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1
00:02:59,466 --> 00:03:00,800
Did you fart?
2
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,933
Ugh, only a little bit.
3
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,266
Barely.
4
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,300
Actually, I don't even
remember if I farted.
5
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,766
So this is the house, I guess.
6
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:09,266
Honestly, it's not
even that nice.
7
00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:10,766
No, it looks like dog shit.
8
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:13,766
Not what I expected.
9
00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:14,833
Not at all.
10
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,166
The tag
is still on your jacket.
11
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,000
Yeah, it's
because I don't know
12
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,300
if I wanna keep it yet.
13
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,333
You bought
it like two years ago.
14
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,633
So.
15
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:26,766
You can take things
back for a long time.
16
00:03:26,766 --> 00:03:28,066
I don't even know
what that means.
17
00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:34,233
Oh my god.
18
00:03:34,233 --> 00:03:37,300
You must be Czechoff.
19
00:03:38,866 --> 00:03:41,333
That body, that
body, that body.
20
00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:44,133
The silk girth, girth, girth.
21
00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:45,733
Oh.
22
00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:47,333
Just gonna nibble on that ear.
Kisses together.
23
00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:48,633
I'm gonna nibble on that--
24
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,633
Matty, look.
25
00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,100
Such a large pen us.
26
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:57,933
I'm sorry.
27
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:58,933
She's a predator.
28
00:03:58,933 --> 00:03:59,900
So much bigger than Matty's,
29
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:00,966
not that I've ever seen it,
30
00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:02,433
but I would kill
myself if I did.
31
00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:03,300
Well, here it is.
32
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:04,300
If you want,
33
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:05,533
I'm gonna get it
and pluck it up,
34
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:06,466
and you put it
inside your mouth.
35
00:04:06,466 --> 00:04:07,800
Well, I'm gonna grab my labia,
36
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:08,700
put it in a mold,
37
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:09,966
compact it,
38
00:04:09,966 --> 00:04:11,800
and then I'm gonna just
stuff it in your mouth.
39
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:12,766
Smack it.
40
00:04:12,766 --> 00:04:15,400
Don't give me something good.
41
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,233
It's so,
42
00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:17,066
I can taste it.
43
00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:18,500
It's like sour.
44
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:19,800
It's salty.
45
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,533
I'm sorry, why does
Jules have an Emmy?
46
00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:23,600
From that dumb soap she's on.
47
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,800
Oh, so it's like
a Daytime Emmy.
48
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:25,733
No.
49
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,233
It's actually kinda sad, really.
50
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,966
It's like a Creative Arts Emmy.
51
00:04:28,966 --> 00:04:31,200
Oh, they basically give
these away to anyone.
52
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,033
I probably have one.
53
00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:33,000
I just forgot about it.
54
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,266
Like, who even wants, oh.
55
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:37,900
Baby girl.
56
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,200
Hey guys.
57
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,500
Hi.
58
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,433
Oh my god.
59
00:04:41,433 --> 00:04:43,833
We are obsessed with the house.
60
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:45,500
Aw, you're so sweet.
61
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,000
It's so cute that you
guys still live together.
62
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:47,833
I love it.
63
00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:51,466
Okay, so a couple quick
housekeeping things.
64
00:04:51,466 --> 00:04:54,833
Mr. Czechoff is dealing
with some constipation.
65
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,100
Who isn't?
66
00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:58,766
Right.
67
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,133
But seriously, he
will need your help.
68
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,966
You just have to do
this little trick I call
69
00:05:01,966 --> 00:05:03,200
"pushing the button."
70
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,500
Oh my god, it sounds so fun.
71
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,333
Oh, and this one's
actually really important.
72
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:09,700
When you go outside after dark,
73
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,533
make sure to clap really loud
74
00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:14,066
to scare off the coyotes.
75
00:05:14,066 --> 00:05:15,266
No problem.
76
00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:17,733
We'll clap them right away.
77
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,466
Great, amazing.
78
00:05:19,466 --> 00:05:21,466
So help yourselves to everything
79
00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:22,566
but the champagne.
80
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,600
Ooh, ah, uh.
81
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,433
I think
that's everything.
82
00:05:26,433 --> 00:05:27,700
You good?
83
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,866
Hey, you didn't happen
to send that script
84
00:05:29,866 --> 00:05:31,533
to your agent by
any chance, did you?
85
00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:33,200
Okay, I'm so sorry.
86
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,566
I gotta run.
87
00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:36,433
But thank you so
much for doing this.
88
00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:37,733
I love you guys.
89
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:38,566
Bye.
- Love you.
90
00:05:39,566 --> 00:05:40,400
No, I don't.
91
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,766
I don't love you.
92
00:05:41,766 --> 00:05:42,600
Don't, lie.
93
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:43,433
I lied.
94
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,500
I'm sorry.
95
00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:48,866
Do you want--
96
00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:49,866
Yeah, yeah.
97
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:51,200
I'm gonna have that first.
98
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,100
You wanna party?
99
00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:56,800
You wanna party?
100
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,600
Okay, well I might
need to party a little.
101
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,300
♪ Party party
party party party ♪
102
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,633
♪ I'll party ♪
103
00:06:04,633 --> 00:06:06,800
♪ I'll party, party,
party, party, party ♪
104
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,733
♪ I'm dressing to the nines ♪
105
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:10,333
♪ You know I like to shine ♪
106
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:11,933
♪ I like to leave
an impression ♪
107
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:14,300
♪ I like to set a vibe ♪
108
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,200
♪ Got one thing on my mind ♪
109
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,066
♪ Just trying to live my life ♪
110
00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:20,566
♪ Going out gonna
have a good time ♪
111
00:06:20,566 --> 00:06:23,900
♪ That's right I set the vibe ♪
112
00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:26,833
Matty,
what are you doing?
113
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:29,066
She said to clap in the
yard when it's dark.
114
00:06:29,066 --> 00:06:30,300
I'm not taking any chances.
115
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,900
God, we should
not be in the sun.
116
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,000
I want Fraxel.
117
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,266
I just want them
to Fraxel my face,
118
00:06:36,266 --> 00:06:37,800
and then Fraxel it off.
119
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,966
I want the new
buccal fat pad removed
120
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,333
where they take the--
121
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:42,466
Hey there.
122
00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:43,366
- Hi.
- Hi.
123
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,266
You guys must be
the house sitters.
124
00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,466
Well, yes and no.
125
00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:50,233
We are but not like
professionally.
126
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:51,633
No, no, no.
127
00:06:51,633 --> 00:06:52,900
Honestly, we're doing it for fun
128
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,200
like as a joke.
129
00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:56,066
Joke.
130
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:58,900
Nice.
131
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,833
Classic gay
sidekick, you know?
132
00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,333
Yeah, I do know.
133
00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:04,133
Oh, I do know.
- What way do you know?
134
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:04,966
How do you know?
135
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,466
Well, I gotta say,
136
00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:08,900
it's been really wonderful
having Jules here, you know?
137
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:12,366
Having a celeb up here
in sleepy Eagle Rock.
138
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,700
Now when you say celeb...
139
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,533
She works.
140
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,066
I mean, does she?
141
00:07:16,066 --> 00:07:19,366
But we were all kinda shocked
when she bought that house.
142
00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:21,400
I'd be too spooked
143
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,833
to live there myself.
144
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:23,766
You know.
145
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,133
I mean...
146
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,466
Especially after all the...
147
00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:31,666
The stuff that happened.
148
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:33,900
In that house.
149
00:07:36,966 --> 00:07:37,800
You get it?
150
00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:40,933
Yeah.
151
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:43,300
- We do.
- We get it.
152
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,100
What's not to get?
153
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,033
We get it a lot.
154
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:46,900
I knew you did.
155
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:48,866
Anyway.
156
00:07:48,866 --> 00:07:49,933
I gotta scoot off to dinner.
157
00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:51,933
But enjoy your staycation.
158
00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:52,766
Okay.
159
00:07:52,766 --> 00:07:53,600
Bye there, Czechoff.
160
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,966
Take care, buddy.
161
00:07:54,966 --> 00:07:56,566
Anyway, stop by if you want.
162
00:07:56,566 --> 00:07:57,866
You know where we live.
163
00:07:57,866 --> 00:07:59,100
Oh no, the Devil
lives in that house.
164
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,066
I ain't coming by.
165
00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:01,966
Bye.
166
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,600
What the fuck was that?
167
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:05,766
I don't know.
168
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:07,333
Who has dinner at like four pm?
169
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,966
Oh.
170
00:08:11,966 --> 00:08:13,200
The other thing.
- Yeah.
171
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:17,700
The night
after the premiere
172
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,100
of her hit 1965
movie, "Red River,"
173
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,766
actress Cheryl McGee was at home
174
00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:23,300
when her stalker, Jerry Hannis,
175
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,000
knocked on her door
in his signature mask.
176
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,333
Hannis barged inside
with a clever,
177
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,700
dismembering McGee
- No.
178
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,133
- And scattering body parts
- No.
179
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,200
In every room of her house.
180
00:08:34,566 --> 00:08:37,166
At his trial, Hannis famously
serenaded the courtroom
181
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:40,700
with the song he sang to
McGee as he butchered her.
182
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:41,600
That song.
183
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,433
I remember it.
184
00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:43,500
I remember.
185
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:44,400
It was like,
186
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,200
"you did it, you did it."
187
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,266
"My star, my star."
188
00:08:46,266 --> 00:08:47,166
"You did it."
189
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:48,766
"You went so far, so far."
190
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:49,833
"You dreamed
it, you dreamed it,"
191
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,366
"and I did, too."
192
00:08:51,366 --> 00:08:54,700
"But it only happens
to stars like you."
193
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:59,700
"Like you."
194
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:00,600
Oh my god.
195
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,233
I know, I sound really good.
196
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,466
That felt nice to sing.
197
00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:07,666
It was actually
pretty impressive.
198
00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:09,233
But also like, oh my god.
199
00:09:09,233 --> 00:09:10,666
Jules did not tell
us that she lives
200
00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,766
at the Cheryl McGee house.
201
00:09:12,766 --> 00:09:14,100
Matty.
202
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,066
We could've charged
so much more.
203
00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:17,333
Fuck.
204
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:18,433
Oh shit.
205
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,066
This baby hasn't
done his shittles.
206
00:09:20,066 --> 00:09:22,100
Oh shit, he
really needs to shat.
207
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,566
Okay, I will take him.
208
00:09:23,566 --> 00:09:25,066
You keep googling,
209
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,466
and find out what kind of
deal she got on this place.
210
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:27,466
Check out red fence.
211
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:28,733
She's probably actually poor.
212
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:31,533
Oh, she's probably
just a broke ass bitch.
213
00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:32,633
Poor thing.
214
00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,666
Feel so sad for
people like that.
215
00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:35,633
Come on, let's go poo poo.
216
00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:36,466
Let's go.
217
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:42,900
You did it, you did it,
218
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:44,900
my star, my star.
219
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,600
You dreamed it, you dreamed it,
220
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,433
and I did, too.
221
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:52,933
They only want stars like you.
222
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:53,766
Like you.
223
00:09:54,633 --> 00:09:55,800
Like you.
224
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,000
Oh yeah, we have to clap.
225
00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,333
clap the coyotes away.
226
00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:35,433
Courtney Cox and Ellen
DeGeneres were roommates?
227
00:10:36,666 --> 00:10:38,466
That's so fun.
228
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:39,466
Oh my god.
229
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:41,266
Matty.
230
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,233
Matty, Matty, Matty, Matty.
231
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:43,066
Matty, someone's out there.
232
00:10:43,066 --> 00:10:44,100
Somebody clapped at me.
233
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,000
No one's out there.
234
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,100
No one clapped at you.
235
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,733
We're just drunk and high.
236
00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:49,233
I'm not high, you're high.
237
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,066
Wait, you're high?
238
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,100
I wanna be high.
239
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,233
That's not the point.
240
00:10:52,233 --> 00:10:53,666
No, the point
is believe women.
241
00:10:53,666 --> 00:10:55,100
I do believe women,
242
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:56,833
just not you.
243
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,300
Look, when we drink,
244
00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,600
your imagination gets a
little carried away with you,
245
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,300
and then I have to
bring us back down to--
246
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,033
Do not fucking
mansplain to me right now.
247
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:04,400
I have told you,
248
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,166
gay guys are still a
marginalized group, okay?
249
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,000
We're not capable--
250
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:07,933
Oh my god, fine.
251
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:08,933
Then don't gaysplain to me.
252
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:09,766
Oh shit.
253
00:11:09,766 --> 00:11:11,166
What?
254
00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:16,333
You left the dog out there.
255
00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:20,066
Oh fuck me.
256
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:29,233
You did it, you did it,
257
00:11:29,233 --> 00:11:31,500
my star, my star.
258
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,133
You did, you went
so far, so far.
259
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:36,666
You t--
260
00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:42,466
Czechoff?
261
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,466
Hi, baby boy.
262
00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:52,700
You scared me.
263
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:53,666
Oh my god.
264
00:11:53,666 --> 00:11:54,933
I thought you were a boogie man,
265
00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:57,066
but you were my baby man.
266
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,133
Yeah, you didn't do your
poo poo yet, did you?
267
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:00,433
No.
268
00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:01,800
You're gonna come
inside with me, though.
269
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,200
Yes, and then we're
gonna run away together,
270
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,633
because we're in love.
271
00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:07,466
Okay, you wanna go in?
272
00:12:07,466 --> 00:12:08,800
Let's go inside.
273
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,100
Come on, boo boo.
274
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,333
Let's do it, let's...
275
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:15,733
Fuck.
276
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,433
Come on, buddy.
277
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:18,433
Come on.
278
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:19,333
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
279
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:20,100
Come on, come on, come on.
280
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,633
Oh shit.
281
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:22,700
Fuck me.
282
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,533
Shit.
283
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:25,666
Hurry, hurry.
284
00:12:25,666 --> 00:12:26,600
Hurry.
285
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,400
Come on, come on, come on.
286
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,900
Go, go, go, go, go.
287
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,966
Okay, so there is actually
someone out there it turns out,
288
00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:32,500
and I don't have my phone.
289
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,900
So I need you to get your phone
and call the cops right now.
290
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:34,733
No, no we can't.
291
00:12:34,733 --> 00:12:36,300
We can't call the cops.
292
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,633
Matty, remember
when we got caught
293
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:39,233
being on the sidewalk
outside Foobar,
294
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,333
and the cop was like,
295
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:41,600
"If you ever get
in trouble again"
296
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,900
"you'll be registered
as sex offenders?"
297
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,066
We're not calling the police,
298
00:12:44,066 --> 00:12:45,033
'cause we're
defunding the police,
299
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:46,700
so forget that i--.
300
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,633
I guess we are calling them?
301
00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:48,633
Oh, no we're not.
302
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,266
Hey Jules, thanks
for telling us
303
00:12:51,266 --> 00:12:52,966
you live in a
fucking murder house,
304
00:12:52,966 --> 00:12:54,433
where we are currently
being stalked
305
00:12:54,433 --> 00:12:56,433
most likely by Jerry
Hannis himself.
306
00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:58,000
Jerry died in prison.
307
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,366
Okay, most likely by the
ghost of Jerry Hannis himself.
308
00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:01,466
Really appreciate the heads up.
309
00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:02,400
Oh that's right.
310
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,633
You didn't fucking tell us,
311
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:04,800
and now somebody's
trying to murder us,
312
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:05,833
and by the time you get this,
313
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,200
we're gonna be dead.
314
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,300
And guess what, Jules?
315
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,100
You'll probably
be dead soon, too,
316
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,000
by the look of you,
317
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,300
'cause you look very old.
318
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,133
What?
319
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,166
We farted on your Emmy,
320
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,333
and it's not even a real one,
321
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,366
so fuck off.
322
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,933
Well, we burned that bridge.
323
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,666
Oh my god.
324
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:32,333
Oh god.
325
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:37,933
Oh my god.
326
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:38,766
Get the dog, get the dog.
327
00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:39,733
Get the dog.
328
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,366
Come on, come on, come on.
329
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:42,866
Go to the bedroom.
330
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,466
We're gonna die.
331
00:13:48,466 --> 00:13:49,433
I don't wanna die, Matty.
332
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:52,400
I don't wanna die.
333
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,500
You did it, you did it.
334
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:58,766
My star, my star.
335
00:13:59,766 --> 00:14:00,766
You dreamed it.
336
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,466
You dreamed it.
337
00:14:05,533 --> 00:14:06,766
And I did, too.
338
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,966
But it only happens
to stars like you.
339
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:19,533
Like you.
340
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,000
Oh my god.
341
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,000
Like you.
342
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,900
He's recreating it.
343
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:29,800
That night.
344
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:30,866
We're her.
345
00:14:30,866 --> 00:14:32,466
We're Cheryl McGee.
346
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:33,466
Wait.
347
00:14:33,466 --> 00:14:35,100
Are we, though?
348
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,600
Well not literally, no.
349
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,566
No, I mean he was
obsessed with her
350
00:14:38,566 --> 00:14:41,900
because she was
a famous actress.
351
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,633
We're not a famous actress.
352
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,466
No.
353
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,300
We are not.
354
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,133
Jerry.
355
00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:46,966
Hi, yeah, right here.
356
00:14:46,966 --> 00:14:47,933
Yep, that's me.
357
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,466
I just wanted to tell you
358
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:53,733
just a couple things
about Matt and I
359
00:14:53,733 --> 00:14:56,066
before you decided to kill us.
360
00:14:56,066 --> 00:14:57,700
Is that okay?
361
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,366
So Matt here is to your right.
362
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,366
There you go.
363
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,533
He is an unemployed writer,
364
00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:04,633
and not a very good one, either.
365
00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:06,133
It's true, it's true.
366
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:08,066
The only thing I've even written
is a biopic of Mama Cass.
367
00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:09,433
It is actually really good,
368
00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:10,900
but the only people who've
even read it, Jerry,
369
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,866
are like Aaron and my mom.
370
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,466
Or apparently just my mom.
371
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:18,033
So that's where I'm at.
372
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,866
Okay Aaron, you go.
373
00:15:21,966 --> 00:15:23,333
I'm an actress,
374
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,066
but the last time I worked
was eight years ago,
375
00:15:25,066 --> 00:15:27,966
and I got fired because
there was a miscommunication
376
00:15:27,966 --> 00:15:29,566
about whether or
not I spoke Spanish.
377
00:15:29,566 --> 00:15:31,266
And by miscommunication
she means--
378
00:15:31,266 --> 00:15:33,066
I said I was
fluent but I am not.
379
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,566
Not a great
look, right, Jerry?
380
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,600
Pretending to be
Latin X in 2022?
381
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,833
Matty, I'm Colombian.
382
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:38,666
No you're not.
383
00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:40,000
Yes, I am.
384
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:40,900
What do you think all
those Colombian flags
385
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,100
are around our apartment?
386
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,366
Those are pride flags.
387
00:15:44,366 --> 00:15:45,466
Jerry.
388
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,133
The bottom line
is we are losers.
389
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,000
We are nobodies.
390
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,433
We're nothing.
391
00:15:49,433 --> 00:15:50,800
We're the people who
should've thrown in the towel
392
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:51,933
like 10 years ago,
393
00:15:51,933 --> 00:15:53,400
and just moved back
to the Midwest.
394
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,966
Nobody would even
care if you killed us.
395
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:56,866
Yeah, they'll be like,
396
00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:57,800
oh, do you know who died?
397
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,100
No, I literally don't know,
398
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,633
because I don't know
who those people are.
399
00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:03,133
I do background work in
student films at Cal Tech.
400
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:34,066
Hey.
401
00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:34,900
Hey, guys.
402
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,333
Hi.
403
00:16:37,333 --> 00:16:38,433
Hello?
404
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:39,633
Hey!
405
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:41,833
Oh my god, that was a lot.
406
00:16:42,966 --> 00:16:43,800
Hi.
407
00:16:44,766 --> 00:16:46,133
- Hey.
- You're home early.
408
00:16:46,133 --> 00:16:49,866
You look well rested.
409
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,500
I should've trusted my gut.
410
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,600
Of course you couldn't handle
411
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,600
even the smallest
responsibility.
412
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,966
- You're right.
- We hear you, girl.
413
00:16:55,966 --> 00:16:58,766
Do you have any idea how
much I needed this trip?
414
00:16:58,766 --> 00:17:00,833
I had to cancel my sound bath.
415
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:02,200
Uh, Jules.
416
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,900
And this shaman does not
do refunds, by the way.
417
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,333
So it was five grand
down the toilet--
418
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:06,500
Jules, Jules.
419
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:07,766
And I had to
leave there so fast,
420
00:17:07,766 --> 00:17:09,600
that I couldn't even
do my final colonic.
421
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,833
Jules!
422
00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:12,100
This is why you
don't have careers,
423
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,066
or boyfriends,
424
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,500
or anything except each other.
425
00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:19,866
What?
426
00:17:19,866 --> 00:17:21,433
Do you think we
could take Czechoff
427
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:23,233
for just one last walk?
428
00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:27,366
Push the button
for old time sake.
429
00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:28,200
One more time.
430
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,333
Just want to so bad.
431
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:31,200
Fine, whatever.
432
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,400
Go for it.
433
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,700
Ugh.
434
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,166
Go, go, go, go.
435
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:36,366
Go, go, go, go, go.
436
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:37,966
Good boy, good boy.
437
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:46,600
It's okay, come here.
438
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,966
Okay, okay.
439
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,600
Good boy.
440
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:53,066
Good boy, you're okay.
441
00:17:53,066 --> 00:17:56,200
We're okay, we're okay.
442
00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:58,900
We're okay.
443
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,333
Oh, I have something for you.
444
00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:11,066
Yeah?
445
00:18:12,266 --> 00:18:13,400
It's in my butt hole.
446
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,533
Oh yeah?
447
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,333
Well, I'm gonna
dig right in front.
448
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,066
I'm gonna do a frontsie.
449
00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:24,866
No, that will burn my skin.
450
00:18:24,866 --> 00:18:25,700
Oh, it's deep.
451
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:26,533
Deep, deep, deep.
452
00:18:26,533 --> 00:18:27,800
Don't enjoy it.
453
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,900
It's hot, steamy.
454
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,933
Sick.
455
00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:31,966
Turd, oh god.
456
00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:34,800
That's gonna give me a cyst.
457
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,033
Cystic acne.
458
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:37,900
It's gonna give you pink eye.
459
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,766
I'm gonna give you just a mob,
460
00:18:39,766 --> 00:18:42,800
a mound of a blob of a--
461
00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:45,200
I tasted it.
462
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,066
Oh, I can taste it.
463
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:47,900
I can taste it.
464
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:49,166
Oh, it's spicy.
465
00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:51,966
Is our new dog still with us?
466
00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:52,933
Yeah.
467
00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:54,466
Hi, good boy.
468
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:55,966
Oh, I just took his penis,
469
00:18:57,966 --> 00:18:58,933
his penis genital.
470
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,433
That one's not so bad.
29703
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