Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,730 --> 00:00:04,930
ś It seems today
that all you see ś
2
00:00:04,930 --> 00:00:08,330
ś Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ś
3
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:12,110
ś But where are those
good old-fashioned values ś
4
00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:15,050
ś On which we used to rely? ś
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,970
ś Lucky there's a family guy ś
6
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:22,080
ś Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ś
7
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,010
ś All the things that make us ś
8
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:25,280
ś Laugh and cry ś
9
00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:31,530
ś He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ś
10
00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:37,890
Lois, you have a gray hair.
What?
11
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:39,200
Inch-and-a-half left
of your part.
12
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,830
Oh, my God, you're right.
13
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,680
You know, I don't mind
so much that you're aging,
14
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:46,000
it's just the way you're
shoving it down my throat.
15
00:00:46,010 --> 00:00:48,280
Screw you, Peter.
Not today.
16
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,980
(laughing):
Oh, wow!
17
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:52,750
Mom, Dad, is it okay if I
invite my new boyfriend
18
00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:54,220
over for dinner tonight?
19
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,020
Your what?!
20
00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:57,120
Yes, I share your
mother's skepticism.
21
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,160
No, really, I have a boyfriend.
22
00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:00,280
His name is Anthony.
23
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:02,660
Well, Meg,
if you're telling us the truth,
24
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:03,330
I just hope to God
25
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,890
he's an improvement
over the last one.
26
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,120
Thanks, Mrs. Griffin,
that was delicious.
27
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,270
You're welcome, Justin.
28
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:09,890
It was a pleasure
to meet you.
29
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,640
Come on.
I'll take you home.
30
00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:13,060
Okay, babe.
31
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:19,240
He ain't got no legs.
32
00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:27,590
Jolly Farm?
33
00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:30,650
I can't believe
you still watch this crap.
34
00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:33,780
Man, how can you
still watch this, huh?
35
00:01:33,790 --> 00:01:34,730
Huh?
36
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,890
You know, I can tell you've
already been drinking,
37
00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:39,720
and I, I just don't
want to engage.
38
00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:40,970
Besides, you can
learn a lot
39
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:41,920
from British
nursery rhymes.
40
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:46,600
ś Ring a ring o' roses,
a pocketful of posies ś
41
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,800
ś Ashes, ashes,
we all fall down! ś
42
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,870
See, that was actually written
about the bubonic plague.
43
00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:55,000
Oh, didn't know that.
44
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,370
Ooh, ooh, this next
one's my favorite.
45
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,180
It's about the Pan Am
flight from Lockerbie.
46
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:01,910
ś It's raining luggage
and babies and limbs ś
47
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,860
ś And daddy doesn't come home! ś
48
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:07,150
Yay! It's fun
to be a child.
49
00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:08,080
Hey, did you read this?
50
00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:09,820
They're gonna be making
an American version
51
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,850
of Jolly Farm
right here in Quahog.
52
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,960
Oh, my God, I didn't
see that. Gimme!
53
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,030
Good Lord, you're right,
an American Jolly Farm!
54
00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,060
Oh, there's no picture.
55
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:21,140
I like the stories
that have pictures.
56
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,270
Ooh, like this one.
57
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:24,370
"Seven Dead in Mumbai."
58
00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:26,670
I like their hats.
59
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,250
Lois, get in here.
60
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,780
Shh-- Meg's boyfriend.
61
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,020
But there's, there's
nothing wrong with him.
62
00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:46,500
Mom, where's my...?
63
00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:47,960
BOTH:
Shh...
64
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:48,990
(gasps)
65
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,200
(dialing)
66
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,670
Quagmire, get over here,
you got to see this.
67
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,380
He seems to be
completely normal.
68
00:02:59,370 --> 00:03:01,070
ALL:
Oh...!
69
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,250
I can honestly say
for the first time
70
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,010
that I am attracted
to our daughter.
71
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,680
This must be what
other fathers feel like.
72
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,050
This was worth
the 500-mile drive.
73
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:15,380
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Anthony.
74
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,350
You, too,
Mrs. Griffin.
75
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,060
Thanks for having me over
for dinner.
76
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:19,150
Come on, Peter.
77
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,090
I think Anthony wants
some time alone with Meg.
78
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,970
Who doesn't want some time alone
with Meg these days?
79
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:25,900
Right, Meg?
80
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,860
Has anybody ever told you
you're pretty enough
81
00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:29,800
to be a movie star,
Mrs. Griffin?
82
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,430
Oh, my goodness. Well,
I don't know about that.
83
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,200
Penelope Ann Miller,
Nancy Travis--
84
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:36,970
now, those are movie stars.
85
00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:38,220
Look, Anthony, trust me,
86
00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:39,880
she ain't what she used
to be, all right?
87
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,210
Once you get those pants off,
88
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:44,090
it's like two sagging pressed
hams and a slice of pizza.
89
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,510
Oh, thank you, Peter,
90
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:46,920
that makes me
feel terrific.
91
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,020
Anyway,
good night, kids.
92
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,350
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.
93
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,030
Ah-ah-ah,
on the lips.
94
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,820
Yes!
95
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:59,330
Do you think
your parents liked me?
96
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,930
Yeah. Can we
make out now?
97
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,800
Oh, I forgot my...
98
00:04:04,810 --> 00:04:06,310
(chuckles)
99
00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:16,210
Oh, my God, that's kind of hot.
100
00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:20,430
(pen scratching)
101
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:26,320
Mmm, I bet you taste like
Mountain Dew and Starburst.
102
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,570
All right, wish me luck
on my audition, Brian.
103
00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:35,870
If anyone deserves to be
on Jolly Farm, it's me.
104
00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:37,430
Sorry, all the boys
can go home.
105
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,270
We only have one part
left for a little girl.
106
00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:41,370
What?
107
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:42,480
No! No, that's impossible!
108
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,780
Oh, that's too bad,
Stewie.
109
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,450
Well, I guess
we can go home now.
110
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,890
But I don't want
to go home.
111
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,140
I want to be
on Jolly Farm!
112
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,240
Well, you heard her.
113
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:50,380
They're only auditioning
little girls.
114
00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:52,150
Now, come on,
let's get out of here.
115
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,520
I suppose you're right;
nothing I can do.
116
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:59,120
Okay, our next young actress
on the audition list is
117
00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:00,970
Karina Smirnoff.
118
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,190
(girlish English accent):
Hello, everyone!
119
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,880
(girlish English accent):
Thank you all so much
120
00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:13,840
for squeezing me in
for an audition.
121
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,470
So, should we
just jump in?
122
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,520
Sure.
When you're ready.
123
00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,910
All right, let me
just get into character.
124
00:05:18,910 --> 00:05:20,140
I'm a bit distracted.
125
00:05:20,150 --> 00:05:21,990
I wasn't expecting
we'd do this today
126
00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:23,480
in light of the circumstances.
127
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,380
What circumstances?
128
00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:27,450
Oh, dear God, didn't you hear?
The bomb.
129
00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:29,620
The bomb that went off
in Times Square.
130
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:32,520
(choking up):
All those poor people... dead!
131
00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:35,130
Oh, my God, my cousin
works in Times Square.
132
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:39,060
Well, your cousin is fine
because I was acting!
133
00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:41,670
That's impressive.
Oh, wow.
Risky, very risky.
134
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:43,700
All right, fun's over.
What do you want me to read?
135
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:46,500
We want you to read
your new contract.
136
00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:48,250
(gasps)
You mean it?
137
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,410
Absolutely.
You're hired.
138
00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:52,810
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh!
139
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:55,810
Well, I guess sometimes
you're just right for the part.
140
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,290
Like James Earl Jones
playing Darth Vader.
141
00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:04,760
So, James, we just want
you to do the voice.
142
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,320
Thanks for taking time
for me today, Bonnie.
143
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:11,290
I just didn't know
who else to talk to.
144
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:13,960
Oh, that's okay, Lois.
What's on your mind?
145
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,180
Well, you're going to
think I'm an awful person,
146
00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:19,940
but I'm attracted
to another man.
147
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:20,500
Giggity?
148
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,680
It's Meg's boyfriend
Anthony.
149
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:23,550
(sadly):
Giggity.
150
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:24,170
It's just that, lately,
151
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:27,540
Peter's been making me feel
so crappy about my age, and...
152
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,010
Well, then I'm around Anthony,
153
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,620
and he looks at me like
I'm young and attractive.
154
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,220
I'm going to tell you
a secret, Lois.
155
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:35,920
I had an affair once.
156
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,690
(gasps)
You had an affair?
157
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:40,520
Mm-hmm. It wasn't
anything sordid.
158
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,130
Just some guys I met
on the Internet.
159
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:46,260
The point is, it's healthy
to explore your sexuality.
160
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:48,170
Oh, I don't know.
161
00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:50,430
It just feels like
I'm lying to Peter...
162
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,950
like Jesus lied
to the meek.
163
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,340
All right.
164
00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:57,370
Jesus and the jocks
win again.
165
00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:00,620
Hey, you said we were gonna
inherit the earth.
166
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,980
Yeah, when we're done with it.
167
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:05,310
(boy grunts, jocks chuckle)
168
00:07:13,990 --> 00:07:15,160
Hello there.
169
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:15,890
Hello.
170
00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:18,340
Um, I'm new in town
and I'm awfully lonely.
171
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:21,500
I'm wondering if you wouldn't
mind buying me a drink?
172
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,760
Well, that'd
be my pleasure.
173
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,700
And maybe later
I can show you some
174
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,350
of the local points
of interest.
175
00:07:26,340 --> 00:07:28,400
There's one right
below the table.
176
00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:29,970
Oh, my, you're very bold.
177
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:33,120
Well, when your life span
is 13 years, you got
to be direct.
178
00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:36,480
Lucky for you,
I like bold men.
179
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,180
Karina, Karina Smirnoff.
180
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,690
Brian, Brian Steel.
181
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:42,460
Ooh, good heavens.
182
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,000
Man, your accent
is sexy.
183
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,150
Oh, this is all moving
very quickly.
184
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,960
I'm afraid
I'm a little light-headed.
185
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,320
You must think
I'm a fool.
186
00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:52,230
I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to come on too strong.
187
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:53,260
Oh, that's all right.
188
00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:55,240
I've been missing
a man's touch
189
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,580
lo these many months.
190
00:07:56,570 --> 00:08:00,240
And I've been missing
a woman's touch.
191
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,540
(normal voice):
Brian, Brian, it's me, Stewie.
192
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:07,690
Oh, my God,
that was hilarious.
193
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:08,510
You really fell for it.
194
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,690
I-I was, like,
"Is he gonna fall for this?"
195
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,380
And then when you did,
I was like,
196
00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:14,460
"I guess I should see
how far I can take it
197
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,080
'cause, you know,
it'll be funnier."
198
00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:17,050
I'm gonna kill you!
199
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,330
Why are you dressed
like that?!
200
00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:20,470
Uh, because I'm the star
of Jolly Farm.
201
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:23,330
Remember how they only
needed little girls?
202
00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,630
Oh, my God.
203
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:25,530
I'm telling Lois.
204
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:27,560
You're not telling
anybody, friend.
205
00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:30,610
No, no, you're gonna
be my on-set guardian.
206
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,670
You're out of your mind.
207
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,100
Brian, we both know
I touched it.
208
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:34,480
Now, if you'd like
to keep that just between us,
209
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:38,640
I suggest you sit back down and
order me some chicken fingers.
210
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:43,160
See? We're having
a nice time.
211
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,220
All right, first scene up
is on page 12.
212
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:50,320
Everybody, this is
our new Jolly Farm resident,
213
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,290
Karina Smirnoff.
214
00:08:51,290 --> 00:08:52,890
She'll be playing
the role of Mary.
215
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:56,160
Hello.
Hi, I'm Julie.
216
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,600
(normal voice):
Oh, hello, I'm Stew...
217
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,800
(girlishly):
Uh, I'm Karina.
218
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,370
Can we get some
quiet on the set?
219
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:04,600
I'm trying
to rehearse.
220
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,800
STAGEHAND:
Quiet on the set!
221
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:06,810
Don't mind Randall.
222
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:08,480
He's getting
into character.
223
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,680
Is he playing a dick?
224
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,120
All right, everybody,
here we go.
225
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,340
Scene ten.
Places, please.
226
00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:14,620
And... action!
227
00:09:14,610 --> 00:09:17,280
Oh, it's so great being here
on Jolly Farm.
228
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,020
Let's go to the barn
and meet the animals.
229
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:20,720
Yeah! Hey, Mary,
230
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,290
bet I'll beat you
to the barn.
231
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:24,420
That sounds like
232
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:25,720
a really chauvinistic
presumption.
233
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:29,230
I mean, because I'm a woman,
you think you'll beat me?
234
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,430
A man is automatically
better than a woman
235
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:32,360
at any physical challenge?
236
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:36,240
Well, here are a few women
who might beat you to the barn:
237
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,140
Joanie Benoit,
Jackie Joyner-Kersee,
238
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:41,070
Babe Didrikson Zaharias,
Mary Decker, Zola Budd...
239
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:41,600
Cut!
240
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:44,640
Karina, your line is,
"That sounds fun."
241
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,770
Well, yes, Dan,
but I felt
242
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,240
that just because
we're on a farm,
243
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:50,220
it doesn't mean we have
to be stuck in the 19th century
244
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,360
with our value system.
245
00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,950
Mary needs to stand up
for herself.
246
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:56,390
Hmm... interesting.
I suppose we don't really have
247
00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,420
an outspoken female character
on the show.
248
00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:00,430
All right, Karina,
we'll try it your way
249
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:02,700
and see what
happens.
Good luck.
250
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:05,400
She'll be gone
in three episodes.
251
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:12,230
ś Go, Stewie, go! ś
252
00:10:13,540 --> 00:10:18,740
ś Roll, Stewie, roll! ś
253
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:25,480
ś Sweet Stewie roll...! ś
254
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:35,860
(flirtatiously):
Hi, Anthony.
Hi, Mrs. Griffin.
255
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:37,490
You know, we've
enjoyed having you
256
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,840
around so much lately,
so we got a little
257
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:43,600
"welcome to the family"
present for you.
258
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,500
Your husband's work
and poker game schedule?
259
00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:48,750
(whispering):
My menstrual cycle's
on there, too,
260
00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:50,840
but I don't mind
if you don't.
261
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:51,640
Uh, thanks.
262
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,720
Oh, by the way, Meg,
I forgot to tell you,
263
00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:56,450
your grandfather needs you to
pick him up at the airport.
264
00:10:56,450 --> 00:11:00,520
Ugh, Grandpa always makes me
so nervous when I'm driving.
265
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,320
(clicks empty)
266
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,660
Okay, now me.
267
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:07,820
That's a stop sign.
268
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:09,590
Anthony, you want
to come with me?
269
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,640
Sure.
270
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:11,660
Oh, don't be ridiculous,
271
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,740
I'll keep him company
till you get back.
272
00:11:13,730 --> 00:11:15,560
Good-bye, Meg.
273
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,440
Let's not play games.
274
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:18,880
The other day, you
said I was attractive.
275
00:11:18,870 --> 00:11:20,870
Now, what are we
gonna do about it?
276
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:22,100
Oh, my God.
277
00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:23,240
Wow, this is so cool.
278
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,210
I've never had a MILF
come on to me before.
279
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:28,180
Can I, can I kiss you?
280
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:29,340
Let me ask you this:
281
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,350
Do my gray hairs
bother you?
282
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:32,780
What gray hairs?
283
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:35,230
Oh, kiss me.
284
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,520
(moaning)
285
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,820
Mom, I forgot my keys.
286
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,490
Do you know where...?
287
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,020
Um... rape?
288
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:47,200
(Seinfeld transitional cue
plays)
289
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,770
Hey, another batch
of fan mail, Karina.
290
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:55,840
Oh, careful, Sam,
291
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,070
you're emptying
your sack all over me.
292
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,910
(laughing):
What?!
293
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:00,980
Stewie, how
the hell long
294
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,940
do you think you can
keep up this charade?
295
00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:05,180
I will keep up
this "cha-rahd"--
296
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,790
as it's pronounced, Brian--
as long as I see fit.
297
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:09,290
Ooh, ooh, shh, shh, shh.
298
00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:10,120
Hi, Karina.
299
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,490
(girlish voice):
Oh, hi, Julie.
300
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:12,850
God, I love
your makeup.
301
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,720
You know, I'm thinking
of asking them
302
00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:15,990
to do my makeup
like yours.
303
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,540
Oh, you don't
need makeup.
304
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:18,930
I mean, I need all
the help I can get,
305
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:20,860
but you have such a
youthful look,
306
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,540
you could pass
for 11 months.
307
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,640
Ugh, then why do I feel
like 40 months?
308
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,900
You've got to stop
doing that to yourself.
309
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:28,110
You're fantastic.
310
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,470
Oh, I think you're the nicest
person I've ever met.
311
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,340
Hey, baby, you ready
to go take a nap?
312
00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:36,690
Oh, okay, Randall.
313
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,650
I don't think
that guy is right for her.
314
00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,320
Do you see the way
he treats her?
315
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:41,880
Why do you care?
316
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:45,190
Because... I think
I'm in love with her.
317
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:45,990
Whenever I talk to her,
318
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:48,290
it makes my Band-Aid
start to peel off.
319
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,400
What are you
talking about?
320
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,840
I'm talking
about my thing.
321
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:51,990
Got to hide it
for the cameras.
322
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,600
Instead of tucking,
I just push it in
323
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,360
like a button and put
a Band-Aid over it.
324
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:56,500
What kind of Band-Aid?
325
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,530
Big one, big giant one.
326
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:02,300
Nah, just one of those
little dots you put on a shot.
327
00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:09,780
Okay, Brian, watch,
here comes my big part.
328
00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:14,780
Oh, here comes Large Bird and
Moody Green Garbage Creature.
329
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:16,620
Wow, you're a big bird.
330
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,820
And I'm grouchy,
so get out of my way!
331
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,170
You watch that tone,
Moody Green Garbage Creature,
332
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,890
or I'll get Bernie and Gert
over here to kick your butt.
333
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,390
Is there a problem here?
334
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,900
Yeah, you need us
to use our fists?
335
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,370
Look at Julie, Brian.
336
00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:33,340
She's absolutely beautiful.
337
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,800
(doorbell rings)
338
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:39,410
Julie, hi, w-we were
just talking about you.
339
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:40,540
Oh, hi, do I know you?
340
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:43,990
Oh, right, yeah--
no, you don't, you know Karina.
341
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:44,850
I'm her brother Stewie.
342
00:13:44,850 --> 00:13:46,650
It's nice to meet you.
Is she home?
343
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,480
Oh, yeah, yeah,
she's upstairs.
344
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,080
Come in.
345
00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:51,220
Brian, you've met
Julie, right?
346
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,090
Julie's my sister's
costar on Jolly Farm.
347
00:13:54,090 --> 00:13:54,890
Hi, Brian.
348
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,490
Why don't you
keep her company
349
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,700
while I go fetch Karina?
350
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,800
Just make sure
you get her fast.
351
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:00,960
Karina?
(as Karina):
Yes?
352
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,570
(as Stewie):
You have a visitor.
Who is it?
353
00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:04,800
It's that nice girl,
Julie, from your show.
354
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,870
Oh, Julie-- did she
say what she wanted?
355
00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:08,100
Just go see for yourself.
356
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:09,670
I'm not your
secretary, Karina.
357
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:10,720
Why are you
so cruel to me?
358
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:11,840
Is it because
I'm the pretty one?
359
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,690
The talented one?
Oh, for God's sakes.
360
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,010
You know, we're
all sick of you.
361
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,120
That's right, all of us.
362
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,520
Sick of me?!
Oh, that's rich.
363
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,350
You know, I wasn't
going to say this,
364
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:21,580
but Mother hates you.
365
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:23,420
That's not true,
you take that back!
366
00:14:23,420 --> 00:14:24,690
It is true, she hates you!
367
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:26,860
She told me, it was
the Christmas we all went
368
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,560
to Edaville Railroad,
and you cried
369
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,860
because you were afraid
because one of Santa's elves
370
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,490
was a real midget,
and father said,
371
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,760
"That's it, I can't
take this anymore,"
372
00:14:34,770 --> 00:14:35,930
and he left that very night
373
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:38,680
and all you cared about was
ice cream on the way home
374
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,870
and Mother said you didn't
appreciate anything!
375
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,400
BRIAN:
Karina!
Coming!
376
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:44,340
Hello, Julie.
377
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,040
So nice to see you.
378
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,020
Please.
379
00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:48,040
Two lemonades, Brian.
380
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,880
Oh, yeah, I'll go
make you a lemonade.
381
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,510
I'll make you
a fresh one.
382
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:52,880
So, what brings you here?
383
00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:54,790
Well, I wanted to see
if you could come over
384
00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:56,650
to my house tonight
and run lines with me.
385
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,930
Don't you usually
do that with Randall?
386
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,630
We kind of had a fight.
387
00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:01,670
Oh, I'm sorry.
388
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:04,430
I thought maybe you and I
could have a sleepover tonight.
389
00:15:04,430 --> 00:15:05,930
You know, a little girl time.
390
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:07,160
Oh, that would be so fun.
391
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,970
Yes, let's.
Terrific.
392
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:09,830
I can't wait.
393
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,180
Hey, do you mind if I say
good-bye to your brother?
394
00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:14,800
(sighs)
Fine.
395
00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:15,700
Stewie!
396
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:16,840
(as Stewie):
What?
397
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,770
Julie would like to
say good-bye to you.
398
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:19,870
Well? Answer me.
399
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:20,910
I'm not talking to you.
400
00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:22,840
You're being a baby.
Go say good-bye.
401
00:15:22,850 --> 00:15:23,950
Why? She's
your friend.
402
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,110
And why should
I do you any favors
403
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,880
after the terrible things
you said to me earlier?
404
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,990
Well, at least I didn't bring
up that time at Brigham's
405
00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:31,320
when you showed your fanny to
that girl in the wheelchair.
406
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,220
Julie's gone.
(as Stewie):
That's fine, Brian,
407
00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:34,900
we're having a
conversation up here.
408
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,520
That girl in the wheelchair
called me a name.
409
00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:40,400
(as Karina):
Yes, well, that gives you
no right to be a blackguard!
410
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,040
Meg, honey, I think
we need to talk.
411
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,170
I don't want to talk to you.
Get out!
412
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,880
Look, I understand
that you're upset.
413
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,110
You made out
with my boyfriend.
414
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,050
How could you do that?
415
00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:59,750
I don't know, sweetheart,
but I am so, so sorry.
416
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,480
It was an awful thing
that I did.
417
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,450
I never meant to
steal him from you.
418
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:05,030
Is that what you think?
419
00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:06,650
You stole him from me?
420
00:16:06,660 --> 00:16:07,590
Are you kidding?
421
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:09,060
You couldn't steal him from me.
422
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:11,590
Well, I do know
a few things, Meg,
423
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,830
and clearly, if I wanted him,
I could have him.
424
00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,960
You really think
you stand a chance?
425
00:16:15,970 --> 00:16:18,630
Look at you, you're old,
you're nothing.
426
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,270
You couldn't even imagine
the things I do for him.
427
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:25,040
And this isn't about making out;
this is about power tools.
428
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,110
Yeah, I go to places
you couldn't get back from.
429
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,510
I'll do anything.
430
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,060
You don't know me.
431
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,080
Oh, my God!
432
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,190
He hangs me from
the shower rod
433
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:37,620
with your old bras, and
then we laugh at you.
434
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:39,590
Now get out of my room.
435
00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:43,590
Well, when you're
ready to talk...
436
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:47,870
Are you okay in there, Karina?
437
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:49,010
Be right out.
438
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,570
Just rinsing off
my Noxzema.
439
00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:51,900
I'm so glad you came over.
440
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:54,110
Oh, so am I, Jules;
it's been so fun.
441
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:57,950
So, I guess I sleep
in the guest room or whatnot?
442
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,070
No, you can sleep
in here with me.
443
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,780
Oh, well, my goodness, I hope
there's room for both of us.
444
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:06,150
I'll just have to
squeeze in here.
445
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,880
Well, good night, Karina.
446
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:12,900
You know, I really like
spending time with you, Julie.
447
00:17:12,890 --> 00:17:13,820
Me, too.
448
00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:15,130
Why couldn't we just
have girlfriends
449
00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:16,830
instead of boyfriends?
I know.
450
00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:20,060
It's all just one big,
confusing mess.
451
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,010
Can I snuggle with you?
452
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,730
Uh-huh.
453
00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:26,110
(sweet melody plays)
454
00:17:27,910 --> 00:17:31,020
Good night, Julie.
455
00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,250
Well, I hope you're
happy, Peter.
456
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,220
Our daughter hates me and
it's all because of you.
457
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:43,280
Me? What the hell did I do?
458
00:17:43,290 --> 00:17:45,120
You've made me feel
so unattractive lately
459
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,220
that I went and
did something
460
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:49,470
disgusting and abhorrent
and I'm ashamed of myself.
461
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,860
Peter, I made out
with Meg's boyfriend.
462
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,940
You made out
with Meg's boyfriend?
463
00:17:53,930 --> 00:17:55,360
How the hell could
you do that to me?
464
00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:58,330
Because, Peter, you've been
making me feel old and fat
465
00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,670
and unattractive
and worthless.
466
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:02,000
How do you expect me
to respond?
467
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:05,570
Lois, I think you're
the most beautiful woman
468
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:06,810
I ever seen in my life.
469
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:09,010
Well, but then why
have you been saying
470
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,050
all these horrible things?
471
00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:13,980
Because I'm old and fat and
unattractive and worthless.
472
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,130
I guess I thought that
if I could bring you down,
473
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,950
you wouldn't start to notice
that you're too good for me
474
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,920
and run off looking
for another fella.
475
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,670
Peter, that's
ridiculous.
476
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:24,930
I love you.
477
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,260
Why?
478
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,340
Maybe I like fat guys.
479
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:29,130
You do?
480
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:32,110
Maybe I like having
sex with fat guys.
481
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,080
Yeah?
482
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,070
Maybe I want to have sex
with a fat guy right now.
483
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,950
Well, maybe I want to have sex
with an ugly, old broad.
484
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:41,420
Peter!
Gotcha!
485
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:43,240
(laughing):
Wow!
486
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:46,710
(both moaning)
487
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,620
I'm going insane, Brian.
488
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,820
I don't know how much longer
I can keep this up.
489
00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:55,700
I've got to tell Julie
my true feelings.
490
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,770
So, tell her.
491
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,060
Have you heard, Karina?
492
00:18:58,060 --> 00:18:59,790
We're gonna be doing
the show live today.
493
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:00,900
I'm so nervous.
494
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,000
I've never been on
live TV before.
495
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,130
Would you give me
a hug for luck?
496
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:10,840
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not done yet.
497
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,710
Karina, what are you...
498
00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:14,110
(moaning)
499
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,140
Oh, oh, I'm not...
500
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,580
I'm not a lesbian.
501
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:19,150
No, no, I'm not either.
502
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:20,380
What are you exactly?
503
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,130
I'm sorry, Karina.
504
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,150
If only you were a boy.
505
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,320
But... I am a boy.
506
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:30,730
DIRECTOR:
Okay, everybody,
we're live in five.
507
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:33,090
You'd better
get out there.
508
00:19:34,270 --> 00:19:37,040
Four, three, two...
509
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,910
Good morning and welcome
to Jolly Farm.
510
00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:44,150
Today we're going to learn
about the letter "T."
511
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:47,340
I've got something
to say, Mother Maggie.
512
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:48,320
You do?
513
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,110
Well, maybe that can wait
till later, Mary.
514
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,420
No, I think this needs
to come out now.
515
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:56,720
You see, I didn't move
to Jolly Farm from the big city
516
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,050
to be around animals.
517
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:01,870
I moved here because my uncle
was molesting my sister,
518
00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:04,390
and my parents wanted her
to start a new life.
519
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,570
But my sister Mary
shot herself in the face,
520
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:10,380
and that's when I decided that
she would live on through me.
521
00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:13,270
For I am not who you think I am.
522
00:20:13,270 --> 00:20:15,940
I am not little Mary Sunflower,
523
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:19,740
daughter of Bradley
and Theresa Sunflower.
524
00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:21,220
No, I'm not.
525
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,010
(as Stewie):
I'm Desmond Sunflower!
526
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:25,920
Desmond Sunflower,
and I'm a boy!
527
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,450
(all gasping)
528
00:20:28,450 --> 00:20:31,020
A perfectly normal little boy.
529
00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:34,390
Who also happens
to be a transvestite.
530
00:20:34,390 --> 00:20:38,330
Which begins
with the letter "T."
531
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:46,430
I'm ready.
532
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,370
Did you talk to Julie?
533
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:48,970
Her mother won't
let me see her.
534
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,780
It doesn't matter anyway;
she's back with Randall.
535
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:52,970
Oh, I'm sorry.
536
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:54,810
Hey, why were they
shooting that scene live?
537
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,380
Convenience.
Yeah, but why'd they...?
538
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,850
Let's not start pulling
threads on this one.
539
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:01,220
Can we go home?
Sure.
540
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,750
You want to get
some ice cream?
541
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:06,420
Well, why not?
542
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:08,930
I don't have to fit
in that dress anymore.
543
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,390
Hey, can I
borrow the dress?
544
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,840
What?
Nah, I'm
just kidding.
545
00:21:12,830 --> 00:21:14,030
I'm just
doing some playful
546
00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:16,300
walking-away banter
during the music.
547
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:17,370
Can we not do that?
548
00:21:17,370 --> 00:21:18,970
I have such a headache.
549
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:19,530
Sorry.
550
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:23,870
ś Time, I've been passing time ś
551
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,950
ś Watching trains go by ś
552
00:21:28,950 --> 00:21:32,210
ś All of my life ś
553
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,850
ś Lying on the sand ś
554
00:21:34,850 --> 00:21:39,420
ś Watching seabirds fly ś
555
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:43,430
ś Wishing there would be ś
556
00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:48,900
ś Someone waiting home for me. ś46697
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof