All language subtitles for desperate.housewives.s03e05.dvdrip.xvid-wat

[Mary Alice] Previously on
Desperate Housewives:

[Carolyn] She know you killed your wife?

- Secrets were uncovered.
- Honey, I'm home.

Carlos came back.

Whatever you want to do,
I'm in your corner.

Lynette made a promise.

- Mr. Faladi.
- I love him and he loves me!

And Bree's daughter
fell for her history teacher.

[screams]

- While Mike's history...
- He's suffered memory loss.

... was being carefully rewritten.

- Susan Mayer.
- We were close?

That tramp treated you like dirt.

[Mary Alice] The art of sabotage.

It's practiced every day in the suburbs.

Sometimes it takes the form
of a bundt cake,

offered to a friend who's on a diet.

Other times it's a cable,

cut just as the husband's friends
arrive to watch the big game.

And there's always
that anonymous phone call

- to the city zoning department.
- [oinks]

Yes, in suburbia everyone you meet
is a potential saboteur.

Absolutely everyone.

Good afternoon.
I'm, uh, Bree Hodge. And you are?

Name's Gus and we're all booked up.

Actually, Gus,
I'm here to see one of your guests.

A gentleman named Faladi.

He came in about an hour ago.
You want me to call him?

No, no. I'd like you
to take me to his room and unlock it

so I can walk in unannounced.

You can't do that.
Besides, he has a girl in there.

Yes, I know.
She's my daughter.

My 17-year-old daughter.

Yeah. That would be, uh, room 17.

Wow. There's irony for you.

You don't have a gun in there, do you?
Because I just put down new carpet.

Gus, I don't plan anything unpleasant.

I'm simply going to inform Mr. Faladi

what repercussions he faces
if he continues this relationship,

and trust him to see reason.

- [Faladi] What the hell?
- [Danielle] What are you doing here?

- How could you do this to me?
- [Faladi] What makes you think...?

[Mary Alice] Yes, the art of sabotage.

It's practiced every day in the suburbs.

[Faladi] I told you, it's over.
Didn't you hear her?

- So how did it go?
- Quite well, I think.

But few do it as well as Bree Hodge.

Oh, and Gus?

The carpet is beautiful.

Or as politely.

[Mary Alice] Family dinner.

There was a time when that phrase
meant something on Wisteria Lane.

Of course, this was back
when meals were lovingly prepared

by wives who loved to cook.

For children
who remembered their manners.

But family dinners,
like the times, had changed.

[sighs]

And there was only one house
in the neighborhood

where dinner remained
a family occasion.

And attendance was not optional.

I don't know when I've tasted
such tender spring lamb.

Thank you, dear.

Danielle, you haven't
touched your dinner.

She doesn't like spring lamb.
She prefers old goat.

I'm glad you guys think it's so funny
that my life is over.

Your mother was right to end that.
The man was your teacher and married.

He's getting a divorce.

That hardly bolsters his suitability.
Please eat something.

Hunger strikes demand self-control.

And as we've seen,
that's hardly her strong suit.

When are you gonna take me seriously?

- When you start acting like an adult.
- She sleeps with them. It's a start.

I hate you!
I hate all of you!

- [panting]
- Remind me to buy paper plates.

We'll need them till a certain someone
can be trusted with china.

[screams]

[door closes]

Wow. You're pretty good at that.

- Hey. You are home early. Hi.
- Yes, I am.

- What is all this?
- We are having a celebration.

- Sit.
- What are we celebrating?

You being the
greatest wife in the world.

[chuckles] Thanks.

- No, seriously, though.
- I mean it.

How many wives would tell their husbands
to follow his dreams

and then have the patience to wait while
he figures out what the hell it is?

Oh, my God. You know what
you want to do. That's fantastic.

- What is it?
- Wait for it. Wait for it.

I knew I needed to spend my days
doing something I was passionate about.

Something creative.
Yeah, have at it.

Something where I interacted
with the public, but was my own boss.

And then, this morning, it just...
Bam, it hit me.

OK. OK, I'm dying here.
What's the dream?

You're eating it.

- Excuse me?
- I'm gonna open up a pizza parlor!

- I bet you didn't see that coming.
- No.

That was a real Frisbee
to the head, that one.

But when you think about it,
doesn't it make sense?

I mean, marinara's in my blood.

My Uncle Vito came here with nothing.

He turned that trattoria
into a gold mine.

Isn't he the one that asked us
for a loan last Christmas?

He has a gambling problem,
but don't blame the pizza.

Trust me. I've got it all mapped out.
It's gonna have a real family feel.

With big portions, but small prices.

Crayons for the kids.

God, I feel good about this.

So what do you think?

I think... I'm gonna open
another bottle of wine.

- But we haven't finished this one.
- Well, hey, we're celebrating, right?

[soft music plays]

Carlos, what are you doing in my room?

Oh, hey, Gabby.
You're home early.

God, Carlos.
Strawberries and champagne?

Did you think you were gonna seduce me?

- Never entered my mind.
- Right. Right.

I may be living with you
until the divorce is final,

but that doesn't mean I have to put up
with your cheesy come-ons.

- Gabby, can I just say one thing?
- What?

You've been thinking
and you realize I'm your soul mate,

and there's a vacancy in your heart
only I can fill?

- Gabby, listen.
- It's over between us. Just move on.

Forget me.

[yells]

As I was trying to say,
I have company over.

- This is Trishelle.
- [giggling]

Trishelle, this is...

What was your name, again?

I seem to have forgotten.

The doctor said I should use
as many things as I can

to jog your memory.
And not just pictures.

He said I could use tastes
and smells and sounds.

- So tonight is Sounds of the Seventies.
- [slurping]

OK. Well, let me set the scene.

We were at this funky little fish joint
you'd been dying to take me to, Cappy's.

Do you remember Cappy's?

OK. Well, we were there.

And, uh, we were just wolfing down
the most delicious trout ever.

- How long till the music part?
- Oh, it's coming.

And this Seventies cover band
started to play.

And that's how we got our song.

[Rose Royce: Car Wash]

Our song was Car Wash?

Yes! See how much fun we were?

I dragged you out on to the dance floor,
and you were giving me this look.

Like the look you're giving me now.

And I started to do this.

And then you did this.

I'm... I'm sorry.
This isn't working.

Oh, Mike, you're not
even trying to remember.

It was fun!

I know. OK. Sing with me.

Car wash
Talkin' about the car wash

- Car wash, yeah
- [turns radio off]

You know, I'm really beat.

OK, Mike, I am not
doing this to upset you.

- I'm doing this to help.
- I get that.

It's just... [sighs]

The music is giving me a headache.

OK, well, I'll go.

But I am not giving up on you.

You are going to remember
the night that we danced to Car Wash.

Not just because it was fun, but because

later that night we did some things
that, trust me, are worth remembering.

That Jane Doe from the golf course...

I think I missed something
at the autopsy. Check it out.

You've always got to
come at lunch, don't you?

Those blue marks
on the back of her hand.

At first I thought they were veins.
Now I think it's ink.

- Like some kind of writing?
- Yeah.

I need to run some more tests
and see if I can get a clearer image.

- I could be wrong, but...
- But what?

I think it's a phone number.

The oddest thing happened
at the club today.

- Tish Atherton...
- [glass breaks]

Andrew, would you make sure your
sister's just breaking her own things?

Anyway, Tish Atherton...

[Danielle moans]

Danielle?

[breathes heavily, moans]

[moaning]

Yeah. I'll tell them.

I'm telling you,
it was a deliberate snub.

I waved to her and she
looked right through me.

- I never bought her daughter a gi...
- Mom?

Please don't interrupt me
while I'm speaking.

True, I never bought her eldest daughter
a gift, but you know my policy.

No husband, no baby gift.

Now what is it, dear?

Um... Danielle's upstairs
trying to commit suicide.

There's no rush.
She's not trying that hard.

[game beeping]

How can you sit there
playing that ridiculous game?

Your sister tried to kill herself.
That doesn't upset you?

She tried to slit her wrists
with a spoon.

- How upset do you want me to be?
- [man] Mrs. Hodge?

- Is my daughter all right?
- She's groggy, but she'll be fine.

- The wounds are fairly superficial.
- [laughs] So's the patient.

[man] We'll release her tonight.

But you understand in cases like this,
counseling is mandatory.

We'll get her all the help she needs.

She's resisting efforts
to pump her stomach.

- Says she only took three sedatives.
- She's disoriented.

- Pump her.
- Andrew!

Pump her.

They're sticking a tube down her throat!

- You still think this is funny?
- This was a half-ass bid for attention.

[Bree] This was a cry for help.

If we don't listen, next time
she could do something more dangerous.

Yeah. Next time she might
jump off the porch.

Stop! Suicide is the worst thing
that can happen to a family!

I will not have it made light of!

Orson's right. We need to
support each other as a family.

In fact, I say we all go for counseling.

[indistinct chatter]

[Gabrielle] Did Tom actually say
he's opening up a pizza parlor?

- [Susan] Lynette, you're not serious.
- Mm-hmm.

Might as well stand in tomato sauce
and tear up hundred dollar bills.

I know, but I said I'd support him
and help him follow his dream.

He can't hold you to that.
Not if the dream is pizza.

She promised to stand by him.

Once you make that commitment,
you have to see it through.

Yeah.

- How's that divorce going?
- I'm done talking.

Hey, Parker, be careful up there.

I just keep thinking he's gonna come to
his senses and realize it's a bad idea.

- That's never gonna happen.
- Why?

Men are genetically incapable of
realizing that their dreams are stupid.

Care to elaborate, Dr. McCluskey?

My husband sold insurance for 36 years.
One day he woke up and decided

he wanted to move to Paris
and paint naked ladies.

I told him,
"You can barely paint the garage.

What makes you think
you can commit art?"

And for the rest of his life
he despised me.

He despised you for saying no?

Well, he also thought
I was sleeping with his brother.

I'm sure that was mixed in there, too.

OK, so I got Kayla all unpacked.

Oh, great. So Tom will drop her off
at your house on Friday.

Sounds good.
Lynette, can I talk to you for a second?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[chuckles uneasily]

Pardon me for having really big ears.

But I heard about Tom
and this pizza place.

- Do you want to know what I think?
- No, not really.

It sucks. It's a sucky idea.

And your friends back there,
they're too nice to come out and say it.

Luckily, I'm not your friend.

So you can trust me.

Nip it in the bud.

And make Tom resent me
for the rest of his life?

- I don't think so.
- You better do something.

'Cause if you don't, you and me
will wind up working a pole

to pay for braces.

Hi, Julie. I bought you some flowers.

When you buy flowers
they don't still have the roots on them.

OK, I was hoping you could help me
with my English Lit paper.

Hi. I'm Sarah.

Hey. So what do you say?

- I'm sort of busy right now.
- Oh, come on.

Aunt Edie's gonna
give me the boot if I flunk out.

- Wouldn't you miss me?
- Absolutely.

Whose motorcycle
would wake us all up at 2:00 a.m.?

You drive a motorcycle?

Please. Look,
I could really use some help here.

[groans]
I charge $12 an hour for tutoring.

But seeing as it's you, $15.

Great. See you Friday.

Oh, just so you know,
I charge $15 an hour to make out.

- So I'll probably break even.
- [scoffs]

[sighs]

[scoffs]

Hi. You're new. Where's Marcy?

She's in Honolulu on vacation.
Can I help you?

- I'm just going to see Mike Delfino.
- What's that smell?

My macaroni and cheese.
I was hoping it'd trigger Mike's memory.

I made it the first time
we met two years ago.

You should have refrigerated it.

Edie?

Oh, you know Miss Britt?

- Uh, yeah. What is she doing here?
- Visiting Mr. Delfino.

You know she was with him
when he came out of his coma?

- What?
- And she's been here every day since.

You!

Hello, Susan. Long time no see.

I was wondering why Mike's been cold.
Now it makes sense.

I'm sure I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Phew. For God sakes, take a bath.
- That's my mac and cheese.

Don't change the subject.
What have you been telling him?

Why would I say anything about you?
Mike has no idea who you are.

- I envy him.
- Ladies, is there a problem?

I want this woman banned
from the hospital.

She's been like this
ever since Mike dumped her.

Imagine Fatal Attraction
with a much older woman.

Ma'am, Mr. Delfino
already has a visitor.

- I think you should go.
- Me? Why doesn't she leave?

I've been here every day
for the last six months.

Well, I don't know you,
but I do know his girlfriend.

Girlfriend! OK, you know what?

I want Marcy's number in Honolulu
and I want it right now!

You need to leave.

- You're disturbing the patients.
- What are you... Ridiculous!

I mean, who am I disturbing?
It's a coma ward.

Don't you want them to wake up?

- I did not call you that.
- Yes, you did!

I have never in my life
used the word retard.

You think I'm this immature moron who
can't be trusted to decide what's best.

Well, you did try to off yourself.

You don't get to pull the
"I know what's best for me" card.

- Not in front of the therapist.
- Actually, we're making great progress.

You feel Danielle refuses to see
you're acting in her best interest.

And you think your mother cares more
about her image than your feelings.

Danielle, how can you think
I don't care about your feelings?

Don't you know
how much your mother loves you?

When I saw you in that tub,
it was the worst moment of my life.

The thought of losing you
is more than I can bear.

How does that make you feel?

Actually, kind of powerful.

- Powerful?
- You really don't want to lose me?

Of course not.

I already went through thinking
I'd lost Andrew. I can't do that again.

Well then,
here's what's going to happen.

I'm going to start dating Robert again.
And if you try to break us up,

or get him fired, then I'm going to
leave and you will never see me again.

- Danielle.
- If that can survive, so can I.

You don't believe me?
Call my bluff. See what happens.

So, what do we owe you
for all this progress?

Come on, Austin, concentrate.

OK, why did lago betray Othello?

[exhales deeply] Uh...

Because the play
would suck if he didn't?

What do you think you're doing?

Sorry.

No, no, no, no.
We're here to work.

And if my mom came home she'd flip.
Put that away.

[exhales]

You said put it away.

If you think I'm gonna sit here and
write your paper while you get drunk...

Just help me get it started.
This is hard for me.

I didn't read Shakespeare in juvie.
I majored in not getting stabbed.

Fine. I'll write your intro,
but then you're on your own.

- Thank you very much.
- [sighs]

So... Why'd they send you
to juvie, anyway?

They didn't. My mom did.

Why?

She had this boyfriend.
No job, big drunk.

A real catch.

One night he pops her one.
I break a chair on his head.

And she calls the cops. On me!

- But you were protecting her.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

But the guy said he'd leave
if she didn't press charges.

Well, my mom
doesn't really like to be alone.

You know what?

You're tired. Um, why don't you
lay down for a couple minutes

and I'll just do a page or two.

You're a rock star, Mayer.

[door opens]

Carlos. No Trishelle tonight?

Ah... No.

- About her... I have a confession.
- Does her pimp want the money?

You know, there is
some cash in my purse.

Look, I know I crossed a line
bringing her here,

but I was trying to make you jealous.

Like the way you made me feel when you
said you slept with John Rowland again.

I think it's more than that.
I think you really hate me.

- That's not true.
- Oh, I think it is.

You know, introducing your spouse to
someone you're about to have sex with.

There's only one reason to do that.

Pure hatred.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, I think I do.

Phil, come meet my
basically ex-husband. Thank you.

Carlos. Carlos,
this is my new friend, Phil Lopez.

- We've met, Gabby.
- Really?

Well, that's weird. When?

Fairview Chamber of Commerce,
the annual dinner.

Oh, my God, that's right. That's right!

You were up for the Latino Businessman
of the Year award that Phil won.

- Well, actually, I beat him out twice.
- No!

Oh, I remember.
Carlos was so annoyed.

What did you say, hon?

"He may have that trophy,
but I've got you."

Ain't life funny?

Gabby, can we talk for a sec?

Not now.
Phil and I are getting in the hot tub.

- Phil, did you bring your suit?
- You said I didn't have to.

Not in front of Arlos-Cay.

Go outside. I'll meet you there.

Phil Lopez?
You brought home Phil Lopez?

- I had no idea you hated me that much.
- Well, now you know.

[chuckles]

[growls]

Hey, good news. My realtor
found me some sweet locations.

That's great.

Hey, could we talk about
this restaurant thing for a second?

Yeah, what's up?

I don't know if you noticed,

but when you first pitched
the whole pizza concept,

- I was a wee bit skeptical.
- Yeah, I sensed that.

Of course. You're smart.

Which is also why
you're gonna jump on the idea I have

to make the whole thing work.

- OK, so, you're not bailing on me?
- No.

- No, no, no. I am totally on board.
- Oh, good.

You had me scared there
for a second. OK.

So, well, what is this great idea?

I'm thinking, catering company.

- Huh?
- Start small, have an Italian theme,

create some cash flow and then,
later on, expand into the pizza thing.

- But that's not my dream.
- Well, think about it.

You're gonna do all these fun parties.
People will start talking.

"This is great food.
This guy should open a restaurant.

I'd eat there." And then, wham.

Five short years later
you have a built-in customer base.

But I said, it's not my dream.
Pizza is my dream.

I know. Catering's how you get there.

Why can't I skip catering
and go straight to pizza?

Because you'll fail.

I'm sorry. God.
I shouldn't have said that.

But you're gambling
with our life savings,

- and you have no experience.
- You said you'd support me.

I'm trying to.
I am trying to.

But are you aware that 90 percent
of restaurants tank in their first year?

Ten percent of them make it. Why
don't you ever think I'd be one of them?

No. No! Do me a favor.

Don't answer that.

Yoo-hoo! Carlos!

I'm making a snack for Phil.

Do you want something to eat?

Some sour grapes, perhaps?
Maybe a little crow?

- [footsteps thudding]
- [door slamming]

OK. We need to move this over there.

- Why?
- Uh... Feng shui.

I don't know.
Don't just stand there. Help me.

[bed thuds against wall]

[grunting, moaning]

- Yes! Yes!
- [laughs] Hey, don't start without me.

No, let's get something straight.

You and I are not
gonna have sex tonight.

What?

I'm sorry. No offense.
You're a nice guy.

I'm just not into you that way.

God, Phil, yes, yes.

- Give it to me.
- OK.

I'm not talking to you. Back off.

But I thought...
I mean, in the hot tub, we were...

You saw my boobs.

You have that mental snapshot
to use for the rest of your life.

[shouting] That is all you're getting!

Wait, wait. So you're just using me?

- Unbelievable.
- I am what?

- [Phil] You're unbelievable!
- [Gabrielle] Really?

So are you, big boy. Yes!

No wonder you're divorcing her.
She's a straight-up loon.

Crap. She's blocking my car.

I'm always happy to help a brother out.

Hold on.

- [bed thumping against wall]
- [Gabrielle] Oh, God, yes.

Oh, ride 'em, cowboy.

Oh, yes. God.

Take me home, Philly.

You should wear a saddle. Yes, yes!

Stop it, Phil.
I told you to beat it. No means no.

I need your car keys.

You're blocking
the stallion's hatchback.

Oh, yes. Yes, Phil.

Fill me with Phil!

- I never said that.
- And you moved the bed.

- What were you thinking?
- Shut up.

If you're trying to hurt me,
that's not the way to do it.

Well, then, enlighten me.

How can I hit you so hard
that you will never recover?

- You can't.
- No, I have to, Carlos.

I need you to give up on us.

We're not good for each other,
and I can't keep doing this.

But I can.
You proved something tonight.

You had a rich, good-Iooking guy in your
bed and you couldn't pull the trigger.

That means you still care.

And as long as I know that, I can
take anything that you can dish out.

You know what? I'm tired.
Can we talk about this in the morning?

Sure.

But you're bringing me
breakfast in bed or no deal.

It's a date.

[engine idling, turns off]

Sarah? What are you...? Oh!

Julie, thank God it's you.
We thought you were the cops.

Oh, hey, Julie. What are you,
on buzz kill patrol tonight?

This is why you couldn't
go to the movies with me?

Sorry. I thought
you weren't that into him.

- You know, if you are...
- I'm not!

I'm just...
I'm mad that you blew me off.

Well, I'd totally understand
if you wanted to blow me off for a date.

You call this a date?
Getting mauled in a car?

Hey, you want to talk about this later?
I'm losing altitude here.

[scoffs] You are disgusting.
Enjoy the rest of your date.

Julie, there you are.

- I found a way to get through to Mike.
- Let it go. He's not into you.

Gabby, rise and shine.
I made you some waffles.

I got a second wind last night,
so I went to a bar.

That's where I met Jason.
We spent the whole night...

How did you put it?
Pulling the trigger.

So did I hurt you,
or should I keep trying?

You kicked ass in rehab today.

I raised my arm over my head.

- Sign me up for the Olympics.
- Oh, be patient.

It takes time.

Miss Britt, phone call for you
at the nurses' station.

For me? Huh.

I'll be right back.

There's a phone call for me?

Susan? What are you...?

Shh. I thought
you could use some fresh air.

Hello?

Hello? It's Edie.

What the hell is this? Who's he?

This is Hank and he has very kindly
offered to take us on a field trip.

For 60 bucks an hour.

- Where are you taking me?
- A little jaunt down memory lane.

Oh, God. You're not taking me
to that fish and disco place, are you?

No, no. What we're doing today
is more low-key.

Don't worry. You're totally safe.
We're not doing anything wrong.

[engine starts]

- Punch it!
- [tires squealing]

- Hello.
- Look, Mrs. Hodge,

I've only seen your daughter once
since the motel.

- She'd told me you'd backed off.
- I'm not here to threaten you.

- I've come to give you my blessing.
- Your blessing?

Yes, Danielle made it clear that
I'm powerless to stop this relationship.

Since she assures me
that you love her...

- You do love her, don't you?
- Yes, of course.

Good. Then we're all set.

Here's some of her clothes.

I'll bring her CDs and
her stuffed animals over tomorrow.

You want her to stay here?

This place is kind of small.

Well, that hotel room was small
and you seemed happy enough there.

And I trust you to be discreet.

You wouldn't want your wife to find out
and use it against you in your divorce.

Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Hodge?

Things are getting
a little bit complicated.

Could you please tell Danielle
that this is not gonna work out?

Mr. Faladi, if you want to break
my daughter's heart, I can't stop you.

But I will not be an accomplice.
You'll tell her yourself.

- Right.
- Don't even think about blaming me.

If you so much as mention that we spoke,

- I'll phone the police.
- Fine, I will leave you out of it.

- Oh, and one more thing.
- Yes?

Danielle is applying to colleges.

I do hope she can count on you
for a glowing recommendation.

Sure.

When I locked myself out of the house,
that's the bush that you found me in.

Naked. Surely, you remember that?

- Nope.
- Ouch. That hurts.

OK. Remember this spot?

This is where we sat in your truck
and had our first kiss.

Were you naked then, too?

[sighs] Mike,
why are you being this way?

This is pointless.

I'm sorry, I can't...

- I don't remember being with you.
- OK, I know it's hard,

but you've got to make an effort.
If your head is foggy don't look there.

Look in your heart.
Because I'm in there.

Just like you're inside mine.

OK. This is Mary Alice's house.

This is where we first met.

I was setting out
my macaroni and cheese.

And you were in line...
Oh! Ah... Ow... [laughs]

I'm good. Finally, a smile.

You do that a lot, don't you?

I've been known to take a spill or two.

My doctor says it's an inner ear...

- Wait. You remember that?
- Yeah, I think I do.

Yes! That's progress, see?

It's all gonna come back.
We're gonna be us again.

But what about the British guy?

[sighs]

Mike, I don't know
what Edie's been telling you,

but Ian and I, we're just friends.

- Just friends?
- Yeah.

Now.

Look, you've got to understand.

The doctors were telling me
that you would probably never wake up.

And I just needed somebody to talk to.

And that's what you were doing
in the country, talking?

Mr. Delfino, are you OK?

I'm fine.

You can't discharge a patient
without permission!

I was trying to help him remember.
And tell her, Mike.

We were making progress!

Take me back to the hospital.

Mike!

Well, at the risk
of stating the obvious, it's over.

- He's mine now.
- No, no, no, no. No, no!

This is not how this ends.
No, evil does not triumph over good.

That's how you see me?

Damn straight.
You lie, you cheat, you scheme.

You ruin people's relationships.
How do you sleep at night?

Soon, with Mike on top of me.
If you know what I mean.

See? Evil. Evil.

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe
Mike and I are meant to end up together?

No! Mike... You don't even want him.

You're just doing this to hurt me.

Wow. How self-absorbed can you be?

I have had a thing for Mike
since the day he moved in here.

I even backed off when he fell
for your Miss Adorable act.

But he's over that. It's my turn now.

And I will be better for him
than you ever were.

And if you do get hurt,
well, that's just gravy.

All right. Maybe that was a little evil.

- [engine starts]
- [door slams]

- Finally.
- Sorry it took so long.

That last digit was barely legible.

I thought you'd like to do the honors.

[phone ringing]

[Mike] You've reached
Mike Delfino Plumbing.

Please leave a message after the beep.

[beep]

Whoa. A D minus.

- That blows.
- Yeah, it does.

Since it's not the one we did together.
You e-mailed me the wrong paper.

You didn't even read it
before you turned it in?

I didn't think I had to.
The one you wrote was great.

After you left I decided
I really should put it in your words.

Is this some weird thing you did
'cause you're into me?

Oh, please. [groans]

No, it is. You're pissed
'cause I hooked up with your friend.

No, I'm pissed 'cause you told me
some sob story so I'd write your paper.

- Now you owe me 15 bucks.
- You know what? Here.

Oh, and I did learn something. lago
betrayed Othello because he was jealous.

I thought you'd be
with Mr. Faladi tonight.

You'll be happy to know he dumped me.

- He dumped you?
- Said it was getting too messy,

that I was gonna complicate his divorce.

- Don't pretend you're sorry.
- I don't plan to.

I hope this doesn't make
history class awkward.

You don't have to worry. I went
to the principal and got his ass fired.

When he called
to yell at me for squealing,

I recorded the call
and sent a tape of it to his wife.

Thanks to me he'll be
getting nothing in this divorce.

I must say, that was rather underhanded.

Yes. I wonder where she gets it.

- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye. I'll see you guys on Friday.

Kayla said that you're opening
a pizza place?

Well, maybe.
I mean, it's not a done deal yet.

Ah...

Lynette put the kibosh on it, huh?

What makes you say that? [laughs]

Well, you know. Lynette.

She's probably right.

There's a bunch of dumb schmucks
trying to open restaurants.

You know, Tom, I've tasted your pizza.

And I have to be
perfectly honest with you.

It was like I died and went to Italy.

- Really?
- Oh, my God!

You are born to do this.

I just hate to see you
give it up, because, well...

Man, this is none of my business.
But Lynette does... bully you...

...sometimes.

- She doesn't mean to.
- Don't let her. Go to the mat on this.

She will respect you a lot more
if you grew a pair.

I'm not trying to insult you.

All I'm saying is that...

...I know what you're capable of.

And I believe in you.

I really needed to hear that.

Thanks.

[Mary Alice] Sabotage.
Everyone is capable of it.

But some go about it
more ruthlessly than others.

Like the ones who crave vengeance.

Or the ones who hunger for love.

Or the ones who are determined
to burn bridges.

And then there are those
who simply want something.

I wish Daddy lived here
so he could tuck me in, too.

Something that belongs to someone else.

I'm working on it, piglet.

Mama's working on it.