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[opening theme music playing]
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Good evening.
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This is John Beard, Fox 11 News,
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reporting on a bizarre scene unfolding
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on the westbound 101 freeway.
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In a scene straight out
of a Hollywood movie,
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a slow-speed chase is in progress.
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But this movie has a twist.
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If you look above…
Can we get that shot?
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They're chasing a boy
in a hot-air balloon.
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[sirens blaring]
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America, I bet you're wondering
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how Bernie Mac got into this mess.
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I wonder sometime myself.
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But I'm going to tell you,
it all started so innocent.
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See, it was Jordan's birthday.
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Only one week to the big day.
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Yes, sir, captain, it's your birthday.
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You want to do anything special?
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I don't care. It's no big deal.
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What do you mean you don't care?
It's your birthday. It's special.
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I don't know. Could we go to Royal Burger?
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Come on now, Jordan, you can go
to Royal Burger anytime.
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That's not special.
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[Wanda] Ah, Jordan, we could do
whatever you want.
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-Yeah.
-On second thought
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just make me a burger at home
and maybe some tater tots.
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What?
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What the hell was that all about?
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I never seen no kid don't get
excited about his birthday.
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He acting like a 39-year-old woman.
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Well, Jordan's never had a birthday party.
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What you mean, Nessa,
he never had a birthday party?
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Well, Mom always promised him one.
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She said we were going to rent out
the pizza place
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and invite everybody from the Towers.
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And Jordan got really excited,
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but when the day came,
something always came up.
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Most of the time
he didn't even get a gift.
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That's not true, man.
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I always sent him a gift of money.
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No, you sent Mom money.
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And she had her own parties.
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Ain't that the saddest thing, America?
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Poor Jordan.
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Boy's turning ten
and never had a birthday party.
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Come on.
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Well, America, I'm going to give
him a birthday party
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he'll never forget.
50
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And I know I always wanted
to kill the boy,
51
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,892
but this time I'm going to kill
the boy with kindness.
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America, I'm going to bury him
with presents.
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Look here, pimp,
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we decided you gonna
have a birthday party.
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-Uh, that's okay.
-What?
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Come on, Jordan, I know you had
nine stinkers in the past,
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but this time number ten's going to sweet.
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Yeah, we can have ice cream
and cake and balloons and tequila.
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[whispering] Sorry…
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Uh, I don't know.
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Look, Jordan,
if they're going to spend the money
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go on and get yours.
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Yeah… What you mean,
"go on and get yours"?
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What? We're saying the same thing.
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Oh. Well, come on and get yours.
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Okay.
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America, I'm going to give that boy
a bowling party.
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And I'm going to reserve two lanes,
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order some pizza
and get him his favorite cake,
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angel food Bundt cake with strawberries.
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Now, I know what you're thinking, America,
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but that's what the boy like,
and this is his day.
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And he can eat whatever he want.
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He can even eat ice cream
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without the lactate pill if he so wishes.
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America, Little J's going
to get his party on, y'all.
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He going to get his swing on here tonight.
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I mean the… the boy never had a party.
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Awesome, man. I love bowling.
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Yeah, this is going to be great.
Gonna have some fun.
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Hey, guys, I'm having a party,
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and you're all invited.
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This is the same day as my party.
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Well, what kind of party is it?
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It's a Sword and Sorcery party.
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Cool.
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Yeah, I'm having real midgets
dressed as evil dwarves
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and we're renting the park
and we're making a medieval forest.
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Whoa…
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Well, what are you going to have
besides bowling, Jordan?
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00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,207
I'm having Harold The Amazing Magician.
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My baby brother had him
when he turned four. What else you got?
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Uh, we'll have lots of stuff
like cake and ice cream and…
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I'll be there.
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[exhales] Well, sorry, Jordan,
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but, uh, we're going to Billy's party.
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Yeah, you should come, Jordan.
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See you, Jordan.
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Hey, hey, hey!
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What's the problem?
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Billy Genetti's having a party
the same day as I am.
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No problem, Jordan.
Some go to his, some go to yours.
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No, they're all going to his
'cause his is better.
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I told you I didn't want a party.
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Why couldn't we've just gone
to Royal Burger like I said?
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Jordan, Jordan…
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Man!
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Boy, come pick this bag up.
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[door slams]
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You think he upset?
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Yes, sir, I'm not asking you to cancel.
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What I'm asking you
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is maybe you and I can
work together on this.
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For example, maybe you can move
your party to the morning
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and I'll move Jordan's to the afternoon.
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[Genetti] Oh, here's a thought. No.
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I'm not moving one candle
on my boy's cake.
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I mean, sir, Jordan did hand out
his invitations out first.
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I mean, that should count
for something, now, don't it?
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Listen, you don't build
six Mr. Pecker's franchises
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by being a doorman.
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I said no.
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Honey, what's he saying?
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Hold on. Baby,
this man out of his doggone mind.
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Man, he won't budge.
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Sir, look, my nephew is going
to be ten years old.
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He never ever had a birthday party.
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Well, then he won't know what he's missed.
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[hangs up]
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Baby, this punk hung up on me.
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I can't…
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Oh, the…
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Which one is his house, baby?
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We can't cancel this party.
It's his birthday.
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We ain't canceling a damn thing.
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Jordan's going to have his birthday party
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and I guarantee all those
ugly kids is going to be there.
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And I'll tell you something else.
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We ain't never eating
Mr. Pecker's chicken no more.
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That nasty-ass chicken.
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[keypad beeping]
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Can you believe that, America?
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Genetti tried to ruin
Jordan's birthday party.
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Well, if they want to play hardball,
I can, too.
145
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If they have a triple-layer cake,
146
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well, we just have to have
seven-layer cake.
147
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If they want pony rides, well,
we'll get horseback rides.
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Anything they do, we'll just have to do
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a little bit bigger, that's all.
150
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If they bring on the midgets,
well, we bring out the dwarves,
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'cause dwarves are
a little bigger than midgets.
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Now don't get mad at me, America.
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That's science.
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No.
155
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,404
Ooh, how 'bout the Wild West?
156
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Every party-goer gets a six-shooter
and a pair of chaps.
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And talk about the atmosphere.
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I mean, we have a sheriff,
a town drunk, an old dentist,
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00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,497
and you can choose how many teeth.
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Three or five or whatever you like.
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I did this party for Ray Romano
and let me tell you, it was fabulous.
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-It was shoot 'em up fun.
-Yeah.
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I don't, don't think… What else you got?
164
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Okay, okay, okay.
That's not right for your son.
165
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,971
Well tell me about him. What does he like?
166
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Bugs.
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Mmm, bugs.
168
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:16,477
How about, um… butterflies?
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Little caterpillars on the ground
170
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and then they grow and fly away.
171
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Butter… Um, no?
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-Mm-mm.
-Hmm.
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Well, how about aliens?
Jordan likes aliens.
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00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:26,988
Oh, yeah.
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Could you do something
like that, a space theme?
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Oh, space theme.
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Hmm, aliens?
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Space, the final frontier.
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Well, that's going to cost
a little bit extra.
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00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,295
I mean, I can't pull an entire
solar system out of my ass.
181
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,507
Well, we won't ask you to do that.
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00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,676
And money is not a problem,
183
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,595
but I'm quite sure
if you put your mind to it,
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you can do anything you like.
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[chuckles] Thank you, Mr. Mac.
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Well, aliens.
187
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,562
Okay, I think I can help you out.
188
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,439
And there'll be a UFO
189
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,608
and everyone gets to wear
their own space suits.
190
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,818
Can we eat dried foods and pee in a tube?
191
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:06,903
No.
192
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,280
But you can play laser tag
with your own space blaster.
193
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:12,283
But how do we know the kids are
going to come to my party over Billy's?
194
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,285
Because you got the big secret surprise.
195
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:15,536
I do? What is it?
196
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,163
Come here, sweetie.
197
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,082
Cool! That's going to be the greatest!
198
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,585
I want to know the secret.
199
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,797
How come he gets all that?
200
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,258
Oh, sweetie, it's because
it's his birthday.
201
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,470
All I got was a cake
and a stupid petting zoo.
202
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:35,306
You had a birthday party, so behave.
203
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:36,682
Last time you had one
204
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,976
you had the whole house
smelling like sheep for a week.
205
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,978
It's your time to shine.
206
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,396
It's my turn!
207
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,399
I'm so excited! I love you, man!
208
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,444
Congratulations.
209
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,154
You've been given clearance to Area 51.
210
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,405
Congratulations.
211
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,282
You've been given clearance to Area 51.
212
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,742
Congratulations.
213
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:57,078
You've been given clearance to Area 51.
214
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:02,750
"Come to Roswell and find out what secrets
the government doesn't want you to know."
215
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,419
Well, what is it? What's the secret?
216
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,879
That's classified information
217
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,048
because if I tell you,
I'd have to kill you.
218
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,842
Well, I hear they keep
a crashed UFO there.
219
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,220
-I will definitely be there.
-Yeah, me too.
220
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:16,973
Your party has a secret?
221
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,267
Yeah. You should come, Billy.
222
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,852
[school bell ringing]
223
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,564
Everybody wants to come.
I have to get more invites.
224
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,899
And we got to get more blasters
for the laser tag.
225
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,526
See? What'd I tell you.
226
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,987
Uncle Bernie ain't going
to let you down. Never.
227
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,114
This is going to be
the best birthday ever.
228
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,742
[phone ringing]
229
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,040
Hello.
230
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,667
Yeah, is Bernie Mac there?
231
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,628
No, he's out shopping
for Jordan's stupid party.
232
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,838
Listen, sweetheart,
233
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,798
this is Mr. Genetti, okay?
234
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,800
I want you to tell your father
something for me.
235
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,553
you tell him that if he thinks some secret
236
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,221
is going to keep us from having…
237
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,180
It's an alien.
238
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,348
It's a what?
239
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,183
The secret is an alien.
240
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,186
And everyone can reach in
and pull out his guts,
241
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,147
but really it's just cold spaghetti.
242
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,649
[chuckling] Thank you, precious.
243
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,911
[woman] I feel so sorry for this boy,
nobody's showing up.
244
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,708
I know nobody's going to come.
Nobody's coming!
245
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,877
Calm down, Jordan. Don't worry.
246
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,295
They're going to come.
247
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,381
Mr. Mac, I think we should
start the alien autopsy.
248
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,925
-The spaghetti is al dente.
-No, no, no.
249
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,386
-Just a few minutes more, please, okay?
-All right.
250
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,596
Thank you.
251
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,850
Yo, Max, you told me
this whole secret bull
252
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,060
was going to work, man.
253
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,478
Excuse me.
254
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,980
I was not told that we would
be across the park
255
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,607
from a Sword and Sorcery party.
256
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,442
Apparently, you had a secret, too.
257
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,819
[medieval music playing]
258
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,786
You ain't got to get all huffy.
259
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,329
[phone ringing]
260
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,790
Hello. Mac.
261
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,083
[Genetti] What was that?
262
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,918
I'm sorry, I can't hear you
263
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,920
over the siege of the dark castle.
264
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:11,921
The what?
265
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,131
Kid's having fun with their swords.
266
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,385
You know, apparently,
boys like real sword fighting
267
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,303
more than they like poking a dead alien
268
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,888
full of spaghetti.
269
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,390
[laughs]
270
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,808
Ho, ho, ho. Wait, wait… The what?
271
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,976
How do you know about the autopsy?
That's top secret.
272
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,395
Oh, was it?
273
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,896
I'm sorry, geez.
274
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,689
Then maybe I shouldn't have told everyone,
275
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,858
'cause once they knew the secret,
276
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,151
they just wanted to stay here.
277
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,070
Oh, hey, kids.
278
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:39,448
Forget everything
I said about that secret.
279
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:41,784
Oh, hey, Bernie.
280
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,537
You got any plastic spoons
you're not using over there,
281
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,372
'cause we… Oh, wait.
282
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,333
Of course you do! [laughs]
283
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,920
Well, baby, Genetti
found out about the autopsy.
284
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,548
-How? That's impossible.
-I don't know.
285
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,966
Somebody had to rat us out.
286
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,134
I did.
287
00:11:58,884 --> 00:11:59,927
What?
288
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,137
Baby girl, why you do that?
289
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,805
I was mad at Jordan.
290
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,891
Baby girl, I told you
it was Jordan's birthday.
291
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,435
You had a special birthday.
292
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:08,978
I was mad.
293
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,980
But I feel much better now.
294
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:15,067
Baby girl, so what you got
to say for yourself, huh?
295
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,777
Sorry, Jordan.
296
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,612
That's okay.
297
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,997
Can you believe that, America?
298
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,791
Jordan was going to have
such a great birthday party
299
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:34,253
and it all was spoiled
by a 6-year-old green-eyed monster.
300
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:37,339
But if Butch Genetti think
he can steal my party,
301
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,966
he got another thing coming.
302
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,051
Oh, it's on like it never been on before.
303
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,386
Oh, it's on.
304
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,763
'Cause by the time I'm done,
they're going to be singing
305
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,056
"Crappy Birthday."
306
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,351
Oh, America, I'm telling you,
straight off the press, it's on.
307
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,694
♪ Oh, today is your birthday ♪
308
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,113
♪ And I wish you ♪
309
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:02,990
Max, Max…
310
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:05,075
Look, I need your help, man.
311
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,286
This is the worst. This is horrible.
312
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,621
It's just horrible.
313
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:11,290
Max, pull yourself together.
Turn up the volume on this party.
314
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,668
There's nothing I can do.
There's nothing I can do.
315
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:15,794
[sobbing]
316
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,714
Max, Max, do… do whatever it takes. Do it.
317
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,967
I don't… I don't know what to do.
318
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,553
If money's no problem,
maybe I can do one thing.
319
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,055
Find it.
320
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,726
All right, listen up, you squares.
321
00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:33,437
The warm-up party is officially over.
322
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,149
And the real party's
about to start across the park
323
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,652
at Jordan's party planet.
324
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:44,532
And everyone gets a chance
to ride on Nelly the elephant!
325
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:48,244
[cheering]
326
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,413
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
327
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,457
If you leave you'll miss
328
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,793
the Dragon's famous fireworks display.
329
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,462
And I'll let you fire
the rockets yourselves.
330
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,798
[cheering]
331
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,762
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
332
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:09,306
If you come back,
333
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,726
you get a chance to see
some real fire-eaters
334
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:16,438
and everyone gets a chance
to jump on the trampoline.
335
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,774
And besides, it's daytime.
336
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,776
How the hell you going
to see some fireworks?
337
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,112
[cheering]
338
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,407
Hold it!
339
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,658
Come back to Billy's party,
340
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,493
I'll give you 5 bucks apiece.
341
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,161
[cheering]
342
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,539
I hope you fall out.
343
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,209
'Cause I'm not giving you no damn money.
344
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,086
But if you don't come back,
345
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:44,049
you'll never, ever get a chance
to ride on this!
346
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,428
[children gasping, cheering]
347
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,357
Never should have messed with
the Mac Man, America.
348
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:03,527
I mean, trying to bribe
little kids with $5.
349
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,945
That man is low.
350
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,782
[elephant trumpeting]
351
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,117
We got an elephant.
352
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,245
Here you go. Next.
353
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,625
Hey! I was next!
354
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,627
-So?
-So, it's my birthday.
355
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,587
Oh. How old are you?
356
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,047
-Ten.
-Ooh.
357
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,256
Here's your present.
358
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,258
Ow, ow, ow!
359
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,177
♪ Hurry, hurry, step right up ♪
360
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:31,931
♪ See the saddest show in town
For only 50 cents ♪
361
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,142
♪ Step right up ♪
362
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:37,645
♪ Hurry, hurry ♪
363
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,482
♪ Before the show begins ♪
364
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,110
♪ My friends ♪
365
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,907
♪ Stand in line ♪
366
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,284
♪ Get your tickets ♪
367
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,535
♪ I hope you… ♪
368
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,538
You know, maybe we'd, uh,
get a little lunch.
369
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,165
I… I didn't mean "little."
370
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,502
Seriously, how much could you really eat?
371
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,090
-[sighs]
-Baby, Wanda, we did it.
372
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,341
-We did it.
-Mm-hmm.
373
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,009
Ooh, honey, should we do the cake now?
374
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,095
Yeah. You get the cake,
I'll get the birthday boy.
375
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,513
-Okay.
-Okay.
376
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,016
Birthday boy.
377
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,185
Where's the birthday boy?
378
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,729
♪ You'll see that he is sad ♪
379
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,566
♪ He hurts so bad ♪
380
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,610
Jordan, what you doing over here, man?
381
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,362
You're missing the whole birthday party.
382
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,197
I hate my birthday.
There's so many people,
383
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,699
I can't even get to the fun stuff.
384
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,367
That's gonna change right now. Get up.
385
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,035
It's your day to shine, birthday boy.
386
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,203
Follow me, sparkle.
387
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,621
Ow. And don't call me sparkle.
388
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,123
Just shut up and follow me.
389
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,083
-Hey.
-Excuse me.
390
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,752
Yo, yo, yo, get that elephant out of here.
391
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,713
Breaking off like that while he's walking.
392
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,256
Vile! Excuse me. Birthday boy.
393
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,174
Excuse me, excuse me, big fellow.
394
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,718
-Birthday boy.
-Hey, no cutting.
395
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,761
Ain't nobody cutting.
This is the birthday boy.
396
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,054
Get first ride. Come on.
397
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,305
How do you like that?
398
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,307
You get the first ride
on this balloon, son,
399
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,767
so I want you to buckle it up.
400
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,935
It's your birthday.
401
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,061
[Genetti] Hey, kids,
402
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,730
the dark tower calls,
403
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,649
and the go-carts are on the way!
404
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:06,817
Genetti!
405
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,527
Punk-ass wizard.
406
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,446
Sabotaging a kid's birthday party.
407
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,655
You started it.
408
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,240
Get off my kid's trampoline.
409
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,492
-What don't you make me?
-You think I ain't?
410
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,410
You think I ain't?
411
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,288
You swing like a bitch.
412
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,998
Is that all you got? Come on.
413
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,375
[Bernie] Uh-oh, uh-oh.
414
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:29,089
[elephant trumpeting]
415
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,180
I think he's looking at you, Bernie.
416
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,473
I do, too.
417
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,684
Um, help.
418
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:41,727
Should I be buckled in?
419
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,520
Oh, my boy!
420
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:44,897
My boy!
421
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:50,903
Uncle Bernie! Help! I'm leavin'! Help!
422
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,572
Whoa…
423
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,157
♪ Come along, ride on the funk ♪
424
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,325
♪ To the land of funk ♪
425
00:17:56,408 --> 00:18:01,622
♪ Come along and ride
On a fantastic voyage ♪
426
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:10,506
[Jordan] Help! Uncle Bernie. Help!
427
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,927
-[sirens wailing]
-Uncle Bernie!
428
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,261
♪ Funk ♪
429
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,055
-Help!
-♪ Funk ♪
430
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,057
Uncle Bernie!
431
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,141
[sobbing]
432
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,185
Help!
433
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,729
♪ There's a party over there
That ain't no jive ♪
434
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,107
♪ It's live, live, it's all the way live ♪
435
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,274
♪ Don't even have to walk ♪
436
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,985
♪ Don't even have to drive
Just slide, glide, slippity-slide ♪
437
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,529
♪ Just forget about your troubles ♪
438
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,447
♪ And your nine to five and just sail on ♪
439
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,824
[Jordan] Uncle Bernie!
440
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,575
Anybody!
441
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,953
Get me down!
442
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,538
♪ Let's call it Lakeside stank ♪
443
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,128
This is terrible, America.
444
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,422
All I wanted was to give the boy
a nice birthday party.
445
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,091
But it's all my fault.
446
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,302
I had to go get carried away,
and then he did.
447
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,930
Now I just hope he don't fly up
into the sun.
448
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,475
[Jordan] I gotta go pee!
449
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,228
Sorry!
450
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,609
Oh, my God.
451
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,070
You're all right.
I was so worried about you.
452
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,280
Ow.
453
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,116
Jordan, I'm so sorry.
454
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,076
Will you please forgive me, son?
455
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,911
I just wanted you to have
a great birthday.
456
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,580
-I did!
-You did?
457
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,623
This was the best birthday ever!
458
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,293
This makes up for all
the birthdays I missed.
459
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,836
-Thank you!
-What?
460
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,463
Well, son, let me go on and get you home,
461
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,965
and you tell me all about it, hear?
462
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,175
-Yeah, let's go.
-Come here.
463
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,885
Did you know
birds poop when they fly?
464
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,720
Elephants do, too.
They poop when they walk.
465
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,514
They use their left leg.
When you were up there, were you nervous?
466
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,266
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
467
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,602
♪ Happy birthday ♪
468
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,480
So, America, that's how it happened.
469
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:54,651
Four hundred miles
we chased him in that balloon. 400 miles.
470
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,153
And if that wasn't enough,
471
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,614
I find myself with a high-ass party bill,
472
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,658
and I'm fighting a blood feud
with a guy named Genetti.
473
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,785
And stuck with a ticket from the city
474
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,663
to clean up 80 pounds of elephant mess.
475
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,625
But I tell you what,
it's all worth it, America.
476
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,419
Just to see the smile
on my man Jordan's face.
477
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,630
But for Vanessa's birthday…
478
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,632
she's definitely going bowling.
479
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,304
-Yo, Max! Max!
-Hmm?
480
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,181
I really need your help on this, man.
481
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,933
This is the worst. This is horrible.
482
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,142
This is just horrible.
483
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,394
Max, pull yourself together.
Quit acting like a bitch.
484
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,107
Here, take this lollipop and chill out.
485
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,735
Go on, take it.
486
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,240
And go on, please. Walk away, child.
487
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,034
Standing all up close to me
to talk on the phone.
488
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,620
Apparently, you got more than one secret.
489
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:49,706
[director] Cut.
35433
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