Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

I'm gonna get you, Bryana.

Come and get it.

Yippee-ki-yay.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Bryana, get off of your brother.

Ow. What has gotten into you two?

You're supposed to be doing your homework.

BRYAN: Ambush! (kids screaming)

(yelling)

(laughing) Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, hey.

My bad, Wanda. I thought you were on their team.

Do I look like I'm on their team? Hey, hey, I don't know.

Put that down.

WANDA: Okay, you know what?

I want this place cleaned up now.

America, see, they say

as you get older, you lose patience.

And that's what's happening with my baby, Wanda.

But see, she's not mad at me or the kids.

It's Baby Girl's daddy, Bryan.

He's always working her reserve nerves.

See, Bryan's the kind of person

that you got to take in small doses.

And let's just say that my baby, Wanda, she's ODing.

(laughs) But the good news is, her birthday is coming up.

And she's gonna get the best gift of all:

a quiet, peaceful evening with just me and the family.

WANDA: Ooh, he gets on my... Ooh!

And Bryan's not invited.

Uh, hey, Wanda. Uh, where do you guys keep the vacuum?

Should be the hall closet.

Okay, cool. Got it.

Uh, sorry to bother you.

Mm-hmm.

(door opens, shuts) Ooh.

(refrigerator door opens)

Ah.

Get... Mmm.

Oh, oh, yeah.

(laughs) Hall closet. My--My bad.

Sorry about that.

(loud clatter, groan)

BRYAN: I'm okay!

Is this the only vacuum you guys have?

(doorbell rings)

Oh. You still here?

I thought you had to go to work.

Hey, don't worry about me.

I'm-a have Tyrone clock me in.

(scoffs)

(laughing) Who's in town?

Valerie!

Wanda!

Mwah! Mwah!

(both laughing)

Well, happy birthday, old lady.

Uh. 29 again. Feel like the first time.

Oh, yes, of course, of course.

I missed you. WANDA: I missed you, too.

Mommy's gonna kill you.

You cut your hair. Oh, I know.

(clears throat)

Um.

Oh, uh... Hey.

Uh, Bryan, this is

my little sister, Valerie.

She's in town for my birthday.

Hey, hi, I'm Bryana's dad.

Uh, don't I make beautiful babies?

Whatever. He's touching me.

Are you hungry? Oh, my God, yes.

I have some appetizers in the kitchen.

Oh. I have some crabs and shrimp.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, a brotha's gotta eat now. You know what?

I'll just have Tyrone clock me out for lunch.

Uh, get the bag, Belvedere, thanks. Thanks.

I also have that bottle of wine that we got from...

(laughter)

BRYAN: Come on. I've had that for the last eight years from him.

(laughter) So, Val, how long you in town, girl?

Why? You trying to get rid of me already?

I'm not trying to get rid of her, America.

I'm just trying to be prepared.

You see, ever since they were little,

Wanda's been the protective big sister,

and Valerie's been the spoiled little sister.

But this is my baby Wanda's special day,

and I have to make sure Valerie doesn't steal her spotlight,

if you know what I mean.

Okay, technically, he wasn't my man,

but, I mean, it's cool for what it was, you know.

It's all about the sex right now anyway. (laughing) What?

Hey, hey, more wine for you.

-Mmm, mmm. -Don't disrespect my sister. You don't even know her.

See what I'm talking 'bout, America?

Wanda always protect her little sister, Valerie, right or wrong.

The last thing you wanna do is come betwixt them.

You know, is it always like that with sisters, Serena?

Absolutely. That's how it is with me and Venus.

I don't let nothing come between us.

Oh, you just saying that 'cause the camera there, man.

The whole world saw you whup on your sister's ass

at the French Open. (chuckles)

What you talking about my sister like that for?

What you talking 'bout? Ain't nobody said nothing.

I didn't whup her.

She taught me everything I know.

You know what? I can't believe you gonna invite me here

just to criticize my sister like that.

It ain't even going down like that. Mm-mmm, not tonight.

You know what? I ought to get up and kick your ass right now for that.

Come on, come, come on, come, now. Come on now. (chuckling)

Shoot, don't play.

Don't play, 'cause I don't play.

I'm from Compton, Bernie. Don't play.

Shoot, Compton got grass.

What you talking about?

You ain't from nowhere.

(coughs)

So, um,

what are your plans for your birthday?

(sighs)

I said, uh,

what are your plans for your birthday?

You know, they say that, uh, hearing is the first thing to go.

Cute.

(laughing)

You know, I'm just thinking of, you know,

maybe just having a quiet dinner with my family.

That's it? Mm-hmm.

I mean, don't you do that every night?

I'm just saying, it's your birthday.

Well, that's what I want to do.

No, it's not, nope.

You wanna have a skate party.

I do? Mm-hmm.

Did you see that, America?

Valerie wanna get my baby, Wanda, a skating party

because Valerie wants one.

See, she know my baby, Wanda, can't skate.

She's got the coordination of a bumblebee.

Ooh, we could have, like, a '70s theme.

Oh, it'll be just like when we were young.

(laughing) Well,

yeah, when you were young.

I mean, I still am, so...

That's getting old.

Oh, like you.

(laughs) At least I'm married.

Anyway... Um, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

You know what? That's not a lot of time to get a party.

I don't think I can pull it together.

Oh, no, I can do it. I mean, you don't even have to lift a finger.

Wow, I haven't skated in years.

Girl, me neither, and I'm telling you,

I would look so good on some skates.

We. Both of us.

That's what I meant. We would both look good.

Uh-huh. Skates.

See, it's starting already.

Valerie's making this all about her.

Now the question is, America, do I say something bad

about Valerie, and make Wanda mad at me?

Or do I let Valerie ruin my baby's day,

and have Wanda take it out on me?

What do you think, baby?

Oh, you lost me. I don't care either way.

I used to love skating.

Mm, me, too.

You know, you trippin' girl.

You trippin', you trippin' real bad, you know?

You trippin' real bad.

(awkward silence)

WANDA: We're ready!

Chillax, I'm coming!

Dang.

(Bernie grunting)

(clattering)

Whoa. Oh. Oh!

(Bernie yelling) (crashing)

BERNIE: Oh! Ooh!

BERNIE: Oh!

(Jordan snickering)

Oh. That's funny.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

From the looks of that... I play through the pain.

But I guess I just don't like letting people down,

especially my family, but... that's you.

Oh, that's too cold.

I told them to go get Venus.

(indistinct chattering)

(woman sighs)

Hey, hey, hey.

VALERIE: Ooh, girl,

people can't even get in, it must be packed inside.

No, it's closed.

There's' police tape on the front door.

What?

Oh, Val, this is a disaster.

No, no. You know what? It's okay.

We'll, um... We'll just go somewhere else.

Dressed like this?

I don't think so.

MAN: So there's no party?

But we got all dressed up.

Uh, everyone, you look great. (chuckles)

But I am so sorry to say

the party's not happening.

(clears throat) (sighing)

Sorry.

You see that, Serena? She ruined my baby's party.

I gotta go help her. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Are you all right?

Oh, oh! We need a trainer. Trainer.

Trainer! Is there a trainer?

Girl, we ain't got no dog... Oh!

You ain't got no trainer? No, we ain't got no trainer!

Oh! (indistinct)

You ain't hurt.

Shoot, playing games with me.

Pretending to be hurt.

You don't know what pain is. Oh...

(Chic: "Le Freak" blaring over speakers playing)

Hey look, we got everything we need right here.

Look, the kids, they can roller-skate right here.

And we can get our party on.

This is an empty parking lot. We gonna look ridiculous.

Wanda, this is a '70s party.

We're supposed to look ridiculous.

Everybody, put your cars in a circle.

Turn your headlights on. We about to party.

(crowd murmuring excitedly)

All right, let's get our party on!

Whoo! It's the Rainbow Coalition!

(Chic: "Le Freak" playing)

♪ It's up to you, it surely can be done ♪

♪ Young and old are doing it, I'm told ♪

♪ Just one try, and you, too, will be sold ♪

♪ It's called Le Freak, they're doin' it night and day ♪

♪ Allow us, we'll show you the way ♪

♪ Aw, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic ♪

♪ Freak out! ♪

♪ All that pressure got you down ♪

♪ Got your head spinning all around ♪

♪ Feel the rhythm ♪

♪ Check the ride ♪

♪ Come on along... ♪

Hey.

Hey, Aunt Wanda. It looks like you're having a really good time.

Yeah, I guess I am, you know.

Who would have thought having a party in a parking lot would be fun?

(laughs) Good, I am glad.

I'm leaving.

What?

Fine, if you don't want to hang out with us old folks,

I get it. Go home.

Thanks. Happy birthday.

Mm-hmm.

Mwah! (quiet squeal)

You go straight home!

(indistinct chattering)

Oh, Vanessa, bring me back some food.

I haven't eaten all day.

I'm not coming back.

Then take me with you.

(scoffs) I don't think so.

Peace out.

(whimpers) Oh! MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hmm, look at him over there trying to make everything good.

Why do we hate him again?

Wait a minute. I know that look.

You're not interested in him, are you?

Well, I mean, I'm not... not interested.

He's the life of the party.

(laughs) Just like me.

(sighs) We should hook up.

Ooh, no. (chuckles) That's not a good idea.

Why, what he got?

That's not it.

Oh. It's just that...

he is the most irresponsible person in the world.

And you know what? Having him around is like having four kids.

Oh, so you're saying he's fun.

like a... like a big kid.

No, I'm saying that he has a big kid that he just met.

And between me and you, Bernie done floated him some cash,

and I don't expect to see it again.

Oh, uh-uh.

Girl, you know I hate that type.

You know I can't stand it. (scoffs)

Wow, she laid it down, didn't she?

Ooh. Doggone right. My baby a straight shooter.

Wouldn't you want your sister to be a straight shooter to you,

tell you everything?

Well, that's not a problem for us

'cause we, you know, we tell each other everything.

That's right.

(phone ringing) Oh, let's see who it is.

Oh, that's her right now. You mind if I get this?

Hey, V, what's going on?

Yeah, I'm just out here hanging with Bernie Mac,

you know, talking to America. (laughs)

No, I told you about it.

♪ Freak out ♪

I could've sworn I told you.

Hey, if you hung out with me more often,

maybe you'd be here, too, talking to America.

(chuckles) Girl, I know you love Bernie Mac,

but I could've sworn I told you.

Well, if I didn't tell you, I know I told Mom to tell you.

Look, Venus, I don't have time for this.

We got to talk about this later. I'm on TV. (closes phone and claps)

Everything straight? Oh, yeah, yeah. We cool.

♪ Ah, freak out ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic ♪

♪ Freak out ♪

Oh, hey. Hey, Dan.

You got anything to eat?

Nothing. Oh, you got nothing?

Not even a mint?

Sorry. Oh...

♪ Ah, freak out ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic ♪

♪ Freak out ♪

♪ Ah, freak out ♪

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me!

What? You got anything to eat?

Take this. I can't eat money.

Oh, is that a candy bar?

♪ Freak out ♪

Hey, foxy lady. (chuckles)

What you doing over here by yourself?

(laughs) Hiding from you.

♪ Freak out ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic♪

Oh, okay. That's cool.

Uh... bring me back a diet soda, too.

All right? (chuckles)

Ooh, I'm about to go play with Sleeping Beauty.

Hey, hey, hold up, Cinderella.

(Earth Wind and Fire: "Let's Groove" playing) ♪ Down, upon down ♪

♪ The boogie down ♪

♪ Down, upon down... ♪

♪ The boogie down, down ♪

♪ Let's groove tonight ♪

Mm...

(Jordan making slurping noises)

♪ Share the spice of life ♪

(gasps, groans)

I got to get something to eat.

Hey! Bryan!

Oh, hey, hey.

You having fun, birthday girl? I am.

My party's turned out to be pretty live. Mm-hmm.

And I owe it all to you. Thank you.

Oh, well, you know I am the lovable Big B, baby.

Hey, hey, plus, I got your back.

Yeah, I got your back, too. (chuckles)

Really? Uh... No.

Just kidding. (chuckles) Hey, hey, uh...

Do you think you could do a brother a favor? Yeah.

Put in a good word for me

with your baby sister. (police siren wailing)

Put your hands down. Look, look, you don't know where them balloons came from.

No, put them... Just tell 'em that.

(indistinct chattering)

Oh, here we go.

Here comes the 5-0.

Jordan.

I'm not afraid of The Man.

What are they going to do, tase me?

I'm just a kid! (Valeria laughs)

Uh, uh, excuse me, Officer. Is--Is there a problem?

Sorry, folks. You're on private property.

It looks like you're having a good time, but you got to go.

(chuckling) Officer, the party was just ending.

(chuckles) Guys, I've had a wonderful party.

I just would like to get home to my husband

and spend the rest of my birthday with him.

You guys hear that?

Wanda said after-party at her place!

(giggling)

Let's go party with the Mac Man!

(ruckus)

Sweetheart, I am so sorry.

I really, really wanted to be there for you

to make sure you got everything you wanted on your birthday.

How'd it go?

Well... it was a disaster.

That's until... Bryan kind of saved the day.

You know, he really kind of came through for me.

You know, I think I might've misjudged him.

-No, you didn't. -Oh.

(clears throat) Anyway,

where's your sister Valerie? Where she at now?

BRYAN: I've got liquor!

Entertaining some guests that she invited home.

BRYAN: Yeah, yeah, I have the single malt!

(clears throat) Hey, baby, you better get on out there.

Go on.

Go on, go on, baby. It...

Hurry up, baby.

(door closes)

(disco music playing)

Uh, did you talk with Val yet? Am I in there?

Oh, Val, oh. Mm-hmm.

You know what? I looked for her,

and she wasn't there.

There she is, right there. Oh, is she?

(clears throat)

Bryan, can I be honest with you?

Sure.

I love Val.

She has yet to find herself.

Oh... And she has great potential,

and... she just doesn't focus on one thing.

But when she does, wow, she's going to be great.

I-I just don't think that this is the right time for...

her and you.

Oh.

Okay, it's... Ooh...

Maybe it is...

time for me to be getting to work.

So, no, it's cool. Thank you.

You know, I'll just say goo...

good night to Bryana.

(sighs)

(grunting)

Yo, excuse me, dawg.

Mm...

Hey, who loves you, baby? Daddy.

And who's going to love you more than Daddy?

Nobody. That's right.

Hey, you don't let these grown-ups keep you up late tonight, okay?

If you have to, sleep with your headphones on.

Aw...

Night, Daddy. Good night, Princess.

(door closes)

Hey, Mr. Daddy.

Oh...

That was, uh...

that was really sweet.

You know, you're a great father.

Thanks. Yes. I mean,

I never would have guessed that you guys

only met a couple months ago.

How did you even know about that?

Oh, Wanda told me back at the parking lot.

She told you that?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean I... I kind of asked about you

because, you know, you were the life of the party and everything and...

And I thought maybe... Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

You asked about me?

Hey, let's go in here. What else did she say?

SINGER: ♪ Love so well, he with the mean style ♪

♪ Casting a spell ♪

(scoffs)

Who is she to be butting in my business anyway?

I don't know. I mean, we might be perfect for each other.

Who knows? You might like onion rings and brown Kool-Aid.

Shut up. What you know about brown Kool-Aid?

Uh, Purple and orange, baby.

Ooh, you better stop play. This is so good.

Get a little slice of cantaloupe,

you put in there. Oh, my God. It's...

Sometimes, you can put watermelon, too.

(disco music playing)

Everybody! Your coats are here when you're ready!

This one look like yours.

You don't even know how to make pasta?

You know, what do you know, okay?

All you have is a GED.

Wanda told you that, too?

She didn't have to.

I'd like to see you get your GED at 29.

Like you still remember how to do fractions.

29, huh? Mm-hm.

And I know you're lying about your age.

Wanda!

(applause and cheering)

-All right! -All right!

Hey, Wanda, we need to talk.

What? Uh... Come on.

Everybody enjoy the cake.

WOMAN: Cut the cake. Come on.

(indistinct chattering)

You... Look, Wanda.

How can you say all those things about me to Val, huh?

What? Is that how you really feel about me?

Because the way that you and Bernie opened up your home to me,

I was kind of thinking that we were family.

I never knew that I was such a big, old burden.

Bryan, I'm sorry. Hmm.

You are family.

(sighs)

Thank you.

(mumbles) Look, and...

And since I'm family,

we need to talk about our sister. Oh, well, hold on, now.

'Cause Val and I have each other's back.

Except for when she threw you that

skating party that you didn't want.

And brought all these people back to your house

that you didn't ask for.

(chuckles) That's Val. Mmm. Yeah.

Here she goes. Hey, big sis.

Um, I'm-a go ahead and take the cover off the pool.

Uh, sweetie, I don't think that's a good idea.

Oh, no, no, don't worry about it. It's heated, right?

Your sister said "no," Val.

You know, I... I don't think I was talking to you.

(chuckles) I was talking to you.

(chuckling) Okay.

Why is he still here?

Okay? I mean, this is supposed

to be a party for...

friends and... family.

Bryan is family.

And, sweetie? The party's over.

But I was... BRYAN: Eh, no, no, no. No "buts."

You heard her.

BRYAN: All right?

(distant laughter)

I got your back.

America.

Look like my baby Wanda

has a new understanding

with her sister and her new brother.

Whatever. (scoffs)

There you go.

But you got to go, too.

(chuckles nervously) What?

Only because I want to spend a little time with my husband.

It's still my birthday.

Oh, I got you. I got you. Okay.

Can you clear the house for me?

Oh, I got you. I got you.

Ah, excuse me!

Uh, y'all ain't got to go home,

but you got to get the hell up outta here!

WANDA (teasingly): Bernie?

Oh.

America, look like I got to play through the pain.

Come in here, baby!

Try something new!

(music playing)

Captioned by Visual Data