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Okay.

That's great.

And they've accepted the price?

Do you think we can
still exchange on Thursday?

That's great.

Listen, I just need to take another call.

I'll talk soon. Bye.

Hey.

What? You're bringing who?

Okay. No, it's--

It's fine. It is fine.

It is… Oh, shit.

No! Of course! Fine!

I am saying it's fine.
That's how you know it's fine.

Well, there's plenty of food,
so I'll see you soon.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, they're bringing Jessica.

Oh, God.

Why are they bringing Jessica?

Why not bring Jessica?

She always flirts with you.

- She flirts with everyone.
- Oh, fine.

Then we can all flirt
with Little Miss Aren't I Fascinating?

You know,
she just wrote this best seller.

Four hundred pages
of confession porn, I know.

And now, she's coming over,
and it's going to be,

"Oh, hi, Jessica.

Sorry, I haven't read your book."

- It's not that big of a deal.
- I know.

Oh, it's just I wanted this evening

to be special.

It will be special.

It's going to be our last dinner
in this house.

It won't be that bad.

Yeah, you always think
it won't be that bad.

I'm sorry.

I don't know how many times I can say it.

Yeah, I know.

- Hello, darling.
- Hey!

- Oh!
- Hi, Sarah.

- Hi, Beth.
- You look gorgeous.

Oh!

Crashing your party.
You don't mind, do you?

Hi, mate!

Hey, hello!

- Smells promising.
- Hi, Tom.

Hey, Jessica.

I was hoping you'd make the clafoutis.

Have you tried Tom's clafoutis?

Oh, no.
I never tried Tom's clafoutis, no.

All you should do is just
make clafoutis for the rest of your life.

Seriously, you haven't lived
till you haven't tried his clafoutis.

Okay, okay.

I made the clafoutis.

- Yes!
- Yay!

Oh, I can see the-- mm!

Well, this is gonna be an occasion.

You don't forget a tonight
with Tom's clafoutis.

How are the kids?

Ben has become a born-again Christian.

What?

Yeah, he says he needs faith
in his life.

Last night before dinner,
he tried to make us hold hands and pray.

Hopefully, he'll just get bored
and become a anarchist

or something.

Well, Poppy just came out.

Really?

At least you don't have to worry
about her getting pregnant.

- Thank you.
- There we are.

I hear your book's doing well.

Yeah.

- I haven't read it yet.
- That's okay.

- I've read it. Brilliant.
- Well, what's it about?

It's a kind of memoir of my misspent life.

Reviews have been amazing.

- You should read it.
- Absolutely.

I will read it, yeah.

You know, I've never actually
been to your house before.

- You haven't?
- No, I haven't.

You've never invited me.

- Oh, well.
- Why don't you show me around?

Sure.

Here. Let's start upstairs.

Everyone is reading your book.

Not your wife.

I hope you don't mind
my bringing Jessica.

She's tagging along a minute
before I know it.

No, it's fine.

No, it isn't fine. I can see it isn't.

- What's up there?
- That's my office.

What's this then?

Just a project I've been working on.

All those sharp edges,
are people supposed to live in it?

Hopefully.

What? Oh.

Ah, that.

I've never forgotten that night.

Do you ever think about it?

I was just showing Jessica
the Napier Street project.

Hmm. The food's burning.

You might wanna get back to it
before dinner is ruined.

Fine, yeah.

Wait, wait. How many women?

- Seven.
- Jesus!

Doesn't it bother you
defending someone like that?

Well, someone's gonna defend him.

Yeah, I just don't know
why it has to be you.

Do we have to have this argument again?

Well, if you dealt with as many
domestic violence victims

I have to every day,
you simply wouldn't do it.

And if I didn't, you wouldn't enjoy
the lifestyle that you do.

Not on a domestic violence
counselor's salary.

Well, I just don't know why you have to do
so many rape cases.

Actually, what I'd really like to do

is get out of rape, back into murder.

The thing about rape is--

- Is they're all assholes.
- No kiddin'.

What, murderers aren't assholes?

Well, you know, it's a type of asshole.

Plus, I fucking hate
cross-examining rape victims!

See, it's impossible
not to look like a cunt!

I defy anyone to cross-examine
a rape victim and not look like a cunt.

My husband the cunt, everyone.

Well, it's not easy being a cunt.

You have no idea.

I was raped once.

What?

When?

Oh, that was years ago.
Straight after college.

Why did you never tell me?

I didn't tell anyone.

I suppose I just thought
he'd get some clever lawyer

and I'd get humiliated in court and…

…and he'd get off anyway.

Well, now I really do feel like a cunt.

Well, now you see
what you really are.

Truth hurts, doesn't it?

What?

You weren't raped, were you?

I'm just fucking with you.

I can't believe you just made
a joke about being raped.

Well, you all didn't seem to mind
when he was joking about it.

That was so funny.

Yeah, I know.

Sarah, are you all right?

It's all right.

Napier Street's become
this obsession for Tom.

And since no one's ever
taken him seriously

and this is going to change everything.

The main investor pulled out,
so Tom took out loan without telling me.

Oh, my God.

And now, it's way over budget.

He's runnin' out of money and-- Oh, shit.

- So…
- And then the kid says,

"Well, I'm not going to Grandma's…"

No! No!

I didn't find out
what was going on

until I started doing
this year's tax return.

Of course, by then
it was too fucking late.

Anyhow, it's fine.

Yeah, well,
then everyone settled down,

and got boring and--

- Oh.
- Except Jessica, of course.

- Oh, well.
- You never got boring.

Crazy gets boring after a while.

Yeah, we were all crazy about you.

Do you remember that last night
after finals?

Mm.

All you did was talk about buildings

and I just wanted you
to take me home and fuck me.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You just had us all wrapped
around your little finger, didn't you?

- But you married Beth.
- I did.

Yeah, don't you forget it.

You two would never have
made each other happy.

Nah.

I'll never make men happy.

- What about Mr. X?
- Mr. X?

Well, I wouldn't say I made him happy.

- He made me happy.
- It's from the book.

A married man, apparently.

- Do we know him?
- She won't tell me.

Well, I hope his wife doesn't find out.

Well, she won't from me.
I'm not gonna burst that bubble.

Maybe it's not a bubble.
Maybe what it is is a marriage.

Well, it's kind of the same thing,
isn't it?

Well…

How about the clafoutis?

Yes.

Seriously, you have to try this clafou--

For God's sake, can we stop going on

about this fucking clafoutis?

Jess, love, he was just tryin' to--

I know. I'm sorry.

You see,
sometimes you get tired of bullshit.

What bullshit?

- Why don't we-- we'll just--
- No, no, no.

I-- I just--
I'd like to know what bullshit.

The roles we've all chosen.

Charming amoralist. Po-faced do-gooder.

Pathological dreamer. Grown-up fuck-up.

Maybe-- maybe the bullshit, it is
telling us that our lives are bullshit.

I mean, who made you the arbiter
of what's bullshit and what isn't?

- Uh, you asked me what I meant.
- I shouldn't have had to, Jessica.

This is my house,
you're sitting at my table,

and I don't need you telling me
that my life is bullshit.

Fine, fine.

I'm sorry I was rude
about your perfect house,

and your perfect life,
and your perfect clafoutis.

We should all be so fucking lucky as you.

Lucky? Oh, that's a good one.

We are having to sell the house.

- What?
- Yeah.

Believe it or not,
other people have problems.

You know, real problems.

Not just about who they--
they're going to flirt with,

and get high with, and fuck.

It's amazing you've led this life
of zero responsibility

and you get a best seller out of it.

Do we have to sit here
and be a total narcissist?

And just for one evening,

can you just not flirt
with my fucking husband?

Hey!

You're selling the house?

- Yeah, we have to.
- Well, what happened?

Well, we got into trouble.

Oh, shit! Can we help?

- No.
- No, what? Of course we can!

- No, it's too much.
- Nonsense!

Well, you helped us
when we ran into trouble!

I don't know what we'd have done
if you haven't!

Do you happen to have a spare million?

Shit.

We'll manage. We have a buyer.

As long as we exchange contracts
this week, we'll be fine.

I'm sorry I went off on her.

She always manages to get to me,
and I don't know why.

I should never have brought her.

She kind of insisted. It was weird.

Well, maybe she's right.
Maybe it is all-- all bullshit.

I mean, you try to build a life, a home,
a future for your kids and…

What the fuck is wrong with that?

And then one day, something happens,
and you wonder if-- if the effort,

all the fucking effort
that you put into the life that you built,

you wonder if someone is just
playing a fucking joke on you!

You'll bounce back.
Of course, you'll bounce back.

Yes, we'll bounce back
as long as we sell the house.

This? You'll sell this house?

It's a great fuckin' house!

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

It's all right, darling.
Don't worry about it.

You probably want dessert.

Well, now that you mentioned it--

- Richard!
- What?

I can't help myself!
What do you want me to say?

Yeah. All right.

Probably time for the clafoutis.

Ah!

- Ooh, clafoutis.
- Bravo!

Oh, it looks fuckin' amazing!

Um… Always looks amazing, man.

Ah!

Wait a minute, we should get Jessica.

Oh, yes, obviously.

Where's she gone?

I'll get her. Wait a minute.

There's always something with Jessica.

Well, it was me, too.

No. No! No, it wasn't!

It wasn't you.

Fine.

I'll make it up to her
when she comes back.

Hurry up! Oh, God!

Hurry up.

Get a knife.

Get a knife to cut her down!

- Help me.
- Oh! Oh! Oh my God!

- Pull her up!
- I'm trying!

Higher! Take the weight!

- Jesus Christ!
- Okay, yeah.

Oh, you fucking mules, get her higher!

- Yeah.
- She's not breathing.

- What?
- I got a cramp. I got a cramp.

- Sarah, bring the knife!
- What about the…

- I got a cramp.
- No, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, you are useless! Quickly!

Cut her down.
For fuck's sake, cut her down.

Just cut this down! Just cut it! Cut it!

Sarah! Sarah, the knife!

Drop the knife!

- Fucking hell.
- Okay, just cut--

Fuck no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is she…

- Yes.
- Oh, Jesus! Oh!

♪ When I am laid ♪

♪ Am laid in earth ♪

♪ May my wrongs create ♪

I knew something like this
was gonna happen.

But I didn't think
she'd actually fucking do it.

I mean, her book's doing really well.

Finally, everything is coming together.

And then this? I mean, why? Why?

Why would you come
to someone's house for dinner,

and then go into the garden, and--

I mean, how exactly is that supposed
to make any fucking sense?

Wanna get you a drink?

No, I don't want a fucking drink!

I just want this not to happen.

It's my fault.

- What?
- No.

No!

I shouldn't have shouted at her.
I overreacted.

Come on, you can't
blame yourself for this!

- It's crazy.
- It's nobody's fault.

I guess we better call someone.

Who? Who do you call when someone…

The police.

The police?

Yeah.

And we better call someone. I'll do it.

Oh, Jess!

Hell-- Hello?

Wait.

What?

Put the phone down.

Why? Oh, hi.

Put down-- put the phone down.

What did you do that for?

- You can't call the police.
- I was calling an ambulance.

You can't call an ambulance either.

- Why not?
- Well, think about it.

I'm not following you.

- The buyer.
- What buyer?

Our buyer. The house.

What does this have to do with our buyer?

Well, when he finds out
what just happened,

he won't buy the house, right?

We don't know--

Well, that's the point.

He might not care.

He might.

- He might not.
- But he might.

He might… Fuck.

Fuck. What are we--
I mean, what-- I mean--

It's possible he wouldn't mind
that someone just hung himself

in his brand-new house.

He might think it's cool.

On the other hand,
he might be totally normal.

He could very easily be normal.

If we don't sell the house this week,
we are going to lose everything.

Right, but why--
why would the buyer find out?

By the time this comes out, it'll be done.

- Tom!
- What?

It'll be all over the internet
in the morning.

Best-selling author commits suicide
in friend's garden.

Tragedy of the north London elite.

She was a columnist for the Daily Mail.

Don't you fucking get it?

Fuck.

Well, what are we supposed to do?

Keep her here until the buyer signs?

Do you have any idea how bad
a decomposing body smells?

And how are we supposed
to find not reporting it?

That's a crime.

That has to be a crime.
That's a bad crime.

I know.

Well, we-- we're not gonna do that.

No. We're not gonna do that.

What?

What if she hadn't done it here?

She did it here.

What if she hadn't?

She did it. How is this relevant?

Well, what if she'd done it at her place?

- You can't be serious.
- Why not?

What, you're saying,
we, like, move the body?

- Yeah.
- To her place?

- Mm-hmm.
- And then what?

Work it out.

That's insane.

It's doable.

Doable?

Driving to the West End in under two hours
on a Friday night, that is doable.

- This is not doable!
- Why not?

Because it is wrong.

We're in this situation because of you.

You don't have the luxury
of a conscience right now.

You want us to lose
everything we worked for.

You wanna pull Ben
and Sophie out of school?

They went to a state school.

That was then.

If we don't sell, we won't be able to
afford a place in a decent catchment area.

They'll end up somewhere
like Crossley fucking Park.

They've had three stabbings
since Christmas.

Park.

Yes.

We have to deal with the situation, Tom.

What about Beth and Richard?

We'll talk to them.

They're not gonna come along with this.

They're our oldest friends.

I-- I can't believe
we're even discussing this.

Look, you must surely realize
that you can't just

move a body if-- if it's dead.

- That would be illegal.
- And wrong!

Yes, that's it! Wrong! Absolutely.

I know. I mean, it sounds crazy.

No, it is crazy!

Look, guys. Come on!

Let me ask you something.

What would be the harm?

What do you mean
"what would be the harm?"

We're talking about Jessica!

How can you even ask that?

Just-- just tell me what harm would it do?

Um, Jessica just killed herself
in your garden.

That seems like quite a lot of harm to me.

I mean, we should be thinking about her.

Can you fucking hear yourself right now?

Yeah. Um, what I'm saying is--
is there's another side to this.

There are going to be
consequences for Tom and me.

There are consequences for everything.

And-- and Ben and Sophie.

- Don't you dare bring them into this!
- Why not?

This is going to affect them.

What about Jessica's parents?

So, we're just gonna lie to them now?

Well, what difference
is it going to make to them

whether she did it here or at her place?

Well, how would you feel if you were them?

How would I feel if I didn't know
it had happened?

- It's lying!
- Just lying.

We're asking you to lie about this,

so that our lives
don't get totally fucked!

I can't believe
you're asking us to do this.

She was our friend.

Was more our friend, really.

Hmm, yeah, she was such a great friend,

she decided to kill herself in our garden
right when we're trying to sell the house.

I mean, who does that?

Who goes and kills themself
in someone else's garden?

Why couldn't she just have killed herself
in her own fucking garden?

She didn't have a garden.

Look, let's-- let's just try
to be reasonable here.

I know this is a tough situation
for you guys, but you know,

sometimes life is just like that.

You just gotta take the hit and--

You know what?
You just try taking the hit.

No, I wasn't trying to minimize
what's at stake for you.

No, but you did anyway.

Listen, whatever you do next
is going to hurt someone.

Who the fuck is that?

Who just fucking calls this time of night?

Right, who does that?

- Let's just not answer the door.
- Right.

If we move the body,
and someone saw something, we're fucked.

Nobody is moving the body.

And it's not a body,
for fuck's sake, it's Jessica!

It's Jessica who just fucked us!

Okay.

Let's just all calm down, all right?

Let's just see who it is.

Fuck.

It's-- what's her name? From next door.

- Who?
- What's her name?

- Miranda!
- Oh, yeah, M-- Miranda.

Do you think she saw something?

It's a--
it's a bit of a coincidence

her just turning up now, isn't it?

Yeah, who does that?

Look, if she saw something,

you definitely
wouldn't wanna move the body.

Stop calling her "the body"!

He's right.

Let's just see what she wants.

Oh. Hello.

I'm sorry to bother you so late.

It's just that I think I saw,

uh, Jessica Debbie in your garden.

Jessica Debbie?

Yes. She wrote this book.

Have you read it?

- No.
- Oh, it's wonderful!

It's so moving.

The part where she talks about
making friends with her depression.

Oh.

- Well, I was hoping…
- Yes?

…she might sign my copy.
If she's not too busy.

Is she here?

Yes.

Oh, she is here? Wonderful!

But she's indisposed.

Oh.

Well, could you just ask her?
It would only take a minute.

Could you just wait a moment?

She wants Jessica
to sign her fucking book.

What? Just tell her to fuck off.

- She won't fuck off.
- Just tell her.

It might look suspicious.

Tom, Sarah, this is--
this is getting ridiculous.

Just-- just a minute.

What are you--

That's her bag!

You can't just go riffling
through her bag and--

Wait.

- Hi.
- Hello.

I'm sorry to bother you so late.

Jessica doesn't want to come out.

Oh, she doesn't want?

She's shy.

Oh.

But she'll sign your book.

- She will?
- Give it to me.

She-- she won't come out?

Well, she hate's signing books.

But I got her to make
an exception in your case.

Yeah.

Unless you don't want it signed.

No! No. I do.

Mm.

Well, okay.

All right.

No, you-- you can't be
about to do what I think

you're about to do.

Why not?

- Jessica.
- No! No, stop!

Jessica Debbie. That's good.

- How does that look?
- Not bad.

This is insane!

- Here you are.
- Oh, thank you.

Okay, then.

It would've been nice to meet her.

Oh, no, you wouldn't want
to meet her.

She hates fans.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know what these
creative types are like.

I see. Well, it's a wonderful book.

- So I hear.
- You should read it.

Yes, I will. I will. Goodnight then.

Goodnight.

Have you any idea how crazy
what you just did is?

Well, we had to get rid of her.

But that could be used
as evidence

- if you go through with it!
- They're not going through with it.

No one is going through with it.

I think that you two have gone mad.

You're asking us to take an enormous risk!

I mean, you understand that, right?

That's assuming we get caught.

If we're smart about it,
we won't get caught.

You-- you can't rule out getting caught!

Yeah, all right, we can't.
But we are desperate.

We need your help.

- I understand that. But--
- You're our oldest friends.

Yes. No, yeah, we-- hey, we are.

- Mm.
- Your oldest friends.

And we will do anything
we can to help, except--

There's no helping us
if we don't sell the house.

We are going to lose everything.

No, you don't know that.

We helped you.

You said it yourself.

You don't know what
you would've done if we hadn't.

You did. But I helped you after that.

You know, when you needed those,
uh, documents counter-signed

for the Merrow Street project?

No, I had to be a little bit naughty
on that one.

Yes, but this is different.

You're fuckin' right
it's different!

Look, we-- we wanna help you.
You know we do.

- We do.
- But with this, we can't.

It's not reasonable.

So, that's it then.

Hey. I am sorry.

I remember Merrow Street.

You did take a risk for us then.

You said you'd get disbarred
if anyone found out.

We were all younger then.

We were.

It's funny how that became
a badge of our friendship.

Of course it never would've come up

if Tom hadn't been so useless
at paperwork.

Well, he is pretty bloody useless.

Of course, when I have to do
the taxes for Tom's company,

he just hands everything over to me.

I have to sort it all out,

because he's so useless at paperwork,

because he just hands everything
over to me.

That's-- that's how I know
that I'll still have it all

in my files, that naughty thing you did.

Sarah, what are you t--

If that file
just happened to find its way

to the bar council,
then that might be a hit

you have to take.

Sarah, you can't be serious.
Richard is our friend!

Yes, yes.
We're all friends here, aren't we?

You fucking bitch.

Okay. Wait. Just wait a minute!

No, don't tell me to wait a minute!

Your wife just tried to blackmail us!

Sarah…

you didn't mean what you just said.

I mean, what kind of people are we?

Well, I don't know about you, Tom,

but I'm the kind of person
that wants to protect my family.

I mean, we can all stand around here

and talk about what nice,
reasonable people we are.

God, I'd love to call the police,

that I don't have to look
at my oldest friends hating me.

Or have my husband wonder who he's been--

He's been married to
all these years, but…

…I know that if I did that…

Look.

What? Look.

Look.

What do you think happens
when you lose everything?

Do you think someone is just
gonna give Tom another job?

Do you think someone is just gonna give us
another fucking mortgage?

Fuck. Fuck.

It's going to be survival.
That's what happens when--

You know, that-- that's what--

That's what being poor is.

I've been there, unlike you.

Don't sell me your sob story.

You'd be sobbing if it was your story.

Call it protecting your children
or whatever you like,

But in the end, ultimately,
it is just bullshit!

Yeah, I didn't ask to be put
in this position.

Jessica put us all in this position.

And I'm sorry she felt
she had to do what she did.

What she did she did to us, too, and…

…I have to deal with this
in the best way that I know how.

Tom, so you-- you're happy with this, hmm?

I wouldn't exactly
describe myself as happy, no.

But if you're happy to just stand by
and won't us lose everything…

Oh, tell me it is not
that fucking woman again!

Good evenin', madam.

Hello.

Is everything all right?

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Is there any reason why everything
wouldn't be all right?

Well, someone dialed 999 from this house.

- They did?
- They did. Yes.

Oh!

Did you call 999?

- Me?
- Yes, madam.

No.

Did someone else call 999?

Uh.

I did.

I thought I saw some kids
breaking into the neighbor's car.

- Which car was that?
- The blue one over there.

Thought you saw or saw?

Oh, no, saw. Definitely saw.

But you didn't complete the call.

Well, they saw me.

I was-- I was looking at them,
uh, and I was on the phone.

So, they ran away just that way.

They ran away?

Yeah,
I didn't wanna waste your time,

so I put down the phone.

Never a waste of time calling the police
if you witness a crime, sir.

That's what we're here for.

Of course.

Are you sure everything's all right?

Absolutely. Everything is just great.

Maybe we should take a quick look inside
just to make sure.

Everything is all right, so…

- Maybe just take a little look.
- You want to come in?

- Yeah. Thank you.
- Okay. Yeah.

Okay, okay. Okay.
Just right over here.

Having dinner?

That's right, yeah.

Is that a clafoutis?

It is, yes.

You got five plates, I see.

Yes.

Is someone else here?

There was.

- She wasn't feeling well and--
- She left.

Well, looks like everything here's okay.

Uh, there is one thing…

What's that then?

…I'd like to say.

Thank you for taking the trouble.

No trouble at all, madam.

All right then,
sorry to have bothered you.

It's all right.

Hmm.

That is a lovely-looking clafoutis.

Made one myself the other day.

Looks like you brown the top off
just about perfect.

Come, Paul.

Sorry.

Sorry to have bothered you.

Obviously, we have to check
these things out.

If anything else happens,
if you see any more kids up to no good,

feel free to give us a call.

Okay.

I can't help feeling
like there's something

you might wanna tell me, sir.

No.

Nothing I can think of.

All right then. Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, fuck. They're gone.

This is fuck!

We all just concealed
a dead body from the police.

I'm a member of the fucking bar,
for fuck's sake!

- Calm down.
- Don't tell me to calm down!

Okay, okay.

Look, you realize what happens
if this comes out?

This isn't just some paperwork
from the fucking past!

This will be the end of me!

The absolutely fucking end!

It won't be the end if we keep our heads
and see this through.

Oh, great! Oh, fantastic.

So, all we have to do is carry a dead body
across the street, put it in the car,

drive it all the way to her flat,

get her up the stairs,
and all without being seen?

What possibly go wrong? Oh, great!

So-- so, you're actually
going along with this now?

We have to! We're fucked if we don't!

- We haven't done anything!
- We just did!

No! I-- no. Oh-- I wa--

- I wanted to say something--
- Oh, fu--

And you-- and you stopped me,

and you were dragging me
across the room by the hand.

You hurt my hand. It's still hurting!

I'm sorry about your fucking hand!

No, you're not! You are not
sorry about anything!

The only thing you care about
is your precious career

- cavorting around the Old Bailey in a wig.
- What?

Letting rapists roam the streets

as long as we're all standing around
saying how marvelous you are!

What the fuck has that
got to do with anything?

If you don't know what it has
to do with everything,

then you're not as clever
as you think you are.

Well, I wasn't clever enough
to anticipate

the toxic fucking sanctimony
you manage to dish out every day.

No. No, I was not.

That came as a fucking surprise,
I have to say.

Okay, guys, for God's sake!

You try living with God's representative
of moral perfection on Earth.

Isn't easy for us fucking more than me…

You're weak!

You're just weak! You know you are!

Go on, run away! Weak!

An hour ago, we were just
fucking having dinner.

Now, I just feel like I've got
a fucking gun to my head.

Well, we're locked in now.

Would it be so terrible
to just-- just move the body?

Now, what would be the harm,
though, really?

Beth will come around.

She's a reasonable person.

Reasonable?

Sorry, did you not hear
what she just said?

All I care about is my wig.

Do you think I like rapists?

I fucking hate rapists!

But what else am I supposed to do?
I'm good at rapists!

Some-- I love her,
but she's impossible sometimes.

We never have sex anymore.

That's marriage though, isn't it?

It just goes away.

The whole thing is ridiculous.
We're supposed to mate for life.

But we only really wanna do it
for the first couple of years.

Then all we want is to do it
with other people.

I mean, who's fucking
brilliant idea was that?

Jessica was different, though.
She-- she never changed.

I-- I'll never make men happy.

- What about Mr. X?
- Mr. X?

Well, I wouldn't say
I made him happy.

- He made me happy.
- It's from the book.

- Do we know him?
- She wouldn't tell me.

She never stopped living.

She didn't.

What if we just went off?

What?

Somewhere like Morocco or Brazil…

together?

We should get back to them.
We need to--

We need to decide
what we're goin' to do together.

Just uh, just leave them
for a bit.

Sarah and Beth, they love each other.
They'll work it out, you know?

Oh!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. I'll clear it up.

No, no, I'll-- I'll clear it up!

- Can I help?
- No, fuck off!

I'm still angry with you!

Oh, I'm so--

I'm so sorry.

It's fine. Will you help?

Hello?

Oh, oh, hello! You what?

Uh, now? As in tonight?

No, it's just that, uh…

I-- the thing is-- This is the only night.

Okay.

Okay.

- What?
- It's the estate agent.

The buyer wants to come over.

She wants to show her husband the house.

Now?

They said, "Ten minutes."

What? That's fuck-- That's ridiculous!

He spends most of his time abroad.

I know he was letting
her pick out the house.

Now, suddenly, he wants to see it?

This is the only night that he can do it
until he flies out again.

He can't just announce he's turning up

in the middle of the night!
That's unreasonable!

He's rich.

Rich people are unreasonable.

We can't say "no".

What about, um…

We'll have to move her.

No way!

It's what we were going to do anyway.

I am having no part in this.

Fine.

Tom.

Richard!

Okay.

All right. Give me a hand.

I'm sorry. I don't think I can.

What?

I can't-- I can't touch her.

Really?

What do you mean "really"?

I can't! Okay? What does that mean?
I'm not a real man or something?

Shh! Keep it down, for fuck's sake!

Oh! Careful.

Careful, careful, careful, careful.

Can you at least open the fucking door?

Fuck.

- Upstairs.
- Ups-- where?

Somewhere!

- Fuck!
- That was not ten minutes.

Okay, in there. Open the door!

Where-- R-- Richard, Richard!

Fuck!

Sit her on the toilet.

She's slipping. Slipping!

Put her up.

There we are. That's it.
It's okay. It's fine.

It's fine, it's fine.

What if they wanna look?

No, they won't want to look in there.

It's just a toilet.

Hi. Sorry.

Husband insists on takin' a look.
Kind of a tricky type.

- Oh. Oh, okay.
- But I think this will nail it.

- Wait five minutes. In and out.
- Hi. I'm so sorry about this.

No, no, it's fine.

I hope we're not disturbing you.

- No, not at all.
- It's just Klaus is in town.

He's always away. And since he's here…

Just wanted to see what I'm buying.

- Of course. Come in.
- Oh.

- You remember my husband Tom?
- Uh, yes.

- It's Ellen.
- Hi.

You're Helen. Hele-- Helen.
Helen, isn't it?

- Ellen.
- All right.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, you're having dinner.

That is what people do… at dinnertime.

We are pretty much finished.

Yes, we're finished.

- Is that a clafoutis?
- Yes.

It's actually a specialty of mine.

How funny. I love clafoutis.

Okay. Um, help yourself.

Oh, I'm on a diet.

So, this is the kitchen.

Okay.

You know, I love
what you've done with this.

- Is-- is that Friedrichsen?
- Yes.

That adds serious value to a kitchen.

What do you think, honey?

It's nice.

Yes? When?

Oh, I didn't see it.

Talk to Becker. Don't talk to Peterson.

I told you,
I don't want them to do anything

till the lawyers have seen it, okay?

- Sorry.
- Hmm.

Maybe if we take a look at the rest.

Yeah, sure. Uh, here. Follow me.

Oh, I just love
these old fireplaces.

People used to rip them out.

Now, they pay thousands
to put them back in.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Nice house.

Thank you.

When did you buy it?

2002.

2003.

You did well then, didn't you?

Yes, we got lucky.

Yes, you did.

Yes? No.

Don't listen to Harvard.

Don't send the draft to the DIT.

I don't want any of these busybodies

getting their hands on it
before the contracts are signed.

Okay? Okay.

So, what, uh, what line are you in?

I do consulting.

Consulting for what exactly?

For the energy industry.

Oh, you're a lobbyist for oil companies.

Gas companies, too.

It's a nice way to make a living.

It's a good living.

That depends on your definition of good,
doesn't it?

You think you don't make compromises?

But at least I'm well-paid for it.

Good. I think we've seen everything.

Yeah.

We didn't look in there.

Oh, that's just the toilet.

- Darling.
- You're not going to show us?

- What?
- The toilet.

You want to see the toilet?

You've showed us your other toilets.

- Did we?
- Yes, you did.

Or is there something in there
you don't want us to see?

No.

Yeah? What?

You know, I'm not sure you've seen
the garden at nighttime.

Uh, yes, the light really
sets off the landscaping.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

So, here, there is all custom limestone.

Come on. We've got to move the body.

- What?
- Well, come, now!

Now!

Lunch. Maybe dinner.
Yeah. Yeah.

Just go. Go, go, go, go, go.

Okay. Come on, legs down.

- What?
- Legs down on the floor.

Get the fuck out of the way!

Oh, get out of the way.

Did you have a-- a good phone call?

Okay.

So, we have three wonderful
primary schools in the area.

Oh, I can imagine.

It must have been terrific
for the children.

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, Klaus and I are planning
to have children at some point

when he spends more time in London.

Aren't we, honey?

Of course we are.

Well, I think I've seen
all I needed to see.

- Great.
- Great.

We're all set then.

Yeah. Obviously, we'll be in touch.

Yes. Thank you so much.

Goodnight!

What the fuck do you think
you were doing back there?

"You work for evil oil companies?"

You're one of Satan's minions.

- Yeah, I hate people like that.
- Fine!

But is it strictly necessary
to fuck up our sale

just so you get to express yourself?

Oh, your sale, your sale, your sale!

All you think about is this!

Your-- your Elephant's Breath countertops,
and your Friedrichsen oven,

and your lamb from Hampstead Organics.

Oh, you go there, too.

Whatever.

The truth is you don't give
a shit about our friend Jessica,

who you drag up and down
stairs like an old mattress.

To be honest, I don't know why
you're taking her side over us.

- Someone has to.
- Do they?

What if it was her in our position?

Do you think she put us
before herself? No!

She never thought of anyone but herself!

How much did she borrow
from you over the years, Beth?

And did she ever pay you back, if any?

- She was going to when the book came out.
- Really?

Whenever she had money,
she spent it on herself.

Then when she ran out,
she came to you again.

You told me so yourself.

I don't care about the money.

Fine. Forget about the money.

How many of your boyfriends
did she sleep with

just because she could?

Only two. And I forgave her.

You're always
bloody forgiving her.

Meantime, I was the one
who had to console you for weeks.

- I never asked you to.
- You were having a breakdown!

What else was I supposed to do?

You always resented her.
Her-- her-- her looks and her charm.

And you worshiped her.

I don't know which of us
was more pathetic.

Maybe I was pathetic.

But at least I'm trying
to be a good person.

Good person?
You-- you know what a good person does?

They don't go on and on
about being a good person.

They don't use being a good person
to beat up everybody else!

They don't get off on feeling
morally fucking superior.

- That's not fair.
- Isn't it?

Your own husband can't take it anymore.

Whoa! Wait, wait a minute.

What did you call it earlier?
Toxic sanctimony.

No. That was in the heat of the moment.

Yeah, but you meant it, didn't you?

You know what?

Fuck all three of you!

- Beth.
- No, don't Beth me.

If you think I'm so sanctimonious,
that is exactly what I'm going to be.

- What are you doing?
- I'm calling the police.

Don't--

Fine!

No, no, no. That is my phone.

- No. What are you doing?
- Beth!

You have lost it.

Uh, no, no, Beth.

Tom, I want to leave.

- Richard!
- Beth, please.

- Come on. Be reasonable.
- Reasonable?

I am the only person trying
to do the right thing right now.

- Okay. Beth.
- Let me go. Let me pass.

I want to go.

Where the fuck have you been?

- Get off me! Let go!
- Beth.

Why didn't you answer my calls?

Don't touch me. Let me go!

- Richard, it's over.
- Come on. Come on.

Can you let go please?

- Beth! Beth!
- Let go of me! I'm going!

I'm Mr. X.

What?

I'm Mr. X.

Who?

From-- from Jessica's book.

- That Mr. X?
- Yeah.

- When?
- What?

- When did it start?
- I-- I don't know.

A couple of years ago.

- When?
- It was on and off.

About two years ago.

- Till now?
- No! No! We stopped it.

- Did you love her?
- No. It was just--

Sex?

It was a mistake.

So, you just told me this
because you thought

it would make me hate Jessica,
and then I wouldn't go to the police?

You were gonna have me disbarred!
What was I supposed to do?

You didn't care I'd hate you, too.

Neither of you cared.

- I do. I do! I love you. I'm sorry.
- I want a divorce.

- Beth.
- You better hang onto that job of yours

'cause you're gonna be paying me
a fuck load of alimony

for the rest of your life.

Right.

Let's get this fucking thing done.

In the back or the boot?

What?

Where are we putting her?

We can't be seen putting a body
in the boot of a car.

What uh, if we wrapped her in a rug?

Make use of one from the spare room.

Um, well, when we get there,

four adults carrying a rug
up the fucking stairs

- in the middle of the night.
- What we need to do…

is to make her look like she's drunk
and we're helping her home.

God knows I've done that enough times.

Okay, what about her face?

Look at that.

What if we just push her tongue in?

Just a minute.

Yeah.

- What about this?
- That's mine.

Yeah, 15.

But I use it
for my high-intensity intervals.

Ha-ha. Right.

When he's wearing it,
you can barely see his face.

Open the door.

All right, let's get you in here.

Get you home.

Hello again.

- Hello.
- You all going out?

Yes.

Is that Jessica in there?

No, she went earlier.

- She did?
- Yes.

I don't believe you.

That's her in there, isn't it?

Why is she wearing a hoodie?

Well, I told you,
she doesn't like to meet fans.

I j-- I just want to tell her
I love her book.

It's not much to ask.

Well, it's just how she feels about it.

Well, it's rude. That's what it is.

You're rude!

You're a bad person!

And your book wasn't even that good.

Cunt.

Oh, fuck. Do you see that guy?

What guy?

I think he just looked straight
in the car.

Could you lift her head up?

No, that's worse.

Maybe…

Or can you get her
to lean up against one of you?

No, not me. She's your girlfriend.

Okay, let's leave her like that.

Fuck.

- Don't look.
- I am not looking.

Don't be too obvious about not looking.

It's the kind of thing they pick up on.

Do you want me to look at them
or not look at them?

Look at me.

Look at me like I'm talking to you.

You are talking to me.

They're still looking.

Well, this is nice.

Oh, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit,

shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- They're going?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, God!

It's just up here on the right.

They're having a party!

Trendy fucking cunts.

Oh, fuck.

Jesus.

Pull in on the gate! Pull in on the gate!

Now what?

We'll just have to wait.

How long?

As long as it takes.

♪ Cuddle around with a cuddle bug
Huddled up around the spliff ♪

♪ Lookin' for another puff, uh ♪

♪ About the chewer
Lappin' me a runner up ♪

♪ Say it's wise
But I never stutter, bruh ♪

All right, tell me
they're still out here.

Yes.

How long has it been?

At least an hour.

I thought they'd call it a night,
wouldn't you?

Maybe they're having fun.

How much fun do they need,
for fuck's sake?

I don't know. Maybe they're just
having a normal evening.

There still is a thing out there
called "normal"

that people get to be if they're not us.

Becky, come on, babe.

Nobody move.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Sorry. No, you don't do that.

Fuck.

Richard.

Excuse me, could you do your fucking

on someone else's fucking car, please?

Go on! Fuck off!

Jesus!

- Right. Can we just do this now?
- Yeah.

This one on the right.

Fuck. Fuck.

Okay.

Here, look, hold it. I got it.

What the fuck? Tom.

It's not that one.
It's the-- it's the square one.

How many times have you been here?

I don't know. Five. Maybe ten.

Fucking asshole.

- Uh, coat.
- Oh, it's all right.

Come on, we're gonna be late.

The sofa.

- Over here. Over here.
- Tom.

Like, here, here, here.

Fucking hell!

We need to find a secure suspension point.

What about that?

Yeah, that will do it.

And what are we gonna use?

To hang her!

Um, Sarah,

make sure you put in, um,
in the-- in the same groove.

You know what I mean.

- Yeah.
- Richard.

I don't…

- Are you okay?
- I don't-- I don't think I…

I think I can handle it. Yeah!

Okay!

- Got it?
- Almost!

- Just hurry!
- Uh, okay. Okay.

Hey. It's okay.

Why did she do it? Why now?

She seemed happy tonight.

She's a great liar.

She once told me she envied us.

She said we had a place
in this world and she didn't.

I hear your book's doing really well.

Yeah.

At least all that coke and sex
was good for some things.

Now you've all got
your "there goes Jessica" faces on.

Why didn't she talk to us?

We were supposed to be her friends.

She didn't wanna talk.

She made her mind up.

Shall we drop you off?

I don't know. I need a drink.

What if we just went off together?

What? Just leave?

Why not live?

Does anyone…

No.

What's this?

It's from Jessica.

What did she say?

"If you're reading this,
sorry about the trouble.

I'm always causing trouble.

I thought the book was
going to change everything.

In fact, it's made me realize
nothing changes.

As long as I can remember,
I've been a ball bearing,

rolling around in a hot pan
trying to get out,

but I could never get out,
and now I have to.

It's funny, it doesn't go,
the fear of dying.

But the truth is I'm more frightened
of living.

Sorry to dump this on you.

But I couldn't do it on my own and--

And you are, after all, my oldest friends.

LOL.

I know it's going to be
a kind of bitch to deal with,

but I'm sure you won't
let it spoil your evening.

I love you. Goodbye."

She came here to do it.

She planned it.

We're going to have to live
with this forever.

She's cursed us.

We've cursed ourselves.

We should probably go.

We're not going anywhere.

As far as I'm concerned,
you live somewhere else now.

- Where am I supposed to--
- I don't care!

Fine.

- I'll see you around.
- Yeah.

I'm calling the police.

What?

I'm gonna tell them.

Tell them what?

What happened tonight, what we did.

Okay. Why?

Look, you're upset.

Obviously, we all are.

You know, it-- it's been
an upsetting evening.

Sarah,

you can't call the police.

Why not?

Because it affects all of us.

Sarah.

Do you wanna tell us what's going on?

Nothing is going on.

I'm just going to
tell the police what we did.

This is nuts!

You asked us to help you!

You shouldn't have agreed.

You blackmailed us!

Yes, I did.

Look, maybe this is a good time
to talk about Ben and Sophie.

How does this help them?

It doesn't.

Tom, no, this is nuts.
Do something. Do something.

What do you want me to do?

Oh, fuck!

This isn't fair! Ugh!

I-- I've done fucking nothing
to deserve the shit

- that I've got this evening.
- Calm down!

No, you fucking calm down!

I've been the only rational one
this entire fucking evening!

And this, this is the thanks I get.

You know what? Fuck this!
Fuck you! Fuck the law!

Richard, if you don't shut your mouth--

Or what?

How exactly are you gonna impose your will

on this cluster-- Fuck!

What did you do that for?

It just felt like the right thing to do.

- But I wasn't even ready for it.
- I'm sorry.

Well, I'm gonna have to hit you now.

- What?
- Well, no, it's only fair.

- No, that's ridiculous.
- No.

That's-- don't--

- Please stop.
- Stay.

Richard, you're hurting me now.
Come on! Rich--

Oh, hi.

Sorry to bother you so late.

But I'd like to conclude our business now.

Now?

Why not now?

Let him in.

Okay. Uh, come in.

Hello.

Nosebleed.

Mm-hmm.

Ellen loves your house.

I'm heading to Dubai in two hours,
so I'd like to finalize our business now.

I had our lawyer sent over
the final contracts.

Do you have a copy of yours?

Okay. Hold on.

Okay. Move right over here.

Shall we?

Okay.

You should--
you should know something.

Earlier this evening, our friend
killed herself in the garden.

We moved her body back to her place,
so you wouldn't not buy the house.

I knew something strange
was going on here.

That was bold.

Look at them.

They're terrified.

And now, you don't want me
to buy your house.

Is that right?

Um.

You want to go to jail.

Mm-hmm.

Mm. That's interesting.

I wonder what I should do.

Your friend here,

she thinks I'm a bad person.

I work for evil oil companies.

No. I-- I--

- I didn't mean--
- Yes, you did.

Let's see, what would an evil man do here?

Probably call the police. Mm-hmm.

Then waiting for you to run out of money,

reduce my offer a lot.

I don't think you're such an evil guy.

I bet sometimes you're even a nice guy.

Life is short.

Why not be nice?

Sometimes it's nice to be the nice guy.

Yeah. You're right.

Sometimes, as you say,
it's nice to be the nice guy.

Unfortunately, I'm not the nice guy.

But you know what?

I think my wife would prefer
not to know about all this.

So, let's go on.

I'm still calling the police.

Seriously?

He was being nice!

No. Sarah.

Sarah, just a moment, okay? Sarah.

I don't fucking believe it!

So, now you're having
a crisis of conscience.

Hello.

And yet, when I want to have
a crisis of conscience,

everyone told me to fucking suck it up!

Well, I'm not gonna suck it up!

- Don't you dare call the police!
- Oh, no, no, no!

- Fuck off!
- No!

- Sarah!
- Let me go.

- Sarah, stop.
- Let me go! Let me go!

What does it matter to all of you?

Don't you understand?

We can't take back what we did!

We can't be forgiven!

Fuck.

- Hello.
- You all right, sir?

- I'm fine.
- Are you sure, sir?

I think we better come in.

Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.

What's been goin' on here then?

Um, yeah, we've been, um…

Playing a game.

What sort of game?

Twister.

I'll tell you exactly
what's been going on.

No, I'll tell you.

I'm Mr. X.

What?

What do you mean you're Mr. X?

I'm-- I'm Mr. X.

Uh, no. I'm-- I'm afraid it's me.

No.

There's nothing in the book
to suggest that you're Mr. X.

Nothing in the book to suggest
you're Mr. X either.

Who is Mr. X?

- It's me.
- What--

What exactly makes you think
that you're Mr. X?

I mean…

Because Jessica told me.

So, you are Mr. X.

All those years flirting
with you in front of me

because you were fucking her.

I wasn't fucking her.

You just said you were…

It was one night
after our last finals exam,

before we got together.

How can I believe
anything you say?

You even lied about reading
her fucking book.

I didn't want you to get upset.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry?

Do you ever get tired
of saying "I'm sorry"?

Yes, I do actually.

How about not fucking everything up
all the time?

Well, how about
not holding my mistakes

over my head for eternity?

How about accepting me for who I am?

How can I when you've been
in love with someone else

for the last 20 years?

I've been in love with you, you idiot.

I didn't choose her.

I chose you.

All right then.

Is that everything?

Yes.

Ordinarily, we'd need to make a report.

Or we could let the matter go…

if I could have a little try
of that clafoutis.

Of course.

There you go.

Terry, you got to try some of this.

Mm.

Oh, fuck me. That is good.

Well, we're probably done here.

Yeah.

We're all open-minded
these days, sir.

Right.

But maybe keep it nice
and chill, eh?

I'll keep that in mind.

That was interesting.

Yeah.

Shall we conclude our business now?

I assume there are no more dead people
I need to know about.

No.

Are you okay?

How about you?

Oh, I'm just great. Yeah.

Preparin' to spend a lifetime

paying off alimony
by defending fucking rapists.

Yeah.

Will I?

Will I?

I hate you.

I thought you wanted a divorce.

Who wants a divorce?

What am I supposed to do with a divorce?

I want to punish you.

I understand.

No, you don't understand.

But you will.

Richard and I…

are going home now.

I should never have brought her over.

It's okay.

If I hadn't…

we'd still be who we used to be.

You were always the one, Tom.

You're Mr. X.

Oh, yeah?

Sarah-- I-- kids.

Almost had you, didn't I?

It would've been fun, wouldn't it?

You know, I'm starving.

Mm.

Hi!

Hey. Hey.

I, uh, decided to come home.

Something happened?

No, I just felt like being here tonight.

- Oh. Okay.
- I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Goodnight.

Mm.

Mm.

Jessica was right.

We are lucky.

We're so lucky.