Original subtitles

90, this is my senior year of high school.

I've spent the last four years with a bunch of horny football players and, uh

ex-obsessed teenagers

Was 19.

I was 17.

Seventeen.

Think I was 16.

Ah, we went for about 45 minutes the first go, yeah.

Um, not very long.

About threes minutes, actually.

I was so damn scared I put my condom on before I took off my pants.

It wasn't that great, honestly.

It was kinda embarrassing and we didn't know what parts went in where.

And unfortunately it was the worst experience of my life.

It lasted three seconds, there was no magic, and his mother walked in on us.

Then she went down, came up, and then I looked up

and she turned around and there was a room full of people watching us.

She grabbed her vodka, she screamed, and she bolted out the door.

Last time I ever talked to her.

So Walt a second, did you actually make love to her?

Yeah. Well, I made love to her face.

I think I made it into this big thing and then I was disappointed

because it wasn't what I thought it was going to be.

Well, my first time's gonna be with Stanford, of course.

It's gonna be really romantic.

And he'll pick me up and carry me to the bed

and we'll just like, fall into each other

and nave the most amazing connection.

Like, be in total sync with one another.

Ow! Franklin? Will you watch it?

Yeah, soity.

Helen, you okay'?

I'm you.

All right.

Look, he wanis you. Screw the speculative romance crap and just do it already.

Chase! I just don't think you should rush into anything.

What's there lo plan? Condoms, lube, room.

I meant be emotionally prepared so you don't regret anything.

Am. I think.

Look, everyone's lirst time sucks. That's why next party I go lo

I'm finding the hottest, drunkest guy I can and just getting it over with.

I'm gonna be in New York next year.

That is such a slut-bag thing to do.

Look, all I'm saying is you should just do it.

Why?

They're just friends.

Yeah, you know, I stretch with my friends like that all the time.

Whatever.

Let's hit those dummies, boys!

Skeets, let's leave the doll playing for home.

(C'mon.

Ah, you sexy beast.

=Reak.

She's all yours, buddy.

Wait, wait

anh, right.

We should plan this better.

Okay, yes, let's, uh, let's plan away then.

Well, Saturday my dad's finally out of the house.

Saturday? Okay, yeah. Saturday's good.

Say 7:307

yes. 7:30, Saturday. Done.

Okay.

Okay. I gotta go, all right?

Rey, I heard Hannah doesn't shower after practice.

You mean cheerleader Hannah?

Yeah.

& She" nice

but she probably wears the same underwear for like a week straight.

1 just thought you should know.

Well, I don't know, you guys were just pretty close when stretching earlier.

Oh, babe, come on. We're just-we're just friends. You know that.

Yeah, okay.

All night. I gotta go.

- Okay. - All right.

Bye.

Bye, dad. I'm off to chase's.

Rey, could you come in here for a second?

I was gonna kiss you goodbye.

Oh, my god. Dad?

Look, @s your parent

I feel it's my responsibility to at least discuss this stuff with you.

Dad, I'm aimost 18. I don't need to hear this from you.

This is a female contraceptive.

My god.

It's got no hormonal side effects.

Uh, it's doctor recommended, and you've got to use it six hours

before the, uh, event occurs.

I'm leaving. Bye! Thank you for another painful childhood memory.

Rey, will you come here? You think you're embarrassed?

1 had to go down to the pharmacy and actually buy this shit.

Anyway, this is the vaginal contraceptive film.

1 did not know this product existed until about five hours ago.

Daa, this is even more embarrassing than the time you brought me maxi-pads fo school.

I didn't know what size to get.

Row was I supposed to know there were different sizes?

Nobody talks about that stuff.

Anyway, this is the cap.

Also known as the, uh, diaphragm.

You take this gel and

it kills the guy's... spunk.

Vad, I don't think I could ever have sex after hearing this from you.

Good. So you haven't?

On, hey, don't forget the old standby, the condom.

Make him wear two of these. At least twol

well, that went we

Gentlemen, we have earned a right of passage.

The buccaneer bang book.

Between these covers, lay our virgins.

Ana we know wnat fo do with them, yes?

C'mon, skeels. I mean, isn't this whole thing like a big superstition, really?

Wha...? A-a superstition?

Symbolizes what happens out on that football field.

It unites us men for a single cause.

Need I remind you of what happened in 19797

fney went down as the biggest losers our school has ever seen.

Now, we can either be a bunch of cock block losers

you pick.

Wow, [Hank you, Marco.

Now, lel's slart the show.

Ine man wno slarted it all

fo you pele, we owe everything.

Now, let's get to our virgins.

Trish Van doren.

1 get Trish Van doren, 'cause she's hot, okay?

And I know she's always had a thing for me, so.

- Franklin, buddy'? - Yeah?

Rey, I'm giving you katyn chase, okay? Now, she's a freak.

Ohe's a freak in, in what way?

Just, you know, help her with her video equipment.

Marco? Condom: 1

jail groan in aisgusit/

Marco! Hey, you gel hagatha.

But she's so "fugly"!

No, no, no, no. Hey, hey, "fugly" is the new pretty. Okay? Suck it up.

Scar, you get Sabrina. Now, she has lolal nympho potential, you'll be into thal.

Time to make her dreams come true.

(Condom: 1

okay. And Stanford, buddy, I mean, I trust you and Helen are on course?

Uh, yean. We're all set for this Saturday night.

Good. At least one of you ladies is making progress.

Marco, give the man some condoms.

Now, for the rest of you boys: Morgan, Amy

Ashley, Steph, and Maria.

All right, let's bring it in, boys.

Who can tell me wnal Elise the greeks invented. Trish?

One money?

Yes Sabrina?

& Greek alad

I suppose. Amy?

Emocracy.

Sure. What else? Yes, skeels?

Lj Ana-to-Giana compa

exactly the answer I was looking for.

Althougn people have been masturbating since, well, forever

it was the greeks thal were much more open [0 the idea of self-pleasure.

So much so that they invented this.

It's called an olishbos.

It helped give women the power to orgasm while their men were away at war.

So, basically, Greek women realized that you don't need a guy lo gef off.

It also helped curb what they thought were destructive thoughts.

Hot.

Men used them for pleasure as well.

Skeeis!

Which takes us to our next play. Lysistrala.

The tale of a group of women who withhold sex

until the men in their sociely end their childish war.

Joe ringing/

and if you enjoy this play, be sure to stop by booklet.

Say "hi," I'll even give you my employee discount.

Hey, you guys remember your first one?

What, my first orgasm?

Ooh. Goda, I've had so many since. Um, lelf's see.

You've never had an orgasm, have you?

It's okay if you haven't.

It's nol really a think kind of thing. It's more you have or you haven't.

I tnink I was like five and I was at the supermarket

and they had one of those horses, you know, that you put quarters into.

I was just sitting on it and it started vibrating and, I don't know, I mean

ail I knew is that I'd never felt anything that felt that good.

Oh, my god. That's why you were always on those things.

What?

Mine happened at night. I was 12.

And I had these really rough sheets that got twisted in between my legs.

I had no iaea what it was at first and it really freaked me oul

put then it started to feel really good.

Well, you know, whatever, because after this Saturday

when Stanford and I have the house to ourselves, I will.

Um, not necessarily.

Trish has a point, but, luckily, you know, there are many other things you can use.

Um, washing machine, feathers, carrots, uh, cucumber.

Basically anything you can put in a salad.

Shower head.

Guys...

Guys work, too.

Enough!

Hey! Oh, um, I want to show you guys this.

1 just took this video of this guy the other day. It's ridiculous.

My first time was with this ugly chess club chick.

But, hey, I got in the book, so who cares, right? 1 knighted her queen.

Book? What does he mean, "I got in the book?"

That's a myth.

Joe ringing/

you know, you can change your mind about Saturday.

I think that Stanford would understand.

1 don't wanna change my mind. I'm ready.

& A

you stuck M&M's up your nose and now you need help getting them out?

Hal nol she's going through with it.

Thank god. Happy birthday.

Chase. I adies.

=Rankie.

But my birthday isn't for three months.

Just open il.

[Raughing/ nice.

What is it?

11's a vibrator.

You plug it into your iPod and it, you know, vibrates

io the beat and intensity of the song.

You should pick a song with a lot of bass.

- Oh, shit! - What? - Oh, my god.

Have no idea.

What?

Jum, I think it was the standard missionary position.

You know, I mean, you don't wanna get too adventurous on your first time having sex.

Ah, missionary style. You know, kept it simple, kept it basic.

Standing up, actually. Which was quite hard to do.

We tried one that is called the wheelbarrow.

Ye did somethin" that she called froggy style, which I had never heard of.

I guess, me on top, what is that? Cowboy? Cowgirl?

Hi, chase.

Hi, Franklin.

You need any help with anything?

Un, no. I'm good.

All right.

Cool. What's your documentary on?

Jum, it's about the first time people have sex.

Yeah.

I'm kinda into that, yeah.

You're a guy Ana you're into sex. Shocker.

Hey, you know, chase, sometimes people say things, you know.

They think youre kinda freaky and odd.

You might be friends with Satan.

But I wanted to seriously let you know that I think you're cool.

1 think you're really cool, actually.

Well, uh, since that was only mildly insulting, thanks.

Yeah, no probiem.

You know, since you're, uh, around

you could, uh, help me carry this stuff to the audio closet.

Yeah, no probiem.

Yean, okay, sure. Uh, this stuff here?

Yeah.

So all your stuff looks, like, really good?

Yeah.

Nice. Here.

What are you doing?

Um, I was kissing you. You know, I've had a thing for you for a long, long time.

And I thought maybe you would wanna kiss me back.

Wanna do it again'?

Where are you going to school next year?

Arizona.

Nowhere near New York?

Okay.

Okay.

That feels good. Really.

Oh! Oh.

What?

You really got a hold of me there.

Don't you think maybe we should, you know, we should slow down

or maybe go on a date first or something like other people do?

=Ranklin?

Yeah.

Let's not make this more than it is.

Yeah. Um==

(c'mon.

No.

What?

Maybe I should just, uh-

come on, look.

I mean, youre the one who wanted to do this.

I'm soity.

If you tell anyone, I'll kick your ass.

Great, chase. Real nicel

fhumming/

vad, it's ten to seven, what are you doing?

I'll give you three guesses.

Rhymes with "maving." You need in here?

No. Arent you supposed to be at uncle Jack's watching the fight?

It's just the prelims. The big fight doesn't start until ten.

Since when have you become such a big fight fan?

1 just don't want you to miss it.

You okay?

Yes! I'm fine.

Did you, uh, get those brochures I left in your room?

Dad, will you stop giving me those? I'm not going.

Rey, those are all good schools.

And they're very ciose to here and they have excellent French programs.

Every bit as good as that sorbonne school you wanna go fo.

Dad, I'm going to Paris. I'm staying with mom. End of discussion.

After college. Or after you get your master's degree, even better.

Would ya look at that?

Can't believe you fell for that again.

What are you doing tonight?

[Pop musicl

We did it in her, uh, in her bedroom, right next to her parents' room.

In a corntield.

We did it in his I mom's living room on the couch.

I actually didn't make love, yet.

Locker rooms, yean.

On the bed. It's the first time, you know, so you start off a little slow.

It's none of your fucking business.

It happened in the sink of a guy's bathroom after a game.

1 told him to bring protection, he actually wore a helmet.

Anyway, a minute and a hair later, he was my first. I got him in.

Solty, in what?

The book. The boys won the championship that year. Are we done? I gotta go.

Um, hey, what book are you talking about?

You know what book. I mean, you are the girls who are still in it.

No check marks next to your names, letting down the entire team, yeah.

Rey, look, just because you're sleeping with the entire team

gives you no rignt to judge my friends and I, okay?

Yeah, well, maybe if you stopped hiding behind that camera you'd actually get some.

You biichl

chase, stop.

Why do you care s0 much, anyway?

My cheerieading season ends when football season ends.

Playoffs are when the scouts come out to watch your routines

and I need a scholarship to get into school next year.

50 stop being so selfish and just lose it already.

Screw you, cheerleader!

Okay, we have to call Helen right away and tell her it's just about the book.

[A

How are ya?

Yeah?

[Telephone rings/

uh, wanna get that?

No.

No? Okay.

No. We just have fo go to her house. Come on. - All right, let's go.

Arent you gonna carry me to the bed?

Oh, yeah, of course.

I'm soity.

Is she picking up?

No. God, what is the point in having a cell phone if you don't pick it up?

Fave you ried texting her?

I'm lexiing her right now.

Wait, one second

t's Trish.

Okay.

You okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

, Wait, Walt, wait. One second, one second ' go » old on, hold on.

“Heart candies.

Okay. Yeah.

Soity.

It's okay. It's okay.

If she has sex before I do, I swear-

keep going, keep going, come on, a little bit faster

I'm trying. You know, the car only goes so fast. Shit!

Keep driving. If we can't make it fast enough, then maybe somebody else can.

Just call 911 or something. I don't know.

= Oh, wait wait wait wait. Uh, music. Okay.

- French music. - Yeah.

I want this io be perfect.

Okay.

Soity.

It's okay. It's all right.

You know what? Let me, uh, let me get on top.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So=-

oh.

Oh, yeah.

80, you know, like

what do you like?

What do you mean?

Are you up for anything or...

Yeah, anything would be great.

Oh, my god.

I'm soity. I'm sorry.

Walch oul, rea light. You're gonna kill us!

Br 8 it bleeding

not yet.

No? Okay. It's good.

Pont worry about it. It's fine, it's fine. No, it's fine, don't worry.

Laughs

did-did you bring protection?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Got il

shouts

oh, shit.

You guys all nght in here? Where's the fire?

What?

There's no fire. If there was we'd know.

My dad has sprinkiers installed everywhere.

Yean, I know. We called him, he's on his way.

I'll call you later, all right?

Bye. I'll call you. Um, yeah. We'll do this again.

- Bye. - Bye.

You girls are crazy. I can't believe you called 911.

It was an emergency!

We told you the book was real.

Chase, you've never even seen it, okay? You two are jealous or something.

You know, youre supposed fo heal that stuff up, by the way, before you eat it.

And, no thanks. You know, we almost died on the way over here trying to help you.

Okay, I'm sorry for that, but by the way

I haven't ealen in three days getting ready for Stanford to see me naked, okay?

And you two just ruined the most important night of my life.

You'll thank us for this later.

For an imaginary book Stanford's not even a part of? I'm sorry.

Go upstairs, get dressed, and I will show you that the imaginary book is real.

No!

Gol

Row do you even know what we're looking for?

All she said was that x marks the spot and we'd know it when we saw it.

She's so tull of crap.

You guys, you guys, stop. This is it.

Oh, my god.

Rang on, let's flip to our year.

What aid I tell you, man?

Ladies and gentiemen, the bang book.

Otanford's not that type of guy.

Re's a guy. Theyre all that type.

Oh, chase, you've been selected by Franklin.

1 wouldn't even do him if I was drunk.

At least you don't have skeets. Oh, my god, hagatha is next to Marco.

That's what that was about.

And there's a check Mark, too.

And Hannah said this is all about a football superstition?

Yeah.

This cant be happening.

Hey.

I k now.

» A dd breaths, oka ee »

1 can get through this. Yeah.

Let's take a stand. Let's make a pact.

Yeah.

No sex until they destroy this book.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not get too hasty there. Why don't we just torch it right now?

- 'Cause they'll just make another book. - Oh, okay.

We need to teach these guys a lesson.

Yes. I'm with you, absolutely.

All right, I'm in. Lel's give these guys a taste of their own medicine.

It's payback time.

Jaoor opens/

shit. Put that away. Put that away, away, away.

What ao you mean you got a plan?

Listen, I have a plan, okay?

What's your pian, to be an idiot?

God.

Trust me, man, once a woman lasfes a man's neclar, she's his forever.

It's someining to ao wiln the chemical composition of spooge. It's nature, man/

row you gonna do that though?

I'm not gonna reveal my secrels lo you.

Well, all I know is tonight was definitely a bust.

Hey, what if we, ya know, don't get into the book?

Not another word, spanky.

Yeah, soity.

On, nice one, dumpelstiliskin.

Oh, no, that wasn't me, man.

Well, it wasn't me, either.

Oh, yeah, right, you ghostfarters, man up.

Row red were her lips?

1 don't know. I mean, she was wearing lipstick.

Dude, it's cultural anthropology 101. It's a primal animal thing.

When a woman puis on lipstick up here, she's really mimicking her other, ya know.

Wah wah wee wee.

They're gonna hear us.

Rey, you shake it more than twice, you're just playing with it, dude.

Yeah, I'd actually claim that.

I'm so sorry, you guys. I never fart. I swear.

Rulishit.

(Come on.

I-1 gotta go. I'll be-

take care of your shit. We'll meet you in the hallway.

4 lel's gel away just you and me j

j lel's gel away let's laugh and play j

jz just feeling free j

♪ come on let's move and mount to the moon u

0 like lovers do j

♪ dance until dawn we'll waich the sun up here j

okay.

Now, we ail have lo be strong logether for a single cause.

And inal cause is, destroying the book and everything if stands for.

The way lo do it? Don't have sex with any guy until the football season's over.

Wh %

yes, Sabrina.

I know everything with this book is crazy

and I can only speak for myself here.

Put I wanna Jose my virginity, badly.

Of course'

out you aont want your first time lo be with some guy

that's using you to get his name in a stupid book.

Yeah, I mean think of the stulf that guys put us through over the years.

And Tor what?

So we can be sitting around the phone for hours just waiting for them to call?

I mean, ao we reaily have lo consider this?

When a guy sleeps with a million girls, he's some big man on campus.

And we do and we get called sluts. We have ito take a stand.

Yes, Sabrina.

Just so I'm clear, blowjobs are in the gray area.

Are you guys sure were in the right place?

Tween gala worship. They're hooking them while they're young now.

What's gaia?

It's like witchcraft or something.

It's actually a good read.

I was hoping someone from class would come visit, but I'm glad it's you three.

Uh, some of us heard that there's some kind of a place?

Like a back room of some sort?

Rack room?

Yeah, you know, like, back room.

The room in the back, the... I'm just gonna stop talking now.

Oh.

=0lllow me.

It's not exactly a back room.

It's more of a secret garden.

A place Tor goddess worship.

Sit down, sisters.

Thank you.

Sit

now, tell me. This is about the boys and football, isn't it?

Lr ell, beware

they will say anything

do anything in order to have you.

They will dress nice. Smell good.

Iney mignt write you a poem, or serenade you.

They might even say "I love you."

Pul ief me explain one thing fo you.

One thing that you need to understand with every fiber of your being.

The power of the pussy.

Br xe [A me?

The power of the pussy.

Okay, that's what I thought you said.

In prenisiory, women's power of creation was held above all else.

Only through sex could men hope lo glimpse the higher power.

The life force that naturally flows through women.

We are ine molners, the crealors

the conlroilers of our relationships.

This is why you are here today.

10 know the power of the pussy.

Now lel us noid hands and chant.

We are women, givers of life

we give birth. We are women.

& Creation I our 1

our monthly blood flow gives us the power.

The power of the pussy, the pussy, the pussy.

The power of the pussy.

Ah! Feel the power.

Is anyone eise totally weirded out by what just happened in there?

Yeah, just a little bit.

Are you guys crazy? That was amazing! Please, come on. You loved it.

- You're insane, chase! - You loved it. - You're weird!

“Halen!

Well, what do you think of this bad boy?

What is that?

What's it look like? A toilet.

You wanted your own bathroom in your room. Now you're gonna get it.

I wanted this years ago. It's too late now.

What are you talking about'? I'll have it in the closet by Friday.

Dad, why are you doing this? It isn't fairl

50, let me get this straight. You don't want your own bathroom?

Yes, I did, when I was 12.

Also, did I mention you're gonna get your own entrance?

I, un, I'm gonna put in some stairs and a door right here.

This way you can come and go as you please.

Oh, and by the way, no curfew as soon as you turn 18.

Dad, youre not doing this for me, you're doing this for you.

1 thought you were worried about me leaving, but you're just afraid of being alone.

Okay, obviously you're not in the mood to talk about this right now.

Daal

wn 1?

Will you get this toilet out of my room?

Out!

I've got the theme lo our closing season partly.

Pirate night. You know?

'Cause we're the buccaneers. And pirates are awesome.

It's a wneel rignt now. It's nol gonna be done. I'm gonna need a little more help.

Pul evenlually it's gonna be a ship, a big pirate ship.

Where's the poop deck?

Good question, skeels, and since you so graciously asked it

1 will task you with helping Franklin finish.

Oh, god.

Lel's gel back 10 woik.

Who's that?

Oh, it's just Hannah.

I was kinda hoping that we could maybe be alone tomorrow night.

Okay.

Okay. I'll pick you up? 6:30?

Yeah. 6:30's great.

Great. Bye, sweetie.

Of mandrel.

What are you doing in here all by yourself?

Leave me alone, skeets. I have to study.

Really? Well, you know, I can help you out with that.

If you go out with me.

No way.

Come on, Trish, I know you want to.

Oh, yeah. Hey, stop. Give that to me. I need that.

- Just go out with me. - Nol - trishy.

Don't ago it

go out with me, Trish.

No. Stop!

I'll spray you with this soda.

Don't!

[Pop musicl

what's going on in here?

Trish started it.

Yeah, right! Mr. Oswald, I was in here doing my experiment when skeets came in...

Clean this up, both of you.

When youre done, there's more detention duties.

Rey, don't touch my binder.

You got a 49 % on this test?

Wow, that was really close there, Trish.

Better than you.

That's a pretty confident statement.

Your esler links are all messed up on question four.

And on question seven, there's no hydrogen atom.

Now you know I'm smart, do you wanna get naked or what?

This is so gross.

Oh, come on. I don't mind getting down and dirty for mother earth.

Why do you have to be such an ass all the time?

Come on, Trish, I'm joking.

No, you're being an idiot. Why can't you just try being yourself for a change?

I am. Okay? I choose idiocy. It's a cause I believe in.

This is high school. It's our last opportunity to be complete morons and get away with it.

I nave ihe graaes lo gel inlo any school I wani, but once those doors open in June

all I'm gonna remember is the fun stupid shit we did this place.

Like being an idiot?

Exactly. Carpe freakin" diem.

I mean, what has being myself ever done for me?

Well, for one, I'd like you more.

You do want me.

90, you know I'm up for anything, right?

Except for tea bagging. I don't know, for some reason I find that offensive.

Um, so, when?

You know, I mean, is Sunday okay?

Do you feel pressured to do this?

No, why?

I mean, how about from the guys?

I heard in some schools they actually keep track of how many girls they sleep with.

No. No, I've never heard anything like that.

No?

I-—- why would they do that?

That doesn't even make any sense, you know?

Uh, we should go for a drive before my dad picks me up.

Uh, yeah, but I got my car so I was...

Let's go.

Strap in tight. You're gonna need it.

On. Talkin® smack. I like if

[heavy melal music/

laughs

Whoal

hey, Helen.

Rey, what are you doing?

Hey!

Groans

Helen, what are you doing?

Are you all right?

Yeah. No, I'm all good.

I just can't believe he lied to me, that's all.

=M. I ike this one.

Can't believe you're shocked.

- Easy! We're still dating. - So?

Well, were still gonna have sex when the football season's over.

We're going separate ways next year. That's really freaky.

& Gimme a turn.

I hooked up with Franklin the other day in the audio closet.

What?

1 gave him some boob action.

No way.

Move. I wanna see myself.

It's funny you say that, because skeets came by the chemistry lab yesterday

and ne was actually really nice. I mean, he's different when he's alone.

What are you two talking about?

What?

You're just targets for those guys. There's no relationship, there's no love.

Oh, Helen, aren't you so important?

Like you and stanny boy are the only ones worthy of doing it.

We actually do love each other. We've never said it yet, but it's true.

Vv oure peing so naive

look, emotional love crap aside, you're not ready to have sex yet

because you cant even enjoy it.

Fhmow do you expect some guy to make you feel something you can't even make yourself feel?

Rave you used your birthday present yet?

No.

Your name's in the book right next to ours. You need to get over yourself.

[Siow rock musicj

[Melal musicj

(

[Siow music/

jrock musicy

jcrassical musicl

(

Music sfops/

Shouts

Oh, my god, what are you doing?

Well, you can't.

I can't?

No.

Why not?

Because I need to talk to you right now.

Okay. Wha-what, what's going on?

Those brochures from the schools that you left in my room

they re actually not so bad.

That's terrific, you know

because I've been thinking about what we were talking about yesterday

and the last thing I wanna be is selfish with you, you know

'cause I really want what you want.

1 don't want you to get hurt. = Ohl

but there are still some things that I can teach you about life

I can take care of myself.

That's not what I'm saying.

What are you saying?

I'm saying don't make guys your everything.

Okay, I won'i. I promise.

1 don't want you to ever make a guy your cake.

Okay.

I don't even want you to make a guy the icing on your cake.

Okay. I got it.

At best it should be the sprinkles on your icing. That's all.

Thank you.

Ohl

what?

I really appreciate it, dad. I promise he will only be my sprinkles!

Do you not want a salad?

[Pop musicl

You know she'll never do it.

What are you talking about?

Sex. You can see it in her eyes.

She's just the [ype of girl that leads guys on

anda lakes ner virginity to the grave.

But hey, call me when you're tired of waiting.

Beiches

oh, nice suit.

You look like a sperm with a face.

It's funny, yeah.

I don't have to remind you how precise this work is, right?

No kidding around, no joking. Seriously!

Relax, okay? What is this?

On, it's papier-mache.

It gets all hard and stuff, you know.

50 it means the faster you work, the faster it'll mold to the frame, got it?

Yeah. So you're saying this stuff can pretty much mold to anything.

Yeah, pretty much.

I bet you 100 bucks

that I can get every chick in the class to touch my unit at the game next week.

A hundred buck: 9?

Yeah.

Oh, buddy, you're on.

Oh, franky boy.

Easiest 100 bucks I'll ever make.

Hey, man, where you going with my papier-maché?

Jrock musicy

Oh. Wow, that's cold.

Chase has something fo say first.

Do?

Come on. Just tell her already.

(Come on.

I'm sorry for what I sald yesterday.

I'm sure that you and stanny have, you know, a very mature and loving relationship.

- Chase. - Okay.

We came up with another plan. Something that'll make the guys feel just as used as we do.

Keys and a camera. What?

I thougnt ney locked this place.

They do. But I have the keys. But you have to be quiet.

- Okay. - Sh.

Take off your shirt.

Turn around.

All right.

Oh, nice.

They say if you block one of your five senses, the other four become heightened.

Really? Like touch'?

Pants, 100.

Okay.

There you go.

Okay. I'll be right back.

Okay.

"The be here.

Az high school memory jf

♪ and in September will you be jf

a a big-shot college jock j

♪ and forget all about little old me ju

0 I know 0

4 I know our love was meant to be ju

az so don't let our love become ju

2 a high school memory jf

♪ I remember the prom and the ball j

and all the things we've done u

& don't lef these memories fade ju

whoa, whoa, wait. Jesus Christ! What are you doing?

What are you guys doing here?

Oh, man.

Don't belteve 1s.

What are you doing?

Don't fucking, don't

Oh, shoot.

You guys playing nide the pickle out here? = No.

Well, I'm sure you gol a good reason for why you got your peckers oul, so lef me hear it?

- It's just a practical joke, coach. - Yeah.

There's supposed to be girls here.

Well, that might be true and it might not be.

Ankks, coac

who told? Huh?

Wasnt me.

Dude, the girls found out on their own. Okay?

Jrock musicy

1 can't believe this. We gotta lock these chicks down, man.

- Stanford, I can s$6e your... - Shut up, all right?

Okay, okay, I know what to do. Just follow me. Okay?

Theyre everywhere, man.

He's just up here.

The guy who started the book?

Yeah, of course the guy who started the book. We need help, we see the best.

Yo yo yo, check this out.

It one of you guys called about the len-speed, you're three minutes foo lale.

No, no, were jooking for Pete.

Ta dah. And that's handsome Pete.

Need a ride, step inside.

We're from Benjamin Dover.

That time of year again? I should've known. It's the book.

Yean. Un, some girls actually found out about it

look, we need your help. What do we do?

Well, if you have 'em already checked off, nothing!

Next year everything goes back to normal.

Yeah, uh, we haven't exactly, you know, finished the list per se.

(Guys sure have it rough, huh?

So much pressure.

Always having to make the first move. That's why I invented the book.

It makes guys talk to girls. It's an icebreaker.

Wha-what are we supposed to say though?

Sensitive crap, stuff from the heart.

You know, like maybe you got some special talent.

You show her that, you're in!

I mean, I know I guy wno gol laid off of makin' a girl a macaroni necklace.

And if you're a dimwil and you can't think of anything

drop the “I" word.

Mm, lesbian. Oh, yeah.

Right time, right place, that don't hurt, either.

Like a party?

Yeah.

[Pnone ringsjj thats'actually a good idea.

I gotta get this. It's my macaroni necklace.

Hi, honey.

S50 it's settled, boys. Party at my place. - Yes.

Like it.

You all know what this is. Skeet's party is this Saturday night.

We're all going io go and have a great lime

but you must remember that there's gonna be temptation.

Alcohol, expecilalions fo give it up.

Theyre pulling out all the stops.

They may even lake showers and smell nice.

These guys all think that they have us wrapped around their little fingers.

But were gonna go lo nat parly and show them that if takes a hell of a lof more

than some cheesy pick-up line or weak attempts at flattery to get in our pants.

Nis is our chance, ladies. We're the ones with the power.

S50, who's with us?

Br a £s

it's only six days lef. I think I can make it.

Well, did you enjoy your swim?

That's very funny.

Actually, 1 still cant figure out how you got coach Becker to bust us like that.

I huck.

= Look, I know what this is all about. And?

And I just, 1 think we should wipe the slate clean.

You know, let's just forget about the stupid book.

A truce?

Yes, a truce.

Okay?

Okay.

You're not mad then?

No, I'm not mad. I should be asking you that. Okay?

I-1 just, I want it to be like it was before, that's all.

Okay.

Okay. Walt.

What? Oh. Okay, bye.

Bye.

Don't think 80.

Stanford and I are just gonna put the whole bang book thing behind us.

Well, I think it's the other girls that we should really be worried about.

Look, worst case scenario, I stole a bottle of these from my brother's private stash.

You put a few in the punch, boner central.

- Oh my god. - Is it safe?

My brother uses them all the time with his girifriend. - Fw.

Uh, hey, Helen? Do you think we're gonna want these old albums over there?

What?

What are you doing?

Packing. K

why, where are you going?

To Paris! I've decided you're right.

We should get outta here and move to Paris.

I'm coming with you. I already talked to uncle Jack

he's calling around for me, and he thinks he's already got a job for me.

It turns out they have the same sprinkler systems in Paris that they got here.

Er I that nut or what?

You're joking, right?

I'm not gonna interfere.

We'll be like roommates. Just treat me like one of your girifriends.

You didn't raise an idiot. I'm a strong person.

I know you are.

Well, youre not treating me like one. I'm not your little girl anymore.

I can take care of myself. What are you so afraid of?

Er mom?

Yes, your mom.

1 just don't want you to get hurt again.

You don't think I think about that? I haven't lived with her since I was 12.

I wanna get to know her.

I love you, daa, but I need fo go fo Paris by myself.

I think so. I mean, she was-she was yelling a lot.

Uh, she, I-l mean, at the time I didn't know what it was

but, uh, you know, she-she was smiling and enjoying it

so I think yeah, I-1 would say so.

No.

Um, I mean, no.

No, I didn't. I still haven't. Sucks.

Uh, 1 think she did, but who really knows?

I may be Mr. Magoo but I see through you j

♪ you got a way to suck me in and then you spit me out again j

moans

we're good to go.

Moans

nearly there.

Az to keep me blind sf

♪ diggin' that silly om grin of mine j

♪ if I give you my world and you don't want it j

jz that's just fine b

a I'm Mr. Magoo but I see right through you j

Music and raugnler/

(

Ino audibre aiaiog /

ch 1807

hi, Franklin.

You liking what you're seeing so far?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wanna dance?

You know, I'm great right now.

You sure? Er

(4 [8 me.

Van doren, hey. Do you need some ice for that?

No, thanks.

Uh, can you sit down'? Because I just wanna show you something.

Okay.

Okay. I wrote you a little song.

Yean, it's a little rough, so just bear with me. Okay?

J first time I saw you we were in biology j

♪ 4 you looked pretty hot in those tight blue jeans j

4 and even though I know you're not quite as bright as me j

j but there's still only one thing that I would like to see j

& that is oh I want to Van do you Van doren j

hey.

Listen, I wanna tell you something.

What?

I've been thinking about it a lot lately and-

I wanted to tell you that I love you.

It just made me realize how much I care about you

now much I appreciale you and I just-—-i wanted fo be there for you and Walt.

Hold on for one second.

Soityy, sorry to interrupt. Um, Trish, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

S0ityy, hang on.

Chase.

See ya.

I think the boys are up to something.

What are you talking about?

Because... Sabrina?

No, you didn't?

What?

Hey.

Thanks. I'm going to get a drink.

Okay, I did it. I totally did it.

It was amazing, can you believe it?

1 felt more leelings and sensations than

it hurt in the beginning, but then it felt great.

Think I'm in love with him.

Sabrinal

scar?

Where are the pills?

Okay.

What? Gimme those.

Whoa, chase. Chase!

Come on, do you wani it to work or not?

Oh, ice.

This'll be a drink they'll never forget.

Make it cold and appetizing.

There we go.

Okay. First one for stanny boy.

He deserves this. He's a liar.

Perfect. Oh wait.

Just a few more just in case.

Who wants a drink?

Franklin, just the guy I was looking for. Would you like a drink?

Yeah.

It's chase's famous recipe.

Is if? What's in it? Marshmallows?

Enjoy.

Thanks.

& Cheer: 1

& cheer: 1

whoo. Salty.

Mm. Oh, that's nasty.

Br

Yeah, it's good. It's just, you know, it's strong.

Mim.

Wow. 5

you trying to get me drunk, huh?

Something like that.

Yeah?

Let me get you another one.

Okay, yeah.

Rey, what's happening, man?

Chillin.

Vyean.

Oh, oh, an.

Dude, what?

You're drinking my spooge, man!

Who else drank this?

Everyone.

Rey, it's gelling out of hand. We golia go.

All the guys are out there with raging boners.

Does anybody else feel kinda

The dosage we used was too high.

I may have accidentally put in a few too many pills.

Groaning

Guys, come on, slow down.

Is he gonna be okay?

Rey, you take care, stanny boy, all right?

I warned him about you. You're such a tease.

Look what you did.

What do you mean what I did?

That was an accident.

You told me they were safe.

I thought they were, okay?

Row am I supposed [0 know you're not supposed to put that many pills?

You know, if it weren't for you two, I would have had sex by now

and Stan and I would be happy. But no.

Stop blaming us, okay?

If you really wanted to have sex that bad, you would've.

It's not dependent on what we say. It's your choice.

Hey.

How are you?

Talk to me.

You-you aid this to me. What else is there to talk about?

What about you'? There was no truce. You didn't stop.

All you cared about was the bang book and your little football team.

It was just a stupid superstition between us guys.

You know, like putting your right shoe on before your left. It wasn't real.

Were not talking about shoes here.

Yeah, I know we're not.

Okay, that's why I thought tonight was our thing.

You know, like we sald, a clean slate between me and you.

I didn't care what anyone else did, you know? We were more than that.

You didn't trust me.

That's why I ended up in a hospital with a cast on my...

Look, let's just forget about all this.

Come on. I'm sorry, okay? Let-let me make it up to you.

No. No, just stop, all right? I don't have anything else to say to you. Okay?

Just go.

Rey, Helen. Why aren't you gelling ready?

Aren't you going to Stanford's game?

On hat-what happened

I said and did some pretty stupid stuff.

You said and did some pretty stupid stuff?

That's my girl. Runs in the family.

You wanna talk about it?

You don't wanna know.

Rey, I'm your dad. Come on, give me a try.

We put sex piiis in the punch in the party and then Stanford ended up in the hospital

Can you please go back in time and never tell me that story?

Dad, what's wrong with me? I'm so stupid.

I cant ado anything right.

Rey, come on, stuff happens.

Sometime your partner's gonna end up in the hospital

junk' er \ [I I's v

uh, it's an old gym term.

Anyway, my point is that you're gonna make mistakes in life, you know

you know, when I was 19, I hitchhiked around Europe.

Everywhere.

I slept in the park, got drunk quite a bit.

Then I got robbed by gypsies.

- Gypsies'? - Yeah.

They took my money, my passport, and...

But they didn't take my trombone, which I considered a sign of respect.

Well, it was the best worst time of my life.

Youldn't trade a minute of it.

Why didn't you ever tell me this kind of stuff sooner?

I don't know.

I wasn't reaay.

1 didn't want you to go.

Hey. Here.

I got you this.

Pulse

your mom is lovely

and beautiful and funny and charming.

I hate her but youre gonna get along great with her.

Are you gonna be okay without me?

I'll be fine.

I'm gonna go find those gypsies. See you later.

Loud moaning

Jcheering/

I'm reaily, really sorry about what I said the other night.

Well, we can't stay mad at you forever.

Luckily for you, we love you too much.

Thanks.

Lid you change your hair? You look different.

Uh, no. Guess again.

No shit. You figured it out, didn't you?

Nice!

Very nice. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, that's great, just when I have no one.

Um, actually, there's something that I have to tell you two.

I wasn't a virgin when we made our pact.

You slut. I want details, come on.

Remember wnen I wenl fo Hawaii? Well, it happened then.

Even though I knew I wasn't ready.

I should've told you guys about it. I just, I don't know.

I would've gone to Hawaii and kicked his tropical ass for you, okay?

Ye would've been there for you.

Thanks, I know.

Jcheering/

jrock musicy

oh.

Yeah!

Cheering!

= Ut!

Jrock musicy

(Come onl

Blue 32 huly

Jwnistie biowing/

jover p.A.J and that's halftime, folks!

What's up with this?

1 don't know. The guys are sucking tonight though, huh?

I mean, you guys don't think they were actually right about the book, do you?

Rey! Where are you going?

To talk 10 Stanford.

What? What do you mean?

What is she doing?

Stantord! Stantord!

Wait.

I'm sorry about everything.

The boner pills, the naked pool party

frying to xii you al the raceilrack.

I shouldn't have done any of that.

But that whole book thing you guys have is totally immature

and I thougnt I needed to teach you a lesson.

I want wnat you wanl. I ove and sex.

Me, 00.

Well, maybe in a different order for you, but whatever.

!/ Want you lo win/

you guys are so good, you're so talented

but right now you're sucking

and you blame us girls and a book.

Pul ine reason you re iosing is because that dumb book won't score you any touchdowns.

But if you believed in yourself the way I believe in you

you couia score a bunch of touchdowns and win this game/

he's the kicker!

Okay, 80 you're a kicker.

Maybe that's never happened before

but a lot of great things haven't quite happened yet.

Jrock musicy

(come on.

Your Jcheering wnistiing /

one, two, three, four!

Jrock musicy

Jcheering /

=ut. Hut.

Groaning

jcheering /

Jcheering /

woo-hoo-hoo!

Touchdown!

Jcheering /

= Out!

Oh, yeah.

= Out!

Oh, my god.

Cheering!

Touchdown! Yeah!

Inaudible

[Pop musicl

You don't need stanny-boy, you got us.

She's right. We can grow old and become spinsters together.

You should go say hi.

Br

Yeah.

Guys are scum.

Oh, chase, they're not all bad.

Tell her this "you-me" thing, it's a pity date.

I teel bad for you, you're not even my type.

Thanks.

& Oh! Here he comes.

Let's go.

Un, you know I came with...

I k now.

Put we're not logeliner. Atl all I wanted to jel

let's get out of here.

All right. Come on!

Rrank! You owe me 100 bucks

for what? Being an idiot?

No, no. Look wnat she's holding in her hand, man.

Ah, damn it. Hold on.

Scarl

thank you for introducing me to the world of papier-méché.

Okay, how about this?

Double or nothing I can "out-prank” you this evening.

You are gonna "out-prank™ me?

Okay, spanky, you're on, buddy. Yeah. Good luck.

Jum, I'm gonna go get some air.

Br you want me to come?

No, I'm good. Have fun though.

All right. Bye.

Hey.

90, the guys are in the playoffs. That's good for you, right?

Yean, it's really good.

You know, on the field the other day, I didn't mean to tackle you so hard.

Yeah, it was, it was a little much, I'm sorry.

Ladies, can I interest you in a photo beside my captain's wheel?

Uh, no thanks.

You never quit, do you?

Well, my creative juices are always flowing, chase. Have you seen Trish?

No, sorry, I haven't.

Never mind. There she is.

Rey. Don't screw with her, okay?

From doren! Come here.

No.

I just wanna show you something.

I've already seen your wiener-wheel, skeets.

No, it's not that. And trust me, you'll wanna see this.

Ri, everyone. His next song goes out to someone who's very very special to me.

Uh, it's the four-day anniversary of our lovemaking!

Scar?

Nis one's for you, baby.

[Soft musicl

jcheering /

♪ I heard the bells in my head j

♪ the second I saw you j

♪ and against my beller judgment j

4 I began to adore you and I haven't stopped since j

♪ and I'm gonna make you know it j

what are you doing out here?

Guys are lame.

You want some?

What, are you trying to take advantage of me?

You know, I've been thinking about what you were saying.

This documentary's coool. It's opening up people's eyes to what's...

♪ 80 perfectly with mine j

♪ we were made to stand together j

j by some great unknown design j

♪ for now and all of time 0

bd you will be mine j

4 as for now and all of time uj

uu you will be mine j

uu you will be mine j

hey.

Hey, buddy.

That's good.

Hey.

What's up?

Rey, everyovoay, get in here. Franklin's got a surprise for us. Whoo!

Skeeis!

Oh, shit.

I'm about to owe Frankie a lot of money.

Double or nothing, right? Beat this.

What is he talking about?

Jail shoull

jrock musicy

wwwoo-hoo!

We'll get you back, don't worry. Don't worry.

♪ You gofia do what you golta do j

♪ you gofia do what you golta do j

♪ you gofia do what you golta do j

[Irombone pilaying /

So, after interviewing basically everyone in my entire high school

and a few of my own misadventures, I've realized something.

It doesn't matter if you're in the audio closet or in the bedroom

or if you're with your boyfriend or your best friend

I havent done it yet, but I have a feeling 1 will.

Az she lakes her time with the little things j

4♪ love noles reminding me j

2 she wears red when she's feeling hot j

az I have her but that's all I've got j

az she looks best without her clothes j

♪ I know it's wrong but that's the way if goes j

a I don't know what she sees in me u

♪ but I'm happy she's happy now j

j thal she's with me j

ut and I'm freakin' out j

4 because I'm just so lucky j

az oh she makes me feel like shit j

j it's always something but I can't gel over it j

jz she thinks it's nothing j

aw because she's everything I ask for everything I ask for j

and just a little bif more everything I ask for everything I ask for j

Az she loves music but she hates my band j

a loves prince she's his biggest fan j

♪ not big on holding hands but that's all right 'cause I've still got her j

♪ keeps up on curreni affairs u

jz Prada is what she wears u

a I don't know what she sees in me u

♪ and I'm happy she's happy now j

♪ that she's with me and I'm freakin' out ju

4 because I'm just so lucky j

az oh she makes me feel like shit j

j it's always something but I can't gel over it j

jz she thinks it's nothing j

'cause she's everything I ask for everything I ask for j

and just a little bif more everything I ask for everything I ask for j

wonder what comes next ju

she loves fo always keep me guessing j

2 she won't give it up 7

j and we both know ju

j it's because oh she makes me feel like shit j

j it's always something but I can't gel over it j

jz she thinks it's nothing j

'cause she's everything I ask for everything I ask for j

and just a little bif more everything I ask for everything I ask for j

and just a little bif more everything I ask for everything I ask for j

az and so much more everything I ask for everything I ask for j

[Rumer Willis sings wild cherry/