All language subtitles for The King of Queens - 02x17 - Meet By Product.DVDRip-FoV.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Love, exciting and new

Come aboard me
I'm expecting you

The Doug Boat

All right, all right, enough.

What? That's my
Valentine's Day thing.

Yes, it's adorable.

Now, could you step aside here

and let a little bit of hot water
hit me, please?

Well, here, hold on. How's this?

- How's that feel?
- Like I'm being spit on.

Now, come on, stop making...
You have to move aside here.

- Why don't you slide up in here?
- I can't, sweetie.

- There is no room.
- Okay, you have to move.

There you go.

- Okay.
- Okay, how's that?

- Yeah, better.
- All right.

Good, because I'm not done
serenading you yet.

Now, I'm gonna kick things up
a notch,

if you'll indulge me, with a little
ditty I think you might remember.

Everybody dance now

Honey, I hate that song.
Really, I do.

You hate it? What are you talking
about? That's our song.

Our song? What do you mean
it's our song?

That was the song that was playing
the first time I met you.

- It was?
- Yeah, you don't remember?

People, let's keep it to the right.
Keep it to the right.

What's up, guy? Welcome
to Wall Street. Can I see some ID?

- So this is your ID?
- Yeah, it's my ID.

Okay, first of all, lose the 'tude,
friend, okay? Just doing my job.

- Fine, but that's my...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you got Doug. What's up?

Yeah, it's cool, front door secure.

Okay. Out.

All right, so Connecticut ID, huh?
What are you doing down here?

I go to school here.

Oh, I see, okay,
so you're from Connecticut,

and you go to school down here.

- Yeah, yeah.
- You know what? Not buying it. Okay.

Hey, people, the line!

What's up, ladies? Welcome
to Wall Street. Can I see some ID?

Actually, mine was stolen,
but I swear I'm 22.

- Enjoy the club.
- Thank you.

Okay. People, the line!

Okay, guy in the mesh shirt.

Bye-bye, yeah, take it easy.
Don't even waste my time.

Moose, Moose,
could you get out of here?

What are you saying?
I just started.

But I just met this
girl at the bar.

I think I can get her
back to our place.

Only, she won't go
without her friend.

Guy, I just started my shift, guy.
This area must remain clear!

Come on, Moose,
you gotta do this for me.

- Guy, no.
- Please?

No, I'm not getting stuck
with "the friend" again, okay?

The friend is never as good
as the actual girl.

Not true this time.
This one is really cute.

That's what you said last time.
You remember her?

- Who?
- Who? This one:

"Oh, Doug, I don't know,
this just feels right."

Didn't stop you
from sleeping with her.

No...

- Give me a couple minutes, all right?
- Yes. I'll go get the ladies.

Okay, Gerard. Yeah, I need you
to cover the front door.

My uncle just got killed.

Thank you.

Yeah, he's in a better place now.
Okay.

What's up, ladies?

- Doug, this is Carrie.
- How you doing?

- Good.
- And this is Lynn.

Hey, I love your headset.

Oh, yeah, this? Yeah, it keeps me
in touch with my staff.

I don't rest unless I know
they're all okay.

- That's cool.
- No, that's survival.

Hey, it's called "excuse me",
why don't you try it next time?

Yeah, this one's a tiger.

All right, I don't know
if I'm loving the arm thing.

All right, sure. Okay.

All right, ladies,
you got the address,

we'll see you back
at our house.

Okay. Bye.

So, what do you think?

Mine's great,
yours seems kind of bitchy.

Come on, hurry up.

We gotta hurry, de-crap
this place before they get here.

Okay.

We got like two minutes.
There's no way we're gonna get it all.

Oh, my God, you're right.

All right, look, don't panic,
we just gotta concentrate

on the big stuff, all right?

What's the most disgusting thing
about this place?

I gotta go with the smell.

All right, find it.
I'll be in the kitchen.

Good, good, good.

Hey, moouse, what happens
if we both get lucky?

Who's gonna get the bedroom?

That's a classy problem,
my friend.

I think I found the smell.

Oh, good, man. Way to go.

That is bad, but that's not it.

It's more in the meat family.

- I'll keep looking.
- All right.

Hey, I got a good idea, why don't
we get a book for the coffee table?

This way it looks like we read.

Oh, good idea, good idea.

You got one?

Yeah, you know what,
I got my old SAT study book, okay?

I'll break it open
and I'll highlight some crap.

Oh, you know what, I forgot, I gotta
go get something. I'll be right back.

Come on.

- Whose dog is that?
- That guy down the hall.

What are you doing with it?

When I was hitting on Carrie, told her
I rescued a stray from the pound.

Pound rescue. That's good.
Can I get in on that with you?

You know, like we both saw him,
we fell in love?

Actually, I already told her
you fought me on it.

Oh, great, I hate abandoned dogs.
Thanks, thanks, way to start me off.

Oh, God, they're here. All right.

Yeah, come on up.

- What the hell you doing?
- What are you talking about?

- That's my spot. Get out of it.
- I ain't moving. Get out of here.

Get the hell out of there.

Sorry, man, but I need my spot.
I look good here.

Fine.

How do I look?

Suck in your gut.

It is in.

Then you look good. How do I look?

- Like a stud. You're the man.
- You're the man.

Okay, look, we're both the men.
There can be two men, okay?

Just cool it out.

You gave them
the apartment number, right?

Okay, let's try one
from the analogy section.

"Pride is to lion,
as what is to goose?"

Flock.

No. No, I'm sorry.
The correct answer is "gaggle."

That answer again: "gaggle."

Start drinking, honey.

A quick question:
Is this the whole evening here?

Because I gotta admit, I didn't study.

It's a drinking game. It's fun.

It's the SATs.

Don't you have any real games?

I gave all our real games to the kids
I tutor at the orphanage.

Oh, you tutor orphans?
That is so sweet.

Yeah, I guess, you know.

It just doesn't feel like enough,
though, you know?

I mean, these kids
have been given nothing,

and society is bad.

God, you are such a sensitive guy,
it's hard to believe that you bounce.

Do you, you know, get into a lot
of fights at the club?

Well, I try everything I can
not to fight.

It's like I tell my boys:

"Always be nice. Be very nice.

Until it's time to not be nice,

then be very not nice."

Okay.

I love that.

Yeah, I can't take
full credit though.

Patrick Swayze said it
in Road House.

Oh, I never saw that movie.

- Never saw it?
- No.

It's only the greatest movie ever made
except for Risky Business.

So, Carrie...

Yeah?

You like baseball?

Well, I've been to a few Met games.

Yeah, the Mets.

The amazing Mets.
You know why they call them that?

Because they're amazing.

Well, that clears up that mystery.

You know what else
would be amazing?

Your beautiful body in my bed.

Yeah, you're right.
That would be amazing.

What's up with your dog?

Oh, that? He's okay. He's fine.

Hey, buddy. Come here, buddy.
Come on, come to Daddy, come on.

Oh, I forgot. He's deaf.

Okay, how about some beers?

Yeah, let's keep
this party rolling, huh?

Yeah. All right, ladies, get ready,

because we're coming up
on the vocabulary section.

Hurry.

Carrie, Richie is so cute.

You did good.

I did good? The guy's a moron.

Well, then why did you
wanna come back here?

I don't know, I liked his cologne.

Plus, he seemed smarter when he
was completely drowned out by music.

I'm telling you, he should walk around
with a boom box strapped to his head.

I'm serious.

- You like your guy?
- Oh, who, Dan?

Yeah, he's, you know, kind of sweet.

I don't think his name is Dan.

I am so in.

You are. You are
doing good, Moose,

but I don't know about
Carrie, though.

Yeah, she's quite a cupcake,
that one, huh?

I don't get it. We were
hitting it off at the club.

I look good, right?
You says I look good.

You look great, man. She's so
into you. It's a go for Richie.

I don't know.

Well, maybe we just
gotta kick things up a notch.

It's time to bust out
the heavy artillery.

- This is pretty cool, huh?
- Yeah, it's kind of trippy.

Hey, check out my choppers.

- Yeah.
- Oh, that is so cool.

- And I love this album.
- Oh, these guys are great.

Me and Richie went
to their concert last year.

We got totally wasted.

Richie got a shirt.

Cool.

So, Carrie.

Yeah?

Feeling what I'm feeling?

I don't know.
Are you feeling nauseous?

A little bit.

What kind of beer is this?
It tastes kind of weird.

Oh, it's Canadian.
It's a stout-lager...

Ale.

There's definitely something wrong
with it.

Actually, mine tastes
a little weird too.

Not weird. It tastes like gin.

You put gin in our beers?

I was out of vodka.

It's not funny, you idiot.

Hey, I was just trying
to loosen things up a little bit.

You've been bitching and moaning
since you got here.

You're like my mother.

Oh, I'm sorry,
you don't like me, Fonzie?

That's okay. All right, Lynn, come on,
get your mini backpack, we're leaving.

- Carrie, come on.
- What the hell are you doing?

- Why are you spiking the beers?
- I was trying to get them in bed.

Okay, that explains theirs,
what about mine?

Ladies, ladies, hang on, man,
there's no reason to go.

Yeah, Carrie, I agree with Dan.

I mean, you are making a huge deal
out of nothing.

Who?

Oh, am I? When should I make
a big deal about it, huh?

When we're stuffed in oil drums
and buried under their building?

Did she call me Dan?

Hey, you know what, just go.

And I'll tell you something else,
it's your loss,

because I was gonna show you
my fireman's uniform.

Oh, really?
Because I was gonna sleep with you

just so I can hear
your little amazing Mets story again.

What was it?
Oh, yeah, "They're amazing."

That's great. Let's go. Let's go.

I'd love to see
your fireman's uniform, Richie.

- Lynn?
- Well, I'm sorry, I would.

All right, come on.

His uniform?
That uniform's nothing.

I got a Little League uniform
that blows it away.

Lynn, come on,
you're my ride home.

He's so cute.

- Lynn? Lynn?
- Lynn?

Lynn?

What are they doing?

What do you think they're doing?

I don't know. Maybe he really
is just showing her his uniform.

I heard moaning.

Maybe she's injured.

Yeah, that's it, that's it.

I don't believe this.
She was my date.

Yeah, well, I got news for you,
your date's not going so well.

All I know is if you had gone
and checked out his uniform,

I'd be with Lynn right now.
Everything'd be fine.

Hey, hey, don't blame this on me.

If you can't get Lynn to sleep
with you, that's your fault,

because I'll tell you,
she sleeps with everybody.

That's great. Yeah, good.
Keep it coming.

What the hell is that smell?

We don't know!

Will you take a break
from your bad personality?

Excuse me, Billy Ray Doofus,

but I happen to have
a very nice personality

when I am not sitting
in a stinky apartment being drugged

with a disgusting gin-beer cocktail.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

If you're gonna puke, don't puke here.
You puke in the bathroom.

Could you stop saying the word
"puke"? That makes me wanna puke.

I didn't know it was gonna make
you sick. I won't say it anymore.

Hey, you wanna see my collection
of puka shells?

Okay, I work in a bar.
I've seen hundreds of people puke.

They've all managed to miss me.
Congratulations.

But on the plus side,
this place has a new smell now.

Hey, listen, thanks for holding
my hair back when I was throwing up.

Forget about it.
I was basically just steering you away

from my Sports Illustrated.

Look at that,
a little smile there, huh?

See, you look nice when you smile.

You should try to work that
into the rotation a little more often.

So bouncing, that's your thing,
you like that?

Yeah, you know, it's good for now.

I like working with my hands.

- It's just a stepping stone, though.
- To what?

I wanna open
my own sandwich shop.

You know,
a little neighbourhood place

where people can come by
if they want a sandwich.

- A sandwich shop, yes.
- No, yeah, yeah.

But, like, a cool little place,
you know, with great sandwiches.

Each sandwich will be named
after my buddies.

Oh, sounds great.

But what if you have a falling out
with one of your buddies

and he represents
a classic sandwich?

I didn't work out all the details yet.

So how about you?
What do you do?

Well, I am currently interviewing

for a very high-powered
executive assistant position

in Manhattan.

But for right now,
I'm working at Food Town.

Oh, the one on Hillside Avenue?

No, the one on Northern Boulevard.

Because I go to the other one.

But I'm sure they're all good.

Yeah, I mean, it's a chain.
Pretty standard.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Wait, where's the dog?

- I don't know.
- Why is the door open?

- You left the door open?
- I did not.

You did.
Before, when you were about to leave.

- No, I'm sure I closed it.
- No, you didn't.

Do you see this area?
It should be covered by this.

Well, I am sorry,
I was a little disoriented

with your little light show, okay?

Richie? Guy?

What? Not a great time, Moose.

Yeah, Carrie left the door open,
and the dog got away.

- So?
- I think someone should look for him.

And if you remember,
I was against getting him.

So I think it should be you.

Moose, I'm begging you,
stop talking.

All right, fine, but I'm not
gonna look for the dog,

so you can forget it.

Dan?

Yeah?

Could you get me a Fresca?

No.

Wait a minute, aren't one of you guys
gonna look for your dog?

It's not even our dog, all right?

Richie borrowed him from a neighbour
to impress you

with his sensitivity,
so you'd sleep with him.

He doesn't tutor orphans!

Shut up!

Where the hell is that dog?

Do you think that maybe
we can put the top up?

Excuse me, it's a sports car, okay?
You wanna get the whole experience.

Otherwise, you might as well
just drive a station wagon.

I'm freezing.
Could you please put the top up?

It's broken.

Then could you at least
put the heat on?

It's broken.

This is great.

I'm supposed to sit
in this piece of crap

while the wind rakes through my hair?
It's perfect.

What are you worried about?

You got enough hair spray in there
to stop a bullet.

Excuse me, this happens to be
a style from a magazine.

Oh, yeah? What magazine is that,
the Too Much Hairspray Gazette?

Okay, you know what?

- Let's just look for the dog.
- I would love to.

Why don't you start calling
his name then?

Because I don't know his name.

Well, say something.

Fine.

Lassie!

Spot! Toto!

Wait, wait, wait. I think that's him.

- Where?
- Right in front of that house.

Oh, wow, he's really giving himself
a once-over, huh?

This is nice. Real nice.

Okay, well, I'm glad you're happy.

Could you please not sit
on my softball stuff?

You know, I was gonna stay home
tonight. I really was.

Oh, yeah? Well, thanks for slapping on
a couple coats of paint

and coming out.

You know what? Stop the car.

- I'm just kidding, all right?
- Hey, I said stop the car!

Pinch the guy driving. That's smart.

- I'm getting out.
- Where you going?

I'm going home. There's a bus stop
right over there.

You can't go to that bus stop.
This is not a great neighbourhood.

I will take my chances.

I'm serious, okay? I will leave you.

Good, go.

You know, I'm serious.

- So?
- I'm not coming back.

- Good, don't.
- Fine.

What are you doing?

She's so annoying.

She has high hair, she totally
didn't get the sandwich shop thing.

Just pull away, man, just pull away.

Oh, God...

Let me understand this.

You're from Utah,
and you're visiting New York?

Yeah.

Sorry, not buying it,
"Donald Osmond."

People, the line.

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