All language subtitles for The Honeymooners - S04E18 - The $99,000 Answer

ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...

and...

(orchestra playing fanfare)

TV ANNOUNCER:
And now back to Herb Norris

and The $99,000 Answer!

(applause)

The show
that gives away $99,000!

Well, Mr. Parker,

you've successfully gone
over the $24,750 hurdle.

And now it's time for you
to make up your mind,

whether you're willing to go
for the $49,500 question.

I am, Mr. Norris.

You mean you want to go ahead?

Yes.

(applause)

Good. I wish you luck,
Mr. Parker.

Now, remember,

if you complete
the $49,500 answer,

you're entitled to
come back next week,

and decide if you want to go
for the really big money,

the $99,000 answer.

Are you ready, sir?

I am ready, Mr. Norris.

Very well.

Now, this question for
your $49,500 answer,

was prepared by an expert

in the field of
banking and finance,

Professor Walter Newman.

Your question has
to do with something

you see and handle every day--
a dollar bill.

Now, disregarding
the serial number,

tell me how many times
the figure "one" appears

on a dollar bill,

either in numeral
form or spelled out.

You have ten seconds
to give the $49,500 answer.

(clock ticking)

Time's up, Mr. Parker.

What is your answer?

The answer is 25.

That's correct
for the first part.

Now, tell me how many times
the word "one" appears,

and how many times
the numeral "1" appears.

Well, the word "one"
appears 16 times,

and the numeral, nine times.

You're absolutely
right for $49,500!

-(applause)
-(orchestra playing fanfare)

Mr. Parker, you
have just won yourself 49,500

of those dollar bills,

and now you know you'll have
the opportunity

to come back and visit with us
next week

and decide
whether you want to go

for the $99,000, all right?

That's fine.

Congratulations, sir,
and good night.

Good night.

Good night, sir.

-(applause)
-(orchestra playing fanfare)

And now, who is our next guest,
please?

TV ANNOUNCER:
Herb, here's our next guest!

From Brooklyn, New York,
Mr. Ralph Kramden!

(applause)

How do you do, Mr. Kramden?

Now, there's nothing for you
to be nervous about.

Just relax.
We're all your friends.

And I'm trying to help you.

Just relax and take it easy.

It's really a pleasure

shaking hands with you,
Mr. Kramden.

That's fine.
Thank you very much.

Now, tell me, sir, what
do you do for a living?

(stutters)

I brive a dus.

You "brive a dus"?

I dus a brive.

"Dus a brive."

Oh, I see-- you're a bus driver.

- Yeah.
-ls that it?

(mumbles)

Well, now,
there's nothing for you

to be nervous about,
Mr. Kramden.

Just relax and take it easy,

and you'll get
along a lot better.

Now, tell me, sir,
are you married?

Yes.

You're married.

And what is your wife's name?

Mrs. Kramden.

Well, that's fine. Now...

her first name, I meant.

Her. Who?

Oh, her!
Oh, yeah.

Uh, Alice.

Alice Kramden.
Uh-huh.

Now, I believe
the announcer said

you are from Brooklyn.

Have you lived in Brooklyn
all your life, sir?

Uh... uh...

My, uh, mother,
uh, uh, father, uh...

They were...
they were there.

I guess.

(laughs)

Well, thank you very
much, Mr. Kramden.

You know, I have a great deal
of respect for bus drivers.

It's always amazed
me how you fellows

who have this tremendous
responsibility,

and the-the tremendous
number of people

that you have to deal with,
and the big machine,

how you manage to
remain so courteous

and kind, and considerate
all the time.

Yes, sir.

Well, of course,
there are exceptions.

For example,

the other day, I was standing
on Madison Avenue

in the rain,
waiting for a bus,

and as this bus driver
bore down on me,

I signaled for him to stop.

And you know,
instead of stopping,

he went right by,
went through a puddle,

and splashed mud
all over me.

Was that you?

Mr. Kramden, I sure hope
you win some money tonight,

because I've got
a cleaning bill for you.

And you know, now it's time
for you to select a category,

and I want you
to be very careful

in selecting this category,

because all the questions
you'll be asked come

from this one category.

So take your time,
and make up your mind

what your selection's
going to be.

Humina-humina-humina...

Uh, popular songs.

Popular songs.
Very good, sir. Now...

TV ANNOUNCER:
I'm sorry to interrupt, Herb,

but our time is up!

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Kramden.

We seem to have
run out of time,

but we'd like you to
come back next week,

and try for the first
hurdle on the way

to The $99,000 Answer.

- Can you be with us?
-Yes, sir.

Thank you very much,
Mr. Kramden,

and good night, sir.

- Thank you.
-(applause)

Oh, no, no, Mr. Kramden.
No, no.

This way.

Good night, Mr. Kramden.
Good night.

(applause)

Good night, ladies
and gentlemen, good night.

(orchestra playing fanfare)

Trixie!

I'm home!

Alice.

Oh, Alice, I could hardly wait
till you got home.

Hey, Ralph looked wonderful
on television.

Oh, Trixie, it was so exciting.

Oh, I'll bet.

Isn't Ralph here?

No, he decided
to stay downstairs.

He's waiting for people to go by
and recognize him.

Who could recognize him
at this hour?

Alice, it's dark out.

Oh, he thought of that.

Look-- there he is,

standing under the streetlight
with his hat off.

Oh.

Well, on second thought,

I don't know
if I'd act any different,

you know,
if I were in his place.

'Cause, gee, if I were
on a big television show

and seen by millions
of people. Ooh!

Oh, listen, Trixie,
don't get me wrong.

I'm very proud that
Ralph is on this show.

Yeah.

Only thing is, I know Ralph.

You know the way he has
of steaming himself up

and getting over-enthused.

You know he's apt
to build himself way up

to a letdown, and then he'll
just feel miserable.

Yeah.

But, Alice, just between us,

hint to Ralph always
to face the camera,

'cause when he turns profile,

brother, he's the biggest thing
on television.

(laughs)

Say, Trix, what about Ed?

Did he see the show?

Oh, yeah, he watched it
with the boys

down at the bowling alley.

Look, I bet he'll stop
in here to see Ralph

on his way upstairs,
but I got to get up there.

Now, look, I'll see you
in the morning, huh, honey?

- All right. Night, Trix.
-Bye.

Well, I learned something
tonight, Alice.

You're never too old
to learn something,

and tonight,
I learned something.

There isn't one person,
not one person in this building

that hasn't got
a jealous nature.

Ralph, what are you
talking about?

I stood down in front
of this door since you left me.

Not one person come up
and congratulated me.

And not only that.

Not even one person admitted
that they saw me on the program.

Now, Ralph, how can
you talk like that?

Norton was over
at the bowling alley

with all your friends
watching the show.

And Trixie was just here to say
she saw you on the show.

She was?

Well, uh...
what did she think of me?

Well, she said

you're the biggest
thing on television.

You know,
that Trixie's a good kid.

And Norton's all right, too.

There are two
true-blue friends.

Well, they won't regret it.

Because when I celebrate,
they'll celebrate with me.

Celebrate what?

Celebrate the winning

of The $99,000 Answer,
that's what.

It won't be long now,
sweetheart.

We'll be living on Park Avenue.

And wait till you see

how different
this furniture looks

when it's
in a Park Avenue apartment.

Ralph, aren't you being
a little bit too ambitious?

You've heard some
of those questions.

They get pretty tough
after the first two.

So what?

That's why I picked the subject
that I know.

Popular songs.

I know all about popular songs.

I know, Ralph,
but you're not an expert.

What do you mean,
I'm not an expert?

Ever since I was a kid,
Alice, I liked music.

Especially popular music. Ha.

When I was growing up,
that's all I did.

I used to eat, sleep
and think music.

I wasn't like those other burns

around the neighborhood,
you know.

Hanging around the pool room
or hanging out in the corner.

Not me.

Every night in the week,
I was up some ballroom

listening to a dance band.

Ralph, I'd be very proud
of you, you know,

if you answered the first
two questions

and came home with $600.

$600?

(laughs)

A mere bag of shells.

Ralph, will you please
be sensible?

They don't hand you the $99,000.

You got to answer questions,
Ralph,

and they're
very tough questions.

I know what you're
trying to say, Alice.

What you're trying to say is

your husband is too dumb
to answer any questions.

Well, that's where you're wrong.

And for your information,

a 12-year-old kid, on one
of these programs, walked in

and answered
the $16,000 question.

12 years old, she was.

Stands to reason, me,
a grown man--

I must be able to answer
the same questions

that a 12-year-old kid
can answer.

Spell
"anti-disestablishmentarianism."

I'll spell it.

I'll spell it!

Well?

Go ahead.

I'll spell it
when you give me $16,000

for spelling it!

$16,000 for spelling it?

I'll give you $32,000
if you can say it!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Bang! Zoom!

Now, look, Ralph.

I don't doubt

that you know a lot
about popular songs.

Let's say you know
all there is to know

about popular songs.

There is just one thing

that you're
overlooking, Ralph.

You're going on a
television show,

a big television show.

Millions of people
are going to be looking at you.

And big money at stake.

Well, you're liable
to get nervous, Ralph,

and forget what you do know.

Any person could do that.

Are you kidding? Ha.

I'm at my best
when I'm under pressure.

I never get nervous.

Oh.

That's right, I forgot.

You're always calm.

You have to be
in the kind of work you do.

You're a man
who "brives the dus."

Go ahead, Alice.

Try to discourage me.

But you're getting no place,

'cause I'm going for
that $99,000 answer!

And I'm not leaving
one stone unturned.

There'll be no
chances for mistakes.

I'm not leaving this
house once this week.

I'm staying in every night,

and I'm studying every song
that was ever written.

I'm going to buy sheet music
and study that.

I'm going to buy
records and study them.

I'm going to rent a piano,

I'm going to have
Norton come down here

and play the piano,
every song he's ever heard,

and I'm going to study them.

Ralph, that's going
to cost us a fortune!

It'll take every penny
we have saved.

We won't have one cent
left in the bank.

When the smoke clears
away, we'll have $99,000.

Yes, sir, this is the time
I'm going to get my pot of gold.

Just go for the gold.

You've already got the pot.

(muttering chuckle)

(sighs)

(knocking)

Just a minute.

- Mother!
-Hello, Alice.

What are you doing
here at this hour?

Oh, here's the dress material
that you said you wanted.

Oh, but you didn't have

to make a special
trip just for that.

Oh, I didn't.

We went to the movies
in the neighborhood.

And so it wasn't out of our way
to come here at all.

Well, why don't you sit down
and have a cup of coffee?

Oh, I can't. Your father's
waiting in the car,

and he's double-parked.

How's "The Brain" doing?

Oh, Mother.

What a week!

The piano and the phonograph
have been going

every single night
until 3:00 in the morning.

He's been fighting
out the window

with Mr. Garrity upstairs.

Strangers have been
dropping in here all the time

to give him advice.

Letters have been pouring in
all the time.

He's been staying home
from work without any salary,

paying for all of this stuff.

He's going to have
to win that $99,000

just to break even.

Where is he now?

He's down at Mrs. Manicotti's.

She's helping him brush up
on popular songs

that were taken
from Italian classics.

This boy isn't missing a trick.

Hmm. Well, I've got to go.

I'll keep my fingers crossed
for Ralph tomorrow night.

Oh. Thanks, Morn.

Say hello to Pop for me.

Ha!

What is she doing here?

Ralph.

Hello, Ralph!

(laughs)

Well, tomorrow's your big night.

I was talking
to Alice about it,

and there's just one thing
I want...

You can save your breath,

'cause I know what the one thing
is that you want to tell me.

The both of you.

That I should quit
at the $600 question.

Well, I'm not.

I'm going on!

On, on, on!

To the $99,000 answer!

But, Ralph,
before you interrupted me,

I was about to say
that I hoped you'd go on

to the $99,000 answer.

Oh.

Well, Alice, I got to admit
that now and then

your mother shows a small,
tiny bit of wisdom.

As a matter of fact,

I can't wait to hear you answer
that question.

Ha.

I want to see the expression
on your face

when you miss it!

Why couldn't she have been
with Custer

when he got
in that trouble, huh?

Just for that,
when we move to Park Avenue,

she ain't getting a new address.

Ralph, I must be crazy
to argue with you about this,

but you got us moving
to Park Avenue,

winning $99,000,

and you haven't even answered
the first question yet.

I am going to bed.

Big deal!

Stay in there.

(door closes)

Hey there, Ralphie boy.

♪ Oh, give me land,
lots of land ♪

♪ Deedle-deedle deedle-dee ♪

♪ Don't deedle-deedle deedle ♪

I got it-- "Don't Fence Me ln,"
written by Cole Porter

for the picture
Hollywood Canteen

in the year 1944,
produced by Warner Brothers.

Correct!
(laughs)

Ralphie, you're hotter
than a firecracker.

When you run
into that master of ceremonies,

he's going to run out
of hurdles, you know.

(both laugh)

Sit down, pal.

How did you do
with, uh, Mrs. Manicotti?

- I left her speechless.
-Yeah.

She did everything
in her power to stick me.

I guessed the English name
to every one

of the Italian songs
that she sang.

Oh, boy.

Well, I bought a few
old movie-type songs

and things like that along.

Don't look at the sheet music.

No cheating, now. Just...

- I don't have to look, pal.
-All right.

You just play them,
and I'll name them.

All right.

Come on with that thing!

This is my last night
to brush up on the songs.

Now, let's not waste
anytime. Get going.

All right.

(playing intro to
"Swanee River")

Will you wait a minute, please?

Why must you always play...

(Singing intro)

...before you go in and play
the song I'm trying to guess?

If I told you once, I
told you a hundred times.

It's the only way
I can warm up

before I play the piano.

A pitcher warms up before
he pitches a ball game,

I got to warm up that way
before I play the piano.

I hope I don't have
to tell you this again.

Are you ready?

Go ahead and play.

(playing intro to
"Swanee River")

(groans):
Oh.

(Playing jazzy song)

That's all, that's all,
that's all.

"Shuffle Off to Buffalo,"
written by Warren and Dubin

for a little picture
called 42nd Street.

The year was 1932.

Absolutely right.

All right, here's another one.

Don't look at the music, now.

Don't need it, my friend,
don't need it.

Now, this is a little
change in tempo.

Don't let it throw you.

All righty.

(playing intro to
"Swanee River")

(playing slow jazz song)

"Just Too Marvelous For Words"

written by Johnny Mercer
and Richard Whiting

for a picture called
Ready, Willing and Able. "

The year was 19... 37.

Absolutely correct.

Boy, you are hot.

All right, this one
might throw you.

This one, uh, goes
back a little ways.

Ready?

-(playing intro to
"Swanee River") -Aye.

(playing melancholy jazz song)

(knocking)

I think that was...

Come in! Come in!

Oh-ho.

There he is, Jealous McGarrity.

Look, why don't you shut up
in here?

You driving everybody crazy!

I'm not driving anybody crazy.

You're just jealous, that's all.

And do you know
why you're jealous?

Because you know that
at this time tomorrow night,

my picture will be
on the front page

of every newspaper
in the country.

Well, so will mine!

For killing you!

Ralph.

Here you are, loudmouth!

Now you woke up my wife!

Ed, I realize
that I cannot talk to Ralph

because he is stubborn
and unreasonable.

But I have always
had great respect

for your sense of fair play,
and so I appeal to you.

It is late.

People would like
to go to sleep.

I think you should stop
playing the piano.

And I am sure
that you will agree with me, Ed,

because you have always
been fair and considerate.

You are a reasonable man.

Don't let her soft-soap you.
Don't let her soft-soap you.

You're just
as unreasonable as I am.

Go ahead and play.

If you touch that piano again,

I'll lose
all my respect for you.

Go ahead and play, Norton,

if you don't want
to lose my friendship.

Well, I'm in a spot.

If I play the piano,
I lose her respect,

if I don't play, I
lose your friendship.

Why, oh, why, was I blessed
with this musical talent?

(knocking)

Thanks a lot.
That's the police.

I don't care
if it is the police.

Let them in!

- Mrs. Manicotti!
-Quiet, everyone.

(singing in Italian)

I have it--
"Take Me Back to Sorrento."

1898, written by
Ernesto de Keesta!

-(laughs)
- Hmm. I give up!

Well, that's the way it goes.

The whole house has gone crazy.

Going crazy?

I suppose she's crazy
'cause she wants to help me?

Give me a little chance,

help me out
with the names of songs.

That's a little more
than I can say for you.

Ralph, I've been trying
to help you by being sensible.

If you had listened to me
in the first place,

you could have avoided

putting all this pressure
on yourself.

For the last time, Alice,
I'm telling you.

I'm going
for the $99,000 question.

For the last time, Ralph,

I'll be very proud
if you win the 600 bucks.

600 dollars.

- Peanuts, peanuts.
-(snapping fingers)

What am I going to do
with peanuts?

Eat 'em,
like any other elephant.

(door closes)

Ho-ho! Ho-ho!

Bang, zoom!

Play the piano!

(playing intro to
"Swanee River")

(playing upbeat jazz song)

(orchestra playing fanfare)

TV ANNOUNCER:
And now, the star of our show,

Herb Norris!

(applause)

Thank you, thank you very much.

And welcome to America's
most exciting show,

The $99,000 Answer.

And now, Tom,
who is our first guest, please?

TV ANNOUNCER:
Herb, our first guest,

ready to leap the first hurdle,

on his way
to the $99,000 answer,

is our bus driver from Brooklyn,

Mr. Ralph Kramden!

(applause)

How do you do, Mr. Kramden?

- How do you do?
-It's nice to see you again.

It's nice to be back here.

Now, I remember last week,

we had just got to the
point in the program

where you had selected your
category, popular songs.

- Yes, sir.
-Isn't that right?

Now, you've had a
whole week to prepare.

Tell me, have you
done much studying?

Oh, just a little.

(laughs)

Oh, just a... just a little?

Spare time sort of thing, huh?

Sort of spare time.

I see, all right.

No sense of going over
what you already know!

-(laughs)
-Oh, I guess you're right, sir.

That's right.

Now, let's get on
with our competition.

May we have the card, please,

explaining the game and the
first question? Thank you.

I have here your first question,
now, Mr. Kramden.

You know how
The $99,000 Answer works.

We start with the first
question, worth $100.

Then our second hurdle
is worth $600.

After that, our hurdles
become higher,

and naturally, the questions
become a little more difficult.

(laughs)

Our fourth hurdle is worth
$6,187.50.

And if you answer that,
the next one is worth $12,375.

Now, then, we keep rolling along
and doubling the money

until finally, you get
to the $99,000 answer.

Now, you can stop any time
you feel like it

and take what money you've won
up to that point.

Now, is that all clear,
Mr. Kramden?

It certainly is, and if I may,

I'd like
to make a little statement.

Well, surely.
Go right ahead.

I intend to go straight on,

forge ahead
to the $99,000 answer.

(cheering)

That's wonderful, Mr. Kramden.

I, uh... I think it's only fair
to point out to you, though,

that you don't need to
make that decision now.

You can stop at any
time you want to

and take the money
you've accumulated.

Well, I made up my mind,
and I thought

you might as well know it,
and I know it,

and they know it,
and everybody knows it.

(laughs) I see.
Well, sir, tell me,

have you discussed this at home?

Have you talked it
over with your wife?

Yes, I did, and regardless,

I am going
for the $99,000 answer.

I see.
Well, that's quite a decision.

I guess you really know
your popular songs, huh?

- Well, I don't like to...
-(laughs)

All right, Mr. Kramden,
I wish you a lot of luck,

and here's your first
question for $100.

Are you ready?

I certainly am.

All right, Mr. Kramden,
for $100,

who is the composer
of "Swanee River?"

"Swanee River?"

That's right, "Swanee River."

Can we have a few bars
of "Swanee River," Jose?

(piano playing intro to
"Swanee River")

That's "Swanee River"?!

That's right.
Now, who's the composer?

Your time's running out.

Hurry up.
You better take a guess.

Humina-humina-humina-humina...

Ed Norton?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. Kramden.

No. The correct answer
is Stephen Foster.

But thanks so much.

You've been a wonderful
contestant and a swell sport.

Good-bye, Mr. Kramden.

Good-bye, Mr. Kramden.

I'll be seeing you.

"I'll Be Seeing You"--
Irving Kahal.

Irving Kahal and Sammy Fain,
1938!

Now, Mr. Kramden,
it's all over now.

"It's All Over Now,“
Basie Simon, 1927.

No, no.
Good night, Mr. Kramden.

Good night, good night--

there were two songs,
good night.

It was “Good Night, Irene,"
written by Lomax and Ledbetter,

"Good night, Sweetheart,"

written by Rudy Vallee
and Ray Noble.

- No. ..
-Then there was another...

This way, sir.

- Please?
-Please?

"Please" was sung by
Bing Crosby and...

II