner,

otherwise you
won’t get that shit fixed.”

“Come on, but how am I
going to call the gentleman that way,

give me his name.”

“His name is “Stick face.”

And the man
from Bogotá arrived there.

Hello, excuse me,

the gentleman
with the wooden face.

We were missing the humor from
Boyacá and the humor from the coast,

the humor
from Boyacá: There...

were some politicians
in a truck over there in Boyacá

and the truck overturned.

Then the
prosecutor, arrived,

and they asked
the man, what happened?

He said: “No,
well a truck overturned there

with all those politicians.”

He said:
“And what happened?”

He said: “Well I dug
a hole and buried them all.”

He said: “And
were they all dead?”

He said: “Well,
some said no,

but politicians
are such liars.”

On the Caribbean coast
it is something peculiar, really.

There respect
lasts maybe five minutes.

It is a very happy region.
As soon as you get off the plane.

“Wow, Mr. Jedi,
what’s up? How are you doing?

Three minutes later,
hey old Jedi, what about you?

You are such a cock.

Seven minutes
later, "You are a faggot."

Another man from
Barranquilla came and knock.

Hey, do me a
favor, Mr. big cock.

I already told you that
my name is Maximus Cook.

You will see this all over
the world, thanks to the Lord.

In Canada, the United States,

Mexico, Costa Rica,

Colombia,
Peru, Argentina and...

Paraguay!

Thank you, God bless
you, thank you very much!

Thank you, my
dear audience, thank you!