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1
00:00:21,186 --> 00:00:24,450
One double room without bath
for the 16th, 17th and 18th.
2
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,804
Yes, and if you'd be so good as to
confirm by letter?
3
00:00:26,904 --> 00:00:28,688
Thank you so much, goodbye.
4
00:00:28,788 --> 00:00:31,330
- Have you made up the bill for room 12, Basil?
- No, I haven't yet, no.
5
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:34,571
Well, they're in a hurry,
Polly says they didn't get their alarm call.
6
00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:37,687
Please get that picture up,
it's been there for a week.
7
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,329
It's been there since Monday, Sybil.
8
00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:41,724
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...
9
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,015
Good morning. Friday, Sat...
10
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,244
Manuel!
11
00:00:50,344 --> 00:00:54,007
There is too much butter on those trays.
12
00:00:54,107 --> 00:00:58,326
- Oué?
- There is too much butter on those trays.
13
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,729
- No, no, no, señor!
- What?
14
00:00:59,829 --> 00:01:02,689
Not "on those trays".
15
00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:05,409
No, sir, "Uno, dos, tres."
16
00:01:05,509 --> 00:01:07,086
- Uno, dos, tres.
- No, no.
17
00:01:07,186 --> 00:01:09,809
Hay mucho burro alli!
18
00:01:09,909 --> 00:01:10,964
Oué?
19
00:01:11,064 --> 00:01:13,487
Hay mucho burro alli!
20
00:01:13,587 --> 00:01:15,565
- Ah, mantequilla!
- What? Oué?
21
00:01:15,665 --> 00:01:20,017
Mantequilla. Burro is... is hee-haw.
22
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:21,487
What?
23
00:01:21,587 --> 00:01:23,645
Burro. Burro is hee-haw, hee-haw.
24
00:01:23,745 --> 00:01:26,609
- Manuel, por favor. Un momento.- Si, si, si,
25
00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:29,084
- What's the matter, Basil?
- Nothing, dear, I'm just dealing with it.
26
00:01:29,184 --> 00:01:31,926
- He speak good... how do you say?
- English!
27
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:35,607
Mantequilla solamente dos.
28
00:01:35,707 --> 00:01:36,769
Dos?
29
00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:40,164
Don't look at me, you're the one
who's supposed to be able to speak it.
30
00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:41,527
Two pieces!
31
00:01:41,627 --> 00:01:44,214
Two each! Arriba, arriba!
32
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:48,525
I don't know why you wanted to hire him, Basil.
33
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,568
Because he's cheap and keen to learn, dear.
34
00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:52,326
And in this day and age such...
35
00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,405
But why did you say you could
speak the language?
36
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:58,007
I learned classical Spanish, not the strange
dialect he seems to have picked up.
37
00:01:58,107 --> 00:02:00,330
It'd be quicker to train a monkey.
38
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,526
Good morning, Miss Gatsby. Morning, Miss Tibbs.
39
00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:04,417
Good morning, good morning.
40
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,289
- Basil!
- Yes, dear?
41
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:10,769
Are you going to hang the picture?
42
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,526
- Yes, I am, dear.
- When?
43
00:02:12,626 --> 00:02:15,286
- When I've, when I've...
- Well, why don't you do it now?
44
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:16,806
I'm doing this, dear, I'm doing the menu.
45
00:02:16,906 --> 00:02:20,769
You've got all morning to do the menu.
Why don't you hang the picture now?
46
00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,489
- Well?
- Yes, all right, I won't do the menu.
47
00:02:22,589 --> 00:02:24,405
I don't think you realise how long
it takes to do the menu,
48
00:02:24,505 --> 00:02:26,129
but no, it doesn't matter,
I'll hang the picture now.
49
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,726
If the menus are late for lunch,
it doesn't matter,
50
00:02:27,826 --> 00:02:31,125
the guests can all come and look at the picture
till they are ready, right?
51
00:02:31,225 --> 00:02:32,494
Lower.
52
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,014
Lower.
53
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,415
Up a bit.
54
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,965
- There.
- Thank you, dear. Thank you so much.
55
00:02:39,065 --> 00:02:41,045
I don't know where I'd be without you.
56
00:02:41,145 --> 00:02:42,812
In the land of the living, probably.
57
00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:48,455
Yes?
58
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,457
Could we have our bill, please?
59
00:02:50,940 --> 00:02:52,409
Well, can you wait a minute?
60
00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:56,175
I'm afraid we're bit late for our train,
we didn't get our alarm call.
61
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:57,888
Right.
62
00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:01,648
I was up at 5:00, you know,
we do have staff problems.
63
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,289
I'm so sorry it's not all done by magic.
64
00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:04,604
Basil, are you doing the menu?
65
00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,009
No, I'm not doing the menu, dear.
66
00:03:06,109 --> 00:03:08,729
I am doing the bill for these charming people
who are in a hurry.
67
00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:10,486
I'm sorry to cause all this trouble,
68
00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,884
but the reason we're late is
we didn't get our alarm call.
69
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,406
Oh, dear, I am sorry.
70
00:03:14,506 --> 00:03:17,608
- Basil, why didn't they get their alarm call?
- Because I forgot.
71
00:03:17,708 --> 00:03:20,339
I am so sorry I am not perfect!
72
00:03:21,220 --> 00:03:22,609
There you are, there's the bill.
73
00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:24,925
Perhaps you'd pay my wife,
I have to put the picture up,
74
00:03:25,025 --> 00:03:27,207
if there aren't any dustbins to be cleaned out.
75
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,574
Newspapers!
76
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,098
Goodbye. See you again.
77
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:41,929
Don't forget the picture, Basil.
78
00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:43,446
I won't, dear, leave it to me.
79
00:03:43,546 --> 00:03:45,735
I'm going out now.
I expect it to be up when I come back.
80
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,014
Drive carefully, dear.
81
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,965
- Good morning, Major.
- Morning, Fawlty.
82
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,408
I do apologise for the tardiness of the arrival
of your newspaper this morning, Major.
83
00:03:55,508 --> 00:03:57,725
I will speak to them again,
see if something can be done.
84
00:03:57,825 --> 00:04:00,609
Ah, more strikes. Dustmen, post office...
85
00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:02,366
It makes you want to cry, doesn't it?
86
00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:06,004
What's happened to the old idea of doing
something for your fellow man, of service?
87
00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:07,489
- I mean, today, people...
- Mr Fawlty?
88
00:04:07,589 --> 00:04:09,855
Yes, I'm coming! Wait a moment!
89
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,327
They treat you like dirt, you know?
90
00:04:12,427 --> 00:04:13,687
Of course it's pure ignorance,
91
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,636
but with the class of guests one gets nowadays...
92
00:04:15,736 --> 00:04:16,732
D'Oliveira made a hundred!
93
00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:18,369
Did he? Did he really?
94
00:04:18,469 --> 00:04:21,409
Good for him, good old Dolly. Well, well, well...
95
00:04:21,509 --> 00:04:22,644
Thank you, Polly.
96
00:04:22,744 --> 00:04:25,015
We're only staying till Sunday.
97
00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,699
Right, thank you.
98
00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,175
Ah, I thought you were going out, dear.
99
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:56,734
What's this?
100
00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:59,727
- I decided, Sybil, to advertise.
- How much did it cost?
101
00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,688
Oh, I haven't... 15?
102
00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:03,498
- 40.
- 40.
103
00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:06,928
I have told you where we advertise.
104
00:05:07,028 --> 00:05:10,165
- Sybil, I know the hotel business.
- No, you don't, Basil.
105
00:05:10,265 --> 00:05:12,810
Sybil, we've got to try and attract
a better class of person.
106
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:13,897
Why?
107
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:16,530
- We're losing tone.
- We're making money.
108
00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:19,047
- Yes, yes.
- Just.
109
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:22,849
Yes, but now we can try and build up
a higher class of clientele!
110
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:24,447
Turn away some of the riffraff.
111
00:05:24,547 --> 00:05:26,169
So long as they pay their bills, Basil.
112
00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:28,644
Is that all that matters to you, Sybil? Money?
113
00:05:28,744 --> 00:05:31,204
This advertisement is a waste of £40.
114
00:05:31,304 --> 00:05:33,734
One moment. One moment, please.
115
00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,126
- Well?
- Well?
116
00:05:37,226 --> 00:05:40,445
My dear woman, Sir Richard and Lady Morris,
arriving this evening. For two nights.
117
00:05:40,545 --> 00:05:42,568
You see, they saw our advertisement
in Country Life.
118
00:05:42,668 --> 00:05:44,688
- I wish they were staying a week.
- Well, so do I.
119
00:05:44,788 --> 00:05:47,207
- Might pay for the ad then.
- Sybil, look.
120
00:05:47,307 --> 00:05:51,446
If we can attract this class of customer,
I mean, the sky's the limit!
121
00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:54,169
Basil, 22 rooms is the limit!
122
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:56,969
I mean, have you seen the people in room six?
123
00:05:57,069 --> 00:05:59,008
They've never even sat on chairs before.
124
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,694
They are the commonest, vulgarest, most...
125
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:14,974
'Allo.
126
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:17,814
Got a room?
127
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,369
I beg your pardon?
128
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,572
Got a room for tonight, mate?
129
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,539
- I shall have to see, sir. A single?
- Yeah.
130
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,136
No, make it a double. I feel lucky today.
131
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:33,776
- Hello.
- Good morning.
132
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:39,286
- Only joking.
- No, we haven't.
133
00:06:39,386 --> 00:06:41,248
- What?
- Haven't any rooms. Good day.
134
00:06:41,348 --> 00:06:45,124
- Number seven is free, Basil.
- Mr Tone is in number seven, dear.
135
00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,609
No, he left while you were
putting the picture up, Basil.
136
00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:50,774
- You have luggage, sir?
- Just one case.
137
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,691
In the car. The white sports.
138
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:57,648
- Fill this in, would you, sir?
- If you can.
139
00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:02,931
Hope you enjoy your stay, Mr Brown.
140
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:08,484
Manuel, would you fetch this gentleman's case
from the car outside?
141
00:07:08,584 --> 00:07:09,933
Take it to room seven?
142
00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,006
- Is not easy for me.
- What?
143
00:07:13,106 --> 00:07:15,085
Is not easy for me... Entender.
144
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,889
It's not easy for you to understand.
145
00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:20,495
Manuel...
We're training him. He's from Barcelona.
146
00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,247
In Spain.
147
00:07:23,347 --> 00:07:25,724
- Obtener la valisa...- Oué?
148
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,848
... la valisa en el,
149
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,809
er, auto bianco sportiv.
150
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,928
Y... a la sala...
151
00:07:34,028 --> 00:07:35,578
Siete... por favor.
152
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:39,727
- Pronto.
- Is impossible.
153
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,246
- What?
- Is impossible.
154
00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:42,686
Look, it's perfectly simple!
155
00:07:42,786 --> 00:07:47,006
Manuel, sirvase buscar mi equipajequé está en el automóvil blanco
156
00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:49,846
y lo trae a la sala número siete.
157
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,808
Señor habla español!
158
00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,805
Sólo un poco, lo siento.
159
00:07:53,905 --> 00:07:57,088
- Pero he olvidado mucho.- No, no, habla muy bien.
160
00:07:57,188 --> 00:07:59,969
- Muy muy bien. Formidable!- Gracias, gracias.
161
00:08:00,069 --> 00:08:01,459
Lo voy a coger ahora.
162
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:09,285
Well, if there's anything else,
I'm sure Manuel will be able to tell you,
163
00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:11,257
as you seem to get on so well together.
164
00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,214
Key?
165
00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,251
Hello, dear, just doing the picture.
166
00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:42,019
Don't forget the menu.
167
00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:44,974
I beg your pardon?
168
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,609
Don't forget the menu.
169
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:49,260
I thought you said you wanted...
Right! I'll do the menu.
170
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:53,969
You could have had them both done by now
if you hadn't spent the whole morning
171
00:08:54,069 --> 00:08:56,444
skulking in there listening to that racket.
172
00:08:56,544 --> 00:08:57,814
Racket?
173
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,044
That's Brahms!
174
00:09:01,144 --> 00:09:03,051
Brahms' third racket!
175
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,172
The whole morning?
176
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,819
I had two bars.
177
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,567
Ready to order?
178
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,970
- Yeah. What's a gralefrit?
- Grapefruit.
179
00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:21,649
- And creme pot... Pot rouge?
- Portuguese. Tomato soup.
180
00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:23,093
I'll have the gralefrit.
181
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:28,445
- Now balm carousel... Lamb?
- Casserole.
182
00:09:28,545 --> 00:09:31,685
- Sounds good. Does it come with a smile?
- It comes with sprouts or carrots.
183
00:09:31,785 --> 00:09:34,692
- Smile's extra, is it?
- You'll get one if you eat up all your sprouts.
184
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,215
Waiter!
185
00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:47,134
I beg your pardon?
186
00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:50,648
Oh, hello. Can I have some wine, please?
187
00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:54,008
The waiter is busy, sir,
but I will bring you the carte des vins
188
00:09:54,108 --> 00:09:57,456
- when I've finished attending to this gentleman.
- Fine. No hurry.
189
00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,404
Good, how nice, how very thoughtful.
190
00:10:00,504 --> 00:10:02,687
I trust the beer is to your satisfaction, sir?
191
00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:04,808
Yes, fine.
192
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:07,460
Good. May I wish you bon appétit.
193
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:09,084
Thank you.
194
00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,454
Manuel!
195
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:12,487
Señor.
196
00:10:12,587 --> 00:10:14,889
- Would you fetch the wine list, please?
- Si, señor.
197
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:18,610
- The wine list.
- Si?
198
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,968
- The wine... vino.
- Señor.
199
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:23,016
No, no. The list.
200
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,772
There, there, the list!
201
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:31,179
The list, there! The red... There!
202
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:34,009
There!
203
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,534
Thank you, Manuel.
204
00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:39,813
Go away.
205
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,453
- Have you got a half bottle of the beaujolais?
- Yes.
206
00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:46,887
Oh, fine.
207
00:10:46,987 --> 00:10:48,885
Right! Never mind! Never mind!
208
00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:51,289
Manuel, another grapefruit for table 12, please.
209
00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:54,617
Manuel! I do beg your pardon. I'm so sorry.
210
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,246
- Throw it away.
- Oué?
211
00:11:04,346 --> 00:11:06,049
Throw it away.
212
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,167
Throw it away?
213
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,488
Throw it away!
214
00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:11,375
Now!
215
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,294
Sorry.
216
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,611
Sorry, sorry! Sorry about that.
217
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,810
- Sorry about that.
- No, I like a bit of cabaret.
218
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,325
- You left your sketch.
- Sorry.
219
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,766
It's very good. Do you sell any?
220
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,339
Enough to keep me in waitressing.
221
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,889
One half bottle of beaujolais.
222
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:42,853
- Sybil.
- Someone at reception, dear.
223
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,219
Yes, yes, well, yes?
224
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:51,966
Well, I was wondering if you could offer me
accommodation for a few nights?
225
00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:53,284
Well, have you booked?
226
00:11:53,384 --> 00:11:54,806
- I'm sorry?
- Have you booked?
227
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,449
- No.
- Oh, dear.
228
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,734
Why, are you full?
229
00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:01,169
We're not full, we're not full.
230
00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:02,773
Of course we're not full!
231
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,730
- I'd like...
- One moment, please.
232
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,209
- Yes?
- A single room with a...
233
00:12:09,309 --> 00:12:10,689
Could I have your name?
234
00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,169
- Melbury.
- One second, please.
235
00:12:12,269 --> 00:12:13,375
Hello?
236
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,045
Yes, Mr O'Reilly, well, it's perfectly simple.
237
00:12:16,145 --> 00:12:17,726
When I asked you to build me a wall,
238
00:12:17,826 --> 00:12:20,848
I was rather hoping that instead of just
dumping the bricks in a pile,
239
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,490
you might have found time
to cement them together,
240
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:26,608
you know, one on top of the other,
in the traditional fashion.
241
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,133
Could you fill it in, please?
242
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,605
Splendid.
243
00:12:30,705 --> 00:12:33,606
Yes, but when, Mr O'Reilly?
244
00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:35,418
There, there!
245
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,018
Yes, but when?
246
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:42,979
Yes, yes, the flu, yes.
247
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,166
Both names, please.
248
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:48,368
Yes, I should have guessed, Mr O'Reilly,
that and the potato famine, I suppose.
249
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,206
I beg your pardon?
250
00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:52,097
Would you put both your names, please?
251
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:54,934
- Well, would you give me a date?
- Yeah, I only use one.
252
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,764
You don't have a first name?
253
00:12:56,864 --> 00:12:59,420
No, I am Lord Melbury,
so I simply sign "Melbury."
254
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:04,807
Go away.
255
00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,566
I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting,
Your Lordship.
256
00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,768
I do apologise, please forgive me.
257
00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,969
Is there something, anything,
that I can do for you? Anything at all?
258
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:16,806
- Well, I have filled this in...
- Please don't bother with that.
259
00:13:16,906 --> 00:13:19,609
Now, a room? A special room, a single?
260
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:20,764
A double? A suite?
261
00:13:20,864 --> 00:13:23,005
We don't have any suites,
but we do have some beautiful doubles...
262
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:25,484
- No, just a single.
- Just a single. Absolutely!
263
00:13:25,584 --> 00:13:27,405
How very wise if I may say so, Your Honour.
264
00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:30,253
- With a bath?
- Naturally, naturally.
265
00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,498
Naturellement.
266
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:38,931
- I shall be staying for one or two nights...
- Please. Manuel!
267
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,566
- It's rather grey today, isn't it?
- Yes, it is, rather.
268
00:13:46,666 --> 00:13:48,805
Of course, usually down here it's quite beautiful,
269
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:51,573
but today is a real old rotter.
270
00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:55,375
Manuel.
271
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,688
- Still, it's good for the wheat.
- Yes, I suppose so.
272
00:13:58,788 --> 00:14:01,244
I hear it's coming along wonderfully
at the moment.
273
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:03,527
Thank God! I love the wheat.
274
00:14:03,627 --> 00:14:06,808
There's no sight like
a field of wheat waving in the...
275
00:14:06,908 --> 00:14:09,130
Waving in... Manuel!
276
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:14,327
Well, how are you?
I mean if it's not a personal question.
277
00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:16,687
Well, it is a personal...
Let me take your cases for you.
278
00:14:16,787 --> 00:14:18,808
Thank you very much. They're just outside.
279
00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:21,095
Splendid. Thank you so much.
I won't be one moment.
280
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:33,326
- Lord Melbury. May I introduce my wife?
- Yes, we have met.
281
00:14:33,426 --> 00:14:36,964
- My wife, may I introduce His Lordship?
- Thank you, Basil, we've sorted it out.
282
00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:38,566
Splendid, splendid.
283
00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:42,646
I wonder, could I deposit this case with you?
It's just a few valuables.
284
00:14:42,746 --> 00:14:44,885
Valuables, of course. Please let me take it now.
285
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,566
I'll put it in the safe straight away.
286
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:49,848
- Sybil, would you put this in the safe, please?
- I'm just off to the kitchen, Basil.
287
00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,249
Well, if you're too busy.
288
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,644
Nice to have met you, Lord Melbury.
Hope you enjoy your stay.
289
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:55,768
- Thank you so much.
- I'll do it then, then I'll do the picture.
290
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,728
I'll put this away in one moment, Your Lord.
291
00:14:57,828 --> 00:15:01,415
Manuel, would you take these cases to room 21.
292
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:02,727
Oué?
293
00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:06,859
Take to room 21.
294
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,649
No entender.
295
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:13,930
Prenda las casos en... Doesn't matter.
I'll do it. Thank you, Manuel.
296
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:16,926
- I take them.
- No, no, go away!
297
00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:19,005
Go and wait!
298
00:15:19,105 --> 00:15:20,729
- Wait?
- Wait.
299
00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,486
In there! Go and wait in there!
300
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,457
Go and be a waiter in there!
301
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:32,289
I do apologise, Your Lordship.
I'm afraid he's only just joined us.
302
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:35,812
It'd be quicker to train a monkey.
303
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,613
Do please follow me.
304
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,208
I mean, if you're ready. There's no hurry.
305
00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:51,619
Oh, yes, yes, fine.
306
00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,605
Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you.
307
00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:01,765
- Would you mind moving to that table?
- What?
308
00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,047
Could I ask you, please,
to move to that table over there?
309
00:16:04,147 --> 00:16:05,769
- But...
- I'm so sorry to trouble you.
310
00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:07,728
- We're halfway through.
- Thank you so much.
311
00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:09,848
- This is Lord Melbury's table, you see?
- What?
312
00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:12,244
Lord Melbury. When he stays with us,
he always sits at this table.
313
00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:15,406
- Why did they put us here?
- Er, an oversight on my wife's part.
314
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:17,049
I'm so sorry. He's only just arrived, you see.
315
00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,886
Would you mind? Polly!
Would you help these people to that table?
316
00:16:19,986 --> 00:16:22,096
Thank you, thank you so much.
317
00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:23,939
Come on! Come on!
318
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,049
Thank you.
319
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:37,128
Lord Melbury.
Do please come this way, Your Lordship.
320
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,859
I have your table over here
by the window as usual.
321
00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:42,887
Just here.
322
00:16:42,987 --> 00:16:45,175
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you very much.
323
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,766
Oh, my God!
324
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,088
I think he's killed him!
325
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,734
Get on with your meals! Thank you so much.
326
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,247
Lord Melbury, I really must apologise again...
327
00:17:06,347 --> 00:17:08,165
Please, please, think nothing of it.
328
00:17:08,265 --> 00:17:10,325
- But it was so...
- No, no, no.
329
00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:12,368
It was the smallest of accidents.
It could have occurred anywhere.
330
00:17:12,468 --> 00:17:14,488
- Yes, but...
- I've forgotten all about it.
331
00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:16,688
That's most... You're really...
332
00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:21,565
Your Lordship, would you allow me to offer you
dinner here tonight, as our guest?
333
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:25,209
That's extremely kind of you.
Unfortunately, I have an engagement tonight.
334
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,844
Actually...
335
00:17:26,944 --> 00:17:28,569
- Yes?
- There is one thing.
336
00:17:28,669 --> 00:17:30,289
Good! Good!
337
00:17:30,389 --> 00:17:33,366
I was wondering...
Can you cash me a small cheque?
338
00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:35,887
- I'm playing golf this afternoon...
- Delighted!
339
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,609
...and I'd rather not go into the town.
340
00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,808
Absolutely. I mean, how much?
341
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:41,087
If it's not a rude question?
342
00:17:41,187 --> 00:17:45,332
Could you manage 50... 100?
343
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:50,571
A hundred? Absolutely.
344
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:53,208
Yes, I mean, will 100 be enough?
345
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,049
I mean 150, two... 160?
346
00:17:56,740 --> 00:18:00,444
Let's see. That's dinner tonight, few tips.
And it's the weekend, isn't it?
347
00:18:00,544 --> 00:18:02,178
Would 200 be all right?
348
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,805
Please! Tremendous!
349
00:18:07,905 --> 00:18:09,805
I'm so happy!
350
00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:14,046
I'll send someone to the town straightaway
and have it for you here when you get back.
351
00:18:14,146 --> 00:18:16,769
- Yes, that would be splendid.
- Thank you, Your Lordship.
352
00:18:16,869 --> 00:18:19,772
- Thank you so much.
- Not at all, my privilege.
353
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,899
Breeding... I mean...
354
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,933
Hello, dear.
355
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:29,728
- What are you doing?
- I'm kissing you, dear.
356
00:18:29,828 --> 00:18:31,007
Well, don't.
357
00:18:31,107 --> 00:18:33,527
Just thought it might be nice to...
358
00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:34,887
I heard about lunch.
359
00:18:34,987 --> 00:18:38,088
- What? That. Think nothing of it.
- What?
360
00:18:38,188 --> 00:18:40,564
It was the smallest of accidents.
Could have happened anywhere.
361
00:18:40,664 --> 00:18:41,687
Anywhere?
362
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,047
First you move that nice family
in the middle of their meal,
363
00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,690
and then you attack Lord Melbury with a chair.
364
00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:49,526
Look, Sybil,
I've had a word with Lord Melbury about it.
365
00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:50,807
He was quite charming.
366
00:18:50,907 --> 00:18:53,175
It's delightful to have people
like that staying here.
367
00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:57,328
Sheer class, golf, baths, engagements,
368
00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,496
a couple of hundr... Horses.
369
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:03,489
- I've never seen such tatty cases.
- Of course you haven't.
370
00:19:03,589 --> 00:19:06,406
It's only the true upper class
that would have tat like that.
371
00:19:06,506 --> 00:19:08,246
It's the whole point!
372
00:19:08,346 --> 00:19:10,208
- You don't know what I'm talking about.
- No, I don't.
373
00:19:10,308 --> 00:19:12,850
But don't ever move guests
in the middle of a meal again.
374
00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:14,453
And get that picture up.
375
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,379
Sour old rat.
376
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:22,846
Polly, would you do me a favour?
377
00:19:22,946 --> 00:19:25,447
When you're down in the town this afternoon,
378
00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:26,939
would you just pop...
379
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,525
Just between ourselves,
don't mention this to my wife,
380
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,497
pop into the bank and just...
381
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,332
Could somebody answer that, please?
382
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,019
Hello!
383
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:48,257
Is there nobody who can answer that?
384
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,254
There must be someone.
385
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,968
Not you.
386
00:20:54,780 --> 00:20:57,852
I'll never get it up.
I'll cancel my holiday, do it then.
387
00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:59,294
Hello, Fawlty Towers.
388
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,138
Hello, Fawlty Towers. Hello, Brenda.
389
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,451
Basil, it's 6:00.
390
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,885
Polly, did you cash it?
391
00:21:08,985 --> 00:21:10,486
- Yes. Mr Fawlty?
- Good, good.
392
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:12,086
- Could I have a word with you?
- What?
393
00:21:12,186 --> 00:21:14,447
- Could I speak to you for just a minute?
- Not now, Polly.
394
00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:16,089
- It's very important.
- Later, later.
395
00:21:16,189 --> 00:21:17,729
- Basil.
- I'm just going, dear.
396
00:21:17,829 --> 00:21:19,412
Thank you, thank you so much, Polly.
397
00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,814
- Good evening, Major.
- Evening, Fawlty.
398
00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:29,375
The usual?
399
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,805
Why not? Indeed, yes.
400
00:21:32,905 --> 00:21:37,365
Why not? I've just been watching
one of those nature films on television.
401
00:21:37,465 --> 00:21:38,524
Oh, yes?
402
00:21:38,624 --> 00:21:42,489
Did you know the female gibbon
gestates for seven months?
403
00:21:42,589 --> 00:21:44,093
Seven months?
404
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,767
- Well, I never...
- Here you are, Major.
405
00:21:46,867 --> 00:21:49,010
Seven... My word.
406
00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:50,928
Good evening, Mr Wareing.
407
00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:53,926
A gin and orange, a lemon squash
and a scotch and water, please.
408
00:21:54,026 --> 00:21:55,373
Certainly.
409
00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,767
Is there any part of the room
you'd like us to keep away from?
410
00:21:59,867 --> 00:22:01,213
What?
411
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:03,739
We'll be over there, then.
412
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:07,768
- Seven. Well, well...
- Evening, Fawlty.
413
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:09,169
Good evening, Lord Melbury.
414
00:22:09,269 --> 00:22:11,296
- Anywhere?
- Yes, anywhere, anywhere.
415
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:15,005
Lord Melbury, may I offer you
a little aperitif as our guest?
416
00:22:15,105 --> 00:22:17,739
That's very kind of you.
Dry sherry, if you please.
417
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,569
What else?
418
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,525
Such... I don't know what.
419
00:22:23,625 --> 00:22:25,089
Je ne sais quoi?
420
00:22:25,189 --> 00:22:27,011
Exactly! Exactly!
421
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:28,767
There you are, Sybil.
422
00:22:28,867 --> 00:22:31,169
- Good evening, Major.
- Evening, Mrs Fawlty.
423
00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:33,888
- There you are, Your Lordship.
- Thank you very much.
424
00:22:33,988 --> 00:22:36,609
I see my little collection of coins
tickles your interest.
425
00:22:36,709 --> 00:22:38,816
What? Oh, yes, yes.
426
00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:41,448
All British empire, of course.
427
00:22:41,548 --> 00:22:44,047
Used to be quite a hobby of mine.
Little investment, too.
428
00:22:44,147 --> 00:22:46,647
Talking about... Did you manage to...
429
00:22:46,747 --> 00:22:47,968
Yes.
430
00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:52,215
- There you are, Your Lordship.
- Thank you, yes.
431
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:05,765
Yes, you know, these sorts of things,
their value's soared this last couple of years.
432
00:23:05,865 --> 00:23:06,924
Have they really?
433
00:23:07,024 --> 00:23:08,329
Yes. You take my advice.
434
00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:11,049
You get them revalued,
and insure them for the full amount.
435
00:23:11,149 --> 00:23:12,539
Yes, I will.
436
00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:15,328
You can't take any risks nowadays, I'm afraid.
437
00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:17,006
- No, quite.
- Well, I must be off.
438
00:23:17,106 --> 00:23:19,287
- Thank you very much, Your Lordship.
- Basil.
439
00:23:19,387 --> 00:23:21,408
Yes, I was just talking to Lord Melbury, dear.
440
00:23:21,508 --> 00:23:24,449
A gin and orange, a lemon squash
and a scotch and water, please!
441
00:23:24,549 --> 00:23:26,089
I do apologise, I was just talking to Lord...
442
00:23:26,189 --> 00:23:28,011
- Fawlty.
- Yes, Lord Melbury.
443
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:32,925
I was thinking...
You see, I am having dinner tonight
444
00:23:33,025 --> 00:23:35,766
with the Duke of Buckleigh, do you know him?
445
00:23:35,866 --> 00:23:37,976
Not personally, no.
446
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:41,204
He's a great expert,
you know, Sotheby's and all that.
447
00:23:41,304 --> 00:23:42,327
Is he?
448
00:23:42,427 --> 00:23:44,767
Now if you like, I could take them with me,
449
00:23:44,867 --> 00:23:48,527
ask him to have a quick look at them,
and find their current value.
450
00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,445
- Would you really?
- Yes, certainly.
451
00:23:50,545 --> 00:23:51,929
I'll be off in a few moments.
452
00:23:52,029 --> 00:23:53,649
- Well, that's really so...
- Basil.
453
00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:55,688
I'm talking to Lord Melbury!
454
00:23:55,788 --> 00:24:00,288
A gin and orange, a lemon squash
and a scotch and water, please!
455
00:24:00,388 --> 00:24:01,733
All right! All right!
456
00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,168
- Mr Fawlty...
- Was that Lord Melbury? Has he gone?
457
00:24:08,268 --> 00:24:10,128
I rang, Mr Fawlty, I must speak with you.
458
00:24:10,228 --> 00:24:12,487
- What? Can't you see I'm busy?
- It's very important.
459
00:24:12,587 --> 00:24:14,289
- Can we talk in there?
- I can't.
460
00:24:14,389 --> 00:24:15,806
- Basil!
- It's very important!
461
00:24:15,906 --> 00:24:19,008
I'm dealing with something important
out here, Sybil. Thank you.
462
00:24:19,108 --> 00:24:23,289
Yes? Yes, right, well, yes, yes, what is it?
463
00:24:23,389 --> 00:24:25,046
- It's about Lord Melbury.
- Yes?
464
00:24:25,146 --> 00:24:27,893
He's not Lord Melbury.
He's a confidence trickster.
465
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,331
- I beg your pardon?
- Mr Brown told me.
466
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,325
Mr Brown's from the CID.
467
00:24:33,425 --> 00:24:36,209
They've been watching Melbury because
he's pulling some big con trick in the town.
468
00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:39,525
They're going to arrest him when he leaves here,
so as not to cause you embarrassment.
469
00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:41,728
- But he asked me to tell you...
- How nice of him!
470
00:24:41,828 --> 00:24:42,964
Please, Mr Fawlty...
471
00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:46,285
I don't know what other tales Mr Brown of Ml5
has been impressing you with.
472
00:24:46,385 --> 00:24:47,604
He's a con man.
473
00:24:47,704 --> 00:24:50,578
Yes, of course, it stands out a mile, doesn't it?
He's so common.
474
00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:55,647
Unlike that cockney git whose ulterior motive
will soon no doubt become apparent to you,
475
00:24:55,747 --> 00:24:58,529
poor, innocent, misguided child that you are.
476
00:24:58,629 --> 00:25:01,047
- Basil, what's going on?
- Nothing, my dear, nothing at all.
477
00:25:01,147 --> 00:25:02,135
- Mrs Fawlty...
- Now look!
478
00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:03,886
- Yes, Polly?
- I don't know what she's...
479
00:25:03,986 --> 00:25:06,494
- Basil!
- Mr Brown is from the CID.
480
00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:08,686
He showed me identification.
481
00:25:08,786 --> 00:25:11,244
They're watching Melbury.
He's a confidence trickster.
482
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,847
- I see.
- What do you mean, you see?
483
00:25:13,947 --> 00:25:16,324
- Let's have a look at these valuables.
- What are you doing?
484
00:25:16,424 --> 00:25:20,486
Sybil, I forbid you to open that safe!
Sybil, I forbid you to take that case out!
485
00:25:20,586 --> 00:25:23,965
Sybil, do not open that case, I forbid it!
486
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:26,016
I never thought I would live to see the day
487
00:25:27,340 --> 00:25:28,926
when a peer of the realm,
488
00:25:29,026 --> 00:25:30,851
entrusts to us, a case of valuables
489
00:25:31,060 --> 00:25:32,334
in trust...
490
00:25:56,780 --> 00:26:00,136
- I'll call the police.
- They're already here, Mr Brown's outside.
491
00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:03,537
Someone at reception, Basil.
492
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,258
Ah. Erm...
493
00:26:16,580 --> 00:26:20,529
All right. Good evening.
494
00:26:20,629 --> 00:26:23,084
- I believe you were expecting us.
- No, I was expecting somebody else.
495
00:26:23,184 --> 00:26:24,968
Sir Richard and Lady Morris.
496
00:26:25,068 --> 00:26:26,769
- Yes, them as well.
- I'm sorry?
497
00:26:26,869 --> 00:26:28,179
- How did you know?
- What?
498
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,366
You're Sir Richard and Lady Morris,
I do beg your pardon.
499
00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:32,813
I was just think...
500
00:26:37,260 --> 00:26:39,644
Would you mind filling this out, please?
501
00:26:39,744 --> 00:26:41,565
We've given you room...
502
00:26:41,665 --> 00:26:43,093
Fawlty.
503
00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:45,451
Mr Fawlty to you, Lord Melbury.
504
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:48,847
- I beg your pardon?
- Nothing, please forget all about it.
505
00:26:48,947 --> 00:26:51,367
Here's the cheque for £200.
506
00:26:51,467 --> 00:26:52,734
Thank you so much.
507
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,490
Now, about my priceless collection of coins?
508
00:26:57,660 --> 00:26:58,767
Yes, do you still...
509
00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,729
Do I still want you to take them to be valued
by the Duke of Buckleigh, My Lord?
510
00:27:01,829 --> 00:27:02,847
- Yes.
- No, I don't.
511
00:27:02,947 --> 00:27:05,846
Because we've just heard
that the Duke of Buckleigh is dead.
512
00:27:05,946 --> 00:27:08,287
Yes, got his head knocked off by a golf ball.
513
00:27:08,387 --> 00:27:09,972
Tragic! Tragic!
514
00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,328
Well, how are you, Lord Melbury?
515
00:27:12,428 --> 00:27:15,289
'Ow are yer then? All right, mate?
516
00:27:15,389 --> 00:27:17,610
'Ow's me old mucker?
517
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,168
Any valuables to deposit, Sir Richard?
518
00:27:20,268 --> 00:27:21,375
Any bricks?
519
00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:25,613
I do apologise... You bastard!
520
00:27:26,740 --> 00:27:29,486
We've given you room 12
with the view overlooking the park.
521
00:27:29,586 --> 00:27:30,804
I'm sure you'll like it.
522
00:27:30,904 --> 00:27:33,368
We'll have your bags brought up
and may I introduce your wife?
523
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:36,286
Hello, Lord Melbury!
524
00:27:36,386 --> 00:27:38,655
- Bastard!
- Basil!
525
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:41,852
Please think nothing of it.
526
00:27:47,980 --> 00:27:49,971
Do please excuse me one moment.
527
00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:02,376
- I beg your pardon?
- The Morrises are leaving.
528
00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:06,973
Where are you going?
529
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:09,965
- What are you doing?
- We're leaving!
530
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,008
Don't, please stay, you'll like it here.
531
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,056
I've never been in such a place in my life.
532
00:28:21,220 --> 00:28:22,699
You snobs!
533
00:28:23,780 --> 00:28:28,490
You stupid, stuck-up, toffee-nosed, half-witted
534
00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:33,257
upper-class piles of pus!
535
00:28:39,860 --> 00:28:42,294
- Sorry, Mr Fawlty.
- Just one, please.
536
00:28:52,460 --> 00:28:53,813
Sorry, Mr Fawlty.
537
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,375
Well, I'd better put the picture up.
538
00:29:07,460 --> 00:29:09,610
Thank you, Polly, for the...
539
00:29:12,580 --> 00:29:14,485
- Well done, Manuel.
- Oué?
540
00:29:14,585 --> 00:29:16,093
Olé.
541
00:29:17,580 --> 00:29:20,209
Sorry about that, Mr Fawlty,
can I buy you a drink?
542
00:29:20,309 --> 00:29:22,168
No, I'd better put this up, I suppose.
543
00:29:22,268 --> 00:29:23,454
Basil.
544
00:29:25,100 --> 00:29:26,818
A gin and orange,
545
00:29:27,660 --> 00:29:31,806
a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please!
546
00:29:31,906 --> 00:29:32,906
Right!
547
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:35,409
Come on.
42375
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