All language subtitles for The Honeymooners - S04E21 - A Dogs Life

ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...

and...

Alice.

Where is it? Where-where is it?
Can I see him?

I keep him in the bedroom

-'cause it's warmer in there.
-Oh. Oh, okay.

-(coos)
-Oh! Alice!

Isn't he a darling?

- Oh, he's the most adorable
thing I've ever seen. -(giggles)

l-ls it all right
if I pick him up?

Oh, sure, go ahead.

Oh, I've never felt anything
so cuddly in my whole life.

- Where'd you get him?
-Well, Mrs. Manicotti

went to the pound today to get
a dog for her kids, -Mm-hmm.

So I went along with her.

I took one look at this
character and I was a goner.

Did you ever see such eyes?

What kind of a dog is he?

Well, he's a cross
between a cocker spaniel

-and a French poodle.
-Mm.

It's a... I guess
you'd call it a "cockerpoodle."

Mm-hmm.

(cooing)

Aw, Trixie, you'd better
put him back in the box,

-'cause I got to feed him now.
-All right.

There.

Get a look at that,
"choice horse meat."

- Horse meat?
-Uh-huh.

- Ew! -Oh, they must know
what they're doing, Trix,

'cause the dogs
are nuts about it.

Ah.

Is that gonna be enough for him?

Oh, sure. You don't want
to overfeed a puppy.

- Oh.
-Here you are, sweetheart.

- There you go. Have a little bit
of that. -Oh, isn't that sweet?

- Yes.
-Aw.

Aw...

Listen, does Ralph know
about this yet?

Oh, no. I haven't told him yet.

Oh, you gonna tell him tonight?

No. I think I'll wait
till tomorrow morning.

'Cause, see, the man at the...
down at the pound

-told me the dog's
gonna need shots. -Uh-huh.

And Mrs. Manicotti's going
to the vet's tonight

to take her dog, so she said
she'd take him along with hers.

Yeah. Well, once Ralph sees
that sweet little face,

-he's gonna love him.
-I hope so.

Say, Trix,
how come you never got a dog?

On account of Ed.
Oh, he loves dogs,

but for the first few minutes
Ed's around a dog,

he-he itches and wheezes
and sneezes.

Ooh, it's somethin' terrible.

It's an allergy he's got
to anything with fur on it.

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

Hey, you want me to drop the dog
off at Mrs. Manicotti's for you?

Oh, Trix,
that would be wonderful.

And tell Mrs. Manicotti that
I'll stop up there later, okay?

All right. Should I take
the rest of the dog food along?

No. I won't have to feed him
till tomorrow morning

-when I get him back.
-Oh, I see. Okay.

- Don't drop him now, Trix.
-No, I won't.

- Oh, he's a good fella. Bye.
-Thank you.

- I'll see you later, Alice.
-All right, bye-bye.

(clears throat)

Hiya, sweetheart.

Hiya, Ralph.

I'll have your supper ready
for you in a minute.

Oh, don't go to any trouble.
I'm not gonna eat here.

I'll eat over at the lodge.
I got just enough time

to wash up and get over there.

We got another
emergency meeting.

Again?! Ralph, you had
an emergency meeting last night.

-So?
-So?

Do you realize you Racoons

have more emergency meetings
than the U.N.?

Just so happens that the Racoons

have more emergencies
than the U.N.

(Alice sighs)

Hey, Alice.

- Hiya, Ed.
-Well, is, uh...

loveable big stuff home yet?
(chuckles)

Yes, he's inside washing up.

Ed, do you realize they have
another emergency meeting

tonight at the lodge?

That's the fourth emergency
meeting in this past week.

I'm beginning to think
those emergency meetings

are nothing but a poker game.

Oh, wait a minute, Alice.
Wait a minute.

I'm surprised that you even
think anything like that.

An emergency meeting
is an emergency meeting.

Never a poker game.

An executive meeting--
that's a poker game.

Will you tell
your lodge brother for me

that I'm up at Mrs. Manicotti's?

I will do.

Hey there. What say, Ralph? Mmm!

Alice told me to tell you
she's up at Mrs. Manicotti's.

Mmm!

Boy, this is delicious.

Norton...

if I ever ran into you
when you weren't eating,

I don't think I'd know you.

What kills me is you eat
and you eat and you eat,

and you don't even gain a pound.

I guess my nature,
my basic metabolism

or something, I don't know.

As long as I can remember,

I've weighed exactly
what I weigh now-- 165 pounds.

As-as far back
as I remember, 165.

Gee, I remember
when I used to weigh 165.

Did you ever see a picture of me
when I weighed 165 pounds?

No, Ralph, I never did see any
of your baby pictures.

(laughs)

Hey, let me tell you,
your wife Alice

really outdid herself
with this stuff.

This is just delicious. Here.

Try this, Ralph.

- Hey, that's great.
-How about that?

Got a real different taste
to it.

(mumbles)
You're a lucky guy.

Anything Trixie ever fixes
for me is right out of the can.

Now, if this could
come out of the can,

that would be different.
This is terrific.

- Norton. -What?

You just gave me
a million-dollar idea.

All I have to do
is put this stuff in cans.

Ralph, you're sitting
on a gold mine!

You could make
a million dollars!

I don't care if I make
a million dollars.

This is the thing I've always
wanted to do for Alice.

Why should she cook just for me?
And just have me enjoy it?

I could put it in cans

and the whole world can enjoy
her cooking.

I'm gonna make her
rich and famous.

I'll run
the whole business for her.

All she'll have to do
is sit back and collect.

Boy, oh, boy, that is
a worthy sentiment.

I mean it. Now, all you got
to do is get ahold of Alice

and get the recipe.
Then we're off.

Now, that's the last thing
I have to do.

All I have to do is tell Alice

that I got a scheme
to make money

and she'll say
it's a crazy scheme.

But, look, if you don't get
ahold of Alice

and get the recipe,
how you gonna sell this stuff?

- What are you gonna do?
-Very simple.

The first thing I gotta do
is get some financial backing.

Now, tomorrow when I go to work,
I walk right in to Mr. Marshall.

Mr. Marshall, the president
of your bus company?

Why, certainly.
He's a swell guy.

Last year, for instance,
there was some guy named, uh...

Herman Fatrack, and he had
some kind of an invention.

It was, uh, a wrench lock.

Well, he took it in to Marshall,
showed it to Marshall,

Marshall liked it,
gave him some money

and now he's got a whole factory
going for himself.

Called Fatrack's Factory.

Not bad, not bad, Ralph.

But have you got an idea
on how to present this, uh...

this, uh, stuff here
to your boss?

I don't need any idea.
I'll do the same thing we did.

I'll let him taste it.

He'll be sold on it
just like we were.

Now, soon as he puts
the money in my company

and Alice knows that my boss
has got money in this thing,

she'll be proud
to give me the recipe.

Ralph Kramden, I got to take
my hat off to you.

Now, let's see.

We got to get some kind
of a name for this.

Yeah.

How about this?

Kramden's Delicious...

Now, wait, ho. Wait a minute.

What do you mean,
"Kramden's Delicious..."?

Mr. Marshall is putting up
the money for this thing.

You got to get his name
in there someplace.

You're right about that.

Uh... Hey. How 'bout this?

Kramden's Delicious Marshall.

What's the matter with you,
are you a nut or something?

"Kramden's Delicious Marshall"!

What kind of stuff
is "Marshall"?

Well, we don't know
what this stuff is!

You might as well
call it “Marshall“!

Look, I told you
I was gonna give you a job,

and if you're with me,

you're gonna have a job
for a lifetime.

I've said that time
and time again.

Now that we've got a winning
solution to our problems,

I'm still going
to give you the job.

But you're not gonna be
in the advertising department.

This takes a simple little thing
like a combination of names.

Krammar's!

Krammar's what?

Krammar's Delicious
Mystery Appetizer.

Now you got it. Now you got
"Krammar's Mystery Delicious..."

No, "Delicious Mystery
Appetizer.

-"Krammar's Delicious
Mystery Appetizer." -That's it.

That's a catchy... Oh, boy.
You got it there, Ralph.

- That's beautiful.
Let me tell you! -(chuckles)

You've bet on many a venture
that's failed and flunked

and everything but this one,
I think you're gonna hit it,

I think
you're gonna make a fortune

and, pal 0' mine,
you deserve it!

Thank you, friend.

- Thank you, my boy.
-(chuckles)

- A toast.
-Thank you.

It just goes to prove,
what I've always said,

every dog has his day.

Thank you very much.

Morning, Mr. Marshall.

Hello, Kramden.
What can I do for you?

Mr. Marshall, I have
a million dollars in here.

Then you must have had
a mighty good day on the bus.

Oh-ho! Ha, ha, ha!

Very good! (chuckles)
Very good!

Well, it's like the men say,
Mr. Marshall,

you're a good guy.

All the fellas
say the same thing:

they say you're a guy
that likes new ideas

and a fella that you can
come to and get advice,

sometimes even
financial assistance. (chuckles)

Mr. Marshall,
I have here a fortune.

My wife made a whole bowl
of this last night,

and I scooped some up
to bring it over as a sample.

And there it is.

What is it?

An appetizer.

The most delicious
you've ever tasted in your life!

- Appetizer?
-Sure, an appetizer.

People go nuts over appetizers.

Walk into any supermarket--

all along the shelves,
they got jars of appetizers.

But the difference is that this
is something new and different.

That's what the people go for,
something new and different.

This is delicious.

It would go great
with cocktails

or, uh, for a snack

or on crackers
or to make small sandwiches.

- Even those, uh, "ooh-doovas."
-What?

- Hors d'oeuvres.
-Huh?

Hors d'oeuvres!

They'd be good for that, too!

Here, just taste this.

- Just taste it. -No, no, no,
I'd better not, Kramden.

I'm on a very strict diet. No.

How can this harm you?
It's homemade, pal.

- Here. Take a little bit.
- Well. ..

just one, if it's homemade.

Hey. This is very good.

What did I tell you?

L-I've never tasted anything
like it before.

Everybody that tastes it says
the same thing, Mr. Marshall.

- This'll be a riot.
-Yeah.

Well, I want to try it
on someone else.

Oh, Ms. Evans, please tell Mr.
Peck I'd like to see him in here

for a moment. Mr. Tebbits, too.

Kramden, this appetizer
has possibilities.

If it's handled right,
it can be a big thing.

Now, tell me, is this
your wife's exclusive recipe

or could there some...
be someone else involved,

like, uh... like her mother?

Oh, her mother? No. Her mother
can't cook like my wife.

My mother-in-law's a nice lady
and everything,

but anything she'd cook,
I wouldn't give to a dog!

- Think I'll have another one.
-Go ahead, pal!

- Eat it up. There's plenty
of crackers. -Yeah.

- RALPH: Here they are.
-Did you want to see me, J.M.?

- Yeah. You both know
Ralph Kramden. -Kramden.

- How are you?
-Look, I wanted your opinion.

Now, taste this appetizer and
tell me what you think of it.

- What's this all about, J.M.?
-I'll explain later.

Just tell me
what you think of it.

Hey, this stuff is great.

It's very good.

Yeah.

I know I've never
tasted it before.

But there's something
about the aroma I recognize.

Hey. This is dog food!

Dog food?!
Are you nuts or something?

Why should my wife
make dog food?

We haven't even got a dog!

Now, look, I could be wrong.

Anybody can make a mistake.

Well, you certainly are wrong.

I don't think I am.

But if you want to make sure,

I'll get Charlie.
He raises dogs.

-(chuckling): Dog food.
-Charlie.

Boy, jealousy, sometimes.
I'm telling you.

Well, it'd better not be!

Yes, Mr. Peck?

Charlie, do you know
what that is?

I should know. I've been
using this for years.

It's dog food.

(grumbling)

(grumbling)

You know, Alice, a French name
would be cute for him.

Well, I'll worry
about a name for him

after I get Ralph to agree
to let me keep him.

I told you, you're worrying
over nothing.

Once Ralph gets a look
at that little face,

he's got to fall in love
with it.

Well, I hope so.
You know something, Trix,

I never realized
what wonderful company

a little pup is
around the house all day.

You know, this day just flew by.

Sure. That reminds me, I gotta
be getting back upstairs.

Aw, good-bye, precious.

If it wasn't for my Ed's
darned old allergy,

I'd get one just like you.
(chuckles)

- I'll see you later, Alice.
-Okay, Trix.

Now, listen here,
I want to tell you something.

I have got work to do,
and I have to do it right now.

I don't want you getting it
into your head

that all I have to do all day
long is just play with you.

So it's back in the box. Okay?

There.

Oh... Don't look so sad
about it.

Come on, we'll go
in the bedroom.

(door opens)

- Hey there, Alice.
-Oh, hi, Ed.

Aren't you coming home
a little early today from work?

Oh, no, I been, uh, showing up
to work an hour early.

- We're breaking in
a new man there. -Oh?

Been with us a week--
he's still wet behind the ears.

(groans)

Say, tell me, Alice,

has Ralph, uh, tried
to get in touch...

(sharp exhale)

Excuse me.

Has Ralph tried to get
in touch with y...

(sneezes)

- No. Bless you.
-Excuse me.

Has he tried to get in touch
with you about anything today?

No. Have you got a cold, Ed?

I didn't have a minute...

didn't have a minute ago.

Scratch me there, will you?

- Here?
-(sneezes)

Boy, this usually only happens
when I'm...

when I'm around dogs.
(sneezes)

- You got a dog?
-Uh, yes, I have, Ed.

- Maybe you'd better go.
-Huh?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm all right.

It's just, uh, the...
Whose dog is it?

It's mine.
I got it at the pound.

But please don't say anything
to Ralph about it before I do.

He doesn't think we should
have a dog in the apartment.

Oh, no, no, no, I won't.
I won't. I won't.

I'd like to look at the dog,
if you don't mind.

Well, do you think
you should, Ed?

Oh, I'm-I'm all right.
It's just...

(begins to sneeze)

...just after
the initial attack...

...is over
then I'm all right.

I want to look at the pooch.

Where is he?

Hi, there, little poochy boy!

Oh, what a beautiful dog
this is. Hey!

Hey! He looks like one
of those make-believe toys.

You know, like you wind up.
He's beautiful.

I hope Ralph'll like him
as much as you do, Ed.

Oh, boy, I'm telling you,

when Ralph sees
this little fella here,

he'll go out of his mind.

(Alice speaks indistinctly)

Put him back in the box
'cause I got to feed him now.

Supper in bed, huh?

Boy, they talk
about a dog's life.

TRIXIE:
Alice! Oh, Alice!

There it is, the voice of doom.

Oh, Ed.

What is it, Trix?

TRIXIE: Come on up.
Your mother's on the phone.

Oh, I'll be right up. Thanks.

Go ahead, go, go, go, go.
I'll take care of the pooch.

I'll feed him. What do I do?

Oh, you just take two spoonfuls
of this dog food

and put it on that plate
and just give it to him.

- Gotcha.
-Thanks, Ed.

Here it comes, poochy!
Here's your din-din!

There we are. That a boy.

Eat up, eat up, eat up.

(mutters)

Smells mighty familiar.

Krammar's Delicious
Mystery Appetizer!

All right, where is she?

- Where is she?!
Alice, come out here! -Uh...

upstairs on the phone.

Upstairs on the phone, huh?

Today was
the most humiliating day

-I've ever spent
in my whole life. -Really?

How would you feel if you gave
your boss dog food to eat?

Terrible, unless my boss is
a cocker spaniel, I tell you.

Dog food! It's a miracle
I wasn't fired.

I know who did it, too.
Alice's mother.

She come over here to cook me
a tidbit, that's what she did.

She don't care what Alice
gives me to eat,

just as long as Alice
can scrimp and save

and live around here
in the lap of luxury!

Those ain't the facts, Ralph.
Those ain't the facts.

They're not the facts, huh?

Then why would we have dog food
around the house?

And in our ice box?!

What, have we got a dog
or something?

Ralph Kramden, you have just
reached the first plateau!

What are you talking about?!

I'm not talking about it,
and I'm not saying it.

Just put your nose
in that bedroom there.

Just go in the bedroom,
that's all.

(angry grunt)

That animal is getting out
of here immediately!

- Wait, wait, wait, don't.
-Don't tell me to wait!

Alice knows
she can't have a dog!

And she knows
why she can't have a dog!

Who's gonna take him out,
huh? Me.

Me, that's who!

And when do dogs have
to get taken out?

Five minutes
before I have to go to bed!

That is around midnight!

And if you think that I'm gonna
walk up and down the street

in the snow and the sleet
and the rain,

walking some mutt
back and forth, you're nuts!

Alice is taking that dog back!

- Right back to the pound!
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.

She ain't taking it back. Didn't
cost you anything or anything.

She's in love with that puppy.

If you make her take it back
to the pound,

it'll-it'll break her heart,

and it'll cause
a big fight, too.

You're absolutely right.
It will cause a fight.

So therefore I'm not gonna
have her take it back.

I'll take it back!

- Back you go.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just-just wait a minute. Wait.

- Wait... -Don't wait...
Get out of my way!

Just-just give a good look
at the dog, will ya?

- Just give him one good look.
-I don't wanna look.

A good look or a bad look,

I'm taking him back
to the pound!

- Now get out of my way.
-Come on.

Just-just give him a look,
will you, Ralph? You know what?

I know why you're afraid to give
him a look-- you're afraid

that if you look into these
brown, soulful, trusting eyes,

that it'll do something
to your heart. Just look.

Look into those eyes, Ralph.
Look, look, look.

Put him back in the box, Norton!

-(pleading indistinctly)
-Put him back in the box

or I'm gonna
do something to you!

Get out of the way!

Open that door.

Open the door.

Ralph Kramden, you've just
lost your membership card

to the human race.

I still say it's the best
appetizer I ever tasted!

- Pardon me, sir.
-Yes, sir?

I'd like to return a dog
that my wife got here yesterday.

Let me see now.

It's a good dog.

You, uh, say your wife
picked him up here yesterday?

- Yeah.
-What's your name?

Kramden. K-R-A-M-D-E-N.

- I'll have to check
the record first. -'Kay.

You, uh... you sure you want
to get rid of this pup, huh?

Well, we have a small apartment.

Okay.

(chuckles)
Come here.

Don't look at me like that.

I ain't got nothing against you.

Honest, if I was
gonna have a dog,

I'd have a dog
look just like you.

It's just that...

well, an apartment's no place
to keep a dog, you know, and...

they're expensive
and everything.

Besides, somebody'll come in
and pick you up.

Maybe somebody with
a big backyard or something.

Might even live in the country.

(chuckles softly)
Boy, you got some kisser.

Honest, you'll see.

This is probably
the luckiest break you ever got

that I didn't take you with me.

- Honest.
-All right. Here. Just sign this

and I'll take the dog.
Everything's in order.

There you are.

Thank you.

There we go.

Up you go, boy. That's it.

(speaks indistinctly)

Something I can do
for you, mister?

No, no.
(clears throat)

Say, tell me something.

I just brought
a dog back here. Uh...

will somebody pick him up
and give him a good home?

I hope so.

What do you mean, you hope so?

Well, lot of people come here
for dogs,

but there ain't always
enough people

to take all the dogs
we got here.

We're only allowed
to keep dogs here five days.

We got a couple here now-- they
been-been, uh, over the limit.

- Over the limit?
-Yeah.

Well, what happens to them then,
when they're over the limit?

Got to be destroyed.

Hey, wait a minute.

You mean that dog I just
brought in here, my dog,

-is gonna be destroyed?!
-Right.

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

Hey, come back...

(chuckles)

Who do I see
about getting a dog back?

Uh, lost dog?

No, no, a puppy
that I got here yesterday.

And my husband
brought him back today

and I want to get him right now.

Well, you'll have to wait till
Mr. McGreggor gets out here.

He'll be out in just a moment.

Come on.

- Ralph.
-Alice.

What are you doing with my puppy
and these other dogs?

Look, I hope
you're not gonna get mad,

but I fell in love with him.

And these other two
are over their limit.

Come on, I'll tell you
all about it at home.

Come on, Alice.

Can't wait to see
these little ones.

Did you see the new one?

- Let's take a look...
- Let me take a look.