Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

- She's out. - How?

I don't know.

♪ Does your butt hang low? ♪

♪ Do your boobs hang low? ♪

♪ Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? ♪

♪ Can you tie 'em in a bow? ♪

I feel like we're back in fifth grade.

♪ Like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low? ♪

I can't take it anymore.

Would you please shut up?

- Thank you. - Dicks!

♪ Does your dick hang low? ♪

♪ Does it wobble to and fro? ♪

♪ Can you tie it in a knot? ♪ ♪ Can you tie it in a bow? ♪

♪ Can you throw it over shoulder ♪

♪ Like a continental soldier? ♪

I fucking hate you twins.

Fucking X-Men mutants.

Farts.

♪ Does your fart hang low? ♪

Farts? That's not even a thing.

Jesus Christ.

I will give you Aunt Mary and my larger testicle

if you just shut up!

And deal. Minus the testicle.

Boom, bitches.

What now? Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That's right. Oh, yeah.

Ooh, yeah, you like that.

Mmm, mmm, mwah.

How'd my ass taste when it was passing you, Joshy?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Yeah, me too.

I'll never understand how those two are together.

No, I think she really means she's gonna be sick.

- Oh. - Shit.

Just like old times.

- Josh, beer? - Yeah.

No offense,

but your grandfather's place is a dump.

- Brandon. - Well, it is.

I'm not saying something they don't know.

It's been a long time since we've seen it.

At least ten years.

I remember jumping on that trampoline for days.

It used to be a happy place.

- And now? - Told you, it's a dump.

And now it's our dump.

You better believe it.

To Pop Pop...

who was awesome enough to leave this house to our parents,

who knew they weren't gonna do shit with it,

and gave it to us.

To Pop Pop.

To Pop Pop.

Grace tells me he drowned.

Yeah, looks like he slipped in on the north side.

Never found the body.

What? You mean he's still there?

- Yep. - You're shitting me.

Hey, guys...

check this out.

It's like he's still here.

Maybe he is.

Whoo-ooh!

Weird.

Hey, yo, Josh? What's the Wi-Fi password?

Don't have one, dude.

No reception either.

Aw, no vlogging for Freddy.

How are he and his six followers going to survive?

FYI, bitch-face,

I'm over 400 now, right?

Pretty soon, I'll have more than you, DJ Asshat.

In your wildest wet dreams, Freddy.

Whatever, I'll just upload this shit

when we get back to civilization.

Problem solved.

Except for this poor guy.

Think he's seen better days, huh?

Aah! Aah! Josh!

Toby!

Hey, what's wrong?

It moved.

Something's in there.

Aah!

Oh, my God.

Brilliant reaction, Toby. I loved it.

- Fuck, Freddy! - Ow, Jesus.

I need a little bit more from you next time.

- Turn that shit off. - Whoo!

Take a look.

Any reason the basement's on lockdown?

Oh, yeah, Pop Pop was crazy like that.

He always kept it locked.

One time when Erin was eight,

she got stuck in there by mistake.

I remember that. She spent

- the whole night down there. - Oh, brutal.

Trust me, you do not want to get stuck down there.

Toby, shut up. Toby, shut up.

- Knock it off. - Toby.

Okay, next one.

And then Odysseus said,

"For Zeus had smitten

"my swift ship

with his bright thunderbolt,

"and it had shattered in the mist

of the wine-dark sea."

Yeah.

Damn.

Damn. That's sick.

Yo, I want a photographic memory, T.

Can you teach me?

How sweet would that be...

to be a god, be like Zeus?

Zeus was a slut.

Perks of being the All-father.

I'm just saying you should aspire

to be someone higher like Buddha or Yahweh.

Yo, they don't have

the fucking lightning bolts, though.

"Thou art dead, Testicles."

Can I get a whoopeth-whoopeth?

- No. - No.

Y'all suck.

My God.

He's... he's seriously insane.

He's got scouts watching the games now.

So he's really dedicated. Fuck you.

"Scouts."

Hey.

What?

Oh!

What is the name of the game?

Thumper!

Why do we play?

To get fucked up!

Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh! Ugh!

Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!

Drink, motherfucker! Drink!

- Whoo! - Nice.

All right, keep going, keep going.

Rodeo! Rodeo! Rodeo!

Shit.

Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!

Drink, motherfucker! Drink!

What's the name of the game?

♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la ♪

Fuck me.

All right, what is the name of the game?

Thumper!

Whoo!

Ooh-ga-cha-ca.

What's with the friggin' balloon?

It's the vibration. It helps her feel the music.

Get off your ass, douche bag.

You are a God.

- This is so cray-cray. - Yeah.

I think the last time we did this...

We were eight.

And now it is a tradition.

My cooch is a popsicle.

Holy shit.

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore.

This is so not like I remember it.

Why didn't we do this in high school?

I don't know.

Sometimes you got to step away from a perfect thing

to know just how amazing it is.

Perfect thing, huh?

You know it.

Okay, here's the billion-dollar question.

- Why am I with him? - He's just so not you.

Jock, pretty boy, caveman,

steroid addict.

Beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, awesome Wiccan girl.

A dark Wiccan girl.

Sorry. I forgot.

Wiccans are nice witches all into the Earth.

Dark Wiccans are into what's below it.

- Still, it's a mismatch. - I don't know.

Dark Wiccan girl one-night stand

with jock, pretty boy caveman leads

- to 103 one-night stands... - Oh, no, I can't.

And counting.

You know, pretty soon you're going to have

to start going to his baseball games,

serving him protein shakes in bed,

hanging with the ball wives on the road!

Hurrah! Go, Brandon!

Kill me now. Thank you.

You do realize that there could be

someone out there that can give you everything you want.

And being with jockstrap is kind of hurting your chances.

Yeah, I know.

Sometimes I even wonder why we're together.

I mean, he can be an obnoxious jerk,

like, most of the time.

But...

I don't know.

He can be sweet,

and the bottom line is, he cares about me

in his own way.

Oh, I don't know. Whatever.

Until I can't handle it anymore,

I am just gonna enjoy the ride...

until I don't.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

I know.

And I appreciate it.

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Amen.

Hey.

- Whoa! - Oh, my God,

- oh, my God, oh, my God. - Go, go, go, go, go!

I was just in the bathroom, and...

Shh! It's okay. It's okay.

It's just a blown fuse.

Where's the fuse box, dude?

Shit. It's locked.

Where's the key?

If memory serves, it's in here.

Hold this.

Ew. Oh.

Oh!

- Fuck! - Jesus, what is that?

Something's rotting down there.

Or someone.

Hey, guys, I need the light here.

And the bat.

What the hell?

Just get to the fuse box.

Uh, guys?

Ow!

- Eww. - Please tell me

this is just a sick game of hopscotch.

It's a sick game of hopscotch.

I don't think your grandfather was losing it.

I think it was already lost.

- No kidding. - Guys...

I know what this is.

Okay, so this... this summoning portal

can summon a demon spirit from the other side?

Not just any.

This spell book, or grimoire,

it names someone specifically...

Beelzebub.

Ooh.

Now, he's one of the seven princes of hell.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Hey, this is ridiculous.

We have to jump on this.

There's another spell here to summon his legion.

There's all these ordinances and safeguards...

how they can't go through barriers uninvited,

like locked doors

And the fact that there's

a circle of protection spell to contain them

suggests that all this is bad...

- Ooh... - Like, really bad.

Oh, sweet. Now we really got to try it.

No, it feels wrong.

The energy I'm feeling is bad.

We got to do this.

We're in the middle of fucking nowhere.

- It's a no-brainer. - But you heard her.

This is probably an evil demon.

I say we live a little and stop being pussies.

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

Come on, this is all just bullshit.

We can't really conjure a demon.

That's, like, Wes Craven shit.

Why is this bullshit?

I mean, if people believe angels are real,

then why can't a demon be real?

Of course it's bullshit.

No offense, babe, but we got to try this.

I mean, look, I'm about to go pro.

This is my last chance to do something crazy like this.

Yeah, you're so fucking drunk, dude.

I am.

What do you think, Grace?

Well, like Brandon said, I'm the expert demon conjurer.

I'm in.

Yeah, that's my little witch.

But, hey, I will only do it if everyone agrees to it.

- Fine. Hands? - Yeah.

- Aw, come on, Kim. - Aw, Kimbo!

- Kimbo! - Come on!

Kimbo! Kimbo! Kimbo! Kimbo! Kimbo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

I can't wait to share my stash with Beetlejuice.

It's Beelzebub, you retard.

That's what I said... Bellzefuck.

Tonight we will journey to a realm

beyond sight and sound,

beyond mind and substance,

things and ideas,

another dimension, if you will...

a dimension called The Freddy Zone.

Tonight my friends and I will discover

whether or not there is, in fact,

a world beyond our own,

a dark dimension where demons dwell,

and our only hope for survival

is my friend since before I had pubes, Grace.

Say hi, Grace.

Turn that shit off, Freddy.

Will we discover that there is, in fact,

another world beyond our own?

Or will we just

get wasted as fuck and not find shit?

Either way, it's still a total win-win, right? Yeah!

Freddy, I don't know what's more annoying...

you or the handheld horror-movie bullshit.

Turn it off.

I just want you all to know

if anything should happen to me,

if I should get torn apart

by three four-breasted succubi

or three four-breasted succubi who want to ravage my body

with their...

Turn that shit off before I kick your fucking ass!

Doing a "Blair Witch" send-up.

Kicking it old school, bee-yatches!

Now, Freddy.

Sorry, guys.

Got to keep the 418 loyal Freddy followers satiated.

First...

I'm going to read the circle of protection spell.

What does that do, again?

It prevents any demons

or any souls, for that matter, from leaving the circle.

What, like a quarantine?

Yeah, exactly... sort of.

Okay, ready?

Join hands, guys.

- Whoo! - Hmm.

Hey.

Okay.

Latet anguis in herba,

Beneficium accipere libertatem est vendere,

Fallaces sunt rerum species,

custodiet ipsos custodes,

Necesse est multos timeat quem multi timent,

in nihilum nil posse reverti.

Hey, Tara, see what?

What did she say?

She said she saw a flash of light.

Tara, you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a fourth spell.

It sends all conjured demons

within the ritual symbol back from whence they came.

You okay with this?

I can stop whenever.

Fine.

Okay.

Now the summoning spell.

It says we have to give an offering of blood and flesh.

- We have to kill somebody? - No.

We have to choose someone to act as the vessel

through which the spirits can enter.

Anyone?

How about the vlogger?

Yeah, you know how many more followers you'd get

if you were actually possessed?

Yeah. No, thank you.

Why don't you do it?

- Hmm? - You.

You're always talking so big. Why don't you back it up?

Yeah...

tough guy.

Okay. All right. Fine.

I'll do it.

Since the rest of you are a bunch of pussies.

Oh!

What do I got to do, babe?

That's my honeybee.

You're so manly.

Mm.

Just sit in the middle.

Okay.

Okay, join up again, guys.

- Ready? - Mm-hmm.

Coram populo,

Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus,

Videtis quantum scelus contra rem publicam.

What's happening?

It was just... just a little gust of wind, right?

In the fucking basement?

Yo, Brandon.

He's not moving.

He's silent.

Brandon.

Yo, talk to me, buddy.

Are you Brandon?

I don't want to do this anymore.

- How do we know? - What?

- If he's possessed. - He's not.

But how do we know?

We only just started the spell,

so the spirit isn't in him.

Hey, anyone else want to give it a try?

- Freddy? - I'm high, I'm not that high.

Erin? What about you?

Me? No.

No.

Guys, I just want to have fun this weekend.

Kimbo's right.

We're riding a serious buzzkill.

Well, then let's ride something else.

And it's a bust, mi amigos and amigas.

No possession today,

thanks to a major puss-out by that guy.

Oh, well, perhaps next time on The Freddy Zone.

Hey, Grace?

Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus.

Grace?

Videtis quantum scelus

contra rem publicam vobis nuntiatum sit?

O praeclarum custodem ovium lupum!

Hey, Grace?

Exegi monumentum aere perennius!

What did you just do?

What are you doing?

Apparently nothing.

Come on, let's go get wasted.

Ah!

It's okay.

Mmm, mmm.

Someone's got the munchies.

Slow down, speedy.

Don't want you to choke now.

Thanks.

Oh!

Yes.

I fucking hate that guy.

Yeah.

Oh, God. Oh, I love your pussy.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

You want it rough, huh?

Maybe.

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck me. Oh, my God.

Oh my God! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah...

Mm!

Oh...

Oh. Oh.

Let's see what you got.

Mmm.

No, no, no. I can't. I shouldn't.

You have a boyfriend, and...

Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh! Oh, fuck.

I fucking knew it. Fucking kinky.

Ugh.

Oh. All right.

Oh, wait. Oh.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, oh, God.

Oh, God. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Hey, where you going?

What up, what up, Freddies?

You are not gonna believe what just happened.

Like it, share it, re-tweet it.

I'm talking better than that time

I bungied out the fourth-story window

in my dorm freshman year.

That's right, I'm talking about pounding the punanny pavement,

rolling the jelly doughnut,

cleaning the pipes.

Ah! Ah!

Freddy from the block just got laid.

Damn, that witch sure cast

a wicked hump spell, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, look, there she is...

Something happened to Freddy.

Come on!

Yes.

Why'd the music stop?

Okay.

Um...

Well, clearly he's not here now.

Maybe he was pulling a prank.

You know how he is.

Maybe he's waiting upstairs for us.

Or maybe...

Tara's shrooms are still going strong.

True that, man.

Knowing Freddy, he probably went off

to shoot some B roll for his vlog shit.

I don't know.

He's a big boy who's done a ton of shrooms in his time.

But I'm sure he's fine, okay?

Baby, come on.

Damn, we fucked this place up.

Mmm.

Grace, what the hell?

I just wanted to greet the morning.

Let you see what life could be like

with someone who can actually hear those moans of pleasure.

Grace, that's a really bitch thing to say.

What do I care? She can't hear it.

No.

Tara.

Fuck you, Grace. God.

Tara.

I am so sorry.

I was just joking with Josh.

It didn't mean a thing.

What didn't?

Look who's finally awake?

Don't change the subject, Grace.

- What didn't mean a thing? - My fucking Josh.

What the fuck? You fucked my girl?

Get your fucking hands off me.

What the fuck? Is it true?

Of course not, idiot!

The two of you fighting over little old me.

I can't tell you how flattered I am, really.

Did you fuck him?

No, you fucking oaf.

I didn't.

I should've because you're built like a Ken doll.

I didn't even get wet last night.

Dry like the Sahara down there.

Don't talk like that.

Grace.

You keep out of this, Erin,

or I'll lock you in the basement.

Stop it, Grace.

Make me, dummy.

Make me, inchworm.

Enough.

Aah!

Ooh, what the fuck?

What are you doing? Oh, what are you doing?

Oh, my God! Holy shit!

Grace!

- Grace! - What the fuck?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck?

Ah!

It's tight.

Okay, so what's next?

We get ghost, like, right now.

We just leave her here... like this?

Fuck, yeah!

Kimbo, Freddy...

We need to find them.

What's she saying?

We need to find Kimberly and Freddy.

Fuck 'em! For all we know, they're dead already.

You guys heard that scream.

Look, I say we go,

and then we get the cops to come up here,

find them, and put fucking Grace in the psycho ward.

Oh, it's nice to know you have our back, asshole.

- Fuck you. - No, fuck you back, bitch!

- What? What? - Brandon? Brandon?

You know she is not crazy.

She's possessed.

I don't care what she is.

We need to try to bring her back.

And how do you propose we do that?

What the fuck is she saying?

There's a spell in the book

There's a banishing spell in the book.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Doing that witch stuff is what got us

in this fuckhole in the first place.

So we're not doing anymore of that shit, you hear me?

We're leaving, like, yesterday.

Brandon, we need to stay together.

You stay. I'm gone. Who's with me?

We're staying to help Grace.

You guys are idiots.

Thanks... for a great fucking weekend.

What the fuck?

Fucker.

Ah, which one is it?

I don't know.

No, this is the spell

to reverse the circle of protection.

Ordinances, locked doors, barriers...

Got it! Demon exile.

Uh, okay, uh, the demon should be present

in the ritual symbol before incantation.

She is. Let's do this.

Okay. Here goes.

Rursus sub terris omnia daemonia

a gratia Spiritus.

O Pater virtutes convertere ad animarus...

No, I didn't.

No, I didn't!

Read it again, read it again.

Fine.

Rursus sub terris omnia daemonia

a gratia Spiritus.

O Pater...

Come on, read the spell! Read the spell!

Rursus sub terris...

Go, run!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

She's coming!

Lock it! Lock it! It can't open locked doors!

- Come on, Toby! - Toby, lock it.

Aah!

Aah!

Oh!

Damn it.

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Fuck.

This is so fucked up.

Oh.

Oh! Oh, God damn it!

Freddy?

You're alive.

Freddy?

I think I met Kimberly

back in second grade.

Yeah.

She didn't like me then, though.

Fucking snot-nosed brat, flicking her ear

every, like, two secs.

Well, that was the way I showed the love.

You know?

Just annoy them till they notice me.

She just ignored me, though.

She was smart.

I never knew that.

As soon as I stopped,

out of sheer boredom,

that's when we became friends.

Now she's gone.

Freddy's gone.

Brandon.

What about Grace?

Is she gone?

No.

She is still in there somewhere.

We just need to find a way to bring her back.

But how?

We get her into the triangle...

Yeah, we saw how that worked out.

Okay, it will work

if we just knock her out for longer.

And how do you suggest we do that?

I don't know!

Whoa, Tara, hold up.

Yo, I got my shit organized.

Yeah. I-I got plenty.

I got... I got A-Ambien. I got Lunesta.

I got Rozerem, Zolpidem.

Genius.

Can you liquefy it?

Yeah. Dude, you... you can pretty much liquefy anything.

Oh, this?

This will put an elephant to sleep.

How long?

Last time I tried it,

I showed up to my Friday night gig.

It was Saturday night.

But will that kill her?

Yo, I can't account for any pre-existing conditions,

like heart palpitations

or coronary disease

of if she's on any blood thinners,

like Coumadin or Clexane or Cutenox!

Toby!

If her shit's clean, yeah...

she's gonna sleep like a baby.

Toby...

Get it done.

Wait, where are you going?

We need a backup plan.

What are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing? We have to be prepared.

No.

No. That is not an option.

We're not killing her. That is still Grace in there.

What the hell is wrong with you, Erin, huh?

If she's standing over you or Toby or Tara,

you better believe one of those rifles in there

is the only thing,

the only thing standing between you living and dying.

I will take that shot if I have to.

Grace would fight for us

if it were the other way around.

Killing her is not an option.

I'm not Grace.

Toby!

Toby! Toby, open the door!

Kimberly?

- Kimberly? - Toby, help!

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

Ah!

Run, Tara! Run!

Tara!

Run, Tara!

Erin, take the shot!

Take the shot!

- I can't.

I can't!

Are you okay?

Alive?

Um...

Hey, hey.

It's not your fault.

This ends now.

Josh, please.

This is not a debate, Er.

This is survival.

You think I came to this fucking place

expecting to kill our friends?

I'm going down there alone.

I have to do this!

No, no, no, Josh. You can't do that.

We don't know what's wrong with her.

We don't know how to stop it.

I don't even know what's wrong with her,

but she's too dangerous, and she's too powerful.

- Erin. Erin! - You can't go down there.

You can't just leave her up here alone...

Erin. I need you to close and lock the door.

Can you do that for me?

You need to be strong.

I can't do this without you, sis.

Don't worry about me.

I'm more worried about Grace getting out.

I need you both to hide.

Stick together.

Understand?

No. No!

We have to hide.

What is it?

Yoo-hoo!

Ladies!

Ugh!

No! Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh! Aah!

Aah!

Sorry.

Oh, don't be so surprised.

I'm talking to you.

Don't be so surprised.

She did it for love.

She thinks she sacrificed all of you for love.

No, wait, wait! Don't take her! Don't take her!

We need her. I need her.

Since when is this about you?

Since we made a deal.

Boom, bitches.

- To Pop Pop. - To Pop Pop!

Uh, guys?

This is ridiculous. We have to jump on this.

- Why don't you do it? - Hmm?

...contra rem publicam vobis nuntiatum sit?

O praeclarum...

Ahh...

No!

No...

I did everything you asked. Everything.

But you made one mistake.

Coram populo,

Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus...

What are you doing?

Didn't you?

How was I supposed to know Brandon would chicken-shit out?

I don't want to do this anymore.

- And then Grace? - Ah, yes.

Grace.

You so want her.

So close, you can just...

taste it.

You ever wonder why?

Grace.

Why you love her so much?

She's mine.

But you can leap into Tara.

Right?

See, it's just a simple possession transfer.

I know your history. You have done it before.

Gather the bodies.

Read the summoning spell.

But first you need to transfer into Tara.

A body that can't hear.

What's the fun in that?

- But you... - Read the spell.

No.

Give me Grace,

or I am not reading the spell.

And none of your legion

gets to come over to this plane.

We both know only someone of this Earth

can read the sacred language of the spells.

No canceling the circle of protection.

No summoning spell.

You'll be trapped in this little bubble forever.

Now, where's the fun in that?

Are you actually threatening me?

I just want what's mine.

Stupid human.

I don't need you to read the spell.

I just need someone.

Be grateful I let you live.

Ah!

Read the spell!

I'm sorry.

Come. This should be good.

Now, now, Erin,

old barns are hardly a safe haven.

Found you.

Aah!

Stay away from me!

Aah! Aah!

Stay away from me!

Shh!

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Aah!

Find the deaf one.

Help!

Help! No!

No! Help! Help!

Ah!

Aah!

We need her.

Oh, you little fool.

The banishment spell won't work.

We're not in the triangle.

Yes... you... are!

- Yeah. - That's sick.

Yo, I want a photographic memory, T.

Can you teach me?

Yeah, there's a fourth spell.

It sends all conjured demons within the ritual symbol

back from whence they came.

Okay, the demon should be present

in the ritual symbol before incantation.

She is. She is.

Ugh. Ugh.

Oh...

Where's Erin?

I don't know what to say.

I don't think we need to say anything.

No one needs to know what happened here.

...sicut praeceperat Dominus voluerit...

Et hoc nunc locat recedemus.

Babe, are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm okay.

Let's get out of here.