Original subtitles

You're looking at the famous undersea gardens of Catalina Island,

a paradise of exotic fish and giant kelp.

Largest of these is the great bladder kelp.

That's what I said, madam, bladder kelp.

Note the gentle, swaying motion of the kelp plants, like a lovely ballet.

And if a mermaid should happen to join our ballet,

remember, anything can happen in the mysterious depths of the ocean.

Any time, Jenny.

Okay, Pop.

Hey!

What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?

- You talking to me? - Yes, I'm talking to you.

- That's my suit on your line. - Oh, I'm sorry.

- That's a pretty funny-looking suit. - It's my mermaid tail.

And would you please throw it back?

Well, that's kinda difficult. It's all tangled. Why don't you come aboard, and I'll untangle it for you.

Well, that's a little difficult too, since I'm bottomless.

Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.

Here. Get into this.

And another thing, don't you believe in signs?

- Now what are you talking about? - That sign over there that says:

"No fishing."

- I wasn't exactly fishing. - Well, then what were you doing?

Maybe I was hunting for mermaids.

I'm gonna have you arrested.

They're gonna have you arrested, going around without your bottom.

Is it correct to say, Mr. Templeton, your company's new device

will overcome weightlessness in space? - Yes, that's right.

- And it actually simulates gravity? - Electronically speaking, yeah.

- Mr. Templeton, could you explain? - Gentlemen. Gentlemen. One at a time.

What do you call this thing we saw?

Well, technically, this thing is referred to as:

Gravity Inertial Stabilized Manned Observatory.

The initials are G-l-S-M-O, and that spells Gismo, and that's what we call it.

- Bruce.

Yeah, Paul.

- I got a little problem. Can I come up?

Why don't you stay there, I'll come down to you.

- Do the Russians have Gismo? - No, I'm sure they'd like it, though.

- Can you give us the equation? - No, I'm sure they'd like that even better.

If you'll excuse me, I have to leave. And my partner, Mr. Molloy, will carry on and answer any further questions.

- You can handle that, can't you, Einstein? - I'll fake it, Old Buddy. - Yeah, fine.

All right, fellas and little lady.

Fire away. But remember, Templeton's the brains. I just move the merchandise.

How did he arrive at this equation?

Well...

Now, this building is called the M-1 Building.

All this specially designed for testing spacecraft and subsystems.

The laboratory is fully equipped with a thermal vacuum chamber,

a super clean room and a space... - Oh, Mrs. Nelson, may I see you for a moment, please?

Oh, yes, Mr. Goodwin. Would you excuse me, please?

- Yes, Sir? - As soon as you're finished with the tour

come up to my office.

Yes, Sir.

I'd like to mobilize everybody in Public Relations. The press are clamoring for Gismo data

and I thought you might be equipped to write some of it.

Yes, Sir.

Did you say that I should write it, Sir?

Oh, I'd like that very much, Mr. Goodwin. I really would.

But you must understand that I'm just a beginner, I've had no experience whatsoever.

- Oh, I have every confidence in your work, Mrs. Nelson. - Oh, thank you, Mr. Goodwin.

Besides, I've taken a special interest in you.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Sir. The tour, I'd bet...

Hi, Jen. How do you like your first week in a think factory?

Oh, Boy! It's like being back at college. I even had an offer to stay after school.

So I noticed, but remember, the campus widow can't just brush off the dean of women.

Campus wido...?

Say, how does everybody know so much about me?

That badge you're wearing, it represents a tight security check.

Sex, female. Marital status, widow. Widow, that's like catnip.

Well, not for that cat.

Oh!

Donna, may I borrow a dime, please?

I have to call my dog, thanks.

- Did you say you were calling your dog? - Yeah.

You know, with me away at work, the poor thing doesn't get any exercise.

So whenever the phone rings, he runs around the house barking like crazy.

Four.

Five.

Okay, Vladimir, that's all I have time for, Baby. See you later.

Vladimir?

There you are.

Thanks.

Thank you very much for waiting.

This is called the Clean Room.

It's completely sterilized so that no dust or dirt will contaminate the critical parts.

Workers entering the Clean Room must first stand on this grate

which shakes off dust from shoes and clothing. Like this:

Oh, dear. I guess we'd better go now. We'll go that way.

- Excuse me. - I'll be out of your way in just a minute.

- Hey, you're the mermaid. - Yes, I'm the mermaid.

Didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

Well, we never did introduce ourselves, did we?

Well, let's leave it that way, shall we?

- What are you mad about, Mermaid? - In case you haven't noticed,

my heel is stuck?

Don't you believe in signs? You could have your license revoked.

- Okay, so now we're even. - Okay, so let me help you with your shoe.

Will you please...?

Where's your sense of humor?

Hey, what about your shoe?

- Hey, Cripps. - Yes, Sir.

Where's Mr. Templeton?

- I believe he's in the Clean Room, Sir. - Thank you.

Hey! Hey!

- What are you trying out for? - Some creep is chasing me.

Oh, honey.

Do you see him? A wild-eyed maniac with one shoe?

- Listen... Oh, hello, Donna. - Hello, Mr. Templeton.

Can I do something for you, Mr. Templeton? Mr. Bruce Templeton.

- The owner of this. Have you seen her? - Funny you should mention that.

I did see somebody, but...

A very attractive blond. Somewhat kooky, with one shoe off and one shoe on.

- Hello there. - Oh, hello, Sir.

- Did you lose something? - Oh, oh, no.

Oh, Mr. Templeton, I am so sorry about all this.

But I didn't know who you were.

And l... Well, I'm just so embarrassed I just don't...

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine, thank you. But... Yes, I'm fine, but...

- Oh, but please forgive me. - Oh, there's nothing to forgive.

It just seems I now owe you one shoe and one mermaid's tail.

- Oh, not... Don't worry about... - Yeah, well, anyway, there's the shoe,

and I'll send you the mermaid's tail.

Thank you very much, Sir.

Tell Mr. Molloy I wanna see him, honey, will you?

Oh, Zack.

- What happened to you? - I have just dictated a memo

to the janitorial department: "The dust under the Clean Room grate

is to be cleared away daily."

That's all, Miss Perkins.

You...? You didn't...?

You didn't fall through the...?

Where is the humor?

It just so happens that dust is the worst thing in the world for my ulcers.

My doctor told me this morning...

- Zack, Zack, Zack, Zack. - Where are you?

You're kidding. You found a girl, and you're interested

like she was a piece of space hardware? - Like a piece of space hardware.

Gonna take time off. Sit on the boat, with my little piece of space hardware.

- Oh, I almost forget, y'know what this is? - What?

It's the Air Force confirmation to go, go, go. Put Gismo into orbit.

- What? - Of course we could cancel it?

It's only a 75 million dollar contract. Tell you what I'll do,

I'll call the General, tell him you found a girl, you're not interested.

- Wait wait wait! In orbit by July? - Three months.

- Impossible. - You can do it.

- We can? - Yeah.

Maybe we can. Let's think carefully.

Right! You go to Washington. Tell that General it's a cinch.

- I already got the plane tickets. - Honey? Get me Goodwin.

- And Villanti. We'll work 24 hours a day. - That's my boy, all work and no play.

- Push that gal back in your calendar. - Right.

- Better still, give me the number, I'll call her. - No, no, no. She's something special, I'll call her myself.

Oh, I know you with girls, forget it. I�ll...

Wait, wait, wait wait. You've done this before. Out.

- But I was only trying. - Go! Washington. Go!

- She might like me. - The jet. Go!

Honey.

- Oh, hi, Mabel. Hi, Norman. - Hi.

What have you got there?

Well, this package came for you while you were out.

- For me? - Yeah.

- You're kidding! - And the boys said it was from...

- Who'd he say it was from? - Mr. Templeton.

- Yeah. - Mr. Temple...Oh, that must be my mermaid tail.

- Mermaid's tail, you been fishing? - What?

No, it's a mermaid...

- Oh, it's a long story. I'll tell you sometime. - Jennifer, we have a lovely man coming over tonight.

- A business associate of Norman's. - Mr. Mutnik.

- Yeah. - Oh. - He's older, but very well-to-do,

if you know what I mean. - Oh, yes.

- Would you join us. Could you? - Oh, wish I could. I'd love to meet him,

but I have to get dressed and go to class right now. But thanks for thinking of me.

I'll take a rain check on that. And thanks for taking in this box. I'd better get in,

because Vladimir's barking like crazy. Oh, sorry, Norman.

- Oh, that's all right, - Excuse me, thanks a lot.

Class! Class! You can't tell me she goes to class every night.

- And you didn't even talk to her about that idiotic dog. - I didn't get a chance.

Barking, barking, every time a phone rings.

Hello, my love. Um-I missed you.

Hello there. Hello, sweetheart.

Call a cop. Call a cop.

Cop yourself. Hello. Hey, hello, fish.

You all there, huh? You hungry for your din-din? Okay.

Come on, eat hearty, kids, no hooks.

- Hello, sweetheart. - Hello, my sweetheart.

Corky? Where's my boy?

Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73, Unit Two.

Santa Catalina calling. Come in, please.

Come in, Unit Two.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, Pop. Say, you'll be happy to hear we got the mermaid outfit back.

- Yeah? How? - lf I told you, you'd never believe it.

You can tell me about it when you come over on the weekend.

Oh, Pop, I don't think I can make it this weekend. I've got a million things I have to do.

But, Jenny, you've gotta come over. I've got to have a mermaid.

- Use Nina. - I said, mermaid, not "whale-maid."

"Couldn't find the tail. Will this cover you?"

Hey, Jenny, you talking to yourself?

Huh? Yeah, I guess so.

That's what you get for living alone with birds, and dogs and tropical fish.

Now, if you told me you couldn't make it because you had a boyfriend or something, you know

that would be different. - There you go again. Nag, nag, nag.

Okay. Talk to you tomorrow.

Oh, okay, Pop. So long, Nina, no hard feelings.

What do you mean, "whale-maid"?

Let's face it, Baby Doll. You ain't no guppy.

- He's kidding. - Oh, no.

Okay, try RP minus 27 over Y-squared. Okay?

Right.

As I was saying, Sir, I happen to have a dossier on the girl, if you care to hear it.

What? Oh, yeah. Go, Homer.

"Dossier. Jennifer Nelson: married, widowed.

Husband, Randolph Nelson: oceanographer."

- Oceanographer. - Thank you, Sir.

"He went down in a diving bell off the Bahamas. End of husband.

Father, Axel Nordstrom, operates glass-bottom boat in Catalina.

Girl lives alone with dog, two mynah birds and tropical fish.

Hobbies: boating and cooking.

Won first prize in baking contest for banana-cream cake.

Holds navigator's license number 7256.

Currently taking night courses in:

now, (you ready for this): "Dramatic writing, ballet, sculpture,

music appreciation, radio telegraphy, ceramics and mapmaking."

- Mapmaking. And I thought I was busy. - You got some problem with this girl, Sir?

Yeah, the toughest kind, Homer. Two bodies moving in different orbits.

Well, I always said there was an equation for everything.

I believe you were quoted to that effect in one of the magazines, Sir.

Yeah, you take Mars and you take Venus.

- Yes, Sir. - Well, Mars is locked in his orbit

because of extreme pressure. - Pressure? Oh, right, right, right.

But if we can induce Venus to move out of her orbit with the added factors

of X plus Y and apply it to COD. - COD?

Yeah, "contents of dossier."

- I'm lost. - No, no, look.

COD plus X Y to the second power

plus OS, orbit shift, equals

Mars and Venus joined.

Amazing, Sir. Do you think the world's ready for this?

Homer, like all great thinking, it's a wonder nobody ever thought of it before.

- Mrs. Nelson. - Oh, yes, Sir?

Mr. Templeton wishes to see you in his office.

Mr. Temp...? Oh, about what, Sir?

You see, Mrs. Nelson, in a very short time from now

a manned rocket will take off for some far distant part of our solar system.

And just in case I'm not around to answer any questions,

your biography will anticipate anything that might be asked about me.

Yes, Sir.

And now, to help you work more effectively, I'd like to take you into my full confidence.

All this is highly classified, of course.

Of course, Sir.

Oh, and you know, Mr. Templeton, our department uses a code name

for each assignment. What shall I call this one, Sir?

Oh, let's call it... Let's call it Project Venus.

Project Ve...

You mean you're going to the...?

Yes, Sir.

- Mr. Templeton!

Yeah.

We're ready for you in the tower.

Fine, we'll be right there.

- "We," that's you and I. Let's go. - Oh, yes, Sir.

Here we are, not very flattering, but you gotta wear one out here.

Oh, thank you.

Actually, I'm a little old country boy from Sioux City, Iowa, and...

- Mrs. Nelson. - Oh, okay.

- Sorry, Mr. Templeton. - Well, as I was saying...

...I was born in Sioux City, Iowa, and I like baseball, paperbacks, movies.

Oh, and I love a really good piece of banana-cream cake.

- Banana-cream...? - What's the matter?

I just... I won a contest for baking a banana-cream cake.

- No. What, with marshmallow or coconut? - Both.

Jenny, that's fantastic. This is my very special favorite.

- Is it really? - Yeah.

- Those are adjustable. - Oh, oh, are they really?

Thanks.

Thanks very much.

Mr. Taylor.

Mrs. Nelson?

Help.

- Here. - Thanks. You're not getting tired, are you?

- You're the one who needs the sleep. - Where the goddess of love is concerned?

Who could sleep when you're plotting a rendezvous with Venus?

- Mr. Temple... Oh, I'm sorry. - No, no, it's all right.

Well, I just want you to know how proud I am to be a part of this fantastic experiment.

And I know you'll make it. I'm sure of it.

Keep that thought.

Ten...

- Here we go. You wanna watch this? - Yes. - There.

...Seven...

... five, four, three, two, one.

Fire.

Come on in, I've been expecting you. Besides, I heard your car drive up.

- I'm Mrs. Nelson. - I know that, I'm Mrs. Miller.

How do you do? Oh, my, what a house.

Is that a cake?

Oh, yes. I baked it for Mr. Templeton.

- Well, here, it must be heavy. - Oh, I hope not.

- Hello, Jenny. - Hello, Mr. Templeton.

Jenny, Mrs. Nelson, this is Edgar Hill of the CIA.

How do you do?

Well, why don't you go in and get started. Anything you need, ask Anna.

- Okay. - Come on.

Excuse me.

My biographer.

I guess I'd better settle down and read it sometime and find out what I've been doing.

- And the other lady is Anna Miller? - Yeah, cook, housekeeper and absolute treasure.

Been with me for 10 years.

That is Pritter's Hi-Fi Service wiring the house for a party.

Well, I'll be in town a few days checking on another spy rumble, and then back to Washington.

Alrighty. Sorry it wasn't more exciting for you here.

Let's keep it that way.

Oh, yes, this new equation of yours, where's it kept?

- Up here. Why? - No plans or blueprints?

Oh, Sure! They're in two vaults. One at the office, one here.

- Invulnerable? - Yeah, they're invulnerable. Come on, I'll show you.

If you need paper and things, they're behind this bookcase. It pulls out and turns. You know.

- Oh, thank you, Mrs. Miller. - Anna.

Jenny.

Here we are.

Now, each vault opens only to the frequency of my voice in a special word sequence.

And since each voice is uniquely different,

the safes are, as you say, invulnerable, okay. - Excellent.

Anna? Yoo-hoo.

What?! Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh, my heart. - I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm fixing the PA system.

I'm sorry.

Pritter's the name. Julius Pritter. Pritter's Hi-Fi Stereo, you know.

My card. In case you need any work done.

I'll be out of your way in a jiffy.

Scary closets.

- Be careful! - What?

Oh, no.

- Oh, no. - What was that?

- That was a cake. - I'm awfully sorry, lady.

That makes two of us, or three.

- What should I do? - Don't move. You'll mess up...

Could you hurry up, please, it's starting to permeate.

I don't feel well anyway, I have this cold coming on.

- Oh, my sock is getting soggy. - Look, would you put it all in here.

Okay

- The whole thing. - You know, I think I'm gonna catch cold.

- You push. - Yeah, okay.

- Here. - Don't let any of it drip off.

Okay.

- Oh, good, that's it, that's good. Yeah. - Now, shake it all in.

Shake...

- I think I'm stuck. - You can't be stuck.

No, I am. Oh, yes, I am because my toes are bent up.

- I have this ingrown toenail, in fact, two of them, and... - Mr. Pritter, I'd rather not hear

about your toenails

at this moment. Okay? - Okay, yeah. All right.

- Lady. I have this condition. - Now, will you please...?

- Shut up? - Right. Now, hang on.

- I'm hanging. Pull. - I'm pulling.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you all right?

No, no, I always twine myself in ladders with a foot on my cake.

It's still stuck. Lady, wait, please.

- Just be still, Mr. Pritter. - Wait, my shoulder's connected to that.

I think we should get that out.

- Wait a minute. Get... Wait. - I have to do the ladder.

The ladder, oh, yes. Very good, oh, wait.

The lip is there. The lip. The lip. Oh! The lip.

- Oh, God. It's really a mess. - I'm sorry.

You know something? You're irritated with me, I'm irritated with myself.

Look, it's just a good thing that I didn't fall in the pool with my cold. That's all.

Boy, I'll tell you one thing, I cannot go through life like this.

Mr. Pritter. Now, wait a minute.

We have to approach this...

- We have to approach it scientifically. - Oh, yes.

- Right? - Sure, why not.

- Now, listen to me. - Yeah.

- Are you thinking? - I've got it.

I'm gonna put all my weight on this basket.

And when I do, you pull your foot out.

- You see what I mean? - Oh, scientifically.

Yeah. Okay?

- Sure. - All right.

- Ready? - Sure.

- Here I come. - Okay, now I pull out, right?

I'll push down, and you pull out.

Mr. Pritter! Mr. Pritter...

- I'm stuck. - Oh, please, lady, you're stuck?

Your heel is in my ingrown.

- Mr. Pritter. - Yeah?

Mr. Pritter, we cannot approach this scientifically until I get my foot out.

- No more scientific, please. - Right. Now, listen to me.

- Yeah. - Let me hold on to you.

Oh, lady.

My watch. My watch.

Mr. Templeton said for you to relax, Julius, dear.

I'll have your clothes pressed like new in just no time.

That's fine, Anna.

It's kind of large, but that's a good-looking shirt on you.

Thank you.

Mr. Templeton, I'm so sorry about the house. It's just a mess.

- Oh, don't worry about that. - Well, I'd like to clean it.

Oh, no, don't worry about that, I'm worried about your foot.

- You hurt your foot? - He stepped on it, you know, in the wastebasket.

He's not too thin.

Poor Mr. Pritter. How is he?

He's, he's kind of hiding while Anna cleans his clothes. He was a mess, believe me.

You know, I shouldn't laugh but did you see him when he took the fish out of his shirt?

They seemed to enjoy it. They're still swimming around there. It's kind of exhilarating.

- You know something, I've got a confession to make. - What?

I'm not really sorry you hurt your foot. Feels kinda good.

- I have a confession to make, too. - What?

You've got the wrong foot.

Here, it's this one.

Right in there's where he stepped on it, it's kinda swollen.

Yes, it is. Maybe we should rub some more cake on it.

Oh, no.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry about that cake.

- Not half as sorry as I am. - You really like it that much?

Well, that's my main food. Staple diet.

- Well, why don't I bake another one. - That's a marvelous idea.

- Have you got the stuff? - Anna has a perfectly organized kitchen.

I'm a great assistant pastry cook. Let's go!

- Okay. - Let's ruin our waistlines.

You know, I just can't get over it.

- I've never seen a kitchen like this. - Really?

Well, it's all very simple. Everything works from over here.

Push-button style. Come on come here.

Infrared rays for baking. No heat, no sweat.

Radiation. Equivalent to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit.

What do you think of that?

- It's like an operating room. - Well, let's start operating.

Okay

What's your secret formula?

Well, the secret's in the beating.

You see, we whip the eggs while the egg white's stiff, but never dry.

- Stiff, but never dry. All right. - Remember that.

- Now... - First, we'll get rid of these.

- Photoelectric cell. - Really?

I'm so impressed.

Would a kitchen like this have an egg beater?

An egg beater?

One egg beater coming up.

I don't believe it.

Oh, boy! This kitchen doesn't need a woman.

Jenny, you're the one good thing in this kitchen I didn't make provision for.

But in case you're a sloppy cook,

I made provision for that. Look at this.

- It's alive. - We call it our automatic floor cleaner.

Well, it has eyes.

Watch this.

He's got a nose, too!

Hey, what's that thing in the bag?

That's an oscillating suction chamber, believe it or not.

- Really, is it? - It really is.

- Where's it go? - In its little house there.

We call it the Bug. There'll be one in every home someday.

Oh, not in mine. Oh, boy.

- Oh, the egg whites are finished. - Wait, wait, wait!

Press the red button.

- This one? - Uh huh.

- I don't believe it. - Isn't that cute?

It really is.

It's incredible.

- Only takes three minutes? - Time is relative in the Space Age.

- What's the next move? - Well...

Now, let's see, we turn it down to 350.

Control to operator, green for go, 350.

- And it just pops open when done? - Just like a flower.

Talking of flour, you're a mess. Come here.

I'm a messy cook. Thank you.

Hey.

- What? - You always had all those freckles?

- Yeah. Yes. - They're cute.

Thank you. When I was a little girl I used to hope they'd all grow together

so that it would look like I had a tan.

Bet the boys chased you anyway.

- Oh, I could run like a deer. - You still want to?

- Yeah? - Your private phone.

- Mr. Molloy calling from Washington. - Okay, Anna.

Don't you nibble at that while I'm gone.

My cake!

Get out of there!

Get out of there!

Give me back my slipper!

You get off...!

Get off of me! Get...!

You give me back my shoe.

This is the quickest trip I ever made to Catalina.

- How fast are we going? - Oh, it goes plenty fast, but it's classified.

We're developing RIMCOP for the Navy.

- What does that mean? - RIMCOP?

Robot Inshore-Manned Observation Post. How do you like that?

Sure. This craft can be operated from great distances by remote control.

Pick your target, press that button and zowie!

- Really? Hey! This is like I have on my TV. - Same idea,

except I can't get The Late Late Show.

- Here, you steer. - Oh, no, I'd rather not.

Aw, come on. Are you or are you not the girl in the glass-bottom boat?

I are.

There you go, sailor. Press the middle lever for more speed.

Okay, you asked for it.

- The thing. - Wait, Wait! What?

- The remote gadget! - What?

The remote gadget.

How do I stop this thing?

It's under the cowling! There's a switch under the cowling!

What?

Jenny, don't worry! I'll steer you between them!

Hey!

Hey!

Over! Get over, you! Over!

Hey! Out of the way!

- Out of the way! - Look out! Turn!

I'm sorry!

Give me that.

- Pop! - Great balls of fire.

- Look out! Boat's coming this way! - Jump! Jump! Watch it!

Pop, look out!

Look out, Jenny, look out! You're headed for shore.

Hard a-port.

Jump!

Fat chance you'd sell that to the Navy. Jump!

Hey! Look out, everybody! I'm coming!

Hard a-port!

Jenny! You'll stay like that.

Speak for yourself, little Jenny girl.

It's beautiful. It's just beautiful.

- Too fast for me. - You asked for it.

- You win. - You wanted to do it.

More.

Give us a little thing on the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

Aw, Jenny, sorry to break this up, but Zack seems to ferret me out just wherever I am.

- Oh, I'm sorry too. - Are you really?

Well, yes, I am. Really.

Jenny, you see that moon up there?

You mean that moon up there?

- Yeah, that's the one. - Yeah.

Well, right next to that moon up there is a planet called Venus.

And I just hate to leave a girl alone looking at a planet like Venus.

You see, what I'm trying to say is that

Venus is shining just as beautifully for us over at my house.

Doesn't that make sense?

And also what I'm trying to say is I wouldn't be all alone

with my musty old equations. Doesn't that make sense, too?

Jenny, I think you're trying to tell me something.

Good night. Thanks.

Let's go, Jim.

Impossible!

Well, the whole thing's ridiculous! You guys are off your collective rocker!

Mr. Templeton, classified information has been leaking from the space plants.

A spy ring is operating and an innocent-appearing woman

like Jennifer Nelson, could well be a part of it.

Oh, yeah? And I'm partial to blond foreign agents, is that it?

- You don't go along with that, huh? - Well, what do you think?

Brief him, Homer.

As chief security officer of this plant,

that is, until Mr. Johnson returns from vacation,

it is my sworn duty... - Homer, you're not running for election,

get to the point.

Point one: She's a pretty strange-acting female.

- I'll buy that, Homer. What's point two? - Well, Sir, I don't see you picking up the phone

three and four times a day.

And talking in code, like she does three or four times a day.

How does someone talk to someone in code, Homer?

She dials.

And she says into the receiver:

"One...

...two...

...three...

...four...

...five...

...six.

That's all for now, Vladimir."

Vladimir?

Vladimir. An old Indian name.

From a tribe on the outskirts of Moscow.

- Go ahead, Homer. - And I don't see you, Sir

making fires in your wastebasket

and burning secret papers in the middle of the night like she does.

- What? - Ah, she's clever, Sir. Clever.

Mr. Templeton, does this mean anything to you?

"Cash on delivery plus X Y-squared..." Yeah, I guess so.

- It's the work of a crackpot. - Go on, Homer.

Well, you wrote it on a pad, Sir, when I was over there. Remember?

The day she returned your tiger-striped bikini.

- Well, that's nothing. Forget it... - It must be something,

or you wouldn't have written it.

Well, if you must know, it's a formula for putting Mars and Venus together

in the same orbit

- Oh! You need a rest. As soon as this is over we're gonna...

Look. Shut up, Zack. This is junk.

Then why was it transmitted by shortwave radio?

- We intercepted it last night. - Brief him on that, Homer.

She's got a 20-foot aerial rigged at her house, Sir.

- Shortwave. - Well, how do you know she operates it?

We intend to check that out. But it looks like

somebody wants Gismo pretty bad.

If they don't already have it.

Ah, now, wait a minute.

This vault of 10-inch steel plate

will open only to the frequency of my own voice repeating this equation:

G for gamma, B for beta, A for alpha, omega for open sesame.

- Any questions? - Oh, I never doubted

that the plans were safe.

But they are a prime target, just as you are.

All he's saying is: Why don't you stick to your math.

That's right, Sir. And let us handle Mata Hari.

Well, all I'm saying is lay off!

There's an explanation for all this and I'll find it.

All right! Let's keep the whole mess quiet.

If the General ever gets wind of this... Oh, boy...

...I'm supposed to be pick him up at the Airport. are you coming?

No, I�m going to bed...

alone. Oh, by the way, not to talk out of school.

I invited your little spy friend home tonight for fun and games.

You know something? She turned me down flat.

Which proves she's the nice little girl I thought she was and certainly no Mata Hari.

Hello.

Well, hello.

You changed your mind.

Yes, I guess I did.

Well, fine. I'm glad.

Are you glad?

Well, of course.

Bruce, is something wrong?

Why do you say that?

You've got Gismo.

And I want it.

I feel something. l...

Well, I hope you do...

Mata Hari stops at nothing.

Nothing comes between Mata Hari and what she wants.

What did you say?

Bruce, are you all right? You, you look strange.

I will gladly give my life

because I have stolen the secret formula

of the thing you call Gismo.

I think I'd better go.

- It is late. I made a mistake. - Oh! No, no, no. I made the mistake.

It's just for one crazy second

Well, it's all pretty silly, sort of.

- No, I should go. - No, no, no. I love the music you put on.

- In fact, I love everything about you. - Yes, but you were looking at me

as if you'd never seen me before.

- You were. - Well, maybe I never had, really, until now.

Bruce, are you sure that you feel all right?

I'm positive.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so clumsy.

- That's okay. - I'm sorry, Bruce.

- I need to take a shower anyway. - I'll clean up.

Well, yeah, you just get dry. Wait here and I'll slip into something more comfortable.

- We'll get you set up in the guest room in just a minute, Sir. - Well, on the double. I'm beat.

Excuse me, General.

How would you like to kiss me without soda water?

Who are you? Who is he?

Zack Molloy, my partner.

He drops in every now and then to molest women.

Hey, Pal, you wanna tell me who I've been molesting?

- I don't mind. That's Jennifer Nelson. - Very glad to... That's Jennifer Nelson?

- I'm in Public Relations. - Well, you're doing a fine job.

- Well, I guess I'd better say good night. - Wait a minute, I'll drive you home.

- No. I have my car, thank you... - Hi, General.

- That's General Bleecker. - How do you do, General?

- And good night. - Have a nice trip, General?

Uneventful, until now.

- I am so sorry. - I know.

- I've never been so embarrassed. - Jen?

- You have guests? - Jenny, it's all right.

Well, you know, l... No, I picked up the peanuts first.

Then I turned out the lights and I was waiting for you,

- I know. - and then your partner...

- Zack. - I thought he was you.

I know, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow night at the party.

- Good night. - Good night.

Jenny?

- Hello. l... - Mr. Pritter, you are in great trouble.

- What? - You have taken our money

under false pretenses. - But...

Yes, your output for two years

has been cleverly revised excerpts from Space Magazine, Aerial Digest

and Popular Mechanics. - You think I would...?

And now, huh, this meaningless scrawl?

You have caused us great embarrassment.

And also, someone apparently has gone over our head.

- Yeah? - Who is Jennifer Nelson?

Must be some girl. Right?

- Who is Vladimir? - Vla... I don't know.

You make it a point to know. Unbelievable how hot

the end of a cigar gets.

But...

- You wish to say something? - I'll gladly return the money.

- I could borrow it... - Something more constructive.

Name it. You... You name it, I'll do it.

This party tomorrow night. You installed the PA system, did you not?

Yes. No. Wait. I just fixed it. I put in the speakers... The little transistors?

- But you have access? - Yes.

- We want to know who this girl is. - Who she is.

- lf she has the correct equation. - Equation.

- We want it. - You want it.

- Then put this on the band in code. - Yeah, okay, you just have to tell me

what you want. Put this on the... It's cold... I put... On the band. In code.

And then I turn this on. Okay. Get the earphones. You know. Wait.

Yeah, I got it now.

What the hell is going on here?

- General? - Where...? Who is Vladimir?

What are you keeping from me?

There's nothing for you to worry about, General.

The CIA's on the case. We're checking on the girl right now.

Girl? Girl? What girl?

- Girl... The one you met. - What...? You mean...?

She is a foreign agent?

Small cog in the wheel, but we've got her staked out for the big fish.

Is Gismo...?

Is Gismo safe?

Yes. Now, you just run along to sleep.

- All is well. - Yeah? It had better be.

Unit Four, Los Angeles. Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73...

Unit Two, Santa Catalina calling. Come in, please.

Unit Four, Los Angeles. Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73

Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.

Vladi. What are you doing in Mom's bed? You scalawag.

Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.

Unit Four, Los Angeles. Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73

Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.

Okay, Pop. It's me.

- It's not your father. - That's Arnold.

Jenny, I thought you told me you already have been security checked at that

fireworks factory of yours.

I have been.

Well, what's going on? There's a couple of weird characters over here

asking a lot of questions.

About what?

About you.

About me!?!

Well, well, haven't you heard, my dear?

Your daughter is just about the most dangerous woman in all of Lisbon.

I mean, they say that one word from me and... forget it.

Cut it out.

Okay. Well, it does figure, now, doesn't it, Pop?

I mean, after all, I am engaged in very confidential work

with a space-age genius. - How are you doing with him?

- Classified. - Are you in love?

I'm sorry, we cannot give out that information.

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Hey, Pop, hold on, will you? My bell's ringing.

- Yes? - Good morning. Mrs. Nelson, isn't it?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Nelson. But I'm very busy at the moment.

My name is Carstairs, from down the block.

We're getting up a petition protesting all those traffic signals they're installing.

Well, some other time, Mr. Car... I'm very busy.

Lord knows I have nothing against traffic signals. I mean children's safety and all that.

But they ping all night.

They ping, ping, red...

...ping, ping, amber, ping, ping, green.

Come in, Unit Four.

Come in, Unit Four.

Excuse me, Mr. Ping... Carstairs, I'll be right back.

Sorry, Pop.

Where were we?

You were the most dangerous woman in Lisbon

and were engaged in the most secret stuff, so secret

that you couldn't get it out of you with hot pincers.

How about a little clue, huh?

Tonight's the big night.

Oh, hey, I'm glad you reminded me. Will you call Vladimir today?

- No. - Oh, please, it's very important to me.

Vladimir's been terribly edgy lately, you know.

Last night he did something he hasn't done in months.

What?

Jumped into bed with me.

The hound. He ought to be shot.

Oh, boy. You're a hard, cruel man, Captain Nordstrom. You really are.

Those creeps are getting closer again.

I swear

if they put one foot in my boat...

...I'll wrap them in concrete and dump them in the harbor.

Go get them, Tiger.

Over and out.

Mr. Carstairs?

- Hi, Mabel. Hi, Norman. - Hi.

Mutnik is better-looking than that guy.

Mutnik's father's better-looking than that guy.

Give me that jacket, will you, Pal?

"Give me that jacket, will you, Pal?" Sometimes I think you're hard of hearing, or something.

You read Cripps' report.

- Tonight's the night. - I certainly hope so.

What does she have to do to convince you?

Get Moscow on that shortwave of hers?

Or maybe you'd like to see home movies of Vladimir jumping in bed with her?

- Aw, knock it off, will you? - That was in Cripps' report, too.

You know something, Cripps' head needs a long vacation. For that matter, so does yours.

What's the matter with you? You're getting as nervous as the General. Hey.

I know where there's a great party. You can come as my guest.

- YOUR guest, this whole thing was my idea. - C'mon, I'll buy you a drink.

Buy me a drink? I'm pickin' up half the tab here.

You're picking up the whole tab. What are you talking about?

Well, how's it going, Ralph?

Public relations-wise, we are a smash.

- Nice of you to come. - Thank you.

- Oh, it's Ken and Helen. How are you? - Oh, hello.

- Hello, Ken, nice of you to come. - Nice to see you.

- No sign of her yet, Pal. - Don't worry. Your superspy will be here.

I hate these things.

- Don't eat 'em! - I'm eating out of frustration.

My ulcers are getting a little rowdy, too.

Matter of fact, they're getting red, white and blue in honor of our losing our government contract.

Aw, we're not losing anything. Relax and enjoy yourself.

Yeah...

Nerves.

Hi, Anna.

- Jenny. Oh! You look lovely. - Thank you.

Oh, wait until Mr. Templeton sees you.

- Think he'll like it? - He'll like it and what's in it.

Lemonade for Julius.

- Julius is here? My cake. - Poor dear worked like a Trojan all day.

- Even helped with the hors d'oeuvres. - Well, I'm putting this in a safe place.

Another cake?

Um-huh!

Jenny, you're spoiling that man.

That's the plan.

- Well, having fun, General? - Fun?

Fun? Gentlemen, we are on a spy hunt.

According to Hill we're about to make contact tonight.

That's why I want to be particularly careful that your... Where is Hill?

Well, he's not here yet, but we do have security men all over the place.

You may be sure if Mrs. Nelson is a spy...

"lf"?

"lf," did you say?

Until she is proven innocent, she is guilty. And that is my motto.

Well-put, General. "Until proven innocent". Good motto.

- Good evening. - Hey, Jenny.

You remember Zack Molloy?

- Yes, we've met. - Perhaps you remember General Bleecker?

Oh, hi.

Mrs. Nelson, the band is playing my favorite tune.

- I wonder... - With your permission

I think I'll fly the first mission, General. Excuse us.

Thank you.

You know you haven't said a word about my new dress.

Very lovely. I haven't really been looking at it. I've been looking at you.

Bruce, this house is just perfect for a party.

- Everything's so beautiful. - Yes, it is.

Isn't it marvelous what a new dress will do, huh?

Molloy, I don't like to say it, but we can't depend on your partner.

- Ho, ho, now, Sir, Bruce is... - Da,da,da...

What do you think of the new guesthouse for visiting brass?

Is it just for visiting brass?

Oh, I think we could accommodate a little girl from Catalina.

He's obviously enamored of that young woman.

And in my book,

love and war don't mix.

Good motto, Sir.

What do you suggest?

Well, for now, eyes peeled, full alert.

Remember,

anyone in this room might be Vladimir.

Anyone.

And here we have the Red Room.

Yeah, well, as you can see we have

red carpet, red walls and red ceiling.

Ah, and then of course next door, there's the Blue Room. And that has a

blue carpet and blue walls and a blue ceiling and...

I love you.

I do.

I love you.

The phone's ringing.

I didn't think it could ever happen again, but it...

- But it did. - Oh, darling...

- The phone's ringing. - Forget the phone.

- I love you. - I love you.

- Answer the phone. Please? - I will not answer the phone.

Bruce. Come down to the vault room right away.

What for?

Hill's on the phone, wants to talk to you. Says it's important.

Okay.

He says it's urgent.

Get used to it. I'll be right back.

He's calling from the plant.

Hello, Hill? Why don't you come down and join the party.

You're working overtime, you know.

So is your lady friend, judging by the contents of her desk.

What are you talking about?

Let me sort this out and start at the beginning.

Oh, Vladimir.

Oh, Vladi.

For the last time, Jennifer Nelson is not a spy.

Why don 't you stop wasting time with this witch-hunt.

Okay, help me waste some more.

Would you go over that again, about Project Venus?

I told you, there is no Project Venus.

There never was. It was just a gag.

It was something I cooked up to make time, to take the chill off... I don't have to go into all of this.

Apparently, she believed everything you told her.

Well, she was supposed to.

Mr. Templeton, are you sure she isn't making time with you?

Now, what are you talking about?

You love banana-cream cake so she bakes you banana-cream cake. How did it come out?

I wouldn't know, I hate cake

and I hate bananas. That makes banana-cream cake a double hate.

Still, you told her...

She won a prize for it. If she won a prize for octopus pudding, I would have loved that, too.

Okay.

Just keep an eye on her till I get there.

We intend to.

- Every phone in the house is bugged. - Wait, listen, all of you. Hill, are you still there?

Listen, this girl couldn't possibly be a spy.

To begin with, this girl hasn't got the brains to be a spy.

That is what you think. I've seen spies before. She's got that same, shifty-eyed look.

And they Generally use oversexed girls for this line of work.

And judging from that lipstick you walked in with...

Mr. Templeton, we must keep her under surveillance.

I'd appreciate your cooperation in staying close to her all evening.

- All evening? - All night, if necessary.

Fine, see you later.

Oh, Jenny. I was just having a little nip to quiet my nerves.

- Where you going? - Home.

Home? The fun hasn't even begun.

You're so right, Anna.

The fun hasn't even begun.

Are you all right, dear?

What's the matter?

What are you drinking?

Hooch. That's half Scotch, half bourbon.

It sounds delicious.

To a big dope.

Who's a lot smarter than they think.

What is it now?

What's the trouble?

I thought I saw one of those hors d'oeuvre move.

Oh, sure. Probably a shrimp trying to get back to sea.

- In case you're interested... - Oh, I know, if we want you

you'll be in the Red Room. - That's right, Paly.

- You play your games and I'll play mine. - Okay, okay.

Molloy, we just can't depend on your partner. It's up to us.

- Well, what do you suggest? - Well, if worse comes to worse,

one of us will have to spend the night with her. We've got to fight fire with fire.

May I volunteer, Sir?

I admire your spirit, Molloy, but this is one mission I may have to take on myself.

Hello.

- Oh, hello. Mrs. Nelson, if you're looking for Bruce... - He left.

Really?

Ah, that's too bad.

That means you and I can have the next dance, General.

The next dance?

Why can't we have this one?

We can, if you'll just give me a chance to go powder my nose

and make one teeny-weeny little phone call. Now, don't you go away.

Phone call.

Phone call.

- Phone call? - Phone call. - Phone call.

- Hello? - Hello.

Vassily?

Don't talk, just listen.

The goods you ordered

will be at Pier 63, San Pedro, before midnight.

Your contact will be wearing a black windbreaker and a

patch over his left eye.

The recognition signal is

"Vladimir sent me."

Over.

Over? Over what?

Black patch. A windbreaker.

Have you got somebody to cover Pier 63?

Every man here is on special assignment, Sir.

The two I sent to Catalina,

one was my brother-in-law

...never returned. - Well, get somebody. Get a hold of Hill.

Yes, who is it?

Hello, 104.

Don 't talk, just listen.

T-O-S to 104. Are you there?

Yes, yes, I'm here. What is it?

We're having trouble with our deliveries.

But we hope to have it

on the way by morning.

Over.

Thank you very much. I'll tell my son.

- Homer, I want someone on Pier 63. - I'll try to find someone, Sir.

Well, hurry up, General, you're dancing with her.

- Get upstairs. - Oh, yes, yes.

Jenny, darling?

Jenny?

Here she comes.

Now, get in there.

Remember, this is for our side.

I've been waiting.

I haven't felt like this since Culver Military Academy.

I love older men.

They make me feel so secure, you know?

Yes, I know.

I feel I can talk to them and...

Oh, you can talk to me.

And share secrets with them.

Oh, you can share secrets with me.

Well,

I am arranging to spend the night in the guesthouse.

Perhaps we could get together later?

Your place or mine?

Wow! My! You are direct.

That's my motto. Old Frontal Attack Bleecker, they call me.

Okay, Frontal.

My place.

In the Red Room...

at exactly... let's see, now...

...12:00 midnight.

Twelve sharp. Midnight.

Now, I'll be there five minutes after 12, but wait, you hear?

Oh, I'll be waiting.

With bells on.

No medals, General. I'm terribly sensitive.

It's me.

What the devil are you made-up for?

No man's land.

The powder room. In case she goes there again.

What is going on?

There's to be a rendezvous with Vladimir, I think.

- Vladimir? - Pier 63.

My men were busy, so I sent someone else.

Becoming color.

Oh, thank you.

May I get you a refreshment, my dear?

Yes.

Champagne.

Then I'll feel like I'm still dancing with you.

Sure.

Hey, baby.

Zack.

Am I glad to see you.

Well, what did you do to the General? He is flying.

Forget it, sweetheart. I can't stand older men.

You can't?

I was married to one once.

Spent all my nights playing dominoes.

- You know what I mean? - D-U-L, dull.

Well, tell me, how do I grab you?

You're just the right age, Zackie.

You keep that up, and I'm gonna be a lot older.

You know, when I kissed you last night, something went...

- bong!" - Yeah,

I heard it.

Well, you should've. It was a loud...

bong! - Yeah...

What do we do now?

We're adults, aren't we?

So let's act like a couple of kids.

Well...

I'm planning on spending the night here.

Wanna get together later?

You tell me where and when.

- In the Red Room... - In the Red Room...

...at five after 12. ...at five after 12.

With bells on?

And pajama bottoms. Or tops.

Here you are, my dear.

Oh, thank you, Wallace.

To your beauty.

How sweet.

Nazdarovya!

Cheers, y'all.

Oh, I almost forgot. I have to make a phone call.

My sick aunt.

Will you excuse me? I'll be right back.

- Follow her. I'll cover the phone. - Right.

064...

064, come in, please.

All phones bugged.

Now, hear this.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white as snow.

That is all.

Over and out.

May I have this dance?

...Officer?

Knock it off, buster.

I've been watching you all evening. You've been acting very suspiciously

especially around the buffet table.

The buffet table, and you haven't taken a bite.

I'm trying, you know...

Oh, I see you like olives.

So do I.

- Well, this one looks like it's made of metal. - Oh, I love 'em that way.

What's wrong with that olive?

Nothing.

It's terrific.

Oh, hello, General. Have you seen Jenny?

- Jenny? - Jenny.

- Oh, Jenny. - Jenny.

No. Good night, old man.

- Wait a minute. You're not falling out this early. - Oh, it's quite late for me, you know.

Almost 12 o'clock, my bedtime.

Sleep... Sleep well.

- Hi, old buddy. - Hi. Where's Jenny?

Jenny?

I don't know. Good night.

Where are you going?

I'm going to bed. Little fellas need nine hours, you know. Good night.

Wait a minute. You haven't been to bed before 12 o'clock since the pabulum habit.

What's going on?

Simmer down. I've got a date.

- With whom? - With Jenny, that's with who.

- Whom? - Whom? - Jenny?

Yeah, she wants to worm military secrets out of me.

Fortunately, I don't know any

but I'm willing to make some up.

You wouldn't hit a coward, now, would you?

- You got room? - Um-huh.

Excuse me, miss. Your bow is untied.

- Oh, really? - Yes, can I help?

Oh, you're so kind.

- Would you be good enough? - Yes.

Just step back here, toward the lamp.

It's satin.

- Satin does slip, doesn't it? - Yes.

I'm very partial to satin.

I was married in satin.

That is, my first marriage.

There we are. That's a lovely bow.

- There. - Thank you so much.

- You're welcome, dear. - You're sweet.

Where do you think you're going?

Who do you think you're talking to? Get out...

- You're staying here. - I am not staying here.

You're staying until you tell me what's going on around here.

Is something going on? I hadn't noticed.

- I wanna know about this nutty talk is about. - What do you mean, nutty talk?

And give me my purse.

It has a two-way wrist radio in it.

That kind of nutty talk. That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, really? Well, I'm also sending a message to the Kremlin.

Oh, really, and what kind of message is that?

- My secret formula for octopus pudding. - Octopus pu...

- You listened in. - I listened in.

You just stay here, I'm going after General Bleaker and straighten out this whole mess.

- I will not... - I said, wait.

- I said, no. - I said, wait.

I said, no.

- You'll wait. - Put me down.

You put me down.

You put me down.

- You let me out of here. - Wait.

- I have a date. - I know you have, with Zack.

I'll keep it for you, and incidentally bust him in the mouth.

Let me out. Help.

Help.

I wanna talk to you a minute...

Those phone calls, there is no question about it, she's an agent of the...

She's no more an agent than you are, and if you're the best the CIA can come up with

this country's in big trouble. - No you look here. We'll have to detain her.

Mrs. Nelson can leave here whenever she wishes.

- What's that noise? - What? Oh...

Well, I locked her in the closet.

- You said she was free to go. - She is, and so are you. In fact you're off the case.

- Wait a minute. - Just take a long vacation at my expense.

You can't do this.

I can't? Come with me.

Operator? I want Washington, D. C.

I want Central Intelligence. I want a man called Donald C. Heddley.

Sure, I'll wait.

I'll show you whether... Hill?

Hill?

This vault has 10-inch steel plate will open only to the frequency of my own voice

repeating this equation: G for gamma, B for beta...

A for alpha...

omega for open sesame.

- How long will you be, Skipper? - Just long enough to find out what's going on.

- What about these snoopers? - They give you any trouble,

dump them overboard - Take care, now, skipper.

Everything will be okay unless some idiot asks me about Vladimir.

Vladimir sent me.

No, no. Please, please don't...

Believe me, that's it, Don. Put some men onto it right away, and I'll handle things at this end.

Right. Where is that Cripps? Cripps?

- Homer Cripps. - Yes, Sir?

Listen, you put two guards in the vault room, seal the gates and find Edgar Hill.

- Hill, did you say? - You heard me! Find him and hold him.

His name's not Hill, he's not with the CIA! Now find him.

- Not wi...? - Find him!

Right, Sir.

Let me out of here!

Anna.

Somebody!

Get me out of here!

Help!

Get me out of here.

Help!

Jenny.

Jenny, Darling, everything's okay.

I love you.

Jenny, I love you.

Jenny, and I love your banana-cream cake.

Jenny?

Down, down. Sit.

Get out of here. Go on. Beat it.

You silly darn thing, now beat it. Go on. Get out of here.

Actually, I

shouldn't be

enjoying this so much. Hi-ho, H.R.

My only regret

is that I have but one life

to give for my country.

Yeah. Well, when you two have finished playing house, I got news for you.

For your information, the CIA...

- Did you open the safe? - No.

Well, somebody did.

Well, you wanna meet early and pick out the furniture?

Sit down, Mrs. Nelson.

What...?

Sit down.

Don't yell.

First, who are you?

And who are you

spying for? Who are you spying for?

I don't know anything about anything, do you hear me?

They decided I was a spy.

Well, they had their fun and I've had mine.

- Now, it is over. - Don't move!

It is not over, Mrs. Nelson.

It is over.

No.

Let's start again.

Who is Vladimir?

What about Gismo?

I've told you everything.

Talk, Mrs. Nelson.

It's unbelievable how hot the end of a cigar gets.

- You wouldn't dare do that! - Oh, no?

Yes! In this spy business, it's dog eat dog.

How can I tell you something I don't know?

Wait.

I...

What's the matter with you?

I don't smoke!

- I'll get some water. - Yes, but no! Don't move!

Stay where you are...!

Please don't!

A water pistol!

I could... if I weren't a lady, I'd give you a slug...you're such a...

- Oh, sit down! - I'm a failure!

- You are! - I can't do anything right!

- I don't feel good either. - I never wanted to be a spy!

I never spied on anything.

Listen, I would defect, but I don't know where to defect to.

But they're gonna kill me! What am I gonna do?

I'll tell you what.

You're gonna make a clean breast of the whole thing and tell them everything!

- And name names, that's what! - Names? I don't know any names.

Well, you get orders from someone, don't you?

Only over the phone. You know, I would recognize his voice.

- Well? - He's some spy!

They didn't even give me a number!

Well, you're gonna get one now.

- That's Gismo. - Gismo?

- You are a spy? - I am not a spy! Don't you say that anymore!

I don't know how that got in my purse. Now, you just shut up, Julius.

And I'm gonna find out right now.

Well, don't talk like that. We tried to hold him, but he got away.

Well, you've got his description. Work on it.

- We really goofed this one. - You can say that again.

Hello?

Edgar Hill, please.

Yeah, Jenny! Jenny, listen! Darling, I've been trying to call you.

Let me explain.

I wish to speak with Edgar Hill.

I thought you might, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, Mr. Hill. Thank goodness you're here.

I... I was just calling you.

Jenny?

Jenny?

- What'd she say? - Where is she? -What's going on?

Call the local police right away, step on it.

- Me, Sir? - What do you mean, "Me, Sir?" Step on it!

- Right, Sir. - Let's go.

Mr. Templeton, what's going on with my daughter?

- Where is she? - Axel, she's in big trouble.

Show me where she lives, please.

Well, we got her into this. Let's go.

And so we suspected you, of course.

That's the reason we planted those phony plans in your purse.

Excuse me.

I think he's trying to tell you he recognizes my voice.

Yeah, he's the one that gave me the orders on the phone.

- You're the spy! - At your service, Mrs. Nelson.

And now I've got an order for you.

Give me those.

You'll never get these plans from me. Never.

Mrs. Nelson, I'd rather not do anything rash.

- Come here. - Call the cops!

- Call the cops! - You leave her alone!

Mayday. Unit Four signaling mayday.

One more question. Who's Vladimir?

- A dog. - I didn't ask your opinion of him. What's his racket?

General Bleecker here. We are now proceeding to the scene.

Will you stop that coughing?

Mayday. Mayday.

Anybody out there? Over.

Heard you, Unit Four. This is Gravy Train.

Max's All-Night Diner. Repeat message.

Come in, Gravy Train. This is Albacore, Rocky Reef Lighthouse.

- What's up? - I don 't know.

Sounds like the dame's in trouble.

Unit Four here. Come in, please.

Help! Help.

Tijuana, Mexico. Can I patch up a phone call?

Boy.

Sorry, Julius.

Hey! She's a nice lady!

Take that!

Norman! Did you hear that?

Must be a drunken cat or something.

Shut up, will you? You sound like a dog.

There are two people in this house.

Yeah, one of them is nuts.

Norman! Norman!

- Shut up! - You can't talk to me that way!

Will you shut up and let me sleep!

Turn!

Hey! What...?

Well, come...

Jenny. We're here.

Get me out of here!

Help is on the way.

Give them hell, honey.

Call a cop! Call a cop!

- Zack, the mynah bird. - The what? -The mynah.

Call a cop! Call a cop!

Wait a minute.

Officer!

Officer, can I speak to you a moment? Officer!

Hello, Mabel.

Jenny!

Jenny!

Jenny!

Oh, no.