Original subtitles

COMING.

WHO IS IT?

[MAN] PHONE SERVICE, MA'AM.

PHONE SERVICE, MA'AM.

HI.

HOWDY, MA'AM.

THE PHONE, IT'S IN MY BOUDOIR.

[DIAL TONE]

IT WORKS FINE, MA'AM.

DOES IT?

YOU DIDN'T CALL ME HERE FOR THE PHONE.

I DID.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

YOU CALLED ME HERE FOR A REASON.

OKAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE.

YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?

PLEASE.

HOLD STILL.

PLEASE STOP. THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

IT'S NOT FUNNY TO CALL IN FAKE PHONE TROUBLE

AND WASTE MY TIME. YOU'RE SCARING ME.

DAMN RIGHT, BITCH. STOP!

[SCREAMS]

I'VE GOT A STUN GUN IN HERE.

GO FOR IT.

NO!

[SCREAMING]

NO! PLEASE NO!

[CRYING] NO! NO!

[MOANING]

[PASSES GAS]

DID YOU COME?

NO. DID YOU?

NO, I WAS JUST FAKING IT FOR YOU.

WELL, I WAS FAKING IT FOR YOU.

JESUS, I-I THOUGHT--

I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING.

I'M SORRY, TIFFANY. I-- UH!

I CAN'T GET INTO IT WITH YOU, CALEB.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN GRAB MY TITTIES.

WELL, IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME.

MY TITTIES DIDN'T OCCUR TO YOU?

LOOK AT THEM, CALEB.

THEY OCCUR TO EVERY MAN I MEET, BUT NOT YOU.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS WORKING.

I CAN BE MEANER.

YOU'RE TOO NICE.

I NEED A LITTLE SHAKE 'N BAKE IN MY LIFE.

I NEED TO FEEL DIRTY, FILTHY.

YOU'RE SO S.U.V.,

DOUBLE COUPONS, FAMILY FUN.

WELL, I'LL BREAK STUFF NEXT TIME.

CALEB, IT'S OVER.

TIFFANI-- GOOD-BYE.

I WAITED 24 DAYS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO SEEM LIKE A SLUT. [LAUGHS]

TIFFANI--

CALEB, LEAVE. I GOT A JETTA.

MY BELT?

FUCKING BITCH.

I'M STILL NOT BUYING IT.

GOD, GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I AM NOT A SLOT MACHINE.

GOOD-BYE, CALEB. YOU'RE A DECENT BOY.

NICE ASS.

¶ THERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE ¶

¶ IT'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT

¶ SOMETHING YOU CAN GIVE ME

¶ SOMETHING I NEED A LOT

¶ THE SIMPLE LOOKS THAT YOU GIVE ME ¶

¶ CAN MAKE ME HOT AND BREATHLESS ¶

¶ I CAN'T SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE ON MY MIND ¶

¶ BECAUSE OF YOU I'M RESTLESS

¶ YOU TEASE AND YOU PLAY

¶ AND YOU LEAVE ME INSANE

¶ I KNOW IT'S YOUR GAME

¶ BUT I PLAY ANYWAY

¶ YOU TOUCH AND YOU PULL

¶ SO I HAVE NO CONTROL

¶ I'M UNDER YOUR SPELL

¶ THERE IS NO LETTING GO

¶ I WANT YOU EVERY NIGHT

¶ TILL THE MORNING LIGHT

¶ DO YOU WANNA TRY IT?

¶ I WANT YOU TO TURN ME ON

¶ TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN

¶ MAKE IT FEEL SO RIGHT

¶ I WANT YOU EVERY NIGHT

¶ TILL THE MORNING LIGHT

¶ DO YOU WANNA TRY IT?

¶ I WANT YOU TO TURN ME ON

¶ TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN

¶ MAKE IT FEEL SO RIGHT

¶ I WANT YOU TO TURN ME ON

¶ I SAID TURN ME ON, YEAH

¶ I WANT YOU EVERY NIGHT

¶ TILL THE MORNING LIGHT

¶ DO YOU WANNA TRY IT?

¶ I WANT YOU TO TURN ME ON

¶ TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN

¶ MAKE IT FEEL SO RIGHT

¶ LET'S GO TO THE DISCO TONIGHT ¶

¶ I'LL SPIN YOU ROUND ALL NIGHT ¶

¶ I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU

¶ TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN

¶ MAKE IT FEEL SO RIGHT

HETEROSEXUALS ARE A FUCKED UP SPECIES.

24 DAYS,

AND THEN ONE WEEK OF ME NOT RAPING HER MEAN ENOUGH,

AND I GET SHUT OUT.

A WOMAN'S LIKE A COMPUTER, MAN.

YOU DO EVERY LITTLE THING RIGHT,

AND THEN WHAM, SAD FACE, FATAL ERROR 3801.

FOR US SEX ON THE FIRST DATE IS A GIVEN.

YOU FIGURE OUT THE HARDWARE MISMATCHES AND YOU MOVE ON.

OH, WELL, IT'S JUST SO EASY BAKE FOR YOU.

MOST GUYS DON'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP MOVING ON.

AT LEAST YOU GET LAID ALL THE TIME.

IT'S LIKE 104 DAYS BETWEEN DATES FOR ME

BECAUSE I DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU.

LIKE ME?

I AM NOT GONNA STROKE YOUR GORGEOUS, MUSCULAR EGO.

SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE JASON THING?

JUSTIN.

GUYS AROUND HERE ARE LIKE DAY-OLD DONUTS.

I MEAN I EAT THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE THERE,

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO INVEST ANYTHING IN THEM.

AT LEAST YOU GOT THE WHOLE BOX RIGHT THERE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO STARVE.

CALEB, I'M ON FRIENDSTER,

MY LIFE IS SO NOT-HAVING-SEX AND THE CITY RIGHT NOW.

IF ONLY I WERE GAY.

HONEY, COME OUT OR STAY IN, DO NOT HECHE ME INTO A MARIAH.

I DON'T MEAN LITERALLY. OH, OF COURSE, ILLITERALLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER FOR US TO GET CHICKS, TOO.

STRAIGHT GIRLS LOVE GAY BOYS.

I COULD HAVE ANY GIRL I WANTED.

SHUT THE FUCK.

SERIAL KILLER.

REMEMBER MARCY BROOKS?

[CROWD CHEERING]

SHUT THE FUCK. MILKSHAKE MARCY.

RIGHT AFTER I CAME OUT SENIOR YEAR,

SHE OFFERED TO HOOVER ME

TO SEE IF SHE COULD CURE ME.

YOU'RE A GEEKAZOID. NO OFFENSE.

POINT IS I'M A GEEK, AND I COULD'VE GOT ELECTROLUX TREATMENT

FROM MILKSHAKE MARCY BECAUSE I'M GAY.

MAN.

NOW I REALLY WANT TO BE A FAG.

YOU AND RICKY MARTIN BOTH.

OOH, JENNIFER SEAVER.

JENNY THE BEAVER, FIRE CROTCH.

[CHEERING]

SHOVES HER FIST DOWN MY PANTS,

FULL ON GRABS MY CORNDOG.

SWEAR TO GOD I WAS GOING TO PUKE.

THEY FEEL SAFE WITH US BECAUSE WE'RE NOT A THREAT.

LIKE HOW THEY GET NAKED IN FRONT OF PUPPIES.

WE'RE JUST PUPPIES WITH DICKS.

YOU KNOW, CHICKS AND THEIR PUPPIES,

LET THEM EAT THEM RIGHT OUT.

READ THAT IN THE KINSEY REPORT.

MY "SPECIALITY."

OH, WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE WITH THE BEAV.

IMPREGNATED HER. GOT A SHIT JOB.

OOH, SOUNDS REAL HOT.

SHE'S NOT EVEN YOUR TYPE.

SO YOU THINK MORE GIRLS WOULD GO FOR ME

IF THEY THOUGHT I WAS GAY.

STOP THINKING.

YOU JUST LOOK PRETTY AND TURN THE LETTERS.

NO, BUT I MEAN--

LOOK, LET'S GET A SOFIA COPPOLA THING STRAIGHT HERE.

BEING GAY IS MORE THAN LISTENING TO GOOD MUSIC

AND EATING LOW-FAT FOODS.

THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO

TO CONVINCE THE GENERAL PUBLIC.

OH.

WE COULD STAGE A BASHING.

NO, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

IS FIND THE LOUDEST QUEEN ON CAMPUS

AND SMOKE HIS POLE.

NOW, THAT WOULD BE A WRIST STAMP TO PUSSY SMORGASBORD.

I'M HUNGRY.

I'M NOT YOUR BITCH.

[SCREAMS] OH, MY GOD,

YOU PRICKED IT, GWEN. YOU PRICKED IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, I LOVE YOU, GWEN.

AND I LOVE YOU, JOEY.

WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?

OH, HONEY, THAT ONE.

IT'S SO BIG.

I LOVE YOU, BUNNYCAKES.

AND I LOVE YOU, GINGERBUTT.

MONGOLOID. DILDO.

OOH, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT BIG-GIRL WORD FROM?

YOUR GIRLFRIEND. OOPS, I MEAN EX-GIRLFRIEND.

[GIRL ON PHONE] WHO'S THAT?

IT'S MY BROTHER. HE JUST GOT DUMPED, HARD.

I HATE YOUR BROTHER.

WHO TOLD YOU, YOU LITTLE BAH-WITCH.

I KNOW. HE TOTALLY IS.

UH, EXCUSE ME, WHY DON'T YOU?

OH OKAY, WHY DON'T I JUST TURN INTO GASEOUS FORM FOR A MINUTE.

EW, SMELLS LIKE YOU'RE HALFWAY THERE.

DOGS HAVE A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF SMELL.

WITH WITH AN ASS THAT BIG, IT'S LIKE SPOTLIGHTS TO US.

THESE ARE HEADLIGHTS AND I DON'T PLAN ON BRAKING.

KEEP ON PEDALING, YOU'RE ALMOST TO A BUSY INTERSECTION.

THE INTERSECTION'S ONLY BUSY

BECAUSE YOU'RE GIVING HALF-PRICE BLOWJOBS.

WHAT ARE THE RULES TO THIS GAME?

I DON'T KNOW BUT YOU JUST LOST, LOSER.

FREAK.

[BOTTLES JOSTLE]

I'M ON THE PHONE.

HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

GO GRAZE OUTSIDE.

STOP MOOCHING.

GO BACK TO COLLEGE AND EAT YOUR INSTANT RAMEN.

I'M GOING TO HANG UP.

MOM!

CALEB'S DRINKING OUT OF THE MILK CARTON!

I AM NOT!

IT'S THE ACIDOPHILUS!

[WOMAN] CALEB, HONEY? YOU OKAY?

WE HEARD YOU GOT DUMPED.

[BRITISH ACCENT] YOU'RE WAY HOT.

YOUR ACCENT'S SEXY.

EVEN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE THERE HAVE ACCENTS, HUH?

I DON'T LIKE TO KISS.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

SERIOUSLY.

YOU CAN PLAY WITH MY NIPPLES IF YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW, KISSING IS SO 1990s.

I THINK I MIGHT BE--

I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY.

GAY?

WELL, JUST A LITTLE BIT.

I TURNED ANOTHER ONE?

IT COULD BE JUST A PHASE.

PLEASE.

CAN YOU LIST ANY TRACKS

FROM MADONNA'S LIKE A PRAYER AL

UM, "EXPRESS YOURSELF,"

"CHERISH," "OH, FATHER"--

"VOGUE."

NO, HONEY, "VOGUE" ON DICK TRACY.

IT'S NOT A FUCKING PHASE.

YOU'RE FULL FLEDGED HOMO.

JESUS, WHAT DID I DO?

WELL, DIDN'T YOU EVER SUSPECT?

I MEAN, I AM A LITTLE...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

WE'RE ALL JUST PEOPLE...

JUST BODIES WITH ORGANIC NEEDS.

WE NEED SATISFACTION.

WE SHOULDN'T DENY OUR BODIES.

LET'S NOT DENY OUR BODIES.

HONEY, IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK THIS TIME.

I'M PRETTY GAY.

I WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU LAST NIGHT, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT.

YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY POSITIVE ABOUT THIS.

I COULDN'T BE ANY MORE POSITIVE IF I WAS GANG RAPED

IN A REPOSITORY BIN AT THE NEEDLE EXCHANGE!

ALL I DO IS HELP GAYS COME OUT.

SO WHO ARE YOU FUCKING?

WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET.

HUH! I MEAN, EXCEPT WITH YOU.

AND SOME OTHER GIRL.

GET OUT.

CAN'T WE BE LIKE BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING?

I ALREADY HAVE A GAY BEST FRIEND.

YEAH, MARC.

IS HE SINGLE?

GET OUT!

IT'S LIKE I'M ON A CONVEYOR BELT.

A LITTLE PIECE OF SUSHI NOBODY WANTS.

YOU LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT NOW?

PLEASE, I'LL SETTLE FOR MR. FIVE MINUTES AGO.

SORRY.

NO PROB--

BLEM.

JOEY, JUST REMEMBER.

EVERY TIME YOU SUCK A DICK,

EVERY TIME YOU POKE SOME BOY IN THE BROWN EYE,

JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU'VE EATEN PUSSY!

YOU ATE PUSSY AND YOU LIKED IT!

I--

YOU CAME!

HEY, GWEN, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

OH, JESUS.

FAIR THEE WELL, MY FAIRY FAY.

WHO WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. HE'S A NEWBORN.

NO, THE GIRL.

GWEN.

SHE'S HOT.

SHE'S CUTE, BUT A TOTAL MEREDITH BROOKS HIT SINGLE.

EXCUSE ME.

THAT HER BOYFRIEND?

NO, HER ROOMMATE MARC.

LOVE OF MY LIFE.

HE'S GAY AND I'M INVISIBLE.

SO ALL HER FRIENDS GAY OR WHAT?

SHE'S KIND OF A FAG HAG.

I HATE THAT TERM.

'CAUSE YOU'RE ONE.

SHUT UP. I AM NOT.

YOU LIVE WITH ME.

SO SHE'S STRAIGHT, THOUGH, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT SHE'S TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH MARC.

THEY DATED WHEN HE WAS IN THE CLOSET,

AND SHE'S BEEN TRYING TO REPLACE HIM EVER SINCE.

DOING A REAL GOOD JOB, THOUGH. KEEPS DATING FAGS.

I FEEL LIKE A TURNSTILE TO THE WHITE PARTY.

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY'RE TIME BOMBS, GWEN.

IT DOESN'T SEEM WORTH IT.

I MET YOU.

LET'S NOT GO THERE.

YOU'RE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

I WANNA GO HOME. MARC, TAKE ME HOME.

I JUST GOT HERE.

LET'S HANG FOR A BIT.

I'LL DO A LITTLE DAMAGE CONTROL.

I BET I LOOKED PRETTY STUPID OUT THERE.

NOT AT ALL.

LIAR.

YOU DID LOOK SORTA GOOFY.

I DID?

[IMITATING GWEN] "YOU ATE PUSSY! YOU LIKED IT!"

FUCK YOU.

I ALMOST MADE IT WITH BRITISH GUY IN A BROOM CLOSET.

BUT HE WOULDN'T KISS.

MAYBE YOUR BREATH WAS PENISY.

¶ I GOTTA WORK HARD TO LOOK GOOD ¶

¶ IT AIN'T EASY, IT AIN'T EASY ¶

¶ TO BEAT THE GROUND TONIGHT

¶ IT AIN'T EASY, IT AIN'T EASY ¶

¶ UNSPOKEN WORDS ARE UNDERSTOOD ¶

CAN I MAKE YOU A DRINK?

DID YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A DRINK.

I'M GORGEOUS, NOT HELPLESS.

IT'S NOT A SEXIST THING.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE STRESSED OUT.

JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY.

SORRY.

THANKS, HON'. WANNA MAKE ONE FOR YOURSELF?

FUCK YOU.

SHE JUST BRUSHED ME OFF WITH A FLAMETHROWER.

SHE'S JUST LIKE THAT AT FIRST. YOU LIKE 'EM BUTCH.

WOULD YOU STOP BEING A TOTAL ZIT AND LEAVE ME ALONE?

WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?

HI, GWEN.

YOU KNOW THIS GUY?

YEAH. CALEB, THIS IS GWEN.

SORRY, CALEB. IT'S BEEN A NIGHT.

UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

CALEB'S GAY.

HUH?

YOU'RE GAY.

UH.

HE'S-- HE'S KIND OF NEW.

OH, HONEY, THAT'S SO SWEET.

ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER?

OH, NO, NOT ANYMORE.

WE'RE JUST ROOMMATES.

GOOD.

WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER.

SORRY, SOMETIMES I CAN BE A CUNT AND A HALF.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DRUNK BREEDER BOY

GOING FOR THE CHICK IN DESPAIR.

YOUR SHOES HAD ME FOOLED.

LIKE I SAID, HE'S NEW.

GWEN.

HI, MARC.

KEVIN.

KYLE.

MARC, THIS IS CALEB.

HI.

HE'S FAMILY.

NICE TO MEET YOU, CALEB.

OH. OH, SORRY.

I'M-- I'M TOTALLY DRUNK.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE DESIGNATED DRIVER.

NO, I THINK YOU'RE WRONG, GWEN.

UH, I WAS JUST MEETING GWEN AND--

ARE YOU KNEW HERE?

HE'S MY ROOMMATE.

WE DATED.

WE DIDN'T DATE.

LET'S AWAY. OUR WORK IS DONE HERE.

UH, WHERE YOU GOING?

WHAT?

LET'S GIVE THEM SOME ROOM TO BREATHE ON EACH OTHER.

I WANTED TO TALK TO MARC.

NOT A CHANCE WITH THAT AROUND, HON'.

SO...

[CHUCKLES]

YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND.

HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

OH, SO NOW YOU'RE GAY?

THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.

YOU KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM.

WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING.

YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE.

THAT WAS HIS IDEA.

I'VE BEEN STALKING HIM FOR YEARS.

YOU DECIDED TO BE GAY FOR ONE NIGHT.

I'M NOT GAY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIM?

THAT WOULD BE AS FUTILE AS DRUG TESTING AT THE GAY GAMES.

SO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET GWEN LIKE THIS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T WANT TO GO,

BUT HE LIVES WITH HER.

I'LL GET TO SEE HER AGAIN.

I CAN JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH

AND GET THIS WHOLE THING SORTED OUT.

OF COURSE THERE GOES ANY CHANCE I HAD WITH HER.

AND YOU LIVE WITH ME,

SO MARC WILL HAVE TO COME HERE.

THIS COULD BE PARFAIT.

GO ON A FEW DATES WITH MARC,

THE FOUR OF US HANG.

YOU COME TO THE SAD REALIZATION THAT YOU'RE STRAIGHT.

YOU GO RUNNING TO GWEN. MARC COMES RUNNING TO ME.

GENIUS.

I'LL BE YOUR... GOATEE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY'LL DO THAT?

THAT SOUNDS "ETCH-A-SKETCHY" TO ME.

NO, NO, IT'S PARFAIT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HUMAN NATURE THE WAY I DO. I'M A MUSICIAN.

AND WHO GOT YOU THAT DATE WITH TIFFANY?

CALEB YOU HIT HER WITH MY CAR ON PURPOSE?

NO THAT WAS JUST DUMB LUCK,

I KNEW HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.

PLUS TIFFANY LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THEM,

AND SEEING YOU DATE HER NEIGHBOR WOULD KILL HER.

OKAY, ONE DATE, AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES FROM THERE--

BUT NO SEX STUFF.

YEAH, TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELF.

FUCK ME OR...

FUCK YOU?

YOU'LL ACTUALLY WEAR IT FOR WHAT, 20 MINUTES?

NOT WITH THIS GUY.

BECAUSE HE'S MR. WONDERFUL,

MR. YIN UP MY YANG.

I TALKED TO HIM FOR 15 MINUTES,

AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE KNOWN HIM MY WHOLE LIFE.

I'LL BE HAPPY IF HE LIKES TO KISS.

HE'S PROBABLY A FREAK.

WHEN HE'S AROUND,

MY HEART BEATS LIKE A TRAILER PARK HUSBAND.

THAT IS SO GAY.

AND I MEAN ALL THREE DEFINITIONS.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING, EATING OUT?

RICHARD'S HAVING A BBQ

FOR STAFF IN THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT.

AND THEN?

I DON'T KNOW...

BUT TRY NOT TO BE HERE.

SO THEN YOU'RE EATING OUT.

WHAT IF HE TRIES TO GRAB ME?

WE'RE NOT PIRATES. WE JUST DRESS LIKE THEM.

AND CHASE BOOTY.

HE'LL BE JUST AS NERVOUS AS YOU,

SO TRY NOT TO PUNCH HIM IF HE MAKES A MOVE ON YOU OR ANYTHING.

I DON'T THINK I'D PUNCH HIM.

THEN HE'LL PROBABLY JUST START CRYING OR SOMETHING.

OH, YOU GOT FAGITTUDE.

WELL, HOW DO I KNOW IF HE WANTS TO DO IT?

IS THERE LIKE A CODE WORD OR SOMETHING?

YOU MEAN, LIKE, HOMO LINGO?

WE TALK NORMALLY, IN ENGLISH.

OH, I'M A FAILED ROLE MODEL.

DO I LOOK GAY?

HM, LIKE AN INSATIABLE BOTTOM.

[PHONE RINGS]

WHY'D YOU SAY THAT?

JUST TO FUCK WITH YOU.

IT'S FOR YOU, BLOWMEO.

HELLO?

IT'S ME.

HI, TIFFANY.

I WAS JUST RUNNING OUT THE DOOR, BUT HI, TIFFANY.

SO I RAN INTO MAX TODAY.

HOW IS MAX?

WELL, HE'S FINE AND YOU'RE GAY.

OH, THAT'S JUST--

IT EXPLAINS AN AWFUL LOT.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I WASN'T ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH,

BUT NOW I SEE WHERE I STAND.

WHY ARE YOU CALLING?

I THOUGHT MAYBE, YOU KNOW.

I COULD WIN YOU BACK TO OUR TEAM.

SORRY TIFFANI, I'M GAY NOW.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

ACTUALLY, I THINK YOU DID IT TO ME.

WHAT?

I THINK YOU TURNED ME GAY.

I DID NOT TURN YOU GAY!

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

I AM A PERSON!

HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT?

BASTARD! [GROWLS]

FAG! FAG! FAG! FAG!

IT'S FUNNY, I USED TO HAVE--

I HAD A FRIEND THAT LIVED IN THIS SAME BUILDING.

I'LL BE, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES, OKAY?

PLEASE, SIEGFRIED AND ROY COULDN'T TAME YOUR HAIR.

IT'S OKAY.

GWEN CAN KEEP YOU COMPANY.

I'M USED TO ENTERTAINING YOUR TRICKS.

OKAY, MUTE.

SHE'S KIDDING.

I HAVEN'T HAD A TRICK IN, LIKE, SO LONG.

I MEAN--

TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS.

I'VE HAD DATES. IT'S JUST--

GO POWDER YOUR NOSE, BABE.

THE POWDER THAT GOES ON YOUR NOSE.

[SIGHS]

HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE GWEN ANDERSEN SHOW.

HI.

MIND IF I COUCH WITH YOU?

SURE.

SO WHAT'S YOUR MAJORETTE?

POLI-SCI.

OOH, BRAINY SMURF.

I'M NOT ANY GOOD AT IT, THOUGH.

HONEST.

I LIKE YOU.

THANKS.

DID YOU BRING CONDOMS?

UH, FOR...

I'M KIDDING.

RELAX. YOU LOOK SO TENSE.

HOW'S THAT?

IT'S NICE.

WHEN YOU GUYS GET HOME TONIGHT,

TRY NOT TO MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE.

I HAVE TO TUTOR IN THE MORNING.

I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT--

KIDDING AGAIN.

I DON'T TUTOR.

MAKE ALL THE NOISE YOU WANT.

THIS GIRL UPSTAIRS

HAS ALL THESE GUYS OVER

AND MAKES THEM PRETEND TO RAPE HER.

SHE SCREAMS AND THROWS THINGS.

IT REALLY FREAKED ME OUT.

I CALLED THE COPS THE FIRST COUPLE OF TIMES.

OH. HUH.

IT'S PROBABLY NOT DIFFERENT GUYS.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST THE SAME GUY,

YOU KNOW, JUST DIFFERENT ROLES.

OH NO, IT'S DIFFERENT GUYS.

SOMETIMES THERE'S LIKE THREE OR FOUR OF THEM,

AND THEY DO THIS WHOLE GANG-BANG ROUTINE.

SHE'S ALL "NO!

YOU'RE DOING ME ALL AT ONCE."

SICK, HUH?

BUT YOU KNOW, TO EACH HER OWN.

MY PARENTS THINK I'M NUTS FOR CHASING GAY BOYS.

MAYBE THEY'D LIGHTEN UP

IF I TOLD THEM I WAS INTO ORGIASTIC SPLENDOR.

YOU KNOW, TWO GUYS, ONE ORIFICE.

THEY CALL IT DOUBLE-DICKING.

THAT'S PRETTY WEIRD.

SO...

CALEB.

BEFORE YOU STARTED TO GO GIRL,

DID YOU EVER GO GIRL?

OH, NO. I MEAN, JUST THE THOUGHT.

OH, DEFENSIVE.

LIKE NOT EVEN BEFORE YOU CAME OUT?

NO.

OKAY, SO SUE ME, BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT.

IF YOU'VE NEVER TRICKED WITH A CHICK,

ARE YOU SURE YOU PICK DICK?

WELL, I'VE NEVER DONE IT WITH A DUDE

AND I, YOU KNOW, GAY.

MY GOD. YOU'RE A VIRGIN?

A VIRGIN HOMOSEXUAL.

LET ME TOUCH YOU.

WHAT ABOUT KYLE?

OH NO, WE NEVER...

THANK GOD, YOU JUST DON'T LOOK RIGHT TOGETHER.

A VIRGIN.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU'RE SO CUTE.

HOW'D YOU MAKE IT PAST 18?

I WOULD'VE THOUGHT SOME MUSCLE DADDY

WOULD'VE PLUCKED YOU FROM THE CHICKEN COOP

A LONG TIME AGO.

WELL, MARC IS VERY GENTLE.

HE PLUCKED MY CHERRY.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

OKAY.

CALEB, HONEY.

IF YOU'VE NEVER HAD A BOY OR A GIRL,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THE NORMAL THING FIRST.

I MEAN WHY STRAY DOWN A PATH OF OPPRESSION AND ISOLATION

WHEN HAPPINESS MIGHT BE RIGHT HERE?

EVER EVEN BEEN CURIOUS ABOUT KISSING A GIRL.

A LITTLE MAYBE?

GWEN?

YES?

WE NEED TO TALK.

TALK TO ME.

AM I INTERRUPTING?

OKAY, I TRIED EVERYTHING. TOTAL FAG.

HE'S ALL YOURS.

SHE TRIES THAT ON EVERYONE.

NOT THAT THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS.

YOU READY?

SURE, WHATEVER.

PLAY WITH THE SAFETY ON, BOYS.

ALWAYS DO, MOTHER.

WOULD YOU BOYS DO ME A FAVOR?

IT WOULD SO TURN ME ON.

WHAT'S THAT?

KISS.

I THINK TWO GUYS KISSING IS SO HOT.

NOT IN FRONT OF YOU.

PLEASE?

WE HAVEN'T EVEN DONE IT IN PRIVATE YET.

I MEAN WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF WE'RE GOING THERE.

THINK OF IT AS AN ICEBREAKER.

CALEB?

PLEASE? FOR ME?

UM, IF IT'S OKAY WITH MARC.

OH, IT'S OKAY.

WELL, GREAT!

GREAT.

GREAT.

PLEASE, HOW'S A GIRL SUPPOSED TO GET OFF ON THAT?

I KISSED MY GRANDMA LIKE THAT IN HER COFFIN.

GWEN, IF HE DOESN'T WANT--

[MARC] WOW. THAT'S A WAY TO START A DATE.

HOW WAS THAT?

IT WAS GREAT.

IT WAS A START.

GOODBYE, GWEN.

UH, BYE, GWEN.

BYE...

SEXUAL.

[MARC] SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT.

THAT'S JUST GWEN.

OH, I TOTALLY DIG HER. SHE'S GREAT.

YEAH, I TOTALLY LOVE HER.

IF ONLY I WAS STRAIGHT, YOU KNOW.

SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIME I FIND THE PERFECT GUY,

IT'S A GIRL.

STRAIGHT BOYS MUST HAVE IT SO EASY.

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

COME ON. PERFECT GIRLS ARE EVERYWHERE.

IT'S CRUEL.

SORRY, AM I MAKING YOU NERVOUS?

NOT AT ALL.

I'M MAKING YOU NERVOUS.

NO, IT'S OKAY.

SO I GOT TO WARN YOU.

THEY'RE ALL MUSIC TYPES AT THIS PARTY.

CLASSICAL MUSICIANS.

LITTLE OFF BEAT.

THAT MEANS CRAZY.

YEAH.

YOU LIKE CLASSICAL?

[MAN] HELLO, SWEETHEART.

OOH, WHO IS THIS?

CALEB, THIS IS RICHARD

AND HIS WIFE MIKO.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS] AND SO THE PROGRAM SPELLED BEETHOVEN

B-E-A-T... [LAUGHS]

SO CALEB, WHAT DO YOU DO?

UH...

HE GOES TO THE U.

WONDERFUL.

SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN AN ITEM?

RONNIE.

PLEASE.

WE KINDA JUST MET.

THAT'S SO SWEET.

THE TWO OF YOU LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER,

LIKE A COUPLE OF JUDDS OR CULKINS.

CALEB, HAVE YOU HEARD MARC PLAY?

NO.

WELL, YOU MUST. HE IS THE MOST TALENTED PIANIST

THIS SCHOOL'S HAD IN YEARS.

IT'S DIVINE.

MARC, YOU HAVE TO PLAY SOMETHING BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO DO EIGHT HANDS TWO PIANOS LATER.

YES. RICHARD.

SET THAT UP.

CALEB, WHY DON'T YOU TURN PAGES FOR MARC AND WINSTON.

JUST TURN THE PAGE AS FAST AS YOU CAN WHEN I NOD.

YOU'LL DO FINE.

READY?

AND...

¶

TURN.

OH.

SORRY.

TURN.

THAT WAS SO COOL, MAN.

YOU GUYS WERE AWESOME.

MARC YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME?

IT WAS GREAT.

THAT RONNIE'S A CHARACTER.

YEAH, I HAVE SOME WEIRD FRIENDS.

THEY'RE FUN, THOUGH.

AND YOU'RE GREAT ON THE PIANO.

I'M ALSO A FLAUTIST.

JUST EAT LESS BEANS.

YOU SEEN THAT ONE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

IT'S REALLY GOOD.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT?

YEAH?

WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING?

IT'S JUST KYLE.

HE ASKED ABOUT ME?

NO.

HAS HE MENTIONED ME?

NO, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WELL, WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING?

RENTING VIDEOS.

WHAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING ALONG WITH THIS.

THIS IS SICK.

I'M IN A VIDEO STORE, SO I CAN'T REALLY TALK RIGHT NOW.

[GWEN] PRONTO?

HEY.

I'M AT DEBBIE MILFORD'S.

AM I GONNA HAVE TO HANG OVER NIGHT HERE?

RENTING A VIDEO IS CODE FOR HAVING SEX.

YOU'RE PARANOID.

RENTING A VIDEO? SO I AM STAYING THE NIGHT.

WELL, HE'S SO CUTE.

WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO HAPPEN?

TWO GAY MEN SITTING ON A COUCH,

BORING MOVIE, RAGING HARD-ONS.

IT'S THE CODE. YOU RENT A VIDEO, YOU GET LAID.

DUDE, YOU SAID THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS GAYSPEAK.

KYLE WELL I WAS WRONG. DO NOT GO HOME WITH HIM.

GWEN'S GONNA BE THERE.

ONLY IF SHE'S A BAD FAG HAG.

[WOMAN] GWEN HONEY, YOUR TURN.

JUST A SECOND.

TAKE YOUR TIME SWEETIE.

WE HAVE ALL NIGHT LONG.

CALEB, THIS IS SO NOT COOL.

NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN.

PLUS, I CAN TELL GWEN'S INTO ME. IT'S WORKING.

KYLE OF COURSE SHE'S INTO YOU. YOU'RE GAY.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

GOD, GWEN HE IS SO... UNH.

WELL SWEETIE, IF YOU DON'T SCORE,

WILL YOU PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE CALL ME SO I CAN COME HOME?

OKAY.

SWEAR ON YOUR SIMON REX JACKOFF VIDEO?

NO FAIR.

LOOK, DON'T YOU GET BI-CURIOUS NOW.

IF SHE'S NOT HOME, THEN I OUTTA THERE.

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN.

I'M HANGING UP.

OKAY, HE'S GETTING OFF.

SO YOU SEEN ANY OF THESE?

GWEN?

GWEN.

HMM, I THOUGHT SHE'D BE BACK BY NOW.

WELL, AT LEAST WE GOT THE PLACE TO OURSELVES.

GO AHEAD. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

AND WHEN I SAY THAT, I MEAN TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES

AND ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOR.

GWEN?

TRUST ME, IF SHE WAS HERE, SHE'D BE ALL UP IN OUR PUBES.

SO... VIDEO?

HUH?

YOU KNOW, THAT THING WE RENTED.

OH, YEAH.

WE COULD WATCH IT.

YEAH.

OR...

OR?

OR WE COULD NOT WATCH IT.

OH.

IT'S UP TO YOU.

I'M COOL EITHER WAY.

¶ [MOVIE MUSIC]

UM, SORRY.

THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH.

SO GWEN'S STILL NOT BACK YET. HUH?

SHE USUALLY IS BY NOW.

IT'S GETTING LATE.

YEAH, I'M GETTING TIRED, TOO.

I SHOULD PROBABLY...

YEAH.

[PHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

[GWEN] YOU ANSWERED? YOU FUCK.

GWEN.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

CAUSE IF YOU WERE FUCKING YOU WOULDN'T BE ANSWERING.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT FUCKING, YOU SHOULD BE CALLING ME,

TELLING ME I CAN FUCKING COME HOME.

YEAH, CALEB'S HERE.

WE JUST WATCHED A VIDEO.

YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED IT?

LOOK, DEBBIE HAD ONE HER BREATHING FITS,

SO THEY PUT ME IN HER DEAD GRANDMA'S ROOM.

IT'S REALLY CREEPY IN HERE.

WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE BACK BY NOW.

HA, FUCKING, HA.

DYING LA MUERTA LOCA HERE.

MARC YEAH, MAYBE HE CAN STAY,

AND WE CAN ALL THREE HANG OUT SOME.

SO YOU'RE THAT DESPERATE.

HASN'T ANYONE MADE A MOVE YET?

YEAH, THE MOVIE WAS GREAT.

OH GOD.

MARC, LET ME TALK TO HIM.

WHAT?

PUT HIM ON. LET ME GET THE BALLS ROLLING.

UM, SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

REALLY?

YEAH.

HERE HE IS.

MARC, DON'T FUCKING WASTE THIS.

MARC HANDS THE RECEIVER TO CALEB.

HELLO?

HI, CALEB.

HOW WAS THE DATE?

UM.

OH, I GUESS YOU CAN'T ANSWER BECAUSE HE'S RIGHT THERE.

YEAH.

OKAY, LET'S PLAY A GAME.

YOU WANNA PLAY WITH ME?

OKAY. SURE.

I'LL TRY TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT

WHILE YOU JUST SAY YES OR NO. OKAY?

YES.

GOOD START.

HMMM.

HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING?

NO.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

YES, DEFINITELY.

BUT ARE YOU EXCITED?

I GUESS.

VERY EXCITED?

I DON'T KNOW.

HMM.

COULD YOU GET VERY EXCITED?

YEAH.

IS THIS EXCITING YOU?

YES.

I CAN MAKE YOU LESS NERVOUS.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

HUH?

COME ON, JUST PLAY ALONG.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OKAY.

CLOSED?

YES.

TIGHT?

YES.

NOW LEAN BACK, VERY SLOWLY.

OKAY.

DO YOU LIKE MY VOICE?

YES.

IT'S COMFORTING, ISN'T IT?

YES.

I LIKE YOURS, TOO.

IT'S SEXY.

IS MINE SEXY?

YES.

DO YOU FEEL SEXY?

YEAH.

NOW JUST FEEL YOUR HEART

PUMPING THE BLOOD THROUGH YOUR BODY.

I CAN FEEL MINE.

CAN YOU FEEL IT?

YES.

FEEL IT TRAVELING FROM YOUR HEART,

THROUGH YOUR CHEST.

UP AND DOWN YOUR ARMS AND LEGS.

IN YOUR FINGERS AND TOES.

CAN YOU FEEL IT?

YES.

IS IT GOING FASTER?

YES.

IS IT GETTING WARMER?

YES.

WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

UM...

I MEAN IS IT A PULLOVER?

NO.

DOES IT BUTTON UP?

YES.

DO YOU WANT TO UNBUTTON IT?

YES.

OPEN THE TOP BUTTON.

OKAY.

KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.

IS IT OPEN?

YEAH.

ARE YOUR EYES STILL CLOSED?

YEAH.

I WANT YOU TO BREATHE WITH ME.

TRY TO MATCH MY BREATHING, OKAY?

OKAY.

[EXHALES]

[EXHALES]

HEY-HEY, MAN.

SORRY.

YOU SCARED ME, MAN.

CALEB, WHAT'S GOING ON?

UH, NOTHING.

DID MARC TOUCH YOU?

YEAH.

DID HE HURT YOU?

NO.

DID IT FEEL GOOD?

I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS EMBARRASSING, MAN.

YES OR NO.

DID IT FEEL GOOD?

I DON'T KNOW.

LIE DOWN, CALEB.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG UP?

NO.

ARE YOU LYING DOWN?

YES.

EYES CLOSED?

YES.

IT'S OKAY YOU'RE A VIRGIN.

I'M NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING HAPPEN

THAT YOU DON'T WANT. OKAY?

OKAY.

YOU WANNA STOP, YOU SAY SO, OKAY?

OKAY.

DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG UP?

NO.

OKAY.

BREATHE SLOWLY.

DEEPLY.

JUST LIKE BEFORE.

IS YOUR SHIRT STILL OPEN?

YES.

ASK MARC TO MASSAGE YOUR NECK.

GO ON.

MARC?

UH-HUH?

WILL YOU MASSAGE MY NECK?

PLEASE.

PLEASE?

DON'T OPEN YOUR EYES NOW.

I WANT YOUR ENTIRE WORLD TO BE ONLY MY VOICE.

OKAY.

MY VOICE AND HIS HANDS.

IS HE DOING IT?

YEAH.

DOES IT FEEL GOOD?

YEAH.

HE USED TO DO THAT TO ME.

IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH.

KEEP BREATHING WITH ME.

DO YOU LIKE HEARING MY BREATHING?

YES.

IT'S KINKY, ISN'T IT?

YES.

ARE YOU TURNED ON?

YEAH.

I AM SO TURNED ON.

DO YOU MIND?

NO.

DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY ON THE PHONE?

YES.

ARE YOU HARD?

YES.

[CALEB MOANS]

WHAT'S HE DOING?

KISSING MY NECK.

DOES IT FEEL GOOD?

YES.

IS HIS MOUTH WARM?

OH, YEAH.

TELL HIM TO UNBUTTON YOUR SHIRT.

UNBUTTON MY SHIRT.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.

IS HE DOING IT?

DOES IT FEEL GOOD?

YEAH.

[MOANS]

CALEB.

YEAH?

YOU STILL EXCITED?

YEAH.

WHAT'S HE DOING TO YOU?

[CALEB MOANS]

LICKING MY STOMACH.

DOES IT TURN YOU ON?

YES.

TELL HIM TO UNBUTTON YOUR PANTS.

BUT...

YOU'RE HAVING FUN, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH.

DO YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY WITH ME?

[EXHALES]

YEAH.

YOU'RE RAGING HARD, AREN'T YOU.

YES.

A NICE WET MOUTH

WOULD FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. WOULDN'T IT?

YEAH.

TELL HIM TO UNBUTTON YOUR PANTS.

UNBUTTON MY PANTS.

PLEASE. PLEASE.

OKAY, CALEB I REALLY WANNA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.

DO YOU WANT TO FEEL GOOD?

YES.

SAY IT.

I WANNA FEEL GOOD.

BEG FOR IT.

MAKE ME FEEL GOOD...

PLEASE.

[MOANS]

WHAT'S HE DOING?

HIS MOUTH.

IS HE SUCKING YOU OFF?

YES.

MARC YOU LIKE THAT?

YEAH.

DOES IT FEEL GOOD?

YEAH.

DO YOU WANT HIM TO STOP?

NO.

DO YOU WANNA COME?

OH, YES-- OH MY GOD.

OH, FUCK.

JESUS.

DO YOU WANT ME TO COME?

OH, YEAH.

I'M GONNA COME.

YEAH.

I'M GONNA COME.

[MOANS]

FUCK!

[MOANING]

LET ME GET YOU A TOWEL.

SO HOW WAS YOUR FIRST TIME?

FUCK.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

DID IT WEIRD YOU OUT TO HAVE A GIRL ON THE PHONE.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

YOU'RE KINKY.

I LIKE YOU.

I LIKE YOU, TOO.

YOU'RE DIRTY.

I'M FILTHY.

WHERE'S MARC?

GETTING A TOWEL.

DID HE COME?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME NOW ANYHOW.

I'LL BE THERE SOON.

OH, OKAY.

BUH-BYE.

[HANGS UP]

HERE.

THANKS.

YOU MIND IF I GET OFF?

HUH?

[UNZIPS]

I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

YOU JUST SIT THERE.

[MOANING]

SO GWEN SAID SHE'S ON HER WAY.

I LIKE YOUR TV SET UP.

IT'S REALLY HI-TECH AND STUFF.

THANKS.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

YOU DID GOOD.

YOU WANT THIS?

YOU GOT IT PRETTY WET.

I DON'T NORMALLY...

WHAT?

MAKE THAT MUCH.

I SHOULD GO.

YEAH. SURE.

THANKS.

YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'LL CALL YOU.

YEAH, CALL ME.

¶ I COULD SWEAR IT WAS YOUR VOICE ¶

¶ YOU WHISPERED SOFTLY TO ME

¶ SO PERFECTLY

¶ SO VERY CLEAR

¶ I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT

¶ I KNOW I'M SUCH A FOOL

¶ YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE

¶ BUT I WAS WITH YOU

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ DANCING THROUGH ME

DRIVE SAFE.

YOU, TOO.

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ DO YOU SEE WHAT I DO?

¶ I'M DREAMING UP WISHES

¶ WISHING UP DREAMS

¶ I'M THERE IN THE MOMENT

¶ WITH VISIONS OF YOU

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ YOUR KISS

¶ YOUR LIPS

¶ SO PERFECTLY

¶ SO VERY CLEAR

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

[HORN HONKS]

WISH I HAD YOUR CELL, I WOULD'VE CALLED INSTEAD OF STOPPING.

NO, I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED.

YOU WANT MY CELL?

ABBA-SOLUTELY.

LET ME GET MINE.

LET'S FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE SMALL TALK.

I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT WENT.

WENT?

YOU JUST MADE IT WITH YOUR FIRST GUY.

AREN'T YOU HAPPY?

I'M CONFUSED.

DIDN'T IT FEEL GOOD?

OH, SHIT, I WAS TOO PUSHY.

HONEY, MARC'S A GOOD GUY.

THE BEST.

YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS.

IT'S TOO MUCH--

TOO SOON?

NO, IT'S NOT THAT. IT'S JUST THAT--

WE'RE JUST PEOPLE,

JUST BODIES WITH ORGANIC NEEDS.

WE NEED SATISFACTION.

WE SHOULDN'T DENY OUR BODIES.

ARE YOU TURNED ON?

NO, THAT'S JUST MY--

YOU'RE STILL TURNED ON.

YOU'VE HAD A BONER SINCE YOU LEFT MARC?

NO.

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED.

THAT'S HOW IT IS THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT.

YOU JUST WANNA DO IT AGAIN.

YOU MIND ME DOING THIS?

NO.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD--

YOU KNOW, WE'RE IN PUBLIC.

I THINK IT'S SEXY YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MARC,

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME THAT HE DIDN'T DO HIS JOB.

[UNZIPS]

CALM DOWN.

NO, IT'S JUST THAT--

SUCK THAT.

AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT STRICTLY GAY SHIT.

WHO NEEDS FRIENDS THAT WON'T FUCK FRIENDS?

YEAH, LITTLE GAY BOY.

YEAH.

[CALEB] THAT'S YOUR PERINEUM.

YOU ARE SUCH A FAG.

[KYLE] WHY ARE YOU BACK SO LATE?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE MORNING?

CALEB, FUCKING A, WHAT HAPPENED?

DID YOU DO IT WITH GWEN?

SORT OF.

WELL, DID YOU TALK ABOUT ME?

CALEB?

HELLO?

[PHONE RINGING]

GOOD MORNING.

[CALEB ON ANSWERING MACHINE] WAIT FOR THE BEEP

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.

[MARC] THIS IS FOR CALEB.

YOU'RE PROBABLY SLEEPING.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT.

REALLY.

SO I JUST WANTED TO CALL,

'CAUSE LOTS OF GUYS HAVE A THING ABOUT CALLING,

WHERE YOU DON'T CALL,

AND KIND OF JUST WAIT AND SEE WHO CALLS FIRST.

AND WELL, I DIDN'T WANNA.

GEEZ, I SOUND REALLY STUPID.

ANYWAY, CALL ME. MWAH.

[CHUCKLES] OKAY, BYE.

WHAT THE FUCK?

SHIT.

KYLE, I'M SORRY. IT.

FUCK YOU.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

[PHONE RINGS]

WAIT FOR THE BEEP. TELL ME SOMETHING--

HELLO?

OH SHIT. IT'S MARC.

I'M SORRY. DID I WAKE YOU?

NO, I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

GOD, I FEEL LIKE A STALKER.

I JUST REALIZED I DIDN'T LEAVE MY NUMBER

AND THOUGHT I'D CALL LEAVE IT ON YOUR MACHINE.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ANSWER.

NO, THAT'S FINE.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO TALK TO YOU ANYHOW.

I'M SORRY. WERE YOU BUSY?

NO. JUST... RECOVERING.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YOU MUST BE ONE FUCK OF A FUCK.

THAT WAS HIM.

MARC'S THE ASSHOLE TYPE.

HE NORMALLY FUCKS AND MOVES ON,

BUT I GUESS WITH YOU, I MEAN,

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO...

KEEP YOU AROUND.

HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME?

THAT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU TWO EVEN--

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, DO YOU?

YOU'RE SO STUPID.

I INVITED THEM OVER FOR DINNER.

HERE?

GREAT. JUST WANNA MAKE OUT IN FRONT OF ME.

WANNA SCREW IN MY BED?

I INVITED GWEN, TOO.

WE'RE ALL GONNA SIT DOWN AND TELL THE TRUTH AND JUST--

JUST-- JUST WHAT?

HUH?

THINGS ARE SO SIMPLE IN YOUR SIMPLE LITTLE WORLD.

AREN'T THEY?

WELL, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, CALEB.

THINGS ARE MORE COMPLICATED

THAN JUST SITTING AROUND

TELLING PEOPLE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.

CALEB I'M TRYING TO FIX THINGS HERE. OKAY?

YOU'RE DOING A FABIO JOB SO FAR.

JUST SAY YOU'LL COME TO DINNER.

OKAY?

FINE.

I'LL BE THERE WITH BALLS ON.

KYLE YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON COOKING, ARE YOU?

WELL, I WASN'T GONNA ASK, BUT SINCE YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

FINE. I'LL COOK.

I'M NOT THAT STUPID.

I DO KNOW.

IF I WERE GAY, EVEN A LITTLE,

IT'D BE YOU.

[GWEN] ALL RIGHT, I WON'T GO.

¶ [PLAYING PIANO] TELL HIM I HAVE CONSUMPTION.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS HOT. ¶ [STOPS PLAYING]

IT WAS FUCKED UP.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIM.

HE FLEW OUT OF HERE LIKE A SEMINAL MEATLOAF ALBUM.

GWEN HE SEEMED TO LIKE IT ON THE PHONE.

THAT'S WHAT'S SO FUCKED UP ABOUT IT.

ARE YOU JEALOUS?

NO. ¶ [PLAYING]

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

I AM NOT. [STOPS]

THIS IS SO GREAT.

IT'S FINALLY THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY BOYS HAVE FUCKED ME JUST TO GET TO YOU?

SHUT UP. ¶ [PLAYING]

YOU'RE SCARED I COULD CONVERT HIM.

¶ [STOPS]

MAYBE I JUST WILL.

MARC I NEED TO PRACTICE.

¶ [PLAYING] GWEN I'LL TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE, MARC.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU, BABE.

I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING?

SAUSAGES, BIG FAT SAUSAGES.

DUDE, PEOPLE DON'T EAT SAUSAGES.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SPAGHETTI OR SOME SHIT.

FINE, YOU WANNA COOK?

NO. I MEAN.

I NEVER SEEN YOU MAKE SAUSAGES BEFORE.

KYLE WELL I'M TRYING SOMETHING NEW.

[DOORBELL RINGS] YOU'RE MAKING TOO MUCH.

I INVITED SOME OVER FRIENDS, TOO. GO GET THE DOOR.

CALEB THIS ISN'T A KEGGER, BRO.

THIS IS, LIKE, SERIOUS.

WHO'D YOU INVITE?

KYLE LIKE THEY SAID TO ANNE FRANK,

WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER THE DOOR AND FIND OUT?

OH, JESUS, IT'S YOU GUYS.

I BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU.

COOL. IT'S YELLOW.

AND SOME WINE.

OH. AWESOME. ALL WE GOT IS BEER.

COOL.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU INVITE US IN.

OH GEEZ, I'M SORRY. COME IN.

KYLE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

HONEY, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT.

HA. HA.

FUNNY. I GET IT.

SO, CALEB. MARC THINKS--

HI, GWEN.

MARC.

DID YOU OFFER THEM BEVERAGES?

OH, YEAH, YOU WANT SOME?

I'LL POUR US SOME DRINKS.

WILL YOU SHOW ME WHERE THE GLASSES ARE?

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, I THINK.

I THINK YOU'RE A REALLY NICE GUY.

THAT'S ALL.

THANKS.

I GOTTA GO TO THE HEAD.

WE NEED TO TALK.

DUDE.

I WASN'T BEING HONEST.

I GOTTA TALK ABOUT IT NOW, OR I WONT--

I'M TAKING A LEAK.

PLEASE, I'VE SEEN IT. HOW YOU DOIN'?

MY GOD, WHAT ARE THOSE?

DINNER.

IS THIS SOME KIND OF ETHNIC THING?

MARC, I THINK YOU'RE REALLY COOL.

BUT?

BUT...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

IS THERE SOMETHING WITH YOU AND KYLE?

NO, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT THAT.

[WOMAN] NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, SHIT.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING, OKAY?

WHAT'S WRONG.

HI MOM, DAD, JAMIE.

OH, THIS IS MARC. MARC, MY FAMILY.

I WAS JUST SHOWING MARC THE FLUSHER THINGIE.

IT WAS BROKEN.

THE BOBBING THINGIE. IT HAS TO STAY ON TOP.

IT'S CALLED A BALLCOCK.

WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU, MARC.

ARE YOU GAY?

THAT'S RUDE.

OH, PLEASE. I DON'T MIND.

[CALEB] KYLE, I THINK YOU NEED MY HELP IN THE KITCHEN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'M GONNA CIRCUMCISE YOUR FUCKING NECK.

[CHUCKLES]

RIGHT, LOOK. I KNOW THIS LOOKS FUCKED UP.

YOU'RE GONNA LOOK FUCKED UP.

BUT WE CAN'T DO IT YOUR WAY. WE CAN'T JUST TELL THEM.

THEY WON'T GIVE EITHER OF US THE TIME OF DAY.

I HAVE JUST AS MUCH AT STAKE HERE. OKAY?

KYLE, THOSE ARE MY FUCKING PARENTS.

THIS MY LIFE, YOU KNOW, MY REAL LIFE.

CALM DOWN. JUST CALM DOWN. ALL RIGHT?

UH, GWEN? MARC?

COULD YOU GUYS COME IN HERE FOR A SEC?

WELL, THAT'S US.

[GIGGLES]

OKAY, WHAT'S THE KIM DEAL?

CALEB'S NOT OUT TO HIS PARENTS, YET.

NO SHIT.

OF COURSE THEY DON'T KNOW.

SHOULD WE LEAVE?

NO, THAT WOULD LOOK TOO WEIRD.

IT ALREADY LOOKS PRETTY FUCKING WEIRD.

NO, NO, NO, I GOT IT WORKED OUT.

GWEN, PRETEND TO BE WITH CALEB.

AND MARC CAN BE...

MY DATE.

WHAT?

JUST UNTIL DINNER

AND UNTIL AFTER THEY LEAVE,

AND THEN EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL.

[MRS. PETERSON] EVERYTHING COOL IN THERE, DUDES?

VERY COOL, MRS. PETERSON.

NOW, YOU SIT WITH CALEB,

MARC WITH MOI.

OH, I GET IT.

[MRS. PETERSON] WELL, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING...

LET'S GO MEET MR. AND MRS. ROPER.

PETERSON.

¶ [LIGHT JAZZ]

SO THOSE WERE VERY INTERESTING SAUSAGES, KYLE.

WHAT FLAVOR EXACTLY IS WHITE JELLO? IT'S JUST THE WAY THE--

YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE? IT LOOKS LIKE--

SO WHEN DID YOU MEET THIS LOVELY YOUNG LADY?

UH, AT A PARTY LAST WEEK.

RIGHT AFTER THE TIFFANI ORDEAL?

WHO'S TIFFANI?

[MOUTHS]

YOU NEVER MENTIONED TIFFANI.

TIFFANI WAS A BITCH.

[JAMIE] I LIKED HER.

SHE WAS CUTE.

SO HOW DID YOU MEET EACH OTHER?

WAS IT ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM?

SHE WAS SCREAMING, AND I SAW HER.

SCREAMING?

I WAS SO SURPRISED HE WASN'T GAY.

YOU MUST GET THAT A LOT, HON',

I MEAN, LIVING WITH KYLE AND YOUR HAIRCUT.

[MR. PETERSON] SO, MARC, WHEN DID YOU MEET KYLE?

[MRS. PETERSON] I HOPE WE'RE NOT BEING TOO PERSONAL,

BUT KYLE'S LIKE A SECOND SON TO US.

OR DAUGHTER.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD, YOUNG LADY.

I KNOW. CELEBRATE OUR DIVERSITY.

WE MET AT THE SAME PARTY.

WHAT'S THIS MUSIC? IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S KYLE'S SHIT.

OH, WHAT IS THIS, KYLE?

OH, IT'S MINE.

IT'S MY OLD STUFF,

BUT MY NEW STUFF'S BETTER.

KYLE'S A COMPOSER. DIDN'T HE MENTION IT?

NO, HE HASN'T MENTIONED MUCH.

[MRS. PETERSON] ISN'T HIS WORK JUST BEAUTIFUL?

YEAH, IT'S NICE.

YOU IN THE MUSIC SCHOOL?

YEAH.

I NEVER NOTICED YOU AROUND.

WELL, YOU'RE CLASSICAL. I'M JAZZ.

YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE.

YEAH.

THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING IN YOUR LIVES, BOYS,

BUT ISN'T IT A LITTLE EARLY TO BE MEETING THE PARENTS?

I MEAN, YOU HARDLY SEEM TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I JUST THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE NICE,

YOU KNOW, ALL OF US TOGETHER.

ONE BIG FAMILY.

BETTER THAN SPRINGER.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

FRANK WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, SON.

JUST WANTED TO HAVE DINNER. NO INTERIOR MOTIVE.

ULTERIOR.

I KNEW THAT. [DOORBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS] SHIT. NOW WHO?

I DIDN'T INVITE ANYONE ELSE. HONEST.

I HEAR YOU HAVE PHONE TROUBLE,

MISS THING.

THAT'S MISTER MISS THING TO YOU.

TIFFANI?

YOU LITTLE HOSE HUFFER!

WHY DON'T YOU COME JOIN US?

GOMEZ, MORTICIA, AND LITTLE WEDNESDAY.

I'M SURE THIS WOULD BE AWKWARD FOR GWEN.

I DON'T MIND. I WANT TO SEE THIS.

I'LL TELL.

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS SEEM REALLY NICE.

OH MY GOD, GWEN, DON'T.

CALEB, HONEY, I'M GONNA DO YOU A REALLY BIG FAVOR.

OH, SHIT.

YOU'LL HATE ME NOW, BUT YOU'LL LOVE ME LATER.

GWEN, PLEASE! SHIT.

MR. AND MRS. PETERSON,

YOUR SON IS GAY.

FAG! YOU'RE IT!

I TURNED HIM GAY, BUT I CAN TURN HIM BACK.

NO FAG BACKS!

PLEASE, WITH THAT WORD.

MARC AND CALEB ARE BOYFRIENDS,

AND I'M JUST MARC'S ROOMMATE.

YOU'RE A REALITY SHOW WITHOUT A CAMERA CREW.

WE'RE NOT BOYFRIENDS YET, WE'VE BEEN ON ONE DATE.

I TOLD YOU.

SON, HOW DID WE MANIFEST OUR HOMOPHOBIA?

IT MUST HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE LIVING WITH US.

STRAIGHT THIS, STRAIGHT THAT.

I'M SORRY YOU NEEDED ALL OF THIS TO FACE US.

I'LL CALLING TAMMY AT PFLOG FIRST THING.

WE'LL GO TO MEETINGS.

JAMIE, HON, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO TELL US?

I DON'T THINK I'M A LESBO.

I EXPERIMENTED ONCE. [CHUCKLES]

SON...

GIVE ME A HUG.

CALEB, HUG YOUR FATHER.

YOU'RE STILL MY SON, AND I LOVE YOU.

THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

BARF. YOU SHOULD SEE THEM ON ANNIVERSARIES.

I LOVE YOU, CALEB. I LOVE YOU, MOM.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

COME ON, FAMILY HUG.

LOVE YOU, GAY BRO.

COME ON. I SAID FAMILY HUG.

WE'RE ALL FAMILY HERE.

[SUSAN] WELL, COME ON.

OH, WHAT THE FUCK.

BUT I'M MAD.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, SON.

YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY BOY.

YES, SIR, MISTER PETERSON.

I BET HE WILL.

I BET HE WILL TOO.

NO OFFENSE, KYLE, BUT NEXT TIME WE'RE EATING OUT.

COME ON, HON. LET'S GO. BACK TO STEPFORD!

DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID? NO.

NOT YOU, HON.

KYLE, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BABY.

I DIDN'T THINK--

WELL, IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFESTYLE.

OKAY BABE, THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS

I GET CALLED A BITCH. BECAUSE I TELL IT LIKE IT IS.

KYLE, REALITY.

REALITY, KYLE.

YOU ARE NOT IN MARC'S LEAGUE.

I MEAN YOU'RE NOT A TOTAL K-9, BUT YOU ARE A K-5.

GWEN, COME OFF IT.

MARK'S NOT A "K" AT ALL.

YOUR CHANCES OF EVER SCORING WITH SOMEONE LIKE MARC?

ZERO. NOTHING.

EL NACHO! GWEN, STOP!

LIVE WITH IT. MOVE ON.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

WHAT? HE PULLED A DIRTY FUCKING TRICK.

THAT WAS HARSH.

WELL, WOULD YOU?

WOULD YOU, MARC EVERHEART EVER GO OUT

WITH KYLE WHAT'S-HIS-NUTS.

MAYBE.

SHE'S RIGHT. YOU WOULDN'T EVER.

I WOULD TOO! YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

HE IS NOT A NICE PERSON.

HE WAS TRYING TO SPLIT YOU GUYS UP.

I BLAME HIM AND THOSE WHO HARBOR HIM.

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT STUPID.

YOU DON'T BELONG TO A FRAT.

I'M NOT STUPID.

LOOK... GO TALK TO HIM.

KYLE IS A REALLY NICE PERSON.

HE'S AMAZING.

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU WITH HIM?

I WOULD BE IN A SECOND, BUT...

BUT WHAT? I'M LISTENING.

IT'S COMPLICATED.

UGH, CHRIST. NOW YOU'RE TALKING LIKE A STRAIGHT GUY.

UM...

OH, SHIT.

YOU FUCKING HETEROSEXUAL LIAR!

GWEN, I'M SORRY. IT'S--

YOU PRETENDED TO BE GAY? HAD SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND?

CAME OUT TO YOUR PARENTS, JUST SO YOU COULD FUCK ME?

I GUESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU FUCK ME.

YOU FUCKED HER? YOU FUCKED HIM?

[GASPS] THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING

THAT ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME.

[GIGGLES]

I'M REALLY SORRY, DUDE.

HEY, SOMEDAY I'LL LOOK BACK ON ALL THIS

AND THINK IT WAS REALLY HOT.

ME TOO.

TALK TO HIM.

HEY, YOU HURT HIM,

I WILL SERIOUSLY FUCK WITH YOUR SHIT.

BACK AT YOU, WITH HER.

OH, PLEASE. I'LL FUCK ALL Y'ALL'S SHIT.

GO AWAY.

CALEB-- IT'S ME.

OH.

MAY I?

SURE.

SO I GUESS CALEB TOLD YOU.

YEAH.

I GUESS HE AND GWEN ARE... YEAH.

OKAY, LISTEN, I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE

A "MOLLY RINGWALD, ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL, LET'S BE FRIENDS" SPEECH.

GOOD.

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW ONE.

I KNEW YOUR NAME WAS KYLE.

HUH?

AT THE PARTY.

I CALLED YOU KEVIN, BUT...

I KNEW YOU WERE KYLE.

AND...

I KNEW YOU WERE IN THE MUSIC SCHOOL.

WHY DO YOU DO THAT SHIT?

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS IT'S KIND OF FUCKED UP.

DAMN STRAIGHT.

WHY STOP AT ONE?

¶ YOU'RE JUST PRETEND

I DO KNOW WHY I DO IT. IT SOUNDS STUPID.

WHY?

TO MAKE YOU WANT ME.

THAT IS STUPID. IT'S TRUE.

ISN'T IT PAINFULLY OBVIOUS?

WHAT, BY THE WAY YOU ALWAYS LOOK AWAY

WHENEVER I WALK INTO A ROOM,

AND WHISPER SOMETHING TO YOUR FRIENDS

THE SECOND YOU THINK I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION?

¶ YOU KEEP WEARING A SMILE

OR BY THE WAY YOU ALWAYS COME UP AND TALK TO GWEN AND NOT ME?

COME ON. YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME.

LIKE THEY SAID. YOU KNOW HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS.

THE SYSTEM SUCKS.

¶ LIFE IS SO GOOD

¶ AND YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEONE I WANT ¶

¶ USED TO BE

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU MUSIC.

I WENT TO YOUR RECITAL.

THEY TOLD ME SOMEONE CAME.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU LIKE TO KISS.

I LOVE IT.

¶ THE FUTURE KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR ¶

OKAY, SO I KNOW I MIGHT JUST BE A REBOUND,

OR REALLY SHITTY CONSOLATION PRIZE,

OR YOU'RE JUST REALLY LOOKING FOR AN EGO BOOST,

BUT WHATEVER IT IS, I'LL TAKE IT.

YOU'RE SO WEIRD.

¶ THEN WE'LL SURVIVE

¶ AND HE REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE I WANT ¶

¶ USED TO BE

¶ OF SOMEONE I WANT

DOES THAT TURN YOU ON AS MUCH AS IT DOES ME?

HUH?

I THOUGHT SO.

¶ GIRL BROKEN INSIDE

¶ BUT YOU MELT SLOW

¶ AND YOU REMIND ME ¶ GIRL BROKEN INSIDE

¶ BUT YOU MELT SLOW

¶ IT WAS YOUR KISS

¶ IT WAS YOUR LIPS ON MY SKIN ¶

¶ SO REAL

¶ I COULD SWEAR IT WAS YOUR VOICE ¶

¶ YOU WHISPERED SOFTLY TO ME ¶

¶ SO PERFECTLY

¶ SO VERY CLEAR

¶ I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT ¶

¶ I KNOW I'M SUCH A FOOL

¶ YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE

¶ BUT I WAS WITH YOU

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ DANCING WITH ME

¶ ROUND, ROUND, ROUND

¶ ON THE CITY

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ DO YOU SEE WHAT I DO?

¶ I'M DREAMING OF WISHES

¶ WISHING OF DREAMS

¶ YOU'RE LIVING

¶ WITH VISIONS OF YOU

¶ VISIONS OF YOU

¶ OH

¶ IT WAS YOUR KISS

¶ IT WAS YOUR LIPS

I THINK EVERYBODY'S GONE NOW.