All language subtitles for The King of Queens - 02x18 - The Shmenkmans.DVDRip-FoV.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Okay, two pieces left.
Two pieces left.

Oh, boy, one piece left.

Okay, let's do the math.

I'm on my third, he's had two,
and this is her second.

Okay, she's out of the game,
she's a two-slicer.

It's between me and the old man.

Technically, he is entitled to it,
but I should be okay.

After all, I am the only one counting.

Three slices
and he's eyeing his fourth.

No wonder he's huge.

Well, that one's got my name
on it, big man.

Oh, God, he made eye contact
with the slice.

I gotta throw this one down
and grab it.

Oh, so that's your game, is it?

Oh, God, they're racing
for the last piece again.

I'm pretty full,
but let's have some fun.

Sync by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com

God, that restaurant was good.
Wasn't it?

- Wasn't it?
- Yeah, it was.

I hate when those waiters come and
ask if you want fresh ground pepper.

Always choke, like,
"I don't know.

Can't decide with you
standing over me."

Why can't they leave
the pepper mill on the table?

- Exactly.
- They carry it around like it's gold.

I know, I know. It's pepper, you know?
It's like dirt.

- Yeah.
- Carrie, your place is great.

Oh, yeah, you might recognise
the furniture

from a little shop called IKEA.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yes.

- Here's that article you wanted.
- Fabulous. Thank you.

You're welcome. And also, there's
a great review of a new steakhouse

that just opened up
on Northern Boulevard.

Apparently, they fly their steaks in
from Chicago or something.

Yeah, any interest
in going Saturday night?

Hey, anytime meat is flown to me,
you caught my attention.

It sounds good. Abby?

Yeah, I'll check our book,
but I'm 75 percent sure we can do it.

- Okay, great.
- All right, this is great.

It was great seeing you, man.
I had a lot of fun.

- Good night.
- All right, take it easy now. Okay.

- Marc and Abby.
- You see, I told you you'd like them.

You're right. I'm sorry I fought you.
It's just you met Abby at yoga class.

Sounded pretty weak.

Yeah, I know, but we were mocking
the instructor. I had a good feeling.

Yeah, it worked out great.
I mean, I like Marc, you like Abby.

I even like Abby, you like Marc,
there's crossover appeal.

That never happens.

What are you doing?
We just had dinner.

Just a late night once-over.

Oh, look at that, a new package
of American cheese slices.

Not taking any, just good to know.

It's also good to know
that I will be taking a pudding.

You know what I like
about Marc and Abby?

- No kids.
- Oh, it's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, I mean, Deacon and Kelly
are great,

but it's always like,
"Oh, we can't get a sitter,

this one has an ear ache,
that one swallowed a marble..."

- Very annoying.
- Yeah, but Marc and Abby, no strings.

You know what they are?
They are our new go-to couple.

Yeah, it's like we can call them up
on a whim

and boom, we're on a Learjet to
Monte Carlo with the Shmenkmans.

Honey, their name is not Shmenkman,
it's Shropshire.

Shropshire. Shropshire.

Too hard. I'm sticking
with Shmenkman.

Hello? Oh, hi, Kel, what's going on?

Oh, all right, well, hold on a sec.

Deacon and Kelly want to go out
Saturday night, they got a sitter.

We got the Shmenkmans
on Saturday.

- Was that definite?
- Well, they said 75 percent.

- Hit the mute.
- Okay.

- Hit it.
- I don't know where it is.

There. Okay.

I'm gonna test it.

It works.

All right.
So, what about Saturday night?

All right, well, Marc and Abby
gave us 75 percent.

But if that falls through, and
we say no to Deac and Kelly,

- then we get nothing.
- All right, so, what do we do?

All right, we gotta hold Deacon
and Kelly until we know.

Tell them we're 75 percent sure
we can do it.

Carrie, the Shmenkmans
gave us 75 percent.

We only have 25 percent to give.

Well, we're not gonna hold Deac
and Kelly with 25 percent.

Cheat it. Bump it up to 50.

Kel? Yeah, so sorry about that,
I saw a bird.

Anyway, about Saturday night,
we're 35 percent sure we can make it.

Okay, would it help if I said 40?

Okay, then we'll do it
some other time...

Would you please give them 50?

Oh, okay, hold on a second.
How about Sunday brunch?

Yeah, there you go.
We'll do it here.

Okay. Okay.

Hey, yeah. That sounds great.
And we'll do it over here, okay?

Oh, yeah, no. No, bring them.
Bring them along. That's fine.

Yeah. Okay. Okay, bye.

- They're bringing the kids.
- What was I gonna say?

Hang onto your hats, people,
I got news.

I was over at that newsstand
that has papers

from all around the country,

and I grabbed myself
an Akron Beacon.

Take a gander at this.

What am I supposed
to be reacting to?

It's a coupon for Sergeant Salty's
Deep Sea Corn Loops.

And should I be happy, or sad?

Happy.

It's the greatest breakfast cereal
known to man.

When I was a boy, I'd pour myself
a big bowl every morning

and listen
to the Sergeant Salty Radio Hour,

where I'd be regaled
with the adventures of Sergeant Salty

and his trusty sidekick, Bugle Dog.

Well, I'm glad you found it, Dad.

Yeah, I thought they'd stopped
making it when it came out

that Sergeant Salty kept
a small Chinese woman

locked in his basement.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Abby.

Oh, you can't make Saturday?
That's too bad.

What's that?

Just hang on one second. Yeah.

Now they want Sunday brunch.

Well, this is a fine mess.

We gotta call Deac and Kelly
and try to get Saturday night back.

And say what?
"Our better offer cancelled"?

It's like a slap in the face.

You know what?
Let's just all have Sunday brunch.

- Good, good. Do that.
- Okay. Abby?

Yeah, Sunday is great.
Yeah, we'll do it here at my house.

Some other friends of ours
are gonna join, is that cool?

Okay, great,
we'll see you Sunday at 11.

All right. Bye, sweetie.

Oh, that worked out.

Man, people are really into us.

Yeah.

He's one of those guys who leaves
long messages on the machine.

I come home, gotta go to the
bathroom, I hit the button, it's like:

"Hey, guy, it's Bob.

What are you doing?

Give me a call back,
I'm at 212-3..."

Oh, your baby is so adorable.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Both your kids.

Marc and I've been talking about
whether it's time to have one

of these little guys ourselves.

Really?

- You should do it.
- Well, we think we might.

Really? So soon? I mean, you guys
have only been married two years.

Haven't had time
to enjoy each other yet.

Well, it's true,
kids really do take over.

I mean, we haven't seen a movie
in a theatre in probably six months.

We have no life.

We're at the movies
literally every night.

Yeah.

On the other hand, there's just,
you know, something about it.

It's like all my priorities changed

the day we found out
we were having Kirby.

And when they smile at you and call
you Daddy, I'll tell you what,

it's the best.

Oh, Marc.

I know. Maybe it's time.

You know, having a baby really does
ruin your body, though, Abby. It...

It never comes back.

Except for you.

Thanks.

- Can I hold him?
- Oh, sure.

Watch out, Abby,
that one's a drooler.

Hey there. Oh, look, Marc.

- Hey there. Hi.
- Hello.

Look, I have very small feet.

Hey, Marc, what's the deal
with capers, huh?

I don't know.

Okay, here's our home phone,
my work phone,

Marc's work phone, our e-mail, which
is always the best way to reach us,

- and cell phone.
- Oh, great. Thanks.

All right, guys.

- All right, man. Yeah, sure.
- Take care. Thanks a lot.

- See you tomorrow.
- Bye-bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Work phone, home phone,
cell phone, e-mail.

Yeah, they really
don't wanna lose touch, do they?

It's good though. Now our
friends are friends with each other.

Yeah, it's nice when you can make
that happen.

Yeah, absolutely.

Son of a bitch,
they stole the Shmenkmans.

Arthur, got a package for you.

It's my Deep Sea Corn Loops.
Sweet diggity.

You gotta sign here first.

Oh, I see, so that's how
you're gonna play it, huh?

Look, I'm not playing anything,
you gotta sign it, that's our policy.

Well, you must think
I'm a damn fool.

I sign your fancy electric doodad,
then you got me.

I'm in your computer,
I'm on your lists,

and pretty soon,
you know what videos I rent,

and I'm considered a pervert.

I'm begging you.

All right.

There you go. Thanks.

"Schmarthur Schmooner."

Okay, you beat the system.

Douglas, get some milk
and prepare to be delighted.

Oh, okay.

Gotta use your hands, huh?

You know, you can tilt the box,
that's the way most people go.

Well, I'm not most people.

Oh, this is taking me back.

- Give it a try.
- All right, all right.

They're salty.

And what part of Sergeant Salty
didn't you understand?

I understand what salty means, it's
just not a great quality in a cereal.

These were beloved by millions.

I don't care. Cereal shouldn't taste
like a Slim Jim.

Sweet diggity, are you ignorant.

- Hey, hon.
- Hey.

What's in the box?

A life supply of Stinky Loops.

Good, good.

So listen, I just got off the phone
with Kelly, and it's official.

She and Deacon are going out
with the Shmenkmans.

- Really?
- Yup, dinner, this Saturday night.

Ain't that a kick in the chops?

We shouldn't have let them
leave together after brunch.

We should've kept one couple here.

You're so right.

We had them. We had them
right here. What happened?

I'm sure your burping in the middle
of brunch didn't help matters.

What just happened here?

Are you blaming this on me?

No, I'm just saying,
it might be possible

that not everyone enjoys
a sausagey burp as much as I do.

Which, PS, is not that much.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you telling them

about your deviated septum surgery
for 40 minutes,

that's really what won them over.

- They asked.
- Yes.

But you know what,
here's a nice little phrase

you might wanna learn in the future,
it's called "Long story short."

Okay, and here's one for you:
"No, thanks, I'm full."

Honey, I'm sorry,
we shouldn't be turning on each other.

You're right.
This is just such a rough one.

I mean, now we've lost the
Shmenkmans and Deacon and Kelly.

I mean, Deacon and Kelly,
they were solid, you know.

I mean, they weren't flashy,
but they got the job done.

Well, hang on,
we haven't really lost anyone.

- They're just going out to dinner.
- Carrie, that's where it starts.

First, they're going to dinner
together, then the movies,

then they're going
on vacation together.

Next thing you know, we're watching
their slides from Disney World

and dying inside.

Well, you know what?
The Shmenkmans, they're fine.

But, you know,
they're not that great.

I guess not.

And there are plenty of other couples
we can go out with.

That's true. That is so true.
I mean, couples are a dime a dozen.

You can't spit without hitting
a couple in this town.

Absolutely right.

So who you got?

Okay, let me think. Let me think...

What about...? Oh, no, they're dead.

I know, that is so true.

So Japanese okay?

Oh, yeah, there's a great place
over on 58th.

Maybe I'll get udon.

- Kim, right? Kim Milner?
- Right.

- Accounting, you just started?
- Yeah, and you're?

Carrie Heffernan.
I'm Grossman's secretary.

Oh, you know,
I thought I recognised you.

- And I was right, I did. Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

- Gary Milner, how are you?
- Hi, Gary.

Would you guys like
to go out tonight?

I can't wait to see this,
I hear Kevin Spacey is amazing.

- Oh, he's always great.
- Oh, the man's a national treasure.

Red Hot, anyone?

Oh, yeah. All right.

- Oh, great. Here you go, honey.
- Thank you.

- Spicy.
- Yeah.

Hey, speaking of spices,
how about pepper, huh?

When you go to a restaurant,
and the waiter comes around,

asks if you want fresh ground pepper,
I can never decide.

Oh, yeah, that's kind of true.

They do that
with the Parmesan cheese too, right?

Yes. Yes, they do sometimes.

He's good. I can work with him.

So you guys thinking
about having kids?

- What?
- You know, babies, offspring.

We're brother and sister.

Hello, darlings. It's Saturday night.

Aren't you going out?

No, we don't have any plans.

Deacon and Kelly
couldn't get a sitter?

Actually, they did, they're just out
with someone else.

What about that other lovely couple
you had over for brunch?

They seemed like a lot of fun.

Back it down, okay?
The lady said we had no plans.

Okay, okay, cool yourjets, Eddie.

You know, Dad, if you don't like
those Salty Corn Loops,

you don't have
to eat all hundred boxes.

Has he been talking to you?

Have you been bad-mouthing
my cereal?

Yes, it's all I talk about.

Well, I love this cereal. I love it.

You may not because you're
an angry man,

but I love it.

Okay, God bless, enjoy.

Who am I kidding? It's disgusting.

Besides which, I'm so very thirsty.

You know what?

Maybe we would feel better
if we just got out of the house.

All right, yeah.
What do you wanna do?

Don't know. Wanna try out
that new steakhouse?

Do I wanna?
You plus beef equals fun.

This place is nice.

You're right,
sweats wouldn't have worked.

- Table for two?
- Yeah.

- This way.
- Thanks.

- Oh, no.
- What?

They're here.

They took my recommendation
and they used it behind our backs.

Can you believe that?

All right, what do we do?
Let's get out of here.

- Hey.
- Hey, man.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hi, guys.
- Look who's here.

What's going on, guys?

Nothing, we just came by
for some steak.

And possibly a blooming onion.

Yeah, we stole your little tip
on this place. Sorry.

Hey, where's the cop, right?

Oh, you wanna join us?
We could squeeze in.

No, no. You guys
already have your food.

- Don't worry about it.
- You know what,

we're having a little romantic
celebration anyway.

It's Doug's half-birthday,
so you guys enjoy, okay?

- All right.
- Okay.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

- Right, right.
- Okay.

Uncomfortable.

I know.

Maybe we should sit down
with them?

- No.
- Car, they asked us to sit down.

Yeah, it was a pity ask, okay?
They don't really wanna sit with us.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you hear that?

Every laugh is another inside
joke we're not a part of.

- I think we should go back in there.
- You think so?

Yes, let's go over to the table,
kick it up a notch,

and show them we're the fun
great couple we know we are.

- And we are, damn it.
- Yeah.

We're the Heffernans.

We've got Heffer-vecense.

- Let's go.
- All right.

Hey, changed our minds.
Decided to join you.

And we come bearing bread.

- Great, skootch over.
- Okay, great. Thank you.

So, what's up, meat eaters?

It's like
a Sunday brunch reunion, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Ready to order?
- Yeah, I believe we are.

You know what, we'll start off with
a bottle of wine for the table, on us.

- Thanks, guys.
- Red? White?

I don't care if a wine is red,
white or purple,

as long as it gets us loopy.

What's up, guy?

Ma'am?

I'm gonna have the salmon.

Fish in a steakhouse?
What is she, a witch?

Get her, I think she is. Witchy.

- Hey, the porterhouse is really good.
- Yeah, it's great.

Is it really?
Okay, then porterhouse it is.

Actually, porterhouse sounds
like a lot. How about a porterhut?

All right.

- Thank you very much.
- All right.

So, what is going on over here, huh?
Heard a lot of laughing.

Abby?

Actually, I was just
telling these guys

that Marc and I have
definitely decided to have a baby.

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's great.

- Yeah, way to go, you two.
- Yeah.

- All right.
- You wanna hear something weird?

Carrie and I have decided
to have one too.

Really?

Yup, yup. Race you.

You know, they're gonna start
expecting me to grow a big belly.

Unless I happen to have
a very low sperm count.

- Yes, yes.
- Well, there you go.

Of course, once we don't have
a baby and they do,

we're back to square one,
friend-wise.

Who cares?

Friends just keep you away
from TV.

Oh, look, someone's car
broke down.

Should we pull over
and help them out?

Yeah, they look nice.

Actually, they look very nice.

Young couple, about our age.

- Well-dressed.
- Miata, two-seater, means no kids.

Let's make some friends.

So what'd you guys like?
Rock? Jazz?

Hey, hey, we just went
to this great steakhouse today,

we should all go sometime.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, there's a gas station
right up there.

Oh, that one? You don't want their
gas, that makes your engine knock.

I'll take you to my place.

When we go to that steak house,

you gotta watch out for the guy
with the big pepper mill.

Hey, what's the deal with those
anyway? What's up with that?

Sync by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com