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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,961 Oh. Hey, Ross. 2 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,923 I'm so glad someone's here. Could you zip me up? 3 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,969 - Sure. - Thank you. 4 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,847 Can you believe no one between my apartment and here... 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,099 ...offered to do that for me? 6 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,809 People. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,688 So why are you so dressed up? 8 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,356 Oh, Mike's picking me up for a date. 9 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,193 Oh, yeah? Now, how's that going? Is it getting serious? 10 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,822 I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you know, I like him. 11 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,325 But, you know, am I ready to take my Grade A loins off the meat market? 12 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,619 I'm not quite sure. 13 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,167 You know, I really admire your whole dating attitude. 14 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,462 It's so healthy. I'm always like, "Is this moving too fast? 15 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,214 Is this moving too slow? Where's this going?" 16 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,633 Yeah, I know. You are a bit of a drama queen. 17 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:57,598 You're so much better off, you know? You just go from guy to guy having fun... 18 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,768 ...and not worrying that it never turns into anything serious. 19 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,271 I wouldn't say "never." 20 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,815 You know, there is that guy. 21 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,610 Okay, well, what about? 22 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,696 Okay, well, there has gotta be someone. 23 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:17,618 - There isn't! That's what I'm saying. - Oh, my God, you're right! 24 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,371 I know. And yet, here you are, all ready for the next date. 25 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,709 I can't believe I never realized this before. 26 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:30,130 I'm in my 30s, and I've never been in a long-term relationship. 27 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,050 Oh, my God, what's wrong with me? 28 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,762 No, no, no. 29 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,680 Um, there's nothing wrong with you. 30 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:44,269 I mean, you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway. 31 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,772 I want to get married! 32 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,233 No, please... Please don't cry because of me. 33 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,777 Pheebs, I don't know what I'm talking about, okay? 34 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,695 I've been divorced three times. 35 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,198 Well, at least you've been married. 36 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,868 Oh, my God. I want to trade lives with Ross? 37 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,748 Phoebe. 38 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,960 - What's wrong? - Nothing. I'm excited about our date. 39 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,048 Mike, this is Ross Geller. Ross, this is Mike... 40 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,383 [CRYING] 41 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,303 - Sorry, I didn't catch that. - Mike Hannigan. 42 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,055 - Oh, Ross Geller. - Hey. 43 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,476 - Uh, so are you sure you're ready to go? - Uh-huh. 44 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,353 How do I look? 45 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,525 - Do you have a compact in your purse? - No. 46 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,527 You look great. 47 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,697 - Hey, Joey. - This girl won't turn around. 48 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,408 I can't tell whether she's hot or not. What do you think? 49 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:26,622 Joey, I am not going to objectify women with you. 50 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,916 But if her face is as nice as her ass... 51 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,835 - Whoo, Mama. - All right. Thanks. 52 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,380 - Hey, have you talked to Chandler? - He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend. 53 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,716 - How come? - I don't know. He has to work. 54 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,677 There's some big rush on the... 55 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,764 Uh... 56 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,308 One of these days, I'm gonna have to start listening... 57 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,018 ...when he talks about his job. 58 00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,731 Hey, why don't you fly out there and surprise him? 59 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,275 Maybe I will go. 60 00:03:55,693 --> 00:04:00,656 Yeah. We'll have a little second honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada. 61 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,366 Oh, and you know what you should bring? 62 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,953 Your black see-through teddy with the attached garters. 63 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,334 - How do you know I have one of those? - Didn't until just now. 64 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,298 Ugh. Hot. Not hot. 65 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,342 Hot! 66 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,595 Excuse me? 67 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:28,725 Uh, I said that I think you're hot. 68 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:32,145 And, uh, now I'm embarrassed. Heh. 69 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,481 Oh, I thought you said "hi." 70 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,234 That would've been better. 71 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,612 I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey. 72 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,989 I'm Hayley. 73 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:46,451 Oh. Look, I don't normally ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses. 74 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,412 Ha! 75 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,458 Gesundheit. 76 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,383 - But... - I would love to go out with you. 77 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,386 Really? Great. 78 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,389 Did I...? Did I actually ask you? 79 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,767 Oh, um, that's just where you were going. I figured I'd help you out. 80 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,062 You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this a lot? 81 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,273 Ha! 82 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,861 Seriously, Gunther. You should see someone about that cold. 83 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,738 If it gets much worse, you could die. 84 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,245 - So how'd the date go? - Well, it was awful. 85 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,040 Every time I thought about what you said, I started crying. 86 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:36,001 - So he hasn't called? - Would you call this girl: 87 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,421 [CRYING] "Thanks for a lovely evening"? 88 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,799 Now I feel terrible. This is all my fault. 89 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,552 [IN NORMAL VOICE] You know what you should feel terrible about? 90 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,846 This could have been my serious guy. 91 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,515 He was sweet and smart and funny. 92 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,101 Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that? 93 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,729 We are a rare breed. 94 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,402 What a great dinner. 95 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,029 Yeah, and hey, thanks again... 96 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,740 ...for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant. 97 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:11,119 Ha, ha. You're welcome again. I'm gonna go make some coffee. 98 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,914 - Can I get you anything? - Uh, do you have any cake? 99 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,624 [LAUGHING] 100 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,214 JOEY: So this is going pretty good. 101 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,634 Dinner was nice. We've got a lot in common. 102 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,844 Ooh, Victoria's Secret. Huh. 103 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,805 We even like the same books. 104 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,893 Ooh. There's a scary painting. 105 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,104 Wait a minute. 106 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,773 I think I've been scared by that painting before. 107 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,861 You know what? This whole place looks familiar. 108 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,155 I have definitely been in this apartment. 109 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,158 I know I've seen this weird plant before. 110 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,662 Ow! It did that the last time! 111 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,790 Oh, my God. I've gone out with this girl before. 112 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,334 Yeah! We had sex on this couch! 113 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,212 And then on that chair, and... No. 114 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,339 No, we didn't do it here... 115 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:08,301 ...which is weird, because it seems like a perfectly good place. 116 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,178 Ow. That's why. 117 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,766 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 118 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:22,482 Hey, Mike. Uh, sorry to just drop by like this. Can I come in? 119 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,109 Sure. 120 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,403 Who are you? 121 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,406 I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse? 122 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,574 Right, yeah. 123 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,784 I really, really need to talk to you about something. 124 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,245 Okay. Unless... 125 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,582 You're not gonna try and get me to join a cult, are you? 126 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,209 - No. - Oh... 127 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,588 No, it's just, you know, you have that look. 128 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,257 Damn Supercuts. 129 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,305 - Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. No. 130 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,725 Oh, Phoebe is great. But, um... 131 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,894 I'm an idiot, okay? 132 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:03,607 Look, right before you guys went out, I accidentally got her all upset. 133 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,984 Oh. That's why she was weird. 134 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,945 Yes, yeah. I said something stupid... 135 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,573 ...about her never having had a serious relationship. 136 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,785 But you should know, she is so much fun. A wonderful person. 137 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:20,123 - Please, don't blow her off. - I'm not gonna blow her off. 138 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,251 I actually just got off the phone with her. We're going out tomorrow night. 139 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:28,131 I mean, I hope that's okay with you, stranger from the coffeehouse. 140 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,426 Well, then, I didn't need to bother you. 141 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:36,264 Um, you or the four other Mike Hannigans I bothered. 142 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,562 Hey, wait, wait, wait. Is that true what you said? 143 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,940 Phoebe's never had a serious relationship? 144 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,443 Of course she has. 145 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,154 If she's never had a serious relationship... 146 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,615 ...do you think I'd go around broadcasting it... 147 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:58,203 ...like some kind of unstoppable moron? 148 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,166 - But you did say it. - Yes. Yes, I did. 149 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,337 And I will also say... 150 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,839 ...what I'm about to say... 151 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,842 ...vis-à-vis... 152 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,761 ...the following. 153 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:21,560 Phoebe has never had a serious relationship... 154 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,312 ...since... 155 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,984 ...her super-serious relationship... 156 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,402 ...with... 157 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,153 ...Vikram. 158 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,408 - Vikram? - What? That's a real name. 159 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,456 [SINGING] Oklahoma, where the wind comes 160 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,417 sweeping down the plain 161 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,544 Stop it. 162 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,255 Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 163 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,632 Seven o'clock. 164 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,552 Maybe I'll hit the gym. 165 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,728 Ah, who am I kidding? Pay-per-view porn. 166 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,535 - Do not disturb! Do not disturb! - Surprise! 167 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,458 - Monica? - Is everything all right? 168 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,793 Yeah, everything's great. I was just, uh... 169 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,630 ...watching some regular television there. 170 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,050 What a pleasant surprise. 171 00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,852 - I'm gonna go freshen up, okay? - Okay, honey. 172 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,901 Ooh. That was close. 173 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,819 [PHONE RINGS] 174 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,864 - Hello. MONICA: Rach, it's me. 175 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:02,327 Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him... 176 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,579 ...molesting himself. 177 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,458 Ugh. That couldn't have been pretty. 178 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,752 But you know, guys do that. 179 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,420 Uh, well, the weird part is... 180 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:16,049 ...he was getting off to a shark-attack show. 181 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,970 - No! - Yes! Chandler watches shark porn! 182 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,479 - While watching sharks? - Yeah. 183 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,981 Are you sure that's what he was doing? 184 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,068 Do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that? 185 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,320 Believe me, I know what he was doing. 186 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,782 Man. Sharks. 187 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,243 I always knew there was something weird about that dude. 188 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,830 You promised to love him no matter what. 189 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,167 "What" means, like, if he gets a disease or kills someone. 190 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:55,130 - Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws. - Oh. 191 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,425 You know what, honey? Guys are just different. 192 00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,177 They like things that we can't understand. 193 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,680 You know, I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend... 194 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:07,016 ...that he was an archeologist, and that I was this... 195 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,938 ...naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice. 196 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,859 Ew, are you talking about my brother? 197 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,236 Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I? 198 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,157 - Hey. - Hi. 199 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,534 Listen to this. I went out with this girl last night. 200 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,661 Halfway through our date I realized... 201 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,246 ...I already slept with her. 202 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,167 You've slept with all the women in New York... 203 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,669 ...and now you're going around again? 204 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,337 That's not even the weird part. 205 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,715 I don't think she remembered sleeping with me! 206 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,675 But you don't remember sleeping with her. 207 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,012 Yeah, but she should remember sleeping with me. I am very memorable! 208 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,640 - You guys know. - How do we know? 209 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,185 - We've never slept with you. - And whose fault is that? 210 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,689 What's the big deal? You forgot, she forgot. 211 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,776 - Maybe you were having an off night. - Hey! 212 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,239 I never have an off night. Okay? 213 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,785 Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated, I don't feel that sexy. 214 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,037 But even then, I'm better than most. 215 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,666 Honey, why don't you just let it go and ask her out again? 216 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,669 Yeah, you're both so slutty, you don't remember who you slept with. 217 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,546 You're made for each other. 218 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,342 Interesting. Yeah. 219 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,013 All right, well, I'll go out with her again and I'll try to get past it. 220 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,557 No salt! Bloaty! 221 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,476 - Joey? - What? 222 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,728 You don't think sharks are sexy, do you? 223 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,355 No. 224 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,650 Wait a minute. Wait, what was the Little Mermaid? 225 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,321 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 226 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,572 It's open! 227 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,117 - Hey. - Hey. Mike called! We're going out again! 228 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,203 - Yay! Yay! - Yay. 229 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:55,083 - Quick thing. I went to talk to Mike. - Yeah. 230 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,459 What? 231 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,212 What did you...? What did you do, Ross? 232 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,798 Oh, boy. You got mad at that part. 233 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,010 I went over there, you know, to tell him how... 234 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,806 How great you are. Ahem, but... 235 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,642 Well, you know me. Blah, blah, blah. 236 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,731 - And I ended up telling him, um, that... - What? 237 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:23,194 Um, you had a six-year-long relationship... 238 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,280 ...with a guy named Vikram. 239 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,950 What? Why? 240 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,744 Well, he seemed... 241 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:36,791 ...to bum hard when I told him you'd never been in a serious relationship. 242 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,007 If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend... 243 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,552 ...I swear to Lucifer... 244 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,806 ...a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now. 245 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,311 Phoebe, I think you'll feel differently when you know... 246 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,855 ...a little bit about Vikram. 247 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,399 Okay, he's, um... 248 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,861 He's a kite designer. 249 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,158 And he used to date Oprah. 250 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:15,496 I'm not going along with some lie you made up, Ross. 251 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,082 - I'm just gonna be honest with him. - Good. 252 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,584 Yeah, just be honest with him. 253 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,253 - Yeah, I have nothing to be ashamed of. - No. 254 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,756 Okay, so, all right, I haven't been in a relationship... 255 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,883 ...that lasted longer than a month. 256 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,510 Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend. 257 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:34,307 You know, if he can't handle it, then he can leave. Which he will. 258 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:38,102 And, you know, that's okay. So I'll just be alone forever. 259 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,022 You know, all right. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. 260 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,817 I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians. 261 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,861 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 262 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,197 - I'll get it. PHOEBE: Okay. 263 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:56,204 I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door and you weren't there. 264 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,960 Phoebe, are you okay? 265 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:07,006 Uh-huh. Yeah. There's just, um... 266 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,634 There's something you should know. 267 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,347 Vikram just called. 268 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,811 So it was really a shock after 25 years of marriage... 269 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,897 ...my parents getting divorced. I took it the hardest... 270 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,525 ...because I was the youngest. - Mm-hm. Sure. Yeah. 271 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,194 How can you not remember me? 272 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,071 What? 273 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,198 How could you not remember that we slept together? 274 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,326 - What? When? - I don't know. 275 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:39,205 I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you. 276 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,792 Come on, come on. Search your brain, all right? It was... 277 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,587 ...a certain amount of time ago. Okay, I was here. You were here. 278 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,215 We had sex here, here, here... 279 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,300 Not there. 280 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,595 - Anything? - No, it's not ringing any bells. 281 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,931 My God, woman. 282 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,976 How many people have you been with not to remember this? 283 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:03,271 Hey, Hayley. We really gotta fix that doorknob. 284 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,149 Joey? 285 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,401 Oh. 286 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,780 I slept with you! 287 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,369 And you obviously remember me. Hey, I still got it! 288 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,787 So we're good. 289 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,291 I'll let myself out. 290 00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,337 And I said, "Okay, Vikram... 291 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,673 ...you can't just call every time you get lonely. 292 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,924 - Yeah. - You know? 293 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,553 You gave up that right when you slept with Rachel." 294 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,098 Rachel? I thought she just had a baby with Ross. 295 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,559 Yeah, well... 296 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,227 Yeah. 297 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,647 You know, but Emma's birth certificate might say "Geller"... 298 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,776 ...but her eyes say "Mukherjee." 299 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,947 That is so wrong. And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer? 300 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,034 I know. But he calls, and my heart goes to him. 301 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:03,414 You know, that bastard is one smooth-talking freelance kite designer. 302 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,960 I think there's somebody better out there for you. 303 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,589 I mean, you know, I'm... I'm not saying me, but... 304 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,176 Maybe me. 305 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,595 Oh. 306 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,723 And you don't have to worry about glue-sniffing with me. 307 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,102 Although, I do smell the occasional Magic Marker. 308 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,689 Yeah. Uh, anyway, I just... 309 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,442 I think I can make you happy. 310 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,365 - Okay, I can't do this. - What's wrong? 311 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,577 Well, there is no Vikram. Ross made him up. 312 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,204 Because I... 313 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,290 I really never have been in a long-term relationship. 314 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,003 I've never lived with a guy. I've never even celebrated an anniversary. 315 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,713 So... 316 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,176 You know, if that's too weird for you... 317 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,512 ...and you want to leave, I totally understand. 318 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,099 In fact, I'll close my eyes to make it less awkward. 319 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,567 You kissed me. 320 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,027 Uh-huh. 321 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,406 - So you don't think I'm a total freak? - No. 322 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,283 Well... 323 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,618 Look, can I? 324 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,830 Can I think you're a little weird and also cool... 325 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,666 ...for telling me the truth and also want to kiss you? 326 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,835 I guess so. 327 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,671 Can I think it's cool that you kissed me... 328 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,424 ...and also want to kiss you again? 329 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,305 And, um, be a little concerned about the Magic Markers? 330 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,764 Definitely. 331 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,353 [PHONE RINGS] 332 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,771 [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] 333 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,357 ROSS [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]: This is Vikram. 334 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,076 Hi, honey, I'm home. 335 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,995 Hi. 336 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,749 - How was your flight? - Oh, it was great. 337 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,876 Why don't you sit down. 338 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,502 Get yourself comfortable. 339 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,339 Because I have a little... 340 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,758 ...surprise for you. 341 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,470 Well, well, well. It must be 5 in Tulsa... 342 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,390 ...because it's sex o'clock in N.Y. C! 343 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,396 Okay. This is how much I love you. 344 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,733 NARRATOR [ON TV]: The great white... 345 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,990 Honey? 346 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,619 Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around? 347 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,789 Oh, is this...? Is this not the good part? 348 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:54,669 Do you want me to fast-forward to something toothier? 349 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,090 No, I'm just not sure that you got the right movie, that's all. 350 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:02,802 Oh. This is the only one they had at our video store. 351 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,097 Though they did have something called Crocodile Killers. 352 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,058 Or does it always have to be sharks? 353 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,229 Does what always have to be sharks? 354 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,606 Honey, look, we can do something else. 355 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,902 Do you want me to get into the tub and thrash? 356 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,074 - What's going on? - Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay. 357 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,076 I still love you. 358 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,247 - Let me be a part of this. - Let me be a part of this! 359 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,834 I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. 360 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,753 Angry sharks turn you on! 361 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,715 No, they don't. 362 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,553 Then why were you watching them and giving yourself a treat? 363 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:49,390 Oh, my God. When you came in, I switched the channel. 364 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,226 I was just watching regular porn. 365 00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,478 Really? 366 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:58,983 Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned, American, girl-on-girl action. 367 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:04,405 - Can I tell you how happy that makes me? - Oh. 368 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,617 You are an amazing wife. 369 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,163 Really, you are amazing. You were actually gonna do this for me? 370 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:15,791 I mean, where do you find the strength and the understanding for that? 371 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,670 I'm very, very drunk right now. 372 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,724 See, ordinarily, I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken. 373 00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,477 Did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her? 374 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,937 You know, maybe this is a wake-up call. 375 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:40,232 You know, about your whole dating attitude. 376 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,986 You're in your 30s and you have never been in a long-term relationship. 377 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,656 Here you go from woman to woman... 378 00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,201 ...meaningless experience to meaningless experience. 379 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,746 Never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious. 380 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,915 You're right. I love my life! 381 00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,881 I actually did sleep with her. Heh. 382 00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:12,014 [English - US - SDH] 29710

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