All language subtitles for Las Vegas s05e12 I could eat a horse.eg

Previously, on Las Vegas:

I'm A.J. Cooper, and I just bought the place.

- Hey, Mr. Cooper.
- Hey, Mike.

- Cooper.
- Such a kiss-ass.

Sam, you were kidnapped, and shuttled onto a jet
which the kidnapper flew out of.

You're Delinda. Former boss' daughter.
And you're having Danny's baby.

- It is Danny, right?
- Yeah, Danny.

You know, this "becoming a dad" thing" has got
all kinds of perks I didn't know about.

- Piper Nielson.
- Oh, strong handshake.

- I don't date older guys.
- What's his story, anyway?

A.J. Cooper owns the largest
working cattle ranch in Wyoming.

Net worth: somewhere north of $2 billion.

- Uh, two caramel macchiatos, right?
- Excellent, you bet.

- Uh, not for me, thanks.
- She's on "the zone. "

Oh, well you look great! I mean, whatever
you're doing, it's... it's, uh, working.

Not that you didn't look great last time
you were here, because you looked very voluptuous.

It's okay, I was a tub.
And now, I have lost 46 pounds.

Her goal is to fit into her
grandmother's wedding dress.

- I'm almost there.
- Aw, that's so nice.

Well, as long as you don't
lose the appetite for the blackjack, right?

Not me!

I was actually going to hit the gym first,
but I'll meet up with you guys later?

Okay, great.

- Um, okay.
- Bye.

- Don't tell me...
- I don't think I can marry her, Sam.

What am I gonna do?

You're gonna gamble.

That's what you're gonna do.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

you other brothers can't deny

that when a girl walks in
with a itty- Bitty waist

and a round thing in your face

you get sprung, wanna pull up tough

'cause you notice that butt was stuffed

deep in the jeans she's wearing

I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

- Hey, what's goin' on?
- Hey. Excuse me.

Let me ask you something, Danny.
Does everyone look a bit more...

Oh, it's the, uh, love 'em large convention
this weekend over at the Tropicana.

People come from far and wide.
They pack pretty much every hotel on the strip.

They're likely to kill us
at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

So what are you, uh, you goin' bowling?

Well, yeah, I was very flattered.

The landscaping department
asked me to be on their team.

- There's a big regional tournament over at the fairlanes.
- Nice.

Yeah, but sometimes these things
can turn into a bit of a marathon.

So I was hoping you could handle some business
for me while I'm gone.

There's something I've admired
a long time, and it's come up for sale.

Not a problem.

Good, I'll have the jet
fueled and ready in an hour.

- The jet?
- Yeah.

- Where am I going?
- Wyoming.

- To buy what?
- A horse.

- Yeah, I don't really know anything about horses.
- No, you don't need to.

You'll be bidding on three-year-old
named hay maker's mark.

- Yeah, but I...
- Trust me on this. Now here's the deal:

The owner hates me. There is no way he would
sell me this horse. But he doesn't know you.

All due respect, uh, this isn't really Montecito
business. I'm president of operations...

I want this horse, so I'm asking you as a favor.

All right, that might be fun.

So am I gonna see the grand tetons?

Probably not, but I'm sure
you'll see some nice ones.

Las Vegas season 5 episode 12 " I could eat a horse"

a D e S t o Production

It probably won't surprise you to know
that I'm an equine expert.

Well, not so much an expert
as a well-informed dabbler.

Well, the sports book doesn't count, Mike.
We're talking about a reining horse,

not a racing horse, okay? Excuse me.

I don't know anything about those.
But I can read up on the plane.

Don't you think one of us should say back here
and look after things? What if something happens?

Tuesdays. Statistically, tuesdays are uneventful.
And Mitch is here. I trust Mitch.

- Don't you trust Mitch?
- That's good cream filling...

Uh, yeah, yeah I trust him.

I trust him, it's just that I don't understand
why you want to go to Wyoming.

Are you kidding? Cooper's phat ranch?
Fresh air, farmer's daughters.

And not to mention your two vacation days
that don't roll into the next fiscal year?

- Which starts when?
- Friday.

I know you.

Show me.

That much.

That's not heaping. You can't be chintzy
with the bean count, Miguel.

Do you want a rich cup of coffee, or a weak one?

- Rich.
- Rich!

- Rich.
- That's right!

Delinda? It's still a little weak.

- But it's getting better.
- We're working on it.

Well, what isn't getting better
is the restaurant. I ate there last night.

I apologize. Ever since the wolfgang
departure, it's been a struggle.

- You need to hire a new chef. One who can cook.
- I know, I know, you're right.

What's wrong? You all right?

The baby. It hit me.

Oh, no, I think that's called a quickening.

May i?

Have any kids yourself?

I mean, you seem to know a lot about babies.
I was just wondering.

So, the restaurant.

- New chef. Got it.
- Could you handle this before I get back?

- How long will you be gone?
- Long enough to win a big gold trophy.

Well, you know they don't really
make 'em out of gold.

Don't ruin it for me, Delinda.

Sorry. They're pure gold.

I don't feel anything.

It's not all the time.
It's... It's sometimes.

Danny! Home on the range time.

Okay, all right, uh, I gotta go.
But I'll feel it when I get back, okay?

- Okay, remember, i get to feel it first!
- Okay!

What?

- What what?
- Don't "what what" me.

You didn't blink, and I know all your tells.
What's going on?

Okay, I let someone else feel it already.

What?

We had a deal! Who was it, Sam?

- Yes, it was Sam.
- Danny boy!

- Where the deer and the antelope get down.
- Okay, okay.

You know what, she did this to spite me
because I didn't give gordon fisk more credit.

- She doesn't even like babies.
- I know, I know, it was a total waste!

I hate her!

All right, okay.

I may not have a signal out in the boondocks,
but I'll try to call you later.

- No worries. I love you.
- I see you!

- What's his problem?
- Beats me.

- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.

My whale doesn't want to marry his fiancee.

He wants me to keep her busy
while he does god knows what with who.

You know, if I actually cared, I might draw a line
in the moral sand, and tell her.

- Good thing you don't have a conscience.
- Yeah.

What was that?

The baby. It's called quickening.

Whatever.

At least I'm not a total liar.

Excuse me, hey. Um, where's the concierge?

Oh, it's uh, right there, where it says "Concierge. "

Not that one. I'm looking for Piper Nielson.

- Oh, she's not on for another hour.
- Cool

I'll just wait for her in the bar.

Okay.

Ah, clean air. Wide open spaces!
I'm feelin' at home already.

Yeah, well, you and those $200 jeans
are gonna fit right in here.

- They look good, don't they?
- Don't ask me that, seriously.

Hey, what about you, in your $80 jeans.

These are genuine cowboy pants, dude,
these are the ones that real cowboys wear.

- That tight?
- Maybe not quite this tight.

Right.

- This must be us, right?
- Yeah, he said the keys were under the seat.

High security.

- Want to hear about reining horses?
- Nope.

They're fascinating animals.

- I don't care.
- By the time

I'm done, you will care, my friend.
These horses go beyond impressive.

- You don't care that I don't care, do you?
- Not really.

I knew I should have come alone.

- Hi.
- Hi!

- How's your workout?
- Oh, feelin' the burn.

Got to work on these love handles.

- You look great.
- Aw, thanks.

- I don't even know if Rodney deserves you.
- Oh, no, this is all for him.

He deserves a woman he can be proud of.

I should probably shower and get to the tables.

- He likes me to be there, for good luck.
- Actually, that's why I stopped by.

Rodney wanted me to let you know
that he's doing great.

He's on quite a roll at the craps table.

- You could just stay here, if you want.
- Really?

I mean, I'm sure you know
Rodney's a little superstitious.

So you might not want to go
down there, because you could,

uh, you might, you know, throw off his chi.

True.

Maybe I could go to the spa after this.

That's perfect!
You are always thinkin', Sam.

Yeah, sometimes too much.

- Okay!
- Bye.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Uh, there's a guy waiting for you in Opus.

Is he 300 Ibs and asking for the m&m factory?

No, he's more like a short, metrosexual boy-band type.

With a guitar.

and even though I lost her

she never looked so beautiful

from up here

whoa whoa

a million faces in the crowd

and you will always shine them out

she never looked so beautiful

from down here

living illusions, darling

I can't face the truth

I see the dream of you and me

but it's not meant to be

another disaster

my heart has been shattered again

it's 2:00 am in the morning

and I'm crying out

I'm drying out

lying in my bed

whoa whoa

a million faces in the crowd

and you will always shine them out

she never looked so beautiful

from down here

See, these horses, they're all about precision.

They can do perfect circles, pivots,
180 degree changes in any direction.

They can go from a gallup to a complete stop.

- Boom. On a dime!
- I remember when I was a kid

this horse just stepped on the tip of my
sneaker with his back, uh, his hoof.

I barely made it out of those sneakers alive.

How much is Cooper willing to
pay for this hay maker's mark?

He didn't give me a limit,
he just said he had to have the horse.

Everybody's got a limit, Danny. Even Cooper.
I think we should call him.

I think you should call him.
I'm driving.

It's not safe.

No bars.

Ah, it's all right.

What?

Ow, a bug.

Yeah, funny.

City-slicker.

Oh, crap.

Is that why they call it this?

Never thought about that.

- Hi.
- Hey, Sam!

- Hey, how's everything going?
- Good, fine.

- Good.
- Yeah, you, uh, you just said that.

I set up the spa for Sherry.

So she'll be there for about an hour and a half.

And, you know, maybe two hours
if she decides to take a steam.

- And then what?
- I thought maybe you could man up.

Hi, sam.

Hello!

- Hello. I remember you.
- Kira.

Yeah, you're the one who was trying
to win the pick-up truck in the contest.

Guilty.

Uh, I'm sorry, weren't you
really religious or something?

Like, "all gamblers are sinners and lost souls. "
That was you, right?

What can I say?
It's those flaws that make us special.

Well, that's true, isn't it?

There's a whole lot of special
going on around here lately.

Right, Rodney?

Could you excuse us for a minute?
It was great to see you.

You too.

I'm gonna talk to Sherry. I swear I am.

Okay, listen to me...
I'm sure you know that I value you as a client.

And, you know, I like you okay personally.

But I'm not gonna run interference for you
for three days while you cheat on your fiancee.

I'm not cheating. I just need a little more
time while I figure out how to word things.

- I don't want to hurt her.
- You realize you're gonna break this girl's heart.

She gave up her career for you.

She's trying to cram herself into her
grandmother's Wedding dress for you.

I know that, and I feel terrible.
Really, I do.

You're a sensitive, well-spoken woman.
What do you think I should say?

You know what, first of all,
don't ever call me sensitive.

And second of all, you know
what, I'm not helping you.

I'll keep her busy for a little while longer,
and then you're on your own.

Hey, there.

How ya'll doin'?

I can see where Cooper
gets his friendly attitude.

What's everybody looking at?

Definitely looking at me. Think it's my jeans?

Yeah, yeah.

It's, uh, definitely the jeans.

- Hey there, big Fella.
- Hey, I got our paddle.

I do love a good auction.

69.

I really hope we find hay maker's mark.

- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.

He's a beauty, huh?

Yeah, he looks just like
the one that stepped on me.

- He can't be. You were 10.
- Yeah, I was kidding.

All right, let's go find the one we're buying,
see if we can get a good at her.

- Him.
- Whatever.

Yeah.

Hey.

Dude, you're all puffy.
What's up?

Oh, my god.

I think I'm allergic to the horses.

If you're allergic to horses, why would you come?

You know what, um, let's... let's...
go outside, get some fresh air.

- That's a good idea.
- You got the keys?

Hey, uh...

- Where do I find hay maker's mark?
- He just got pulled from the auction.

The owner's changed his mind.

I don't want you to go to any more trouble
than you already have.

Are you kidding me?
You're celebrating a new size.

You need to go shopping... it's Vegas.

I'm just gonna tell Rodney
you'll be back in a few hours.

Well, I have been wanting
to go shopping at Ceasar's.

Yes!

- Hey David.
- Hey.

- Where's Piper?
- She didn't show. Nobody can find her.

Just saw her at the gym.

David, will you do me a favor, and please
take care of my very good friend Sherry?

And make sure she has a limo at her disposal
for the of the day?

You got it.

I'm sorry to have dragged you
away from pai gow, Ted.

But you are an expert.

I was hoping maybe you could help me pinpoint
the problem with the food.

- It really sucks.
- So I do need a new chef.

I'd be happy to fire the one who cooked this.

As a matter of fact, it would be a pleasure.

As much as I hate confrontation,
I should probably do this myself.

So who do you think we should get to replace him?

Any thoughts on who's available?

You want me to say "me," don't you?

- I was hoping you would.
- Sorry, Delinda, no can do.

I've got a new season of top chef coming up,
I've got the promotional tour for my cookbook.

I'm slammed.

You know who you should see?

Meko. Very talented.
You'll adore.

I adore already.

You think something happened to Piper?

I don't know.

She was in the gym before her shift.

Then she never showed up.

Well, there she is leaving the gym.

She's getting into the elevator.

Then she comes out into the lobby.

Where the hell is she going?

What a wonderful presentation, Meko.

- You try.
- Oh, no, no thank you. I'm pregnant.

No!

You pull my leg. Pregnant?

Clearly.

Oh, no, I just kidding!

Fish is fresh!
Good for you!

Well, I'm not really
supposed to eat raw fish

because of the bacteria and mercury content.

Non sense! Generation of japanese women
eat raw fish, have baby.

My mama, she eat fish. Her mama, she eat fish.

Her mama, she eat fish. You eat the fish!

- Well, you have a lot of fire in your chart.
- Eh?

It's a choice, Meko.

My choice as a mother.
So, thank you, but I'm not eating it.

- I quit!
- But I didn't hire you.

Wishy-washy american woman!

Fire sign!

- Pardon me.
- Oh, sorry.

Auction's about to start.
You goin' inside?

Oh, I can't. I had to get out of there.

- I'm allergic.
- Oh, god, me too!

I mean, not to horses, but to
shellfish and strawberries.

Actually, all kinds of berries, really.

I've gotta carry an epi pen in
my purse all the time, just to be safe.

- You gonna be all right?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I think I feel better.

Oh, my lord!

Help! Somebody help!

Look, I'm sorry you came all this way
from north Dakota for nothing.

I just can't get rid of her.

Oh, this is bad. This is bad for me.

There's a couple of fantastic
reining horses in there.

You should take a look at barker's landing.

No, no, no, no, this is the horse for me.

- Why?
- Why?

I mean, look at her... him.
Look at him.

I mean, he's... he's, uh, he's special.

This horse is one-of-a-kind.

That's exactly why I'm not selling him.

Okay, name your price.
Whatever it is, I'll pay it. Okay.

How about $1 million?

Done.

I was just sorta kidding.

If the top reining horse goes
for $750,000, I'll give you...

I'll give you a million.

What do you say? We got a deal?

* older women

* are beautiful lovers

* I said older women

* they understand *

There you are.
Welcome back, safe and sound.

- What happened?
- Anaphylactic shock.

Luckily, I had my epinephrine with me.

You saved my life.

Oh, you would have done the same thing.

I'm just glad you're all right.

Thank you.

You gotta let me do something for you.
Maybe I could buy you a beer.

That sounds pretty good
on a hot day like today.

- Yeah.
- I'm Libby.

- Mike.
- Nice to meet you.

You too.

Oh, let me get this stuff for you.

You, um... you work for the Cooper ranch.

I'm from the city. I'm just here with a friend.

You know A.J. Cooper?

I've never met him myself.

- Just curious.
- Excuse me.

I better get inside.

Libby, wait. What about the beer?

Damn.

So we got a deal?

I wish we had a deal.

But to tell you the truth, it's my son, Weston.

What about him?

Wes was so broken up when I told him
hay maker's mark was going to auction,

I just couldn't see my boy that way.

That's why I pulled him.

I guess I can see how that might be a problem.

You got kids?

I got one on the way.

Congratulations!

Yeah, thank you.

You know, even when it doesn't make good business
sense, you just want your kids to be happy.

Whatever it costs.

I'm sorry, Dan.

I'm gonna have to say no.

Well, maybe I could go talk to him.

I'll tell you what...

If you can convince that boy there's life after
ridin', you got yourself a deal.

Okay, well, you know what,
I'll give it my best shot.

you're welcome to ride back to the ranch with me.

I mean, he should be home from school by now.

No, my buddy's with my rig, so I'll just, uh...
We'll follow you.

- Good deal.
- Mm-Hmm.

- Hey, watch it!
- Sorry about that.

I don't understand.
What's Piper doing in a guest room?

Don't you have more estrogen than me?
It's textbook.

My four-star restaurant just went down to a one-Star,
and I just got bitched out by an agro sushi chef.

I'm off my game.

Sorry.

I stopped at the surveillance room,
and Mitch tracked her steps.

She stopped at the front desk, got a key,
and checked into room 1940.

So she's just hiding
from this guitar guy, got it.

Oh, no, you don't think
she's gonna be crying, do you?

Because you're going to have to go in by yourself
if she's crying. You know I'm not into that stuff.

You are so damn big, and sexy.

Then don't stop, and stay with me longer.

Sex me up.

Okay!
Okay!

- Isn't that your whale?
- Yes.

- But wasn't he...
- Yes.

This day's getting worse and worse.

Let's just stick to one disaster
at a time, shall we?

- Do not disturb!
- Piper, it's Delinda and Sam.

Go away!
I don't feel well!

I'm probably contagious.

Well, you're not very good at lying.

We're gonna have to work on that.

I'm not lying.

I'm really sick.

- Talk to us, sweetie.
- I don't need to talk.

Is this about hot guitar guy?

William.

Hot guitar guy?

- What?
- She's, uh, saying, you know,

just when she thought she was
over him, he shows up again.

Well, uh, sure, she's just saying,
you know, she can't

go back down there because she's tired
of him suckering her back in.

How come you understand her, and I don't?

Uh, it's just one of the many gifts that I have.

I actually wish that I did not
have it at this moment, so I'm gonna go.

- You got this, right?
- No, no, no, no!

I don't got this. I mean, you cannot
leave me here... I mean us.

My engaged whale's trying to sex up
a chubby christian next door.

I have to go kick his ass
before his fiancee shows up.

But I'm interviewing a chef in an hour.
Look at her. We can't leave her alone!

Oh, okay, I'll, uh...
I'll come check on her later.

- Reluctantly.
- Delinda!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, man. I'm Danny.

- You're a Fergie fan, huh?
- I guess.

Me too. What a coincidence.

Yeah, um, a shared admiration for the "lady lumps"
is not going to get you my horse.

Ah, you're a smart kid.
I can tell already.

- Yeah, I do okay.
- You got a girlfriend?

Please put that down. And, uh, no.
Actually, I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16.

- That's harsh.
- Tell me about it.

The only thing to do around here is ride.

You know what, that's all going
to turn around in a few years, mark my words.

- You think?
- I know.

You're gonna be older. You're gonna be wiser.
You're gonna have women all over you, trust me.

I don't know, man.

- You ever been to Las Vegas?
- No.

That's where I'm from.

Vegas!

I know you've seen pictures,

I mean, the lights, the night
clubs are sick, the women are...

- What kind of women?
- All kinds of women, whatever you want.

I mean, we've got singers, actresses, models,
voluptuous ones, perky ones, you name it.

- Promiscuous ones?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna make you a deal.

When you turn 21, I want you
to come see me, okay?

I run this big hotel called the Montecito.

And you're gonna be my V.I.P. Guest, okay?

21? That's, like, forever from now.

Okay, 18.

I'm gonna show you the whole city.

I'm gonna introduce you to women
that you only see on the posters, okay?

If you're lucky, maybe I'll take you out
to this little town called pahrump.

Ever heard of it?

I knew you did!

the harder I try

to make my escape

you still haunt me

the farther I get

the more intense

this separation

leads to desperation

because when you're not close to me

it's like a freight train is running over me

you're killing me slowly

if only you were lonely

and broken

I'd creep into your mind

without you knowing

and rearrange the pieces

when you weren't watching

and leave you with the memory

that you love me

if only you were lonely

Thanks a lot.

Hey, uh, do you remember me?

Uh, no.

I asked you about Piper earlier.
You told me she was coming into work today?

Oh, right, yeah, I was wrong.

Uh, she's, uh, she's sick.

She's got typhoid or something.

Bummer.

Maybe you can tell me where she lives.
I could take her some soup.

Oh, I can't do that.

Maybe you'll see her next time you're in town.

You know, I don't have anything to do until
tuesday, so maybe I'll just hang out and wait.

Well, why don't you suit yourself?

Sam, I got your text message. What's wrong?

Any, uh, particular reason why
you chose this weekend to come to Vegas?

I felt like gambling.

Oh, really? So there's no special draw
for you besides tables?

- What are you suggesting?
- Look around, Rodney.

I think you and I both know
that it's beef week.

Beef week, Rodney. Where the chubbies come
to celebrate their bigness.

And the chubby chasers follow, right?
Chubby chasers like yourself, maybe?

I didn't know until we got here.
I didn't plan it.

- I tried to resist temptation. Honest I did.
- This is unbelievable.

This is why you wanna dump Sherry?

When I met her, she was a size 14.

Voluptuous. She had this adorable muffin-top
that spilled over her jeans.

And then she went on that diet,
started exercising, and now she's all...

Thin! I mean, no offense, sam,
I just don't find it attractive.

- When I hit the beach, I like to see waves.
- Yeah, okay, I...

I'm actually trying to fight the imagery here.

- I'm fighting it too!
- No, no, no. Listen to me.

This is actually good.
This is fixable!

You just need to talk to Sherry.

Explain to her that you liked her better
when she was bigger.

I'm sure she'd be happy to pack on the pounds
once she knows that. She loves you.

I don't know, I think she likes
being able to see her feet.

Listen to me, and you listen to me good.

I see a lot of lust in my job.
I don't see much love.

Last time you two were here,
it seemed you had that.

I remember because it made me queasy.

Thank you, Sam.

- You're right.
- I know.

I'm gonna tell her.

Hey...

- You're having an affair?
- Lady, what are you doing?

With her?

- Hey! My guitar!
- Is she why we come to

this God-awful tacky city?

Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.

No.

I'm a chubby chaser.

He misses your fat.

Isn't that great?

It's true. Honeycakes, I do.

But I don't want to be fat, Rodney!
Look at me! I'm hot!

You know what?

Whoo, oh, no she didn't!

- You said she'd be happy about this.
- Yeah, I was wrong about that.

I can't believe that you got my boy
to agree to let go of that horse!

Yeah, I just talked to him
man-to-man, that's all.

The wire transfer went through already.

- You don't waste any time, Dean.
- I try not to.

Hey, it was nice doing business with you, Dean.

You bet.

All right then.
I'll see ya.

- Take care, now.
- Okay, you too.

- Take care of ol' hay maker's mark, too.
- We will, we will.

He'll be in good hands, I promise.

- All right, boys.
- Okay

Oh, spill!

The milf.
Tell me about her.

So you went into anaphylactic
shock, and then what?

- Is this a joke to you?
- No.

Because it was very serious.
I almost died.

Well, you didn't.
So what happened?

Well, Libby rescued me, that's what happened.

Capable, earthy, sexy.

First she straddled me.

Then she plunged an epi pen into my thigh.

Read into the subtext there what you'd like.

It was a transformational experience.

- A transformational...
- Yeah.

Isn't that at all humiliating?

- Because it's embarrasing.
- No, no, no, no.

- In fact, libby found my vulnerability charming.
- But she blew you off.

That's what I don't get. First, she says "yes" to
a beer, then, all of a sudden, she just shut it down.

I think it has something to do with Cooper.

Y- You weren't supposed
to talk about Cooper, remember?

She saw the keychain, Danny.

- Started to separate herself from everything.
- Dude, make something up!

Make something up?
"early. "

- I mean, you could say "candy ranch. "
- Candy ranch!

"Hey, Libby, I'm Mike from the Candy ranch!
Pleased to meet you!"

Why do you think people hate
this guy so much anyway?

- I don't know, did you ask him?
- Yeah, I asked him about dean white.

- What'd he say?
- He just smiled.

You know how he does that condescending smile?

At least we got the horse. Hey!

Hey, that's her! That's Libby!

Okay, just tell me that wasn't
the white ranch logo on her truck?

He's in a band.

And he travels all over the country.

I think I'm just his Vegas girl.

We've all been someone's booty-Call, Piper.

You just have to stop giving the situation power.

You know, it's like a big juicy grape.

You got to deprive it of sunlight and oxygen
and water, and turn it into a raisin.

I know.

- But I love grapes.
- I know, but raisins are good, too.

I am never getting married.

That's big news. I'll be back after my interview.

Take care of her.

What do you mean? What am I
supposed to do with this?

Comfort her!
Say something optimistic.

- Motherly.
- What?

Uh, you...
uh, you should...

You know...

Buck up!

And just shake it off.

- There are lots of musicians in the sea.
- I want Delinda back!

Me too.

I have an idea.

- Hey, mom.
- Hey, hun!

You didn't just sell hay maker's mark
to A.J. Cooper did you?

Hell, no. I'd never do that.

It was some guy from north Dakota.

Paid a million bucks for him.

Dad, he's from Las Vegas.

He told me north Dakota.

Son of a bitch.

I have a predilection for traditional French
and Italian cuisine, but with a hip flavor.

I am always open to suggestions.

I am, as you americans say,
a player of the team.

That sounds wonderful.
And I love traditional.

And this risotto with white
truffles is to die for.

Merci.

I have a very special
source in Croatia.

He always brings me the finest
of the white truffles.

You studied at the cordon bleu, Jean-Jacques?

We were there at the same time.

You went to the cordon bleu?

Yes, I was there for only a year,
but we probably know some of the same people.

Is everything okay, Jean-Jacques?

You look ill.

All right.

My name is Just John. I'm from Toledo.

- Excuse me?
- I'm just looking for a hook.

It's tough out there for a self-taught

MidWestern guy trying
to break into this business.

So you're faking french?

But I'm not faking the cooking.
I really am good at it.

And I will work my derriere off to make everything
that comes out of this kitchen perfect.

Are you suggesting that I go from wolfgang
puck to John from Toledo?

You're right.

I'm sorry, I'll go.

Wait.

Maybe we could give this thing a trial run.

The dinner shift is yours.

- Really? That's fantastique!
- Just...

Don't talk.

Thank you Miss Deline, you won't regret this.
I'm gonna knock your socks off.

You're talking!

Start cooking risotto. Lots of it.

Maybe Libby didn't recognize you.

Yeah, lot of brothers around here in Wyoming.

She probably confused me with the other
black guy she saved today.

I think maybe we should
go a little faster, just to be safe.

We're pulling a trailer with a million-dollar
horse. How fast would you like me to go?

We got the horse, now we need to get it to
Cooper's ranch. It's two miles away, let's go.

Uh, I think that's two miles
we don't have, partner. Take a look.

Okay, what do we do now?

We can't take it to the ranch.
They're gonna be waiting for us.

- Let's just tell Cooperit was pulled from the auction!
- No, we can't just return the horse.

Cooper's gonna know that we
wired money from his account.

So what are we gonna do
with the damn horse?

I think there's only one thing we can do.

Hey, William.

That's me.

- Hey, I wanted to tell you about Piper.
- She okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

Yeah, she's, uh, great, as a matter of fact.

- Yeah, I thought she was sick.
- She called in sick, but she actually ran off.

To get married.

Crazy in love people do.

I didn't even know she was seeing someone.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, for like a year.

He's fantastic, Gary.

Gar-bear, she calls him.
He's an investment banker, gorgeous, rich.

Totally worships her.

That's good.

Tell her I said congratulations.
I'm really happy for her.

I thought you would be.

That's why I wanted to tell you, 'cause
I heard you were waiting around for her.

- I guess I'm not anymore.
- Yeah, I guess not.

- So did you two used to date or something?
- I wouldn't call it dating.

Just a casual thing. I mean, you know.

Yeah. I think I know.

Hey, William.

Are you ready?

Listen, um, I gotta bolt.
I met this chick at the bar and, uh...

- Rebound.
- Rebound.

So, uh, this trip wasn't a waste after all.

Hey, William,
next time you're in Vegas, do me a favor.

- What's that?
- Don't come back here.

Please. God.

William's gone. Coast is clear.

- What did he say?
- Nothing.

He just... left.

I not start act three again.

- You know, you don't have to.
- Wait, wait, what's going on?

It's, uh, Notting Hill.

It wasn't on video on command,
so Polly came up to perform it for us.

Foolproof way to mend broken heart.

- Bourbon's my cure-All.
- Scoot.

Okay, recap for new viewer.

Hugh Grant and Julia Robert,
they just sleep together, first time.

It morning, and she big movie star.

And she afraid that he hokey-Pokey wrong reason.

All right, enough of the recap.
Can't we pick up where we left off?

You know it's Notting Hill!

No, you no talking during movie performance.

Okay?

"Rita Hayworth used to say, they go to bed
with Gilda, they wake up with me. '"

"Who's Gilda?"

"Her most famous part.

"Men would go to bed with the dream, but they
didn't like when they woke up With the reality. "

Do you feel that way?"

"You are lovelier this morning
than you have ever been. "

Why can't I find a guy like that?

- 'Cause this is fiction.
- Men are never like this in real life.

- They're like Hugh Grant.
- You see what happens when you get older?

You just lose the idea
of finding that dream guy.

No, you just give up on expecting them
be perfect and learn to live with it.

- Or not. I prefer not.
- You know what? I done.

You terrible audience!
Too much talking.

No!
Please, please.

Let's just order room service.

Congratulations, Augie.
That your best game ever?

Yes, it was.

- Where should we put the trophy?
- I think you should take it home.

- You're the caption.
- Thanks.

Hey, excuse me.

Where's my horse?

- So you won... huh?
- Yeah, and I take it you won too.

- I approved the wire transfer.
- Yeah.

And by the way...

- A million dollars for a reining horse...
- Well, hey, you never gave me a limit, so...

Yeah, well, I guess so.
Anyway, he's mine.

So is he at the ranch?

Uh... actually, no.
There was a little change of plans.

Mike ended up having a... a thing.

- So we ended up coming up with a better plan
- Which you're gonna love. Danny...

Where's my horse?

Stay.

Desto Presented: -=Las Vegas s5e12=-

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