Original subtitles

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And doctor? -It's finished.

I'm the eldest son. -It's unacceptable... I disagree.

A bit of dignity, please.

You've heard the deceased person's wishes, just like I did.

His will will be read in 200 years.

In 200 years, why not 1000?

Come, Marie.

What are you doing, Marie?

He was my uncle, after all.

Your uncle? Ah, yes.

...amen. Right, the debt?

Will you pay me what he owed me?

Yes, Mr Galopin, in 200 years, like everybody else.

In 200 years? But I'll be dead. -No doubt.

So? -Have children.

Children? -Boys, preferably.

Boys? You're right, Mr Lebo�teux. I'll get to it.

SOME LIKE IT COLD

Poor Mr Lebo�teux...

Come on, children, it's over. We're going home.

It'll be fine, it'll be fine Aristocrats to the lamp-post!

It'll be fine, it'll be fine The aristocrats, we'll hang them!

Is it Cambronne? No Sire, it's the son of Galopin.

Damn!

Lebo�teux. -Yes?

It's twins. -Again!

EIFFEL- construction site

That's enough. I forbid you to hit the little Lebo�teux.

But he's a pain. -You'll understand later.

Poor little Lebo�teux.

And? -It's a boy.

Finally, saved.

For a billion We'll do anything

For a billion We'd scream with joy

For a billion We'll believe any lie

Because with a billion Life's very easy

Albert Lebo�teux Notary.

Considering the big cost, involved for me...

I think the distribution should be fairer.

We said fifty-fifty. So it'll be fifty-fifty.

Come on, Lebo�teux. It's my idea.

But, dear Meyer, this inheritance is my case, isn't it?

What about Galopin? He'll come after me right away.

And what will you do with the family?

No, believe me. Fifty-fifty. We'll both get our share.

But let's talk about your charity.

It's all according to the rules.

No names, right? -No.

Benefactors always stay anonymous. Trust me.

Are you sure the inheritance goes to a charity if there are no heirs?

I'm sure, trust me.

Is it legal? -Absolutely.

By the way, what are they like?

At first glance, a mixed bunch.

Mr Hannibal Alexandre Napol�on Valmorin.

Yes, sir. -Agricultural worker.

Yes, in Kunia.

Excuse me? -Kunia's my country, sir.

Miss Anne Ingrid Valmorin from Copenhagen, called Ava Spider.

Cover girl.

Actress.

Mr Luigi Valmorin.

Di Valmorino.

Excuse me, Di Valmorino.

Grazie.

Unemployed. -At the moment.

Mr William Forster Valmorin. -Hi.

Doorman in New York.

Yes, doorman at the Waldorf.

Mrs Mathilde Rouet, n�e Valmorin. Farmer.

Agriculturist. -As you wish.

Mr Pierre Valmorin, Montreux, composer.

Present.

Mr S.B. Smith Valmorin. -Yes, economist at the Glasgow University.

Excuse me, Miss, but your name's not on the list.

She's my fianc�e.

I understand, but this lady's not related...

and I have to ask her to leave the room.

Unless these ladies and gentlemen...

Right, Miss, please leave.

No Meyer, fifty-fifty as agreed. And that's it.

The family's healthy and I want to keep it that way.

You take care of Galopin and everything will be alright.

Is he here? -Yes.

Your turn, Meyer.

Am I late? -Unfortunately.

Let's not waste any time and settle our debts.

Excuse me, dear Galopin, you'll discuss this with colleague Meyer.

What's the meaning of this? -Don't worry, you'll be paid.

Completely? -Completely.

With interest? -With interest.

It's a large amount. -We know.

I have something urgent to do.

Let's waste no more time and settle our debts.

Sit down, please.

I hope you've all introduced yourselves.

I thought it was a good idea if you all stayed in the same hotel.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay in Geneva.

Allow me to ask you one question.

How do you feel?

Is everybody healthy? Is no one sick?

Great, that's good news.

Let's talk about serious matters now.

The will.

4 July 1759. I, Antoine Blaise Octave, Count of La Tour...

Marquis of la Tour, Marquis of Valmorin...

ask my heirs to respect my wishes and to pay the debts...

that my descendants and I have incurred over the years with the Galopin family.

Don't worry, these costs are minimal.

My colleague, Mr Meyer's working on that as we speak.

In your interest.

Wait, wait.

But are you sure?

What do you mean, am I sure?

What about this, May 8 1752? You can't deny it.

Take it easy. We have plenty of time.

But I don't.

You can't get paid until we've found the heir.

But who will find the heir?

Mr Lebo�teux.

Lebo�teux. I'll have to keep an eye on him too.

Since my heirs have never tried to help cure the disease that is killing me...

my entire fortune will be paid in 200 years to a descendant...

who has been declared incurably ill by capable doctors.

Drawn up in Valmorin Castle, in the year of the Lord 1759.

Is this why we're here? -It must be a joke.

Now we have to be sick to inherit. -Did I miss a contract for this?

I left my business. -I left my animals.

This is the will. I can't help it.

It's the will of a crazy man. -A crazy man who bequeaths to you...

goods, title deeds and other matters for a total of one billion.

One billion? -Just about.

What's wrong with him? Did he faint?

He's dead. Heart attack.

The poor guy didn't enjoy his fortune for long.

Which fortune? -It's clear that he inherited it.

The poor cousin's heart's not working anymore...

but we may also have things that don't work anymore.

A bit of respect, please.

Based on the medical check-up, you'll be able to judge your rights.

If you have any.

Now I'd like to make arrangements for the funeral of your deceased cousin.

Relax, everything will be done in your interest.

They didn't spend much. -He was Scottish.

He had to pay for his own funeral. -Look at the wreath.

TO OUR VERY DEAR COUSIN

That looks serious. -With a bit of luck...

No, he's strong.

Another 48 hours and he'll be dead. -What if he lasts?

Take a deep breath.

Again.

Is it serious, doctor?

A benign form of bronchitis and pulmonary emphysema.

But a serious case.

Serious?

Yes, this type of bronchitis can become chronic.

Chronic?

Hannibal die. Hannibal never see Kunia again.

Yes, you will. Who's Kunia?

That's his country.

Yes, you'll see your country again.

Kunia.

Excuse me. I can assure you he won't die.

But is it serious? -Can it be cured?

With proper care everything's possible.

You can count on us. -We'll save him.

The thermometer. -It's time.

May I, may I?

Ladies, per favore, thermometer.

Grazie.

Ladies, per favore.

Grazie.

It's terrible!

44.

37,6, normal. I'm stupid.

Hannibal smoke, Hannibal burn.

It's hurting him. -The stronger, the better.

But it shouldn't make holes.

Did you use too much mustard? -Ask Forster.

The same as for a steak. -A whole jar?

In America, mustard is mustard.

Pierre, remove that right away.

Hannibal, never see Kunia anymore.

The thermometer, what do I do with the thermometer?

The thermometer. -Put it somewhere.

Somewhere.

Out of my way. Pierre, help me.

The real remedy is to relax.

Out of my way. Hannibal OK.

This is unbelievable. You're crazy.

Why not? In America, mustard is mustard and relax is relax.

Relax... -Yeah.

That's beautiful.

Excuse me.

Continue.

Excuse me.

My handkerchiefs are missing. -Handkerchiefs!

Poor Hannibal.

I, Hannibal Alexandre Napol�on Valmorin, claim no rights to the Valmorin fortune.

Drawn up in Geneva, July 7 1959. Perfect.

Sign here.

There. -Perfect.

Content? -Hannibal happy to be healthy again.

You're right, it's invaluable. -Hannibal happy see Kunia again.

Thanks to my friendly cousins.

You fixed him up. And fast.

We just did our duty.

Did you also make the papers presto?

Yes, you were very quick.

Thank you!

It was nothing. He wanted to go home.

We couldn't force him to stay here.

Let's go. -Yes.

Cousin.

Thanks.

Come, you don't want to miss your plane.

Prego.

Goodbye, cousins. -Bye.

I thought he was play-acting. -What do you mean?

I thought he was pretending to be ill so he could get the inheritance.

Pretending to be ill?

Excuse me.

Come, you.

Call a doctor immediately.

Hello, Miss, room 103.

Could you call a doctor?

A doctor? Mr Forster Valmorin.

One moment.

Immediately.

One moment, I'll call you back.

A doctor for Mrs Mathilde Valmorin. I'll arrange it.

You never see any evil. You're too naive.

People can make up an illness. There's always something.

The head, the nerves, the liver.

Sol, si... sol, si...

There's a billion at stake and you go "sol, si, sol, si".

A billion.

Mum was right. I should never have left my pasha for this.

Listen, I hate never knowing what we'll eat tonight...

while you go sol, si, sol, si. I can't stand it any longer.

I'll start working on this billion, right away.

Hello, Miss.

Lungs are fine, heart's excellent. Blood pressure's normal.

Is there no hope then, doctor?

Hope? -I mean a small chance.

Because you're his wife, I guess. -His fianc�e.

I thought you were married. That's 30 francs.

Doctor. -Thank you.

For that money he could have found something.

You haven't heard the last about this.

What do you feel?

I don't feel anything.

Where does it hurt?

I don't know where it hurts.

Why did you let me come then?

So you could tell me where it hurts.

But you have no pain. -How do you know that?

That's what you just said.

I don't know if I have no pain.

You need a specialist.

A psychiatrist.

A psychiatrist?

Yes, a doctor for the head.

For the head... ah yes... insanity.

Yes, insanity. Good night.

Insanity, ok!

This way, dottore.

It's the dottore, the good dottore.

The patient's over there. She's pretty ill.

Pretty ill.

And so is he.

But... -Please don't insist, Madam.

You have fat around your heart. Just don't do any heavy exercise.

No heavy exercise? Alright.

And the spots in my eyes?

That's your blood pressure.

And when I don't get enough air? -Open the window.

And my hiccups? -Have some water with aspirin.

That's 30 francs.

May I?

This way, dottore.

It must be an epidemic.

Nice room, isn't it?

I have a migraine, doctor.

It's meningitis. -Meningitis, yes. Aspirin.

Aspirin?

How are you? -Aspirin.

Aspirin.

Aspirin.

I found it. Listen.

Asthma, chronic disorder of the airways, characterised by shortness of breath.

Can have various causes.

Cut grass, feathers, oranges, cats, etc.

It tends to become chronic.

For a billion we'll do anything.

You're in excellent shape. -What?

You're hurting me. -It's the cellulitis.

What cellulitis? -Yours, not mine.

I have cellulitis? -You'd have to be blind not to see it.

It's not skin, it's a sieve. -Get rid of it right away.

We're not at the cleaner's, missus.

You can't just remove cellulitis. Especially your persistent type.

Persistent? So it's incurable.

Pretty much.

Incurable.

Incurable, take your hands off me. This is wonderful.

Incurable, I'm incurable. It's wonderful.

She's incurable alright.

DEAFNESS IS IT INCURABLE

Henry, Henry!

Hallo, sheriff, have you seen my horse?

It's a quarter past three.

I didn't ask what time it was. I'm looking for my horse.

Flatterer. -A horse with blue eyes.

Speak louder. -Why? Are you deaf?

That's unreasonable. Never between meals.

Hello. -Cousin, I see happiness in your eyes.

Why are you so cheerful?

Because of this.

So you're looking for your horse?

Yes, did you find it?

Yes, I saw it in the street.

It was mailing some letters.

Mr Pierre Valmorin.

Room 108, first floor. -Excuse me.

They've been there for half an hour.

Well doctor, is it serious? -Chronic asthma.

Chronic!

What? Yes, Commissioner.

Forster Valmorin, yes he's a client of mine.

No.

Yes, I'm going right away.

Yes, I'll inform the family.

We found him half naked with this feather, and not on his head.

He... -Yes.

In Geneva.

Yes, you must understand.

We can't let him walk around freely.

Of course not.

He's ill. You see what I mean.

I do, I do. Insanity.

I think I can make arrangements.

Can you keep him for 48 hours? -48 hours?

Forster needs to undergo a medical because of a will I'm working on.

Unfortunately, that has to happen within 48 hours, do you understand?

Yes, I do. -That's it.

Alright, Mr Lebo�teux, I'm counting on you.

You can.

With a feather?

EYE DISORDERS

Next.

Occupied.

Did I hear someone knock?

100% deaf.

You can go.

You can go, it's finished.

Next.

Actor.

Va bene.

An X-ray that's worth gold

Are you sure it's a serious illness? -He's dead.

He's dead? Grazie, mille grazie.

And my fur coat?

Your fur coat? You'll have 1, 2, 3, 4 fur coats.

You'll see how happy we'll be when we'll have a billion.

Are you happy, darling? -Yes.

What are you doing here?

I'm clumsy.

Never mind, hurry. There's an emergency.

An emergency? Grazie.

What a job. We're never finished.

We're about to operate.

Are you replacing the intern?

Do we know each other?

Have we worked together before?

Have you operated before?

I'm sure we've met before.

It'll come to me. Let's go.

Have you prepared a room? -Not yet, doctor.

Go get the sheets.

Scalpel.

Retractor.

Ligature needle.

Scissors.

Young people... no spine.

I feel sick.

I feel sick.

Hello? Miss?

Is the doctor coming soon?

He'll be there in a minute, sir.

He had an emergency in the clinic.

Grazie, Miss. The doctor has an emergency in the clinic.

An emergency in the clinic! It's the same doctor...

No doctor, Miss, no doctor!

Come in.

What's the problem? -My back, doctor.

My back really hurts.

Turn around.

Que? -Turn around.

But we know each other.

Maybe you know my cousin?

Forster Hannibal from Kunia.

Maybe we look like each other. -Yes, maybe.

I'm in so much pain. -It'll pass.

It's gone. You're such a good doctor.

I'll be back tomorrow.

That's not necessary, doctor.

What a bastard, that doctor.

Who'll get the millions? Read the Tribune.

Heir will be announced tonight.

Read who'll get the billion!

Medical check-ups have shown that we have three incurably ill.

Three? That's impossible. -Why not?

Three seems a lot.

And who are the other two? -The other two?

Yes, the ones I'll have to share the inheritance with.

But you won't share anything, Miss.

What? -You're in very good health.

You have no reason to claim the inheritance.

What about my cellulitis? -Just lose weight.

I won't accept that.

I'll get what I'm entitled to. I'll sue you.

You'll hear from me.

What about the three heirs?

The three heirs are really two heirs.

Since he's not legally accountable...

Mr Forster Valmorin, present here...

can't claim the inheritance.

But... I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy, sir.

I'm not crazy, I'm American!

Where's the consulate?

Where's the consulate? I'm not crazy.

He's completely crazy.

Let's get back to our two heirs.

The first one is Mr Luigi Valmorin.

Me? I don't understand. You must be making a mistake.

The reports are official.

Reticuloendoteliosis with enlarged bilateral mediastinum...

and diffuse sclerosis in the parenchyma.

Excuse me?

And the other one?

The other one's Mr Pierre Valmorin.

Me? That's impossible. I feel better than ever.

Pierre Valmorin.

Contraction of the aorta, reduction of the aortic isthmus leading to...

circulatory problems and a malfunctioning enlarged heart.

Let me both express my congratulations and my sympathy.

Grazie

Great, so the men inherit now? So much for chivalry.

At least I'm healthy. And I have cows. That's more secure.

You will hear from me. Ciao!

Where do I sign?

One second, I haven't finished.

We have two people who are incurably ill. Excuse me.

The will only speaks of one heir...

...so we can't proceed with the succession straight away.

We need the help of an expert, a legal professional.

I've hired a very competent person of great integrity.

Mr Meyer.

Come in.

Doctor Schuster would like to speak to you.

Let him wait.

It can't wait. It's about the Valmorin case.

Is it? Let him in.

If you allow me, I'd like to do a little experiment.

It will only take a few seconds. Allow me.

Miss? -It's him.

Can you explain? -I'll tell you.

I put an X-ray of an incurably ill person in my file.

Smart, isn't it? -And dishonest. Inspector.

Arriverderci, permesso, arriverderci. Arriverderci Pietro, such is life.

Such is life. A shame.

Grazie mille.

Here he is.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.

My name's Galopin. For 200 years, my family has been interested in yours...

which owes us a lot. -Grazie.

No luck, arrivederci!

Luigi, Luigi!

Fate.

Miss, where are you going?

Are you free?

You're no longer free.

One moment, Galopin. At your service. One moment.

For 200 years my family has been assisting yours...

which owes us a lot.

It is my duty to help you with the difficulties you're facing today.

Please follow me.

Please... thank you.

He's a real billionaire.

Where are we going? -To your hotel.

To do what? -Your suitcases.

To go where? -To your place.

Our place? -Don't try to understand.

With Galopin, no more problems. With Galopin, everything's fine.

Go!

Look, look.

Look, do you like it?

Of course it needs a lot of work, but it will all happen.

And what's it going to cost? -65 million.

That's a good deal. You're a poet, an artist.

Money's not important to you.

Let's be very clear.

With Galopin, everything will be fine.

With Galopin... with Galopin... Put those suitcases away.

What was I saying? -"Met Galopin."

With Galopin...

Do like everybody else. I've been here for two hours.

Careful, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

Careful, can I get past?

Excuse me.

Keep an eye on him. Don't let him out of your sight.

He's fragile and his heart's worth gold.

Do you understand? It's worth gold.

There he is!

Please, he's ill.

What do you want? -Money.

Galopin is your man for money.

Later.

Let me introduce Freda, your nurse. -Nice to meet you.

Simpson, your butler.

They'll be looking after you.

What are they doing?

An elevator. -But there's only one more floor.

Your heart, an elevator. Your heart, an elevator.

Can I go upstairs to rest?

Go ahead, but slowly.

Don't worry, I'll look after everything. Careful!

Yes, but how much does your couscous cost?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? -I'm making a hole.

What? -A hole!

Later, later.

We'll talk later!

We're going there.

Why are they digging a hole in the garden?

A swimming pool. -To do what?

For... the heart.

Pulse normal. You can take him away.

Pigheaded, aren't you? -56, 57.

And funny too. -Cos�, cos�.

Now we're going to have fun.

Mr Pierre Valmorin!

Mr William Donovan of the "Standard International Corporation" in Detroit.

Mr Pezzani from Milan Steelworks. -Buongiorno.

Dr. Otto Wagner, from Ruhr Metallurgy. -Gr�ss Gott.

Gentlemen...

These gentlemen have been so nice as to visit you.

Gentlemen, I hope we can do business together.

Can we get to the point right away?

Gentlemen, that's enough. We have no more time.

What are the intentions of Mr Valmorin?

Me? -Yes, exactly what do you want?

Well, can I speak frankly?

Of course. -Gentlemen, I'd like a trumpet.

A trumpet, what for?

To play.

This must be a misunderstanding. He must mean a factory.

An enormous trumpet factory or a double bass factory.

But... but what's that about a trumpet?

I want to play a trumpet.

Have you seen what happened to Forster?

Where are you going?

Whale hunting, Captain.

Let's go!

Let's go! Set the sails!

Lower the flag!

Happy? -Very.

You need to sign two invoices.

This one and that one.

Good, that's good.

Mama!

Hello, I'm so happy.

The bill from my tailor. Will you look after it?

Hello, Pierre.

We read the good news in the paper.

We packed our suitcases and here we are.

Children, it's strange to kiss a billionaire.

Not a bad place.

Are you doing well? -Yes.

I'm doing fine, you know. -Tony will be bigger than Luis Mariano.

Where's Jo-Jo?

Why didn't you bring Jo-Jo? -But we did.

Jo-Jo!

Where's the little bastard?

I'll teach you... -Leave my Jo-Jo alone.

He took the hand brake off my car. -So what?

We'll pay for it. My brother-in-law's a billionaire.

That's no excuse. -Yes, it is.

How's that?

Send me an invoice. 10%, 25%. We'll fix them. I mean, we'll fix it.

Fraud! -Jo-Jo, be quiet.

Leave him be. You're giving him complexes.

Don't worry, Pierre.

We don't need much room. You won't notice we're here. Come, children.

Come, dance. -Please!

Ah, that's pretty.

Very pretty. How much is it worth?

130 francs. -For the dress?

No, by the metre. -Just wear something over it.

Denise, we have to change these.

They're ugly and cold.

We have to change them, like in the 16th.

I love the 16th.

The 16th? -Yes, the 16th arrondissement.

They have beautiful houses there. Don't they, Galopin?

What are you doing there?

Little Galopin's hiding.

Stripes make you thinner. That looks very young!

Pierre!

There he is!

It's wonderful, Pierre. We're doing everything in 16th style.

Everything!

What's that, mummy? -It's a vase.

We'll put it in the hallway. It will be beautiful.

It'll freshen up the room.

I'm so happy. That way.

Don't break it.

Ah, good timing. Let me introduce Mr Plushnok.

An excellent publicity agent.

He made professional posters for me. Tony Valmin, Singer of Tomorrow.

It sounds good.

I got a recording contract. Fantastic.

A big deal. -A big deal? I'll be back.

Mr Delion, the President.

We got a really good deal.

10 million. -10 million?

Bricks, always bricks. I'm fed up with these bricks.

Get up.

I get dizzy. -You will when your ten metres high up.

Ah, give me that.

Two per hour.

What did you say?

Pierre! -To the house, terrible child.

Pierre disappeared and he didn't leave a will.

We have to find him. -Of course.

Go to the house, you.

It's not him.

Have you seen a man with a trumpet?

Have you seen a tall man with a trumpet?

Arielle, excuse her, Father.

Come closer, ladies and gentlemen.

Look, a brave man.

A 3 minute round against Joe Anthonis.

That's not why I'm here.

Here is Joe Anthonis. -No, no.

200 Swiss francs at stake.

No, I'm not... -Beat Anthonis in six minutes.

I'm looking for my brother-in-law. A tall guy with a trumpet.

Are you ready?

No. Help!

This is a mistake. I'm looking for my brother-in-law.

My brother-in-law's a tall guy.

You're not.

Come, quickly.

Galopin!

Did you see him? -No, did you find him?

We checked the entire village. He's nowhere to be found.

Tony! -I saw him.

Who, Pierre? -No, the Abominable Snowman.

Idiot.

Look there.

Igor! What's he doing there?

Igor, come!

Listen!

What's that?

Over there!

It's Pierre!

Hurry up.

Leave him.

Go, leave him.

Come, hurry.

I'm drowning, I'm drowning.

Later. Don't worry. With Galopin you're safe.

Hurry! With Galopin... Swim!

My dog. -Swim!

I'm coming.

What about my trumpet?

It's been confiscated.

Write down, Madam. Two trumpets daily, 5 minutes before each meal.

That's how it is.

Look at that. Have you seen yourselves?

No, they haven't.

Low blood pressure. Pulse? -Very irregular, doctor.

Complete check-up of the heart at 3 pm.

You can see the blood flows slowly and irregularly.

It's congenital, nothing we can do. -Indeed.

Write down, Miss.

Coarctation of the aorta.

Reduction of the aortic isthmus...

leading to poor circulation...

causing heart failure and enlargement of the heart.

Untreatable.

Cosa? I'm going to inherit.

Coarctation of the aorta.

That's clear, isn't it?

Informative. Reduction of the aortic isthmus, leading to circulation problems.

Well?

Will you excuse me for a moment?

Pierre Valmorin.

Coarctation of the aorta. Reduction of the aortic isthmus...

leading to heart failure and inflammation of the heart.

Luigi, cretino!

Che peccato! I'm not crazy!

I was in the hospital and I tore it up like this.

And the police... -That's enough!

Enough said. It's clear, isn't it? -Transparent.

Miss, pass me Mr Pierre Valmorin, please.

Hello, Mr Pierre Valmorin?

It's for you.

Pierre Valmorin speaking.

Ah, it's you.

I have good news. You're not ill.

No, it was a mistake.

Hello?

Luigi's ill. Luigi!

No, it's not true, Luigi?

But that's fantastic!

I'm not ill.

After thorough examination, he has been diagnosed with an incurable illness.

Drawn up in Valmorin Castle, in the year of the Lord 1759.

My heir shall have a clean record, both military and civilian.

But it didn't say that. -Yes, it did.

In the postscriptum. -Postscriptum, postscriptum!

I'm sorry. -Me too.

No luck.

Postscriptum.

What do you think of this? -I couldn't have hoped for this.

I have given instructions to proceed with the formalities.

Charity's becoming a reality.

In 48 hours, everything will have been taken care of.

And now we're going to settle our debts.

One moment, we still have to clear up a few things.

Which things?

For instance, the French Revolution.

The French Revolution? Here it all is.

"Here it all is"... that's easy to say.

In these kinds of matters, there's always the unexpected.

I'm J�r�me Valmorin of the Society of the Museum of Botanica and Plants.

Let me explain.

On 16 June 1932, the Society sent me on a mission to Africa.

The objective was to bring the famous yupi grains to France.

That's a small clematis.

It's used to make soft glycerine for dry eyelids.

Conjunctivitis.

So I went on this adventure for the good of science.

From Timbuktu to Tanganyika, through the savannah.

Will I find a dicotyledon or a monocotyledon? Mystery.

My destination was the Oubangui.

So I left.

I travelled in a caravan, with 10 porters, not natives.

I didn't know these guys yet. 10 porters from the Gare du Nord.

Numbered in chronological order. I like logic.

The adventure started in Dakar.

I like to start at the beginning.

So I was with my ten men and I was proudly riding my...

a saddle and four legs...

Well anyway, I was riding it.

We arrived in Bouchebaie.

Some straw huts in the suburbs of Timbuktu.

In the zone. -In the torrid zone, he says.

Then someone yelled. I turned around. There was a porter missing. Number 10.

My best porter.

Eaten in the desert by a...

The males have manes. -A lion.

Named after the third biggest city in France.

Anyway, number 10 had been eaten.

We were near Dahomey and we were crossing the 8th degree of latitude.

The savannah changed to lush vegetation.

And there... false hope.

I thought I saw my yupi...

the little head of the yupi clematis.

I picked it. Wrong, lichen.

A common fabacea specimen. I heared "Damn!"

What was that? -I didn't say anything.

When I came back, 2 porters were missing, number 8 and 9. The two best.

Eaten in the river by... a long...

A hippopotamus.

No, not a... it was... It went like this...

It wasn't a hippopotamus then. -No, it wasn't.

It was a... They make handbags of them and they cry.

An ichthyosaurus, a motosaurus... Anyway, 8 and 9 had been eaten.

We continued.

The caravan was sad, of course.

Near Yabonbanania, at the Sudanese border, I heard...

And 3 porters were missing. 5, 6 and 7, my three best.

6 and 7 had been trampled by a...

striped... runs fast. Anyway. Number 5 choked.

By a python. -No, on a piece of old bread.

My last 4 porters said to me: "At his speed...".

But I was only thinking of my yupi, my little clematis.

We left Sudan, I heard a sound and I looked behind me.

Another porter was missing? -No. Who did I see? Hannibal.

Hannibal?

Hannibal. He said "Valmorin, cousin..."

"If you want your inheritance, you should pack your bags."

And here I am. Where do I sign?

Wait, first, we need to know if you're incurably ill.

I'm incurable. I'll prove it.

Porter, papers.

First, medical certificates.

Second, clarifying notes.

Irritation of the sciatic nerve, plus overlapping thoracic nerves...

causing spinal disturbances from the base of the sacral plexus...

which rise towards the brain...

causing zygomatic imbalance, both on the right and the left.

Which is why I'm pulling these faces.

Where do I sign?

This is all very complicated.

Careful, don't start with me.

Porter, my rifle.

Crack, loaded, dangerous. J�r�me's not a little boy.

Hannibal will be happy. -Hannibal?

We're sharing. Fifty-fifty.

Fifty-fifty?

Did you hear that, Meyer? Fifty-fifty!

Fifty-fifty!

Hallo there, in that boat. Who are you?

I'm a prisoner of the English.

We're coming on board!

We'll share the loot!

Fifty-fifty! Fifty-fifty!

Jo-Jo, little mongrel!

You're the supplier? -Yes, sir.

257,342,740 francs, no less.

Here you are. Anything else?

You're Yul Brynner, the taxman.

Personal taxes will be automatically withheld.

Personal taxes withheld.

It's not cheap.

Tax on solidarity, liberty, equality and fraternity.

A total of 499,999,999 francs.

Enough to buy yourself a new country.

It's funny... not really.

Who do I see?

You get... the rest. Right?

Wait. -242,657,259 francs.

You calculated that exactly.

That's a relief.

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