Original subtitles

Subtitle created by - Aorion - "Spy 2015" ^ (Run time : 01:59:12)

VARNA

VARNA_BULGARIA

Ladies.

Baccarat.

Exquisite.

Tihomir. Hang up.

Bradley Fine.

- I'm honored. - Pleasure is all mine.

Tell me where the bomb is?

10 seconds or you’re dead.

Interesting. You see.

When my men and I hid it.

I made sure to erase any witnesses.

And then I erased the erasers.

Which means.

I'm the only one who knows...

just where that dangerously compact

and transportable nuke is.

So.

I'll say I have more than 10 seconds.

Well then. In that case.

I say you better start... Ah-choo.

Oh.

Fuck.

Oh my god. What...

Why did you do that?

I didn't do it on purpose. There's like a ton of pollen in here.

Oh God. Christmas on a cracker. Did you take your medicine.

- I forgot it on the plane. - I told you this morning

I put extra in all your jackets.

You did.

Great. Shit.

- Thanks. - No. You know what.

That's on me because I heard you sniffled a while ago

and I did nothing with that information. So.

It's-That's blood on my hands. Really, okay.

You know what? You got 3 coming in.

Get out the back door now. Move.

Anybody in here?

Yeah, we got 1 coming around the corner now.

Your 3 guests are coming out of the door behind you right now.

Watch your 6.

- Yahtzee. - Oh, zinger. Heh-heh

Should have brought more bullets.

I thought they were chocolate sprinkles which I would eat normally by the fistful.

But this tasted like, there's no other way to say it really.

Like a rat sauce.

Hey guys. Can you please keep it down.

Look. Unfortunately there's vermin in the ceiling again.

And I hate to say it but they- well they pooped all over your cake.

- Am I going left? - No.

Okay. I need you to go right. and head down the tunnel.

You got 1 coming around to your right,

and he's got a swarm behind him.

- That's my girl. - Oh, I don't know.

Watch your back.

Oh. It's a close one, Fine.

- Whose the finest of them all? - You are.

Oh, Bradley, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind.

Hey, Bradley. (Clap, clap)

Oh god! Duck!

Nice moves, Fine.

Bodies has been working out for you.

- You noticed? - You just seemed looser (Are you kidding.)

in your hips. I mean athletically...

speaking. I don't know.

I guess you don't seem so awkward. (Oh, shut up.)

- Going straight? - No. Go right up the stairs.

You're going to find a little friend on the first landing.

- Thanks for your help. - Okay, you are clear to the top.

Get moving.

Oh my god. The rats can fly!

Come on, you guys.

Alright, Fine. Stop at the door.

Okay, you have a guard approaching. I'll tell you when.

Wait for it, Fine.

3.

2. 1. NOW!

Oh dear. Did I forget to knock?

They're culling at my hair. I can't see!

What do you mean you can't see?

I'm good. You got SUV approaching.

- Go to the dock! - Dock.

Excellent idea.

Fine, there are boats at the end.

Uh-- No keys, Coop

Panel is on the lower left, under the steering wheel.

You can. You can hot wire it.

I can't get to the wires.

Then stay down and hold your ears.

And how will I hear your beautiful voice.

Stop being adorable and get down.

Lock on coordinates: 43.16547, 27.94654

Fire. Now!

Ha ha. Bonsoir!

Nice drone work, Coop.

- I can kiss you. - Oh well.

Well I would

I would accept that with an open mouth.

Ha ha. Soon as I'm back, dinner's on me.

Great work, Coop. Oh, hey.

Pick up my dry cleaning for me would you.

Also get my car.

Oh sure. No problem.

Oh, and I have to fire my gardener.

He keeps running over the sprinkler heads with the mower.

Could you cut him loose for me.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Sure, you kidding. I love it.

You're the best.

- Smell you later, pal. - God.

Poor Jaime.

The thing is.

Jaime, that uh...

Oh.

These your-These your children.

- Children here. - Yeah, I have children.

Just have to cover

the eyes.

They're looking right at me.

Please. Don't fire me.

No. I mean I would never...

This is... more of a review.

Oh.

Oh. Jaime.

Oh.

The... lawn... mower...

Oh.

Right to the lawn mower.

You're a killer, Susan.

Oh. These look delicious!

I don't want to be critical, but this is very chewy.

Coop. You're eating a hand towel.

Just, cleansing my palate.

Jes. You had to take me to such a dump?

Come on, cheapskate.

- Burger King was booked up. - Ha!

- Sorry. - Hey, I've been thinking.

Yeah.

I couldn't do what I do without you.

And I've been thinking about doing something special for you.

So.

Good gravy, Fine.

Oh. That's...

It's a crazy cupcake.

- You love cakes. - Wow. That is wonderful.

Imagine, how awkward it would've been.

If it had been a diamond ring or something.

Not a diamond ring. No.

Oh, I wouldn't had see it like that. I wouldn't want to marry you.

I don't want your musclely arms and hands,

rubbing my back with Nivea for the rest of my life.

There are 3 kids running. You know.

Karen, Tommy and Billy and you said get out of here.

No, thank you.

I'll just... You know. I'll just...

Giving me a little jewellery I can actually wear.

Not going to wear it?

Yes.

- I was just saving it. I mean. - Put it on.

- Look at that, wow. That's a... - That's an adjustable toggle.

Adjustable toggle. You don't.

You don't see that. It's a lot of jewellery there.

- It's so you. - Is it? Wow, perfect.

Seriously. I-I couldn't do what I do

without you in my earpiece.

I can never do what you do.

Can you imagine me as a spy?

My god.

- Out in the field. - Yeah.

- With a gun. - What?

Elaine would never let me be a spy.

I can't even can't even dress like a spy.

I mean, you know. Look at you and your tailor and your...

Everything is cut right, and my, it's like a

lumpy, pumpkin sag dress.

I... It doesn't even have a label.

It doesn't even have a label. I think my mom made it.

No. Stop. Enough.

No. Good god.

- Go easy on yourself. - Okay.

We're a perfect team. That's why we work.

Yeah.

Come here.

Come here. Look close.

I think you're getting a pinkeye.

- What? No. No. No. - Right there.

Did you like wiped your eye after you cleaned out the cat box.

I don't have cats.

- Why did I think that? - I don't-I don't know.

You should get some. There's good company.

LANGLEY

- LANGLEY, VIRGINIA- We intercepted a chatter that the

weapon is still being offered to the highest bidder.

Someone other than Boyanov knows where that nuke is.

It's probably his daughter, Rayna.

She's really the only person he trusted.

Jesus, Cooper. Do you have pink eye?

Go home. You're going to infect everybody.

- Told ya. - No.

It's not pink eye, ma'am.

It's just... I'm having a bit of a allergic reaction.

Well, I'm allergic to disgusting childhood illness. So stay away from me.

Sorry.

Anyway, you are right. After Boyanov's death,

Rayna went to a safety deposit box of a DSK bank in Varna.

- The chatter picked up later that night. - What do we know about her?

I can pull up her file.

Oh, that's stuck.

So warm in here. I'll pull up my file.

Jesus, not on my keyboard, with your pink eye infected fingers.

Why don't you just cry directly into my mouth while you're at it.

It really is just a allergic reaction.

Sit down. I'll do it.

Okay. I'm going to sit down.

Rayna Boyanov. Major at international law at Oxford,

top of her class.

Been living in London for the past 10 years.

Now, we know she has been communicating

with the heads of several terrorist organizations.

Most ominously, Solsa Dudaev,

The Al Qaeda funded leader of the Chechen Martyrs Brigade

We have compelling evidence that he has the machinery in place

to get that nuke to New York.

In time for next week's UN general assembly

I'm already packed.

One of sources was told she's taken residence outside of Sofia.

Go get her.

Grab my things, Coop.

Jesus, Cooper. Go put on some sunglasses or something.

Feel like you're a gypsy, cursing me with it.

Yup. I'm on it.

God. My life is a disaster.

- No, it's not. - I'm 40, I live by myself.

I've not been in a real relationship since

- Jerry left me 3 years ago. - Jerry was a jackass.

I mean, when I gave up teaching to join the CIA

I thought everything is going to be different.

I thought I was going to be this amazing spy.

I'm just the same boring person like I was before.

Well, for what it's worth. I think you're brilliant as you are.

You're exciting.

You know what? You played it too safe.

I don't know. Maybe you're right.

I just. I still- you know.

Hear my mom's voice.

Well behave woman, often make history.

Yes, you do know the phrase.

"Well behaved women seldom... make history."

Yeah that's, never heard she said it.

What about this.

Oh, just blend in. Let somebody else win.

- Classic. Yup. - I got that a lot in my schools.

And there was a "Give up on your dreams, Susan."

She used to write that in my lunch box.

Oh. I mean, look.

Okay.

What's really so different between us and Karen Walker.

I think-I think literally. Everything.

No, hang on. No.

Because you were just as good as out in the Carvela.

She-She has more successful missions than even Fine.

Oh. She's the worse.

Look at her. She's so perfect, isn't she?

Oh, hi. I'm Karen Walker, Super spy. Heh-heh-heh.

Perfect hair. Perfect face.

She probably cries herself to sleep every night.

- I don't think she probably does. - She probably does.

And not like sort of cute little tears.

Like brilly. Sort of you know.

Silent kind of thing.

I don' think that.

Like sort of upside down kidney bean.

- This is what I look when I'm asleep. - Shh shh, shut up. Be quiet.

She wouldn't know who we are She's not in front of us now.

Hi. Hey Nancy. Hi Susan.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey, you 2 cuties sitting here being all cute.

- Uh. - Ha-ha.

Can I have an Old Fashioned, please.

- His service is really slow. - Super slow.

You're not getting that in the next hour.

- Here you go, Miss Walker. - Thank you.

- Oh. - Wow.

Alan and I go way back. I come here all the time.

So do we. Right Alan?

Hey, Alan. How... Alan.

Big A. Big A.

Yoo-hoo, Al! You got a hole.

Miss Walker. These 2 bothering you?

- Oh no. Thank you, they're fine. - Okay.

- Alan. - He's the sweetest.

- He just pretends not to know. - He's funny.

Yeah, well. Anyway, I'm taking some time off.

So I'll see you guys when I get back.

- Oh. - Where're you going?

- Capri. - Capri. - Capri.

I wished I could just stick around here, you know.

Curl up with a good book.

- But, I have a yacht full of friends waiting for me. - Wow.

Anywho. I'll see you guys when I get back.

All freckle and tanned

- We're gonna see you. - Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

Oh, sorry. Susan's ill.

It's her stomach

My god. Thank you for that.

- Why would you do that? - I'm sorry, I panicked.

What a great moment.

- Just looked a her. - Oh, I know. That dress.

Look at her confidence.

They are even allowed to smoke in here.

I'm gonna go home.

- No, come on. - Yes.

Susan.

- Sorry. - Feel better.

Oh, thank you. Yeah.

- Fine. You good? - Okay, Coop. Just pulling up.

Susan, you're killing it.

Oh good. You know what, they are chicory.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Any sign of her in the house?

Heat sensors aren't picking anything up.

There's some kind of interference. I don't like this, Fine.

I'm up for the challenge.

Let's go in.

Shoot. There is something wrong with your camera.

Can you switch out for a new one.

Too late.

Oh.

No security.

Her father would never have let himself this exposed.

Okay. Pull back, Fine. This is too easy.

I like things that are easy

Oh my god, Fine.

I don't know how you do things like that.

Hey. Who's the finest of them all?

I don't know.

I'm guessing, you?

Drop your weapon.

Fine, what's happening?

Let me guess, whoever is in your ear wants to know what's happening?

He's about to die.

That's what.

Awfully big gun for such a little girl.

God. Don't say stuff like that.

Okay. There's a knife rack directly to your right.

The way she's holding the gun, she's not experienced.

If you jump and launch. You get the knife and disarm her.

Did someone just suggested you grabbed one of those knives.

No-no-no...!

Damn it!

Fine?

Can they see me right now?

Let me adjust the angle a little bit.

Oh my god.

His name was Bradley Fine.

He worked for the CIA.

Other top agents include,

Matthew Wright, Timothy Cress, Rick Ford and Karen Walker

Come on, Fine. Come on.

I know who all your active agents are.

So. Unless you like the body count to grow.

I suggest you stay far away from me.

Now grab some tissues,

because it's about to get real sad.

No, don't. No!

Oh my god. Fine.

As Deputy Director.

I've never had a more difficulty duty,

than to bid farewell to colleagues taken from us.

From Dover,

to the family services.

To memorials like these.

It's tough to say goodbye.

There's nothing you could have done, Susan.

Bradley Fine.

Was more than just a co-worker and a friend.

He's a part of our family.

As family, even knowing that the universe has a plan

for each human life.

It's hard to accept the sudden lost of such a

good and decent person.

Okay. There's a knife rack directly to your right.

Susan. I got your assessment report on Rayna Boyanov.

I know you're probably feeling a lot of emotion right now,

but please refrain from using the term "thundercunt".

Oh my god. I-I didn't realise I wrote that, I'm sorry.

Nancy, I'm sending you a photo.

It's in pretty bad shape. Can you enhance it.

Paris.

How the fuck did this thwart, find out our fucking names?

We don’t know.

And I've looked way back where the 'T' word for.

You're not immune from the HR department.

Grow up. The thwart means something completely different in England.

Well, here it means vagina.

Anyway. Obviously we're talking about a mole.

It could be a mole that could've hacked our system.

It's anyone's guess. The bottom line is.

Rayna Boyanov is about to sell a small scale tactical nuclear weapon

to a terrorist organization.

And we don't know where she or the bomb is.

And fortunately, our analyst, Susan Cooper found the lead.

Rayna had the number of Sergio De Luca.

We've long suspected that De Luca of working

as an intermediate with terrorist groups.

Rayna maybe using him to find buyers for the nuke.

The number was to a office he keeps in Paris.

I told you to send me in there instead of Fine.

And you didn't.

And now Fine is dead. I'm kind of fuck in.

You can't.

We need someone to follow De Luca without being detected.

And I would hopefully takes us to Rayna.

But it can't be any of you.

Here's what we do.

I go into the face-off machine.

Get a whole new face.

I turned up. They'll never know it's me.

Do you have quarters? 'Cause it cost 50 cents.

What, I've got to pay?

No, because it doesn't exist.

Yes, it does!

I heard Chress and Wright talked about it in the shitter.

I'm pretty sure that they're pulling your leg.

You pair of fucking vaginas.

Seriously. You got to cut that out.

Jesus. Look, one of us has to go in.

Doesn't matter if we've been exposed.

We've all gone deep before, and we always gotten our guy.

Guys. This is more than just a kill mission.

Now we get Rayna, De Luca and some top terrorist leadership

and get the weapon back, if we do this right.

We just need someone who could shadow them without attracting attention.

- We need someone invisible. - I'll do it.

Okay, thanks lunch lady.

I'm serious. I...

I've never been out in the field.

Exactly. Stupid fucking idea.

My point is that

it's highly doubtful I've ever been exposed

But you worked with Fine.

They may have a record of you too.

Possibly. But.

You know. The odds of them knowing my face are very low.

Ms. Crocker, I would really like to do this.

For Fine.

You're not seriously considering this, are you?

If you think, I'm going to sit by

and let you send in a fucking secretary to do my work.

You might as well accept my resignation now.

If I can jump in. I'm

I'm technically, classified as an agent.

Look.

Full. Full agent, so.

Agent, agent, agent.

I'm agent.

Are you considering this?

For your safety and the safety of those around this table.

I'm considering it.

Then consider this. I quit.

And I know there is a fucking face-off machine.

You're just keeping it a secret from me.

That hasn't happened before.

It is quite a lovely office.

What's your deal, Cooper?

- What do you mean? - You got a faery side?

I really did in that report mean to write cunning.

I've been going over your files.

You're top of the class at the academy

in all computer and support skills. No surprise there.

But you have a certain tame

demeanor around the office that says you've never even held a gun.

So imagine

my surprise when I saw footage from this drill back at the farm.

Is that... kidding.

Is that me? That can't really...

Stupid gun. Eah!

- Somebody definitely sped this up. - Son of a bitch.

Camera angle, does not make...

- Cooper. Cooper. Stop it, - Okay, uh.

Ouch.

Those contacts, that's a, you know.

I must have watched this 15 times now.

Because, what the fuck.

- Well, I... - I almost put it up on YouTube.

Well, I was, to say the least, uncomfortable.

with the event.

But I would also like to say it was over 10 years ago.

The instructor was not harmed.

- Fine, was your mentor. Right? - Yes.

Why did you not become a field agent?

Well, we're such a great fit and a great team.

I mean Fine, made some great points

You know, maybe I match better with... just staying.

- In the Bureau. - Well.

Yeah. He sniped you.

All the top agents used to do that before I got here.

I really thought he made some great points.

Women.

Alright, have you any field training since then.

- 10 years is a long time. - No, ma'am.

Normally I would send you back to the farm,

but there's no time and I can't take a chance

of anyone leaking your name.

Am I-Am I going?

- You're going. - Okay. (Jes...)

- But it's a track and report mission only. - Got it.

We'll be giving you a new identity. You will not longer be Susan Cooper.

- Oh, I have a few ideas for that. - Your new name.

I was just spit-balling and I thought Serafina, Mannix, Gisele.

Carol Jenkins.

Carol Jenkins.

You know. If I may, ma'am.

There was a 13 year old girl name Carol,

that used to come take me around the neighbourhood

and used my braid as a dog leash.

And made me begged for biscuits. So.

- Carol Jenkins. - Yes, Carol Jenkins.

Carol Jenkins is a single mother of 4.

Temporarily relocated from Delaware to increase sales for a software company.

Okay. That is-That is.

a different occup.... Huh!

- Is there a problem? - No!

Just wondering if

this is my family of 4, taken hostages.

I'm just not sure

how De Luca is going to take me seriously if I looked like this.

De Luca is not going to take you anything.

In case you did not hear me.

You're not to make direct contact with any of the targets.

Track and report.

Now we're setting you up in a surveillance office

across the street from De Luca's.

You'll be tapped into the same telecom trunk

and have access to voice and data coming into his office.

And that's as sexy as it gets.

One mistake, and we got a nuclear bomb in the hands of terrorists.

- Do you understand? - Yes.

Go see Patrick. He's got special equipment for you.

Oh my god.

What are you doing?

Oh, did you come up with your spy name yet?

My would be Amber Valentine.

That sounds like you're an adult film star.

No, I did this 'Find name formula'.

Amber was the name of my first pet and I grew up on Valentine Street.

Did you come up with your porn name?

- Oh, no. Amber is a spy name. - Yes

- No. - What was yours be?

Meatball Martin Luther King Junior Boulevard.

- Yeah. - Wow.

Oh my god.

I'm so excited.

- You're a spy. - I know, I know. I guess you can say...

Oh, I got to get one of those. You think you're going to get one of those!

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

Look at that.

That looks high tech.

It's like the future.

- Patrick. - Susan.

- Hey, Patrick. - Yes.

I was given specific instructions by Elaine

to tailor these gadgets to you.

Wow. Look at them.

-These are not yours. - Oh.

Is that a whistle

Elaine wanted you to only be carrying items

of single woman traveling through Europe would have.

But she can get that from any pharmacy

Not this whistle.

When you blow through this whistle.

A small poisonous dart flies out, neutralizing your target.

Also, it needs your finger prints on it to work.

Okay, that is-that is really neat.

That is really super cool.

This anti-fungi spray can freeze and disable

any security system.

Wow. That is

quite an image to be carrying all over Europe.

It's also a pepper spray.

Why not, just make it look like pepper spray.

It's a...

It's a pretty good idea. Alright. Well, next time.

Well, I can-I can wait

if you wanna print up a new label.

No, I'll have to turn the printer on again.

I don't really want to.

Each of these are filled with chloroform.

Oh, that is and un...

settling amount of hemorrhoid wipes.

Makes me kind of wonder

what exactly is going on back there.

I wouldn't know. I don't have that problem.

I don't have that problem.

If you ever feel like you've been poisoned.

- Chew one of these. [Stool softener_LAXATIVE]

[Stool softener_LAXATIVE]

Have I-Have I done something to you, to upset you or...

This is peculiar theme.

Finally.

Every agent gets a night vision scope hidden in their watch.

Okay. I've read about this, I've even looked it...

- Oh. - Who's that?

That is Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey.

- From Beaches. - Mm-Hm.

How much am I suppose to like Beaches.

I would imagine a lot if you have the watch.

- Hey Pat, I'm flying! - Anthony.

Don't wear out the battery on that.

Am I-Am I getting that?

No. You are not going to get that, alright.

I've already packed your bags.

Hurry up and get dressed.

Carol Jenkins has to get to the airport immediately.

And may I say. I think it's very brave of you

to sacrifice your life for your country.

Oh, not sacri... I'm-I'm coming back.

Let's see.

You look amazing.

I look like someone's homophobic aunt.

PARIS

PARIS_FRANCE

Wow. Hotel Modiere please.

This is so exciting.

Oh.

The Louvre. Wow.

Oh, that's a beautiful hotel. Not that one?

Oh. I hope it's that. Is it that one?

No? Oh, no. Maybe next time.

We're getting into a-a little dicier of an area.

Oh. It's a little unsavory.

I think we can probably go back towards

my hotel.

No no. No no. I hope it's-it's...

It's-I don't believe this could be the Hotel Modiere.

- Don't you think. -[HOTEL MODIERE]

Oh, this is. Yes it is.

Oh man.

Keep it together, Susan okay.

Nancy? Please tell me you can hear me.

- I'm here, I'm here. I got you. - Okay.

Okay. You'll be pleased to hear that the bats are officially gone.

We have now vermin free. Did you get your gun, Carol?

Yes. And don't call me that.

Oh, my God. I cried. Peed, I think.

Having a heart attack. I can't do this, Nancy.

Fine was the real spy, not me.

Don't worry. I'm here for you, okay.

Everything is going to be fine. I'm gonna talk you through this, alright.

Put your camera in. I want to see your room.

Ewf. No, you don't. It's that bad.

Martha Stewart had a breakdown kind of feel.

Ooh. Wow.

Looks like they put you up in a Shits Carlton.

Hey listen. Try and get some sleep, okay.

And we'll get started first thing in the morning.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I see that Rayna woman.

I want her dead for what she did to Fine.

Okay, deep breaths. Listen to me.

You're not going to get anywhere near her, so there's nothing to worry about.

Guys!

There's a mouse on my tits.

I think you're safe there.

- Alright, goodnight. - Night.

You got this, Susan.

You're a warrior.

You're a weapon.

Okay. Look, no sweat.

Looks like you're sweating to me.

Jesus!

What are you doing in my room?

What? How did I get into this shit box hotel room?

- Because I'm a real spy. - I thought you quit?

We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb.

And they send in someone who looks likes Santa Claus' fucking wife.

Uh. Did you forget I'm undercover.

Because you're not suppose to be here?

Well. I make a habit of doing things that people say I can't do.

Walk through fire. Water ski blindfolded.

Take a piano at a late age.

And I'm gonna take down De Luca and Rayna and Dudaev.

And I'm gonna get that bomb back.

- Why do you even care what I do? - You think you're ready for the field?

I once used the defibrillators on myself.

I put shards of glass in my fucking eye.

I jumped, from a high rise building.

Using only a raincoat, as a parachute.

I broke both legs upon landing.

And I still had to pretend

I was in a fucking Cirque Du Soleil show.

I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again.

To make a computer.

This arm has been ripped off completely.

And re-attached with this fucking hand.

You know it's, that's impossible. I mean medically.

During the threat of an assassination attempt

I appeared convincingly,

in front of Congress, as Barack Obama.

In black face? That's not appropriate.

I watched the woman I loved, get tossed from a plane.

And hit by another plane, midair!

I drove a car off the freeway, on top of a train,

while I was on fire. Not the car!

I was on fire.

Jesus. You're intense.

Took this from your mini-bar.

Well, that's not right.

You're going to ruin this mission.

No. You're going to ruin this mission.

No. You are.

No, you're going to.

- You times infinity. - Oh.

Could this hotel be more murdery.

Okay. So my office is in here.

Which means that De Luke's is right across the street at 39...

Oh God. Tell me that's not De Luca's building?

De Luca must have known we were coming.

What am I suppose to do now?

Okay, don't panic. Lemonade out of lemons.

Stay focus. We can do this.

Excuse me, please. -Yes?

When this building burned down?

Last night. It was a big fire.

See. There.

- Can I? - Here You Go.

Does this man lives on this street?

No, no. I don't know him.

Okay. I got it. I got it.

I'll run it through the system. It will take a few minutes.

Nothing's coming up.

Might just be a looky-loo.

Well. Keep looking. I've got a feeling about this guy.

Well, I've got a feeling you're about to fuck things up.

Oh. Bugger me with a fishfork. It's Ford.

Sharon? Ford is in the field. Did you know this?

Until he checks in, there's nothing I can do.

You go make some friends and stop stalking me.

Was it your mission to tip off the target,

so he burns everything in their butts?

It's so well done. Phenomenal.

I'm sure they got suspicious because they've been seeing you all over the place.

- You're going to get yourself killed. - Nothing kills me.

I am immune to 179 different kinds of poison.

I know because I ingested them all at once.

When I was deep undercover in an underground,

- poison ingesting crime ring. - Wow.

It was like dog fighting. But instead of dogs fighting

It was humans ingesting poison and rich people will bet whether we would live or die.

Yeah. I'm having a hard time with this one.

I died for 5 minutes, and then I came back to life.

Was it worth... He looks like he's in the cast of Newsies.

Does Crocker even know you're here?

I don't need anyone's permission to save the country.

and avenge my dear friend, Bradley Fine's death.

You've didn't ever liked him. You used to call him Beverly Whine.

You had him as secret Santa and you gave him tampons.

It's called the rivalry of men.

You wouldn't understand it. Unless you got the dong

up underneath that skirt.

Okay. That's super rude and don't say dong. Don't do that.

Nobody sees me when I don't want them to.

I move like a fucking shadow.

Oh. Excuse me, sir.

He's gone all sorts of rogue.

Sharon says he really did quit. Elaine couldn’t stop him.

He's out for blood.

Yeah, a real tough guy and his Louis Vuitton backpack.

Nancy, do you see that?

It's the man from the fire.

- I'm follow him. - Oh, exciting.

And I'm follow you, follow him.

So I'm having quite a day here.

Do you think Ford is leading him to a trap?

Idiot doesn't even know he is being followed.

Okay. He is meeting with some woman. I don't recognize her.

You have any idea who she is?

No, it's hard to make out. Can you get any closer?

Nancy, our guys just switched Rick Ford's backpack.

It's a setup.

I got to go warn him.

Ford! Ford! Look out! I got to get through!

I left my baby in the shop.

Get out of the way! Let me through, I'm sick!

Susan, tell them you shat your pants.

That would get me out of your way for sure.

I shat my pants!

Excuse me. Ford!

He's got a friend.

Hello everyone! Hands up!

Let's dance!

Ford!

Ford! Ford!

I need your mic!

No... I need. No!

I... No!

No no no. Don't.

Susan, you're meant to be blending in. What are you doing?

No! Move!

Rick Ford!

Give me the mike!

What you're doing doesn't help!

Oh god.

Rick Ford!

They switched the bag!

Oh, fuck!

Get out of the fucking way! Move!

Get out of his way!

Move!

Oh, no.

Nancy, I'm in pursuit on one of the terrorists.

He took my picture, he's going to blow my cover.

You're in pursuit. What will you do if you catch him?

What in god's name are you going to do when you catch him.

Knock him over with a hammer. I don't know.

I'm still tracking and reporting his location.

This all seem very Rick Fordy to me.

I do not condone this sexy but reckless action of yours, Susan.

Oh God. He went into a building.

Okay, girl. Well done, that's it.

Time to call it a day now.

Location is officially noted.

- I'm following him in. - What?

I'm doing this for Fine.

He's at the top of the stairs.

Oh God. Please be careful.

You are incredibly out of your league.

Oh. This is just like when I watched myself in a sex tape.

There is just a lot of philandering and laughable moments.

Nancy, I need you to not talk, until I ask you to.

I'm sorry. It's just that I'm really nervous.

Be careful Susan.

Oh, hey. Imagine, running into you up here.

I was just looking for my bird. I..

just looking... Hey, Mr. Beanbag!

You like birds? Alright. Alright.

Let me give you a warning. I don't want to see anymore of that

funny bomb stuff. You know?

Alright, that's enough.

Drop the knife or I'll shoot.

I don't think you will.

You see. It works better when you have the bullets inside the gun.

Oops.

I guess that CIA training isn't what it used to be.

Guess you're right, asshole!

No, no, no!

Oh God.

Oh Susan, what did you do?

Oh God. Not on him. Not on him!

Well. Rayna's people obviously knew Ford was in Paris.

And getting footage of a CIA operative setting off a bomb in a public

could be a PR qoof for any terrorist group.

Do we have anything on that woman he met?

Facial recognition isn't showing anything.

They were all over Ford. Are you able to track him?

Oh, God damn Ford is still off the grid in Paris.

I know, because he keeps trying to hack into our system for Intel.

He's like a dog that gets loose from his yard. And just.

keeps humping and shitting his way through the neighborhood.

Okay, here's a video.

Make sure you got everything on camera.

Phase out of the hotel and go back after the attack.

I'll take Renaldo to Rome.

Renaldo. We have a record of anyone with that name?

Not that I'm aware of.

Nicola. Are you listening to me?

- I was just testing the camera. - Stop it. Find Ford.

Hey, Nancy. Can you pull up Fine's POV cam from Boyanov's office. And.

Look on the desk there's some photos there

and see if you can find one of him standing next to a car.

Renaldo is a Rolls Royce.

Hack into the Rolls tracking system.

That car's a Wraith so is has a Satellite Aided Transmission.

And tap into Boyanov's feed

His GPS should tell you exactly where De Luca is in Rome right now.

I'm gonna head to the airport.

Forget it Cooper. You're coming back immediately.

Ma'am, I really think I can do this.

And I'm not one to toot my own horn, but you know what, I'm gonna toot.

And say that, I just saved a lot of people.

We're so close in getting Rayna and that bomb.

- Pull back that rug in the corner. - Oh.

- You'll be given a new identity. - Oh, thank God!

Oh! No!

Your name is Penny Morgan. You're a divorced housewife from Iowa.

You sold more Marry Kay products than anyone else in your state.

You traded in a free car you won to fund a trip through Europe.

My hobbies are decopatch and needlepoint. I collect

porcelain dolls. And I am the Vice President of the Ames Garden Club.

I couldn't even be president?

Maybe I should just be married to one of the dolls. Just to make it extra sad.

10 cats? What do I have 10 cats?

Is that even legal?

You know Fine, he got to be a businessman.

Once he was even a race car driver.

Well, there's the 10 cats.

Just missing the shirt that says I've never felt the touch of a man.

Oh Cooper, you're right.

You did good work back there. That would had been a real mess.

Thank you ma'am.

You still went with the cat lady.

It was already in the floor.

ROME

ROME_ITALY

Hi beautiful! How are you?

Oh my god. So pretty.

Great. That's a real confidence builder.

- Did you find De Luca? - He's been at the Majestic hotel,

but he's just left. Heading south, okay.

I'll guide you to him. I've sent a ally to drive you.

Elaine said nothing fancy, so I

I've gone with earthy.

Woo. Whoa.

- He stopped the car. - Alo, Fuck off!

- Hi. - Welcome.

- Hi beauty. - Oh.

- Welcome to Rome! - Thank you. Oh.

Thank you. Oh.

I am Aldo.

Like, the shoe store found in American malls.

I'm Penny, like the penny.

Like a penny.

- I like penne alla vodka (pasta dish). - Okay.

Did you just grab my butt?

Yes. Come.

We need to get you to De Luke.

Gravity Christmas!

Oh, my God!

Don't worry, I have you.

Slow down!

Nancy, are you sure this guy is even an agent?

Absolutely. No, he's the best.

He's-He. Oh. Though there had been some complaints filed against him.

- Hey, watch the road! Watch the road! - Hey, Mary! I love you!

Oh my god! Watch the road!

Wow. Aldo is making great time.

Awww!

Watch the cart!

Dead end!

This can't be right.

Oh my god.

- God! - Intriguing lady, we're here.

Now. You must go because I fear,

if I stare into your beautiful green eyes a moment longer,

I will fall in love.

Oh. Too late.

Might as if it ever worked?

- I will take that as... - That's a no.

- I Know. - Take that as a no.

God.

Hey, ma'am.

Ah, typing.

I admire your thumb.

You know. You were just hitting on me.

- I like to play the odds. - yeah.

Here is my phone number. Memorize it, then burn it.

Do you have something for me?

Do I have something for you?

- Would you like something from me? - I-Not that.

What do you want from me?

You're suppose to have an envelope with my gun in it.

I don't have a gun.

I am just arouse from looking you.

It was a joke. There is no gun.

They said you would no longer be needing one.

Good luck.

Bye.

Gravy. Was Pepe Le Pew not available?

Oh. Stop complaining, Susan.

You're getting more actions than I had in days.

Months. Years. 3 years and 40 days.

Do you have an update on De Luca?

Yes, yup. He should be pulling up right about now.

[RENALDO]

Oh, wow. He is hot.

I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think I can be objective anymore.

I'm rooting for that guy. I want him to win.

I'm joking Susan, don't report me.

Ewk. And he is handsy.

Let's set up camp in the pastry shop behind you.

According to our data De Luca spends all night at the casino.

- I'm going in, Nancy. - Susan, you heard Elaine.

Track and report. No contact.

I'll track De Luca inside, and then I'll report.

And if he initiate contacts with me, I'll just- I'll go with it.

Susan, your cat lady look is not going to fit in, in there.

That's right. Penny Morgan is gonna burn her cat T-shirt

and spend some of that Mary Kay money.

This is full blown rogue.

Hey, beautiful looking! You are so pretty! Beautiful!

You guys are terrible. Awh.

I really hope De Luca is still in there, for your sake.

And they're not going to reimburse you for that. You should've gone to cheaper stores, Susan.

- Okay. I'm going offline, Nancy. - Wait-wait. Wait-wait. Su...

Susan!

Well. Bonjour now, boys.

If I'm not out in 10 minutes it's because I won the place.

Let me just rub that for luck.

Oh, that's an oily- that's an oily scalp.

Enchanté. (Nice to meet you)

I'm sorry. But I have to check you in.

- Your name, please. - Penny Morgan.

I-I don't see you on the list. I'm so sorry.

She's with me.

Darling.

You’re late. The way you look,

I say it's more than worth the wait.

- Come. Let's get a drink. - Ow.

Such a gentleman.

You look absolutely stunning tonight. And darling...

What the fuck are you doing in here?

Well, that's quit a tone changes and what are you doing in here?

You're completely compromising me right now.

Oh, I'm compromising you? Fucking hilarious.

You're about to cause a scene trying to get into this fucking place.

Give me a little credit. What do you think I'm going to do?

Run over and be like: "Hey, I'm a crazy lady! Where's the buffet?

I'm from the Midwest. Where's Blue man group?"

Okay. I'm not an idiot, Ford! You're an idiot!

You should not be in this casino, because De Luca here.

- And I need to get close to him. - Yeah. How are you going to do that?

How are you going to do that, Cooper?

What. You're going to seduce him? That your big fucking plan?

Yeah. What if it is? Why is it so hard to believe?

Because you look like a flute player in a wedding band.

That's fucking why! I'm here to take De Luca out.

Oh, sounds romantic. I hope you get lucky.

God damn it. If I was trying to sound romantic,

you would be on another floor, soaking wet and breathless.

Wondering what came over you. But I'm not!

So get the fuck out of my way.

I need you to rein it in, buddy. Okay.

If you take out De Luca, we don't have a shot at getting Rayna.

So take it down like 5000 notches.

- Take it down. That's how you get polonium 2000. In your drink -Oh God.

I got 18 months in intensive care for radiation poisoning.

I got 6 months without eyes, While everyone I ever loved is gunned down.

Really. Everyone that you loved has been gunned down, and just you survived.

Did you ever think that maybe everybody you loved is not being killed,

but they're killing themselves because they can't stand to be around you.

This shit is the real deal. Life and death.

This, the field, is hell a lot different than sitting behind your fucking monitor googling shit.

Stay away from me, Ford. And do not let De Luca see you.

And by the way, I can see your gun sticking out of your back pocket.

Unless you're so extreme,

you got a second dick coming out of your hip!

Oh, Konichiwa. (good afternoon)

- Ma'am, - Yes yes.

- Seats are reserved. - Of course they are, yes.

I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside.

Yes, absolutely.

No? Another door?

I knew that. Of course there's another door.

Probably happens all the time.

- It's never happened before. - Okay.

- Ma'am? -Yes.

Ma'am, right here is okay. No more exploring, please.

Okay. Lovely.

- Nancy? - Susan?

Oh my god. Hi.

I found her. I found Rayna. She's with De Luca.

You did it. Excellent trucking and reporting, madam.

Oh my god. Somebody just put something in her drink.

- What is it? Is it poison? - I don't think it's a fiber supplement.

She killed Fine, Nancy.

I could really enjoyed just

watching her die right now.

And she's the only one who knows where the bomb is.

So Dudaev will never get his hands on it.

Oh god, Susan. What're you going to do?

Excuse me, ma'am.

Ma'am, hi. Do you speak English?

Because I think somebody just put a roofie in your cocktail.

- Are you sure it wasn't you? - What?

No. God, I wouldn't-I wouldn't never.

Could you point the man out?

Well, he just kind of zipped out that door.

He's wearing a purple bow tie.

Thank you, Miss...?

Oh. Penny Morgan.

Oh, it's no trouble. Really, I mean.

I think us ladies, have to watch out for each other.

I mean these kind of thing happens all the time.

And people often try to roofie... you?

Once, I asked someone for a Tylenol, and they gave me a Tylenol PM.

I'm not sure what their intentions were. But.

It seems they may have found him. Would you come with me to identify him?

Yes, of course. I'm...

happy to help.

Holy shit.

My friend here says she saw you put something in my drink.

I don't know any of you people.

Okay, I'm just in Rome on business.

I was about to head back to my hotel and go to sleep.

Perfect.

Just in time for a night cap.

- Apparently there's nothing wrong with it. - I don't want your drink.

Fuck you, Rayna.

Mmm. Scrumptious.

So. Jokes on you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

How long was I out?

You fainted just long enough for us to laugh at you.

- What happened? - It was all a dream.

I'm just kidding. A man's throat dissolved.

Sorry, that wasn't my fault.

Oh, thank you. That's...

surprisingly polite.

Sorry about that. I just...

I mean I've seen a lot of things in my days. I just never

I have never seen that, exactly.

Penny.

Do you feel the need to tell anybody about what you just saw?

Am I going to tell anybody? You know that

asshole got what he deserved. I mean.

I knew the second I saw him, I thought.

That guy doesn't deserve a throat.

So. Good on you.

I would like to take you to dinner, to say thank you.

And we must discuss this hideous dress.

It's just hysterical.

Oh, ha ha. Good.

That's- That's what I was hoping... for.

Oh. And by the way!

Christo is suppose to be looking after me at the bar

making sure nobody would put anything in my drinks.

Thought I give him a talking to.

Seems fair maybe dock him a day's wage.

Or shoot him in the head. That always works.

- You know, Rome is quite amazing. - Rome is the worst.

- Yes. - So boring and tacky.

I'm so glad one of us finally said it. Eh-heh-heh

- You have lipstick on your teeth. - Really?

Looks like you had a box of crayons.

Damn it.

Here we are.

These should have been brought out when we first sat down.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

So far I'm riddled with disappointed at the service.

So sorry. You know, ma'am. I apologize.

You know, I once saw someone eat one of

these before

This is strange.

Do you always tear your food up into little pieces?

You look like a squirrel.

I was just checking for the consistency

- Mm. - You eat like a baby.

Thank You.

So, would you like to have a look at the wine list?

Yes. Penny, you can order.

Okay. Oh. Passum.

OK. I'm feeling- I'm feeling a red

Kind of a red. Like a lot of noise.

Like a little bit of a-a barky finish.

I tend to like a white, with the grid of a hamus

That’s, of course, been thinned out.

Okay, here. I will have the Sapori e Delicia.

Right. That is the name of this restaurant.

Yes, I'm aware of that. So.

Why don't you surprise us with something we don't know?

Like a delicious bottle of wine.

Right, sorry. I'll be back in 5 minutes, okay.

So hard to get good help these days.

Don't you find that?

When I was a little girl growing up in Bulgaria

which is the worse by the way.

Poor people everywhere and cabbage is continuously cooking.

There was this woman who was kicked out of her house.

And she lost all her money.

She couldn't even sell her body.

So she became a clown on the streets.

She would performed all her tricks standing in mud.

And just cry and cry.

You remind me of this woman.

Yo, thank you.

Come on! We're going to Budapest.

- Bu-Budapest? - I have some business to finish there.

And you can take my private jet when we're done.

Anywhere you want to get home.

My way of repaying you for saving my life.

Okay.

Is there a problem?

No, not at all. Let's go.

Hey, what? What? I'm just talking with the girl.

Okay okay. Let's not make a scene.

You know what I need. Just get my room key out and I'll grab a bag and pack my things.

It's Susan. She's sending a code.

- No, they can collect you back later. - Shut

- And if the rest of your clothes are like that dress - down

I can send someone to burn them for you.

- the power. - Quit a zinger.

Shut down the power to the casino in Rome.

What?

Well, shut the entire bloody grid down then. Now!

That would be great.

Everybody please remain calm. Stay where you are.

Oh, no! What's happening?

I have this.

What the fuck just happened?

- God damn it. - Oh my god. Rayna.

Thank god your hair broke your fall.

I don't know what happened. The lights were going out.

And I thought it was a robbery. Two of your guys slammed into me.

And took you down. I think one of them touched my bottom.

Are they going to be okay?

I wouldn't be worried about them. Their fate has just been sealed.

Sorry, oh. I'll let you go. Let you go.

Shame on you!

Wow!

This is a really jetsy plane.

Is this yours?

- It is my father's. - Oh.

You've never been on a private jet before?

Oh no.

I did get upgraded to premium economy once, which was pretty plush.

Premium economy.

Sounds like a pen for dirty animals.

Yeah, probably. But it was not quite like this.

Thank you.

Why are you being so nice to me?

Can't just be because I remind you of some sad Bulgarian clown.

You remind me of my mother.

Oh.

Really? You know that... I mean, you and I are.

You know, pretty close in age.

You're funny. It's the Bulgarian clown in you.

- Okay. - She was marvelous.

But she was different. Eccentric, like you are.

The moment I saw you standing there in that abortion of a dress

- Oh, come on. - It's as if to say

This is what I got, world. It's hideous, but it's mine.

- This was her. - Oh, wow!

Hey, how did you get that picture of me? I look amazing.

Hello doppelganger.

She was the only person I could ever trust.

- Well. Here's to your mom. - To my mother.

- And to you. - And here's to you.

You may never be as wise as an owl,

but you'll always be a hoot to me.

What a stupid fucking retarded toast.

- You're delightful. - As are you.

Now. Where did you say we're headed?

Headed

Where did you say we're...

Oh God.

If you ever feel like you've been poisoned

Chew one of these. Chew one of these.

What happened?

I've never seen somebody dive for stool softener before.

That's one thing that happened.

What did you do? Did you drug me?

Of course I did. I told you, I can't trust anybody.

I had to look through your things. Anyway.

Tell me. Are you hemorrhoids particularly large or just tenacious?

Stop texting!

I'm not texting if you must know.

I'm playing Candy Crash. And I just made level 95.

God, that is so rude.

Jesus, Colin, What the fuck are you doing?

I'm sorry, Rayna but there's been a change of plans.

Who paid you off, Colin?

Colin hasn't worked here for like 8 months. I'm Frederick.

Is that why you are doing this? Because I didn't remember your fucking name?

Let's just say there are people who really want what you're selling.

You don't have to do this.

I can give you a very comfortable life. Col...

- Mmm. - You forgot my name again, didn't you?

- No. No, I didn't. - Yeah.

It's... Hmm.

Don't say fucking Colin.

Fuck. I don't give a shit what your name is. You're the fucking help.

Nice try, Colin.

But Stan and I already se...

It's Frederick! Frederick!

Sorry lady. But they only paid me for one...

Aw!

Wha! Come on!

Rayna, go to the cockpit and level us out!

Like I know how to fly a fucking aeroplane!

This was weird.

Blow that thing all you want, lady.

Yeah. Why don't you blow me, Colin.

Aww. It's Frederick.

Ewk. Eww.

Oh. For fuck sake.

I got it. I know what to do.

Oh, are you okay?

No! I got a dead man's head up in my ass!

This one's for Fine. Down draft!

Not again! Do you have any idea what you are fucking doing!

Oh. The controls are so sensitive.

God. One of these dead fuckers just shit his pants.

Okay, wait a minute.

I got it. I think I got, okay.

Okay.

Good thing I learned to use that Flight Simulator app, huh.

Congratulations Penny Morgan.

You just blew your cover.

Now put the plane on autopilot and get up.

Any bullshit and I'll blow your CIA brains all over that control panel.

I know what you're thinking.

And you're wrong.

My real name is

Did you come up with your spy name yet? -No.

- My would be. - Amber Valentine.

What are you? A porn star?

You're fucking hilarious, huh?

I'm a private bodyguard, and your father hired me to protect you.

Bodyguard. You? Please.

That's funny. 'Causes the way I see it. Without me.

You would currently be crashed in the Alps right now.

Or you'll be laying in the morgue with a hole burned in your throat.

You little spoiled piece of shit!

Why would my father hired somebody like you?

Because he trusted me.

And for whatever fucking reason, he loved you.

Didn't even want you to know I'm watching you.

So-He's the one who made me come up with this whole loser Penny Morgan bullshit.

Yeah, Oh, you looked like dead, like my dead mama.

And fuck you for saying I look anything like that fucking beast!

No wonder your father never had the son he wanted.

You fuck that monster once and you just dropped the fucking mic and walked out.

Fuck you! Everything you said is a lie.

Oh, what happened?

Did I hit a little sore spot?

Yeah. He always wanted a son, and you knew it.

Look. He wanted you to take over the business.

He's just afraid you'll get yourself killed.

So, if you want to live and you want to load that bomb,

you stick with me.

And if you got a problem with that...

Know what you can do, Rayna?

You and your bullshit accent can land this fucking plane by yourselves.

Okay, bodyguard.

But if I find out you're lying to me about of any of this,

I'll show you ways to die you've never even dreamed of.

Now let's go to Budapest. I need a fucking drink.

Yeah, I bet you fucking do.

Oh my God.

BUDAPEST

BUDAPEST_HUNGARY

FOUR SEASONS HOTEL

Welcome back to the Four Seasons Budapest, Miss Boyanov.

Don't talk to me, you're not my friend. Get away from me.

Okay, move. Move! I got it!

So. What's the plan? Who are we meeting?

You're my bodyguard, not my business partner.

So just focus on guarding my body.

So not knowing who we're meeting tonight is going to make me

...extra effective. That's okay, I get it.

I've got shit to do, you'll probably be fine.

Why don't I go get you a nice dress to be buried in. Dumb ass.

I'm meeting a potential bidder if you must know.

If they don't top the current, offered sale will happen tomorrow.

- Where? - I don't know yet.

- Anton. - Ouch!

Anton is part of my security team, psycho.

Yeah. Well, guess what. I don't like his face.

I don't like the looks on your face!

And who the fuck are you?

I'm the person that's gonna cut your dick off and glue it to your forehead

so you look like a limp dick unicorn. That's who the fuck I am!

Your name should be Mr. Bagofdicks, not Anton.

Okay, Jesus! Let's just calm down, okay?

Does he not look like a bag of dicks.

Enough! I can see why my father like you now.

Amber is my hired bodyguard.

Be more like her.

And your head had better not broke my fucking phone.

Got a big night ahead of us.

Don't be afraid to clean yourself up, Amber.

Take a shower, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah? Don't be afraid to hit water yourself.

You smell like a dead hooker that washed up on the beach

and then roasted in the sun for a week before they've even found her body.

Okay, you need to take it, way down.

- I'm sorry, that's too much. - I've told you.

- Okay. That was too much. Too much. - Oh Jesus.

What are you staring at?

- Give me your fucking coat. - This is a man's coat. So.

Yeah, but I don't see a man, do I?

I see a reject from "The sound of Music."

Well, I won't give it to you.

I've been in this dress for 12 fucking hours. Give me your coat.

No.

- I'm gonna take that fucking coat. - Aw.

I warned you. You Swedish gummy fish motherfucker.

Ouch!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

- Nancy. - Oh my god. Susan.

Hello. Hello? Just say something to me, please.

Susan, anything. I cannot handle this, Susan.

There is nothing in real life that someone could do to a spy

that is filthier or more upsetting than what my brain would cook up right now.

So save me from myself, Susan!

Because you know what's gonna happen?

I'm gonna get chattier, aren't I.

Did you know that you can't have a change having big thoughts

- or the brain... - Oh my god, Nancy. You're driving me nuts.

I couldn't talk because I was in an elevator filled with people.

Oh, you're alright. Oh thank god.

You disappeared for 12 hours. We didn't know what had happened.

Well, I had to take off my earpiece and my camera.

Rayna is on to our agents. So she was going to spot my equipment from a mile away.

You're with Rayna?

You're not suppose to be within a mile away of her.

Nancy, I know. But I'm in deep and I'm getting such good Intel.

Please, I just need to remain on radio silence just a little bit longer.

Okay, don't worry. Because I'll be out to keep a better eye on you now.

Why are you saying that? How?

- Eh. - Wait. Wh-What are you doing here?

Elaine wanted to know exactly what you're up to, so I tracked your earpiece.

- They sent me here to find you. - They sent you?

Well. I was as unknown as you are, so they thought my cover was safe.

Did they give you an identity?

It's so cool. I said I wanted to be Amber Valentine. And.

- What? - And they let me use it.

Hey I don't know why you get to pick your identity.

I had to go with the freaking cat lady.

- Amber! -Yes. - Yes.

- Who is this? - Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know the police were here.

This is my colleague. Detective

The one I fucking told you about.

- No, you didn't. - Yes, I did, Helen Keller!

So, you're both named Amber?

Whoa! What did I tell you about talking to me?

Nothing. You just said nothing about talking.

You know what. You want me to have Cagney and fucking Lacey explain it to you.?

Cagney's coming down your fucking throat.

Lacey, she's gonna come up your ass

I'm gonna meet them in the fucking middle

and play your heart like a fucking accordion.

I'm gonna pump that shit until it pops.

- You Swedish bitch! - You wouldn't dare!

You gonna cry? You little Swiss fucking pussy.

- I'm not going to cry. - You're crying now!

I'm not. It's so fucking hot.

Okay. You know. Just let's leave Anton alone for now, please.

What's your name?

- Susan Cooper. - What?

- Oh, sorry. It came out. - What did I just...

Not suppose to fucking say her real name.

She's one of my best. She's highly fucking skill.

- Very skill. - At what?

Getting things out of a higher cupboard?

That's-That's very good. Because I'm tall?

Really, I'm not very good at reaching high things.

A doctor once said to me that I had the muscles capacity of an infant.

- My arms are like 2 noodles... - Get down!

Susan, get Rayna to safety. Now!

- I've got her. - Go!

Go away!

Who puts a roof on a scooter! What are you, the pope?

Get out of the way!

Oh my god!

They're driving crazy, I can't keep up with them.

Okay, wait a minute.

I got it.

Alright. A little detour.

Oh god. Let's do this.

I am so bad ass!

Got it. I know what you're saying.

Do your project now! Just get to work!

Where are we going? Smells like cheese over here!

Stick with me, you'll be safe.

Crawl with me. I must protect you. Crawl with me.

Fucking ridiculous clown show.

This fuckery stops now.

- Excuse me. Do you know if there is a Popeyes Chicken around here? - What?

I saw a KFC down the way, but I'm more of a Popeyes guy.

The food is really weird I... Oh my God, I'll ask someone else!

Okay, enough!

Drop your weapon!

Oh my god. Karen. Why aren't you at Capri?

I'm so sorry I shot you.

You must have not known it was me either. I changed my hair.

Oh, yeah. Looks really good. Are those extensions?

No. It's just-It's just my hair.

- You know, a few clips, colored. - Okay, if you say so.

I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about this too.

Oh, my God.

No no no...

Susan, my thighs are on fire.

I don't care. Where is Rayna?

I don't know. She slipped off me, I was very sweaty.

- Karen Walker is dead. - What?

She's a double agent.

Somebody shot her right in front of me. I don't know who did it.

I don't know how deep this whole thing goes.

Oh my God. Oh!

Oh.

Get your motherfucking asses up here!

Now!

Shit!

People are trying to kill me, and all that's left of my fucking security team

is you two defending me! You look like somebody's demented aunts on vacation!

Do you have anyone on your team, other than this asthmatic Big bird?

Yeah. We usually just use her for

non-physical security resources.

I'm very non-physical resourceful.

I do a lot of reading. I read palms and maps.

And I read all of "The Hunger Games".

How is that helpful!

I don't know, I'm panicking.

And you! You have to stop with this stupid Penny Morgan outfit.

You have to dress like an actual human!

Get me more security when I come back out here, or you're both dead!

Suck on this, Rayna.

This mission is going to cost you, you know.

The clothing allowance cut off half way through the last...

Oh god. Could you please concentrate on getting the new bodyguard.

- God damn me! Please. - Alright. Alright.

Crappy. I've already contacted the agency.

Oh. Come on!

You, in this outfit.

Magnifico. (Magnificent)

- You have anything yet? - No one so far, Susan.

Slight intimidating crowd, however.

Hello. You look nice.

Ah, just keep laughing. Looks fade.

Just keep your eyes open.

God damn it. I told you to dress up.

And take off those gloves. You look like Darth fucking Vader.

You know the reason I'm wearing these gloves is because I don't know what kind

of woodland creatures is going to come crawling out of that fucking nest on top of your head.

Whatever. Keep a eye out for this woman.

She's the one coming to make the bid.

He's got a friend.

I need you to keep your eyes open. I may need your help out there.

To close my eyes in the presence of this beautiful body would be a crime.

Oh god.

Nancy. Okay, you know that women I spotted in Paris, the bomber?

Well, she's coming tonight to make the bid.

If she really works for De Luca so we know some things up. I need you to keep an...

God. Son of a beast thing.

Excuse me, he's mine. Yeah.

I didn't mean to hit her that hard. God. You look like a balloon animal.

Here, take those.

- Hi. What are you doing, Ford? - I'm here to help you, Cooper.

You may have found Rayna, but you cannot lose her.

- This isn't fucking play time, anymore. - Yeah?

It's play time on your face with your stupid mustache.

You look like a pervert bus driver.

- Cooper? - Yeah.

It helped.

Let go.

Yeah, who's dominating now?

You're putting this entire operation in danger.

Your girlfriend, from the Paris bombing, is on her way here to meet Rayna.

If she sees you, only my cover's blown. And then we're both dead.

Just worry about yourself, Cooper.

Thank you for the beautiful ladies. You guys okay?

Let's welcome

Mr. 50 Cent

What's up Budapest.

Oh, shit. She's here.

Okay. We can't let Rayna see her.

So, you need to take out her bodyguards, and I'll deal with her.

- Hey. Nobody orders me around. - God. Do you have a better idea?

We'll release a gas in the club

causing everybody to get temporary amnesia.

- Get a 100 sticks of dynamite... - Oh god.

Just go! Just go!

Nancy, I need you to get in here now!

I'm coming, Susan. I'm here, I'm here.

Pardon, excuse me.

Okay. I'm here. I'm here.

Oh, wow!

50 Cent a piece. Thanks for letting me know.

Do not let Rayna see that woman. Create a diversion, now!

- What kind of diversion? - A big one.

50, I love you!

50, I love you! Kiss me.

- Get her! - Take me now!

Turn around.

- Get off! - I'm coming in.

Nancy, I got her. Meet me outside.

Okay, great. No, I'm fine now. Thank you so much. Okay.

Now I got my wish. And that was it.

For a hob, now I got to drop Michael Bublé in Croatia. He wants me.

Okay, Cooper. I got this under control.

You're coming with me.

Oh my god. Susan!

Okay, bigger diversion! Huge diversion!

Bitch!

I got to know who she's working for. Get Rayna out of here.

That's not fair!

Whoa-whoa-whoa...

God damn it!

- Nancy, where are you? - A bit indispose.

It turns out 50 Cent doesn't have a great sense of humor or irony.

I need backup! I lost my gun in the club!

Okay.

Aw! Why did I get rid of my gloves?

Ah!

AW!

Ah-ha-ha...

Aw! Motherbuttler!

You got a lot of rage in that jumpsuit.

- Get up! - Aw.

You are under arrest by Susan Cooper and the government of the United States.

Rayna, how did you do that?

I didn’t.

He did.

Hello, Coop.

Fine. Aw.

Hey.

Coop.

Wake up!

Did you have a nice nap?

You were snoring very loudly.

Well, this is really not the most upsetting news right now.

My father used to bring people here.

Did he also make you dressed like a slutty dolphin trainer?

He starved them, tortured them.

You name it.

But he especially didn't like it when people lied to him.

Not that I bought it.

- You knew? - Of course I knew.

I told you you were better off in the basement, Coop.

- You could have avoided all of this. - And what, Fine?

Now you're a nuclear black marketer? A terrorist?

No.

He's just fucking me.

You're a loud kisser.

- Excuse me? - You're a loud kisser.

And it's gross and unappealing.

You look like some old toothless woman

sucking the jelly out of a donut.

Hey. How's it like sleeping with the man who killed your father?

Nice try Coop.

- She already know it was Cress. - Ah. Okay.

You probably always been in love with him, haven't you?

Talking in his ear,

hoping eventually one day he'll fall in love with you.

Poor little pathetic Susan Coleman.

Reminisce my last name so truly not much of a burden, is it?

- Coppin. - No.

Cropon?

Are you-Are you thinking Groupon? No, my name is not Groupon.

Croop? Keep going.

- Kapalski. - It's getting further from it.

Well. Whatever the fuck it is,

Let's just call it Dead!

Hey, baby. I thought we were gonna hang on to her till tonight?

I changed my mind!

Goodbye.

Like I waste a bullet on you.

Put her in the room.

Aw.

Eah!

Hey Aldo.

Hello captured lady.

I failed.

I failed the mission.

Fine's alive and

he's a traitor.

Don't be downhearted.

My mama, said to me.

Aldo,

life is

full of sorrow

and surprises.

But a

magnificent

pair of bosoms

will...

Good story.

- Susan. - Get away from me.

No, listen. I haven't got much time.

Why did you do it, Fine?

This was my only way in.

I had to fake my death to gain Rayna's trust.

I jammed the signal. Popped out my lens. It was easy.

I hated to do it to you, Coop. But I had to, I had to.

Rayna knew all about our agents,

'cause Karen Walker sold her the names.

I just couldn't trust anyone at the agency not to give me away.

Not even you.

How would I know you're telling me the true?

Did Karen Walker tried to kill you?

- You shot her? - I'm deep undercover.

But not so deep that I can't still protect you.

Alright. Look me in the eye.

- Huh? - Really. Look me in the eye.

One of your eyes is bigger than the other.

- Really? - No.

You're perfect. God damn it.

Asshole.

- Ou! - That hurt.

Good, it's suppose to.

- Bosom. - Huh?

- Is he dangerous? - Only if you have boobs.

So. Does Rayna really know I was a spy?

No.

Not until you blew your cover back at that kitchen.

I really thought she was more experienced than that.

Thank God she's not. Because if she was,

you would be dead now.

- I used your pretty good covers... - I got to go.

We're heading to De Luca De villa to meet with Dudaev.

Then we're taking him to wherever the bomb is.

This thing is almost over.

Hang tight.

Hello, bound lady.

Not now, Aldo.

I think Mr. Fine underestimated you.

You found your target, you tracked them down.

You fought very hard.

Susan.

You're a good agent.

You'll get them next time, huh?

Unless we die here.

Maybe we'll not.

You know what? I'm not going down like this.

I need you to untie me.

No. You heard Mr. Fine. He's working a plan.

- We have to stay put. - Untie me. Now!

That's my ass!

It is very difficult to see or gauge my position.

You're just simply grabbing my ass.

Let's roll to our side.

God! Oh! Aye!

The knot is very tight, but I am making progress.

You hand is way up in there.

My right hand is restraint from the weight of my body.

Okay. I got an idea.

Oh my god.

- Oh Jesus. - Don't move.

- Wait, wait. Wait. - Stay still.

- No-no-no... - Yes-yes-yes...

- Good god. - Scusa. (Excuse me)

Can't be happening.

God damn it. I was having such an empowering moment before you started.

My penis

may be gently kissing

the back of your head.

Just untie me before I crush your nuts!

Oh, please! If only we had time for

such pleasures.

God!

Oh, stop licking it!

- It is done. - Thank you Aldo.

I don't want to know why my neck is wet but

- you did excellent work. - Prego. (Welcome)

Okay. Turn around. Let me untie you

and let's get the fuck out of here.

Stop!

I need you to alert CIA and Interpol.

I'm going to De Luca's and backup Fine.

You know where the villa is?

I know everything.

One day, Lady superspy. Susan Cooper.

I will fuck you.

Love this new car smell.

Really nice.

Mmm.

Welcome to Lake Balaton.

I found this staircase and made them built a house around it.

Our dear Mr. Dudaev will be arriving shortly.

You.

are about to become a very rich woman, Rayna.

Which means you'll have to be a little more careful about the company you keep.

So many people have such

terrible agendas.

Like perhaps, your friend here.

I can see his obvious outer appeal.

You've terrific eyes.

Thanks.

But he also works for the CIA, doesn't he?

Mr. De Luca, it's true.

I worked for the CIA. But they think I'm dead.

You and Karen Walker, both double agents.

What's going on in the CIA?

Drones taken all the cool assignments?

If we don't get rid of him right now,

I'm calling off the deal.

Don't you fucking dare.

Yeah. Why don't you listen to that, asshole.

Don't you fucking dare.

You're a bit outnumbered here. Miss...

I'm sorry, what the fuck is your name?

Susan Cooper. I'm with the CIA.

Jesus. Rayna, did you invite the entire agency here

or are they just having a

company retreat at the villa next door.

God, you're funny. Huh.

It's just me. As could be in your best interest

to keep Fine and me alive.

I'm trying, but I not quite following your logic.

You want me to slow it down for you. Okay.

You're about to meet with Solsa Dudaev.

A man I've been collecting intelligence on for years.

And I'm guessing your boys here are too busy manscaping

to tell you how he does business.

It's about half the people he deals with end up dead.

I'll tell you another thing. Your little girlfriend,

one from the Paris bombing.

She's just using you to get to Rayna.

If it hadn't for me last night, she would have kidnapped her at the club.

And you would be standing here with your dick in your hand,

because you'd never find that bomb.

So. You need me, De Luca.

And I'm not going to help you unless you keep Fine alive.

So. Let me get this straight.

You work for the CIA.

Yet you're willing to help me sell a nuclear bomb,

in order to save this man's life.

- Why would I believe that? - Because she's in love with him.

Yeah, so what? This idiot doesn't even know it.

Too dump to know I'll do anything for him.

Look. Fuck the CIA, right.

What did they ever done for me?

Took 10 years of my life, give me shitty pay.

Put me in the basement with a ceiling full of bats.

Pretty sure give me a pink eye or at least an allergy.

Something got fuck up in my eye.

I would have mal a long time ago if it hadn't been for Fine.

So, yeah.

I'll do anything it takes to keep him alive.

That's pretty pathetic, right?

Extremely pathetic.

God, you're an asshole.

When this is over, I'm gonna shave that fucking head.

Alright, Miss Hair Vision.

I'll take you up on your offer.

But if you try anything, I mean anything.

I'll make your dream come true and send you and your boyfriend to heaven.

Let's go.

Mr. Dudaev.

Welcome to Hungary.

Like Chechnya, only easier to pronounce.

Enough with the bullshit.

Where is the package?

Once my client sees the payment.

She'll take us all to it's very secure hiding spot.

Wherever that may be.

I got it, handsome.

100 million euros doesn't buy what it used to, does it?

Nice ice, Solsa.

Right.

It's all yours.

Gentlemen. If you would follow me.

- Here it is. - What is this bullshit?

Bullshit?

Solsa, I'll have you know.

It's the nuke.

Clever girl.

Huh. A lead lined compartment.

Correct. The lead lining is said to mask any radiation detection.

My father was extremely good at his job.

Unbelievable! You know. You could have warned me, Rayna.

I have been throwing my gym clothes in that uh-uh thing for a week.

It is beautiful, huh?

Yes, it is.

What the fuck are you doing?

Conducting business.

Uh-uh-uh...

Put it in the helicopter.

Don't forget my diamonds.

What the fuck is going on?

De Luca played you, Rayna. And you lead him right to it.

You didn't expect me to let him have it, did you?

I mean. Like giving a strafe of areas to a hillbilly.

I have a buyer who is willing to pay me 500 million euros for it.

And Dudaev would've never be able to get that bomb onto American soil.

My buyer will have it in the middle of New York city and use it next week.

So, you know. If you haven't seen "Phantom" yet...

So what?

Does this me you're going to kill me too, Sergio?

I'm afraid so.

Sorry Rayna. It's just cleaner that way, you understand.

Explain it to me, De Luca!

Oh God. He-He means well.

At this stage, it keeps getting better and better.

Thank for the performance folks. But. Sorry, Rayna, the show's over.

Go! Go!

Holy shit!

- Where's De Luca? - Susan!

Get down!

No!

I should have killed when I had the chance.

- Rayna. - What?

Under the car.

Push it over.

Seriously?

Can't you just fucking burn arms and push it.

Ha-ha-ha...

Aw!

What happened? Did I get him?

De Luke has got the bomb to the helicopter. Get up!

Ah, fuck me. I got this.

No!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

Come on!

Kill her.

I got this. I've done this before!

I bet you're gonna fuck this up!

Shut up and help!

Are you kidding me?

Ford, what the hell are you doing?

I'm gonna crawl up you and take out De Luca.

Get your hands off my boobs!

I'm saving you!

Oh my god. Those do not belong on those!

I can't get a good grip. Your pants are too slippery.

Hold on tight! I'm gonna swing like I'm on a trapeze.

And leap my way up to the COCKPIT!

Awww!

I told you you're gonna fuck this up, Cooper!

Oh, I split.

Woo, that's high!

Ohh!

God damn it.

Fucking new suit.

This shit ends now!

- Freeze! - Oh my god!

I'm not in the fucking mood for your bullshit!

Oh yeah? Then you'll love this!

I'm not in the mood

for your bullshit!

Back off.

Sorry, spy. Play time's over.

Yeah, it is. Say goodbye to your toy.

What are you doing? What are you doing? Do not you dare!

Oh my god! The stones!

No! Oh my god!

Die.

Woo-hoo.

I just shot a man!

Is it wrong? It felt so right.

It's so me!

Hey, heroic lady!

In my country there is a saying about women like you.

Hot as fuck!

Oh god. Not now, Aldo!

Go Susan!

Oh! That was not a part of my plan!

Just like a women. To wear jewelry into battle.

Although this is the ugliest fucking necklace I've ever seen.

Yes, it is. And it's all yours.

With an adjustable toggle!

Okay, here we go. No problem.

Come on!

Okay, okay. I got it. I got it.

Nice copter. Where did you get it?

It's 50 Cent's.

I had to deputize him to let us use it.

He is so afraid of me.

I'm a motherfucking spy.

Let's go shoot somebody else.

Oh, zip it up, 50 Cent or I'll mouth you again!

This day is just getting better and better.

He wants me!

I think we should land!

I dropped a nuke in the water.

Good job guys. Sorry about the lake.

Alright, muscle. Don't push.

You'll get your pictures. There's enough 50 to go around.

You know I just help because of terrorist, right?

You ever seen Kanye do some shit like that.

He never. He never.

Well. Isn't this wonderful?

I was hoping to spend the rest of my life in jail.

Give me some quality time to deal with the fact

that I was sleeping with the man who killed my father.

Anyway, call my lawyer. Get the turf from the hotel.

- I need everything on time... - Do you think I still work for you?

Whatever. Fuck you.

I knew you really like me.

Hey.

Fuck you too.

Don't touch my fucking hair.

Watch it.

Oh god, Aldo.

I'm-I'm too tired to fend you off your groping.

Please. I understand completely.

Look. My real name is Albert.

MI6.

Look. I'm sorry if my disguise was a bit much.

I just like to really get into character.

Although I fear I may have become over excited at certain points.

- A little bit. - By way of apology.

Should your work ever bring you to London

I would love to take you for dinner.

Okay. Yeah. I...

That would be nice.

Wonderful.

God!

How do you like my English accent? Huh?

I learned it from the Downton Abbey.

No, I'm only joking.

- Or am I. - My god.

Coop. Great work.

What a job! SuperCooper.

- Really, amazing. - Thanks.

Yes, it was. You really came through.

Thank you ma'am.

I like to keep you out in the field for now.

Wow.

We need you to fly to Prague tomorrow

to infiltrate an international drug smuggling ring.

Here's your new identity.

You in, Cooper?

Agent, Susan Cooper. Reporting for duty, ma'am.

Yeah. Nobody says or does that but great.

Okay. Thank you.

Francis Mays is an unemployed telemarketer

living off her disability cheques.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Any who wears reading glasses in their passport photo?

She's only kidding. She got you.

Oh my god. It was a good one.

Yeah, actually I'm not. I don't have a sense of humor.

- No, you don't. - We'll talk soon.

Got the pink eyes under control.

But... It was actually an allergy, ma'am.

Okay. Got it.

So. You're a spy now, Coop.

Yeah.

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

I don't think I'll ever find anyone as good as you in the basement.

Well.

I think you will. There's a lot of good people down there.

So, hey. The thing is.

I know a great little restaurant right near here. Maybe

you and I could go for a nice long

dinner.

You know what. I just

got a feeling like a a girl's night.

- You understand, right? - Yeah, sure.

I'll catch you later. You go have a great time.

Thank you.

Hey. Coop.

All those things you said about me to De Luca.

Did you mean that?

You're a lot furrier than I thought you'd be.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Smell you later, pal.

Glad you're still alive Beverly.

- You silly fucking girly wanker. - Aw! God!

Nice work, Cooper.

Wow. Is that a compliment?

That's not easy for you to do.

Ah fuck it. Look, you did a good job.

Probably just beginner's luck though.

Ah, there we go.

- Where did you get that suit? - I fucking made it, didn't I.

It's nice. You're still out of the CIA?

Probably not. They need me.

I think I need to spend some time on my own first, though.

Clear my head.

I'm going to take this down the coast.

Maybe, spend some time in Italy. Travel to Greece.

Sometimes a man needs to go to sea.

Sounds good, Ford. Good for you.

Take care.

Bye.

Arrivederci !

- Do you think he knows that's a lake? - No. I don't.

- Let's go. - Okay.

I can't let anybody see how sore I am.

- I got you. - Okay.

- Come here. - Oh, my glutes are really season up

If you're sore, I'll tell you what.

Take a hot bath and then we get to celebrate.

- I hope you like champagne and beef jerky. - Well. Oh, that's a...

You have to. Because I stole a case of it.

- I don't know if I like them together. - Out of 50 Cent's helicopter.

Oh. Slower. Slower.

Come on! Is this a fucking lake?

How the fuck do I get to Italy?

Oh, stop screaming. You loved it.

Oh god.

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