Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,830
Have you played around with the head?
2
00:00:13,837 --> 00:00:14,927
Yeah, I tried everything.
3
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:16,381
I just can't get it to turn on.
4
00:00:16,321 --> 00:00:18,231
It just doesn't want to work.
5
00:00:22,276 --> 00:00:24,146
At least we weren't fixing the toilet.
6
00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:27,568
Porno much?
7
00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,506
Now it's time to drain your nozzle.
8
00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:08,207
What about your boyfriend?
9
00:01:08,466 --> 00:01:10,136
He can get his own plumber.
10
00:01:19,218 --> 00:01:19,968
Oops.
11
00:01:37,086 --> 00:01:38,496
How's that for lube?
12
00:01:39,005 --> 00:01:39,795
Kinda tingles.
13
00:01:39,763 --> 00:01:42,173
It's expensive,
but it's great for my hair.
14
00:01:42,515 --> 00:01:43,975
Oh, God-- Oh.
15
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,939
Oh, yeah.
16
00:01:48,029 --> 00:01:49,319
Oh, wait, wait.
17
00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:50,107
It kinda burns.
18
00:01:50,073 --> 00:01:51,033
Want me to stop?
19
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,712
No, don't stop.
20
00:01:52,672 --> 00:01:53,752
It burns me.
21
00:01:53,708 --> 00:01:54,708
Oh, I'm so close.
22
00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,041
You cheater!
23
00:02:02,982 --> 00:02:04,232
Don't stop.
24
00:02:04,181 --> 00:02:05,301
I'm gonna get blue balls.
25
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:07,045
Honey, this is not what it looks like.
26
00:02:07,452 --> 00:02:10,832
Neither is this.
27
00:02:12,573 --> 00:02:13,733
You can't kill me yet.
28
00:02:13,685 --> 00:02:14,475
I'm gonna come.
29
00:02:15,326 --> 00:02:16,366
I'm coming.
30
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:37,267
Stop! Please!
31
00:02:39,102 --> 00:02:40,482
And cut!
32
00:02:41,739 --> 00:02:44,119
Brilliant. That's a wrap.
33
00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:46,647
This'll definitely get us
into drama camp.
34
00:02:47,456 --> 00:02:49,586
All your movies are really homo.
35
00:02:49,498 --> 00:02:51,868
Doesn't matter
if the characters are gay.
36
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,271
Genre is genre.
37
00:02:53,210 --> 00:02:55,500
If I did this with women, I'd be sexist.
38
00:02:55,684 --> 00:02:58,064
Ladies love that I use gay guys.
39
00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,927
I guess we've come a long way.
40
00:03:00,202 --> 00:03:02,372
I look like Ricky Martin's asshole.
41
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,653
You need a lot more blood for that.
42
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,000
You were awesome.
43
00:03:04,959 --> 00:03:06,039
No, you were.
44
00:03:05,994 --> 00:03:08,044
No...you were.
45
00:03:07,961 --> 00:03:10,871
Ugh, vomitus maximus.
46
00:03:10,752 --> 00:03:12,342
Vomitus maximus.
47
00:03:12,948 --> 00:03:13,998
I do not sound like that.
48
00:03:14,109 --> 00:03:15,529
"I do not sound like that."
49
00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,632
It doesn't matter
if the characters are gay or what.
50
00:03:17,552 --> 00:03:19,212
Genre is genre.
51
00:03:20,506 --> 00:03:21,626
Here's to drama camp.
52
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,488
May we all get in.
53
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,411
To drama camp!
54
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:31,854
EATING OUT:DRAMA CAMP
55
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,078
I'm not in the mood, Casey.
56
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,924
You're never in the mood.
57
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,667
I was having a really hot dream.
58
00:05:38,012 --> 00:05:41,262
Fine. I'll just take care of it myself.
59
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:52,313
Can I make a little mess on your back?
60
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,755
You make me feel like Demi Moore.
61
00:06:04,675 --> 00:06:05,965
Oh, you cougar milf,
62
00:06:05,912 --> 00:06:08,572
I'm going to do every nasty thing
there is to you.
63
00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:13,179
I haven't been this wet
since Reagan was shot.
64
00:06:17,181 --> 00:06:19,391
Remember the days when you
couldn't get enough of this?
65
00:06:20,539 --> 00:06:22,159
Let me in, little pig.
66
00:06:25,007 --> 00:06:26,057
Holy homos!
67
00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:27,055
Aunt Helen.
68
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:28,657
Who's that?
69
00:06:29,007 --> 00:06:30,427
This is Andy.
70
00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:31,779
I found him on MyFace.
71
00:06:31,884 --> 00:06:33,344
I think you mean Facebook.
72
00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,995
Who said anything about the Internet?
73
00:06:34,924 --> 00:06:35,634
I'm sorry, lady.
74
00:06:35,605 --> 00:06:37,435
I don't rub weenies.
75
00:06:37,361 --> 00:06:38,651
Andy!
76
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:40,449
Damn it.
77
00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:45,279
I thought you were off to drama cock--
camp this morning.
78
00:06:46,635 --> 00:06:49,585
Ow. So you were just going to
do it in my room?
79
00:06:49,464 --> 00:06:52,384
My place is full of
embarrassing old-lady things.
80
00:06:52,265 --> 00:06:53,345
Aunt Helen--
81
00:06:53,301 --> 00:06:55,971
Well, it's not like I haven't corked
my onion in here before.
82
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:56,862
Ew.
83
00:06:57,185 --> 00:06:58,765
Shit, we're late.
84
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,031
Aah! Nude! Nude!
85
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,325
Have a great time.
86
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,627
And no backbroking.
87
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,152
Barebacking, and we won't.
88
00:07:06,096 --> 00:07:07,136
Okay.
89
00:07:12,205 --> 00:07:14,795
Get your tight little ass back here.
90
00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:16,518
Mama's hungry.
91
00:07:17,642 --> 00:07:20,512
All right, Grandma's hungry.
92
00:07:21,757 --> 00:07:23,427
Excuse me.
93
00:07:23,637 --> 00:07:25,507
Do you know how much that bag cost?
94
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,332
Hey, you need a hand?
95
00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:36,288
This is a bigger mess than
Sex In The City 2.
96
00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:37,972
Yeah, sequels usually suck.
97
00:07:38,705 --> 00:07:40,825
Maybe this will,
98
00:07:40,939 --> 00:07:41,689
uh...
99
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:43,815
Tried that.
100
00:07:45,016 --> 00:07:46,686
Oh, right.
101
00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:49,181
Uh...
102
00:07:57,848 --> 00:07:58,798
There.
103
00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:01,235
Wow, you're a genius.
104
00:08:01,876 --> 00:08:02,586
I'm Lilly.
105
00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:04,124
Jason.
106
00:08:06,356 --> 00:08:07,396
Is that all you got?
107
00:08:07,995 --> 00:08:08,705
Huh?
108
00:08:08,993 --> 00:08:09,783
Luggage.
109
00:08:10,317 --> 00:08:12,937
Oh, yeah. That's it.
110
00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:15,659
Good, because this is
packed immigrant tight.
111
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,433
There we go.
112
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,624
Wait,
113
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:20,084
we have baggage.
114
00:08:23,216 --> 00:08:24,886
Maybe if we had some lube.
115
00:08:25,854 --> 00:08:27,694
We need something to tie this shut.
116
00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:28,887
Here.
117
00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:31,639
Use this.
118
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,962
Holy teenage werewolf.
119
00:08:45,439 --> 00:08:46,149
There,
120
00:08:46,397 --> 00:08:47,727
all strapped in.
121
00:08:47,673 --> 00:08:49,723
That's what me said.
122
00:08:51,913 --> 00:08:53,583
Everyone buckled up?
123
00:08:56,114 --> 00:08:58,024
Damn it, my seatbelt's broken.
124
00:08:57,945 --> 00:09:00,445
There's an extra one here.
125
00:09:02,223 --> 00:09:03,973
I can trade
if you guys want to sit together.
126
00:09:03,902 --> 00:09:05,402
I've sat with Casey before.
127
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,610
We might as well get to know
our fellow campers on the way up.
128
00:09:13,655 --> 00:09:16,525
I'm Benji, like the dog.
129
00:09:16,408 --> 00:09:19,788
I'm Zack, like the Efron
130
00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:20,440
but with a "K".
131
00:09:21,405 --> 00:09:22,905
God, will you two do it already?
132
00:09:22,843 --> 00:09:25,513
I'm Casey, like the boyfriend.
133
00:09:25,405 --> 00:09:26,405
Oh.
134
00:09:27,198 --> 00:09:28,538
Oh...
135
00:09:28,483 --> 00:09:30,983
God, I didn't realize.
136
00:09:33,710 --> 00:09:36,550
Christ, are there going to
be any non-homos at this place?
137
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:37,683
I'm straight.
138
00:09:40,548 --> 00:09:41,258
Me, too.
139
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,537
You are?
140
00:09:42,822 --> 00:09:43,532
You are?
141
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:45,522
Yeah, I'm straight.
142
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,825
Huh. Never judge a book by its haircut.
143
00:09:49,257 --> 00:09:50,387
I'm Genevieve.
144
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,710
It's French.
145
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:55,615
You probably can't pronounce it,
so you can just call me Genna-veev.
146
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,931
Does anyone know how to get there?
147
00:10:22,864 --> 00:10:24,784
So you're the parasite.
148
00:10:24,984 --> 00:10:26,024
The what?
149
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,610
Penny Susselman--
150
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,781
the little teat-suckling vampire
151
00:10:29,702 --> 00:10:33,782
with the free, paid, all-expense
work-study scholarship.
152
00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:35,366
Work-study?
153
00:10:35,937 --> 00:10:37,607
Yeah, you didn't think
you were going to get by with
154
00:10:37,538 --> 00:10:39,698
nothing but talent and moxy, did you?
155
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:43,950
No, I just didn't see the work part
on the scholarship application.
156
00:10:43,772 --> 00:10:47,352
It was a work-study application.
157
00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:48,495
Okay.
158
00:10:48,443 --> 00:10:50,403
No one ever gave me a handout.
159
00:10:51,598 --> 00:10:54,638
Paid my dues tracking down
deadbeat cancer survivors
160
00:10:54,514 --> 00:10:56,764
with unpaid medical bills.
161
00:10:56,672 --> 00:11:00,672
Sold my hair, my blood, my semen,
162
00:11:01,151 --> 00:11:05,781
anything to scrape together enough money
to build Dick Dickey's Drama Camp.
163
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,907
So you be ready to work
those pointy little fingers to the bone.
164
00:11:09,783 --> 00:11:13,953
I see every experience, good or bad
as a life-enrichment opportunity.
165
00:11:14,061 --> 00:11:15,141
Of course you do.
166
00:11:15,097 --> 00:11:16,597
What are my duties?
167
00:11:16,535 --> 00:11:21,035
Mm. Dishes, toilets,
vomit and feces patrol,
168
00:11:20,851 --> 00:11:22,891
anything that nobody else wants to do.
169
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,897
I can do all that
with a little sunshine and elbow grease.
170
00:11:25,771 --> 00:11:27,181
You know, you're really annoying.
171
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:27,963
You know that, right?
172
00:11:28,802 --> 00:11:30,642
Okay, cabin assignment.
173
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:33,936
Make sure everybody's checked in
and ready for orientation by, uh--
174
00:11:33,798 --> 00:11:36,178
I don't know-- 01500 hours.
175
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:37,181
How do I--
176
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,325
And scene.
177
00:11:39,036 --> 00:11:39,666
Huh?
178
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,860
I cannot believe
they put me in the boys' cabin.
179
00:12:07,972 --> 00:12:10,052
You'd think drama camp
is a little more open minded.
180
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,745
I'm sure if we talked to the staff--
181
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,270
I shouldn't have to talk to the staff.
182
00:12:14,963 --> 00:12:17,383
Uh, I'm just trying to help.
183
00:12:17,284 --> 00:12:18,364
I know.
184
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:18,940
I'm sorry.
185
00:12:18,915 --> 00:12:22,585
It's just I'm tired of educating people.
186
00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:25,539
Every trip to the public toilet
is a political statement.
187
00:12:25,715 --> 00:12:27,875
Sometimes I just want to
shit in peace, you know?
188
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,832
I can't shit in public toilets.
189
00:12:31,306 --> 00:12:33,476
It's going to be a long summer for you.
190
00:12:35,219 --> 00:12:36,559
You guys my roomies?
191
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,375
For now.
192
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,969
Cool, coed.
193
00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:40,342
I'm Lilly.
194
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,029
I'm Beau.
195
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,189
Oh, what's your name?
196
00:12:45,856 --> 00:12:46,476
Casey.
197
00:12:46,614 --> 00:12:48,864
Wow, Casey,
you're like the cutest redhead
198
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:49,771
I've ever seen.
199
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,808
Thanks, but, uh, I-- I'm blond, though.
200
00:12:54,642 --> 00:12:56,982
Whatever it is, you're smokin'.
201
00:12:57,365 --> 00:12:59,195
Why don't you take the middle bed?
202
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:08,509
I can't believe
I have two straight roommates.
203
00:13:08,395 --> 00:13:10,225
This is so European.
204
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:12,921
There's nothing European
about being straight.
205
00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:17,341
If y'all wanna talk about
bitches and guns and football,
206
00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:18,270
I can feel it, yo.
207
00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:21,325
I'm straight, not brain dead.
208
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:23,718
But I heard vagina kills brain cells.
209
00:13:24,574 --> 00:13:25,494
Just because you're gay
210
00:13:25,457 --> 00:13:27,457
doesn't mean
you should be hating on women.
211
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:33,231
Sorry, I didn't mean--
212
00:13:33,571 --> 00:13:34,861
um--
213
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,000
I'm going to go check on Casey.
214
00:13:45,598 --> 00:13:47,928
Why are you telling everyone
you're straight?
215
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,436
Because I am.
216
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:51,740
Come on,
217
00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:55,781
Ray Charles could see you looking at
that ass like it was Seabiscuit.
218
00:14:03,782 --> 00:14:05,492
When I found out they were a couple,
219
00:14:05,941 --> 00:14:09,441
I felt bad for coming on so strong,
220
00:14:09,298 --> 00:14:12,458
so I said I was straight so it
wouldn't be weird the rest of the trip.
221
00:14:13,814 --> 00:14:15,644
So you're going to pretend
to be straight?
222
00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:17,788
To everyone?
223
00:14:17,967 --> 00:14:19,387
The whole time?
224
00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:21,633
I guess I really didn't think about it.
225
00:14:25,122 --> 00:14:26,492
But why not?
226
00:14:26,437 --> 00:14:27,857
This is drama camp.
227
00:14:28,316 --> 00:14:31,066
It'll be the ultimate acting exercise.
228
00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:34,402
You know,
that's actually a really good idea.
229
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:38,521
Yeah. People always complain that
openly gay actors can't play straight,
230
00:14:38,348 --> 00:14:40,928
but with my direction--
231
00:14:40,823 --> 00:14:41,783
I mean, I--
232
00:14:41,743 --> 00:14:44,913
we could definitely prove something.
233
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:45,864
I'll be your director.
234
00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:48,649
It'll be like Scorsese and DiCaprio.
235
00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:52,244
Or Whoopi Goldberg and whoever directed
Sister Act 2 Back in the Habit,
236
00:14:52,093 --> 00:14:55,053
when she goes undercover as a nun
to save a catholic school.
237
00:14:56,331 --> 00:14:57,411
Yeah, none of that.
238
00:14:59,726 --> 00:15:01,556
Uh...
239
00:15:02,643 --> 00:15:04,483
So what's the deal with you and Lilly?
240
00:15:06,124 --> 00:15:07,954
I don't know what's going on there.
241
00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:11,113
You know she's a...
242
00:15:12,636 --> 00:15:13,846
Transitioning?
243
00:15:13,796 --> 00:15:16,506
Oh, I guess you do.
244
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,735
Well, we're going to
learn a lot this summer.
245
00:15:30,658 --> 00:15:32,658
Bet you're glad we got separate cabins.
246
00:15:32,854 --> 00:15:33,984
Why do you say that?
247
00:15:33,938 --> 00:15:38,018
Could you be any more obvious
drooling all over "Benji, like the dog."
248
00:15:37,851 --> 00:15:39,771
You were drooling just as much.
249
00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:41,652
He doesn't like me. It doesn't count.
250
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,523
He doesn't like anything. He's straight.
251
00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,135
Yeah, well,
252
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:47,753
somehow things
don't stay straight around you.
253
00:15:47,643 --> 00:15:48,973
You really think he might be curious?
254
00:15:49,398 --> 00:15:50,988
Try not to sound so eager.
255
00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:53,213
Casey, even if he were gay,
nothing would happen.
256
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,159
I'd never cheat.
257
00:15:54,117 --> 00:15:55,617
Yeah, but you'd want to.
258
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:56,516
Well, I'm human.
259
00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:57,964
I'm human, too,
260
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,495
but I don't want to be out there
screwing other guys.
261
00:16:00,389 --> 00:16:02,429
Stop twisting this around.
262
00:16:02,951 --> 00:16:04,491
Casey, is this guy bothering you?
263
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,019
Who the hell are you?
264
00:16:06,988 --> 00:16:09,188
The guy you're missing with
when you're messing with Casey.
265
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,938
It-- It's okay.
266
00:16:10,863 --> 00:16:12,483
Beau, Zack.
267
00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,127
Roommate, boyfriend.
268
00:16:14,459 --> 00:16:16,419
Oh, I'm sorry.
269
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,590
Do you want me to come back later?
270
00:16:17,539 --> 00:16:18,579
I was just leaving.
271
00:16:22,612 --> 00:16:25,692
I got a hunch you're going to
start feeling human real soon.
272
00:16:28,443 --> 00:16:31,403
Any guy lucky enough to
have you call him your boyfriend
273
00:16:31,876 --> 00:16:34,126
ought to be treating you like a prince.
274
00:16:36,432 --> 00:16:39,312
Damn, there's no one on Grindr out here.
275
00:16:40,355 --> 00:16:43,145
You will never be an actor.
276
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:46,821
Yeah.
277
00:16:47,069 --> 00:16:49,359
That's what they said to me
and Donnie Kendall.
278
00:16:49,706 --> 00:16:51,496
It was Career Day in first grade.
279
00:16:52,498 --> 00:16:53,498
They said,
280
00:16:53,456 --> 00:16:56,756
"Be a fireman or a policeman,
281
00:16:56,622 --> 00:16:59,372
something more realistic
and meaningful."
282
00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:01,569
Well,
283
00:17:01,973 --> 00:17:04,683
Donnie Kendall listened to their advice.
284
00:17:04,572 --> 00:17:06,442
He gave up on his dream,
285
00:17:06,366 --> 00:17:07,706
and he became a cop.
286
00:17:08,725 --> 00:17:12,515
Last month
I went to his memorial service
287
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:14,400
after he got shot in the face.
288
00:17:18,556 --> 00:17:23,136
Now, not everyone here
is going to become a star
289
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:26,723
or open his own drama camp,
290
00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:28,463
but I will tell you this--
291
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:30,408
if you give up on your dreams,
292
00:17:30,909 --> 00:17:34,239
even if you don't end up
with a face full of metal,
293
00:17:34,103 --> 00:17:36,063
you may as well be dead.
294
00:17:36,462 --> 00:17:38,712
You owe it to yourself to try.
295
00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:42,100
Okay, okay, I don't like sycophants.
296
00:17:42,851 --> 00:17:44,561
I'm just a serious actress.
297
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,030
I'll be the judge of that.
298
00:17:47,012 --> 00:17:48,722
Two weeks from today,
299
00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:50,273
on this very stage,
300
00:17:50,407 --> 00:17:52,237
we will hold the annual
301
00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:55,913
Dick Dickey's Drama Camp
scene competition.
302
00:17:56,479 --> 00:17:58,519
Now, your assignment
303
00:17:58,435 --> 00:18:00,735
is to take a scene from Shakespeare
304
00:18:00,641 --> 00:18:02,221
and give it a modern twist.
305
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:06,919
Maybe Othello has a talk show
on the Oprah Network.
306
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,404
Huh? Huh?
307
00:18:08,352 --> 00:18:10,432
Or maybe The Tempest
308
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:13,638
takes place
in the outer reaches of space.
309
00:18:13,503 --> 00:18:15,043
Also on the Oprah Network.
310
00:18:14,979 --> 00:18:15,899
You know, just
311
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,612
let your imaginations run wild.
312
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:23,290
This year the group
that puts on the best show
313
00:18:23,132 --> 00:18:27,012
will win an all-expense paid vacation,
314
00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:29,773
as generously donated
as part of a settlement,
315
00:18:29,654 --> 00:18:33,064
at the Triangle Inn in Palm Springs
316
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:35,750
because in the real world
317
00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:38,399
actors get prizes.
318
00:18:38,286 --> 00:18:40,656
Ooh.
319
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:43,563
That vacation is so mine.
320
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,410
One final thing--
321
00:18:47,157 --> 00:18:51,447
there will be no sexual misconduct
on this campground,
322
00:18:51,828 --> 00:18:55,618
so anyone caught with his
or her hoohas out,
323
00:18:55,463 --> 00:18:56,503
will be expelled,
324
00:18:56,941 --> 00:18:57,941
no refunds.
325
00:18:58,542 --> 00:19:01,082
I haven't had sex in 7 1/2 years,
326
00:19:00,979 --> 00:19:03,229
and it's only made me a better artist.
327
00:19:04,699 --> 00:19:07,069
And scene.
328
00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:23,218
Dick's intense. -Yeah.
329
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:26,479
How are you and your boyfriend
going to manage with no sex?
330
00:19:27,516 --> 00:19:29,596
It's not really our thing lately.
331
00:19:29,991 --> 00:19:30,991
Oh.
332
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:32,376
Yeah.
333
00:19:34,393 --> 00:19:35,593
I knew it.
334
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,246
What a jerk.
335
00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:39,053
Sorry?
336
00:19:39,784 --> 00:19:42,114
God, I think you just
scared a fart out of me.
337
00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:43,994
I get that a lot.
338
00:19:46,382 --> 00:19:47,382
Who's a jerk?
339
00:19:47,341 --> 00:19:49,341
My boyfriend.
340
00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:50,049
What are you doing?
341
00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:53,101
Working off my tuition.
342
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:57,437
So why are you dating a jerk?
343
00:19:58,649 --> 00:20:01,059
I guess because I love him.
344
00:20:00,961 --> 00:20:02,511
Why do you love him?
345
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,461
Because...
346
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:07,231
never mind.
347
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,727
What?
348
00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:12,181
I was going to say,
"because I worked so hard to get him,"
349
00:20:12,632 --> 00:20:14,302
but that doesn't really make sense,
does it?
350
00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:17,319
It does
if you're on Dr. Phil or something.
351
00:20:19,030 --> 00:20:20,690
Maybe you guys aren't in love anymore.
352
00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:22,246
But--
353
00:20:22,224 --> 00:20:22,974
Penny,
354
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:24,855
someone crapped in the urinal.
355
00:20:24,784 --> 00:20:26,034
Take care of it.
356
00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:28,675
Right away.
357
00:20:29,254 --> 00:20:30,634
Duty calls.
358
00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:32,505
Get it?
359
00:20:32,457 --> 00:20:33,827
Doodie.
360
00:20:34,615 --> 00:20:35,985
How do I come up with these things?
361
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:48,165
So are you going to direct
362
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,499
another homoerotic scene
for the competition?
363
00:20:50,402 --> 00:20:52,692
Another homoerotic scene?
364
00:20:53,394 --> 00:20:56,434
Jason has a weird obsession
with gay sexiness.
365
00:20:57,595 --> 00:20:59,925
I like erotica in general.
366
00:20:59,830 --> 00:21:02,330
It's just hard to get girls to
do naked shit for free,
367
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:03,227
but gay guys?
368
00:21:03,186 --> 00:21:04,896
It's like they're natural born sluts.
369
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:07,227
It's not because
you might just be a little gay?
370
00:21:07,138 --> 00:21:08,188
Yeah,
371
00:21:08,145 --> 00:21:11,305
why don't you just blow me and see
if my dick twitches in the slightest.
372
00:21:11,176 --> 00:21:12,306
Blow yourself.
373
00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:14,300
Some day, my friend. Some day.
374
00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:16,886
So this is
what straight guys talk about.
375
00:21:16,969 --> 00:21:18,389
Shut your hole.
376
00:21:18,331 --> 00:21:19,961
No, you shut your hole.
377
00:21:24,968 --> 00:21:26,298
Can you believe
this is what they give me?
378
00:21:26,647 --> 00:21:27,937
Hm, you should sue.
379
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:30,616
Well, they did offer
to put me in the same cabin
380
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,270
with that annoying Genevieve girl.
381
00:21:32,199 --> 00:21:33,619
Oh, you mean
382
00:21:33,562 --> 00:21:36,062
"Genna-va-va..."
383
00:21:35,959 --> 00:21:37,999
Yeah, I'd rather stab myself
in the face.
384
00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:40,705
At least Dickey's not buying her act.
385
00:21:40,755 --> 00:21:41,625
Did you hear him?
386
00:21:41,589 --> 00:21:43,419
I don't like sycophants,
387
00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:44,514
I don't like sex either,
388
00:21:44,466 --> 00:21:46,716
which is why
I'm so charming to be around.
389
00:21:46,902 --> 00:21:48,282
That's creepy.
390
00:21:49,425 --> 00:21:51,135
Do you guys mind if I sleep nude?
391
00:21:52,378 --> 00:21:54,958
You don't talk much, but when you do...
392
00:21:54,854 --> 00:21:56,524
Uh, it doesn't bother me.
393
00:21:57,654 --> 00:21:58,824
Un-suit yourself.
394
00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:03,430
It's the only way I can sleep good.
395
00:22:09,527 --> 00:22:11,687
Well, sweet dreams.
396
00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:12,979
They will be.
397
00:22:20,557 --> 00:22:23,597
Good morning,
Dick Dickey's drama campers.
398
00:22:24,268 --> 00:22:28,228
It's 5 a.m., time to rise up and act.
399
00:22:28,066 --> 00:22:30,486
Your first classes start in 30 minutes.
400
00:22:32,498 --> 00:22:33,878
Are you tired?
401
00:22:34,177 --> 00:22:36,847
Just pretend your character isn't.
402
00:22:36,737 --> 00:22:39,237
Grab a latte and muscle through it.
403
00:22:40,094 --> 00:22:43,054
Eee...
404
00:22:42,933 --> 00:22:48,143
aaa...
405
00:22:49,282 --> 00:22:53,332
Eee...
406
00:22:53,166 --> 00:22:57,326
aaa...
407
00:22:57,156 --> 00:23:00,656
Now, I have a very loose throat,
408
00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:01,763
which is important in acting
409
00:23:01,712 --> 00:23:04,752
to get the good roles,
if you know what I mean.
410
00:23:06,267 --> 00:23:07,017
No, I'm kidding.
411
00:23:06,987 --> 00:23:09,657
The only thing sucking off
a casting director
412
00:23:09,548 --> 00:23:12,168
is going to get you
is a trip to the free clinic.
413
00:23:12,061 --> 00:23:13,611
I mean, if it worked,
414
00:23:13,547 --> 00:23:15,877
Brittany Murphy and I
would star in everything.
415
00:23:16,377 --> 00:23:18,127
Brittany Murphy is dead.
416
00:23:18,295 --> 00:23:19,425
Really?
417
00:23:20,577 --> 00:23:21,747
That's hilarious.
418
00:23:23,254 --> 00:23:25,134
Girl knew how to suck a dick.
419
00:23:25,056 --> 00:23:26,386
She was like...
420
00:23:27,253 --> 00:23:28,503
the Cock Whisperer.
421
00:23:29,890 --> 00:23:32,350
All right, now, everyone
find a throat partner.
422
00:23:35,884 --> 00:23:37,594
How are things with the jerk?
423
00:23:37,525 --> 00:23:39,605
He's sitting right next to me.
424
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:40,599
Where?
425
00:23:44,430 --> 00:23:45,350
Hi, Tiffani.
426
00:23:45,312 --> 00:23:48,852
At drama camp you're refer
to me as Miss van der Sloot.
427
00:23:49,273 --> 00:23:51,353
Wow, sexalicious.
428
00:23:51,672 --> 00:23:52,922
What, are you trading up?
429
00:23:53,628 --> 00:23:54,708
He's straight.
430
00:23:54,904 --> 00:23:55,784
I'm straight.
431
00:23:56,064 --> 00:23:58,434
Then my tits are down here.
432
00:23:59,977 --> 00:24:01,767
Does that guy seem straight to you?
433
00:24:01,694 --> 00:24:04,784
Don't ask me.
I was a Claymate in 10th grade.
434
00:24:04,657 --> 00:24:05,527
Hey, cowboy!
435
00:24:06,930 --> 00:24:08,350
Place your hands on your throat.
436
00:24:08,734 --> 00:24:09,354
Sorry.
437
00:24:09,607 --> 00:24:10,527
Oh, you will be.
438
00:24:10,891 --> 00:24:12,681
Now, everyone,
439
00:24:12,609 --> 00:24:16,729
this last one Betty White showed me.
440
00:24:51,375 --> 00:24:52,575
Aren't they pretty?
441
00:24:54,732 --> 00:24:56,182
You know those are actually weeds.
442
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,329
Does knowing that make them
any less pretty?
443
00:25:03,316 --> 00:25:04,196
You want something?
444
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:09,529
Yeah, I'm holding auditions
for my scene.
445
00:25:09,358 --> 00:25:11,358
I'm doing this twist on
The Taming of the Shrew,
446
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:14,476
and I'd really like you
to read for the role of Kate.
447
00:25:15,506 --> 00:25:16,296
Why?
448
00:25:17,865 --> 00:25:19,445
I don't know. I think you're talented.
449
00:25:20,465 --> 00:25:21,835
And why would you think that?
450
00:25:22,584 --> 00:25:23,204
I mean,
451
00:25:23,697 --> 00:25:25,497
I think you're pretty,
452
00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:27,543
and I like your personality.
453
00:25:28,415 --> 00:25:30,415
That's when you ask a girl out
on a date,
454
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,152
not to audition for you.
455
00:25:34,295 --> 00:25:36,045
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
456
00:25:35,973 --> 00:25:38,093
No, I'll audition.
457
00:25:38,007 --> 00:25:39,047
Oh.
458
00:25:39,608 --> 00:25:40,648
Great.
459
00:25:47,319 --> 00:25:49,029
Boys are so stupid.
460
00:25:55,952 --> 00:25:58,162
I don't think Benji's really straight.
461
00:25:58,071 --> 00:26:00,151
It's, like,
he can't keep his eyes off Zack.
462
00:26:00,066 --> 00:26:02,276
Why would anyone pretend
to be straight these days?
463
00:26:02,185 --> 00:26:04,855
I thought Neil Patrick Harris
changed all that.
464
00:26:04,746 --> 00:26:05,786
Oh, watch out. -What?
465
00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:06,940
Poison oak.
466
00:26:06,905 --> 00:26:08,565
Oh, thanks.
467
00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:12,444
Nature is really creepy.
468
00:26:15,852 --> 00:26:17,312
Do you ever get scared out here?
469
00:26:17,733 --> 00:26:22,893
You mean, like some hunky vampire
might take me away from all this?
470
00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:24,771
Or a psychopath who'd peel off
your fingernails
471
00:26:24,686 --> 00:26:26,306
and shit down your throat.
472
00:26:26,604 --> 00:26:27,684
Ew.
473
00:26:29,683 --> 00:26:30,803
Did you hear that?
474
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,427
Stop trying to scare me.
475
00:26:32,512 --> 00:26:34,352
No, I'm serious.
476
00:26:36,550 --> 00:26:38,430
Oh, shart.
477
00:26:38,353 --> 00:26:40,183
It's probably just a bird.
478
00:26:40,904 --> 00:26:43,074
A really big bird.
479
00:26:42,985 --> 00:26:44,195
Get down.
480
00:26:46,620 --> 00:26:47,870
Someone's here. -Shh.
481
00:26:50,178 --> 00:26:51,758
You mean, like, kill them?
482
00:26:56,336 --> 00:26:56,956
Freeze!
483
00:26:57,448 --> 00:27:00,538
-Hands in the air! We have guns.
-Don't expel us.
484
00:27:00,413 --> 00:27:01,783
I didn't put it in my mouth yet.
485
00:27:01,726 --> 00:27:02,936
It doesn't count.
486
00:27:05,687 --> 00:27:08,147
To be or not to be,
487
00:27:08,564 --> 00:27:10,064
that is the question.
488
00:27:10,924 --> 00:27:14,624
To suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune...
489
00:27:14,473 --> 00:27:16,683
Or to take arms
490
00:27:17,072 --> 00:27:18,822
against a sea of troubles.
491
00:27:18,750 --> 00:27:20,840
And by opposing, end them.
492
00:27:20,755 --> 00:27:21,505
To die...
493
00:27:21,628 --> 00:27:22,918
To die,
494
00:27:22,864 --> 00:27:25,364
to sleep, no more.
495
00:27:25,703 --> 00:27:26,953
And by a sleep...
496
00:27:26,902 --> 00:27:29,822
To say we end the heartache...
497
00:27:29,703 --> 00:27:31,873
And the thousand natural
498
00:27:32,024 --> 00:27:33,274
shocks...
499
00:27:33,223 --> 00:27:35,423
That flesh is heir to.
500
00:27:35,333 --> 00:27:37,213
'Tis a consummation...
501
00:27:37,136 --> 00:27:38,926
Devoutly to be wished.
502
00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:41,368
To die, to sleep.
503
00:27:41,289 --> 00:27:43,079
To sleep, perchance to dream--
504
00:27:45,970 --> 00:27:48,260
Hi, um, director guy?
505
00:27:48,722 --> 00:27:51,432
You do realize
what you just saw was a man
506
00:27:51,321 --> 00:27:52,821
auditioning for the role of a woman?
507
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,328
Are you here for the role of a bitch
who's about to get punched?
508
00:27:55,599 --> 00:27:57,469
I think what I just saw
509
00:27:57,393 --> 00:28:00,063
was an actor pretty much
nailing the audition.
510
00:27:59,953 --> 00:28:01,533
Are you kidding me?
511
00:28:01,468 --> 00:28:03,558
You're doing Taming of the Shrew.
512
00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:05,263
With all the sexual inequality
in this world,
513
00:28:05,189 --> 00:28:08,859
you're seriously considering giving
one of the few good female roles
514
00:28:08,709 --> 00:28:10,039
to a man in a dress?
515
00:28:09,985 --> 00:28:10,985
Genevieve,
516
00:28:10,945 --> 00:28:12,115
that's inappropriate.
517
00:28:12,066 --> 00:28:13,566
I'm a transsexual woman,
518
00:28:13,505 --> 00:28:14,585
not a man,
519
00:28:14,541 --> 00:28:17,211
and I don't need a man
to stand up for me.
520
00:28:23,048 --> 00:28:26,718
Now, as much as I abhor sex,
521
00:28:26,884 --> 00:28:30,304
there's nothing I enjoy
more than a tender caress
522
00:28:30,164 --> 00:28:31,414
of a kissing scene.
523
00:28:31,364 --> 00:28:32,864
As an actor,
524
00:28:32,803 --> 00:28:34,093
you must be prepared
525
00:28:34,039 --> 00:28:36,419
to make out with anyone
526
00:28:36,322 --> 00:28:37,782
or anything
527
00:28:38,039 --> 00:28:39,289
at any given moment.
528
00:28:40,273 --> 00:28:42,863
It's a secret I learned in Hollywood,
on the Internet.
529
00:28:45,194 --> 00:28:46,314
Ah.
530
00:28:47,227 --> 00:28:48,017
Can I get a volunteer?
531
00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:49,886
I'll kiss you, Dick.
532
00:28:49,826 --> 00:28:51,956
Ew, no, not for me.
533
00:28:53,548 --> 00:28:54,338
F-A-C,
534
00:28:54,306 --> 00:28:55,516
front and center.
535
00:28:57,576 --> 00:29:03,746
All right, now, we need a volunteer
to kiss this lovely young girl.
536
00:29:03,810 --> 00:29:05,110
Benji. Benji.
537
00:29:05,574 --> 00:29:07,324
Oh, Benjamin,
538
00:29:07,608 --> 00:29:08,698
how about you?
539
00:29:12,201 --> 00:29:13,791
I think I'm getting a cold.
540
00:29:13,727 --> 00:29:15,437
I wouldn't want you to catch my germs.
541
00:29:15,559 --> 00:29:17,439
It's okay.
I already have plenty of germs.
542
00:29:17,362 --> 00:29:20,072
Ew. Oh, okay.
543
00:29:19,961 --> 00:29:21,081
How about anyone else?
544
00:29:26,196 --> 00:29:26,946
All right, okay.
545
00:29:26,914 --> 00:29:29,664
Okay, all right, enough. We get it.
546
00:29:29,945 --> 00:29:31,785
All right, everyone, pick a partner,
547
00:29:31,710 --> 00:29:33,750
get in two lines facing each other.
548
00:29:40,419 --> 00:29:42,299
Now, lean into your partner,
549
00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:44,881
stare into their eyes,
550
00:29:46,375 --> 00:29:48,295
and stop.
551
00:29:48,216 --> 00:29:49,296
Everyone in this line, move down
552
00:29:49,252 --> 00:29:50,922
one person to the left.
553
00:29:51,132 --> 00:29:53,212
That's your real kissing partner.
554
00:29:57,088 --> 00:29:59,418
And kiss.
555
00:30:07,312 --> 00:30:10,062
Okay, Benji and Lilly, that's fair.
556
00:30:10,793 --> 00:30:13,453
All right, Penny, with tongue, please.
557
00:30:13,344 --> 00:30:15,264
Commit. Right?
558
00:30:15,186 --> 00:30:15,856
Oh,
559
00:30:15,944 --> 00:30:18,034
quiet girl's
really getting into over here,
560
00:30:17,948 --> 00:30:18,858
isn't she?
561
00:30:19,464 --> 00:30:20,754
All right, no groping,
562
00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:22,080
Genevieve.
563
00:30:28,498 --> 00:30:31,078
I couldn't stop
thinking about cold sores.
564
00:30:34,809 --> 00:30:36,179
Why couldn't Benji kiss her?
565
00:30:36,123 --> 00:30:37,213
I know.
566
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:39,079
A real straight guy
would've been all over that.
567
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,250
I read a scientific study once.
568
00:30:41,359 --> 00:30:42,949
To see if a guy's gay,
569
00:30:42,885 --> 00:30:46,465
they got him to look at a hot naked man
and checked if he had a boner.
570
00:30:47,681 --> 00:30:49,301
They did a study on that? -Yeah.
571
00:30:49,234 --> 00:30:51,064
Keep it moving, ass pimples.
572
00:30:57,425 --> 00:30:58,515
No, you can't.
573
00:30:59,745 --> 00:31:00,745
Can't what?
574
00:31:02,259 --> 00:31:04,429
You can tell if a guy's a bottom or not
by his shoes.
575
00:31:05,222 --> 00:31:05,802
Really?
576
00:31:05,779 --> 00:31:08,529
The cuter the shoes,
the bigger the bottom.
577
00:31:11,936 --> 00:31:13,056
Whoa.
578
00:31:13,134 --> 00:31:14,094
Whoa.
579
00:31:14,410 --> 00:31:15,080
Oh--
580
00:31:15,168 --> 00:31:16,008
Oh.
581
00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:16,884
Help me up.
582
00:31:24,365 --> 00:31:25,025
Oh.
583
00:31:26,284 --> 00:31:27,734
Sorry, I thought that was your hand.
584
00:31:34,791 --> 00:31:35,921
Are you okay?
585
00:31:35,875 --> 00:31:37,745
Yeah, thanks.
586
00:31:45,465 --> 00:31:47,965
You know, if you're aiming to
sleep with someone, I can do that, too.
587
00:31:47,864 --> 00:31:48,694
Total whore here.
588
00:31:48,976 --> 00:31:50,976
I can tell. You have total whore face.
589
00:31:51,134 --> 00:31:52,514
I know, right?
590
00:31:55,574 --> 00:31:56,784
What the fuck?
591
00:31:57,733 --> 00:31:59,693
He owed me one for not ratting him out.
592
00:31:59,612 --> 00:32:02,232
Penny, that was so stupid.
593
00:32:02,126 --> 00:32:02,876
Did it work?
594
00:32:02,844 --> 00:32:03,844
I couldn't tell
595
00:32:03,804 --> 00:32:06,764
if Benji's dick was big
because it was hard
596
00:32:06,642 --> 00:32:09,352
or big because it was just a big dick.
597
00:32:09,597 --> 00:32:10,807
How dense was it?
598
00:32:11,553 --> 00:32:12,553
Normal dense?
599
00:32:12,954 --> 00:32:16,294
Okay, like, grabbing a
frozen turkey like dense
600
00:32:16,157 --> 00:32:18,857
or like grabbing a
giant marshmallow dense?
601
00:32:18,747 --> 00:32:19,667
I don't know.
602
00:32:19,629 --> 00:32:21,669
It was somewhere in between,
603
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:25,195
but it could've been his iPhone
or a shoe for all I know.
604
00:32:25,067 --> 00:32:25,977
A shoe?
605
00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:27,990
When's the last time
you touched a dick anyway?
606
00:32:28,577 --> 00:32:30,327
That was my first.
607
00:32:40,451 --> 00:32:41,531
What?
608
00:32:51,682 --> 00:32:54,552
Congrats. Looks like
we have a gay kissing scene, buddy.
609
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,520
I was just noticing that.
610
00:32:58,118 --> 00:32:59,528
You've ever had to kiss a guy before?
611
00:33:00,832 --> 00:33:02,252
How bad could it be?
612
00:33:02,194 --> 00:33:04,644
Honestly, most guys suck at kissing,
613
00:33:05,704 --> 00:33:06,744
but not me.
614
00:33:06,701 --> 00:33:08,751
So pucker up.
615
00:33:15,621 --> 00:33:17,121
You gave the best audition.
616
00:33:17,616 --> 00:33:18,616
I know.
617
00:33:19,496 --> 00:33:21,536
So I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow?
618
00:33:21,452 --> 00:33:22,242
Of course.
619
00:33:24,531 --> 00:33:27,861
I did get the scene
because you like my acting, right?
620
00:33:28,089 --> 00:33:28,879
Yeah.
621
00:33:28,847 --> 00:33:29,967
It's strictly professional,
622
00:33:29,921 --> 00:33:31,211
nothing else.
623
00:33:31,284 --> 00:33:32,244
Oh.
624
00:33:34,842 --> 00:33:36,962
I'll see you tomorrow then, all right?
625
00:33:36,875 --> 00:33:38,045
You do that.
626
00:33:43,713 --> 00:33:45,463
I know Jason from back home.
627
00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,262
He's a really good guy.
628
00:33:47,866 --> 00:33:48,866
I'm sure he is.
629
00:33:49,104 --> 00:33:51,944
Okay, then why are you all
Regina George on him?
630
00:33:51,827 --> 00:33:53,487
He's cute, and he likes you.
631
00:33:53,419 --> 00:33:55,459
Then why doesn't he just ask me out
instead of
632
00:33:55,376 --> 00:33:57,046
all this pretending and tippy-toeing?
633
00:33:56,977 --> 00:33:58,357
He's just nervous.
634
00:33:58,301 --> 00:33:59,551
You don't understand.
635
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:00,870
When a boy likes me,
636
00:34:00,813 --> 00:34:02,233
it's either a fetish
637
00:34:02,176 --> 00:34:05,256
or he's confused
and really wants to be with a boy,
638
00:34:05,130 --> 00:34:06,380
which I'm not.
639
00:34:07,287 --> 00:34:10,077
It's rare they just like me.
640
00:34:11,603 --> 00:34:14,063
I don't know what that's like,
641
00:34:14,682 --> 00:34:17,262
but I do know guys.
642
00:34:17,157 --> 00:34:21,037
When I first met Zack, I invented
a fake person who turned out to be real,
643
00:34:20,878 --> 00:34:22,838
helped Zack go on a date with him.
644
00:34:22,758 --> 00:34:26,048
I even blew the fake guy
and hooked up with Zack's ex-boyfriend
645
00:34:25,913 --> 00:34:28,413
before I could tell Zack
that I really liked him.
646
00:34:29,030 --> 00:34:30,940
Maybe Jason's doing the same thing.
647
00:34:32,943 --> 00:34:35,693
You are a weird little creature.
648
00:34:46,649 --> 00:34:47,399
Good.
649
00:34:49,766 --> 00:34:50,936
Oh, you're welcome, by the way.
650
00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:52,888
Yeah, thanks for casting me.
651
00:34:52,807 --> 00:34:56,137
You mean thanks for casting you in
a hot make-out scene with Zack.
652
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:58,490
Those guys are having
relationship issues.
653
00:34:58,398 --> 00:35:00,438
I don't want to get mixed up
with their drama.
654
00:35:00,354 --> 00:35:01,654
That's why it's perfect.
655
00:35:01,601 --> 00:35:03,141
You can have your Zack
656
00:35:03,079 --> 00:35:04,289
and eat him, too,
657
00:35:04,238 --> 00:35:05,858
no strings attached.
658
00:35:06,435 --> 00:35:08,395
Is that really why you cast us?
659
00:35:08,747 --> 00:35:11,377
I cast you because I want to win.
660
00:35:11,269 --> 00:35:13,059
The tension between you guys
is award-winning.
661
00:35:15,345 --> 00:35:16,095
Whatcha doing?
662
00:35:17,024 --> 00:35:18,274
Expression practice.
663
00:35:18,222 --> 00:35:19,302
Take over.
664
00:35:19,258 --> 00:35:20,888
Gotta go plan for tomorrow.
665
00:35:26,336 --> 00:35:27,376
(EXCITED)
Isn't this awesome?
666
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:32,164
I mean, what could be better
than an entire summer of just acting?
667
00:35:32,685 --> 00:35:34,775
(LUST)
668
00:35:34,690 --> 00:35:35,940
Sex.
669
00:35:35,889 --> 00:35:37,389
Or at least masturbation.
670
00:35:38,642 --> 00:35:40,892
I haven't been able to rub one out
since I got here.
671
00:35:42,996 --> 00:35:45,246
Do you like any of the girls here, bro?
672
00:35:45,557 --> 00:35:46,677
"Bro"?
673
00:35:46,995 --> 00:35:48,955
I don't know.
Isn't that what guys say to each other?
674
00:35:48,875 --> 00:35:51,205
In gay pornos, maybe,
675
00:35:51,110 --> 00:35:52,280
or the South.
676
00:35:54,908 --> 00:35:55,988
You know,
677
00:35:56,145 --> 00:35:58,025
I've never really hung
with straight guys,
678
00:35:57,948 --> 00:35:58,988
not since I came out.
679
00:35:59,982 --> 00:36:00,812
Why not?
680
00:36:02,821 --> 00:36:04,111
I don't know.
681
00:36:05,813 --> 00:36:09,363
I guess, with gay guys, I fit in.
682
00:36:09,218 --> 00:36:12,758
It's like I'm in high school,
only this time
683
00:36:12,613 --> 00:36:14,153
I'm a popular kid,
684
00:36:15,049 --> 00:36:16,839
but with straight guys,
685
00:36:16,766 --> 00:36:19,596
I just sort of feel like a nerd
all over again.
686
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:21,890
High school was a long time ago.
687
00:36:21,802 --> 00:36:24,222
Don't remind me. I'm so old.
688
00:36:24,122 --> 00:36:27,122
You and me both, bro.
689
00:36:39,142 --> 00:36:41,562
I'm going to go run lines with Casey.
690
00:36:56,454 --> 00:36:59,494
I-- I don't get to spend much time
alone with you here.
691
00:36:59,369 --> 00:37:01,449
Yeah, the camp's got us so busy.
692
00:37:34,491 --> 00:37:35,531
Um,
693
00:37:36,496 --> 00:37:37,326
maybe you--
694
00:37:37,771 --> 00:37:39,061
maybe we shouldn't.
695
00:37:39,527 --> 00:37:42,657
Yeah, I'd hate to get kicked out.
696
00:37:45,924 --> 00:37:48,214
Lights out in 15 minutes.
697
00:37:56,829 --> 00:37:58,079
Breakfast tomorrow?
698
00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:00,576
Benji and I have our first rehearsal,
699
00:38:00,512 --> 00:38:02,422
but I'll see you at Dickey's seminar.
700
00:38:05,863 --> 00:38:07,783
Sounds great.
701
00:38:10,256 --> 00:38:11,216
Is it safe?
702
00:38:12,174 --> 00:38:14,224
Why didn't you say you were back there?
703
00:38:14,140 --> 00:38:16,050
You came in while I was changing.
704
00:38:15,972 --> 00:38:17,352
Plus I'm really nosey.
705
00:38:17,852 --> 00:38:19,562
So what did you think?
706
00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:24,542
Your relationship is like
the third season of Gossip Girl.
707
00:38:24,403 --> 00:38:27,113
It was cool, and now it sucks.
708
00:38:27,241 --> 00:38:28,411
Just cancel it.
709
00:38:28,364 --> 00:38:29,404
I know.
710
00:38:30,042 --> 00:38:32,412
It's like, at this point,
711
00:38:32,757 --> 00:38:34,097
I'm kind of...
712
00:38:35,116 --> 00:38:36,246
What, honey?
713
00:38:36,756 --> 00:38:39,086
I'm kind of hoping
he'll break up with me.
714
00:38:40,113 --> 00:38:41,903
I'm a terrible person.
715
00:38:42,587 --> 00:38:44,177
Only on the inside.
716
00:38:51,143 --> 00:38:53,223
Okay, so in this scene,
717
00:38:53,463 --> 00:38:56,503
Lilly plays Kate, the powerful,
self-absorbed woman
718
00:38:56,379 --> 00:38:57,789
who doesn't want to get married,
719
00:38:57,732 --> 00:39:00,652
but your father set you up
with Petruchio,
720
00:39:00,532 --> 00:39:01,862
played by Zack.
721
00:39:01,808 --> 00:39:03,938
Now, in my updated twist,
722
00:39:03,850 --> 00:39:06,560
you realize that Petruchio
is actually gay
723
00:39:06,449 --> 00:39:08,489
and madly in love
with his best friend Hortensio,
724
00:39:08,406 --> 00:39:09,486
played by Benji.
725
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,760
You secretly demand that they hook up
before you marry him
726
00:39:13,604 --> 00:39:15,394
and split your father's dowry with them.
727
00:39:15,801 --> 00:39:16,711
All right?
728
00:39:16,673 --> 00:39:20,633
Yes, there will be lots
and lots of kissing between everyone.
729
00:39:20,471 --> 00:39:22,351
Do you want us to do
the actual kissing stuff today?
730
00:39:22,275 --> 00:39:24,485
No, no, no, no, no,
let's hold off on that.
731
00:39:24,394 --> 00:39:26,054
I want the tension to build up
732
00:39:25,987 --> 00:39:28,447
so that it becomes a big,
nerve-wracking deal
733
00:39:28,346 --> 00:39:29,476
when you finally do it.
734
00:39:31,942 --> 00:39:33,772
Okay? Good, good,
735
00:39:33,698 --> 00:39:36,038
so let's start from the top
736
00:39:35,942 --> 00:39:37,602
with Zack and Lilly.
737
00:39:39,299 --> 00:39:42,509
Good morrow, Kate,
for that's your name, I hear.
738
00:39:42,377 --> 00:39:45,077
They call me Katherine,
that do talk of me.
739
00:39:44,967 --> 00:39:48,677
Well, looks like there's
definitely going to be kissing.
740
00:39:48,525 --> 00:39:51,775
Oh, you don't know the way
Jason directs these things.
741
00:39:51,642 --> 00:39:53,892
There's going to be a lot
more than kissing.
742
00:39:56,159 --> 00:39:58,699
Musical theater is back.
743
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,110
Everyone's a Gleetard nowadays,
744
00:40:01,032 --> 00:40:03,742
so it wouldn't be a drama camp
745
00:40:03,631 --> 00:40:06,171
without a course on musical numbers.
746
00:40:06,988 --> 00:40:08,778
The theory goes like this.
747
00:40:08,705 --> 00:40:11,455
One person is inspired with song,
748
00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:14,932
and the rest of group
just sort of knows how to come in,
749
00:40:14,785 --> 00:40:18,365
how to dance, etc., etc.
750
00:40:18,219 --> 00:40:21,469
So let's just see how this plays out
in real life. All right?
751
00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:22,756
Zack, F-A-C.
752
00:40:25,335 --> 00:40:26,455
Front and center.
753
00:40:30,131 --> 00:40:33,041
Uh, I'm not much of a singer.
754
00:40:32,922 --> 00:40:35,762
Ah, that's the beauty of Auto-Tune.
755
00:40:36,567 --> 00:40:37,437
Oh.
756
00:40:45,313 --> 00:40:46,853
Drama's more than Learning words
757
00:40:46,790 --> 00:40:47,670
It's more than mixing
758
00:40:47,635 --> 00:40:48,385
Bees and birds
759
00:40:48,354 --> 00:40:49,604
It's d-d-digging deep
760
00:40:49,552 --> 00:40:51,552
Until you strike desire
761
00:40:51,471 --> 00:40:52,971
When we set that drama free
762
00:40:52,909 --> 00:40:54,529
We'll skinny dip in ecstasy
763
00:40:54,463 --> 00:40:55,753
An ocean of emotion
764
00:40:55,700 --> 00:40:57,830
Flaming like a fire
765
00:40:57,743 --> 00:40:58,863
Passionate reactions
766
00:40:58,818 --> 00:41:00,778
Puttin' on the scene
767
00:41:00,697 --> 00:41:01,947
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
768
00:41:01,896 --> 00:41:03,856
In your velveteen
769
00:41:03,776 --> 00:41:04,986
Playing to the camera
770
00:41:04,937 --> 00:41:08,477
Like a drama queen
771
00:41:08,332 --> 00:41:10,042
All night
772
00:41:09,971 --> 00:41:11,341
It can be a filthy mess
773
00:41:11,286 --> 00:41:13,036
So d-d-d-don't get undressed
774
00:41:12,965 --> 00:41:14,055
Unless that's what you do
775
00:41:14,009 --> 00:41:16,169
To get your crowd aroused
776
00:41:16,081 --> 00:41:17,421
Burning up the silver screen
777
00:41:17,366 --> 00:41:18,986
Like d-d-d-d-drama queens
778
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,300
But leave your Goddamn drama
779
00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:22,364
Once you take a bow
780
00:41:22,277 --> 00:41:23,367
Passionate reactions
781
00:41:23,323 --> 00:41:25,403
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
782
00:41:25,317 --> 00:41:26,647
Shakin' up The Shakespeare
783
00:41:26,593 --> 00:41:28,473
In your velveteen -Drama queen
784
00:41:28,396 --> 00:41:29,556
Playing to the camera
785
00:41:29,509 --> 00:41:33,179
Like a drama queen
786
00:41:33,029 --> 00:41:34,569
All night
787
00:42:05,235 --> 00:42:06,365
Passionate reactions
788
00:42:06,319 --> 00:42:08,319
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
789
00:42:08,237 --> 00:42:09,527
Shakin' up The Shakespeare
790
00:42:09,475 --> 00:42:11,435
In your velveteen -Drama queen
791
00:42:11,354 --> 00:42:12,434
Playing to the camera
792
00:42:12,390 --> 00:42:16,180
Like a drama queen
793
00:42:16,025 --> 00:42:17,615
All night
794
00:42:17,549 --> 00:42:18,919
I won't spend my summertime
795
00:42:18,864 --> 00:42:19,654
F-Fighting love
796
00:42:19,622 --> 00:42:20,502
Like it's a crime
797
00:42:20,466 --> 00:42:21,546
I p-p-put my heart
798
00:42:21,501 --> 00:42:23,711
At center stage for you
799
00:42:23,621 --> 00:42:24,411
If you don't like
800
00:42:24,379 --> 00:42:24,969
What you see
801
00:42:24,944 --> 00:42:26,524
Don't be a d-d-drama queen
802
00:42:26,460 --> 00:42:28,040
Just carry on and play along
803
00:42:27,975 --> 00:42:29,935
Like players do
804
00:42:29,855 --> 00:42:31,065
Passionate reactions
805
00:42:31,016 --> 00:42:32,846
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
806
00:42:32,771 --> 00:42:34,061
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
807
00:42:34,008 --> 00:42:35,968
In your velveteen -Drama queen
808
00:42:35,888 --> 00:42:37,178
Playing to the camera
809
00:42:37,125 --> 00:42:40,625
Like a drama queen
810
00:42:40,482 --> 00:42:42,152
All night
811
00:42:42,084 --> 00:42:43,164
Passionate reactions
812
00:42:43,119 --> 00:42:45,119
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
813
00:42:45,038 --> 00:42:46,498
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
814
00:42:46,438 --> 00:42:48,188
In your velveteen -Drama queen
815
00:42:48,116 --> 00:42:49,366
Playing to the camera
816
00:42:49,315 --> 00:42:52,855
Like a drama queen
817
00:42:52,711 --> 00:42:54,421
All night
818
00:42:54,350 --> 00:42:55,600
Drama queen
819
00:42:58,993 --> 00:43:00,993
Well, that felt totally rehearsed.
820
00:43:01,668 --> 00:43:04,708
Crowns in my purse I have
and goods at home,
821
00:43:04,584 --> 00:43:07,204
and so I'm come abroad to see the world.
822
00:43:07,423 --> 00:43:09,833
Petruchio,
I shall not wish thee to a shrewd,
823
00:43:09,735 --> 00:43:11,035
ill-favored wife,
824
00:43:10,981 --> 00:43:13,061
for in your keep my treasure is.
825
00:43:12,976 --> 00:43:15,306
The jewel of my life lies in your hold.
826
00:43:16,496 --> 00:43:19,536
Um... line.
827
00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:22,934
'Twixt such friends as we few words--
828
00:43:22,845 --> 00:43:23,885
Suffice.
829
00:43:23,843 --> 00:43:25,263
You should learn these.
830
00:43:25,204 --> 00:43:26,994
Even I have them memorized.
831
00:43:26,921 --> 00:43:28,551
Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
832
00:43:28,484 --> 00:43:30,684
I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
833
00:43:30,595 --> 00:43:31,895
Oh, I know this one.
834
00:43:31,842 --> 00:43:33,792
Will you, nill you, I will marry you.
835
00:43:33,712 --> 00:43:35,212
And then I lean in to kiss Benji.
836
00:43:35,917 --> 00:43:37,167
I'm Casey.
837
00:43:37,117 --> 00:43:38,617
I know, but he's Benji.
838
00:43:38,556 --> 00:43:41,886
No, he's Hortensio
being played by Benji.
839
00:43:42,306 --> 00:43:43,226
Sorry.
840
00:43:43,629 --> 00:43:44,459
I get it.
841
00:43:44,425 --> 00:43:45,135
You like him.
842
00:43:45,106 --> 00:43:47,146
He has his name sown into his underwear.
843
00:43:47,062 --> 00:43:48,852
There's nothing to be jealous about.
844
00:43:48,779 --> 00:43:50,119
Why do you know that?
845
00:43:50,064 --> 00:43:51,854
I'm not jealous.
846
00:43:51,781 --> 00:43:54,941
I thought I would be, but I'm not.
847
00:43:54,812 --> 00:43:56,152
Then why are you being so dramatic?
848
00:43:56,097 --> 00:43:59,887
I just--
I wonder how different things would be
849
00:43:59,732 --> 00:44:00,942
if he were gay.
850
00:44:04,211 --> 00:44:05,251
Today's forecast,
851
00:44:05,208 --> 00:44:08,328
sunny with a hundred percent
chance of drama.
852
00:44:08,201 --> 00:44:09,331
The competition's near,
853
00:44:09,285 --> 00:44:10,655
so remember, second place
854
00:44:10,599 --> 00:44:12,479
just means you're the best at losing.
855
00:44:15,835 --> 00:44:17,045
All right, class,
856
00:44:17,754 --> 00:44:20,634
today's all about becoming an animal,
857
00:44:20,909 --> 00:44:23,329
something I've been told
I'm very good at.
858
00:44:23,230 --> 00:44:26,810
And I don't just mean acting
like an animal.
859
00:44:26,664 --> 00:44:29,704
I mean becoming an animal.
860
00:44:29,579 --> 00:44:30,669
A lion--
861
00:44:33,655 --> 00:44:35,905
A goose-- Honk!
862
00:44:36,734 --> 00:44:41,524
I really want you to see the world
through your animal's point of view.
863
00:44:41,328 --> 00:44:42,168
Okay?
864
00:44:42,134 --> 00:44:43,964
Watch this. A jellyfish.
865
00:44:45,126 --> 00:44:46,086
Okay?
866
00:44:46,047 --> 00:44:48,257
All right, so, um...
867
00:44:49,682 --> 00:44:51,852
Casey, pick an animal for Benji.
868
00:44:51,763 --> 00:44:54,223
The endangered Rarotonga Starling.
869
00:44:54,122 --> 00:44:55,242
An Oxpecker.
870
00:44:56,914 --> 00:44:57,964
Cockroach.
871
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:02,170
Ugh, my wife and I can't stand
the sight of those pests.
872
00:45:02,476 --> 00:45:03,676
Benji, let's see your cock--
873
00:45:03,628 --> 00:45:05,178
uh, roach-- cockroach.
874
00:45:08,662 --> 00:45:09,622
Yes.
875
00:45:10,706 --> 00:45:12,206
Oh, bad cockroach.
876
00:45:12,144 --> 00:45:13,564
Bad. Kill it.
877
00:45:13,506 --> 00:45:14,666
I got it. Ooh.
878
00:45:15,539 --> 00:45:16,539
Harsh.
879
00:45:17,103 --> 00:45:19,353
They're kissing for real
in rehearsal tonight.
880
00:45:19,615 --> 00:45:20,655
I thought you didn't care.
881
00:45:20,613 --> 00:45:23,903
I don't,
but I don't have to enjoy it either.
882
00:45:25,572 --> 00:45:27,282
I think I'm getting another idea.
883
00:45:27,211 --> 00:45:28,421
Penny, no.
884
00:45:28,804 --> 00:45:29,854
Stop being such a--
885
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:30,640
Penny.
886
00:45:30,962 --> 00:45:33,262
Gene-vee-vee wants you
to be the Herpes virus.
887
00:45:34,443 --> 00:45:35,403
Moo.
888
00:45:41,915 --> 00:45:42,995
Hmm, Okay.
889
00:45:42,951 --> 00:45:44,251
it's a little over the top.
890
00:45:44,993 --> 00:45:46,533
Pick an animal for Casey.
891
00:45:48,187 --> 00:45:49,277
Chicken.
892
00:45:49,866 --> 00:45:51,906
Mmm, chicken.
893
00:45:57,097 --> 00:46:00,647
Double, double, toil and trouble.
894
00:46:46,414 --> 00:46:47,204
Shit.
895
00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:37,247
Fuck it.
896
00:47:48,438 --> 00:47:50,438
Oh, God, stop, you pervert.
897
00:48:00,427 --> 00:48:01,337
Stop.
898
00:48:01,828 --> 00:48:02,828
Yeah.
899
00:48:04,744 --> 00:48:06,244
Oh, Benji.
900
00:48:20,290 --> 00:48:21,450
What is happening to me?
901
00:48:24,405 --> 00:48:25,525
Are you dating anyone?
902
00:48:26,717 --> 00:48:27,967
Why do you ask?
903
00:48:29,594 --> 00:48:30,764
For your character.
904
00:48:31,195 --> 00:48:33,115
I just wanted to see
if there was something we could draw on.
905
00:48:33,478 --> 00:48:34,598
How is that?
906
00:48:34,552 --> 00:48:37,432
Well, your character's a
confirmed bachelorette,
907
00:48:37,315 --> 00:48:38,935
and I thought that maybe
if you were dating someone,
908
00:48:38,868 --> 00:48:40,038
I could help you forget them
909
00:48:39,990 --> 00:48:46,070
and maybe replace them
with the idea of possibly, uh...
910
00:48:47,222 --> 00:48:48,302
I'm single.
911
00:48:48,257 --> 00:48:49,137
Oh.
912
00:48:54,291 --> 00:48:56,501
Oh, my God.
913
00:48:56,410 --> 00:48:57,290
What happened?
914
00:48:58,127 --> 00:49:01,007
The nurse said it's poison oak.
It's everywhere.
915
00:49:00,889 --> 00:49:02,679
What were you doing with poison oak...
916
00:49:03,286 --> 00:49:04,536
apparently naked?
917
00:49:04,486 --> 00:49:06,986
I don't know.
I haven't touched any nature.
918
00:49:06,883 --> 00:49:08,423
That looks really painful.
919
00:49:08,361 --> 00:49:11,071
It's like my whole body's
a circumcision wound.
920
00:49:10,959 --> 00:49:12,289
We have to rehearse, okay?
921
00:49:12,235 --> 00:49:12,945
The competition--
922
00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:14,247
Look at me.
923
00:49:14,758 --> 00:49:15,798
I can't.
924
00:49:16,915 --> 00:49:18,415
Rehearse without me.
925
00:49:20,109 --> 00:49:21,109
Use Casey.
926
00:49:22,152 --> 00:49:22,902
No.
927
00:49:22,872 --> 00:49:23,992
You know all my lines.
928
00:49:23,945 --> 00:49:25,945
You can teach me the blocking tomorrow
if I can move.
929
00:49:26,785 --> 00:49:27,495
But I--
930
00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:28,545
Fine, fine.
931
00:49:29,058 --> 00:49:30,058
Let's go, understudy.
932
00:49:30,017 --> 00:49:31,397
I've got the stage reserved.
933
00:49:31,695 --> 00:49:34,035
Sean Penn would've rehearsed.
934
00:49:41,248 --> 00:49:43,708
Petruchio,
I shall not wish thee to a shrewd,
935
00:49:43,607 --> 00:49:45,147
ill-favored wife,
936
00:49:45,084 --> 00:49:47,424
for in your keep my treasure is.
937
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:50,503
The jewel of my life
938
00:49:50,446 --> 00:49:51,896
lies in your hold.
939
00:49:53,515 --> 00:49:56,725
'Twixt such friends as we
few words suffice.
940
00:49:57,476 --> 00:49:59,556
Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
941
00:50:00,430 --> 00:50:02,770
I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
942
00:50:03,988 --> 00:50:06,318
Will you, nill you,
943
00:50:06,223 --> 00:50:07,813
I will marry you.
944
00:50:11,066 --> 00:50:12,356
Great. Great, great.
945
00:50:12,304 --> 00:50:14,054
Now, Petruchio,
946
00:50:13,981 --> 00:50:16,391
I want you to lean in and kiss Hortensio
947
00:50:16,898 --> 00:50:18,768
like it's your first kiss ever.
948
00:50:21,971 --> 00:50:23,891
Um, for realsies?
949
00:50:34,717 --> 00:50:37,137
Yeah. Yeah, Casey, go for it.
950
00:50:39,993 --> 00:50:40,783
Oh,
951
00:50:42,073 --> 00:50:43,443
that was as good as a girl.
952
00:50:44,069 --> 00:50:45,239
Clearly.
953
00:50:46,073 --> 00:50:47,153
I've got to go.
954
00:50:48,586 --> 00:50:49,796
Hey, gingerbread,
955
00:50:49,746 --> 00:50:51,036
what about our scene?
956
00:50:51,703 --> 00:50:54,333
Uh, yeah, yeah, I'll--
957
00:50:54,619 --> 00:50:56,539
I'll stand in for Zack.
958
00:51:01,572 --> 00:51:02,572
Penny, what are you doing?
959
00:51:02,532 --> 00:51:03,662
You can't come in.
960
00:51:03,615 --> 00:51:04,985
But I need to talk.
961
00:51:04,929 --> 00:51:06,889
Zack got into some poison oak,
962
00:51:06,808 --> 00:51:08,558
and he couldn't make it to rehearsal.
963
00:51:08,487 --> 00:51:10,907
At least he didn't have
to kiss Benji, right?
964
00:51:10,808 --> 00:51:12,808
No, but I did.
965
00:51:13,648 --> 00:51:14,478
What?
966
00:51:14,443 --> 00:51:15,363
Can I come in?
967
00:51:15,844 --> 00:51:18,174
Um, no.
968
00:51:18,078 --> 00:51:19,618
You should go be with Zack.
969
00:51:19,555 --> 00:51:20,475
I should?
970
00:51:20,438 --> 00:51:22,688
Oh, definitely.
971
00:51:26,787 --> 00:51:28,457
Come, come, you wasp,
972
00:51:28,388 --> 00:51:30,308
i'faith, you are too angry.
973
00:51:30,230 --> 00:51:33,190
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
974
00:51:33,069 --> 00:51:35,399
My remedy is then, to pluck it out.
975
00:51:35,303 --> 00:51:38,343
Ah, if the fool
could find where it lies.
976
00:51:38,220 --> 00:51:41,600
Who knows not where a wasp
does wear his sting?
977
00:51:41,461 --> 00:51:42,711
In his tail.
978
00:51:42,660 --> 00:51:43,530
In his tongue.
979
00:51:43,494 --> 00:51:44,374
Whose tongue?
980
00:51:44,339 --> 00:51:46,959
Yours, if you talk of tails,
and so farewell.
981
00:51:46,851 --> 00:51:48,931
What, with my tongue in your tail?
982
00:51:48,847 --> 00:51:50,807
With your tongue in Hortensio's tail,
983
00:51:50,726 --> 00:51:52,186
as if it would please you.
984
00:51:52,127 --> 00:51:53,127
What say you?
985
00:51:53,603 --> 00:51:54,603
Kiss me, then.
986
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:57,420
Show me what manners of love you hold.
987
00:52:02,715 --> 00:52:04,465
And then you kiss me.
988
00:52:10,551 --> 00:52:12,011
You have to kiss me.
989
00:52:11,951 --> 00:52:13,241
I shouldn't have to come to you.
990
00:52:17,744 --> 00:52:18,534
Lilly?
991
00:52:20,621 --> 00:52:22,701
Why can't I keep an actor
in the room today?
992
00:52:22,616 --> 00:52:23,706
I'll go talk to her.
993
00:52:31,814 --> 00:52:32,644
Are you okay?
994
00:52:34,087 --> 00:52:36,087
Why do guys have to play stupid games?
995
00:52:44,157 --> 00:52:46,987
Because then we don't get hurt.
996
00:52:48,713 --> 00:52:50,633
But it's okay to hurt other people.
997
00:52:57,469 --> 00:52:59,049
Why are you pretending to be straight?
998
00:53:01,383 --> 00:53:02,673
He has a boyfriend.
999
00:53:03,858 --> 00:53:05,238
I didn't want it to get weird.
1000
00:53:06,015 --> 00:53:07,265
Well, it got weird.
1001
00:53:09,219 --> 00:53:11,509
What happened to old-fashioned romance,
1002
00:53:11,415 --> 00:53:15,455
you know,
like the dogs and the spaghettis?
1003
00:53:19,769 --> 00:53:23,269
Twixt such friends as we,
few words suffice.
1004
00:53:23,759 --> 00:53:25,679
And then I-- uh, Benji--
1005
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,720
walks upstage and says,
1006
00:53:27,634 --> 00:53:29,224
"Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
1007
00:53:29,158 --> 00:53:31,988
I will continue
that I broach'd in jest."
1008
00:53:31,873 --> 00:53:34,503
Will you, nill you, I will marry you.
1009
00:53:35,115 --> 00:53:36,695
Did you guys do the kiss?
1010
00:53:36,629 --> 00:53:37,589
Yeah.
1011
00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:39,510
Really? How was it?
1012
00:53:39,909 --> 00:53:41,489
I mean, how was the blocking?
1013
00:53:42,624 --> 00:53:46,164
Well, okay, you go like this
1014
00:53:46,020 --> 00:53:47,600
and pretend I'm him,
1015
00:53:47,899 --> 00:53:49,689
and then you go...
1016
00:53:51,851 --> 00:53:54,601
Oh, sorry, I can come back.
1017
00:53:54,488 --> 00:53:56,038
We were rehearsing the scene.
1018
00:53:55,975 --> 00:53:57,635
And getting to the kissy stuff.
1019
00:53:57,566 --> 00:53:59,196
We weren't actually--
1020
00:53:59,130 --> 00:54:01,460
I thought
I was going to be you first guy,
1021
00:54:01,364 --> 00:54:02,994
but Casey beat me to it.
1022
00:54:05,086 --> 00:54:07,036
Why don't you do the scene with Zack?
1023
00:54:07,398 --> 00:54:09,068
Really? -Really?
1024
00:54:10,438 --> 00:54:11,308
Really.
1025
00:54:22,186 --> 00:54:23,396
Face looks better.
1026
00:54:23,347 --> 00:54:25,257
The nurse says I'm safe to kiss.
1027
00:54:26,666 --> 00:54:27,456
Action.
1028
00:54:32,373 --> 00:54:33,543
Petruchio,
1029
00:54:34,972 --> 00:54:38,392
I shall not wish thee to a shrewd,
ill-favor'd wife,
1030
00:54:40,764 --> 00:54:43,854
for in your keep my treasure is.
1031
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:47,760
The jewel of my life
1032
00:54:48,639 --> 00:54:50,349
lies in your hold.
1033
00:54:51,794 --> 00:54:55,924
Twixt such friends as we,
few words suffice.
1034
00:54:56,638 --> 00:54:58,718
Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
1035
00:54:59,947 --> 00:55:02,747
I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
1036
00:55:05,384 --> 00:55:07,674
Will you, nill you,
1037
00:55:09,537 --> 00:55:10,957
I will marry you.
1038
00:55:35,721 --> 00:55:36,721
Wow.
1039
00:55:42,511 --> 00:55:43,381
I--
1040
00:55:43,346 --> 00:55:44,596
You did really good.
1041
00:55:45,264 --> 00:55:46,394
That was great.
1042
00:55:47,786 --> 00:55:50,156
Uh, I've got to go to bed.
1043
00:55:50,941 --> 00:55:52,691
You guys are going to kill that scene.
1044
00:56:08,686 --> 00:56:09,976
You're a good kisser,
1045
00:56:10,642 --> 00:56:12,732
not like the last straight guy
I was with.
1046
00:56:17,557 --> 00:56:18,517
Zack,
1047
00:56:19,073 --> 00:56:20,533
I have something to tell you.
1048
00:56:24,395 --> 00:56:26,515
I'm really sorry about the poison oak.
1049
00:56:26,429 --> 00:56:28,349
Oh, my God, that was you?
1050
00:56:31,061 --> 00:56:32,611
I have to break up with him.
1051
00:56:33,104 --> 00:56:34,064
What?
1052
00:56:34,820 --> 00:56:35,990
Why?
1053
00:56:37,141 --> 00:56:39,471
Zack won't dump me
because he's too nice.
1054
00:56:39,376 --> 00:56:42,456
He's completely fallen for someone else,
1055
00:56:42,330 --> 00:56:46,000
and he won't do anything about it
out of respect for me.
1056
00:56:45,850 --> 00:56:47,810
But Benji's not even gay maybe.
1057
00:56:47,730 --> 00:56:50,020
He had a frozen turkey leg
when we kissed.
1058
00:56:50,847 --> 00:56:52,017
That's not the point.
1059
00:56:53,283 --> 00:56:55,663
I'm not the one for Zack.
1060
00:56:55,566 --> 00:56:57,936
Maybe Benji is
1061
00:56:57,839 --> 00:56:59,299
or someone else will miss out on
1062
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:02,159
because he feels like
he owes me something.
1063
00:57:04,313 --> 00:57:05,853
What if I miss the right one?
1064
00:57:07,948 --> 00:57:09,198
Does that itch?
1065
00:57:11,305 --> 00:57:13,475
I feel like Lindsay Lohan's pussy.
1066
00:57:15,304 --> 00:57:16,804
What else did you lie about?
1067
00:57:17,424 --> 00:57:18,834
Is Benji even your name?
1068
00:57:20,656 --> 00:57:22,326
I wanted to get to know you,
1069
00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:25,773
but I didn't want to mess up
your relationship.
1070
00:57:26,411 --> 00:57:27,871
Give me some credit.
1071
00:57:27,810 --> 00:57:29,060
I'm flirty, but you really think
1072
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:30,840
I'm the kind of guy who cheats?
1073
00:57:30,764 --> 00:57:31,724
No.
1074
00:57:34,044 --> 00:57:37,084
I guess I was just trying to
protect myself, too.
1075
00:57:43,876 --> 00:57:45,626
I'm falling pretty hard for you.
1076
00:57:50,829 --> 00:57:52,119
You know the worst part?
1077
00:57:52,785 --> 00:57:55,035
I thought I was finally bonding
with a straight guy.
1078
00:57:56,747 --> 00:57:58,827
I thought I overcame
whatever issue I had,
1079
00:57:58,742 --> 00:58:02,162
but I'm still just
a scared little gay boy.
1080
00:58:04,535 --> 00:58:05,415
You're not.
1081
00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:11,239
How would you know anything about that?
1082
00:58:14,845 --> 00:58:17,595
Rise and shine, my little dicklets.
1083
00:58:17,482 --> 00:58:19,192
Congratulations on making it
1084
00:58:19,123 --> 00:58:21,543
to the final weekend of drama camp.
1085
00:58:21,443 --> 00:58:23,233
-Excuse me, I'm…
-There are a lot fewer deaths
1086
00:58:23,161 --> 00:58:27,531
than I expected, R-O-F-L-M-A-O
1087
00:58:31,514 --> 00:58:32,554
How's your rash?
1088
00:58:35,389 --> 00:58:36,099
The worst part's over,
1089
00:58:36,070 --> 00:58:37,280
but my face is going to look
1090
00:58:37,231 --> 00:58:39,021
like Adam Lambert for a while.
1091
00:58:39,503 --> 00:58:42,543
Maybe Jason can find some way
to work it into the scene.
1092
00:58:42,898 --> 00:58:45,648
What, in the 15 minutes of rehearsal
we have left?
1093
00:58:45,536 --> 00:58:47,996
He's probably already got
three versions written.
1094
00:58:48,337 --> 00:58:49,297
Yeah.
1095
00:58:57,726 --> 00:58:59,556
So last night, Ben--
1096
00:58:59,481 --> 00:59:01,231
Zack, I think we should break up.
1097
00:59:03,125 --> 00:59:04,075
What?
1098
00:59:04,037 --> 00:59:05,957
Does that hurt your feelings?
1099
00:59:05,879 --> 00:59:07,049
Of course it does.
1100
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,000
Really?
1101
00:59:12,516 --> 00:59:13,596
I guess not.
1102
00:59:16,189 --> 00:59:17,479
I thought it would hurt yours.
1103
00:59:18,232 --> 00:59:20,232
And I think you should go for Benji.
1104
00:59:20,544 --> 00:59:21,504
What?
1105
00:59:21,943 --> 00:59:23,153
There's something between you guys,
1106
00:59:23,104 --> 00:59:25,774
and I think you should see
what that's all about.
1107
00:59:26,423 --> 00:59:27,463
But you hate him.
1108
00:59:28,340 --> 00:59:32,920
I only hated him because
you two seemed so right together,
1109
00:59:32,733 --> 00:59:34,733
and we didn't.
1110
00:59:37,212 --> 00:59:38,582
He's lying about being straight.
1111
00:59:39,044 --> 00:59:40,714
Because he liked you, right?
1112
00:59:40,646 --> 00:59:42,316
That doesn't make it okay.
1113
00:59:42,247 --> 00:59:45,657
I lied about being an entirely
different person to get to you.
1114
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:47,440
Good point.
1115
00:59:48,837 --> 00:59:49,837
What should I say to him?
1116
00:59:50,198 --> 00:59:51,658
Okay, look, I'm pretty cool,
1117
00:59:51,599 --> 00:59:54,559
but I'm not going to stick his dick
in your mouth for you.
1118
00:59:55,349 --> 00:59:56,809
You'll figure out what to do.
1119
01:00:00,230 --> 01:00:03,600
Okay, so this is our only tech rehearsal
before the show,
1120
01:00:03,462 --> 01:00:05,132
so we'll run the scene,
1121
01:00:05,064 --> 01:00:06,684
I'll make final blocking adjustments,
1122
01:00:06,619 --> 01:00:07,669
then that's it.
1123
01:00:08,018 --> 01:00:09,478
So, now, Lilly, remember
1124
01:00:09,419 --> 01:00:12,049
You have to be the aggressive one
to get what you want.
1125
01:00:14,175 --> 01:00:15,295
Come, come, you wasp,
1126
01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,050
i'faith, you are too angry.
1127
01:00:16,977 --> 01:00:18,677
If I be waspish,
1128
01:00:18,607 --> 01:00:20,447
best beware my sting.
1129
01:00:21,407 --> 01:00:23,077
It's our last day here.
1130
01:00:23,009 --> 01:00:24,259
Do you like me or what?
1131
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:27,420
I'm sorry, Lilly, what?
1132
01:00:27,364 --> 01:00:28,654
You heard me, Jason.
1133
01:00:30,884 --> 01:00:32,544
I think we should get back to the scene.
1134
01:00:38,077 --> 01:00:40,027
If you want to ask me out, just do it.
1135
01:00:39,947 --> 01:00:42,537
Stop making stupid excuses
to keep running in to me.
1136
01:00:42,430 --> 01:00:45,010
Do you like-me like me,
or am I just crazy?
1137
01:00:44,906 --> 01:00:46,986
Are you weirded out
because I'm a transsexual?
1138
01:00:47,668 --> 01:00:48,748
Just be real.
1139
01:00:49,222 --> 01:00:50,262
What's going on?
1140
01:00:51,216 --> 01:00:52,886
Look, I don't know, okay?
1141
01:00:58,573 --> 01:00:59,283
Lilly!
1142
01:00:59,570 --> 01:01:01,160
Wait. Wait.
1143
01:01:04,768 --> 01:01:06,228
Hate when guys play games.
1144
01:01:07,242 --> 01:01:08,282
Let's just rehearse.
1145
01:01:09,046 --> 01:01:10,126
Sure, from your line.
1146
01:01:11,645 --> 01:01:12,685
Petruchio,
1147
01:01:12,998 --> 01:01:15,788
I shall not wish thee to a shrewd,
ill-favored wife,
1148
01:01:16,239 --> 01:01:18,649
for in your keep my treasure is.
1149
01:01:19,356 --> 01:01:22,146
The jewel of my life lies in your hold.
1150
01:01:23,106 --> 01:01:26,486
'Twixt such friends
as we few words suffice,
1151
01:01:26,348 --> 01:01:27,848
especially when they're lies.
1152
01:01:27,787 --> 01:01:28,537
Sorry.
1153
01:01:28,908 --> 01:01:31,358
Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
1154
01:01:32,697 --> 01:01:35,697
I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
1155
01:01:41,655 --> 01:01:44,155
Will you, nill you,
1156
01:01:44,293 --> 01:01:45,703
I will marry you.
1157
01:01:46,211 --> 01:01:47,421
That's great.
1158
01:01:47,851 --> 01:01:49,301
Now kiss him.
1159
01:01:52,925 --> 01:01:54,585
A real kiss.
1160
01:01:54,843 --> 01:01:55,883
Come on.
1161
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:58,860
Oh, I like this tension.
1162
01:02:03,792 --> 01:02:04,752
Better.
1163
01:02:07,110 --> 01:02:08,150
Again.
1164
01:02:15,818 --> 01:02:17,108
That's nice, Benji.
1165
01:02:17,459 --> 01:02:18,669
Open his shirt.
1166
01:02:19,415 --> 01:02:20,755
Pretend I'm not here.
1167
01:02:28,450 --> 01:02:30,320
We're going to take this scene
all the way.
1168
01:02:39,642 --> 01:02:42,722
Zack, take off Benji's shirt.
1169
01:02:43,430 --> 01:02:44,390
That's not in the--
1170
01:02:44,351 --> 01:02:45,601
Just do it,
1171
01:02:45,551 --> 01:02:46,891
and keep kissing.
1172
01:03:08,655 --> 01:03:09,695
This is intense.
1173
01:03:10,410 --> 01:03:12,240
He likes these hardcore gay scenes.
1174
01:03:14,122 --> 01:03:16,252
Benji, climb on top of Zack.
1175
01:03:16,165 --> 01:03:17,915
You'll rub your groin into his.
1176
01:03:28,317 --> 01:03:29,517
Don't stop kissing.
1177
01:03:39,020 --> 01:03:42,690
Zack, I want you to slide your finger
down his abs,
1178
01:03:42,857 --> 01:03:44,237
nice and slow.
1179
01:03:48,697 --> 01:03:50,147
Now over his happy trail.
1180
01:03:53,810 --> 01:03:55,180
Around his waistline,
1181
01:03:56,409 --> 01:03:58,449
just where his pants meet the skin.
1182
01:03:58,768 --> 01:04:01,138
Now, poke your finger
under his waistband,
1183
01:04:01,041 --> 01:04:02,121
just slightly,
1184
01:04:02,681 --> 01:04:04,511
feel the heat coming from down there.
1185
01:04:05,481 --> 01:04:06,561
Now go for it.
1186
01:04:09,394 --> 01:04:10,314
Reach in
1187
01:04:10,709 --> 01:04:13,169
and grab his cock.
1188
01:04:21,700 --> 01:04:24,160
Benji, do the same.
1189
01:04:47,116 --> 01:04:47,996
Benji,
1190
01:04:48,554 --> 01:04:49,804
undo your pants,
1191
01:04:50,512 --> 01:04:51,642
take them down.
1192
01:05:02,788 --> 01:05:03,868
More passion, guys.
1193
01:05:04,102 --> 01:05:05,062
Make it real.
1194
01:05:11,257 --> 01:05:14,217
You're two guys who have dreamed about
this moment your entire lives.
1195
01:05:15,256 --> 01:05:16,796
You never thought this would happen,
1196
01:05:17,251 --> 01:05:18,211
but it is.
1197
01:05:20,205 --> 01:05:22,205
And it's better than you ever imagined.
1198
01:05:31,234 --> 01:05:31,984
I'm close.
1199
01:05:32,232 --> 01:05:33,192
Me, too.
1200
01:05:40,030 --> 01:05:40,950
I love theater.
1201
01:05:42,149 --> 01:05:43,309
Yeah, go for it.
1202
01:06:06,203 --> 01:06:08,203
What the sex is going on in here?
1203
01:06:09,483 --> 01:06:10,313
Shit.
1204
01:06:11,277 --> 01:06:12,407
We're just doing our scene.
1205
01:06:12,753 --> 01:06:13,883
It's Shakespeare.
1206
01:06:14,797 --> 01:06:15,837
Tell him, Jason.
1207
01:06:18,509 --> 01:06:21,509
Shakespeare did not have come shots.
1208
01:06:31,216 --> 01:06:31,886
Lilly.
1209
01:06:34,659 --> 01:06:35,409
I'm sorry.
1210
01:06:45,526 --> 01:06:47,696
You're right, okay? I was playing games.
1211
01:06:49,084 --> 01:06:51,374
I like you. I really like you.
1212
01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:55,660
I-- I didn't know what
that meant about me,
1213
01:06:57,592 --> 01:06:58,932
but I do now.
1214
01:06:59,874 --> 01:07:02,294
You helped me learn
something about myself.
1215
01:07:04,785 --> 01:07:09,165
I learned that I wasn't as open-minded
as I like to think that I am,
1216
01:07:10,587 --> 01:07:12,957
and because of it,
I might have lost someone
1217
01:07:12,861 --> 01:07:13,861
that's really wonderful.
1218
01:07:16,419 --> 01:07:17,879
Lilly, please,
1219
01:07:19,699 --> 01:07:21,149
I brought something for you.
1220
01:07:32,762 --> 01:07:34,222
Jason Williams,
1221
01:07:34,163 --> 01:07:36,373
report to my office right this minute.
1222
01:07:36,838 --> 01:07:38,088
Okay, weird.
1223
01:07:38,036 --> 01:07:39,286
That's me.
1224
01:07:39,236 --> 01:07:40,486
Look, Lilly,
1225
01:07:42,074 --> 01:07:43,694
I just hope you'll talk to me.
1226
01:08:10,329 --> 01:08:11,329
What happened?
1227
01:08:13,044 --> 01:08:15,044
I accepted you into my drama camp
1228
01:08:14,962 --> 01:08:16,252
because I thought that your film
1229
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:19,660
eloquently showed how sex
leads to murder,
1230
01:08:19,959 --> 01:08:20,999
but this--
1231
01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:25,729
I fail to see any social value
in these shenanigans.
1232
01:08:26,788 --> 01:08:29,208
Your scene is out of the competition.
1233
01:08:32,667 --> 01:08:33,997
We have to do something.
1234
01:08:33,943 --> 01:08:36,113
Dickey's going to expel them,
and it's all my fault.
1235
01:08:36,024 --> 01:08:37,444
I don't know what you're talking about,
1236
01:08:37,386 --> 01:08:38,086
but...
1237
01:08:38,460 --> 01:08:40,420
I already think I have an idea.
1238
01:08:40,618 --> 01:08:41,748
Weird, huh?
1239
01:08:42,181 --> 01:08:44,301
Penny, look at this rash.
1240
01:08:44,215 --> 01:08:46,545
Neither one of us are very good
at having ideas.
1241
01:08:48,051 --> 01:08:49,471
Trust me this time.
1242
01:08:50,007 --> 01:08:50,927
It's going to work.
1243
01:08:55,043 --> 01:08:57,833
Despite a last-minute disqualification,
1244
01:08:57,719 --> 01:08:59,719
Dick Dickey's annual scene night
1245
01:08:59,637 --> 01:09:02,557
competition will proceed as planned.
1246
01:09:02,716 --> 01:09:04,806
Sexual conduct of any kind
1247
01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:05,970
will not be tolerated
1248
01:09:05,919 --> 01:09:08,459
and will be immediate grounds for disq--
1249
01:09:08,355 --> 01:09:09,855
alification.
1250
01:09:09,794 --> 01:09:10,914
I want you.
1251
01:09:11,510 --> 01:09:13,840
Okay, I'm not giving you a discount
on your tuition.
1252
01:09:19,059 --> 01:09:21,649
Has it really been seven years
since you've had sex?
1253
01:09:21,542 --> 01:09:23,122
Seven and a half.
1254
01:09:23,902 --> 01:09:26,482
I'm 7 1/2, soft.
1255
01:09:31,766 --> 01:09:33,516
Oh-- Oh-- Oh, my God.
1256
01:09:33,445 --> 01:09:35,495
This is hotter than twincest.
1257
01:09:35,411 --> 01:09:38,161
Oh, my, you're really talented.
1258
01:09:43,995 --> 01:09:46,045
You're, like, black swan crazy.
1259
01:09:45,961 --> 01:09:46,831
If I hadn't have done it,
1260
01:09:46,796 --> 01:09:48,126
you never would have made a move.
1261
01:09:48,072 --> 01:09:49,532
That doesn't make it any less twisted,
1262
01:09:49,471 --> 01:09:51,931
and now Dickey's kicked us
out of the competition.
1263
01:09:53,106 --> 01:09:55,986
You honestly couldn't tell it
was me on the microphone?
1264
01:09:55,869 --> 01:09:56,949
No.
1265
01:09:57,825 --> 01:09:59,075
Well, not at first.
1266
01:09:59,025 --> 01:10:00,355
I knew it.
1267
01:10:00,299 --> 01:10:02,139
God, I am so fucked up.
1268
01:10:04,136 --> 01:10:05,016
My God--
1269
01:10:07,416 --> 01:10:09,706
That stuff was organized,
by the way, but--
1270
01:10:09,613 --> 01:10:10,243
You know what?
1271
01:10:10,217 --> 01:10:11,967
I can't hear you with your dick
in my mouth.
1272
01:10:11,895 --> 01:10:14,395
What? Oh-- Oh-- Oh, God.
1273
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:15,953
Oh, yeah-- Oh, yeah.
1274
01:10:15,885 --> 01:10:19,225
Yeah. Oh, it feels so fucking good.
1275
01:10:19,089 --> 01:10:20,379
Say my name, Dickey.
1276
01:10:20,326 --> 01:10:21,696
Oh, yeah. Oh--
1277
01:10:21,639 --> 01:10:22,439
What is your name?
1278
01:10:23,721 --> 01:10:24,891
It's Conor.
1279
01:10:24,844 --> 01:10:26,844
Oh. Oh, Conrad.
1280
01:10:26,761 --> 01:10:29,301
Oh, Conrad. Oh, yeah, lick my balls!
1281
01:10:29,197 --> 01:10:32,447
It's Conor, C-O-N-O-R.
1282
01:10:32,909 --> 01:10:34,289
Friend me on Facebook.
1283
01:10:35,154 --> 01:10:37,864
Casey, you guys have got to check
this shit out.
1284
01:10:39,191 --> 01:10:41,481
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
1285
01:10:41,388 --> 01:10:43,138
Oh, not my ass. I just took a dump.
1286
01:10:43,066 --> 01:10:45,726
Whoa! Oh-- Oh, yeah!
1287
01:10:45,618 --> 01:10:49,118
Yeah, do it again. Again!
1288
01:10:48,974 --> 01:10:50,934
Oh, G--
1289
01:10:50,854 --> 01:10:51,854
It's working.
1290
01:10:51,813 --> 01:10:53,523
You like my dick Dick Dickey?
1291
01:10:53,453 --> 01:10:57,663
Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1292
01:10:57,491 --> 01:11:00,781
Don't spill Centrum on my desk. Oh!
1293
01:11:00,646 --> 01:11:02,276
Oh. Oh, yeah.
1294
01:11:02,210 --> 01:11:04,580
Oh, yeah, that feels so fucking good.
1295
01:11:04,482 --> 01:11:06,402
Oh, yeah, keep spilling.
1296
01:11:06,324 --> 01:11:08,324
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1297
01:11:08,242 --> 01:11:10,072
Put a finger in there.
1298
01:11:09,998 --> 01:11:11,248
Another one!
1299
01:11:11,196 --> 01:11:13,156
Oh, yeah, do it!
1300
01:11:13,076 --> 01:11:15,366
This reminds me of my sweet 16
1301
01:11:15,272 --> 01:11:17,152
Oh, let's cut school and do it here.
1302
01:11:17,795 --> 01:11:19,745
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
1303
01:11:19,665 --> 01:11:21,085
Welcome to the theater.
1304
01:11:39,414 --> 01:11:42,574
Ladies and gentlemen,
friends, family, others,
1305
01:11:42,444 --> 01:11:46,324
welcome to Dick Dickey's
annual scene camp--
1306
01:11:46,166 --> 01:11:48,286
uh, drama competition.
1307
01:11:49,561 --> 01:11:51,271
Is Jason Williams here?
1308
01:11:55,392 --> 01:11:59,602
I-- I had a speech prepared
1309
01:11:59,794 --> 01:12:02,164
about a guy who got shot in the face.
1310
01:12:02,710 --> 01:12:06,210
Oh, it's actually a lot more tasteful
than it sounds,
1311
01:12:06,066 --> 01:12:08,186
but you know what?
1312
01:12:08,579 --> 01:12:09,959
Let's just watch this.
1313
01:12:28,164 --> 01:12:30,164
Oh, Romeo, Romeo,
1314
01:12:30,447 --> 01:12:32,897
why for won't thou IM me, Romeo,
1315
01:12:33,324 --> 01:12:36,614
deny thy texting and refuse
thy phone calls?
1316
01:12:36,479 --> 01:12:38,099
Or if thou shalt not,
1317
01:12:38,033 --> 01:12:39,323
be but sworn my love,
1318
01:12:39,271 --> 01:12:41,441
and I shall no longer use a Blackberry.
1319
01:12:44,305 --> 01:12:48,015
Juliet,
hast thou blocked me on Facebook?
1320
01:12:52,784 --> 01:12:56,034
The more my wrong,
the more his spite appears.
1321
01:12:57,216 --> 01:12:58,256
Hey, hey, hey,
1322
01:12:58,212 --> 01:12:59,382
where have you been?
1323
01:12:59,335 --> 01:13:02,085
Your scene's back in the competition
exactly as it was.
1324
01:13:01,972 --> 01:13:02,972
What? I didn't even--
1325
01:13:02,931 --> 01:13:04,311
No, no, you were right.
1326
01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:07,005
Sex is such an important part of
human interaction,
1327
01:13:06,893 --> 01:13:09,303
oh, my God, blah, blah, blah. Who cares?
1328
01:13:09,204 --> 01:13:12,084
Anyway,
have you seen the shitfest on stage?
1329
01:13:11,966 --> 01:13:12,926
No, but look--
1330
01:13:12,887 --> 01:13:14,587
And scene.
1331
01:13:19,840 --> 01:13:22,630
Okay, look, whatever you two were doing
when Dickey walked in on you,
1332
01:13:22,517 --> 01:13:23,887
I want you to do that
1333
01:13:23,830 --> 01:13:25,040
but more, okay?
1334
01:13:24,991 --> 01:13:26,161
What about Lilly?
1335
01:13:26,947 --> 01:13:27,907
I can't find her.
1336
01:13:27,868 --> 01:13:29,948
I don't think she wants anything to do
with me anyway.
1337
01:13:30,582 --> 01:13:32,172
The showmance must go on.
1338
01:13:34,984 --> 01:13:35,734
Lilly.
1339
01:13:36,864 --> 01:13:38,154
I better get in costume.
1340
01:13:38,974 --> 01:13:39,894
Yeah.
1341
01:13:41,736 --> 01:13:45,356
And now get ready to meet
the Real Merry Housewives of Windsor.
1342
01:13:45,573 --> 01:13:47,863
Well, this is a turd and half.
1343
01:13:47,769 --> 01:13:48,479
Yeah.
1344
01:13:49,371 --> 01:13:52,451
So do you want to make it official
and go out on a date?
1345
01:13:54,407 --> 01:13:57,067
You got dumped, like, five minutes ago.
1346
01:13:58,482 --> 01:14:00,062
I don't want to be your rebound.
1347
01:14:00,516 --> 01:14:03,436
And I don't want to date a guy
who lies about being straight,
1348
01:14:03,316 --> 01:14:06,526
but that doesn't mean
there's not something here.
1349
01:14:06,836 --> 01:14:08,706
And I'm sure with my new breast implants
1350
01:14:08,630 --> 01:14:10,670
I'm sure I'll live happily ever after.
1351
01:14:12,945 --> 01:14:15,025
Boo!
1352
01:14:15,947 --> 01:14:17,947
Hey, you're on, drama queens.
1353
01:14:20,896 --> 01:14:23,646
Good morrow, Kate,
for that's your name, I hear.
1354
01:14:23,534 --> 01:14:25,954
They call me Katherine,
that do talk of me.
1355
01:14:25,855 --> 01:14:28,855
Come, come, you wasp,
i'faith, you are too angry.
1356
01:14:28,732 --> 01:14:30,692
If I be waspish, best beware...
1357
01:14:36,808 --> 01:14:38,138
Beware what?
1358
01:14:42,275 --> 01:14:43,825
Beware of playing games.
1359
01:14:45,392 --> 01:14:46,892
Because if you're playing a game,
1360
01:14:47,397 --> 01:14:48,727
you're playing it alone.
1361
01:14:49,036 --> 01:14:50,826
Oh, not again.
1362
01:14:51,827 --> 01:14:54,617
Look, I know who I am,
and I know who I'm not,
1363
01:14:55,424 --> 01:14:56,304
and that makes me lucky
1364
01:14:56,268 --> 01:14:58,728
because some people
never figure that out.
1365
01:14:59,346 --> 01:15:00,256
Have you?
1366
01:15:01,505 --> 01:15:03,205
Are you brave enough
to follow your heart?
1367
01:15:07,096 --> 01:15:12,306
Why, Kate, to whom doth thou speaketh?
1368
01:15:12,612 --> 01:15:13,612
To him.
1369
01:15:19,363 --> 01:15:20,903
Uh, I'm sorry.
1370
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:25,510
I've never been
in this situation before.
1371
01:15:25,319 --> 01:15:26,779
What situation?
1372
01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:29,790
A situation where--
1373
01:15:35,706 --> 01:15:37,626
A situation where if the girl told me
1374
01:15:37,548 --> 01:15:39,258
she didn't want to be with me,
1375
01:15:39,629 --> 01:15:40,829
it would break my heart...
1376
01:15:41,940 --> 01:15:43,070
completely.
1377
01:15:44,099 --> 01:15:46,349
That's a chance you have
to take with love,
1378
01:15:46,822 --> 01:15:47,862
with anyone.
1379
01:15:51,772 --> 01:15:52,732
Lilly?
1380
01:15:57,324 --> 01:15:58,624
Will you marry me?
1381
01:16:00,566 --> 01:16:01,686
Uh,
1382
01:16:02,925 --> 01:16:04,885
let's start with a date first.
1383
01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:08,230
That's good enough for me.
1384
01:16:16,267 --> 01:16:17,227
Well,
1385
01:16:17,791 --> 01:16:21,001
she lefteth early with that man.
1386
01:16:25,982 --> 01:16:28,772
Petruchio, the jewel of my life.
1387
01:16:32,178 --> 01:16:33,088
You're right,
1388
01:16:34,537 --> 01:16:36,117
I don't care how we got here,
1389
01:16:37,290 --> 01:16:39,620
just how we feel when we're together.
1390
01:16:41,922 --> 01:16:43,722
I'm sorry I lied to you.
1391
01:16:44,244 --> 01:16:46,164
'Twixt such friends as we,
1392
01:16:47,284 --> 01:16:49,034
no apology is necessary.
1393
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:55,290
Since we are stepp'd thus far in,
1394
01:16:57,191 --> 01:16:58,731
will you give me another chance?
1395
01:17:07,098 --> 01:17:09,348
Will you, nill you,
1396
01:17:10,062 --> 01:17:11,272
I will marry you.
1397
01:17:28,486 --> 01:17:29,356
Do it.
1398
01:17:29,599 --> 01:17:30,439
Do it.
1399
01:18:05,086 --> 01:18:06,376
That's intense.
1400
01:18:06,726 --> 01:18:07,806
Beau.
1401
01:18:08,164 --> 01:18:10,624
So is it true you're single now?
1402
01:18:11,358 --> 01:18:13,198
Word gets around fast.
1403
01:18:13,123 --> 01:18:14,243
You Tweeted it.
1404
01:18:14,955 --> 01:18:16,085
Oh, yeah.
1405
01:18:17,075 --> 01:18:19,705
But I'm no where near ready to date.
1406
01:18:20,758 --> 01:18:22,708
Do you want to use me for sex?
1407
01:18:22,628 --> 01:18:23,968
Fuck, yes.
1408
01:18:34,818 --> 01:18:36,988
Finally some action.
1409
01:18:56,081 --> 01:18:57,871
Oh, yeah. Oh.
1410
01:19:35,443 --> 01:19:37,443
What is wrong with you people?
1411
01:20:00,896 --> 01:20:03,646
Bravo! Bravo!
1412
01:20:10,613 --> 01:20:12,693
So what are you doing after drama camp?
1413
01:20:13,768 --> 01:20:15,138
Can I take you to dinner?
1414
01:20:16,127 --> 01:20:18,787
I literally thought you would never ask.
1415
01:20:20,443 --> 01:20:21,903
Are you texting?
1416
01:20:22,236 --> 01:20:23,776
Status update.
1417
01:20:24,193 --> 01:20:28,073
O-M-G, just got laid on stage.
1418
01:20:28,318 --> 01:20:29,608
Oh, tag me.
1419
01:20:31,674 --> 01:20:33,874
Are you always that good,
or were you just acting?
1420
01:20:35,386 --> 01:20:36,886
I was just rehearsing
1421
01:20:37,669 --> 01:20:39,459
for what I'm going to do to you tonight.
1422
01:20:42,541 --> 01:20:44,621
That's so romantic.
1423
01:20:46,013 --> 01:20:50,103
Congratulations to the winners
of this year's scene competition.
1424
01:20:51,729 --> 01:20:55,189
Thank you all for making
Dick Dickey's Drama Camp
1425
01:20:55,047 --> 01:20:57,087
a raging success.
1426
01:20:59,162 --> 01:21:01,502
Oh, this only pays for five people.
1427
01:21:10,595 --> 01:21:11,385
Here.
1428
01:21:15,831 --> 01:21:17,041
Use mine, too.
1429
01:21:20,061 --> 01:21:21,111
Me, too.
1430
01:21:23,504 --> 01:21:24,464
Oh, hell.
1431
01:21:28,060 --> 01:21:29,270
To drama camp.
1432
01:21:29,814 --> 01:21:31,314
To drama camp.
1433
01:21:31,896 --> 01:21:34,436
Maybe you guys won a contest,
but whatever.
1434
01:21:34,332 --> 01:21:35,332
I'm rich.
1435
01:21:38,485 --> 01:21:43,025
Drama queen
1436
01:21:44,038 --> 01:21:45,668
And scene.
1437
01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:47,250
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
1438
01:21:47,203 --> 01:21:49,283
In your velveteen -Drama queen
1439
01:21:49,198 --> 01:21:50,278
Playing to the camera
1440
01:21:50,234 --> 01:21:53,904
Like a drama queen
1441
01:21:53,754 --> 01:21:55,374
All night
1442
01:21:55,307 --> 01:21:56,807
I won't spend my summertime
1443
01:21:56,746 --> 01:21:57,496
F-Fighting love
1444
01:21:57,466 --> 01:21:58,346
Like it's a crime
1445
01:21:58,309 --> 01:21:59,349
I p-p-put my heart
1446
01:21:59,307 --> 01:22:01,517
At center stage for you
1447
01:22:01,426 --> 01:22:02,216
If you don't like
1448
01:22:02,184 --> 01:22:02,724
What you see
1449
01:22:02,702 --> 01:22:04,372
Don't be a d-d-drama queen
1450
01:22:04,304 --> 01:22:05,054
Just carry on
1451
01:22:05,023 --> 01:22:05,853
And play along
1452
01:22:05,819 --> 01:22:07,739
Like players do
1453
01:22:07,661 --> 01:22:08,701
Passionate reactions
1454
01:22:08,658 --> 01:22:10,698
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
1455
01:22:10,615 --> 01:22:11,955
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
1456
01:22:11,900 --> 01:22:13,730
In your velveteen -Drama queen
1457
01:22:13,655 --> 01:22:14,945
Playing to the camera
1458
01:22:14,893 --> 01:22:18,523
Like a drama queen
1459
01:22:18,374 --> 01:22:19,874
All night
1460
01:22:19,812 --> 01:22:21,062
Passionate reactions
1461
01:22:21,011 --> 01:22:22,961
Puttin' on the scene -Drama queen
1462
01:22:22,881 --> 01:22:24,011
Shakin' up the Shakespeare
1463
01:22:23,965 --> 01:22:26,085
In your velveteen -Drama queen
1464
01:22:25,999 --> 01:22:27,129
Playing to the camera
1465
01:22:27,082 --> 01:22:30,662
Like a drama queen
1466
01:22:30,516 --> 01:22:32,146
All night
1467
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:33,120
Drama queen
1468
01:25:53,049 --> 01:25:54,379
Oh, yeah.
1469
01:25:54,325 --> 01:25:56,455
Now we can finish what we started.
1470
01:25:56,367 --> 01:25:57,327
Yes, sir.
1471
01:26:09,834 --> 01:26:10,624
Hey.
1472
01:26:12,787 --> 01:26:13,747
You can't expel us.
1473
01:26:13,707 --> 01:26:14,627
Camp's over.
1474
01:26:14,590 --> 01:26:15,920
I didn't put it in my mouth.
1475
01:26:15,866 --> 01:26:18,366
Oh, sorry, it looked like a stickup.
1476
01:26:21,582 --> 01:26:23,042
You going to join us or what?
1477
01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:25,140
Yeah.
98555
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.