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1
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:05,671
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:21,094
Hey, America, let me talk
to y'all for a minute.
3
00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,805
Oh. We're about
to be interrupted,
4
00:00:23,882 --> 00:00:25,474
because in about five seconds,
5
00:00:25,550 --> 00:00:27,642
Jordan's going to come home
from school and yell...
6
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:30,145
JORDAN: Hey, Uncle Bernie,do we have anythingto eat in here?
7
00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:32,022
But I ain't going
to answer him because...
8
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,648
Never mind!I got it!
9
00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,317
See, my point is, America,
10
00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:37,778
Bernie Mac knows
what's going on in his house.
11
00:00:37,854 --> 00:00:38,829
(chuckles)
12
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,563
(both laughing)
13
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,867
Hey, honey, guess
who's going to the senior prom.
14
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,544
How can a junior go
to the senior prom?
15
00:00:45,621 --> 00:00:47,996
I can go with one
of the seniors who asked me.
16
00:00:48,073 --> 00:00:50,665
Seniors? Plural?
17
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,125
Then hail to the no's.
18
00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:54,169
Can they tell
how young you are, Nessa?
19
00:00:54,246 --> 00:00:56,546
You ain't going
on no doggone senior prom.
20
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,049
Those boys on the prom night
don't want but one thing.
21
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:03,261
Come on, honey. Look, the prom
is a high school girl's time
to be a princess.
22
00:01:03,338 --> 00:01:04,888
Don't take that from her.
23
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,223
I ain't trying
to take nothing.
24
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,016
I'm trying
to help the girl keep it.
25
00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:09,935
Come on, that didn't happen
to me on my prom.
26
00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:12,521
Woman, you went to a school
with "Academy" in the name.
27
00:01:12,597 --> 00:01:15,565
These boys today got game,
and I don't trust them.
28
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,743
Well, when are you
going to trust me?
29
00:01:19,187 --> 00:01:21,655
America, I know Nessa,
30
00:01:21,731 --> 00:01:23,949
and I know
she's not out there like that,
31
00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:25,283
but you have to understand,
32
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,202
it's my job
to stay in her business,
33
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:28,870
and, more importantly,
34
00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:31,414
to make sure she knows
I'm staying in her business.
35
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:34,209
See, when a father has a boy,
36
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:36,595
he only has one penis
to worry about,
37
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:38,338
but when he has a girl,
38
00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:41,633
he has everybody's penis
to worry about.
39
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,760
See, it's part of my job.
40
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:47,231
All right, Nessa,
you can go on the prom,
41
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,182
only if I can meet all the boys.
42
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:51,935
Why, so you can pry
like you always do?
43
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,728
If they ain't
got nothing to hide,
44
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,105
ain't nothing to worry about.
45
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,365
Trust me.
46
00:01:58,518 --> 00:01:59,451
Okay.
47
00:02:01,313 --> 00:02:04,706
WANDA:
All right, easy, easy.
48
00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:07,284
Take it to the couch.
49
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,869
Wanda, wha--what happened?
50
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,287
Oh, honey,
it's just a sprain.
51
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:12,080
But you know
what the good news is?
52
00:02:12,157 --> 00:02:14,633
She is MVP
of the league
championship.
53
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:18,128
Easy, easy. Hey, there.
Yeah, I scored
three goals.
54
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:19,963
Three goals. Wow.
55
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,007
Would you look at that? MVP.
56
00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:23,675
Shoot, girl,
you're almost as bad
57
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:26,636
as that, uh...
black guy they put
on that pro soccer team.
58
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,556
What's his name? Uh...
baby, the dude with the socks.
59
00:02:29,633 --> 00:02:31,349
I don't know.
60
00:02:31,426 --> 00:02:33,310
Hmm. You okay, baby?
61
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,145
You know what?
They said it's
just her ankle.
62
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,314
She just has to stay
off of it for a while.
63
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,574
Hmm.
64
00:02:40,435 --> 00:02:42,027
Hey, those are mine.
65
00:02:42,103 --> 00:02:44,487
Boy, show
some respect
for the MVP.
66
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:46,656
Better yet, go in the kitchen
and make yourself useful.
67
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,326
Bring back a soda,
whatever else you can find.
68
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:51,461
Hurry up!
(growls)
69
00:02:59,996 --> 00:03:01,630
So, Derrick,
70
00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,849
have you stopped trying
to have sex with my niece?
71
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,056
Enjoy the prom, Vanessa.
72
00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:13,391
(chuckles)
One down. Who's next?
73
00:03:13,468 --> 00:03:15,602
See? I told you
he'd mess everything up.
74
00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:17,237
Now no one's going
to want to take me.
75
00:03:17,314 --> 00:03:19,314
(sighs)
Come on, honey.
76
00:03:19,391 --> 00:03:21,358
You're supposed to meet
the boys, not scare them off.
77
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,243
Baby, it's survival
of the fittest,
78
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,570
me and nature
helping her choose.
79
00:03:25,647 --> 00:03:29,074
Honey, this is
Vanessa's decision
to make, okay?
80
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:31,117
We want her to have
some choices left.
81
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:32,544
So crazy it down a notch.
82
00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:38,717
Hello, Mr. Mac.
83
00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:40,418
Tyrone.
84
00:03:40,495 --> 00:03:42,846
But I go by Lem-n-Lym
in the industry.
85
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,381
Is that right?
Yeah.
86
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,049
On the turntables.
87
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,717
Yeah.
88
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,219
So, so, Lem-n-Lym,
89
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,429
you the kind of cat
that got all the kids
90
00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:53,556
squirming
on the dance floor,
right?
91
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:57,435
(chuckling) Mr. Mac,
you are the funniest brother
in Hollywood.
92
00:03:57,512 --> 00:03:59,571
Everything you say
is hilarious.
93
00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:01,064
Is that right?
94
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,190
Is teen pregnancy funny?
95
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:05,610
(laughing)
(claps)
96
00:04:05,687 --> 00:04:07,195
Look here, man,
I ain't trying to be funny,
97
00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:08,196
I'm trying
to make a point, man.
98
00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:09,748
(laughing)
99
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:11,366
(claps)
100
00:04:11,443 --> 00:04:12,867
Yo, that's the face!
101
00:04:12,944 --> 00:04:16,204
You're doing the face.
Hold on, wait. Classic.
102
00:04:16,281 --> 00:04:17,247
(imitating Mac)
Who you with?
103
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,758
(laughing)
104
00:04:21,703 --> 00:04:23,295
Woo!
105
00:04:23,371 --> 00:04:26,464
America, this boy
has no natural fear,
106
00:04:26,541 --> 00:04:29,134
and Wanda tied my hands
so I couldn't put it in him.
107
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:32,345
You can't trust somebody
who doesn't know
when to be afraid.
108
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:34,097
TYRONE (in distance):
Who you with?
109
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,390
(laughing)
110
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,642
And I ain't that funny.
Woo!
111
00:04:37,719 --> 00:04:41,271
Jason, let me go through
the restrictions
on anyone who wants
112
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:42,597
to take my niece
to the prom.
113
00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:44,232
The two of them
could never be alone,
114
00:04:44,309 --> 00:04:46,651
not in a room,
not in the car,
115
00:04:46,728 --> 00:04:47,552
not at the prom,
116
00:04:47,629 --> 00:04:48,737
not after the prom,
117
00:04:48,813 --> 00:04:50,914
not here, not there,
not anywhere.
118
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,782
That's not a problem, Mr. Mac.
119
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,993
I keep pretty strict
dating rules myself.
120
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,620
Uh, for instance, I won't go
into a girl's house
if her parents aren't home.
121
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,882
I believe
in hands-free kissing,
and I only date in groups.
122
00:05:04,496 --> 00:05:06,671
What's the catch?
I'm a Christian.
123
00:05:06,748 --> 00:05:08,131
(music sounds)
♪ Hallelujah ♪
124
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,507
I know a lot of people say that,
125
00:05:09,584 --> 00:05:11,560
but it's important
for me to walk the walk.
126
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,646
So that means you're a...
127
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:18,567
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm a Democrat.
128
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,653
No, fool. I mean, you a...
129
00:05:26,518 --> 00:05:28,910
Oh, uh, yeah, a practicing one.
130
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,697
Forget about scaring them off.
131
00:05:32,774 --> 00:05:35,375
I actually want
this one to stay.
132
00:05:35,452 --> 00:05:37,535
But I can't let Nessa
know I like him,
133
00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:41,247
or she'll pick Tyrone
just to spite me.
134
00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:44,209
No, no. I got to play this
from the sidelines
135
00:05:44,285 --> 00:05:46,470
and make sure Jason's
the one she picks.
136
00:05:53,303 --> 00:05:54,844
Have you chose a prom date yet?
137
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:58,098
No. But if you must know,
I'm leaning towards Tyrone.
138
00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,649
(grunts)
139
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:00,776
What was that?
140
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:04,687
Nothing, just that's
a pretty dress right there.
141
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,866
Hmm. I like
the other one better.
142
00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:15,865
She's leaning towards Tyrone.
143
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:19,577
Well, the Mac Man got to make
sure she leans toward Jason.
144
00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:21,871
(opening door)
VANESSA:
Tyrone!
145
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,874
(hip-hop music playing)
146
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,218
Told you.
147
00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:30,880
(bass music blasting)
♪ Will you go to theprom ♪
148
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,557
♪ Will you go go ♪
149
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:40,056
♪ Will you go towill you go to ♪
150
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,308
♪ The prom with me ♪
151
00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,236
♪ Will you go go ♪
152
00:06:49,225 --> 00:06:50,867
♪ Will you go to the prom ♪
153
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:55,989
You are so going
to the prom with Tyrone.
154
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,907
I hate you.
This is so The O.C.
155
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:58,917
(all giggling)
156
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:12,672
America, I sold Tyrone short.
157
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:15,341
That boy got smooth in his DNA.
158
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,218
Now I trust him even less.
159
00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:18,761
I know he's the frontrunner,
160
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,848
but, see, I need
to put Jason on top.
161
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:24,901
America, let's just hope
I'm not too late.
162
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:27,395
It's from Daddy.
163
00:07:27,472 --> 00:07:30,607
"Princess, this is
the hottest toy out,
164
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:33,401
but I spared
no expense for you.
165
00:07:33,478 --> 00:07:37,071
Get well and merry Christmas
and happy birthday"?
166
00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:38,757
What's
a Robosapien?
167
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,617
Only the coolest
biomorph robot ever.
168
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:44,787
It uses artificial intelligence
developed by NASA.
169
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:45,881
(whirring)
170
00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:51,836
(burps)
171
00:07:51,913 --> 00:07:53,838
Oh, he can do
so much more than that.
172
00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:56,174
Look. Like a real
martial arts move.
173
00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,476
Watch.
174
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:00,845
Ha-ha!
175
00:08:00,922 --> 00:08:01,846
I'll call him...
176
00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:03,306
Roboburp.
177
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,975
(burps)
178
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:07,018
(laughing)
179
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,603
You don't appreciate him.
180
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,063
Give it.
Give it back!
181
00:08:10,139 --> 00:08:11,981
Give it. No!
It's mine!
182
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,992
-Hey, no!
-Hey, hey, hey.
183
00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:16,611
Let go, let go. Let go.
Come on.
184
00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:19,122
You should be
ashamed of yourself
fighting your sister
185
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:23,493
while she's hurt. Come on,
we're supposed to take care
of her until she gets better.
186
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,670
Now behave, okay?
187
00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:30,416
(burps)
188
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:34,170
Cosby was right about you people
and your low expectations.
189
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,548
Shut up
and get me another soda.
190
00:08:36,624 --> 00:08:38,099
(growls)
191
00:08:39,794 --> 00:08:41,135
(burps)
192
00:08:41,212 --> 00:08:43,638
Look, I'm pulling
for you, boy,
193
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,807
but you falling so behind
in this race, man,
194
00:08:45,883 --> 00:08:48,017
Nessa's going to have
to call you like last week
just to tell you no.
195
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,394
Don't worry, Mr. Mac.
196
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:52,489
My game's pretty tight.
Is that right?
197
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,649
Show me
what you're working with.
Okay.
198
00:08:54,726 --> 00:08:57,527
First, I make sure
the girl sees me as a friend.
199
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:59,279
Then I go in and...
Wait, wait, wait.
200
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:00,697
Don't, don't tell me.
201
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,207
You going to come
to her like her brother.
202
00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:04,367
Yeah, how'd you know?
203
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,827
Son, if you do that,
the next thing you know,
204
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,704
she going to be coming
to you for advice,
205
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,123
asking about the guy
she really like.
206
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:12,500
Not again.
Yeah. Again.
207
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:16,129
Look. Luckily,
I'm your ace in the hole.
I can help you get Nessa.
208
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:17,797
I can tell you what she like
and what she don't like,
209
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:19,799
and I can especially
tell you what makes her mad.
210
00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,718
I'll help you get
this girl, man.
211
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,562
All you need is
a little coaching.
212
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,523
I don't know.
That sounds like cheating.
213
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,392
No more cheating than when God
helped David beat Goliath.
214
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:32,562
When God helped
the White Sox win the Series.
215
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:33,863
I don't think he helped them.
216
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,949
Hey, hey, yes, he did.
217
00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:39,527
Hey, Vanessa.
218
00:09:39,604 --> 00:09:40,903
You know, since I spin,
219
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,196
I got all the jams.
220
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,323
You should come by and, uh...
221
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:44,699
dig through my crate some time.
222
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,909
Thanks.
I'll think about it.
223
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,996
♪ You never know,I might just be ♪
224
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:54,167
♪ The one,the one, the one ♪
225
00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:56,753
India Arie? I love her.
226
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,588
Especially that last album.
227
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,883
Oh, yeah, the one
about relationships?
Ripped it.
228
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,093
Most people think
it's about relationships,
229
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,803
but...
if you really listen,
230
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,430
it's about knowing
yourself first.
231
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,182
Exactly.
232
00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:13,987
(India Arie
singing indistinctly)
233
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,200
(cheering and applause)
234
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,369
(India Arie: "The One" playing)
235
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:31,871
♪ I've got this feeling ♪
236
00:10:31,948 --> 00:10:34,957
♪ That I need to express ♪
237
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:39,629
♪ Letting it outso you don't have to guess ♪
238
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:45,134
♪ I'm making myselfvulnerable ♪
239
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,013
♪ but you keep holding backso scared to let go ♪
240
00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:51,140
I know exactly
who I'm going to the prom with.
241
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,276
Hey, now we can double date
with you and Tyrone.
242
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,520
Actually, I decided
to go with Jason.
243
00:10:55,596 --> 00:10:56,979
He seems to care
about me more,
244
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:59,032
and Tyrone just cared
about the prom.
245
00:10:59,109 --> 00:11:00,108
You know what I mean?
246
00:11:00,184 --> 00:11:01,526
Yeah. Typical.
247
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:02,985
Hey, you think I can...?
248
00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:04,112
I already told him
to call you.
249
00:11:04,188 --> 00:11:05,488
(laughs)
250
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,666
(doorbell rings)
251
00:11:10,528 --> 00:11:12,537
Oh, Jason!
Wazzup, baby?
252
00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:14,330
Man, congratulations.
253
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,965
I just heard the news, man.
254
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,501
You and Nessa, I want you all
to enjoy yourself on the prom.
255
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,503
Actually, Mr. Mac,
it's not that simple.
256
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,880
Since my parents heard
Vanessa wants to go with me,
257
00:11:22,957 --> 00:11:24,641
they want to meet...
They want to meet Nessa.
258
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,509
I'll be dog...
No, they want
to meet you.
259
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,970
What the hell
they want to meet me for?
260
00:11:29,046 --> 00:11:32,056
Well, they're
suspicious of...
Hollywood families,
261
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:33,725
and they only know you
from your movies,
262
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,101
like Player's Club,
263
00:11:35,178 --> 00:11:36,978
How to Be a Player,
264
00:11:37,054 --> 00:11:38,980
Bad Santa.
265
00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:40,240
Wow...
266
00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:43,276
Yeah, I see your point.
267
00:11:43,352 --> 00:11:45,820
Well, what about
Ocean's Eleven?
They like that one?
268
00:11:45,897 --> 00:11:47,822
The one
where you're part
of a gang of thieves?
269
00:11:47,899 --> 00:11:49,699
Nah, they don't want
to see that one.
270
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:52,001
Ocean's Twelve?
Now, that's a better one.
271
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,879
The one where you're part
of an international
gang of thieves.
272
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,041
Sweet Jesus...
273
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:01,043
Damn.
274
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,556
Don't worry, Mr. Mac.
This time I'll coach you.
275
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,426
Damn.
276
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,720
So, um,
what denomination are you?
277
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,930
Sir, we are Methodist.
I mean, uh...
278
00:12:13,007 --> 00:12:16,976
I'm a Jehovah...
Nah, that's my auntie,
she's a Jehovah's Witness.
279
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:19,312
Uh...
Cath...
280
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,563
No.
Baptist.
281
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,856
First Baptist.
282
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:24,192
What's today's date? Uh...
283
00:12:24,268 --> 00:12:26,611
When you ask that question,
exactly what do you mean?
284
00:12:26,687 --> 00:12:29,071
I think that, um...
she was baptized, um, uh...
285
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,707
(The Oak Ridge Boys: "Standing
In The Need Of Prayer" playing)
286
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,075
♪ Standingin the need of prayer ♪
287
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,911
No, that's when
she got her shots.
288
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:36,880
(chuckles nervously)
When she...
289
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,040
Yes? Yes?
Mr. Mac? Uh, I thought
you might need this.
290
00:12:39,116 --> 00:12:42,585
Oh, thank you, son.
That's a good boy.
He's a real good boy.
291
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:46,839
♪ It's me, oh, Lord standingin the need of prayer ♪
292
00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:50,551
Uh, and... and Matthew 6:33
293
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:55,014
sums up the philosophy in which
we were discussing this evening.
294
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:57,350
♪ But it's me, oh, Lord ♪
295
00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:58,601
He's right.
296
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:01,437
America,
it's Nessa's prom night.
297
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,690
but I'm just
as excited as she is
because my plan worked.
298
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,651
She chose Jason,
299
00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:09,695
and that means I won't spend
all night worrying about
300
00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:12,156
what they're up to.
Nope, not tonight.
301
00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:16,285
I'm just as relaxed as a father
of an ugly, fat girl.
302
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,246
All right, kids, let me hear
you say "mac and cheese".
303
00:13:18,322 --> 00:13:20,924
Vanessa, over here.
Come on,
look this way.
304
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,084
One more time
over here. One more.
All right,
one more time
305
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:26,379
over here,
over here, over here.
(car horn honks)
306
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:27,931
That's Donna and Tyrone
with the limo.
307
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,674
Let's go.
Hey, hey,
wait, wait, wait.
308
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:32,677
I want you all to have
a great time, okay?
309
00:13:32,753 --> 00:13:33,761
Remember
what I told you.
310
00:13:33,838 --> 00:13:36,013
"What would Jesus do?"
311
00:13:36,090 --> 00:13:37,139
Finally.
312
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:38,391
I couldn't see the TV.
313
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:40,852
Jordan,
my pillow's too cold.
314
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,145
It's hurting
my sprained foot.
315
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,647
Did you hurt
your foot
316
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,074
or your ankle?
317
00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:50,245
Uncle Bernie!
318
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,123
That better?
319
00:13:55,484 --> 00:13:57,201
(chuckling)
320
00:13:57,278 --> 00:14:00,296
Boy, it sure brings
back memories, America.
321
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,500
Look at...
uh-oh! Uh-oh!
322
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,210
I was fly, wasn't I, America?
323
00:14:06,287 --> 00:14:08,838
Let me tell y'all something
about the Mac man.
324
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,090
You talk about running game
on the ladies?
325
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:15,386
See, I used to find out all
about the girl I wanted to...
you know.
326
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,847
See, I learned what she liked,
what she didn't like,
327
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,941
her hobbies, you name it.
328
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:22,935
Come to think of it,
that's the same doggone thing
329
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:25,730
I told Jason about Nessa.
330
00:14:25,806 --> 00:14:28,491
But I'm tripping.
331
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:29,993
Yeah, America, with Jason,
332
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,695
he's a totally different boy
than I was.
333
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,363
Wait a minute.
334
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,908
You know, just speed it up
a little bit and loop it for me.
335
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:38,618
Shoot, he's still a boy.
336
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:41,162
He's still a boy.
337
00:14:41,238 --> 00:14:43,039
Lord...
338
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:46,000
America, I gave him the keys
to Nessa's kingdom.
339
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:49,295
She don't stand a chance.
Will you look... look at this!
340
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:50,889
Look...!
341
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,142
(whimpering)
342
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,395
(crying)
He gonna get it.
He gonna get...
343
00:15:04,228 --> 00:15:05,186
(sighs)
344
00:15:05,262 --> 00:15:06,938
Wanda...
345
00:15:07,014 --> 00:15:08,731
I just... baby,
I got a funny feeling
346
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,358
about this Jason
fella, you know?
347
00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:13,036
What if this Jesus stuff
is just a front?
348
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:15,196
Wouldn't be the first
or last time it worked.
349
00:15:15,272 --> 00:15:17,031
You know what they say
about preacher's kids.
350
00:15:17,108 --> 00:15:20,451
What has gotten into you?
351
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:23,996
Up until now, you were
rooting for this girl
to go out with this boy.
352
00:15:24,073 --> 00:15:25,864
Now all of a sudden,
you don't trust him.
353
00:15:25,942 --> 00:15:28,209
This ain't the first time
I changed my mind
about somebody.
354
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:29,610
You know
I don't like people.
355
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,006
(tuts)
Everything's gonna be okay.
356
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,342
They're just gonna dance,
357
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,010
drink a little punch,
358
00:15:38,087 --> 00:15:39,562
and then they're
going to come home.
359
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:42,139
Yeah, you're right.
360
00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:43,391
Okay?
361
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,026
You're right.
362
00:15:47,438 --> 00:15:49,072
Oh, wow.
363
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:54,694
Mm.
364
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,445
You see this?
365
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,322
Oh, that's in the Bible?
366
00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,866
And look at this part here
talking about her breasts
367
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,494
and plucking of her garden.
It's highlighted.
368
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,870
Mm-hmm.
369
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,540
(murmuring)
370
00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:10,051
(slow music playing)
371
00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:14,046
Maybe we should stop.
372
00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,840
Yeah, we'd better.
373
00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:17,883
Unless you want
to get married tonight.
374
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,394
(chuckles)
375
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,483
Honey, wait.
376
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,309
I thought we were taking
a drive to clear your head.
377
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,395
Once my head got clear,
I remember where I was going.
378
00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:31,897
Okay, what are you
planning on doing?
379
00:16:31,974 --> 00:16:34,775
I'm just going to take a peek
inside, make sure everybody's
where they're supposed to be.
380
00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:36,068
Come on.
381
00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:37,319
What if she sees you?
382
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:38,988
Don't worry,
I'll be real smooth.
383
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,740
Real smooth.
384
00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,074
Baby?
What?
385
00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:44,368
Ain't this their limo?
386
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:46,537
(hip-hop music playing
coming from the car)
387
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:47,913
That's the license plate.
388
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:49,424
I told you.
I told you.
389
00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:52,752
Open up!
Separate!
390
00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:54,587
Open up!
391
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:57,140
I'll be...
Where's Nessa?
392
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,508
I don't know.
The limo was empty
when we came out.
393
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,643
Y'all get out of here.
394
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,270
Get out right now.
Out.
395
00:17:05,016 --> 00:17:07,150
(sighs)
Glad you came
when you did.
396
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,351
She was trying to put
a full-court press
on a brother.
397
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,154
Man, get out of here.
Get out.
398
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:15,033
SINGER:♪ Tell me what you want ♪
399
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,319
There's Vanessa over there.
400
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:21,906
See, honey, I told you
there was nothing
to worry about.
401
00:17:21,982 --> 00:17:24,366
Doggone. Wanda,
you were right.
402
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:27,119
Look at him,
hand above the waist,
403
00:17:27,196 --> 00:17:30,206
just enough for some light
to get between them.
404
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:33,176
I just had to see
for myself, though.
405
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,252
Look at her,
she looks beautiful.
406
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:36,587
Doesn't she?
407
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:41,309
♪ Just fades away ♪
408
00:17:44,171 --> 00:17:45,805
Will there be anything else?
409
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:47,223
(burps)
410
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,308
What about you,
Roboburp?
411
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,727
(burps)
412
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,145
No, we're good.
413
00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:55,447
Dismissed.
Very well then.
414
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:59,410
But there is another feature
on the Robosapien
that you may find interesting.
415
00:18:13,417 --> 00:18:16,544
I got suspicious when
I saw you were elevating
the wrong ankle.
416
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,964
Are you going to tell
Aunt Wanda and Uncle Bernie?
417
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,225
That's up to you.
418
00:18:27,723 --> 00:18:29,014
What do you want?
419
00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,057
A burger.
420
00:18:30,134 --> 00:18:31,308
But this time
421
00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:32,643
with a better attitude,
422
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,428
no sauce on either.
423
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:42,611
(funky dance music playing)
424
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,864
I had a great time.
425
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,740
Me, too.
Thanks.
426
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,293
(indistinct chatter)
427
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:53,131
Oh, no, he didn't.
428
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,963
(knocking)
Open up.
429
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,141
I can't believe
you're spying on me.
430
00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:06,677
Um...
431
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:07,887
(clears throat)
432
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,188
You forgot your Bible.
433
00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:13,726
We were just reading
103 Psalms.
434
00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:15,302
Praise Him.
435
00:19:16,597 --> 00:19:18,573
BERNIE: Come here, Nessa.Sit down for a minute, please.
436
00:19:25,147 --> 00:19:26,581
(exhales)
437
00:19:27,909 --> 00:19:29,783
Nessa, I know
you're upset with me,
438
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,377
and that's okay.
439
00:19:33,697 --> 00:19:36,465
I know I embarrassed you
in front of all your friends.
440
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,827
And I'm sorry about that.
441
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:45,349
But I'm not sorry
about being concerned
for your well-being.
442
00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:50,813
You see, you're not
the first 17-year-old
I had to look after.
443
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,667
I had to look after
your mother.
444
00:19:54,744 --> 00:19:58,613
Unfortunately,
I didn't watch her
close enough.
445
00:20:00,849 --> 00:20:03,484
And I'm not going to slip up
on my job this time.
446
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,530
Don't you think I learned
a lot from what happened
to my mom, too?
447
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:11,500
When are you going to trust me
to make my own decisions?
448
00:20:13,153 --> 00:20:15,996
Nessa, I trust you.
449
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:18,299
Just don't expect me
to always act like it.
450
00:20:19,743 --> 00:20:22,887
Like I don't expect you
to do what I always
ask you to do.
451
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,556
That's who we are.
452
00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:28,801
And that's
who we're always gonna be.
453
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,811
(slow music playing)
454
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,780
SINGER:♪ Beautiful show ♪
455
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,400
Oh, and...
you should've told Jason
456
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,026
to listen to some Floetry.
457
00:20:46,103 --> 00:20:48,371
I like them
more than India Arie now.
458
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,031
How did you know
I was talking to Jason?
459
00:20:51,108 --> 00:20:54,743
I know you.
That you do.
460
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,380
♪ That brings true loveto me now ♪
461
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,916
Did he try to kiss you?
462
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,043
America,
I'm always going to stay
463
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,503
in Nessa's business.
464
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:07,506
And like I said before,
that's my job.
465
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:09,383
♪ All I treasure ♪
466
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,394
(hushed)
But between me and you...
467
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:14,430
it's good to know
that if I'm late for work
every now and then,
468
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,898
she'll still be fine.
469
00:21:17,426 --> 00:21:19,527
That's right: I said it!
470
00:21:27,436 --> 00:21:31,071
that, uh, um...
God so loved the world
471
00:21:31,148 --> 00:21:33,407
that he gave
His only begotten Son
472
00:21:33,484 --> 00:21:36,118
that whosoever believe in Him
shall not perish,
473
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:37,953
but have everlasting life.
474
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,205
That's John 3:16.
475
00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:43,083
It also say
in Deuteronomy, uh...
476
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,421
Better yet,
I can smoke a cigarette if I...
477
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:50,141
If I smoked,
I would smoke a cigarette.
478
00:21:59,268 --> 00:22:00,443
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