Original subtitles

- Incoming. - On your right.

- Dinner. - Did you hear your mom?

Dinner. - I'm coming.

- 911- - Hello? Hello, please.

I need help, I'm being chased.

Ma'am I don't understand you,

you're gonna have to slow down.

I think all my friends are dead.

- Who's dead? - I think he killed them

- Man, this is fun. - This is like so fun.

I'm having fun.

I'm having like the most fun.

- You're fun. - You're fun.

You're fun.

Oh my God you're so funny.

You're so... I like your belly button.

I'm gonna put some music on.

- Yeah. - Music.

- We gotta fucking go. - What?

He's here. I saw him.

Saw who?

The killer guy with the mask,

that the guy at the gas station warned us about.

So I am getting outta here and I suggest you all join me.

Come on man. Lighten up.

Shit, no signal.

Oh no. How are you gonna get on Grindr now?

Is there a landline back at the house?

Yeah, but I mean, do you remember how to get back?

I'll figure it out.

Well, maybe we should go with him?

Don't listen to him.

There's two things you don't get from gas stations, okay?

Sushi and advice from crazy old guys.

Whoa, hey man. How about you not use the O word?

That's age discrimination, bruh.

Yeah, like ageism is the new racism.

- No it isn't. - Yeah, no, I read that.

No, you didn't.

You know, I'm feeling personally attacked.

I think I'm gonna get outta here.

Baby, come on.

No I need to go find a safe space and take a piss.

Is there a gender neutral bathroom around?

We're in the woods,

isn't this whole place a gender neutral bathroom?

Wow man, wow.

Maybe we should all stick together together.

Ah, don't worry.

Hey, thanks for blocking me

from his microaggression back there.

Listen, you think maybe we should get outta here

in case that guy really is on his way?

Yeah.

We should probably go look for him by the lake.

Take a little dip?

I don't have a suit on.

Oh neither do I.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, if you guys need us we'll be investigating the lake.

Oh no, the lake is the, oh, lake's that way.

I guess that just leaves us.

What if he's right?

What if there really is someone out there,

and we're just sitting here waiting to get like murdered

or stabbed or something?

Well, there's gonna be some stabbing, all right.

After I get your verbal and written consent of course.

I'm serious.

So am I, I had a consent form drafted up.

It's here in my bag.

If some killer dude shows up, I'll protect you.

How are you gonna protect me

when you can't even start a campfire?

I can start a campfire, but propane's greener than wood.

I'll take my chances with the proper authorities.

You're just gonna call for help

and wait for someone else to save you?

You can't just run away from real life all the time.

Sometimes you've gotta take reality

on reality's terms and make a choice to face your fears,

and right now facing your fears

means having sex with me in the woods.

Out here no one can hear you screa-

What was that?

Stay here.

Run.

I think all my friends are dead.

I think he killed them, I think he killed them.

Hello?

Baby, we've gotta go, we've gotta get you to a hospital.

Or we could stay here and play doctor?

Are you crazy?

What I thought maybe all this excitement got you a little?

What? Ew no, what's wrong with you?

I'm sorry, I'm a male in my twenties

and I'm bleeding profusely,

so I'm pretty sure all the testosterone

running through my body

is the only thing keeping me alive right now.

So I'm sorry. - Yeah, whatever.

It's fine. Let's just go.

Okay, but just to be clear

you don't wanna just hop up on that counter and?

Stay here.

You're trapped.

Well that was a blast.

Oh, come on.

Okay here, let me give you a hit.

Or his arm?

Dude seriously? I'm running outta one liners.

Why won't you die?

Well that was shocking. He lived a life well lived.

Ugh.

Big fish. Oh no, I'm all alone here.

Please, someone help me.

I'm in the woods near the campsite

where my boyfriend died the first time.

I'm very scared.

There.

Ew, gross.

Okay, I'm gonna need you

to hold this propane tank for me, okay?

Okay then, any final words?

Well said.

Toodles.

Oh this is never gonna come out of my hair.

- We gotta fucking go. - To find a safe space-

- I don't have a suit on. - Neither do I.

Or we could stay here and play doctor?

Oh, this is never gonna come out of my hair.