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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,186 --> 00:00:24,450 One double room without bath for the 16th, 17th and 18th. 2 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,804 Yes, and if you'd be so good as to confirm by letter? 3 00:00:26,904 --> 00:00:28,688 Thank you so much, goodbye. 4 00:00:28,788 --> 00:00:31,330 - Have you made up the bill for room 12, Basil? - No, I haven't yet, no. 5 00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:34,571 Well, they're in a hurry, Polly says they didn't get their alarm call. 6 00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:37,687 Please get that picture up, it's been there for a week. 7 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,329 It's been there since Monday, Sybil. 8 00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:41,724 Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... 9 00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,015 Good morning. Friday, Sat... 10 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,244 Manuel! 11 00:00:50,344 --> 00:00:54,007 There is too much butter on those trays. 12 00:00:54,107 --> 00:00:58,326 - Oué? - There is too much butter on those trays. 13 00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,729 - No, no, no, señor! - What? 14 00:00:59,829 --> 00:01:02,689 Not "on those trays". 15 00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:05,409 No, sir, "Uno, dos, tres." 16 00:01:05,509 --> 00:01:07,086 - Uno, dos, tres. - No, no. 17 00:01:07,186 --> 00:01:09,809 Hay mucho burro alli! 18 00:01:09,909 --> 00:01:10,964 Oué? 19 00:01:11,064 --> 00:01:13,487 Hay mucho burro alli! 20 00:01:13,587 --> 00:01:15,565 - Ah, mantequilla! - What? Oué? 21 00:01:15,665 --> 00:01:20,017 Mantequilla. Burro is... is hee-haw. 22 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:21,487 What? 23 00:01:21,587 --> 00:01:23,645 Burro. Burro is hee-haw, hee-haw. 24 00:01:23,745 --> 00:01:26,609 - Manuel, por favor. Un momento. - Si, si, si, 25 00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:29,084 - What's the matter, Basil? - Nothing, dear, I'm just dealing with it. 26 00:01:29,184 --> 00:01:31,926 - He speak good... how do you say? - English! 27 00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:35,607 Mantequilla solamente dos. 28 00:01:35,707 --> 00:01:36,769 Dos? 29 00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:40,164 Don't look at me, you're the one who's supposed to be able to speak it. 30 00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:41,527 Two pieces! 31 00:01:41,627 --> 00:01:44,214 Two each! Arriba, arriba! 32 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:48,525 I don't know why you wanted to hire him, Basil. 33 00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,568 Because he's cheap and keen to learn, dear. 34 00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:52,326 And in this day and age such... 35 00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,405 But why did you say you could speak the language? 36 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:58,007 I learned classical Spanish, not the strange dialect he seems to have picked up. 37 00:01:58,107 --> 00:02:00,330 It'd be quicker to train a monkey. 38 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,526 Good morning, Miss Gatsby. Morning, Miss Tibbs. 39 00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:04,417 Good morning, good morning. 40 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,289 - Basil! - Yes, dear? 41 00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:10,769 Are you going to hang the picture? 42 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,526 - Yes, I am, dear. - When? 43 00:02:12,626 --> 00:02:15,286 - When I've, when I've... - Well, why don't you do it now? 44 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:16,806 I'm doing this, dear, I'm doing the menu. 45 00:02:16,906 --> 00:02:20,769 You've got all morning to do the menu. Why don't you hang the picture now? 46 00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,489 - Well? - Yes, all right, I won't do the menu. 47 00:02:22,589 --> 00:02:24,405 I don't think you realise how long it takes to do the menu, 48 00:02:24,505 --> 00:02:26,129 but no, it doesn't matter, I'll hang the picture now. 49 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,726 If the menus are late for lunch, it doesn't matter, 50 00:02:27,826 --> 00:02:31,125 the guests can all come and look at the picture till they are ready, right? 51 00:02:31,225 --> 00:02:32,494 Lower. 52 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,014 Lower. 53 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,415 Up a bit. 54 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,965 - There. - Thank you, dear. Thank you so much. 55 00:02:39,065 --> 00:02:41,045 I don't know where I'd be without you. 56 00:02:41,145 --> 00:02:42,812 In the land of the living, probably. 57 00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:48,455 Yes? 58 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,457 Could we have our bill, please? 59 00:02:50,940 --> 00:02:52,409 Well, can you wait a minute? 60 00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:56,175 I'm afraid we're bit late for our train, we didn't get our alarm call. 61 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:57,888 Right. 62 00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:01,648 I was up at 5:00, you know, we do have staff problems. 63 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,289 I'm so sorry it's not all done by magic. 64 00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:04,604 Basil, are you doing the menu? 65 00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,009 No, I'm not doing the menu, dear. 66 00:03:06,109 --> 00:03:08,729 I am doing the bill for these charming people who are in a hurry. 67 00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:10,486 I'm sorry to cause all this trouble, 68 00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,884 but the reason we're late is we didn't get our alarm call. 69 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,406 Oh, dear, I am sorry. 70 00:03:14,506 --> 00:03:17,608 - Basil, why didn't they get their alarm call? - Because I forgot. 71 00:03:17,708 --> 00:03:20,339 I am so sorry I am not perfect! 72 00:03:21,220 --> 00:03:22,609 There you are, there's the bill. 73 00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:24,925 Perhaps you'd pay my wife, I have to put the picture up, 74 00:03:25,025 --> 00:03:27,207 if there aren't any dustbins to be cleaned out. 75 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,574 Newspapers! 76 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,098 Goodbye. See you again. 77 00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:41,929 Don't forget the picture, Basil. 78 00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:43,446 I won't, dear, leave it to me. 79 00:03:43,546 --> 00:03:45,735 I'm going out now. I expect it to be up when I come back. 80 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,014 Drive carefully, dear. 81 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,965 - Good morning, Major. - Morning, Fawlty. 82 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,408 I do apologise for the tardiness of the arrival of your newspaper this morning, Major. 83 00:03:55,508 --> 00:03:57,725 I will speak to them again, see if something can be done. 84 00:03:57,825 --> 00:04:00,609 Ah, more strikes. Dustmen, post office... 85 00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:02,366 It makes you want to cry, doesn't it? 86 00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:06,004 What's happened to the old idea of doing something for your fellow man, of service? 87 00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:07,489 - I mean, today, people... - Mr Fawlty? 88 00:04:07,589 --> 00:04:09,855 Yes, I'm coming! Wait a moment! 89 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,327 They treat you like dirt, you know? 90 00:04:12,427 --> 00:04:13,687 Of course it's pure ignorance, 91 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,636 but with the class of guests one gets nowadays... 92 00:04:15,736 --> 00:04:16,732 D'Oliveira made a hundred! 93 00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:18,369 Did he? Did he really? 94 00:04:18,469 --> 00:04:21,409 Good for him, good old Dolly. Well, well, well... 95 00:04:21,509 --> 00:04:22,644 Thank you, Polly. 96 00:04:22,744 --> 00:04:25,015 We're only staying till Sunday. 97 00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,699 Right, thank you. 98 00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,175 Ah, I thought you were going out, dear. 99 00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:56,734 What's this? 100 00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:59,727 - I decided, Sybil, to advertise. - How much did it cost? 101 00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,688 Oh, I haven't... 15? 102 00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:03,498 - 40. - 40. 103 00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:06,928 I have told you where we advertise. 104 00:05:07,028 --> 00:05:10,165 - Sybil, I know the hotel business. - No, you don't, Basil. 105 00:05:10,265 --> 00:05:12,810 Sybil, we've got to try and attract a better class of person. 106 00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:13,897 Why? 107 00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:16,530 - We're losing tone. - We're making money. 108 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:19,047 - Yes, yes. - Just. 109 00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:22,849 Yes, but now we can try and build up a higher class of clientele! 110 00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:24,447 Turn away some of the riffraff. 111 00:05:24,547 --> 00:05:26,169 So long as they pay their bills, Basil. 112 00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:28,644 Is that all that matters to you, Sybil? Money? 113 00:05:28,744 --> 00:05:31,204 This advertisement is a waste of £40. 114 00:05:31,304 --> 00:05:33,734 One moment. One moment, please. 115 00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,126 - Well? - Well? 116 00:05:37,226 --> 00:05:40,445 My dear woman, Sir Richard and Lady Morris, arriving this evening. For two nights. 117 00:05:40,545 --> 00:05:42,568 You see, they saw our advertisement in Country Life. 118 00:05:42,668 --> 00:05:44,688 - I wish they were staying a week. - Well, so do I. 119 00:05:44,788 --> 00:05:47,207 - Might pay for the ad then. - Sybil, look. 120 00:05:47,307 --> 00:05:51,446 If we can attract this class of customer, I mean, the sky's the limit! 121 00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:54,169 Basil, 22 rooms is the limit! 122 00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:56,969 I mean, have you seen the people in room six? 123 00:05:57,069 --> 00:05:59,008 They've never even sat on chairs before. 124 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,694 They are the commonest, vulgarest, most... 125 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:14,974 'Allo. 126 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:17,814 Got a room? 127 00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,369 I beg your pardon? 128 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,572 Got a room for tonight, mate? 129 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,539 - I shall have to see, sir. A single? - Yeah. 130 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,136 No, make it a double. I feel lucky today. 131 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:33,776 - Hello. - Good morning. 132 00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:39,286 - Only joking. - No, we haven't. 133 00:06:39,386 --> 00:06:41,248 - What? - Haven't any rooms. Good day. 134 00:06:41,348 --> 00:06:45,124 - Number seven is free, Basil. - Mr Tone is in number seven, dear. 135 00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,609 No, he left while you were putting the picture up, Basil. 136 00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:50,774 - You have luggage, sir? - Just one case. 137 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,691 In the car. The white sports. 138 00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:57,648 - Fill this in, would you, sir? - If you can. 139 00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:02,931 Hope you enjoy your stay, Mr Brown. 140 00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:08,484 Manuel, would you fetch this gentleman's case from the car outside? 141 00:07:08,584 --> 00:07:09,933 Take it to room seven? 142 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,006 - Is not easy for me. - What? 143 00:07:13,106 --> 00:07:15,085 Is not easy for me... Entender. 144 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,889 It's not easy for you to understand. 145 00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:20,495 Manuel... We're training him. He's from Barcelona. 146 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,247 In Spain. 147 00:07:23,347 --> 00:07:25,724 - Obtener la valisa... - Oué? 148 00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,848 ... la valisa en el, 149 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,809 er, auto bianco sportiv. 150 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,928 Y... a la sala... 151 00:07:34,028 --> 00:07:35,578 Siete... por favor. 152 00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:39,727 - Pronto. - Is impossible. 153 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,246 - What? - Is impossible. 154 00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:42,686 Look, it's perfectly simple! 155 00:07:42,786 --> 00:07:47,006 Manuel, sirvase buscar mi equipaje qué está en el automóvil blanco 156 00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:49,846 y lo trae a la sala número siete. 157 00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,808 Señor habla español! 158 00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,805 Sólo un poco, lo siento. 159 00:07:53,905 --> 00:07:57,088 - Pero he olvidado mucho. - No, no, habla muy bien. 160 00:07:57,188 --> 00:07:59,969 - Muy muy bien. Formidable! - Gracias, gracias. 161 00:08:00,069 --> 00:08:01,459 Lo voy a coger ahora. 162 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:09,285 Well, if there's anything else, I'm sure Manuel will be able to tell you, 163 00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:11,257 as you seem to get on so well together. 164 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,214 Key? 165 00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,251 Hello, dear, just doing the picture. 166 00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:42,019 Don't forget the menu. 167 00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:44,974 I beg your pardon? 168 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,609 Don't forget the menu. 169 00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:49,260 I thought you said you wanted... Right! I'll do the menu. 170 00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:53,969 You could have had them both done by now if you hadn't spent the whole morning 171 00:08:54,069 --> 00:08:56,444 skulking in there listening to that racket. 172 00:08:56,544 --> 00:08:57,814 Racket? 173 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,044 That's Brahms! 174 00:09:01,144 --> 00:09:03,051 Brahms' third racket! 175 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,172 The whole morning? 176 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,819 I had two bars. 177 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,567 Ready to order? 178 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,970 - Yeah. What's a gralefrit? - Grapefruit. 179 00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:21,649 - And creme pot... Pot rouge? - Portuguese. Tomato soup. 180 00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:23,093 I'll have the gralefrit. 181 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:28,445 - Now balm carousel... Lamb? - Casserole. 182 00:09:28,545 --> 00:09:31,685 - Sounds good. Does it come with a smile? - It comes with sprouts or carrots. 183 00:09:31,785 --> 00:09:34,692 - Smile's extra, is it? - You'll get one if you eat up all your sprouts. 184 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,215 Waiter! 185 00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:47,134 I beg your pardon? 186 00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:50,648 Oh, hello. Can I have some wine, please? 187 00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:54,008 The waiter is busy, sir, but I will bring you the carte des vins 188 00:09:54,108 --> 00:09:57,456 - when I've finished attending to this gentleman. - Fine. No hurry. 189 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,404 Good, how nice, how very thoughtful. 190 00:10:00,504 --> 00:10:02,687 I trust the beer is to your satisfaction, sir? 191 00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:04,808 Yes, fine. 192 00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:07,460 Good. May I wish you bon appétit. 193 00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:09,084 Thank you. 194 00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,454 Manuel! 195 00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:12,487 Señor. 196 00:10:12,587 --> 00:10:14,889 - Would you fetch the wine list, please? - Si, señor. 197 00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:18,610 - The wine list. - Si? 198 00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,968 - The wine... vino. - Señor. 199 00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:23,016 No, no. The list. 200 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,772 There, there, the list! 201 00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:31,179 The list, there! The red... There! 202 00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:34,009 There! 203 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,534 Thank you, Manuel. 204 00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:39,813 Go away. 205 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,453 - Have you got a half bottle of the beaujolais? - Yes. 206 00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:46,887 Oh, fine. 207 00:10:46,987 --> 00:10:48,885 Right! Never mind! Never mind! 208 00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:51,289 Manuel, another grapefruit for table 12, please. 209 00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:54,617 Manuel! I do beg your pardon. I'm so sorry. 210 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,246 - Throw it away. - Oué? 211 00:11:04,346 --> 00:11:06,049 Throw it away. 212 00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,167 Throw it away? 213 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,488 Throw it away! 214 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:11,375 Now! 215 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,294 Sorry. 216 00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,611 Sorry, sorry! Sorry about that. 217 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,810 - Sorry about that. - No, I like a bit of cabaret. 218 00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,325 - You left your sketch. - Sorry. 219 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,766 It's very good. Do you sell any? 220 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,339 Enough to keep me in waitressing. 221 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,889 One half bottle of beaujolais. 222 00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:42,853 - Sybil. - Someone at reception, dear. 223 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,219 Yes, yes, well, yes? 224 00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:51,966 Well, I was wondering if you could offer me accommodation for a few nights? 225 00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:53,284 Well, have you booked? 226 00:11:53,384 --> 00:11:54,806 - I'm sorry? - Have you booked? 227 00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,449 - No. - Oh, dear. 228 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,734 Why, are you full? 229 00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:01,169 We're not full, we're not full. 230 00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:02,773 Of course we're not full! 231 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,730 - I'd like... - One moment, please. 232 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,209 - Yes? - A single room with a... 233 00:12:09,309 --> 00:12:10,689 Could I have your name? 234 00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,169 - Melbury. - One second, please. 235 00:12:12,269 --> 00:12:13,375 Hello? 236 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,045 Yes, Mr O'Reilly, well, it's perfectly simple. 237 00:12:16,145 --> 00:12:17,726 When I asked you to build me a wall, 238 00:12:17,826 --> 00:12:20,848 I was rather hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile, 239 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,490 you might have found time to cement them together, 240 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:26,608 you know, one on top of the other, in the traditional fashion. 241 00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,133 Could you fill it in, please? 242 00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,605 Splendid. 243 00:12:30,705 --> 00:12:33,606 Yes, but when, Mr O'Reilly? 244 00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:35,418 There, there! 245 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,018 Yes, but when? 246 00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:42,979 Yes, yes, the flu, yes. 247 00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,166 Both names, please. 248 00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:48,368 Yes, I should have guessed, Mr O'Reilly, that and the potato famine, I suppose. 249 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,206 I beg your pardon? 250 00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:52,097 Would you put both your names, please? 251 00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:54,934 - Well, would you give me a date? - Yeah, I only use one. 252 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,764 You don't have a first name? 253 00:12:56,864 --> 00:12:59,420 No, I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign "Melbury." 254 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:04,807 Go away. 255 00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,566 I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, Your Lordship. 256 00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,768 I do apologise, please forgive me. 257 00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,969 Is there something, anything, that I can do for you? Anything at all? 258 00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:16,806 - Well, I have filled this in... - Please don't bother with that. 259 00:13:16,906 --> 00:13:19,609 Now, a room? A special room, a single? 260 00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:20,764 A double? A suite? 261 00:13:20,864 --> 00:13:23,005 We don't have any suites, but we do have some beautiful doubles... 262 00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:25,484 - No, just a single. - Just a single. Absolutely! 263 00:13:25,584 --> 00:13:27,405 How very wise if I may say so, Your Honour. 264 00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:30,253 - With a bath? - Naturally, naturally. 265 00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,498 Naturellement. 266 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:38,931 - I shall be staying for one or two nights... - Please. Manuel! 267 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,566 - It's rather grey today, isn't it? - Yes, it is, rather. 268 00:13:46,666 --> 00:13:48,805 Of course, usually down here it's quite beautiful, 269 00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:51,573 but today is a real old rotter. 270 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:55,375 Manuel. 271 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,688 - Still, it's good for the wheat. - Yes, I suppose so. 272 00:13:58,788 --> 00:14:01,244 I hear it's coming along wonderfully at the moment. 273 00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:03,527 Thank God! I love the wheat. 274 00:14:03,627 --> 00:14:06,808 There's no sight like a field of wheat waving in the... 275 00:14:06,908 --> 00:14:09,130 Waving in... Manuel! 276 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:14,327 Well, how are you? I mean if it's not a personal question. 277 00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:16,687 Well, it is a personal... Let me take your cases for you. 278 00:14:16,787 --> 00:14:18,808 Thank you very much. They're just outside. 279 00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:21,095 Splendid. Thank you so much. I won't be one moment. 280 00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:33,326 - Lord Melbury. May I introduce my wife? - Yes, we have met. 281 00:14:33,426 --> 00:14:36,964 - My wife, may I introduce His Lordship? - Thank you, Basil, we've sorted it out. 282 00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:38,566 Splendid, splendid. 283 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:42,646 I wonder, could I deposit this case with you? It's just a few valuables. 284 00:14:42,746 --> 00:14:44,885 Valuables, of course. Please let me take it now. 285 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,566 I'll put it in the safe straight away. 286 00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:49,848 - Sybil, would you put this in the safe, please? - I'm just off to the kitchen, Basil. 287 00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,249 Well, if you're too busy. 288 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,644 Nice to have met you, Lord Melbury. Hope you enjoy your stay. 289 00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:55,768 - Thank you so much. - I'll do it then, then I'll do the picture. 290 00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,728 I'll put this away in one moment, Your Lord. 291 00:14:57,828 --> 00:15:01,415 Manuel, would you take these cases to room 21. 292 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:02,727 Oué? 293 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:06,859 Take to room 21. 294 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,649 No entender. 295 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:13,930 Prenda las casos en... Doesn't matter. I'll do it. Thank you, Manuel. 296 00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:16,926 - I take them. - No, no, go away! 297 00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:19,005 Go and wait! 298 00:15:19,105 --> 00:15:20,729 - Wait? - Wait. 299 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,486 In there! Go and wait in there! 300 00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,457 Go and be a waiter in there! 301 00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:32,289 I do apologise, Your Lordship. I'm afraid he's only just joined us. 302 00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:35,812 It'd be quicker to train a monkey. 303 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,613 Do please follow me. 304 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,208 I mean, if you're ready. There's no hurry. 305 00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:51,619 Oh, yes, yes, fine. 306 00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,605 Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. 307 00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:01,765 - Would you mind moving to that table? - What? 308 00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,047 Could I ask you, please, to move to that table over there? 309 00:16:04,147 --> 00:16:05,769 - But... - I'm so sorry to trouble you. 310 00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:07,728 - We're halfway through. - Thank you so much. 311 00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:09,848 - This is Lord Melbury's table, you see? - What? 312 00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:12,244 Lord Melbury. When he stays with us, he always sits at this table. 313 00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:15,406 - Why did they put us here? - Er, an oversight on my wife's part. 314 00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:17,049 I'm so sorry. He's only just arrived, you see. 315 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,886 Would you mind? Polly! Would you help these people to that table? 316 00:16:19,986 --> 00:16:22,096 Thank you, thank you so much. 317 00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:23,939 Come on! Come on! 318 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,049 Thank you. 319 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:37,128 Lord Melbury. Do please come this way, Your Lordship. 320 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,859 I have your table over here by the window as usual. 321 00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:42,887 Just here. 322 00:16:42,987 --> 00:16:45,175 - Thank you so much. - Thank you very much. 323 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,766 Oh, my God! 324 00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,088 I think he's killed him! 325 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,734 Get on with your meals! Thank you so much. 326 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,247 Lord Melbury, I really must apologise again... 327 00:17:06,347 --> 00:17:08,165 Please, please, think nothing of it. 328 00:17:08,265 --> 00:17:10,325 - But it was so... - No, no, no. 329 00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:12,368 It was the smallest of accidents. It could have occurred anywhere. 330 00:17:12,468 --> 00:17:14,488 - Yes, but... - I've forgotten all about it. 331 00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:16,688 That's most... You're really... 332 00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:21,565 Your Lordship, would you allow me to offer you dinner here tonight, as our guest? 333 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:25,209 That's extremely kind of you. Unfortunately, I have an engagement tonight. 334 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,844 Actually... 335 00:17:26,944 --> 00:17:28,569 - Yes? - There is one thing. 336 00:17:28,669 --> 00:17:30,289 Good! Good! 337 00:17:30,389 --> 00:17:33,366 I was wondering... Can you cash me a small cheque? 338 00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:35,887 - I'm playing golf this afternoon... - Delighted! 339 00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,609 ...and I'd rather not go into the town. 340 00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,808 Absolutely. I mean, how much? 341 00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:41,087 If it's not a rude question? 342 00:17:41,187 --> 00:17:45,332 Could you manage 50... 100? 343 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:50,571 A hundred? Absolutely. 344 00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:53,208 Yes, I mean, will 100 be enough? 345 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,049 I mean 150, two... 160? 346 00:17:56,740 --> 00:18:00,444 Let's see. That's dinner tonight, few tips. And it's the weekend, isn't it? 347 00:18:00,544 --> 00:18:02,178 Would 200 be all right? 348 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,805 Please! Tremendous! 349 00:18:07,905 --> 00:18:09,805 I'm so happy! 350 00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:14,046 I'll send someone to the town straightaway and have it for you here when you get back. 351 00:18:14,146 --> 00:18:16,769 - Yes, that would be splendid. - Thank you, Your Lordship. 352 00:18:16,869 --> 00:18:19,772 - Thank you so much. - Not at all, my privilege. 353 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,899 Breeding... I mean... 354 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,933 Hello, dear. 355 00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:29,728 - What are you doing? - I'm kissing you, dear. 356 00:18:29,828 --> 00:18:31,007 Well, don't. 357 00:18:31,107 --> 00:18:33,527 Just thought it might be nice to... 358 00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:34,887 I heard about lunch. 359 00:18:34,987 --> 00:18:38,088 - What? That. Think nothing of it. - What? 360 00:18:38,188 --> 00:18:40,564 It was the smallest of accidents. Could have happened anywhere. 361 00:18:40,664 --> 00:18:41,687 Anywhere? 362 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,047 First you move that nice family in the middle of their meal, 363 00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,690 and then you attack Lord Melbury with a chair. 364 00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:49,526 Look, Sybil, I've had a word with Lord Melbury about it. 365 00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:50,807 He was quite charming. 366 00:18:50,907 --> 00:18:53,175 It's delightful to have people like that staying here. 367 00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:57,328 Sheer class, golf, baths, engagements, 368 00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,496 a couple of hundr... Horses. 369 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:03,489 - I've never seen such tatty cases. - Of course you haven't. 370 00:19:03,589 --> 00:19:06,406 It's only the true upper class that would have tat like that. 371 00:19:06,506 --> 00:19:08,246 It's the whole point! 372 00:19:08,346 --> 00:19:10,208 - You don't know what I'm talking about. - No, I don't. 373 00:19:10,308 --> 00:19:12,850 But don't ever move guests in the middle of a meal again. 374 00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:14,453 And get that picture up. 375 00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,379 Sour old rat. 376 00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:22,846 Polly, would you do me a favour? 377 00:19:22,946 --> 00:19:25,447 When you're down in the town this afternoon, 378 00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:26,939 would you just pop... 379 00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,525 Just between ourselves, don't mention this to my wife, 380 00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,497 pop into the bank and just... 381 00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,332 Could somebody answer that, please? 382 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,019 Hello! 383 00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:48,257 Is there nobody who can answer that? 384 00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,254 There must be someone. 385 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,968 Not you. 386 00:20:54,780 --> 00:20:57,852 I'll never get it up. I'll cancel my holiday, do it then. 387 00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:59,294 Hello, Fawlty Towers. 388 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,138 Hello, Fawlty Towers. Hello, Brenda. 389 00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,451 Basil, it's 6:00. 390 00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,885 Polly, did you cash it? 391 00:21:08,985 --> 00:21:10,486 - Yes. Mr Fawlty? - Good, good. 392 00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:12,086 - Could I have a word with you? - What? 393 00:21:12,186 --> 00:21:14,447 - Could I speak to you for just a minute? - Not now, Polly. 394 00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:16,089 - It's very important. - Later, later. 395 00:21:16,189 --> 00:21:17,729 - Basil. - I'm just going, dear. 396 00:21:17,829 --> 00:21:19,412 Thank you, thank you so much, Polly. 397 00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,814 - Good evening, Major. - Evening, Fawlty. 398 00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:29,375 The usual? 399 00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,805 Why not? Indeed, yes. 400 00:21:32,905 --> 00:21:37,365 Why not? I've just been watching one of those nature films on television. 401 00:21:37,465 --> 00:21:38,524 Oh, yes? 402 00:21:38,624 --> 00:21:42,489 Did you know the female gibbon gestates for seven months? 403 00:21:42,589 --> 00:21:44,093 Seven months? 404 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,767 - Well, I never... - Here you are, Major. 405 00:21:46,867 --> 00:21:49,010 Seven... My word. 406 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:50,928 Good evening, Mr Wareing. 407 00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:53,926 A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please. 408 00:21:54,026 --> 00:21:55,373 Certainly. 409 00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,767 Is there any part of the room you'd like us to keep away from? 410 00:21:59,867 --> 00:22:01,213 What? 411 00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:03,739 We'll be over there, then. 412 00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:07,768 - Seven. Well, well... - Evening, Fawlty. 413 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:09,169 Good evening, Lord Melbury. 414 00:22:09,269 --> 00:22:11,296 - Anywhere? - Yes, anywhere, anywhere. 415 00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:15,005 Lord Melbury, may I offer you a little aperitif as our guest? 416 00:22:15,105 --> 00:22:17,739 That's very kind of you. Dry sherry, if you please. 417 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,569 What else? 418 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,525 Such... I don't know what. 419 00:22:23,625 --> 00:22:25,089 Je ne sais quoi? 420 00:22:25,189 --> 00:22:27,011 Exactly! Exactly! 421 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:28,767 There you are, Sybil. 422 00:22:28,867 --> 00:22:31,169 - Good evening, Major. - Evening, Mrs Fawlty. 423 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:33,888 - There you are, Your Lordship. - Thank you very much. 424 00:22:33,988 --> 00:22:36,609 I see my little collection of coins tickles your interest. 425 00:22:36,709 --> 00:22:38,816 What? Oh, yes, yes. 426 00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:41,448 All British empire, of course. 427 00:22:41,548 --> 00:22:44,047 Used to be quite a hobby of mine. Little investment, too. 428 00:22:44,147 --> 00:22:46,647 Talking about... Did you manage to... 429 00:22:46,747 --> 00:22:47,968 Yes. 430 00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:52,215 - There you are, Your Lordship. - Thank you, yes. 431 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:05,765 Yes, you know, these sorts of things, their value's soared this last couple of years. 432 00:23:05,865 --> 00:23:06,924 Have they really? 433 00:23:07,024 --> 00:23:08,329 Yes. You take my advice. 434 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:11,049 You get them revalued, and insure them for the full amount. 435 00:23:11,149 --> 00:23:12,539 Yes, I will. 436 00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:15,328 You can't take any risks nowadays, I'm afraid. 437 00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:17,006 - No, quite. - Well, I must be off. 438 00:23:17,106 --> 00:23:19,287 - Thank you very much, Your Lordship. - Basil. 439 00:23:19,387 --> 00:23:21,408 Yes, I was just talking to Lord Melbury, dear. 440 00:23:21,508 --> 00:23:24,449 A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please! 441 00:23:24,549 --> 00:23:26,089 I do apologise, I was just talking to Lord... 442 00:23:26,189 --> 00:23:28,011 - Fawlty. - Yes, Lord Melbury. 443 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:32,925 I was thinking... You see, I am having dinner tonight 444 00:23:33,025 --> 00:23:35,766 with the Duke of Buckleigh, do you know him? 445 00:23:35,866 --> 00:23:37,976 Not personally, no. 446 00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:41,204 He's a great expert, you know, Sotheby's and all that. 447 00:23:41,304 --> 00:23:42,327 Is he? 448 00:23:42,427 --> 00:23:44,767 Now if you like, I could take them with me, 449 00:23:44,867 --> 00:23:48,527 ask him to have a quick look at them, and find their current value. 450 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,445 - Would you really? - Yes, certainly. 451 00:23:50,545 --> 00:23:51,929 I'll be off in a few moments. 452 00:23:52,029 --> 00:23:53,649 - Well, that's really so... - Basil. 453 00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:55,688 I'm talking to Lord Melbury! 454 00:23:55,788 --> 00:24:00,288 A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please! 455 00:24:00,388 --> 00:24:01,733 All right! All right! 456 00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,168 - Mr Fawlty... - Was that Lord Melbury? Has he gone? 457 00:24:08,268 --> 00:24:10,128 I rang, Mr Fawlty, I must speak with you. 458 00:24:10,228 --> 00:24:12,487 - What? Can't you see I'm busy? - It's very important. 459 00:24:12,587 --> 00:24:14,289 - Can we talk in there? - I can't. 460 00:24:14,389 --> 00:24:15,806 - Basil! - It's very important! 461 00:24:15,906 --> 00:24:19,008 I'm dealing with something important out here, Sybil. Thank you. 462 00:24:19,108 --> 00:24:23,289 Yes? Yes, right, well, yes, yes, what is it? 463 00:24:23,389 --> 00:24:25,046 - It's about Lord Melbury. - Yes? 464 00:24:25,146 --> 00:24:27,893 He's not Lord Melbury. He's a confidence trickster. 465 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,331 - I beg your pardon? - Mr Brown told me. 466 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,325 Mr Brown's from the CID. 467 00:24:33,425 --> 00:24:36,209 They've been watching Melbury because he's pulling some big con trick in the town. 468 00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:39,525 They're going to arrest him when he leaves here, so as not to cause you embarrassment. 469 00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:41,728 - But he asked me to tell you... - How nice of him! 470 00:24:41,828 --> 00:24:42,964 Please, Mr Fawlty... 471 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:46,285 I don't know what other tales Mr Brown of Ml5 has been impressing you with. 472 00:24:46,385 --> 00:24:47,604 He's a con man. 473 00:24:47,704 --> 00:24:50,578 Yes, of course, it stands out a mile, doesn't it? He's so common. 474 00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:55,647 Unlike that cockney git whose ulterior motive will soon no doubt become apparent to you, 475 00:24:55,747 --> 00:24:58,529 poor, innocent, misguided child that you are. 476 00:24:58,629 --> 00:25:01,047 - Basil, what's going on? - Nothing, my dear, nothing at all. 477 00:25:01,147 --> 00:25:02,135 - Mrs Fawlty... - Now look! 478 00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:03,886 - Yes, Polly? - I don't know what she's... 479 00:25:03,986 --> 00:25:06,494 - Basil! - Mr Brown is from the CID. 480 00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:08,686 He showed me identification. 481 00:25:08,786 --> 00:25:11,244 They're watching Melbury. He's a confidence trickster. 482 00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,847 - I see. - What do you mean, you see? 483 00:25:13,947 --> 00:25:16,324 - Let's have a look at these valuables. - What are you doing? 484 00:25:16,424 --> 00:25:20,486 Sybil, I forbid you to open that safe! Sybil, I forbid you to take that case out! 485 00:25:20,586 --> 00:25:23,965 Sybil, do not open that case, I forbid it! 486 00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:26,016 I never thought I would live to see the day 487 00:25:27,340 --> 00:25:28,926 when a peer of the realm, 488 00:25:29,026 --> 00:25:30,851 entrusts to us, a case of valuables 489 00:25:31,060 --> 00:25:32,334 in trust... 490 00:25:56,780 --> 00:26:00,136 - I'll call the police. - They're already here, Mr Brown's outside. 491 00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:03,537 Someone at reception, Basil. 492 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,258 Ah. Erm... 493 00:26:16,580 --> 00:26:20,529 All right. Good evening. 494 00:26:20,629 --> 00:26:23,084 - I believe you were expecting us. - No, I was expecting somebody else. 495 00:26:23,184 --> 00:26:24,968 Sir Richard and Lady Morris. 496 00:26:25,068 --> 00:26:26,769 - Yes, them as well. - I'm sorry? 497 00:26:26,869 --> 00:26:28,179 - How did you know? - What? 498 00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,366 You're Sir Richard and Lady Morris, I do beg your pardon. 499 00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:32,813 I was just think... 500 00:26:37,260 --> 00:26:39,644 Would you mind filling this out, please? 501 00:26:39,744 --> 00:26:41,565 We've given you room... 502 00:26:41,665 --> 00:26:43,093 Fawlty. 503 00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:45,451 Mr Fawlty to you, Lord Melbury. 504 00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:48,847 - I beg your pardon? - Nothing, please forget all about it. 505 00:26:48,947 --> 00:26:51,367 Here's the cheque for £200. 506 00:26:51,467 --> 00:26:52,734 Thank you so much. 507 00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,490 Now, about my priceless collection of coins? 508 00:26:57,660 --> 00:26:58,767 Yes, do you still... 509 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,729 Do I still want you to take them to be valued by the Duke of Buckleigh, My Lord? 510 00:27:01,829 --> 00:27:02,847 - Yes. - No, I don't. 511 00:27:02,947 --> 00:27:05,846 Because we've just heard that the Duke of Buckleigh is dead. 512 00:27:05,946 --> 00:27:08,287 Yes, got his head knocked off by a golf ball. 513 00:27:08,387 --> 00:27:09,972 Tragic! Tragic! 514 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,328 Well, how are you, Lord Melbury? 515 00:27:12,428 --> 00:27:15,289 'Ow are yer then? All right, mate? 516 00:27:15,389 --> 00:27:17,610 'Ow's me old mucker? 517 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,168 Any valuables to deposit, Sir Richard? 518 00:27:20,268 --> 00:27:21,375 Any bricks? 519 00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:25,613 I do apologise... You bastard! 520 00:27:26,740 --> 00:27:29,486 We've given you room 12 with the view overlooking the park. 521 00:27:29,586 --> 00:27:30,804 I'm sure you'll like it. 522 00:27:30,904 --> 00:27:33,368 We'll have your bags brought up and may I introduce your wife? 523 00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:36,286 Hello, Lord Melbury! 524 00:27:36,386 --> 00:27:38,655 - Bastard! - Basil! 525 00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:41,852 Please think nothing of it. 526 00:27:47,980 --> 00:27:49,971 Do please excuse me one moment. 527 00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:02,376 - I beg your pardon? - The Morrises are leaving. 528 00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:06,973 Where are you going? 529 00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:09,965 - What are you doing? - We're leaving! 530 00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,008 Don't, please stay, you'll like it here. 531 00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,056 I've never been in such a place in my life. 532 00:28:21,220 --> 00:28:22,699 You snobs! 533 00:28:23,780 --> 00:28:28,490 You stupid, stuck-up, toffee-nosed, half-witted 534 00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:33,257 upper-class piles of pus! 535 00:28:39,860 --> 00:28:42,294 - Sorry, Mr Fawlty. - Just one, please. 536 00:28:52,460 --> 00:28:53,813 Sorry, Mr Fawlty. 537 00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,375 Well, I'd better put the picture up. 538 00:29:07,460 --> 00:29:09,610 Thank you, Polly, for the... 539 00:29:12,580 --> 00:29:14,485 - Well done, Manuel. - Oué? 540 00:29:14,585 --> 00:29:16,093 Olé. 541 00:29:17,580 --> 00:29:20,209 Sorry about that, Mr Fawlty, can I buy you a drink? 542 00:29:20,309 --> 00:29:22,168 No, I'd better put this up, I suppose. 543 00:29:22,268 --> 00:29:23,454 Basil. 544 00:29:25,100 --> 00:29:26,818 A gin and orange, 545 00:29:27,660 --> 00:29:31,806 a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please! 546 00:29:31,906 --> 00:29:32,906 Right! 547 00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:35,409 Come on. 42375

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