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1
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I'd just like to say thank you all
for being here for our first year,
2
00:00:55,132 --> 00:00:58,796
all of our lovely residents,
all looking so smart,
3
00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:04,224
and for choosing us here at Lark Hall,
and for having a bit of faith in us.
4
00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:07,813
And Merry Christmas!
5
00:01:07,938 --> 00:01:10,642
Merry Christmas!
6
00:01:13,988 --> 00:01:16,240
Merry Christmas.
7
00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:22,501
Cheers.
8
00:01:22,623 --> 00:01:25,006
And a Happy New Year.
9
00:01:32,552 --> 00:01:35,265
When a man grows old
10
00:01:35,389 --> 00:01:37,481
and his balls grow cold,
11
00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:41,023
and the tip of his prick turns blue...
12
00:01:43,315 --> 00:01:48,361
. .when it bends in the middle
like a one-stringed fiddle,
13
00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:51,361
he can tell us a tale or two.
14
00:01:54,287 --> 00:01:56,950
What did Father Christmas bring?
15
00:01:57,082 --> 00:01:59,164
I don't believe in him.
16
00:02:00,544 --> 00:02:02,707
I shan't see another Christmas.
17
00:02:04,131 --> 00:02:09,388
Mind you, if I was like her,
I'd shove my head in the gas oven.
18
00:02:28,536 --> 00:02:30,739
Uhhh...
19
00:02:33,751 --> 00:02:35,413
Mummy!
20
00:02:36,505 --> 00:02:37,916
Mum!
21
00:02:38,048 --> 00:02:40,250
What? I'm busy!
22
00:02:43,304 --> 00:02:45,306
Eugh!
23
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,935
Arnold's dead.
24
00:02:58,031 --> 00:03:00,274
Try and be careful!
25
00:03:01,201 --> 00:03:03,874
Can I have my room back
now Arnold's dead?
26
00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:08,211
No. But you can get in this sleeping bag
when he's finished with it.
27
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:10,787
Can we have a bit of respect, please?
28
00:03:11,798 --> 00:03:13,790
Don't go in that room, Eddie!
29
00:03:33,615 --> 00:03:36,569
'No, you bloody lift him,
you idle monkey!'
30
00:03:36,703 --> 00:03:41,669
- I'm not Daley shitting Thompson!
- All right, Father, keep your hair on!
31
00:03:41,792 --> 00:03:43,214
Set?
32
00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:54,890
'l read it in The Daily Express.'
33
00:03:55,016 --> 00:04:00,312
90% of small businesses go down
the tubes, apparently, in the first year.
34
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,903
I should stop you reading that paper.
35
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:07,281
Bloke in Scarborough hung himself
in his sporting goods shop.
36
00:04:07,406 --> 00:04:10,490
Yeah, but people don't need
sporting goods.
37
00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:13,823
They're always going to get old,
aren't they?
38
00:04:13,956 --> 00:04:16,539
It's just teething troubles, Steve.
39
00:04:17,377 --> 00:04:19,249
Kiss-kiss.
40
00:04:51,084 --> 00:04:53,717
'Uhhhhh...'
41
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,804
What do you think you're playing at?
42
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:06,267
I could have killed you!
43
00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:08,818
Oi! Come here!
44
00:05:12,569 --> 00:05:17,285
And on Boxing Day, we went to the top
of Skidby Windmill and I got badge.
45
00:05:17,408 --> 00:05:19,541
No, you got "a" badge.
46
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,446
Edward?
47
00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:34,170
On Christmas Day, Arnold Doughty, 90,
went blue and died.
48
00:05:34,304 --> 00:05:37,808
So far, there has been
no communication from him.
49
00:05:50,824 --> 00:05:53,367
I think I've made a mistake, all right?
50
00:05:53,494 --> 00:05:57,158
- Just give it a day. Please.
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
51
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,662
But we've just moved all that in.
52
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:04,418
I'm moving it back out again.
All right? It's my things, isn't it?
53
00:06:04,548 --> 00:06:06,551
Who is he?
54
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:11,011
Some gaga old fart Social Services
have sent. Lost his wife.
55
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:14,560
Lives in a camper van. Like Popeye.
56
00:06:14,686 --> 00:06:19,902
Clarence! We can get your stuff just how
you like. Take as long as you want.
57
00:06:20,026 --> 00:06:23,320
- That's not a word.
- Yes, it is.
58
00:06:23,446 --> 00:06:26,200
- "Taxi."
- You're not playing properly.
59
00:06:26,325 --> 00:06:29,909
Remember your first day at school?
It's a bit like that.
60
00:06:30,038 --> 00:06:33,623
- It is a bit like that.
- The first night's the worst.
61
00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:36,885
- Oh!
- I went as mad as her, first few nights.
62
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:41,050
Be quiet!
Otherwise the war will start again.
63
00:06:41,177 --> 00:06:45,933
A lot of jabbering simpletons
rushing about, wetting themselves.
64
00:06:46,058 --> 00:06:49,262
People you don't know
telling you what to do.
65
00:06:49,395 --> 00:06:52,058
- I'm off.
- Hey!
66
00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:56,737
Just give it a go.
67
00:07:01,076 --> 00:07:03,068
This is temporary.
68
00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:11,837
This is only temporary.
69
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,172
OK.
70
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,183
Why doesn't she let him go
if he wants to go?
71
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:21,058
She should do.
Then I can move back into my old room.
72
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:24,517
You can move back if you can pay us
50 quid a week.
73
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:30,274
'Tonight, haunted houses, ghost-hunting
74
00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:33,066
'and the search for life after death.
75
00:07:33,198 --> 00:07:37,453
'The most famous ghost-hunters
and their most famous cases...'
76
00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:45,790
Lilian!
77
00:07:45,921 --> 00:07:50,467
- Your daughter is on the phone.
- Mavis? Really?
78
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,767
Mavis, oh!
79
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,014
'Did a ghost leave these chilling
messages asking for prayers...'
80
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,939
'What do you think of their chances?
Who's going to win?
81
00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:03,698
'I wouldn't like to predict that, Phil.'
82
00:08:04,819 --> 00:08:10,116
What do you want ringing wastefully from
Canada? A stamp costs hardly nothing!
83
00:08:11,036 --> 00:08:15,331
Mum! I want to watch "Arthur C Clarke"!
Mum!
84
00:08:15,457 --> 00:08:17,830
What do you want doing with those?
85
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,755
Clarence wants to watch
"One Man And His Dog". He's paying.
86
00:08:21,882 --> 00:08:24,806
- You're a naughty girl.
- It's about ghosts!
87
00:08:24,928 --> 00:08:27,050
We're all naughty girls.
88
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:29,513
Oh, ball-bearings!
89
00:08:29,641 --> 00:08:34,147
Wouldn't mind being alone with that one
in a long, dark railway tunnel.
90
00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:37,526
- Can I get my wages, Kath?
- Sorry, yeah.
91
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:41,035
It's very important.
It's about recording ghosts!
92
00:08:41,155 --> 00:08:45,040
He's saying what he does
when he wants to hunt them.
93
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,954
Steve, come here!
94
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:52,506
You want to say, "Would you mind
coming here if you're not too busy?"
95
00:08:52,627 --> 00:08:55,421
That's what I said.
Watch the TV upstairs.
96
00:08:55,548 --> 00:08:59,593
- You ordered me to come in there.
- The TV upstairs is haunted!
97
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,965
Why don't you do it then?
Please, darling!
98
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,184
Because I came in there last time,
dearest.
99
00:09:07,312 --> 00:09:10,105
- You didn't come over here last time.
- I did.
100
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:12,856
Why don't you listen?
101
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,480
Sorry, love.
Will you sort out the TV for him?
102
00:09:16,615 --> 00:09:19,909
Ena, you've pinched
the knives and forks again!
103
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:21,537
Yes, sir.
104
00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:26,666
Arnold's ghost must have got into it
when he died.
105
00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:31,299
Arnold's ghost has better things to do
than hanging around in a telly.
106
00:09:31,424 --> 00:09:33,927
There, ghosts! Are you happy?
107
00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:38,348
'Thermometers to detect
sudden fluctuations in temperature.
108
00:09:38,475 --> 00:09:40,648
'And strange as it might seem,
109
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,643
'one might consider bringing
a dog or a cat
110
00:09:43,773 --> 00:09:48,269
'as animals seem to react
to supernatural activity.
111
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:51,778
'Animals also provide
much-needed company.'
112
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:55,332
'Price's methods were thorough
and no nonsense.
113
00:09:55,454 --> 00:10:00,750
'Like many scientists of his generation,
he believed it was a matter of time...'
114
00:10:00,877 --> 00:10:03,961
What do you think happens
when you die, Dad?
115
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:09,965
Can't imagine it's all that different.
116
00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:13,140
'A dog or cat allowed to roam freely.
117
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:19,064
'But most of all, it's imperative that the
entire building be cleared of inhabitants
118
00:10:19,191 --> 00:10:21,364
'to allow the ghost-hunter to work
119
00:10:21,485 --> 00:10:24,989
'in controlled conditions
without interruptions.'
120
00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:19,590
Bastards.
121
00:11:32,155 --> 00:11:33,947
Hello, pigeon.
122
00:11:52,095 --> 00:11:54,098
Are you a magician?
123
00:11:55,391 --> 00:11:56,773
No.
124
00:11:56,893 --> 00:11:59,186
I'm a retired flasher.
125
00:12:01,732 --> 00:12:04,605
This used to be my room until Arnold came.
126
00:12:04,735 --> 00:12:06,988
Who's he when he's at home?
127
00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:10,908
He's not anybody now. He's dead.
He died in that bed.
128
00:12:13,288 --> 00:12:18,454
If you see anything supernatural,
do you think you can inform me?
129
00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:21,420
Do you think you can bugger off?
130
00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:34,644
Quack-quack!
131
00:12:47,037 --> 00:12:48,489
Ah, ah!
132
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:53,664
Wuh... Wuh-wuh-wuh...
133
00:12:53,795 --> 00:12:56,168
- What?
- One out!
134
00:12:56,298 --> 00:12:59,001
Give me my ball back!
135
00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:10,272
Wuh-wuh-wuh...
136
00:13:15,488 --> 00:13:17,411
Come here!
137
00:13:19,743 --> 00:13:22,086
Come here while I kick you!
138
00:13:22,204 --> 00:13:24,838
You think they sent me here to be abused?
139
00:13:24,958 --> 00:13:27,291
Get stuffed!
140
00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:35,888
This is my house!
141
00:14:07,218 --> 00:14:11,764
Big hand's at six,
little hand's at eight, Eddie!
142
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,286
Get out! Clear off!
143
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,083
Come here, you lot!
144
00:14:39,215 --> 00:14:43,430
Come here, come on!
Never mind making a bid for freedom!
145
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,749
'It's all clear. False alarm.'
146
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:11,009
They are real people, not toys! They were
little boys and girls as well once!
147
00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:16,305
I don't want to live here! I want things
to be like they were. I want my room back!
148
00:15:18,054 --> 00:15:23,521
Mark my words! By the time he's 13, he'll
be sniffing glue out of a plastic bag!
149
00:15:23,644 --> 00:15:26,027
Thanks, Lilian.
150
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:30,242
What did you want to say, Edward?
What do you want to say?
151
00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:53,180
Oh, where are you off to with a grump on?
Go on, get yourself off to school.
152
00:15:53,973 --> 00:15:56,966
Tell Mr Kelly
you had to go to the dentist.
153
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:01,102
Idiots!
154
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:02,723
Cow!
155
00:16:07,155 --> 00:16:09,157
Wankerer!
156
00:16:33,103 --> 00:16:35,066
Mummy!
157
00:16:35,189 --> 00:16:36,981
Dad!
158
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,284
Easy way out. Coward's way out.
159
00:16:49,081 --> 00:16:53,456
Just, you know, a cry for help.
That's all. Classic.
160
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:57,290
- A what?
- Never mind, big ears.
161
00:16:57,425 --> 00:17:02,431
Don't say, "That's all," Steve. How
could we let him get to that? Poor fella.
162
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:06,471
We're going to have
to cheer this place up a bit.
163
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:33,471
I'm very sorry for smacking you.
164
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,341
Are you all right?
165
00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:48,903
Come here.
166
00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:02,369
You're very fortunate, you know.
167
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:05,373
I never met my grandparents.
168
00:18:06,884 --> 00:18:11,470
And my mummy and daddy -
too far away for us to see them much.
169
00:18:12,849 --> 00:18:18,066
You've got all these old people around
with all these amazing stories.
170
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:21,568
It's a privilege.
171
00:18:22,903 --> 00:18:25,106
At least I think it is.
172
00:18:25,239 --> 00:18:27,452
Do you...?
173
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,751
Don't be scared of death, love.
174
00:18:31,914 --> 00:18:33,907
It's all right to be sad.
175
00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:37,081
There's no point being scared.
176
00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:41,167
I'm not scared.
I just want to know what happens.
177
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:03,247
- Nurse!
- I thought you might want your stuff.
178
00:19:05,121 --> 00:19:07,413
Draw that curtain round.
179
00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:11,130
And give me my left shoe.
180
00:19:16,384 --> 00:19:19,268
- Did you want one?
- No...
181
00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:20,930
Ta.
182
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:33,229
Sorry for setting the fire bell off.
183
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:36,828
Sorry I put a lot of talcum
on your floor and that.
184
00:19:36,951 --> 00:19:40,245
Sorry for not saying sorry
when you ran me over.
185
00:19:40,372 --> 00:19:43,206
And that time I chucked dirt on your head.
186
00:19:44,002 --> 00:19:48,297
That's an awful lot of things
to be sorry for at such a young age.
187
00:19:49,299 --> 00:19:51,302
Sorry.
188
00:19:54,431 --> 00:19:56,433
Are you a magician?
189
00:19:57,684 --> 00:20:00,518
- I gave it up.
- Why don't you start again?
190
00:20:02,024 --> 00:20:04,016
Do me a favour.
191
00:20:08,698 --> 00:20:10,490
When you...
192
00:20:11,576 --> 00:20:13,028
Did...
193
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:20,247
Did you see any kind
of bright white light?
194
00:20:20,379 --> 00:20:23,383
Or a tunnel with Jesus at the end?
195
00:20:24,259 --> 00:20:26,852
As a matter of fact, I did.
196
00:20:26,970 --> 00:20:31,435
This cross-eyed little herbert turned up
and yanked me back out.
197
00:20:32,436 --> 00:20:35,559
That's what
you should be saying sorry for.
198
00:20:37,232 --> 00:20:41,027
♪ That certain night
199
00:20:41,154 --> 00:20:44,408
♪ The night we met
200
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:50,080
♪ There was magic abroad
201
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,381
♪ In the air
202
00:20:53,502 --> 00:21:01,432
♪ There were angels dining at the Ritz
203
00:21:01,554 --> 00:21:10,315
♪ And a nightingale sang
in Berkeley Square... ♪
204
00:21:27,794 --> 00:21:32,299
Can someone inform me
what the hell you think you're playing at?
205
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:36,930
I'm stuck up here on my own
with nothing to keep my trousers up with!
206
00:21:46,567 --> 00:21:48,569
Welcome home.
207
00:22:04,172 --> 00:22:07,376
You know, if I want to top myself...
208
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,630
. . I can jump out the window!
209
00:22:38,254 --> 00:22:40,878
'There must be some way we can...'
210
00:22:42,594 --> 00:22:47,059
'- They say love will find a way. Always.
- I don't deserve love from you.
211
00:22:48,351 --> 00:22:53,026
'What I deserve is these crippled legs.
And reflect on what I've done...'
212
00:24:06,361 --> 00:24:08,364
Forget it.
213
00:24:23,883 --> 00:24:25,885
How much did that cost?
214
00:24:26,010 --> 00:24:29,344
You can't put a price on looking good,
chucklebum.
215
00:24:29,473 --> 00:24:31,846
How much is looking stupid?
216
00:24:33,103 --> 00:24:35,095
Nice 'do, Stevie.
217
00:24:51,375 --> 00:24:53,868
You want to watch where you're going.
218
00:25:01,428 --> 00:25:03,431
Is this your grand passion?
219
00:25:03,556 --> 00:25:06,479
Yeah. But I'm not supposed to.
220
00:25:07,394 --> 00:25:09,727
They're all pictures of ghosts.
221
00:25:09,855 --> 00:25:13,400
When they took that,
there was no one there.
222
00:25:13,527 --> 00:25:15,649
Apart from that bloke.
223
00:25:21,870 --> 00:25:23,872
- Please, please!
- What?
224
00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,837
- What's his problem?
- Who?
225
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,003
Flash Gordon.
226
00:25:32,841 --> 00:25:34,844
He was in a war.
227
00:25:38,390 --> 00:25:40,312
What about the others?
228
00:25:40,434 --> 00:25:44,059
Lilian's miserable. She trumps a lot.
Reg gets drunk.
229
00:25:44,189 --> 00:25:47,683
Elsie was a dancing teacher,
but now has a plastic leg.
230
00:25:47,818 --> 00:25:49,991
Prudence tears up toilet paper.
231
00:25:50,112 --> 00:25:54,908
Ena thinks she's still the King's
housemaid and can't stop stealing stuff.
232
00:25:55,035 --> 00:25:58,499
Clive's had a stroke,
so all he can say is, "One out."
233
00:25:58,623 --> 00:26:00,124
"Rage..."
234
00:26:01,126 --> 00:26:03,959
"Rage against the dying of the light."
235
00:26:06,674 --> 00:26:10,058
♪ The wheels on the bus go
round and round
236
00:26:10,179 --> 00:26:13,142
♪ Round and round, round and round
237
00:26:13,265 --> 00:26:16,720
♪ The wheels on the bus go
round and round
238
00:26:16,854 --> 00:26:19,146
♪ All day long... ♪
239
00:26:19,273 --> 00:26:23,478
They do go round and round,
don't they? Sometimes.
240
00:26:23,612 --> 00:26:27,076
♪ The dogs on the bus go woof, woof, woof
241
00:26:27,199 --> 00:26:29,832
♪ Woof, woof, woof Woof, woof, woof
242
00:26:29,953 --> 00:26:32,666
♪ The dogs on the bus go
woof, woof, woof... ♪
243
00:26:32,789 --> 00:26:34,791
Jesus Christ Almighty!
244
00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:38,341
♪ All day long All day long
245
00:26:38,463 --> 00:26:41,887
♪ The babies on the bus go waa-waa-waa
246
00:26:42,009 --> 00:26:45,844
♪ Waa-waa-waa Waa-waa-waa... ♪
247
00:26:45,972 --> 00:26:48,936
I can't put the two things together.
248
00:26:50,477 --> 00:26:53,191
Lived on my own.
249
00:26:53,314 --> 00:26:55,356
Well, myself and the missus.
250
00:26:55,484 --> 00:27:00,119
You live on your own all your life,
then they think it's a great idea
251
00:27:00,239 --> 00:27:03,533
to shove you together
with a load of strangers.
252
00:27:03,660 --> 00:27:06,874
And what do the mummies on the bus say?
Anyone?
253
00:27:06,998 --> 00:27:10,292
"Screw this," if they've got any sense.
254
00:27:10,419 --> 00:27:13,593
- Everybody all right?
- Yes, thank you.
255
00:27:13,714 --> 00:27:15,846
Nice to see you, Clarence.
256
00:27:15,966 --> 00:27:20,141
♪ The mummies on the bus say
hush-hush-hush, hush-hush-hush... ♪
257
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,186
Oh, God.
258
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:25,302
I know something that would cheer you up.
259
00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:28,442
You've got to be bleeding kidding!
260
00:27:28,566 --> 00:27:32,150
Have one of your beers.
I want to show you something.
261
00:27:32,278 --> 00:27:36,203
- Are you interested in ghosts?
- No, not in the slightest.
262
00:27:36,325 --> 00:27:38,318
- I am.
- So I gathered.
263
00:27:38,453 --> 00:27:40,665
I'm trying to catch them on tape.
264
00:27:40,789 --> 00:27:45,084
Where are you going?
There's nothing in it. It's all bollocks.
265
00:27:45,211 --> 00:27:47,384
- No, it's not.
- It is.
266
00:27:48,215 --> 00:27:52,390
"Samuel Peet - not dead, only sleeping."
267
00:27:52,511 --> 00:27:55,434
He's gonna be pissed off
when he wakes up.
268
00:27:58,185 --> 00:28:00,848
This is going to bring my piles down.
269
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,982
I need a coin.
270
00:28:13,245 --> 00:28:16,459
Now you have to dance around it
a hundred times.
271
00:28:16,582 --> 00:28:20,877
Their hand comes out
and you can ask it questions. Come on.
272
00:28:23,423 --> 00:28:24,875
One.
273
00:28:26,636 --> 00:28:28,178
Two.
274
00:28:31,642 --> 00:28:33,475
98...
275
00:28:35,230 --> 00:28:38,193
- What's happening?
- Nothing much.
276
00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:40,109
99...
277
00:28:43,072 --> 00:28:45,035
100.
278
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:59,167
'There's lots of different ways to
contact them. Séances and Ouija boards.'
279
00:28:59,301 --> 00:29:01,554
You can stand in front of a mirror
280
00:29:01,679 --> 00:29:06,304
and say someone's name again
and again and again, then they'll appear.
281
00:29:06,435 --> 00:29:10,099
- Does this apply to anyone?
- No, you have to be dead.
282
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,082
Is that your wife?
283
00:29:26,584 --> 00:29:28,586
She looks like Dame Edna.
284
00:29:30,672 --> 00:29:32,674
Shut up.
285
00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:35,761
'Now it's good night from me.
286
00:29:35,886 --> 00:29:39,020
'And it's good night from him.
Good night.'
287
00:29:41,352 --> 00:29:44,105
Good... night!
288
00:29:44,230 --> 00:29:46,223
Good night, sweet ladies.
289
00:29:47,609 --> 00:29:52,195
Thanks for the mystery tour.
I'm not that bothered in the future.
290
00:29:53,199 --> 00:29:55,122
My name's Edward.
291
00:29:57,622 --> 00:29:59,624
Mine's Clarence.
292
00:30:03,420 --> 00:30:07,505
♪ Simply because you're near me
293
00:30:07,634 --> 00:30:12,259
♪ Honey, but when you're near me
294
00:30:12,390 --> 00:30:16,765
♪ I'm in the mood for love
295
00:30:16,895 --> 00:30:21,070
♪ Heaven is in your eyes
296
00:30:21,191 --> 00:30:25,446
♪ Bright as the stars we're under
297
00:30:25,572 --> 00:30:29,777
♪ Oh, is it any wonder
298
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:34,336
♪ I'm in the mood for love?
299
00:30:34,457 --> 00:30:38,793
♪ Why stop to think of whether
300
00:30:38,922 --> 00:30:43,297
♪ This little dream might fade?
301
00:30:43,427 --> 00:30:47,552
♪ We've put our hearts together
302
00:30:47,682 --> 00:30:50,055
♪ Now we are one
303
00:30:50,185 --> 00:30:52,558
♪ I'm not afraid
304
00:30:52,688 --> 00:30:56,563
♪ if there's a cloud above
305
00:30:56,693 --> 00:31:01,659
♪ if it should rain, we'll let it
But for... ♪
306
00:31:18,010 --> 00:31:20,013
Annie...
307
00:31:21,514 --> 00:31:23,347
Annie...
308
00:31:26,521 --> 00:31:28,733
Annie?
309
00:31:30,651 --> 00:31:32,523
Annie...
310
00:31:34,697 --> 00:31:36,860
Annie!
311
00:31:39,704 --> 00:31:41,706
Annie...
312
00:31:43,876 --> 00:31:45,748
Annie...
313
00:31:50,299 --> 00:31:51,761
Annie?
314
00:32:02,064 --> 00:32:03,896
Annie...
315
00:32:10,283 --> 00:32:13,497
- Right, I'm knocking off.
- That's a good idea.
316
00:32:13,620 --> 00:32:15,582
I'm off down The Ship.
317
00:32:15,705 --> 00:32:18,909
- Do you mind if I get changed in here?
- In...?
318
00:32:33,936 --> 00:32:36,730
Did you see "Top of the Pops" last night?
319
00:32:36,856 --> 00:32:39,439
No, I don't watch it.
320
00:32:39,568 --> 00:32:41,571
Who was on?
321
00:32:42,988 --> 00:32:46,112
- No, l... I don't watch it neither.
- No.
322
00:32:48,204 --> 00:32:50,366
Are you still with Mike or...?
323
00:32:50,497 --> 00:32:52,790
No, I packed him in.
324
00:32:53,793 --> 00:32:57,708
- We're both going away soon, so...
- University?
325
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:01,134
- That's it.
- I wish I'd gone sometimes.
326
00:33:01,261 --> 00:33:06,807
I failed my Geography "A" level. There was
another question on the back of the page.
327
00:33:06,934 --> 00:33:12,611
I finished half an hour before everybody
else. I'm thinking, "They're bloody slow!"
328
00:33:15,570 --> 00:33:17,532
Do you want a lift?
329
00:33:18,657 --> 00:33:20,659
Yeah, if you like.
330
00:33:20,784 --> 00:33:23,488
Great. I'll just get me jacket on.
331
00:33:54,868 --> 00:33:59,033
You smell like a tart's window box,
Steve! What have you got on?
332
00:33:59,165 --> 00:34:03,090
Just something I were bought
for Christmas, you know.
333
00:34:06,382 --> 00:34:09,595
'Uhhhh...'
334
00:34:12,222 --> 00:34:15,806
This is what I've got to look forward to,
is it?
335
00:34:15,935 --> 00:34:20,441
Can't you find something more
constructive to do? Learn a skill?
336
00:34:20,566 --> 00:34:22,939
I only want to know what happens.
337
00:34:23,861 --> 00:34:29,658
What happens is... is you think
the last thought you're ever gonna think
338
00:34:29,785 --> 00:34:34,250
and then whatever it was
that used to be you... just goes.
339
00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:39,629
Christ, it'd be lovely!
I've got lots of things I'd like to say.
340
00:34:40,923 --> 00:34:44,087
But the curtain's come down,
unfortunately.
341
00:34:44,219 --> 00:34:46,142
That's horrible!
342
00:34:46,263 --> 00:34:51,099
It can't just be black! Don't take
the piss! It can't just be black!
343
00:35:14,089 --> 00:35:16,592
Are you waiting for someone?
344
00:35:16,717 --> 00:35:18,930
Yes, a little lad.
345
00:35:21,931 --> 00:35:24,685
Your grandson, is he?
346
00:35:24,810 --> 00:35:26,442
No.
347
00:35:26,562 --> 00:35:28,815
Just a little lad.
348
00:35:42,832 --> 00:35:44,664
Gaylord!
349
00:35:50,341 --> 00:35:53,344
You don't have to come and get me.
350
00:35:53,470 --> 00:35:56,673
Don't you want a game?
Nice weather for one.
351
00:35:56,808 --> 00:35:58,770
I don't like football.
352
00:35:59,769 --> 00:36:05,937
I was wondering if you might
accompany me on an expedition?
353
00:36:14,787 --> 00:36:17,371
'Two fat ladies, 88.'
354
00:36:19,961 --> 00:36:21,953
The bulb's broken.
355
00:36:22,088 --> 00:36:24,962
Doesn't matter. The darker, the better.
356
00:36:33,643 --> 00:36:36,226
Now, for those of you...
357
00:36:37,232 --> 00:36:40,315
. .who have never before sat at a séance,
358
00:36:40,444 --> 00:36:44,909
there is absolutely nothing
to be fearful of.
359
00:36:45,032 --> 00:36:47,615
Ghosts are very friendly sorts.
360
00:36:47,744 --> 00:36:50,197
They like a nice little chinwag.
361
00:36:50,331 --> 00:36:54,295
But they're very scared of loud noises
362
00:36:54,419 --> 00:36:56,711
and sudden movements
363
00:36:56,838 --> 00:37:00,843
which is the reason
why they're very rarely to be sighted
364
00:37:00,968 --> 00:37:04,142
in discos and wrestling matches,
for example.
365
00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:07,929
You shouldn't joke.
It'll make 'em vengeful.
366
00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:12,265
Spirits, please accept
my mortal apologies.
367
00:37:16,612 --> 00:37:21,699
Now, who are we hoping
to contact tonight?
368
00:37:22,703 --> 00:37:26,337
- Anyone.
- OK, we'll try for anyone.
369
00:37:28,294 --> 00:37:38,256
Is there anybody there?
370
00:37:38,389 --> 00:37:41,683
Is someone in here?
371
00:37:45,272 --> 00:37:47,365
- Who is it?
- Arnold?
372
00:37:50,487 --> 00:37:52,319
Someone else?
373
00:37:55,159 --> 00:37:56,621
Who?
374
00:37:56,744 --> 00:37:59,878
It's "yes or no" questions only, I think.
375
00:38:00,791 --> 00:38:03,004
Is there life after death?
376
00:38:05,129 --> 00:38:07,382
- What's it like?
- Is it nice?
377
00:38:08,342 --> 00:38:11,506
Are there any ghosts in this house?
378
00:38:11,637 --> 00:38:13,429
Oh!
379
00:38:13,557 --> 00:38:18,523
Are there any nice ghosts in this house
that don't want to scare anyone
380
00:38:18,646 --> 00:38:20,848
or cause any bother or nothing?
381
00:38:26,364 --> 00:38:27,566
Yeah.
382
00:38:41,883 --> 00:38:45,838
♪ Happy birthday to you
383
00:38:45,971 --> 00:38:51,227
♪ Happy birthday, dear Edward
384
00:38:51,352 --> 00:38:56,198
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
385
00:38:56,316 --> 00:38:59,610
- Eddie, good morning!
- Good morning.
386
00:39:01,698 --> 00:39:03,610
- Do you like it?
- Yeah.
387
00:39:13,087 --> 00:39:14,509
Thanks.
388
00:39:16,090 --> 00:39:18,423
I'm going to have a shave.
389
00:39:21,639 --> 00:39:24,643
Can I have a kiss, please...? Thank you.
390
00:39:28,481 --> 00:39:32,315
It's a special and glorious day today.
391
00:39:33,111 --> 00:39:36,535
- Yeah.
- Canada is a country.
392
00:39:36,657 --> 00:39:42,545
And my big God-bothering girl Mavis
is coming from there to see me today!
393
00:39:43,833 --> 00:39:47,047
With her husband
who's got a plate in his head.
394
00:39:47,170 --> 00:39:51,636
Of course, she's not a girl now,
little man. She's 66 years old.
395
00:39:51,759 --> 00:39:53,711
I'm 11!
396
00:39:53,845 --> 00:39:57,810
Well, she's six times better than you are,
isn't she?
397
00:40:09,447 --> 00:40:11,330
Steve!
398
00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:13,742
- What?
- Come here!
399
00:40:21,003 --> 00:40:23,126
Oh, fantastic
400
00:40:33,309 --> 00:40:36,683
Someone answer the door!
401
00:40:39,692 --> 00:40:43,196
Who do you think you are?
Lord and Lady Aggleshite?
402
00:40:43,321 --> 00:40:45,324
Tradesman's entrance!
403
00:40:45,449 --> 00:40:47,702
Well, shake a leg!
404
00:40:47,827 --> 00:40:49,529
- Oh!
- Got her.
405
00:40:49,663 --> 00:40:52,206
- Mum!
- Happy birthday, mate.
406
00:40:52,332 --> 00:40:55,286
- Back to your room! Quick sharp!
- Is she dead?
407
00:40:55,420 --> 00:40:57,713
No, she's fine, she's fine.
408
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,223
What's all the fuss about?
409
00:41:05,348 --> 00:41:07,761
She's had it. She's only just died!
410
00:41:07,893 --> 00:41:10,556
Now stop that. Stop what you're doing!
411
00:41:26,666 --> 00:41:29,630
She's just in her room with her things.
412
00:41:34,383 --> 00:41:36,386
It's hard to know what to say.
413
00:41:50,570 --> 00:41:54,495
Eddie, I'm worried
this is how the Yorkshire Ripper started.
414
00:41:54,617 --> 00:41:57,611
He won't end up
like the Yorkshire Ripper!
415
00:41:57,746 --> 00:41:59,998
Why are you so bloody morbid?
416
00:42:00,124 --> 00:42:03,578
- Cos I live here!
- We are doing our best!
417
00:42:03,711 --> 00:42:06,464
We used to go away for the day
on my birthday.
418
00:42:06,589 --> 00:42:09,683
It doesn't entitle you
to do what you like!
419
00:42:18,061 --> 00:42:19,603
Oh!
420
00:42:24,653 --> 00:42:26,896
I heard Lilian's ghost.
421
00:42:27,740 --> 00:42:32,286
It went "uuuuhhhh".
And I was too thick to turn the tape on.
422
00:42:32,413 --> 00:42:38,000
That's the sound of the air passing over
the vocal cords as it comes out the lungs.
423
00:42:38,128 --> 00:42:40,340
No, it's not.
424
00:42:41,256 --> 00:42:43,259
Can we do another séance?
425
00:42:43,384 --> 00:42:47,639
The proper reaction is to mourn
and celebrate their achievements
426
00:42:47,764 --> 00:42:50,267
as human beings, then try to move on,
427
00:42:50,393 --> 00:42:53,186
not stick a microphone up their nose!
428
00:42:53,313 --> 00:42:57,278
I used to have a room
with Paddington Bear wallpaper.
429
00:42:57,401 --> 00:43:01,746
Yeah, well, I used to have
a beautiful wife and all my own teeth.
430
00:43:01,864 --> 00:43:06,450
Your life changes, buster.
And not always for the better.
431
00:43:06,579 --> 00:43:11,335
You accumulate regrets
and they stick to you like old bruises.
432
00:43:14,714 --> 00:43:16,797
Sorry.
433
00:43:27,187 --> 00:43:29,320
Many happy returns of the day.
434
00:43:32,694 --> 00:43:34,696
I'll teach you a few tricks.
435
00:43:36,115 --> 00:43:38,578
I'll do you a magic show.
436
00:43:38,701 --> 00:43:41,585
And you can rub out all of today.
437
00:43:41,705 --> 00:43:43,797
And you can ask your pals.
438
00:43:44,751 --> 00:43:47,244
I don't want a party.
439
00:43:47,379 --> 00:43:51,554
Join hands and make contact
with the living, son!
440
00:43:53,136 --> 00:43:55,969
You've got to keep it hidden, see?
441
00:43:56,097 --> 00:43:58,560
Keep it in the knuckles. Go on.
442
00:44:00,811 --> 00:44:03,725
You're lucky. You're still flexible.
443
00:44:03,857 --> 00:44:05,649
Go on.
444
00:44:06,610 --> 00:44:08,653
Now make it disappear.
445
00:44:10,448 --> 00:44:12,240
Go on!
446
00:44:14,745 --> 00:44:17,288
Pick it up.
447
00:44:17,415 --> 00:44:19,378
Start again.
448
00:44:20,294 --> 00:44:23,287
It doesn't start until September, does it?
449
00:44:24,590 --> 00:44:26,002
Tanya!
450
00:44:27,260 --> 00:44:30,554
God Almighty! Poor bunch of pricks!
451
00:44:32,016 --> 00:44:34,359
Go on, ask him.
452
00:44:34,477 --> 00:44:36,479
Ask him about your party.
453
00:44:37,481 --> 00:44:39,483
Good afternoon, Bob.
454
00:44:39,608 --> 00:44:43,773
I don't understand.
It doesn't take five months to pack!
455
00:44:43,905 --> 00:44:46,488
Tragic, isn't it?
456
00:44:48,328 --> 00:44:52,823
What were her achievements, then?
What was she like?
457
00:44:54,335 --> 00:44:58,080
She was a manipulative,
passive aggressive...
458
00:44:59,007 --> 00:45:01,009
. .unkind old asshole.
459
00:45:12,857 --> 00:45:19,656
♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
460
00:45:19,782 --> 00:45:22,705
♪ Cheerio, here I go
461
00:45:22,828 --> 00:45:25,331
♪ On my way... ♪
462
00:45:25,456 --> 00:45:29,250
Tanya's resigned! Can you believe that?
463
00:45:29,378 --> 00:45:33,252
- She's what?
- Can I have a party? I was a prick.
464
00:45:33,382 --> 00:45:37,718
- Where did you pick up that?
- Did she give any details?
465
00:45:37,846 --> 00:45:40,139
- I want a magic show.
- You were naughty.
466
00:45:40,266 --> 00:45:42,438
- Go on.
- Details?
467
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,772
- Mum!
- Eddie, get off our backs!
468
00:45:44,896 --> 00:45:47,349
We've got this bloomin' wake.
469
00:45:47,483 --> 00:45:52,068
♪ 'Til we meet once again, you and I
470
00:45:52,196 --> 00:45:57,112
♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye! ♪
471
00:45:57,244 --> 00:46:00,078
Maybe we should have a wee dance?
472
00:46:01,082 --> 00:46:04,716
The dancers have all gone under the hill,
my dear.
473
00:46:04,837 --> 00:46:10,423
♪ With a cheer, not a tear
Make it gay... ♪
474
00:46:10,553 --> 00:46:15,929
Ohhh, go on, then. It'll do you good
to have some other kids around.
475
00:46:16,059 --> 00:46:21,396
- She must have said why.
- I don't know why you're so upset.
476
00:46:21,524 --> 00:46:24,317
It's me who'll cop for the extra work.
477
00:46:24,444 --> 00:46:27,188
Cos I do sod all around here, don't I?
478
00:46:27,323 --> 00:46:31,788
You know, sometimes I wish
we did go bloody bankrupt!
479
00:46:33,455 --> 00:46:36,909
♪ 'Til we meet once again, you and I
480
00:46:39,253 --> 00:46:43,959
♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye! ♪
481
00:46:50,809 --> 00:46:54,974
Find the Lady. 5 will get you 10,
10 will get you 20. Money in.
482
00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:58,190
Where is it?
483
00:46:59,195 --> 00:47:02,078
No. There she is.
484
00:47:02,198 --> 00:47:04,871
- Not so bad here, is it?
- No.
485
00:47:04,994 --> 00:47:07,657
. .And the vicar says,
486
00:47:07,788 --> 00:47:13,835
"Madam, this is a ladies bike.
It doesn't have a crossbar."
487
00:47:18,510 --> 00:47:20,502
You see...
488
00:47:21,514 --> 00:47:26,890
. .she thought she was sitting on
the crossbar all the way from Keighley.
489
00:47:28,898 --> 00:47:31,901
- But it was his stiffy.
- Yep.
490
00:47:34,863 --> 00:47:37,196
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah.
491
00:47:41,496 --> 00:47:43,498
Fucking Christians.
492
00:47:45,834 --> 00:47:50,380
You use two panes of very polished glass
for Pepper's Ghost.
493
00:47:50,507 --> 00:47:52,720
At an angle like that.
494
00:47:52,843 --> 00:47:55,466
Annie lies there... Well, your assistant.
495
00:47:55,596 --> 00:47:58,349
- You've had this.
- What?
496
00:47:58,474 --> 00:48:03,861
- You've already had this week's money.
- I do not believe I have had this week's.
497
00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:06,694
- Don't you?
- No, sunshine, I don't.
498
00:48:07,695 --> 00:48:12,280
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Bugger off!
499
00:48:17,081 --> 00:48:21,076
It can just be very small-scale.
It could just be me and you.
500
00:48:21,211 --> 00:48:24,255
- What could?
- My birthday party.
501
00:48:24,381 --> 00:48:29,337
I have been trying to draw you out of
yourself, in case you hadn't twigged.
502
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:32,265
God, what's the worst that could happen?
503
00:48:32,391 --> 00:48:34,393
Kids eat some cake
504
00:48:34,518 --> 00:48:40,105
and we lift the grim bloody pallor of
mortality for a few glorious moments.
505
00:48:41,611 --> 00:48:43,603
OK, this one.
506
00:48:45,156 --> 00:48:48,160
Got. Got. Need.
507
00:48:48,285 --> 00:48:50,958
- Oi.
- What?
508
00:48:52,374 --> 00:48:55,788
- Have we got PE?
- Of course. Spastic.
509
00:49:00,300 --> 00:49:02,132
Hey.
510
00:49:05,431 --> 00:49:07,473
Shit!
511
00:49:12,314 --> 00:49:13,646
Wow!
512
00:49:13,775 --> 00:49:16,949
- Do it again.
- The light is on!
513
00:49:17,070 --> 00:49:19,993
The light is on!
514
00:49:20,116 --> 00:49:24,961
You've got to flex it
between your knuckles. Don't drop it.
515
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:29,255
Flex it in your what-nots. Bleedin' hell.
516
00:49:29,377 --> 00:49:32,010
You've got to practise, you know.
517
00:49:33,006 --> 00:49:38,343
Have you been prac...
Give us your whatsit's doo-dah there.
518
00:49:39,681 --> 00:49:42,224
You're not going to leave, are you?
519
00:49:43,686 --> 00:49:46,520
Why do you write so much on your arms?
520
00:49:48,067 --> 00:49:52,822
Shall we go and get some magical items
for your party?
521
00:49:52,947 --> 00:49:58,284
♪ Don't jump off the roof, Dad
You'll make a big hole in the yard
522
00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:02,046
♪ Mother's just planted petunias
523
00:50:02,167 --> 00:50:05,631
♪ The weeding and seeding was hard
524
00:50:05,754 --> 00:50:09,048
♪ if you must end it all, Dad
525
00:50:09,175 --> 00:50:12,219
♪ Why don't you give us a break?
526
00:50:12,346 --> 00:50:16,221
♪ Take a walk in the park, Dad
527
00:50:16,351 --> 00:50:20,065
♪ And there you can jump in the lake! ♪
528
00:50:22,692 --> 00:50:25,195
Oops-a-daisy!
529
00:50:27,740 --> 00:50:30,072
This is where we are, then.
530
00:50:30,201 --> 00:50:34,876
Find some items
to make your party go with a swing.
531
00:50:42,758 --> 00:50:44,750
It's funny.
532
00:50:44,885 --> 00:50:47,429
You spend your life accumulating stuff
533
00:50:47,555 --> 00:50:51,219
and then you can't find anywhere
to put it.
534
00:50:54,147 --> 00:50:56,149
Imagine that.
535
00:50:57,150 --> 00:50:59,774
Imagine all the money I've spent.
536
00:51:00,780 --> 00:51:03,323
All the bloody work I've done.
537
00:51:17,550 --> 00:51:19,462
There.
538
00:51:19,594 --> 00:51:22,137
I had a fine woman, you know.
539
00:51:22,264 --> 00:51:24,607
She was very artistic.
540
00:51:25,601 --> 00:51:27,473
Very gentle.
541
00:51:29,355 --> 00:51:31,558
We were very happy.
542
00:51:31,692 --> 00:51:34,155
- What does this do?
- Tells the time.
543
00:51:34,278 --> 00:51:39,204
- Is it magic?
- No. It's a grandfather clock.
544
00:51:39,327 --> 00:51:43,992
You've got to give them the patter,
otherwise they'll latch on to you.
545
00:51:44,123 --> 00:51:48,128
- What's patter?
- She was very good at that as well.
546
00:51:48,253 --> 00:51:50,967
She helped me write my funny lines.
547
00:51:52,843 --> 00:51:55,336
I met her at Euston Station.
548
00:51:56,347 --> 00:51:58,680
Well, I saw her.
549
00:51:58,808 --> 00:52:01,231
She passed me by.
550
00:52:02,229 --> 00:52:04,192
I went after her.
551
00:52:04,315 --> 00:52:09,201
I had a ten-bob note in my pocket.
You don't see them any more.
552
00:52:09,321 --> 00:52:11,243
They were red.
553
00:52:11,365 --> 00:52:15,360
So I took it out and I said,
"Excuse my intrusion, Miss,"
554
00:52:15,495 --> 00:52:18,169
"but I think you might have dropped this."
555
00:52:18,290 --> 00:52:22,625
And she said,
"Oh, gosh! I did. Thank you."
556
00:52:23,630 --> 00:52:25,042
Yeah.
557
00:52:26,049 --> 00:52:28,632
So I took her to Lyons Corner House.
558
00:52:29,888 --> 00:52:33,182
We had a long bun, as it were.
559
00:52:35,227 --> 00:52:38,391
And that, as they say, was that.
560
00:52:44,739 --> 00:52:46,611
Oh, God.
561
00:52:51,455 --> 00:52:55,580
I haven't the faintest idea
why they scrapped 'em.
562
00:52:55,710 --> 00:52:59,255
Tanners and florins and shillings.
563
00:53:00,383 --> 00:53:05,019
You don't know what change
you're getting nowadays. And...
564
00:53:05,139 --> 00:53:06,931
And...
565
00:53:08,893 --> 00:53:11,486
Where is this?
566
00:53:18,071 --> 00:53:20,444
Clarence?
567
00:53:21,951 --> 00:53:23,903
- Patter.
- What?!
568
00:53:24,037 --> 00:53:28,122
- Misdirection.
- Clarence, you're...! Clarence!
569
00:53:42,226 --> 00:53:44,218
Sorry, l...
570
00:53:44,353 --> 00:53:49,109
♪ Don't jump off the roof, Dad
571
00:53:49,234 --> 00:53:53,029
♪ You'll make a hole in the yard... ♪
572
00:53:58,370 --> 00:54:00,743
You OK?
573
00:54:18,019 --> 00:54:20,352
When I was a nipper,
574
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,523
I used to...
575
00:54:22,650 --> 00:54:27,075
I remember looking up, lying on my back,
576
00:54:27,196 --> 00:54:30,530
and looking up at the stars
577
00:54:31,536 --> 00:54:35,410
and thinking
what a great, big university it is.
578
00:54:35,540 --> 00:54:37,373
Universe.
579
00:54:37,501 --> 00:54:43,178
And all them stars, well, you know,
now they're very, very small.
580
00:54:45,385 --> 00:54:48,890
It's all... shut up shop
581
00:54:49,015 --> 00:54:52,609
and the stars, you know, they don't...
582
00:54:52,727 --> 00:54:54,610
. .what-not.
583
00:54:57,608 --> 00:55:00,612
And the whole... bloody thing
584
00:55:03,074 --> 00:55:05,236
has ended up...
585
00:55:05,368 --> 00:55:07,410
. .on little...
586
00:55:10,082 --> 00:55:12,075
. .me.
587
00:55:15,547 --> 00:55:17,970
You can take it to a garage.
588
00:55:18,843 --> 00:55:21,386
What? Oh!
589
00:55:30,773 --> 00:55:33,567
You see, when you die...
590
00:55:33,694 --> 00:55:36,487
. .then you come back to life.
591
00:55:37,491 --> 00:55:41,455
You know, actually, you're born again.
592
00:55:41,579 --> 00:55:44,002
Then you die again
593
00:55:44,124 --> 00:55:47,117
and, afterwards, you come back to life.
594
00:55:51,132 --> 00:55:53,295
Sounds exhausting.
595
00:55:56,263 --> 00:55:59,808
I want to come back as an animal.
596
00:56:00,810 --> 00:56:04,444
A rabbit or a badger. Or something.
597
00:56:04,564 --> 00:56:08,529
- I like badgers.
- What's so good about badgers?
598
00:56:08,653 --> 00:56:13,489
I like badgers because they're
bad-tempered and they look good.
599
00:56:13,617 --> 00:56:17,622
And...
you can make sporrans out of badgers.
600
00:56:19,166 --> 00:56:23,662
But if you came back as a person,
you get a chance to put it right again.
601
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:26,010
Let me tell you a secret.
602
00:56:26,133 --> 00:56:29,176
Being a person is a pain in the arse.
603
00:56:29,304 --> 00:56:32,678
- No, it's not!
- Yes, it is!
604
00:56:38,355 --> 00:56:40,738
- Clarence?
- What?
605
00:56:41,735 --> 00:56:45,739
If you die,
will you come back and see me?
606
00:56:45,865 --> 00:56:49,119
Jesus wept! Chuck that thing away!
607
00:56:49,244 --> 00:56:53,449
Chuck it away!
Chuck my bloody tricks away!
608
00:57:09,602 --> 00:57:12,145
What did you do that for?!
609
00:57:12,272 --> 00:57:16,897
I'm pissing against the wind.
I'm drenching my mackintosh.
610
00:57:17,027 --> 00:57:19,691
You don't come back, son!
611
00:57:20,699 --> 00:57:23,622
Once they've gone, you can't talk to them!
612
00:57:25,246 --> 00:57:30,242
If I could just say to her, "I'm sorry."
if I could tell her I was bloody sorry,
613
00:57:30,378 --> 00:57:32,921
what a difference that would make.
614
00:57:33,923 --> 00:57:38,929
- She's dead, son! She divorced me.
- Who?
615
00:57:39,054 --> 00:57:41,637
Annie. I wouldn't settle down.
616
00:57:41,766 --> 00:57:47,183
I couldn't keep it in my trousers.
I was a good-looking fella.
617
00:57:49,817 --> 00:57:53,652
Then one day I came back home
and she'd...
618
00:57:58,662 --> 00:58:03,288
Many years later,
I got a letter saying that she'd...
619
00:58:07,047 --> 00:58:10,041
I was too late for her bloody funeral!
620
00:58:12,595 --> 00:58:15,639
I've never even seen her grave!
621
00:58:17,310 --> 00:58:19,392
It's hard...
622
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:24,657
to get this far and realise
there's absolutely bloody nothing!
623
00:58:24,777 --> 00:58:28,621
- You said you were happy.
- Who's happy?
624
00:58:28,739 --> 00:58:33,665
- We could do another séance.
- Don't be retarded. I made it up.
625
00:58:33,788 --> 00:58:37,132
- What?
- Sod off! I want to be by myself.
626
00:58:37,250 --> 00:58:41,135
- Clear your own stuff up!
- I will!
627
00:58:41,255 --> 00:58:43,678
Badgers are stupid!
628
00:58:57,734 --> 00:59:00,697
- Sorry, love!
- Coo-ee!
629
00:59:00,820 --> 00:59:05,867
- You getting your rabbit in your hat?
- No, I'm shoving it up your bum!
630
00:59:26,143 --> 00:59:28,766
Makes you think, doesn't it?
631
00:59:28,896 --> 00:59:30,388
No.
632
00:59:30,523 --> 00:59:34,739
I wasn't really thinking
about anything very much.
633
00:59:34,862 --> 00:59:37,455
I was thinking about having my dinner.
634
00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:45,913
No, I mean about life being too short.
All that balls.
635
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:51,089
'What's the matter, Stevie?
636
00:59:54,969 --> 00:59:58,764
'Kath and I used to have
an awful lot of fun.
637
00:59:58,891 --> 01:00:01,314
'It just seems to escape you.
638
01:00:01,436 --> 01:00:03,559
'Oh, Christ, Tanya...'
639
01:00:03,689 --> 01:00:07,523
Don't go to university.
Stay here. We could date.
640
01:00:07,652 --> 01:00:10,195
- What?!
- Do you think I'm attractive?
641
01:00:10,322 --> 01:00:13,616
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
- It's fantastic.
642
01:00:13,742 --> 01:00:17,446
- What are you? Like 45?
- No, I'm 39!
643
01:00:17,581 --> 01:00:20,124
'Going on bloody geriatric!'
644
01:00:23,128 --> 01:00:28,134
Kidder? I'm thinking
of doing the Card-Finding Duck.
645
01:00:28,260 --> 01:00:30,132
Go away!
646
01:00:30,262 --> 01:00:34,057
- It takes two people.
- Tough titty!
647
01:00:34,184 --> 01:00:36,817
I don't want any bloody magic!
648
01:00:45,155 --> 01:00:50,792
Ranjit, who in the previous book
was called John, has got six marbles.
649
01:00:50,912 --> 01:00:54,456
Zulema, who used to be Samantha,
has got 12.
650
01:00:54,583 --> 01:00:57,417
And Keith, thank goodness,
651
01:00:57,545 --> 01:00:59,548
has got four.
652
01:00:59,673 --> 01:01:04,178
What percentage of the bag
does each one have?
653
01:01:05,472 --> 01:01:07,684
Five minutes.
654
01:01:08,934 --> 01:01:13,069
- I don't want to go!
- Pack it in, the both of you! Manners!
655
01:01:13,189 --> 01:01:15,822
But it's an old folks' homo!
656
01:01:15,942 --> 01:01:18,826
Oh, God, what's that smell?
657
01:01:18,946 --> 01:01:23,492
- Eew! It's wee!
- No wonder he's a complete weirdo.
658
01:01:25,288 --> 01:01:32,086
♪ Happy birthday to you
659
01:01:32,212 --> 01:01:37,218
♪ Happy birthday, dear Edward
660
01:01:37,343 --> 01:01:42,049
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
661
01:01:45,062 --> 01:01:49,898
- Go on, make a wish.
- Quick, before that senile old bat!
662
01:01:59,079 --> 01:02:01,412
Did you make that smell?
663
01:02:03,125 --> 01:02:06,919
Carry on! Carry on!
664
01:02:07,046 --> 01:02:10,931
- Let me do it.
- No. I am perfectly capable.
665
01:02:11,051 --> 01:02:16,518
- Him, he's out! He moved!
- I've been moving since 1917!
666
01:02:16,641 --> 01:02:18,844
I can't do anything else.
667
01:02:31,869 --> 01:02:35,493
Get up, you. Reg the Hair.
668
01:02:36,665 --> 01:02:39,419
Get up. Get up!
669
01:02:39,544 --> 01:02:40,966
Oh!
670
01:02:41,088 --> 01:02:42,970
Now move.
671
01:03:31,607 --> 01:03:34,651
Can you do your magic show?
672
01:03:34,778 --> 01:03:36,570
What?
673
01:03:40,243 --> 01:03:42,746
You sure?
674
01:04:02,895 --> 01:04:05,688
Have you got any kids?
675
01:04:10,989 --> 01:04:15,574
'Now then,
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, '
676
01:04:15,703 --> 01:04:20,669
please put your hands together
for The Amazing Clarence!
677
01:04:22,419 --> 01:04:25,673
Thank you.
678
01:04:28,260 --> 01:04:33,636
I'm not the sort of magician who drags you
through endless mysteries.
679
01:04:33,767 --> 01:04:36,219
I'm pretty straightforward.
680
01:04:40,149 --> 01:04:44,485
- And I don't do card tricks.
- Awww!
681
01:04:49,285 --> 01:04:51,278
Well, maybe one or two.
682
01:04:53,290 --> 01:04:57,455
Would you take a card for me, please?
Any card, any card.
683
01:04:57,586 --> 01:05:01,461
Thank you. Look at it.
Don't tell me what it is. No, no.
684
01:05:01,591 --> 01:05:03,594
Don't tell me.
685
01:05:03,719 --> 01:05:07,353
Put it back.
I have a friend who will do that for me.
686
01:05:07,473 --> 01:05:09,726
Ronald, the Card-Finding Duck.
687
01:05:09,851 --> 01:05:12,474
He is going to find your card for you.
688
01:05:13,815 --> 01:05:16,398
Oh! Oh!
689
01:05:16,526 --> 01:05:19,570
Quack, quack!
690
01:05:19,697 --> 01:05:24,073
Can I have another brave volunteer,
please?
691
01:05:24,203 --> 01:05:26,996
You? Another volunteer?
692
01:05:27,122 --> 01:05:30,496
Come on, come on. Who? Who?
693
01:05:30,627 --> 01:05:35,212
- You, sir?
- No, no, absolutely not! No, no, no.
694
01:05:35,341 --> 01:05:39,757
- They'd sit knitting and eating frogs.
- Eugh!
695
01:05:39,888 --> 01:05:44,513
And watching people
having their heads cut off.
696
01:05:55,156 --> 01:05:57,609
A carrot!
697
01:05:59,454 --> 01:06:03,248
Unfortunately,
they found that the guillotine
698
01:06:03,375 --> 01:06:08,041
was susceptible
to the power of raspberries.
699
01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:13,258
They found
that if you got enough people...
700
01:06:13,387 --> 01:06:17,382
. .to blow raspberries,
the blade would be diverted
701
01:06:17,517 --> 01:06:19,890
from its fatal course.
702
01:06:20,897 --> 01:06:25,232
Which is why I need your help. OK?
703
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,243
Let's have a dry run.
704
01:06:46,719 --> 01:06:48,511
OK.
705
01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:50,851
I think we're ready.
706
01:06:50,974 --> 01:06:52,516
Blow!
707
01:06:56,064 --> 01:06:57,526
Aiiiee!
708
01:06:58,525 --> 01:07:00,818
Aaaargh!
709
01:07:16,714 --> 01:07:19,918
- I've wrapped it in a bag of peas.
- Thank you.
710
01:07:20,051 --> 01:07:22,134
- No, no, son!
- Let me go!
711
01:07:22,262 --> 01:07:26,637
- Any other medication?
- Yes. I'm on pills for my...
712
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,682
Well, I'll be buggered.
713
01:07:41,119 --> 01:07:43,872
Don't put your finger in it!
714
01:07:50,756 --> 01:07:53,299
One out.
715
01:08:15,952 --> 01:08:17,955
Did you have any?
716
01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:20,122
It's gone crusty.
717
01:08:20,249 --> 01:08:22,792
Go on. Why don't you have some, eh?
718
01:08:24,004 --> 01:08:27,799
- Let's get the candle lit.
- I don't want any!
719
01:08:27,926 --> 01:08:29,848
Have some cake.
720
01:08:37,562 --> 01:08:41,557
- What's the matter?
- I live in an old people's home!
721
01:08:41,692 --> 01:08:44,236
So do I! It's not easy for anybody!
722
01:08:44,362 --> 01:08:48,987
This'll be the place you send your elderly
loved ones to have bits chopped off!
723
01:08:49,117 --> 01:08:53,573
- It was an accident!
- He's not your grandad, Eddie!
724
01:08:53,707 --> 01:08:56,210
I wish he was my dad!
725
01:08:57,211 --> 01:09:01,757
Well, he's going senile.
Haven't you noticed?
726
01:09:01,883 --> 01:09:06,759
So you'll just have to settle
for Mr Knobhead here.
727
01:09:06,889 --> 01:09:09,843
- Why did you say that?!
- He'll find out.
728
01:09:09,977 --> 01:09:15,944
Eddie, some people don't die
just like that, you know, not like Lilian.
729
01:09:16,067 --> 01:09:19,611
Some people, they take a bit longer.
They fade.
730
01:09:19,739 --> 01:09:22,952
- I know what senile is!
- There's Daddy and me.
731
01:09:23,076 --> 01:09:27,461
- We are NOT going to fade away.
- Yes, you are! You are!
732
01:09:27,581 --> 01:09:30,465
You shouldn't get so involved.
733
01:09:30,585 --> 01:09:32,878
What about you? Getting involved!
734
01:09:37,510 --> 01:09:42,887
'Oh, Christ, Tanya.
Don't go to university. We could date.
735
01:09:43,017 --> 01:09:47,602
'- Do you think I'm attractive?
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
736
01:09:47,731 --> 01:09:50,694
'- It's fantastic!
- What are you? 45?
737
01:09:50,817 --> 01:09:54,902
'No, I'm 39! Going on bloody geriatric!
738
01:09:55,031 --> 01:10:00,038
'- Don't have an affair with me, Stevie.
- I can't support my family.
739
01:10:00,163 --> 01:10:04,408
'I'm a rotten bloody father, a terrible
husband and nobody but you
740
01:10:04,543 --> 01:10:07,416
'has a single bloody second for me.
741
01:10:07,547 --> 01:10:10,420
'You're like a breath of fresh air, Tanya.
742
01:10:12,553 --> 01:10:14,725
'I think I love you.
743
01:10:15,932 --> 01:10:17,924
'I do.'
744
01:10:35,497 --> 01:10:40,042
'Maybe if you paid me
a bit of attention every now and again!
745
01:10:40,169 --> 01:10:44,174
'What's the bloody problem
with getting your head down?
746
01:10:44,299 --> 01:10:47,463
'Can you not see beyond a pair of tits?'
747
01:10:47,595 --> 01:10:50,889
I have never been unfaithful to you.
Not in 15 years!
748
01:10:51,015 --> 01:10:53,558
You just undermine me, Steve.
749
01:10:53,686 --> 01:10:58,151
All the time, you never do anything
other than complain!
750
01:10:58,274 --> 01:11:00,727
'lt's exhausting!
751
01:11:00,861 --> 01:11:04,075
'- Why don't you just go?
- Oh, come on!
752
01:11:04,198 --> 01:11:06,741
'l'm sick of it! Go!'
753
01:11:38,823 --> 01:11:41,447
- There.
- Oh...
754
01:11:41,577 --> 01:11:46,623
- You look nice in that tie, Reggie.
- Thank you.
755
01:11:46,750 --> 01:11:50,545
But you never have it quite straight,
do you?
756
01:11:50,672 --> 01:11:51,793
No?
757
01:11:51,923 --> 01:11:55,758
We've got to straighten you out a bit
in general.
758
01:11:55,886 --> 01:11:58,349
Oh, yes. I suppose so, yes.
759
01:11:58,472 --> 01:12:00,605
Come along.
760
01:12:06,857 --> 01:12:08,860
It's half eight, love.
761
01:12:10,862 --> 01:12:13,065
Come on, get up.
762
01:12:13,199 --> 01:12:15,202
I want a talk.
763
01:12:31,722 --> 01:12:33,514
Edward?
764
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:38,019
Eddie?
765
01:12:45,196 --> 01:12:49,201
On Sunday,
we went to Edward's birthday party.
766
01:12:49,326 --> 01:12:54,753
There was a wizard who cut an old man's
finger off. It were extremely wicked.
767
01:13:02,634 --> 01:13:05,718
An old person and a young person, please.
768
01:13:05,846 --> 01:13:07,889
One eighty.
769
01:13:09,350 --> 01:13:12,895
- That's a lot of ready cash.
- He's my grandad.
770
01:13:13,022 --> 01:13:17,858
- Are you?
- Possibly. There have been many women.
771
01:13:21,949 --> 01:13:25,903
When are we going home, then? Come on.
772
01:13:27,414 --> 01:13:30,248
I wanna be where my stuff is.
773
01:13:35,590 --> 01:13:38,974
Come 'ere! Oi!
774
01:13:39,094 --> 01:13:43,350
Come 'ere!
775
01:13:45,019 --> 01:13:48,523
That was a cheap bloody trick!
Pull the red thing.
776
01:13:48,648 --> 01:13:52,242
- Too late. We're going.
- Pull the whatchamacallit!
777
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:54,944
I will if you tell me what it's called.
778
01:13:56,407 --> 01:13:58,540
Well, I know it's red.
779
01:14:01,330 --> 01:14:03,954
What's a divorce like?
780
01:14:04,084 --> 01:14:06,256
- What?
- A divorce.
781
01:14:06,377 --> 01:14:09,171
A bit tricky, I should think.
782
01:14:09,298 --> 01:14:11,300
Come on!
783
01:14:11,426 --> 01:14:14,429
- Is it still there?
- What?
784
01:14:14,554 --> 01:14:18,139
- Is it?
- What's the matter?
785
01:14:18,267 --> 01:14:21,851
Is the... ls the ground still there?
786
01:14:21,980 --> 01:14:24,934
Look - ground! Sky! Ground!
787
01:14:25,776 --> 01:14:27,278
Ow!
788
01:14:27,403 --> 01:14:30,156
- Oi!
- Concentrate!
789
01:14:33,452 --> 01:14:37,457
Any danger of a cup of tea
and a pork pie?
790
01:14:39,251 --> 01:14:41,664
Did I already ask that?
791
01:14:43,882 --> 01:14:46,886
- Thank you.
- Stay here.
792
01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:53,475
My name... Is Clarence Parkinson.
793
01:14:54,895 --> 01:14:57,609
And England is my nation.
794
01:14:59,276 --> 01:15:02,399
My teacher's name is... Mr Scott.
795
01:15:03,489 --> 01:15:06,913
And Christ is my...
796
01:15:07,035 --> 01:15:08,827
. .salvation.
797
01:15:08,953 --> 01:15:12,087
Clarence! Come here!
798
01:15:22,304 --> 01:15:26,429
- That's the same name as my missus.
- I know.
799
01:15:33,943 --> 01:15:35,114
Oh.
800
01:15:35,235 --> 01:15:36,657
No...
801
01:15:39,533 --> 01:15:41,245
Oh... God.
802
01:15:45,540 --> 01:15:47,963
Sod off.
803
01:15:50,546 --> 01:16:00,768
Sod off!
804
01:16:06,565 --> 01:16:11,111
- Sod off...
- Put them down, then. Put them down.
805
01:16:11,238 --> 01:16:13,281
Get it off your... Don't!
806
01:16:13,407 --> 01:16:15,319
Don't. You...
807
01:16:16,285 --> 01:16:18,498
You've spoilt them.
808
01:16:18,622 --> 01:16:20,494
Yeah.
809
01:16:20,624 --> 01:16:24,920
I've spoilt...
all these nice flowers, ain't I?
810
01:16:25,046 --> 01:16:27,178
It's all right.
811
01:16:37,144 --> 01:16:41,310
Know what they're gonna say
on my gravestone?
812
01:16:41,441 --> 01:16:45,195
"Here lies Clarence B Parkinson."
813
01:16:46,196 --> 01:16:49,030
"He was born, he effed it up"
814
01:16:49,159 --> 01:16:51,822
"and then he died."
815
01:16:53,205 --> 01:16:55,618
What's your name?
816
01:16:55,750 --> 01:16:58,333
- Eh?
- Edward.
817
01:16:58,461 --> 01:17:00,334
Edward...
818
01:17:01,340 --> 01:17:04,223
Things aren't exactly
819
01:17:04,343 --> 01:17:06,726
as they ought to be.
820
01:17:09,224 --> 01:17:11,848
Have you any idea what it is?
821
01:17:14,273 --> 01:17:16,685
There's something the matter.
822
01:17:25,078 --> 01:17:30,414
The name on that gravestone
is the same name as my wife.
823
01:17:39,053 --> 01:17:43,388
Leave it. I'm gonna go call my mum.
824
01:17:50,525 --> 01:17:54,980
Today's the first time we've spent
more than half an hour with each other
825
01:17:55,114 --> 01:18:00,411
without a bloody fogey or shitty arse
or liquidised bloody carrots in the way
826
01:18:00,537 --> 01:18:05,743
for a year. Because our kid's run off
because he hates us so much
827
01:18:05,877 --> 01:18:08,250
because of what we do.
828
01:18:08,380 --> 01:18:11,554
That isn't why. What we do is good.
829
01:18:12,718 --> 01:18:15,682
We didn't go to university, Steve.
830
01:18:15,805 --> 01:18:19,810
You asked me to marry you. We had a baby.
831
01:18:19,935 --> 01:18:22,939
Do you remember how much...
832
01:18:24,733 --> 01:18:28,528
Do you remember
how hard we tried for him?
833
01:18:28,655 --> 01:18:30,367
Yeah.
834
01:18:32,535 --> 01:18:35,328
That was the journey we decided to make.
835
01:18:35,454 --> 01:18:38,288
And there might be a few less "dates"
836
01:18:38,417 --> 01:18:42,381
and I might end up looking
like my mother, but...
837
01:18:42,505 --> 01:18:44,387
Sorry.
838
01:18:50,723 --> 01:18:53,146
It's not that way, love. Just over here.
839
01:18:53,268 --> 01:18:57,152
- I thought it was outside.
- You come with me. That's it.
840
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:04,193
You argue with your mates sometimes,
right?
841
01:19:04,323 --> 01:19:08,318
And obviously your mum and me...
sometimes...
842
01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:13,210
I can be a grumpy bum.
843
01:19:15,795 --> 01:19:18,388
It's no fault of yours, love. It's just...
844
01:19:23,805 --> 01:19:26,808
Are you not going to live at home?
845
01:19:27,810 --> 01:19:30,193
I don't know.
846
01:19:32,440 --> 01:19:35,604
Hey, but you must never think, ever,
847
01:19:35,736 --> 01:19:40,362
that you're not absolutely the most
important thing in the world
848
01:19:40,492 --> 01:19:42,454
to your mum and me.
849
01:19:45,414 --> 01:19:47,917
Do you understand?
850
01:19:55,135 --> 01:19:58,008
When's he going to die?
851
01:20:01,643 --> 01:20:06,439
We'll look after him.
Just like we look after everybody.
852
01:20:08,943 --> 01:20:13,949
I'm a little bit bored with you men
and your problems at the moment, Edward.
853
01:20:14,074 --> 01:20:18,409
Sometimes you just have to learn
to let things go.
854
01:20:18,538 --> 01:20:20,410
I know.
855
01:20:25,171 --> 01:20:26,413
Eh?
856
01:20:29,301 --> 01:20:34,267
- There you are. Where have you been?
- Go back to sleep.
857
01:20:34,390 --> 01:20:37,935
- I've been looking for you!
- Oh, God help us.
858
01:20:38,062 --> 01:20:40,855
Another woolly one who can't cope.
859
01:20:40,981 --> 01:20:43,184
Annie...
860
01:20:43,318 --> 01:20:45,651
I'm sorry, pigeon.
861
01:20:48,450 --> 01:20:52,444
That's all I wanted to say.
Just to tell you... that I'm sorry.
862
01:20:52,580 --> 01:20:57,045
I got distracted, love.
If I had my time over again...
863
01:20:57,168 --> 01:20:59,551
if I had it again...
864
01:20:59,671 --> 01:21:01,714
Annie...
865
01:21:01,841 --> 01:21:08,559
I forgive you.
866
01:21:48,773 --> 01:21:51,396
'Marty, I'll be very sad to see you go.
867
01:21:51,526 --> 01:21:55,191
'You've really made a difference
in my life.
868
01:21:55,322 --> 01:21:59,327
'Just knowing I'm going to be around
to see 1985,
869
01:21:59,452 --> 01:22:02,996
'that I'm going to succeed in this
and travel through time!
870
01:22:09,005 --> 01:22:13,801
'It's going to be really hard to wait
30 years to talk to you about this.
871
01:22:13,928 --> 01:22:16,852
'I'm really going to miss you, Marty.
872
01:22:17,724 --> 01:22:20,397
'l'm really gonna miss you.'
873
01:22:23,565 --> 01:22:26,358
Ace one, wasn't it? That one was magic.
874
01:22:26,484 --> 01:22:30,409
- Like the bit with the skateboard?
- I was there, too.
875
01:22:30,531 --> 01:22:34,576
- Oh, no. You sure?
- Yeah. You coming in?
876
01:22:34,703 --> 01:22:37,327
A couple of minutes can't hurt.
877
01:22:37,457 --> 01:22:41,882
- But you did like it, though?
- It was good, Dad!
878
01:22:42,003 --> 01:22:46,088
- Can I have a word?
- Most assuredly.
879
01:22:50,263 --> 01:22:52,686
With him.
880
01:24:07,149 --> 01:24:09,742
'Getting to be spring again.
881
01:24:09,860 --> 01:24:12,533
'lt's October.
882
01:24:12,655 --> 01:24:16,580
'The leaves are looking
very nice on the, er...
883
01:24:16,702 --> 01:24:19,195
'. .large plants you get in the garden.
884
01:24:19,330 --> 01:24:23,165
'- Trees.
- You're not doing that trick right.'
885
01:24:23,293 --> 01:24:27,588
You've got to give it some patter. Words.
Why don't you...
886
01:24:27,716 --> 01:24:31,550
What do you call a man with a paper bag
on his head? Russell.
887
01:24:31,678 --> 01:24:34,021
Or a licence plate on his head? Reg.
888
01:24:34,139 --> 01:24:36,723
- A man with a car on his head?
- Seatbelt?
889
01:24:39,605 --> 01:24:41,527
Good lad!
890
01:24:41,649 --> 01:24:44,983
- Can I have my fiver now?
- Your what?
891
01:24:45,112 --> 01:24:49,367
- You said you'd give me a fiver.
- What a load of bollocks.
892
01:24:49,492 --> 01:24:52,115
Come in.
893
01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,992
- Ready for the off?
- Where to?
894
01:24:57,126 --> 01:24:58,748
Pictures?
895
01:25:00,213 --> 01:25:02,966
Ta-ta for now.
896
01:25:38,677 --> 01:25:43,643
I was wondering whether you wanted
to move back into your old room.
897
01:25:43,766 --> 01:25:45,979
I'm OK where I am.
898
01:25:48,271 --> 01:25:50,865
He was some magician, wasn't he?
899
01:25:52,694 --> 01:25:55,067
Oh, come here.
900
01:26:28,653 --> 01:26:31,817
Oh, yeah? He shoots, he scores!
901
01:26:34,620 --> 01:26:37,243
Come on, then! Pass it!
902
01:26:46,717 --> 01:26:48,550
One out!
903
01:27:02,361 --> 01:27:05,075
Go on, then.
904
01:27:06,116 --> 01:27:08,499
Nice one, old man
905
01:27:28,017 --> 01:27:30,480
Come on!
906
01:27:30,604 --> 01:27:32,486
One out!
907
01:27:46,457 --> 01:27:48,449
Oh, look!
908
01:27:49,586 --> 01:27:51,458
Abracadabra!
909
01:27:53,423 --> 01:27:55,215
Oh...
910
01:28:01,976 --> 01:28:04,599
Where are you going?
911
01:28:10,652 --> 01:28:12,234
Out.
912
01:28:12,363 --> 01:28:16,158
- That's all.
- You never go out.
913
01:28:16,284 --> 01:28:20,289
Well, things are different now,
aren't they?
914
01:28:20,414 --> 01:28:23,207
Why do you have to put make-up on?
915
01:28:24,211 --> 01:28:26,003
Because...
916
01:28:27,006 --> 01:28:31,421
Oh, I don't know.
Makes you feel a bit more human.
917
01:28:33,847 --> 01:28:35,890
You look like a vampire.
918
01:28:40,480 --> 01:28:42,693
Cheers, big ears
919
01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:54,497
You look nice!
920
01:29:06,595 --> 01:29:08,137
Hi.
921
01:29:08,264 --> 01:29:10,897
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
68298
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