All language subtitles for 17.The.babysitter

ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...

and...

Checking new installation.

Bensonhurst zero-7741.

(rings)

Okay, thank you.

Everything's
in working order, miss.

Oh, that's wonderful.
Thank you ever so much.

You're welcome. Bye!

Bye.

Trixie?

This is Alice.

Yeah. Guess where
I'm calling you from.

No... No, I'm home!

In my apartment.

Yeah! I got a phone.

Just now.

Oh, Trixie, it's the most
beautiful phone you ever saw.

It's black!

Yeah, rush right down
and see it.

Okay.

(gasps)

Alice! What a surprise!

But after 15 years,

how did you ever get Ralph
to change his mind?

I didn't. He doesn't know
anything about it yet.

You mean, you had
this phone put in

without telling him?

That's right.

Geesh!

Well, I just had to do it, Trix.

You know, every
time the bus company

wants to get in
touch with Ralph,

-they got to send
a man over here. -Oh...

And ever since my mother
moved out to Astoria,

I just haven't been able to get
in touch with her at all.

Mm-hmm.

So I had to have a telephone,

but only trouble is,

I don't know how
I'm going break it to Ralph.

-(sighs)
-If I could just get him

in a good mood
before he sees it.

Well, you better
get him in a good mood

while he's still out
in the hall,

'cause he's gonna see that

as soon as he comes
through the door.

Yeah.
I know, I'll hide it.

Oh, yeah. Good idea.

- Go right in here.
-Yeah, that's swell.

Now... I can wait, you see,

-till I get him in a good mood,
-Yeah.

And then I'll tell him about it.

I'll keep my fingers crossed
for you, Alice.

Okay, Trix.

- RALPH: Well...
-TRIXIE: Hi.

Hiya, sweetheart.

Hiya, dear.

And how is the charming
Mrs. Norton?

Oh! I'm fine, thanks.

(Trixie clears her throat)

I-I'll see you later, Alice.
I better be going. Bye.

Bye, Trix.

Lovely girl, that Trixie.

Oh, Ralph, I'm so glad
you're in a good mood

'cause there's something
I just got to tell you.

Oh, hey, before you
tell me anything,

let me tell you something.

You know that guy
that works down...

he's, uh, a bus driver down
at, uh, the depot, Joe Lustick?

Uh-huh.

You know, the guy that's always
making those stale jokes

about me being
slightly overweight.

Mm-hmm.

Well, last night
he goes home to dinner, see,

and he sits down.

No sooner does he sit down
to eat, the telephone rings,

and they want him to come down

and take some guy's place
who's sick.

You know, take over the shift?

Well, he gets on, he says,
"I don't want to do this."

He starts complaining
and beefing.

You know, he says,
"It's not my turn."

Well, whose turn was it?

It was my turn.

But because we haven't
got a telephone,

they can't get me.

So he had to go down
and take over the shift.

Imagine that.

I get out of all the dirty work
'cause we haven't got a phone.

Well, anything to eat?

Yeah.

I'll get your supper for
you right away, Ralph.

All right. Uh, what did you want
to tell me?

Oh, that?

Uh, I took your blue
pants to the cleaners.

Oh, fine.

Well, I'm going in and wash up.

I'll be right out, hon.

All right, Ralph.

(phone rings, muffled)

Oh...

(ringing continues)

Did I just hear a telephone?

A telephone?

Oh, yeah, I-l hear...

I-I know, it's...
the window's open.

Hmm. Could've swore
it was right in this room.

Uh-huh, it sounds
that way. Yeah.

Well, I don't know
why I have to listen

to other people's telephones.

(phone ringing)

You didn't close the
window all the way.

(ringing continues)

(ringing continues)

Hello?

No, no, it isn't.
You have the wrong number.

All right, Ralph.
Kill me.

Alice, that phone
is going out! Out!

If you'll calm down
for one minute,

I'll give you
a dozen good reasons

why we need that phone.

Yeah, and I'll give
you a big reason

why we can't
have the phone!

We can't afford it!

Oh, Ralph, a telephone
isn't a luxury anymore.

- It's a necessity!
-A necessity, huh?

They put it in this afternoon.

I'll guarantee you've been
on it 30 times already.

I made one call, Ralph.
One call!

I spoke to Trixie.

Trixie?! Upstairs?!

You called her on the phone
to talk to her upstairs?

What's the matter?

Yelling out the window
is too good for you now?

What, was it raining out?

Yelling out the window
is bad manners.

Don't you make any nasty
remarks about my mother.

She's been yelling out
the window for 80 years.

Yeah, and before
she lost her voice,

there were more people
listening to her

than to Amos and Andy.

Now, you listen to me, Ralph,
that phone is staying here.

Everybody but us
has a telephone.

All you're worried about
is the money.

Well, you can just
stop worrying,

because I'll figure out
some way to pay for that phone.

I'll just, uh, well,
I'll-I'll cut down on something.

I know what you'll
cut down on-- my food.

That's what you'll cut down on,
Alice, my food!

We'll have a phone, but
I won't have anything to eat!

- Oh, Ralph.
-Don't "Oh, Ralph" me!

I'm sick and tired of
hearing that "Oh, Ralph."

The bills will get bigger
and bigger,

and I'll get less to eat.

I'll start losing weight.

Then you know what
I'll look like?

Yeah. A human being.

Oh, are you gonna get yours.

Listen, Ralph, if you'd just
stop being so stubborn,

you'd realize
that we do need a phone.

It is just as important
for you as it is for me.

Oh, it has nothing
to do with me.

'Cause when I'm working all day,
you'll be making calls.

And then when I'm home at night,
you'll be getting 'em.

That phone is for you, you, you!

(phone rings)

Hello?

Yeah.

It's for you, you, you!

Hello?

Shut up.

All right, Ralph, what'd you
hang up on Norton for?

'Cause he's a nut!
Calling me up to congratulate me

about having a telephone.

Now look, let's get something
straight right now.

Right here and now.

A man's home is
just like a ship.

And on this ship,
I am the captain.

I am the captain of this ship.

Do you understand that?

You are nothing but a lowly,
third class seaman.

That's all you are.

Your duties-- get the mess,
swab the deck,

and see
that the captain feels good.

That's all you have to do.

Remember, you're nothing
but a lowly, third class seaman.

I'm the captain!

Where are you going?

Seaman Kramden, third class,
is retiring to the poop deck

until this big wind blows over!

(door slams)

(Ralph sighs)

Hey. What's the idea,
hanging up on me on the phone?

I just called to tell you
how happy I was

that you finally come to
your senses and got a telephone.

Is that so? Well, that phone's
going out in the morning.

Look, I know a phone
is a necessity,

but you don't know Alice
like I know Alice.

She and her mother get together
on that phone,

that's the end of everything.

If her mother caught a cold,

she'd be on that phone
20 times a day

just to say, "gesundheit."

First thing you know,

the neighbors find out
I got a phone call,

they start coming in here,
sponging on me,

"Can I call this one up?
Can I call that one up?"

Hey, uh, Ralph, that reminds me,
can I use your phone?

Didn't you just hear
what I said?

Just one call.

Is it an important call?

Look, would-would-would-would
I ask if it wasn't important?!

Go ahead, but make it short.

Thank you.

Will you make the call?!

Thank you.

Was that the important call
you had to make?!

Well, isn't knowing
the right time important?

Besides, I didn't talk
too long, did I?

You're gonna pay me
for that call.

You're gonna
pay me for that call.

I hate to bring this up,
Ralph,

but you, uh, leave me no choice.

In the past 15 years,

you've used my phone
a few times, you know.

All right, all right,
don't throw that up to me.

Just tell me
how many times I used it,

and I'll pay you for it.

All right, I'll tell you.

You owe me $176.30.

Let me have that, and
I'll check it with my figures.

- Oh, no, you don't.
-What do you mean, no, I don't?

- Yup.
-Oh.

What was that?

I'll tell you what that is.

She wanted to find out
if I'm still here.

She can't wait
to get on that phone

and start gabbing
with everybody.

Of course she won't get
on the phone. Don't be silly.

She's gonna run up a big bill

-when you go away or something?
-All right, pal.

We'll make believe
we're going out bowling,

and as soon
as I get down the street,

I'll duck into a candy store
and make a call.

I'll call this number,

and I'll bet you ten dollars
that it's busy.

"Bensonhurst 0-7741

Take your bag.

We're going bowling now, Alice.

Be back later.

(knocking on door)

Minute.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Simpson.

Hello. I-I'm sorry
to bother you, Mrs. Kramden,

but I was hoping maybe
you could help me.

Oh, sure.
What's the matter?

Well, a friend of mine's
baby-sitter disappointed them,

and-and, well, I was hoping
you might know someone.

Oh, gee, I'd love
to help you out, but, uh,

I don't know anyone.
See, uh...

Wait a minute. How much
does a baby-sitter get?

50 cents an hour,

and these people only live
three blocks from here.

Mrs. Simpson, I'll do it.

Oh, that's fine!
What's your telephone number?

- Well, have you got a pencil
in there? -Yes. Yes, I have.

In here.

- Bensonhurst...
-Mm-hmm.

- Bensonhurst...
-Bensonhurst...

- zero. ..
-zero...

-77...
-77...

-41.
-41.

And by the way, before I forget,

since I don't want Ralph
to know about this,

could you ask your friends
to call me before 6:00?

Because that's when
he usually gets home.

Oh, sure, I understand.

Now, these people
that you're sitting for tonight

-are the Bartfelds.
-Uh-huh.

And they live
at 383 Himrod Street.

- Uh-huh.
-Apartment 4-D.

383. I'll remember that,

and I can be there
in about 15 minutes.

Oh, that'll be fine,
Mrs. Kramden.

How can I ever thank you?

Oh, Mrs. Simpson,
I can't thank you enough.

- Well, good-bye.
-Good-bye.

You tell them
I'll be right over.

- Yes, I will.
-Okay.

(humming "We're in the Money")

So, you heard me coming, huh,
and got off the phone.

Ralph, I wasn't on the phone.

Don't stand there and give me
a bare-faced alibi like that,

that you weren't on the phone!

I've been calling this number
the last 15 minutes,

and it's been busy!

If I called Bensonhurst
0-7740 once,

I called it 400 times,
and each time it was busy!

Bensonhurst 0-7740?

- That's right, and each time
it was busy. -Mm-hmm.

Well, our number is
Bensonhurst 0-7741.

I want to tell you
something, Ralph.

We've had
our differences before.

We've argued, and we've fought
and everything else,

but everything was always
out in the open.

Each one knew
how the other one felt.

But this rushing
in here like this,

why didn't you just come in and
ask me if I was on the phone?

Didn't you think
I'd tell you the truth, Ralph?

Guess I had the wrong number.

(chuckles)

I guess I married
the wrong number, Ralph.

(door opens and closes)

That the way you want it,
Mr. Bartfeld?

That's fine, Frank.
That's fine.

- Thank you.
-Okay.

How'd you like
the show last night?

Oh, great, Harvey,
just great.

The wife and I
have a date tonight.

When I called her
from the office this afternoon,

she still hadn't found a sitter.

Say, why don't you call
the woman we used last night?

- Oh?
-Oh, she's very, very nice.

- Very, very good.
-Well, what's her name?

Uh, A-Alice Kramden.
She lives right near you, too.

Look, uh, uh, I'll give you
her phone number.

Hey, that sounds great.

I'll write it down in my book

as soon as I get out
of the chair here.

Great.

Oh, hi. The other barber'll
be here in just a minute.

Okay, pal.

Norton, are you sure
this is gonna work?

Don't you think
I ought to call her up

and see
if she's still steamed at me?

Oh, no, I like this way better.
Complete surprise.

You walk in there
with flowers, candy,

smooth-shaved, you know,
the skin a woman loves to touch.

-It'll work.
-But suppose it doesn't work?

What do you got to lose?

You can smell the flowers,
eat the candy,

and tomorrow morning, you don't
have to shave. (chuckles)

I guess maybe you're right.

After I tell her
she can keep the phone,

that ought to please her.

Certainly,
and w-w-wait'll she finds out

that you're giving up
the lodge meeting night

to take her to the floor show
at the Hong Kong Gardens.

You're a cinch!

- You're right.
-Who's next?

- That's me, pal.
-Here.

- Haircut?
-No, just a shave.

(Norton whistles softly)

What's the matter with you?

Don't you realize that this is
this man's place of business?

How would you like him to come
down to the sewer where you work

and help himself
to anything down there?

Help himself to what?

Will you sit down
and read a magazine?

Hey, Ralph, Esquire.

- Va-va-va-voom!
-Will you sit down?

Hot towel.

All done, Mr. Wohlstetter.

Fine.

Here you are, friend.

Thank you.

I better give you
that phone number now, Harvey.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Look, uh, you think
she's free tonight?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, her husband's
busy on Mondays,

Thursdays and Fridays, you know?

- Just make sure
you call before 6:00. -Mm-hmm.

Oh, here you are. Let's see now.
Oh, there it is, see?

The phone number is
Bensonhurst zero... 7741.

- Got it? And her name
is Alice Kramden. -Mm-hmm.

Alice?!

Who was that guy?

Wohlstetter,
Harvey Wohlstetter.

- Harvey Wohlstetter, huh? -Wait,
wait, wait a minute, wait.

Leave me alone.
I'm gonna take him apart!

Wait a minute, Ralph.

Maybe he's talking about
some other Alice Kramden.

Another Alice Kramden?

With Bensonhurst zero?!

Remember, last night
you were wrong.

Maybe you're right...
but I got to find out.

Wait a minute. If you go home
now and accuse her of anything,

and she's not wrong,
she'll never forgive you!

All right. But I just got
to go home and find out.

- I won't let on.
-Listen, listen...

I'll walk in, I'll be cheerful,
happy, pleasant.

But the most important thing
of all,

when you walk in there,

don't let her suspect
that anything is wrong.

I won't, I'll be pleasant.
I'll be smiling.

Wait a minute.
That'll be a dead giveaway.

Why don't you walk in
like you always do?

Leave me alone.

Yes, Mr. Wohlstetter, I have
a pad... pad and pencil now.

Uh-huh.

465 Van Buren Street.

Apartment 3-C.

Uh-huh.

Oh, dear, that's awfully early.

You see, my husband
isn't home from work yet,

and I have to give him
his supper and...

I'll make it as soon as I can.
Uh, uh, uh, g-good-bye.

(Alice chuckles nervously)

Hi, sweetie.

Hello.

Who were you talking to
on the phone?

Oh, that?
That was nobody, Ralph.

- That was a wrong number.
-Oh, a wrong number?

Uh-huh.

Guess you get a lot
of wrong numbers

now that you got a phone, huh?

- Yes, you'd be surprised.
-Uh-huh.

Well, uh, your supper's ready.

- How about eating?
-I'm not hungry yet.

You're always hungry as soon as
you come home from work, Ralph.

Yeah, I know, but I thought
tonight I'd just sit down

and relax
a little bit before I ate.

All right, you just relax.

Are you hungry yet?

What is this big rush
to get me to eat?

Well, there isn't any rush,
Ralph.

I just know
it's your lodge meeting night,

and you always like
to get there on time.

Oh. Well, I'll go in
and put my uniform on.

ALICE:
All right.

Uh-huh.

Here's your juice, Ralph.

You can come on over and...

There you go.

Better eat your soup
while it's hot.

It's too hot to eat.

Oh, well, then you shouldn't
eat it if it's that hot.

Here, dear.

Here you go.

What would you like
for dessert, Ralph?

- Dessert?
-Yeah.

Look, why don't you give me
some cornflakes and cream,

and we can take care of
tomorrow's breakfast, too,

while we're at it?

What is this rush?

- Was I rushing you?
-Were you rushing me?

What have you got to do

that you want me
to hurry up like this?

Well, all right, Ralph,

I might as well
tell you the truth.

I know
it's your lodge meeting night,

so there's a movie
that I want to see,

and I just thought
I'd catch the early show.

- Oh, you're going to a movie?
-Uh-huh.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Maybe I won't go
to the lodge meeting tonight.

I'll go to the movie with you.

Oh, no, Ralph,
I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't disturb your going to
the lodge meeting for the world.

And besides,
you wouldn't like this movie.

- What's the name of it?
- It's, uh...

(chuckling):
I don't know.

Oh, you're right,
I'd hate that one.

Ralph, I mean, I don't know
the name of the movie,

but, you know,
it's a love story,

and I know you have no interest
in love stories.

Guess maybe you're right.

Well, go ahead.
I don't want to hold you up.

Oh, you're a dear, Ralph.

- Have a good time.
-Thank you, darling, I will.

I bet you will.

Norton!

Norton!

What do you want, Ralph?

Come on down!

(Ralph yells)

What are you trying to do,

give me a heart attack
or something?

Make some noise
when you walk in here.

- Where's Alice?
-Where's Alice?

She went over to see
Harvey Wohlstetter.

That's where she is.

She told you that?

Oh, no, she didn't say that.

Made up some lie about going
to the movies, you know.

Didn't even know the name of it.

What are you gonna do?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I got his address out
of the telephone book.

I am now going over
and take him apart,

piece by piece.

And when I finish
with that snake in the grass,

I'm gonna tell Alice
once and for all,

that's it, I never want
to see her again.

I got along without her
before I got married to her,

and I'll get along
without her again.

Let's just say, it's all over,
it's through, done with.

Norton, I don't want
to lose her.

Well, I hope
he doesn't lose her.

She's such a good cook.

Well, here's to you, Helen.

May the next ten years be
as wonderful as these have been.

(doorbell rings)

Mm, I'll get it.

- Mrs. Kramden?
-Yes.

- Come in, won't you?
-Uh-huh.

I'm Harvey Wohlstetter.
This is my wife, Helen.

- Hello. -Hello.
I'm sorry if I've kept you.

Oh, no, th-that's fine,
that's fine.

- Look, sweetie,
we better go, huh? -Uh-huh.

All right, Mrs. Kramden,
I'll look and see

if Harvey Jr.'s still awake.

He's sound asleep.

You know, he always sleeps
right through.

You won't have any trouble
with him at all.

- Well, I'll look in on him
later, anyway. -Good.

- Have a good time.
-Thank you very much.

- Good night. -Good night.
-Night.

(doorbell rings continuously)

Aha!

Well!

Ralph, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

Don't you think the shoe
should be on the other foot?

I don't have to ask you
what you're doing here.

Well, isn't this cozy.
Cocktail time, huh?

- Well, where is he?
-Where is who?

- Where is Harvey?
-Harvey?!

Yeah. Harvey.

- I want to see Harvey.
-Listen...

(yelling):
Come on out of there, Harvey!

Come on, Harve!

I know you're in there, Harvey!

- Ralph, you're making
a very big mistake. -I am?

If you'll just let me
explain this...

Wait till you see the mistake
I make out of Harvey!

If you don't come out
of there, Harvey,

I'm coming in after you!

Come on, Harve!

Happy?

You happy now, you woke him up?

What is that?

That's Harvey Wohlstetter, Jr.

I'm taking care of him.

You mean, you're baby-sitting?

That's right, baby-sitting.

Come on, sweetheart,
go back to bed. (grunts)

Gee, I never knew
Davy Crockett was so fat.

(door closes)

Guess I made a little mistake.

You don't have
to say anything, Ralph,

because most of this
was my fault.

I never should've tried
to hide it from you.

I just thought that
if I did a little baby-sitting

a few nights a week, I could pay
for the phone myself.

That way you wouldn't have
the worry of the added expense.

But I never should've done it
without telling you.

Ah...

you were right, honey.

You're always right.

It's just unfortunate
that you got a clam like me

for a husband, that's all.

I don't know
what's the matter with me.

I don't think there's anybody

that's got a better wife
than I got.

But I got to run around acting
like a maniac all the time,

screaming, accusing, yelling.

I only do it for one reason:

I'm so much in love
with you that...

the slightest thing
makes me jealous.

Just thinking of you
looking at another guy...

drives me nuts.

Ralph, we have a phone now,

so you can call and tell me
as often as you want.

Baby, you're the greatest.