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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,128
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:22,605
I'm sorry, America. I just read baby girl
five bedtime books in a row.
3
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,774
My brain is goo.
4
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,235
What is it with these
doggone children's books?
5
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,446
Or why they still make 'em so damn simple?
6
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,406
"'A' is for apple." No kidding.
7
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,451
A hundred years of children's books
and it's still all they got.
8
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,619
And it's not those books,
it's the audio tape,
9
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,580
or the videos, television show.
10
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,873
Where's Waldo?
11
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,292
Where the hell is Bernie Mac's life?
12
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,669
Look at this, I know this by heart.
13
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,547
[in falsetto]
"And he jumped over the canyon."
14
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,508
[upbeat music playing]
15
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,803
Thank you for all your help.
16
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,056
Hey, hey, hey.
17
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,391
Stop skipping in this…
18
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,060
This is a place of business.
19
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,897
We're gonna get your ballet shoes,
and that's it, we're leaving. Come on.
20
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,441
[indistinct chatter]
21
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,736
-Nobody talking about you.
-Ow!
22
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,821
Come on, quit being nosy. Come on!
23
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,701
Aunt Wanda!
24
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,204
-[thump]
-[shrieks]
25
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:20,997
[cackles]
26
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:22,540
[Wanda] Excuse me.
27
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,167
Come on, don't worry about it.
28
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,169
[Wanda] Hi, baby. Hi.
29
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,546
Hey, hey, baby. Hey. Hey.
30
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,006
-Honey, remember Duke?
-Hey!
31
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:32,258
-Yes, I do! Wassup?
-Big Dog! Big Mac, man.
32
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,676
[both] Good to see you.
33
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,804
-Hey, kids, say hey to Duke.
-[kids] Hi.
34
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:36,846
Hi, how you doing?
35
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,432
I'll leave you two to talk,
I'll get Bryana's shoes.
36
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:40,600
-I'll come with you.
-Okay.
37
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-What's goin' on?
-Things are great.
38
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:45,897
-Uncle Bernie, can I have some candy?
-No. Get down from there, baby girl.
39
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,941
You know better than that. Stop it.
40
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,027
-It's okay.
-It's not okay. They don't need anything.
41
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,278
So, so what's going on?
42
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,530
Things are great, man.
43
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,282
Thanks to your wife there.
We closed a awesome deal.
44
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,035
-No kidding?
-We don't know what we'd do without her.
45
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,455
-Uncle Bernie. Can I have this?
-Whoa… Put that down! Put that down!
46
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,833
-Put your hand in your pocket.
-That's sharp.
47
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,168
Yeah, uh, Duke,
I see you travel a lot, huh?
48
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,504
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it comes with the territory.
49
00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,714
Yeah, I see-- Jordan! Jor-Jordan!
50
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,925
Put both your hands
in your pocket, right now!
51
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,846
I used travel a lot, man,
you know, before I got the kids.
52
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,222
-Yeah…
-You know?
53
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,849
-Yeah.
-[Bryana] Uncle Bernie!
54
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,851
-I'm telling you…
-Uncle Bernie!
55
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,270
-[Duke] Do that. Take some time.
-Uncle Bernie!
56
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:26,521
Baby girl, baby girl…
57
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,356
-Uncle Bernie!
-Baby girl, baby girl.
58
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,150
-Baby girl, stop it!
-Uncle Bernie!
59
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,819
-Uh, yeah. That's expensive.
-I don't know.
60
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,571
-Yeah, yeah…
-Help!
61
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,156
Look at this fool here.
62
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,241
Help! [shrieks]
63
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,952
-Oh, Lord…
-I hope you choke to death. Go on.
64
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,955
Um, uh, look, Duke…
65
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,875
-[Bryana] Uncle Bernie!
-It's time for us to get out of here.
66
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,042
Hey, here's the shoes.
67
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,919
Baby, we gonna get on out of here.
68
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,504
Come on, come on, kids.
69
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,423
-Bryana office…
-Come on. Let's go!
70
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,383
Let's go. But, look…
71
00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,929
Uh… [clears throat] Last call.
We gonna get out of here.
72
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,056
-Duke, it's nice meeting you, man.
-Yeah.
73
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,309
Anybody got to go to the potty? Nessa?
74
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,560
Hello! I'm 14.
75
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,229
Okay. We gonna get on out of here.
Baby girl, come on.
76
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,480
-[Wanda] Okay.
-Okay?
77
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,232
-All right.
-I'll see you at home.
78
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,734
Bye, kids.
79
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:15,361
-[chuckles awkwardly]
-Sorry?
80
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,282
[R&B music playing]
81
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,575
Kids in bed?
82
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,035
Finally.
83
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,704
I know one thing,
I'm telling baby girl tomorrow
84
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,706
I'm reading her four books
instead of five.
85
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:28,583
-[laughs]
-[groans]
86
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:32,629
Tell me about your day. Your boss
was telling me about some thingamajig
87
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,047
you did for some whatchamacallit?
88
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,049
Oh, Bernie, it was so exciting.
89
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,635
I still can't believe
that our client came in
90
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,970
and basically handed us
their entire western region,
91
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,806
with the promise that
when the GMI merger is complete,
92
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,017
that we will get to implement
the new system as well…
93
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,853
[Bernie] Damn,
did I make the kids' lunches?
94
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,272
Oh, I'll do it in the morning.
95
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,483
Jordan's gonna wanna want pudding.
96
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,819
Oh, that boy makes me so doggone mad.
97
00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,448
Boy got his tie caught in the shredder.
Now I got to get him a new one.
98
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,617
You don't know
how long I've been working for this.
99
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,954
Wait… What was my baby saying?
Shoot, I missed the story.
100
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,164
Maybe I should just…
101
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,958
[yawning] …just nod…
102
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,960
My eyes are getting heavy.
103
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,796
…huge write-up in all
of the major LA business journals…
104
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,048
-I must… listen.
-And get this…
105
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,424
Focus.
106
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,845
Damn… kids…
107
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,098
Good night, moon.
108
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,724
[alarm beeping]
109
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,768
That's great… Baby.
110
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,438
[beeping continues]
111
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,110
[man on TV] The forecast, mostly…
112
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,655
-[yawning] Hey, baby.
-Hey, honey.
113
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,991
Hey, honey, I'm sorry about last night.
114
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,243
-Oh, sweetie, it's okay.
-No, it's not okay.
115
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:48,371
You was telling me about your big day.
I wanna hear about it.
116
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,123
Don't worry, baby, it's no big deal.
117
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,667
Whoa, whoa, "no big deal"?
118
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,419
America, that's my wife.
119
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,629
I don't want no marriage
that's on autopilot.
120
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,756
Next thing you know,
we'll sleep in separate beds,
121
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,217
I'll be calling her "Mother."
I ain't having that.
122
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,928
Since those damn kids
turnin' my brain into mush,
123
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,639
and it ain't just me, America,
it's happening to you.
124
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,058
If you don't believe me, check it out.
125
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,478
You have a good day, baby girl.
126
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,897
-Bye, Uncle Bernie.
-Okay, be good, hear?
127
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,692
-[woman] Bye, honey!
-[child] Mom, I'm going in now.
128
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,736
After school,
we'll go to the parkie-warkie
129
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:20,987
for some icie-wizies.
130
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,405
I wuv you, Davey-wavey.
131
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:25,158
Don't forget to dwink
all your moo-moo milk today.
132
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,953
Davey-wavey, boo-boo-baby-boo!
133
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,788
Do you see what I'm saying?
134
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,874
-[cell phone ringing]
-[man] Bye.
135
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,501
-Hello?
-Hey, honey.
136
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,378
We've been invited to a party on Saturday.
137
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:41,257
Oh, baby, I don't know.
I don't think I'm up to no party.
138
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:44,594
All those kids, their sticky hands,
pawing and clawing at me…
139
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,846
No, honey. We've been invited by Duke
140
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,515
and his wife for a dinner party.
141
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,392
-An adult party?
-Mmm-hmm.
142
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,644
Ho! I'm going to an adult party!
143
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,605
Party… I'm going grown folks' party.
144
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,106
You ever been to an adult party?
145
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,067
Hey, baby, excuse me. [clears throat]
146
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,985
I'm going to an adult party.
147
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,029
It's an adult party, America.
148
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,989
An adult party. [chuckles]
149
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,824
Will there be drinking and cussing?
150
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,082
The place looks clean to me.
You think we should try it?
151
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,417
-It might be all right.
-How much money you got saved?
152
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,920
-Uh-uh, I don't do that.
-[Bernie] Vanessa.
153
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,506
Baby, what's that one-eyed girl name
up the street?
154
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:22,840
Cyclops. [chuckles]
155
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:25,134
Um… Amy.
156
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,261
I want her to babysit y'all Saturday.
157
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,513
-Babysitter?
-Yeah.
158
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,723
Me and Aunt Wanda are going out
to a party.
159
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,017
I don't know why you're so worried
about a babysitter.
160
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,727
I mean, you should just be thinking
161
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,522
about going out to your party
and enjoying yourself.
162
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:38,981
Enjoying myself?
163
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,691
Yeah, and I'll watch the kids.
164
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,235
-No.
-It'll be my pleasure.
165
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,653
-No.
-I'll feed 'em.
166
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,072
I'll put 'em to bed
and read 'em a few stories,
167
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,157
then I'll kick back and have a good cigar.
168
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,660
-What?
-I'm just kidding. A joke.
169
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,205
Bernie, I think that Vanessa
can watch them for a few hours
170
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,124
just as well as anyone else can.
171
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,043
God knows she's watched them
a million times in Chicago.
172
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,628
-[Vanessa] Mmm-hmm.
-I don't know.
173
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,172
Just don't feel right
for a prisoner to watch the prisoners.
174
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,841
I'll give you the family discount.
175
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:08,052
You're not gon' give me anything.
I'm gon' take the family discount.
176
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,971
I'm gon' tell you one thing too.
177
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,557
If anything happen,
I'm gonna hold you responsible.
178
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,855
[Bernie] You know what, man?
This spot here is real nice.
179
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,607
-It's real nice.
-Thank you. Glad you could make it.
180
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,734
Yeah. This what I'm talking about, man.
181
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,987
Good food, good people, man, and no kids.
182
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,030
[chuckling] Yeah, yeah.
183
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,450
Well, Bernie brought the kids
by the office today.
184
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,326
Really? How many do you have?
185
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,953
Um, I have three,
186
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,372
but I don't want to talk about it,
not tonight.
187
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,208
Oh, come on! Do you have any pictures?
188
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,002
Oh, yes! Pictures. Yes, we do.
189
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,628
-Oh, great!
-Baby, come on, now--
190
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,338
Show them. Here you go. [chuckles]
191
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,590
[women] Oh!
192
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:48,718
-Wow, Bernie, you must've spit him out.
-No, that's my sister's…
193
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,178
My sister spit him out. My sister.
194
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,430
This one right here, this one right here?
195
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,932
-That's the one that broke my shredder.
-Aw…
196
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,601
Yeah, he breaks a lot of stuff.
197
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,478
-[Vicki] Oh, they're so cute!
-Yeah.
198
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,645
Forgive him. Aw…
199
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,273
All right, you guys, listen up.
200
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,358
After you're done eating your ice cream,
201
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,487
actually brush your teeth,
and then you can watch TV.
202
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,576
-[scoffs] Where do you think you're going?
-To watch TV.
203
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:14,911
Not with that ice cream.
204
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,413
If you spill that,
Uncle Bernie will have my head.
205
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,041
Just chill. Uncle Bernie's not here.
206
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,753
Yeah, but he left me in charge. Got it?
207
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,756
Okay, Uncle Bernie. You're in charge.
208
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,175
[Vanessa scoffs]
209
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,927
[laughter]
210
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,887
[Robert] Duke, this sushi is amazing.
211
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,138
[Deborah] This is wonderful.
212
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,098
-Are you gonna eat your salmon?
-Yeah.
213
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,725
Deborah has four kids of her own.
214
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,352
-Two sets of twins, right?
-Uh-huh.
215
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,895
[whispering] In vitro.
216
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,231
Two of whom I am the proud godmother of.
217
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,316
A boy and a girl, Miles and Sophia.
218
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,444
Oh! They are three,
and the cutest things you've ever seen.
219
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,446
I have a picture of them
from the christening.
220
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,698
They are no bigger
than a tennis ball, right?
221
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,492
[chuckling] But they're fine now.
222
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,203
-Deb, remember that day?
-…is probably his jet fuel bill?
223
00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:00,414
America, what more could
Wanda have to say to that guy?
224
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,875
I mean, she talk to the man
each and every day.
225
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,545
Why doesn't Duke talk
to his own boring-ass wife?
226
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,838
"How your kids doing?" "Deborah has kids."
227
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,799
"Kids, kids, kids." Shut up!
228
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,635
[children's music playing on TV]
229
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,304
[Vanessa] Look.
230
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:19,183
Oh, yeah. One in the back. [chuckles]
231
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,647
Yeah, you're in charge, Vanessa.
232
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,274
In charge of the dark.
233
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,025
[Bryana screams]
234
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,196
Okay… time's up.
235
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,447
-Pencils down.
-Aw…
236
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,908
Baby, hold on. Hold on. There.
237
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,785
-Pencils down.
-[group chuckling]
238
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:41,789
[Duke] Okay, okay, here we go.
Here we go. Ah, yes.
239
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:44,542
"Famous TV personalities,
starting with the letter 'T'."
240
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:45,876
Ted Koppel.
241
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,670
-Ah, that's good.
-That's a good one.
242
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,046
-Tony Danza.
-Uh-uh-uh!
243
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,382
Bam! Toni Morrison!
244
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,218
-She's an author.
-She's on Oprah all the time.
245
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,303
[Duke] That's right.
246
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,513
-Well, I got Ted Lange.
-Who?
247
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,307
"Who"? Ted Lange.
248
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,434
You know… Love Boat.
249
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,893
Oh… oh, yeah.
250
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,186
Shimmy-da shimmy-da, baby.
251
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,980
-[laughter]
-Ted Lange.
252
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,148
What you got, Bernie?
253
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,025
I got three "T's."
254
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,526
-Whoa.
-[Wanda] Good, baby.
255
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,028
Tony… the… Tiger.
256
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,030
-[growls]
-[Robert] Ha!
257
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,740
-[laughter]
-Seriously?
258
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,493
Really?
259
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,579
[laughter continues]
260
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:25,041
Um, baby, we're playing the adult version.
261
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,585
-Haven't you all heard of Tony the Tiger?
-Yeah.
262
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,337
-Where?
-Pfft. On television.
263
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,255
I rest my case. That's three points.
264
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,425
Give him his three points, baby.
265
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,385
I mean, he got his three points.
266
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,720
I wouldn't have said it.
267
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,598
Uh, de-de-de-de… Things that fly.
268
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,099
I got TWA.
269
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,643
-Ah!
-Oh, baby, that's what…
270
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,812
-That's what I had…
-I had that too, baby.
271
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,939
I-I got something different.
272
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,067
Tinker Bell.
273
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,779
That's baby girl's favorite.
274
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:55,821
[laughter]
275
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,240
No, you… no, you
didn't just say "Tinker Bell."
276
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,284
[laughter continues]
277
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,871
That's your answer? Tinker Bell?
278
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:04,955
That's two points.
279
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,958
America, do you see what's going on here?
280
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,836
They're ganging up on me.
They're player-hatin'.
281
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,755
Tinker Bell's a good damn answer.
282
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,258
It's not my fault I got those
crumb snatchers on my brain.
283
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,472
[suspenseful music playing]
284
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,437
I'm scared.
285
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,148
It's okay, Bryana. Just calm down, okay?
286
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,944
First, we're gonna turn the lights on,
and then I'm gonna kill Jordan.
287
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,446
-Ooga-booga-boo!
-[shrieks]
288
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,365
-[laughs]
-Ugh, you are dead!
289
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:40,950
[laughing]
290
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,201
-[thud, clattering]
-Ow!
291
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,831
Oh, my God, Uncle Bernie's mask.
292
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,792
That's it.
You're getting your butt whipped!
293
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,460
Uncle Bernie's not gonna hit me.
294
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,170
Who said anything about Uncle Bernie?
295
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,422
-[slapping]
-Ow… Ow!
296
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,590
-Don't! Stop it, please! Ow!
-Get him!
297
00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,594
-[slapping continues]
-[Jordan] Ow! Stop it! Ow! Ow!
298
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,557
Okay, famous…
299
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,058
uh, famous Brits.
300
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,686
-Ah. Tom Jones.
-[Duke] Mm…
301
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,647
I have Tony Blair. Bernie?
302
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,194
I-I pass on this one.
303
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,864
-Oh, no, no. Please, tell us.
-Come on.
304
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,616
Honey, I saw you writing.
What did you put?
305
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,742
Tom Thumb?
306
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,786
[laughter]
307
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,080
Probably more like…
[British accent] Tweety Bird.
308
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,749
-[Vicki] Oh!
-[laughter]
309
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,334
Y'all, y'all got a joke.
310
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,753
-Come on, honey, let me see.
-No, I don't want…
311
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,464
Come on, baby, let me see.
312
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,716
-Wow.
-Ooh.
313
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,551
What do you got?
314
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:43,053
-Tinky Winky.
-[laughter]
315
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,264
[Vicki laughs] You've got to be kidding!
316
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,308
Damn!
317
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,685
-[laughter continues]
-Tinky Winky?
318
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,896
That's your answer? Tinky Winky?
319
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,230
Man, you made that up.
320
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,357
I didn't make it up.
321
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,943
I didn't. Tinky Winky is a Teletubby.
322
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,070
They come on every morning at 6:30.
323
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:04,074
Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Po, and Laa-Laa.
324
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,535
-And they're all British.
-[Vicki laughing]
325
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,412
-This is ridiculous.
-I don't wanna know.
326
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,080
What kind of name is Tinky Winky?
327
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,666
-What kind of damn name is Duke?
-[Vicki] Ooh…
328
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,210
Duke is a dog's name.
329
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,047
[whistles] Come here, Duke. Fetch, Duke.
330
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,841
Sit, Duke. [chuckles]
331
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,300
Hey, baby.
332
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,719
Waiting up for your money, huh?
333
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,597
-How'd it go?
-It couldn't have gone smoother.
334
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,767
Nessa, you did good.
335
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,936
-[clattering]
-You did--
336
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,230
Oh…
337
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,695
Mr. Jacqueway!
338
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,031
I thought you told me
everything went good.
339
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,116
Jordan did it.
340
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,452
It was your responsibility.
You supposed to be acting like an adult.
341
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,539
You dropped the ball.
What the heck am I supposed to do now?
342
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:36,709
Supposed to hop down to Africa
and get an African warrior real quick?
343
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,464
Tape? Oh!
344
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,969
Don't ask me to babysit no more,
you hear me?
345
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:54,727
Hey, baby.
346
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,521
You still ain't talking to me, huh?
347
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,149
-Fine.
-You were totally out of line.
348
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,859
-I was out of line?
-Yes, you were.
349
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:05,279
Duke was ganging up on me all night.
You both was ganging up on me.
350
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,197
All night was you and him, him and you.
351
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,991
-What's "you and him"?
-What you think?
352
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,202
The man bustin' my chops all night.
You heaping him on. That's "you and him."
353
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,705
"Tinky Winky"?
Come on, honey, you're a comedian.
354
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,249
You can't take a little fun ribbing?
It was just a game.
355
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,418
A game me and you supposed to play, baby.
356
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,712
-You're supposed to be on my team.
-[scoffs]
357
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,882
Bernie, that was my boss.
358
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,301
My baby ain't got no boss.
359
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:28,844
You need to apologize.
360
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,262
Apologize?
361
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,640
America, I'm the one that's been wronged.
362
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:35,017
My woman wants me to apologize.
363
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,937
I ought to pop him
right on the top of his nose,
364
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,064
but you know what? Bernie let it go.
365
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,524
If she wants me to apologize,
America, fine.
366
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,777
I'll be the bigger man. [scoffs]
367
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,446
She, uh… she over there, my woman, in his…
368
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,239
[mocking laughter]
369
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:50,783
[scoffs]
370
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,995
[Duke] Yeah, I'll be down there shortly.
371
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,789
Yeah.
372
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,457
You all stay right there, okay?
373
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,751
Hey, Bernie. How you doing, man?
374
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,295
Look, Wanda's out at a meeting.
Can I help you?
375
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,756
Look, Duke, I know. I'm here to see you.
376
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,467
Look, the other night, man,
some things were said…
377
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,678
Man, hey, there's no need to apologize.
378
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,721
No, no, Duke, I have to apologize, man.
379
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,266
I was out of line. I was a guest
in your home and I was out of pocket.
380
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,268
No, no, no, it's completely unnecessary.
381
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,645
Look, look, I understand.
382
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:21,689
You probably had the kids on your mind.
383
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,566
I see how they drive you crazy.
Man, I don't envy you.
384
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:28,153
And I love that you don't,
but I got to apologize to you. I must.
385
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,656
So, I'm saying to you, I apologize.
386
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,491
-I don't accept it.
-You got to accept it.
387
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:35,077
-I refuse.
-Look, Duke, let me tell you something--
388
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,620
-[Bryana] Ow!
-[Jordan] Uncle Bernie!
389
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,080
-[Bryana whining]
-Uncle Bernie!
390
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,457
I thought I told you kids to wait outside.
391
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,917
But I got a splinter.
392
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,878
Excuse me, Duke.
Hold on, let me look at it.
393
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,423
Aw! Ain't you a brave little girl.
394
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:48,924
[chuckles] Don't it hurt?
395
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:50,801
[wailing]
396
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,053
It didn't until you said something.
Thank you.
397
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,555
Hey, I'm sorry. I mean,
398
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,473
I just assumed, girl got a splinter.
399
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,517
Next best thing is to take her
to the hospital.
400
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,935
The hospital!
401
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,895
Yeah, maybe they'll have
to cut it all off!
402
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,356
-[Bryana screaming]
-They ain't gonna cut off nothing.
403
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,774
You ain't helpin' me none.
404
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,610
Look at you, you're going to get blood
all over the carpet!
405
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,071
Back up, okay? Back up.
406
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,782
-[crying]
-[in falsetto] Don't cry, baby girl.
407
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,617
I'm a splinter bird,
408
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,328
and I'm hungry for some splinter worms.
409
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,539
Do you have some?
[in normal voice] I don't have any.
410
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,250
Listen to me, America.
Listen to how stupid I sound.
411
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,793
[in falsetto] Splinter worms.
412
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,378
[cackling]
413
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,630
How about you? You have a splinter?
414
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,841
-I think so.
-Oh, let me look at it.
415
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,510
Oh, right here? Right here?
416
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,055
Oh, no, no, no, it's okay. Look.
417
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,557
Now, do you still have a splinter?
418
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,808
It's gone.
419
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,519
[cackling] Because it's in my mouth.
420
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:43,937
[cackling continues]
421
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,064
[in normal voice] See?
422
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,858
You did good, baby girl,
and Uncle Bernie's proud of you.
423
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,318
Thank you, Uncle Bernie.
424
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,028
-[applause]
-You're welcome.
425
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,574
Now, that's a real man.
426
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,368
Uh, thank you, thank you.
427
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,871
Ah, man, I take it back, man.
428
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,081
I do envy you.
429
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,250
And I apologize, okay?
430
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,127
-Let's go on out of here.
-[Jordan] Ow!
431
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,296
[Bernie] When I tell you
to do something, do it.
432
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,510
[mellow music playing]
433
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,725
-Jordan's been coughing?
-He's doing better now.
434
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:27,022
I, uh, heard you came by the, uh,
office this afternoon. How'd it go?
435
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,276
Duke and I talked.
We put aside our differences. We're okay.
436
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,987
You want to talk about it?
437
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,242
Wanda, I'm tired, you know?
438
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,869
Plus I still got to deal
with the kids, you know?
439
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,288
A thankless job, but guess what.
440
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,124
-Somebody got to do it.
-Oh.
441
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,336
[sighs]
442
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,840
[Bernie] Jordan!
443
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:58,512
Jordan, tomorrow, I want you
to rake that whole yard. You got me?
444
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,765
This is so unfair!
Why do I have to be punished twice?
445
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,142
Nessa already spanked me.
446
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,894
-What? Nessa whupped you?
-Yeah. You should punish her.
447
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:10,065
-Nessa! Nessa?
-Wait. Uncle Bernie, you need my belt?
448
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,191
[Bernie] Nessa!
449
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:16,280
Hey, my sweet, sweet Nessa.
Why didn't you tell me you whupped Jordan?
450
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,906
Well, he wouldn't listen.
451
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,576
-What'd you use, a belt, switch?
-My hand.
452
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,244
God Almigh…
453
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,122
You poor thing.
Look, what, you did about four hours?
454
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,665
You did four hours.
455
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,542
I think that's double, plus, you know…
456
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,753
You take this.
You got a little bump in there.
457
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,922
Ooh, Uncle Bernie,
you should've been there.
458
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,216
-I whupped him hard.
-Did you break the skin?
459
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,844
-Yeah, I tried.
-You're good people.
460
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,767
There's hope for the girl yet.
461
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,770
I misjudged her, America. I've done wrong.
462
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,856
[soft jazz music playing]
463
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:58,947
Ah, you're getting ready
to take a bath, huh?
464
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,783
-I'm gonna get the kids something to eat.
-Bernie…
465
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,661
Wanda, I don't really feel like arguing.
I really don't.
466
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,788
Neither do I.
467
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,459
Honey, I know I haven't been sensitive
to how taxing the kids are,
468
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,212
and you do everything day in and day out,
469
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,130
and I know that it takes its toll.
470
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,676
Thank you, baby,
but go on back to your mean bath, okay?
471
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,304
Actually, baby, this mean bath is for you.
472
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,972
I got to get the kids something to eat.
473
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,850
-Ah! I got the kids.
-[chuckles]
474
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,977
You have some Bernie Mac time.
475
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,655
America, we'll talk another time.
476
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:44,576
♪ For the good time ♪
477
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,495
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
478
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:52,251
♪ For the good time ♪
479
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:59,299
…the birth child, since you're
responsible for their spiritual growth.
480
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,218
-Do you feel me? You getting this?
-Mm.
481
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,930
Anyway, me and Debbie go way back,
so she said, "Would you be a godmother?"
482
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,140
I was, like, "Are you kidding? I'd love--"
483
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:08,225
Shut up!
484
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,269
[crew laughing]
485
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:16,525
[laughing] That's terrible!
486
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,402
[laughter continues]
487
00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:21,071
-Let's get this party started.
-[woman 1] Please.
488
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,115
-[man 1] Let's do it.
-[loud clattering]
489
00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:25,742
-[man 2] Jeez!
-[woman 2] You got--
36687
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