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1
00:00:05,329 --> 00:00:06,330
Douglas?
2
00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,333
Douglas.
3
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:11,544
Douglas.
4
00:00:11,752 --> 00:00:12,837
What?
5
00:00:13,045 --> 00:00:15,840
- Come here.
- I'm busy.
6
00:00:16,006 --> 00:00:17,258
You're dizzy?
7
00:00:19,718 --> 00:00:22,012
I'm busy, with a B.
8
00:00:22,179 --> 00:00:24,014
Dizzy?
9
00:00:25,307 --> 00:00:27,601
Yes, I'm dizzy.
10
00:00:28,352 --> 00:00:31,939
Well, come down here anyway.
Hold on to the rail.
11
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,693
What is it?
12
00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:38,654
I can't get the naked channel.
13
00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:42,908
We don't get the naked channel.
14
00:00:43,117 --> 00:00:46,120
Yes, we do.
We were watching it last night.
15
00:00:46,287 --> 00:00:48,289
That was Nightline.
16
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,963
Just tell me,
what number is the naked channel?
17
00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:59,383
We don't get the naked channel!
18
00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:00,801
Why not?
19
00:01:00,968 --> 00:01:03,721
I don't know!
20
00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:34,534
Sync by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,995
- Doug.
- What?
22
00:01:57,162 --> 00:01:59,706
Would you come here?
I need help with these boxes.
23
00:01:59,915 --> 00:02:02,126
I'm in the middle of something.
24
00:02:04,795 --> 00:02:05,796
Doug.
25
00:02:06,004 --> 00:02:08,006
All right, all right.
26
00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:13,846
Wow, you're making progress
in here, huh?
27
00:02:14,012 --> 00:02:16,223
Yeah, I have to.
It's my only day to get it done.
28
00:02:16,390 --> 00:02:19,726
Okay. All these boxes out here
can go in the garage,
29
00:02:19,893 --> 00:02:23,647
and these boxes here you can take
down to the dumpster, okay?
30
00:02:27,526 --> 00:02:29,570
Hello? Dumpster.
31
00:02:29,778 --> 00:02:32,156
Hey, I'm not sure
I wanna get rid of this stuff.
32
00:02:32,364 --> 00:02:35,367
Hey, look at this, one of my
videotapes. I wanna keep this.
33
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:39,037
Okay, this is an episode of Quincy.
34
00:02:39,747 --> 00:02:43,667
Excuse me, two episodes.
35
00:02:43,917 --> 00:02:46,128
Okay, fine.
36
00:02:47,129 --> 00:02:49,590
Just... Keep it, keep all of it.
Just get it out of here.
37
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,217
And while you're at it,
could you toss out those newspapers?
38
00:02:52,426 --> 00:02:54,386
I'm gonna read those.
39
00:02:55,095 --> 00:02:58,766
Okay. Doug,
all I want is a lousy 3-by-3 space
40
00:02:58,932 --> 00:03:00,267
so I can do my work in peace.
41
00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:01,977
Why are you fighting me?
42
00:03:02,186 --> 00:03:04,646
I'm not. I'm fine
with your whole home-office thing.
43
00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:05,856
Fine.
44
00:03:06,732 --> 00:03:09,084
Not clear on why we need a bank
loan to get it done though.
45
00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:10,361
I'll tell you that.
46
00:03:10,778 --> 00:03:13,322
Because all our cash is tied up.
47
00:03:13,530 --> 00:03:15,908
Yeah, but still, a loan?
Let me tell you something, Carrie.
48
00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:18,452
I could turn this room
into a palace for a hundred bucks.
49
00:03:18,619 --> 00:03:20,746
Sorry. It's gonna cost
more than a hundred bucks.
50
00:03:20,954 --> 00:03:23,248
- How much more?
- Try 40 times that.
51
00:03:23,457 --> 00:03:25,751
Forty thousand dollars?
52
00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:30,464
Oh, wait a second.
Four thousand dollars?
53
00:03:31,256 --> 00:03:32,883
Yes, Doug, $4000.
54
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:37,096
I need a computer, a desk, wallpaper,
curtains, office supplies...
55
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,182
Office supplies? What,
you can't steal those from work?
56
00:03:41,016 --> 00:03:43,560
You know what the problem is?
I'll tell you what the problem is.
57
00:03:43,769 --> 00:03:46,480
It's that copy of House Beautiful
that came in our mail by mistake.
58
00:03:46,647 --> 00:03:48,941
You flipped through that, now
you got a bee in your bonnet
59
00:03:49,149 --> 00:03:51,026
about making a fancy office
for yourself.
60
00:03:51,527 --> 00:03:54,488
A bee in my bonnet?
61
00:03:54,696 --> 00:03:56,156
Yeah, that's a real thing, right?
62
00:03:57,533 --> 00:04:00,869
Okay, look, Doug, I have been
schlepping boxes since 6 a.m.
63
00:04:01,036 --> 00:04:02,454
and I haven't had my coffee yet.
64
00:04:02,621 --> 00:04:07,292
So if you keep aggravating me,
I'm going to bite you.
65
00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:10,504
Look, all I'm saying
is that if you don't...
66
00:04:10,671 --> 00:04:12,423
Arthur, your toast is done.
67
00:04:12,589 --> 00:04:15,259
Don't tell me.
68
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:22,307
Look, let me remind you,
when I fixed up this garage,
69
00:04:22,516 --> 00:04:23,517
you know what it cost me?
70
00:04:23,725 --> 00:04:25,811
Nothing. Not a dime. Bubkes.
71
00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:28,897
Hi. What about
that $2800 big-screen TV?
72
00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:33,360
Hi, Electronics-Depot charge card,
no payments till November '99.
73
00:04:33,569 --> 00:04:35,529
That's next month.
74
00:04:36,738 --> 00:04:38,866
Look, Doug,
I don't wanna argue about this.
75
00:04:39,074 --> 00:04:41,535
Just be at the bank at 10:30,
we'll sign the loan papers
76
00:04:41,744 --> 00:04:44,371
and you can get on with your life.
77
00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:46,331
Ten-thirty?
78
00:04:46,540 --> 00:04:47,541
- Wait, wait.
- What?
79
00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:49,042
What is this about 10:30?
80
00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:51,336
You were gonna make
the appointment during my lunch.
81
00:04:51,545 --> 00:04:53,756
I tried for that, but she's going
on vacation tomorrow.
82
00:04:53,922 --> 00:04:55,090
That's all she had.
83
00:04:55,257 --> 00:04:58,051
- I told you this last night.
- When?
84
00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,887
In the bedroom,
when you were working out,
85
00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:02,598
doing those stupid
hand-grippy things.
86
00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:05,476
Yeah, well, obviously I didn't
hear you. I was in a zone.
87
00:05:06,059 --> 00:05:08,103
Look, there's no way
I'm gonna make it at 10:30.
88
00:05:08,312 --> 00:05:09,352
I'm running late as it is.
89
00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:12,357
Doug, she's leaving town tomorrow.
I need the loan today.
90
00:05:12,524 --> 00:05:14,526
Well, what do you want from me?
I can't get away.
91
00:05:14,693 --> 00:05:16,361
My days are jam-packed with work.
92
00:05:16,528 --> 00:05:18,379
I saw you roll your
eyes right there.
93
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,224
Wasn't trying to hide it.
94
00:05:20,449 --> 00:05:21,867
Well, can't do it. Sorry.
95
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:23,952
You're being so passive-aggressive
about this.
96
00:05:24,161 --> 00:05:26,830
I mean, if this was something
you wanted, you would get off work.
97
00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:29,917
But you just got a bee in your bonnet
because I wanna use a little money
98
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:31,251
to make my office look nice.
99
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,338
Okay, first of all, don't use
the "bee in the bonnet" thing.
100
00:05:34,505 --> 00:05:36,006
That's mine.
101
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,134
Okay? Second of all, I'd be happy
to meet you at the bank
102
00:05:39,343 --> 00:05:40,844
if it's during my lunch break, okay?
103
00:05:41,011 --> 00:05:43,305
The rest of my workday, I'm busy.
Do you understand that?
104
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:48,393
Busy. Not passive,
not aggressive, busy.
105
00:05:49,228 --> 00:05:53,982
Eighty-eight, 89, 90 and...
106
00:05:54,149 --> 00:05:57,277
- Ninety-one. The new record.
- Oh, yeah.
107
00:05:57,486 --> 00:05:59,488
Sorry, Morales,
but there's a new sheriff in town
108
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:01,240
and his name is Doug Heffernan.
109
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:03,242
Keep going, my man.
Build on it. Build on it.
110
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,202
- All right, here we go.
- Ninety-two,
111
00:06:05,411 --> 00:06:07,538
- 93, 94.
- All right.
112
00:06:07,746 --> 00:06:09,498
Ninety...
113
00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:12,751
Guess that one didn't land.
114
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,547
At least you're in the record books,
my man. Come on, let's hit the road.
115
00:06:16,964 --> 00:06:18,215
Come on.
116
00:06:18,382 --> 00:06:20,134
- Deac?
- What?
117
00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:22,177
Could you please come to me?
118
00:06:24,388 --> 00:06:26,140
What's up?
119
00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:29,518
Well, I'm not sure,
but I think I may have shot myself.
120
00:06:29,685 --> 00:06:31,270
Really?
121
00:06:31,437 --> 00:06:33,021
Where?
122
00:06:33,188 --> 00:06:35,941
In a very, very bad place.
123
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,652
Where?
124
00:06:38,861 --> 00:06:40,279
Right in the twins' playpen.
125
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,534
Does it hurt?
126
00:06:46,285 --> 00:06:48,412
Actually, no, it's...
127
00:06:49,371 --> 00:06:52,875
It's like more of a little sting.
You know, like a rabbit bit me.
128
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:55,544
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe it's not in there.
129
00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:57,045
Maybe it just grazed you.
130
00:06:57,212 --> 00:06:59,339
Yeah, maybe it grazed me.
Do me a favour. Take a look.
131
00:06:59,548 --> 00:07:00,549
Oh, no, no way, man.
132
00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:03,427
- Would you take a look, please?
- I don't wanna look. You look.
133
00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:05,179
I don't bend that far.
134
00:07:05,387 --> 00:07:06,555
All right, all right.
135
00:07:06,764 --> 00:07:08,098
Just look. Don't touch anything.
136
00:07:08,265 --> 00:07:10,309
Yeah, good thing
you mentioned that.
137
00:07:11,727 --> 00:07:13,520
How you doing?
138
00:07:15,981 --> 00:07:18,525
How about an update there, pal?
139
00:07:18,776 --> 00:07:20,736
Okay. It's definitely in there.
140
00:07:20,944 --> 00:07:23,739
- Oh, my God. What should I do?
- Just relax. Don't panic.
141
00:07:23,947 --> 00:07:25,908
I have to panic, okay?
I'm attached to my shorts.
142
00:07:26,116 --> 00:07:28,077
All right.
Look, we'll take care of it.
143
00:07:28,327 --> 00:07:30,162
All right, take care of it.
Get it out of me.
144
00:07:30,329 --> 00:07:33,749
I'll just give your shorts one quick
yank, it'll come right out. All right?
145
00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:35,501
- What, are you crazy?
- What?
146
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,336
What if the staple
didn't go in straight?
147
00:07:37,503 --> 00:07:38,962
What if it's like a grabbie?
148
00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:41,673
No, no. I'm pretty sure
these go in straight.
149
00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:44,093
Pretty sure? You were gonna pull
on a "pretty sure"?
150
00:07:44,343 --> 00:07:46,053
- You said get it out.
- Find another way.
151
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:48,097
Look, I'm gonna take you to the
emergency room,
152
00:07:48,263 --> 00:07:49,848
- then I'll finish your shift.
- Good.
153
00:07:50,057 --> 00:07:53,060
- Okay. Hand off me.
- All right.
154
00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:55,687
- Okay, how's that?
- Doug, your wife's on line one.
155
00:07:55,938 --> 00:07:57,856
Oh, my God.
156
00:08:05,531 --> 00:08:07,199
Hey.
157
00:08:07,366 --> 00:08:09,326
Hey. How you doing, sweetie?
158
00:08:09,535 --> 00:08:11,286
Good, fine. You good?
159
00:08:11,495 --> 00:08:14,456
Good. Listen, I was thinking
about it and...
160
00:08:14,623 --> 00:08:17,835
Well, I'm sorry about our stupid fight
this morning.
161
00:08:18,544 --> 00:08:20,671
So see you tonight?
162
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:24,633
I shouldn't have said what I said.
You know, about you not working hard.
163
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,428
Yup. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
164
00:08:29,471 --> 00:08:31,348
That was just
really insensitive of me.
165
00:08:31,515 --> 00:08:33,559
I know you work very,
very hard, honey.
166
00:08:33,725 --> 00:08:36,437
Hard worker, yeah, yeah.
167
00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,440
Look, Doug,
I am trying to apologize to you.
168
00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:41,608
The least you could do
is say you're sorry.
169
00:08:41,817 --> 00:08:42,901
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
170
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:45,571
Okay, stop.
171
00:08:45,737 --> 00:08:49,324
The other reason why I called
is I talked to the lady at the bank,
172
00:08:49,491 --> 00:08:52,745
begged her, and she agreed
to meet us at your lunch hour.
173
00:08:52,911 --> 00:08:54,913
So I'll see you at the bank
at 1:30, okay?
174
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,552
Any chance you could miss,
like, one pothole?
175
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:11,472
This is the quickest way
to the hospital.
176
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:14,308
So why didn't you just tell Carrie
what happened?
177
00:09:14,558 --> 00:09:16,059
Because we got in a fight
this morning
178
00:09:16,226 --> 00:09:18,604
and I made a huge deal
about how busy I am at work.
179
00:09:18,812 --> 00:09:21,899
How could I possibly explain this?
180
00:09:22,107 --> 00:09:23,817
Say it happened
while you were working.
181
00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:27,196
While I was working?
The staple came in from behind me.
182
00:09:27,404 --> 00:09:29,239
- Well, tell her I did it.
- You?
183
00:09:29,406 --> 00:09:33,952
Yeah, you were bending over,
and I noticed.
184
00:09:34,119 --> 00:09:36,205
And I came up behind you
with a staple gun...
185
00:09:36,371 --> 00:09:38,916
All right, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
186
00:09:39,124 --> 00:09:42,377
This sounds worse
than what really happened.
187
00:09:42,586 --> 00:09:44,296
There's no reason she has
to know anything.
188
00:09:44,463 --> 00:09:45,648
It's still only 11.
189
00:09:45,674 --> 00:09:48,175
I can get this thing removed
and get to the bank by 1:30.
190
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:49,968
No one has to know
the difference.
191
00:09:50,177 --> 00:09:52,554
Won't she eventually look
in that area?
192
00:09:52,763 --> 00:09:55,140
Believe me, not if I don't ask.
193
00:09:58,519 --> 00:09:59,603
Speed bump.
194
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,692
Here we go, all filled out.
195
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:12,780
I will be right over there
when you're ready for me, okay?
196
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,458
Qaddafi.
197
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,673
Sir. You forgot to write down
what you're here for.
198
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,509
- Oh, did I?
- Yes.
199
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,844
Forgot to write it down.
200
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,180
That's wild, isn't it?
201
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,558
What are you here for?
202
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,979
Just a second, okay?
203
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,736
Oh, yeah.
204
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,448
Okay, I...
205
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,410
You know what?
Let me just draw you a picture here.
206
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:05,749
This will explain everything. That'll
tell the story, right there. Okay?
207
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,131
Are these what I think they are?
208
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,469
Yes, yes, yes.
That's the whole area right there.
209
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:20,097
Of course, that's not actual size.
210
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,102
Actually, now it probably is,
because I'm nervous.
211
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,730
Is the doctor gonna see me soon?
212
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:29,982
What's this line?
213
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:31,900
That's a staple.
214
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,527
- A staple?
- Yeah, a staple.
215
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,516
That's one staple,
right there, a staple.
216
00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:36,972
How's that doctor
thing looking?
217
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:41,368
In a few minutes. I'll just have
to see your insurance card.
218
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,372
Arthur, it's me, Doug.
219
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,625
Your son-in-law?
220
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,753
Douglas, yes.
221
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,422
Doug is short for Douglas.
222
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,425
Well, now you know.
223
00:11:57,343 --> 00:11:58,927
Listen, I need you to do me a favour.
224
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,971
I need you to get me
Carrie's insurance card
225
00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:03,474
and bring it to me
at Flushing Meadow Hospital.
226
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,142
I'll tell you later.
227
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,686
Just make sure she doesn't find out
you're meeting me here.
228
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,813
Okay? Thanks.
229
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,733
I love you too.
230
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:37,383
Okay.
231
00:12:39,093 --> 00:12:41,095
What's the story?
232
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:42,304
Story? No story.
233
00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:46,850
I was just standing here casually,
scratching my head.
234
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:50,145
You were rifling through my purse.
235
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:56,652
That's only
because I was stealing money.
236
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,032
Okay. Why?
237
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:04,910
I'm gonna level with you, honey.
I have a gambling problem.
238
00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:07,371
My bookmaker, Jimmy Marbles,
is gonna break my kneecaps
239
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,164
if I don't come up with the scratch.
240
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,294
Dad, if you keep saying things
like this,
241
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:16,255
how will I know
when you're going senile?
242
00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:23,137
Truth is, I was just looking
for a tic tac, and... Here we go.
243
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,349
Birth-control pills, Dad.
244
00:13:28,726 --> 00:13:32,396
Why do you need birth-control pills?
Does he touch you?
245
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:51,624
Oh, God, Arthur, where you been?
246
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,001
Sorry, I thought you said
Flushing Meadow Park.
247
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:56,170
Then I got caught up
in a girls' soccer game.
248
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047
Here you go.
249
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,258
All right, thanks.
250
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:04,345
So, what are you here for?
251
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,805
Nothing, just a...
252
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:08,474
Nothing.
253
00:14:08,641 --> 00:14:11,935
Come on, what is it?
Eczema, pinkeye?
254
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:14,521
No, Arthur.
255
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:18,525
Are you having
something "enhanced"?
256
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:23,322
- Again, no.
- Then what?
257
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:28,410
I just had a little accident at work.
I shot myself with a staple gun.
258
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,162
Where?
259
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,999
Really? Let's have a look.
260
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,045
- I don't see it.
- Arthur, come on, man. Let's go.
261
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,339
Straddle me
so I can get a better angle.
262
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,621
Get up now.
263
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:44,743
Oh, there it is,
right in the tool bag.
264
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,429
Would you stop?
Would you settle down?
265
00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,431
Come on, this is hard enough
for me as it is.
266
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,059
I know what you're going through,
Douglas.
267
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,103
I've been down this road myself.
268
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,272
You have?
269
00:14:57,523 --> 00:15:02,736
Sure. Staples, rivets,
knitting needles.
270
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:05,739
My advice is, just leave it in.
271
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,369
Leave it in?
I'm attached to my IPS shorts.
272
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,205
Not a problem. Just make sure
you don't lose your job.
273
00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:18,502
Insurance card. How much longer?
274
00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:21,797
- Doctor is finishing up. You're next.
- Oh, great.
275
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,508
If you'll just follow me
to the examining area.
276
00:15:24,717 --> 00:15:29,013
Bus crash! Ten critical, three
serious. Triage setup outside.
277
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,766
This is a first come,
first serve dealie, right?
278
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,938
Arthur, look, do me a favour.
Hold my place in line, would you?
279
00:15:39,023 --> 00:15:42,776
Baby steps, baby steps,
baby steps...
280
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:52,953
- Hey.
- Hey, there you are.
281
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,288
Yeah.
282
00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:56,165
Hey, how you doing there?
Good to see you.
283
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,125
What's that about?
284
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,296
- What, no hug?
- Honey, we are in a bank. It's...
285
00:16:02,463 --> 00:16:04,506
Unless we're trying
to borrow money for porno film,
286
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,884
I think we ought to pull in
the reins a little, huh?
287
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,596
- Okay, what's going on?
- What do you mean?
288
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,598
You're acting weird,
like on the phone.
289
00:16:12,765 --> 00:16:15,976
I mean, if you're still mad at me,
why don't you just say so?
290
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:20,356
I am not mad.
291
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,566
You are so. I can tell.
292
00:16:22,775 --> 00:16:25,569
I am not. Let's sign the stupid papers
and get out of here, okay?
293
00:16:25,778 --> 00:16:27,237
Stupid papers.
294
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,698
Okay, fine, whatever.
295
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,951
Mr. and Mrs. Hefferman?
296
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,410
Actually, it's Heffernan.
297
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:34,870
Oh, I'm sorry.
298
00:16:35,079 --> 00:16:37,623
Right this way,
Mr. and Mrs. Heffernan.
299
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,668
Well, you don't actually
have to punch the "nan."
300
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,920
I was just saying that
for your benefit.
301
00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:45,381
Please come in.
302
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:49,259
Honey, look at you. You're a mess.
Would you fix your collar?
303
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:52,346
And pull up your pants.
304
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:01,522
Now, there are three different
payment options,
305
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:05,734
each with its own distinct advantages
and disadvantages.
306
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,778
Would you like me to review them
for you?
307
00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:10,030
No. Whichever one you like is fine.
308
00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:13,284
Honey, I would like to hear them.
309
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,953
Fine.
310
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,707
Well, option one is just your
straightforward fixed monthly payment.
311
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,084
It's not one
of your more exciting choices,
312
00:17:22,293 --> 00:17:24,295
but at least you know
what you're getting hit with
313
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,462
at the end of the month.
314
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:30,134
Now, option two
is called the floating payment plan.
315
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,553
In this plan, your payments vary
316
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:36,140
based upon fluctuations
in the prime rate of interest.
317
00:17:36,307 --> 00:17:38,142
Some months, your payments
will be lower,
318
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:42,187
other months, you'll have a sharp
metal object in your testicles.
319
00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:46,233
For example, if in January,
320
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,653
the prime rate goes to,
say, 8 percent,
321
00:17:49,862 --> 00:17:53,198
what you'll end up with
is a common office supply
322
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:56,952
violating the very essence
of your manhood.
323
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,247
Pulling. Grabbing.
324
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,708
Pinching. Swelling. Tugging.
325
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,336
A throbbing pain so intense,
326
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,714
you'll pray for the sweet release
of death.
327
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:12,051
And those
are your three basic options.
328
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,260
Any questions?
329
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:17,264
Oh, excuse me just a moment.
330
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,516
Rhonda Phillips.
331
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,728
So, honey, which option do you think
we should go with?
332
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,730
Whichever one is the quickest.
333
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:27,733
For God's sake,
could you just give me your opinion?
334
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,861
I can't believe what a baby
you're being about this.
335
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,989
And why are you sweating
so much?
336
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:37,743
Look, there's something
I should probably tell you.
337
00:18:37,952 --> 00:18:39,119
What?
338
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,871
Come here.
339
00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:50,965
You stapled yourself in the mall?
340
00:18:58,305 --> 00:18:59,723
Come here.
341
00:19:05,396 --> 00:19:07,064
Really?
342
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,777
- Can I look?
- Yeah.
343
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:14,780
Okay.
344
00:19:20,411 --> 00:19:21,412
What happened?
345
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:25,541
We were fooling around at work.
I was shooting staples into a tin can,
346
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,877
and then I caught my undercarriage.
347
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:31,880
Well, what are you doing here?
348
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,425
We should be at the hospital.
Let's go.
349
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:38,429
No. Look, this morning I was being
really stupid and selfish and...
350
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,973
I'm really sorry, all right?
351
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:43,434
I want you to have your office,
just the way you want.
352
00:19:43,642 --> 00:19:46,687
I want it too, but I also
wanna have kids. Now, come on.
353
00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:50,441
No. Look, we're already here.
I can get through this, all right?
354
00:19:50,608 --> 00:19:52,151
I wanna do this for you, Carrie.
355
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:55,237
Let's just make it quick.
356
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:58,532
Anyway, I'm sorry about that.
357
00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:01,910
But back to business.
Have you folks decided?
358
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,704
Yeah, we're gonna go
with the third one,
359
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:04,872
the balloon-payment one.
360
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,749
- Balloon one, yeah.
- Okay. You're sure?
361
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,584
Yeah, yeah, we're sure.
We like balloons.
362
00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:09,835
Pretty.
363
00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:14,048
Okay, fair enough.
364
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,259
Option three...
365
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,597
Balloon pay...
366
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,523
Please, use mine.
367
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,819
- Thank you.
- Okay.
368
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:37,488
Payment.
369
00:20:37,655 --> 00:20:42,993
Okay. Let me just get
these forms here together for you.
370
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,580
All right. Here we have your K-19.
371
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:53,587
And we have your disclosure.
372
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:57,466
Your tax-status report.
373
00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,510
Rate schedule.
374
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,805
For God's sakes, get a paper clip.
375
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,143
- Oh, God.
- Okay.
376
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,895
- I'm right here with you, baby.
- Okay.
377
00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:12,273
- Just breathe.
- Okay.
378
00:21:13,107 --> 00:21:14,275
- You're doing great.
- Yeah.
379
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,776
- We're almost there.
- Okay.
380
00:21:16,819 --> 00:21:19,113
- Hang on. Hang on, baby.
- I'm trying, I'm trying.
381
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,782
It's just about out.
382
00:21:21,991 --> 00:21:24,118
Okay, here we go.
383
00:21:24,285 --> 00:21:25,703
It's coming.
384
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:28,664
It's out.
385
00:21:28,831 --> 00:21:31,041
And everything's fine.
386
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,252
I love you.
387
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:34,912
I love you too.
388
00:21:42,420 --> 00:21:44,631
Spooner. Spooner.
389
00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:45,840
Yeah?
390
00:21:46,049 --> 00:21:48,176
Don't carry that rivet gun
in your pocket.
391
00:21:48,343 --> 00:21:50,804
Don't tell me.
392
00:21:53,865 --> 00:21:56,326
A little help over here.
393
00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:04,351
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