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1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:05,139
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:08,409
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,745
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,615
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:18,286
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,622
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
7
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,291
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,226
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:30,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,737
Hi, Chris.
11
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,339
How'd you do on
your science test?
12
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,573
I got a "D."
13
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,609
A "D"? That's fantastic!
14
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,444
Just kiddin'.
I know it means you suck.
15
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,379
Come here,
you delightful idiot.
16
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,714
Another "D," Chris?
17
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,583
I'm sorry, Mom,
but science is so hard.
18
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,585
Well, maybe you just need
a little extra help.
19
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,621
Dad, would you help me
with my homework?
20
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,432
Uh, Chris, I've got to
tell you, that sounds worse
21
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,057
than a trip to
a failing mall.
22
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,293
All right, kids,
your mom is
23
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,495
going to go to the Cinnabon
that has the cage
24
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:02,806
pulled halfway down,
and I'm going to go
25
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,699
to the stereo store next to the
dead fountain with garbage in it.
26
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,801
Let's say we meet back here
under the glue outline
27
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,570
of the old Limited sign.
28
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,339
Well, it doesn't
matter anyway.
29
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,441
Every time I try to study,
the evil monkey
30
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,309
comes out of my closet
and scares me.
31
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,450
Oh, for God's sake, Chris,
you're in high school now.
32
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,385
Stop talking about
that evil monkey.
33
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,419
He's not real.
34
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,687
He is too real!
35
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,888
I can prove it!
36
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,423
Well, you'll have to
do a better job
37
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,791
than you did on
your science test.
38
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,626
Or than God did
when he left the iron
39
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,328
on Ellen Barkin's
face too long.
40
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,198
Oh, damn.
41
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,866
How is it?
You know what?
42
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,610
We'll put you in the '80s.
You'll pass for hot.
43
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,154
Now get in the van
with Kelly McGillis.
44
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:46,307
Next stop: Hollywood!
45
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,582
Up next, the Hannah Montana
marathon.
46
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,817
Yes!
And for all you fans,
47
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,487
the Miley Cyrus tour is coming
to the Quahog Civic Center
48
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,721
for three nights only.
49
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,456
Call to get your tickets now!
50
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,525
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
51
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,194
But not now,
'cause it just sold out.
52
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,928
What? Oh, no! No!
No, no! No!
53
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,197
I'm calling anyway!
54
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,565
I need Hannah Montana tickets
and I need them now!
55
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,934
Never mind who this is!
Can you get them or not?
56
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,936
I guess I should dial
something first.
57
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,905
What's all the noise?
What are you watching?
58
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,773
Sorry, but you
know the rules.
59
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,642
Hannah can't do
the photo shoot
60
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,811
until Miley
finishes her homework.
61
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,313
You can't tell
Hannah what to do.
62
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:26,614
She's not your daughter.
63
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,250
Wait, so Miley's my daughter,
but Hannah isn't?
64
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,918
Right.
Great.
65
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,186
Put your wig on.
66
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,723
Shut up!
This is real.
67
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,392
Ha! You're watching
Hannah Montana?
68
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,428
Well, yeah.
To make fun of it.
69
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,730
I mean, look how stupid
she is with her clothes
70
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,233
and her makeup
and, and-and, and,
71
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,635
and that fabulous hair
and, oh, my God!
72
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,813
Brian, it's my favorite show!
It's my favorite show ever!
73
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,305
Gay.
And she's coming to town
74
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,582
and I have to get
tickets, Brian.
75
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,442
You have to help
me get tickets! No.
76
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,710
It's a stupid show
and a huge waste of time.
77
00:02:56,744 --> 00:03:00,548
But... she's my favorite.
78
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,783
Oh, my God, are you...
are you crying?
79
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,253
Yes!
Hannah Montana is my hero!
80
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,687
I love her so, so much.
81
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,856
And this is the only time
she's gonna be in town
82
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,524
and now I'll never
get to see her!
83
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,293
Will you help me?
84
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,894
All right, fine.
85
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,367
Hey, Chris.
86
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,669
You want to practice
kissing again? I'm busy.
87
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,272
I set up a video camera
last night so I can prove
88
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,340
to Mom and Dad that
the evil monkey is real,
89
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:27,641
and I want to see
what I got.
90
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,947
Huh. Nothin'.
91
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,750
All right, it's time
to play rough.
92
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,473
I got you, you bastard!
93
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,877
Well, here he is.
94
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,846
The evil monkey!
95
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,481
Do you believe me now?!
96
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,849
Holy crap!
97
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,083
It is real!
98
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,986
Oh, my God!
I thought I was the only one.
99
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,988
Meg, we're do...
We're doin'...
100
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,390
We're doin'
Chris's monkey.
101
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,898
Oh, my God,
Chris was right!
102
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,967
Holy crap, Chris,
is that thing dangerous?
103
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,835
Yes, he's evil!
104
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:03,036
I'm not really evil.
105
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,505
It talks!
106
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,939
If-If someone will
please untie me,
107
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,341
I'll explain everything.
108
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,709
No, Dad,
don't do it!
109
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,877
He's evil!
110
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,078
Look, just trust me.
111
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,381
This is all a huge
misunderstanding.
112
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,625
Chris, I think we should give
him a chance to explain himself.
113
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,850
No!
114
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:20,421
Thank you very much.
115
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:21,955
Now, I know this looks bad,
116
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,724
me living in your
son's closet and all,
117
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,026
but it's a very
complex situation.
118
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,762
You see, basically, I got home
from work one day,
119
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,399
and found my wife cheating on me
with another monkey.
120
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,033
Oh, that's terrible.
121
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,603
I fell into a deep depression
after the divorce,
122
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,405
which ended up
costing me my job.
123
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,673
All my money was gone,
which means I lost the house.
124
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:40,947
So, I moved into
Chris's closet,
125
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,843
just until I got
back on my feet again.
126
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,413
Wound up living in there
for nine years.
127
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,815
Oh, my God,
you've missed so much!
128
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,450
Like when America
was attacked
129
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,585
by mentally challenged
suicide bombers.
130
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,986
Allahu akbar!
131
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:55,856
You know something?
132
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,758
You're not evil
at all, are you?
133
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,393
No, he's not.
134
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,429
He's just a poor fellow
who's down on his luck.
135
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,930
Easy for you to say!
136
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,799
He doesn't hide in your
closet making a scary face!
137
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,544
That's just the face
I make when I'm thinking.
138
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,902
And you're always
pointing at me!
139
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,638
I was trying to start
a conversation.
140
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,440
And you do that weird
trembling thing!
141
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,741
I have a copper deficiency.
142
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,709
Look, Chris, I'm sorry
if I scared you before,
143
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,978
but this is a great chance
for us to start over.
144
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,613
No, it isn't!
145
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,949
You can fool everyone else,
but you can't fool me!
146
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:22,983
You go to hell!
147
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,680
Okay, now remember
to play it cool.
148
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,482
Act like you belong here.
149
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,650
Oh, my God, Miley!
I love you! I love you!
150
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,794
I love you!
I'm your biggest fan!
151
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,453
Can I touch your hair?!
152
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,488
Who are you guys?
153
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,755
How did you get back here?
154
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,066
Look, I'm really
sorry about this.
155
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,825
This is my friend Stewie.
156
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,961
H-He's just a baby and
he's your biggest fan and...
157
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,196
he has cancer.
158
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,064
Oh, my God! Really?
159
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,766
Yeah, he's got
a tumor in his head
160
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,035
the size of a football.
I think I can see it.
161
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,637
Well, in that case,
162
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,606
I wouldn't feel right
about throwing you out.
163
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,508
Especially if you're
my biggest fan.
164
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,615
I mean, Sarah Silverman
is just one of the most
165
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,249
wonderful people
you'll ever meet.
166
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,984
Oh, that's so
good to hear.
167
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,986
I want to like her.
She's so funny.
168
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,922
I want her
to also be nice.
169
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,925
Well, I'm glad you guys are
having such a great time
170
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,961
with that evil thing
that tortured me for years!
171
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,764
Dad, I thought you were going
to help me with my book report.
172
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,099
Chris, there is
a monkey here.
173
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,569
And I just fed him a whole
bag of Subway sandwiches.
174
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,638
In a couple hours,
we are going to sit around
175
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,806
and throw his soft bread stool
at each other.
176
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,742
Now, you are welcome
to be a part of that.
177
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,143
Or not.
178
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,111
I'm just telling you
what's gonna happen.
179
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,548
Well, thanks for
nothing, Dad!
180
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,551
Don't mind him, monkey.
181
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,218
He's just a big
disappointment.
182
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,755
Like things that look
like DVDs from far away.
183
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,557
DVDs!
184
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,691
Aw, books.
185
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,947
Ah... that feels so good.
186
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,282
You are an artist.
187
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,750
Thank you.
188
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,786
Lois doesn't like
my toenails
189
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,320
'cause they stab her
in the night.
190
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,822
Hear that, Lois?
191
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,657
Somebody likes my toenails.
192
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:44,825
Good for you, Peter.
193
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,627
Good for this family.
194
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,095
Good for all of us.
195
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,663
Mom! Dad!
196
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,732
I got an "A"
on my book report!
197
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,300
That's wonderful, honey!
198
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,302
Congratulations, Chris.
What'd you write about?
199
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,937
I, um...
200
00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,574
"The Slave Trade Allegory
of Curious George."
201
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:02,285
W-Wait a minute, I didn't...
I didn't write this.
202
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,844
Oh, really?
203
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,979
Did... Did you
write this?
204
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,015
Well, I can't take
all the credit.
205
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,283
I've been listening to you
talk in your sleep for years,
206
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,686
so I just put your thoughts
on paper, that's all.
207
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,223
Wow, that's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
208
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,693
Thanks, evil monk...
Thanks, monkey.
209
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,729
Ah, I'd get up to hug you,
but sittin' down's
210
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,039
the only thing
keepin' the poop in.
211
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,063
Nah, that's okay.
212
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,837
I can't believe
I'm sitting here
213
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,238
with you, Miley Cyrus.
214
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,806
It's like I'm in a dream.
215
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,307
Well, that makes
me happy, Stewie.
216
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,809
What are you doing?
217
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,310
Oh, I'm just writing
some new lyrics.
218
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,746
Oh, you write
your own lyrics?
219
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,649
Yeah.
So do I...
220
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,350
Oh, you wrote a song?
221
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,718
Look at you.
222
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,386
You're a regular
little Tim McGraw.
223
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,856
Oh, oh, I'm...
224
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,058
I'm-I'm a little better
than Tim McGraw.
225
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,326
Hey, these are
pretty good, Stewie.
226
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,628
Really?
227
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,029
Do you think you
could sing them?
228
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,397
Only if you sing with me.
229
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,706
You and I didn't
quite get along.
230
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,808
When we first met.
231
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,079
When you put us together.
232
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,782
We just didn't blend.
233
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,152
But the more that I know you.
234
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,354
The more it's a good bet.
235
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,059
That we've got
what it takes.
236
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,896
To be very best friends...
237
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:34,101
Friendship is
the best thing ever.
238
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,203
Except for best friendship.
239
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,971
Which is a little better.
240
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,940
You mean a lot better
241
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,709
I mean a lot better.
242
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,410
Now we're friends.
243
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,413
Yes, it's true
that no one else.
244
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,849
Can friend me like you.
245
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:54,287
Friendship is
the best thing ever.
246
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,791
Except for best friendship
which is a little better.
247
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,326
You mean a lot better
248
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:02,429
I mean a lot better...
249
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,197
With you.
250
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,071
Hey, where you guys been?
251
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,206
We went to the
father/son barbecue.
252
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,843
You drove all the way up
to Fatherson for a barbecue?
253
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,912
No, Dad, it was a barbecue
for fathers and sons.
254
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,489
Wait a minute...
You went with the monkey
255
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,182
to a father/son thing?
256
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,384
Well, it's not like you ever
take me anywhere.
257
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,053
What? Oh, listen,
Peter, I didn't...
258
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,021
Meg, please!
It's true.
259
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,890
You never want to do
anything with me!
260
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,826
But the monkey's been taking me
to all the fun places I like,
261
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,995
and he's been helping me
with all my homework!
262
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,031
He helped me get
an "A" in algebra!
263
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,009
How did the monkey know you
needed help with algebra?
264
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,902
Because he asked!
265
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,371
That's right, Dad.
266
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,473
You never ask,
and even if you did,
267
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,141
you never listen!
268
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,810
And now you're getting
mad at the monkey
269
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,344
because he actually cares?
270
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,346
Screw you!
271
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,784
You are the worst dad
in the world and I hate you!
272
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,886
Well... Well,
I hate you, too!
273
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,421
Ah, damn.
274
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,157
I left my cell phone up
at that monkey/kid barbecue.
275
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,969
I thought you said it was
a father/son barbecue.
276
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,270
Yeah, but it was up
in Monkeykid.
277
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,896
What?!
278
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,278
Boy, you guys have been
awful quiet this morning.
279
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,348
Lois, could you ask Chris
to pass the maple syrup?
280
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,250
Meg, could you
tell Dad
281
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,319
that he's too fat
to need extra syrup?
282
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,788
Lois, could you tell Chris
that I'm sorry
283
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,390
I ever planted the seed version
of him in your vagina?
284
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,026
I want you two
to stop this.
285
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,328
This is no way for
a father and son to act.
286
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,906
Well, according to him,
that stupid monkey's
287
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,965
more of a father
to him than I am.
288
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,801
He makes time for me
and you never do.
289
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,938
You're supposed to love me
and all you do is hurt me.
290
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,539
This morning I had
a hard poo that hurt,
291
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,941
but then it felt great.
292
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,809
Meg, I'm trying to be
mad right now,
293
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,203
but that's making
me want to smile.
294
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,918
This'll get Chris.
295
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,087
Hey, classmates.
296
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,455
Griffin.
Did you gain weight?
297
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,923
Eh, that's
not important.
298
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,134
But you know
what is important?
299
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,826
I'm gay now.
300
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:15,195
Let's all of us go be
gay somewhere together.
301
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,930
And then you go
tell all your friends
302
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,132
that I welcome them
to be gay with me, too.
303
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,401
Because I am gay.
304
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,602
I'll be gay with you.
305
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,105
Oh, this is too perfect.
306
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,307
Chris is going to be
so gay by the end of this.
307
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:32,980
What's this?
308
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,883
"Put your head between
these two restrained logs
309
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,284
and win a free hat"?
310
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,153
Well, that's a no-brainer.
311
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,289
Come on, you fat.
312
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,322
Do it.
313
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,266
Who's laughing now?
314
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,568
I got my hat.
315
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,341
Hey, guys.
I stopped at Pinkberry
316
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,976
and I got some
for everybody.
317
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,912
Wow, thanks.
You're welcome.
318
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,114
I've got to go put on my
face for press interviews.
319
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,382
Stewie, can you hand me
my cell phone? Oh, sure.
320
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,886
Thanks!
321
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,197
That was weird...
Did you hear that
322
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,555
when I was giving
her the phone?
323
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,191
No. It was like,
interference or something.
324
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,593
Wait a second.
325
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,575
Oh, my God!
326
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,210
She's an android!
327
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,146
Miley Cyrus is an android!
328
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,480
Of course.
329
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,482
She's a product
of Disney Imagineering.
330
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,052
They built a perfect
robot teen idol.
331
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,154
Yes, assuring that
she could never fail.
332
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,156
Like famous duelist
Sir Henry.
333
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,124
"Giant-Hole-In-The-Torso"
Wickenshire.
334
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,528
Right through me!
335
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,298
Prepare for returned fire,
Sir Joseph Broadfront.
336
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,101
I give you one last
chance to rescind
337
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,270
your insult of calling
me a "common dandy."
338
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,172
Never!
339
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,180
My God, I can't believe
she's an android.
340
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,482
Do you think we should
tell someone or do something?
341
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,117
Well, we could
do something.
342
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,718
Like what?
Well, look at her.
343
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,488
She dances like a real girl.
She moves like a real girl.
344
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,190
Yeah?
345
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,325
Do you think she does
other stuff like a real girl?
346
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,060
You know, if you
reprogrammed her?
347
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,595
Brian, that's sick!
She's 16!
348
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,097
I'm eight.
349
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,464
All right, I'll see
what I can do.
350
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,167
Hey, Miley.
351
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,435
Oh, hi, Stewie.
352
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,070
Hey, um, your shirt
tag is showing.
353
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,271
Let me just, uh...
354
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,742
There we go, all done.
355
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,449
Miley smash!
356
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,752
Hang on, hang on.
357
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,021
Maybe I can fix this.
358
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,058
Run!
359
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,562
Monkey, do you think
you could help me?
360
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,397
I just can't stand
Peter and Chris
361
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,099
being at each other's
throats anymore.
362
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,168
Of course, Lois;
I'm sure if we can just
363
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,545
get them in the same
room together,
364
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,238
I can convince them
to talk it out.
365
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,772
Why don't you invite
Peter to lunch,
366
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,142
and I'll invite Chris,
and we'll see what we can do.
367
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,710
Oh, thank you.
I really appreciate it.
368
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,152
What the hell
are you doing here?
369
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,353
I thought I was
meeting Lois.
370
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,155
She wanted me to
talk to you guys
371
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,532
about the way
you've been behaving.
372
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,491
Look, monkey, Chris is
being a jerk, all right?
373
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,160
And there is
nothing you can say
374
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,062
that will make me
change my mind about that.
375
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,629
Peter, you're
acting bananas.
376
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,631
All right, I'll listen.
377
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,068
You're both good guys
and that's why it's important
378
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,635
for you to reconcile
your differences.
379
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,504
Chris, I know you're angry,
380
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,306
but do you really
hate your father?
381
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,775
No, I just think
he's a douche.
382
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,543
Sometimes he is.
383
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,380
And Peter, do you
really hate your son?
384
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,649
No, but sometimes he's
such a little fat jerk.
385
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,352
Well, it's only because you
never have any time for me!
386
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:00,696
Peter, do you think
you could make
387
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,522
a little more time
for your son?
388
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,491
Yeah, I guess so.
389
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,795
What the hell
was that about?
390
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,463
Was that Stewie
and Brian?
391
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,382
It's Miley Cyrus!
392
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,218
And she's
destroying the city!
393
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,652
Oh, my God!
394
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,323
Ms. Cyrus, I ask you
to stop what you're doing.
395
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,325
I don't just mean this,
I mean everything:
396
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,161
The show, the music...
It's all just awful.
397
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,204
Dad, we've got
to help him!
398
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,272
Do something!
399
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,573
What am I supposed to do?!
400
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,808
You're my dad!
Think of something!
401
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,483
Quagmire, fire up
the biplane.
402
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,618
My son needs my help.
403
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,250
All right, Peter,
we're closing in.
404
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,308
Get ready to fire.
405
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,354
Monkey! Grab my hand!
406
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:15,982
Well, the airplane got her.
407
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,385
Oh, no, it wasn't the airplane.
408
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:21,654
'Twas beauty
killed the beast.
409
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:22,965
You know, Brian,
here's your shot.
410
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,291
Go for it.
411
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,494
Oop, too late.
412
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:28,527
No, it's not.
413
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,267
Thanks for everything,
monkey.
414
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:37,404
You made me realize how much
Chris really means to me
415
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,573
and how I should always remember
not to take him for granted.
416
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,375
Well, sometimes
all anybody needs
417
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,943
is a little bit
of a wake-up call.
418
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,778
And now that you two
are getting along again,
419
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,347
my work here is done.
420
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,815
Guess I'll be
moving on now.
421
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,450
You have to leave?
422
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:51,884
But I thought
you were gonna go
423
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,753
back to living
in my closet again.
424
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,922
I think that time of
my life is over, Chris.
425
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,115
But I'll always remember you.
426
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,762
But... where will you go?
427
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,364
I'll go where I'm needed.
428
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,840
Dad, there's an evil
monkey in my closet!
429
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,609
I don't care, son.
I just do not care.30659
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