Original subtitles

Thanks for cleaning the dishes, baby.

Ugh.

My breath still tastes like Adam's dick.

What did you just say?

Adam's dick.

No.

It was before that.

Thanks for cleaning the dishes.

No, before that.

GM

To us, love birds ridding the world of evil, sip by sip.

No, before that.

I've heard it both ways.

I keep telling you it's cumin, but yes.

Thank you.

Okay.

No.

It was before that.

You know, Patty was the one who recommended Cable Kings,

said we would get a neighborhood group rate.

Ugh.

Was she the one who was dressed up

like an Amish stripper at the Halloween party this year?

Don't think that was a costume.

That makes sense.

It was before that.

Hey.

I'm just the cable guy.

Sure, I was a little late, but technically

I was still within the time window.

So...

Look, look, look, look.

I can get you Lifetime channel for free.

We'll call it even

thank you.

Now.

What was that?

Couldn't hear you with all the fucking lies

you were choking on.

Adam.

You...

Installed...

Cameras...

In my sister's bathroom!

I don't think you're listening to me.

It's time that I slow down a bit.

I'm need you to be very careful

about the next words that come outta your mouth.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I purposefully wait till the last 20 minutes

of a scheduled call to show up.

I love to strip the ends of customers' coax.

I steal a family photo from every house.

I sometimes lick individual slices

of their bread and put it back.

And yes, yes.

I installed webcams and then I ate all your egg rolls.

You ate my egg rolls?

Adam.

Adam, it's your time to shine, Adam.

Adam.

You comfortable?

Oh, very.

Yes.

So what are we gonna do with you now?

Eat me!

Deal!

What?

I said are we almost finished?

Take the head off.

Is there anything we could be doing to move this along?

I've just been really looking forward to those...

Egg rolls.

That was it, it was egg rolls.

Oh yeah, the egg rolls.

This is the worst Halloween ever?

the woods could be connected

to the evidence from last month.

Update me on the situation when someone arrives.

when you get there,

add more information.

Possible 207, looks like a red bag.

We're here.

It's like a full on construction site.

Keep an eye out.

This guy's gotta be a piece of work, over.

- Wood? - Roger that, over.

Shit.

I think I know who we're dealing with.

Am I gonna need a gun?

No.

Stick with the flashlight. - Okay.

Hey, buddy.

We know you're here.

A little cricket told us about what you've been up to.

They make lots of noise, those crickets.

Where are you?

Okay, so is that a head?

Wait.

Oh, that's definitely a head.

What the hell's going on down here?

I dunno.

But it's worse than I thought.

Hey, hey!

Hey, get back here!

Hey, hey!

Stop right there.

Put your hands where I can see 'em, Woody.

Oh, shit, man!

I'm gonna count to three.

I need you to turn around slowly, all right?

One.

Two.

Three.

Five, six, seven, eight.

It's showtime!

Oh!

Where the hell'd you get those hands from?

Oh, they're not mine.

I'm a holding them for a friend.

How many times have you heard that one?

Never, I'm a desk cop!

What else you got in your pockets?

Nothing.

Donut boy.

Hey, hey, hey.

Back off, Woody.

Bring it on, piggy, let's go!

Shoot him!

I can't just shoot him.

He's a puppet.

I'm not a puppet.

Oh, shit, man.

Look at his nose!

It's allergies.

Allergies my ass.

- Whoa. - Ooh.

You going to fairy tale jail.

- Get outta here. - Cuff his lying ass.

Get your cuffs out and cuff him!

Let's dance, huh?

What, you want piece of this?

What, are you scared, donut boy?

You scared?

You wanna go to your mama, huh?

Let's go!

You can't handle it, huh?

This is now classified as (indistinct).

You know what that means, don't you, Woody?

No, please, no!

- Yeah. - No, no, you wouldn't dare.

No, no no no no no.

That was easy.

Just like chopping wood.

Freaking narcs.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Papa!

Papa!

Papa?

No.

No.

Papa!

Papa!