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1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,714
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,843
Hey, people!
3
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,770
Royal Burger's in the house!
4
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,473
Oh, hey, hey,
I got dibs
5
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:27,776
on the bacon king
cheeseburger. All right.
6
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:30,645
Okay, hold on.
Sit down, princess.
I'll take the fries.
7
00:00:30,722 --> 00:00:33,398
I want to thank you
for making dinner tonight.
8
00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:37,027
(chuckles)
That was just my way
of saying I love you.
9
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,528
Mm.
(inhales)
10
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,530
And I have, uh...
11
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,991
I have to go away
on business tomorrow
for a week.
12
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,243
Oh, Wanda, come on,
not this week.
13
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,037
I got reshoots
to do for the movie.
14
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:49,247
Honey, I know
the timing is bad, but...
15
00:00:49,324 --> 00:00:51,416
Wha--What am I
supposed to do?
16
00:00:51,493 --> 00:00:53,960
Call John Favreau
and tell him
I got to babysit?
17
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,921
Come on, now.
Um...
18
00:00:55,997 --> 00:00:57,547
BRYAN:
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
19
00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,092
Look, I can help you out.
You know what?
20
00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:01,593
My schedule is real
light this week...
21
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,303
except for Thursday.
22
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:04,563
I have to watch The O.C.
23
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,515
Now them people,
they know how to live.
24
00:01:06,591 --> 00:01:08,859
Encino.
25
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,061
Yay! Daddy's
gonna babysit!
26
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:15,315
Oh, it's gonna
be a party. Ha-ha!
27
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:16,700
Great.
28
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,069
Now I got to watch four kids.
29
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:21,279
JORDAN:
Hey, those are my fries.
BRYAN: Uh-huh.
30
00:01:21,356 --> 00:01:23,406
Anything at the bottom
of the bag is fair game.
31
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,284
It's the finder's keepers
French fry rule.
32
00:01:26,361 --> 00:01:28,954
And give me
that bag back.
JORDAN: No!
33
00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,881
(bag crinkling)
JORDAN:
Hey!
34
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,466
BRYAN:
That's an empty bag!
35
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,878
(exhales)
Okay.
36
00:01:36,955 --> 00:01:38,255
I have
my phone charger.
37
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:40,423
I have my spare
laptop battery.
38
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,635
I have
my PowerPoint
presentation.
39
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:46,304
Am I forgetting
anything?
Yeah, your clothes.
40
00:01:46,381 --> 00:01:49,233
(door opens and closes)
I would've
remembered that.
41
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,601
Oh, hey.
Good morning.
42
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,854
Whoa, hey, Bryan.
What's up
with the big bag?
43
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,313
You only gonna
be here a week.
44
00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:56,681
Yeah, you know,
I know, man,
but, you know,
45
00:01:56,759 --> 00:01:59,442
I got some laundry
I need to catch up on.
46
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,178
We making lunch, huh?
You know what, man?
47
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,779
I could bag some cookies
or cut up some carrots...
48
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,448
No, no, no,
look, look here.
I got this.
49
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,617
And, you know,
I really appreciate
50
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,452
you being here and all,
and I know you want
to lend a hand.
51
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,455
Yeah, man.
You know, I can't wait
to get my parent on.
52
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,732
Well, look here.
53
00:02:13,809 --> 00:02:15,759
What you can do that
can help all of us...
54
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,210
Mm-hmm?
...is just chill-lax
55
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:18,879
and let me handle
the heavy stuff.
56
00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:20,597
All right? Thank you.
57
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,466
Oh.
58
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:24,860
America,
59
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,761
I didn't mean
to hurt Bryan's feelings.
60
00:02:26,838 --> 00:02:28,538
His heart is in the right place.
61
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,766
It's just that his mind is
sometimes still in junior high.
62
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:33,393
I mean, come on.
63
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:36,521
What adult says,
"I'm gonna get my parent on?"
64
00:02:36,598 --> 00:02:37,814
Please.
65
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,941
I'm going to miss you guys.
66
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,401
Bye, Aunt Wanda.
GIRLS: Bye.
67
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:44,571
Oh, we miss you already.
(chuckles)
68
00:02:44,648 --> 00:02:46,865
Honey.
69
00:02:46,942 --> 00:02:48,325
You have a safe trip, hear?
70
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,170
I will.
And I love you.
I love you, too.
71
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:54,998
Well...
72
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,166
(car door closes)
73
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,251
It's just me
and you now, B.
74
00:02:58,328 --> 00:02:59,761
Just me and you.
75
00:03:01,122 --> 00:03:04,683
(car leaving)
76
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,737
Oh, hey, B. What's up, man?
77
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,680
You got some whites
you want to add to this?
No, I'm straight.
78
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,807
Okay, cool. I'll go check
the kids' room then.
79
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,018
No, I got to be
on the set in an hour,
so I made you a list.
80
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,519
You say you want
to help out, right?
81
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,521
Oh, now we talking,
man. Okay.
Okay.
82
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,273
Number one...
83
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,524
Number four:
84
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:22,993
"Remember to flush"?
Uh...
85
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,778
What's that
supposed to mean, man?
86
00:03:24,854 --> 00:03:28,031
Let's just say
you don't always
finish your work.
87
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,208
Wha...?
88
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,827
Uh...
My bad.
89
00:03:32,904 --> 00:03:36,581
You know, I'll start him off
real slow, America.
90
00:03:36,658 --> 00:03:39,668
A little responsibility
might make him feel useful,
91
00:03:39,744 --> 00:03:41,628
but I don't want to overload
him, you know what I mean?
92
00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:44,673
It wouldn't be fair.
I mean, he's no me.
93
00:03:44,749 --> 00:03:46,591
He didn't have Big Mama
to help mold him
94
00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:49,552
into a well-rounded person.
(chuckles)
95
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,680
He can thank
Colonel Sanders for that.
96
00:03:51,756 --> 00:03:54,975
Guys, here's the ballots
for 8th grade's best.
97
00:03:55,051 --> 00:03:57,894
We have to turn them in
by Friday.
98
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,604
Why do you
even care?
99
00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:02,440
Seriously, it's not
like any of us
are gonna win anything.
100
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:04,567
Are you kidding?
We're in the 8th grade.
101
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,319
This is
our last hurrah at Damien.
102
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,988
We gotta leave
our mark.
103
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:11,199
I'm thinking about class clown.
Hello?
104
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:12,701
Have you forgotten
about Doug Dorner?
105
00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:14,536
(indistinct chatter)
106
00:04:14,612 --> 00:04:16,162
(screams)
107
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:17,673
Gotcha!
108
00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:21,960
The guy is
in another league.
109
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:23,253
(sighs)
110
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,847
(indistinct chatter)
111
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,393
Best smile.
112
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,609
This'll be a cakewalk.
113
00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:42,355
(closes door)
Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was a mess.
114
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,283
Who wants Chow-Chow Chicken?
115
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,276
Wait...
116
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,911
Wait, wait, wait.
117
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:48,945
What's going on here?
118
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,447
We already ate.
119
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,115
Daddy made
spinach lasagna.
120
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,034
BRYAN:
Never made it before, man.
121
00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:57,629
You know what?
I added a little fennel.
I think it works.
122
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,925
Wow, and... you cleaned up, too?
123
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,451
Yeah, yeah, and look.
124
00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:05,337
And now I'm helping Baby Girl
with her fractions.
125
00:05:05,413 --> 00:05:08,131
Wow, Bryan...
126
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,391
I'm impressed.
127
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,471
Hey.
Thanks, B.
128
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:17,349
You know,
a little encouragement
goes a long way, man.
129
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,860
I got some clothes to check
in the dryer. Excuse me.
130
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,656
I checked it.
131
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,952
How 'bout that, America?
132
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,447
Shoot, Bryan not
such a lost cause after all.
133
00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:34,207
The way he stepped
up there tonight
134
00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:37,243
made me think that he probably
could handle a little more.
135
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,820
Lighten up my load a bit.
136
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:42,341
Shoot, I'm gonna add
some more to his list.
137
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:44,000
You know what?
138
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,377
I'm gonna need some more paper.
139
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:48,472
(chuckles)
140
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,394
(exhales)
141
00:05:56,306 --> 00:05:57,764
Oh, hey, Bernie.
142
00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:00,767
Look, here's your suit
for tomorrow, man.
143
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:03,937
And guess who's having
a Denver omelet
for breakfast?
144
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:05,730
Huh? Huh?
(chuckles)
145
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:06,773
Come eat with me.
146
00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:08,108
(retreating footsteps)
147
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:10,110
Look at him go, America.
148
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,277
Sprinting out of the gate.
149
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,446
Trying to be everyone's mama.
150
00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:15,782
I say knock yourself out, Bryan.
151
00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:17,367
I got work to do.
152
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,202
Bernie Mac is out.
153
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,287
Don't forget the hash browns!
154
00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:22,964
BRYAN:
Coming right up!
155
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,634
Mama.
156
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,045
(upbeat music playing)
157
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,972
Mm.
(sighs)
158
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,300
Okay. You can open
your eyes now.
159
00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,678
(gasps)
160
00:06:36,754 --> 00:06:38,688
Wow! I love it!
161
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,516
Yeah, it looks
great, doesn't it?
162
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,944
Hey, okay, look.
Now remember,
163
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,354
you have to sleep
pretty like this, okay?
164
00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,982
Now do it just like this
tonight. All right? You got it?
165
00:06:49,058 --> 00:06:51,359
That way, in case
your head falls, you know,
166
00:06:51,436 --> 00:06:53,736
you can catch it
and you don't want
to mess it up.
167
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,655
Okay? Go.
Let me see, let me see.
168
00:06:55,732 --> 00:06:58,408
You got it? Okay, now,
go to sleep, go to sleep.
169
00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,784
Mm-hmm, see?
Don't even move.
170
00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:00,994
Right? See there
how you caught it?
171
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,520
Do it again,
do it again.
172
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,047
You might want
to fall asleep
the other way.
173
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,790
You never know.
See, watch. Look.
174
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,333
See, look at...
Look, it just stay right...
175
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,085
Ooh, I messed up a curl.
Why don't you try?
176
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,129
Why don't you try? You try it.
Okay, okay. Let me see.
177
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:13,173
(grunts)
178
00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:14,808
See, okay. See...
179
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:16,009
All right.
180
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:17,469
Come on.
181
00:07:17,545 --> 00:07:19,179
(The Stylistics:
"You're a Big Girl Now" playing)
182
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:21,264
♪ No more silly looks ♪
183
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,476
♪ With a childish glare ♪
184
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:27,812
♪ No more dollfor you to play ♪
185
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:32,192
BRYAN: A dream is not upin the sky or in the stars,
186
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:33,827
it's right in your heart.Bryan.
187
00:07:33,904 --> 00:07:37,197
♪ No more dumbnessin the things you say ♪
188
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:39,157
There you go, B.
Hey, man.
189
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:40,325
(sniffs)
190
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,160
Hey, man, that smells nice.
191
00:07:42,237 --> 00:07:43,745
Oh, yeah.
New fabric softener
192
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:46,289
and just a squirt
of High Karate.
193
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,082
(karate yells
and laughs)
194
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,667
Smell them drawers.
195
00:07:49,744 --> 00:07:51,461
Mm-hmm. Man.
196
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,881
America,
I got to hand it to Bryan.
197
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:58,468
I mean, he's doing things
Wanda would never do.
198
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,970
But don't tell her, though.
I don't know.
199
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,640
It's like I finally got
a stay-at-home wife.
200
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,392
Shoot, Bernie Mac
could get used to this,
201
00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,937
except for the part
where he folded my drawers.
202
00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:11,731
Huh, I got to burn those.
203
00:08:11,808 --> 00:08:13,149
(sniffs)
204
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,777
Get a whiff first.
205
00:08:15,853 --> 00:08:17,245
(exhales)
206
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,788
That's great.
207
00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:23,576
Okay, girls, now
we're gonna practice trapping
the ball with your chest.
208
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:26,505
Bryana, come up here
and show us how it's done.
209
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,250
What's she gonna
trap it with?
210
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:32,126
I know.
She doesn't even
have a chest.
211
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,803
(mean laughter)
212
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,433
(clears throat)
213
00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:40,894
Now, the chest trap...
214
00:08:41,963 --> 00:08:43,304
GIRL: What is wrong
with him?
215
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:44,397
(indistinct chatter)
216
00:08:44,474 --> 00:08:47,100
GIRL 2: Ew! Weird!
217
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:49,653
GIRL 3: What is his deal?
218
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,229
Is that Connor Santell?
219
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:53,156
Yeah.
220
00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:56,609
He just got
his braces off.
221
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:57,860
His dad's
an orthodontist.
222
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,612
Gave him
George Clooney's
smile.
223
00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:01,948
I got to step up my game.
224
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:05,368
JORDAN: Wait, you're taking
the last piece of meat loaf?
225
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,128
Wait a minute,
that meat loaf's
for Baby Girl
226
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:09,455
for when she comes
from soccer practice.
Put that back.
227
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,841
Just give her half.
She'll never know.
228
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,427
VANESSA: Yeah, I want it.
She can have a sandwich.
229
00:09:14,504 --> 00:09:16,504
Hey, hey, you know, I make
a mean meat loaf, too.
230
00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:17,839
You all
never ask me for seconds.
231
00:09:17,915 --> 00:09:19,591
BRYAN (hastily):
I'm pretty sure
232
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,560
your meat loaf is delicious.
233
00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:23,937
Do you put liver
in your meat loaf?
234
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,439
It always tastes...
livery,
235
00:09:26,516 --> 00:09:27,599
like a liver-loaf.
236
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,192
There's no liver in it.
237
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,697
You know, Bryan,
you are so creative.
238
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,440
What are these
little red things?
239
00:09:35,516 --> 00:09:37,609
They're delicious.
240
00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:40,778
Pimentos... from Portugal.
241
00:09:40,855 --> 00:09:45,033
Mmm. You know,
you really should show
Uncle Bernie how to do that.
242
00:09:45,109 --> 00:09:46,226
Wh-What?
243
00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,662
He'd just think they was olives.
244
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:51,122
Are you sure
there's no liver in it?
245
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,832
I said I didn't put
no liver in it.
246
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:54,467
Okay...
247
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:57,629
Just... tastes
so livery.
248
00:09:57,705 --> 00:09:59,881
Okay, America,
I ain't gonna lie.
249
00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:03,217
I've been enjoying the comforts
of Bryan's domestic generosity,
250
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,638
but this Martha Stewart act
is getting annoying.
251
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,973
Probably that's why
they threw her in jail.
252
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,485
Whoo!
(sighs)
What a day.
253
00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:17,690
-Hey, man, how 'bout
a little Sports Center to relax?
-Relax? It's easy for you.
254
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,108
You ain't got
no 17-year-old girl
255
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,902
late for her curfew
on a Friday night.
256
00:10:20,978 --> 00:10:23,321
Oh, no, no, Mac.
She not late, man.
257
00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:25,073
I gave her an extra hour.
What?
258
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,784
Yeah.
Just because she kissed
your meat loaf ass.
259
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,503
Who gave you permission
to do any doggone thing?
260
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,005
Who in the hell
do you think you are, man?
261
00:10:32,082 --> 00:10:34,415
(chuckling) Oh, that's funny.
That's real funny, man.
262
00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:36,409
'Cause you wasn't asking me
them questions
263
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:38,920
when I was cooking,
when I was cleaning
and washing your dirty drawers.
264
00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:40,388
See, that's what I want
to talk to you about.
265
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,490
You didn't have no re... no
reason touching my drawers.
266
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:44,384
Don't touch my drawers, okay?
(volume of indistinct
TV commentary increases)
267
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,352
(snap)
268
00:10:45,428 --> 00:10:46,519
Hey!
269
00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:48,021
(chuckles)
270
00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:49,681
(snap)
(screams)
271
00:10:49,757 --> 00:10:51,691
Bryana doesn't have a bra.
272
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,059
She's still a baby.
273
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,527
I do too have one.
274
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:57,230
Then where is it?
At the cleaners.
275
00:10:57,306 --> 00:10:59,190
Bras don't go
to the cleaners.
276
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:00,233
Big bras do.
277
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:02,035
(laughing)
278
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:11,703
Hey, Jordan,
how was school today?
279
00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:13,797
Fantastic!
Hi, Tammy!
280
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:19,168
(car door opens)
BRYAN:
Oh, hey, Baby Girl.
281
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,628
How was school today?
282
00:11:20,705 --> 00:11:23,598
(slams the door)
(girls laughing)
283
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:27,468
(all laughing)
284
00:11:27,545 --> 00:11:28,511
Want to talk about it?
285
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,513
No.
286
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,640
Can we go now?
My face is cramping.
287
00:11:32,717 --> 00:11:35,652
Oh, sure, we can.
Okay, let's go.
288
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,939
Oh, come on, Baby Girl.
289
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,575
I know
something's bothering you.
290
00:11:42,652 --> 00:11:45,653
Hey, was it those girls
at school today?
291
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:48,281
(sniffs)
Uh-huh.
292
00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,624
What did they say?
293
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:51,743
They said I was flat.
294
00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:53,286
Aw, princess,
295
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,288
don't you pay them
no mind, okay?
296
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:56,664
Oh, there you are.
297
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:57,841
Remember
that list I gave you?
298
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,092
Remember number four?
299
00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:03,346
Hey, Baby Girl.
What you doing
on the floor like that?
300
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,098
Are you crying?
301
00:12:05,175 --> 00:12:07,633
Come here and tell Uncle Bernie
what's going on. Come here.
302
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,761
It's okay, princess, all right?
303
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:12,063
It's nothing. I'm fine.
304
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,110
Hey, hey, I guess
I'm easier to talk to, man.
305
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:18,811
Don't worry.
306
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:20,697
I'll keep you in the loop.
307
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,617
Who's easier to talk to
than me, America?
308
00:12:24,694 --> 00:12:26,619
Who?
I'm sorry,
309
00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:28,821
but he hasn't even been
baby-sitting a week,
310
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,823
and all of a sudden,
she's telling him stuff
311
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,825
she won't tell me? Huh.
312
00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:34,660
I know I brought this on myself,
313
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,288
but the Mac-man
won't stand for it any longer.
314
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:41,626
No, sir.
There's only room
for one mama in this house,
315
00:12:41,702 --> 00:12:44,095
and that mama's gonna be me!
316
00:12:52,964 --> 00:12:55,264
(knocking on door)
BERNIE: Baby Girl,
you in there?
317
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,901
Just a minute.
All right.
318
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,813
Hey, sweetheart.
319
00:13:01,889 --> 00:13:03,981
You all right?
You sure?
320
00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:06,317
Anything you want
to get off your chest?
321
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,694
What? No, no, no, I'm fine.
322
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,914
Oh. 'Cause,
you know, if you do,
323
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,533
you can come talk
to good old Uncle Bernie,
324
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,785
the man who's been
with you from day one,
325
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,620
especially
the last five years,
326
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,038
not just this week.
327
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:20,614
Thanks.
328
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,838
Baby Girl's going
through something, America.
329
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:29,632
Maybe she feels
like I haven't been there
for her this week.
330
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,133
But I'm here now.
331
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,593
I'll get things
back to normal.
332
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,012
I promise, America. I will.
333
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,682
(knocking)
Baby Girl,
it's time for your...
334
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:41,060
And please bless Bryana,
335
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:42,520
my princess.
336
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:44,480
Hang up on him, Lord.
337
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,190
Disconnect that call.
338
00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:48,368
And thank you
for bringing her
into my life.
339
00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:51,737
Well, all right.
340
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:53,531
Then I'm beeping in.
341
00:13:53,608 --> 00:13:56,251
O heavenly Father,
precious Lord,
342
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,495
this is Bernie Mac
coming to You live
from Baby Girl's room,
343
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:03,374
asking You to put her
in Your Godly hands
as she sleeps tonight...
344
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:07,086
(loudly)
And grant her peace
and understanding,
345
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:09,514
that she may better deal
with the adversities
346
00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:11,516
she'll face
in her everyday life.
347
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,175
You know, Father,
348
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:15,595
peace and understanding
has its place...
349
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,029
Mm.
350
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,232
But, Father, give Baby
Girl love and forgiveness.
351
00:14:19,309 --> 00:14:24,145
And give her the strength,
the strength that you gave
Sampson, O powerful God,
352
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:25,396
and the '84 Bears.
353
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,357
Praise God.
Oh, God.
354
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,993
(bellowing)
And, if you will,
355
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,278
O most precious Father,
356
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:34,822
give her good grades
357
00:14:34,899 --> 00:14:36,666
without really trying.
358
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,160
(also bellowing)
O powerful God, I ask you
359
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,871
to protect Baby Girl
from all her enemies,
360
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,298
especially those who...
361
00:14:43,374 --> 00:14:46,426
(speaking normally)
Praise God,
give her false promises.
362
00:14:46,502 --> 00:14:49,253
(bellowing)
And, if it be Thine will,
O heavenly Father,
363
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:55,593
give her clarity
so that she may see
who's who and what's what.
364
00:14:55,670 --> 00:15:00,014
(hollering) O powerful God,
I've not asked you
to smite anyone as of late,
365
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:03,234
but in this...
(snoring)
366
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,690
Amen.
367
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,327
In Jesus' name...
368
00:15:12,403 --> 00:15:15,580
Amen.
369
00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:17,406
(Harry Connick Jr.:
"A Wink and a Smile" playing)
♪ You can't have a dream ♪
370
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,958
♪ and cut it to fit ♪
371
00:15:19,035 --> 00:15:22,662
♪ But when I saw you, I knew ♪
372
00:15:22,738 --> 00:15:25,790
♪ We go together ♪
373
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:29,251
♪ Like a wink and a smile ♪
374
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,846
(upbeat riff)
375
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:40,221
♪ We go together ♪
376
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:43,474
♪ Like a wink and a smile ♪
(wink dings)
377
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,068
Looking good, Robert.
Huh?
378
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,269
See you in Science, Marshall.
379
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,813
MARSHALL: Whatever.
What the...?
380
00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:51,148
Beautiful day, isn't it?
381
00:15:51,225 --> 00:15:54,819
♪ We're so far awayfrom yesterday ♪
382
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:57,446
♪ Together ♪
383
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,281
Hey, Baby Girl!
384
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,492
I'm cutting you up
some orange slices
for the game
385
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:02,868
so you can eat
at half-time.
386
00:16:02,945 --> 00:16:04,453
And guess what else?
387
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,956
I got the stain out
of your soccer uniform.
388
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,341
Who loves you, baby?
389
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,595
Say...
390
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:15,089
what's the matter,
Baby Girl?
391
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,175
Come on, tell
your Uncle Bernie.
392
00:16:18,252 --> 00:16:19,352
Um...
393
00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:23,597
Here it comes, America.
394
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,267
She want to talk to me. Huh.
395
00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:27,810
Take that, Bryan.
396
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,020
Who's your mama now?
397
00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:31,022
Who's your mama now?
398
00:16:31,098 --> 00:16:32,690
Who your mama now?
399
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:35,776
Hey, there's
my little Pelé.
400
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,778
Hey, I'm ready
for your after-game snacks.
401
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:39,122
I got your brownies.
402
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,873
I got some Crickle-Crackle.
403
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:42,908
And you know what?
We gonna have
some quesadillas
404
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,744
if I can find us
a Sterno.
405
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:46,662
Quesadillas ain't
no game food.
406
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,172
I don't want to go.
407
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,334
Why? What's wrong,
princess?
408
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:55,212
She was about
to tell me
before you walked in.
409
00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:58,433
Come on, tell
your Uncle Bernie,
your legal guardian,
410
00:16:58,509 --> 00:17:00,843
the person
who's been with you
from day one,
411
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,344
ever since you were
a little-bitty baby.
412
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:05,556
The girls are teasing me
because I'm flat.
413
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,443
Which I already knew.
414
00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:10,153
You...
Mm-hmm.
415
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,772
They were snapping
each other's bra straps,
416
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,574
but I don't have one to snap.
417
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:18,319
Well, that
ain't no problem.
418
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:20,529
Uncle Bernie just
got to go out
and buy you a bra.
419
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,616
Hold up, Mac.
Hold up, man,
I-I-I think that's something
420
00:17:23,692 --> 00:17:25,409
that, uh,
a father should do.
421
00:17:25,486 --> 00:17:27,411
I think a father
should have
thought of it.
422
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:32,416
Fine. Then we'll both go
and buy you a bra, okay?
423
00:17:32,493 --> 00:17:33,593
Thanks.
424
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,214
I'll see you
at the bra store.
425
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,966
Bring it on.
Huh. It's here, baby,
right in front of you.
426
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,511
Hey, everybody,
the Eighth Grade Bests are here!
427
00:17:43,587 --> 00:17:45,304
(murmuring)
428
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,057
BOY: What did I get,
what did I get,
what did I get?
429
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,934
Two years running!
430
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:53,112
(cheering)
431
00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:55,564
Hmm. Best Smile.
432
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,608
Charles "Fort" Knox.
433
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,202
Who's that?
434
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:03,998
Dang!
That's some bling!
435
00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:06,292
Hey, you did win
something.
436
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:08,661
JORDAN:
"Creepiest?"
437
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:10,396
GIRL: I got it!
438
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:12,123
Don't worry.
Next year, in high school,
I'm sure there will be
439
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,916
plenty of kids
creepier than you.
440
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,126
Really?
Yeah.
441
00:18:15,202 --> 00:18:16,627
Just never,
ever smile.
442
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:17,720
Thanks.
443
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,222
GIRL: Oh, you guys!
444
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,301
Whoo!
445
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:26,303
Oh. All right,
here we go.
446
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:29,181
Baby Girl,
I'll be in the men's
shoe department, okay?
447
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,850
Hey, hey, hey,
where you going, man?
448
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,235
Uh... this is all you.
449
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,980
What's wrong? You her daddy.
450
00:18:36,056 --> 00:18:39,534
-You're buying...
unless you're uncomfortable.
-Who's uncomfortable?
451
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:41,285
You?
Nah. You.
452
00:18:41,362 --> 00:18:43,946
-No, it looks like it's you.
-No, it sounds like you.
453
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,948
Look, look, I've worn
bras and panties before.
454
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,950
Help yourself.
I have.
455
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,252
Be down.
It's your turn.
456
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,462
I don't do that.
Mm-hmm.
457
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,257
Sweetheart,
what size are you?
458
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,333
I don't know.
You don't know?
459
00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:58,711
Oh, hey, hey,
how about this one?
This looks like it will fit.
460
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:00,588
She ain't no Laker Girl, man.
461
00:19:00,664 --> 00:19:02,673
I know, man.
462
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:05,134
I'm the one she told
about being flat-chested,
remember?
463
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,260
Like we can't see that.
464
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,636
Oh, come on, Mac-man.
465
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,096
I'm just trying
to be a daddy, all right?
466
00:19:09,173 --> 00:19:10,347
Man, use your head.
I am.
467
00:19:10,424 --> 00:19:11,732
Baby Girl,
what size do you...?
468
00:19:13,427 --> 00:19:16,687
BERNIE: Aw, Baby Girl,
I'm sorry.
BRYANA: You're embarrassing me.
469
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:19,398
Sweetheart, ain't nothing
to be embarrassed about.
470
00:19:19,475 --> 00:19:21,692
BRYANA: Yes, there is.
I'm flat like you said.
471
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,786
Look, all of us got something
472
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,697
that we're not proud of,
but we can't let that stop us.
473
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:29,408
You know what I'm saying?
Shoot, when I was
a little kid,
474
00:19:29,485 --> 00:19:31,702
I had braces on my legs,
and when I walked,
475
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:34,997
it sounded like "chu-chu-chu,"
like I was a robot.
476
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,499
(both chuckle)
Really?
477
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,260
Really.
Mm-hmm.
478
00:19:40,454 --> 00:19:42,504
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
and when I was a kid,
479
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:45,466
um... you know,
I had this real bad
stuttering problem.
480
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:48,510
Even to this day,
I still can't say the word...
481
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,595
(stuttering)
482
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,472
(stuttering)
483
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,781
(stuttering)
484
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,435
You get
the picture, right?
See?
485
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,145
Come on,
let's find a salesperson.
486
00:19:58,222 --> 00:20:00,814
Come on. Come on.
There you go.
487
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:04,944
I was lying
about my b-b-b-brace
on my f-f-f-feet.
488
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:08,072
Now, how you gonna lie
about having braces
on your legs?
489
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,157
This right here,
this why. Oh.
490
00:20:10,234 --> 00:20:11,309
Hi, ma'am.
How you doing?
491
00:20:11,385 --> 00:20:12,660
Hi.
I'm looking for a bra
492
00:20:12,736 --> 00:20:14,453
for this lovely
young lady right here.
493
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:16,339
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's her first one.
494
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,750
And, uh, we wanted it
to be special.
Of course.
495
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,712
We have a three-pack that comes
in pink, cream and white.
496
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,090
I like pink.
(chuckles)
497
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:29,635
Can I just say,
I think it's wonderful
that, in today's society,
498
00:20:29,712 --> 00:20:31,428
it's okay for a gay couple
like yourselves
499
00:20:31,505 --> 00:20:34,431
to shop for a bra
with their daughter.
500
00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,183
Hey, hey, hey,
slow your roll, snowflake.
501
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,185
Uh... Ain't no gay
going on over here,
all right?
502
00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:40,037
I'm her daddy.
I'm her uncle.
503
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:43,274
(chuckling) Oh, I get it. That
makes it more fun, doesn't it?
504
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,159
(chuckling)
No, I know,
I know, I know.
505
00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:47,486
I had a lady friend in college.
506
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:48,663
Well...
507
00:20:48,739 --> 00:20:49,947
Thanks, Daddy.
508
00:20:50,024 --> 00:20:52,199
Thanks, Uncle Daddy.
509
00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,535
Uh...
Don't play
with me, okay?
510
00:20:54,611 --> 00:20:56,453
You, uh, you still keep
in contact
with that lady friend?
511
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:58,080
Quit it.
I-I was just asking.
512
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,924
Get some information.
Get some information.
513
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,458
You know, America,
514
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:03,794
I was so busy
competing with Bryan,
515
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:06,088
I forgot
the very important thing:
516
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:09,016
Baby Girl's better off
with both of us.
517
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:12,803
It's kind
of like she got... two daddies.
518
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,847
Two straight daddies.
519
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:16,515
This I know for sure.
520
00:21:16,592 --> 00:21:19,318
SINGER (slow song):♪ No more daddy's little girl ♪
521
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:31,764
Ew!
522
00:21:31,841 --> 00:21:33,207
I don't want
to touch it.
MAN: Pick it up.
523
00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:37,953
(laughs)
ALL: Ew!
524
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,413
"Say 'cheese'."
MAN: (laughs)
525
00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:41,665
Oh, it's
a whole bagful
of cheese.
526
00:21:41,742 --> 00:21:44,335
More cheese.
MAN: More cheese.
(all laugh)
527
00:21:44,411 --> 00:21:47,796
More cheese.
MAN: Cheese, so much.
528
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,131
MAN: Another one. Oh!
529
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,475
More cheese!
WOMAN: Say cheese!
530
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,481
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