Original subtitles

I'll tell him.

Sheldon, you need to go to the principal's office.

Ooh...

You do that every time.

Why?

Okay. I'll be right there.

What's up?

Principal wants to talk to me.

Ooh...

Grow up.

Hello!

What are you doing here?

I got called to the principal's office.

So did I.

What, you do something wrong?

Not that I'm aware of.

Did you?

I hope not.

Maybe it's good news.

Sheldon, you ever been called to the principal's office

for good news?

Never.

Gentlemen, good news.

I had a feeling. What's up?

We got the PSAT results back, and Sheldon

got a perfect score.

Neat. Thanks, Tom.

I'll be sure to put that up on the fridge.

No, you don't understand.

Sheldon's the only kid in the school to ever do this.

At his age, maybe in the whole country.

It was fun. I enjoyed it.

So what's this mean?

It means he pitched a perfect game, George.

I've already gotten calls from colleges who want to meet him.

For, like, scholarships and stuff?

For everything!

They might even pay you to get him.

My man!

When was the last time you washed your hands?

Come on!

Can you believe it?

Perfect score.

Good job, moon pie.

And not just that.

Colleges are already sniffing around to recruit him.

What do you mean, colleges? He's ten.

Principal Petersen said Caltech is interested.

Where's Caltech?

California, Mom.

California?!

It has "Cal" right there in the name.

You're not a part of this conversation.

The "tech" is for "technology."

Shelly, go to your room. The adults need to talk.

Given the events of the day, I would argue I aman adult

and should be treated as one.

I probably could've said that differently.

You honestly think that little boy's ready for college?

Hey, I didn't think he was ready for high school,

but here we are, a year and a half in,

and no one got hurt.

That is different.

He's got you and Georgie over there,

and he's still living at home with his mother and his sister.

And me.

Sure.

I understand all that.

Then why are you pushing so hard for this?

Because these schools are interested now.

It's like football recruitment.

You got to strike while the iron's hot.

This is nothing like football.

Yeah? What if he stops being smart

and they don't want him anymore?

How is that gonna happen?

I don't know. Conks his head?

Will you help me, please?

Sorry, I'm not a part of this conversation.

At least Dad's on my side.

Doesn't matter. Mom's gonna win.

She always does.

But I have to leave for college at some point.

If you went to college, you know what would happen?

I'd enjoy higher learning?

You would die.

You would curl up on the floor and die.

That's not true.

You can't even take care of your own boo-boos.

For your information, every college is staffed

with a medical professional.

My boo-boos will be well-tended to.

Sheldon! Come back in here!

I guess we'll find out what happened.

I already know what happened. Mom won.

Well?

Shelly, I am very proud of you for doing so well on that test.

But you can't go off to college.

Mom! In a few years, sure.

But, right now, you can just keep taking

your one college class with Dr. Sturgis.

Why can't I go therefull-time?

Baby, it's an hour away.

We can't drive you back and forth every day.

I'm the one who's been driving him.

And she loves it.

How can he be so smart

and so clueless at the same time?

Dr. Sturgis lives at the school. What if he acted as my guardian?

That's an idea.

A crazy one.

But it would only be on school nights.

Shelly. What's the point of being intelligent

if I can't take advantage of opportunities like this?

They're still discussing.

Mom didn't win?

It's touch and go.

Crazy.

Is staying with John really that crazy?

Yes. He doesn't know squat about kids.

Why are you even considering this?

Well, the Lord gave Shelly these abilities,

and I don't want to be the one holding him back.

Okay. I'll ask him.

But I'm pretty sure I know what answer you're gonna get.

Sure! What the heck?

Do you really think you could handle

living with a ten-year-old?

He's only biologically ten.

In every other way, he's as old as I am.

John, I don't think you realize

the responsibility involved here.

Well, why don't we have a trial run?

Have him spend a couple days with me and see how it goes.

A trial run?

Like the space program.

You don't send people up

right away; You start by

spinning them around in that thing that makes them throw up.

I don't know.

Connie, despite appearances,

I'm not some stereotypical absentminded professor

who can't take care of a houseplant.

No, no, I wasn't saying that.

Yeah, maybe I was.

Here's an idea.

Why don't you and Sheldon come live with me?

And then you can take care of both of us.

Trial run sounds like the way to go.

Not ready to shack up, are you?

No.Darn it.

The Earth is about 4.5 billion years old.

In the Cosmic Calendar, it's... Shelly,

we need to talk to you.

All right.

Meemaw spoke to Dr. Sturgis...

And?

And...

he was open to you staying.

Yes! When can I go?

Now, hold on. Before you get ahead of yourself,

this is just a trial run, for one night.

And even if it goes well,

you're not starting college tomorrow.

It's just to see if this is an option for the future.

You understand?

Yes.

The prospect of advancing

to the next stage of academia had me feeling giddy.

And, on top of that, I got to pack a suitcase,

which is like playingTetris but with underwear.

You know, Shelly, it's okay if you're a little nervous.

You can tell me.

I'm not nervous.

All right.

When I was your age, a lot of times,

I'd have to spend the weekend with my grandparents,

and that always frightened me,

'cause they'd leave their teeth all over the place.

I never told anybody, but I wish I had.

That does sound upsetting. Good thing I'm braver than you.

I'm just saying, it can be tough

sleeping in a new place without your mom.

Dr. Sturgis will be there. He's like a mom.

But he's really smart.

Welcome!

Come in, come in!

You like chalkboards?

Indeed, I do.

In fact, I even have one in the bathroom.

You never know when inspiration will strike.

I may be the luckiest boy in East Texas.

I know it's Thursday,

so dinner will be spaghetti and hot dogs.

And, for fun,

I have a few episodes of Cosmosrecorded.

Forget "maybe." I amthe luckiest boy.

Remember, it's a school night, so his bedtime is 730.

Mine, too!

Shut up, Carole King.

Watching Cosmoswhile we're eating dinner?

Am I awake? Because this feels like a dream.

Not for me. In my dreams,

I'm usually running for my life from a giant praying mantis.

That's the insect

where the female eats the male after mating?

It is.

I think I understand why you're not married.

This little piggy's looking good.

Hey, baby.

Hey. Need any help?

No.

Do you want to do mine next?

Why?

Well, just seems like a thing mothers and daughters might do.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Never mind.

Georgie, what you up to?

All my life,

I've wondered about life beyond the Earth.

On those countless other planets that we think circle other suns,

is there also life?

Might the beings of other worlds resemble us,

or would they be astonishingly different?

Do you believe there's

intelligent life in the universe?

I have no doubt.

Why is that?

The Drake Equation claims that there are at least

20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.

Interesting.

My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.

I've often been called that.

Once by the praying mantis in my dream.

Maybe we arealiens.

Perhaps.

Or maybe people like you and me

were the original inhabitants of Earth,

and everyone else is from outer space.

Ooh, I like that better.

In the great dark between the stars, there also are...

After dinner, want to toast marshmallows

on a Bunsen burner?

Good gosh, yes.

Good morning, everybody. Good morning.

Angela, look, you know,

I wanted to jot down some household hints, you know...

Want to go out and get some ice cream?

I'm watching this.

Well, when it's over.

Not really.

Okay.

Want to play Monopoly? I'll let you be the thimble.

And then he said, "Boy, what a mess.

How about cleaning this up,".

Well, pooh to you.

Yeah.

What about the little dog?

Nope.

Finally, we strike the flint

while turning up the gas of the Bunsen burner.

I don't say this often, but that may have been

the perfect safety lecture.

Thank you.

You're my guest. After you.

This is like being around a campfire,

only I'm not miserable.

Would you like me to sing a cowboy song

while we sit around our makeshift campfire?

I would like that.

And there are two "N" s.

All right.

You want to go bowl a few frames?

Don't you see me watching the Wheel?

You can just say "no."

No.

Have you talked to John tonight?

Yeah. And?

He and Sheldon were watching TV without anybody yakking at 'em.

I'm going home.

Thanks for stopping by.

Buy a vowel. Buy a vowel.

If you like being tucked in, I'm prepared to do it.

I practiced on a watermelon.

That's okay. I'm a self-tucker.

Very well. Now, I'll be in my room if you need me.

Here's a glass of water

if you get thirsty.

And there's fresh chalk on the blackboard

in case of any late-night epiphanies.

Excellent.

And... if your meemaw asks

how I did tonight,

I hope you'll give me a positive review.

Three stars.

Out of three? Yes.

Wonderful!

Hi.

What do you want? I baked you a pie.

Why?

Well, I was thinking we haven't had

the best history as neighbors.

That's 'cause we don't like each other.

Right, so I thought we could sit down over a slice of rhubarb pie

and, you know, forgive and forget.

I haven't done anything that needs forgiving.

Okay, well, that sounds like something

we could sit down and talk about over the pie.

Mom, I'm bleeding again!

You know what, Mary? I appreciate it,

but this isn't a great time.

Bobbi stabbed Billy in the leg with a fork.

Good Lord. Is he okay?

It was a plastic fork, but it broke the skin pretty good.

Okay, I-I understand.

How about I take that pie and give you a rain check?

Um, sure...

I think there's mustard in the fork holes!

Got to go.

You can keep the pan!

Sheldon.

Why are you running?

I just want to kiss you.

Dear. Dear.

Dr. Sturgis?

Sheldon.

So nice to see you.

I think you tripped and hit your head.

I'm a bit woozy.

I better test for concussion.

What's your name?

John Burgess Sturgis.

Burgess Sturgis? Great name. Thank you.

Who's the president of the United States?

George Herbert Walker Bush.

I like Burgess Sturgis better.

'Cause it rhymes, sure.

Last question. What is the only fermion

that may not have an antiparticle?

The neutrino, of course.

I'm gonna rule out concussion.

To be fair, it was an easy question.

True. Wait here. I'm going to go get some ice for your head

and I'll fix you a hot beverage.

There's a, there's an Earl Grey tea bag in the sink.

I think it still has some oomph in it.

Hey, what you doing?

Pretty much what it looks like.

Would you like some company?

Sure, I guess.

Of course, if you'd rather watch TV, I could leave you alone.

No, no. No, it's a rerun.

But even if it weren't...

Ooh.

Hey, what... what's wrong?

Nothing. Keep going.

Mary?

George, I just miss my little boy so much,

and he's never gonna come back 'cause he doesn't need his mama.

Baby, of course he'll come back.

No, you should've seen how happy he was.

All right, well, still got Georgie and Missy.

Dear.

Dear, dear, dear.

Dear.

Dr. Sturgis, your tea is on fire!

Boy, it's a good thing we did this trial run.

No kidding. Ooh, it's chilly out.

Night.

I changed my mind.

I don't want to leave here ever.

You never have to.

What were you thinking, letting me take care of a child?

I won't make that mistake again.

Do I look like Mary Poppins?

As smart as I am,

I tried to put out a fire with oxygen and paper.

It's okay. No one got hurt.

I may actually have had a concussion.

What are your symptoms?

It feels like there's hair on my head.

Hey. He okay?

Yeah, he's fine.

How you doing? Much better.

You know, I just been sitting here thinking

how I drove an hour both ways to bring the two of them back.

Pretty damn decent of me.

Come here.

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