Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Ooh, did you sign Bryana's permission slip to the Autry National Center?

Baby, you know, I always dedicate all my time

for the kids, every day.

Can we go ride our bikes?

Do I have to get up?

No.

All right, well, stay on the sidewalk.

Uh, don't forget your helmets.

Yeah, don't forget your helmets.

America, when I was growing up,

I didn't have a helmet and you didn't either.

And look at us. We're fine.

I'll tell you when they need a helmet--

when they get on your doggone nerves.

"Uncle Bernie, give me..."

"Uncle Bernie, can I get..."

"Uncle Bernie, can I have..."

Boy...

(music playing)

(funk music playing)

♪ Get up ♪

(bell ringing) ♪ Get down ♪

♪ Get up ♪ (chuckling)

♪ Get down ♪

This is what I'm talking about, America!

The girl eight years old.

She riding with training wheels.

When I was eight years old, America,

I was putting food on the table 'cause I was able.

Man, I just hope the neighbors didn't see it.

This is our future.

You all keep patronizing these little things here.

They going to run the world.

We're doomed.

She's afraid.

Of what? You got the girl already wearing a helmet,

mosquito repellent,

sunscreen, kneepads.

You got the girl so sheltered,

when it comes time for her to go out in the real world,

she ain't going to be able to handle it.

And that ain't good, baby.

She's only eight years old.

Wanda, she's eight years old.

She's had time.

When I was eight years old, I was working two jobs.

Doing what?

Bootlegging and running the numbers.

Why are you lying?

First of all, it ain't about me.

It's about you babying Baby Girl. That's the lie.

You got the girl so overprotected and so she already

got it figured she's going to be a child her whole life.

You already got her thinking she's going to live in the basement

at 35 years of age. And I'm telling you right now, baby,

it ain't going to happen.

So you're going to prevent all of that

by taking off her training wheels?

It's a start.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

I'm afraid, Uncle Bernie.

Don't be afraid, sweetheart.

I got you. I won't let go.

You promise? I promise.

Look, this is your Uncle Bernie, okay?

Come on. You can do it.

Come on. Steady, steady.

Steady, steady, steady.

Come on, come on. Come on, baby.

Don't let go! I won't. You got it!

You got it! Yeah!

(crashing)

(car alarm wailing)

Baby Girl!

BERNIE: Come on, baby...

Oh, Lord.

Oh, let me see you.

Oh, come here.

Give your Aunt Wanda a hug.

Oh, how are you doing?

(mumbling)

Oh...

WANDA: Come here.

Why did she have to look at me like that?

And don't you look at me like that either, America.

I told Baby Girl I would be with her

the whole time and I was.

I was with her when she fell.

I was with her in the emergency room.

I'm with her right now...

to mash up the food like the doctor said.

This should do it right here.

Mm... yummy.

Okay, sweetheart, here you go.

I got your favorite, baby.

Spaghetti and meatballs,

and your own crazy straw.

(groans)

(mumbling)

What was that?

She said, "Why'd you let go?"

How do you understand her?

She's my sister.

Sweetie, would you like your uncle

to blend up something else?

(mumbles) No.

Okay, yeah, we got that.

And sweetie, try not to talk with a broken jaw.

Hairline fracture. That's what the doctor said.

One out of a million chances of that happening like that.

She was wearing that doggone helmet.

The doctor said that might have made it worse.

No, he didn't.

Well, you ain't no jaw doctor.

You ain't no jaw doctor.

(indistinct chatter over PA)

(down-tempo music playing)

(saw buzzing)

(mumbling)

Okay, okay, okay, just sit tight.

Slow down, Baby Girl, okay?

(muffled, angry)

What?

(muffled) Is it something at school?

Your homework?

Lunch time?

What?

(muffled)

Okay, okay, Baby Girl.

Just sit tight till we see Nessa, okay?

Just sit tight, all right?

All right.

(complaining, muffled) I know, I know.

I hear you, I hear you, I hear you.

Would you please, Baby...

Nessa! Nessa!

What?

Nessa, come here right quick.

She been mumbling like this all the way home.

Come here, come tell me

what the heck she's talking about.

(urgent mumbling)

What's she saying?

She says she can't go on her school field trip

because her jaw is broken.

Hairline fracture.

(scolding, muffled)

What else? What else she talking about? (door slams)

Um, she says that it's all your fault and she hates you.

And the only way she's ever going

to forgive you is if you get me

a nice leather jacket.

Oh, stop it.

You trying to profit from your sister's pain.

You scandalous.

It's not as bad as breaking a little girl's jaw.

(music playing)

Hairline fracture.

Freak accident.

I'm not responsible.

But I'll tell you one thing,

I'd like to break her jaw.

DCFL-- they're going to be back.

Mr. Cooley's going to be back. You watch what it takes.

I'm going to catch a case.

Mr. Cooley! Mr. Cooley!

She was fine last week. Then what happened?

What happened, Mr. Mac, her jaw is broken.

No, it's not. She can still walk.

Look, for the time being, Bryana is a special needs student,

and we cannot assume the risk of taking such a student

off campus without a special needs chaperone.

Our insurance won't cover it.

Well, get a chaperone.

We rely on parent volunteers, you see?

These are all parents.

Mr. Mac, if you would like to volunteer as a chaperone,

I know Bryana would enjoy the museum just as much as the other children.

If you would volunteer as a chaperone.

Mr. Mac? Huh?

I was looking at the lovely houses over there.

How long they been built over there? Lovely. I don't know.

Uh, Mr. Mac, the children are the important thing here at Wellington,

and if you would like to volunteer to be a part of this

wonderful and educational field trip to the museum,

why, I know Bryana would enjoy it, as would the rest of the children.

I never knew those homes were over there.

Nice talking to you, Miss Lefko.

Good to see you, Mr. Mac. Okay.

Guess who's going to the Autry National Center, America?

That's right-- Bernie Mac. And you know what?

Next year, Baby Girl going to public school.

They don't go nowhere. They ain't even got books.

Now that's my kind of school.

Field trips for them is finding a water fountain that works.

(chuckles) That's real. That's struggle.

That's strength.

Now, who here wants to help fight the war against terrorism?

KIDS: I do! Me! Me!

Good. Because, every year,

the President's Council on Fitness

asks America's gym teachers to make sure

this country's children are fit and fighting ready.

Now, today, the President of the United States

asked you to do 100 sit-ups,

100 pushups, 100...

Jordan, what happened to your arm?

Oh, it's just a little break,

but I still want to fight terror.

I'm sorry, Jordan. I can't let you participate.

Oh, but isn't there something I could do?

(winces) Ah, it's just a little tender, though.

I'm sorry, Jordan. Well, maybe I can help you.

You know, carry your clipboard, keep track of the other kids?

That's a great idea.

You can help me make sure that no one here

disappoints our president.

Can I use your whistle?

Good morning, Mr. Mac. Hey. Come on, Baby Girl.

I've brought Bryana and your other special needs kids.

Wait a minute-- my other kids?

Yes, this is Brooke

and Henry and Christopher and Yogan.

Oh, here-- and here's your T-shirts,

so we all know we're together,

and here is your name tag. You're official.

Thanks so much for volunteering.

Are we gonna have fun today, kids?

(cheering)

Now, if you need anything, just ask Mr. Mac.

Thanks so much again. See everybody there.

Now, how the school think they can't be responsible for the kids, but I can?

I ain't got no insurance, America.

You see what they doing?

They taking advantage.

Of my good heart.

(birds chirping)

Let me see that note.

Okay, let me see if I can understand

what's going on here. How you doing, ma'am?

Do you have anything that don't have something, uh...

that contains hydronetic fat, nut oils, whey powder--

what that say-- corn syrup

or pork?

Those troughs.

Oh, you real funny, ma'am, real funny.

Come on, sweetheart.

Sweetheart, why your mother didn't pack you a lunch?

She did.

A gluten-free muffin with apple butter,

which I can't eat. Why not?

Apples have pectin, which I'm allergic to.

She gets confused sometimes.

It's a lot to remember. Where is Henry?

(speaking French)

What?

(mumbling)

Sit down.

Doggone it. Everybody stay right here.

Put the brake on that.

(whistle blowing) That was 30.

Not by my count.

What?! Your form was awful.

I mean, your arms were shaking,

your elbows were out,

and your butt was so high in the air...

I tell you what.

I'll give you credit for six.

Six? But I... (blows whistle)

Drop down and give me 20!

Any more talking, and that'll be ten more for you.

(music playing)

Can we go to the gift shop?

We just left the gift shop.

Really? Really.

Listen, we're here to learn about the West,

and that's what we're going to do, all right?

I'm allergic to horses.

Sweetheart, listen, it's just pictures.

You allergic to pictures, too?

Can we go to the gift shop?

Would you stop asking me

about that doggone gift shop, son?

I've got to go to the bathroom. What?!

Oh, you ain't got no special bag or nothing on you, do you?

Look at that line.

Sir? Yes, ma'am.

The special bathroom is downstairs.

You've got to be kidding.

Oh... thank you.

Okay. All right.

Come on, let's go.

(speaking gibberish)

Thank you, Lord.

Whoo! Just one break.

That's all I wanted, America.

I'm telling you, these kids are special after all.

Got a special elevator.

Maybe I'll take one of 'em to the game with me.

Where you going?

You can't ride a horse, kid.

Hey, look who's on the field trip:

kids from some special school.

(mumbling)

That's right, Baby Girl, you tell 'em.

Oh, look, Robot Face hasn't learned how to talk.

I think it's time for you kids to leave, okay?

Nice one.

Look here, look, turn around here.

Turn around. What's wrong with you kids?

Baby Girl the only one speaking for you,

and she can't hardly talk.

She'll get used to it, because they never stop.

No, they never stop if you let 'em

just say anything they want to say to you.

You kids got to stop being so soft.

(crying) Oh, my God.

Boy, don't start no crying around here.

I am... not soft.

Well, what am I supposed to do? Stop petting him.

Christopher?

What's going on?

He's teasing me.

Teasing? America, you saw.

Did I? I, in no way... I...

I swear to God.

And I didn't break her jaw, either.

It's a hairline fracture.

She was riding, and I had the seat.

Her big ass just took off.

I'm not saying it's good the boy was crying,

but I am saying he needs to step up a little bit, be a man.

Mr. Mac, we have a policy at this school.

Okay. Before any child speaks,

Uh-huh. they must ask themselves,

"Is what I am about to say true... Mm-hmm.

...kind and necessary?"

and if it doesn't meet those criteria, Mr. Mac,

they shouldn't speak.

Ms. Lefko, I ain't no damn child.

Well, no one is too old to learn.

Look, what I told the boy was true.

He just can't keep letting these kids run over him.

The real world ain't like Wellington.

Okay? Come on, now.

Mr. Mac, maybe, maybe, just maybe Wellington

can change the world.

Oh, yeah, right. How's that working out for you?

You tell me that, huh?

In any event...

a step in the right direction

will be your apology to Christopher.

What? Me?

Apologize to an eight-year-old kid?

You're crazy. No, an eight-year-old person.

I'm not apologizing to no kid. He's... Person.

Let me tell you something: eight-year-olds ain't people.

Now, I know children got their own feelings,

but they have to learn their feelings

don't mean anything around grown people.

They need to know they place.

I got a call from Christopher Campbell's mother.

She said you upset him at the museum.

Oh... And Mrs. Lefko told them

to bring him by so you can apologize.

What? I'm not apologizing.

Bernie, you know how these Wellington people are

about their children, okay?

All they know is you said something

and their child is upset.

All you have to do now is just say, "Forgive me."

All of this'll blow over, and they can go home.

I'm not apologizing.

Thank you.

(music playing)

I'm not apologizing for a doggone thing.

You hear me apologize, America, it'll be a new day of the week.

America, stop treating your children

like they so damn fragile.

Let me tell you something. The world is hard,

and fragile things get broken.

That's why I treat these kids the way I do.

I'm doing my job, and if Christopher's mother

needs me to tell her what her job is,

well, let her come over.

Shoot, let her just come on over.

Come on over, Christopher's mama.

Huh. Come on over.

Thank you. Now you say so!

No, I'm saying... I didn't say it.

I said it then. You got a nice kid.

I would've been happy to go to the museum

if I had known that the parent volunteer

was so insensitive.

Mrs. Campbell, I'm not insensitive.

I have three children of my own, and you ask either one of them,

they'll tell you how sensitive I am.

You know, it's true.

My Uncle Bernie felt it was his duty

to go on that field trip,

especially after he broke my little sister's jaw.

Where are we going?

(mumbling)

It's a hairline fracture.

I was just... I mean...

Whoo, I'm telling you.

Nothing, just like Ali and Frasier.

Just, pop!

(growling)

Shoot, shoeshine, boy. I mean, you can shoeshine.

That's when you come-come near and work up, you know?

You-you just southpaw it.

I don't know nothing about that.

(indistinct arguing)

Bet he won't apologize.

I don't know.

They don't look like the kind of people who'll let it go.

(Bryana mumbling)

I'm going to go change my sheets.

You'd rather change your sheets than...

You heard me.

So, who wants to play?

You know, me and you have got a lot in common.

I had my arm in a cast. Come on, I'll show you.

Yep, it was awesome.

I mean, are you some kind of an animal?

Elizabeth... Man, you better talk to her.

Just a minute. You brought this on yourself.

I don't think anyone brings being called an animal on themselves.

Look, you not doing the kid no favor

by making him think he can't stand up to the other kids.

He's not like the other kids.

Why not? (scoffs)

Yeah.

You're soft? That's all he said?

He shouldn't talk to me like that.

(snorts) He talks to everybody like that.

I mean, when I first came, I was soft, too.

I know, it's hard to believe, looking at me now,

but he was always saying stuff like, "Boy, quit crying,"

and, "You run like a French girl."

But between you and me,

who really knows how a French girl runs?

(laughs) What do you think I should've done?

Well, next time a kid's bothering you,

you just roll up to him and bam!

Do a quick wheelie and hit him in the pebbles,

and then, when he's on the floor,

you look down, and you say,

"I guess you couldn't roll with the punches."

(laughs) Bullies hate puns.

And then run over his hands.

Christopher, we're leaving.

What's wrong with your arm?

Where is your chair?!

What kind of house is this?!

It's okay, Mom.

Jordan's showing me how to use my chair against bullies.

You know, run over arms and legs.

Stuff like that.

Oh, and this cast isn't real.

It's just something Jordan uses to get out of gym.

Oh, you're real slick, huh, Jordan?

I'm going to give you some exercise later on

while you run away from this belt, you understand me?

Mr. Mac, I shouldn't have cried at the museum.

Don't worry about that.

You see what you're doing right now?

You're taking responsibility.

You're acting like a man, and that's all I ever wanted.

You understand that? Uh-huh.

See, when you all grow up, man,

you all are going to have a lot of bumps and bruises.

When you fall, you just pick yourself up,

dust yourself off and just start all over again.

Are you ever going to be our chaperone again?

Um...

We'll see, son.

Look at that, America.

All that boy needed was somebody to show him the way,

teach him how to stand up for himself.

And guess what? That somebody was Jordan.

And I taught Jordan.

Oh, you all saw him when he first got here--

always crying and whining and peeing on himself.

The boy was nasty, and now... well... he's better.

So, America, I'll see you next week.

(♪ Sly and the Family Stone: "Que Sera Que Sera")

♪ The future's not ours... ♪

America.

Come here. You all... you all got to see this.

Come here. Hurry up!

America, hurry up. Come here.

She coming.

♪ ...sera, ooh ♪

♪ Doobie, doo-woo, ooh-oh ♪

♪ Que sera... ♪

See it?

Two for two.

(crashing thump)

She hit my car.

Cut the camera off.

your apology to Christopher.

What? Me?

Apologize to an eight-year-old kid? You crazy.

An eight-year-old person.

I don't care what he is.

I'm not apologizing to no eight-year-old kid.

Person, person. Not a kid, not a child.

A person just like you, just smaller.

You qwazy, okay? MAN: Cut!

That's a very bad attitude to take, Mr. Mac.

Well, you know... It's-it's very negative.

I had no father.

(laughing) MAN: Cut!

Captioned by Visual Data