All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S04E11.You.Dont.Know.Squad.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

(theme music playing)

Vanessa's grades are good.
They're not great, but...

Hey, hey, I know
you can do better.

Doggone it, all it takes
is a little studying.

From now on,
from this day forward,
I want you to study

until your eyes pop out
the back of your doggone head.
WANDA: Oh!

I know...
They're good.
They're good, Mr. Mac.

And, and her PSAT scores
are in the 80th percentile.

But, uh, Vanessa's lacking
in extracurriculars.

Well, she did do gymnastics
her freshman year and she
was fabulous.

Yes, ma'am. You see,
Mr. and Mrs. Mac,
colleges are interested

in... in, well-rounded students.

If she doesn't show
some improvement
in this area,

it-it might be difficult
with college admissions.

Isn't that something, America?

I been on that girl
for good grades so much,

I forgot
to make her well-rounded.

Well, that ends right now.

Or else the only thing
she's going to be majoring in

is sitting on my couch
eating my food.

(up-tempo music playing)

But I don't like
the stuff they offer.

I like to do other stuff
outside of school.

Like what?
Paint your nails?

WANDA: Well, I loved my
school organization.

I was cheerleader,
student body president,

and also French Club
treasurer.

(quietly) Aunt Wanda
is conceited.

Sweetheart, only thing
I'm asking you is to pick one.

I joined
an activity.

See? Why can't
you be like your brother?

I'd rather have friends.
Aw, friends are overrated.

I'm gonna be rich.

I joined Junior Achievement.

(gasps) Oh, honey,
that's wonderful!

That means you're going
to go into business
like your Aunt Wanda.

Yeah, it's great.
We take a product,

then we market it
and sell it for a profit.

You know, we have
that club in high school, too.

Only we call them "Nerds."

Well, at least
he joined something,

just like you're going
to be doing.

This week.

TERI: Spirit squad!
It'd be perfect for you.

And tryouts
are this week.

Oh, I don't know.
Think about it.

With your gymnastics background,
they'd take you in a minute.

Really?

Yeah, and you get
to wear those
cute outfits.

Oh, and guys love
Spirit Squad girls.

Come on. I'll
try out with you.

(class bell rings)

(up-tempo music playing )

WOMAN: What do you think?
MAN: I don't think so.

♪ You got to give the people ♪

Buy some Crickle Crackle.
It's only three dollars.

In the store, it's $1.50.

Well, you're not in the store.

Oh, come on. Please?

♪ Give the people
what they want ♪

How many have you sold?
Tons.

Really? It looks the same
as when you started.

That's because I keep
putting out new cans.

Don't you know anything
about marketing?

Hi, kids.

Oh, would you like to buy some?

Ma'am, buy this...

BOTH: please?

(laughs)
Oh, you're so cute.
Of course.

♪ I said we're
ready for a change ♪

One, two , three.
(indistinct)

♪ Don't you know you
Got to give the people ♪

Okay, the key to making
money is "recruit."

I'll send you out to sell,

and you'll sell like
it's nobody's business.

Then, you'll enlist more people,
and so on and so on.

How much do we get?
Hungry. I like that.

For every ten cans you sell,

I'll give you one can
of your own to eat.

(all whispering)
I think we should do...

Great. Awesome. Awesome.
Great. Whatever.

Cool.

But what do you do?

I manage.

(up-tempo music playing)
Ready to try it again?
All right.

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two,
three, four,

five, six,
seven, eight.

And hit the turn.
Hey, what's wrong?

It.

"It"?

What's going on?

Well, Vanessa's trying out
for the Spirit Squad.

Isn't that exciting?

BERNIE: Exciting?

That's the extracurricular
activity you're talking about?

Yeah.

Well, shoot. That's it.
I'm ecstatic.

Let me see the rest
of your cheerleading routine.

It's Spirit Squad.

Whatever. Let me see it.
Let me see it.

Tryouts are on Thursday,
and I really need to practice.

Go ahead and practice.

Uh, honey,
you know what?

Let us work it out, and then
we'll let you see it later.

She's a little shy.

She's on the right track,
America.

I might be able to get her out
of the house after all.

College-bound baby.

Here's one.

Hey-- East Coast.

Oh, wait a minute.

Study abroad-- even better.

(indistinct chatter)

I can't look.
You look.

Okay, I'll look for you
and you look for me.

Okay.
Okay.

(shrieks)
I made it?!

Oh, I don't know.
I just saw my name.
Sorry.

(shrieks)
We made it!

(shrieks)

(applause and cheering)

All right, come on! Move!

Man, I'm so glad
you came, man,
to support Nessa.

Nessa? What about her?

She's on
the Spirit Squad.

That's why you're here,
aren't you?

No, dawg, I'm here
'cause I got 50
on Rancho Cucamonga.

You mean to tell me you're
betting on a high school game?

Yeah, money is money.

(buzzer)
Where's your sister at?

She's on the stroll
making that paper.

WANDA: Hey, hey, hey.
MAN: I'll take two.

MAN (over PA):
And now the Taylor High
School state champion

Spirit Squad!

(cheering)

(dance music playing)

(crowd gasps and cheers)

Oh, my God,
look at my Nessa.

Hey, babe.

I can't remember when
I've seen her so happy.

I'm happy, too, America.

Nessa becoming more
well-rounded by the minute.

And I'm getting closer
to my goal

of getting her out of my house
into college.

(crowd cheering louder)

The hell is that?!

Who's the choreographer?
Janet Jackson?

(crowd cheering)

(dance music continues)

Hell, no!

Hell, no, no, no.

Uh-uh.
You see the...

(panting) You...
Come on, now.

World coming to an end.

Come on. Come on. No.

I'm not... no.

(cheering, hooting
and hollering)

(music ends)

(cheering, hooting
and hollering)

But I didn't even want to do
an extracurricular activity.
You made me.

Now I'm telling you
to quit, Nessa, okay?

Now, how you
like me now?

But I don't
want to quit.

I finally found
something I like.

You do what I tell you
to do until you're 18,

and I'm telling you
to pick something now.

Aunt Wanda?

Well, um...

The routine was
a little bold.
Thank you.

How is that my fault?
I didn't create it.

I just did
what you told me to.
I got an activity.

I didn't do
anything wrong.

I hate it here!

Can you believe this?

You know what?
She's right.

She isn't the one
that created the routine.

So?

So, I think
your problem
is with the school,

and not Vanessa.

(down-tempo music playing)

You saw 'em out there,
shaking what God gave 'em.

That ain't right.

That how you want them
to represent your school?

Huh? Talk to me!

Mr. Mac, the Spirit Squad is
the state championship team.
Oh!

Why would you
tamper with that?

And my daughter
is being recruited
by Central State

for their cheerleading program.

Yeah, and some of us need
that scholarship money.

BERNIE: Baby, I feel ya.

And I'm all for
the scholarship.

And higher education is crucial.

But, doggone it,
what price are you
willing to pay?

Lose your daughter's dignity?

It ain't right.

You saw 'em showing they
Christmas in a skimpy uniform.

For a scholarship fund?

Uh-uh. That ain't right.

And I'm standing up
for my daughter,

and I'm saying it--
that ain't right.

And, doggone it,
I'm standing up for yours.

It ain't right.

(applauding)

Very good, Morgan.

You worked very hard.

Here you go.

Is this it?
Where's the commitment?

Where's the drive?
Where's the cash?

But I tried.

Yeah, you've tried my patience.

I'm going to have
to cut you loose.

(whimpers)

That means you're fired.
Bye-bye.

(huffs)

I sold 19.

Not bad, but if you
worked harder,

you could have covered
five more blocks.

Just take
your payment and go.

But I thought I get two.
Well, you don't.

You get one can
for every ten cans you sold,

meaning you're one off.
So bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

(sighs)

BERNIE: You're missing
some thyme, though.
WANDA: Hey, hey, hey!

Well, it is missing
some, baby.

No, it's not. It's not.
Put the top back on.

Congratulations.

On what?
Because of you,

they made a state championship
team change their routine.

Well, that's good.
Now you get a chance
to rejoin the team.

I'm not a ping-pong ball.
I'm not rejoining.

You need extra
activity, remember?

So you going
to join that team

whether you like it or not.

(up-tempo music playing)
What is up with you guys?

Morgan, do you even take
this seriously?

I sold over 30 cans.

Lollygagger!

And, Bryana,
what's up with this?

I mean, you sold even less
than you did last time.

I had a spelling test.

Excuses!
Excuses are like booties--

everyone's got one,
but they all stink.

Because that's where
the poo comes out. Oh!

That's it, Jordan.
We quit!

Ow! Ow!

I was going to fire you anyway!

I don't need you babies!
I can do it all by myself!

(cheering)

(inaudible)
Come on!

Man, I can't believe
you come down here
for these games.

Hey, I'm just protecting
my investment, dawg.

You ever heard
of mutual funds?

(chuckles)

(fake chuckle)

(loud cheering)

(buzzer, whistle)

ANNOUNCER (over PA):
And now, the Taylor High School

state-champion Spirit Squad!

(cheering)

This's better be nice.

Don't worry, honey.
(dance music playing)

It was very nice
last time.

That's your friend.

Yep.

(crowd cheering)

Oh, hell, no.

Hell, no.

Come on.
MASCOT: What are you doing?

Move, mascot.

(booing)
Go to hell.

I don't care about being booed.

I've been booed before, America.

Don't faze me none.

Yeah, she shaking her goodies
on the court.

She did that to spite me.

I'm gonna kill her for it, too.

Doggone right, I'm gonna beat
her just like I did that bobcat.

All y'all want to throw...

Oh, y'all acting like Detroit.

You know, shoot.
I love Detroit.

Every time I go to Detroit
I kick a little ass.

Come on.

Come on, come on, Detroit!

Wasn't no security there,
ain't no security now.

Come get a little bit of it.

(reverse alert beeping)

(up-tempo music playing)

You think not speaking to me
gonna hurt me?

Baby, that's like
a early birthday present.

(sighs) Good morning,
Uncle Bernie. Happy?

Now see, that wasn't
too bad, now was it?

And since we're talking,

we might as well discuss that
new activity you got to pick.

(scoffs) Why?

Whatever I pick won't meet
the Bernie Mac approval.

You have a problem
with everything I do

and I'm sick of it here.

Hmph.

You just stuck with it.

And I don't care about your eyes
burning the back of my head.

You still got to pick
that extracurricular activity.

Be stuck with that.

(muttering)
Young kids.

You don't like it,
you can put it right down.

(Barrett Strong:
"Money That's What
I Want" playing)

Bryana told me she quit.

She was fired.

Oh, my project's a failure.

Well, I have
a proposition for you.

How about I buy out
your entire stock
at 50 percent of cost?

But then I won't make
any profit.

At least you'll get some
of your money back.

And I'll even give
you a sales job,

you know, put you
on the stroll.

(groans) A stroll?

So do we have a deal?

I don't have a choice.

Why are you doing this?

I have my reasons.

♪ That's what I want ♪

Okay, sell as many
as you can.

No pressure.

And don't eat
all of the merchandise.

You know, it's like giving
drugs to a drug addict.

So what's this about
you selling Crackles, huh?

I joined the high school chapter
of the Junior Achievement.

Instead of creating
a new business,
Ah?

I took over an existing
business at a low cost.

Don't sound like
a bad plan at all.

It's working out well.

So this is my mandatory activity

unless you want to make me
give this up, too.

No, no, I kind of like this.
Matter of fact,

I'm thinking about becoming
one of your best customers.

Hey, put me down
for five.

Actually, in order
to be my best customer...
Hmm?

...you'd have to buy ten.

(typing)

See, America?

This is the type of activity
for a young lady: business.

You see she has the head for it.

You see the way
she shook me down?

She's going to have
Donald Trump shaking in fear.

And I'll take Trump-shaking
over rump-shaking any day.

You doggone right.

And you heard it
from the Mac Man.

(dramatic music playing on TV)

Mwah. (chuckling)

(eating and crunching)

Uncle Bernie, I have
something to tell you.

Not right now, Jordan,
I'm watching TV.

Well, it's about Vanessa,
and later might be too late.

What is it?
Hmm... I've kind of been
sworn to secrecy...

Jordan, what is it?!

She bought a bus ticket
to Chicago.

She's leaving today.
What?!

(sighs)
North Hollywood station.

I'm trying to figure out
where the hell she got the money
to buy the ticket from.

(up-tempo music playing)

I'll get that door for ya.
(mutters)

Hey! Jerk!

MAN (over PA):
Bus 319, eastbound
to Chicago.

Final boarding.
Gate number two.

Nessa!

Nessa!
Don't get on that bus.

Doggone it.

Bernie Mac,
check you out, man.

Not right now, sir.

Hey, I would think you
at least took the train.

Sir, sir,
not right now, please.

Hey, I got my boy
Ray-Ray on the phone.

Not right now, sir.
Say hello.

He's an even bigger
fan than I am.
Whoa, ticket.

Sir, look, my n-- my niece
is getting on that bus.

I just need to get on,
get her off.

That's all I need
to do right now.

Sorry, no one gets on
my bus without a ticket.

Look, my name is Bernie Mac.
Yeah.

I perform all over the world.
I can get you tickets any...

And I'm Floyd Peterson,

and you ain't getting on
my bus without a ticket.

Don't get comfortable
on that bus, Nessa!

Just don't get comfortable.

You remember my name, baby.

Bernie Mac. M-A-C.

You remember that, boy.

All over the world.
Yeah. My name's Floyd.

F-Loyd.

Hold on, Slim. Slim.

Nothing but a minute.
Oh! Ow! Hey!

Ma'am, I need to buy
a ticket to Chicago.

Sir, there's a line.

I know that, I see that.
This is really, really
important.

Oh, it's important?

Very, very important.

Yeah, well, I'm sure
these people think

their lives are
important, too, sir.

I know that. It's not like--
I know that.

Back of the line!

What did I say?
Get to the back
of the line.

Damn.

Ten dollars if you
trade places with me.

Ten dollars. Here.

Cost you 20.
Twenty?

Ma'am, let me trade
with you, too.

Please, I-I got
to get there.

White boy, let me do this.
(mutters) Okay.

I got to get on up
on this thing here.

(music playing)

Come on!
(grunting)

(grunts)

Come on, let's go.
Let's get off the bus,
I want to talk to you.

Oh, you gonna play like
you don't hear me.

I said, "Let's get off the bus,
I want to talk to you."

Excuse me, sir,
I want to talk to my niece.

I ain't moving for you.

So this is how
you gonna handle it,

by running away?

You embarrassed me
in front of the whole school.

He embarrassed me
in front of Ray-Ray.

Sir, can I talk to my niece?

You lucky you big.

Am I that hard to live with?

Am I that difficult, Nessa?

You're always
pushing me around.

You're always right
even when you're not.

It's either your way
or the highway.

So I'm taking the highway.

I'm the parent, and that's
way it's going to be
until you get 18.

Well, how am I supposed to know
what to do when I turn 18

if you won't let me make
any decisions for myself now?

Can I speak now?

'Cause doggone it,
I got something I want to say.

I knew it.
You're not listening.

You never do.

(bus engine starts)

(Timmy Thomas:
"Why Can't We Live
Together" playing)

What, you're going
to Chicago now?

I might as well.

I got a couple of days.

Pick up a couple of Red Hots.

Stop by and see Mama Liva.

♪ Tell me why
tell me why, tell me why ♪

♪ Mmm, why can't we live... ♪

Look, Nessa,

I hear you. I do hear you.

I hear you
loud and clear.

It seems like you got a lot
you want to get off your chest.

And I just want you to know,
from me to you, I'm all ears.

♪ No more war
no more war, no more war ♪

I don't want that girl feeling
like a prisoner in her own home.

You know, me and Nessa
just got to...

...find some common ground.

And if that means sitting
on the stiff-ass seats

breathing bus fumes
all the way to Chi-Town,

well then, I'm down,
America. I'm down.

But I'll tell you one thing:

when we get our stuff
worked out by Vegas,

I'm gonna try
to win my money back

that it took me to get on that
damn bus, I'll tell you that.

'Cause you know the Mac Man,
I can throw them bones.

(chuckles)
I can play a little cards.

Hit me, hit me, hit me.

(chuckles)
Hit me.

Twenty-one!

And I'll take
Trump-shaking over...

I'll take Trump-shaking
over rump-shaking any day.

MAN: You got it.

MAN: Action.

Okay. The key to making
money is recrui--

Argh. I'm sorry.

(crew laughing)
MAN: Just swallow it.

WOMAN: Just a hairball.
CHILD: What was that?

(muttering)

Yeah, yo mama.
(laughter)

Captioned by Visual Data