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1
00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,713
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:29,561
(up-tempo music playing)
Hey, how are my two
sick little girls?
3
00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:30,979
A little better.
4
00:00:31,056 --> 00:00:32,322
Hey, can you
wrap this for me?
5
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,158
It's Auntie Wanda's
birthday present.
6
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,662
Ooh, Lachian.
She'll love this.
7
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,863
She will?
8
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,782
(sniffs)
I can't smell it.
9
00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:44,284
What else did you get her?
What else did I get her?
10
00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:47,913
That's $200 an ounce.
Mm.
11
00:00:47,989 --> 00:00:50,457
Mm?
Mm.
12
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:54,211
Mm? Better be trying to clear
her sinuses.
13
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:55,846
Ignorant little thing.
14
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,430
Wanda ain't greedy.
15
00:00:57,308 --> 00:01:00,342
She appreciates quality
over quantity--
16
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,352
an unassuming little gift,
17
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:06,181
romantic dinner,
nice bottle of wine,
18
00:01:06,258 --> 00:01:09,017
and Bernie Mac,
of course, for dessert.
19
00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:12,896
That's quality and quantity.
20
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,823
(kids chattering)
21
00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,822
Hey, guys.
Anyone want
to fly a kite?
22
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,665
(all laughing)
23
00:01:23,742 --> 00:01:26,701
JORDAN: And now everyone's
calling me Ben Franklin.
24
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,079
Oh, but now, that's better
than Puddles, right?
25
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,714
You told her?
26
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,008
Look, if you want the kids
to stop laughing at you,
27
00:01:33,085 --> 00:01:34,626
you got to give
an effort.
28
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,962
You gotta start doing some
of the things the kids do.
29
00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:38,922
But how?
I don't know, Jordan.
30
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:42,926
Do what the other kids does--
play baseball, kickball,
something.
31
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,428
Fit in.
Do what the other kids do.
32
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,189
Now, get ready to go to bed.
33
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:48,857
Good night.
34
00:01:50,468 --> 00:01:52,018
Ow!
I told you don't say
nothing about...
35
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,103
You did not tell me that.
I did. I did so.
36
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,938
(phone ringing)
37
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,607
Hello.
WOMAN: Yes, is this Mr. Mac?
38
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:58,733
Yeah, this is Mac.
39
00:01:58,744 --> 00:01:59,985
(indistinct)
40
00:02:00,061 --> 00:02:01,528
Sure, I remember you, yeah.
41
00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:02,996
(indistinct)
42
00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:05,115
What?
Fainted.
43
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,500
He fainted?
44
00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:08,243
The nurse said you
didn't eat lunch today.
45
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,619
I lost my lunch money.
46
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,797
That fat girl
picking on you again?
47
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,417
No.
48
00:02:15,493 --> 00:02:17,377
I lost it fair and square
playing poker.
49
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:19,171
Where'd you get the
fool idea to play poker?
50
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:20,672
You said to.
Me?
51
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,175
Yeah, you said, "Do what all
the other kids are doing,"
52
00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:25,135
and all the other kids
are playing poker.
53
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,520
Texas Hold 'Em.
54
00:02:26,597 --> 00:02:30,640
It's pretty fun, actually,
but it's over real fast.
55
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,734
I'm gonna have to
give you some pointers.
56
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,146
You know, I
don't think
it's a good idea
57
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:38,306
to be teaching
the boy how
to gamble.
58
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:41,359
What are you talking about?
You want the kid to go hungry
every doggone day?
59
00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:44,196
Look at him.
He's skinny enough
as it is.
60
00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:45,989
Look like
a science project.
61
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:49,034
You know, I just think gambling
is one of those gateway things.
62
00:02:49,110 --> 00:02:50,368
Gateway?
Yeah.
63
00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:52,037
What the hell are you
talking about?
64
00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:53,538
Take down your voice.
65
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:56,249
Poker ain't no doggone different
than pitching pennies,
66
00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,710
flipping baseball cards,
or shooting marbles.
67
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,087
I'm just trying
to give the boy
a fighting chance.
68
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,307
Ketchup.
Ketchup.
69
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,425
You ketchup.
I'll get it.
70
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:06,760
I just hope you know
what you're doing.
71
00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:08,511
You let me handle him.
You handle the girls.
72
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:11,431
I know exactly what I'm doing.
73
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,558
We're not the Old West.
74
00:03:13,635 --> 00:03:15,819
No one's gonna draw
a six gun on him.
75
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,021
This is an elementary school.
76
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,490
There's metal detectors
at every door.
77
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:21,650
Come on!
78
00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:23,193
This is 2004.
79
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,536
Work with me.
80
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,331
Texas Hold 'Em.
81
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,992
First thing you need to know,
you can't be trifling
82
00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:34,287
because it'll rip you apart.
83
00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:38,717
The first two cards,
they must be face down.
84
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,713
(tapping table)
There's numerous names
you give these cards:
85
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:48,426
pit, holding ground,
stomping ground, strip.
86
00:03:48,503 --> 00:03:51,930
You're talking about
the meanest game on Earth.
87
00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:54,683
This will make
a sissy a man.
88
00:03:54,759 --> 00:03:57,852
And you're close
to being both of them.
89
00:03:57,929 --> 00:04:00,188
You're playing
two tough cowboys.
What do you do?
90
00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:03,316
Pocket kings. If the big
blind raises, I'm all in.
91
00:04:03,393 --> 00:04:05,327
Let me see
your poker face.
92
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,779
Little bit lower.
93
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:08,863
To the left.
94
00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,282
There you go.
95
00:04:10,358 --> 00:04:12,492
There goes Spiderman!
96
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:15,328
Look at my boy...
(chuckles)
97
00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:17,506
Boy, I think
you're ready.
98
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:20,491
Here.
99
00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:24,972
Jordan, this is for you.
100
00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:27,299
Wow, your lucky money clip.
101
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,009
You're doggone
right it is.
102
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,427
It works for me.
103
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:31,970
Aren't you afraid
I might lose it?
104
00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:34,097
Give it back.
Give it here.
105
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,857
Give it here. Here.
106
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,517
Here, take the money.
107
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:39,811
Give him my lucky money clip.
108
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,771
Must be out of his damn...
109
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:46,526
America, you see me getting soft
like that, you got to holler.
110
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,578
It's been generation
from generation.
111
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,363
My grandfather gave me this.
112
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,416
His grandfather gave him this.
113
00:04:53,943 --> 00:04:56,077
His grandfather got it
from a prostitute.
114
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,671
Her name was, uh...
115
00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:00,590
You don't need to know
everything.
116
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,876
You don't need
to know everything.
117
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,127
(up-tempo music playing)
118
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,046
You guys are
all going down.
119
00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,056
(boys chattering)
120
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,441
Hey, guys, can I play?
121
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,017
Get lost, Ben Franklin.
122
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:21,353
Yeah. Go chop down
a cherry tree.
123
00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:22,520
(all laughing)
124
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:24,439
That was
George Washington...
125
00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:26,491
and so are these.
126
00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:31,330
Nerd money is
just as green.
127
00:05:32,357 --> 00:05:34,499
♪ Now we gonna go down ♪
128
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,868
♪ In the meantime ♪
129
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,670
♪ Gettin' ready... ♪
130
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,507
Hey, Baby Girl.
131
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,720
Come on, man.
How'd it go?
132
00:05:46,797 --> 00:05:48,722
They're still calling me
Ben Franklin.
133
00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:50,064
You're kidding?
134
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,092
But that's because
I'm all about the Benjamins!
135
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,227
Yeah!
Yeah, baby.
136
00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:55,804
That's what I'm
talking about.
137
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,690
Look at...
You did all this?
Oh, yeah.
138
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:06,031
You should have seen his face
when I called him, Uncle Bernie.
Mm-hm.
139
00:06:06,108 --> 00:06:09,359
I had the stone cold nuts,
and he was on tilt after that.
140
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:10,819
And I cleaned him out.
141
00:06:10,895 --> 00:06:12,404
Well, you'd better hurry
up and clean that out.
142
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,905
If your Auntie
Wanda finds out
143
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,499
I gave you ice cream
before dinner, she'll be...
144
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,742
(laughing)
Give it here.
Give it.
145
00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:19,994
It's true.
Hey.
146
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,496
Hey, hey.
147
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,998
Hey.
We got facials.
148
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,250
You all look
beautiful.
149
00:06:25,326 --> 00:06:26,876
Don't we look like
14-year-olds?
150
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,461
Yeah, but you
act it, too.
151
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:30,263
That'd be the margaritas.
152
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:31,923
(laughing)
153
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,174
How many margaritas
you have?
154
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,759
Enough to go pee.
I'll be back.
155
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,020
(laughing) Ooh.
156
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,972
Bernie.
What?
157
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,598
Wanda's birthday's on Friday.
What are you gonna get her?
Right.
158
00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:42,392
I ordered her two new friends,
159
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:43,935
but they won't be here
till Saturday.
160
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,529
Bernie!
What?
161
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,531
I couldn't think of any
doggone thing.
162
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,233
I got her some perfume
and a special card.
163
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,276
I couldn't think of nothing.
164
00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:53,111
(inhales sharply) Ooh.
165
00:06:53,188 --> 00:06:55,697
Why are you looking all like
that, like you're using Botox?
166
00:06:55,773 --> 00:06:57,866
Oh, you really
don't know, do you?
167
00:06:57,942 --> 00:06:59,451
Know what?
168
00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:01,119
Bernie, honey,
you have got to make up for
169
00:07:01,196 --> 00:07:04,456
that huge mess
you made last year.
170
00:07:04,532 --> 00:07:06,550
What giant mess
I made last year?
171
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,126
What are you
talking about?
172
00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:10,053
Like you don't know.
173
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:15,809
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
174
00:07:15,886 --> 00:07:19,479
(applause, cheers)
175
00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:21,931
(clears her throat)
176
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,850
Whoa, whoa, whoa, 36?
177
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,435
You told us
you were 32.
178
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,812
(quiet chatter)
179
00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:32,400
Well, I guess that makes me
the youngest vice president.
180
00:07:32,477 --> 00:07:35,153
Now, this is the one
that she said she wanted.
181
00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:36,321
BERNIE: Mm.
I know.
182
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,581
It's called
the Cognac Diamond.
183
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,158
That is gorgeous.
Mm-hm.
184
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:41,618
Now, you know
she told us girls
185
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,203
that you better step up
this year, right?
186
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:45,497
I'd better step up?
Mm-hm.
187
00:07:45,573 --> 00:07:48,166
Come on, that don't
sound like Wanda.
188
00:07:48,243 --> 00:07:51,761
Wha-- Bernie, the page
did not mark itself.
189
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,515
(crickets chirping)
190
00:07:56,551 --> 00:07:58,343
Look here, it's not
that I want to be Kobe.
191
00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,752
I could be Kobe
any day of the week.
192
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:03,223
It just ain't like Wanda
to be expecting it, man.
193
00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:05,934
Bernie, man,
we're trying to watch
the fight here, man.
194
00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:08,019
Yeah. Yes.
All right?
195
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,854
If I wanted to hear about
diamonds or birthday presents,
196
00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:11,397
I could have stayed home,
all right?
197
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,191
Hey, guys, anyone
want to play cards?
198
00:08:13,268 --> 00:08:14,743
You play cards,
little man?
Yep.
199
00:08:14,819 --> 00:08:16,486
Uncle Bernie taught me
to play Texas Hold 'Em.
200
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,163
Where'd you get
all this stuff, man?
201
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,864
I won it off the
kids at school.
202
00:08:19,941 --> 00:08:21,791
And don't believe the hype
that eighth graders are smarter,
203
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,576
'cause we got
some real live ones.
204
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:28,331
Oh, man. Somebody bet
a Barry Bonds
autographed ball?
205
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,549
On a pair of buckets, too.
206
00:08:29,626 --> 00:08:31,793
Some people want to lose
their money.
207
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:35,088
Okay, let's play.
Jordan, you can ante with
this A-Rod rookie card.
208
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:36,781
Look at this, man.
CHUY: What?
209
00:08:36,858 --> 00:08:39,259
BERNIE: Jordan, Jordan,
we're trying to
watch the fight.
210
00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:40,843
You're not gonna do
anything right now.
211
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,555
I want you to take all your
goods and go back to your room
212
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:45,223
while we watch the fight, okay?
213
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:46,558
Good.
214
00:08:46,634 --> 00:08:48,726
I really wanted
that A-Rod, man.
215
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:49,945
(laughs)
216
00:08:50,021 --> 00:08:51,271
What's wrong
with you, man?
Come on, man.
217
00:08:51,347 --> 00:08:53,907
That's A-Rod, man.
Crying.
218
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,026
Hey, J, you took
some great stuff
219
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,570
off those kids
at school, man.
220
00:08:58,646 --> 00:09:00,488
Little man must have
a strong technique.
221
00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:02,156
I'm saying.
Oh, it's nothing.
222
00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:04,909
Uncle Bernie taught me
to play the man, not the cards.
223
00:09:04,986 --> 00:09:06,411
All you have to do
is look for the tells.
224
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,547
Like Uncle Bernie
with the cigars.
225
00:09:08,623 --> 00:09:10,540
Elaborate, little man.
Yeah.
226
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,050
I've watched
you guys.
227
00:09:12,127 --> 00:09:14,427
I mean, he only smokes it
when he's got nothing.
228
00:09:14,504 --> 00:09:15,878
For real?
229
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,505
Yep, but when he puts
it in the ashtray,
230
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:19,716
look out, because he's
got the stone nuts.
231
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:22,302
Is that a fact?
Let me see if I got it--
232
00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:24,178
If he's puffing,
he's bluffing?
233
00:09:24,255 --> 00:09:25,930
Right. But if it's
in the tray...
234
00:09:26,007 --> 00:09:27,682
Fold away.
Fold away.
235
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,193
BERNIE: Hey.
WANDA: Hmm?
236
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,237
Two more days
before the big day.
237
00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:33,905
You thought about
anything special?
238
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,567
Oh, no.
(chuckles)
239
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,319
Ah, you're not
getting off that easy.
240
00:09:39,395 --> 00:09:41,821
What are you talking about?
I'm not trying to get off easy.
241
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:43,948
I'm just trying not
to make the same mistake
242
00:09:44,025 --> 00:09:45,825
I made last year.
243
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:49,495
Honey, let's not
talk about last year.
244
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,915
Besides, whatever it is,
245
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,844
I'm sure you'll get me
something nice.
246
00:09:57,038 --> 00:09:58,671
Oh, yeah...
247
00:09:58,748 --> 00:10:00,015
(moans)
248
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:04,886
Something nice?
249
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:10,233
Is that "sure" like I always
do, or like I'd better?
250
00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:14,988
Did she say anything
to you all about a diamond?
251
00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:18,742
I didn't think so.
252
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,243
She's not that kind of...
253
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,582
But then when she...
254
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:34,841
Take it easy.
255
00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:37,502
Hey, Jordan,
we on for recess?
256
00:10:37,578 --> 00:10:38,961
I'm there, poker face.
257
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,421
That's what
I'm talking about.
258
00:10:40,498 --> 00:10:41,681
Now you're one
of the fellas.
259
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:43,558
Eh, you know how we do.
Doggone right.
260
00:10:43,635 --> 00:10:45,134
Yo-ho-ho, bro.
261
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,895
Oh, don't start that.
262
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,682
(up-tempo music playing)
263
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,351
You just call me if you get
your hands on some, okay?
264
00:10:53,428 --> 00:10:55,028
MAN: I'll do my best, sir.
Thank you.
265
00:10:57,515 --> 00:11:01,025
Damn.
What's wrong with you?
266
00:11:01,102 --> 00:11:03,903
I'm trying to get this
for your aunt's birthday.
I can't find it anywhere.
267
00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,906
I looked the whole
West Coast for it.
I can't find it.
268
00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:09,909
I thought the perfume
was enough.
269
00:11:09,986 --> 00:11:12,003
I thought your throat
was hurting.
270
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:15,498
I did think the perfume
was enough.
271
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,291
No, I did.
Now I'm not sure.
272
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:20,044
Wanda got the cables on me.
273
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:22,296
She got no tells.
274
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,724
She got the stone cold nuts.
275
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:27,385
(sighs)
276
00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:28,853
What would you...
277
00:11:31,549 --> 00:11:35,184
(down-tempo music playing)
BERNIE (thinking):What is going on?
278
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,395
This isn't how I do it.
279
00:11:37,472 --> 00:11:39,114
I'm down to my only $20.
280
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:42,191
Twenty damn dollars,a pair of threes.
281
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,327
All right, Bernie Mac,
282
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,404
it's time forthe big, bad wolf.
283
00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:51,617
It's time to huff and bluff,and blow their house down.
284
00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:56,122
All right.
I'm in.
285
00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:58,124
All in.
286
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,501
Might as well get
all my money back.
287
00:12:00,578 --> 00:12:02,929
CHUY (thinking):Hmm, what's he got?
288
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,850
If he's puffing,he's bluffing.
289
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,935
I'll call.
(chuckles)
290
00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:12,513
Jacks over nines.
291
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:13,973
Ooh!
(laughing)
292
00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:16,267
Show him what you got,
big dawg.
293
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:18,361
What you got?
You got something?
I can't hear you.
294
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,604
Take 'em.
295
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,656
Oh!
(laughing)
296
00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:34,535
Fold.
I'm out.
Me, too.
297
00:12:34,612 --> 00:12:37,288
Wait a minute.
Wait a doggone minute here.
298
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:40,333
How the hell y'all know
what I got in my hand?
299
00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:41,860
What's going on here?
300
00:12:41,936 --> 00:12:43,336
I ain't have nothing.
I ain't have nothing.
301
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:45,588
You know what I'm talking about,
big fella. Come on.
302
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,799
Chuy?
It was Jordan.
303
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:51,427
He told us your tells.
(chuckles) Sorry.
304
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,829
Tells?
305
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,389
Bernie Mac got tells,
and he told them.
306
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,852
That boy revealed my intimacies,
little son of a...
307
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,655
I hope he never wins
another hand, ever!
308
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,160
Smell this.
309
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:10,780
That's a good cigar there, boy.
310
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,740
A good cigar.
311
00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:15,668
He probably told them
where I got that from.
312
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,888
(indistinct chatter)
313
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,564
(boys sigh)
314
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:38,858
(chuckles) Just too easy.
315
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,311
Hey, you guys want
to play poker at our
house after school?
316
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,438
Give us a chance
to win our stuff back?
317
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,941
Maybe. What do you have left?
318
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,777
I get my allowance next week.
Will you take my marker?
319
00:13:49,854 --> 00:13:52,455
I don't know.
Will you guys vouch for him?
320
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,449
Yeah, it's true.
Dad gives us our
allowance next week.
321
00:13:55,526 --> 00:13:56,951
I'll be there.
322
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,370
Not me. I gotta save
money for Saturday.
323
00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:00,588
What's Saturday?
324
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:05,918
Um, uh, we're having
a birthday party.
325
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:11,215
Oh, cool. I hope you like
Jake Fury: Fists of Iron
as a birthday present.
326
00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:13,426
(dejected) It's really good.
327
00:14:13,502 --> 00:14:14,802
(chuckles)
328
00:14:14,879 --> 00:14:15,887
(sighs)
329
00:14:15,963 --> 00:14:17,814
(doorbell chimes)
330
00:14:18,883 --> 00:14:20,433
Hey, Carl,
what's going on?
331
00:14:20,509 --> 00:14:22,226
Hey, Bern. I heard
Vanessa was sick.
332
00:14:22,303 --> 00:14:25,146
I brought her a
little chicken soup
with matzo balls.
333
00:14:25,222 --> 00:14:26,489
Jewish penicillin.
334
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,566
Thank you, Carl.
Thank you so much.
335
00:14:28,643 --> 00:14:32,745
Hey, take some for yourself.
What's with the punim?
336
00:14:33,564 --> 00:14:34,739
It's a long story.
337
00:14:34,815 --> 00:14:36,407
You-you don't want
to hear it.
338
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,543
Let me be the
judge of that.
339
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:41,412
Well, today
is Wanda's birthday.
340
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:42,830
Too long, too long.
341
00:14:42,907 --> 00:14:44,498
(laughs)
Ha. That's the smile.
342
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:46,375
That's the...
Now, come on.
343
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,669
What's wrong
with a birthday?
344
00:14:48,746 --> 00:14:52,256
Well, it's this rare stone
I'm trying to get her,
345
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,342
but I can't find it
anywhere.
346
00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:55,635
It's Cognac.
347
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,011
My cousin Shelly,
348
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:59,513
he's a diamond wholesaler.
You're kidding.
349
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,515
Come on. I'll take ya.
Seriously?
350
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,694
(down-tempo music playing)
351
00:15:32,256 --> 00:15:34,382
All in.
Call.
352
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,893
Ace, four-- two pair.
353
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,846
Mary Kate...
and Ashley.
354
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,890
Which makes a full house.
(chuckles)
355
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:44,725
Oh, I'm not getting
any cards.
356
00:15:44,802 --> 00:15:46,560
"Oh, I'm not
getting any cards."
357
00:15:46,637 --> 00:15:48,729
(snickering)
I get my allowance next week.
358
00:15:48,806 --> 00:15:50,189
Will you take my marker?
359
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,941
(scoffs) Not a chance.
360
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:54,819
But I need to get some money
so I can buy you a present
361
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:56,579
for your birthday party.
362
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,073
Don't worry about it.
You're not invited.
363
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:01,742
Yeah. There's a "no nerds" rule.
(all laughing)
364
00:16:01,819 --> 00:16:03,586
I thought we were friends.
365
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,247
I play poker with you guys
every day at lunch.
366
00:16:06,323 --> 00:16:07,715
Yeah, to get our stuff back.
367
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,917
He should
have called.
Yeah!
368
00:16:09,994 --> 00:16:12,804
JORDAN (groans):
You're monsters!
369
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,174
Cousin Shelly!
370
00:16:17,251 --> 00:16:19,093
Shelly Berman.
371
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,344
Oh. I don't believe it.
372
00:16:20,421 --> 00:16:22,179
Look who it is,
the atheist.
373
00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:24,557
What happened?
Something go wrong
and now you need your god?
374
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:27,860
Don't be a putz.
Shelly, Bernie.
Bernie, Shelly.
375
00:16:27,937 --> 00:16:29,103
Hi.
My pleasure,
Shelly.
376
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:31,063
Yeah and mine.
Shelly, I need a favor.
377
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:34,033
Now, this I believe.
Don't bust my kishkas.
378
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:35,943
Bernie needs a diamond
for his wife.
379
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:37,611
Show him,
show him the picture.
380
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:39,905
Okay. I got it
right here.
A Cognac.
381
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:41,182
Here.
382
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:44,076
Cognac, huh? Hey,
very popular lately.
383
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:44,752
Can you get it?
384
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,495
Can I get it?
Huh?
385
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:49,707
Can I get it?
He asks me can I get it.
386
00:16:49,784 --> 00:16:52,585
Of course I can get it.
What a relief.
387
00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:54,420
I can't get it now.
388
00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:57,757
Why not?
It's almost sunset.
389
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,633
What's that mean,
sunset?
390
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,852
Oh, goyim.
391
00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:03,304
It's Shabbat.
Uh-huh.
392
00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:04,472
The Sabbath.
393
00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,849
A day of rest.
I can't work.
394
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,643
Shelly, it's a mitzvah.
395
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:10,853
That means a good deed.
396
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,813
What do you know
from mitzvahs?
397
00:17:12,890 --> 00:17:16,317
All right. All right.
We'll go to my shop.
398
00:17:16,393 --> 00:17:17,818
(laughs)
399
00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:21,155
You have me till 6:48.
400
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,741
(organ music playing)
I'm not asking you for much.
401
00:17:23,818 --> 00:17:25,576
But if you can find it
in your heart,
402
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,036
oh, Heavenly Father,
403
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,997
if you can delay your
Daylight Savings Time
404
00:17:30,074 --> 00:17:32,759
just for a little bit,
oh, Heavenly Father.
405
00:17:34,495 --> 00:17:35,628
(horn honks)
406
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:38,672
That is a
beautiful stone.
407
00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:41,884
(whistles appreciatively)
408
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,677
Uh-oh.
409
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:46,847
I'm sorry.
The sun has set.
410
00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:48,808
The sun has set, my...
Look out there.
411
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:50,693
It's still hanging
out there somewhere.
412
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,104
Sorry. It is 6:48.
We're closed.
413
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:55,147
Come on. Now, wait a minute,
George, Shelly.
414
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:57,608
Give me a hammer and chisel
and talk me through it.
Come on.
415
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,327
Bernie, do not
lose your dignity.
416
00:17:59,403 --> 00:18:02,154
It's gonna be all right.
Take her to a nice dinner.
417
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,448
Buy her a present--
maybe a sweater.
418
00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:07,210
Sweater, huh?
419
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,494
I bought her
some perfume.
420
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:09,954
(chuckles)
421
00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:12,081
BOTH: Get her the sweater.
422
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,958
You think, huh?
423
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,709
(up-tempo piano music playing)
424
00:18:15,786 --> 00:18:19,338
It's, uh, pretty quiet
back there, kiddo.
425
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:21,966
What's wrong?
Nothing.
426
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:24,635
Are those kids
still calling you "Puddles"?
427
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,679
Is there anyone
you didn't tell?
428
00:18:26,755 --> 00:18:28,940
You should be
the last one
complaining
429
00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:31,350
about blabbing
on somebody, Jordan.
430
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,060
I lost everything.
431
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,728
Well, son, you learned
a valuable lesson.
432
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,314
That's why they call it
gambling, not winning.
433
00:18:37,391 --> 00:18:38,899
It's not that bad.
434
00:18:38,976 --> 00:18:41,402
You'll get 'em next time.
(scoffs)
435
00:18:41,478 --> 00:18:43,070
There won't be a next time.
436
00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:44,655
Now that they won
their stuff back,
437
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:45,957
they won't even play with me.
438
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:49,335
They didn't even invite me
to their party.
439
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,351
(mutters)
440
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,763
(gasps) Ooh, honey,
there you are.
441
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,016
Oh, honey,
thank you so much.
442
00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,192
What?
443
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,395
For what?
444
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,189
Ah, because the perfume
I saw on the counter, honey.
445
00:19:18,265 --> 00:19:19,982
I could smell it
through the box.
446
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,984
You really like
your present?
447
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,277
Oh, honey, I love it.
448
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,030
You always give
the nicest gifts.
449
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,207
Well, what's all this talk
you're talking with Cheryl,
450
00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:30,159
telling her how you want me
to get this,
451
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,994
this cognac ring
and all this kind of stuff?
452
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,579
I looked all over
for this.
453
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,206
(chuckles)
Oh, that.
454
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:36,874
Well, you know
how Cheryl is.
455
00:19:36,951 --> 00:19:39,168
You know, she was
talking trash, so...
Mm-hm?
456
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:41,128
She was talking
about how her boyfriend
457
00:19:41,205 --> 00:19:43,964
would always bring home
the bling when he messes up.
458
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:46,809
So I couldn't think that
her man was better than mine.
459
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,136
I could see that.
460
00:19:49,213 --> 00:19:53,390
Right. 'Cause nobody's man
is better than my man.
461
00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:54,817
I could see that.
462
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,560
Yeah, honey, let's go.
463
00:19:56,637 --> 00:19:58,854
The sooner we
get to dinner...
464
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,981
Mm-hm?
...the sooner we
get to come home.
465
00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:02,316
I could see that.
466
00:20:02,393 --> 00:20:06,654
And we can play with my...
my perfume.
467
00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:09,114
I could see that.
Yeah. Smell it?
468
00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:10,141
Yeah.
469
00:20:10,217 --> 00:20:11,659
Yeah? Smell
it right here.
470
00:20:11,735 --> 00:20:13,085
Oops.
471
00:20:14,738 --> 00:20:16,172
I could see that.
472
00:20:17,574 --> 00:20:19,833
How do you like that, America?
473
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:23,128
Wanda was bluffing her friends,
not me.
474
00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:26,131
I knew I had her figured out,
but I didn't go with it.
475
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,759
I didn't go with my gut.
I folded.
476
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:32,429
America, always go
with your gut.
477
00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:33,856
Always.
478
00:20:37,011 --> 00:20:38,769
How's it going,
Jordan?
479
00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,363
Bryana ate all the pudding.
480
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,232
Oh, that's right,
the big party
tonight, right?
481
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,160
Hey, why don't you
come on and sit in
a few hands with us?
482
00:20:46,237 --> 00:20:48,237
Really?
Yeah. You're one
of the fellas.
483
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:50,539
Plus, there ain't
no competition no way.
484
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:51,540
Come on.
485
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,618
Hey, shut the fridge.
486
00:20:54,695 --> 00:20:56,412
(up-tempo music playing)
487
00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:58,122
See, first of all,
he's gonna be excited,
488
00:20:58,198 --> 00:21:01,166
because he think
he won, okay?
489
00:21:01,243 --> 00:21:02,710
Can you see
through that
with them glasses?
490
00:21:02,786 --> 00:21:04,044
Yeah, who's in?
Is somebody in?
491
00:21:04,121 --> 00:21:05,713
Somebody in?
Come on,
who's in?
492
00:21:05,789 --> 00:21:07,214
(chuckles)
Somebody in?
What you in?
493
00:21:07,291 --> 00:21:11,552
Like I said, America,
you gotta go with your gut.
494
00:21:11,628 --> 00:21:13,053
Go with your gut.
495
00:21:13,130 --> 00:21:16,023
Besides, it's mitzvah.
496
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,109
That's a good deed.
497
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:25,024
Plenty of cigars around here.
498
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,900
If you want a cigar,
you can get a cigar.
499
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:30,279
Don't you want one?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.
500
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:31,905
I'm-I'm just not telling.
501
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:35,326
(scoffs)
Here, tell this.
502
00:21:35,402 --> 00:21:36,535
Aw! (laughing)
503
00:21:36,612 --> 00:21:38,245
Come on!
That cleans me out.
504
00:21:38,322 --> 00:21:39,788
That cleans you out?
505
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,373
Rosa gives you an allowance.
I accept your marker.
506
00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:43,000
(laughter)
Rosa gives
you and allowance?!
507
00:21:43,077 --> 00:21:44,427
Why do you gotta
say that, man?
508
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:46,145
She does give
you an allowance.
509
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:47,838
She told me the other day
she gives you an allowance.
510
00:21:47,915 --> 00:21:50,391
Oh!
Four hundred dollars.
511
00:21:50,468 --> 00:21:51,309
A week?
512
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,273
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