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1
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:18,543 --> 00:00:20,060
(whistle blowing)
3
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:22,679
It's that time of year, America.
4
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,431
Football season.
5
00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:27,517
See, this is when Bernie Mac
gets his testosterone up.
6
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,103
The clinching and the grabbing
and the personal foul.
7
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,314
Late hits. I love it all.
8
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:34,983
See, Bernie Mac
like his Sundays ugly.
9
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:38,528
Yeah three... 17... hut.
10
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,197
Hut.
11
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:43,825
Yeah, baby, yeah, baby!
12
00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:45,419
(laughs)
13
00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:49,048
(doorbell rings)
14
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,043
Hi, Mr. Mac.
15
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,045
What the...?
They're here for me.
16
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,755
-Hey, you guys. Come on in.
-Hey, Mr. Mac.
17
00:00:56,832 --> 00:00:58,131
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
18
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,758
Wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
19
00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:01,259
Uh, wait.
20
00:01:01,336 --> 00:01:03,345
(giggling and chatter)
21
00:01:03,421 --> 00:01:05,764
What the hell going on, Nessa?
We're having
a makeup party.
22
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:08,058
You didn't ask me could you have
no doggone makeup party.
23
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:11,195
You think you can just
"Dingdong, Avon,"
and ruin my Sunday?
24
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,313
Take it up
with Aunt Wanda.
It was her idea.
25
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,532
I'm not gonna take it up
with...
26
00:01:17,352 --> 00:01:19,694
Hey, Wanda!
What am Imma
do now, baby?
27
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,122
Honey, it's so
they could look good
for the yearbook photo.
28
00:01:22,199 --> 00:01:23,657
I promised her.
29
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,659
It's the Bears'
first preseason game.
30
00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:27,077
Man, that's foul.
31
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:29,079
The Bears will have
lots of games.
32
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:32,082
There's only one
yearbook photo.
33
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:33,875
Where I'm a watch
the game at now?
34
00:01:33,952 --> 00:01:35,502
Man, that's foul.
35
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,212
Anywhere but here.
36
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,631
Ooh, honey,
why don't you ask Jordan
if he'll go with you?
37
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,851
For what? He don't
like football.
That's foul.
38
00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:44,427
Honey, just ask him anyway.
39
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:47,472
He don't like football.
That's foul.
40
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,182
Son, we get there,
you're gonna have a ball.
41
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:50,859
You watch what I tell you.
42
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:54,146
I feel a little congested.
43
00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,864
I might be coming down
with something.
44
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:56,940
I should stay.
45
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,742
See?
Oh!
46
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,026
GIRL: You like it?
47
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:01,236
Come on here,
come on.
48
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:02,988
Get in the car, boy.
49
00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:06,449
Doggone it.
I'll be right there.
I forgot my Bears cap.
50
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:07,909
I'm just passing through.
Don't worry.
51
00:02:07,986 --> 00:02:09,753
Don't worry.
Um, Uncle Bernie?
52
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,872
I'm just getting
my Bears cap.
Don't worry about it.
53
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,173
No!
54
00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:15,717
(girls shrieking)
55
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,504
They're changing
in there.
56
00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:21,047
I... Nessa,
I swear, I...
57
00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,049
Lord, Lord knows I...
Nessa...
58
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:26,261
I mean, from, uh,
right here...
59
00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:27,771
(dull thumps)
60
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,189
(whimpers)
61
00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:34,311
(woman singing funky song
indistinctly)
62
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:38,273
See, if you put the light shade
over the darker shade,
63
00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:41,243
it accentuates the line
of the cheekbone.
64
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,946
(laughs)
Oh, my gosh.
65
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,498
I have cheekbones.
66
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:51,661
VANESSA: Hey, hey, hey.
Get out of here.
Why can't I stay?
67
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,039
Aunt Wanda, will you make her
get out of here?
68
00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:56,333
Uh, sweetie, stop, okay?
69
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,627
This party is for your sister
and her friends.
70
00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:02,005
Now when you get to high school,
I'll throw you your own
makeup party, okay?
71
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:05,300
But I want to look pretty now!
72
00:03:05,377 --> 00:03:08,103
Oh, Vanessa, she just wants
to be one of the girls.
73
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,512
Let her stay.
74
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,356
(sighs) Fine.
75
00:03:13,885 --> 00:03:15,319
(indistinct chatter)
76
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,821
Here we go, Jordan,
and welcome to the Bears' Den,
77
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,649
own little corner of Chicago
right here in L.A.
78
00:03:20,725 --> 00:03:23,818
I don't know, Uncle Bernie.
I don't think I'm supposed
to be in a bar.
79
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:26,696
And grill,
and they serve food,
and it's legal. Come on.
80
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,408
BARMAN:
Hey, look who's here,
Bernie Mac.
81
00:03:30,485 --> 00:03:32,543
Wassup, you squares?
82
00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:35,455
Hey, that's South Side
and Zalenski right there.
This is my nephew, Jordan.
83
00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:37,415
What's up, Little Mac?
84
00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:41,211
So, uh, which one
are you-- Cubs
or White Sox?
85
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,005
Uh... he don't follow sports.
86
00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:47,351
Really? Okay.
O'Hare or Midway?
87
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:51,429
Give it a rest, Zalenski.
What, come on!
88
00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:54,307
Oh, hey, Jillian,
come here, baby.
89
00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:57,060
I got you, Bernie.
I saw you coming in.
90
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,188
Hey, cutie.
Could you use a beer?
91
00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:01,564
Me?
You bet!
92
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,191
Got the only draft root beer
in L.A.
93
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:04,734
(quiet chuckle)
94
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,953
She's cute, huh?
95
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,322
So, what do you think--
96
00:04:09,399 --> 00:04:12,000
real or fake?
97
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:18,081
Now, if you really want
that natural look,
it doesn't take much.
98
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,625
Less is more.
Look at the results.
99
00:04:20,702 --> 00:04:24,004
-Wow! Bryana, you look great!
-How do I look?
100
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,089
You know, you
actually do.
101
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,800
Is the glitter powder sparkling?
It's supposed to sparkle.
102
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,344
WANDA: Sweetie, you look
like a perfect
little princess.
103
00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:34,472
Aunt Wanda,
can I get my own makeup?
104
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,599
WANDA:
Uh... why don't you go
fill out that sheet?
105
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:40,729
Uh, sweetie, this makeup
is expensive stuff, okay?
106
00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:42,272
Not play makeup.
107
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,482
But I have
a school photo, too.
I'm sorry,
108
00:04:44,559 --> 00:04:46,660
but this
was a special treat.
109
00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:52,490
Man, look at how
thick this crust is!
It's just like at home.
110
00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,918
It is from home--
Chicago deep-dish.
111
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:58,121
All right now, everybody.
Here it is, show time.
112
00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,998
Now keep your eye
on number 88.
113
00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:02,792
He's caught,
like, six passes.
They're onto him.
114
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,377
They should run it.
115
00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:08,965
(animated, indistinct
commentary on TV)
116
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:12,135
(cheering)
117
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:13,812
I'm so sorry.
No worries.
118
00:05:13,889 --> 00:05:15,180
No worries. You're fine.
119
00:05:15,256 --> 00:05:16,431
MAN:
Yeah!
120
00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:18,099
Oh, great call,
little man.
121
00:05:18,176 --> 00:05:19,309
It was?
122
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,311
Hecks, yeah!
123
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,864
Oh, and by the way,
Jillian-- they're real.
124
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,733
How do you know?
125
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,327
Just a feeling.
126
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:32,873
My man!
127
00:05:32,949 --> 00:05:34,074
(choking)
128
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,784
Dang, America.
129
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:38,578
It's too bad we aren't
playing real football.
130
00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,757
I mean, that boy got
a great set of hands.
131
00:05:44,994 --> 00:05:47,879
Pfft, and Bryana never
puts the cap back
on the toothpaste.
132
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,423
Shoot, Aunt Wanda does
the same exact thing, son.
133
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:51,966
(scoffs)
Girls!
134
00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:53,176
Am I right,
Uncle Bernie?
135
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,677
My man,
you ain't never lied.
136
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,346
I'm gonna go hit the
trough one last time.
137
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,856
Go ahead, go ahead.
138
00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:01,184
(sighs)
Oh, man.
139
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,528
(inhales, clears throat)
140
00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:07,857
-Hmm.
-Bernie, tell me,
is that the same nephew
141
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,567
you're always
telling us stories about?
142
00:06:09,644 --> 00:06:11,528
The one
who's a little off?
143
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,155
Yeah, that's the same one.
He usually is.
144
00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:15,665
That's for you, baby.
Thank you.
145
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,742
'Cause you guys seemed
as thick as thieves today.
146
00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:20,954
You know, Jillian, you're right.
For some reason, we are, huh?
147
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:23,289
Mm-hmm.
(both laughing)
148
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,707
Hey, Bernie.
Yes, Stan.
149
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,501
You know we're doing
a fantasy football league.
150
00:06:26,578 --> 00:06:28,503
You should get in on that
before the season starts.
151
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,380
Fantasy football, huh?
152
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,465
That's when you pick players
from different teams?
153
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:34,008
That's unnatural, man.
154
00:06:34,085 --> 00:06:35,760
Besides, I'm not good
with computers, Stan.
155
00:06:35,837 --> 00:06:37,762
I bet Jordan could help you
with that.
156
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,399
Nah, he wouldn't want
to play with me.
157
00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:42,350
Well, you never know
unless you ask him.
158
00:06:42,427 --> 00:06:44,018
Ask me what?
159
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,770
Go on.
Ask him.
160
00:06:45,847 --> 00:06:48,189
Hey, Jordan,
161
00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:50,859
they're having a fantasy
football league down here,
162
00:06:50,935 --> 00:06:53,903
and-and I was kind of
wondering, would you
like to play with me?
163
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,531
Yeah, just to be with you,
Uncle Bernie, yeah.
164
00:06:56,608 --> 00:06:58,366
Are you kidding?
165
00:06:58,443 --> 00:07:00,493
Sounds like fun.
166
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,745
He said yes, America!
167
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,415
I've known that boy
for 13 years,
168
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:08,001
but we really met
for the first time tonight
169
00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:09,627
in this bar.
170
00:07:09,704 --> 00:07:12,755
Now, I know why they call it
fantasy football.
171
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,425
Because it's like
a dream come true.
172
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:18,895
America, he said yes!
173
00:07:24,469 --> 00:07:26,436
Just think about it, America.
174
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,688
Me and Jordan
lining up together.
175
00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:30,356
It's gonna be a thing of beauty.
176
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,484
I mean nasty,
ferocious beauty.
177
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,068
Jordan hittin' 'em high,
178
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,945
while the Mac Man
hittin' 'em low.
179
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,198
Easy there, Bernie.
180
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,584
It is fantasy football
you're playing.
181
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,127
(scoffs)
182
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:44,078
What you mean
by that, Dick?
183
00:07:44,155 --> 00:07:45,705
What do I mean?
184
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:48,374
Well, when I made
the Hall of Fame,
185
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:51,169
it was for being nasty
and ferocious.
186
00:07:51,246 --> 00:07:52,670
I know that.
Oh, man.
187
00:07:52,747 --> 00:07:54,547
Look, I-I'm sorry, Bernie,
188
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,717
but it's-it's just not
real football.
189
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:00,386
Hey, uh, Dick, could you...
could you train my nephew
for me?
190
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:01,554
You know I don't
ask you much.
191
00:08:01,631 --> 00:08:03,256
You know I don't.
192
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,891
It's-it's fantasy football,
Bernie!
193
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:08,311
It's... it's not real.
194
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,605
Let's play like.
195
00:08:10,682 --> 00:08:12,148
Okay, this Web site says
196
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,608
we should pick
our running back first.
197
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,109
Okay.
198
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,569
Shoot, that's easy!
199
00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:20,156
Sweetness Walter Payton, baby!
200
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,325
Uh, I don't see him
on the list.
201
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,702
Well, that's because
he retired in '88.
202
00:08:24,779 --> 00:08:26,913
But ain't this
fantasy football?
Just get him, get him.
203
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,040
I don't think it works
like that, Uncle Bernie.
204
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:31,709
All right then.
Well, get, um... Thomas Jones.
205
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:33,086
I like him. He's clean.
206
00:08:33,162 --> 00:08:34,462
Wears his hair short like you.
207
00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:35,880
Wow! Look at all the players.
208
00:08:35,957 --> 00:08:37,757
How do we know
who we're supposed to pick?
209
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:39,968
Just pick the
Chicago Bears.
210
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,736
But the Web site says
we should pick
211
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,555
the best players
from all of the teams.
212
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:45,056
Chicago Bears
are the best team.
213
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,799
Just pick 'em.
214
00:08:46,876 --> 00:08:49,227
Wow, you sure know a lot
about football, Uncle Bernie.
215
00:08:49,304 --> 00:08:50,946
(quiet chuckle)
216
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,074
Hold on one minute, son.
217
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:57,536
(Luther Vandross:
"Always and Forever" playing)
218
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,697
Come here, Jordan.
219
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:06,035
Look, I know we're
just starting this
journey together,
220
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,121
but there's something
I want you to have.
221
00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:10,582
♪ Always and forever ♪
222
00:09:10,658 --> 00:09:13,251
Your 1986 Chicago Bears
Super Bowl ring!
223
00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:14,627
I can't take that!
224
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,129
Oh, no. Yes, you can.
225
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:17,547
Don't trip.
It's just a replica.
226
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,299
I-I don't know what to say.
227
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:20,758
Don't-don't
say anything.
228
00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:23,303
Just save your
speeches until the...
229
00:09:23,379 --> 00:09:25,939
the Mac Men win the
championship, son.
230
00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:27,599
How 'bout that, baby?
231
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,442
♪ Everyday ♪
232
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,394
Aunt Wanda,
look at my ring!
233
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,614
♪ Love me inyour own special way ♪
234
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,743
What are you doing?
235
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:40,253
(gasps)
236
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:43,406
I let you join the party,
and you go in my makeup?
237
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,407
I just needed a touch-up.
238
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,992
A touch-up?
239
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,961
Are you still
wearing the
same makeup
240
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:49,287
from yesterday?
241
00:09:49,364 --> 00:09:51,080
Yeah, but most
of it came off
242
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,531
on my pillowcase.
243
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:54,626
You're not supposed
to wear it to bed, stupid.
244
00:09:54,702 --> 00:09:56,586
I'm sorry.
I won't do it again.
245
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,263
I know you won't.
246
00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:02,884
Here, you can
have my old stuff.
247
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,719
You can play with
that all you want.
248
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:06,387
Just stay out of
my good stuff,
249
00:10:06,464 --> 00:10:07,722
or you'll have
to find out
250
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,691
how to use concealer
on a black eye.
251
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,563
I can't believe the Bears
got killed like that!
252
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,899
Uncle Bernie, I don't ever want
to lose like that again.
253
00:10:17,975 --> 00:10:19,492
Oh, don't worry
about it.
254
00:10:19,569 --> 00:10:21,027
Bears'll bounce back.
255
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,528
No, I mean the Mac Men.
256
00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:24,656
We're last
in the Fantasy Football League.
257
00:10:24,732 --> 00:10:26,666
And no wonder--
we're all Bears.
258
00:10:26,743 --> 00:10:28,576
We need to make some
changes, Uncle Bernie.
259
00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:29,786
Drastic ones.
260
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,037
Come-come on now, son.
261
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:32,805
It's just the first week.
262
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,375
Shoot, show a little courage
in this time of adversity.
263
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:38,044
First off, we're
dropping Armstrong.
264
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:39,712
Now, hold on now, son.
265
00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:41,464
Now, I say hold on, boy.
266
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,049
You know, that man been
in the league 17 years.
267
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,967
Let him get his ring.
He deserve it.
268
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,719
(scoffs)
Okay, what
about Jones?
269
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:49,555
Oh, he's too valuable.
He's injured!
270
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:53,017
That's when he needs us
the most, Jordan. You don't
kick a man when he's down.
271
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,869
(scoffs)
Whatever.
272
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,605
Uncle Bernie, look who's
available on the waiver wire--
273
00:10:57,682 --> 00:10:59,565
Brett Favre.
274
00:10:59,642 --> 00:11:01,317
What-what...?
Brett Favre?
275
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,611
What are you doing?
(doleful beep)
276
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,530
He's the enemy, son.
277
00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:07,573
But-but he's
a point machine.
278
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,409
We could finally
win with him.
279
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,577
You don't wanna win
like that.
280
00:11:11,654 --> 00:11:14,339
So we're not making
any changes?
281
00:11:14,416 --> 00:11:15,998
Correct-a-mundo!
282
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,084
We're going to the dance
with the people who brung us.
283
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:19,627
Now, come on.
284
00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:22,380
(sighs)
Come on.
285
00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:25,091
Look up Doug Plank.
286
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:26,467
(typing)
287
00:11:26,544 --> 00:11:29,604
And Brian Piccolo.
288
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,768
Ugh.
They don't even let you
wear that at school.
289
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:38,238
I know. I'll wash it
off after breakfast.
290
00:11:38,314 --> 00:11:40,440
I just like it.
Like it?
291
00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:42,275
You're a little addict
with it.
292
00:11:42,351 --> 00:11:45,203
You're just mad 'cause I
have good bone structure.
293
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:49,874
Hey!
294
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:54,704
(bell ringing)
295
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,832
(War: "Slippin'
Into Darkness" playing)
296
00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:02,679
♪ Slipping into darkness ♪
297
00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:16,651
♪ Take my mindbeyond the dreams ♪
298
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,647
(whispers)
Oh, my gosh!
299
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,116
Is that makeup?
300
00:12:24,185 --> 00:12:26,319
You're not allowed
to have that in school.
301
00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:27,871
So?
302
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,697
Do you really wear that?
303
00:12:29,774 --> 00:12:31,157
All the time.
304
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:33,826
Let's see.
305
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:38,206
♪ You've beenslippin' into darkness ♪
306
00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:42,794
♪ Wo ho ho ho ♪
307
00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:45,546
♪ Pretty soonyou gonna pay, hey ♪
308
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,965
(gasps)
309
00:12:48,042 --> 00:12:51,219
Would you care to tell me
what you have there?
310
00:12:51,295 --> 00:12:53,396
Uh... crayon?
311
00:12:56,592 --> 00:12:59,268
Now that I have
your crayons,
312
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:03,105
why don't you familiarize
yourself with my chalk?
313
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:04,607
100 times:
314
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:08,703
"I shall not wear
the harlot's face paint."
315
00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:17,870
Jordan, you need
to quit pouting.
316
00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:20,832
You're a Mac Man now.
You're in the Bears' Den.
317
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:22,208
Liven up a little bit.
318
00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:24,293
Oh yeah, you're right.
This is great.
319
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,379
I love getting creamed.
You know what,
Jordan?
320
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:29,340
You're acting like a poor loser.
Especially a poor teammate.
321
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,592
Oh, I'm a poor teammate?
That's what I said.
322
00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:33,761
Let's see how many points
we would've had.
323
00:13:33,838 --> 00:13:35,638
Hey, Stan,
what's it gonna take
to get the Packers game
324
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,056
on one of these TVs?
325
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,150
(dead silence)
326
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,603
(sputtering)
327
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,772
What did you just say?
328
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:46,899
South Side, the lad
didn't mean no harm.
329
00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:48,401
He's a young comedian.
330
00:13:48,477 --> 00:13:50,528
Take after his uncle, right?
331
00:13:50,605 --> 00:13:52,071
You need to shut your mouth.
Shut up.
332
00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:56,033
I'll shut up while you lead us
to last place.
333
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:58,828
Ain't that a blip.
Boy, you ain't know
nothin' about this game
334
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,415
till I started bringing you
down here; you used to spend
your Sundays with Aunt Wanda
335
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:08,087
looking for antiques.
Hey, remember I told y'all
about that? (laughing)
336
00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:09,589
Boy, you a trip.
337
00:14:09,665 --> 00:14:11,933
I wanna go home, now.
338
00:14:13,502 --> 00:14:14,677
Jordan, I didn't mean no harm.
339
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,229
I'm sorry, Jordan.
340
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:25,396
I don't know, Dick.
341
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,241
Something just not right in
the locker room of Team Mac.
342
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,527
It's not an outbreak
of athlete's foot, is it?
343
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,664
Because... because if that stuff
gets so much a toehold...
344
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,699
I mean, you can...
you can forget about it.
345
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,159
It's-it's contag...
No, no.
346
00:14:38,235 --> 00:14:39,919
Dick, Dick, I'm
talking about Jordan.
347
00:14:39,996 --> 00:14:43,623
He's just been emotionally
distant from me.
348
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:45,541
That's good, right?
349
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,210
Keep your emotions
at a distance.
350
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,714
Hey, that's what
football players do.
351
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,883
I know you're right.
352
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:57,145
I'm sure everything's
gonna be fine.
Isn't it Dick?
353
00:14:57,221 --> 00:14:59,430
Yeah, but I'm serious
about the athlete's foot.
354
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,265
That stuff is no joke.
355
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:05,394
They'll be calling us
for class photo in five minutes.
356
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:10,408
And when they do, you'll line up
in an orderly fashion.
357
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:15,821
(War: "Slippin'
Into Darkness" playing)
358
00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:20,409
♪ Slipping into darkness ♪
359
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,378
♪ Yeah ♪
360
00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:35,266
♪ All my troubleso I choose ♪
361
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,933
♪ I was slippin'into darkness ♪
362
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,435
Bryana, is there a reason
you're out of your chair?
363
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,604
Do you have
something to say?
364
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,189
Come on out with it.
365
00:15:50,266 --> 00:15:52,108
(vomits)
366
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:55,403
(class groaning disgustedly)
367
00:15:55,479 --> 00:15:57,538
Come on, children. Quickly.
368
00:16:00,151 --> 00:16:03,086
Mr. Duff, we had
a little accident in here.
369
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,129
I'll get the sawdust.
370
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:09,834
Do you need help to
the nurses' station,
poor thing?
371
00:16:09,910 --> 00:16:11,469
(weakly)
That's okay.
372
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:17,174
♪ Yeah ♪
373
00:16:17,251 --> 00:16:20,511
♪ Slippin' into darkness ♪
374
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:21,971
All right,
there you go, sweetie.
375
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:23,806
All right, I think
that's the last student.
376
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,934
I thought there was
supposed to be 40.
377
00:16:27,011 --> 00:16:28,811
BRYANA:
Wait, you forgot about me.
378
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:31,364
Okay, come on up
and take a seat.
379
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,860
My, what a very, uh...
380
00:16:35,936 --> 00:16:38,654
mature little girl.
381
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,991
I'm going to need
the soft focus filter.
382
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,993
Is this the only backdrop
you have?
383
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,254
Do you have something
that'll match my eye shadow?
384
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:50,508
♪ Pretty soonyou're gonna pay ♪
385
00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:52,376
Uh-oh.
386
00:16:52,453 --> 00:16:54,837
Blessed Mary and Joseph!
387
00:16:54,914 --> 00:17:00,184
Mr. Duff,
I'm going to need
to borrow these.
388
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,599
So Bernie, how are things going
with Jordan?
389
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:08,559
Is he still
in the fantasy
football with you?
390
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:09,727
You better believe it.
391
00:17:09,804 --> 00:17:11,228
Shoot, he fine, too.
392
00:17:11,305 --> 00:17:13,022
In fact,
he's finally going along with
393
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,357
all my ideas
about choosing the Bears.
(laughs)
394
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,818
Hey, you know, 'cause
we've been hearing rumors
395
00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:19,862
about potential problems
396
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,614
in the front office there,
you know?
397
00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:23,833
You know,
management dispute
398
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,377
between Team Mac Men.
399
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,748
What you talkin' 'bout?
400
00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:32,958
If you guys know anything,
tell him.
401
00:17:33,035 --> 00:17:37,046
Right. Uh, well,
it's just that your boy's
been steppin' out a little bit.
402
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,506
What are you talkin' about?
403
00:17:38,582 --> 00:17:40,049
Jordan's joined another league.
404
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,143
I mean, I... I thought you knew.
405
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,354
Why would he go play
on his own?
406
00:17:49,844 --> 00:17:51,235
Wait a minute.
407
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:53,896
Are you all trying
to tell me
408
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,232
that Jordan's playing
with someone else?
409
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:58,359
Huh, boys?
Come on, start talking.
410
00:17:58,435 --> 00:17:59,902
Come on.
411
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,662
Alright, who?
412
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,782
Come on, gang.
413
00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:05,991
These are on me, Bern.
414
00:18:06,068 --> 00:18:07,660
You can thank Jordan.
415
00:18:07,736 --> 00:18:10,663
Man, that kid sure knows how
to upgrade a backfield.
416
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:12,456
We're in fourth place.
417
00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:14,425
(sighs)
418
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,088
Mm-hmm.
419
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:22,383
America, how could he?
420
00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:25,052
Well...
421
00:18:25,129 --> 00:18:27,555
You know what they say
about people who make trades?
422
00:18:27,631 --> 00:18:29,107
Traitors.
423
00:18:29,183 --> 00:18:32,443
That's right,
nothing but a damn traitor!
424
00:18:37,892 --> 00:18:40,276
Hi, Jordan.
Oh, hey, Uncle Bernie.
425
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,903
How was the mall?
Mmm, it was good.
426
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:44,864
You do anything interesting?
427
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:47,950
What did you have to drink,
Backstabber?
428
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,869
And what did you eat,
Two-face?
429
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,754
No, no, I just had
a Wetzel's pretzel.
430
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,080
Oh, quit the song
and dance, Jordan.
431
00:18:53,157 --> 00:18:54,415
I know
what's been going on.
432
00:18:54,491 --> 00:18:56,792
I know about you playing
fantasy football
433
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,553
with your new friend,
Jillian.
434
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:02,840
Okay, it's true.
435
00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:05,968
It feels so good
to finally say it.
436
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,478
No, it doesn't.
437
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,977
Oh, my, Nessa!
438
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:18,772
Look at you.
You look beautiful.
439
00:19:18,849 --> 00:19:21,483
Oh, my God, that
makeup party was
worth every penny.
440
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,820
I know. I've already had two
guys ask me for a wallet size.
441
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,989
Oh, look at that.
(chuckles)
442
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,408
Oh, let me see yours.
Come on.
443
00:19:29,485 --> 00:19:31,160
Uh-uh.
444
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,579
No, "uh-uh" your auntie.
Let me see those photos.
445
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,664
I know they're beautiful.
Let me see.
446
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,499
Hey,
give me those back!
447
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:38,792
Uh-uh-uh!
448
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,795
Come on.
Come on, now.
449
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,838
(clears throat)
450
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:45,808
Oh.
451
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,059
Wow.
452
00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:48,510
(gasps)
Ooh!
453
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,721
Ooh...
454
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,306
What happened to you?
455
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:54,141
WANDA:
Okay. Well, you know what?
456
00:19:54,218 --> 00:19:58,187
Uh, we can use your
soccer team photos.
457
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:02,942
Did you have recess first
before the pictures?
458
00:20:03,018 --> 00:20:04,818
Who did your hair?
459
00:20:04,895 --> 00:20:06,695
What happened, Jordan?
460
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,906
I thought we had it all.
461
00:20:08,983 --> 00:20:11,033
What could she give you
that I can't?
462
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,451
She listens to me.
463
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,871
She cares
about my opinion.
464
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,539
She makes me
feel important.
465
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,708
I was a terrible teammate,
wasn't I, Jordan?
466
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,418
How could I've
been so blind?
467
00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:25,348
No, no, Uncle Bernie,
it wasn't you. It was me.
468
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:26,907
(sighs)
469
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,468
I just wasn't ready
to commit to the Mac Men.
470
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:32,063
I can't feel right
keeping this.
471
00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:35,140
SINGER: ♪ A broken heart ♪
472
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:36,484
I don't want it, Jordan.
473
00:20:37,511 --> 00:20:40,437
(sighs) I guess
I'll just put it here.
474
00:20:40,514 --> 00:20:42,231
♪ Can you stop the rain? ♪
475
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,900
But, you know, we could still
watch the game together.
476
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,119
As friends.
477
00:20:49,023 --> 00:20:51,249
Jordan, just go.
478
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,211
I'll call you.
479
00:20:58,416 --> 00:21:04,762
♪ What makes the worldroll round? ♪
480
00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:09,300
(scoffs)
481
00:21:09,376 --> 00:21:11,352
What's wrong with you?
482
00:21:12,129 --> 00:21:14,438
(mutters)
483
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,110
Sick.
484
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:26,817
Damn.
485
00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:30,487
(laughing)
486
00:21:30,564 --> 00:21:31,822
Did you hear it, too?
487
00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:33,615
DICK:
I thought
that was you.
488
00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,492
No, that was...
That was you.
489
00:21:35,569 --> 00:21:37,545
Damn. (clears throat)
490
00:21:37,621 --> 00:21:41,332
Think about it, America--
me and Jordan...
491
00:21:41,408 --> 00:21:42,750
(passes gas)
492
00:21:42,826 --> 00:21:44,626
(sniggering)
493
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:45,928
(clears throat)
494
00:21:46,005 --> 00:21:47,296
You went to the,
uh, commissary?
495
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,932
(sniggering)
You went to the--
496
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:51,350
Huh.
497
00:21:56,256 --> 00:21:57,356
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